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pingo1387 · 5 years

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Not Married

ZoSan Month 2019 Week 2: Dual Guardianship Mentions of Franky/Robin Modern-day AU

(This one got kind of long!)

They’d lived in the same apartment---budget reasons, of course---for years. Sanji cooked and Zoro cleaned and they took turns taking out the garbage and recycling. Sanji complained about Zoro dripping sweat on the floor when he exercised and snoring when he slept, and Zoro complained about Sanji leaving magazines catering to a particular clientele lying around the house and how loud he would get after barely a glass of wine. In arguments, Zoro never failed to point out that he brought in more money to the house, annoying Sanji to no end, and Sanji never failed to point out that Zoro would probably die of malnutrition if he didn’t live with such a good cook, annoying Zoro to no end. All in all, they got along just fine and coexisted in peace---as friends and nothing else.

“Oh, weird,” Zoro said, shutting the door behind him and sitting at the table as he studied the mail.

“What’s up?” Sanji said, not turning around from the stir-fry at the stove. “How was work?”

“Robin sent me something,” Zoro said, ripping open the envelope and shaking out the letter now torn in two, unfolding the pieces and putting them together. “It was fine.”

“Who’s Robin?”

“Distant cousin. We hung out a lot when I was younger. We still get drinks sometimes.” Zoro squinted at the letter. “God damn it, I hate cursive. She knows I’m dyslexic.”

“Give it here,” Sanji said. He took the pan off the heat, turned off the stove, and went to the table. Zoro scowled and handed him the two halves of the letter, which Sanji held together and skimmed.

“‘Dear Zoro,’“ he read aloud. “‘Franky will be overseas for a few days, and I received an invitation for an archaelogical dig that I can’t turn down. We’ll both be out of town until Franky comes back. Would you be available to watch Chopper? Love, Robin.’“ Sanji looked over the letter at Zoro. “Who’s Franky and Chopper?”

“Husband and kid. So she wants us to watch him for a few days?” Zoro frowned. “Weird, his great-grandparents usually take him."

“Maybe they’re busy with doctor stuff,” Sanji said, setting the letter on the table.

Zoro looked up. “How’d you know they’re doctors?”

“You mentioned one time---something about having relatives who’re married doctors. I just guessed.”

“When did I---? That was a year ago. You remembered?”

“So, you think we could watch the kid?” Sanji asked. “How old is he?”

“Seven. I think?” Zoro frowned. “I guess we could watch him. He’ll need a sleeping bag.”

“Hmm, yeah. Is he going to school yet? When does the school year start?”

“I don’t know. I can probably take him if it’s far.”

“You’ll make him late.”

“Shut up.” Zoro stood and vanished into his room, coming out with a pen and a fresh sheet of paper. He bent over it and started writing. “Proofread this when I’m done.”

“Sure, sure.” Sanji stood and went back to the counter, taking out two plates and forks and doling out the stir fry, bringing the plates to the table. “Eat up while it’s warm.”

Three days later, Sanji looked up at a knock at the door. He turned down the heat on the stove and hurried over, opening it.

“Hello, you must be Sanji,” said the woman standing outside with the suitcase.

“Yes, I am! May I ask what your name is?” Sanji exclaimed, smiling. “Please, come in!”

“My name is Robin. Didn’t Zoro tell you the situation?”

“Oh, so you’re---! Yes, excuse me, it’s great to meet you,” Sanji said, shutting the door behind her. “Zoro’s---hey, idiot, get out here!”

Zoro emerged from his room, yawning. “What?” he snapped. His eyes fell on Robin. “Oh, hey. I was sleeping.”

“You don’t keep a lady waiting,” Sanji snapped.

“Come on, it couldn’t have been more than a minute---”

“It’s good to see you, too,” Robin said. She held out her arms and let Zoro approach first before hugging him. “I’m just here to drop off Chopper.”

“Where is he?” Sanji asked.

Robin laughed, looking down. “He’s right here.” For the first time, Sanji noticed a small child sticking out from behind Robin’s legs, head and hands obscured behind her. “Chopper, come out and say hi.”

A hand stuck out and waved before disappearing again.

“Hey, Chopper, haven’t seen you for a while,” Zoro said, kneeling. “You ready for a three-day sleepover?”

Chopper fixed himself so only his hands and head poked out now. He nodded, curly hair and pink hat bobbing.

“He does have school. It might be close enough to walk, but if either of you . . .” Robin turned to Sanji. “If you can drive him, that would be better.”

“I can drive!” Zoro snapped, straightening up. “Don’t leave me out!”

Robin gave him a pitying look. “Yes, but . . .” She trailed off and turned to Sanji again. “Anyway, I’ll write down the address. Do you have a pen?”

Sanji left to fetch writing supplies and Robin turned back to Zoro, all smiles. “So, you two get along fine?”

“Yeah, as good as ever,” Zoro said, rolling his eyes. He knelt again. “You have a sleeping bag, right? You can sleep wherever you’re comfy.”

Chopper nodded and hid again as Sanji came back. Robin wrote down the address and talked to Sanji about nutrition before turning and kneeling.

“I’ve got to go now,” she said, running fingers through Chopper’s hair. “Papa’s gonna come by to get you in three days. Ask Cousin Zoro if you need anything.”

Chopper hugged her, and she kissed his nose and stood again. With a last wave goodbye, she left, shutting the door gently behind her.

“You wanna watch TV or something?” Zoro asked.

Chopper nodded. He looked at Sanji again and turned away, hiding his face behind his hands. Sanji looked at Zoro, frowning, and Zoro mouthed He’s shy. Sanji nodded and returned to the stove, stirring the sauce. Zoro and Chopper sat on the couch, and Zoro handed Chopper the remote. After finding a documentary about the history of medicine, Chopper scooted closer to Zoro and settled down, eyes glued to the screen.

They sat down for dinner soon and dug into the meal of homemade pasta with red sauce, Zoro’s and Sanji’s with meatball chunks and Chopper’s vegetarian. As soon as Chopper dug in, his eyes lit up and he ate with gusto, making Sanji smile.

“S’okay,” Zoro grunted, though he too was stuffing his face.

Sanji scowled and grabbed a napkin. “You’re so messy,” he snapped, leaning forward and wiping away the pasta sauce smeared on Zoro’s chin. “Who taught you to eat?”

“Leave me alone,” Zoro grumbled, returning to his food. Chopper’s eyes darted between them, but he said nothing and continued eating.

He started yawning soon after dinner and went to his suitcase, pulling out pajamas and a dental care kit. Zoro directed him to his bathroom and Chopper disappeared to change.

“So what’s with his nose?” Sanji whispered as soon as the door shut. “It looks blue. Is he sick?”

“He was born like that,” Zoro whispered back. “No one knows why.”

“It doesn’t bother him?”

“No, but I think he gets teased at school for it. Don’t mention it in front of him.”

“I know that, I’m not an idiot.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Shut your mouth---”

“You first---”

“Mossy-hair moron---”

“Stupid eyebrows---”

“Muscle jackass---”

“Princely loverboy---”

The door opened and they both turned. Chopper was staring at them, now in pajamas, and he held up his sleeping bag.

“Sorry, shouldn’t have raised our voices,” Zoro said. “Where do you wanna sleep? The living room, my room, or the cook’s room?”

“I have a name,” Sanji snapped as Chopper looked between them, puzzled. He eventually pointed to Zoro.

“Go get your shit set up, I’ll be there soon,” Zoro promised.

“Don’t swear in front of him!” Sanji exclaimed. “What is wrong with you?!”

“Oh, yeah. Don’t tell your mom I said ‘shit,’” Zoro told Chopper, who smiled and nodded before disappearing back into the bedroom. Zoro stretched and went to the kitchenette, walking past an exasperated Sanji. “I’ll get the dishes. You going to bed or staying up?”

“I’m gonna try the crossword, then I’ll go to bed,” Sanji said. “Gotta be up early to drive Chopper to school.”

Zoro scowled. “I’m taking him day after.”

“Like hell you are.”

Zoro woke up the next morning to find that Chopper had climbed into bed with him. He blinked sleep out of his eyes and shook him. “Hey,” he whispered. “School time. Go get some breakfast.”

At the same time Chopper started waking up, Sanji opened the door, fully dressed. “What do you want for breakfast?” he asked Zoro and Chopper. Seeing the situation, he grinned. “Hey, idiot, you’ve got a new brother. Uh, we’ve got cereal, eggs, toast . . . ?” Chopper nodded. “Toast?” Chopper nodded again. “Do you want butter or jam?” Chopper held up two fingers. “Okay, toast with jam, coming right up. Get dressed.”

Sanji shut the door again and Zoro crawled out of bed, going around Chopper. He helped him down and said, “I don’t have to work till later, so I’m not getting dressed right now. Come out when you’re ready.”

“Okay,” Chopper whispered. Zoro nodded and left, sitting at the table.

“Eggs,” he said. “Two, scrambled, none, both.”

“Coming up.” Sanji got out the eggs and bread while Zoro opened the newspaper, reaching for his reading glasses and bringing the paper close to his face to read the small print. By the time Chopper came out of the bedroom, fully dressed and a backpack around his shoulders, a plate with two toast slices spread with strawberry jam sat at the table.

“Eat up, we should go soon,” Sanji said to him. Chopper nodded and set his backpack down, sitting at the table and nibbling his toast.

“Anything interesting?” Sanji asked as he handed Zoro his breakfast: Two scrambled eggs with no sauce and both salt and pepper.

Zoro grunted something that might have been a thank-you, and then something that might have been a no. He grabbed his fork with one hand and started eating, still holding the paper close to his face with the other hand.

“Oh, wow, you were hungry,” Sanji said, noticing Chopper’s plate was empty. “You want anything to drink? Orange juice, milk, water? You don’t drink coffee yet, do you?”

Chopper made a face and shook his head, holding up one finger.

“Orange juice? Okay.” Sanji got him a glass. “You want anything else to eat?” Chopper shook his head. “Ready to go?” Chopper nodded. “Cool.” Sanji tapped the table and Zoro looked up. “We’re heading out. Don’t forget the lunch I made you, and don’t break anything.”

