#and what will happen if jonathan chooses to spring it?

[vickyvicarious]

There was a certain method in the Count's inquiries, so I shall try to put them down in sequence; the knowledge may somehow or some time be useful to me.

Let's talk about this method.

Dracula opens this conversation by first checking if he could have multiple solicitors, then questioning further whether he could have them for different tasks/locations. Jonathan accedes the legality of all this, but first says it's not usually necessary, then wants more detail when Dracula keeps asking. Dracula explains, but his explanation seems a little contradictory:

"Now here let me say frankly, lest you should think it strange that I have sought the services of one so far off from London instead of some one resident there, that my motive was that no local interest might be served save my wish only; and as one of London residence might, perhaps, have some purpose of himself or friend to serve, I went thus afield to seek my agent, whose labours should be only to my interest. Now, suppose I, who have much of affairs, wish to ship goods, say, to Newcastle, or Durham, or Harwich, or Dover, might it not be that it could with more ease be done by consigning to one in these ports?"

He claims he didn't want any local interests to be served over his own in London, but then turns right around and says that local lawyers in various ports would be able to help him there more easily. If he really wants his own interests served first and foremost, Jonathan's suggestion that he could work with one solicitor, who would then work on his behalf with colleagues in other places, seems perfectly reasonable. Of course, if he wants to limit how much of his affairs any one person knows, then dividing his various tasks amongst various people makes sense. It's more unusual or even suspicious, but it's perfectly legal.

(Aside here - part of the reason I think he actually wanted a lawyer who wasn't from London is because he wants as little connection drawn between himself and that lawyer's (or lawyers' plural, going off my theory he might plan to kill Mr. Hawkins later) strange disappearance/death. He wants anyone he meets in London to know nothing about him before his arrival there.)

Dracula's happy to hear this. Then he starts delving into all sorts of specifics, with an attention to detail that impresses Jonathan. He obviously wants to be very careful to be as fully prepared as possible. Only after this is all confirmed (in books, not just by Jonathan's word - perhaps guarding against Jonathan, who knows he is imprisoned, lying to him?), does he ask whether Jonathan has written home. He uses clever wording and an implicit threat to coerce Jonathan to agree to remaining another month and helping him further.

This, just after they have completed all their business. It's extra cruel with that timing. And then as soon as he sees Jonathan is trapped, he presses his advantage with insidious charm, essentially dictating the content of the letters he wants him to write home. He gives Jonathan extremely thin paper, once again a threat without words that his words will be seen, his cooperation assessed further. He proceeds to sit right there the entire time Jonathan is writing, and only after he is done does Dracula begin to write his own letters. This little choice increases the pressure immensely, meaning Jonathan has to write while feeling watched the entire time, then wait in suspense even longer after he has finished. Sure, he says he's just reading a book, but I doubt he's putting all his attention on that. Dracula is essentially taunting him here - all the more so when he leaves the room and the letters unguarded briefly.

Throughout the entire conversation, and the letter-writing that follows, he slowly tightens a net around Jonathan. The first part might raise suspicions about what Dracula plans to get up to, but it also is completely focused on business and very productive. It's also a lot of Jonathan saying yes, you can do that. Yes, it's odd to have multiple solicitors, but you can do that. Yes, if you want, that's allowed, and here's how to avoid any negative consequences. Then he uses the claim of business and duty to impose further on Jonathan. Jonathan is forced again to say yes, you can do that. You can have me stay longer. Yes, I accept, Mr. Hawkins did say I would help you however you needed. I will do that. Then as soon as Jonathan has agreed to that, Dracula ramps up the charm and threat both, and pushes harder with the letter request. He forces Jonathan to once again agree, this time without any words. Yes, I'll do that. I'll do what you want me to.

And then, at the very end, after establishing this pattern of agreement and complicity, after making Jonathan feel completely trapped in so many ways. Then, he starts to test Jonathan. To push him more. He leaves the room, leaves his letters behind. Two of them unopened. What is that if not an invitation to snoop? Jonathan takes the invitation - but he's frustrated in any effort to read inside by Dracula's swift return. Dracula removes any opportunity to learn more about the letters, and moves to leave Jonathan alone to stew in his thoughts... but turns back at the door to deliver a warning.

Don't sleep outside your room. If you do, who knows what would happen to you. He gestures as though he's washing his hands, as if saying I'm not responsible for the result or maybe even I won't save you. Coming right now, after the way the rest of this conversation has gone... it feels a lot like a deliberate taunt. A test. A push, to see if Jonathan will rebel once out of his sight. A trap, perhaps - especially if leaving him with the letters was already a trick, especially if he could tell that Jonathan tried to spy on them.

#dracula daily #count dracula #jonathan harker #and what will happen if jonathan chooses to spring it? #...what will happen if he *doesn't*?

[acowardinmordor]

You Left Me, You Miss Me - Five

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five

Continuing immediately from part Four. And I hear your screaming, and enjoy it, but I am pretty sure that I'm not going the direction you expect me to.

------

“Huh?”

“I asked them to,” Eddie repeated, quieter.

It didn’t make more sense the second time.  His kids were stubborn. They were obnoxious, and someone asking them to do, or not do something had never once changed anything. Steve spent the last few years asking them not to leave crumbs in his car, and to call before coming over, and to please, just once, let him choose the movie on a movie night. Plus the part where everyone asked them not to put themselves in danger when monsters crawled out of the ground. 

Threats didn’t work on them, law enforcement didn’t work on them, like hell was something as delicate as asking going to do a damn thing. 

“Yeah, no, I heard you, but I don’t get it. So you, what? You sat them down and asked them to ice me out? And they said ‘sure why not!’ Man, even if you asked them to, they’re still the ones that did it. Shit, you’ve never liked me. There’s no way that you didn’t tell the boys to stop hanging out with me last year during your game meetings before everything happened.” Eddie shrank further into the seat, so Steve added, “So, it’s not your fault, but I guess I forgive you if that makes you feel better.”

Eddie gnawed on the inside of his cheek, wincing at what felt like every other word.

“Shit, Steve, it’s -- Shit,” he cursed as he sloshed some of his coffee over the brim. His eyes were clenched shut, and he was curled in on himself. “I didn’t sit them down and tell them to stop talking to you. That -- no way that would work. You’re right. They wouldn’t just -- Like I said, they’re crazy about you. It’s more, it’s all of the, I told them about how ever since -- shit. Look, it doesn’t matter why or how I did it, just trust me, I’m the reason. It’s my fault, and I fucked up, and I didn’t mean it to make -- but you left, and it’s killing them, and so you gotta forgive them, at least talk to them, cause its not their fault.”

“Yeah,” Steve stalled, “still don’t get why you think this is on you, dude.”

“At the beginning it -- shit, no. Doesn’t matter. Jesus Christ, Munson, don’t make this about that. Okay. I asked them not to invite you if I was around, cause I wasn’t -- I didn’t want to see you, and then I made sure they were always around me because -- because I wanted them to. And then I, you know, kept poking at them about it when they’d bring it up, reminding them that you don’t like D&D and that you wouldn’t want to watch the new Star Trek movie, and when they said anything I just kept telling them that -- Shit, just believe me. I’m the one that made them do this, it’s my fault, it’s not them.”

Okay, so Eddie was pushier since Spring Break than he was before it. Or the kids listened to him more. Or they were trying to take care of him. So Eddie was the prompt for them cutting him out of everything. Fine.

Still didn’t make it the guy’s fault. 

Steve got close with Robin after she found out about the Upside Down. But he didn’t get close to Jonathan. Dustin became, for a while at least, his brother. Steve would die for Mike, but they didn’t hang out if it wasn’t a group thing. All of them were tied together, and any one of them could make a call, and everyone would come to help, but that didn’t make them all automatically into friends. 

God, Eddie looked like he was on the edge of a breakdown in a booth in a diner. 

“Look, it’s,” Steve spun his coffee cup, “you’re real close with the guys in your club right? The ones in your band?”

Eddie went tense, then nodded awkwardly.

“You’re close because of that stuff, though. Not just cause you had some classes together or were next to each other on a bus. You got pushed together for some random reason, but  that happened with a lot of people. But you had shared interests, right? You like that game, and you got bullied at school and you like the same loud screaming music. So you got to know each other, and you had a bunch in common, and so you guys are friends. You’re close, so even though you graduated, and you don’t have class and lunch together anymore, you’re still friends.

“Christ, Steve, no,” he protested. 

Steve ignored that and kept going.

“I never had that with the kids, or any of them. Shit. Never had that with Nance either, but I didn’t know it back then.” His inner Robin glared, and he stayed on topic. “It wasn’t as simple as sharing some classes, there were monsters and all that, but that’s what kept me and them around each other. No more monsters now, so.”

His stomach twisted, like it always did if he got too close to thinking about this. 

He only barely managed to talk about this with Robin, because when it was Robin he was honest, and when he was honest, really honest, he ended the night quiet and hurting and picking apart the past year trying to find what he could have done differently. Shoving all of that back into the dark of his mind, he conjured up a casual shrug and a smile. 

“I get that they’re probably freaking out right now, but they’ll get over it. Give it another month or two and it’ll be fine. Start one of your campaign -- your big story things and distract them if they’re bugging you about it.” 

He wiped up the coffee Eddie spilled on instinct, and shoved the napkin in his now empty cup. 

Time to get home and get a nap before he went to the stockroom that night. He wouldn’t see Robin until he picked her up for work, but they were scheduled alone, so he could talk all of this through then. Trying to pretend this day didn’t happen would last all of eight seconds of contact with his best friend. Maybe she could make sense of how he was feeling. 

“Wait, stop, you can’t leave yet.”

“Munson, I’ve been here since before dawn, I wanna leave.”

“I know, and I’m sorry, but you have to talk to them. They miss you.”

“They didn’t six weeks ago, did they? Or for the holidays? Or for the months before that, huh?” Steve finally snapped, then took a breath. “Sorry. Answer’s still no.”

He bussed their cups and the creamer to the pass through and grabbed his coat and gloves. Steam rose off Hopper’s truck where he had the engine running to keep warm. They exchanged a single nod before Steve turned towards the road to walk home. 

“Steve!” 

It wasn’t a shock to hear, but Steve had hoped that Eddie wouldn’t follow. 

“Okay, I get that you’re not going to just forgive them, and that you don’t want to talk to them, but--”

“No. I don’t. And I know you think this is your fault, and I’m telling you it’s not, and I told you, I’m not mad at you about this. We weren’t friends. I’m not mad at you for not wanting me around or whatever. That’s fine. And? They’ll get over it, and everyone can just move on with their lives with the people they actually like.”

Steve’s stupid voice betrayed him, cracking, and he cut off the rest of what he might have said. Anger was the fastest way to shut down weakness, and it was easy for him to sink into it.  

Eddie had his hands in his hair, clutching at it near his temples, looking borderline hysterical. 

“Would you at least listen if they talked?”

“They don’t have my phone number, and if you tell them where I live, I’ll send Mrs Buckley after you. And Hopper.”

“You could call them.”

“No.”

It wasn’t about who placed the call. If he heard them, if they said a fraction of what he wanted to hear, he’d cave, immediately and entirely, and then both the real life Robin, and the mini Robin in his brain would give him hell. 

“Steve come on, something, anything. Letters? If they write letters?”

“I’m not giving them my address, and Hopper already asked about mailing stuff through him instead. No.”

It was cold and he was tired. Just about the only person in the party that he didn’t care had abandoned him was trying to pull Steve back into the vat of slow simmering pain he was still climbing out of. 

“Look, Eddie --”

“I’ll drive them. The letters. You don’t even have to answer, or read them. Let me tell them that I can bring you letters, and I’ll drive them up here. If you do want to answer I’ll wait and then drive whatever it is back. As many times as you want.”

“Come on, man.”

“I won’t even -- I don’t have to know where you live, or your number, anything. I can come here. To the diner. Won’t even come inside, just drop them off and wait. You won’t have to talk to me, or see me. Just, come on. Even if you never forgive them, or answer them, let them have this. Even if you don’t read what they say, let them think they got to apologize.”

The wind shifted, and Steve tucked his chin into his coat to wait it out. 

Eddie was shivering two steps away, gloveless hands shoved under his arms, hair tangling into more of a mess than usual. 

“That’s a stupid idea, Munson,” he said when the gust stopped, “If they know that you know where I am, and you don’t tell them, they’re going to hate you. They’d drive you insane trying to get you to tell them, and they’d be horrible the whole time. They already ditched me for you, so, don’t make them hate you too.”

“They already hate me.” The response was immediate and defeated.

“Dude, they don’t.”

“They do. They figured it out a few weeks ago. That I was the reason. Just cause you don’t get it doesn’t mean they don’t. This is my fault. They already hate me. They won’t even talk to me long enough to yell. They act like I don’t exist.”

“Christ, Munson, is that why you’re up here, freezing your ass off in a parking lot and bitching at me? So you can get them to like you by getting me to talk to them?”

Eddie flinched. Didn’t say anything for a minute as he shivered with wide eyes. Then, without any of the dramatics the guy was known for, “Please, Steve. Even if you throw them out right after. Let them write to you, and let me tell them the truth when I say you got them. I think they can survive if they don’t hear back. They’ll blame me, but that’s fine, they should. The silence is what’s killing them. They need to say how -- they need to believe that you heard how sorry they are.”

It was so fucking cold it was making Steve’s eyes water. That was the only reason for it. The cold front that came in overnight.

“I’m not gonna promise to read them,” he caved.

The tension collapsed out of Eddie, and he slumped forward, hiding his face in his hands. 

“I work here in the mornings Monday through Wednesday every week. You should drop them off then. M’not saying I’ll read them, or write anything back, but if they want to write, fine.” 

Eddie nodded over and over, hiding behind his hands, and whisper-mumbling something that Steve couldn’t catch. He was shaking again. The kind of full body wracking that meant the cold was sinking deep.

“Christ, go get in Hop’s truck before your fingers freeze off or something.” 

Without waiting for a response, or checking that he listened, Steve turned and kept walking. Another gust of wind tore through him, loud enough that he wouldn’t have heard another call of his name. It was a good thing that John messed up the big combo that morning, and Steve had eaten it during the lull after breakfast. He wasn’t going to manage anything else until tomorrow at the earliest. 

That was assuming Robin didn’t kill him on the spot for his stupid, stupid decision. 

Ten steps down the road, and he already regretted it. Even if he didn’t read anything, even if they never sent anything, the choice would sit like a rock in his gut; a new ache, a new bruise, and Steve was dumb enough that he’d keep poking at it. 

---

I'm sad that this is two chapters without Robin. That's some kind of a crime. Can guarantee that Robin has Strong Opinions about this when she talks to Steve that night.

I don't do tag lists or regular updates, and I have no shame about that.

>>>>>Part Six

#You Left Me - You Miss Me #steddie eventually #steddie ficlet #but hey look they talked! #my writing

[jgroffdaily]

Excerpts:

It’s a personal story for Groff, who relates to Frank’s interior life and how others (don’t) respond to his struggles. For example, his showbiz peers suggest he take a vacation in response to a tearful breakdown. “No one wants to really make space for Frank’s darkness or his pain…that feels so familiar to me,” Groff says. “It feels very gay. And then there’s also something about it that feels quite American of like, just…take a little trip, and then you’ll come back, and you work, and everything will be fine. But there’s not a real investigation of sadness or despair.”

Merrily is personal by design — for actors and audience members alike. Groff quotes the musical’s producer, Sonia Friedman (and sister to Merrily’s director, Maria Friedman): “There are certain shows that are beyond theater, and this is one of them where you want the audience to follow the characters’ stories. But you want them to also reflect on their own lives as well as this, because [the show] keeps saying, how did you get to be here?”

It’s a question that Groff contemplates as he journeys backward in time each night at the Hudson Theatre. Like Frank, the 39-year-old has two decades of career and adulthood to reflect upon. He marvels how the teen reading a Sondheim biography in front of his high school science fair project went on to garner three Tony nominations (for Merrily this year, Melchior in Spring Awakening in 2007, and King George III in Hamilton in 2016), voice Kristoff and Sven in Disney’s hit Frozen films, and lead the groundbreaking HBO dramedy Looking as Patrick.

Outside the spheres of musical films and theater, Groff has broken ground as a gay actor by starring in the Netflix crime thriller Mindhunter as Holden Ford and in The Matrix Resurrections as Smith. He was also a lead in M. Night Shyamalan’s Knock at the Cabin last year and will appear in the new season of Doctor Who — starring Ncuti Gatwa as the first Black queer star of the long-running British sci-fi series. “He’s a supernova of talent,” Groff sings of Gatwa; an It’s a Sin fan, he also jumped at the chance to work with Russell T Davies after the showrunner personally invited him to join the season.

