#as I’ve grown up I’ve gotten so tired of the war crimes jokes

[mypoisonedvine]

Dishonorable Discharge | dark!Bucky Barnes x sister!reader

please please please do not read or interact if this content would be triggering or upsetting for you in any way.  i do not condone the topics or behaviors that i write about.

summary: you and your brother were always thick as thieves, even if you weren’t technically related.  you weren’t ready for him to leave to go off to war, but you were even less prepared for the shell of him that would return.

warnings: noncon smut, sibling incest (I mean she’s adopted but still), breeding kink, innocence kink, loss of virginity, mention of hypothetical underage activity?? idk how to tag that but everyone in this story is 18+!

word count: 3.6k

tagging @lestersglitterglue​ cause they asked real nice!

Even though you were adopted, people always said that you and Bucky had a family resemblance.  It wasn't your respective appearances per se, but rather the way your eyes both sparkled.  Your parents sometimes joked that the two of you were more brother and sister than most brothers and sisters were— and they were right: even with the age gap, often the two of you felt like twins.  It was hard to imagine that your biological parents could've kept you and that you never would've known him... it felt like he had always been your brother, your best friend, your partner in crime; your Jamie.

You had been awful when he deployed.  You'd sobbed and screamed and beat his chest with your weak little fists.  You'd told him that if he left, you would hate him forever; that if he left, he might as well never come back.

Of course you regretted it once you got older and realized how stupid you were.  But you were only fifteen then, and heartbroken, and too selfish to understand that there were things more important than the promises you'd made to each other as children.  You were so afraid that he wouldn't come back and that you'd lose your only real friend in this world; and, like it often does, that fear turned to anger.  

By the time you were seventeen, you finally stopped crying and tried to make a life for yourself.  You tried to see it all as an opportunity: he'd always been the popular one, meaning you were stuck being known as "Bucky's little sister" rather than as your own person.  Now you could just be you for once— as soon as you figured out who you were without him.

By nineteen, you had lost hope that he would return.  You pretended to be at peace with that.  You pretended not to hate yourself for pushing him away when you needed each other most.  Silently, you thought of him every day; secretly, you went to church every night to pray for him.

It was the sort of neighborhood where you could leave your door unlocked, so you did.  Still, people usually knocked first.  You were wearing a nightgown you only wore around the house because it was much too short and small for you now, but with the hot weather, it was necessary.  You hadn’t expected to hear the door open, so as you nervously peered out from the hall to the foyer, you were beyond surprised at what you saw.

The man in the doorway… he looked familiar.  He was wearing your brother's uniform.  But his eyes were different.  That sparkle you shared was long gone.  And without it, you weren't sure he was your brother anymore.

"Jamie?" you asked, unable to believe what you were seeing.

Recognition crossed his face like he was hearing the name of someone he used to know.

"Jamie," you called again, your voice breaking as you ran to him; you wrapped your arms around his waist and held him tight enough to make up for all the lost time.  "I thought I'd lost you," you sobbed, "oh god, Jamie, I thought you were—"

"Shhhh," he soothed, finally reciprocating the hug as one hand stroked the back of your head.  

"Don't ever leave me again," you begged.  "I can't lose you again."

"I won't go," he promised softly.

And just like that, you were the same little girl who'd clung to his legs and begged him to stay all those years ago, but this time you'd gotten what you always dreamed of.  This time, he wasn’t going to leave.

“You still like your eggs basted?” you asked him with a toothy smile, doing your best to keep things light.  You had so many questions for him but you wanted him to just feel at home first.  You two had always told each other everything, so you figured it wouldn’t be long until he told you what he’d been through in the last several years.

When you turned to receive the answer to your question, though, you found him spaced out in his seat at the dining table, staring off into nothing.  You could tell he was thinking about something just from the way his eyes were glazed over; you could tell he was thinking about something unpleasant from the way his fist was tightened.

"Are you okay?" you asked gently.  Silence.