Zoro ripped the newspaper in two at the crease and dropped the pieces to the table, folding his arms and staring at Sanji.

“What are you, twelve? Dick,” Sanji snapped. He turned and went to the door. Chopper giggled and waved goodbye, waiting for Zoro to return the gesture before he ran after Sanji, hitching his backpack up on his shoulders.

The drive to school was short, but slow due to the morning commute from other parents and guardians. During another idle at a stoplight, Chopper turned to Sanji and said, “Um . . . Mr. Sanji?”

“Just Sanji is fine,” Sanji said, smiling at him. “What is it?”

“Sorry. Sanji? Why don’t you and Zoro wear rings?”

“Rings?” Sanji repeated. He checked the light. “Well . . . I don’t really wear jewelry, and as for him . . . I don’t know. I’ve never seen him wear any decorations besides his earrings.”

“Why do you have separate rooms?” Chopper asked.

The light turned green and Sanji drove forward, turning into the drop-off area. “Why do we have---? Why would we share a room?”

“You’re married, aren’t you?”

Sanji turned the car sharply into a parking spot and turned to Chopper, who flinched. “Whoa, whoa, sorry,” he said, trying to relax into his seat. “I---what do you mean, we’re married?”

“You . . . you aren’t married?” Chopper said, eyes widening. “But you . . . you seem so . . . ? I thought you just lost your rings or took them off, and the rooms was, was because you wanted privacy, or . . . ?”

“We’re friends,” Sanji said firmly. “We are not married. At all. Not even a bit. We’re not in love. We’re not married.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Chopper said, though he still looked at Sanji with knowing eyes. He unbuckled himself and got his backpack. “Um . . . are you or Zoro coming to get me?”

“I was going to, but Zoro might. We’ll figure it out. Have a good day.”

Chopper climbed out of the car and waved before turning around and trotting to the nearest building.

“Married,” Sanji muttered, backing out of the parking lot and driving out of the school campus. “Ridiculous. What made him think we’re married?”

He made it to the barbershop where he worked and disappeared into the back room to change into his uniform.

On his way back from work, walking home, Zoro glanced at the elementary school he sometimes passed and noticed a familiar pink hat. He hurried into the school yard and approached Chopper.

“Hey, you,” he said. Chopper looked up and grinned. “School’s out?”

“Yeah!” Chopper exclaimed. “Just now! Are you picking me up?”

“Yeah, just . . . lemme call the cook first.”

They found a phone inside and Zoro dialed Sanji’s work number.

“We’re not married,” Sanji said as soon as he picked up the phone.

“What’s that?” Zoro said. “It’s me. Who were you talking to?”

“Oh. Uh, no one. What is it?”

“I’m bringing Chopper home. We’re walking.”

“Oh, thanks. I’m finishing up here. What do you want for dinner?”

“I dunno. Seafood?”

“Ask Chopper what he wants.”

Zoro did so. “He says potatoes and tofu.”

“Got it. See you soon.”

Zoro hung up and turned to Chopper. “Okay, let’s go.”

“Are you sure you’re not married?” Chopper said as they started walking.

“Me? I’m not married. Why?”

“I told Sanji this morning, that you guys were married,” Chopper said. Zoro frowned. “And he acted weird and said no, even though it’s true.”

“But we’re not married,” Zoro said. “Just because we’re living together . . . we’re just friends. Why do you think we’re married?”

“You act like Mama and Papa,” Chopper said.

“How so?”

Chopper shrugged, and didn’t bring it up the rest of the way back. When they returned, Sanji was already at the stove, fixing dinner.

“Hi, idiot,” he said to Zoro. “And hi, Chopper.”

“Hi!” Chopper said. “I’m gonna do my homework. I only have a little bit.”

“Good, good,” Sanji said absentmindedly. “We’re not married, by the way. Zoro, thanks for getting him.”

“Yeah,” Zoro said, sitting on the couch and setting down his bag of self-defense equipment. Chopper went to his bedroom to sort through his things, and Zoro said, “I heard about what Chopper said to you this morning. He told me the same thing.”

“The nerve of him,” Sanji said, shaking his head. “We’re not married. What about us even resembles the concept?”

“You got me. I mean, we’re definitely not married, so it’s weird. Hey, wanna watch anything tonight?”

“Nah, not tonight,” Sanji said as Chopper came back out with papers and a pencil. He held out his math homework to Zoro, staring.

“What’s up, you want help?” Zoro said. Chopper nodded and they sat at the table together. “Okay, so . . . when you multiply fractions, you start by . . . ?”

“Can we play chess after this?” Chopper asked. “If you have a chessboard. Mama’s been teaching me to play, but at school I don’t . . . no one else wants to play.”

“I’ll play, but you should finish this first so you don’t stress later,” Zoro said patiently. “So tell me how you multiply fractions.”

Chopper frowned. “Um, first you take both top parts . . .”

“Right, and what do you do with them?”

“Here you go,” Sanji said, placing Chopper’s dinner in front of him. Chopper looked between the food and his homework, alarmed. “You can eat and work at the same time if you want.” Chopper relaxed and nodded, grabbing his fork and starting on the tofu with his left hand while scribbling in the margins with his right. He and Zoro continued working through each problem, though Chopper only needed gentle reminders for a few problems.

“Here’s yours,” Sanji said, giving Zoro his dinner. Zoro started eating while Chopper looked up at Sanji.

“You’re so good at cooking,” he exclaimed. He put the last bite of his food into his mouth.

“He’s okay,” Zoro muttered.

“Thanks,” Sanji said, straightening up and smiling. “Glad to see you didn’t get any ungrateful genes from this guy’s side of the family.”

“Who’re you calling ungrateful?”

“Who’re you saying’s just okay at cooking?”

Chopper ducked his head, returning to his homework while they bickered and Zoro stuffed his face. By the time Zoro had finished his dinner, Chopper pushed aside his papers and said, “I’m done! Can we play chess?”

“Yeah, of course,” Zoro said. After making sure Chopper didn’t need more food, Sanji went and fetched the chessboard and pieces from his room, setting them up on the table.

“Actually, Chopper, do you wanna play me first?” Sanji asked. He looked at Zoro. “You still need to clean up.”

“Let’s play,” Chopper exclaimed. Zoro stood and went to the kitchen, scooping up pots and pans and utensils and tossing them into the sink. He poured dish soap onto the sponge and began scrubbing as Sanji and Chopper started their game.

Zoro was finished soon enough, and turned around, saying, “Hey, cook, you had your dinner, right?”

“Of course I did,” Sanji said. Only he and Chopper didn’t notice the faint growling coming from his stomach as he spoke. “Who do you take me for?”

Zoro turned around again and opened the fridge. Seeing that Sanji had gone and forgotten his own lunch that day, even after reminding Zoro about his, he sighed and got it out, bringing it to the table and sitting next to Sanji. Taking out the fork, he cut up the sandwich into bite-size pieces and speared one, holding it out to Sanji. Sanji automatically opened his mouth to accept the food, not taking his eyes off the chessboard as he chewed. It was in this way he was able to have a good meal and end the chess game in a draw simultaneously.

“Good game,” he said, smiling and looking at Chopper with Zoro. Seeing that he was staring at both of them, he and Zoro said together, “What?”

“Nothing,” Chopper said. “Zoro, can we play next, before bedtime?”

“Yeah,” Zoro said, switching seats with Sanji. “We’re not married, by the way.”

“We’re absolutely not married,” Sanji agreed. He stood to pack his and Zoro’s lunches for the next day while Zoro and Chopper set up the pieces again.

About halfway through the game, Chopper started yawning, and Zoro looked up at him. “Wanna finish tomorrow?” he asked. “You can write down whose turn it was.”

Chopper nodded. He reached down and got out a blank piece of paper from his backpack, scribbling the note, and hopped down from the table, going to Zoro’s bedroom to change and brush his teeth.

“Hey, no,” Zoro said, noticing Sanji had finished the lunches and was pulling open the wine cabinet. He stood. “You’re not drinking when Chopper’s here.”

“Why’s that? You’re not my boss,” Sanji snapped.

“Because you need to drive him tomorrow and you completely lose it after one glass.”

“I do not!”

Zoro shut the cabinet and folded his arms, standing in front of it. “I’m prepared to fight you.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Sanji said, drawing his arms close to him and circling Zoro like an angry cat.

When Chopper came out to say goodnight, he found Zoro and Sanji locked in a petty brawl, Sanji kicking and Zoro blocking with his arms.

“I teach self-defense, and you think you can beat me?” Zoro snarled.

“Try growing up surrounded by shitty people in a shitty neighborhood!” Sanji snapped. “The number of times I’ve almost been mugged---!”

“Can you teach me to fight like that?” Chopper exclaimed, eyes shining.

“When you’re older,” they said together. “Go to bed.”

Chopper pouted and disappeared back into the bedroom.

When Zoro and Chopper emerged into the main area, ready for breakfast, they found Sanji fast asleep at the table, a half-finished crossword in front of him. Zoro rolled his eyes and went to him, shaking his shoulder.

“Get up, stupid, it’s morning,” he said. Sanji blinked and sat up, squinting.

“Oh, fuck,” he exclaimed, his eyes widening. He looked at Chopper. “Don’t tell your parents I said ‘fuck.’ God damn it---don’t tell them I said that, either---”

“You told me not to swear in front of him,” Zoro said smugly. “You fell asleep doing puzzles again?”

“Shut up!” Sanji pushed back his chair, wincing every time he moved his head. “What time is it?!” Zoro told him and he sighed. “Time for breakfast. Okay. What do you guys want?”

“Eggs and toast,” Zoro said. “Two, scrambled, Tabasco, salt, one, butter.”

“Um, me too,” Chopper exclaimed. “Eggs and toast!”

Sanji quizzed Chopper on his preferences and hurried to the stove, throwing the toast into the four-slotted toaster and running to the fridge to get out the eggs.

“Make sure you have all your stuff,” he said to Chopper and Zoro, yawning. Chopper double-checked his backpack and Zoro went to his room to get his work bag. Chopper sat at the table, resting his head in his arms, and Zoro went to the door to get the daily paper. He carefully moved the chess set from the kitchen table to the living room coffee table and sat, grabbing his reading glasses from the other end of the kitchen table and opening the paper, reading the headlines.