This enviable acting career is not what Groff envisioned when he came out publicly in 2009 in an interview with Broadway.com. “I would rather be myself and be in a relationship and not have that compromised by this career thing,” he recalls reasoning at the time — effectively choosing to be himself openly over the possibility of becoming a leading man.

“I felt like I was opting out of that [star] trajectory because of coming out,” he says. “And so everything that’s happened to me with the success of film and television has been a complete surprise to me because I thought…by coming out that that was impossible.”

Groff credits his coming out with saving him from becoming a Frank, who makes a devil’s bargain for material gain. In fact, by appearances, Groff is an anti-Frank. To wit, he arrives via bicycle to his Out photo shoot at the Duplex gay bar in the West Village. He says he even favors riding a bike to the theater each day over an offered car service. Later at Julius’ around the corner, he takes a bite (and then finishes) a burger prepared for a photo op, and then thanks the owner and chef by name. So not the stereotypical fame monster.

“Being gay has allowed me to forge my own path,” he attests. “I don’t feel at the mercy of the traditional Hollywood machine because I never really felt like I fit in there. That equation wasn’t where I lived. And so I’ve just been sort of over here following my artistic heart, which was a choice I made long, long ago. I sort of credit that for not buying into the stuff that Frank in the show kind of buys into.”

Groff calls his success in the entertainment industry “a lucky gift of timing,” noting how he came of age at a turning point for gay acceptance in America — and after the worst of the AIDS crisis in NYC. His speech following each Merrily performance helps raise funds for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, and it “means so much” to him because he is mindful of “all of the gays that came from small towns to move to New York to do theater and how many of them died.” Groff was born in Lancaster, Pa., and was raised amid Amish communities before pursuing his Broadway dreams in the Big Apple.

As a working out actor, “I feel so lucky and I feel some sense of responsibility, of really breathing it in and taking it in,” he confesses. “Even 10 years ago, I don’t know if I would have been cast in this role of Frank, ’cause even in theater, it’s such a straight character.… There’s also something that feels like a shift in the times that’s allowing me to play this role right now as well.”

His casting in such a diversity of roles on stage and screen “feels a part of this wave of progress of people being not only accepting of actors being out, but of actors being able to play multiple different things and not get so pigeonholed…. I’m so grateful to be living in this time.”

Like Patrick, Groff feels like he’s ready for love, in part because Merrily sparks “reflection and embracing an ownership of the past to cross through into the future.” By chance, the same night this writer saw Merrily in April, Groff’s first boyfriend, celebrating a birthday, was also in the audience.

Groff recalls how, at 3.5 years, this relationship remains his longest to date — and one that occurred at a crucial period in his career. Groff dated him from ages 19 to 23 when they were still closeted yet lived as roommates in midtown Manhattan. His ex, who he did not name, is a dancer who helped teach him the choreography for Fame at Crunch Fitness; Groff played Nick Piazza in a regional production at North Shore Music Theatre in Massachusetts. “I was so slow at picking up choreography,” he confesses. But the fancy footwork made a lasting impact. Fame led to Groff being signed by an agent, his membership in the Actors’ Equity Association, and his Broadway debut as an understudy for the lead role in 2005’s In My Life. A year later, he was appearing in Spring Awakening.

“There was something about having him at the show last night,” says Groff, calling it a “full-circle moment.” He adds, “I’ve been single now for a couple of years and I’m feeling…ready and open for anything. If that’s continuing with that, if that’s a relationship, I’m cool with that.”

In addition to the occurrence of a rare NYC earthquake, the day of this Out interview marked another fateful event: the 63rd anniversary of Barbra Streisand making her TV debut on The Tonight Show. Groff appeared on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon to commemorate the occasion. But his Barbra standom doesn’t end there. The actor wants to one day buy a Village restaurant called & Son Steakeasy, which used to be the site of the Lion, a gay bar where Streisand first sang publicly during a singing contest (according to a plaque there, at least). His goal is “turning it back into a gay bar and calling it BARbra.” A neon “BARbra” sign even hangs in his Merrily dressing room as a reminder of this dream.

Other dreams are poised to come true as well. Merrily’s revival is one of the biggest hits on Broadway right now, boasting sold-out shows and one of the Great White Way’s highest ticket prices. It also received seven Tony nominations this year, among them nods for Groff, Radcliffe, and Mendez.

Groff has been Tony-nominated twice before, but the theater world’s highest honor has lost some of its luster from the days when, post-high school, he taught a class on the Tony Awards at a theater camp. (He’d show clips to his pupils and have them vote for Best Actress. Wicked and Avenue Q were contenders that year.)

“When I was a kid, the marker of success was like an Oscar or a Tony or like whatever the award was,” he says. “Now I understand 20 years later that that’s a fun part of the game of it all. But it’s not what makes your artistic heart sing.”

The eschewing of awards recognition is also very anti-Frank. However, Groff also recognizes the importance of a good speech, like the “beautiful and touching and inspirational” words for the LGBTQ+ community that Hamilton’s Lin-Manuel Miranda gave at the Tonys after the Pulse nightclub shooting. If he has the opportunity to give his own remarks onstage, “I’ll attempt to honor whatever is happening in that moment,” he promises.

For now, Groff feels like his character at the end of Merrily, as three starry-eyed young friends look to the skies and imagine what dreams may come. “We gotta be the luckiest people who ever lived,” he quotes.

“I feel that. I really like to be living in this time and working in this way,” he says. “It’s more than I ever could have dreamt of. And so I just wanna soak it in, take it in, and keep going.”

#jonathan groff #out magazine #interview #merrily we roll along

[erin-bo-berin]

I just love your work!!! Brightens up what is otherwise a crappy, boring day!!

Now I have a request (I’ve been wanting to write this myself but my day job and real life get I the way)

The reader/Y/N (whatever you call it) is a Byers so had to go to California and is in a relationship with Steve. For whatever reason he couldn’t come to you when Mike went to see Eleven and you couldn’t come to him (better excuses than Nancy and Jonathan’s) so when the van appears in Wheeler’s driveway, she gets out of the van (slightly after the others do which has Robin comfort Steve when he thinks she’s not there) and then she appears and there’s lots of running into each other’s arms as they reunite and you can go on from there! Hope it makes sense!!!!!

I love this! And of course, I can’t find the gif I wanted to use where she’s rubbing his back, but I’ll use this instead cause poor baby looks sad.

Five months.

Five months and 2,000 miles apart is an awful thing to deal with when you’re separated from the love of your life.

When you, your mom, brothers Will and Jonathan and El moved to Lenora, California after the events at Starcourt Mall over the last summer, you were heartbroken.

You didn’t want to leave Steve Harrington.

Steve, who’d been your boyfriend for over a year at that point. You’d never been away from him and your heart was absolutely crumbling when you left.

It had been the longest five months between October and March, which was currently spring break. While El and Mike wrote letters to one another, you and Steve constantly talked on the phone—much to your mother and brother’s annoyance.

“If I have to hear, “No, you hang up first!” one more time, I’m gonna barf,” Will complained.

Jonathan one time had went ahead and did it for you.

“No, I’ll hang up!” he said, with a cheerful smile, making you grimace.

“I don’t complain when you talk to Nancy,” you’d huffed.

“That’s because we have adult conversations, unlike you and Steve,” he’d rolled his eyes.

“Steve’s older than both of you. As am I, if I remember correctly.”

“This is why I choose to write letters,” El shrugged, unfazed by the arguing.

She was just happy that Mike was coming to California for spring break.

You and Jonathan hadn’t lucked out when it came to your significant others though.

Steve didn’t have enough money to afford a round trip ticket to California since his parents cut him off. He was working at Family Video and while that made him decent enough money, it just wasn’t enough to afford the ticket.

You couldn’t go to him because your mom absolutely refused for you to. Joyce Byers had been through a lot in the last couple of years.

Two years ago, Will had went missing, disappearing into an alternate dimension none of you had even been aware of before.

One year ago, she lost her old school friend and boyfriend Bob, to one of the horrid creatures from said different dimension. He literally died in front of her eyes.

Eight months ago, last summer, she lost Hopper. Someone you were sure she harbored feelings for. No one found him after the blast and the fire at the mall. He was presumed dead.

So you could understand why she prohibited you from going back to Hawkins. She was just terrified.

But when she went missing on a “business trip” to Alaska, El was arrested for assault of her school bully—you still wish you’d seen her click the girl, she deserved it and more for the way she’d treated your younger sister—and none of you could reach your mom, spring break turned into quite the dumpster fire.

Mike had arrived and enjoyed all of a half day with El before the roller rink incident and everything fell apart.

What happened next was so wild you thought you’d accidentally smoked some of Jonathan’s and his friend Argyle’s stash of weed—it was that crazy. In fact, you kinda wished it’d been a weed induced dream.

It involved secret agents then dead secret agents, when there was a shootout at your California home, Argyle freaking the fuck out, ending up in the desert searching for El and a woman named Nina and a side trip to Utah to visit Dustin’s girlfriend Suzie.

Between finding out Nina was a thing not a she, finding El in the middle of the desert, rescuing her and trying to aid in defeating a new villain that you and the others had no idea even existed up until this point, you were exhausted.

It was a long two days heading back to Hawkins. You were grateful to be seeing Steve, but you were worse for wear, tired and run down after everything you, your family and friends had experienced.

You fell asleep about an hour from home, missing the absolute chaos of what your town had turned into. You were told later about the huge cracks in the earth throughout the town, the line of cars you’d passed that we’re leaving Hawkins as you’d entered it, about the “earthquake” that had caused so much damage.

But in that moment, you were peacefully unaware, lost in your dreams.

•

Steve was just as confused as the rest of his friends when he heard Mrs. Wheeler’s comment.

“Did someone order pizza?”

“Pizza?” Dustin asked turning around.

He turned with Robin and Nancy, spotting a van—Surfer Boy’s Pizza labeled on the side.

His astonishment was as clear as everyone else’s when he saw who all stepped out.

Mike.

El.

Jonathan, Will.

A boy with long black hair, a visor and bright, mismatched clothes followed.

His eyes scanned to see if there was anyone else in the van and he was sure his chest broke open when he saw no one.

Where were you? Were you okay? Did something happen to you?

Mrs. Wheeler ran to greet Mike, hugging him tightly.

Dustin bounded toward Will and El, throwing both his arms around his long missed friends.

Nancy flew into Jonathan’s arms, embracing him tightly.

At least the others were happy, Steve thought as he fought a frown, walking back to the car trunk they were previously loading with boxes. He felt Robin’s hand on his back, patting it lightly. Even without words, he knew she was there for him.

An unfamiliar voice—which he figured belonged to the stranger—spoke behind him. He didn’t turn around, not paying attention. He bent to pick up another box to put in the trunk.

You woke to Argyle’s smooth, relaxed voice.

“Hey, sleepyhead. We’re here.”

You opened your eyes, seeing the familiar view of the Wheeler household. The van was now empty and you rubbed your eyes quickly, standing up so you could get out.

That’s when you saw him, back turned to the van, in his regular Levi’s and a blue sweater that looked amazing on him, even from the back.

His heart skipped a beat when he heard a familiar voice.

“Steve?”

He turned around, seeing you still standing in the van, having yet to step out. You looked tired, but also like you’d just woken. Your hair was flattened a bit on one side from where you probably rested your head against the window. But you were the most beautiful sight to his eyes. At some point, the box fell out of his hands, landing in the driveway on its side and he was running towards you.

“Steve!” you exclaimed happily, a smile breaking out on your face.

You leaped down, running towards him until he scooped you up in his arms and you were being spun in circles. You were too happy as you hugged his neck tightly to care about being dizzy. He was real under your touch, all soft hair and warm, sun kissed skin.

“Oh my god,” he breathed, as if he couldn’t believe you were real either, “When I didn’t see you come out of the van, I assumed the worst.”

“I fell asleep,” you smiled sheepishly, “Argyle woke me up.”

“I’m just so glad you’re okay,” he said, grabbing your face in his hands, kissing you hard.

When he pulled away, you wrapped your arms around his torso, snuggling into his chest. You weren’t going to let go anytime soon.

“From now on, I’m not letting you go anywhere. You’re stuck with me, baby.”

And that was completely fine with you.

#steve harrington #steve harrington fic #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x Byers!reader #stranger things #stranger things blurb #stranger things fic #stranger things fluff

[lovebillyhargrove]

Wake me up when July is around

Chapter 21/? Nosebleed

***

Remember how in canon Steve said to Jonathan during their fight "You know what, Byers? I’m actually kind of impressed. I always took you for a queer", aiming at insulting him?

I took Jonathan out of this equation, but kept the season 1 Steve vibe.

Party music:

Twisted Sister "We're not gonna take it" (1984)

Twisted Sister "I wanna rock" (1984)

Dead or Alive "You spin me round" (1985)

Robin Gibb "Boys do fall in love" (1984)

Billy's music:

Scorpions"Dynamite" (1982)

Van Halen "Sinner's Swing" (1981)

Mötley Crüe "Live wire" (1982)

***

The last day of March which is also Sunday, right before the beginning of the last school term in the quiet respectable town of Hawkins, is marked by a celebration. While Hawkins housewives have already started compiling lists of the ingredients necessary to make all the dishes for the upcoming festive family dinner next Easter Sunday, Tina and her gang have been preparing a party. Flyers have been printed out and delivered through friends, phonecalls have been made, the grapevine has been set in motion. Booze has been bought and a keg has been secured. Hawkins teens are eager to have one more party cause soon life's going to be so different, people are adjusting to the idea of having to let go of so many habitual things, and plenty of them aren't ready. Even those who are excited about their future. Especially those who are still very vague on the subject.

In such circumstances, it is never a bad idea

To paint the town red.

***

Technically the party is happening on Palm Sunday cause it's the last day of the spring break, those kids who went away have returned home, so practically everyone's expected to show up, and there is no sense in postponing the fun till actual Easter.

However, keeping the general Easter spirit is important.

Girls are encouraged to wear bunny outfits, at least a set of ears and a puffy ball of a tail are a must. Tina's wearing it all herself, and looks great. Andy is all over his girlfriend.

Hargrove is late as usual, that's not in his character to arrive at a soirée early. He's wearing tight jeans, a dark forest green button down, and he knows how he looks.

Stayed in his room for almost an hour glued to the mirror, considering ignoring the party altogether and just whacking off to his own reflection.

Loud music is screaming out of large wide open windows and the front door that welcomes everyone.

Mischief and rebellion are in the air tonight. Feels explosive, like there's a smell of gunpowder.

Oh we're not gonna take it!

No, we ain't gonna take it!

Oh we're not gonna take it anymore

The night is noisy, the space is packed and charged with young energy.

We've got the right to choose, and

There ain't no way we'll lose it

This is our life, this is our song

Oh we're not gonna take it!

No, we ain't gonna take it!

Billy stops in the kitchen first to take a can of beer. Roy is shouting, as always reigning over a bowl of red punch on the kitchen counter

"Pure blood! Pure blood!"

Hargrove can't help but curve his lips in a wry smile. What is the guy's deal, really, what's with the punch names. He's throwing his arm around Roy's shoulders

"Hey Dunston! I say, we drink flaming cocktails with you tonight, or what?"

Roy is muttering something like, in fact, he has read some information on the matter and there is a bottle of rum somewhere in the cupboards and ..

Billy smacks him on the forearm

"Later, man." He needs to go see if King Steve has made it to the party.

On the way out of the kitchen he notices that there is a keg standing in the corner, waiting for its turn.

Another hit by "Twisted Sister" comes up, and Billy can feel the rhythm running through his veins

I wanna rock! Rock!

I wanna rock! Rock!

I want to rock! Rock!

***

On ao3

#harringrove #billy x steve #harringrove fic #harringrove slow burn #season 1 steve x billy #harringrove high school shenanigans

[morganski-19]

With A Comma After Dearest, Part 8

part 1, part 7

Nancy wakes up the next morning as if nothing happened, as if nothing changed. Except something has. Yesterday had been invigorating, relieving. Learning an aspect of her that was always there, just hidden in boxes shoved in the back of her mind. Trapped up with everything else she was too afraid to address, unwilling to even acknowledge that it was there. 

But yesterday, she let one of the boxes open fully,  breaking it apart. Seeing who she really was for the first time, and finding joy instead of fear. Choosing to not hide it from herself anymore, letting herself live the way she always secretly wanted to. 

