#and still costs money

[mwydyn]

It's very weird being in a relationship for about 3 months and knowing his visa runs out in just over a year like weird to think very hypothetically but also sort of seriously about my future and where I want to live but only if things workout but there's not been any reason to think it won't but it's only been 3 months but I really care about him

#rishi sunak is a prick 🙃 #like oh we haven't been together long but let me just casually check if I can still get my student finance if I move to another country #very hard to find out like theoretically from the website yes #but most people aren't doing remote courses so it's not easy to find a proper answer #and most students have their permanent address as their parents address but I don't and can't! #and his visa ends halfway through my second year not my third so it's just.... difficult #messy #if our friend gets the senior lecturer job at a nearby uni #that means a pgce course will open for mandarin and will be much cheaper than in other unis #so it'll be an option with a student visa #that is useful even if he does move afterwards because it's internationally recognised #but that's an if #and still costs money #still a mess #worm food

[dreamyouppygirlish]

if you still have a checkmark you should send $8 a month to the nearest trans woman instead and if you have more than one row of checkmarks we should be able to throw rocks at you in public

#if you still think it’s a good idea to give this website money #after the COUNTLESS transmisogyny fiascos from the actual people who run it???? #sorry you’re just a transphobe #that’s a transphobic thing to do #no i do not give a fuck if they were gifted to you the person who bought them did something transmisogynistic by buying them #and you’re doing something transmisogynistic by not just turning them off #it costs you nothing to check that fucking box that’s a low ass bar which is why i STARTED at supporting trans women #but APPARENTLY that’s too much for the tranny girlfag boydyke website sorry for expecting less than the bare minimum

[doriandrifting]

Ted Wheeler sees the Byers and says, “Thank god you folks are back. Between the two of these kids, I thought I was going to have to take out a second mortgage just to afford my phone bill,” and has absolutely no idea the chaos he has just unleashed.

#I’ve probably made this joke before but it’s my fav Ted Wheeler headcanon #fun fact I had to research for this post: even if the byers ain’t answer it still would have cost hella money if he was calling all the time #and mans had to call the phone operator to make the call long distance #he was putting in the work #byler #mike wheeler #i know what you are #will byers #stranger things

[hellenhighwater]

I'm debating starting a youtube. One of the things I love about learning how to do stuff is sharing the process and skills involved with people and that seems to be the preferred platform for that kind of thing; I find that with a lot of what I'm making it's so niche or weird that there's not easily findable tutorials on how to do what I want to do, so maybe it would help if I made them? Tiktok is okay as a quick and easy way to slap process videos together but I kind of hate it and I also don't like how unsearchable and short-lived content is there.

Youtube would be a lot of work, and I'm not convinced it would be worth the effort, but on the other hand, if I could get some traction there, it would be nice to have passive ad revenue to offset project costs without having to directly sell the random crap I'm making.

I dunno, guys. This site has been home for my art for a long time, and I don't see that changing, but it would be nice to have resources to put into some of the larger projects that aren't directly sellable.

#there is so much I wish i could do if i could justify the cost of the projects #and i can already do a lot! I'm not complaining #but ugh #marketing art. not the most fun. #and to do it properly i would need to spend some decent money on camera gear #because my phone would not cut it #still not putting my fucking face on the internet though

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript: No, you're not an icon.

You're not a slay queen or an e-boy.

*pause for dramatic effect*

You're a sinner.

Original post being referenced

Audio source (Twitch)

#ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #FRESH OFF THE PRESSES THE STREAM IS STILL GOIN RN #I'll add the YouTube link when the VOD gets uploaded later #i have another one i requested but i didnt catch the clip so ill post it later #this post cost me money dont let it flop #well most of the posts on here cost money but i requested this one myself lol #voice post

[synvelesow]

artblock doodles..

#still doodles.. sorry for the drop in the quality of my content #yesterday i calculated how much money a new ipad and pen would cost and started crying 😇😇😇 #sooo please just uaghh deal with this shitpost for now 🥹 #fear and hunger #fear and hunger termina #fear & hunger #daan #fear and hunger daan #synvelesow art #karin #fear and hunger karin #elise #fear and hunger elise #stitches #fear and hunger stitches #fear and hunger needles #needles #henryk #fear and hunger henryk #samarie #fear and hunger samarie #daarin #elise von dutch #eihner von dutch

[ganondoodle]

1 year since i got scammed by nintedno leaving me forever yearning for a game we will never get and an extreme worry for the future