“Here,” Sanji said, giving Chopper his breakfast: A scrambled egg with ketchup and salt, and a toast slice spread with jam. Chopper dug in while Sanji handed Zoro his two scrambled eggs with Tabasco and salt and toast slice with butter. Zoro folded up and set down the newspaper, rubbing his temples, and started eating. Sanji ran to his room and came back shortly, hair combed and in different clothes.

“Don’t forget your lunch this time,” Zoro said idly as he ate.

“These are really good,” Chopper said, his face full of egg.

“I won’t,” Sanji snapped. “And thank you, Chopper. You guys want anything to drink?”

“Wine,” Zoro said.

“Oh, so you won’t let me even look at the wine cabinet, but you’re so special you get to have---? Absolutely not. No alcohol until you’ve had something real to drink. Do you want water, orange juice, or milk?”

“Tea. Green.”

Sanji smacked his forehead. “Right, we have---okay. Chopper, what about you?”

“Milk,” Chopper said, finishing his breakfast. Sanji poured him a glass and grabbed a teabag from the cabinet. While he set up the tea, Zoro stood and went to the fridge, grabbing something and going outside. He returned soon with nothing and sat down again, working on his toast. After turning on the heat for the kettle, Sanji grabbed a piece of bread for his breakfast and started eating fast.

“You know how long to let it steep for, right?” he said to Zoro, swallowing and wincing.

“You’ve only told me about a hundred times,” Zoro said. At Sanji’s skeptical look, Zoro sighed. “Let it steep for two minutes, then check it by tasting every thirty seconds to see if it’s done.”

“Good.” Sanji finished his bread. “C’mon, Chopper.”

“Bye!” Chopper called, grabbing his backpack and following Sanji out the door. Zoro waved and finished his breakfast, keeping an eye on the kettle.

“Sorry about the rush this morning,” Sanji said as he drove. “Falling asleep at the table isn’t usually a big deal, but I usually wake up in my bed, or with a pillow under my head and a blanket over me . . . I guess I didn’t sleep well because of that.”

“So, you mean, someone gives you a pillow and blanket, or carries you to bed?” Chopper asked.

Sanji took a hard right into the parking lot, and then a hard left into a spot. “We’re not married.”

“Okay,” Chopper said with the same skeptical tone a suspicious parent uses with a child. “Thanks for driving me!”

“Yeah, yeah, have a good day,” Sanji said. “If mossy doesn’t come by to get you around the same time as yesterday, just keep waiting and one of us will show up.”

Chopper nodded and hopped out of the car.

Though Chopper did have to wait longer, Zoro eventually wandered by the school again and made a beeline for the pickup area. He found Chopper sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to his chin.

“Hey, you,” he said, kneeling. Chopper looked up. “Ready to go back?”

Chopper nodded and stood, grabbing Zoro’s hand.

“Bad day?” Zoro said as they walked. At Chopper’s nod, he said, “Want a piggyback or shoulder ride?”

Chopper held up two fingers and Zoro scooped him up, placing him on his shoulders. Chopper held Zoro’s head and Zoro held his ankles and they went the rest of the way home like this.

“Welcome back,” Sanji said, turning his head to look at Zoro and Chopper. He winced and turned back, wincing again. “You guys have good days?”

“I did,” Zoro said, kneeling to let Chopper down. Chopper ran to the bedroom and shut the door.

“He didn’t?” Sanji asked in a low voice. Zoro nodded and shrugged. Sanji sighed. “Any dinner ideas?”

“He likes sweets,” Zoro said.

Sanji smacked his forehead, wincing. “Oh, my god. Kids love desserts. How did I forget that? Do we have any cake?”

“You are way too stressed,” Zoro said, glancing at his bedroom door. “Aren’t there recipes for . . . single-serve desserts?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’ll make him a lava cake,” Sanji said, nodding. “Gotta make sure I have everything. But, he can’t have just that for dinner. How about soup?”

He pulled out his heavily-annotated recipe book and flipped to the soups section, finding a good vegetarian one for tortilla soup and slamming it on the counter. The bedroom door opened and Chopper shuffled out, already in pajamas.

“You don’t wanna go to bed already, do you?” Zoro said. Chopper shook his head. “Okay. Any homework?” Chopper shook his head. “Wanna finish that chess game?” Chopper nodded. “Cool. Let’s get started. Dinner’s gonna be soup.”

“Hey, Chopper, do you like spicy things?” Sanji called. Chopper shook his head. “Gotcha.”

Zoro carefully picked up the chessboard and brought it back to the kitchen table, where he and Chopper sat, staring at the pieces. Chopper reached for his paper and double-checked that it was his turn before looking back at the board, frowning.

Sanji served them soup as they finished, with Chopper pulling out a victory at the end. Chopper grinned and patted the table in excitement, and Sanji raised an eyebrow at Zoro in approval, noticing the obvious way Zoro could have won by the way the pieces were arranged.

“Thanks,” Zoro said, taking his soup and blowing on it. “Good job, Chopper.”

Chopper clapped his hands to his cheeks, smiling and wiggling in his seat. Sanji returned to the counter where his own bowl of soup was, and slowly started eating it in between grabbing ingredients for the dessert.

As he finally put the cake into the oven, he finished off the last of his soup and turned around to find Zoro and Chopper doing the same. He put away the ingredients and tapped Zoro’s shoulder. “Clean up. Chopper, we’ve got a jigsaw puzzle somewhere around here, do you wanna give that a try?”

Chopper nodded and waited, kicking his legs and holding his hat to his head as Sanji went into his room and Zoro stood to get the dishes. Sanji came out a minute later and went into Zoro’s room, emerging soon with the puzzle box.

“Why was this in your room?” he said, irritated. Zoro shrugged without turning around, and Chopper hopped down from the table, kneeling as Sanji placed the box on the floor. “You wanna do this by yourself?” Chopper shook his head. “Okay, wanna start now, or wanna wait for Zoro?” Chopper held up one finger. “Let’s do it.”

Zoro joined them soon, and then Sanji had to stand when the oven beeped. He returned with a piping hot lava cake on a plate, presenting it to Chopper, who stared at it and then stared at Sanji, his mouth open and eyes wide.

“Wait till it cools down,” Sanji said. Chopper tried to bring a bite to his mouth regardless and quickly brought it down again, sucking in cool air through his lips to soothe his tongue. “C’mon, what did I just say?”

Chopper smiled, ducking his head and returning to the puzzle. The pieces were about halfway put together when Sanji noticed Zoro staring at him.

“What?” he said, moving his neck and wincing.

Zoro got behind him and placed his hands on Sanji’s shoulders, rubbing deep circles into the tissue. Sanji hissed and closed his eyes, fingers twitching and then falling into his lap, the puzzle a fruitless endeavor for the moment. Chopper glanced up at them, shrugged, and continued the puzzle on his own.

“Get my neck more,” Sanji muttered. Zoro moved his hands up, using his thumbs to massage the back, and Sanji sighed, shoulders losing tension.

Zoro finally released Sanji when the puzzle was finished and the lava cake was gone and so was Chopper, having left to brush his teeth. Zoro got Chopper’s dish and went to wash it, and Sanji closed up the puzzle box, deciding to leave the completed puzzle on the floor for the time being.

“Night, asshole,” he said, yawning and rubbing his now headache-free temples. “We’re not married.”

“Definitely not. Night.”

They vanished into their respective rooms, Zoro always ready to sleep by nature and Sanji ready for an early bedtime to catch extra sleep in a proper bed.

Breakfast was much the same as it had been for the past two days. Chopper decided to try cereal and liked it, even though it was meant for adults, and Zoro tried a mix of soy and Worcesterschire on three eggs. Sanji had had a much better sleep and drove Chopper to school, sending him off with a reminder of, “We’re not married.” The barbershop was busy and the self-defense class was sweaty, and Sanji changed out of his uniform before driving home, and Zoro wiped himself down with a spare towel before walking back. Chopper had had a much better day, and walked along with Zoro, chatting about school lessons and cool beetles he’d seen in the trees.

“. . . And there was one as big as my hand,” he said to Sanji. His things sat by the front door, all packed up and ready to go.

“Beetles, huh?” Sanji said. “You’d get along great with Usopp and Luffy.”

“I thought you disowned them?” Zoro said in surprise.

“I disowned the Vinfucks,” Sanji corrected. “Whoops, don’t tell your parents I said that, Chopper. Luffy and Usopp don’t share that family name, and they’re both on my mom’s side, and she never took that last name . . . so it all works out.”

“Uh-huh. I---”

A knock came from the door before it swung open, hitting the wall. “Where’s my boy?!” came a yell.

“Papa!” Chopper shrieked, running to the front. He was met halfway and scooped up by metal hands that threw him into the air, making him scream again.

“Hey, Zoro!” the man yelled. “Been a while, huh?! How’ve you been?!”

“I’m good, Franky,” Zoro said, grinning. He ducked away from an overzealous hug and said, “Cook, this is Franky, Chopper’s dad. Franky, this is my roommate.”

“They’re married,” Chopper whispered to Franky.

“We’re not married,” Zoro and Sanji said together. “And it’s nice to meet you,” Sanji added, “but . . . you’re the husband of . . . how is that possible?”

Zoro shrugged behind Franky’s back while Franky frowned and said, “What? Anyway, car’s out front, we can probably get all this stuff ourselves. Thanks so much for watching him. You have a good time, buddy?”

“Yeah!” Chopper exclaimed, clinging to Franky’s aloha shirt. “It was fun! I wanna do it again, but I wanna see Mama first.”

“I bet we could do a playdate sometime,” Franky said, looking between Zoro and Sanji. They gave confirming nods and he grinned. “Great!” He scooped up Chopper’s suitcase and gave Chopper his backpack. “You got everything? Let’s go home!”

“Bye!” Chopper called as Franky carried him to the front door. “Thank you!”

Zoro and Sanji gave their goodbyes, smiling and waving until the door shut.

“What a great kid,” Sanji said. He went to the floor, kneeling to put away the puzzle. “So, what do you want for dinner?”

Sanji bent over the crossword puzzle at the table, frowning. Zoro was curled up on the couch under a blanket, watching an old samurai movie.

