#and that i am loveable actually

[cheapbananas]

the thing about dan and phil is that since the beginning, it has been a beacon of hope for young losers like me. the beauty of dan and phil is that they found eachother. awkward emoboy who feels horribly lonely meets someone on the internet who he connect with and then they move in together and become partners in everything and genuinely love eachother? that meant the world to young me. i started watching their stuff at like age 11 and i was a loser with no friends stuck in a town full of people who didnt accept me and i didnt really see a reason for living but dan and phil found eachother so maybe, just maybe theres hope. thats what it was and still is for a lot of us. this is why a lot of little gay and trans teens found them. dan and phil was about how sometimes things do get better. sometimes love is out there. sometimes you find your person. and online spaces for dan and phil fans were full of people just like me back in 2015. we were all lonely but we all found comfort in eachother and these two guys on the internet who actually made it work. they were living proof that there IS something to hope for. and i would sit in my room alone in an abusive home, feeling like this was all life would ever be, and then i would open some computer or phone or tablet or smth or whatever i could and i would watch two best friends bake the worst baked goods youve ever seen and laugh about it and i would scroll to the comments and talk to people just like me and i would think, 'okay maybe things can get better. maybe if i just tough it out, love will find me' and i was right. i was so so right.

#i wish i could tell little me that they came out and now make an unholy amount of penis and catboy jokes #and that i saw dan on tour #and that fob still releases music and its good #and that everything changed #and that i am loveable actually #im glad dan and phil could do what present me cant #theres always hope #dan and phil #dnp

[jellophoid]

I think at a certain point people kind of need to force themselves to have a black character as their favourite in something

#/// #starts cryinggggg— I WANT MORE GALE/WYLL/TAV FICS BUT EVERYONE JUST HATES WYLL #he gets one fic a day if I’m lucky and they’re usually like those compilation style fics #I don’t interact w fandom much and I don’t talk abt fics I read but it’s gotten kind of insane #anyways— #anti blackness is prevalent in everyone that participates in this society bc it is just been embedded in our minds since birth #so unless people force themselves to start liking black characters and actively work against implicit bias #i will never accept dumb arguments that always talk abt how boring these black characters are #you like that fuck ass milkman I am not listening to you #and before people say ‘ohhh but you should let people like what they like’ fine— but understand that you have a bias-it is in all of us #you cannot deny that— just look at characters you’ve liked before— are any of them black ? #and I don’t mean tan— I mean actual black characters #and I am so obviously not talking abt people who already do this but like— be mindful when you participate in fandom #there is a reason why it is always always a terrible place to be in🗿 #media has dehumanised us to hell and back and it’s suffocating having to prove I am loveable -_-))

[hatake]

fucked things up with a person i was starting to like and have been sad about it all week :(

#eh.txt #got triggered really badly a few weeks ago due to a family thing #and basically told them hey i like u but i am too emotionally damaged and don't want to catch feelings fr #and they were kind and understanding #and then i regretted it the next day and was like hey jk sorry for being crazy #and they said they've been busy but intended to reply #and then five days passed so i was like don't worry about it sorry for putting u in a weird position #lololololol #it's no biggie i just feel things so intensely and the moving process has been so stressful #cried all throughout yesterday #i hate how intense my emotions get and also how i just replay situations over and over again in my head #and my stupid brain is like ''maybe they will message u back actually'' #when it's like girl we crashed three whole planes into the building it's over 😭😭 #next psych app i'm gonna ask if we can up my meds bc clearly i am still a nut job :')❤ #wish i had the kind of personality that was loveable but alas lolololol

[jatlokgwo]

when you want to be small but your doing the kind of spiraling that wont let you be small and then you get shocked out of spiraling and ffgggfggggfgfgggggsg

(@dollystuffs-chiori i dont have anything to say back right now but thank i love you)

