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myheartisbro-ken · 3 years

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you mentioned in a comment on a supercorp fic (i feel like a stalker, yikes) that you got in contact with darren doyle and he gave you some tips on using kryptahniuo, the sentence structure, the krius thing, etc.. would you mind sharing them? because i feel like i've sucked all available resources dry, and as a huge kryptonian nerd, i'd really appreciate it! (ofc, feel free to ignore me and pretend like this never existed if i'm intruding or unknowingly acting like a jerk.)

Okay, soooo, this is all from 3 years ago and I don’t have the best way to make myself clear when talking to people, but I’m gonna put here the things that are relevant and cut out my cringey communication. This is also for anyone who writes and would like to know a lil bit more about the language, or just people who enjoy conlangs. The vocab is over at kryptonian.info, but this is a clearer explanation of some things I had a bit of trouble with.

It’s pretty long though, so strap in.

Here we go:

Me: I was kind of having a hard time trying to figure out what the present form of zhao would be since it already ends with an 'o' and the present suffix is 'odh', I wanted to say 'I love you' with zhao , and on your page I could only find the ukiem sentence. Would it be zhaodh? And how would the full sentence be? What about shovuh, would it be shovuhodh?

Doyle: Sweet! I'm glad to help (I only wish the writers of the show would help instead of butchering the grammar ... and pronunciation)

Ok ... give me a moment to work on this...

Ok ... /zhao/ ... this doesn't end in /o/ (as in go) it ends in /ao/ (as in cow) which is a different vowel. Even if it did, though, you would still go ahead and use the /odh/ suffix. Two vowels in a row in Kryptonian is going to be super rare (pun intended), but in those cases Kryptonian phonetics will use a slight "w" sound to separate the vowels.

So ... it would be /zhaoodh/which would be 3 characters in Kryptonian writing: zh + ao + odhSo, your sentences would be: /zhaoodh (khuhp) w rraop/ and /shovuhodh (khuhp) w rraop/The subject is optional

Also, this is a sentence that would likely be gendered (familiar and/or intimate speech)

So, "I (female) love you (male)." would be: /zhaoodh (khap) w rrup/

BUT

Let's talk about informal speech, because the I love you stuff gets weird ...

zhao and shovuh are primarily nouns, but at some point they got codified as type 1 verbs (taking suffixes)... and grammatically (especially formal writing) type 1 is kind of the "proper" way to use them. But in day-to-day speech, these usually get treated as type 2 verbs (no suffix)

I should back pedal briefly and say that all this applies to /ukiem/ (familial love) ... and actually to /:jev/ (n. happiness, joy) with /:jevodh/ meaning essentially "like" or "enjoy"

So anyway, the informal variant ends up as something like /zhao w rrup/ (you would almost never use the subject with the type 2 forms of these words) Total side topic ... (hope I'm not overwhelming you here) ...

Since type 2 verbs mark tense with a vowel change, there is an interesting result with /zhao/ ... since the past and future versions end up being /zha/ and /zhi/ respectively which also just happen to be the words for "yes" and "no" which also act as augmentative and diminutive markers...

It's a bit of a chicken and egg situation as it's unclear if the "will love/did love" meanings gave rise to the "yes/no" meanings or if the existing "yes/no" words guided the vowel shift as /zhao/ went from noun > v1 > v2

Me: Okay, first, in the verb section of your page you say that not using a suffix creates the potential form of the verb, yet there is a prefix, kai, for potential, so if someone were to ask 'can you do...' say, 'can you speak/say this' would it need the prefix and then the present suffix, or just not use either. Like, would it be 'ta-kai-ehworodh rraop w [thing]' or 'ta-kai-ehwor' or just 'ta-ehwor' or is all of that completely dumb and I totally misunderstood everything? (I'm also not sure when I should and shouldn't use the hyphen) And the second is simpler, I guess: going by 'us-kah' as like a petname for your child, would the same apply to a parent, such as saying 'jeju-te' in sort of the same way kids say 'mommy' and not just expressing relationship. And could that apply to a person's name as well? Like, idk if that works in english, but say you have a nickname for someone and then you say 'that's MY [nickname]', (I do that for my aunt in portuguese, which is why I'm asking)

Doyle: Dang ... the "suffixless form of the verb forms the potential" is actually a holdover from an idea when I first started making the language that eventually got abandoned. Thought I removed references to it, but I missed that I guess.

Hyphens are just there to help show the morpheme breaks when explaining the language. If you are just writing Kryptonian, then you wouldn't use them at all.

so /?takaieworodh rraop ki kryptahniuo/ would be correct

Ok ... the "familial-possessive-honorifics" ...

They kind of act like an honirific (Mr., Mrs., Sir, Ma'am, Señor, Señorita, San, Sama etc.)

They attach using the proper noun punctuation...

So ... Kal-El => /kal,ehl/

Mr. Kal-El => /kal,ehl,jran/

(I'm not related it Kal-El)

Let me start over on that last one

I am talking to you about Mr. Kal-El, I would say ...