You left your place by the stove, crossing the kitchen and kneeling down so you were eye-level with him.  Hesitantly, you reached out to brush your hand against his face.  He was certainly older-looking, and stubble dusted his jaw where it met with where his hair had grown out.  You wondered if it was as strange for him to see you and how much you’d aged as it was for you to see him like this.

“Jamie,” you whispered, “come back to me.”

Finally, as your hand cupped his cheek, he turned to look at you.  Even with a face that was hard to recognize at times, the eyes that met yours were undoubtedly your brother’s.  Darker, yes, and clearly tired from everything they’d seen, but as blue and perfect as always.

"When you call me that,” he spoke, eyes scanning your face, “it's like no time has passed at all.  It's like I'm still the same boy I was the day I left."

You swallowed.  "But you aren't, are you?"

He shook his head, just barely.

“Hey, listen to me,” you instructed, getting more serious and refusing to let him break the eye contact.  “It doesn’t matter what you’ve seen, or what you’ve done.  You’re my brother.  You’re my best friend.  You’re my whole world—”

You choked up a little, but kept going.

“—and I’m glad you’re home, okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed, smiling that crooked smirk that made your heart melt every time.

“You still want those eggs?”

He nodded a little.

“Basted?”

“Yeah, basted,” he agreed, turning back to the table as you stood up and returned to the stove.

“Your room’s the same as it was when you left,” you told him as you cracked the first egg into the hot pan.  You were sort of nervous to bring up anything about that, but you thought he might find it comforting.

“I don’t think I’m ready to go in there yet,” he admitted.  

“Stay in my room tonight, then.  It’s almost the same as it was then, too…”

“I’m amazed that bed can still fit you; are you sure we’ll both be able to sleep on it?” he asked.

“Oh, I was gonna give you the bed and make myself a pallet on the floor!” you clarified, wondering how he ever thought the two of you could share a bed; you hadn’t since you were little little-- like, under ten-years-old little.

But when you turned to look at him again, he seemed genuinely disappointed.  "Of course I can't let you sleep on the floor.  You take the bed; I've got a lot of practice with sleeping on the ground anyhow."

That was the last thing you wanted, him reminded of what it was like out there.

"We'll share the bed," you announced.  "If I take off all the plushies and decorative pillows, there might just be room for you."

"Woah woah woah," Bucky raised his arms as if to motion for you to slow down.  "We can't just go evicting Mr. Hoppy!  He's been a full-time resident of your bed for the past twenty years!" 

You both laughed, and it was almost like old times.

"He'd happily move over for you, Jamie."

The two of you brushed your teeth side-by-side in silence; you waited for him to finish his shower while you turned down the sheets, scooping up everything decorative on the bed and tossing it into the chair in the corner.

You choked a little when he stepped into your room with only a towel around his waist, using another to rub his hair dry.

"Don't you have some pyjamas?" you asked awkwardly.  "No matter— I actually have some of the pants you used to wear right here."

You pulled the checkered pants from your closet, and handed them to him as he nodded gratefully; you barely turned around fast enough to look away before he dropped his towel.

"Why do you have these in here anyways?" he asked as you tried to ignore the sounds of the fabric brushing over his bare skin.

"I wear them, sometimes," you admitted, feeling your face get a little warm, "when I miss you."

"Well, I'm here now," he hummed, wrapping his arms around you from the back and pulling you into a hug.  You could feel the warmth of his chest and arms burning right through your silky shift.  You almost wished you had worn something thicker; and yet, somehow, you also wished that there was no fabric in the way at all.  

Slipping under the comforter together, you wondered if it was odd that he was cuddling up to you.  You didn't mind it, since it was the most like the brother you remembered that he'd been all day, but some part of you was worried what people would think if they knew.  

You brushed the thought aside.  Nobody would know anyways.  

He placed a kiss to the top of your head as you basked in how small it made you feel.  "You smell the same as before, sissy."

You used to hate that nickname but now it was beyond welcome.  It reminded you of simpler times.  

"I hope that's a good thing," you replied.

"It's a wonderful thing.  The day your handkerchief stopped smelling like you was the day I thought I would lose all hope," he recalled.