The only problem was the new stress that grew in her chest. She had made a rash decision in the enlightenment of herself. Writing a letter there was no way she could get back, revealing everything that had been in her mind the last few weeks. Straight out telling Robin that she liked her, that she wanted more than friendship. 

Truth was, Nancy had no clue if Robin had a crush on her. She was going off of slight details that she had picked up, nothing that was really fact. But looking back at it all, she couldn’t help but think that there was the slightest chance that Robin would like her too. That secretly she wanted Nancy to lean in, wanted Nancy to kiss her that night. A slight glance down to her lips can’t be mistaken, but it can be misleading. 

Or it can’t be, and Nancy is just overthinking this all over again. She doesn’t regret her actions, that letter needed to be sent. Because that way the response is completely in Robin’s hands. It can go unacknowledged and they can continue on as normal, or a rejection and maybe even a confession could come after. But there was no way of knowing what would happen. 

Nancy’s not one to leave it to the other person to make the big decisions, to take the final shot. She’d normally go straight to Robin’s house, lay it all out on the table, and get a response then. Seeing if their friendship was over right then or there or if Robin likes her too. However, the mere thought of doing that makes her heart beat so fast she can barely hear her own words coming out of her mouth. 

No one’s ever made Nancy this nervous before. Then again, no one’s ever made Nancy question who she is quite like this. No one’s ever crawled into the depths of Nancy’s mind and unlocked a box she didn’t even know was there. And did it in such a way that ensured that it wouldn’t be covered up. Robin weaseled her way into Nancy’s heart without doing much, just simply being who she is. That’s something special, something Nancy couldn’t ignore. 

There have been people that she’s fallen for before. Steve, and then Jonathan. Both were people she deeply cared for, even if she didn’t go about it in the best ways. But neither of them made her feel like this, out of no fault of their own. This feeling she has, this possible love, it’s earth-shattering. Breathtaking in a way. She doesn’t want to lose that. 

“Morning,” she says to her mom, entering the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. 

“Good morning. Your brother isn’t going to school today, feels sick.”

“Again?” It’s the third time in the past two weeks that he’s missed school. 

Karen nods. “He’s still down about the whole spring break thing, whatever happened there. And that they had to leave so soon. He’ll get better, just takes time.”

Nancy nods, taking her breakfast up to her room. She debates knocking on Mike’s door, checking in and making sure he’s alright. Knowing that it’s just going to be met by a snarky remark and him pushing her out of his room. But she wants to be there for him, wants to know that she’s there to talk to. 

She remembers how he looked when the Byers left again. Clutching Will and El so close, not even trying to pretend that he wasn’t crying. But looking back, there was something else there. Distance between him and El that wasn’t quite there before, and a new closeness between him and Will. An extra hug, tighter, more longing. She can’t help but think that there might be something else there that he’s struggling with. And with everything that she’s come to learn about herself, maybe she can help him. 

Mike knocks at her door, still in his pajamas. “Did mom tell you I’m not going to school today?”

“She did. I heard you’re still feeling down about them moving back.”

“Yeah,” he nods, “sort of. I was just wondering, the phone in my room broke a while ago, would you mind if I used yours to call Will while you’re at school? Time difference and everything?”

She shrugs. “Yeah, sure. Why can’t you use the one downstairs?”

“Privacy, I guess. Less chance of mom overhearing.”

“Yeah, you can. You know you can talk to me right, about anything.”

He nods and then walks away silently, making sure the door shuts behind him. Nancy finishes putting on her makeup, thinking about what she can do. It’s not fair to assume, but she wants to help him. 

. . . 

The Greatest Advice Giver Robin,

I just wanted to let you know that I talked to Steve directly. He told me that he and Eddie were together. Or more I asked him about it and he answered. But either way, I know now, you don’t have to hide it from me. I’m really happy that he found someone. After spring break it was kind of interesting between us, but now not so much. I suggested we should all hang out, the four of us. He agreed it would be nice. 

Mike isn’t in school again today. It’s the third time he’s been out since the Byers moved back to California. I can’t help but think it’s connected. I mean, can’t blame him. His best friend and maybe girlfriend, they might be broken up I’m not sure, moving across the country is hard. I want to talk to him about it, but I’m not sure how. 

He asked me to use the phone in my room to talk to Will while I was at school. Claimed it was the time difference so he could talk to Will before went to school. I think that Will is also conveniently going to be out of school today too. He wanted privacy to talk to him, which I know shouldn’t be weird, but he could have also just used the phone in the basement. 

I don’t know, I’m probably reading into this. I just want him to know that I’m here and he can talk to me. 

Worried again,

Nancy

Robin sees Nancy walking to class while she reads the note. Nancy’s eyes catch her in the hallway, face lightening up in a smile as she gives a small wave. She looks happier than she did the past few days, making it impossible for Robin not to return the smile. Their gaze lingers a little bit longer, Nancy slightly biting her lip before walking down the hall. 

It shocks Robin, completely standstill where she was as she sees Nancy walk away, skirt swinging with each step. Why did she do that? Did she know she was doing that? What does it mean? It wasn’t just a normal lip bite if that even was a thing. She was smiling, biting her lip as if she couldn’t help but smile brighter, glancing down at the floor before looking up at Robin again. As if she was innocent, acting coy. Like she didn’t know what that simple action did to Robin. 

Her heart beats loudly in her chest while she walks to her class, unknowing how she is even moving. Mind racing with thoughts of bringing Nancy to the bathroom, pressing her up against the stall wall, and leaning in. Breaking apart the lip bite with her tongue and pressing their lips together. Finally doing what she’s wanted to for so long. 

She has to stop, can’t keep thinking about this in the middle of class, the middle of school. Not with the way it’s making her feel. Especially since it feels so wrong. Nancy is straight, she shouldn’t let herself fantasize about these things. It’s bad enough that she keeps finding her way into Robin’s dreams. Bad enough they come to completion now instead of Robin being able to wake up and stop them. Worse that she would sometimes help herself out when the dream was really hot. 

It’s stupid and wrong but it feels right all at the same time. Because ever since that sleepover, ever since that note from a few days ago, Robin can’t help but think that there might be something else there. That there’s a small sliver of hope that she might have a chance. Nancy might like her back. 

And it all comes down to the things that are unexplained. The lip bite one only gives to a crush, leaning in, parted lips and all, so close that Robin can feel her breath on her lips. The fucking implied denial thought process in that note was too similar to what she went through a few years ago. It all made so much sense and none at the same time. 

She just wants to know what’s going on in Nancy’s head. Just for a little bit. Pry into the vault and see if she’s right, see if she should get over it or let it grow. Because it’s growing faster than wildflowers, and almost to the point of no return. If Robin doesn’t do something about it soon, it won’t end up good for either of them. 

. . . 

A True Worrier Nancy,

You really weren’t kidding when you said you were forever a worrier, but after knowing you, I can’t disagree with it. You just care too much about people and want to help them the best you can. That’s something to be proud of. 

As for what to do for Mike, all I can say is talk to him. He’s a sensitive kid, whether he admits to it or not, but you can tell. Behind all of that sass and moodiness is someone who cares a lot about his friends, especially Will. In the small interactions I’ve had with them, it seems like they have a bond that is really special. 

And Will is most definitely staying home from school today too. Can’t blame him though. If one of us had moved across the country, I’d do the same thing just to talk to you for hours. Just be gentle with him, don’t push, and let him know that you love him. It always helps to know that someone out there loves you. 

Love, 

Robin

(I think we hit that part of our friendship, but let me know if I stepped over a boundary or anything)

Nancy looks around the halls to make sure no one watching before rereading the signature again. Smiling stupidly she reads it over and over again. She knows that it’s not romantic, but she knows that it’s true. Robin loves her, even if it means just as a friend. Nancy’s not nearly ready for another romantic love to enter her life anyway, but if she thinks hard enough, Robin could be the next. 

It wouldn’t be a stretch to think that. They haven’t even kissed but Nancy’s already head over heels. Little things like this make her heart swell and her mind go fuzzy. So much so that she does something stupid that only resembles that of a middle schooler or a cheesy rom-com. Like biting her lip and walking away smiling. What is she fucking twelve? But she’d do it all over again to see the shocked, entranced gaze that Robin gave her. Do anything to get Robin’s eyes on her. 

Small moments like that made Nancy less worried about the letter that she sent. Less worried that she’s going to have to get over this. Because normal people don’t have to blink themselves back to consciousness after seeing someone walk down a hallway. But Robin sure did. 

There’s a small glimmer of hope in Nancy’s mind, that this could all work out. That maybe she and Robin could be more than friends. It’s something she wants more than she would ever admit. All she’s been thinking about is inviting Robin over again, maybe this time when her family is out of the house. Letting herself act on it and just kiss her, maybe even more. Just take what she wants, that’s always been something that she’s good at. 

But not yet, not until she’s sure. That was what the letter was for. 

When Nancy gets home, she hears talking from her room, so she knocks lightly, letting Mike know that she’s coming in. He’s sitting on the floor, still in his pajamas, talking to who she guesses is Will on the phone, with the largest smile on his face. It’s been a long time since he’s smiled like that, not even El got him to smile like that. 

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to be in here when you got home,” he says when she walks in. “I can leave if you want your room back.”

“No, it’s fine. I just need to grab something and I’ll go downstairs.” She smiles at him, ensuring that it’s ok. 

He nods. “Ok, I’ll only be on for a little longer. Promise.”

“Take all the time you need, Mike. I know you miss him.”

Nancy grabs a textbook from her desk and heads downstairs, joining Holly at the dining room table. She has to stop periodically to help her with her homework, but she doesn’t mind. A few minutes later, she realizes that she left some of her notecards up on her desk so she goes upstairs again to grab them. 

“I wish you were here, I hate doing long distance. I feel like we barely got a chance to be together before you had to move back again,” she hears Mike say through the crack of her door. 

Knocking quickly, she hears Mike change the conversation while she enters. “Sorry, just forgot some notes.”

“No that’s ok. We were done anyway. I’ll, uh, talk to you later, Will, ok.”

Mike hangs up the phone and closes his eyes, clearly pained. Nancy feels shitty for eavesdropping, but it’s not like she did it on purpose. “How long were you talking to Will today, dad’s going to be pissed about the phone bill.”

“Did you hear any of that, before you came in?”

Nancy drops her hands from where they were rummaging around in her drawer. She shuts it, turning around to look at Mike, arms hugging his knees while he looks up at her with pleading eyes. “Not if you didn’t want me to.” She can’t lie to him, not about this.

“So you heard me say, that me a Will were,” he juts his head forward with big eyes, filling in the word without saying it. 

“Yeah,” she admits with a sympathetic look

“Fuck,” he groans, letting his head hit his knees. 

“Hey, language.”

Mike stands up, arms crossed while his eyes go frantic. “I get to curse when I just,” he lowers his voice, “when I just basically outed myself to you.”

Nancy walks over to her door and shuts it, checking that no one’s in the hall to overhear. “You don’t have to hide that part of yourself with me. I don’t care who you love, Mike, just that you’re happy.”

“You don’t care- you don’t care that I’m gay,” he whispers, so quiet he can barely hear. 

“No, no I don’t. I care because it’s a part of who you are, but I don’t love you differently because you are.” She walks over to him, placing her hands on his shoulder. 

“I didn’t want to be like this, tried so hard not to be. But, but when El moved away, it wasn’t her I missed. I mean, I did miss her, like a hell of a lot, just not as much as Will. I thought I was crazy, that something was wrong with me, that I cared more that he was ignoring me than that she was lying to me. It wasn’t until, until he gave me a painting of the four of us that I realized. I didn’t love El, not like that. “

Nancy smiles at him. “And that’s ok. You’re ok being gay, Mike. You’re still you, inside and out.”

She pulls him into a hug, whether he wants one or not. But when he shifts to squeeze her tightly, she knows that he needs it. “Thank you. For not, like, freaking out and telling Mom or something.”

“I don’t tell mom half the shit she thinks I do. No way I would tell her this.” She pauses. 

“You know you don’t have to say you’re gay just because you like Will now, you could still like girls if you do.”

Mike nods. “Yeah, I know. Just not sure if I do.”

“And that’s ok. And uh, since we’re sharing. I- like girls, too, as well as boys.”

“You have a crush on Robin don’t you?” He says fast with a smug smile on his face

Nancy gapes, feeling her face heat up. “Shut up, no I don’t.”

“You totally do, look at your face. You’re like a tomato.”

“Shut up, no I am not. Now get out of here, and take a shower, you reek.”

Mike sticks his tongue out at her while walking out of the room, giving her one last appreciative smile before he shut the door behind him. 

She’s left standing alone in her empty room, smiling to herself. Another person knows, she doesn’t have to hide from someone else. It’s a weird feeling going from barely being able to accept it at all, to wanting to share it with other people. Well, other people she knows will be accepting. But it’s nice, to share that part of herself with someone else. She almost regrets telling Robin in a letter rather than in person. 

. . . 

My Favorite Overthinker Robin,

We have totally hit that stage where we can say I love you to each other. I mean it’s true, right? You’re my best friend and I love you. So yeah, I think we’re at that stage where we can say it. 

Also, I talked to Mike. It actually wasn’t that hard but I think that was more because I had accidentally overheard some of the conversation he was having with Will. I really did overhear it, I don’t eavesdrop on my brother, only people who deserve to be eavesdropped on. But it’s all good now and I know why he was feeling so down. I think he’ll get better soon, but my dad is surely going to have a fit over the phone bill this month.

But anyway, how are you doing? I miss you which is weird because I only saw you a few days ago. We should hang out again. It’s been really nice to have someone else in my room other than me. And I don’t mean that in any way, I just tend to isolate myself in there most of the time. So having another person to isolate with, it’s nice. 

Love, 

Nancy

Robin has to get herself together. She can’t keep doing this loop in her head over, and over, and over again. Can’t keep blushing and needing to run a fucking lap every time Nancy does something remotely attractive. Or saying that she loves her. Which is totally not in a romantic way at all, completely platonic. With a capital p. 

The only problem is that she doesn’t want it to be. Platonic that is. She’s so far past the denial phase it’s not even funny. She’s so far past the normal crush phase it’s not even funny. And it fucking sucks. So much that she can’t even breathe sometimes. It just hurts so damn much to want something so bad and know you’ll never be able to have it. 

Except she’s not entirely sure that it’s so out of reach anymore. With the way Nancy’s been acting, it’s hard not to notice. Robin may be shit at social cues, but she knows how to pick up differences from behaviors she’s studied. And she’s studied Nancy’s. Paid attention to every little eye movement and line on her face. Made sure to know the signs of when she was upset, happy, or stressed. Everything. This was new. 

Now Nancy was saying that she missed her after only a few days of talking to each other in person. Which, shouldn’t be weird, but it is. It reminds her of that couple that just got together a week ago and can’t keep their hands to themselves even when it means just going to class. It’s not friendly. She’s had that before with Steve, but that was in the immediate aftermath of an upside down attack where she literally thought he was dead if he wasn’t right next to her. That was justified. This wasn’t that. 

The fact is, this is weird. This is new, odd, something she can’t seem to figure out. Robin never really knew Nancy when she was in love. Never had time to see what endearment attraction looked like on Nancy’s face. What Nancy was like with the person she cared about the most. Something about the past few days indicated to her that she might have started to see it but didn’t notice it. 

But even then, she can’t help but imagine what it would look like, to be the person Nancy cared about, and was attracted to. Imagining the look she gives Nancy reflected back at her, until the tears form in her eyes enough to make it fade away. Picturing what their kisses could be like a million times, and not being able to help thinking about what it would be like going forward. Robin always feeling immense guilt afterward. She’s tried to stop, but she can’t. 

She’s had crushes on girls before, but never like this. Never where she actually knows the person enough to form a real friendship outside of school. None where they knew every bit of Robin and still didn’t turn away. Not ever looking at Robin the way Nancy does. 

And what’s worse, Robin misses Nancy too, just in the way she described it. She liked the feeling of being with someone, even if it didn’t mean what she wanted it to. It all just makes her want to believe that this could be real, that she isn’t making it up. But she just can’t be sure of it. 

. . . 

Wonderful Nancy,

Guilty as charged. I am an overthinker at heart. Always have and always will be. About literally anything, all the time, every day. It’s exhausting, let me tell you. 

I kind of miss you too, which is super weird. I’ve never had that happen with any of my other friendships, unless I needed to make sure they weren’t dying. But I like being around you. I feel like we could be doing absolutely nothing and still be fully entertained at the same time. I only have that feeling with a few people, you included now. But even then, it’s different with you. I don’t know why. 

