#and utterly painful

[thatgirl4815]

Working theory: Sand has had enough of Ray's back-and-forth over him and Mew, of being thrown away when he's not needed, of this shitty friend group ruining his life. His patience has been worn too thin. So in a fit of rage, what does he do? Takes a bat to Ray's convertible.

#I firmly believe that car has established itself as a bit of a character in Ray and Sand's relationship #given the role it has played at various stages in their relationship #So for Sand to take a bat to it? #symbolic #and glorious #and utterly painful #only friends #only friends the series #ofts #firstkhaotung #sandray #raysand #first kanaphan #only friends sand #sand only friends #only friends theories #only friends predictions

[olasketches]

two sides of the same coin

#itadori yuuji #ryomen sukuna #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #my art #jujutsu kaisen fanart #brainrot incoming (pls don’t mind me) #one thing sukuna and yuuji have in common is that they’re both absolutely miserable #sukuna is utterly selfish and yet it only made him hollow inside and now he’s just killing time waiting for death to come #yuuji is completely selfless and yet it’s only made him suffer and bc of that he’s been constantly trying to check out of life #and I think the funniest but also the most painful thing about these two is that… #despite that they’re vastly opposite they might be the only people that can understand each other the most #imagine them having a heart to heart lol maybe then they would realise some things about themselves

[hel1anthus-annuus]

Love this bitch for having multiple gender filters on. He’s transmasc, he’s a woman who’s a man, she’s nothing at all

#i love the idea of writing mizu as effectively nonbinary because of the constant isolation and alienation she feels #identifying with womanhood in a sort of secondary manner— a samurai first and a woman second #explores womanhood through mizu lol #no matter what. shes trans in some way #though i hesitate applying that label #if only because i dont think mizu would identify as trans in any instance; i’m sure mizu thinks he just IS #stuck between womanhood (something she doesn’t really care about) and manhood (a mask for her to put on to fulfill his goals) #and yet transmasc interpretations of mizu UTTERLY FASCINATE ME #AUGH! woman who is a man (this is both a transmasc and nonbinary filter) #thinking back to mizu binding. i wonder how he felt #that scene can have so many gender filters #pain— applicable to both a woman binding to avoid misogyny and a trans man binding to avoid misogyny and dysphoria #i think no matter how you see mizu; he’s dysphoric in that scene #i could go on #blue eye samurai

[beatcroc]

the real joke here is that i'm pretty sure fake pep is like totally average person height, it's just that the rest of this cast are fuckin pipsqueaks

hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette]<-u are here [peppino] [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]

#regardless of what i said abt the noise these two are DEFINITELY besties #pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #noisette #gustavo is 1 foot tall to me. peppino is not more than 4'. they are funny little cartoons and fake pep is just. a guy. #brick is at LEAST six feet tall though idk whats up with him. huge rat #only cute fake peps in this one...u will get The Beast next one though. next one is with peppinooooo... #framing of it is proving to be a bit of a pain though so im prolly gonna do a silly aside thing first #arting #there is not really a joke with the tip jar btw i just needed fp to be....doing something. boring if he just sits there. #Popular post #i dont have anything else to say here except to bitch about how utterly fucked the framing and perspetive of this one is oops #pizzaposting

[vonderful-time]

the dark urge: i love you.

enver gortash: why do you sound so burdened?

the dark urge: i love you.

enver gortash: am i hearing distress in your voice?

#vonderful rambling #them having a confession scene that just sounds so utterly painful for durge to say #durge: fuck i am in love with you #gortash: why do you sound so stressed when you say it?? #credit to a writing prompts tumblr post for this incorrect quote #durgetash #goretash #enver gortash x dark urge #durge #the dark urge #enver gortash #bg3

