#and st nick has a beard....

[secretmellowblog]

Mayor Madeleine <3 I love how often he's compared to Saint Nicholas

#les mis #i know ppl say the beard is anachronistic BUT COUNTERPOINT #the symbolism #Valjean needs to have a beard because he's canonically supposed to be similar to St Nick.... #and st nick has a beard.... #st nick is always depicted with a beard #so the beard is important for symbolism reasons #les mis letters #valjean #les mis art #my art #mellowart

[jurassicateer]

Santa Makes His Rounds Amongst the Dinosaurs

A certain jolly old elf sporting red and white summer wear is popping up around Jurassic World, taking time out of his busy schedule to visit with the dinosaurs...and find out what they want for the holidays!

During the normal course of our dinosaur feeding and performance shows, guests are delighted to see handlers joined by Santa himself, who takes the mic for a moment to get some one-on-one time with our biggest stars.

During her morning feeding, Santa asked Rexy if she would like a big teddy bear. When the T. Rex roared in apparent response, Santa staggered back slightly and waved a hand over his face. "How about some nice breath mints instead?"

Later, at Triceratops Territory, Santa was allowed to scratch Bakhita under the chin. "You're an herbivore, right? How about some gingerbread? Oh, who am I kidding? You're sweet enough!"

Santa has also been seen riding aboard the Jurassic Tour truck, alongside a speedy flock of Gallimimus. In one video posted to the Jurassic World YouTube channel, Santa can be heard to say: "Call the reindeer, tell them they're fired! These guys are way faster!"

The absolute highlight of these seasonal escapades has surely been the Mosasaurus Feeding Show, where an apparently befuddled Santa asked the audience if they could tell him where to find Muse. The cheeky Mosasaurus finally leapt for her meal and splashed down with abandon, soaking Santa to his jolly old bones. Mister Claus was then heard to say, sputtering through his dripping beard, "Looks like someone's on the naughty list!"

It's uncertain how long Santa will stick around to see the dinosaurs, so keep an eye out. At St. Nick said during the Raptor Encounter show:

"On Charlie! On Delta! On Echo! On Blue! Merry Christmas to all, and especially you!"

#jurassic world #isla nublar #dinosaurs #jurassic park #camp cretaceous #christmas

[mermaidsirennikita]

Since you were talking about which Kleypas' heroes are conventionally attractive, what is your ranking for how attractive you find Kleypas' heroes?

I mean, I think that physically all the ones I've read are fuckable. But for me personalllly

Derek Craven--always, forever, every day of the week, Monday though Sunday, breakfast lunch and dinner, anytime anyplace anywhere. I love his physicality, I love his competence, I love his inability to love but also his deep capacity for love, I love his trash sense of interior design, I love his gauche new money nature, I love when he tells Sara he wants to punish her a little.

Kev Merripen--big, self-loathing, feels like he's gonna break her with his giant dick.... yeah, I think I fuck with him

Sebastian St. Vincent--also fucks so hard but he has to overcome the fact that he a) is blond and b) can't fight good, big sins in my book, and the fact that he does speaks to how hard he fucks

McKenna--I really like a revenge plot and I also like that he told her to shut up while he was going down on her

Westcliff--ugly hot, as we've discussed, but the fact that Westcliff can show up in the midst of literally any problem and solve it in five minutes makes him hotter; you'd be like "Westcliff I'm so confused I've had this problem for eight weeks" and he'd just press a button and it would be fixed

Leo Hathaway--always in forever in my heart as a hot man because a) he used to be so sad b) he makes the heroine say pussy in a way that is mildly degrading and I'm about it

Rhys Winterborne--NOT FIVE FUCKING MINUTES is pretty hot, though I will admit that his hairlessness freaks me out. He overcomes this admirably by being hot in every other way, and I also like that he's like, a Kohl's King

Simon Hunt--has a foot fetish, gets immense points for this

Jack Devlin--very sexy hot, also did extremely mild butt stuff which is super compelling

Gideon Shaw--he was actually very sad and I loved him, I appreciated the work he did to be a better man and his general guilt complex

Cam Rohan--I have my general fetishism issues with Kev and Cam's portrayals, but I will say that Cam being hyper competent and also like, one of the chillest Kleypas heroes is very sexy of him; he had to be chill because Kev got all the family angst

Keir--I know people have issues with his book and his very existence, but I think the fact that Keir is so hot that he has to grow a beard to be in public is so funny

Gabriel Challon--honestly, a shadow of his dad and not as kinky as he could be (sad :() but still very charming

Devon Ravenel--seduced me a bit with his general douchebaggery I gotta say

Harry Rutledge--should honestly re-read this one, but I think I had issues with his heroine and I liked that he was generally horrible

Nick Gentry--would be hotter if not for some unfortunate implications about his backstory, but I did love how competent he was

Tom Severin--actually pretty hot, hampered by my general "meh"ness on his being paired with Cassandra

Ross Cannon--he was fine I guess but didn't make a huge impression on me, too nice and too staid, also named Ross

Matthew Swift--he's.... fine, but he's too sweet for me

Grant Morgan--I mean, I'm not against the amnesia trickery but I preferred it when Lorraine Heath did this

Christopher Phelan--I need to re-read his book because to be honest sorry to this man I remember like... not much at all besides being a bit annoyed by what he was annoyed with

West Ravenel--controversial but brave, I think West would've been much more interesting if Phoebe had met him pre-reform, as it was he came off as a much more boring Leo Hathaway

Ethan Ransom--I just.... wasn't... that into him

Hunter, Earl of Hawksworth--great name, iffy book, not a huge impression made

#romance novel blogging

[haroldgross]

New Post has been published on Harold Gross: The 5a.m. Critic

New Post has been published on http://literaryends.com/hgblog/funny-woman/

Funny Woman

[3.5 stars]

When you’re in the need for a bit of fun and quirky romance, Nick Hornby (State of the Union) is a good go-to. His stories have a particular sort of style and progression; romance at the center of it all, with a bumbling sort of hilarity to resolution. It requires a cast of truly capable actors to pull off. Fortunately, this series found that gaggle, though I say that with a small reservation I’ll get back to. Specifically, if you liked Hornby’s music-centered offerings like Juliet, Naked and High Fidelity, this is probably for you.

Gemma Arterton (The King’s Man) takes on the title character with amazing energy and ability. Consciously styled against the show’s contemporary Lucille Ball, she pulls off the comedy and emotion with aplomb. And with her at the center, overall, the story feels somewhat like a Marvelous Mrs. Maisel in Blackpool. Both stories inhabit overlapping eras, and the core drive is the same.

Vying for her attention and talent are a trio of men: Arsher Ali (The Dig),  Tom Bateman (Death on the Nile), and Kyle Pryor. Each pulls on Arterton in different ways, but we’re never really in doubt about who would be the right one.

Filling out the story with various subplots, jokes, and gravitas are Alexa Davies (Dead Pixels), Matthew Beard (Vienna Blood), and David Threlfall that help thread it all together. And then there’s Rupert Everett (My Policeman) and creator/writer Morwenna Banks who are the Sweeny Todd-like couple managing Arterton’s career in the background. (I use that reference for sensibility, not specificity.)

Director Oliver Parker (St. Trinian’s: Legend of Fritton’s Gold) handles the various levels and different types of scenes well. The show slips from family drama to slap-stick comedy without missing a beat or feeling off. It never quite sells Arterton’s character as the comedy powerhouse she really needs to be, but we get enough to take that leap and not feel too cheated. Unlike Maisel, you never really see her full on in action other than in her life.

However, the biggest challenge with Funny Woman isn’t its writing or story, it is the simple fact that Arterton is just a little too old to sell the part entirely believably. The character needed to be in her early 20s for credibility. At least for me. The choices she makes are fine for a 21 year old, but really just stupid for a 30 year old. I had to squint a lot to accept the plot choices. It isn’t that Arterton isn’t delivering the lines well, but like watching a 30 year old Juliette, there are unspoken parameters that affect your viewing.

That aside, this is a fun show with a sweet arc. For some nearly empty calories with some great moments and an acceptable resolution, give it a go.

Where to watch

#3stars #adaptation #Comedy #Dark Comedy #datenight #Foreign #Historical #LGBT #popcorn #SeeIt #TV Review

[thegenxorcist]

Père Fouettard

Père Fouettard, or “Father Whipper,” has a haggard, menacing appearance, complete with a scraggly black beard, and he always carries a whip on his hip. He’s a butcher whose favorite pastime is eating children, though nowadays he usually settles for (threatening to) whip or give coal to bad kids.