You remembered when he took it; he said he wanted something to remember you by, and you'd responded by telling him to just forget about you because obviously he never loved you at all.

"I was so cruel to you that day," you cringed.  "I hate myself so much for that..."

"Hey, hey," he got your attention with a soft plea, guiding your chin until you were looking up at him with watery eyes.  "You were a kid.  I was, too.  You acted out, it happens."

"But I said things that weren't true, Jamie— awful, terrible things…"

"I never believed them," he assured you with a smile.

"We promised to never lie to each other," you whimpered, "and I broke that promise."

He shook his head.  "It's all in the past now.  Just be honest with me from now on, and I'll keep every promise I made."

You remembered a pinky swear made up in the highest branches of a tree: a promise to never be apart.  He'd broken that one, but maybe he wouldn't do it again.  The thought made your heart flutter.

"Be honest," he instructed you again.  

"Always," you agreed.

"Do you love me?" he asked, so quiet it was barely a whisper.

"O-of course," you answered quickly, stuttering not because of any lack of surety but simply from wondering how he could ever question that.

Slowly, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, his thumb and forefinger still holding your chin.  For a brief moment it felt believable as a familial kiss.

But then it didn't.

He began to move his mouth against yours, and instantly you pulled back, looking at him with what you figured must have been an expression of stunned confusion.  "Jamie," you mumbled in disbelief.

"I missed you so much," he purred, seeming to ignore your reluctance.  "Don't break my heart, sissy, I just want a kiss."

"I can't kiss you like that," you shook your head.

"Please?  You have no idea how lonely I've been, how hard it was without you…"

You felt guilty for his pain, and you had always hated to deny him of anything.  The absolute second that you gave him a hesitant nod, he dove right back in, kissing you deeper and harder than before.  His tongue forced its way into your mouth but you couldn't pull back; his arm had somehow gotten to the back of your neck, holding you close to him.

You whimpered with confusion when you felt his other hand moving up your leg and slipping under your nightgown.  He smiled against your lips when his fingertips brushed over your hips and he realized that you weren't wearing undergarments.  You internally cursed yourself for it, even though it was normal not to wear anything underneath a gown like this.  What was abnormal was what he was doing.

"You're so smooth, and soft," he murmured, just barely pulling back from the kiss, "and I know you want me so bad—"

Just as his hand started to move dangerously close to somewhere it was definitely not supposed to be, you reached down and stopped him by grabbing his forearm.  

"D-don't," you managed to stammer out.

"Don't?" he repeated incredulously.  "Well, why not?"

"It's wrong…" you explained weakly.

"Such a good little girl, just like always," he chuckled. "You haven't changed at all.  Except, of course, this incredible body…"

It was much too easy for him to wriggle out of your grip, pulling out from your nightgown only to reach up and roughly grab your breasts through it.  Your face was burning and your gut sank with fear— and yet, there was a paradoxical tingle of arousal burning between your legs.

"You've grown a lot while I was gone," Bucky noticed aloud, groaning softly as he felt you up.  "Almost didn't recognize you when I stepped in.  I saw those gorgeous legs of yours and thought, 'who's the fox and what's she doing in my house?'  Of course, by the time I'd realized it was my kid sister, it was too late."

"It's not too late," you desperately assured, "you can stop now, and we won't tell anybody, and it'll be like nothing ever happened—"

You stopped as he started laughing lowly, shaking his head.  "Sweetheart, I'm not coming back from this, don't you understand?  You were all I thought about while I was gone.  You're the only girl I ever loved."

His hips pressed forward and you gasped when you felt his erection pressing into your thigh.  You bit down on your lip to keep it from quivering; for some reason, you didn't want him to know how scared you were.

"Feel that?" he asked, grinning when you nodded nervously.  "That's how much I love you."

You stammered helplessly as he reached down between your legs again.  

"Time to find out how much you love me," he purred, and you were frozen; paralyzed.  Two of his thick fingers swiped through your folds, gathering the arousal they found there.  "Oh, you love me quite a lot."