I actually had something to ask you. My parents are going out of town this weekend which means I will have an empty house. Normally I would just spend it at Steve’s, I don’t really like being alone in an empty house. But ever since he and Eddie have started dating and are inseparable, I do not want to accidentally witness something that I definitely don’t want to. So, I got permission from my parents to have you over, if you want to. 

So just let me know if you can or if I have to buy earplugs. 

Love,

Robin

. . . 

Dearest Robin,

I would love to come over this weekend. That sounds so fun. We can have an all-nighter movie night or something. Or not. Whatever you want. It’s weird, I haven’t been to your house yet. Well inside of it. I dropped you off that one time, but I didn’t go in. Maybe I’ll be the one to snoop around your room this time. Payback. 

And yeah, I also would not want to be in that house while they're both there. Especially with how close the guest bedroom is to his. You have the possibility of hearing some weird things. Even though they would hopefully not do anything when you are there. I don’t think they would, but better to be safe than sorry. And this was we get to hang out, so yay. 

Excited for this weekend,

Nancy

. . . 

When Friday rolls around, Robin grabs the mail as she walks up to her house. Throwing the stack on the table, she heads to her room to clean it a bit. Picking up the stray clothes off of the floor, making her bed. Trying to make the clutter look nice and throwing her makeup in a drawer instead of just leaving it strewn out on the desk. It’ll never really look as neat and tidy as Nancy’s, but it doesn’t matter. This was her. 

Robin’s never really had a lot of people in her room before, not really at all when she figured out her own style. The only person really was Steve, and his room is boring as shit so he can’t say anything. And Dustin had come over once too with Erica. But this was different somehow. 

It was like her walls would be officially stripped down and Nancy would see all of who she is. Nothing else would be hidden, even though this is like the least important thing about her. But it was still her. 

She hears a knock at the door and does a quick once-over in her mirror to make sure she looks ok, before running down the hall to open it. Nancy stands there with a plate of cookies in her hand and a bag slung across her shoulder. 

“Robbie, hey.” Nancy greets her with the biggest smile. “My mom sent cookies, hope that’s ok.”

“Who am I to reject cookies? Come in.” Robin steps aside, letting Nancy through the door. “You can put those down in the kitchen, it’s just straight through there.”

They walk over to the kitchen, Nancy setting the plate down and then resting her bag on a chair. It isn’t a second longer before Nancy pulls Robin into a hug, squeezing her tight. Fitting like she belongs against Robin’s chest, sitting there for far longer than she should. Making Robin’s heart flutter as she wraps her arms around Nancy, holding her close. 

“It’s nice seeing you again,” Nancy says as she pulls back, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Even though I just saw you a few days ago, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” Robin says almost breathless. “I do.”

“So, what do you want to do?”

Robin shrugs. “I don’t know, we could watch some movies, play some games, just talk. Anything really.”

“I’m fine with just talking for a while. We could go to your room or something. I can fulfill my promise of snooping around.”

“Yeah ok.” Robin leads her down the hall to her bedroom, pointing out the bathroom on the way. “It’s not as nice as yours is, but I like it.”

Nancy steps into the room, looking around and taking it all in. “It seems very you. I think that’s all that matters.”

They fall into a natural conversation, talking about school and what happened in the last few days. Robin complaining about work and Nancy adding on with her own stories. Apparently, the town has gotten tired of reading about the earthquake so she’s back to writing about sports and mystery meats. Well, not full articles about mystery meat, but topics that are less important than talking about the relief efforts that are still happening. 

A few hours later Robin orders a pizza, which they sit and eat in front of the TV. Robin slides in a random movie, just letting it play in the background while they eat and talk. Eventually, Robin gets up to make some popcorn, and that’s when she sees it. 

A letter hiding beneath a pile of bills that has familiar handwriting, Nancy’s handwriting. Pushing the other mail out of the way, she picks it up and looks at the postmark, yesterday. How could she have missed this? She curses herself for forgetting to get the mail yesterday. And again when the microwave dings just as the popcorn is about to burn. Pushing the letter aside, she promises to read it later, scared to do it now. While Nancy’s in the other room. 

When they get back to watching the movie, all Robin can think about is that letter. What could be inside? What was so different from their notes that Nancy had to send a letter at all? Was it even special, or just like the others? But something in her heart told her that it was, special. There was no other explanation. 

Nancy yawns, leaning closer to Robin and cuddling up with the blanket they were sharing. A few minutes later, her head brushes against Robin’s shoulder before she jolts back upright. That small movement was enough to shoot sparks down her arm. She wishes her head was still there, resting against her shoulder. Maybe then she could casually drape her arm across the back of the couch like one of those stupid guy moves that seemed to work. Maybe then, Nancy would be closer. 

“Hey,” Robin whispers when Nancy’s head starts to drop again. “We can go to bed if you want.”

“That would be nice,” she responds with another yawn. 

They get up, Robin going to the bathroom to brush her teeth while Nancy gets changed. Nancy said that they could just change in the same room with their backs turned to each other, but Robin couldn’t deal with the thought of that. Being in the same room with Nancy knowing that the layers of clothes were almost completely removed. Knowing that with one turn of her head, she could fill in the blanks her head has been trying to for so long. 

Nancy goes to the bathroom when Robin comes back, leaving her to change. She changes into the baggy T-shirt and shorts she likes to sleep in, sitting on her bed, waiting for Nancy to return. When she does, Robin turns off her lamp as they start to fall asleep. Nancy’s breathing quickly shallows and the slight snore starts coming out of Nancy’s lips. Robin wishes that she could fall asleep that fast as well, but that letter prevents her from doing so. 

. . . 

Nancy wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Quickly falling back into the warmth of Robin’s bed when she comes back. Letting herself face Robin, admiring the soft features she can see in the dark.

She has to admit that she was a little disappointed when she showed up. There was a small hope that by now, Robin had gotten her letter. And that when Nancy came over, they could talk it out and hopefully her feelings would be reciprocated. But it has only been a few days, and she knows she missed the last pickup when she sent it. So it was possible that Robin didn’t even get it yet, but she still hoped. 

Maybe it will come tomorrow, but she’s not sure how she would react to that. The whole point of the letter was that it could be read while she wasn’t there, while there was no chance that she would know until she got a letter of her own. But at the moment, she doesn’t care about that at all. 

All she wants is for Robin to know so that she can look at her properly in the light without fear. So that maybe when they fall asleep next to each other, she doesn’t have to blame her sleep patterns for the reason why they’re so close. 

. . . 

Robin wakes up the next morning from the sun streaming in from the window. Groaning, she gets out of bed to close the curtain she forgot to last night, planning on just falling back into bed and curling up, falling back asleep. But when she turns around, she sees Nancy sleeping, hand clutching the blankets close to her and her legs curled up in front of her. She wishes she never got up at all, just rolling over to see this first. Letting herself scoot a little closer and fall back asleep next to Nancy. 

But of course, she got up, which meant she now had to use the bathroom, the bathroom light getting rid of any sleep left in her system. She decides to head to the kitchen and make her and Nancy some breakfast while she still sleeps. As she’s starting the coffee pot, she spies the letter she found last night, sitting there taunting her. She had promised herself to read it when Nancy left since she figured that she wouldn’t have a moment alone to do so. But now, with Nancy still peacefully sleeping down the hall, it was too tempting not to read. 

Carefully, she unseals the letter and slides it out, starting to read. 

My Dearest, Robin,

I honestly have no clue why I’m even writing this. It’s a rash decision really, but I know if I don’t do it now, I’m afraid I never will. And I know that if I don’t just send it, I’ll rip it up and it’ll be gone. So I’m sending this through the mail with, hopefully, no regrets. I’m not even going to read this over after I’m done writing it, so I hope it all makes sense. 

I’ve always done things by the books. Followed the rules, got the grades, and made sure that everything was perfect. Sure, I messed up a few times, broke a few rules when I needed to, but for the most part, I was what was expected of me. Up until I met you. 

There’s always been parts of my life that I knew society wasn’t going to like. The fact that I don’t want kids being one of them and that I want to work as long as I possibly can. I like guns too much for a woman and have a shot that would make most men outraged. I’m headstrong, confident, not afraid to push back. And those are things I am proud of, and those things would be more accepted than this. 

Like I said, I’ve always done things by the book, but I’m not quite sure if I’m in the book at all anymore. There’s something about me that I just found out, something that I know won’t be accepted in this town. It was hard figuring it out, and I didn’t want to believe it to be true. But when we started getting close, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. I couldn’t get you out of my head. 

It’s funny, I’ve been friends with girls most of my life. But never one that has made me question myself like you have. I’ve had boyfriends that were meaningful and my feelings for them were real, so for the longest time, I thought that those feelings were all I was going to feel. But then, someone new, someone different, found their way into my heart and I couldn’t ignore it. I wasn’t who I thought I was, and it was scary. But not so scary that I pushed myself to forget it all entirely. 

What I’m trying to say is that I like you. In a more than a friend way. I don’t quite know what that means for us, but it’s true. I’ve known for a few weeks now that there was something different between us than a normal friendship. That I felt more for you than I should. That I had a crush on you. It wasn’t until I talked to Steve just now that I realized that this was even a thing I could do. That I could like both men and women. But that had to be true, because I liked you. 

I hope you don’t think I’m weird after this. I know when you came out to me, you were so worried that I would think you liked me just because you were a lesbian. But I guess that was turned the other way around. Me liking you instead. 

I want you to know that I don’t want there to be any change in our relationship, unless you feel the same that is. A part of me really thinks and hopes that you do, most of me actually. I want to be more than friends with you. I want to date you, whatever that would look like for us. And I really hope you want that too. But if you don’t, I understand. 

With all my love,

Nancy ♥️

Robin stands there awestruck in her kitchen, the first few words just enough to make her heart start beating out of her chest. She knows enough about grammar to know that a simple comma can mean many things, and here it changed the meaning. And then the words just continued. Nancy bearing her heart out on paper, too scared to say any of it for real. 

Nancy likes her, like really likes her. She’s bisexual, it seems from what she wrote. And she likes Robin. So much so that she sent the most lovely written letter that Robin’s ever received. A love letter, even. It’s all too much as she reads it again, the sincerity of the words bringing tears to her eyes. The feeling of being liked back, finally, by someone she so deeply cares about. 

She has no idea where to go from here, no idea what to do after this. Part of her always figured that it would be her who confessed. She would finally speak her mind, either accidentally or on purpose, and get rejected. But here, Nancy took that first step, that risk. Much like Nancy would, she always took the first shot. So here was Robin standing in her kitchen with the letter in her hand, wondering what shot she was going to take. 

Would she talk to Nancy in person? Wait for her to fully wake up and then just blurt it out. Tell her that she’s liked her almost from the beginning and that there’s no world in which she wouldn’t want this too. But she feels too nervous to even begin to think of what to say. Or if she could even say it at all. So she grabs a pen and paper from the junk drawer and just starts to write, hoping that the words get across just like Nancy’s did. And with a shaky hand, she signs it and leaves it on the table, hoping that Nancy will read it. 

#ronance #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #with a comma after dearest fic #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #fanfic #ronance fanfic #confessions #love letters #note passing au #getting together #almost #finally

[pinkeoni]

I just read your post about Lonnie and the importance he could have in s5, and I wanted to know how would you incorporate him into the story and make room for him with everything else that we have to deal with and resolve.

Hello anon,

I’ll start off by saying that I’m not worried about them finding time for Lonnie because I know how important he is to the story, or at least, from how I’ve theorized it. Could he not show up or be brought up at all next season? It’s possible, but I would be very surprised.

Lonnie has so many ties to so many integral plot points, including but not limited to Will’s sexuality, Will’s powers, and Jonathan’s personal arc.

If you’ve read my theories then you know that I tie in Lonnie with the origins of Will’s powers, and the origin of Will’s connection with the Upside Down. These are both important pieces of lore that are likely to be explored, hell, whether or not I’m right about Lonnie’s connection they are going to have to be explored.

Even if we disregard Lonnie’s connection to Will’s powers and the supernatural plot, which is all theoretical, you still can’t deny his importance to Jonathan’s arc. Jonathan is neck deep in daddy issues, which is something that has been routinely brought up in each season since season one, sometimes by Jonathan himself. These issues are putting a hinderance on Jonathan’s future and love life, it’s what prevented him from visiting Nancy for Spring Break, and what caused him to not even consider going to his dream school for college. Jonathan is so afraid of abandoning his family and becoming just like his dad, and this is a problem that has been building and will need closure in season 5.

In my minds eye, this is how I see things working out.

Post-timeskip, Lonnie appears out of the blue doing some kind of changed man routine. He claims to be remorseful for the past, maybe he went to rehab for alcoholism, and now he’s back and wants to be in their life again.

Jonathan and Joyce are NOT buying it but Will is so excited because it’s his dad!! And he’s back in their life!! And someone actually wants to have Will in his life and loves him!!

I could see this leading into an argument between Will and Jonathan. I think it would be interesting to see conflict between those two.

Of course, Lonnie is not there to finally be a good dad and is just there to get to Will, possibly out of the orders of Owens. I just KNOW that Owens is untrustworthy and also knows about Will’s powers. If, say, they needed to get to Will to either activate his powers OR try to get rid of them for good, they would need an inside man like Lonnie. He would likely be paid off in this scenario.

Being around Lonnie may trigger memories for Will, memories that I theorized are related to his powers. Bringing back these suppressed memories to the surface is likley important to regaining his powers.

So I have the set up and reasoning for why Lonnie is there already but after that… tbh I’m not sure. I don’t know for how long he would stay in the season or what his exit would be like. Does he die a gruesome death? That’s what I’m hoping 😂 but how it would happen I’m not sure.

I am sure about the end of Jonathan and Will’s arcs though, as it relates to Lonnie. Jonathan will learn that he doesn’t need to become a parent in his own family, and that he can choose his own future and that he won’t be abandoning them. Will will learn that he does have control and autonomy over himself and his future.

#anon #asks #jonwill #will byers #jonathan byers #lonnie byers #tw lonnie byers #stranger things #will byers has powers #stranger things 5 prediction #byler #<- target audience

[rustbeltjessie]

I was tagged by @neoretrobibliomartini-x (thanks!) for a game of First, Last, Next, and Favorite.

First concert: I went to my first concert at age four—I went with my parents, my aunt, and my cousins, to see Peter, Paul, & Mary, haha. The first concert I went to without my parents (not counting local SE WI bands playing at various YMCAs, high school gyms, coffee shops, etc. in Racine) was Ani DiFranco, in Madison, in late 1996.

Last concert: Bikini Kill, in Milwaukee, just a couple months ago! I’d bought tickets for myself and my partner as an early birthday present to myself in December 2019, and the show was initially supposed to happen in spring 2020, but then was postponed numerous times due to obvious, CoViD-related reasons. It was well worth the three-year wait. (And in truth, it was more like a 29-year wait, because when I first got into Bikini Kill my parents weren’t yet letting me go to shows, and then they broke up shortly after I was able to go to shows.) (Oh, and I did see a solo musician perform at a poetry and music night in May, and another two in June, but those weren’t really shows.)

Next concert: I don’t have any specific plans to attend any in the near future. I wish I could be at the Blue Meanies/Tossers show in Chicago nine days from now, but alas, that is not gonna happen. I’m hoping I can get to Kenosha for a show or two this summer, to see whatever local/touring bands are playing there. I don’t even care so much who I see, I just love live music and want to experience more of it, especially after the dearth of it in my life over the past three years.

Favorite concert: It is literally impossible for me to choose just one favorite show or concert. I have seen hundreds and so many of them were great. If I had to choose just one, I’d probably choose Joe Strummer and The Mescaleros at Metro in 2001, because I never got to see The Clash but I did get to see Joe Strummer, and it was great, and did I mention it was Joe Fuckin’ Strummer? But I mean…what about Sleater-Kinney, Blue Meanies, Buzzcocks, The Gossip, The Tossers, Shane MacGowan, Jonathan Richman, Against Me!, Daniel Johnston, The Kills, The Cramps, X, Bob Dylan, World/Inferno Friendship Society, Reverend Glasseye, The Handsome Family, Tom Waits, Mischief Brew, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Pinhead Gunpowder, Leonard Cohen, The Dead Milkmen, Naked Raygun, The Replacements, Bikini Kill, etc. etc. etc.?! I mean it’s really just impossible. (As evidenced by the fact that since I first posted this, I keep thinking of more great shows.)

I’ll tag @endreal, @sirhro, @hthrrloooo, @lemonbalmgirl, @maeganbobaegan, and @all-rock-and-roll-is-homosexual - but don’t feel obligated. And if I didn’t tag you and you want to play, feel free!