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Izutsumi character study

#dungeon meshi #izutsumi #One of my goals for this year was to spend more time doing art studies. #What better way to start than with my favourite danmeshi character (not seen: a whole page of figuring out her features) #I feel like she is by far one of the most poorly understood characters in the series. Partially due to her 'late party member' status. #'She's abrasive and mean' - 'she's a picky eater' - 'she's a catgirl who acts like an asshole cat ' YES and that is the point! #Everyone in dungeon meshi is traumatized and messy about it but izutsumi is just less polite in how she tries to cope. #Izutsumi is a extremely traumatized teenager who has utterly lacked autonomy her entire life. #She is the epitome of a “If I can just have X thing then all my problems will be solved!” character. And the X is 'Freedom'. #Her epilogue was one of the best and wrapped up her character so wonderfully (WARNING: I WILL NOW SPOIL PART OF THE ENDING) #Because she finally gets her freedom! She can go where she wants to and she doesn't need anybody! Yet...it doesn't fix her. #She is so focused on doing only what she wants that she forgets her own needs. Sometimes you have to eat the things you don't want. #And sometimes you have to face the hard truths that you need more than just one thing to make you happy. #Life is not all about only seeking pleasures and avoiding pain. You need to be balanced in order to grow. #Eat your vegetables (including the metaphorical ones: I am eating more art veggies this year by doing art studies!!!)

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

#the unwanted guest #the unwanted guest spoilers #the locked tomb #ianthe tridentarius #augustine the first #pyrrha dve #palamedes sextus #this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate) #the locked tomb meta #the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though. #of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world #utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there #and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea #when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter #it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level' #she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him #because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing #to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after #IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival #ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god #gaining nothing at the cost of everything

[starshipoftheseus]

04.11.24 (SEA vs SJS): a very tired JOEY DACCORD accepts his three stars of the year & fan-favorite awards at the end of the last home game of the season

#kraken lb #joey daccord #seattle kraken #krakenblr #krakenedit #hockeyedit #hockeyblr #nhl #nhledit #ice hockey #my stuff #my gifs #my hockey gifs #i'm so so sad we lost this one. utterly painful to watch #i hate seeing joey sad #but i'm really proud of him #he absolutely has earned all of the recognition he's got 100 times over #my love for hockey started with seeing him play in cv & he means so so much to me. so much. #i just hope he knows how much ppl adore him both up there and down with the birds bc he is so so loved. he's done amazing #wow! if anyone irl read what i say in these tags they'd think i was a homeofseckshual! (i am) anyway goodnight #bwehhhhhhh. #wehhhhhh

[mrkgrl]

11.11. is pocky day!!

#posting it at 11:11 PM to get the full experience #teen wolf #sterek #eternalsterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #konpyuutart #I'm still so utterly heartbroken over sth #trying to stop this pain by drawing fluff and sad things #does it help? no lol not at all #pocky day #ポッキーの日

[mokutone]

your art makes me wanna start testosterone

i can't read tone well, so this is either an incredibly touching ask, or an extremely funny one, and in the absence of confirmation: both!

i'm in a chatty mood, so i'll share some thoughts about testosterone and my art.

i liked being on testosterone a lot. i had an IM injection every two weeks (on tuesdays!) and because that's a sizeable dose every 14 days that slowly disperses, it can cause some mood fluctuations (every other friday i would have a crisis about not feeling like the world had a place for me in it) but even those were far more manageable than the ones that would come with my previous and current monthly hormone cycle (every month i spend a solid week thinking the world will never have a place for me in it)

It gave me a patchy little bit of scruff on my chin and a whispy mustache under my nose that still struggles on, despite adversity!

It redistributed my fat a little bit, but that's long since gone back to pre-T shape.

it lowered my voice! that hasn't changed :^)! even if i never go back on t, that won't change. it was the thing i most wanted, and its the one i'm most grateful for. Pre-T, I didn't speak much. I'm getting better and better at talking and getting more and more comfortable communicating with people because of it.

having been off t now for 3 years, i don't pass anymore—not as a cis man, or a cis woman, certainly not as anything approximating straight. if people look at me and see anything, i'd hazard a guess that they see me as A Queer (the noun—for all it's complicated connotations).

i'm not surprised that my art might make somebody want to start testosterone! a lot of my art was made out of the aching grief that came with being kicked off of testosterone, and how neatly that loss of autonomy over my own body knits in with yamato's loss of autonomy over his own.

how my body started doing things i disliked, how i didn't have the support necessary to access the healthcare i needed—how my inability to give myself what i needed made me feel as though i were trapped inside of myself and abandoned (by both myself and the world at large)

when i write comics about yamato as a trans man, i don't take away his testosterone, because that hits a little too close to home for me. for Ninja War Town Reasons, he has plenty of access to all the HRT he could ever need and nobody questions his need for it—instead, i project my own horrors onto the way Danzō defined his identity for him as a child, the way that Kabuto and Obito dehumanize him as an adult in their war efforts, and reduce him to the thing his body holds (the Mokuton). I give him a kneejerk compulsion to dehumanize himself (out of a feeling that he has a duty to his community to do so) and I give him a slow-growing resistance to that impulse (which comes out of a feeling that the people he loves would frown upon seeing him reduce himself like that)

it's dysphoria! it's not gender dysphoria, but it's a loss of self, and a need to reclaim it. it's a war between the hollow shell of a thing he thinks he has to be, and the vibrant and messy person beneath it that he is. it's a desperate need to say "this is who i am—only i can say it"