"I— I don't—"

"Take this thing off," he demanded suddenly, grabbing your nightgown.  You shook your head.  "I'm not gonna ask you again," he informed you sternly.  "Take it off or I'm gonna rip it off'a you."

You shook your head again, tears flowing freely until you felt wet patches beside your face on your pillow.

Bucky growled and manhandled you onto your back, grabbing at your nightgown and pushing your arms out of the way when they reached up to cover your chest.

He tore through it like it was paper.  "Look at you," he murmured in awe, "all grown up."

"James," you sobbed, "what are you doing?!"

"I'm taking care of you!" he responded, seemingly confused that you would even ask that.  "You're my baby sister; I promised to always take care of you and I meant it."

"This isn't right," you whispered, partially to him but mostly to yourself.

"This is the only thing that's right," Bucky disagreed, leaning down a little to hover over you as he began to push his pants down.

You recoiled when you saw his cock; you hadn't seen one before, except in drawings.  They hadn’t prepared you for this.  His looked big, red at the tip like it was angry; leaking and throbbing like it was desperate.

"You a virgin, sissy?" he asked in a way that made it hard to tell if he was being genuine or mocking you.

You nodded; you'd promised to be honest, after all.

"You were saving yourself for me," he informed you, and before you could deny it, he continued, saying everything like it was obvious fact.  "You knew you needed me. You knew you'd only be satisfied by your big brother's cock."

You shook your head as tears welled in your eyes, your protests muffled as he roughly kissed you again.  You tried to push him away but he was like marble, hard and unyielding.  You felt his sex sliding over yours and it made you feel dizzy and a little nauseous.

"You know how long I've dreamed of being inside you?" he asked darkly, his lips brushing against your ear.  "You know how long I've wanted to get a taste of this perfect little cunt?  I'll give you a hint: it was before I left."

He ignored your sobs of fear and cries of pain, and pushed his hips forward; he groaned as his cock forced your walls to part, and you felt like the wind had been knocked out of you.

"Oh god," he moaned weakly when he bottomed out, "oh my fucking god… you feel so perfect, sissy.  You feel so fucking good, I swear I could come right now.  I could fill you up—" he pulled back out most of the way and shuddered— "right fucking now."

"N-no, Jamie," you sobbed, "you have to pull out, you can't come inside!"

"Why not?" he pouted, slamming into you so hard that you were forced to choke out your cry of pain.  "I think you want it.  I think I deserve it.  I could get you pregnant and then you'd be mine forever."

"No!" you sobbed.  "Please, you can't!"

"I can," he assured you coldly through his teeth, his arm wrapping around your neck to hold you steady as he fucked into you.  "I can, little girl, and I'm gonna."

Tears streamed down your face, even as you let yourself admit that your brother's movements inside you did feel… intriguing, to say the least.  He buried his face into your neck, fucking you deep but slow.  You'd never felt so full before; you wrapped your legs around his hips before you could stop yourself.

"Fuck," he groaned, "you want me so damn bad, don't you?  You always wanted me.  I remember how you got so jealous when I lost it to Betsy Miller."

As sick as it was, you had; and even now, imagining him doing this with her made your stomach twist.

"You want me all to yourself, don't you, sissy?"

Shamefully, you nodded.

"Aw, it's okay," he soothed.  "You've got me, sis.  'M never gonna leave ya.  We're gonna be together forever, just like we always said."

That was all you'd ever wanted.  Why did it sound so terrifying now?

"I can feel you squeezin' me, babydoll.  I know you wanna come all over my cock," he taunted.

"N-no," you stumbled over your denial, but pleasure was searing through you faster than you could handle it.

"Beg me to fill up this little pussy," he instructed as his eyes got darker and a hand wrapped around your throat.  "Beg or you don't get to breathe."

"Please," you moaned through your tears, "please, fill up my— my little pussy…"

"Yeah?  You want my come?"

He started thrusting faster and you could feel the way your arousal had spread to coat both his thighs and yours; why was your body so responsive?

"Please, Jamie, I want your come," you repeated.  "I need it…"

"I know you do," he snarled, looking down at you with half-lidded eyes.  "I know you do, baby, I know you need my come."