* (neither of us is related to him): /kal,ehl,jran/

* (I am related to him, but you aren't): /kal,ehl,te/

* (we are both related to him): /kal,ehl,kah/

* (I am not related to him, but you are): /kal,ehl,ni/

* (Neither of us is related to him, but we are talking about someone who is related to him and that relationship is pertinent to the conversation): /kal,ehl,cheh/

So in that sense, these are honorifics ... they are more formal, not less

so ... us,kah for a child probably wouldn't end up being a pet name

and it means "our" child ... so even less likely in that sense (us,te would be "my child")

and it uses the less intimate gender-neutral form

wait ... scratch that ... /us/ is masculine (derp derp)

so, a more likely candidate for a pet name for your child would probably be /us kir/ (little boy) or /is kir/ little girl

you could also do something clever like /krius/ or /kriis/ (that second word would be pronounced "kree-yees") ... borrowing the "bright" prefix and applying it to the child noun

For Kryptonians that wouldn't have as much of the meaning that an English speaker would assign to "bright" (smart, clever, etc), but more of a sense of "joyful", "pleasant", "you-light-up-the-room" kind of sense.

An English equivalent to /krius/ would be something like when you refer to someone as "my little ray of sunshine"

getting back to your actual question ...

/jeju,te/ and /ukr,te/ would also be more formal. Kids (especially older kids) would be expected to use this form in public when addressing parents

but at home it would probably be just /jeju/ and /ukr/

for the very youngest kids, /jeje/ would be "mommy", and /uku/ (or even /kuku/) would be "daddy" ... but, unlike some dialects of English (especially in the Southern states), those variants wouldn't last very long as kids would be encouraged to use /jeju/ and /ukr/ as their speech developed

So ... ummm ... I'm not sure if I've answered your actual question ... if I have, I may have indicated the opposite... Kryptonians would remove the "my" on a petname ... does that sound right ... hmmm ... thinking about it

Shoot ... I guess I don't really know how to give you a solid answer on that one. Pet names can be funny things, I think ... because even in English I can see formal titles being absorbed as "cute" ... like having a little fluffy dog that you pick up and in a cutesy voice call "Sir Snuggles"

so ... armed with the info for "normal" speech/grammar ... pick whatever feels right to you!

Me: The first I wanted to ask is if 'Awuhkhu zhadif khap w rrip' is correct for 'I'll never leave you'

And the second I tried to make it out, but the result looked weird so I was just very unsure about (while the other I'm a bit more confident about) so how would 'please don't leave me' be, cuz 'please don't' is a full prefix, right? so it'd be 'please don't' prefix + leave + present suffix and then the pronoun separately. By that logic it'd be 'sozhaoawuhkhodh khap' is that correct?

Now there's actually a third one that I don't even know where to begin (mostly because I didn't try too hard) but I wanted to know would you say the sentence 'she left me alone' or 'my mother left me alone'?

Doyle:

/.awuhkhu zhadif khap w rrip/ ... yep, that's correct!

/sozhaoawuhkhodh khap/ ... yep, that's right too

or you might go with the future tense, especially if those two sentences are going together

/sozhaoawuhkhu khap/

actually ... whoops... /khap/ is the object of the sentence...

/sozhaoawuhkhu w khap/

Let's see for "she left me alone", I would use the malefactive and the past tense of "to go" (which I just realized wasn't in the dictionary - doh!).

So ... let's see... go+past-perf she w me mal.

hmmm... alone, though ...

cause/PST she be/PRS me w alone ki go/PST/PRG ... ?

/podh zhehd nahn khap w chahvymah ki rrosh/ (that last verb wouldn't take a suffix, derp) ... "She made me alone by going" ... hmmm...

You could always just use /podh zhehd nahn khap w chahvymah/ ... she cause me to be alone ... that's probably the closest to the English

So that’s it, so much information that I thought it was actually a longer convo

#kryptonian #supergirl #superman #kryptonian culture #language #idk why I'm tagging all of these but yeah #krypton #answered asks #geeking out over languages is FUN

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rartalkstranslation · 6 years

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On Namine and speech style shifting (JPN)

When I did my write-up of miscellaneous things I found while watching a large portion of KH in Japanese, one of the things I noted was that Namine seems to swap frequently between casual or polite speech, even when the circumstances are inherently identical.

(Sidenote: Japanese has two speech forms, polite and casual. IRL you use casual only for friends/family, and polite to everyone else---especially superiors!---to show them respect/that you acknowledge there is distance between you and them. In media like games and anime the rules are a little more fast and loose, though at least the “uses polite speech to Definite Superiors” rule generally isn’t broken.)

Anyway back to Namine.

Namine uses polite speech when addressing Marluxia during early-game CoM, but casual to Larxene. (This is the point of the game where she’s still following their orders and seems Generally Terrified of them. Late-game when she’s rebelling she drops to casual entirely, but that’s a different subject.) I also can’t tell if Namine defaults to polite or casual around DiZ, because in every conversation with him she uses both.

I’d tossed around the idea that the casual-speech-around-Larxene was a gender thing (it almost certainly isn’t) and as for DiZ the conclusion was ????, though I did note she generally swapped to casual when she was info-dumping about something.

And here’s what I discovered today in class:

That’s like, a Thing.

It’s called style shifting. It happens when you swap/shift speech styles (usually from polite to casual, rarely do you ever go the other way) in the middle of a conversation, even though the situation hasn’t changed a bit. It happens for a couple reasons:

> You’re dropping/putting up a certain persona (ex: a teacher dropping their teacher-persona that they use when addressing the whole class (polite speech), when they begin addressing one student in particular, encouraging the student’s input in casual speech)

> You’re too focused on the content of the discussion---what you’re saying---to care about how you’re saying it. (This happens because native Japanese speakers grow up learning casual speech as their L1 and then have to be taught how to do honorifics/polite speech in school.)