#tag game #music #live music #shows #concerts #about me #rustbeltjessie

[imthecleric]

I do not think we as a fandom talk enough about the adult influences on Will’s likes or dislikes. Some things for Will are steadfast this is what I like I will not change it, like art. However there are two times where I see a person of influence in Will’s life dictate what he likes or dislikes.

The first is when Jonathan tells him he shouldn’t like baseball because their dad likes it. Will’s response is I don’t know, and sometimes we have fun. Meaning Will does find enjoyment out of the sport. He finds enough enjoyment that even after this conversation he has baseballs in his room, and a baseball bat in the place he goes to for safety and comfort, Castle Byers. But it is never brought up again because Jonathan said he shouldn’t like it, so theoretically he doesn’t. We all know that on my blog he does. And honestly if he could make it to Spring he would absolutely play on a team which would be wild and honestly I think really cool in terms of character arc stuff.

The other time that is really notable for me is when he is asked his favorite candy. He does not have an answer. Again he says I don’t know. He then looks to his mom who mouths “Reece's Pieces” and that becomes his answer, and just like with not liking baseball he clings to it regardless of if he likes them or not. We know this because that is what he is eating in the hospital scene in season 3.

The pitch of the show said he liked bright colors yet in all of season 1 and 2 we really don’t see that save for the puffer vest. We only see it in season 3 after he destroys Castle Byers. And we see it in full force in season 4 to where the boy is matching his shirts with his belts, which is honestly so nice for me who matches my no show socks to my shirts.

After he destroys Castle Byers, which we know is very significant for him, it also comes after a very significant fight between him and Mike. We know the destruction has many meanings, and one I believe is that he stops allowing people to choose for him. The destruction happens right after he is told that dungeons and dragons is more or less a kids game and he needs to grow up.  While he may not play in Lenora he literally makes a painting of the Party, because he at the time of the destruction finally decided he gets to decide what is good for him. Now this is both good and bad because put that power in his hands and he sacrifices his feelings so his best friend can have happiness with his sister, but no one told him he had to do that, it was his decision and that’s what’s important.

He is taking his agency back. He wears brights colors, he still likes DnD, and Nintendo and wants to do that all the time, his music tastes have evolved from just what Jonathan recommends to musicals and other bands that Jonathan may not like as much.

While I have never viewed destroying Castle Byers as destroying his own childhood, because he is still a child when he does it, I do view it as him destroying why he needed it which was a place free from the judgement for liking things that don’t quite fit the mold that people view him as, and him going “fuck it” this is for me now. I do view it as other things but in terms of this specific headcanon and portion of what these specific things boil down to that is part of how I view it.

#three: headcanon

[bluejayblueskies]

oh if you did a little something for jonmartin and "hiding their face in the other’s neck" i would be so 🥺💕

touches prompt list

a little post-circus kidnapping hurt/comfort! cw for wounds/injury, mild blood, mentions of non-consensual touching, and mentions of kidnapping

.

There is a stranger’s elbow digging into Jon’s side.

He shifts from one foot to the other, trying to relieve some of the pressure on his side while surreptitiously giving the stranger a glare that he hopes adequately conveys his dislike of the current situation. The tube is packed, as it always is at this time of day, and there are… so many strange hands. An elbow, at least, is better than the hand that had pressed to his back as the individual it belonged to had instinctively tried to maintain their balance.

After all, Nikola didn’t touch him with her elbows.

Jon doesn’t want to think about that. He doesn’t want to think about any of it. He wants to lie down in a soft bed and get his first good night’s sleep in a month and finally have the space to process. Alone.

Instead, Martin stands next to him on the train. His hand rests just beneath Jon’s where it grips one of the metal poles, and Martin takes care not to brush against him despite how crowded the car is. Jon considered telling Martin, when they first got on the tube, that it was okay—that his touch would be… well, it wouldn’t be bad. But he’d stayed silent, allowing Martin to cultivate a careful space between them. They’ve been silent for the past twenty minutes as they’ve passed by station after station on their way to Martin’s flat in Brixton.

“I have a flat,” Jon had said uncomprehendingly when Martin had suggested (or rather, gently begged) that Jon come back to his flat with him. “It’s, um. It’s nice. Spacious. S-sturdy locks.”

“You… you don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” Martin had said, sounding and looking very much like he wished Jon would anyway.

“I’m fine.” Jon was not fine. But he could be fine until he got back to his flat. It was always good to have a short-term goal.

Martin gave him a look that clearly said that he thought Jon was full of shit. Jon was, but it was still unnecessary. He was just trying to keep it together. What did Martin want—him sobbing and crumpling to the floor right here in the Archives? No, that wouldn’t do at all.

“You were kidnapped. Twice now. I really don’t want it to happen a third time. Besides, I…” Martin trailed off and fluttered his hands at his sides. “I—I should take a look at your hand. And your, um. Wrists.”

Jon looked down at his arms. They were, indeed, quite red and raw and scabbed over and likely to scar. Nikola had been irritated when she’d seen that he’d been tied up so tightly, but she’d decided there was nothing to be done about it. She would just ‘make do with what she had.’ And, well. She had never stopped Breekon and Hope when they’d cinched the ropes just a little bit tighter each time.

“I have first aid supplies in my flat,” Jon lied. He was fairly certain that he had a backpack of What the Ghost merchandise and a single mattress to his name at the moment. “I can take care of it.”

“So can I.” Martin took a deep breath. “I just… I don’t want to see you hurt, Jon.” His cheeks were flushed a rosy pink, and he looked over Jon’s shoulder at the wall behind him. “J-just for tonight, at least? I want…” Martin swallowed. “I want to make sure you’re safe.”

And then Martin had turned those lovely blue eyes to his, and, well. Here they are.

Jon adds 24 hours onto his mental countdown of the time he has left until he’s allowed to break down and tells himself that he can manage. It’s… important to have long-term goals as well. He splits this one into steps.

Step one: get to Martin’s flat without crying. He achieves this easily enough. He finally escapes the cloying presence of strangers as Martin’s door shuts behind them, and then it’s blissfully quiet. Martin flips on a light, illuminating the space in pale yellow. It’s a little bit messy but otherwise spartan. The walls are painted a dull eggshell white, the floor made of cheap lino. Martin sits Jon down on the couch and disappears into the bathroom. Jon stares at the wall and focuses on breathing evenly and thinking about anything other than how smooth his skin feels when he slowly rubs his fingers together.

Step two: let Martin bandage his wounds without crying. This is… more challenging, if only because it hurts. Martin apologizes profusely as he wets a cotton ball with isopropyl alcohol and gently cleans the inflamed areas. Jon sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and bites down, focusing on anything other than the stinging, burning sensation in his wrists and hands. Funny—he’d thought that at this point, he would be used to the pain, but he’s not. All he knows now is what to expect.

Martin carefully wraps his hand and wrists in bandages. For a moment after he’s done, he delicately holds Jon’s hands in his like they’re porcelain. His hands are warm and soft, and Jon imagines how lovely they would feel against his cheeks. He thinks briefly that Martin is going to raise his unbandaged hand to his lips and lay a kiss across the back of it, but Martin doesn’t. Instead, he sets Jon’s hands back in his lap and stands, mumbling that he’s going to go make some tea.

Jon scrubs his uninjured hand across his eyes, just once.

Step three: sit on the couch with Martin and drink tea without crying. Martin presses a mug of steaming chamomile into his good hand and lays a plate of biscuits between them. “Th-they’re your favorite,” Martin says with a small, nervous laugh, like Jon’s not already staring at the plate with something choked sitting in the back of his throat. “I—I figured you probably haven’t really eaten today, and… I don’t really know what you’ve eaten lately. So, um. Yeah.”

Jon thinks of the things that Nikola had called food, then chooses not to think of them at all. He tucks the memory into a box next to cold hands and exposed skin and burning ropes and slams the lid before it can all come spilling back out again. “Thank you,” he says earnestly. He gingerly takes a biscuit in his stiff, aching hand that hasn’t had the time to heal properly and probably won’t get the chance to do so in the future and pops it into his mouth whole so he doesn’t get crumbs on Martin’s couch.

Step four: eat a biscuit that tastes like the best biscuit you’ve ever had and is the first palatable food you’ve had in weeks without crying.

“Jon?”

Jon blinks and comes back to himself. He’s staring blankly at Martin’s face, at eyebrows folded in concern and mouth curled into a small frown. Martin’s freckles are smudged into smears of tan, and the lines of his jaw waver like a mirage in front of Jon’s eyes. That’s odd, Jon thinks. Then, he feels something wet hit the top of his cheek.

Oh, no.

Quickly, Jon reaches up and scrubs the tears away from his eyes. As soon as he lowers his hand, more spring up in their place. He curses and sets his mug of tea down heavily on the table, taking one more look at Martin—whose eyes are now wide with worry—before turning away and attempting to pull himself together.

Step five: stop crying. Stop crying. Stop crying.

(Stop crying, his grandmother says as he stands in the living room, hands and knees dirty and hair a mess. He’s managing to say words between his sobs, words like book and stole and spider. She’s frowning at him, but her voice is still patient and calm when she says, You’re not making any sense, Jonathan. Stop crying, please, and speak clearly. You had a nightmare?)

“Jon, what’s—” Martin catches himself, which Jon is thankful for. He thinks that if Martin had finished that question—asked him what’s wrong—Jon wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from saying, what isn’t? “What can I do to help?” he says instead, a hand hovering carefully in the air between them like he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to touch Jon or not.

“Don’t look,” Jon manages to say. He immediately feels ridiculous and follows with a quick: “S-sorry, it’s—I don’t k-know how to—I’m not—I’m n-not good at—”

“I’m not looking,” Martin says softly.

Jon cuts off, takes a breath, and turns his head back toward Martin. True to his word, Martin has his eyes closed, though his hand remains in the air between them. Jon presses his good hand to his mouth for a moment to hide how the sight rips a new, more ragged sob out of him. Then, tentatively, he reaches forward and takes Martin’s hand.

Martin inhales sharply. Jon almost lets go, but Martin curls his fingers around Jon’s hand and squeezes. He holds Jon’s hand tightly yet so achingly softly, and Jon could weep. (Or rather, is weeping.)

“Can I hug you?” Martin says abruptly, like he’d been fighting an internal battle about whether or not to say it and had just lost. His cheeks darken, but he doesn’t say anything else or take it back. His jaw shifts as he pinches his lips together and worries them back and forth.

Jon is… not the kind of person who initiates or seeks out hugs. He always makes them too stiff, or he holds on just a bit too long and makes them awkward, or he doesn’t know what to do with his hands and ends up just dangling them uselessly in the air. He’s also never really seen the point of them if he’s being honest. As a form of greeting, surely handshakes or waves or head nods get the point across just fine. Right now, though, there is truly nothing in the world that Jon thinks would make him feel safer than having Martin’s arms around him.

Jon nods, then remembers that Martin can’t see him and whispers, in as composed a voice as he can muster: “Please.”

Step six: hug Martin Blackwood without falling apart completely.

Martin’s arms are soft and warm around him. His chest is flush with Jon’s, and he’s holding him so close that Jon is practically on Martin’s lap. All Jon can think is that it’s been so long since he’s been held by something not made of sawdust or plastic. He grips the back of Martin’s jumper with lotion-soft hands and cries tears that have been collecting for a month into the fabric as he buries his face in Martin’s neck. Martin’s hands rub large circles across Jon’s back, and he’s whispering gentle words into Jon’s ear. Things about safe and okay and time and here.

By the time Jon feels thoroughly wrung dry, his cheeks are sticky and his head is throbbing and he’s desperately in need of a glass of water. He takes a few deep breaths, then carefully extracts himself from Martin’s arms. Martin lets him go easily, though his hands remain resting lightly on Jon’s elbows as if he can’t bear to let him go completely.

Jon thinks he knows the feeling.

Martin’s eyes are still closed, and Jon is hit with such a swell of affection he can hardly breathe around it. “Y-you can open your eyes,” he says, a bit sheepishly. Martin does, and if he’s affected by the state of Jon’s face, he doesn’t show any indication of it. “Sorry,” Jon mumbles, twisting his ring—now on his left middle finger instead of his right—around and around mindlessly. “I just…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Jon.” Martin squeezes Jon’s elbows gently. “I understand. Any time you need me to look away, I will. Okay? I just…” He takes a breath. “I’ll always be here. F-for you when you need me.”

If Jon weren’t thoroughly out of tears, that would make his eyes water. Instead, he nods and offers a small, weak smile. “I know. Thank you, Martin. It… just. Thank you.”

Step seven: fall asleep safe against Martin’s side in the bed that he insists is big enough for two, face pressed into Martin’s neck once again and hands curled loosely in Martin’s sleep shirt.

He’s so drained by the time they’re there, so wrung-out and empty and relaxed, that he manages to do so almost immediately. He thinks he hears Martin murmur, “Sleep well, love,” as he drifts off. But it disappears into the fuzzy border between sleep and wakefulness, slipping from Jon’s mind entirely as he fades to black.

#tma #the magnus archives #jonmartin #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #willoftitanium #my fic #my writing

[fruitydemogorgon]

ST ‘Welcome to California’ teaser analysis

here is a link to the trailer:

*I discuss content from s1,s2, and s3, so this does contain spoilers*

this is pretty much a summary of everything i’ve seen on tumblr/notcied myself about the teaser

*buckle in cause this is pretty long*

It starts with El reading out (what we can definitely assume) is a letter she has written to Mike. I’ve heard a statement theorizing that this letter is filled with lies, however I don’t completely agree with this. 

The first line is “Today is day 185,”, which I have seen people speculate whether or not was a mistake due to the timing of the seasons (I don’t remember exactly, but they also had reasoning to believe the timing fitted perfectly). 

We cut to a shot of what we can only assume is the Byer’s residence (a fairly large, suburban, two-story home- which from previous seasons we know Joyce would not be able to afford on her own). This leads to speculations that maybe the government wanted to suppress suspicions about Eleven’s connection to the Starcourt Mall debacle by moving her away (and every other suspicious thing that’s happened in Hawkins), or something along the lines of that.

“I think I have finally adapted,” she proceeds to say as she places a (handmade?) figurine of Hopper into a diorama of his cabin. This could represent that she has come to accept that he is gone, and is seeing the good in his “death”. Hopper was her true father figure, and someone who really loved her. She learnt so much from him, and she is adapting to the fact that he is now “gone”. There’s truth in this, but we can also ponder on what else she could be adapting to. Although it hints at being Hopper’s “death”, it could certainly also be that she is adapting to living in California, since that is the ‘main’ premise of this teaser. 

After this, we see a shot of Will working on (a painting? or possibly a poster/project?) in his new room. In the background, on his wall, we can see a Boys Don’t Cry/The Cure poster. I’ve heard that this song was sort of a gay anthem in the 80s, so this could possibly be subtext of Will’s homosexuality.

In the next shot is Jonathan, smoking weed and watching something out the window. This could be anything, if not just a quick shot to show his face (unlikely, but still plausible). He may be waiting to see Will and El’s ride arrive.

We then see a series of shots of Argyle picking up Will and El in his Surfer Boy Pizza truck. The phone number on the truck reads 805-45-PIZZA. Upon calling, the happy birthday theme plays, which fans speculate could link to Will’s birthday being in Spring, and possibly included (at the least mentioned) in an episode.

We then cut to a ‘Countdown to Spring Break’ banner, identifying there are only 2 days left of school. During this Eleven says, “I even like school now.” I am uncertain about the meaning of her saying ‘now’, as if she had experienced schooling before (which we know she has not). UNLESS, she is considering her time at the lab an educational period of her life. Maybe enlightening, in the way that she learnt more about her powers. 

Before this next part, I will mention the “heroes” project that was supposedly leaked. El did a diorama of Hopper, her ‘hero’, and Will did one of Alan Turing, his ‘hero’. Obviously Will did not choose Alan Turing randomly, so let’s look into him a little more. He was, an article states, an “English mathematician, logician, and cryptographer, credited with breaking the Nazi Enigma code during World War II”. This is not a person widely out-there for a “nerd” to be interested in, but let’s look even further. “In 1952, he was arrested and charged with “indecency” after a brief relationship with another man”, and took his own life in 1954 by poisoning an apple with cyanide and eating it. The rainbow apple logo also is said to link to him, which we have seen before on this show.

This does not necessarily confirm things, however, but it could mean that Will is becoming more open about his homosexuality/feelings, and beginning to accept  it (adapting, as said in El’s letter).

In her next line, El says, “I have made lots of friends,” This is clearly wrong (or, a lie), as students are shown to be blatantly bullying her and laughing at her.

“Even though, I am ready for spring break.” This is proof that she is not enjoying school as much as she had said earlier, meaning it was, in a way, a lie.