"Please…" you repeated one last time, the word coming out choked and weak as you felt your own orgasm starting to crash into you, your whole body tightening involuntarily.

"Fuck, I can feel you coming— 'm close, sissy, I'm not gonna last much— oh fuck—!"

His hips stuttered to a stop and you winced as you felt him flexing inside you, pumping his load into you for what felt like ages.

He collapsed on top of you with a sigh and a smile.  "I wanted to last longer, even jerked off in the shower to try to take the edge off but… you just felt too good."

You were silent and still beneath him as he rambled, kissing away your tears between each word.

"I'll take better care of you next time, sis, don't worry.  Wanna make you come with just my tongue," he announced excitedly.  "But that'll wait until tomorrow.  Tonight you just relax, and don't move too much so I can stay inside you.  It's the only way I'm gonna be able to sleep."

He hugged you all night, drifting off even while you were wide awake and staring at the ceiling.

You were horrified at what your brother had become, and at what he had done to you.  But that wasn't what kept you awake.  No, you couldn't sleep because you were too busy trying to deny how much you had enjoyed it.

#tw incest #bucky barnes x reader #dark!bucky barnes #dark!bucky x reader #dark!bucky smut #dark!bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes non con

[thecipherlegacy]

Quinn and Mavasha with shielding the other with their body

Touch writing prompt

Mavasha is popular with these!

Enjoy!

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He couldn't believe they had been blindsided by the enemy. He was usually so focused, and she was usually more alert. With everything that had gone on with the hand, Baras, Mavasha training an acolyte of her own, and the war, they had gotten very little sleep. That must have been what had them so distracted. It was enough to allow the republic time to send a jedi, and a platoon, after them as they were heading back to their ship. He sent an alert and could only hope someone saw it. He would even be happy to see Vette at this point.

The current situation was looking grim as woman he loved was downed, struggling to get back up after a harsh beating from the Jedi who was trying to take her into custody. Her weapons had been knocked from her hands and the captain wasn't fairing much better. His blasters were somewhere far away from his current location and he was clutching his ribs in pain after getting grazed by some rifle blasts.

"Give up, Sith. You're beat. Come with us willingly and face justice for your crimes." The jedi insisted yet again.

Mavasha spat blood up at his face and curled in on herself in pain. "I'd rather die, you dog!" She growled. "I- ngh- refuse to be in republic custody!"

"My lord-" Malavai moved closer to try and aid her wounds. Seeing her in so much pain was torture. He stopped moving when he heard a gun raise and cock.

"Watch yourself, Imperial." The last standing of the Jedi's men hissed. "Youre lucky youre still alive." The soldier watched as Malavai fell back in line and kept still. "Good boy. You Imperial dogs are trained pretty well arent you?"

Malavai glared up at him through his lashes, then looked back over at Mavasha. She hadn't given up yet, but it wasn't doing her any good.

"You would rather die?" The Jedi finally responded to the sith, then brought out his lightsaber. "So be it. They said if you wouldn't come willingly, then we need to eliminate. Youve done too much damage to keep alive."

The captain's eyes widened as the man readied his stance for the final blow. In one swift movement, Malavai kicked out the soldiers right leg to knock him off balance and dove on top of Mavasha to attempt to soften the Jedi's blow on her. Realistically, he knew either way she would have died by this fools hand, but an irrational side of his brain demanded he give his every breath to protect her, regardless of how futile it would be.

He waited for a blow that never came, but instead heard the lightsaber strike another. When he looked up he spotted Mavasha's apprentice, Hisk'ash, had blocked the blow and Vette had the soldier at gunpoint.

"Don't you dare touch my master!" He large cathar growled as he began to fight the jedi without hesitation. While their crew readily fought their enemies, Malavai began to hurriedly care for the Torguta. He took off her armor and robe to address the largest wounds and give her a kolto pack.

"Quinn..." she mumbled as he frantically took care of her. "Am I dead?"