> You’re addressing yourself (talking out your thoughts) and not the other person in the conversation. This one is a little confusing but I mean we’ve all been talking about something to someone before and then going “no wait, it was like... it happened the other way didn’t it” and you’re still saying it for the benefit of the person listening but you aren’t like... actively addressing them, you feel. This is apparently also a Valid Reason(tm) to swap styles.

> there are maybe more reasons?? these were just the ones we covered in class at length.

Anyway.

It’s the second reason there that strikes me as interesting re: Namine.

If you remember what I said two minutes ago, earlier in this textpost, you’ll remember I said “she tends to drop to casual speech when info-dumping”.

Namine speaks in casual register to Larxene while explaining that she could never replace Kairi, and casual register to DiZ while discussing memory-things re: Sora. Both of these seem like valid situations for her to have stopped giving a shit about how she’s saying the thing because she’s just so focused on saying the thing. (Namine getting a little hyper-focused on the things she knows Very Well is, kind of cute, even though I don’t think that’s 100% what’s happening here, just a potential interpretation.)

Alternatively you could argue both cases are her talking to herself more than to the person she’s addressing, so that’s why she swapped styles (obviously you wouldn’t speak to yourself in polite register, that’s silly). Her discomfort about the Kairi situation could easily be something she is lamenting more to herself and Larxene just happens to be listening. And what she says around DiZ are---If I remember correctly---anxious thoughts about Sora, which she could be voicing to herself as much as to DiZ. Personally I feel like this is probably more the case when addressing DiZ in particular, because one line will be polite and then literally the next will be casual, but without taking the time (which I do not have tonight) to rewatch the scenes and peg which lines in particular are casual or not, I wouldn’t be able to make any calls. Maybe some other time.

Regardless, I’m really excited that this has an Explanation??? Hell Yea,

#kingdom hearts #namine #speech style things #tfw you don't necessarily want these in the main tags but you DO want to have a coherent sorting system so like #content

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blue-dream-rhapsody · 6 years

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On Kugo Ginjo, Part 1/?: Gratuitous Repetition of Names

[Part 1] [Next]

I want to look at something small that punched me in the gut when I noticed it, because I think it adds some weight to Ginjo’s fight with Ichigo.

[Disclaimer: I am not a native speaker of nor have I studied Japanese, so this specific piece is all based on research. I also don’t have access to the raw manga or any direct translations that aren’t the “official” one, so in many places I went off of the subbed anime and I’m hoping for the best with accuracy to original intentions, especially in regard to honorifics since Viz just doesn’t use them.]

From pretty much the second he steps into Ichigo’s world, Kugo calls him, well, “Ichigo.” As in, not “Kurosaki,” and not “Ichigo/Kurosaki-kun.” If we’re talking general conventions (though some quick research suggested that this is changing in real-life Japan), given/first name with no honorific is among the most informal ways of addressing someone. Bleach seems to operate within that convention in other parts, so it’s reasonable to think that’s the case here, and that a character breaking that convention is on purpose. It’s not something Ichigo expresses any objection to, and to be fair he takes to just “Ginjo” about as quickly, at least forgoing an honorific.

Note that, as far as everyone within Xcution, Ginjo always drops the honorific. And he refers to Riruka, Yukio, and Jackie by their given/first names, as he does with Ichigo. Jackie notwithstanding (she’s on a first name basis with everyone, both ways), Riruka and Yukio probably get this specific treatment because they’re teenagers. (“Chad” is a nickname already so the rules are different for him, but I imagine he would fall into that category too). In return, they don’t use honorifics on Kugo, and of the three, only Riruka calls him Ginjo instead of Kugo.

So calling him simply “Ichigo,” by Ginjo standards, isn’t especially meaningful beyond the fact that it’s practically right out of the gate. It seems that Xcution is, by and large, just that kind of group (and with a cursory check, the Visored are the same way but don’t take my word for it).

Using this sort of informality from the start is almost definitely about gaining trust. Ichigo is understandably pretty wary and skittish, especially when things start happening to his friends and he feels helpless. Even when Ginjo’s fake past means he doesn’t know what’s really happening around Ichigo, he does know that the kid is going to be suspicious of Xcution and if he backs out, they can’t accomplish their goals.

So, by sort of foisting this informality on Ichigo right away, the second he gets him into the hideout, it is meant to put Ichigo at ease with him. It‘s meant to make him feel like a part of Xcution already. I call this a manipulative tactic, but at the midway point I don’t think it is one in a malignant way. Modified Kugo genuinely likes Ichigo. He genuinely wants to help him out as much as the other Fullbringers. He just knows he needs to push things a little to get the kid to trust him enough to get both sides what they want. (For comparison’s sake, Orihime is always “Inoue” for him. Even when she gets involved in the goings-on, he never bridges that same gap with her because he doesn’t really need to.)

Of course, once his past is reverted, he slips up in calling Ichigo “Kurosaki.” Again no honorific, because he doesn’t use them.

But partway through when Ichigo and Uryu are confronting him together, he switches back. “Kurosaki” at first, becoming “Ichigo.” And as before, I think it starts out as a manipulative tactic. It begins when he says [Viz trans.] “People you grew to trust through battle would never deceive you.” So of course there’d be an effect on his argument if he appeals to the familiarity they established earlier on, while calling into doubt his faith in the Soul Society.

