#and so hard to translate both into writing and another language bc they keep cutting each other off and overlapping im like

[romanarose]

Ese Error Es Cosa De Ayer

Jake Lockley X Reader

Masterlist

Summary: After getting your heart broken at a wedding and being left stranded, Jake comes to your rescue.

A/N. So this story is basically what happened to me this weekend. I was just left sobbing outside the hotel, scared and hurt, and the only thing keeping me together was thinking of Jake helping me. So yeah, there's a lot of useless backstory and this incredibly self-indulgent but this event hurt me really, really badly and I needed to write this to comfort myself. So if you hate it, I'm sorry but not sorry. This was for me. I needed to pretend that somewhere, there was a guy who thinks I'm pretty, who thinks I'm kind and would actually respect me enough not to abandon me alone. Shit hurt me really bad and it was scary. No Jake Lockley came for me, but my friend did <3

Anyway, the title is from a Selena song that will be in this fic. Reader speaks some Spanish bc I am learning via doulingo and spainish language music and just from the friends I grew up around so I incorporated some. Translations aren't exact due to the way translation works but I tried my best.

WARNINGS: Broken heart, men being shitty, a lil bit smutty at the end?

IF YOU WANT A PART TWO WITH FULL SMUT, COMMENT AND REBLOG!!! Reblogs are super super important in tumblr world, theres no algorithim like on tik tok. Thank you! I feel way better after writing this

PART 2 IS UP

**********************************************************

You felt like a fucking idiot. Again.

After all these years, no matter how much you had moved on and no matter how little you thought about him and despite having no romantic feelings towards him today, he still managed to hurt you.

Again!

It had been 3 fucking years since you had any contact with him whatsoever, but when you got the wedding invite for two of your old friends, you immidetly knew you’d see him. His name was David, and he was beautiful. He had these big blue puppy dog eyes and a bright smile that, when focused on you, made you feel like you were the center of the universe. You know the type. You all worked together in college and you quickly caught feelings, before you realized he had a girlfriend. Well, you’re not a homewrecker, so you minded your business. The problem is, you and David had already become friends, and you had become friends with a group of people at the resteraunt. So, you spent many nights with them at bars and watching movies and going to summer events, falling in love despite yourself.

You met David’s girlfriend, Sadie pretty quickly, and you liked her, that’s what really complicated things. Well, that and the fact David and his girlfriend, were miserable. That wasn't you projecting, everyone knew it. You liked both of them individually, but together they were horrible. Both of them would confide issues in you, making things painfully hard when you realized you loved him. And oh, was there so much to love. He was the picture of selfless kindness. But by the end of the year, you felt like boundaries had been crossed. You no longer felt comfortable with trying to fix their relationship, you felt like you were holding it together. 

After one particulary drunk night right before you graduated college, you cried in a barn with another friend about him again, you decided it was time. So you graduated, and left the state. You and Sadie shared facebook comments here and there, but David was no contact. Things ended on a good note. You said goodbye to him one night out at the bars and danced the night away with Sadie. Clean cut. You moved on. You were excited to see them again. They were engaged now. You hoped they worked out their issues, but really it probably had something to do with them having a kid. Oh well, that’s their business.

So why, pray tell, were you crying on the crub of a hotel at midnight?

He had ignored you almost all night. Any attempt to talk to him was cut before you could open your mouth. He always seemed to go somewhere else. Groomsmen duties and whatnot. He had other people to talk to. When you saw him standing up there on the altar with his friend, you were delighted and relieved to realize that, although he was as beautiful as the day you left, you felt nothing but the warmth of nostalgia. But when you realized he was ignoring you, when you realized he wouldn’t meet your eye, you were desparate. You needed something, you needed him to ackowlege you somehow. There were brief moments when, after hours of vying for his attention, he gave you a crumb. You felt like a teenager, following her crush like a puppy. 

One of those little crumbs is what led you here.

The night wasn’t too cold, thank god. A nice September evening to be married on. You were in a rust-red dress that showed off your breasts in a classy-but-sexy way and appropriately formal for a hotel reception. There was a chill, but you had a thin shawl wrapped around your shoulders. And thankfully, you had opted to wear boots. Boots with insoles because despite being young, your feet were shit. This would come in handy, because somehow you had to get to your hotel with no access to your money and your car parked at none other than David’s. He fucked you over, leaving you in this position, crying off your make up. 

You had your knees pulled in, your arms crossed on the top and head buried in the arms, sobbing. Bawling was probably a better word. You felt like a fucking idiot for letting him hurt you again. 

You heard a car approach and you tuck your toes in further just to be safe. You heard the window roll down. Great. You thought. Someone to witness my humiliation.

“You alright, Muñeca?”

You look up. It was the oddly handsome limo driver for the wedding. You had chatted with him at a few points during the night. After he drove the wedding party to the hotel, they invited him in for the food and drinks. His name was… Jake? Yeah, Jake. You teased him for drinking on the job (although you think he had maybe one at most), and although he took the gentle ribbing, he also explained that he was technically off the clock. Since it was his own limo business, he’s repaying the bride and groom for their hospitality by driving them to their hotel at the end of the night which was… 45 minuets ago? What was he doing here?

“Cariño, are you okay?” He repeated when you didn’t answer him.

You were exhausted. The dancing and drinking and crying took it all out of you. 

He frowns, stepping out of the limo and taking of his jacket, he wraps it around your shoulders. You didn’t realize your teeth had been chattering. It feels good on your arms. 

You barely manage a thank you.

Jake is slightly bent over, scanning you as you dodge his eyes “Did someone hurt you?” He asks softly, but firm.

You shake your head. “No. Not like that.”

This did was not encouraging. Jake had come back to the venue to grab his flat cap he had left on a table when he saw a girl crying on the street. Never a good sign. When he pulled up closer, even before he saw your face, he realized it was you; the pretty girl who had given him a cookie. This was the nicest wedding party he had ever served. He had never been invited in for the reception before, and everyone was encouraging him to the dance floor. But you, you had brought him a cookie. Why that had stood out to him, he didn’t know. You had talked to him a few times during the night, and had even pulled him to dance the Cotton Eye Joe. He didn’t do the dance (line dancing wasn’t his thing) but he marveled at you as you lead the crowd. You knew the dance and taught everyone the moves, guiding the direction and flow. You had a broad smile on your face the whole time, eyes wide and he just watched, soaking in your lust for life, curly hair flopping around wildly with every move.

Now here you were, crying. He was willing to bet it had something to do that that guy you were following around like a lost puppy all night. He had watched you as you watched him. The man hadn’t heard you when you called ‘Are you going to talk to me at all tonight?’ but Jake did. He didn’t understand why he was ignoring such a pretty, fun loving girl, but when he saw him with another girl, he connected the dots. Jake was willing to bet he could take your mind off him, even if he wasn’t 6’4, but when a slow song came on, the last song, you were gone. The song ended before he could ask you to dance. He partially wished he hadn’t offered the couple a free ride, but the happy young couple was as deserving of a treat as anyone, so he took them home. Jake resigned himself that you had left and he lost his opportunity. Now, seeing you sobbing on the curb, sealing a dance might have been the furthest thing on his mind. When you briefly glanced up at him when he rolled down the window, your eye makeup was all over your face. Not just falling down a stream of tears like in movies, but all over your nose and forehead and temple… and arms and hands. You had been hurt badly. When you didn’t answer him, he stepped out of his limo, trying to see if you had been hurt. In the dark, it was hard to see if you had any bruises, seeing as your make up was everywhere.

“Did someone hit you?”

You shook your head, looking at the ground.

“Did someone touch you?”

You shook your head again.

“Then what happened? A quien tengo que lastimar?” 

A 3rd head shake. “You don’t have to hurt anyone. I was an idiot, that's all.”

“You speak spanish?” He had said that part mostly for himself.

You shrug, the sequins in your shawl shimmer in the street light. “I took Spanish in college and I listen to Spanish language music so it kind stuck… comes in handy at work…”

A pause. “Why are you crying?”

“I told you, I was stupid.”

You said it with such conviction that Jake felt bad for you. “Is it that boy.”

You groan and throw your head on your arms again, crying. 

“Hey now, hey… merida!” Jake panicked. He could handle comforting, he was not good with crying women, unless there was someone nearby that he could punch.

“I must’ve looked really pathetic if you even noticed.”

Does he put his hand on your shoulder? Your hand? Pat your back?? “What happened? I saw he… well he was ignoring you…” He wanted to say I’m sure no one else noticed, I was just watching you intently because you might be the prettiest thing I’ve seen in years. But he didn’t think this would help.

You continue to not look at him. He was so fretfully beautiful, you were sure you couldn’t take it if you saw him in the state you were in. “Yeah. We used to… it’s complicated. But now he’s acting like we were never even friends…”

“Muñeca, I promise you, a man whose attention you have to fight for isn’t a man you want…”

Finally, fucking finally, she looked at Jake, her pretty eyes meeting his. There was the faintest smile quipping on one side of her mouth. It was small, but it reached her eyes. Good, the light was still there. “Thanks mom.” There it was, there was the gentle teasing she had given him sporadically throughout the night when she wasn’t chasing the boy. “But that’s not why I’m crying. Well, that's part of it I guess, but if that was it, I could’ve just waited until I got in my hotel room.”

Jake’s frown deepened. “Then what happened.”

Jake saw your lip quiver. “He left me.” Your voice cracked, a few fresh tears welled up in your eyes, spilling over and onto your dress. Jake looked at you quizzically, urging you on. “His fiance, she got in a fight with a bridesmaid and was leaving. She started walking so I just let her take my car so she’d get home safe, and Davy was supposed to take me home at the end of the night so I could get my car. And he just fucking left and I can’t get ahold of them and I’m stranded here, and I can’t get a lyft because my card is frozen-” Your voice is breaking and there are small choked sobs peaking through the words. “-because the bank seems to think the card was stolen, and I’m stuck here in a city I don’t know!” You break down again. “He couldn’t even look at me all night and then he just fucking leaves me alone here! Like I’m fucking nothing to him!” Your head is in your hands, body wracking in sobs once more.

Jake takes a leap and softly pulls you into a side hug, careful to only touch enough for comfort and not make you nervous. “Pendejo” Jake mutters to himself. He allows you to cry it out again, but as you calm down he starts speaking “That’s a dick move on his part, Cariño. He was going to let his fiancé walk home alone, you were very kind and let her take your car and he leaves you alone here? In a city, I’m guessing you don’t live in?” You shake your head. “Yeah, el hijo de perra es en nino, no un hombre. It’s dangerous out here alone. That’s childish behavior on his part. But-” Jake stands up, extending a hand to you. You take it, feeling the leather as he pulls you up “Don’t worry about getting there, I’ll take you.” He smiled softly. (The son of a bitch is a boy, not a man)

“Jake, you don’t have to-” You start to protest. As shitty as you felt getting left, you also felt awkward with charity.

He held up a finger to stop you. “If you feel uncomfortable getting in a limo with me, you can text the bride or groom where you’ll be, or tell a worker at the venue or a friend. But I’m not leaving you out here.” He looked at you intently “I’m not him.”

You consider this. You hadn’t even thought that you should be nervous alone with a strange man. You trusted him inexplicably. “No estoy seguro… I don’t know if he’s going to answer the door. They aren’t answering my texts.”  (I'm not sure...)

“We’ll figure it out, it’ll be okay.” He looked at you, pleading with you to take him up on it.

“Okay...”

You gave a small smile, and he returned it with a grin. “Perfecto, but first…” He leaned into his limo to grab a few things. You couldn’t help yourself, the way his butt looked in those pants… oh shit he saw you looking. Is that a smirk? Fuck, he’s cute. “Here.” He handed you a few tissues and a small trash bag after you blew your nose. Then he pulled a makeup wipe.