"What?" The man looked at her as if she had grown a second head. "Of course not. Thanks to your apprentice. And to a lesser extent, Vette." He glanced back just in time to see Hisk get the final blow on the Jedi attacker. He felt a wave of relief as the body fell to the ground. "Why on earth did you assume you were dead, my lord?"

She gave him a tired smirk,one he recognized even through the pain as her teasing grin. "Because... I've always dreamed of you ripping my robes off me"

Malavai's face heated and he quickly went back to work as he tried to ignore his own pain. "Now really isn't the time for crude jokes." He muttered "you nearly died. I almost-" he was quick to correct himself "We almost lost you, my lord."

The woman's expression softened and she weakly grabbed his hand. "Captain?... You threw yourself into the line of fire for me... though I would have died regardless. Why?"

He glanced back at the other two again to watch them clean up the mess and find the lost weapons. He didnt want to give her an answer, but he knew she would ask again later. "My duty is to serve you and if that means I must put my life on the line to potentially save yours, then so be it." He lied.

"Dont give me that." Her tired tone became harsh. "You were about to deny the Empire it's greatest and most loyal soldier..." she stiffened as he bandaged a particularly bad wound. "And for what?- I was on death row. You shouldn't have tried to save me."

Malavai finished with all of the worst of her injuries and administered a kolto pack to last her the trip to their ship. "What do you mean by that?" It was his turn to sound harsh. "You are the Empires greatest asset. Even the emperor himself couldn't hold a candle to your power." He then took her cloak and propped up her head with it. "I know I've done wrong in the past... but trust me now when I say that I will always put your life before my own. If I am to die young, I would rather it be no where else than by your side."

The sith lords heart swelled as she listened to her lover speak. It was rare for him to spill his feelings so openly. "Malavai..." she mumbled "I would kiss you if it weren't for our company..."

The corner of his lips quirked up in a small grin. "Later, my lord. For now, we have a kolto tank to get you into." The captain stood to greet their companions "Hisk'ash, impeccable timing. I will be sure to add yours and Vettes heroism to my report. We owe you our lives today."

"Oh goodie, a report!" Vette replied sarcastically, which earned her a rather frustrated look from Quinn. "Seriously, we're glad you guys are okay though."

"Thank you for protecting my master, Captain" Hisk said before gently lifting the other sith lord off the ground. She winced and cried out from the movement.

"Careful-" Malavai demanded and began to look over her to be sure no wounds had been too irritated by the movement "Are you alright, my lord?"

Through the pain, the torguta managed a small smile to reassure her lover. "Moving me was going to hurt regardless, Captain. I'll be fine thanks to my capable crew here." She said gratefully to all of them. "Lets get back to the ship, shall we?"

They all agreed wordlessly and began their trek to the spaceport. Malavai took one last look back at their attacker with a frown. Next time something like that happened, he would be ready.

#mox's ocs #my ocs #swtor oc #mox writes #oc: mavasha #oc: mavasha scorn #malavai quinn #oc: hisk'ash #touch ask meme #thank you for the ask!!!

[ilovethings-somuch]

The Reason

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Anon Requested: “Could you do a fic with Bucky and reader based off the song The Reason by hoobastank? Maybe like she was a winter soldier victim and after he recovered they became close and started a friendship, then relationship? Thank youuuu ❤️”

A/N: I don’t think I have much to say about this one, the request sums it up nicely. There’s some angst but mostly fluff. I hope you enjoy! 

Having Bucky join the team was not something I was on board with. I had always trusted Steve’s decisions, but in this instance, I felt that Steve was letting his personal emotions jeopardize the team. It was also the first time I ever agreed with Tony on something, which was painful in and of itself. It made sense though, Tony and I had similar experiences with Bucky, well technically The Winter Soldier, in our pasts and it was a hard thing to come back from.