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #dont think they will learn anything #i know its pessimistic but like #as if the critics were in any way as loud or popular as those worshipping it #i feel so bad for having contributed twice to its sales and earnings #i bought it normally (later sold that to a coworker) and the collectors #which i sold but i only got back the money a normal new one would have cost #and it was also only bc i was buying sth else and it was literally in prime condition #like he said it wouldnt matter bc he cant give me more but then even he said holy shit thats literlly like unopened lol #i mean ... most of it was never opnened xD just took the game out once and put it back once thats it #i feel extra scammed bc it was the first and only collectors edition i ever owned #and i dont think i will ever buy one again #and might regret that #i still wish i had known how much i liked botw to get its special one ... but i didnt have the money back then either way #but id rather miss out on that than spend so much money on sth i will forever regret having spend money on #and i worry for the future bc the “story is the least important part” guy and “lol you can only like the old games bc nostalgia” guy- #-being in charge of the franchise arent giving me much hope for anything better #especially after totks success

[multifandom-nerds-blog]

I'm rewatching Trollhunters in the background right now, and the disfunctional mother son relationship between Jim and his mom is making me crazy.

Like, he's taking care of the household and his mother for years as a teenager and before probably. She is sometimes giving half hearted comments about him not having to do so much, but very obviously she's not gonna make him stop do all the cooking and cleaning. Y'know. Both because they've been living like this for years, and because it's obviously also very comfortable to have someone do all the house work.

Then Strickler comes into the picture, and if we ignore the whole Troll and changeling side of the story, Barabara gets very offended cause Jim doesn't want her to meet him privately. Again, ignoring the whole magic and trolls stuff, STRICKLER IS JIMS TEACHER. If Jim hadn't figured out that Strickler was a changeling he probably wouldn't have a problem with it, but the fact that he does, no matter the reason, should be enough for Barbara to put a stop to the relationship. Her child is clearly uncomfortable with her seeing/dating that guy, for whatever reason, and even clearly vocalized it. But she doesn't care about, or rather, she tells Jim that she "wouldn't expect something like that" from him. Obviously not, cause she may see him like her child/teenager he is, BUT DOESN'T TREAT HIM LIKE ONE.

And then Jim, unknowingly to Barbara, becomes the Trollhunter, and his behavior changes. He's suddenly doing reckless stuff, sneaking out, getting bruises, landing in detention and even at the police station, barely avoiding a police report. What does she do? Asking him what's going on? If everything's alright at school? If he has any other problems? Maybe trying to lower his workload around the house, which again, he's doing most of that as a teenager and longer probably.

Nah. She doesn't do anything until he lands in the hospital. Except for again, dismissing him rather negatively at the one topic he's openly expressing any negative opinions about (Strickler). And after he lands in the hospital she now starts not asking questions, but demanding answers. Demanding answers from a teenager in a difficult situation who is also now acting much more like a teenager than he ever did before, from her point of view at least. Except she obviously doesn't know how to deal with a teenager, cause she has never had to raise or live with a teenager. She instead lived with a child pretending to be an adult for years, that was partly much more of an adult than she was, who did way to much work even before Jim became the Trollhunter. So she throws punishments at him and grounds him, but does he listen?

No. Cause why should he? Not only is he dealing with things much more important than being grounded, yknow, saving the world, he's trying to protect her from the sheer knowledge of the supernatural and physically protecting her from getting harmed. And again, for the majority of the time since his dad left he pretended to be an adult. He was and is the main adult in the household, dealing with important things she doesn't even know about.

The only one's treating Jim like a teenager are teachers, other children and Blinky and Aaargh sort of when they're not in the middle of Troll business. Strickler, in the first episodes where Jim doesn't know about his true identity, is much more of a parental figure to Jim (also after his redemption later on tbh) than his mother.

In summary: Barbara is treating her son like an adult, almost like a partner, instead of a child/teenager. And when that isn't possible anymore she doesn't know how to properly treat him. She also doesn't really care that her son is uncomfortable with her being around Strickler, or Strickler in general. And it takes Blinky telling her (when Jim is 16) that Jim might be affected by his father leaving when he was five years old.

Jim meanwhile is treating his mother more like a child/teenager instead of the adult and MOTHER that she is. Seeing her as his responsibility. Cooking for her. Cleaning for her. Telling her to rest and take breaks.

They obviously love each other other. And their relationship might not be toxic, but it's very much disfunctional. In a way that is mostly negative for Jim.