But the thing is, even after Ichigo refuses him and decides to stop Kugo, even when they’re enemies, even when they’re trying to kill each other, he keeps using “Ichigo.” He thinks it. He shouts it. And in his final moments, where he is speaking directly to him in his head, where Kugo’s heart is probably stripped as bare as it can possibly be—it’s “Ichigo.”

There’s no secret purpose there. There’s nothing to gain from doing it. Kugo is calling him that, this familiar and informal version of his name, because everything that had happened while he was under Book of the End’s effect actually happened. And that includes the kinship, bond, friendship, whatever it was, that formed between the two of them.

I think that having his whole past shift back to its original state so he remembered what he was doing and why, his thirst for vengeance overpowered anything else. After all, it probably all came surging back at once. But as Ichigo faces him, demonstrates his convictions, probably reminds him of how hellbent he was on being strong enough just to keep his friends safe, the familiarity resurfaces. It’s not enough to make him stop fighting, but it’s enough to make him question himself.

While sometimes the naming conventions are inconsistent in Bleach, at least in the Viz translation, I very strongly believe Kugo is an exception. Which name he uses was important enough to point out in-universe, so I feel it’s safe to say some thought was put into it. That ultimately, which name he uses for Ichigo matters, always.

“Kurosaki” was the target. “Ichigo” was the kid behind the crosshairs. A kid who, I think, Kugo was a lot like once. And once he realizes that, once he sees “Ichigo” again, he wavers.

#bleach #ginjou kuugo #long post #in which i grow sick of these two names very very quickly #and probably could've said this much faster rip #i will put off the lost forever at this rate

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potterzachary · 4 years

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#Reiki Healing Youtube Mind Blowing Tips #Reiki Master Training Cost

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lokifiction · 7 years

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Caught in the Crossfire

The day the Battle of New York occurred was a fateful one, especially for Camryn, who was caught in the crossfire of a Chitauri weapon and Loki’s Tesseract-powered scepter, the blast sending her into a comatose state.

When Thor returns to Midgard to assist with rescue efforts, he finds her, unconscious and close to death, though emitting a strong magical trace. Puzzled by it, the prince brings her to Asgard for medical care- and observation.

Over time, the mystery of what salvation or destruction she will cause because of her magical abnormality becomes harder and harder to solve. As she begins to lose control of herself, she must seek help from the only person that can teach her how to harness her newfound power and the one who happens to hate her the most.

Loki.

Category: Fanfic

Rating: T

Notes/Warnings: Just a small bit of blood, but nothing major. This chapter turns over a whole new part of this fanfic, and I’m very, very excited about it, so I hope you guys share my sentiment.

Masterlist

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

Chapter Fourteen

Too startled to enjoy the kiss, I jerked away from Loki.

“What the hell was that?” I demanded, voice still at the same shrill decibel as it was before I was cut off by someone’s mouth on mine.

Loki breathed heavily, chest heaving noticeably, expression betraying that he himself had no idea. “I-”

“Loki, you wouldn’t believe-” a growl announced Toril’s entrance into the chambers, but she abruptly halted with a start when she realized I was in the room. I gaped at her disheveled appearance, wondering why in the world she used Loki’s first name instead of an honorific.

“Do you need any assistance, my king?” She corrected herself, voice wavering. “Is she trying to attack you? Shall I call the guards?”

“No, Toril, I don’t think that will be necessary,” Loki replied, remaining dangerously calm, gaze trained at the floor. “Though, if you could leave us...:”

“My king, do you think that’s wise?” Toril wrung her hands in earnest. “If she were to attack-”

“I can very well handle myself, thank you.”

As Toril’s lips shaped into a pout and she disappeared into a side room, Loki turned his attention back to me.

“I need to collect my thoughts,” he declared in a low tone, almost as if he was talking to himself. “I have been harboring some complicated feelings towards you for a while, and I’ve been trying to riddle them out. I wasn’t expecting a confrontation about them so soon, however, so I need some time to figure out how to best verbalize those feelings. I suppose I’ll see to that task presently, and come find you when I’m ready.”

I could make no reply, for the shock of the kiss had finally sunk in. I promptly turned away and left, occupied with the problem that my feelings should be going wild, yet I felt nothing. With the kiss, I finally got what I wanted desperately (yet never admitted to myself), so why did I feel so numb?

As I made for the door of the chambers, Toril, apparently eavesdropping in her absence, swept back into the room, bumping into my shoulder harshly enough to jostle me as we passed.

“This isn’t over yet,” she hissed in my ear, but I said nothing, the statement going in one ear and out the other as my suddenly clumsy fingers grappled at the doorknob.

“We wondered where you’d gone off to!” Gerd exclaimed as I entered the hallway, for she and Inge were before the door, once again arguing as to what they should do regarding their runaway charge. “Toril managed to escape, and it was only when we were chasing after her that we realized you were gone. Why were you in there?”

“I went to confront Loki,” I replied in a small voice, completely passing by the two handmaidens. They scurried to catch up and walk astride with me.

“I told you not to drink all that mead!” Gerd scolded, rightly assuming that the drink was the cause for my rash actions, but Inge was eager for the rest of the story.

“And how did that go?” she demanded.