#pup talks #i still dont feel great but ohhhh yeahhhhh there are good things and i am loveable right i forgor #小 #whats it called when you dont have object perminance for emotions logicly i know this to shall pass but emotinaly i felt bad so the world #is ending for me wait hold on good thing im ok actually and i made myself tired #i also deleted my venty blog but im not going to remake it untill i can be mentally ill without risking my whole account 👍 #ok nigh night chat

[luvsavos]

random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently

#mar.txt #it's weird being aro(?) and yet also longing for a relationship. maybe its just bc almost all of my friends are in one #maybe it's bc of how easily jealous i get #maybe its the fact that i'm constantly being reminded that i am nobody's most important person. there's always someone more important. #maybe it's just the all-consuming，gaping hole of loneliness within me #idk. #i don't even know if i AM actually aro or if i'm just so demi that i may as well be aro or if ive just had so many bad experiences that it #feels impossible for me to feel romantic attraction #a few of my ocs (shara and the alatreon) are how i think i'd describe myself; aro，but willing to be in a relationship provided the other #person isn't bothered by them being aro，bc they have their own equivalent to romantic feelings #i know i'll never have one though. for all my confidence and whatnot i still very much am insecure about my own loveability. because the #only thing life has shown me is that i very much am not loveable. all the way back in first grade ppl were already using me instead of #actually caring #'dating' me to make someone else jealous. so they could have a drug buddie. a fuck buddie. so they could try to manipulate me into things #because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they #could exploit that. i'm surprised i never had anything happen to me beyond being pressured into trying chew tobacco (awful and disgusting) #and doing it every time i was around my 'boyfriend' and his friends #the only two genuine relationships i had didn't last either; one lost feelings after three years and the other just sorta stopped talking to #me and iirc eventually picked up a boyfriend that was actually local instead of long distance #i am not worthy of love. i will never be loved in the way that my friends are. hell i won't ever even find a qpp(?). and that makes me sad. #to know i will always be alone. that i'm destined to die alone. but it is what it is i guess. i just wish it didn't bother me so much. #i wish i could be content in my loneliness and not be jealous of everyone around me. i wish i could accept that i will never be anybody's #most important person. that the only person i can or will ever be the most important to is myself. self love，yeah? ha. #maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships， #those already in them will stay in them and/or take a step forward in their relationship. and i will remain alone. just as i always have. #anyways. sorry vent over i'm just. ugh. upset today. emotions are stupid and i want a refund on them. i did not ask to be saddled with the #burden of feeling such intense，suffocating displacement and loneliness. i did not ask to feel these negative emotions so strongly. #i just want to be someone's most important person. i just want to matter.

[candyriku]

finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)

#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive #for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood #i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically #and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha. #i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol #ANYWAYS #typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one) #we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you) #I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in #but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one #like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him #which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know #that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all #also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her #so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me #cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship #so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say #So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :) #jtsys fic #updates

[flowers-that-sing]

help girl. i wish i was a computer so i could delete the BPD file

#bobbi babbling #ventpost #sorry. #i am actually fucking broken its insane lmao #imagine being so fucking worthless even your personality is wrong #HA i dont have to imagine #this is why im unlovable lmfao #im the worst person on earth #fucked up personality fucked up face fucked up body #im not smart fun loveable hot or fuckable so im worthless #nobody in the world is as awful as me #and nobody in the world will ever want me to be theirs totally and completely #i cant ever trust anybody and everything is horrible #i dont deserve to live #God probably hates me #everyone hates me

[mokeonn]

Man I gotta get started on that dnd comic idea I've had for a while because if yall like Poetry yall are REALLY gonna like Mystery