“Mostly because I get to see you,” she then states. In all honesty, this made me slightly uncomfortable for a number of reasons. 

-the way she said it was VERY flirtatious for a 14/15 year old, and it sounded as if it lacked real emotion, rather than just teenage desire.

-her and mike are not even confirmed to being back together romantically

But, I may be looking into it too much since my head is literally clouded with byler atm lol

Anyways, we now get our first glance of Mike. Something undeniably obvious in this scene is the THIS WAY sign pointing right into his open closet. I hate to say it, but it’s still fairly possible that this was just a coincidence, and something the set designers didn’t look into that much (not discrediting them, because I do have strong belief it could be a hint at Mike’s homosexuality). 

The first few times I watched this scene, I assumed the obvious; that the paper in his hand was El’s letter. 

HOWEVER, her letter is very short. Definitely not long enough to fill the stack of paper in Mike’s hand. Maybe half a page, at the most. So this brings me to believe that this was a lead-on, a teaser within the teaser. In fact, it is not uncommon for trailers to be misleading about dialogue and where they correlate with certain scenes, especially in Stranger Things.

The expression on his face is also a fairly new one (possibly just due to Mike’s actor, Finn Wolfhard, being three years older), but it’s definitely there. In the past three seasons, he has managed to replicate facial expressions almost exactly, which have all been important. E.g. the smile he makes when he sees Will has remained practically the same throughout EVERY season. So I’m sure this was a purposeful detail included by the Duffer brothers. 

The expression, in my opinion, has a faint smirk to it. Like he’s seeing/reading something he likes and wants to hear. He seems comfortable with whatever is on the paper. But, it’s also mixed with a sort of disbelief, or shock. 

Overall, I get the vibe that he’s kind of realising something he wanted all along, but he hadn’t expected it to be so.

(i feel like ron reading harry’s tea leaves lmao)

Which makes me very curious about what exactly he is looking at. 

“We will have the best spring break ever”

LOL

as if.

This is the biggest lie, more from the directors/writers than from El’s character herself, but literally everything about the rest of the trailer points to this statement being wrong. 

The music crescendos, intensifying, and we IMMEDIATELY cut to a scene of Eleven looking unhappy in the back of a car. 

Anyways, the next bit is just a bucketload of notes/observations about all of these quick cuts (in order of appearance). If I missed anything, or you have a better explanation than me, FEEL FREE TO SAY SO, because I don’t know any more than you do. With these, I’m also hoping to bring light to things u may not have noticed (since I missed a lot originally).

The cut right after us seeing Eleven’s disappointed face is of a roller-skating rink, which I absolutely cannot think of anything to link it to. The setting is very vibrant and positive, with fluorescent colours and happy skaters dancing along to some music.

Next we see Joyce, confused, opening a large box (package?) and pulling out a Russian doll. There are speculations that this is a message from Hopper about his whereabouts, or something similar to that.

The next few scenes pose many possible outcomes/things happening. We see Jonathan running up a flight of stairs (identifiable by his blue shirt-shown again in the next scene) towards gunfire (or some kind of flamethrower thing?). I’ve watched it over in 0.25x speed and still can’t identify the person shooting, however these are the things I can see:

-They look like a male

-Their slightly wrinkling skin leads me to believe they’re somewhat middle-aged

-They have a fairly heavy head of thick black hair (similar to Mike’s but neater, straighter, and shorter)

-They are also wearing a white shirt

(It could be Murray)

After this we cut to a scene of Jonathan and Mike in WILL’S BEDROOM, with possibly someone standing to Mike’s left (maybe Will, but it’s impossible to tell). It is quite clear that even before the (gunfire) begins, these two are shouting at each other, arguing over something (passionately- we seem to be seeing a less level-headed side of Jonathan this season. As well as Mike just being the stubborn, sassy dude he is). First, it looks like something is being thrown through the window by the way it gets an obvious hole, but I’m not an expert on how bullets affect windows (i believe that gunfire would shatter the whole window, rather than just smashing a whole into it as if something was thrown directly at a specific part of the window). However, as more bullets fire (shown by the specks of light) the hole grows, which makes sense. But, I don’t think it would be too far-fetched to wonder if something was thrown through the window first.

In between these two shots is a scene of Murray taking off his headphones, looking shocked.

We then see three cars speeding out of frame on a highway. Two are the same, which leads me to believe they are government or cop cars (could also be cars belonging to people who belong to an organisation, e.g. hawkins lab). What is interesting, though, is that the one on the right reads “prison transport, keep back”. I assume this one contains El, since later shots hint at her being kidnapped, and the first shot looks as if she’s in a car.

The two cars at the front have their brake lights on, and the cars are depicted to be swerving to the side, which could mean something (probably Jonathan, Will, and Mike, and Argyle in the Pizza van) is blocking their way.

We then see the feet of a lady stepping out of a car (we cannot tell what car this is). She is wearing black heels and long, navy pants that reach just above her ankles. We could assume she is stepping out to ‘have a word’ with the cali gang for getting in her way. I also particularly like how after this they cut to the feet of a roller skater spinning in circles, which in my opinion felt very smooth.

This leads to El being circled by laughing girls. The expression on her face is honestly kinda heartbreaking, and makes me wonder if she feels helpless against them without her powers, or if there will be a similar dynamic to that during this season.

There’s also quite a juxtaposition of her compared to the colourful background.

We then see a doorway in the middle of the desert being opened, which could mean multiple things but I’ll leave for you to indulge in.

The next shot, though, is of a birds-eye-view of this “doorway” place. There are about 10 people standing in a line in front of the door, with four cargo cars parked (hastily, it seems) in front of it. There’s also a helicopter, either landing or taking off I can’t really tell (I did try to do a bit of research on this- but to no avail- I may have not looked hard enough lol). I would assume it’s landing, and they’re bringing El to this pretty heavily guarded doorway (which I assume is the entrance to some underground lab). 

The next shot is of the Surfer Boys Pizza van dramatically kicking into gear. Meaning this is probably some kind of chase scene. I am assuming these people have taken El, and now Jonathan, Argyle, Mike and Will are trying to stop them and get her back. This could also explain the look of distraught on Mike’s face in this next shot, as the ‘baddies’ are possibly escaping with Eleven. Will also looks very concerned in this scene, but I feel that since he never got a chance to really know Eleven he is less ‘traumatised’ / affected by her being taken away, hence the softer expression (or maybe im looking into it too much again)

People have also mentioned how close they are in this scene, speaking of it being a ‘byler’ scene or that they are possibly holding hands. i feel like at this part of the season (probably early-middle), this wouldn’t have happened yet, also this feels like a really weird moment/scene to be holding hands in. I feel like it would be much more emotional than this intense, dramatic scene. Honestly, I hope byler will be canon in season 4 but we just gotta wait and see.

I feel like I should also mention how this is the same colour shirt that Mike “put on and could not stop looking at Will in”. I will link @beepboop358​ ‘s analysis of Mike’s clothing here and here (slides 132-138ish).

sorry that was just a quick byler dump lol

This is also followed by a shot of Will swinging his head back to look at something (Mike is out of frame-and it’s actually possible he’s gone/injured). His face is similar to the one above, but resembles Mike’s expression more. In fact, it makes me realise that nothing extremely dangerous (other than the cliff-jump scene) has actually happened to Mike yet, so I wonder if this season will change that.

Next, we see a shot of the County Line Cafe. I don’t really know much about American geography, but I’ve gathered that ‘County lines’ are sort of similar to cities within states (counties?). And I assume that the ‘lines’ are the borders between these cities? I’m not sure, but if so that could mean they’re travelling in this one (which we already could expect because of Hopper’s whereabouts). There’s also 4 people in suits standing near the cafe.

Next, we see (what I believe) is El being dragged into the prisoner transport vehicle by two men in black suits. She doesn’t look as ‘angry’ as I would think she’d be, so it makes me wonder if she’s somewhat okay about being taken by these men, or understands why she’s being taken (just a theory).

I’ve done a really bad job using time connectives in this lol, anways...

The shot after this is

I am not fixing it.

The shot after this is of what looks like a tunnel in a secret Russian base, but it could be aNyWheRe. There is tons of gunfire and people ducking out from behind block-things-that-i-can’t-think-of-the-terminology-for.

Immediately following this,

hey that’s a little better

Immediately following this, we see five men coming out of the smoke (presumably followed by more). It would make sense that they are in the tunnel, and we are seeing it from another angle. I cannot tell if they are holding fire or not, because it’s such a short clip. If this is a Russian base, it would make sense that this is the American army infiltrating it.  

The shot after this is 

sorry, i got lazy

The shot after this is of our cali gang practically dodging gunfire. I’ll put in an image so you don’t have to listen to me describe it.

If you didn’t notice already, the characters in this shot are (from right to left), Will, Mike, and Jonathan. The man to Jonathan’s right is, again, unidentifiable. It is definitely possible he is the man from earlier, but I wonder why he would now be defending them (after literally flamethrowing them earlier). Each of them seem to be pulling the other out of the way. It also looks like someone is in the doorway, and there is definitely gunfire happening.

It then cuts to someone turning the volume to 7, which people have analysed has many connections to Will and Byler. I don’t think this would be a coincidence, or random number, and if not for its connection to Will then probably still something just as interesting.

We then see a shot of the doorway setting (except looking out from the perspective of the doorway). In this shot we can tell in the distance it’s quite hilly, but otherwise very sandy (from memory, I think people have speculated that this is def California). In this shot we can see the helicopter is kind of hovering (maybe moving forwards), but definitely not moving vertically. The cars are moving forwards, though.

The shot after this is very interesting (i feel like ive said that a hundred times). 

It looks like the same setting/place as the doorway, which leads me to theorise someone has blown up the doorway. I can’t tell what those white things are on the ground, but they kind of look like sacks. There’s also the person standing before the fire. It’s hard to tell what their reaction is to seeing this, since we don’t see their face and it’s so far away, but we can probably cancel out them being any kind of government-related person due to the clothes they’re wearing looking very casual. White pants, a blue flannel shirt, with a white shirt underneath, and dark (could just be the silhouette) hair. This persons’ build also looks quite masculine.

After this is cuts to black, and the music returns to its originally joyful tone.

***

Thank you for listening to my analysis, it’s actually the first I’ve posted on tumblr (or anywhere, for that matter). I don’t know how I’m meant to end this, but if you want me to do more, contact me ig?

happy stranger things watching

#strangerthings #byler #s4 #strangerthingsseason4 #michael wheeler #will byers #eleven #el #jonathanbyers #argyle #joyce byers #welcome to california #teasertrailer #004 #st #willxmike #caligang #netflix #2022

[demadogs]

oh, one more thing: how likely do you think it is that mike will actually have a smalltown boy/vienna/whatever moment? i think there’s a good chance of it happening- i mean, why would mike leave without nancy unless he was running away? whether mike chooses to go on a planned-then-canceled trip anyway, makes an impulsive decision because he’s lonely/mad/whatever, or goes for some other reason i have no idea, but i’m pretty convinced it’s happening lol

☀️

based on that still of the kids looking shocked at the wheelers without mike there while keren and ted and the police are talking to them, i definitely think mike does run away. i also noticed when i first saw this still that it reminded me of a shot from s1 when they were being questioned after will first went missing.

i think karen may have panicked when she realized mike was gone and called the police and the rest of the party probably knows that he went to california. i dont think mike told them he was running away but they probably knew how much he missed will and el and figured it out. they look like they know something here.

based on that california teaser alone i think mike did originally plan to visit california bc el writes to him saying she cant wait for him to visit for spring break (although that may have been written just for the teaser) but maybe he got in a fight with his parents over something and they took away his tickets. im not sure what that fight would be on tho.

i do think theres a chance that letter from el isnt actually read in the show and mike fully ran away without ever originally planning to go up with nancy or something bc i would think if he was missing after a trip he was really excited for was taken from him, karen would first think that california is where he’d go and probably call joyce before getting the cops involved.

but either way i think some kinda fight with his parents is what caused him to do it. they would scream at each other over something and that night he would wait for his family to all be asleep and start packing and head downstairs and steel some money and i would absolutely LOVE if a car was waiting for him outside and he got in and said thanks and then they cut to cranky tired steve at 2:00am in pajamas looking so sick of his shit saying “you owe me big time” lmao. bonus points if thats the first time we see steve this season.

idk how it goes down but to answer your question, yes i do think he runs away and its not a planned trip 1) bc of that still and 2) bc he wouldnt have gone alone. not only is he too young for his parents to be comfy with that but nancy would wanna see jonathan and the rest of the party would wanna see will and el.

#still not shutting up at the idea of steve taking mike to the airport #stranger things #byler tumblr #eden answers

[cuttoothed]

Day 8 of @jonmartinweek for the “AU” prompt.

This week has been such a delight to write for, and it’s the most productive and inspired I’ve been in a long time. I've really enjoyed all the great content coming out of this week. Thanks to the organizers for this wonderful event!

CW here for depiction of depression, though the term itself isn’t used. Depression symptoms are also shown to spontaneously improve over time, though it is stated that this is not a complete or permanent recovery.

*

There is a land with many gods. Gods of war and of peace; of harm and healing; of storms and snows. Gods of life and death; gods of hearth and home. The smallest village has its own small god; the cities have thousands, all clamoring for attention.

There is a valley with a kind and gentle god. He makes sure that the rains fall in spring, and in summer that the sun shines on the fields of growing crops. In winter he tempers the cold winds, gentles the frosts to spare the valley worst of the chill. The people love their god, and trust that he will always care for them.

Until one spring, the rains do not fall, and the clouds do not part to let the sunshine through. A freezing fog rolls in, blanketing the little village and the lands around it; the fields remain frozen, and those few plants that sprout from the frost-bitten earth rot in the clinging damp. The people despair, because their god has never let them down before. Have they done something wrong? Angered him somehow? They will have enough stores to survive one year without harvest, perhaps two; if their god’s kindness does not return by then, they will have to abandon the valley that has been their home for centuries.

The most senior leaders from the village go to speak with the god, in his shrine on the hillside. The god is distressed at their plight, but he tells them he cannot help; his soul is mourning, and he does not know why. He has tried to call on the sun, on the soft rains, but his heart is too sorrowful, and all that comes is fog.

The people of the valley try everything they can think of, to restore their god’s happiness. They bring him gifts, recite stories and songs; they throw a carnival in the foggy village square, with costumes and games and music. They offer to search for anything that will make him happy, if he will only tell them. But the god cannot tell them, and nothing brings him joy, and the fog remains.

*

One day, a scholar comes to the village. Jonathan Sims is from the city, from one of the temples of knowledge, where they have heard about this valley and its inconsolable god. He walks through the cold, mist-shrouded streets, and up to the hillside where the god’s shrine is.

The shrine is a cottage, small and quaint, with lights in its windows and smoke curling from its chimney; it isn’t like any shrine Jon has seen before. He hesitates before knocking on the door, unsure if this could truly be the home of a god. The person who opens the door looks like a man, with a kind face, and rough, home-spun clothing; he is quite unlike the gods of the city, who are sharp and polished and alien. But one look at his eyes tells Jon that this is the god: they are ageless and endless, swirling like silver-gray fog.

“I’m sorry,” says the god, “I’m not really in the mood for visitors at the moment.”

“Please,” Jon says, before he can shut the door. “I’ve brought jasmine tea—I heard you enjoy it?”

The god hesitates a moment, then says:

“All right, you can come in—but just for tea.”

The inside of the cottage is what Jon would have expected from its outside, cozy and cluttered, with a fire crackling in the hearth. The god fetches saucers and cups and brews a pot of the fragrant jasmine tea, and there are little cakes with dried fruit and honey, which the god tells him were a gift from the village.

“I’m not much of a baker myself,” he admits, pouring the tea. Then he asks: “What’s your name?”

“Jonathan Sims—Jon. What, uh, what should I call you?”

“I don’t have a name,” says the god. “The people around here just call me “the god”, and I’ve never thought to ask them for one.”

“You could always choose one for yourself.” The god gives him a curious look, as if that’s not something that had ever occurred to him.

“I suppose that I could,” he says. He takes a sip of his tea. “This is very nice, thank you.”

Jon has never had tea with a god before. The god asks him about the city and his work for the Temple of Beholding, and Jon finds himself talking freely; this god is very easy to talk to. His face is open and kind, and he listens attentively as Jon talks about the city, its people and its gods, about the work of the Temple to gather knowledge, to understand their world.

“Why did the Temple send you to me?” the god asks at last.