“He kissed me,” I stated calmly, crossing the threshold of my chambers and quite literally collapsing into an armchair.

Both maids blanched.

“He what?” Gerd whispered.

My voice was like the crumbling parchment of an ages-old book buried under centuries of dust. “I went in there, demanding an explanation for his inconsistency, and after arguing back and forth a few times, he got quiet and said he was afraid of getting attached to me, and when I asked why, he just walked over and kissed me.”

“What did you do?” Inge’s eyebrows shot to her hairline.

“I broke away and demanded him to tell me what he was doing, but that’s when Toril came in,” I answered. “He sent her off, and then told me that he needed time to collect his feelings, and once he figured them out he’d come speak to me again.”

“I’m getting the sense that those feelings aren’t necessarily one-sided.” Inge’s pale eyes scanned my body, noticing how my countenance softened yet my trembling increased when I spoke of the reconciliation.

Gerd, as per usual, took the gentler approach.

“Camryn,” she began, placing her hands over mine on the armrests and kneeling before me. “Did you like that he kissed you?”

Not the question itself, but rather the feelings and recollections the question brought, sent a cold blade through my heart and a hot wave all over my body. My shock grasped me anew, and all I could do was breathe heavily for a few moments, eyebrows scrunching and stretching as I attempted to form an expression that reflected my feelings, before I bit my lip and gave the slightest nod.

Gerd’s eyes shut as if she expected that answer, but her expression betrayed nothing of her feelings on the subject. She again rose to her feet, addressing Inge with motherly concern for me for the second time on that eternal night.

“Inge, I think it would be best if we fetched Brenna, just to make sure all is well with Camryn’s health.”

Inge was clearly frightened with my state and readily agreed to do so, but as she made for the exit, she was nearly barreled over by one of Loki’s personal Einherjar entering the room.

“The king has just received an accusation that one of the palace handmaidens, Toril Aloadoittr, was assaulted and detained by ones Inge Kirdoittr and Gerd Seistdoittr,” he intoned, fixing each of us a piercing stare in turn. “Do you confirm or deny this claim?”

“Oh, that little bitch,” Gerd spat under her breath, the uncharacteristic comment nearly breaking me from my state of shock. The guard took that as the affirmative.

“I’m to bring the accused before the king for questioning,” he continued.

“Let me go,” Inge declared. “I was the instigator.”

“I’m to bring both of you.”

“But you’re not going to,” Inge hissed. “Gerd had nothing to do with it, and she’s needed here right now. If King Loki has a problem with that, he can take it up with me, seidr-wielder to seidr-wielder.”

The intensity in Inge’s gaze and the assuredness in her words was enough to make the guard relent, and he stepped aside to let her pass before him, leaving me and Gerd alone.

“Will you be alright by yourself for just a moment while I go and fetch Brenna?” she asked in a soft voice. I gave another stiff nod, and she smiled sympathetically, squeezing my hand before dashing from the chambers.

Left in solitude, I brushed my fingers over my lips, remembering how Loki’s cold and passionate mouth felt on mine. The kiss had been so hard, and he had clutched me with such need that the heat between us went far beyond sexual desire. That was what I’d been wanting the whole time: for my tentative attraction to him to be reciprocated so I could truly indulge in the feeling, along with a reasonable explanation for the fluctuation of his behavior towards me. I had gotten exactly those things, so why was I sitting there like an invalid, rattled to my core, instead of celebrating and relishing the event?

I was just beginning to cry when Brenna burst forth into the room, Gerd trailing behind.

“Kissed by the king, eh?” Brenna joked, tying the sash of her powder blue dressing gown. “It must have been good, to put you in this state.”

“I think she’s still a bit drunk, Brenna,” Gerd said. “I believe that’s a contributing factor.”

“Well, I agree with that,” Brenna conferred after a few pokes and prods, turning my head this way and that and staring into my eyes. “Still, she’s clearly rattled. She needs to sleep it off. I’ll give her a draught and put her to bed, but we’ll have to watch over her to make sure the alcohol in her system and the potion don’t react badly with each other.”

Instead of giving me the vial directly as she usually did, Brenna dumped the contents into a mug of water and watched me drink it all, trying to flush as much mead from my body as she could. As she and Gerd helped me to my feet, the potion working instantly and causing my mind to wander, I recalled what Loki said about collecting his feelings before coming to talk to me about them, and realized I would have to do the same with my feelings for him.

But how could I do that when I felt everything and nothing at once?

With a single sob, I stumbled onto the bed and instantly plunged into a fitful sleep.

The moment I closed my eyes, I began to relive the day that condemned me to Asgard; the day that banished me from my home in New York City forever. I felt the blast from Loki’s scepter pierce me anew, and anger flooded my heart. As my head hit the ground of the park I’d never see again, the scene shifted to the night I attempted to strangle Loki to death, and I relished the feeling of his bruising skin swelling under my fingers and the sight of his eyes rolling back in his head as he gasped for breath. The sheer intensity of the emotion drew me to enough lucidity for me to be unsettled, and I shook the dream away until I was alone in the darkness of sleep, rolling to the other side of the bed.