“Why do you have a makeup remover?” You teased. “Pulling a Billy Joel Armstrong with the eyeliner?” Honestly, you’d like too see that…

He chuckled “No, I just have a lot of women in my limo, I like to come prepared. Happy brides and heartbroken teenage girls at prom make good use of it.”

“That’s nice of you.”

Jake shrugged “It’s good business” but you had a feeling it was more than that. “Tilt your head up a bit for me.”

“I can-”

“Up.”

You obeyed. Jake took his gloves off and gently held your face as he cleaned off your face of all the black and brown of your eye make up. As he carefully turned your face in the streetlamp light, you studied his features. He really was handsome, sharp jaw, beautiful eyes and plush lips, oh his lips…. You could imagine how they’d taste… He took a tissue and ever so slightly dabbed it on the wet wipe, then went under your eye. He saw you looking confused “I didn’t want to accidentally get the chemicals in your eye.” He tilted your face by your chin as he finished cleaning you up. “Bella…” he muttered. Shit, was that outloud? Lastly, he took your arms and wiped them down, clean of the makeup you rubbed off onto them. (beautiful)

He threw the items away and held your face in his hands, so close you thought he was going to kiss you. Oh god, you wanted him to kiss you. And Christ, he wanted to kiss you too. So, so bad. But he had a job to do. Generally, when he came to women's rescue, the circumstances were more dramatic and the men a whole lot worse. But you didn’t deserve this. You were a sweet girl, kind. You were only in this position because you let his fiance take your car! And this is how he repays you?

He almost moved in, but stopped himself “Listen to me, Muñeca.” And you were, oh boy you were listening. You hung onto every word. “Never let them see you cry.” 

He swiped his thumb over your cheek, so close to your lips, but not quite. You nod. He takes you around the side and opens the door. You get in and he knees down, gathering the train of your skirt from the ground and safely into the car. He glances up at you, you are nearly in tears again. “What’s wrong?” he asked, panicked.

“Nothing. You’re just… very sweet, is all.” 

He stands up and leans into the car, once again holding your cheek “It’s what you deserve” And he kissed the top of your head. You felt like you could explode. Jake looked at you, briefly frantic thinking he crossed a line. You were beaming up at him. He smiled back and returned to his seat. “You said you like Spanish language music? You like Selena?”

You scoff “Me guesta Selena Quintanilla Perez?!” (Do I like Selena Quintanilla Perez?!)

Jake chuckled “Stupid quesion, I get it. Here, I think this one is relevant.” He put on Si Una Vez 

“Si una vez dije que ti amaba

Y que por ti la vida daba

Si una vez dije que ti amaba

No lo vuelvo a hacer

Ese error es cosa de ayer

(If I once said that I loved you

And that for you I'd give my life

If I once said that I loved you

I won't do it again

That mistake is something of yesterday)

You gave him the address and listened to Selena in silence. When you pulled up to the house, you see your car. “Ahí está. With all the stickers.” You turn over and see him shaking his head and you feel anxious. “What? You think the stickers are silly?” (there it is.)

Jake turns to you, confused. “What?! No, why  would I-” he shakes his head again, why would he judge you on tonight of all nights? “They are cute, Muneca.”

“Then why are you shaking your head?”

“He walked past your car and just… did nothing. He knew damn well what he was doing.” You heard the creak of the leather as he gripped the steering wheel. “He should be waiting outside for you.”

“It’s okay. I’ll go knock, see if he answers.” You go to open the door, but you feel Jake’s hand on yours, urging you to turn to him.

He’s looking at you, compelling you with his beautiful, large brown eyes “Remember. No dejes que te vea llorar, Princesa.” (Don’t let him see you cry, princess)

“Okay.” You whisper, too busy looking at him.

You go to the door and knock. And knock. And knock. 5 minutes go by. Nothing fucking asshole. You feel the tears come, but you remember Jake’s words. Don't let him see you cry. You take a deep breath and go to knock again. Before you can, Jake is beside you, banging on the door “HEY ASSHOLE!” He shouts.

“Jake” You grab his arm. “The neighbors”

He turns to you bewildered. How do you still care about the neighbors after everything that happened? He continues banging, but doesn’t yell. He notices your arm is still wrapped around his.

Another 5 minutes go by and nothing. His knuckles hurt.

“Jake, it’s fine. I’ll deal with it in the morning. I have my room key, it’s okay."

When he turns to you to protest, but you look so weary, he can tell you want to go to bed. “Okay Carino, I can take you home.”

Guilt wells up in your stomach again. He’s been so, so nice. He’s been a gentleman and more, you didn’t want to keep him any more. “Esta bien, I’ll just walk, my hotel isn’t far.” (it’s fine)

He looked at you like you were a crazy person. “Are you insane? I’m not- god. I’m not leaving you.” It was 1 am.

“It’s really fine, it’s super close.”

He studied your face. You were a good liar and you hoped it worked. “See, that’s odd, because this is a residential area, and the nearest hotel is 2 miles at least. Don’t lie to a driver about my city, Carino.”

You sigh, and let him lead you to the car, once again opening it for you and helping you inside before getting back in his seat. “Which hotel?” he asks.

You hesitate, looking away, but you feel his eyes burrowing into you as he starts the car and begins driving. Eventually you answer, “The Hilton on 33rd and Maple.” You practically mutter, knowing you were caught.

“Jesus! That’s ten miles from here! You were just going to walk?” To his horror, you break down into sobs. “Mérida, lo siento Querida, No quise gritar” (Shit, I’m sorry dear, I didn't mean to yell)

You shake your head. “No es por eso que” (that’s not it)

“¿Por qué lloras?” (Why are you crying?)

“I feel like a fucking idiot!” You shout, looking out the passenger window and turning away from him. Jake didn’t speak, allowing you to keep going. “When I saw him today, I was happy because I didn’t feel anything for him, ya no lo amo… But when I tried to say hi, because we were friends, he just gave me nothing and that just… I don’t know. I just wanted him to look at me and talk to me like we used to, I wasn’t trying to steal him!… I don’t know…” (I don’t love him anymore)

“You were friends, years ago, si?”

“Si.”

“You wanted to talk to an old friend. You wanted him to treat you like a person.”

You flop your head back on the seat. “I didn’t think he could hurt me again. I didn’t think he was capable of hurting me, not like this. He was never like this.” You finally turn to Jake, his face beautiful in the moonlight. “The first time I went out with him, I got super drunk, he wouldn’t let me take an Uber home because he was worried what would happen if I passed out… He drove and made sure I got home safe... 3 years latter this happens. I don't what changed about me, I don’t know what I did to-”

“Stop, please… don’t do that.” He glanced over to you briefly. You were still the most beautiful thing he’d seen in a long time, even so sad. “I don’t understand how you look like that and he managed to ignore you, but I promise you, there were a dozen other guys who couldn’t keep their eyes off of you all night.”

You look to the floor, smiling but unable to take a compliment. “Thank you.”

“Carino?” He called and you look up at him again, he’s as sharp and stunning as ever. “I was one of them.” The sincerity in his voice, the longing in his eyes… you knew he was serious.

You smile brightly at him, your previous heartbreak long forgotten. “I’m sorry I didn’t… I was a little preoccupied, but I think you are kinda… stunning.” You blush, trying not to look away. His eyes were still on the road, but he looked at you every chance he got.

“You are… so beautiful. He should count himself lucky you ever looked his way” he pulled into the hotel parking lot and came around to open the door for you. This time, when he took your hand to help you out of the car, he didn’t let go. Taking your other hand in his, he leaned closer. “I was going to ask you to dance at the end.”

Your heart was beating wildly out of your chest, you wanted to come up with a clever quip or a tease… but you couldn’t. “And what… What would you do when the song ended.” Not your smoothest moment, but it worked.

He smiled fondly at you, happy for an easy transition. “This.” Jake cupped your face in his hands, holding you still as he moved in, your mouth opening to him. This kiss was immediately far from chaste, it was deep and needy, his tongue slippin into your mouth and your hands wrapped around his firm back. He pushed you on the limo, gently guiding your back down onto the hood where he came onto you, his thigh sliding between your knees. His hands found yours sides and caressed your body, mindful of remaining respectful but god, he had to feel you. “You are so fucking gorgous, so damn beautiful. Soy muy afortunadode tocarte  (I am so lucky to touch you)

You wanted him, you wanted him so fucking bad, you could feel yourself getting wet from the subtle friction of his thick thigh ever so slightly touching between your legs. When his mouth moved to your neck, you took the opportunity to use our mouth to plant small kisses along his jaw and cheek as you worked up your courage.

“Jake?”

He mumbled and small hm? As he worked further down your neckline.

“Do you want to come upstairs?” you ask, feeling the muscles on his back.

“Oh, Carino,” His hand slid up your dress and his thumb grazed over your nipple, teasing you. “I would like nothing more in this world than to show you all the attention your body deserves."

THANKS FOR READING! Come check out my other fics, including more Moon Knight fics on my masterlist

You can support my work at Buy Me a Coffee or $romanarose

#protective jake lockley #jake lockely #jake lockley x reader #moon knight fanfiction #jake lockley fanfiction #jake lockley fluff #jake lockely fluff #jake lockely x reader #moon knight fluff #moon knight #marvel #jake lockley spainish speaking #si una vez

[sillyunicorn]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @mostlymaudlin for the tag <3 tagging @facewithoutheart @martsonmars @cutestkilla and @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

68! Which is…wild. Six of them are songs though.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

126,027 - dang!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Primarily the simon snow series and all for the game. I recently got into young royals so a few there as well, plus one each for a couple other shows I like.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Like rory my top 5 are all andreil! aftg has a large and voracious readership. Better than Sex (4k, T) / Eating Well (1k, T) / Needing/Getting (3k, T) / Friendly Neighborhood Vamp (.5k, T) / Soak up the Sun (.5k, T)

Rest under the cut!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Usually yes! Sometimes I go through spells of not replying…but I’m grateful for every single kudos and comment, it’s amazing and wonderful <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This is tough bc i love me a happy ending and i don’t really do angst anyway lmao. My joke answer is my crack andreil fic Monday, but maybe the real answer is my snowbaz fic+song Breakable bc I left off before things get fully resolved (but it is clearly hopeful imo).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The happiEST?? Hmmm. I think my overall Happiest fic might be like, Mon Chou? And Better than Sex. both of those are just like, gooey with happiness. And both have happy endings so I’ll say one of them. Actually from a different approach I’ll say my time loop fic has the happiest ending bc it’s probably the angstiest thing I’ve written haha so the ending is such a relief. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have not!! Super grateful for everyone who leaves lovely warm positive comments on my work <3333 

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not on my own LOL. i do have some M/E fics in my works though thanks to some collabs (see Q13 lol) <3

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have not! I think about it sometimes….it’s just usually hard for me to imagine a world where all my blorbos live, even though I almost only write AUs…a mystery

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, which is wild!!! I think several of my Vandrew fics and BtS have been translated into russian. Thank you translators, you’re incredible. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! This was one of my most fun and treasured early fandom experiences with @facewithoutheart and @martsonmars <3 published results include The Chain (i was really just losing my mind in the doc while christina wrote tbh) and The Muse’s Waking which is probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever (partially) written hahah

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Making me chooooooose ugh. Idk man i reread a snowbaz fic today and almost cried and they were my first fandom love so today i’m going to say them <3 

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I recently picked up a fic i abandoned 2 years ago so now i’m like well never say never! But one that’s in my “this is in the past now” pile that i was just thinking about is my andreil Alex Rider (TV) AU. i actually had an idea for how to get around the bit i was stuck on while rewatching Alex Rider the other day sooo…. But likely still abandoned

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think, somewhat incongruously, 1) writing concisely and 2) setting a mood. I think both these things are true in say Weightless (andreil, 1k, T).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

PLOT. plot is so hard. That’s too broad of an answer so i’ll say, keeping multiple storylines/arcs progressing at once. I don’t do it much. It’s a fun challenge though. I usually write little one-shot, single-conflict fics bc that comes easier for me. 