Where did such a wild figure come from? And why is he called “Father Whipper”?

Move Over, Krampus: France’s Père Fouettard Is St. Nick’s Sidekick—and Possibly a Brutal Murderer

#Père Fouettard

[guardianofwonder]

Many influences come together to make my Nicolas Nicolas.

“It was said that he once defeated an entire regiment of calvary with a bent steak knife-while he was eating.” - William Joyce

“He’s a wild man,” Ramsey says. “An adventurer, a warrior, a dynamic force. A big guy who takes over every room. He has two gigantic swords. He kicks down doors. The core idea was, what would a guy who can fly around the world in one night be like? He had to do this with sheer force of will. So we wrapped that dynamo around a guy who loves making toys, whose whole existence is bringing generosity to the world.”

INFLUENCES: Slavic myth, Norse myth, Christian myth, Violent Night, William Joyce’s The Guardians of Childhood and The Man in the Moon, Rise of the Guardians (2012), historical connections to Santa Claus, this amazing webpage outlining information about Veles, & the Rankin/Bass Claymation films.

My Nicolas is very inspired by Nicholas St. North, but the idea of him also being the Slavic god Veles was so interesting to me: I wondered what would come of the muse if I combined them?

NAME: Veles, Nicolas. 

ALIAS: Nicholas St. North, Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas, St. Nick, Kris Kringle, Odin, Wodan, Welnos, Volos, Saint Blaise, The Devil, St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, Sinterklaas, Krampus, Father Christmas, any & every name for Santa Claus.

TITLES: The Guardian of Wonder, the Spirit of Generosity, The Greatest Thief & Bandit Who Ever Lived, The Cossack, Toymaker.

AGE: Indetermined. Very old. Jokes that he’s seen the beginning of time.

GOD OF: fertility, boundaries, order, mischief, magic, invention, cattle, water, earth, the underworld, the dead, music, wealth, trickery, forests, oath-keeping & treaties, retribution, farming, vengeance, psychic ability, the hunt, power, & poetry.

SPIRIT OF: generosity, nature, & invention.

GUARDIAN OF: wonder.

WEAPON: two swords & a spear.

SACRED ANIMALS: bear, wolf, snake, dragon, owl, any farm animals & black birds.

ASSISTANTS: yeti, Leshy, reindeer, & elves.

DOMAIN: Nav/Nawia (The North Pole). In Winter, Nav/Nawia changes from a forest and farmlands to the North Pole, and returns back to its forest-y appearance when Spring arrives.

ABILITIES: shapeshifting (into a dragon or bear or other animal under his domain), using snowglobes to transport himself + others, master swordsmanship, the power of wonder, master craftsman, master inventor, master magician, master toymaker, the gift of the silvertongue (can communicate with all beings + can articulate clearly), 

STRONGEST ABILITY: The Power of Wonder. North has an ability to find the wonder in everything around him which helps him in his creation of toys and inventions. It also boosts his faith in others and resolve, and helps him be jolly and a little childish but gives him a unique insight. His shapeshifting ability is an extension of his Power of Wonder.

APPEARANCE FC: David Harbour in Violent Night (during Winter).

David Harbour as Jim Hopper (all other seasons).

VOICE FC: Adam Baldwin in Rise of the Guardians.

EYE COLOR: blue, crystal blue.

HAIR COLOR: always has black eyebrows.

white + long, curly hair and beard (during Winter).

dark + short cropped (all other seasons).

red (as Kris Kringle).

CLOTHING: Black fur hat, a long red coat with black trim, black boots, black sheepskin pants, and thick, black gloves (in Winter).

Hawaiian shirt + jeans with tennis shoes and white socks (all other seasons.)

HEIGHT: 6'6".

WEIGHT: 270 lbs.

BODY SHAPE: Big boy. It’s cuffin’ season. Chunky but also muscular.

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: When appearing as Nicolas, he has tattoos on either arm featuring Naughty + Nice, all sorts of Celtic + Slavic symbols on his torso, arms, and back. Right on the center of his chest + ribs is his Veles snake. Blue eyes, no matter the form. 

If he reveals his true form, as Veles, he will have golden antlers protruding from his long, brown, & curly hair.

NATIONALITY: N/A. Appears Slavic, as that is one of his favorite places, Nicolas has an indistinct Slavic accent that can sound very Russian at times.

GENDER: Masculine. Uses he/him.

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC IDENTITY: Bisexual and demiromantic.

MORALITY: Chaotic Good.

PERSONALITY: Nicolas is a warrior with a heart of gold. Fierce, demanding and impulsive, everything about him is larger than life. For him, nothing is impossible as long as he believes in it. He is inventive and witty, sarcastic and curious, and immensely willful. He will do whatever he can to save others. He is also fearless, mysterious, caring, and full of wonder.

BIOGRAPHY: Veles had been alive for what feels like all of Time, guarding the border between Yav (the mortal world) and Nav (the underworld). When his worship + power started to wane due to Christianity’s influence across all of the world, and his reputation was tarnished as the Devil, the Man in the Moon offered Veles a new job: become the Guardian of Wonder.

He took the name Nicolas, and decided to embody an aspect of himself that he enjoyed a great deal: Santa Claus.

Nav became the North Pole, its fertile fields turning to snow-encapsulated tundra when Winter struck. No mortal can dare enter the North Pole, not without special permission.

Souls who pass under the Slavic banner end up residing in Nav for all of eternity, and when Nav turns into the North Pole, those who live within Nav can volunteer to help with Santa’s duties, or opt to just enjoy the wintery aspect of the realm. Those who are favored by Nicolas can become Santa’s Helpers, and he sends them all throughout the mortal world to act in his stead.

Leshys patrol the space, so no souls leave without permission. Elves assist in toymaking. The Yeti assist in overseeing all functions within Nav, and act as managers, while also covering all other duties that the others fail at.

Every December 24th, he delivers gifts to good children and leaves coal for naughty children. He has also been known to still deliver to adults.

Using his Globe of Belief, Nicolas makes sure that the children of the world believe in the Guardians. Whenever crises arrive, Nicolas is there, blades at the ready, spear strapped to his back, and is ready to kick a w ho-ho-ho le lot of ass.

#mobile access.

[ledenews]

Santa Claus: ‘Some Kids Do Ask for the Impossible and That’s OK’

He really does look like the real thing, this jolly man sitting as Santa Claus and hearing all the wishes that would make a child’s dreams come true. Sometimes, though, Santa must say no. “There are difficult moments, for sure,” said Mike Slenski, a local gentleman who portrays St. Nicholas throughout the Upper Ohio Valley as well as for Oglebay’s holiday season. “Sometimes there are children who confuse what powers Santa is supposed to have. “It can be very difficult when children ask me to bring back their Nanas, or a parent, or a friend of his or her family’s, and I’m not sure how others handle those requests but it was something that was covered when I attended the Santa University. Some kids do ask for the impossible, and that’s OK,” Slenski said. “When a young boy asked me to bring back his Nana, I had to explain to him that his Nana is very happy to be where she is today and that she expects him to be a very good boy for his parents.” Slenski reports this year’s most popular requests include Barbie’s Dream House, Furbys, and drone orbs, but there have been occasions when children have whispered wishes for their parents to reconcile, too. “In that position as Santa Claus, you're going to be asked these questions, but Santa does not have unlimited power. Somebody else – the Great Creator – has the power for that, and that’s what I explain to them,” Slenski said. “And I’ve met children who have told me, ‘All I want for Christmas is my Dad and Mom to be back together again.’ I have to say to them that their mother and father love them, and Santa loves them, too. “I tell them that Santa is the toy specialist, and that’s my role,” he said. “I tell them about the spirit of Christmas and that it’s a time for giving and sharing. And I tell them it’s important for us to share our talents with each other and that it’s not all about the gifts under the tree. It’s about the true spirit of Christmas.” Slenski welcomes opportunities to be on the local airwaves to tell the history of Jolly Ol' St. Nick. Real Beard, Real Santa? There are days when he leaves his East Ohio home by 8 a.m. and doesn’t return until later in the evening, and he’s exhausted by the end of his days this time of year. Not only does Slenski portray Kriss Kringle at Oglebay’s Wilson Lodge and Good Zoo, but he’s hired for a number of private and public party appearances starting before Thanksgiving and continuing through December. On December 23rd, in fact, he will be the guest of honor during the “Last Chance with Santa” event at Generations Restaurant and Pub in Wheeling. Santa will welcome children for two hours beginning at 8:30 a.m., photos will be free of charge, and a breakfast buffet will be free for kids between 3-8 and $9.95 for adults. “I really do love what I do as Santa Claus, and there are a lot of different stories I could tell about how funny and joyful the children are. Their excitement is what makes me smile the most, and it’s not about the presents. It’s about the magic,” Slenski said. “But the most difficult wish I’ve ever been asked happened just a couple of years ago when my 53-year-old niece was in hospice care after trying everything breast cancer treatment there is. Charlie Reynolds, a former Mountain State lawmaker and now a District Engineer (6) for the W.Va. Division of Highways, had the chance to meet Slenski at The River Network in Bellaire. “She said to me, ‘You’re Santa, aren’t you? You have magical powers, right? Can you save me?’,” he recalled. “At first, I was speechless, but then I told her my powers were limited to loving her. She passed soon after that, and I’m looking forward to seeing her again.” Children do not pull on Slenski’s real white beard as often as older ladies do, and that’s OK with him because he just “Ho Ho Ho’s” every time. “One of the things I love most about what I get to do is bring comfort and joy to so many others, and if you study the history of Santa Claus, that’s exactly what he is supposed to do for others. It’s about giving hope to the world so others might decide to share their love with others,” Slenski said. “It’s about being a light for others so they can recapture the moments they love to look back at. “But the children, they are not shy when they are telling me what they want Santa to bring them, and there are times when I’ve had to tell them that I wouldn’t be bringing them a Corvette and things like that,” he said. “But I never do get tired of portraying Santa Claus because, no matter what a child asked for, it’s still Christmas so it’s still a magical time of year.” Read the full article