#toa #toa trollhunters #trollhunters #jim lake jr #jim lake junior #barbara lake #walter strickler #trollhunters strickler #tales of arcadia #blinky #aarghhh #trollhunters blinky #Barabara; just because Steves mother has a relationship with one of his teachers and it working out between him and her son #Doesn't mean it's gonna work out for you #If you're a parent and your child is uncomfortable with a partner of yours #YOU BREAK IT UP #Especially if your child is still living with you #Seriously #Okay I know trainer Lawrence probably only became Steves stepdad later in the series #And they also had to work some things out first #But at least they didn't try to kill each other and trainer Lawrence was actively trying to be a good parent/friend to steve #And don't get me started on “A vespa costs so much”: YOU'RE A DOCTOR #Don't know much about new jersey or wherever the show takes place but doctors earn good money almost everywhere #Especially with how much nightshifts and over time hours she has #Not being sure about your 16 year old driving I understand #But don't try to excuse it with money when you're obviously not poor and he's been wanting it for so long that you could've easily saved up #The money till his 16th birthday #Okay I ranted about this long enough #Also the fandom is dead so nobody will read this probably #Byeee

[secretlythatsme]

i've seen a lot of dp fans in the dpxdc fandom talk about not having access to comics so here. it's completely free, good quality scans (for most things), basically any dc comic you could want is there. you should have an adblocker but the ads aren't the worst if you don't, just noticeable and annoying. you're not gonna get a virus, i've been using the site for years, as have many other fans.

if you genuinely want to read the comics, take advantage of the sites comic fans have been using. there's new and old stuff and everything in between. crossovers too. whatever you want to read, you'll find there.

#it was genuinely surprising to see people talk about inaccessibility and cost of comics here #like ik most of you arent dc fans but i was still surprised #literally everyone in the dc fandom knows about this and uses it regularly #i just forgot that people who arent comics fan wouldnt know about the free comic sites lol #new runs are updated too! its not just the old stuff! #so no you dont need a comic store or a shit ton of money to read the comics #dpxdc #if we're talking movies and shows then use fmovies #DEF use an adblocker (and vpn if you have one) for that though #and since this is directed at dp fans id highly suggest watching the bat.man scooby doo crossover! #its amazing and imo is a great example of mixing bat.man with a more comedic child friendly vibe #bat.man is so goofy in that movie i love it aldhg #oh man... thats making me think of dpxdcxsd crossover now... #is the acronym for scooby doo sd? that feels wrong #well anyway if you want to read the comics for free you can lol #remember! the dc fandom has been here for decades! we have all the resources you need!! dont be afraid to look or ask! #and if you dont know where to start reading - just pick your favorite character and find a masterlist made by an obsessed fan #and start there lol #but if anyone wants recs let me know and ill be happy to help :)

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Hey so… guess who had the worst fucking luck?

It me! No nothing was stolen, nothing was missing. I dont have anything in my car to steal and I use a seat belt lock after a car was stolen in my neighbourhood. I just walked outside to see this. Glass was inside and outside so who knows what happened?

But I can't really afford to replace it. My parents are willing to help but like I will still be in the red plus I haven't gotten full time hours for a while (and may not because my company sucks).

If anyone can donate anything I would be so thankful as I look for a full time job now that I'm graduated.

#help #kofi #car window #broke #I literally am in the red for money #parents can lend a hand #but it'll still cost me #anything helps

[deoidesign]

Ever think you’ll do a physical print of time and time again?

Yes! I'm actively working on it now that I'm on hiatus ^^ I have 2/4 books for season 1 ready to go!

I'm planning to launch a kickstarter early next year for the first four books! (The pirate arc, the summer camp arc, the ghost hunting arc, and the vampire hunting arc)

I'm planning for each book to be $25, and I'll ship them out over the course of a year. (shipping in the us will be about $7 per book, and internationally it'll be around $16 per book!)

Each book is 100-150 pages and 8.3x5.8 inches ^^

I've got some really cute and exciting things planned for it!

Consider this the official announcement and a warning that it'll be pretty pricey! I'll have themed merch bundles offered as well (partially pictured) so it can add up fast! If you want all 4 books, expect to spend about $150 including shipping!

#kickstarter #queer comics #graphic novels #asks #distantwave #I'm so so so so excited about it!!! #there's like #no way I can think of to get the cost down though... #I guess that kind of comes with it being 4 books ;_; #so I'm trying to warn people early so people can save up #IF it's possible #I recognize $150 is like. a lot of money #I wish I could make it less #in a year or so you can buy them all together and then shipping would be like.... half.......... #so still like $120 :( sorry

[cartoonsbyandie]

The @conanredraw zine is posted! Here's my full page for it!