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Love it. Not fluent in any other language enough to really do it justice but i’d like to.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think i wrote some hp and some jane austen fic before i ever got into Fandom Proper lol. First published fandom was for the Simon Snow Series <3

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I think the one i’ve gone back to the most is Weightless. I set it in one of my favorite IRL places and it has tender blood drinking so. How could I beat that, really?

#phew this was a journey #thank you for coming on it with me #tag game

[jungwookjins]

girl help they can’t get out of character

[id: six gifs from the second day of the word of honor/shan he ling concert. all six show various shots of gong jun and huang youming bickering and walking towards each other challengingly. the first gif has a caption that reads: When part of the game they were playing was that Gong Jun had to excessively praise/compliment three of the people on stage. the dialogue captions are as follows: GJ: For the next person, I'll praise... HYM: The audience says Ye Baiyi. GJ: Ye Baiyi then. Ah, old monster, okay. HYM: It only qualifies if I say it does. Hey — what did you just call me? Old monster? GJ: What do you mean it only qualifies if you say it does? HYM: you little brat, what do you mean by that? GJ: You tell me! Why do you decide if it qualifies? On what basis— HYM: Well on what basis do you think that— GJ: [to ZZH] Help me out here! HYM: You're supposed to praise me! This doesn't qualify! GJ: Yes it does! HYM: No it doesn't! GJ: Old monster, you can't win against me in an argument, you— HYM: You can't do this, this doesn't qualify!! It should be excessive /praise/! ZZH: [shaking his head in defeat] EMCEE: Stop stop stop stop, they're too dedicated to this. [to GJ] I will say though, other than calling him "old monster," you really didn't say anything else, much less a word of praise. HYM: See! It doesn't qualify! You have to try again. GJ: Let me just say, the fact that I wasn't /too/ cruel to you should already be considered praise. /end id]

#genuinely hilarious wkx yby banter is unparalleled #and so hard to translate both into writing and another language bc they keep cutting each other off and overlapping im like #what order do i write this in #so i took some small liberties w that #gj's demeanor in that last one and hym's absolute shock a;slkdfjasld;kfj #gong jun #huang youming #zhang zhehan #word of honor concert #shan he ling concert #shl concert #word of honor #shan he ling #tian ya ke #shl cast #my translation #ennuigif #dont tag this as any rpf ship or else i'll 🔪🔪 #if anyone knows how to do emphasis when the normal text is already bolded and italicized in a way that isn't as clunky #as me using slashes......hmu #mine

[ongreenergrasses]

tagged by both @lyricfulloflight and @mamsellefreeman i am FINALLY filling this out during surprise surprise a webinar. this got SUPER long so it’s under the cut

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 17, with 4 more pending upload

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 116019. when i hit 150k i’m going to have a mini celebration where people get to make fic requests (we’ll see if anyone bites) so watch this space 👀👀👀

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  almost a thing that my heart could endure SWEEPS with 734 kudos! honestly i am going to use this opportunity to say thank you all, i never imagined that this fic would be as successful as it was, and i am so pleased and so touched that this fic has resonated so deeply with so many people. i am used to being a fandom and internet nobody so when i wrote this it was quite a shock! i do love you so. very pleased to see that my andromaquynh fic has place of pride here  Hearts on Fire this is the way i’ll love you we don’t know why, we just are i cannot tell you how overjoyed i am that my fic about Jewish!Andy and Jewish!Booker has made it into the top 5!!! 

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? i always do!! it often takes me some time, i currently am working thru comments i got half a YEAR ago, but i genuinely love getting comments and my readers are so awesome, i have learned so much from them about so many things! i also try to note in the fic notes if there’s a particularly fruitful discussion in the comments and give credit where credit is due to those who correct me.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? i’m gonna do a bit of a cop out for this one, but it’s actually my wip (i saw it all in a dream), i only have 1 chapter up rn but i’m steadily working on the rest!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? i think i do love you so. is my happiest, usually my stuff is pretty open ended and bittersweet

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? i do not write crossovers

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? once sort of….? it was a super weird comment bc it had a critique that didn’t make sense for the fic, so i responded to them and was like hi i think you’re in the wrong place and never heard back kskdjdjdjd

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? i have but it is SO awkward for me and takes me forever, so the smut i’ve written has been like short paragraphs inside a larger fic

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? no but i’ve thought about translating my own fics before

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no but i have a fic idea that i have yet to work on that i think would be amazing with 2 writers

13. What’s your all time favorite ship? who knows not me

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? i have a DEARLY beloved fic that i started in like. 2012….? 2013 maybe? it’ll never be finished

15. What are your writing strengths? i think i’m good at writing dynamics between characters and found family stuff. i also am realizing more and more that i actually really love writing historical fic and fiction

16. What are your writing weaknesses? man some days i feel like genuinely everything is a weakness. dialogue is hard for me, plot and structure are challenging, keeping my writing lyrical but interesting technically in particular is REALLY difficult for me

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? oh boy buckle up SO i actually have very strong feelings about this but there is one (1) time that i would use words in another language in a fic and it is ONLY if the other people in the scene don’t know and wouldn’t understand that word. if the other characters understand the language, i might indicate that the language they’re speaking in has changed if that will help the story, but otherwise i would not change languages. this is because it does not add anything (in my opinion) can be inaccessible to people, and can in some cases contribute to othering and discrimination.

when i say this last part i am SPECIFICALLY thinking of when people use words for g-d that are in different languages. i will speak from my own experience here, some Jewish people who are speaking English will say Adonai or Hashem in conversation, but often, people just say G-d. and if you’re speaking another language, you would say the word for G-d in that language, so when i am speaking Spanish, i would say D-os. if you go out of your way to put the word for G-d in another language and keep everything else the same, you are taking the idea of G-d and making it ‘Other’. additionally, i have only EVER seen this happen with characters who are Jewish or Muslim, and because white Christian anglos massively dominate fandom spheres, when i see this in fic it makes me really uncomfortable. (also ok even if u are not Christian the vast majority of people in fandom have been socialized where Christianity and Christian ideas about G-d are the norm.) i have extremely strong feelings on this and u have now all been subjected to them whoops

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? doctor who!! i was 8 and i wrote a mini fic in a notebook my aunt gave me where i helped the doctor and rose solve a mystery. my parents still have the notebook

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? ok i’m gonna blame @aphroditestummyrolls for this one, i have an idea for a Nagron fic that i haven’t actually started yet but am SUPER excited about

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? i think it was mamselle who said this question is like picking a favorite child and i absolutely agree. it’s like picking my favorite tattoo i love them all, even the bad ones. my favorite RECENT fic however is hips, which i wrote for Nile week and am very pleased with.

i am tagging @aphroditestummyrolls (you were already invoked) @anosrepasi @lilolilyr @boulangerlee @rhubarbdreams @unintentionalgenius and any of my other magnificent fic writing friends who want to do this!

#tags of earthly delights #my writing #lyricfulloflight #mamsellefreeman #i kind of. well. exploded with this #the old guard #joe x nicky #andromaquynh #i'm cross tagging bc i talk about it in this post soooo #HELP I ACCIDENTALLY LIKED MY OWN POST HOW DO I UNDO IT

[withoneheadlight]

Fic Writer Questions

I was tagged by @neonponders, thank you so much, love! 🔅🔅🔅💓💓

How many works do you have on AO3?

I have a few accounts? xD I’ve got 23 in the one I’m using now, but it's all very tiny.

What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

54,159

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

mmmm…

Game of Thrones

Supernatural

Teen Wolf

Harry potter

Pacific rim

Stranger Things

And a few minor fandoms

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

‘That’s how you close an open wound’ | ‘Kinda wanna make us happen’ | ‘It burns in my tongue’ | ‘The Buckley-Hargrove dilemma’ | ‘Forget the paths written in the palm of your hand’

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I always, always try to. Sometimes It might take me a little while to get to things but I try to never forget to answer. I honestly appreciate the effort it takes to leave a comment or a note or tags in a reblog, and I also try to always answer to those. I think it’s important to show to that person how much it means to you that they’ve taken the time to reach out. Because it is so important to the writer. So important it can even be determinant for us to keep on writing.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Uff. It was a Ned/Robert, for Game of Thrones (more like Asoiaf). And I basically cried the whole time. I still do, when I re-read it. I managed to actually capture something, in that one.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Sometimes? I wrote a Supernatural/Lost Boys thing back in the day that’s still 2? 3? Chapters from being finished? Hopefully one day. And I have not as much a crossover as an ‘inspired on’ the Goonies universe Teen Wolf fic where Derek and Stiles go to Stiles’ mom natal town to investigate a polish ghost pirate ship while falling in love. And a tiny harringrove /Men in Black au where Agent S and Agent B end up paired with a demo-puppy.

Wich one's the craziest, I honestly don't know. All of them feel pretty ??? to me! xD

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeh, a few times. Basically just bc of writing m|m, of bc my 'awful writing' or for catboy!Steve xD.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yep. I’ve always considered myself more smut writer than anything else. Now I guess I’m a smut writer with pretensions xD. (Truth be told, when I started writing I didn't imagine I would be capable of writing anything more than that). So I wasn’t actyally writing that much smut when I landed on harringrove. I was more focused on the pretensions (aka the gosh pirate ship fic). But harringrove and their chemistry hit me hard, I literally put aside everything else and started writing them like crazy, including lots of smut bc hfahfsafhfhsifhs. Another reason is that it’s hard for me to keep other kinds of stories short, but smut not that much (I get an idea for an slightly emotionally charged scene I like and I suddenly feel the need to write 10k for it minimum). So I focused more on smutty stuff when I jumped into this language, as a way to have something finished on my hands, feel like I was making some kind of progress (BUT ALSO: THE CHEMISTRY).

And I guess my smut comes in diametric opposites, or at least that’s how I perceive it. Plain, straightforward smut, or heavily (in my head, at least) emotional smut. I’M IN LOVE WITH the way we can use touch and slow pace and physical sensations and glances to enhance what we’re saying about emotions in a sexual scene.

Also, and contradictorily, smut is so hard to write sometimes for me! So another good thing is that when I finish one smutty story I suddenly feel like a can write anything! Haha.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeh. A few times. Both Sterek oneshots :(.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yess! <3<3<3< To Chinese and Russian and English and I <3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Was about two once, with a friend. But sadly both out lives became real busy, so didn’t. To be honest, I don’t think I’ll be cut for it, but I wanted to test it.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

The last ship I land on always feels like my fav to me. But it might be true in this case. Bc yeah, harringrove.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Ufff, too many.

What are your writing strengths?

Uh. Eh. Well. I hopeguess sometimes it sounds good? I can’t control that in eng as much as i do in spa bc I don’t have any real knowledge of the phonology but, well. I try. And that’s one of the aspects I put more thought/work into because I LOVE that.

Sometimes I like my dialogue and sometimes I like my pacing/rhythm. Sometimes I feel like I’ve managed to convey/describe one feeling the way I wanted to.

I dunno. I try to keep my head in a the ‘get the work done’ space not as much as in the ‘is good’. Not easy but, again, try is the key word in here.

I rely a lot in the editing process but I think I’m actually good at that. At least, when I finish, I like the prettified version way more than the ‘raw’ one.

What are your writing weaknesses?

My writing reads the same way my brain works: in a cluttered, messy way. And I don’t like it but. I feel like I can’t change it. Can control it, sometimes. I manage to keep the ‘too much’ at bay but other times it just wins me. I also keep rolling my eyes at how sticky-sweet I can get and despise the way I keep repeating formulas and sentence structures (I feel you @neonponders ) but. Ugh. They just. Happen? Gah.