“We heard of what happened in the valley—of the fog,” says Jon, and sees guilt flash across the god’s face, the silver-gray of his eyes darkening. “I came to see.”

“Not to try to cheer me, then?” the god asks. There’s a bitter note in his voice.

“No, not to cheer you. Just to speak. To understand.”

“I’m glad you aren’t wasting your time, then,” says the god. “My people have done all they can to lift my sorrow. And I have tried, every way I know how, to send this fog away, to clear the skies, but I cannot—”

He shakes his head in frustration, lines of worry and grief etched across his features. Jon has the sudden impulse to reach out and comfort him; but this is a god, and besides, they’ve scarcely even met.

“I’m sorry that you carry such a burden,” he says. The god looks at him, and his mist-colored eyes are grieved.

“My sorrow isn’t important, only that it causes me to fail my people.” He turns away, his expression pained. “I’m sorry—I shouldn’t bother you with my troubles. It’s probably best that you leave.”

Jon wants to protest, but he thinks it’s probably not a good idea to refuse a god’s request. He sets down his teacup and puts on his coat, and at the door he pauses.

“May I come back tomorrow?” he asks. The god considers, and then nods.

“I would like that,” he says, with a faint hint of a smile.

It’s quite a lovely smile, Jon can’t help noticing.

*

In the village, Jon asks about the god. The god has always been there, he learns. The god has always cared for them, has always ensured their harvests are bountiful and their winters are mild. The people of the valley don’t understand why their god is so unhappy now, but they hope it doesn’t linger too long. They need him to be the joyful, attentive god he has always been; they depend upon it.

The next day, he walks back up to the cottage on the hillside; the door opens to his knock, and the god smiles in greeting. They drink tea by the fire, and Jon asks about the valley—about how it is, when the fog isn’t here. The god talks about the farms and the orchards, the beauty of this place in both summer and winter; he talks about the lives of the people, their joys and their trials, how they rely on him for their wellbeing.

“That sounds like a great responsibility,” says Jon.

“They need me to care for them,” the god says simply. “So that is what I do.”

They talk into the evening, and the god insists Jon stay for supper; a rich stew of root vegetables and herbs. The god smiles shyly when Jon compliments the meal.

“I’m a better cook than a baker,” he says.

It’s coming into night when Jon leaves, and the god gives him an oil lamp to light his way to the village. His fingers brush against Jon’s as he hands him the lamp, and there is a jolt of electric sensation; a reminder that he is still talking to a god.

“Walk safely,” says the god.

“May I come back tomorrow?” Jon asks, and the god smiles, his eyes shining silver-gray.

“I look forward to it.”

*

Jon comes back the next day, and the next day, and the next. Sometimes he and the god talk; sometimes, when the god’s sorrow is too deep for conversation, Jon makes tea and they sit together quietly. Some days they walk in the hills, where the fog coils around the god’s feet like a cat. Jon brings the god the books he’s carried with him from the city, and the god—eventually, shyly—reads Jon a poem that he’s written. Jon is no aficionado, but the soft sincerity of the god’s voice makes something warm curl in his chest.

Their fingers brush over tea cups and the spines of books, each touch sending that little electric thrill through Jon’s nerves, and a warmth that has nothing to do with divinity. He knows it’s foolish—utterly ridiculous—to harbor such feelings for a god. But the god is kind and caring and clever; he sometimes makes terrible jokes, and when they walk, he insists on stopping to greet every shaggy brown cow they see.

The god is also sad, a bone deep, aching sorrow whose roots are unfathomable. He tries to explain it to Jon: he has always felt such sorrow, from time to time, as if all the joys of life were far away, seen from behind glass. But it has never lasted for so long, and it has never before prevented him from fulfilling his duties; he has always been able to push it aside, to do what he must.

That, Jon thinks, is part of the problem; his god is too kind, too devoted, too willing to sacrifice himself for his people.

His god, and when did Jon start to think of him that way? Not in worship, but in growing affection?

*

More than anything, the god loves to hear of Jon’s travels. He has journeyed far and wide in service to the Temple, and the god listens raptly as he describes distant places he has been, sights he’s seen, people he’s met.

“I’ve never traveled anywhere,” the god admits. “It sounds quite wonderful.”

“It can be,” says Jon. “Though it’s best when you have somewhere to return to.”

*

One morning in midsummer, the fog curls denser than ever, and Jon can scarcely find his way to the cottage through the murk. He hurries as fast as he can, worried that something might be astray. He worries more when the god does not open the door to Jon’s knock; Jon wonders for a moment if he might not be home, but they had agreed to walk and visit the cows today. His god would not forget.

He hesitates, then lets himself in.

He finds the god curled by the fire, sitting on the floor with a heavy blanket around his shoulders. His face is drawn and tear streaked, and as Jon approaches another shuddering sob tears itself from his throat, fresh tears flowing from his silver-gray eyes.

“Oh—” Jon drops to his knees on the hearthstone, his hands flying up as if to touch the god’s face, but instead hovering helplessly above his shoulders; they have never touched, but for those accidental brushes. Does he have the right?

“Jon…” the god says, his voice rough and choked. “I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have to see me this way.”

“Don’t say that,” says Jon, distraught. “Are you well?”

“I’m fine,” says the god, even as another sob shakes his shoulders. “I’m—there’s nothing wrong, not really. I’m just being...selfish. Absorbed in my own foolish melancholy when my people—“

“Forget your people!” Jon snaps, more sharply than he intends, and he sees his god flinch. “Just for a moment, think of yourself. I beg you.”

“My people—this place—they are me,” says the god. “If not for them, what would I even be?”

“You would be dear to me,” Jon says, hoarsely, and the god’s fog-colored eyes go wide, startled. The truth, then, and this time Jon does press a hand to his god’s soft cheek. The touch sends that familiar, tingling thrill through his palm, the feeling that Jon has learned to love.

“Oh,” the god whispers, and his hand comes up to cover Jon’s on his cheek. He leans into Jon’s touch, smiling even as the tears continue to flow.

*

There comes a day, in autumn, that dawns with sunshine and blue skies.

Jon wakes with his god curled beside him in the warm nest of their bed, and watches the light shining in through the window with wonder. It isn’t precisely a surprise: the fog has been lessening these past few weeks, the clouds growing less gray, but still he had not dared to hope that the sun might return—to the sky, and to his god’s heart.

After a time, the god wakes as well—slowly, as he always does—and his tousled head turns towards Jon. His eyes blink open, and their color is the clear blue of summer skies.

“G’morning,” he says sleepily, and Jon’s heart swells with love for him.

“Good morning,” he says. “The sun is out.”

*

The people of the valley rejoice with the return of the sun. This year’s harvest is lost, but they can begin to plan for next spring’s planting. The leaders of the village go to the shrine to give thanks to their god, but the strange scholar from the city answers the door and refuses to let them inside.

“He’s busy,” the scholar says, and shoos them away.

*

“You know that the fog may return, in time?” The god’s fingers twine gently with Jon’s. “I love you more than breath, but love cannot guard against such inborn sorrow. It comes when it wills, regardless of life’s joys.”

“Let it come,” says Jon. “I have loved you in the fog, and I will again. You own my heart, however heavy yours might be.”

He lifts his god’s hand and kisses his fingertips, feeling the buzz of bright sensation against his lips.

“My dear,” his god murmurs. “My heart.”

*

It isn’t long before Jon receives the letter that he knew would come; the fog has lifted and there’s no more to be learned, he is to return to the Temple at once.

He reads the letter once, then burns it.

*

“We should go somewhere,” Jon says, one evening. His god smiles, fingers stroking through Jon’s hair, leaving little trails of electric sensation behind.

“That’s a pleasant fancy,” he says. “I would love to travel with you, see those wonderful places you’ve told me about.”

“Why shouldn’t you?” Jon urges. “Just for a time?”

“I-I couldn’t,” the god stutters. “My people—“

“Your people would carry on without you,” says Jon. “You have given everything that you are to this place and its people for so long; you’ve suffered through pain and sorrow in silence, until you could conceal it no more. You have thought of nothing for yourself, love, and so I must think of it for you.”

His god is staring at him now, his blue eyes wide and wet with tears. Jon grasps both of his hands, feeling the little sparks of divinity dancing across his skin.

“Come away with me,” he pleads. “Be selfish, for a little while.”

“Jon…” His god breathes his name like a prayer, and Jon wonders at the fortune that brought him here. His god smiles, bright and glorious.

“Yes,” he says.

*

They lock up the cottage before they leave, an empty shrine, but only for a time. The spring sun is shining, and in the valley below they can see people working in the fields, planting for their next harvest. The god gives a worried sigh, and Jon takes his hand.

“Your people are well,” he says, gently. “And we won’t be too long away.”

“I know,” says his god, and squeezes his hand. Then he smiles, wry and mischievous. “I had a thought; since we’ll be out in the world, I should choose a name. I expect most people won’t take kindly to calling me god.”

“That may be wise,” Jon agrees, laughing. “Have you thought of the name you might want?”

“Well…” his god says. “I was fond of the protagonist in that novel of yours—The Life and Adventures of Martin Blackwood?”

“Martin Blackwood, eh?” Jon says, considering. His god—Martin now, perhaps—tilts his head quizzically, his blue eyes shining.

“What do you think?” he asks, and Jon smiles.

“I think it suits you.”

#the magnus archives #tma #jonmartinweek2021 #my fic #jonmartin

[carnegiemuseumnaturalhistory]

Warmer Springs and Earlier Birds

by Bonnie McGill

Male Red-winged Blackbird (Agelaius phoeniceus) by Jonathan Eckerson via Macaulay Library.

Male Red-winged Blackbirds! For me, their calls and bright red shoulders are one of the signs that spring is really here. Mind you, this is no subtle sign of spring that takes an expert naturalist to notice. No, this is a sign of spring that slaps you across the face, as if spring is calling, “I’m here! CONK-A-REE! Look at me!” Next time you drive past a wetland area with cattails, there is a good chance you’ll see one or more showing off their red shoulders (the brown females are beautiful too). Red-winged Blackbirds have been back in western PA and announcing their territorial claims since March. Whether you live in the country or the city, bird watching is a great way to observe the change in seasons and connect with the nature around you (and in you).

As a member of the Climate and Rural Systems Partnership (CRSP) team I’ve been gathering evidence-based stories of how climate change is impacting natural processes in western PA. Since this week is the City Nature Challenge, folks might be paying closer attention to birds, creating an opportunity for museum scientists to explain what migratory songbirds in our region can teach us about climate change.

Since 1961 scientists at the museum’s Powdermill Avian Research Center (PARC) in Pennsylvania’s Laurel Highlands have been monitoring birds. In that time they have captured, studied, marked, and released almost 800,000 birds! This week, for example, PARC’s mist nets are temporarily capturing birds like the Common Yellowthroat, Yellow Warbler, House Wren, Ruby-throated Hummingbird, American Redstart, and Wood Thrush.

Migratory birds that are part of the PARC long term dataset (clockwise from left): Wood Thrush, Common Yellowthroat, Yellow Warbler, and Ruby-throated Hummingbird. All of these species are breeding earlier in the year in response to climate change that has already occured. Photos courtesy of Powdermill Avian Research Center.

All of these species are migratory--spending the winter in the southern US, the Caribbean, Central America, and/or South America. Many fly across the Gulf of Mexico (!) on their way north in the spring. All of these birds share another trait--they are nesting earlier in the year than they once did. We will follow the Wood Thrush as an example of how many birds are responding to the warming climate.

The artwork in this blog post is by the author and part of an infographic depicting the information written here.

PARC’s unique 50 year dataset allows scientists to study how birds respond to long term changes, including the warming climate. Average April temperatures in the Laurel Highlands have already increased by two degrees Fahrenheit since the 1960s, and are projected to warm by another four to five degrees Fahrenheit by 2050. Warmer springs trigger earlier plant budburst. Insects, especially caterpillars, feast on buds and young leaves, which have less toxins than mature leaves. Caterpillars are the breakfast of champions (among birds). So, migratory songbirds, including the Wood Thrush, need to synchronize their northward movement with the budburst. This means an earlier arrival, according to the calendar, at points all along their migration route.

Wood Thrushes arrive from Central America five days earlier than they did in the 1960s. Research suggests that migratory birds respond to temperature cues along their migration route and speed up (warmer temperatures) or slow down (cooler temperatures). Birds may be responding to temperature directly or indirectly via other temperature-dependent cues such as wind speed and direction and spring leaf out.

Early arrival is not the only adjustment Wood Thrushes are making, however. The birds are also making their nests and hatching young earlier. Wood Thrushes are nesting 22 days earlier than they did in the 1960s. All four of the  bird species in the photo above are breeding earlier. Within the web of organisms that supplies food for birds, May 19 of the present feels like June 11 of the 1960s. The earlier nesting in response to a warming climate means birds that normally hatch and rear multiple broods per breeding season, such as House Wrens and Northern Cardinals, may  have greater reproductive capacity. PARC research shows that Gray Catbirds and Northern Cardinals are having more young in warmer springs, but other multi-brood species such as House Wrens and Common Yellowthroats are not.

While birds seem to be keeping pace with climate change now, they may not be able to in the future. Their capacity to adjust migratory and reproductive behavioral traits in response to climate change is finite. Also, we’ve already lost an estimated 3 billion North American birds since 1970 due to factors including habitat loss, insect declines, pesticide use, and predation by domestic cats. Now climate change is making bird survival even more difficult. The capacity of bird populations to evolve in response to climate change is also limited -- climate change in the Anthropocene is happening much more rapidly than climate change in past epochs, many times faster than evolution can keep up. The good news is we can help birds, ecosystems, and ourselves by taking action to reduce the severity of climate change.

Here are three ways individuals and communities can help birds by mitigating climate change:

1) Conserve habitat: Habitats like forests, wetlands, and prairies provide food and shelter for birds while the plants and soils remove and store carbon away from the atmosphere. These habitats are needed throughout birds’ migratory ranges. Create habitat by reducing lawns and planting native plants. For example, many birds enjoy eating the fruits of spicebush, elderberry, and black cherry, which are native to western Pennsylvania. You can find more bird-friendly plants native to your area at https://www.audubon.org/plantsforbirds.

2) Renewable energy: A just transition to renewable energy sources like properly-sited wind* and solar will reduce greenhouse gas emissions, provide local jobs, improve air quality, and help protect birds and people from climate change. *The National Audubon Society supports properly-sited wind energy.

3) Eat your vegetables: A more plant-based diet is an impactful way to reduce greenhouse gas footprints. Also, choosing food that is grown with less pesticides, and using less pesticides in the stewardship of your garden, helps support the survival of insects that are food for birds. Reductions in demand for pesticides also reduces their manufacture, which further reduces greenhouse gas emissions. Learn more from Project Drawdown.

So get out there, find the signs of spring that are gentle (Trout Lilies) and not-so-gentle (Red-winged Blackbirds), log them in iNaturalist for the City Nature Challenge, and talk with your family and your community about how you can implement one or two (or three!) of the actions suggested above!

You can also read this as an infographic here.

Thank you to the many folks who helped with the development of this blog post and infographic: Luke DeGroote, Mary Shidell, and Annie Lindsay at PARC; the Laurel Highlands network of the Climate and Rural Systems Partnership; Nicole Heller; Taiji Nelson; and Sarah Crawford.

Bonnie McGill, Ph.D. is a science communication fellow for the Climate and Rural Systems Partnership and based in the Anthropocene Studies Section at Carnegie Museum of Natural History. Museum employees are encouraged to blog about their unique experiences and knowledge gained from working at the museum.

#Carnegie Museum of Natural History #Anthropocene #Migratory Birds #Spring #Climate Change

[discoscoob]

"What Loki got wrong – and Doctor Who got right Redeeming a villainous character isn’t easy but the Disney Plus series could pick up a few tips from the BBC’s flagship series.