God there's so many talented artists in there. Would love to make a physical copy.

#I know going to like Fedex would cost a Million Money especially if I wanted it on half decent paper #I will settle for digital for now #It's still so cool #detective conan #kogoro mouri #yoko okino #mouri kogoro #conan edogawa #edogawa conan

[genericpuff]

on the closure of MochaJump, and why we're our own worst enemies in this industry.

"MochaJump? What was that?" is probably your first question, and I'm gonna simply respond with, "Exactly."

MochaJump was a small startup platform made by /u/nunojay2 and a second site engineer (whose name I am not informed of) on reddit. It wasn't anything extraordinary, just a startup site that aimed to offer a more viable alternative to Webtoons and Tapas, with a focus on offering equal visibility to creators, focused recommendation algorithms, loosened restrictions on NSFW content, and bigger cuts for creators on their generated revenue.

Of course, such promises are a tall order, but the creator did their best to host regular discussions with creators in art and webtoon communities to get feedback on what creators really wanted out of their platforms, and they researched what they would need to make in order to keep the site afloat (it came out pretty low at $2 per user per month). Hopes were high and the site launched with a small but eager userbase.

It stayed small. The site shut down in November 2022, just 6 months after launching in May 2022.

Now, I'm not gonna sit here on some soapbox and blame anyone for the site closing down. I unfortunately didn't get much chance to use the site myself so there's surely more I could have done on my own part to help it gain traction. But this is a regular occurrence for start-ups like this, especially in an industry that's as notoriously unprofitable as webcomics. We've seen titans such as SmackJeeves and Inkblazers fall, and MochaJump was merely an infant by comparison.

But it makes me think of how we view and treat these startups as a whole. How we as readers and creators alike have become so trained to exclusively use corporate platforms like Webtoons and Tapas on the promise of "bigger gains". Unlike these bigger companies, platforms like MochaJump depend on building a strong userbase as quickly as possible, and need to find ways to generate revenue to keep things running, otherwise it's only a matter of time before they close down. They don't have a massive conglomerate like Naver or Kakao to pad their pockets through their failures. They don't have the money or reach to inject themselves into society through bus terminal ads and convention sponsorships. They don't have the investors to sink money into their platform until it becomes profitable in return.

So we don't use them. Readers don't use them because we don't see the point in using a platform that has no content... and thus creators don't use them because we don't see the point in publishing our content on a platform with no userbase. Creators seek a place that's "tight knit" and "easy to get seen", but will only post to places that come pre-loaded with massive audiences; because it's not enough anymore to have a couple hundred followers, we're in 2023 now, in the year of consumer bloat, where we expect to now pull in thousands if not millions to be considered a "success". And readers seek a place that offers high-quality high-amount content at the tip of their fingertips, but don't want to pay for the access to these works, and in the case of apps like WT, have given up in trying to support these creators through the platforms themselves because they know that those artists they want to support will likely never see a dime.

The fact of this problem is simple, yet many people seem to ignore it - we cannot expect to have a platform that is tight knit, profitable, and sustainable. These places do not exist, not so long as we continue to raise the bar on what makes a "successful" subscriber count, not so long as we continue to patronize platforms that exploit their artists and writers, and not so long as we keep chasing the dragon of "what these websites used to be". These platforms never used to 'be' anything, they merely existed in one point of time that is now long gone, when owning a smartphone was a luxury and not a need, when online video content wasn't being tethered together by ads, and when the Internet wasn't owned and entirely managed by the same three corporations, the likes of which we haven't seen since cable TV.

Platforms like Tapas and Webtoons are - besides unsustainable - unable to exist and profit in the way they do without undercutting someone along the way. Whether it's underpaying their creators, undercutting their communities, or underexposing the works that have been buried, someone will get the shit hand in the deal and that someone is usually ALWAYS someone who will rarely ever stand to gain anything in the long run from using these platforms despite their issues. The 1% got theirs, and the 10% are barely getting by, while the remaining 89% are pushing onwards, because they have faith in the systemic online enshittification that demands conformity to a single formula for "success".