[name-de-plume]

The Joy of Christmas

Ho! Ho! Ho! Just look at him sitting there, waving, wishing everyone a merry Christmas as if he's actually some sort of magical deity seated on a golden throne. It’s a marvel how many mothers migrate to this mall en masse, endure ridiculous waits and wasted gas circling the parking lot over and over and over for the perfect spot closest to the entrance only to stand in yet another line full of all the other mothers with screaming children just to get a picture of their rotten progeny sitting on this man’s lap. A stranger’s lap. At least he got into character and grew a real beard. It wouldn't be surprising, though, if he's a dirty pedophile or some other sort of sexual predator and his suit is extra-large, not to cover his corpulence, but to conceal his raging erection. Or maybe, just maybe, he really is the kid-loving grandfatherly type who never had kids of his own because his wife is barren or he's shooting blanks or something. Sure- they could adopt, but you can't raise a kid making minimum wage working as St. Nick in the mall. For the children’s sake I hope the truth is innocent. But I bet this bearded behemoth of an old man has pictures of every kid that ever sat on his lap lined up like wallpaper in his room and every night he beats off to them. Oh, Timmy; oh, Billy; oh, Susie; oh, Patrick. Oh, Oh, Oh!   Hey, don't give me that look. I work in this mall and every day I see the rudest of people push, shove and insult their way through crowds like rabid animals frothing at the mouth ready to rip off the face of anyone daring to get in their way. While waiting in long check-out lines, these people complain that Jesus was even born because they had to go out and buy gifts for friends and family they don't even like. All the while, children are lied to about why they shouldn’t lie and instead behave all year long. Remember to engage in good deeds, not for the good of the deed, but in hopes of finding bigger presents under the tree. This is what the holidays are about, my friends. Christmas brings out the worst in people…

and I'm sure Santa's no exception.

#a little late #watbp #spilled ink #christmas

[omniversalobservations]

Gilligan's Island (December 1964)

It's Christmas and the castaways celebrate the holiday decorating a palm tree. Gilligan makes a holiday wish that they could be rescued. At that moment on the Radio, they hear news that a Navy Destroyer has spotted a group of castaways believed to be them.

Gilligan and the Skipper make a signal fire to make it easier for them to be found and start reminiscing back to their first day on the Island. In the meanwhile, everyone praises Gilligan for his good cheer and waits for the rescue ship. In turn, they share their memories of that first day. The girls kiss Gilligan in gratitude for his Christmas wish of being rescued. However, after waiting a while, they check for more news and learn that the Navy had rescued other castaways that had been stranded for eleven years on a different island.

On Christmas Eve, everyone is disappointed and tired, but Santa (who looks and sounds exactly like the Skipper) shows up and reminds them of everything for which they should be thankful before departing.

At that moment, the real Skipper returns from gathering wood in the opposite direction. Filled once more with good cheer, everyone starts wishing each other a Merry Christmas as sounds of Santa's sleigh bells ring over the island.

Source: Gilligan’s Island Wiki

"Birds Gotta Fly, Fish Gotta Talk," the Christmas episode of Gilligan's Island, was primarily a clip show. The castaways are understandably miserable spending the holiday away from home, on a desert island where even a year-old fruitcake would be more appetizing than yet another coconut cream pie. They reminisce about their first days on the island via carefully selected scenes from the pilot—carefully selected because the characters that eventually became the Professor, Mary Ann and Ginger were played by different actors in that episode.

The gang's gripe session is interrupted by a visit from Santa Claus, who looks and sounds suspiciously like the Skipper. Santa reminds them that they've got a reason or two to be merry this Christmas—at least they're all alive and thriving. And, most importantly, they genuinely like one another and live together like a family. At the same moment Jolly St. Nick makes his exit stage right, the Skipper arrives stage left. Who was that bearded man?!

Source: Mental Floss

(images via YouTube)

#television #Gilligan's Island #Santa Claus

[izisweblog]

Santa Outfit Gone Sexy

So that you want to be santa's horny helper, eh? Well, what higher way to show up the quantity on a few christmas spirit than via dressing up in a attractive santa outfit? You may deliver cheer to all individuals who come close to in, what has turn out to be, one of the hottest vacation outfits you can own for the season. We're now not speakme approximately something that remotely resembles the antique traditional St. 

Nick clothes which you've seen a few guy donning on the street nook, taking charity for a very good purpose. The evolution of what we used to think of a santa dress has been not anything quick of astounding over the previous couple of years. In step with many different facets of society, the present day versions of the santa dress have begun to be taken over by girls, sans the bushy white eyebrows and beard. 

Quite the contrary to the warm, elderly guy included with the aid of pink and white from head to toe, nowadays, santa has long past sexy, and a few would possibly even say; downright risqué. A hot selling santa outfit these days is horny and revealing, presenting such stripper-stimulated style additives as a crop top, bustier, mini dress, micro mini skirt, booty quick, bra and even a thong panty! 

If you appearance tough sufficient, you may even find that santa has gone burlesque with crimson sequined pasties and/or open bust bustiers. That brings us to the reality that, despite the fact that there are still the quintessential christmas themed boudoir units featuring a horny santa lingerie gown or , the strains are absolutely blurring among what's "club" attractive and what used to be considered lingerie. 

Judging by what is presently suitable to put on to christmas club events, a attractive santa outfit is no exception to the blurring of those fashion lines. There are folks who will argue that party goers dressing up in attractive santa outfits are simply using christmas as an excuse, as invoice maher pleasant placed it: "to dress up like a hooker." ultimately, the fun and excitement that incorporates dressing up sexy for the holidays adds splendor and happiness to the birthday celebration. 

Isn't always that what christmas is all approximately, besides? Bringing joy to the world? A whole lot of the fun had in dressing up horny like santa for christmas is shopping for the sexiest santa helper outfit that is flattering on your figure and suited to put on within the environment that you'll be carrying it in. We endorse starting your quest early sufficient (november) to get the excellent becoming santa outfit in time to your celebrations. 

You can use social purchasing networks to percentage your finds and/or, of direction, get opinions on your ideas on facebook or different social community so you feel assured in your final selection. Sexy santa costumes can run everywhere from $35 usd to $250 usd, depending upon the design, cloth and availability and can be worn for halloween, mardi gras and "christmas in july" birthday party celebrations as well. 