I enjoyed HRT a lot. it was a really useful tool in helping me feel like my body was my own, that i didn't have to fight it, that we were the same entity. It's not the only tool, but it was a really good one, and one day I hope to use it again.

(as for the being off of it—it's unpleasant, but i'm enduring! being somebody who now doesn't really pass as anything has put me in a weird and interesting position, where I'm constantly having to declare myself to people, because nobody knows what to make of me on any front. they don't know if i'm a man, a woman, nonbinary, nor even what age i am (Augh!!!!) it forces me to be brave and vulnerable more than I'm comfortable with—if I tell somebody I'm a man, there's no way that they will believe I'm cis, but I'm not about to recloset myself—and I don't think I could at this point anyway.)

(there's something fascinating about the position i find myself in, and while i'd leap back on t the moment that an opportunity presented itself to do so, i do feel like i'm experiencing something interesting and important in this weird zone i find myself in)

#yamswers #anonymous #dysphoria discussion #q slur — only because i literally use it in the noun form most associated w/ dehumanization #i love that u asked this on a tuesday. thank u for asking this on a tuesday #happy testosterone tuesday to all who celebrate #i also got top surgery a while ago—which is responsible for about 50% of my average suicidal idealizations vanishing #because my chest was my second biggest site of dysphoria after my voice #it was far less painful than i dared imagine. and far more satisfying. i had an excellent and lucky recovery #my results aren't perfect but oh man. the joy of being able to press my hand (flat) to my chest (flat). #the way that a binder mimics the exact squeeze around my lungs that a panic attack stimulates— #not feeling that when i'm out in public? thank you modern medicine. thank you. oh my god. no more false flag panic attacks #i had to fight my insurance for two years and all the health providers i contacted told me the hoops i was being made to jump through #seemed utterly ridiculous. and it was still gobs of money but i got it. so grateful u cannot even imagine #a lot of people describe their feelings post op as “relief—finally i could see myself” #but i experience...more delight than relief. joy. is joy the absence of pain or the presence of happiness? can i tell the difference? #on my worst days i can lay a hand on my heart. and i can lay a hand on my heart. and i can lay a hand on my heart. and i can lay a hand on

[hogoflight]

decided I’m still in love with my TOA cat au. Eventually his kids agree to bring him home and take care of him on a schedule and his youngest (who got mysteriously claimed whilst Apollo was a cat) begged and begged to take him home. So the other kids eventually relented and he (loves Warrior cats so much) gave Apollo an honorary Warrior cats name. (Placeholder will be Rufflepaw / Ruffletail bc he’s a teenager cat! Actually no I feel like the teen awkwardness, self-awareness etc. given to Apollo as Lester when he got turned into a teen could correlate to Being A Scared Kitty.) WORSE THOUGHT: what if Apollo had the same identity crisis he did during the series but instead of “Lester” it was “Ruffletail”. How would that make you (me) feel (very upset). OK ACTUALLY INSTEAD, when Apollo completes his trials (?? WAIT. HOW WOULD HE DO THAT HE’S A CAT HANG ON.) and he publishes his book series about his trials he gently reads them to his (very excited) kids as a bedtime story. They all huddle around him (he is the nightlight and the radiator) as he reads and whenever Apollo reads out his identity crisis sections, every time he says his agreed-upon cat name his youngest yells “RUFFLETAIL!!” after it.