No sooner had I found peace than I was rattled by another disturbing image. Somehow, I knew that in this dream, Loki and I had been together as a couple for some time. We were casually strolling the portrait galleries of the palace, hand in hand, exchanging light conversation and tender kisses. All the bliss, however, faded as we came before Frigga’s portrait, which had dripping blood smeared across the paint, a droplet leaving an eerie scarlet streak down the center of her face. Loki broke our hands apart and approached the frame with hunkered shoulders, and when he whirled around to face me, his face seeming much larger than normal in the dream’s logic, his eyes were bright crimson.

“You did this,” he snarled, drawing closer. “You killed her.”

He waved his hand, leaving me immobilized as he pressed forward still.

“You’re the reason she’s dead,” he continued, a sinister dagger materializing in his hand. “It’s your fault.”

With a mighty swing, the blade penetrated my stomach, the pain as sharp as if it were happening to my worldly body.

“It’s your fault.” He stabbed again.

“It’s your fault.” Another blow.

“Your fault.” Another.

The chant of “It’s your fault,” and the stabs continued until my life’s blood covered every inch of both Loki’s and my body. When the fear roused me from my sleep, the cold sweat that coated my nightgown rendered me unable to discern if the blood was real or imagined. I cried out, but a cool rag was suddenly dabbed on my forehead. I opened my eyes and saw that I was safe in my calm, candlelit bedroom, Gerd perched at my bedside.

“It was just a bad dream,” she soothed. “Go back to sleep; it will be sweeter this time.”

I wish she had been right.

The moment I closed my eyes again, I was transported back to earlier that evening, when the kiss happened. Instead of pushing Loki away as I had before, I pulled him closer, draping myself across his body with the melodrama dreams tended to have.

“Oh, I love you,” I gasped when we pulled away. “I always have, and I always will.”

Loki stared at me for a couple of seconds, expression unreadable, until he burst into hysterical laughter. Toril entered the room to join him in cackling like a hyena, and together the two stripped me of my clothes, carrying me outside and parading me around town, hollering the story of an incredibly gullible girl to every citizen of Asgard, until the entire realm was guffawing in unison at my stupidity. The version of myself that was bound to the bed squirmed at that, groaning and punching a pillow, mercifully causing the dream to shift.

The next time, I watched Loki from across the room as he stood shirtless, wiping dirt and blood from his sculpted torso with a cloth moistened with the murky water of a washbasin. He was so beautiful that an actual ache formed in my heart and stomach, and I could not resist approaching and tracing my fingers along his hard abdomen. He briefly glanced down at my hands and took them in his, pressing gentle kisses to my fingertips, raising his gaze to meet mine with eyes containing the intensity of a laser beam.

I woke up panting, and for the first time that night, I was disappointed to have done so.

“Do you need me to open a window?” Brenna asked, having taken Gerd’s spot at my bedside. “You grew hot suddenly.”

I shook my head wordlessly, drifting back into my dream montage.

Next, I was sobbing in an armchair, distraught over some unknown cause. After a few moments, I felt myself gathered in Loki’s arms, and he shushed me gently.

“It’s alright, my love,” he assured in that persuasive, ambrosial voice of his. “I’ll make it all go away. You’re safe here with me.”

In an instant, I was calm once more.

The dream soon dissolved back to the kiss, but this time there was no melodrama involved. I merely took Loki’s face in my hands and kissed him back, and, suddenly self-aware, I pulled away and declared,

“This feeling overpowers them all.”

When I woke permanently, I sat straight up in bed, startling Inge, who had taken the last watch.

“Are you alright?” she questioned, noticing how alert I was in comparison to the night before.

“I think I’ve finally figured it out,” I replied.

Without asking for an explanation, she rose and held a white dressing gown out for me to step into. “Well, that’s good, considering the king is outside, waiting to see you.”

“Now?” I gasped. “Do I have time to make myself presentable?”

“He was very insistent that he meet with you the moment you woke,” Inge said apologetically. “He’s already quite impatient.”

“I can’t believe I have to meet him in this state,” I muttered to myself, then directed my words back to Inge. “The questioning last night...you weren’t harmed, were you?”

She flashed me a reassuring smile. “The king’s heart wasn’t in his task. I could tell he was only making such a to-do about the incident because custom dictated. He was very mild.” She tied my dressing gown definitively. “Now hurry.”

Despite Inge’s pushing, I paused in front of my full-length mirror, attempting to make myself as presentable as possible for an audience with a king, especially one I intended to divulge feelings of attraction to. I pulled my hair into a braid, the one thing I could do without a hairbrush, and wiped the smudges of makeup that I’d neglected to remove from under my eyes. Frowning in displeasure, I realized I couldn’t improve any further, and forced myself through the door.

When I emerged onto the parlor, Loki was in an armchair next to a side table laden with a lavishly set breakfast tray, his back to me. He was dressed in an equally casually manner to the day before, his hair left soft and draped across his shoulders. His elbow rested on the arm of his chair, and from my angle I could tell his hand was cupping his face, index finger dragging back and forth across his lips.

His countenance was different than I had ever seen it, for his form was tense and hunkered, yet he seemed very jittery, unable to stop moving. His finger went along his lips constantly, but in addition to that, he rotated between jiggling his right leg up and down, compulsively smoothing his hair, and letting his head fall back so that he gazed at the ceiling, exposing his Adam’s apple. The only explanation I could procure for the behavior was nerves, an emotion I never expected to witness from him.

“I was told you were out here, wanting to speak with me.”