Even in case you don't plan to celebration or go clubbing as a horny santa this year, you may want to celebrate the vacations in a greater intimate manner at domestic with some engaging santa underwear outfits. Attractive santa undies collections now encompass everything from sheer santa babydolls to crotchless panties with jingle bells! Heat nights at domestic are from time to time greater fun and most efficient, although no one however your accomplice sees just how sexy you are as santa! As maria carey said: "i continually get santa underwear, despite the fact that nobody sees it."

[maturemenoftvandfilms]

Top 10 Actors Who I Love Playing Santa Claus

Whether he's called Santa Claus, St. Nick, Kris Kringle or Father Christmas, the man in the big red suit is a regular sight in holiday movies. Plenty of actors have tackled the role over the years, but a few stand out as the jolliest of the lot. From the big screen to the small, here are 10 actors who have played Santa (or characters pretending to be Santa) throughout the years.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Paul Dooley - Hot in Cleveland, S3/E17 'Claus, Tails & High-Pitched Males: Birthdates 3' (2012) George Wendt - Santa Buddies (2009) Paul Sorvino - Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe (2009) Edmund Gwenn - Miracle on 34th Street (1947) - The only reason he's not in the top 10 is because I never saw the original which I'm planning to change.

#10. M. Emmet Walsh - Early Edition, S1/E11 ’Christmas’ (1996)

Here's one of my favorite actors (for his acting abilities & of course to fuck) as Santa. Sure he's not you traditional Santa here, looking like a drunk off the streets playing old Saint Nick. , but at the end you find out he really was Santa. He kinda gets me in the mood to find some drunken fake Santa for blow-job session behind a dumpster in a dark alley... Guess I'm kinda kinky like that. Not really, but kinda.

#9. Jim Broadbent - Get Santa (2014)

Even though I prefer my Santa short and on the fat side. Broadbent has a look that works as Santa Claus. At least somebody agrees with me as he played Santa again in a Aldi Christmas ad.

#8. Leslie Nielsen - All I Want for Christmas (1991)

Again, tall and thin and I'll usually say no, but Nielsen does it for me here. He did it for other too as he played Santa again in Santa Who?, a made-for-TV flick released in 2000.

#7. John Goodman - The Year Without a Santa Claus (2006)

Tall, but at the time, Goodman was big enough to play a decent Santa Claus. Fun fact, he also voiced Robot Santa in Futurama.

#6. James Cosmo - The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

Tall, thick and kindly with a hint I'll fuck you up if your on the naughty list. This is the Santa Claus I can see beating that ass up.

#5. Richard Attenborough - Miracle on 34th Street (1994)

If Santa Claus was real and he is, damn you. Attenborough’s version is the closest approximation every one would imagine and he does a remarkable job of channeling the magic of Santa. I almost feel bad about wanting to fuck him. Almost.

#4. Donovan Scott - Numerous projects

While I was making this list, I never realized how many times Donovan has played St. Nicholas. From Santa look alikes, mall Santas to the real deal. He's been in numerous TV movies, TV shows and holiday TV commercials as the big guy. And out of all of the guys on this list, I think Donovan is the cutest. The ONLY reason he's at #4 is because I wanted to fuck the next three guys longer than him.

#3. Ed Asner - Numerous projects

Now get to the meat and potatoes of my list and of course Asner is up at the top with the best of them. He has played or voiced Santa Claus in numerous projects, but his most remembered Santa was in Elf. I mean sure the movie was about Buddy the elf. But it's a Christmas movie. You got to have Santa Claus in it and Asner brought his mixture of grumpy teddy bear to role. And I do love a grumpy man.

#2. David Huddleston - Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

Huddleston was my first "Movie Santa" and without question, one of my all-time favorite portrayal of Jolly Old St. Nicholas himself. He not only looked the part with his physique, he sounds like the part. His laugh was perfect. Though I'd prefer a white beard, he pulls it off and his suit was great. And love the alternate clothes he wore. He just seemed the way you always figured Santa should be like. As a kid I loved the film. As an adult, if it wasn't for looking so hot, I couldn't get though the whole film because of Dudley Moore.  

#1. Charles Durning - Numerous projects

Truth be told, there's only two people I envision to play Santa Claus... Huddleston and no other than Charles Durning. And if your a long time follower of mine, you should have guess he'd be #1. His family said he loved the Christmas season and to that end the portly, 5'8" Durning, who died Christmas Eve, played played the role of Santa Claus the third most on this list.

#top ten list #top 10 list #Charles Durning #Edward Asner #Ed Asner #David Huddleston #Donovan Scott #Richard Attenborough #James Cosmo #John Goodman #Leslie Nielsen #Jim Broadbent #M. Emmet Walsh #Paul Sorvino #Paul Dooley #George Wendt #Edmund Gwenn

[lailoken]

‘Dark and Demon Dogs’

“Haunting the coastline from the Wash to the Deben and beyond, and inland along the Peddars Way into the Brecklands, on marshland roads and mudflats, through the Fens and into the Broads, pads the ancient terror known as Black Shuck. For many hundreds of years the legend of the ghostly black hound has been kept alive and is probably the best known of all East Anglian spectres, still appearing to people today. He is typically seen as a huge, great, black shaggy hound, with blazing red eyes and dragging rattling chains behind him, instilling terror into all he comes upon and considered a portent of impending death or doom by most. Although generally called Black Shuck, he is known by many other names too; the Galleytrot, Old Scarfe, Owd Rugman, Shug Monkey and the Hateful Thing being some, although some form of Shuck or Shuggy is most common. Nor is he always a large black hound, appearing as anything from the size of a Labrador (shrinking into a cat!), a white rabbit in Thetford, to a calf or a donkey and even a monkey on a few occasions. Sometimes he was invisible, only his fierce breath, padding feet, fearful howls or the clanking of his chains giving evidence of his presence. Sometimes he could be seen without his head, but always with his glowing eyes appearing in the middle of where his head should be. One tale from Garveston in Norfolk goes;

‘They du speak of a dog that walks regular. They call him Skeff and his eyes are as big as saucers and blaze wi' fire. He is fair as big as a small wee pony and his coat is all skeffy-like, shaggy coat across, like an old sheep. He has a lane, and a place out of which he come, and he vanish when be bev gone far enough.’

Another informant from the village of Clopton, Suffolk, reported, 'a thing with two saucer eyes', on the road to Woolpit. It would not move out of his way but grew larger and larger as it breathed: 'I shall want you within a week'. The man died the next day.

One Christmas day in the middle of the 19th. Century, Black Shuck pushed against a small, blind boy who was standing on Thetford Bridge with his older sister. The little boy plaintively asked his sister to send the big dog away, but his sister assured him that there was no dog anywhere near them. However, the terrified boy insisted that there was, and that it was trying to push him into the water to drown him. The sister then felt the poor boy being carried away from her; she realised then that what he could feel, and she could not see, must be the terrible Black Shuck that she had heard so much about. Just as her little brother was about to be pushed into the water, she dragged him back from the edge and, hand- in-hand, they rushed off back to their waiting parents at home.

Villagers in the Waveney Valley round about Geldeston call it the ‘Hateful Thing', or the 'Churchyard or Hell-beast'. One old village woman claimed that she saw it one night on the road between Gillingham and Geldeston. She tells the story in the following words;

'It was after I bad been promised to Josh that I saw the Hateful Thing. We met Mrs S. and she started to walk with us. I beard something like a dog running pit-pat-pit- pat-pit-pat. "I wonder what that dog wants", I said to Mrs S. I was walking between Josh and Mrs S. and I lay hold on Mrs S's. arm and she say "It's in front of us; look, there it be." Just in front was what looked like a big, black dog; but it wasn't a dog at all; it was the Hateful Thing and it betokened some great misfortune. It kept on until we came to the churchyard, when it went right through the wall and we saw it no more'.

In Norfolk, Neatishead Lane, near Barton Broad, is a favourite walk of Shuck, as is the cliff path from Beeston, near Sheringham to Overstrand. This recalls the old adjuration in the legend of St. Margaret;

‘Still be though still,

Poorest of all, stern one,

Nor shalt thou, Old Shuck,

Moot with me no more.

But fly, sorrowful thing,

Out of mine eyesight,

And dive thither where thou man

May damage no more.’