“Hey,” he said to Sanji. “Put that away for tonight and get over here.”

“I’ve almost got this,” Sanji muttered.

“Come on, this is a good movie.”

Sanji rolled his eyes, setting down the pencil. “Fine, asshole, just shut up.” He came over and joined Zoro under the couch, stealing half the blanket from him and scooting closer so they could share.

“We’re not married, by the way,” he said eventually.

“Yeah,” Zoro said, bringing his legs up onto the couch and leaning into Sanji, who leaned back. “Definitely not.”

#ZoSan Month #ZoSan Month 2019 #zosan #one piece #opfanfic #writing adventures #frobin #GOD this took forever to write this week was killing me im sorry

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goliath-de-senfina-sango · 5 years

Link

Local Teenager has Trippy Dream and Realizations About Family Importance, Family of Local Geniuses not Aware of how Genius they Are, Deceased Poacher not very Smart, Attacks Local Ghost Hunters, Local Family Discusses the Importance of Failsafes

Voices, vaguely familiar and carrying warmth called out to him. They called his name, the sound distant and irrelevant, so small it is lost to the hearts of stars singing deep beneath the soil. Lost to the blooming nebulas staining the dark sky with color, miles upon miles of light and rivers of fire and the promise of something new. Danny can almost hear the words and language they speak; something so close, so distant, something he has never known -- but they ring with such magnificent, terrible truth that he thinks, maybe he has always known them. Maybe they have always lived inside him, alongside the bones. These melodies, these words, that burn with such ferocious clarity that if he just spoke them aloud then the far would become near and he could reach out and pluck the stars from the sky and cradle them in his hands.

Danny woke up in his bed, surrounded by the warm press of his friends. The music of his dreams fading to the farthest and darkest reaches of his mind and leaving Danny grasping at nothing for them. So instead of the music he could barely hear the faintest notes of, Danny focused on his friends. His ears had grown so capable that with some focus he could hear even their heartbeats, and at the moment he was glad. His friends’ pulses were a reassuring sound, as much as the feeling of them pressed against his body and breathing right next to him on either side - reassurance that they were truly there.

Slipping between the rhythmic dances of their ever vibrating molecules, Danny got out of the bed and landed on his feet near silently. A glance at the clock told him it was 7:10 AM and Danny was beyond glad that it was Saturday. Holding in a yawn, he walked straight to the bathroom, did his routine, and headed downstairs in just his binder and boxers, as everyone in the household had seen him in already.

Or so he thought. There was a woman in a purple suit with a tie and curly hair sitting in one of the chairs in his living room, holding up an electronic recorder. And his parents and sister were on the couch, everyone fully dressed. And staring at him. In his underwear. Considering he just let loose a string of swears therein, he hoped the lady didn’t speak Mandarin.

Three minutes later Danny came down in a purple shirt bearing the FMA logo on it and some sweat pants. “Uh, hi?”

“Danny, I told you about this interview already,” Jazz said through grit teeth. “This is Souda Ayodele from Genius magazine.” A quick look on the second layer of everything showed that her aura was one of angry beige bees.

Danny turned to stare at the reporter. “Hi there.” Ms. Ayodele waved back, and Danny walked past the entire event to the kitchen. “Eggs, or Cereal?” Danny hummed, before catching his mother’s voice pointing out that her focus was ghost hunting. “Oh, this will be hilarious.” Grabbing cereal, a bowl, and milk, Danny used his intangibility to speed up getting everything together and grabbing a spoon. He was on the couch in time to hear Jazz claim that ghost hunting was a hobby.

“What they’re really involved in is inventing.” Jazz smiled, trying to steer the conversation to somewhere safe and normal.

“True, we do invent a majority of the time. I’ve personally worked on improving the power sources for all of our things around Fentonworks. Though, we do mechanical engineering as well,” Mom said as Danny ate his cereal.

Dad pulled out one of their holographic projectors and hit the button to let it float. “I have a full inventory of our inventions right here actually! For instance-”

“Dr. Fenton” Ayodele said, clearly having been here long enough to know that if she didn’t just interrupt then Dad would keep talking. “Pardon the interruption, but is that...device, um...floating?"

Dad and Mom blinked, looking at each other. Even Danny and Jazz cocked their heads at the question. Their parents had been toying around with hover engines for years, what was the big deal about that?

"Well, yes," Mom began. "That's a patented Fenton Gravity Inverter."

"And...how much can your...um, Gravity Inverter lift?" The reporter asked again.

"Approximately one metric ton, depending on the model." Dad shrugged. "But the Gravity Inverter is only a small part of the FentonWorks itinerary, such-”

"I'm sorry, but just to confirm: your laboratory has successfully created a device which can lift a ton of weight into the air without the energy requirements being prohibitive?" The reporter asked finally.

"Yes," Mom explained slowly as if talking to a child. "It's a relatively simplistic application of physics. Both Danny and Jazz, our children, have been building them for us for years while my husband and I focused on more advanced applications of our research. The Gravity Inverter is, quite literally, 'kids stuff.' In fact, I think Danny built the model that we eventually decided on using for the Fenton Holoprojector."

“A waste of an afternoon since I coulda been working on my paints,” Danny muttered around his cereal.

Ayodele turned to the kids fully. “Mr. and Ms. Fenton, is what your parents saying true?"

Danny shrugged, clearing his throat as he nodded. "Ah, sure. I mean, those things are pretty easy, I could almost build one in my sleep nowadays. I’m even using one for a side project I’m doing with a friend. They're not like Physics Cancelers or anything, right Jazz?"

"I guess they're pretty easy," Jazz shrugged, uncomfortable with being the center of attention. "Mom and dad only ask us to work with the safe stuff anyway. None of this is too complicated." Jazz turned to her parents, "If you're using the Model II that Danny built for the Projector, why did you want me to put together a Model VI last week?”

Mom smiled, "Oh, that's for the Specter Speeder, sweetie. We'll be showing that off a little later. At any rate, though, we would like to get on with the demonstration now. Jack, honey, if you would?"

“Rightio Mads!” Dad pulled out a remote from his pocket and a projection of an oblong, missile-like object coated in shiny metal and streamlined with a flaming F decal on both sides. The projection spun in the air at Dad’s press of a button.

"The Fenton Ghost Zone Probe," Mom began, “When finished, will be launched into the Ghost Portal and take numerous measurements including temperature, ecto-thermography, radiospectronomy, and more...of course, this will include video and audio data!"

“Did you say… Ghost Portal?” The woman looked remarkably uneased by the implications of there being a ghost portal, which was understandable. Danny wasn’t a fan of the fact himself. Just realizing how easily he slid through matter without even a second thought had Danny shuddering.

“Yup! We can’t exactly show ya that one just yet,” Dad said with a sigh. “We didn’t prepare for a presentation proper. We can, however, describe to you exactly how it works!”

And so Dad did just that and Danny tuned him out, eating his cereal since he’d heard this all before about six times. Instead, he focused on the look of mounting horror on Jazz’s face and counted the seconds before she interrupted Dad again.

“The portal isn’t what we’re here to talk about, Dad!” Wow, a full 36 seconds. Danny was impressed. “Can we talk about your work in energy? A self-regenerating energy source?”

“Ectoplasm, Jazz.” Danny pointed with his spoon. “They’re converting some of the nuclear batteries to use reactions with ectoplasm instead of the usual stuff.”

“Nuclear… batteries?” The poor reporter looked so lost and Danny had to wonder why. Did he say something about ghosts? Well beyond ectoplasm but everyone knew ghosts were made of ectoplasm. “Do the two of you work at a nuclear facility?”

“No?” Mom frowned. “We have nuclear batteries in our ghost hunting technology.”

“The entire facility is powered by a reactor under the labs.” Danny rolled his eyes. “And solar panels on the roof and a backup geothermal generator. Actually, all of our windows are solar panels too. I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad are just looking for ways to replicate those effects with ectoplasm?”

“Like we told you, Danny, it’s far more efficient in storage and output of energy than any material we’ve found on earth or any other dimension.”

“I know Mom, I just… I dunno, expected something new?” Danny shrugged and slurped up the milk from his now-empty bowl, relishing in Jazz’s glare. “Well, I’m gonna be upstairs having fun.” It was then that Danny spotted Tucker and Sam on the stairs, Sam in her black jeans and a Dumpty Humpty shirt she left last time she stayed over and Tucker in a button-up of Danny’s. “Guys, c’mon, ignore the interview we’ve got funner stuff to do.”

“That’s not a word, Danny.” Sam rolled her eyes. “This explains why English teachers hate you.”

“Oh please,” Danny chuckled as he headed into the kitchen, waiting for Sam and Tucker to grab their breakfast. “The teachers love me. Lancer’s just a pain.”

“Dude,” Tucker said as he grabbed a bag of bacon bits like they were chips and started eating. “You guys have nuclear reactors in your house?”

“Well not in this house specifically but yeah,” Danny shrugged. “Did you think we were on the city’s power grid or something?”

“Actually honey we’re supplying power to the whole town,” Mom called out, displaying that all mothers were supernatural entities that could hear anything.

“Huh. Well, there ya go.” Danny shrugged and headed to and up the stairs. Sam and Tucker soon followed, Sam holding a bowl full of fruit. “Did you put that there yesterday?”

“Yes, you need healthier food in this house, Danny - also why am I only just learning that you guys power the entire town?” Sam was scowling at him, and Danny wasn’t sure what he’d done this time.

“Because I only just found out?”

“What did you mean by This house, Danny?” Tucker sat on Danny’s bed while Sam got into his desk chair. “Do you guys have more than one house?”

“Yeah, FentonWorks is the entire block.” Judging by his friends’ expressions, Danny hadn’t told them this. “I guess it never came up?” Danny held up a game disc. “Did you think I built our HorrorStations in my room?” Danny slid the disc into the hand made console, grabbed his controller, and sat next to Tucker.

Before Tucker could respond, Danny felt a chill run up his spine, into his lungs and past his lips and he looked around on the second realm, but he was too late. The robot Sam had described appeared, right behind Danny, arm aimed point-blank at him. A net shot out and tangled around Danny’s body, throwing him off the bed and into his own console. In seconds, all three of them were bound in blue nets. “Hello, Ghost Child.”