He started at my voice, and moved much quicker than was characteristic as he rotated to look at me from his position on the chair. He regained his usual grace, however, when he stood to greet me, gesturing to the chair opposite the one he occupied.

“You were told correctly. Please, sit.” When I did so, he followed suit, then motioned towards the table. “I’ve taken the liberty of bringing my own breakfast tray in for us to share. It’s always too large for me, so help yourself to anything you’d like. Would you allow me to pour you a cup of tea? It’s brewed from a particularly beautiful flower that grows on Vanaheim, and is said to have calming properties. It’s quite sweet and delicious, more like a nectar than anything else, really.”

So he’s chatty when he’s nervous, I thought as I consented and he filled a cup with a green liquid with an underlying pink tint. Perhaps he should take some of the tea for himself. I barely suppressed a giggle as I took my cup from him, retrieving a slice of peach with it, shrewdly observing him over the rim.

“I heard you treated Inge very gently last night,” I began before he could. “Considering her actions, it would not have been unreasonable to give her some sort of punishment, but you didn’t, so I thank you for that.”

“Given the situation, her actions weren’t so severe.” Loki rolled his eyes. “Toril runs wild, and needs to be put in her place now and again.”

“Still, things could have gone far differently, considering…” I broke off abruptly. When I began that sentence, I intended to jump right in and discuss the issue of his undefined yet suspiciously comfortable relationship with Toril, but I bit my tongue and decided it could wait until another time. My plan for our conversation involved various insults to his character and the proposal of a deal that could be asking a lot of him. I didn’t want to overwhelm him and seem greedy, so I put Toril away for a discussion to be had further down the road if the relationship between Loki and I developed as I planned, given that the situation didn’t resolve itself naturally because of it.

“Considering what?” Loki prompted, realizing I was no longer in the present. I shook my head to clear it.

“Considering what I’ve seen of your character in such situations,” I improvised. He inhaled sharply and clenched his jaw at the accusation, not in anger, but merely of acknowledgement.

“Well, I suppose there’s no clever way to make this transition, so shall I jump right into what this meeting is about?”

I nodded in reply, gripping my delicate cup so hard I feared it would shatter in my hands.

“I was always intrigued by you,” he began. “From the moment I first saw you, when you had your hands wrapped around my neck, I felt no hatred, but rather interest. I thought to myself, what has given this mortal girl the rage to attempt to kill me, possessed her to think she could succeed, and why is she succeeding? My mother then began to speak of you occasionally in her visits to me, simply gushing over her new pupil, and finding out more about you only heightened the desire to know more.

“Until, of course, the day my mother died. As you know, I was struggling with the thought that I was the one to blame for her death, and sought to place that burden on anyone else that I could. I passed that stage, but I still hated everyone involved; everyone that could have possibly done something to save her. It wasn’t as personal towards you as you might think, because I even blamed the doors of her chamber for not staying open so someone could hear her struggle and come to her assistance. But, personal or not, you still suffered greatly as a result of my quest for vengeance.

“I kept wanting people to pay. No matter how many people involved in her death I killed, I was never satisfied. Once Odin was gone, you were the only one left, so I figured executing you would be the last step in wiping the slate as clean as it could come whilst I still walked this realm.

“My plans changed, however, when you managed to break through the barrier in your cell. That was something not even I was capable of, and when I realized the potential of your power, I knew it was too great to throw away. I had much need for someone as powerful as you as my weapon, for reasons that are my own.

“I knew that you would never help me willingly, though. I also knew that you were young and inexperienced, which worked in my favor, for you seemed impressionable, though in time I learned you’re very stubborn, you’re just very quiet about it.

“It was obvious that your emotions, rather intense ones for a mortal, ruled your life and decisions. Every single one of your outbursts, though put into action by the Tesseract taking over your body, were fueled by your emotions. They had to be extremely powerful to take control of such a force, so I knew those were what I had to override to make you mine. Through unfortunate personal experiences, I’ve learned that isolation and negative reinforcement was the way to do that, so that was the plan I decided on.

“The day came for the first time I was going to attempt to train you, and, well, you know how that went. When you managed to mind control me and force the truth out of my mouth, I actually started to see myself in you, a version of myself that I’d so desperately tried to bury. That vision took over, and suddenly I knew I had to get rid of anything that reminded me of that time of weakness. But when you started talking about Mother to stop me… that resonated with me in a way I was not prepared for.

“As you know, I made my rapid retreat after that. I’d reached a point in my life where disappointing people was all I ever did, so I figured I’d better make the incidents worthwhile, but disappointing Mother, as I knew I had done… That was the thing I simply couldn’t bear. So, that night when I went to my chambers, I… prayed. For the first time in years, I prayed to my mother and begged her to help me make her proud again. She did so, removing the shroud of hatred and opportunity from my eyes, and letting me see the person behind the power for the first time.

“That’s when I started to become attracted to you. When I really began to look, I realized that, though your emotions often got the better of you, you were so quiet and mild on the outside, but in a way that hinted there were many different things going on underneath the surface. You became like a puzzle to me, an epic quest to truly get to know you, and that kept me coming back for more. I’d seen you impassioned before, so I knew you were in no way one-noted, and I searched to find the way to reveal the emotional spectrum I knew you had.

“Slowly, I began to get bits of it, and it only intoxicated me and kept me coming back for more. Interest is the first thing that attracts me to someone, and you certainly had that, but you also had intellect, a philosophical spirit and way about you that matured you beyond your years, and of course, your beauty contributed, as well.