A more humorous tale involves the grounding of Noah's Ark on Mulbarton Common, south of Norwich. Scoffers had better not go to Mulbarton. When one village elder was heckled on the point, he replied with some heat;

‘Thass trew! Trew as I stand bere. Where else could it ba' grounded? Aren't this the highest bit o' ground for miles around? When Ole Nick see the Ark be got inter a poont (punt), an' curled his tail up under the thwart and come rowin' around jest as Noah had opened the winder to let the dove in. And Nick sings out: "Mornin' Cap'n Noah. Nice mornin'arter the rain". But ole Noah he sees Nick's tail a-curled up under the thwart an' be sings out: “I know you. You're Owd Shuck! You goo to Hell". And bangs the winder down'.

However, perhaps the most famous accounts of the legend are to be found in Holinshed's Chronicle', an ambitious history of England which was updated to include contemporary events, and a pamphlet entitled A Straunge and Terrible Wunder' written by the Rev. Abraham Fleming, Rector of St. Pancras Church. Both accounts were published in 1577, shortly after the events recorded therein. According to Holinshed's Chronicle;

‘On Sundaie the fourth of August (1577), belween the houres of none and ten of the clocke in the forenone whilest the minister was reading the second lesson in the Parish church of Bliborough (Blythburgh), a towne in Suffolke, a strange and terrible tempest of lightening and thunder strake through the wall of the same church into the ground almost a yard deepe, drave downe all the people on that side above twentie persons, then venting the wall up to the venstre, cleft the doore, and returning to the steeple, rent the timber, brake the chimes, and fled towards Bongie (Bungay), a towne six miles off. The people that were stricken downe were found groueling more than balfe an boure after.......". At Bungay the storm "wroong in sunder the wiers and wheels of the clocks, slue two men which sat in the belfrie, when the other were at the procession or suffrages and scorched an other which hardlie escaped.'

However, Fleming gives the account as starting in Bungay church and includes the infamous Black Shuck;

‘Sunday, being the fourth of this August, in ye yeer of our Lord 1577, to the amazing and singular astonishment of the present bebolders, and abhsent bearers, at a certain towne called Bungay, not past tenne miles distant from the citie of Norwiche, there fell from heaven an exceeding great and terrible tempest sodein and violent..... There were assembled at the same season, to hear divine service and common prayer, according to order, in the parish church (St. Mary's) of the said towne of Bungay, the people thereabouts inhabiting, who were witnesses of the straungeness, the rarenesse and sodenesse of the storm, consisting of rain violently falling, fearful flashes of lightning and terrible cracks of thunder, which came with such unwonted force and power, that to the perceiving of the people...the church did as it were quake and stagger, which struck into the hearts of those that were present, such a sore and sodain feare, that they were in a manner robbed of their right wits.

Immediately hereupon, there appeared in a most horrible similitude and likenesse to the congregation then and there present, a dog as they might discern it, of a black colour; at the sight whereof, together with the feareful flashes of fire which then were seene, moved such admiration in the minds of the assemblie that they thought doomes day was already come.

This black dog, or the divel in such a likenesse (God he knoweth al who worketh all), running all along down the body of the church with great swiftnesse, and incredible haste, among the people, in a visible fourm and shape, passed between two persons, as they were kneeling upon their knees, and occupied in prayer as it seemed, wrung the necks of them bothe in one instant clene backward, in somuch that even at a moment where they kneeled, they strangely died.'

After reflecting somewhat on the wrath of God, he continues;

‘There was at ye same time another wonder wrought; for the same black dog, still continuing and remaining in one and the selfsame shape, passing by another man of the congregation in the church, gave bim such a gripe on the back, that therewith all he was presently withdrawen together and strunk up, as it were a piece of lither scorched in a hot fire; or as the mouth of a purse or bag, drawen together with a string. The man albeit he was in so straunge a taking, dyed not, but as it is thonght is yet alive; whiche thing is mervalous in the eyes of men, und offereth much matter of amasing the minde.

Meanwhile, the Clerk of the church, who had gone outside to clean the guttering, was thrown to the ground during a violent clap of thunder; and at the same time, the wires and wheels of the church clock were 'wrung in sunder and broken in pieces.' Inside the church, the Curate exhorted to prayer and 'comforted the people' until the frightening manifestation of the black hound had passed away, leaving behind it marks on the stones and church door 'which are marvellously renten and torne, ye marks as it were of his clawes or talans.'

According to Fleming, next, on the same morning, in the church of Blythburgh, about twelve miles from Bungay;

'the like thing entred, in the same shape and similitude, where, placing himself upon a maine balke or beum, whereon same ye Rood did stand, sodainly he gave a swinge downe throngh ye church, and there also, as before, slew two men and a lad & burned the hand of another person that was there amang the rest of the company, of whom divers wus blustled. This mischief thus wrought, he flew with wonderful force to no litule feare of the assembly, out of the church in a hideons and bellish likeness.'

The marks of his talons, burned into the inside of the north door of the church, can still be seen today.

Interestingly, archaeologists have recently discovered the skeleton of a massive dog that would have stood 7 feet tall on its hind legs, in the ruins of Leiston Abbey in Suffolk, close to both Bungay and Blythburgh. The remains of the massive dog, which is estimated to have weighed 200 pounds, were found just a few miles from the two churches where Black Shuck killed the worshippers. It appears to have been buried in a shallow grave at precisely the same time as Shuck is said to have been on the loose in this instance.

Coming forward in time, there is a legend of a black dog too, at Blickling Hall, Norfolk. In the 19th century, alterations on the Hall were being made by Lord and Lady Lothian, by the demolition of some partitions in order to form a dining-room;

‘I wish these young people would not pull down the partitions', said an old woman in the village to the local clergyman. Why so?' 'Oh, because of the dog. Don't you know that when A. was fishing in the lake, he caught an enormous fish and that, when it was landed, a great black dog came out of its mouth? They never could get rid of that dog, who kept going round and round in circles inside the house, till they sent for a wise man from London, who opposed the straight lines of the partitions to the lines of the circles and so quieted the dog. But if these young people pull down the partitions, they will let the dog loose again, and there's not a wise man in all London could lay that dog now'.’

This tale is interesting in that it links the occurrence or appearance of the hound with a practical knowledge of geomantic function and is the only tale told of its kind, as far as I am aware. It also links the Black Dog with the liminal area of the lake, which, as we have seen earlier in the chapter, is a gateway to the Other/Underworlds, guarded by supernatural beings; it is possible that the Black Dog may be another one of these guardian entities.

The common name for the black hound, Shuck, is generally considered to derive from the Old English scucca or sceocca, which means a devil/the Devil, a demon or a goblin (the 'sc' in OE being pronounced as 'sh'). There is also the likelihood that it comes from the East Anglian dialect word 'Shucky', meaning shaggy or hairy, a marked characteristic of most descriptions of the Hound. The first known use of the term comes from the Norfolk Chronicle or Gazette, in 1805, in an account by the Rev. E.S. Taylor of Martham as follows;

‘Shuck the Dog-fiend: This phantom I have heard many persons in East Norfolk, and even Cambridgeshire, describe as having seen as a black shaggy dog, with fiery eyes, and of immense size, and who visits churchyards at midnight.’

However, the term was obviously already in use beforehand, but for how long beforehand, no one knows. In regards to the appearance of the phantom in, at or near to churchyards and graveyards, there is another old tradition that is worth noting here. It was customry in years gone by, to bury a black dog in any new graveyard, before any other burials took place. The dog was intended to act as a guardian for the dead who were laid to rest there, and to protect the entrance to the Otherworld, ensuring that none came out – or went in – that were not supposed to. This practice goes back many millennia and is still rumoured to continue today in some areas; the dog is said to be buried in the North, or North-East of the graveyard, the traditional direction of the Dead and the Underworld.

Attempts to explain the origins and nature of the Black Hound have been many, some prosaic and some fantastical. He is said to be the memory of one of Odin's battle hounds, brought over by the Viking raiders in the 9th century. Whilst this may sound appealing, Odin did not have any war or battle hounds, but was accompanied by two wolves, a description never applied to Shuck. It is possible that he is the remains of a 'fetch beast', conjured by the Norse shamans to clear the pathways for their invasions, but there is no remaining evidence for this, however attractive; but the pathways theme is pertinent and I will come back to that in a moment. In the Anglo- Saxon classic, 'Beowulf', previously referred to in the case of Grendel's Dam and the Merewives, the monster Grendel himself is termed a 'scucca' and referred to as master of the fens and moors, some of the very places said to be haunted by Black Shuck in more modern times. He is also linked in popular imagination with the Devil and witchcraft, considered to be the Devil in animal form. Whilst there are recorded cases of the Devil appearing in dog or hound form in Suffolk, the descriptions of Shuck's appearances does not seem to fit any of these. He is often linked with Churches and graveyards, as we have seen, as well as crossroads, being described as coming from, passing over or into, or finishing his perambulations at one or the other; this also links in with the fact that the most recorded instances of sightings/encounters of the hound are on paths, roads, trackways, etc. as mentioned above.