We all love Loki – the God of Mischief, Lord of Chaos, a wannabe tyrant and murderer with a twinkle in his eye and a spring in his step. So where on Earth (or rather, in the multiverse) did he go during his eponymous Disney Plus series? When Loki was first proposed, I was intrigued to see a Marvel spin-off that focused on an amoral, self-serving character. But over the course of its six episodes, we saw Tom Hiddleston abruptly deliver a reverse heel-turn, transforming a character that had always skirted in grey areas of villainy into a fairly bland, heroic type who just wanted to save the universe.In the final episode, Loki was offered the chance at universal war and chaos, a throne or a quiet home life in the background. The mind boggles that someone who tried to rule the planet just a few weeks before and apparently revelled in disorder would so quickly plump for the third option, no matter how nice his new friends were. .Maybe Loki needs more ‘good’ characters to bounce off for him to play the fun bad boy, as he had in the Thor movies. Maybe creating a Marvel series with a morally ambiguous lead, à la Rick and Morty, was never on the cards. But there was a way that Loki could have redeemed its central character without completely compromising what made him interesting in the first place. In fact, it’s been done before in a different series.A few times over the course of Loki, viewers had compared it to Doctor Who, mainly because of its general time-travel premise (what are the officious TVA except Time Lords with a dental plan?) and especially after episode three saw Loki and Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) trapped on a dying world. In fact, many commented that Loki did ‘Doctor Who’ better than Doctor Who itself, thanks to a higher budget and bigger stars. (Though did Loki have a sonic screwdriver? I think not. Case closed.)And I actually think Loki could learn something from Doctor Who, more specifically, from a storyline that saw an iconic villain try to change their ways with Cast your mind back to 2017 and Peter Capaldi’s final series as the Twelfth Doctor. A major throughline of those episodes was the Doctor’s attempt to redeem his old nemesis The Master, then played by Michelle Gomez as Missy. Initially reluctant (and not before a few final backstabs), Missy did end up playing the hero, only to be cut down by an alternate version of herself (AKA her predecessor in the regenerating role, John Simm) before she could reveal to the Doctor that she’d finally come over to his side.Crucially, during this process Missy was often as unpleasant, irascible and darkly funny as she’d ever been at her most villainous, regularly still insulting and belittling the Doctor and his friends even as she did gain more empathy and something of a moral code. She didn’t just completely gain a new personality, in other words, and the story was more moving and believable as a result.Of course, Loki is changed by what happens to him over the course of his series – the “journey” he goes on, as Jonathan Majors’ He Who Remains puts it, is needed to put him in the position where he’s willing to take over the TVA himself. But what we see him go through on screen doesn’t feel like enough to justify such a change in the character – or why the show would choose to make him so much less entertaining.If Loki had always been how he appeared in the finale, he wouldn’t have lasted as long as he has in the MCU, let alone get his own spin-off. Make Loki fun again! It probably doesn’t help that we’ve seen an onscreen version of Loki’s journey already which did a better job, with the ‘older’/original Loki’s arc in 2017 Marvel movie Thor: Ragnarok making a much better case for his gradual turn from self-interest to semi-heroism, though still with a trademark blend of arrogance and style (including bellowing “Your saviour is here!” as he rescued the people of Asgard).Maybe it helps that, in that film, he plays second fiddle to Chris Hemsworth’s Thor. Maybe Missy’s story only worked in Doctor Who because she wasn’t the main character, and similarly had the good

Doctor to bounce off (though if someone does want to make a Missy TV show, I’m in).Whatever the reasoning, something still feels a little off about this newly heroic Loki variant. Time for, if not a pruning, then at least a bit of a redirection if season two is going to find its glorious purpose"

reading this article rolling my eyes first off Missy went by a different name, also was not really a redemption of the master but that version of the master e.g missy which still don't know where this version is suppose to happen cause imo missy was the master but unlike the master had more redemptive qualities, wanting to be the doctors friend again/wanting to change but never getting the chance/past version didn't want to change, while this version feels like always on a path of redemption to the be killed off and the master comes back still evil, most likely missy version of the master will never be mentioned again/ never see this version again. also have they watched the Loki show, he literally learns he dies in the future, his stuck in a unfamiliar place by a very powerful organisation, also his self serving persona has always been a façade mostly, people can suddenly want to change which imo Loki hasn't really wanted to as Thor as pointed out about him going round in circles and him never seem to want to change in Ragnarok he was still not really change even though he shown he can be a better person, he also betrayed thor show still self serving. but Loki in the series makes sense his perception would change, his lost him home, his free will, Thor, learns he died/dies, and can't back to his timeline, but find it unbelieveable that Loki whole attitude would change... i think people need to pay more attention/don't really understand Loki, also he is still fun 3 episodes in just because his not acting like a clown and shown to be vulnerable and shown be more genuine and wanting be a hero doesn't mean they completely stripped his personality, hopefully we see his fun personality back next series. the reason he lasted in MCU so long is not just because his fun etc but because his a complex character, if i remember correct his fun personality didn't really come out until the dark world and then ragonorak in Thor he was angry and bitter and avengers was angry and bitter and wanting to rule earth. also we saw his fun personality up until episode 3 as slowly began to stop clowning around and become more genuine through Sylvie, also good friends didn't just change Loki, it was already in there it was a journey he always destined to go down as saw in the films which now some what reset in the series for another journey but thing is Mobius and Sylvie not just better Loki but his also bettered Mobius and Sylvie, also makes sense he change his self serving behaviour as learns even gets the throne or what he thought was his glory purpose he still not be truly happy, just like Sylvie and just like Mobius at The TVA. i feel some just don't really go into who Loki character is or just like his boring now if his not there being smug or clown or him finally actually being genuine = bad telling of redemption ok *rolls eyes*

I 100% agree! Reading that made me roll my eyes too, until I got to your part of the anon, that was a relief to read.

#loki #loki series

[moth-song-archives]

The Insatiable Flow of Time (1/8)

I remembered that I can make posts here too huh! Anyways, I wrote a post-MAG200 fic <3

I’ll reblog it again with the link to ao3 if you’d prefer reading it there :D

Rating: Teens and Up Archive Warnings: Choose Not To Use Categories: F/F Relationships: Georgie/Melanie, Georgie & Jon, Jonmartin (mentioned) Characters: Georgie Barker, Melanie King, Jonathan Sims, the Admiral, Basira Hussain (mentioned), Rosie Zampano (mentioned), Martin Blackwood (mentioned)

Additional tags: Diary/Journal × post mag200 × Post-Canon × Canon Compliant × Rated for swearing and me doing my best to write a fitting epilogue for my most fave story of all time × Bittersweet × Hurt/Comfort × Grief/Mourning × Gentle-Sad-Soft × Fluff × Non-Sexual Intimacy × Tenderness × Generally Hopeful Ending × Ambiguous/Open Ending × Catharsis × You know how TMA is a tragedy? ... yeah × Hope Punk × dealing with the fallout of surviving a literal apocalypse × Moving on and letting go × Trans Georgie Barker × Nonbinary Melanie King × Melanie uses any pronouns but needs to (re)discover this first × and is then mainly referred to with they/them pronouns for diary-simplicity × Melanie is ace in my heart ♡ × Jon is also enby but it only gets referred to in passing × Georgie has a Type™ × Character Study × i love them all so much × Nonbinary aspec author × it's very hope punk and somft BUT ALSO VERY SAD × in like a cathartic way × because i like causing pain :') × pre-written and updates every 2-3 days

I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

As the world tries to piece itself back together, Georgie grapples with her past, her present, and her future by keeping a diary. She also keeps having this strange, recurring dream that involves Jon. Post MAG200.

Finished at ~12k, will upload over the next couple of days <3

Day 3 - Evening

Melanie is sleeping. Basira is also sleeping, on the sofa in the living-room. She doesn’t really know what to do with herself, these days, so for now she’s staying with us.

I am not sleeping. I’m so far beyond tired that I can’t sleep anymore. It’s been... how long? More than a day, certainly. I’m at the kitchen table and the night outside is darker than any I’ve ever seen. There are no street lights and a million more stars than I could’ve ever imagined. I wish Melanie could see them too :(

Back before everything in my life went wrong, I used to be really good at this. I think I got my first diary when I was... seven, maybe eight? I used to be obsessed with it. I guess I stopped writing in college, after the incident, because it felt... wrong? Like I was lying to myself, trying to fabricate emotions that just weren’t there, keeping up with things that no longer seemed important or note-worthy. Mainly, I couldn’t make myself care about anyone or anything anymore.

I think I want to find that person again, now that it’s over. Try and… move on? And Melanie encouraged me :) I guess that’s the main reason. I found this notebook in one of the domains when we were rescuing people. I don’t know what I originally wanted to do with it, but I did end up forgetting about it until I went through my bag again today. It smells like fire and is a bit singed in places, but I kind of like that? I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. ...that sounds very pretentious, but this is just for me, so...

And I like that it’s just cheap paper scribbled on with a shitty biro. Maybe I’ll just burn it when all the thoughts are on the paper instead of in my head. When I can sleep again. And the prize for the most dramatic way of closure goes to Georgie Barker! But yeah. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

But I don’t feel any different. Shouldn’t I feel different, now that they’re gone? The entities, I mean, though Jon and Martin seem to be gone, too.

I keep remembering Martin’s expression when he told us to go early, how upset he was.

Honestly, I can’t say I’m surprised. As long as I’ve known Jon, he’s always done what he thought best. It used to drive me up the walls, but I also admired it, I think? I never would’ve told him that, but… Well. He’s gone now.

It’s over, all of it.

And I still can’t sleep.

And Melanie is still blind, and I still feel empty, and my fear still hasn’t come back. Everyone who died is still dead, and the trauma is still there. There were angry mobs in the streets, and people got killed.

I can’t quite believe that Jon and Martin went with them. I can’t believe they left us behind to explain the entire mess.

 We’re back in our old flat. It’s so weird to be back home. Everything looks the same, as though no time passed at all. Nobody knows what date it is. How long were we caught in there?

Outside, it feels like spring. There are birds everywhere, singing their hearts out. Sounds like more birds than there used to be, too. The trees are leafless and dead-looking, but Basira pointed out that they’re getting there... and it feels like spring.

I haven’t slept properly in 3 days because the questions keep me awake. It’s not that I’m worrying, really, just… thinking? I think I could sleep better if the worry had come back, but it hasn’t.

As far as we can tell, all modern devices are broken, too. Computers and phones and such, digital cameras, generators... we don’t even know what the rest of the world looks like. I hadn’t realised how much gets controlled by computers these days, we don’t even have central heating or water access in our flat. Rumours and news are spreading person-to-person, like in the Olden Days. We only have emergency systems that were installed in case of nation-wide blackout. I guess I’m glad we don’t actually have a blackout, we just need to get the computers back to work. (If I understood it correctly.)

Melanie thinks it’ll all come back to life in a few more days. I certainly hope so. I also hope I’ll stop feeling like this. Or rather, not feeling like anything. It’s so strange. Like in the first days after the incident, when I just felt numb?

They’re gone! I want to feel like a person again! What if I never get myself back?

 They’re actually gone.

 What will we do with our lives now? Basira isn’t the only one who feels uprooted. I think the whole world feels like that right now.

I hope my computer comes back soon. I miss music, and making things. My photos, all those memories.

I don’t want to lose all of that. I want to start fresh, but not without records of the past.

…I’ve had a lot of time to think about that, specifically. Records, and futures.

What the Ghost is done, right? There’s no fun in creepy ghost stories if you’ve been through an actual, living nightmare.

I think I want to start new with that, too. When everything works again, that is.

New world, new future, new podcast. I like that. I think. Make a record of what happened through eyewitness accounts? Or is that too similar to the Statements… then again, it’ll be more like interviews. And I think we shouldn’t forget.

We owe them that much.

I’ll have to talk it over with Melanie tomorrow. Maybe.

We’ll see.

God, I think maybe… maybe I can actually try and sleep tonight. Writing does seem to help.

 Note to self: thank Laverne for suggesting it. (Also for being there for Melanie. And listening to us. And stopping with that culty nonsense. She’s the only one we found so far, but she actually listened to us. Strange to think that in this world, I have to be grateful for someone not worshipping me for some dumb reason?!)

   Day 4 - Morning

So. Three things.

1) I did manage to fall asleep after all! I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac, especially after the incident, so actually getting some proper rest felt really good.

2) I somehow woke up right as the sun went up! I think I’ve never seen a dawn this beautiful? I watched it from the bedroom window and I’ll definitely describe it to her in detail when she wakes up! The Admiral was sleeping on our pillow, right next to her head, snuggled up against the back of her neck and shoulder... it was so cute. I can’t believe my phone and camera still don’t work! Melanie has that old polaroid camera somewhere but we haven’t found it yet, and I wish my art skills were any better. I did draw a sketch of the two of them though. I’ll cherish it forever, no matter how shitty it is :’)

After everything that happened, the Admiral is still a bit weird around us. He started out really aggressive, calmed down a bit, and now… now he’s weirdly skittish? Meows a lot. Keeps walking around the flat. The only thing that even remotely returns him to how he used to be is tuna. It’s weird.

But seeing him like that, with Melanie? I love him so much.

I think he’ll be okay.

But before I forget, and why I actually got out the diary at this ungodly hour instead of trying to go back to sleep now that the sun is up…

3) I had a really nice dream. And... I don’t even know. I think I want to try and hold onto the feeling? I don’t think I’ve felt that… deeply… in a long while. Maybe the last time was before all this, when we decided to move in together. Before all of this happened.

For a moment, I felt like I was whole again :’)

It didn’t even have Melanie in it, which is very rude tbh. I think Jon was there? The Admiral, too. We were just chilling on the sofa, watching netflix I think... It felt so... mundane??? Casual, somehow??? Like it was normal to feel like that and I just... I want THAT. I want to feel like that again, instead of this weird… blank nothingness? I want that all the time, not just when I’m riding a high or feeling so terrible that it pierces through.

I don’t know if that makes sense but this is just for me anyway so I suppose it doesn’t have to.

 I think I should feel bad about Jon being gone, but I still don’t even feel relief at it being over. Just this vague numbness.

I hate it so much, except I don’t, actually, I just know that I should?

Melanie keeps saying that I need a therapist but if we’re being honest here, I guess I need one the least? The whole goddamn world needs therapy right now. Including the therapists. And I’ve been dealing with this for a long time now.

I guess I keep hoping it’ll just go away somehow.

 Anyways. Enough introspection, I’m going back to bed. I hope I don’t wake them! :)

  Day 4 - Evening

 It’s night now, the sun went down hours ago. We have a bunch of candles, but I’m trying to use them sparingly, so I just have one lit. I put a glass of water next to the candle so now the light gets magnified a bit more. It’s a weird atmosphere, but I kinda like it? Feels… cozy! :)

I’m still not over how everything looks the same, but nothing works like it did before, and there’s this… burden? This collective trauma everyone went through. It feels so surreal. So many things are still broken… it’s like we woke from a collective nightmare, but pieces of it still remain, floating around.

And we just sent it away with the tapes. I really hope those other worlds are doing better than us, but what else could we have done? I… try not to think about it. I know I should, but I still can’t really bring myself to care, or even feel overly guilty for that? …

 Melanie fell asleep with her head in my lap half an hour ago. I was reading to her. She says she loves the sound of my voice, so I’ve started doing that in the evenings. (I still love that we had separate crushes from a distance on each other for ages because of youtube and WTG. We’ve been talking about that a lot, too.)

She still has nightmares, but apparently she’s also been having good dreams, and she looks so peaceful right now. The last few days have been a lot, but in comparison to before, and even before then…

It’s over. We made it out. We get to have a future together. I still can’t quite believe it. :)

 I guess I’m writing again (despite already having done so in the morning) because it somehow helped yesterday and I’m hoping to replicate that. And I have a lot to think about. It’s been a long day.

Basira is still out there, helping out where she can. I think she feels guilty. Melanie says she doesn’t because there was no other choice, but I know her, and I know that she’s lying.

There’s always another choice. We just say that to make it easier to bear.

I hope she knows she can come talk to me when she feels ready to tackle it.

I hope I ever feel able to tackle it myself. No. I will talk to her when I’m ready.

We did talk a bit about things, of course. Melanie doesn’t really remember her dreams, most of the time, but apparently she’s been alternating between horrifying nightmares and a really nice, recurring one that sometimes happens after the nightmares. She doesn’t really remember much of it, but she mentioned it after I told her about the Jon dream. Not what it was about, just… in general.

From the way she talked about it, I think her dad might have been in it? I’m actually not sure, but the way she smiled…

She has that little smile on her lips again, even now, dreaming. The soft one she gets when she talks about good things. About him.

About me.

(I still can’t believe she chose me. How impossibly lucky? How did I ever deserve her? But then, it’s not about that, is it? She is mine, and I am hers, and… life will be good. I know it will be.)

 She’s been smiling a lot more, these past few days.

#the magnus archives #tma #tma fanfic #georgie barker #jonathan sims #wtgf #melanie king #post mag200 fanfic #tma spoilers #tma finale #the magnus archives spoilers #tma s5 spoilers #mag 200 spoilers #hm ive never uploaded fanfic here too #cause with moth song the chapters are so huge xD #the insatiable flow of time #tifot fic #i love georgie so so much #hope i do this justice #will reblog again with ao3 link :3 #but if i remember right links dont show up in tags #though i doubt anyone will find this via the tags but yknow