#apollo #toa #cat #toa cat au #dadpollo #HYPOTHETICALLY if I were to mirror the character arcs (as much as I could given. CAT) of the og TOA series AND TAKE THIS VERY SERIOUSLY #I would make the parts where Apollo is being cringe and obnoxious to try his hardest to make sure everyone “knows” he’s super selfish #Instead be him pretending to be over dramatic about being a cat. Generally being a nuisance and not cooperating (shitting in the sink). #but when he drops the 50 layers of denial he’s got going on he admits to himself how ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING it is to be an Actual God #who is now a Cat. and how helpless he feels. I think people around him would realise this when he doesn’t manage to #fake being over dramatic well enough people recognise he’s actually very upset and possibly in pain. And are very gentle and quiet with him #(bc he’s literally just a scared shaking cat :((( bless him) #Him realising the consequences of his actions would come from him being much weaker -> knowing what feeling utterly helpless feels like. #Much of the tragedy would come from being unable to communicate or apollogise with people he’s hurt currently (more intense motivation to #Apologise and communicate when he’s a god) #BUT then again this is if you were to take this seriously I like it silly 💃🕺 #I also like that he’s just being rotated around various people’s houses over the summer and Suffering. #Poor baby but also he absolutely deserves it <33 he’s learning!!

[xieyaohuan]

Meme by pocl_v

Inspired by (and surprisingly congruent with) the captain ahab and moby dick enemies meme, apropos of this confession

#butchlander #enemies meme #homelander #billy butcher #the boys #no clue about billy's age actually #the fandom wiki says he was born in 1976 #but the fandom wiki also says homelander was in pain during sex with madelyn so my trust level is lowwww #I put HL in the middle of utterly miserable and enjoying himself because #while he is utterly miserable in general #he is enjoying what he's got going with butcher until Herogasm

[tailsdollsnewlife]

5 minute sketch of girls who deserved much better lives

#lisa rpg #lisa the painful #lisa the joyful #buddy armstrong #lisa armstrong #The lisa games utterly changed my life #They both deserved better

[russellius]

2023 LAS VEGAS GP : P8

GEORGE: Just this season.. it's one thing after another. (...) Even without the penalty I would've veen very disappointed, because we should have been on that podium and it would have been a nice way to send me end up this season after it's been such a disastrous one. But yeah, I guess this tops it off (...) There's been so many positives to this season, the only thing that hasn't been a positive at all is the result. It's so strange, I've had some of my best qualifyings ever of the year, starting right at the front, first two rows in many races, with a car this year that's not been as competitive, and feeling that I've been really getting the most out of it at certain points. But the results for one thing or another.. [are] just not coming. Better to get it out of the way this year, when the car isn't fighting for championships, rather than in a season where we are.

#george russell #las vegas gp 2023 #*m #f1 #23 #lvg23 #vegas #(im so heartbroken for him. this season has been so rough and every time he fought his way back after a disaster #he was just hit with another before he could claim a good result...) #(just so utterly painful and i feel so sorry for him)

[lemongogo]

#this.discussion between them is one of my favorites #this and that exchange a while earlier where vash talks ab gunsmokes reliance on plants being a consequence of the big fall #and a necessary facet of survival for the ppl who live here despite how utterly awful an experience it is #for the both of them.the plants being used and the people forced by circumstance to use them until death ykyk #and i especially like.how vash is just so . baffled by the idea that knives somehow sees his ideology as this naive dream #as opposed 2 a reaction from the anger hes been harboring for SOO long. we SAWW it we saw how he reacted on the ship #we see it in the way he struggles 2 navigate life among ppl and how his body bears the scars of his pain and frustrations #his anger is sooo.Good. and formative.and wholly vash that i cannot imagine him without it #he never forgot teslas death / never will .and it motivates him just as much as rem's sacrifice n so on. #'ever since that day we've been mad' ....... prbably one of the best lines ive taken away #hashtag shinobu's 'yes im angry..ive always Been angry' monologue #i love how he includes knives in that anger too. its not just youre angry or im angry. its that We've been angry. Ever since that day. #going2 throw UPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and the way knives reacts 2 it too.using it to cement his grief and decision that if we had to suffer than its only fair they should too #fairness.and when he talks ab making it equal...giving whats been taken..always an interesting concept to use in a vengeful sense from the #more sensitive brother. i love it.LUVE ITTT #trigun spoilers #vash #knives trigun #trigun maximum #trigun #millions knives

[ghostcond]

[long drag of fake cigarette] its a tough world out here being a fan of all these npcs with less than an hour of screentime (sometimes even less than 10 minutes) but we make do (making and drawing headcanons)

#i dont know #ill probably draw tomorrow i was busy watching movies with my sister all of 3 days ago #and whenever i would get on wizard i would be farming ore which is a pain in the ASS its so utterly boring #i put on a 6 hour long vod while doing it #i could probably check all the ore spawns in my sleep #ghost.txt #nonsense post