Tony told me how Bucky claimed he remembered everyone, but I was convinced I wasn’t a part of that list. He never gave any indication that he knew me and I mostly tried to disappear around him. Unfortunately, my muddled past made for many sleepless nights and I often heard Bucky wandering the halls as I laid restless in bed. Before Bucky joined us at the tower I was the one wandering the halls, but now I was too afraid of running into him to be willing to leave the safety of my room. I got in the habit of watching shows on my laptop or phone instead of venturing out to the common room, and though I tried my best to keep the volume as quiet as possible, I often noticed footsteps coming to a stop outside my door before slowly passing by.

Once Bucky was deemed to be completely cured of everything hydra had done to him, he started going on small missions with Steve. I started to relish the times they were gone for long trips because it meant I wasn’t stuck in my room at nights. I just wish someone would’ve told me that Steve and Bucky got back early from their last mission before I made an absolute fool out of myself.

They were supposed to be gone for two weeks and after one I was finally falling back into my old route around the compound. My headphones were in and old jazz filtered into my tired brain. My steps turned into more of a dance as I let my eyes close, sure that I had this hallway memorized enough to guarantee I wouldn’t run into anything. And I think I would’ve been right had I been alone in the hallway. But as I made a graceful chaine turn I collided with a solid, warm body that seemed to loom over me as I jumped away. My headphones fell out in the process but I caught them in my hand as I gaped up at Bucky standing in front of me.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was awake,” I whispered hurriedly.

“It’s no problem. I like your music choice,” he said with a smile before brushing past me into his room.

I was tempted to return to sulking in my room at night after I knew he was back, but some conceited part of me decided that I had the right to wander the halls just as much as he did. It took a couple days before we crossed paths again. This time I wasn’t mid-dance so it was slightly less embarrassing, but still just as awkward. Then one night, we crossed paths multiple times and my loud mouth got the better of me.

“What, are you following me now?” I asked him. It was supposed to come out as a joke, but I don’t think that’s how he took it.

“I didn’t mean to,” I watched him take a step back and raise his arms in quick surrender.

“I was kidding,” I told him gently and he visibly relaxed, but his cheeks turned a nice shade of pink.

“Right, sorry. Sarcasm is surprisingly difficult to get used to again,” he said with an easy smile. His whole face transformed with that smile. He went from menacing to enchanting and all I wanted was to make him smile again. “Can I ask what you’re doing up all the time?”

He asked it so innocently that I wanted to make something up. I didn’t want him to know that my nightmares went back to something involving him, even if that person wasn’t really the man standing in front of me now. I floundered for a bit and I could see him begin to second-guess himself for asking the question before I finally spoke up. “Um it’s just nightmares, from something that happened when I was young,” I told him vaguely.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. “Sorry that sounded kind of corny, didn’t it? Steve always tries to get me to tell him about my nightmares and I hate it, but I will admit that it helps.”

“Thank you, Bucky, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Right, okay, well I should,” he trailed off and awkwardly gestured past me.

“Yeah, I should probably try to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I gave him a smile and he returned it, but not with the same smile that came with his laugh before.

I fell asleep easily when I got back to my room that night. I don’t know if it had to do with my physical exhaustion or the conversation with Bucky, but I was trying not to think about what the latter could mean.

I stayed in my room a couple nights after that, but when I returned to wandering the halls I began to think Bucky really was following me. Before long we were wandering together instead of just crossing paths. Conversation seemed to flow so easily between us that I almost forgot why it took us so long to talk, to begin with. One night I suggested watching a movie in the common room and Bucky agreed easily. We started at opposite ends of the couch, but as the movie played we inched closer together. At first, I just stretched out so my feet were on Bucky’s lap. Then when he shook out a blanket to cover us he moved my legs and slid over so that we were sitting hip to hip. The warmth of the blanket combined with the late hour and the dark room began to make me drowsy. Bucky’s prosthetic arm went around me and I cuddled into his side.

I woke up again as the credits were rolling, my head was resting on Bucky’s lap and I could tell he was awake by the way his fingers danced through my hair. My watch said it was 3:43 which meant Steve would be getting up soon and we needed to get out of the common room unless we wanted to go on an early morning sprint around the city. I sat up slowly and watched as Bucky quickly moved his hands to wipe at his face. I looked at him curiously in the dark before I realized that his eyes were rimmed red from tears.