But! I actually feel more at peace with all that than it might look like xD. ‘Cause the alternatives is not writing and that I cannot do so 🤷‍♂️

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Ahhh, I LOVE IT! Started doing it with the kegboys, basically to treat myself XD, and I’ve got it in a few wips and also in this dumb thing I wrote. I think it’s fun, and it also adds certain feeling of expansion to the world the characters live in, helps us remember there’s more (people, places, types of lives and ways of communicating and meanings) aside from the ones represented in the scene/wholeness of the story. I’m aware that too much can be confusing and tiring for the reader, but not more than a bit is needed, really. Also, can be used to induce some fun misunderstandings xD.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Some fantasy book series I was reading at the moment, during my ‘epic fantasy’ phase xD.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably one supernatural fic I wrote ages ago. It isn’t particularly well written or anything. But was one of the first longer-ish things I wrote. And I still feel proud about that one. And I always felt so happy writing Theon Greyjoy, so I really love the things I wrote for him. And the ship fic, again, if I ever finish it! Except I feel like I can’t stop writing harringrove.

I’m tagging! @memes-saved-me @edith-moonshadow @disdaidal @dyingontheharringrovehill @wherearetheplums @c0bblenygma @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger @pretty-bratty @ghostofjellyfishforgotten

#tagged!!! #thanks neonponders 💖💖💖💖💖 #this was fun #withoneheadlight

[shoreabove-moved]

JESSICA RE: HER IN GAME PERSONALITY TRAITS.

underneath the cut is a meta i wrote a long, long time ago about what jessica’s in game characteristics ( confident, trusting, irreverent ) mean re: my portrayal.

CONFIDENT;

i’d like to think that the confidence comes the easiest in terms of how i write jessica. it’s obvious throughout the game that she’s proud of who she is, even if most of it (in terms of physical looks) is a front. which makes sense, because she’s a teenage girl, and you’d be hard pressed to find someone who’s completely confident and happy with who they are at age seventeen. still, it’s a delicate balance – she’s strong willed, and she knows when she’s got the upper hand. and when she does, she rightfully uses it to her advantage. she doesn’t try to pretend to be good at things she’s not, either – when it comes to academics, she’ll rightfully admit that she’s out of her league, and her confidence mostly stems from the things she knows she can excel at – her looks, for the most part, and her ability to use body language to get what she wants. this sort of thinking often translates into annoyance when she’s face to face with someone who’s too afraid to get what they way – like chris and ashley, for example. if she were around for that discussion, i imagine plenty of eye rolling and scoffs from her corner of the room, if only because she can’t understand someone wanting something and doing absolutely nothing to get it. she’s has a lot of untapped ambition, and i think that makes her a strong person before the events of the mountain eventually break her down. though, it should be said that post-mountain jess loses her confidence due to the fact that her body is physically harmed beyond repair, and her strength was pulled from her looks (with plans to be a model post high school). so, she changes a lot in the sense where she needs to learn how to rely on things that aren’t her looks – she works on her personality, she becomes more empathetic, and she tries to better herself without becoming someone else.

TRUSTING;

this one is a little harder to manage, if only because people want to assume that someone like jessica is a natural gossip, and therefore has loose lips because of it. i think it works in two ways – she’s trusting because she’ll easily put her trust in other people. it’s part naivety, because growing up she didn’t have a lot of stable relationships to rely on. she didn’t have the chances to make mistakes, so she never learned how to protect herself from terrible things, or a moral code in the sense that her version of a joke isn’t always everyone’s versions of a joke (re; the prank). because she made her first friends in high school, she’s desperate to please them and fit in, which means she’s eager to latch onto anything they say, and any promises they make, regardless of their intentions being good, bad, or in the middle. i also think it works in reverse, too – despite her tendencies to appear as someone who’s ‘selfish’ and ‘manipulative’, i honest to god think she means well. she just doesn’t know what to do with the information she’s been given. she wants, more than anything, to be that person that someone confides in, and she doesn’t spill secrets or spread rumors about her friends, because she wants them to trust her, and like her, and support her. and, if she betrayed them like that, nothing good would come of it. the prank is another situation entirely – it’s not a secret that hannah had a crush on mike, and through a lot of headcanons and writing things out, i think it’s pretty clear that jess and hannah weren’t very good friends, if only because jess finds her quiet demeanor off putting, and her pursuit of a taken man disrespectful. the person she’s absolutely the most loyal to is emily, and when/if emily expressed a concern about that, jess would be willing to toss a minor friendship aside to keep her best friend happy. it’s how her brain works – she doesn’t know any better, and doesn’t understand the repercussions that could (and would) occur.

IRREVERENT;

this is something that’s also kind of hard to balance. i’ll be honest – when i first watched the game, i had no clue what irreverent meant. i was like these game developers are making shit up right now bc they’re lazy as fuck what the heck. but!! the google machine cleared away the clouds, and then it all made sense. irreverent means 'showing a lack of respect for people or things that are generally taken seriously’, and we see that on more that one occasion in the game (i.e.; 'are you guys having a really weird stroke?’ 'who needs grades when you have all the natural advantages you can handle?’). it’s in the way she speaks, and thinks, and was raised. she didn’t have parents who were big on discipline, therefore she was never reprimanded when she said something out of step. she gets it from her mother, too, no doubt, who tends to be judgmental of the smallest things. jess doesn’t have that same sort of stance – she doesn’t care about things like money, for example, and won’t think less of someone for being lower class – but she follows the same sort of pattern where she’ll say something without thinking it through. crass comments are often made without realizing or knowing the context of the situation, and her phrasing tends to be a little.. poor. there’s also a line, though, that i often have to debate in my head. because she’s so tactless in the way she speaks, would she say offensive things without knowing that they’re offensive? as a writer, you want to stay true to who your character is, and a large part of that is doing so without censorship. however, you also have to know your audience, and i’m afraid that – when i make her go through with the thoughts that i know she has – people will think it reflects on me, as opposed to on her. and, furthermore, i don’t want them to stereotype her, either, as nothing more than a dumb blonde. because she learns – it doesn’t help that most of her time is spent with mike, who’s also a little questionable with what he says, but if she said something and someone called her out on it? she’d take note to not repeat herself. she just needs the chance to grow!

i try to implement these things into my writing, both pre and post mountain. it’s a tricky balance, and i never want her to turn into a trope, or a stereotype, even if that was the intention with the game. because i can totally respect and understand that, and i get it! that’s the point. it’s a horror game w/ cliches, and that’s why it’s so cool. but, in terms of bringing these characters to life and expanding them outside of the twelve hours we play them in the game, it’s important to me that i showcase the kind of person i think jess could be. and i don’t want to make her perfect, either, or victimize her, because she does some shit. the prank was her idea, and she had a very heavy involvement with making sure it went off without a hitch (i think she wrote the note??). she also dates her best friend’s ex-boyfriend like, a week after they break up, and that’s not cool, either. that’s where irreverent comes in, and that’s where confidence helps her get past the nasty things emily says about her, and that’s where trusting becomes muddled because she wants to trust mike due to the way he makes her feel, but her trust with emily is broken by giving into something she wants. it’s a vicious circle, fam. but! it’s fun. and i love my tiny daughter so much, so it’s always worth it.

#𝐣𝐬. i am down to get real. ────── jessica headcanon. #𝐢. power down. ────── queue.

[herkiss-theriot]

Lol I know absolutely no one asked but here I am, arbitrarily ranking Kid Krow songs because this is a music blog now apparently and it’s my favorite album so far this year. Feel free to shoot me an ask for any elaboration or other opinions lol. Sorry for the long post. I would add a keep reading but I’m on mobile and the mobile app is somehow worse than the website. I’m also not tagging this so if this gets notes it’s not my fault. Also I’m editing the post em to say that I think this whole album is amazing and it pains me not giving every album a 10/10 bc they’re all so good

Comfort Crowd - 11/10

One of the best album intros I’ve heard compared to other albums I like. It means a lot to me and is overall a really easy song to listen to in basically any mood but is a great pick me up I think it also has one of my favorite lines on the album “you say through a sigh that I said that line already”

Wish You Were Sober - 8/10

A fun song to listen, has some solid lines. Not very relatable in my experiences but that’s also not the point lol. Favorite line(s): “knees weak, but you talk pretty fly, wow” “gettin’ good start saying gotta bounce”

Maniac - 8/10

One word titles are always fun but also -2 for some ableist language. Ik that’s not always at the top of Woke Cultures to do list but it’s a real problem and provides for some cringe vernacular choices sometimes. Overall it’s a pretty good song and is definitely one of the best on the album that’s playable even outside of the album/to people who arent into Conan. Conan apparently describes it as an “upbeat bedroom pop banger” according to genius which I guess, yeah, but what a way to describe a song. Favorite line: “we had magic, but you made it tragic”

(Online Love) - 9/10

First interlude if the album which is very exciting. Very cool idea to say that he thinks this love could be more if it were in person which translates well into current scenarios. Has a really cool guitar pattern and a nice ending. -1 bc it’s 30 seconds long favorite line: “I can’t help but imagine what maybe could’ve happened if we weren’t just an online love”

Checkmate - 10/10

Ik this was released pre-Kid Krow but god it’s one of his best songs and I’m so glad it made it on the album. It’s just got such a good energy about it and I always love chess analogies. And Ik Kid Krow Isnt a concept album by any means but I love the story arc going on of finally catching on. Favorite line(s) “cry me a river till you drown in the lake” “holding your hand but in the other one, baby I’m holding a loaded gun”

(I wrote parts for the cut that always bleeds and fight or flight and then accidentally deleted them so rip me sorry if they’re a lil short/less in depth)

The Cut That Always Bleeds - 8/10

It’s overall a great song and is really emotional but -2 bc I ugly cry to this song and get asked if I’m okay a lot lol favorite lines: “I don’t love you anymore” a pretty line that I adore”

“Can’t life another minute bleeding from my back cause I don’t have another one for you to stab”

Fight or Flight - 11/10

What a song. There’s not a lot I can say other than that it’s literally one of the greatest songs I’ve ever heard. It’s got some of the most genius song writing that I’ve heard on an album in a while. Also when I was learning to drive with my Nana i had a playlist that would go from Comfort Crowd to Fight or Flight which is an experience I recommend everyone have at least once in their life. My only criticism of this song is that it’s perception of cheating is a lil Disney-channel-esque” which maybe doesn’t make sense and also I’m fairly certain that he writes from personal experience and who am I to say he can’t write what he wants lmao.Favorite line(s) “id rather lie than tell you I’m in love with you” (one of my favorite lines EVER) “they also didn’t know that our lover loved us both.

Affluenza - 7/10

A fun song but is kind of a lot in my opinion and seems vaguely out of touch. However I do agree with the overall sentiment of eating the rich (also if you’re a trinkets fan I think this is a good song for an Elodie playlist or maybe even Tabitha depending on the perspective.) although I will say it’s a really good take on the idea of affluenza as a concept. favorite line “give me none of your affluenza”

(Can We Be Friends) - 6/10

Ik it’s an interlude so it’s kind of the point but definitely a skip most of the time even though I think the line “if anybody fucks with you I’ll knock their teeth out” gods hard. I just think one minute is a really weird time frame for a song. Sub one minute is just short enough to want more and 1:30 and perfectly acceptable for a song but one minute is v awkward

Heather - 10/10

Not amount elaboration would ever be able to perfectly encapsulates how gorgeous the idea of this song is. This idea that you wish you wish you could be someone else because you feel that this other person is otherworldly and is more deserving of the person you love. That feeling is gut wrenching. Favorite line “why would you ever kiss me, I’m not even half as pretty”

Little League - 5/10

I’m so sorry it’s just such a skip. I don’t know why but I can’t listen to this song. It reminds me of a big time rush song for some reason which isn’t a bad thing but every time I try to listen to it I think about how I think it’s a btr copy 😭 also when I do listen to it makes me cry a lot and yearning for a youth that I let waste away and I hate feeling actual feelings so minus points for that. Favorite line “when we were younger we wore our hearts out on our sleeve, why did we ever have to leave? Little league” I think it’s my favorite bc it can be interpreted in a couple of ways and I’m too tired to get into it rn

The Story - 10/10

Simple. Beautiful. One of the first Conan songs I heard. My friend was a huge Conan fan and so I listened to a couple songs like generation why and crush culture but she saw him in concert b4 kid Krow was released and took a video of The Story and I absolutely fell in love. The first time I heard it I sobbed. This idea of paralleling a bunch of failed loves and friendships in order to justify why you think yours will work is so cool and I love it a lot. Favorite line “I’m afraid that’s just the way the world works but I think that it could work for you and me.