It is these latter aspects of the Black Hound that I think give us the biggest clue to his nature and function; this is either as a guardian of the 'ghost roads' - the energetic and spectral pathways across the Land that guide the spirits of the dead on their way, or lead the spirits of living witches and magical practitioners to locations of power or gatherings of their kind or as a 'psychopomp', guiding the deceased on their last journeys to the Otherworld. It has often been remarked that Black Shuck is nearly always seen walking/padding along or beside a path or trackway and that his presence either heralds or initiates a death or near death experience (sometimes also averting disaster if it is not the person's time to die). It seems highly likely that this Hound is a product of the Living Landscape, given form and function, and imbued with the energy to guard/ guide those souls in need over the liminal point between life and death that we all must pass at some point. That he is given such a form by tradition and local culture only goes to show a living tradition stretching back hundreds, if not thousands, of years, as dogs and hounds have been seen as guardians of the gates of the Underworld for millennia, particularly and especially by the succeeding cultures that have inhabited East Anglia and the rest of these Isles. That he is feared, seen as a/the Devil, shunned and reviled, is only indicative of the lack of understanding of most people of the natural Laws and Ways of the Land and their separation from them.”

—

The Devil’s Plantation:

East Anglian Lore, Witchcraft & Folk-Magic

Chapter 2: ‘Mermaids, Giants and Spectral Hounds’

by Nigel G. Pearson

#the Devil’s Plantation #nigel g. pearson #East Anglian folklore #British folklore #Celtic folklore #spectral hounds #black dogs #black shuck

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

🚨Thurs 17 Dec ‘20🚨

No one will argue, this year has been the worst and I'm not really into that whole 'silver linings to bad things' bit, but... BUT! If the demise of live shows and rise of livestreams meant Zayn deciding to perform for us?! Well. I would be willing to reconsider my whole ass philosophy on life! Unfortunately, despite the excitement (or was it hysteria?) he inspired last night by getting all our hopes up, it might just be a music video? We'll see though. He definitely did register a new song, UNFXWITABLE (!), and then, and THEN: slid a single photo into his instagram story, a truly beautiful old baroque theater stage, fitted with live show speakers and a tantalizingly closed red curtain. The stage lights are on, the seats are empty... prepping for zomething?? It was discovered to be the St George Theater in Staten Island, very exciting, but today more video of them working on whatever they're working on surfaced (a snippet at the theater with a bit of an unknown song audible) that makes it seem more likely they're working on a music video than a livestream set up. Still, we can DREAM. At the very least we're getting a new song any minute now and at best-- Z3 and a video AND a liveztream?? (or prerecorded, that's FINE.) The pap pics the other day were him leaving a menswear boutique (sorry I said home, my bad, it was the usual 'front door to car' walk though) leading to speculation he was getting fitted for zomething zpecial... maybe we'll get to see it soon!

Likely on account of the added European show tickets going on sale today, Louis came online to check in, and also to laugh at old videos of himself, send larries into a tailspin, and best of all, weigh in on and shut down discourse left and right THANK YOU SIR! Louis is happy to walk us all through how not to get Live In London video taken down (“do it on a burner account haha?” tips from the master truly, no one would know better so listen to him); he denies having such an account himself (“maybe I should”) though unlike Liam (see below) HE doesn't go that extra step into obvious lie territory and say he's NEVER had one. On how he deals with comments about his height (which are up again these last few days due to a video circulating that uses math to conclude once again that he is in fact, as documented, 5'9”), “I rise above them,” he zings back, and in appreciation of someone who actually got the joke, “you're on my level,” DOUBLE PUNNING, BOOM but that's not all: he finishes off with the comment that finished ME off, “such a peculiar debate.” REALLY. Peculiar specifically, not like strange or weird or annoying you just... went right in for the Eroda copyrighted word huh. OKAY. Also: no, probably no collabs on LT2 (“doubt it”), yes he loves twitter “in doses, no better way to talk to you lot” (you mean even better than via t shirts?? sounds fake but okay), tells us he is “100% for sure” is gonna get the vaccine, and that “cucumber is shit” which isn't really a discourse we needed him to solve that I knew of but like, okay! Sorted! Antis seethed about him talking to larries and larry UAs and picking a video of him and H singing You and I to reply to, and probably cucumber enthusiasts and anti-vaxxers were unhappy too, but the rest of us? WINNING.

Liam is all over, first appearing in a fisherman's cap that nicely sets of his full and fluffy beard, then demonstrating answering questions for the Naughty List insta filter. He says he has never made a fake social media account, so I guess he's not lurking here reading these or I would guess that if I believed THAT for one second, he also says yes I have lied to my best friend so I'll just chose to believe he means us by 'best friend' since here he is, lying away. Dixie is absent from the recent promo, which is a blessing not just because they don't mesh particularly well but also because she's gotten even more terrible on main, moving from simply allying herself with racists to producing her own racist content- if we're lucky she'll simply fade away along with xmas and we can move on without any of that thank you very much. Liam is still a good BFF to us though: today he's offering himself up as prize in a raffle, you can enter to win a 'once in a lifetime VIP Experience in 2021 with Liam' for a low low £5, funds going to Stagehand's #ILoveLive campaign to support industry workers. And on the 17th day of christmas, my LP Advent Alarm woke me up with... Roman Kemp leading us through a weirdly peppy breathing exercise, backed with both soothing spa music and a sample of Liam's voice taken from the sleep story played over and over at near random intervals! I said it before and I'll say it again, they REALLY should have recorded all the material at once last month, but tbh I am enjoying the chaotic daily scramble to find something to put on the thing that's come of them being caught short maybe even more than I would normal content, it's getting downright experimental and I'm fully here for it. It's got that classic janky af for no reason 1D feel you know!

Rob Sheffield found better things to say about Watermelon Sugar, naming it his number one song of 2020 and calling it “a lost Stevie Nicks/ Stevie Wonder duet” plus gifting us a Harry quote: “that one we reworked a bunch of times, and it died a couple times, then it just kept coming back. We fully killed it a few times, but it kept coming back in. So I thought, There’s a reason it’s surviving.” And Chris Pine- who also says that he's all done shooting his part of Don't Worry Darling- said, “Harry Styles is an absolute delight. He's one of the most professional people I've ever met. Couldn't be kinder, more gracious, I mean, really, I was stunned by this kid. He's off-the-charts cool.”

And finally, as 2020 draws to a close we are being flooded with a barrage of our guys being declared winners of incredibly narrow categories (Harry on a list of 'groundbreaking magazine covers' for example), but I think the winner of MY list of 'Highly Specific Accolades' is sewn up for the year already; Heartbreak Weather is officially “the first [advertising] campaign to utilize weather-tracking technology to target content to users”! I'll definitely be keeping my eye out for competitors but beating that for reaching for a category will be TOUGH.

#zayn #zayn malik world domination!! #as they say on the twits #louis tomlinson #harry styles #niall horan #i guess #Dixie deets in intern's tags but I abstain on the basis that's she's irrelevant and soon to be history #but if you're looking for that full story head over to her reblog #note her url has changed!! #the intern is now 1DdotdHQ! A promotion!! you can still call her intern if you want but she also answers to Hot Oli #other HQs are welcome to join my internship program if they wanna learn a thing or two #working conditions are bad and pay is worse! get in! #so like I'm not suggesting Zayn would schedule his life around anything so silly but if he did a stream that HAPPENED to be before the end o #of the year #he would totally knock Louis out of his record holding spot? Like I don't want to see that specifically but #if that would tempt his petty ass maybe we should wave it as a motivator #don't think he wouldn't be able to either Louis said about his louies 'they never see us coming' and how right he is #but even the FANDOM never see the zquad coming and it is a FORCE and has even harries beat for sheer numbers #anyway #Roman Kemp's breathing exercise sounds like its led by Arthur Shappey #rich spirit #dixie d'amelio #roman kemp #Rob Sheffield #chris pine #this account is so weird the people who I'm like huh THAT person has a tag now on my 1D update account OKAY THEN #17 dec 20

[loveallthegays]

sacha_carlson - Merry Christmas from me and my tape and cotton ball Santa beard. Hope everyone had a lovely day. ❤️🎄Now I’m really St Nick ha get it? duh doon chhh

#sacha carlson #julie and the phantoms

[danghis-dahn]

30 Days of TMBG

Day 20 — A review of your favorite album, song by song

Lincoln

1     Ana Ng  - A solid jam that kicks off the album with a great melody and catchy, quirky lyrics. “I don’t want the world. I just want your half.” The song has become a live show staple over the years and a fan favorite. 