“Who are you?” Danny arched a brow. He needed a moment to pull that power of brilliant, life granting stars into his muscles. If he transformed inside the house for a fight his parents would not only notice but come up and see his ghost form instead of him.

“I am Skulker,” the robot said, holding up a holographic projection of a cage filled with green abominations unto all gods Danny could think of. “A collector of things rare and unique. And you, ghost child, are that and more.” Skulker laughed, far more dramatically than he deserved to, and took a step, Danny’s rocket cracking and shattering into pieces.

“That’s my fucking rocket!” Green fire filled Danny’s veins and he tore the net off of himself, rising to put some dents in the robot. But when he reached into himself proper, that ice-cold void, heatless and full of lights that no other human being could ever claim to see, he was burned and staggered backward. “I built that! Just like this!” The Wrist Ray™ struck Skulker in the chest, burning a hole in him, and Danny felt that fire drain out of him into the weapon.

Sam and Tucker behind him used their own wrist rays to cut through the nets, and Sam’s shot from her crouch on the ground sailed over Skulker’s ducking head, leaving a dent in Danny’s wall. Skulker hit a button on his wrist and the nets began to snap and crackle. Danny reached out and snatched Tucker away before he could get zapped, and kicked the net away from Sam’s feet. He let go just fast enough that neither of them felt the shocks when they raced up into his body and forced his every muscle to tense up - nerves ablaze with screams that he couldn’t make.

Tucker raised his Wrist Ray ™ but Skulker shot it off of his wrist and he yelped. “Holy shit!”

“Come now, ghost boy, I expected this to be far more of a challenge. And yet here you are, easily cowed by the merest targeting of your little friends?” Skulker’s words barely reached Danny’s ears. All he could hear was the rushing of his blood and pain. Just as the current died down, Danny’s vision blacked out when Sam’s Wrist Ray shot missed the netting itself and hit his foot instead.

The door opened with a bang. “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SON!” BOOM Skulker was blasted back by Dad’s bazooka into the wall, and Danny’s vision slowly returned to him. “Jasmine, take your brother to the infirmary! Kids, get out of here!”

Skulker launched a net at Dad but Mom came to the rescue with her own cannon fire. It struck Skulker right in the net launcher and ripped off a piece of paneling on his arm. With a snarl, Skulker took in his surroundings and reached down to grab something purple, before fading from sight and quickly vacating Danny’s range of extra senses.

And soon that didn’t matter because Danny was being rushed down to the infirmary and he could hear Sam and Tucker telling his parents what had happened, ignoring the reporter entirely. Letting out a cough, Danny turned to Jazz and flashed a grin. It felt more like a grimace. “Hey, I stopped them from embarrassing you in that interview right?”

“You’re a disaster, little brother.” Jazz took a breath and carded a hand through his hair like she always did when he was hurt. “We’re gonna get you better, and when you’re better you’re gonna explain to me what the hell you were thinking.”

“Sure thing, Spazz.” Danny chuckled and sighed. “I think I need a nap.”

Danny reaches out, eyes transfixed on the distant hearts of stars. One whisper is all it needs. He could do it. He can. If he could just shape the cold clay of his lips.

Danny opened his eyes to the sight of Jazz, Tucker, Sam and his Mom all sitting around the infirmary and doing things. Sam was looking through one of her scrapbooks while Tucker did something on one of his PDAs - didn’t Skulker fly off with the other one? Jazz was reading a book about trauma and Mom was checking something on a holographic display. Everything was unnervingly quiet, and for a moment Danny considered going back to sleep. Rare and unique. Enough of a freak that some ghost would come hunting me down just to say to the rest of the Underworld ‘hey look, I caught the weirdo!’ regardless of who got in his way or what I have to say about it. Horologium, with how I rip apart ghosts that piss me off bad enough, I might as well be one of the weird Things that he was showing off in his little hologram.

Instead of dwelling on how his very fucked up existence that shouldn’t have been was putting his family in danger now, he sat up. His muscles were sore and stiff, and he let out a pained groan from the action, but Danny was at least relieved that he could move at all. “Okay, remind me never to touch another live wire again.” He saw his friends wince and shrugged before wincing again himself.

“Danny! Oh, honey don’t try to move too much, alright?” Mom came to his side in the blink of an eye, checking him over for any signs of electrical burns. “Oh Danny, baby, are you alright?”

“I’m about as sore as Zephyrus was about Hyacinthus, but I think I’ll be alright. Though, I’d love to never have to deal with that again.” Danny let out a sigh and laid his head back. I’d also love to be done with this getting better thing. What was it that Mom and Dad said about ectoplasm? It can absorb electromagnetic energy? Danny closed his eyes and reached out for the dangling threads of buzzing whines in the lights and sockets, pulling it into himself clumsily. He bit back a yelp and felt his arm practically convulse when the electricity went the wrong way. Note to self, don’t try that in human form again. Human bodies are complicated.

“Flex your muscles slowly and methodically, Danny,” Tucker said. “Gotta get your blood flowing. And check for nerve damage, cause electricity is horrible for the body. Speaking of, thank you for pulling us out of those nets."

Sam came over and held out a hand, looking slightly unsure as to what she wanted to do. "Gods, I'm so sorry for shooting you in the foot."

Danny laughed, ignoring the pain of tensing muscles because that was the last thing anyone needed to apologize for as far as Danny was concerned. "You got the net off yourself by blasting it so you blasted the net on my foot, it's cool. Though, if we end up netted again, please just grab something non-conductive to knock the net away."

"There will be no Next Time, pumpkin. The anti-ghost defense grid is up and running and no nasty ghost robot is getting in here to target you."

"Thanks, Mom." Danny let out a sigh and felt something uncurl in relief. He was safe at home, at the very least. "So Jazz, I think I owe you a thought process."

"That is correct, Second."

"Well, False Maturity, I was thinking, 'that button has something to do with those nets. If I get them away from Sam and Tuck, he can't hurt them with them.' And so I tried doin that."

"My boy the hero!" Dad came barreling into the room and immediately scooped Danny up into a hug. "Gave us all a scare! That ecto scum will think twice before trying to attack FentonWorks now!"

“I’ve been told… lungs are important.” Danny hugged back anyway of course, he wasn’t going to leave this hug ever.

“Mom, Dad,” Jazz piped up. “The things that come out of the portal are clearly dangerous. One attacked Danny in his room! Why haven’t we shut down the portal yet?” The squeeze of Dad’s hug got uncomfortably tighter.

“We’ve tried, Jazzerincess, can’t get the darn thing to turn off.” Danny felt his blood run even colder.

“What?” Mom sighed and ran a hand over her face. “We unplugged it, cut all the power from the portal but it seems to be self-sustaining. All we can do is block it up with those blast doors.”

For several moments there was silence while everyone digested that they had no solid way of keeping the ghosts out of their world. And I'm the one who opened the door in the first place.

Sam cleared her throat. "Drs. Fenton? I know who the ghost is. He told us during his monologing he died putting down the last female purple back gorilla in a hunt. Name’s Hunter Grosvenor.” Sam sneered around the name as though it were the most disgusting piece of meat she'd had to swallow in her life.

Danny covered his mouth with his hand, curling his fingers into a fist slowly. Blowing air into it, he resisted the urge to growl. Tucker glared at the sky, daring Skulker to appear so he could dismantle him personally. “I’ve not felt so incredibly violent in a while. I need videogames-"

"Actually," Tucker interrupted with a sigh. "Your Horrorstation broke in all the fighting. The scrap heap also stole my PDA."

"First he gives my best friend a burn on her stomach, then he breaks my models and now my videogames? When I next see Skulker, I'm going to burn a hole through his faceplate." Danny groaned, laying his head back. "Can I get a moment with Sam and Tuck?"

"Of course, son." Dad set him down and ruffled his hair, more gentle with Danny than he ever remembered him being. The air around Dad was vaguely orangish and Danny let the tiniest bit of ectoplasm reach his eyes. The orange air around his dad, probably an aura, was tinged with echoes of sour fear and boiling anger that had Danny ready to crawl out of his skin, grab a gun and hunt Skulker down himself. "You kids go on and do that research project of yours! Mads and I will hunt down that putrid undead creep and rip it apart on a molecular level!"

Danny had never felt so conflicted about something his Dad had said. On one hand, I'd love for him to destroy Skulker. On the other, the dehumanizing way he says it is disturbing as all hell.

Just as the Fenton Adults left the room, Dad turned around with a big grin. "By the way Danny, I'm proud of you for looking out for your friends like that."

A wave of something brilliant and blue and love pride relief joy slammed into Danny and filled him from the inside out. And as the door closed, Danny flexed his fingers and rolled his joints. Danny stood up and stretched. "Holy shit guys, I think that Dad just healed me up a bit."

"Sweet. Think he can spread that around or is that a You thing?" Tucker looked ready to take notes since Danny didn't have his notebook on him.

Danny closed his eyes and focused, gently pulling that cool void up and letting it fill his eyes and ears and every nerve on his body. He opened his eyes and Danny saw the world bathed in that extreme indigo-like color that seemed to come off of every person he looked at. Looking closer, he noticed faint blue strings leading from him to his Dad and Mom and Jazz upstairs and a silver string leading to Tucker and Sam each. Reaching out to grasp the one that he just knew belonged to Jazz Danny was floored by so potent and blended a mix of positivity, concern, and manic energy that he had to stumble back into the bed. "Danny?"

"Just a me thing. Definitely. I can see these… strings, connecting me to you guys and my family. Like spider threads. But like, made of emotions?" He rubbed his temples and hummed. "Ectoplasm is psychoreactive so maybe it's like, a connection between us made semi tangible to my ghost because of how much ectoplasm is normally around here? You guys definitely got hit by ectoplasm in spades when the portal activated, so that explains why I can see it linking me to you guys too…"

"Hey. Science boy." Sam nudged his hip with her foot and Danny arched a brow at her. "Save the theories for later. We need a game plan to deal with the guy as soon as possible. Grovsner was a very efficient hunter if a sadistic bastard.”