#sky speaks

[pennyfynotes]

8.2.18 // 4:30pm // school subjects and AP exams oh my

so i recently (ok not so recently i’m sorry super busy rn) got an ask from an anon about subject specific tips and ap exams. this is the masterpost i told you to look out for ;). there are no ap exams in college, but some of the stuff is still applicable. i did my best to be as comprehensive as possible and dump everything in one place. hope this is helpful! xoxo, m ps. guess where the actual tips are?    if you said “under the cut” then you’re right bc i’m predicable af

tips by subject:

languages (i took spanish): 1. flashcards are your friend. i don’t care if they’re digital (would recommend quizlet or studyblue) or paper, but they help immensely with either vocab or things like remembering literature.

2. charts are also your friend. conjugations giving you a hard time? write out a chart of the different tenses and the conjugations for each subject. put down some of the irregulars too.

3. acronyms/pnemonics are also also your friend. a lot of these already exist, you just have to go find them. i’m pretty sure i still remember what “wedding” stands for for the spanish subjunctive.

4. it’s ok to start over. it’s easy to start a sentence based on what you’d say in english. you’re doing fine until *bam* you hit that word/phrase you really need but you have no clue how to say it. whether it’s an oral or written exam, take a few seconds to think about it and, if you can’t figure it out, just back track. restart the sentence and rework it. better to do that than to lose all your time thinking of one word you may or may not know.

5. skirt around things. if you can’t remember how to say fridge but you really need to say it for something, just say “machine that keeps food cold” or something. it might sound silly,  but it gets the point across and removes the road block.

6. make a list. no, not a to do list. if there’s phrases you find yourself reaching for all the time, but you can never remember, make a list of them and their translations. it might be because its a phrase/part of a sentence structure you use a lot in your native language or whatever. make that list and drill just those few phrases into your head. it’s helpful

english/language arts: 1. proofread. i guarantee you’ll find a mistake, a sentence that makes no sense, or one that just sounds cringy. thank me later.

2. have a damn thesis. its ok if you just need to write and spit words/ideas out for a while to figure it out. but figure it out.

3. conclusion ~= introduction. for those of you who didn’t get the tilde, it means not. yes, they both tie your points to your thesis but they are not to same. do not just reword the same information in the conclusion. push your ideas just a little further. i usually like the push them a little bit outside the realm of what i talked about in my paper. for example, if i focused on the first 5 chapters of the book in the rest of my paper, i’ll expand the ideas to the rest of the book. or if i’m talking about female characters and focus on just one or two, i’ll use the conclusion to potentially connect it to another.

4. have favorites. pick a few fav transitions, sentence structures, and fancy vocab words. basically build a toolbox. this way you won’t have to think as hard when you want to “spice up” your work.

5. summaries only go so far. once you get to higher level english classes, there will be a lot of analysis of specific imagery, or wording, or dialogue. reading cliff notes is only going to give you the plot and none of this. if you don’t have time to read and you’ve been assigned a pretty standard english novel/play/whatever, take the time to look up some famous quotes or symbols. they’ll probably come up in discussion and this will help you look less unprepared.

6. have on question/comment ready. if your teacher/prof is into discussions and grades on participation, it’s handy to write down one (or a few) things. it’s easy to forget what you were going to say while you follow the discussion and it sucks to get docked points for not saying anything. even if it’s just a thoughtful question, jot it down.

history: 1. lol prob my weakest subject, just go see the apush (ap us history) section bc i don’t have much more for you than that.

science: 1. back to basics. i say it all the time, i’ll say it again. really understand basic concepts. they will come back. i’m serious.

2. pattern recognition. science problems are often times about recognizing patterns. once you identify the type of problem it is, even if you’ve never seen the exact one/something similar before, solving it becomes way easier.

3. make a recipe book. tied to the last one, but once you recognize a type of problem, you need steps to solve it. go through any practice problems you’re given to determine all the “types” of problems. once you’ve categorized them, make yourself a step-by-step guide on how to solve.

4. flashcards. you’ll have to know polyatomic ions or random biology facts. see languages tip #1 for more.

5. note your errors in lab. if you do something wrong, don’t just try to brush it under the table and forget about it. not that it’s a big deal, because its not, so don’t freak out. they’re just great opportunities to note sources of error. i mean obviously dont write in your lab report that you weren’t paying attention and mixed the wrong chemicals, but something like “we may not have waited sufficient time for the product to dry” can explain why you got 800% yield.

6. have a toolkit. kinda like a recipe book, but just a collection of straight facts that come up often. knowing common molecular weights and chemical properties (is ammonia acidic or basic?) will make things go faster. like i said earlier, polyatomic ions are also great.

7. brush up on some simple arithmetic. similar to the tool kit, this will just make things go faster. being able to quickly add things and calculate easy percentages (ex: 30%) will make things like hw and exams go faster. i’m of the opinion it’s always good to know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide w/o a calculator (on paper, not all in your head)

bonus: math #5 and #7

math: 1. see science #1

2. see science #2

3. see science #3

4. see science #4. see a pattern here? you might wonder why you need to flashcard math, but it’s good for learning equations or the names of certain techniques. if the prof asks you to solve something using X technique and you don’t know what that is, that’s gonna pose a problem. also good for the unit circle (don’t get me started)

5. figure out your speed. this is applicable to most everything, but i find it most relevant for math. is it better for you to speed through the whole exam and then do it all again/check it over 2x? or for you to take it slow so you know you got everything right the first time? personally i use the first approach, but i’m a fast taker and prefer to have time to process between repeating problems instead of staring at it forever once and never looking again.

6. science #7. a lot of teachers will expect you to be able to do this.

7. go over the material a couple times. also applicable to everything. i find it’s easier to remember things when i know that concepts are connected. you might have learned X 3 weeks before Y, but if you go back over, you might realize they’re closely related. this will help you if you’re not sure on a test because you can reason through things using the connections you’ve drawn

tips by ap course (obv look at the subject above bc i will be giving *really specific stuff* here that i’ve gathered from experience. they’re also ordered by when i took them, sorry it’s not super logical but i didn’t want to forget one)

general ap course/exam tips: 1. practice exams. you need to be familiar with what will/will not show up. you don’t always need to simulate and real testing situation, but i’d recommend doing at least 1-2 that way. also *know how many questions they’re are you so can pace yourself!!!!*

2. college board is pretty good about giving topic breakdowns. use those. go through and figure out what topics you’re solid on and which need more work. the above tip is to help decipher what the topics actually mean bc it can be confusing.

3. give the free response a quick flip through. do the ones you’re confident on first.

4. make sure you know the policies/what you can bring. don’t want to forget something. also once our test administrator tried to stop us 10 minutes early, but we were on top of our shit and all gave her a death glare bc we knew when we were supposed to finish.

ap chemistry: 1. polyatomic ions and molecular weights. know them

2. chapter/section reviews (in addition to class notes) and how-to guides. my teacher made us make them and let’s just say your girl did *really* well (and i’m damn proud of that one)

3. do a quick skim of the free response. applicable to most exams but, the year i took it, they’d just remade and re-curved the exam and put *way* too many free response. like no one finished them. if that’s still the case, make sure you do the one’s you’re confident on. also, i did not get to like 3 questions and still got a 5. they may have fixed this idk. (sorry this is redundant but i wanted to give this ap chem exam specific info)

ap environmental science: 1. there is a lot of damn information here. i would use chapter outlines and pick out key terms, policies, and events etc. treat this like a history class.

2. for the exam, use common sense. most of the time, the most environmentally friendly answer is the right one. if you just have a general gist of the course and its topics, but don’t know a lot of details, go with your intuition and you should be fine. i didn’t have a lot of time to study for this one and this method worked for me.

ap calc bc: 1. memorize standard derivatives. power rule, sin and cos, chain rule. that’s important.

2. similarly, memorize standard integrals.

3. don’t forget +c for indefinite integrals. just don’t.

4. similarly, if it’s definite, don’t forget to evaluate at the end! super easy thing to do, but also super easy way to lose points if you forget.

5. if the integral looks complicated, that probably means there’s a “trick” involved. u substitution, integration by parts, trig substitution. something like that.

6. memorize some standard series’, operations, and types (arithmetic, geometric etc)

7. if you’re looking at a word problem, understand what is dependent on your variable and what isn’t (in other words, what’s a constant). for example, if it says the water flows into the barrel at 50 mL/s and flows out at 1/5 times the volume, that translate to F = 50 - (1/5)V. don’t make things more complicated by trying to write everything in terms of V (in this example). also, your equation might just be a constant term or just a variable term doesn’t have to be both.

8. know what your derivative is with respect to/what it really means. aka if your problem is talking about flow and volume, how are they related to each other? flow is the change in volume *with respect to time*. so if i differentiate volume with respect to time, i get flow. if i integrate flow with respect to time, i get volume. this also helps you make sense of word problems.

*disclaimer*: it is been 5 years since i took this class and i have taken quite a few math classes after. i apologize if i introduce anything that is a little irrelevant.

ap spanish language: 1. flashcard. like seriously. there’s gonna be vocab involved.

2. understand what’s asked. for the persuasive email. *be persuasive*

3. toolkit. i mentioned this before but this was probably the most useful for this class. our teacher gave us a bunch of fancier words to use instead of causar (to cause) because that was a word we’d need a lot. the one that still sticks with me 4 years later is fomentar. have a few alternatives for these kinds of super common words, a good greeting and closing for your email, and a set of good transitions. *make sure you know how to use them properly*

4. write stuff down during listening. you can either answer questions during the first listen, then take notes the second to catch stuff you missed or vice versa.

5. it’s ok to backtrack in the speaking. don’t let yourself get stuck and just not say anything. it’ll freak you out for the rest of the exam and will rob you from showing off what you know. also take notes of things you want to mention based off cultural knowledge of the situation related to the dialogue.

6. don’t zone out. with everything going on and all the stress, it’s easy to zone out (esp during the conversation). don’t do it or you’ll have a hard time responding and freak yourself out (again)

7. don’t lose your place in the convo! they give you a sheet that shows you how many times the other “person” will talk. i lost track and said goodbye one segment early. it was bad ok. all these conversation tips are from personal experience.

ap statistics: 1. know the different kinds of tests inside and out. know the differences and the conditions. if you’ve got that, you’re like 75% the way there.

2. be familiar with sample vs population. it’s a bit confusing, but take the time to understand.

3. ok sorry i really don’t remember anything else. this exam really isn’t that difficult (in my opinion), you’ll be ok.

ap physics c: 1. free body diagrams. understand how to draw them *and draw them*. they will carry you through mechanics. draw gravitational force, normal if there’s a surface, and then any other given forces.

2. basic equations. you get an equation sheet, but knowing the equations means you know the concepts and the relations between them. big ones are f=ma and the equations relating position (x), velocity (v), and acceleration (a). also friction f=uN.

3. *normal isn’t always the opposite direction of gravity!!!!* gravity is straight down. normal is perpendicular to the surface.

4. vector components. please don’t just add vectors. break them down into components and then add or you are so fucked.

5. get familiar with triangles. this will help with the whole component thing.

6. kirchoffs rules are so helpful. know them.

7. understand the relations between voltage/potential and current in terms of the properties of circuit elements. that means the equations for resistors, capacitors, and inductors.