#simon says #I might actually make Mystery and Poetry 'sisters' #it's in quotes because Poetry is an Asmodeus tiefling and Mystery is a reborn #to be more specific #Mystery is a Reborn made of 3 Zariel tieflings an Asmodeus tiefling a white dragonborn and a gnome #they're both tieflings but Poetry is also a bard and they're different kinds of tieflings. one fae one infernal #but I think they'd get along well #but yeah I realized 'oh boy if yall like this little pink ball of sunshine get ready for a little yellow ball of sunshine!' #I'll have to draw art tomorrow after work but I do like the idea of Mystery and Poetry being found family of some sort #mainly because I think they would get along #they're both silly little warlocks #but yeah I really need to get that dnd comic idea started #i had this idea for a while and im really attached to it #i wanna get back into making comics and I wanna use these dnd characters while not getting rid of their dnd-ness #I'll probably post about it more this year #i got like two projects im working on out of passion and my love of the crafts (video games and comics) #but I'm also working on making an income from my art or just finding a job i enjoy that suits me #whatever comes first #but yeah I am absolutely gonna talk about my characters more soon because I love them so much and I just KNOW yall will love them too #they're very loveable little guys #a group of the fantasy equivalent of 20-something adventurers #specifically 4 of them #i HAVE been debating on adding one more but that might just be a later addition to the cast or not at all #I'll absolutely post about them more as I work on the comic #I'm worried about posting about it now since like #the designs could change?? #like the characters themselves are set in stone but i am STRUGGLING with outfit design #gonna have to figure out some comfy camp outfits or something so I can draw and post them here before I decide on their main outfits #except Cardamon he's perfect just the way he is #I got his wizardly swag down perfectly on the second try

[freebooter4ever]

Nick: never takes photos of himself, refuses to let anyone else take photos of him even personal unshared snapshots

also nick: posts seven photos and a slow motion pan of the latest wooden boat he's building 🤣

#I hate how much i always am soft for him no matter how much he hurts me #I uh....lightly suggested that we meet up on the east coast but him come to me this time #And he's apparently decided that means he wont talk to me for god knows how many months now #at least im getting used to his playbook now lol i can see it coming #If im not into him romantically and finally feel emotionally unattached? Suddenly he is sending me compliments and attention and flirting #The minute i respond with even the TINIEST LITTLE BIT of attachment lol there he goes with the disappearing act again #Its my own fault i know i was never good enough for him #Ugh those wooden sailboats though man unf (he was always at his prettiest when he was deep in concentration on some carpentry project) #Jrnlsht #I just want him to be happy find someone to actually truly fall in love with #Then maybe he'll stop coming to me for attention when he feels insecure or whatever #But still whenever i write love stories its always always him #Unrequited love sucks #I wish i was pretty enough to be loveable

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hi Rachel,

In some of my writing I’m beginning to notice more and more that certain characters (not all) remind me of myself lol. And I hate it, I go back and rewrite them. But I’m interested if you relate to any of your characters as well so—Out of the characters you’ve written (Lonan, Reeve, Harrison, etc..) who do you think is the most like you? And what’s your take on writers seeing themselves in some of their characters?

feel about seeing reflections

Hahaha I used to HATE writing characters that were like me, and it took a while to realize that actually, they ALL are me in some iteration. To answer your question about writers seeing themselves in their characters—if writing characters that are “self-inserts” makes you joyful, DO IT!!! If writing characters who aren’t self-inserts but have attributes to you makes you joyful, DO IT! Or if you’re not into it—that’s fine too! Life is too short! Have fun with what works for you!

My experience below, this gets kind of intense as a warning! CW: suicidal ideation, disocciation

Aligning myself with my characters has been an intensely life-saving experience. I’m not sure I’d be here if it were not for Lonan… 16-year-old Rachel WAS him, and also needed him because literally nobody else “understood” where I was at except for him (undiagnosed autism for BOTH OF US??).

There was a time of my life where I couldn’t emotionally regulate at all, and in moments of stress, would often dissociate and quite literally converse with this man (looking back now, this was just a coping mechanism—confirmed by my doctor btw!—but for a couple years he was a genuine part of my psyche, like moved out of just character territory). I think I talked about this years ago, but I have a really distinct memory of disconnecting so much I quite literally thought he was THERE next to me, which I needed—he really became an externalization of the things I couldn’t deal with (or didn’t understand how to deal with). I needed to see myself reflected in the eye of someone else and for a really long time that was Lonan for me. Actually screaming crying that’s so cute.