Danny sighed and nodded, sitting back down. “Well, what do we know about him?” Tucker began tapping away at his PDA, eyes moving quickly.

“I know that you’re probably not gonna find anything on the internet. I had done a report on his barbaric treatment toward animals for an extra credit project and when I looked back for them, on all the same sites as before. Nothing.” Sam groaned. “But, I do remember what it was he typically did on a hunt for a protected species. He had hunting dogs, laid all kinds of traps, the works. I’m not sure what kind of things ectoplasm can do to a net besides making it gooier, but being able to phase into walls and crawl spaces where you usually go to is something he’s definitely going to take advantage of.”

“So my locker is probably gonna be rigged to explode, I have to worry about hell hounds, and he has nets that might fall on me on the way to the library or just to like, GameStop.” Danny leaned back, closing his eyes. “That sounds fun.”

"You assume there are hell hounds," Tucker snorted.

"Of course there are."

"Because you so want there to be ghost dogs."

"Tucker. Imagine it. A dog that doesn't poop, just cuddles up with you and gives you infinite love."

"Don't all dogs go to Heaven, Danny?"

"I have strong evidence that there is no such thing as Heaven just like. A door down. Literally past that wall over there."

"Fair enough." Tucker sighed and laid his head back. Then he sat straight up with a grin. "You know what's a great way of being harder to trap?"

"Intelligence?"

"Mobility, Sam. If we finish those hoverboards we should be able to avoid most of his land traps!" Danny and Tucker beamed at each other and high fived each other.

"I'm good to go on that! Sam, wanna learn how to-"

"You guys can have your geek things, Danny, I'm heading upstairs to make use of all your handhelds." Sam smiled and held her hands up, walking to the stairs. "Scream if you need me."

"Same to you!" Danny grinned and headed to the door that lead to the main lab.

“You know how your gravity inverter™ works better than I do so I’m gonna work on like, an AI. No, Danny don’t give me that look, it’s just for navigation, it isn’t self improving or anything like that. I just want something to help me not crash into things when flying.”

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echoflowertea · 7 years

Note

Hi! I have an idea for a prompt! I know I'm a day late, so no rush whatsoever and feel free to take it or not :) It's for a Sans/Readr/Paps. Your sister and her husband have to be away for the weekend or smth and ask you to take care of their baby/toddler (whatever you think fits best for the story). So they take the child to your house where you live with the bros, but then you have to go out for a bit to take baby things, and they are left alone with the kid. They freak out, funny times ensue

here ya go, it’s my birthday so i figured i would give you the gift of a terribly overdue update!!!!

Pairing: Sans/Reader, Papyrus/Reader

Summary: A weekend with your nephew didn’t sound so bad to the skelebros. Maybe they should’ve read more parenting books.

“So you guys really don’t mind?”

“OF COURSE NOT. WE ARE EXCELLENT COMPANY.YOUR PRECIOUS NEPHEW WILL FINALLY KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE CARED FORPERFECTLY! WE HAVE PREPARED THE ULTIMATE DAY OF ULTIMATE FUN FOR SUCH ANOCCASION.”

You shot him a halfhearted smile. Papyrus’confidence almost always made you feel better, but you were a little nervousabout this. It wasn’t as if you didn’t trust the brothers, but they could be alittle…eccentric. As far as you knew, neither of them were well-versed incaring for a child, let alone a human one. Both were still vastly impressed anddisgusted with your bodily functions, which you could control, so having anunpredictable toddler around the house for the day seemed like…

“heh, don’t stress yourself so much. we gotthis.”

You observed them. Papyrus had on his childsafety gear prepped, which included taping a lot of pillows to his body so noneof his joints would end up hurting anyone. Because the brothers were…literallyskeletons, they had some parts that jutted out and could poke or stab if youweren’t careful enough. Papyrus would dress himself up in attire that spokevolumes about how gently he was going to treat this kid.

“Awesome. Thanks, guys. I know that this iskind of last minute.”

Your nephew was supposed to come by nextweek, but his mom and dad had some major things come up. Some business tripsgot moved around, some flights cancelled, and you were their last hope. Youdidn’t mind so much, but you were going to run it by your boyfriends first. Thiswas a relationship founded on open and honest communication, after all.

“SO WHEN SHOULD WE EXPECT HIM TO ARRIVE?”

You glanced at the clock. “In a few hours.When they get here, I’ll introduce you.”

Sans grinned and shoved his hands in hispockets, the pinpricks of light in his sockets flaring to life. “we’re gonnahave lots of fun.”

“You’d better not corrupt my nephew, Sans.If he learns a pun from you, I’m breaking up with you.”

“heh heh heh.”

In the short time before your nephew wasdropped off, you and Papyrus perused through the house to make sure everythingdangerous was put away. Anything knee-high was blocked off or sealed up.Papyrus was the one who crawled around on his hands and knees to make sure youdidn’t miss anything, while Sans’ idea of helping was to give half-assed wordsof encouragement from the living room couch.

The doorbell rang and you did your best tobrush the dust bunnies out of your hair before you answered. Sans beat you toit, having shuffled over clad in his signature slippers and that harmless smileon his face.

Your sister looked down at him and inhaledsharply, a little baffled at his presence. She had only ever seen him get upfrom the couch to his seat at the dining table when they stopped by for dinner,so it must’ve been a shock to see him up and about.

“Hi, Sans.”

“heya. c'mon in.”

Your sister paused and glanced over hershoulder. From this angle, you could see a pair of small, chubby hands wrappedaround her leg.

“Sweetie, it’s okay.” She bent down toscoop him up and he clung to her upper half, squeezing tight and burying hisface in the crook of her neck. “Sorry, guys. He just woke up from a nap so he’skind of grumpy.”

“He’s also never seen the new house before.Or met the skelebros,” you ventured. “Sans, Papyrus, this is Moo.”

“MOO?”

The toddler glanced up with shining eyes atthe sound of his name. On top of his head was a spotted, black-and-white capcomplete with floppy ears and tiny horns.

“He likes cows.”

“oh my god.” Sans succeeded in holding inhis laughter.

His mom and dad came in for just a fewminutes. They’d done their best to tell Moo that he would be staying with you,and considering you were his favorite aunt, he was totally cool with that. Butthe two strangers were still a little bit of an unknown for him, so he stuck tohis mom’s side the entire time.

“He should be okay until dinner. I’ve got abunch of spare clothes for him just in case he has an accident, but he shouldtell you when he needs to go.”

“You’re potty-trained, Moo? You’re such abig boy!”

He nodded and took a step away from hismom. The both of you continued to chat while Moo decided to explore the rest ofthe house on his own. His bare feet resting along the hardwood floors, hesquatted down to inspect a pair of shiny sneakers that belonged to none otherthan Papyrus himself.

“HELLO! I SEE YOU’VE SPOTTED MY SHOES!WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY THEM ON?”

Moo plopped down in response. Papyrus washappy to join him on the floor. Instead of tearing his shoes off, he insteadpulled apart the laces and loosened them up enough for the canvas material tostretch out.

Papyrus tore them off one by one andgrinned. “THERE WE GO, AND HERE YOU ARE. GIVE THEM A TRY.”

Moo looked down at his feet and raised aleg up.

“think he wants you to put ‘em on, bro.”

“OH!!! OF COURSE. HOW SILLY OF ME. HERE YOUARE, KING MOO. THE MOST DELICATE OF SLIPPERS TO ADORN YOUR FEET.”

You had to admit, it was adorable as hell.He and Papyrus seemed to be okay with each other. And although Sans didn’t wantto admit it, he was keeping an eyesocket on both of them to make sure thatnothing happened. If anything, it was more of a precaution for what-ifs ratherthan just him being overprotective. Because, like you said, kids were wildsometimes and could snap at any moment.

Proud of his new shoes, Moo did his best topush himself up and balance despite his feet being wayyy too small inside.Papyrus kept a gentle hand on his back while he flopped on over to his parentsto show them what he’d done.

“Oh, Moo! They look great on you!”

He beamed, proud of his work. “Mama! Apitcher!”

She fished out her phone and snapped one ofhim. He stretched out to grab it before she could even bend down to show him,marveling at the screen and swiping left and right. How kids adapted so quicklyto technology these days was beyond you.

It only took a few more minutes before hisparents left. You kissed your sister on the cheek and saw her off, promisingthat Moo would have a great time with you and the bros.

Well. Unfortunately, it looked like the onething your sister forgot to pack were snacks.

You thought you would be prepared for thiskinda thing. But after rushing to the kitchen once Moo started going on aboutwanting his favorite juice – pear, as it was – you realized that none of whatyou bought earlier in the week was going to suffice. In fact…as you rummagedthrough the empty boxes of cereal stuffed in the cabinets, you realized thatyou were completely cleaned out. What the hell!

“Sans, where are the fruit snacks in theshape of animals?”

“the frooty tooties? ate ‘em.”

“MORE LIKE HE CHEWED THEM UP UNTIL THEYWERE SQUISHY AND THEN USED THEM AS POSTER PUTTY TO HANG HIS NEW BLUEPRINTS UP!”

“Please tell me that’s a lie.”

“that’s a lie.”

“WAIT. HIS STATEMENT IS A LIE. BUT IF HE’SLYING ABOUT LYING, THEN DOES THAT MAKE IT A TRUTH?”

“Papyrus, no.”

“yes.”

“WHO DO I BELIEVE???”

You knew that you had to go out and getsome more age-appropriate snacks. Papyrus’ bone-shaped crackers were not goingto be a good combo for a kid who would’ve shoved as many as he could’ve downhis throat. That and the recipe was specifically made for making sure that theskeletons were calcified all to hell, which might’ve been a little weird tofeed a human child. Who knew what kind of repercussions would come out of that.

“Moo, follow me for a sec, okay?” You tookhim by the hoof – err, hand – and led him to the living room. He was alreadybouncing and looked restless. You had no clue when his last meal or snack was,but you weren’t ready to deal with the aftermath just yet.

It was kind of a crappy thing to do, butyou needed some time to talk to the boys in private. So you flicked on the TVand let him busy himself with the mindless chatter of some educationalcartoons.

“Okay, guys. We need a game plan.”