8. know how to add in parallel and series. it’s important. also! if the circuit is drawn “weird” a good way to know series vs parallel is that parallel elements share two nodes and that series circuits only share 1.

9. sorry i kinda blocked out E+M bc i didn’t know what i was doing (or so i thought). i still got a 4 tho so that curve is generous.

ap us history: 1. chapter outlines. pretty self explanatory.

2. make a timeline. put important events, sentiments, policies, and presidents. if you can associate these things together into time periods it will be easier. most of the time, any one question (esp long response or whatever they’re called) will only focus on 1 time period.

3. sentiments are important. if you know nothing else, know these bc they will help guide you through questions by reasoning even if you know nothing else.

4. gilder lehrman (or similar us history summaries). these are tailor specifically to apush bc they are organized by period (i think that’s what they were called?). i actually fell asleep listening to these bc i didn’t have time to study. they were mildly helpful, but every little bit helps right?

ap psychology: 1. chapter outlines/flashcards. this course is based heavily on key terms and less so on larger concepts.

2. ok sorry i took this online i remember literally nothing except how annoying my teacher was and that the exam was easy. if you know terminology i think you should do fine.

ap biology: 1. there is a lot. go through all the topics and make sure you’re solid. start with the big picture, then think about narrowing down.

2. know how charts work. things like pedigrees, punnet squares, and evolution trees (that’s def not the right term). some of the exam will just be interpretation of this.

3. i am so sorry i remember nothing else.

ap spanish literature: 1. flashcards. title, author, time period, short summary, key elements (a line, character, symbol). this is *so helpful*

2. think about the works in relation to each other. you might be asked to compare them. even if they ask you to compare something on the reading list with something new, you’ll be familiar with the points you might talk about.

3. know the lit terms. more flashcards. associate them with a particular work if you can/need to.

4. don’t freak on the listening. a lot of the recordings are old and shitty quality. take a deep breath and try your best. know that the rest of the test takers (excepting maybe natives) are experiencing the same thing.

5. use that tool box. see general spanish and ap spanish lang.

this is so freaking long and i think the moral of the story is that i blocked out my senior year ap exams. i hope this was helpful and, if you have more questions, or want more stuff like this, let me know!

#pennyfynotes #pfynguides #masterpost #tips #backtoschool #bts #school #study #studyblr #student #high school #ap exams #science #literature #english #spanish #math #university #college #hufflepuffwannabe #noodledesk #gloomstudy #pinetreestudies #jiyeonstudies #obsidianstudy #castillos-co #universi-tea

[cuddleslutloki]

stucky fic i’m abandoning under the cut bc i’m so far into thorki rn and writing loki was my fav part of this story woops lol. i want this out of my WIP folder, staring at me as if to ask “when father, when will i be complete?”

never.

enjoy!

Steve couldn’t remember the last time he’d had to shake so many hands. The conference only happened once every three years, and he hadn’t been able to dodge it this time. Natasha had laughed at him when he read the invitation.

One Captain Steven G. Rogers has been invited and by then it was too late. Coulson gave him the ‘that’s too bad’ smile and sent him off.

Fifteen countries all bound together by secret treaties and trade agreements, all here to celebrate peace and prosperity and the future they were creating. Steve would have had a much easier time focusing on that goal if his translator wasn’t driving him fucking insane.

Sergeant James B ‘call me Bucky’ Barnes was Steve’s type on legs. He was an accomplished soldier, a great spy as far as Steve could weedle information from his contacts. He also spoke more than a dozen languages.

And he clearly had no idea that Steve was fluent in French.

If he knew, he wouldn’t have been saying any of the wonderful, distracting things he’d been saying all damn day. It started with a sly remark he made to Natasha on the phone earlier. Casually, in the middle of lunch, he was speaking with her in English and he accused her of this being a set up.

Then he switched to French halfway through the sentence. “You could’ve warned me, y’know, sa bouche.”

Steve stopped for a moment, then just listened as Bucky kept going. And going. And going.

It started with Steve’s mouth, then went to his shoulders, which apparently Bucky thought were perfect for holding onto when the headboard started smacking against the wall.

Steve wasn’t a spy, not by any shot, but he could keep a straight face. Natasha must have reminded him about the concept of professionalism, even if she neglected to mention that Steve would understand what he was saying, because after about three full sentences of Bucky’s lust-hazed complaining he went back to talking about the conference. They didn’t have to do much, just listen to speeches and eat good food, but there were plenty of people who would want to speak with Steve.

Plans for this and that, where do you think so-and-so is going, why do you think this happened, and what do we do about this person or that person. It was the same conversation over and over on repeat with thirty people. Bucky shared his exasperation, Steve could tell that much.

“Why did I even bother with fluency when I’m just using the same ten words in each damn language?” He groused.

Steve laughed and grabbed them both champagne from a passing tray. “At this rate I could probably have these conversations myself.”

Bucky laughed and downed his entire glass. Steve took his time with his, since Bucky seemed to have such a problem with his mouth. He licked an errant drop of champagne off of his lower lip and barely kept himself from smiling when Bucky cussed.

“Putain de merde, ce soir doit se terminer.” Bucky kept a polite face as he muttered to himself.

Steve decided to be merciful. “La fête va terminer en trente minutes, je crois.”

Bucky’s eyes widened and his shoulders stiffened. “Tu… peux me comprendre.”

Steve nodded, a smirk on his lips as he finished his champagne. “Ouais, je te comprends.”

Bucky swallowed roughly and grabbed another flute of champagne. Steve laughed and Bucky looked at him as he drank this glass even faster than the first. He watched Steve for a moment, then his unease melted away.

“Toute la journée t’as compris?” Bucky asked, his voice not so tight as it was a moment ago.

Steve nodded and smiled at him, looking at him through his eyelashes. “Oui, j’ai entendu et compris tout.”

Bucky laughed and shook his head. “Oh, incredible. I’m going to kill Natasha.”

“It’s not her fault, I’m the one who didn’t say anything.” Steve smiled at a passing ambassador, then nodded to another. He didn’t look at Bucky as he spoke. “T’as dit quelque chose de ma bouche pendant l’appel avec Natasha.”

Bucky regarded him for a moment, then licked his lips and stepped closer to Steve and whispered into his ear. “Ouais, et tu vas faire quoi?”

Steve turned his head and let his lips brush Bucky’s ear. “On va voir.”

They took a short step away from one another, facing each other fully now. Bucky smiled to someone over Steve’s shoulder and didn’t meet his eyes. “Nous ne pouvons pas quitter tôt, c’est pas joli.”

Steve scanned the crowd until he found the man he was looking for. Long, black hair was slicked back and a dark green and black suit clung to his frame. He was as elegant a killer as there was, and he was the host tonight.

“Allons.” Steve started walking before Bucky could reply.

He acknowledged people in the crowd as they walked, but didn’t stop long enough to give anyone a chance to speak. Loki’s eyes brightened as Steve approached.

“Captain Rogers, you look positively edible tonight.” Loki shook his hand firmly, eyes sharp as he glanced from Steve to Bucky beside him. “How can I be of assistance?”

Steve pulled Loki’s hand up for a kiss, smiling against the knuckles. Loki raised an eyebrow. It was that kind of favor.

“I need to leave, but I can’t be signed out until everyone else is. Can you make that happen?” Steve let go of Loki’s slender hand and kept eye contact.

After looking between them, Loki chuckled. “Steven, you’re laughably predictable. What do I get in exchange for forging the attendance logs of an international event with private security? Logs that need your fingerprint to sign out.”

Steve looked off toward one of the exits, the best one if he wanted to leave without drawing attention to them. “I’ll owe you a favor.”

Loki hummed and pursed his lips. “Why would I need a favor from you?”

“It can be a favor for Thor.” Steve kept his voice low, mindful of any who would be listening.

Loki straightened as he stood and if Steve didn’t know him, he might not have caught the flash of surprise that preceded Loki’s wide smile. His voice was barely loud enough to hear. “Does this mean that you want to help? Even after what Stark said?”

Steve didn’t say anything, just held Loki’s eyes. Loki was good at reading people. It only took a few seconds for him to have his answer.

“Alright, Steven. You and your interpreter will be signed out at 9:37 and 9:38 respectively. Plenty of time to have said goodbyes and paid proper respects to everyone here.” Loki slipped in close enough that Steve could smell the rose oil in his hair. “I’ll tell Thor to call you. He’ll be pleased to hear you’ve picked a side, even if you’re doing it under pretense.”

Too good at reading people. Steve shook Loki’s hand again. “Thank you.”

Bucky followed Steve through the crowd as they made their way to the exit next to the bathrooms. No one was looking as they went through the door. They walked quickly to the parking structure and Steve tossed Bucky the keys.

Once inside, Bucky wasted no time tearing out of the space and speeding into the city. “You know how to pick your friends, don’t you, pal?”

Steve smiled. “Well, I’m not picking anyone you didn’t already pick, right?”

Bucky opened his mouth, then closed it. “That’s some network of contacts you must have. How much do you know?”

“I’m not talking shop right now. But I know you’re not here to be a translator, and I’m not here to be your mark tonight.” Steve reached into his pocket and turned his phone off, then took the battery out.

Bucky grinned and shook his head as he took a turn a little too hard. “Natasha said I’d like you.”

“Yeah, I think she’s why I ended up here.” Steve mused, fingers twitching as they got closer to their hotel. “You really didn’t know I speak French?”

Bucky shook his head. “I just got the assignment yesterday, and Natasha wouldn’t tell me anything. I couldn’t get any information on you anywhere else. I almost thought it was a prank.”

“She told me who you were four days ago.” Steve chuckled and shook his head. “It still could be a prank.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think so. She put us together for a reason.” Bucky turned into the hotel lot and parked by one of the side entrances.

Steve considered it. “It’s treason.”

Bucky nodded and finally cut the engine off. “It’s the right thing to do. Didn’t you say no shop talk?”

“You're right, no shop, let's go.” Steve all but dragged Bucky through the hotel, both of them reasonably composed in the elevator.

That lasted right until the door was closed, then Steve slammed Bucky into the door and sank his teeth into Bucky’s neck. The groan he got in return had his cock filling quickly, swelling and pressing against the fly of his slacks. He felt too hot in the confines of his suit, with Bucky’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and Bucky’s breath ghosting across his ear.

#baylen fic

[katzuyas]

hi! it’s same-face-in-every-selfie kat lmao I was tagged by @nikiviki for the 7 selfies of 2017 meme, so here’s my pick at why-tf-do-I-have-so-much-pink-lipstick year lololol thanks so much for the tag love 💕

I’ll be tagging my angel @tetsya bc I haven’t seen ur sweet face in ages and I need me some of that cute uwu, and then also: @theexitgarden, @relent, @maniacani, @saniika, and @tendou-satori if you guys feel like it!

the rest of the tag games are under the cut ^u^)b

tagged by @evenifidie thanks for the tag!!

Take an excerpt of your writing, put it into Google Translate, translate it into a random language, and then back into English, and see what you end up with!

ORIGINAL:

Yuuri's sleep warm and cuddly, and Victor wants nothing more that to keep spooning him until they can both wake up enough to exchange slow, soft kisses like they do on their days off. Sadly, it's not one of those days and they need to get up.