2     Cowtown - A quick ditty with strange samples. “Our only home is bone.”

3     Lie Still, Little Bottle - very jazzy number. The bass, drumbeat and finger snaps make me feel like I’m in a coffee shop or a noir film. 

4     Purple Toupee - great upbeat song with more interesting linell lyrics. A few semi-problematic lyrics. “I heard about some lady named Selma and some blacks” did not age well. I get that it’s a song with many allusions to 60’s cultural events, and that “blacks” was one of the acceptable terms for African Americans at the time. It just hits a sour note on my cultural palette in this so-called modern space age.

5     Cage & Aquarium - horn samples and bass drum thumbs. “Yawn as your plane goes down in flames.” Very short song but enjoyable.

6     Where Your Eyes Don't Go - The lyrics to this song read like a creepypasta. 

Where your eyes don't go a filthy scarecrow waves its broomstick arms

And does a parody of each unconscious thing you do

When you turn around to look it's gone behind you

Brrrr! Reminds me of the Nightvale story about the woman in the corner. There’s a horrible thing you cannot see. It’s always behind you, just out of sight. But you know it’s there. 

There is also a verse that contains a melody from “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.” Specifically the “Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah” verse. (cit. TMBG WIKI)

Also a longer song with a haunting falsetto fade out. Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett also love this song, so that’s a plus.

10/10 nightmares. Would not recommend adding this song to a lullabies playlist. 

7     Piece Of Dirt - Great accordion and harmonica song. Short and sweet.

8     Mr. Me - Another short song with a great TMBG chorus:

He ended up sad

He ended up sad

He ended up really really really sad. 

Also Mr. Me reminds me of the Mr. Men books I had as a child. 

9     Pencil Rain - A very militaristic song. Marching drums and lyrical references to war. Pencils have lead, just like old timey shells and bullets. Not super deep, but pretty clever.

10   The World's Address - One of my favorites off Lincoln, The World’s Address (or the world’s a dress, “A sad pun that reflects a sadder mess”), is another upbeat song with fun wordplay. Great sax solo by Linnell and wry lyrical delivery by Flans.

11   I've Got A Match -  A slower tempo song about a relationship falling apart. 

12   Santa's Beard - An upbeat jam about being cuckolded by Jolly Old St. Nick. 5/5 mistletoes.

13   You'll Miss Me - I don’t like this song. Mainly for Flans’ delivery. He uses a really weird voice that I do not enjoy listening to at all. 

14   They'll Need A Crane - one of my favorite songs on Lincoln. A sad tale of a  couple falling out of love. Very well written and composed.

15   Shoehorn With Teeth   -  Pretty much covered this in another post. It’s a fun little song with a glockenspiel that goes ‘Ding!’ What more do you want?

16   Stand On Your Own Head - A very uptempo song with clever Linell lyrics and vocals.

17   Snowball In Hell -  Another uptempo song (not as fast as Stand On Your Own Head), with wry sales/business lyrics. It’s good to kick against the pricks of capitalism when you get the chance.        

18   Kiss Me, Son Of God - The theme song of the 45th POTUS. Includes tenor and alto saxophones, along with cello and violins. A well composed song about an awful human being.

#30 days of TMBG #30daysofTMBG #lincoln #they might be giants #track reviews #Long post

[legend-collection]

Santa Claus

Santa Claus, also known as Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, Saint Nick, Kris Kringle, or simply Santa, is a legendary character originating in Western Christian culture who is said to bring gifts on Christmas Eve of toys and candy to well-behaved children, and either coal or nothing to naughty children. He is said to accomplish this with the aid of Christmas elves, who make the toys in his workshop at the North Pole, and flying reindeer who pull his sleigh through the air.

The modern character of Santa is based on traditions surrounding the historical Saint Nicholas, the English figure of Father Christmas and the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas. Santa is generally depicted as a portly, jolly, white-bearded man, often with spectacles, wearing a red coat with white fur collar and cuffs, white-fur-cuffed red trousers, red hat with white fur, and black leather belt and boots, carrying a bag full of gifts for children. He is commonly portrayed as laughing in a way that sounds like "ho ho ho". This image became popular in the United States and Canada in the 19th century due to the significant influence of the 1823 poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas". Caricaturist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast also played a role in the creation of Santa's image. This image has been maintained and reinforced through song, radio, television, children's books, family Christmas traditions, films, and advertising.

Early representations of the gift-giver from Church history and folklore, notably St Nicholas, merged with the English character Father Christmas to create the mythical character known to the rest of the English-speaking world as "Santa Claus" (a phonetic derivation of "Sinterklaas" in Dutch). In the English and later British colonies of North America, and later in the United States, British and Dutch versions of the gift-giver merged further. For example, in Washington Irving's History of New York (1809), Sinterklaas was Anglicized into "Santa Claus" (a name first used in the U.S. press in 1773) but lost his bishop's apparel, and was at first pictured as a thick-bellied Dutch sailor with a pipe in a green winter coat. Irving's book was a parody of the Dutch culture of New York, and much of this portrait is his joking invention. Irving's interpretation of Santa Claus was part of a broader movement to tone down the increasingly wild Christmas celebrations of the era, which included aggressive home invasions under the guise of wassailing, substantial premarital sex (leading to shotgun weddings in areas where the Puritans, waning in power and firmly opposed to Christmas, still held some influence) and public displays of sexual deviancy; the celebrations of the era were derided by both upper-class merchants and Christian purists alike.

The tradition of Santa Claus being said to enter dwellings through the chimney is shared by many European seasonal gift-givers. In pre-Christian Norse tradition, Odin would often enter through chimneys and fire holes on the solstice.

In the Italian Befana tradition, the gift-giving witch is perpetually covered with soot from her trips down the chimneys of children's homes.

In the tale of Saint Nicholas, the saint tossed coins through a window, and, in a later version of the tale, down a chimney when he finds the window locked. In Dutch artist Jan Steen's painting, The Feast of Saint Nicholas, adults and toddlers are glancing up a chimney with amazement on their faces while other children play with their toys. The hearth was held sacred in primitive belief as a source of beneficence, and popular belief had elves and fairies bringing gifts to the house through this portal. Santa's entrance into homes on Christmas Eve via the chimney was made part of American tradition through the poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" where the author described him as an elf.

In the United States and Canada, children traditionally leave a glass of milk and a plate of cookies intended for Santa to consume; in Britain and Australia, sherry or beer, and mince pies are left instead. In Denmark, Norway and Sweden, it is common for children to leave him rice porridge with sugar and cinnamon instead. In Ireland it is popular to leave Guinness or milk, along with Christmas pudding or mince pies. In Hungary, St. Nicolaus (Mikulás) comes on the night of 5 December and the children get their gifts the next morning. They get sweets in a bag if they were good, and a golden colored birch switch if not. On Christmas Eve "Little Jesus" comes and gives gifts for everyone.

In Slovenia, Saint Nicholas (Miklavž) also brings small gifts for good children on the eve of 6 December. Božiček (Christmas Man) brings gifts on the eve of 25 December, and Dedek Mraz (Grandfather Frost) brings gifts in the evening of 31 December to be opened on New Years Day.

New Zealander, British, Australian, Irish, Canadian, and American children also leave a carrot for Santa's reindeer, and are told that if they are not good all year round that they will receive a lump of coal in their stockings, although the actual practice of giving coal is now considered archaic. Children following the Dutch custom for sinterklaas will "put out their shoe" (leave hay and a carrot for his horse in a shoe before going to bed, sometimes weeks before the sinterklaas avond). The next morning they will find the hay and carrot replaced by a gift; often, this is a marzipan figurine. Naughty children were once told that they would be left a roe (a bundle of sticks) instead of sweets, but this practice has been discontinued.