“EXCELLENT. I’LL GRAB MY JOURNAL. ONEMOMENT!” Papyrus rushed out of the room.

Every week Papyrus would pick his best mealfrom an array of dishes he cooked over the week, take about a day to create aphotorealistic painting of it, and then put it on the wall to cover a wall safefull of his most precious treasures. The safe was your idea, so that the dogsnooping around wouldn’t get into his figurines any more. Sans was the one whosuggested switching out the cover so people wouldn’t get suspicious. Why thatseemed logical, you would never know.

After snatching the book, Papyrus returnedto the kitchen for your huddle. He was focused, pen in his gloved hand,eyesockets narrowed, ready to strike the page with copious notes andillustrations.

“whaddid you wanna talk about, babe?”

“Moo needs snacks, since you so graciouslydecided to relieve him of those.”

“yer welcome.”

You sniffed. “Anyways, I need you guys torun to the store and pick him up some stuff. I’ll keep an eye on him here whileyou’re gone.”

“OF COURSE. BRILLIANT. I WOULD EXPECTNOTHING LESS FROM MY OTHER HALF.” Papyrus dotted his i’s and crossed his t’s,his careful penmanship a marvel even from all the way where you stood. “I, FORONE, AM GLAD TO EXPLORE THE BELLY OF THE BEAST OTHERWISE KNOWN AS SOOPERSAVERS!THEY EVEN HAVE THEIR OWN SPICE AISLE. HOW EXCITING.”

“sure, we’ll get in and out in under twentyminutes.” Sans winked.

That mischievous look on his face wasenough to put a wrench in your plans. “Okay, wait a second. I think I decidedtoo fast. Papyrus, we can’t trust Sans to go with anyone to the store. Rememberlast time? He locked you in the freezer for an hour.”

Papyrus gasped. “OH, NO. I HAD ALMOSTFORGOTTEN THOSE TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE MEMORIES!!! THE LOOK OF ABSOLUTE CONTEMPT ONTHE CARTOON COWS’ FACES AS I RESTED AMONG THE DAIRY. THEY SILENTLY JUDGED MYBONE DENSITY AND TEMPTED ME WITH WHISPERS OF CALCIUM INFUSED DRINKS!!!”

Sans kept his downright devilish grin,causing a sweat to bead on his brother’s forehead.

“DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, SANS.”

“well, you n’ me could go.” Sans swunghimself up on the kitchen counter. You weren’t sure how he managed to do thatgiven he was short as hell, but it was best not to question him and his casualabuse of physics. “my bro could stay here with the kid, and you’d make sure iwas on my best behavior.”

“HMM, TRUE. THOUGH THAT WOULD LEAVE ME ATQUITE THE DISADVANTAGE, AS MOST OF MY ACTIVITIES REQUIRE THREE PEOPLE! WE ARETRYING TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION ON MOO, SANS.”

“That and we would never get anythingdone.” You left it at that. You weren’t going to sit there and give him thesatisfaction of mentioning what happened on June 15th. You still hada scar in the shape of a bite mark that refused to go away, no thanks to him.

“WELL, WE COULD LEAVE SANS HERE ALONE ANDDO THE SHOPPING BY OURSELVES.”

You and Papyrus exchanged looks, then burstout laughing. Yeah, right. The entire house would be in shambles by the timeyou got back.

“hey, i resent that…you’re completelyright.”

You snorted. “Okay, so that’s one moreoption down. I guess this leaves one solution. Papyrus, Sans….are you two okayto stay here and watch Moo by yourselves for about an hour?”

Papyrus was quick to agree. Sans shruggedit off.

“WITH MY FAMILIARITY OF THE HOUSE, I WILL HAVENO TROUBLE DEFENDING MYSELF FROM SANS’ PRANKS. AND WE WILL SURELY BE ABLE TOCOMPLETE AT LEAST THREE PUZZLES WITH ALL OF US PARTICIPATING.”

“you gonna be ok buying groceries byyourself, babe?”

“I should be good. I’m more concerned aboutyou guys. But if you’re sure you can handle it, then I would really, reallyappreciate it.”

They both perked up. Any mention of yourapproval sent a pleasant shiver through their bones. Mostly because they lovedyou so much that making you happy was probably one of the only goals theyshared in life. (That and making sure they never missed an episode of the showall of you adored: Tales of the Aboveground, where monsters from all overshared their experiences of living on the surface.)

“THEN IT’S SETTLED. GOODBYE! WE WILL SEEYOU IN A BIT!”

“Hey, wait—”

You barely had a chance to get another wordout before you were shoved outside the front door, your bag magicallypositioned on your shoulder and keys around your fingers. You wanted to givethem some last minute advice, but the absolute Determination on their facesspoke volumes about their commitment to this. They would get through themorning without you and they weren’t going to take no for an answer.

Papyrus made sure to lock the door with aquick flick of his wrist, turning the small button on the knob despite yourprotests from outside. He sniffled.

“NYOO HOO HOO. I HATE TO LEAVE HER ON OURDOORSTEP. BUT WE HAVE TO BE STRONG.”

“it’s ok.”

“YOU’RE RIGHT. MOO NEEDS US.” Papyrus stoodto his full height and narrowed his eyes. “NOW…WHERE IS HE?”

Both paled.

“SANS ARE YOU TELLING ME WE ARE THIRTY-FIVESECONDS INTO OUR DEBUT AS BABYSITTERS AND WE HAVE LOST THE CHILD???”

“relax, bro. he’s gotta be somewhere in thehouse.”

Both went silent for any clues. Aside fromthe gentle trickling of water upstairs, it was relatively peaceful.

Wait…

Trickling water?!

“THE BATHROOM! SANS!!!”

“what about it?”

“HE’S IN THERE! STOP TRYING TO DISTRACT ME!LET’S GO!!!”

Papyrus put his gloved hand on the railingand propelled himself upward the long flight of stairs, Sans trailing behind.

The closer they got to the top, the louderthe noises became. Splashing and giggles. There were a million things thatcould’ve gone wrong when they opened the door, ninety-nine percent of which youwould probably dump them for. And they weren’t going to let that happen.

“MOO? ARE YOU IN THERE? I WOULD LIKE TOCOME IN AND JOIN YOU!”

Papyrus jiggled the doorknob.

Locked.

“aw, shit.”

“SANS! WHAT DO WE DO?! WE HAVE NO ACCESS TOHIM! HE COULD BE DOING TERRIBLE THINGS IN THERE!”

“relax, bro. we made sure to turn off thewater for the tub. we put on the special seat for the toilet, and all themedications are locked up. there’s nothin’ he could do from his height.”

At that perfect moment, both brotherslooked down to see their feet sinking into a puddle of water creeping out fromunder the door.

Sans started to sweat.

“WELL, LOOKS LIKE THIS IS A JOB FOR MYIMMEASURABLE STRENGTH. STAND BACK, SANS!”

Papyrus readied himself at the door. Thesheer power of his love for you would surely get him through.

“ONE….” He would be a hero!

“TWO…” You would be so impressed with histoddler caring skills!

“THREE!”

He went for a running start and the dooropened.

“GGAAAAAAKKK!”

He dug his heels into the floor and bracedhimself for impact, doing his very best to stop his body from launching intothe room. All he could see was a hundred scenarios that ended up in someonebeing injured, from a minor scrape to complete and utter annihilation. Maybe hewas spending too much time with Undyne after all. His mind was getting to befar more dramatic than he would’ve liked for such a delicate situation.

As he poured his last ounce of strengthinto stopping dead in his tracks, the tip of his shoe caught on the rug Sansinsisted that they place right outside the bathroom. The gross, musty one hepicked up from a garage sale because he thought it was “a bargain”. Yeah, a bigpile of disgustingness and a cheesy line! What kind of pun was, “make some roomfor dessert”???

Papyrus teetered forwards and went crashingdown onto the floor. It didn’t hurt, but it was unpleasant to feel the stifftufts of the rug’s fabric scraping against his bones. Dazed, he lifted his headjust high enough to see the damage.

Moo had somehow tipped the trashcan overand stood up high enough for him to reach over to the sink. He had taken giantwads of toilet paper, coated them in water and soap, and then slapped the mushymass all over the bathroom. On Papyrus self-portrait made of dry pasta. Onthe cute little figurines that you swore brought life to the place. And even onSans’ joke book that had at least fifty unsanitary references!

With his consciousness fading and lastmortified look, Moo took the toilet brush and brought it up to his mouth tosniff it.

Sans knew that his brother would be okay,but it was still hilarious to see him faint like that. He mostly did it when heoverloaded on sensory things, which happened more often when Papyrus didn’thave his gloves on. But today it might’ve just been a combination of all newthings plus the pretty disgusting state the bathroom was in.

Sans couldn’t be prouder of the little guy.Already destroying the grossest room in the entire house. Man, humans werefascinating already with their digestive systems, but all the tools and suchused to help keep things civilized was enough to make him crack up. Seeing alittle kid completely oblivious toward all of that and dismantling the entirepolite system they had going on was amazing.

“kid, i think we’re gonna get along.”

He stuck his hand out, and was promptlygiven a slimy wad of tissue covered in snot.

“oh, man. that’s disgusting. i love it.”

Papyrus stirred from his unscheduled nap.He felt a little groggy, but the anxiety from before he passed out lingeredlong enough for him to snap back to reality. He sat up and rubbed at hiseyesockets.

“SANS? MOO? ARE YOU BOTH HERE?”

The whole bathroom was in disarray. Papyruscouldn’t bear to look! He reached for the door handle and made sure he didn’thave to subject his eyes to any more torture.

Papyrus happened to glance down at hischest while he pulled himself up from the floor. Pinned to his chest, along thepillow armor that had been fitted on him somehow, was a simple note.

countto ten, then see if you can find us

“I AM NOT PLAYING THIS GAME!” he shouted. “OH,WAIT. THERE IS ANOTHER MESSAGE WRITTEN ON THE BACK OF THE PAPER.” He turned itover.

yougotta. if you’re still not convinced, flip me over again

“WHAT!!!” Papyrus did as he was told.

wait,how does this paper have three sides? anyway, if you don’t do it i’ll trashyour room. love, your bro

“I HATE THIS!!!!” And, against his betterjudgment… “ONE, TWO, THREE…”

After ten agonizing seconds, Papyrus madehis way downstairs. He found a trail of flour leading to the backdoor, at leastfive toys strewn across the floor, some plastic utensils wedged between thecouch cushions, and the phone was off the hook with someone shouting on theother line.