We are our own worst enemies in this industry. Webcomics are one of the few online mediums that still truly belong to the people - anyone can make them, anyone can find joy in them, but we're letting platforms like Webtoons and Tapas and all the other massive corporate apps rob us of that joy and accessibility in the pursuit of "success" and profiting. Webtoons was never the sole way to profit off this medium and yet I still see people every day who underestimate the existence of legitimate publishing houses and self-publishing, who think that publishing on Webtoons and landing an Originals deal is the only way to find success in this industry. This is meant to be the era of creators, of self-starting and self-actualization, and yet we're still handing all of that control over to corporations that only seek to exploit our art, bodies, and labor, while convincing ourselves that this will somehow all be worth it. We stick with Webtoons, despite the numerous controversies it's been involved in and the lack of support it's given even its own hired creators. We stick with Tapas, despite the undercutting of its most core components such as its community and the outlier genres it used to be known for hosting. We find new ways to justify using platforms that are steadily going downhill - Patreon, Twitter/X, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook - because we've been convinced that these are the routes to success, so if we acknowledge their failures, then "success" can no longer exist.

Because we need to pay rent. Because we need to eat. Because we need to survive. Because it's a lot more complicated than just "stepping away". Because the startups just don't have any of the surface level potential for us to immediately identify and get on board with, so we don't give them a chance.

I realize this post got very existential and depressing. I've been creating comics for well over a decade now, largely unnoticed, and I've fallen victim to these same limiting mindsets that we have to stick to one way, one "formula" for success - a formula that changes with the wind and only works for those who get in on the ground floor. It's been slowly killing me from the very beginning, robbing me of my joy to create, of my reason to even do this in the first place - to tell and share stories with others, to express myself creatively, to live my life surrounded by art and stories and creations made by and for others. It's made me tired and miserable, and I can tell it's done the same to those who have shared that boat with me.

But there's one silver lining I can always be sure of, and it's one I was reminded of after realizing I was still in the MochaJump Discord, with one announcement post that I hadn't yet read.

Webcomics are one of the few online mediums that still truly belong to the people. Corporations are trying their hardest to take that power away. Let's not continue to let them.

If you want to help sustain, patronize, and contribute to the growth of sites that are still being operated by small teams (or even one man armies), please, consider checking out the following websites, some of which serve as platforms or publishers, others which operate as link directories for independent sites run by creators.

ComicFury GlobalComix TopWebcomics The Webcomic List The Webcomic Library Hiveworks SpiderForest SmackJeeves Archive Inkblot.art And whoever wants to use the GitHub source code used for MochaJump (RIP)

Let's do our part to decentralize webcomics again. We may not be able to leave the platforms that weakly sustain us, but we can still support those that strengthen and support us.

#also bonus: if you're willing to pay like $10/year for the domain name you can get free hosting on comicfury #essay post #decentralize the internet #decentralize webcomics #fuck webtoons #support small platforms #don't be a coward #use the sites that only net you 20 readers #it costs you literally nothing but a little extra time #i guarantee most of these sites come with more features and more supportive userbases than webtoons #webtoons doesn't even have a fucking TAGGING SYSTEM #why did we allow ourselves to be convinced that webtoons is setting some industry standard ?? they're PISS #WT is literally persephone #riding off daddy warbucks' money while being a big stinking failure of an entity who no one likes but still calls a hero #no wonder WT loves LO so much it's literally an autobiography at this point

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

ITS IN MY HANDS ITS IN MY HANDS ITS IN MY HAND AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

EHEEHEHEHE 20TH MARCH 2024 FIRST DAY ON T AHAHAGSGSHSHSHSH

#IM GONNA CRRRYYY #I SAY GONNA #TEARS HAVE BEEN SHED #I WANT TO EAT IT #i wont eat it but the impulse is there #IVE BEEN FIGHTING NHS DOCTORS FOR MONTHS I STARTED THIS PROCESS OVER A YEAR AGO AND ITS COST SO MUCH MONEY BUT YAAAAYYYY #trans #trans joy #im so EXCITED AGSJSLSKSK #i really wanna just eat the whole thing #(im not going to) #transgender #years and years spent on this hellsite and im still shit at figuring out what to tag

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad. #Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.' #ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists. #take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol...... #ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

[stardivingsea]

the way that I don’t understand law enforcement in fantasy worlds where there’s been active references to reviving someone even after a minute since death. what do you mean you have to leave the body there so it can be investigated as an ACTIVE crime scene. that boy could be alive again if you hurried instead of talking about it. he doesn’t have to lie there for days.

#yes I KNOW its also economic and those spells cost money but they’ve had NO problem supplying the adventuring academy w them before #yes I still have things to say about the episode #fantasy high #d20 fantasy high #specifically referencing their efforts to revive lucy when it’s been almost a year #or are they just trying speak w dead