After the children have fallen asleep, parents play the role of Santa Claus and leave their gifts under the Christmas tree. Tags on gifts for children are sometimes signed by their parents "From Santa Claus" before the gifts are laid beneath the tree.

Writing letters to Santa Claus has been a Christmas tradition for children for many years. These letters normally contain a wishlist of toys and assertions of good behavior. Some social scientists have found that boys and girls write different types of letters. Girls generally write longer but more polite lists and express the nature of Christmas more in their letters than in letters written by boys. Girls also more often request gifts for other people.

Many postal services allow children to send letters to Santa Claus. These letters may be answered by postal workers or outside volunteers. Writing letters to Santa Claus has the educational benefits of promoting literacy, computer literacy, and e-mail literacy. A letter to Santa is often a child's first experience of correspondence. Written and sent with the help of a parent or teacher, children learn about the structure of a letter, salutations, and the use of an address and postcode.

According to the Universal Postal Union (UPU)'s 2007 study and survey of national postal operations, the United States Postal Service (USPS) has the oldest Santa letter answering effort by a national postal system. The USPS Santa letter answering effort started in 1912 out of the historic James Farley Post Office in New York, and since 1940 has been called "Operation Santa" to ensure that letters to Santa are adopted by charitable organizations, major corporations, local businesses and individuals in order to make children's holiday dreams come true from coast to coast. Those seeking a North Pole holiday postmark through the USPS, are told to send their letter from Santa or a holiday greeting card by 10 December to: North Pole Holiday Postmark, Postmaster, 4141 Postmark Dr, Anchorage, AK 99530–9998.

In 2006, according to the UPU's 2007 study and survey of national postal operations, France's Postal Service received the most letters for Santa Claus or "Père Noël" with 1,220,000 letters received from 126 countries. France's Postal Service in 2007 specially recruited someone to answer the enormous volume of mail that was coming from Russia for Santa Claus.

Other Santa letter processing information, according to the UPU's 2007 study and survey of national postal operations, include:

Countries whose national postal operators answer letters to Santa and other end-of-year holiday figures, and the number of letters received in 2006: Germany (500,000), Australia (117,000), Austria (6,000), Bulgaria (500), Canada (1,060,000), Spain (232,000), United States (no figure, as statistics are not kept centrally), Finland (750,000), France (1,220,000), Ireland (100,000), New Zealand (110,000), Portugal (255,000), Poland (3,000), Slovakia (85,000), Sweden (150,000), Switzerland (17,863), Ukraine (5,019), United Kingdom (750,000).

In 2006, Finland's national postal operation received letters from 150 countries (representing 90% of the letters received), France's Postal Service from 126 countries, Germany from 80 countries, and Slovakia from 20 countries.

In 2007, Canada Post replied to letters in 26 languages and Deutsche Post in 16 languages.

Some national postal operators make it possible to send in e-mail messages which are answered by physical mail. All the same, Santa still receives far more letters than e-mail through the national postal operators, proving that children still write letters. National postal operators offering the ability to use an on-line web form (with or without a return e-mail address) to Santa and obtain a reply include Canada Post (on-line web request form in English and French), France's Postal Service (on-line web request form in French), and New Zealand Post (on-line web request form in English). In France, by 6 December 2010, a team of 60 postal elves had sent out reply cards in response to 80,000 e-mail on-line request forms and more than 500,000 physical letters.

Canada Post has a special postal code for letters to Santa Claus, and since 1982 over 13,000 Canadian postal workers have volunteered to write responses. His address is: Santa Claus, North Pole, Canada, H0H 0H0; no postage is required. (see also: Ho ho ho). (This postal code, in which zeroes are used for the letter "O", is consistent with the alternating letter-number format of all Canadian postal codes.) Sometimes children's charities answer letters in poor communities, or from children's hospitals, and give them presents they would not otherwise receive. From 2002 to 2014, the program replied to approximately "one million letters or more a year, and in total answered more than 24.7 million letters"; as of 2015, it responds to more than 1.5 million letters per year, "in over 30 languages, including Braille answering them all in the language they are written". In Britain it was traditional for some to burn the Christmas letters on the fire so that they would be magically transported by the wind to the North Pole. However this has been found to be less efficient than the use of the normal postal service, and this tradition is dying out in modern times, especially with few homes having open fires. According to the Royal Mail website, Santa's address for letters from British children is: Santa/Father Christmas, Santa's Grotto, Reindeerland, XM4 5HQ

In Mexico and other Latin American countries, besides using the mail, sometimes children wrap their letters to a small helium balloon, releasing them into the air so Santa magically receives them.

In 2010, the Brazilian National Post Service, "Correios" formed partnerships with public schools and social institutions to encourage children to write letters and make use of postcodes and stamps. In 2009, the Brazilian National Post Service, "Correios" answered almost two million children's letters, and spread some seasonal cheer by donating 414,000 Christmas gifts to some of Brazil's neediest citizens.

Through the years, the Finnish Santa Claus (Joulupukki or "Yule Goat") has received over eight million letters. He receives over 600,000 letters every year from over 198 different countries with Togo being the most recent country added to the list. Children from Great Britain, Poland and Japan are the busiest writers. The Finnish Santa Claus lives in Korvatunturi, however the Santa Claus Main Post Office is situated in Rovaniemi precisely at the Arctic circle. His address is: Santa Claus' Main Post Office, Santa Claus Village, FIN-96930 Arctic Circle. The post office welcomes 300,000 visitors a year, with 70,000 visitors in December alone.

Children can also receive a letter from Santa through a variety of private agencies and organizations, and on occasion public and private cooperative ventures. An example of a public and private cooperative venture is the opportunity for expatriate and local children and parents to receive postmarked mail and greeting cards from Santa during December in the Finnish Embassy in Beijing, People's Republic of China, Santa Claus Village in Rovaniemi, Finland, and the People's Republic of China Postal System's Beijing International Post Office. Parents can order a personalized "Santa letter" to be sent to their child, often with a North Pole postmark. The "Santa Letter" market generally relies on the Internet as a medium for ordering such letters rather than retail stores.

A number of websites created by various organizations claim to track Santa Claus each year. Some, such as NORAD Tracks Santa, the Google Santa Tracker, the emailSanta.com Tracker and the Santa Update Project, have endured. Others, such as the Airservices Australia Tracks Santa Project, the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport's Tracks Santa Project, the NASA Tracks Santa Project, and the Bing Maps Platform Tracks Santa Project, no longer actively track Santa.

The origins of the NORAD Tracks Santa programme began in the United States in 1955, when a Sears Roebuck store in Colorado Springs, Colorado, gave children a number to call a "Santa hotline". The number was mistyped, resulting in children calling the Continental Air Defense Command (CONAD) on Christmas Eve instead. The Director of Operations, Colonel Harry Shoup, received the first call for Santa and responded by claiming to children that there were signs on the radar that Santa was indeed heading south from the North Pole. A tradition began which continued under the name NORAD Tracks Santa when in 1958 Canada and the United States jointly created the North American Air Defense Command (NORAD). This "tracking" can now be done via the Internet and NORAD's website.

In the past, many local television stations in the United States and Canada likewise claimed they "tracked Santa Claus" in their own metropolitan areas through the stations' meteorologists. In December 2000, the Weather Channel built upon these local efforts to provide a national Christmas Eve "Santa tracking" effort, called "SantaWatch" in cooperation with NASA, the International Space Station, and Silicon Valley-based new multimedia firm Dreamtime Holdings. In the 21st century, most local television stations in the United States and Canada rely upon outside established "Santa tracking" efforts, such as NORAD Tracks Santa.

Many other websites became available year-round, devoted to Santa Claus and purport to keep tabs on his activities in his workshop. Many of these websites also include email addresses or web forms which claim to allow children to send email to Santa Claus. One particular website called emailSanta.com was created when a 1997 Canada Post strike prevented Alan Kerr's young niece and nephews from sending their letters to Santa; in a few weeks, over 1,000 emails to Santa were received, and the site had received 1,000 emails a day one year later. Some websites, such as Santa's page on Microsoft's former Windows Live Spaces or emailSanta.com, however have used or still use "bots" or other automated programs to compose and send personalized and realistic replies. In the case of Microsoft's website, however, there have been occasional unfortunate results.

In addition to providing holiday-themed entertainment, "Santa tracking" websites raise interest in space technology and exploration, serve to educate children in geography and encourage them to take an interest in science.

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