And Lonan is similar to me in a lot of ways! This is a side tangent but when I was first diagnosed as autistic it made me wonder if I’d inadvertently written any autistic characters & it struck me way back then that the person most similar to me (Lonan lol) is probably also autistic. I was like—sensory issues?? No emotional regulation?? Speaks a bit oddly?? We are THE SAME. Haven’t really confirmed this in canon lol but I’ve been thinking about it since 2021.

Funnily, now that I have that diagnosis, my life is a lot more stable so like… I’m not currently the most like Lonan lol. But me at 16-19??? Absolutely him.

Unfortunately, I am currently HARRISON, which isn’t ideal but just like he’s a 21-year-old experiencing horrors I’m a 21-year-old experiencing horrors (which is why BB is sometimes painful to write cuz I’m like oooooh I’m feeling this… too much). To be fair, I’ve always said I’m the introverted version of Harrison (because I am lol our personality types are the same, not that I believe in those but since I was like 13 I’ve said this). But just like Lonan, Harrison has helped me now process some tough things this year that I’m not sure how else I would’ve survived. It’s important to me that I have fictional vessels to explore my own life with because it can help me identify problems & then learn to empathize with myself by empathizing with a character first.

Of course they’re also separate from me—they absolutely didn’t start as ME but as time goes on I start seeing myself in them particularly (Reeve sometimes too—our kindred spirits with processing toxic relationships <3). Maybe it’s because I am autistic, but I find it useful to understand my experiences via someone else. I love seeing the ways we can inform each other.

My TL;DR is I’m Harrison if he was Lonan so I guess I’m BB Harrison. Love this for me so much. But also add autism. Which is probably already there because: Lonan. LMAO and a dash of Reeve’s compartmentalization skills. And we have me!

#also to add in the tags because I’m feeling vulnerable lol #Lonan also helped me process my own queerness a lot #like he still does lol but #I was extremely alone in a lot of my experiences #and also extremely afraid (I still am) #& he is also feeling that way too in MW #I needed that because I had no one else to turn to #especially in my last year of high school (when I wrote MW) I was extremely #angry at god and extremely sad and afraid and confused #so we went through that together… sometimes now I forget how much he actually means to me #as a person and I know I’m on the fictional people website and don’t have to disclaim this but I know he’s not real #but I’m proud of how far we’ve both come & are going lol #so happy he’s getting a chance to understand he is loveable because #both of us in 2018 weren’t sure about that #think I’m reentering my Lonan hyperfixation era LOL after a 3 year hiatus <3

[queerstudiesnatural]

every time i try to reblog a post and tumblr goes beep boop that didn't work my first instinct is to be mad at tumblr for being a broken website but then i realise that tumblr was just trying to spare my feelings and op probably has me blocked lol

#@ people who have me blocked whose content i actually enjoy: what did i do :( #ex mutuals too like. ouch #i mean i'll get over it lol but i take psychic damage every time something makes me realise i don't only spready joy and love like i try to #and some people would rather not have me around #like no i am fun i am loveable i'm a ray of sunshine :( #...... ok it's the oft expressed deep insecurities and constant attention seeking isn't it

[zelda7999]

psst psst psst running into your askbox to tell you that you're an amazing person, a dear friend, and I'm so happy to be able to know you~ I've very much looked up to you (well, I still look up to you adjkhsdkjf) for your skill in backgrounds and scenic work, and the amount of passion you have for Eclipse and the DCA fandom and any project you put your heart to is such a positive force to be around QvQ

CLOCKWORK YOU LOVEABLE SAP SDJKALFHDSKLJF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

@clxckwork-sun-n-moon I KNOW ITS YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU DEARLY. OH MY GOODNESS I HOLD YOU DEAR TO MY HEART ;W; I CANNOT BE COHERENT BUT YOU HEARD ME CRY LIVE ON CALL SO THAT WORKS TOO SAKLJDFHKSDFKLASDHF