-- from a little something I have written for @domesticvictuuriweek

CEBUANO TO ENGLISH:

Yuuri's sleep is hot and vibrant, and Victor does not want to keep on blowing him until they both feel enough to move slowly, soft kisses like their days. Sadly, this is not one of those days and they have to get up. 

well the last sentence was underwhelming but victor blowing yuuri when he’s hot and vibrant in his sleep is definitely not the vibe I’m going for here ahahah lmao this was a bust

oh man I’m gonna tag ppl for it bc this was fun: @sagechan, @matsinko, @the-world-of-illyas-james, @shslshortie and @kaja-skowronek

tagged by @evenifidie thanks again!!

rules: post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic, original work, poetry, whatever floats your boat!) and tag the same number of people as there were words in the sentence 

One that Victor can't wait to be fulfilled.

lol good luck figuring out what this is

and I’m too lazy to tag for this one, sorry tcuhyjbnj if u want to do it, feel urself tagged tho! especially the ppl from the tag above! //winkwonk

tagged by @kaja-skowronek thanks so much for the tag, sweetheart 😘

1) HOW MANY WORKS IN PROGRESS TO DO YOU CURRENTLY HAVE?

posted and updated regularly only one (carry on), which is more of a drabble dump than a wip, but I’m working on 5 others which are eating me alive bc I have no chill whatsoever lmao

2) DO YOU/WOULD YOU WRITE FANFICTION?

been there done that still doing it lol

3) DO YOU PREFER PAPER BOOKS OR EBOOKS?

definitely books, there’s nothing better than the feel of turning the pages and the smell of paper and ink while ur gobbling up page after page, it’s awesome. would never change for anything else in the world. now if only we could get fics printed out as well I’d be in heaven

4) WHEN DID YOU START WRITING?

I was probably around 12-13, visiting my dad in the us, and I got completely swallowed by reading harry potter fics. that’s when it all started for me. and then when I got home I wanted to try my hand at it and... now here we are, almost 13 years later lol

5) DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU TRUST THAT YOU SHARE YOUR WORK WITH?

I usually don’t like to share my work when it’s unfinished so it’s v rare for me to do so 

6) WHERE IS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO WRITE?

my room, at night, when there’s peace and quiet and I can focus properly

7) FAVOURITE CHILDHOOD BOOK?

definitely harry potter, no runner ups

8) WRITING FOR FUN OR PUBLICATION?

the big dream is one day maybe publication but for now it’s just for fun

9) PEN AND PAPER OR COMPUTER?

used to be pen and paper, and then I’d be rewriting that mess onto the computer, but now I’m just too lazy and wtf pen&paper hurts my wrist so much how did I even take notes back in school this is ridiculous omg

10) HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN ANY WRITING CLASSES?

mm yea uni classes which were absolute shit eh

11) WHAT INSPIRES YOU TO WRITE?

everything, really. what inspires me? the colour of leaves in the fall, the snow sparkling on the ground in winter, the fog that doesn’t let you see further than a few meters before you, the chilling cold on the morning walks, the dark that’s brightened up only by the dim street lamps, the colour of the sky that isn’t really blue but tints into reds and pinks and oranges and purples

what gives me strength to write? the comments and tags on my fics, that’s the best reward after spending hours on creating something - to see that people love and appreciate your work, it’s awesome

this was a great tag so I’m gonna put a few other writers on the task ;3c I’m tagging: @evenifidie, @saniika, @matsinko, @rayrayswimusic and @nee-saan

tagged by @evenifidie thanks babe ur spoiling me 💕

list five of your favourite fics (that you’ve written!) and why you like them

have yourself a merry little christmas (make the yuletide gay) 

yoi | victuuri | nsfw | 9k the reason why I love it is v simple: it’s full of sweet, winter fluff and doting on vitya nikiforov which I always will put before everything else 🙏🙏

if there's a will, there's a way

yoi | victuuri | 17k+ this fic is my baby and I have such huge plans for it that I’m almost scared of writing it but gosh I love it? it’s a historical fantasy au which is totally something of a crown jewel in my writing imo and I’m super proud of what already is posted and what else is to come

to keep you warm   

yoi | victuuri | 8k it’s another one of my multiple fantasy au fics bc I live for those and I adore this one especially bc of the imageries, it gives me good vibes and I loved writing it, and I still love coming back to it every now and then

oh ye of so little faith

dna | miyusawa | 32k what can I say? it’s another fantasy au, yes, you guessed it lol I just really love them? and I love this one bc of the characterisation which I’m super proud of and the character development and the actual writing I put into this bc I worked super hard on it and it still pains me that it received only so little attention //sighs

The Matchmaker

hq | kurohina | nsfw | 73k oh gosh there’s so many things I can say about this one but I’ll stop at the most important one: it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written and I’ll forever be proud of myself for sticking it out and finishing it //pats myself on the back

this was actually pretty fun so I’ll tag @kaja-skowronek, @shslshortie, @the-world-of-illyas-james, @starrwinter, @thatravenclawnextdoor and @harmonization

tagged by @kaja-skowronek thank you!!

relationship status: can’t believe I’m actually typing this but... taken ;3c

favorite color: I don’t have only one, but I’m really in love with the pastels recently

favorite hobby: definitely writing!

last song: transit by takaaki natsushiro bc I’m rewatching yowapeda before new season hits

last movie: caught the last scenes of hp and the sorcerer’s stone last night on tv ;3c

top three shows: wow... that’s tough. yoi is definitely the top top, but the other two I’d say daiya and khr bc the nostalgia is strong these days

I’m not tagging anyone for this one, but if someone wants to do it, I’m tagging you personally ^u^)b

phew, this was a lot to go through yhchyvbjn I’m so bad at doing these orz I’m so sorry yall it’s been like months since some of these tags I’m a lazy shit ahaha anyway, thanks so much for all of it, I really loved these!!! 💕

#tag game #me myself and I #wow this was a lot #but I had fun #also an excuse to post my face is always a good one #hi I'm kat nice to meet yall face to face lol

[shoreearchive]

JESSICA RE: HER IN GAME PERSONALITY TRAITS.

underneath the cut is a meta i wrote a long, long time ago about what jessica’s in game characteristics ( CONFIDENT, TRUSTING, IRREVERENT ) mean re: my portrayal.

CONFIDENT;

i’d like to think that the confidence comes the easiest in terms of how i write jessica. it’s obvious throughout the game that she’s proud of who she is, even if most of it (in terms of physical looks) is a front. which makes sense, because she’s a teenage girl, and you’d be hard pressed to find someone who’s completely confident and happy with who they are at age seventeen. still, it’s a delicate balance – she’s strong willed, and she knows when she’s got the upper hand. and when she does, she rightfully uses it to her advantage. she doesn’t try to pretend to be good at things she’s not, either – when it comes to academics, she’ll rightfully admit that she’s out of her league, and her confidence mostly stems from the things she knows she can excel at – her looks, for the most part, and her ability to use body language to get what she wants. this sort of thinking often translates into annoyance when she’s face to face with someone who’s too afraid to get what they way – like chris and ashley, for example. if she were around for that discussion, i imagine plenty of eye rolling and scoffs from her corner of the room, if only because she can’t understand someone wanting something and doing absolutely nothing to get it. she’s has a lot of untapped ambition, and i think that makes her a strong person before the events of the mountain eventually break her down. though, it should be said that post-mountain jess loses her confidence due to the fact that her body is physically harmed beyond repair, and her strength was pulled from her looks (with plans to be a model post high school). so, she changes a lot in the sense where she needs to learn how to rely on things that aren’t her looks – she works on her personality, she becomes more empathetic, and she tries to better herself without becoming someone else.

TRUSTING;

this one is a little harder to manage, if only because people want to assume that someone like jessica is a natural gossip, and therefore has loose lips because of it. i think it works in two ways – she’s trusting because she’ll easily put her trust in other people. it’s part naivety, because growing up she didn’t have a lot of stable relationships to rely on. she didn’t have the chances to make mistakes, so she never learned how to protect herself from terrible things, or a moral code in the sense that her version of a joke isn’t always everyone’s versions of a joke (re; the prank). because she made her first friends in high school, she’s desperate to please them and fit in, which means she’s eager to latch onto anything they say, and any promises they make, regardless of their intentions being good, bad, or in the middle. i also think it works in reverse, too – despite her tendencies to appear as someone who’s ‘selfish’ and 'manipulative’, i honest to god think she means well. she just doesn’t know what to do with the information she’s been given. she wants, more than anything, to be that person that someone confides in, and she doesn’t spill secrets or spread rumors about her friends, because she wants them to trust her, and like her, and support her. and, if she betrayed them like that, nothing good would come of it. the prank is another situation entirely – it’s not a secret that hannah had a crush on mike, and through a lot of headcanons and writing things out, i think it’s pretty clear that jess and hannah weren’t very good friends, if only because jess finds her quiet demeanor off putting, and her pursuit of a taken man disrespectful. the person she’s absolutely the most loyal to is emily, and when/if emily expressed a concern about that, jess would be willing to toss a minor friendship aside to keep her best friend happy. it’s how her brain works – she doesn’t know any better, and doesn’t understand the repercussions that could (and would) occur. 

IRREVERENT;

this is something that’s also kind of hard to balance. i’ll be honest – when i first watched the game, i had no clue what irreverent meant. i was like these game developers are making shit up right now bc they’re lazy as fuck what the heck. but!! the google machine cleared away the clouds, and then it all Made Sense. irreverent means 'showing a lack of respect for people or things that are generally taken seriously’, and we see that on more that one occasion in the game (i.e.; 'are you guys having a really weird stroke?’ 'who needs grades when you have all the natural advantages you can handle?’). it’s in the way she speaks, and thinks, and was raised. she didn’t have parents who were big on discipline, therefore she was never reprimanded when she said something out of step. she gets it from her mother, too, no doubt, who tends to be judgmental of the smallest things. jess doesn’t have that same sort of stance – she doesn’t care about things like money, for example, and won’t think less of someone for being lower class – but she follows the same sort of pattern where she’ll say something without thinking it through. crass comments are often made without realizing or knowing the context of the situation, and her phrasing tends to be a little.. poor. there’s also a line, though, that i often have to debate in my head. because she’s so tactless in the way she speaks, would she say offensive things without knowing that they’re offensive? as a writer, you want to stay true to who your character is, and a large part of that is doing so without censorship. however, you also have to know your audience, and i’m afraid that – when i make her go through with the thoughts that i know she has – people will think it reflects on me, as opposed to on her. and, furthermore, i don’t want them to stereotype her, either, as nothing more than a dumb blonde. because she learns – it doesn’t help that most of her time is spent with mike, who’s also a little questionable with what he says, but if she said something and someone called her out on it? she’d take note to not repeat herself. she just needs the chance to grow!

i try to implement these things into my writing, both pre and post mountain. it’s a tricky balance, and i never want her to turn into a trope, or a stereotype, even if that was the intention with the game. because i can totally respect and understand that, and i get it! that’s the point. it’s a horror game w/ cliches, and that’s why it’s so cool. but, in terms of bringing these characters to life and expanding them outside of the twelve hours we play them in the game, it’s important to me that i showcase the kind of person i think jess could be. and i don’t want to make her perfect, either, or victimize her, because she does some shit. the prank was her idea, and she had a very heavy involvement with making sure it went off without a hitch (i think she wrote the note??). she also dates her best friend’s ex-boyfriend like, a week after they break up, and that’s not cool, either. that’s where irreverent comes in, and that’s where confidence helps her get past the nasty things emily says about her, and that’s where trusting becomes muddled because she wants to trust mike due to the way he makes her feel, but her trust with emily is broken by giving into something she wants. it’s a vicious circle, fam. but! it’s fun. and i love my tiny daughter so much, so it’s always worth it.

#𝐢𝐢. i am down to get real. ────── jessica headcanon.

[izzyovercoffee]

Can I please request some mando'a endearments/nicknames?

Hey, I just wanna apologize for the delay to answering this !! And also, just as a forewarning, this list is nowhere near exhaustive, just bc of the sheer … flexibility of mando’a to accommodate personal needs. Since this question is also a little general, I’ll go into the more popular endearments, and then a few suggested constructions you can use.

Before I get started though, I just wanted to note that mando’a is funny as a language in that … many, many words can be used as affectionate terms, depending on who says what to who. So words that may have literal meanings (say, for example, night sky, or mountain, or sea) can also be used as terms of endearment, especially if ner, my, is placed in front.

Endearment is, often, more than just the terms we have at our disposal from a predefined list, and what may be used to express affection and endearment from one person might be offensive and insulting from another. It, like most things, depends on context and delivery.