“HELLO?” Papyrus scrambled for the phone,managing to wrestle it up to his face despite the long retro cord being tangledup in knots. “YOU HAVE REACHED THE HOME OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HIS EQUALLY GREATLADY, AND ONE LAZY BROTHER, HOW CAN I ASSIST YOU?”

“Paps? It’s me. Is everything okay?”

His breath caught in his throat. Somehow. “AH!!!YES, EVERYTHING IS GOING GREAT!” He started to sweat. “HOW IS THE STORE? HAVEYOU FOUND PRODUCTS AT REASONABLE AND UNBEATABLE PRICES?”

“I think so. I’m in line right now, butthere’s only one cashier and he looked like a new hire. He’s paging the emptystore for someone to do a price check on Mettamuffins. Oh my god. Now he’spanicking.”

“THIS STORY IS INCREDIBLY INTERESTING ANDDOWNRIGHT SCANDALOUS, BUT I HAVE SOME…THINGS…TO ATTEND TO.”

“Hmm. Are you sure you’re doing okay?”

He nearly cracked, but didn’t. “OF COURSEWE AM! I MEAN, OF COURSE I ARE! I WILL JUST HAVE TO MAKE SURE I CLEAN UP SOMEOF OUR…ACTIVITIES! GOOD LUCK ON CHECKING OUT YOUR ITEMS! SMOOCH!!!”

He hung up and heard a quiet snicker in theroom.

“SANS, I KNOW YOU’RE IN HERE. THIS CHILD’SPRESENCE HAS MADE YOU EVEN MORE…CHILDISH!!! PLEASE COME OUT OF HIDING, SHE ISCOMING BACK SOON AS WE NEED TO FIX THIS PLACE UP!”

No answer.

Papyrus crossed his arms and thought deeplyon where his brother would be hiding. His favorite spot to snooze in as of latewas the closet near the front door. But it didn’t look like that side of thehouse had been touched just yet. Sans also liked to roll under the couch andsleep under the comfortable weight of the cushions, but when he did that, healmost always managed to kick one slipper off. No sign of that.

As he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, a smalldroplet of liquid splashed against the top of his skull.

“…SANS!!!”

“heh heh. ya got me.”

Papyrus looked up and put his hands on hiships. Sans had somehow crawled up to the corner of the ceiling and was wedgedup there.

“WHERE IS MOO?”

“around here. told him to hide.”

“WE NEED TO BE WATCHING HIM!”

Sans slipped down the length of the wallwithout batting an eye. “ok, ok. i told him to hide in my room. let’s check itout.”

The trek toward the brothers’ bedrooms waslong and arduous, filled with slick spots of melting sticks of butter and granola.A gross combination, and Papyrus wasn’t even sure how he managed to get accessto more food. So much for locking everything up. But despite the harsh terrain,both brothers persisted until they reached Sans’ safe haven.

“hey, bro. what’re you doing? knock first.”

“THERE IS NO TIME FOR FORMALITIES. MOO, IAM COMING IN!”

The stench was unbearable. Dirty clotheslying haphazardly on the floor. A lampshade on the floor. Cloudy test tubesstacked on top of each other. Crumpled bedsheets, pillows stained with coffeeand tea, a plate caked with mysterious gray mold. The entire place looked likeit had seen the wrath of a certain three-year-old.

“everythin’ looks normal to me.”

“OH MY GOD. THE SMELL IS EVEN WORSE THAN ITWAS THIS MORNING!”

“oh yeah. i forgot to put this back in thefridge.” Sans picked up a cup of milk that already started to bubble in the smoldering,stuffy summer heat. “was gonna see if i could ferment this, but figured it’d bebetter to start another day.”

“DO YOU SEE HIM?”

“nope. call him.”

“MOOOOOOO!”

Sans’ eyesockets crinkled. “bro, are youpart cow?”

“NO.”

“because that impression was moo-ving.”

“STOP THIS.”

Then they heard it. A gasp. It was faint,but it was there.

“IS THAT…THE ATTIC???”

How did one child manage to maneuver aroundso easily? Humans were so tenacious! Neither of them could imagine raising oneof their own if they were all like this!

“MOOOOOO!”

“moooo.”

It was dark. How did he even navigate? Whenyou moved in with the brothers, there was so much extra stuff that it was allshoved up here. You and Sans promised to sort through it, but every time youwere both up here at the same time, you ended up just making a giant mess andleaving it worse off than when you came.

Papyrus nearly tripped over a giant chestfull of early courting gifts from him. You said they needed to be kept in asafe place, and that they were priceless, so they had to be stored away. Hebelieved you wholeheartedly, because you had wrapped them up in the softestblankets to shield them from dust and time. That and he caught you sneaking uphere sometimes just to admire them.

“bro, did you hear that?”

“HEAR WHAT?”

Sans froze. His eyesockets went dark.

“we’ve been cornered.”

Jumping out from the shadows, fingerssplayed and mouth opened wide, was Moo.

“Raaaah!”

Both of the brothers were surprised, butdid their best not to laugh. A tiny human in a cow costume roaring at them likea dinosaur was…probably the best thing they’d seen in weeks. It didn’t helpthat Moo charged toward them, bending down on all fours, the tiny tail sewn onhis backside flapping with every bounce toward them.

“PLEASE DON’T HURT US!” Papyrus cried.

But it was too late. Moo had conquered themboth, crawling on top of their toppled bodies and declaring himself as thewinner with a loud, long roar.

“alright, kiddo. let’s get you backdownstairs.” Sans plucked him off his chest and tucked him under an arm. “yougave us a big scare.”

“YOU COULD HAVE HURT YOURSELF…” Papyrusbegan. But after seeing the near teary look in Moo’s eyes, he recanted. “YOUWERE VERY BRAVE TO COME UP HERE BY YOURSELF. BUT NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD PLAY NEARUS, OKAY? WE WANT TO SEE MOO THE DINOSAUR UP CLOSE!”

All three of them headed back to the livingroom where Moo’s giant bag still sat untouched.

“I HAVE A COLORING BOOK I THINK YOU WOULDLIKE.”

“Crayons, please!”

“nice job, kid. use yer manners and you’llget far.”

“I SHOULD WASH HIS CLOTHING IN A FEW HOURS.HE LOOKS STICKY. OR IS THAT NORMAL FOR HIS AGE?”

Everything was okay after that. Some minorincidents – like Moo breaking a crayon and then throwing a tantrum despitebeing given the exact same color to use instead. The brothers had to muster up alltheir patience to deal with his screams and flailing limbs, but they managed toget him to stop wailing after a while.

In the end, the house was completelytrashed, but everyone was safe and sound.

You parked the car in the driveway andrummaged through the bag, grabbing a piece of candy to shove in your mouth. Ugh.What was supposed to be a quick trip to the store ended up being the biggestnightmare of your life. Long lines, rude customers, unorganized shelves, aclown blocking your nearest exit until you donated to his law school fund, andeven a broken traffic light that resulted in a twenty-minute detour through afuneral motorcade.

Needless to say, you were relieved to behome.

After gathering everything in your arms,you headed to the door. A smarter person would’ve called the brothers to letthem know that you were here, but you were so exhausted that the thought nevereven crossed your mind.

Knock. Knock.

“who’s there?”

“Sans.”

“sans who?”

“Sans, please let me in, my arms are goingnumb!”

“i don’t get it.”

“PERHAPS THE HUMOR LIES IN THE REALISM.”

“oh, ok.”

You heard him unlatch the door and youpractically burst in. “Someone please help me get these to the kitchen!”

Papyrus did more than that. He simplyscooped you up, bags and all, so that you were no longer crumbling under theircrushing weight. You were relieved to receive help, but gosh, it did bring a littlecolor to your cheeks when he easily carted you around like that.

He set you down in the middle of thekitchen. Without hesitation, you made your way into the fridge and startedshoving all sorts of snacks inside.

“So? How did it go, guys?”

Sans grinned. “eh, so boring.”

“What, really?”

“IT WAS…NEW.”

You peered over the fridge door. “I don’tknow if I like the sound of that. Where’s Moo?”

“NAPPING ON THE COUCH.”

“Wait, you guys actually got him to sleep?”

“he was kinda giving us a run for ourmoney, so it’s nice he decided to help us out with that.”

“Oh, no. Was he a handful?”

“heh. you decide.”

You blinked and stepped away from yourlittle comfort zone, only to fully drink in how destroyed the house was.

Yeah, it looked like a toddler had beenthrough here, all right. Everyone’s possessions poked and prodded. Annoying Dogeven had a balloon strapped to its tail, trying its best to run away from it asit hovered menacingly over its back. The walls had some minor scribbles hereand there, the carpet had splotches of (what you hoped was washable) paint,there were scraps of paper and a pair of kid scissors scattered along thefloor, and even Moo’s stuffed cow was completely soaked.

“Do I want to know?”

“not really.”

“WE HAD FUN, THOUGH.”

You sighed, relieved, and smiled at them.Your chest even felt a little tight. Ew, you were about to get sappy on them.Sugar overload.

“Thanks, guys. I’m really glad.”

“NOW YOU CAN HELP US WATCH OVER MOO FOR THEREST OF THE DAY!”

“yep.” Munch. “might as well include you onthe fun. ‘sides, you haven’t even seen how he pronounced the word ‘fantastic’.”Swallow.

“…why would he even say that in the firstplace?” you ventured. “Wait, never mind. The point is. You two were a hugehelp. I couldn’t have done this without you, and…I’m really looking forward tothe rest of Moo’s visit if I have both of you here with me.”

Papyrus’ eyesockets sparkled. Sans wasembarrassed, but shot you a cheesy grin anyway.

“Alright, when he wakes up, I’ll make him asnack plate. Sans, can you stop eating for a sec and hand me the FrootyTooties?”

“uh…whoops.”

#undertale #sans #papyrus #sans x reader #papyrus x reader #open request saturdays #Anonymous

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