;w; aaaaaawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

#Ask Zelda #clxckwork-sun-n-moon asks #YOU'RE SO GOOD #I AM CRYING #ACTUALLY #AKLJDHSAKLJFH #YOU LOVEABLE SAP #OH MY GOODNESS #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #CLOCKWOOOOOORK #AAA ;W; #I AM GOING TO GET YOU BACK FOR THIS #IN MY OWN WAY #I AM COMING FOR YOU

[loveinthemaze]

:)

#not to sound like the absolut biggest crybaby on earth #but after being so good for so long #after thinking i'll be more liked if i make way for others instead of taking up space #after thinking this is all that there is to me #i feel so so lost and like i've achieved nothing after i realised i have to actually learn people will like me no matter what as long as #i'm confident in who i am #idek how to just accept the very vast fact that we're loveable just as we sre and that love isn't a damn reward #it feels like there is something to do now instead #idk how to just be myself and let love in

[inkskinned]

the body is such a strange and vapid creature. i am eating soup with noodles that i cooked in a microwave. i don't know how microwaves work, only that most of my meals come from her yellow mouth. i put mine on the fridge; i have to stand on tip toes to take the bowl out, balancing it on fingertips.

i have to eat soup because i'm coughing up blood.

when you have been raised wrong, conditions of alarm are offset. which is to say that three weeks ago, i had a panic attack because i thought i saw him the liquor store. i collapsed into a heap, ready to sob into multicolored gin bottles. it was just someone who looked a lot like him, working a shitty 9-5. the poor man. what must it be like, to have someone go pale at your profile.

i spoke too loudly during a zoom meeting, and nobody answered immediately. the shame of that scoured my entire ribcage clean. i hated the experience so much i wrote it down in my notes: a reminder not to be so fucking annoying!

but the conditions of alarm are met at the moment. i am well-and-truly ill, the blood in my hand and on the pavement. at this moment in dr. house episodes i would be swaying, and then i'd collapse delicately and awaken in a crisp hospital bed. instead my dog bites my hand in excitement. now there is blood on his muzzle.

i am diabolically, almost robotically calm about it. i laugh about it, actually. i am feeling positively waifish. i am one nightgown away from holding an oil lamp up and saying milord? are thee turnin' in for the night? new blood is pinkish, almost feminine in her brightness, a tease into the tissue.

i haven't ever cried at a funeral. i didn't know you were actually allowed to. it felt like new blood - a way of making it about me, when my job is to flatter the shadows and stay tucked out of the way. i am always doing something for someone else. i am always earning my keep. i am always loveable, because i will do what it takes to make you able to love me.

here are the personal things i have been worried about in the last three weeks: if the spider i put outside was now able to restart her life. if an hour and a half every day is enough walking for a greyhound. if i drink too much coffee. if all my friends secretly hate me. if i'm a bad friend and i should be sad about it. what happens after this next goalpost? what if i'm deeply and inherently boring?

i cough up blood. my mouth tastes like iron gummies. i am not worried about this. my body is a seahorse. my body is an ocean wave. i can detach from it, be outside of it - just float away.

#this doesn't make sense #but i think it might be a #iykyk #but not in a fun way lol #writeblr #warm up #to the medical professionals in my ask box: ah. i will listen and if in 3 days the blood keeps Happening i will address it #i thought this is just something that can happen

[petalsandpurity]

i understand it's the whole point but oh my god do all the characters in The Secret History all annoy me so. so much.