“Bucky, what’s wrong?” He shook his head and tried to smile at me as he waved me off, but I wasn’t having it. I cupped both his cheeks in my hands and made him look at me, “tell me what’s wrong.”

“It was me, wasn’t it?” It takes me a moment to understand what he’s asking, but once it clicks my heart breaks for him.

“No, Bucky it wasn’t you. It was Hydra, it was whatever those terrible people did to you. What happened to my parents was not your fault.”

“But I did it,” he said evenly. “I remember.”

“I know you do, but you can’t beat yourself up about this. Please, Bucky, I don’t blame you. I know that that person wasn’t really you,” I tried to talk sense into him and as I said the words I realized that I actually believed them. I had truly grown to care about this person that I had been so scared of just weeks before. Even if he had been the one who caused the death of my parents, I knew that he had changed since he escaped hydra and that he was not to be blamed for his crimes.

“You don’t blame me?”

“Of course not. I know who you are, James Barnes. You’re a good man, you’d never do anything to hurt anyone.” He shakes his head and laughs a little at that, but a few more tears fall before he wipes them away again.

“That’s kind of you to say, (y/n), but you know I’m not a perfect person. There are so many things I wish I wouldn’t have done. You can say it wasn’t me, but it was. I just never meant to do those things to you.”

“I know you didn’t Buck. At first, I didn't understand, but now that I’ve gotten to know you I can see you, the Winter Soldier wasn't you. What happened years ago, that wasn’t you.”

There was the glimmer of a smile on his face but I knew it was just for my sake as another tear rolled down his cheek, “I don’t know what I would do if you hated me,”

“Good thing you’ll never have to find out,” I told him grinning obnoxiously in an effort to cheer him up. “Come on, Steve’s gonna be up soon and you know how he gets if he finds out you were up all night.”

Bucky stopped at my door when we got there and I quickly pulled him into a hug before he could walk away. He hugged me back tightly and sighed before releasing me. Before I went into my room I stood on my toes again to kiss his scruffy cheek.

“Goodnight, Buck,” I smiled at him as I slowly closed my door behind me.

It wasn’t long after that night that I noticed a big change in Bucky. He spent less time locked up in his room during the day and began to join in on the group even when Steve wasn’t around. I began to wonder if this was the Bucky that Steve always talked about from before the war. It was fun to watch him come out of his shell now that we had mostly cleared up what had happened between us in our pasts. I was no longer afraid of The Winter Soldier and I truly understood that Bucky was not him.

It also wasn’t long before our nightly routine of walking around the compound changed. Bucky wasn’t waking up with nightmares anymore, and I noticed that I had started walking around in hopes of spending time with him, not because I couldn’t sleep. So, we ended up spending more time together during the day. This, of course, brought on some snide comments from Sam the first time he found us watching a movie alone in the theater room, but Steve was quick to usher Sam away and gave us a reassuring smile over his shoulder as he left.

“As much as I love being able to sleep, I miss our late night walks,” I admitted one morning after training.

“Me too,” Bucky nodded slowly before looking at me, “but I’m trying not to be that person anymore.”

“What person?”

“The person that hurt you. The one that hurt so many people. I’m trying to move forward and I want to redefine myself, and I want to do that with you.”

“What do you mean you want to do that with me?” I asked.

“I mean I’ve found a reason for me to change, to start over, and that reason is you.” Bucky’s voice started out strong but by the end, he was barely whispering.

“Buck.” I looked up at him with mournful eyes. “You don’t have to change, I know that person wasn’t you.”

“But I don't know who I am right now.” his eyes wrinkled as he spoke and it looked as if he was about to cry

“You’re going to figure it out, Buck, we’re going to figure it out.”

“As long as you’re by my side as I go through this. I want you to help me,” He intertwined his hand with mine as he spoke and kissed my fingers when he finished.

“I’d like nothing more,” I admitted softly. The grin that spread on his face was my favorite one to date. That Bucky, the one who was carefree, who could laugh, the one who was happy. That’s the Bucky we were going to define.

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