“Those feelings scared me, though. I had intended to make you a colleague, not a lover, and it frightened me that I was falling in love with a mortal, and I was afraid I would not be received well if I told you of my feelings, lest the reaction it caused trigger something dangerous with your power. So, I repressed those emotions, again searching for any excuse to reverse the process, but when I realized they couldn’t be undone and you demanded a reason for my behavior last night, I succumbed.

“So, today I’m before you in the barest, most humble state I can manage, asking you if you would like to begin a romantic journey with me.”

By that time, the precious tea was dripping onto the rug, for in my shock I had forgotten to hold the cup upright. I noticed Loki’s nervous expression as he watched my reaction, but I couldn’t yet bring myself to a reply, letting the cup drop to the floor and covering my mouth with my hands. The speech I had put together in the brief time I had to do so suddenly fled, and I took a few moments to regain it, Loki clearly growing more nervous by the second.

“I can’t express to you how happy your words have made me. I, too, have had feelings for you for a while now, but I never let them show for fear that I would be ridiculed and my belief that there was no way they would ever be reciprocated. The fact that they are elates me, and I would love to accept your proposal.” I watched Loki deflate in relief, letting him have a moment before continuing. “However, before I can wholeheartedly do so, there are some things I would like to discuss.”

“By all means.” He motioned to the space before him. “Please, discuss.”

“I also have feelings for you that extend beyond romantic ones. Unlike you, though, mine did not go through a journey, but are rather all plaguing me at once.

“The first feeling I ever had towards you was hatred. Don't take it personally, because what else could you expect? The first thing you ever did to me was blast a hole in my torso, which left me with an unpredictable, unsafe supernatural ability that banished me from my home forever. And, to add insult to injury, you intended to have me executed for a crime I didn't commit, and only retracted that sentence when you discovered that I could be of use to you. From there, you locked me in a cell and abused me profusely, trying to turn me into your mindless weapon. What you've told me explains your actions a bit, but nevertheless, you still did those things.

"The other largely negative emotion permeating my mind is that of fear. You're unpredictable. One minute you're wonderfully civil and as charming as can be, and the next you're lashing out, yelling about how I killed your mother. I'm worried that if I engaged in a relationship with you, all would be fine and well until a night came where you'd particularly miss Frigga and decide to strangle me in my sleep.

"Now, the case of these emotions being alleviated is not hopeless. I believe it can be done through terms I'll discuss once I've finished explaining everything.

“I’m rather ashamed to admit that my initial romantic feelings towards you were not quite as deep as yours for me. Throughout the whole time I knew you, even when I hated you, I was attracted to you. It frustrated me near to tears, I will say. I thought to myself, ‘This person is awful, tried to kill me, and is abusing me, but goddamn he’s gorgeous.’ If anything, it made me hate you more, the fact that you had a sort of power over me, one that sometimes made me want to kiss you instead of killing you. But, once you let me out of my cell, I started to get to know you and I saw your gentler side, and that made the attraction go deeper than exterior appearances.

“Keep in mind that my feelings are developing later than yours, for this last instance occurred just last night. I reflected on the kiss, and I began to fear. I feared your physical declaration was some plot made up to punish me; that you envisioned me throwing myself at you in response, as I so wanted to, and that you planned to scorn me and parade me around town as a stupid fool for doing so. I mean, how silly would I have to be to believe that a god would be truly attracted to a mortal, especially one that was like a ticking time bomb, that had both mind-controlled him and attempted to kill him?

“But I looked further into my heart, and in you I found comfort; I found a new home. I found the beginnings of love, and a connection with a person I’d never thought I’d have in this alien place. I knew that reciprocating the feelings displayed in the kiss was a chance I’d have to take.

“However, before I can completely agree to entering this new brand of relationship with you, I need you to tell me if you do something without question.”

“Anything.” Loki leaned forward over his knees as my tone turned solemn and demanding, finger once again flitting to his mouth in his renewed nerves.

“You can’t be unpredictable anymore,” I declared in earnest. “You can’t be kind and doting with me one minute and hate me the next. Yes, we’ll fight, I understand that. Everyone does, and I’m not trying to say that you can never disagree or get angry with me. But you must stop making random personality flips. You must stop blaming me for your mother’s death, permanently, and you must stop looking down on me because I’m a mortal. Despite everything else, those feelings of fear and hatred for you are still buried deep inside of me, and they will never go away if I sense that at any moment you’re going to explode and start to distance yourself from me or abuse me. They will, however, go away if I see that you’ve changed your thinking on those counts. Is that something you can do?”

There was silence for a moment, and I feared I’d ruined everything. Loki didn’t look angry, to my relief, but he did look quite ashamed, and I was afraid I’d deeply offended him. His eyes shut and he dug his nails into his palms, but when he glanced up, a ghost of a smile found his lips.

“It is,” he agreed, nodding slightly. “I sincerely wish I could, but I can’t guarantee perfection instantly, but I’ll work on it until it is. And if it doesn’t reach that point in a timely manner, I give you permission to leave me, because it’s not fair to you.”

“It won’t reach that point.” Hesitantly, I reached out and cupped his cheek, but as he glanced into my eyes and we both grinned, my touch became surer. “I want this with you. Let’s start a new chapter of our lives, together.”

Next Chapter

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