#i liked richard until halfway through the book and then i realised he's an idiot and not in a Loveable Idiot way #but in a Why The Fuck Are You Like This kind of way #i am loving the story though but (SPOILER ALERT) im scared about #the twins and their relationship bc charles called camilla honey and now i am very sus that there's some cheeky incest going on #and im NOT here for that. i will simply throw the book at the wall if i find out that IS what is happening #(then probably pick it up and carry on reading bc im actually really enjoying it even if i hate all the characters. especially henry. #fuck henry lmao)

[barcaatthemoon]

loveable || jenni hermoso x reader ||

you overhear jenni and think she isn't interested in you.

there was something going on between you and jenni. everybody could see it except for the two of you. the two of you had a tendency of getting very flirty, something that had annoyed your barcelona teammates to no end. alexia and the others had been hopeful that maybe with jenni's move to mexico things would change a bit, but it only seemed to get worse.

if jenni had been bad before, the distance only made her worse. she was clingier than normal, going from flirtatious little touches to literally hanging off of you sometimes. there was rarely a moment whenever the two of you were near each other that she didn't have you tucked under her arms or was carrying you around on your back.

to alexia, it was sickening, which was why she had to say something. both you and jenni deserved to be happy in her mind, and maybe if the two of you just fucked, she wouldn't have to witness all the constant flirting. that was her intention when she approached jenni about you.

"okay, enough, it has to stop," alexia said as she shoved jenni into a room. she pushed the door behind her, but didn't check to make sure that it actually shut.

"what has to stop? i'm not doing anything," jenni huffed. alexia crossed her arms over her chest, unimpressed with jenni seemingly playing dumb. "stop looking at me like that."

"what's going on with you and (y/n)?" alexia asked. jenni shrugged as she leaned against the wall. that answer definitely wasn't good enough for alexia, who moved in towards jenni with the intention of intimidating her. jenni wasn't scared of alexia, however, and she never had been. jenni pushed up from the wall and squared up to alexia, knowing the younger woman would back down. "just ask her out."

"i'm in mexico now, and i'm not just going to come running back to spain, so it won't work. the distance will be too much, and she can't handle that. she's too young, alexia," jenni snapped. alexia was surprised to see her get to anger so quickly. there was obviously more going on than what jenni let on, so alexia pulled her over to sit down and really talk to her.

…

you hadn't meant to overhear alexia and jenni. the eavesdropping technically was done on purpose, but when your name was brought up, you were curious. jenni seemed to flirt with you a lot, even more than she did with everybody else. it was getting to the point where pina and patri were relentlessly teasing you at every chance they got. you had been looking for jenni to ask her out, both of them not having let up on the pestering since you got the call to come to national camp.

"what's wrong?" pina asked as she watched you stomp past them. you didn't stop to even look at them as you went straight up to your room. pina could tell that something was really wrong, so she pulled patri and ona away to talk to you. "(y/n)!"

"just leave me alone, please. i don't want to talk to you guys right now," you told them. that would have been enough for pina to leave you alone, but patri never really knew when to quit. if anything, your words had only made it more important in her mind to talk to you.

"did something happen little one?" patri asked as she pressed a kiss to your temple. you crumpled in her arms, unable to stop the tears from falling. it felt like forever before you were calm enough to tell her what happened with jenni. patri was quick to anger, as was pina. if it wasn't for ona, the two would have stormed off before you were even finished telling them what had happened.

"i'll kill her," pina hissed through grit teeth. ona rubbed the woman's back, hoping that it would soothe her anger a bit. "how dare she say that about (y/n). i'll kill her ona, i will."

"getting angry right now won't help. i am sure that jenni did not mean it like that. come on, we've all seen the way jenni looks at (y/n) when she's not paying attention," ona whispered. you were fast asleep on the bed, exhausted from crying, but ona didn't want to risk waking you up.

"well, i'm going for a walk," patri announced. pina stood up with her, only to be pulled back down by ona.

"only one of you can go, just one," ona told them. patri glanced back at (y/n) on the bed and nodded towards pina. you'd want your best friend there when you woke up, and truthfully, patri didn't want to get kicked out from camp while you were still so upset.

…

"hola bonita," jenni greeted you with a smile. you ignored her as patri walked you past her. jenni frowned, too upseet about you ignoring her to even notice the death glare being sent from your friend. "hey! what's wrong?"

"just go away jenni," patri warned. she placed her hand on the older woman's chest to keep some distance between you and her. jenni didn't like that one bit and started to push forward, prepared to shove past patri to get to you. however, it was alexia's hand on the back of jenni's shirt that kept her from charging forward.

"go in the conference room," alexia ordered. jenni walked away, huffing and puffing as she did. alexia turned past patri and towards you. "(y/n), i need you to go to the conference room. jenni has something she'd like to say to you."

"i would rather not talk to jenni right now," you told her. alexia sighed, knowing exactly why. whenever pina had come knocking on her door, alexia had been taken aback by the anger and aggression coming from the younger player. a quick explanation had cleared things up, and alexia knew that she had to help fix things since she had partially been the cause of them.

"jenni, she can explain herself. you just need to let her know what you heard," alexia said. you didn't want to argue with your captain, so you politely asked patri to watch your plate for you while you went to find jenni. the conference room door was still open, jenni sitting on the table instead of any of the chairs.

"alexia says that we need to talk," you said, careful to close the door behind you. "i do not really want to talk to you though, not after what you said about me."

"i didn't sa- oh." jenni seemed to deflate as she realized what you had overheard. "i'm sorry, and i swear that i did not mean any of it."

"then why would you say it?" you asked her.

"because i was scared. i didn't want to start something with you only to never get to see you. i didn't want you to throw away the best club for your career so we could be closer because i knew that you would," jenni explained.

"you don't know that i'd move to mexico," you huffed. jenni absolutely knew that you'd follow her anywhere. you were extremely loyal, having moved from your hometown club and barcelona's rival, real madrid to barcelona at the insistence of your friends.

"you left madrid for patri. i'd hate to see the lengths you'd go for me," jenni joked. you shoved her away from you at the joke, but only because you knew that she had a point. all it would take for you to do something like that for jenni was if she asked. "hey! you're making it hard for me to apologize right now."

"some apology." this time, it was jenni's turn to shove you. the two of you got into a little shoving match until jenni ended up grabbing both of your hands. she pinned them down to your sides, leaning in just enough for you to smell her perfume. you looked over at her face to see her staring at yours, more specifically, your lips.

"i'm so sorry for what i said," jenni whispered. you bit your lip as you nodded in understanding. "i really do want you. i want to wake up next to you in the morning. i want to take you out on special dates. i want to go to sleep next to you at night. but fuck, right now i just want to kiss you."

"then do it," you told her. jenni moved forward quickly, pressing her lips to yours. you kissed her back, but only for a few seconds. jenni pouted when you backed away from her, mouth open to question what was wrong. "i can't do this if you're just gonna go back to some girl in mexico."

"i would never," jenni promised you. she pressed a kiss to each of your cheeks before she continued. "there are no other girls, and i don't think there will be. i love you, understood?"

"no you don't," you tried to argue. jenni dropped your hands and cupped your cheeks. "you don't love me jenni, you like me, there's a difference."

"i know that there is, and i love you. it's part of why i left, i thought you were with one of the little hooligans," jenni said, using alexia's nickname for your friend group.

"why would you want to love me?"

"why is it so hard to accept that you're loveable?" jenni asked you. she wanted to kiss you again and again, but this felt like a much more important talk to be having.

"i'm not special, and i know the kind of women you were with before me. it's scary jenni, and i don't think i can compare," you admitted. jenni frowned at you, unsure of what exactly she could tell you to prove you wrong. "i want you so badly that it hurts, but i don't think i deserve you."

"you deserve better than me, but if you'll have me, then i won't argue. you deserve the world, mi carina. i can't give you everything, but i will always make sure that you have my love," jenni promised you. you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips, smiling into it.

"they warned me you could be corny, but i didn't know you were such a sap," you teased. jenni pinched your thigh as she stood up. you followed her back into the cafeteria with everybody else, finally feeling like you could actually eat now that you knew that jenni didn't really look down at you.

#woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso imagine #jenni hermoso x reader #jenni hermoso imagine