Consider these words and how, in different contexts, they might be used to present affection, or as nicknames:

atin’la — tough

ca’tra — night sky

cerar — mountain

sarad — flower

Anyway, that said, I’m gonna start with the basics and further down we’ll move on to more complex terms. This is also cut for length.

Just the list to expect w/ explanations:

‘ika — diminutive suffix and its (appropriate) uses

burc’ya — friend

vod — sibling, companion, friend

cyar / cyar’ika — beloved

riduur — partner, spouse

kar’ta — heart

mesh’la — beautiful, handsome

meshurok — gemstone

riye — favor, good turn

runi — soul

sarad — flower

an’edee — all bite

n’edeemi — no bite

kair’ta — [my] desperate heart

Jango-specific endearments towards his clone sons (if you’re curious)

edit:: and there’s a follow-up post to further clarify

‘ika — diminutive suffix written as ‘ika - also added to a name as a very familiar or childhood form

The easiest terms of endearments is to tack on the suffix ‘ika to any name or part of a name, or word. It does not have to be only the first syllable of the name, either. It’s whatever rolls off the tongue easiest, or has the desired presentation.

Example: Ordo + ‘ika = Ord’ika.

The only caveat that should be noted is that this endearment, when attached to an actual name, is highly inappropriate to use in front of other people who are not “in” with the person(s). A father should not use this in conversation with his son when acquaintances are nearby. A parent should not use this to refer to their adult child in front of people whom that person has to command or lead, or just don’t know (or don’t know well).

And people under a person’s command, for this example people who look to Ordo to lead, should not ever use Ord’ika to refer to Ordo.

When writing mandalorians, you should try to avoid excessive, casual use of ‘ika tacked when there are only acquaintances around to overhear. ‘Ika, as popular of a diminutive as it is, is a term of affection that is most often used for children, and so to make casual use of ‘ika is to imply that one is not an adult.

This is a really, really common mistake across mandalorian fandom for whatever reason, but I would again just … urge you to, if you’re using ‘ika, to  be mindful of who is present in the scene when [name]’ika is used.

Other (word, not name) example: Sen’ika — little bird

Which comes from senaar, bird, and ‘ika, little. And so on.

burc’ya — friend (can also be used ironically)

vod — sibling, friend, companion

Caveat: There is a significant difference between burc’ya and vod, and that is that no mandalorian would ever call someone who is not mandalorian their vod.

Someone can be close to your character without being of the same group of people, and the word for that friend is burc’ya. Mandalorians can also use this word ironically, or sarcastically, at friends who are and are not mandalorians.

It is … not appropriate, however, for mandalorians to call non-mandos vod. Vod literally means sibling, and carries the understanding that it’s addressing someone who is part of the culture, rather than someone without. If it’s ever used towards a non-mandalorian, even if it’s not intentional, it is an insult (or sarcastic, or a threat, depending on context).

However, both vod and burc’ya are appropriate to use in most situations.

(at least) two variations for vod:

vod’ika — little sibling

ori’vod — big/older sibling, special friend

‘ika as attached to a name is inappropriate for most occasions, vod’ika is slightly less inappropriate, but it still should be something kept to close / closed groups.

Ori’vod is different, in that in tacking on the ori in front, some small semblance of respect is implied.

Vod, in general, is probably the most malleable word of all of them, for the simple reason that with a little bit of cleverness, one can attach other words to vod to create different types of affectionate nicknames.

cyar(e) — beloved, loved / cyar’ika — darling, sweetheart

Another thing mandalorian fandom tends to forget is that cyar, or cyar’ika, is a general term, not one restricted to romantic relationships. One can use cyar / cyar’ika platonically, just as one can call someone beloved and not mean someone with whom they’re romantically entangled—though it is most often used to indicate “beloved” or “loved one,” so YMMV.

This is, however, acceptable to use in public (depending, of course, on your characters individual preferences and comfort for affection in public).

Further, cye / cya seems to hold an affectionate connotation in all its uses, but also translates vaguely to rolling (rolling with the punches, rolling waves, varied meanings that change upon context from literal to figurative). Thus, someone who has shown inner strength, or someone who’s shown to be able to adapt to anything, one might tack cye/cya with a name or word … but these are a little more complicated to work together, due to the … tenuous meaning that both cye / cya hold.

For example, take: cye’ruus — precious cinnamon roll. With the above for cye given, add onto ruus literally meaning rock, but colloquially is dependable / reliable / something of foundation (like how certain cultures have go-to elements to dishes that are absolutely fundamental), and thus together create a word that is not unlike the word Sheres, from shereshoy, but also means cinnamon roll.

riduur — partner, spouse, husband, wife

Now this word absolutely means exactly as it looks on the tin, so to speak. Riduur is one’s spouse, someone one is committed to in marriage—or the next closest equivalent to, if you don’t want to call it marriage.

kar’ta — heart

While it literally means heart, the word is derived from the deeply spiritual mando’a word for the stars, and as such can take on a poetic meaning to it. It’s appropriate to use as a term of endearment.

mesh’la — beautiful

meshurok — gem, gemstone

This is not restricted to women or women-presenting people, as mando’a does not recognize gender and therefore one can call anyone beautiful. The same goes for gemstone, too.

riye — favor, benefit, good turn

As when a series of bad luck finally ends and good luck returns, so is riye. But riye, also, can indicate that a person is the representation of that good turn, or that favor. Like a person who, upon meeting, changes lives for the better.

runi — soul (poetic only)

Runi is archaic and used mostly, only, in poetry and song. And, as such, can also then be used as a term of endearment as well. It is a very intense, strong, word, however, so keep that in mind.

sarad — flower

As with most words, be careful — not everyone would appreciate being called flower, and while some might find it acceptable or even flattering from one person, that same person might find it offensive from the mouth of another.

And now for some of the constructions I’ve touched on in the past:

an’edee — all teeth; all bite

n’edeemi — no bite

As I’ve touched on (and if you click through to the original posts, go into more detail), these two can be used as pair words as affectionate terms of abuse. What that means, really, is that they can be affectionate even as they are, gently, insulting—like calling someone a nerd in a tone that indicates you are simply joking with them.

An’edee can be shortened to An’ee, and N’edeemi can be shortened to N’edee. And, generally, they could be used as nicknames in and of themselves (An’ee being someone rough and often fight-y, and N’edee being someone more concerned with mediating and keeping the peace).

To be honest, these words were, originally, created for this express purpose.

kair’ta — [my] desperate heart

As touched on in the original post about kairkiyc, and from where this word is derived, it means loved one as intense as a heart pain, or a pang in one’s chest. It is the physical pain one might feel when feeling intense love (not necessarily romantic love and shouldn’t be used only for that).

I’ve used it most to refer to children, as a parent might love and care intensely for their child, but again … it can mean more than that, depending on who the term is for.

kair’ itself, as a prefix, may possibly be used as attached to another word to indicate a heart’s desperation, though the specific uses of it may be a little complicated and really should only be kept to words where kair’ would be replacing, say, kyr’ or ka(r)’, or some such word with the hard kahr / keer sounds.

vencuy — blessing, hope

This word comes from vencuyot, meaning future—or, more accurately, vencuyanir, to sustain, keep alive, preserve. Vencuy, or venku, when trimmed down, literally encompasses hope, as in a hope for the future, a promise of a future, a light in the dark, and all the apocryphal imagery associated with it.

I know that vercopaanir has “hope” attached to it, but it’s a different meaning of hope, as it’s associated with wish, and dream. Vercopa carries less certainty, implies more to dream than in something real, or in something physical, or grounded in reality. To us, that might be positive, but to mandalorians—whom stress a grounded pragmatism and practicality—something that is based in dreams is just not as positive to them as it sounds to us.

Jango Fett specific

If, for whatever reason, you wanted Jango to express affection towards one of the clone soldiers from him, Jango’s use of the word clone takes on a very, very different connotation than what other mandalorians would in using the same word—as, after all, the cloned men of the Grand Army of the Republic would, essentially be little echoes of himself.

eyayad(e) — [my] echo(es)

Coming from Jango Fett, specifically, it would sound oddly affectionate, even deeply sentimental.

To conclude, I hope this gave you a few ideas or was helpful ?? If you have more questions or would like more specific endearments, please let me know and I’ll get back to you asap. B’)

#mando'a #mandalorians #izzy talks mando'a #asks.txt #valeks-princess

[thepsychicclam]

Could you talk a little about what being a professor/getting your PhD has been like? Do you have to constantly do research and publish, is it hard to find jobs, do they pay enough to relieve the doctoral debt? I know you’ve moved at least once and I wasn’t sure if it was to follow a job, or if it was for personal reasons and then, was finding a new job hard? Did you start teaching while getting your PhD? I’m just fascinated by it and you seem like the best to ask!

Yes! I can share my experience. Everyone’s experience is different, and mine is unique for a few reasons I’ll discuss below. It may also vary from field to field. My PhD is in literature/English, and from what I’ve gathered, your concentration can influence a lot of stuff, too. So, under the cut, I’ll try to share my experience as much as I can! This is VERY LONG, so be warned, nonny! :D

Before I decided to get a PhD, I got a MAT - a master’s in secondary education with a focus on English literature. My BA is in creative writing/english lit. I taught high school for three years, and for a lot of reasons said FUCK THIS NOISE and quit. I lived with my parents and they told me they’d help support me. I ended up with a college teaching job (you can teach adjunct in the states with a masters) and they told me to get a PhD if I wanted to do it full time some day. I love teaching, and I’m good at it. I especially love teaching literature. So, I decided to go get my PhD.

Choosing my specialization was kinda interesting bc I decided to go for medieval literature, which I hadn’t really studied up until that point. I had always done Victorian and Shakespeare/Renaissance, with a bit of dabbling into Native American and postcolonial literature. But I taught Dante’s Inferno to my seniors my last yr at HS and fell in LOVE. So, I thought, “Hey, there aren’t a lot of medievalists. Everyone gets a PhD in Shakespeare/Victorian lit, so I’ll do that. Maybe it’ll make me more marketable.” I have always loved medieval lit, so I figured lets go for it.

My original plan was to do something with romances, so late medieval stuff. I ended up with two professors in the dept, one who focused on Anglo-Saxon/Old English and one who focused on Chaucer/later medieval. I took multiple classes in both, and my second or third semester, I took intro to Old English. I fell in LOVE WITH IT. It was a linguistics course where we learned the Old English language (which is completely different than modern or even middle english) and translated. I was GOOD at it and took to it unlike anyone else in the class. It just made sense. I think probably bc I had a background in Latin and German (I was a German studies minor in undergrad until I realized I couldn’t speak German to save my life :P) and I took like 3 or 4 yrs of Latin in hs. Anyway, I was hooked and switched to Old English. I took a lot of postcolonial literature courses, like Indian lit, lit of SE Asian, and Native American lit courses, and through this I met another professor who I adored. I ended up working with her to do my minor/secondary specialization, which is literature of the indigenous peoples of America (Native American, Chicano lit, etc - mostly Native American). I ALMOST wrote my dissertation with her bc I loved her so much and I love Native American literature so much. However, as a white woman, I didn’t feel that I would make a good postcolonial/Native American scholar, so I stuck with Anglo-Saxon lit.

I used my class papers to start working on my dissertation ideas. I got obsessed with monstrosity and the narrow definition in AS lit, and connected that to ideas of reason, which I also became obsessed with, and ended up writing all my papers about some type of monstrous transformation and how it connects to the reason of the punished. Thus, my dissertation topic was born, which currently has the working title of Transformative Bodies and their Punishments as Social Control in Anglo-Saxon Literature. It’s a terrible title, but right now, at least it states the overall topic lol

My comps, which are the comprehensive exams you have to take, took me a year to read for. Most people take one semester, I took 2. I took mine in the spring and just read for two semesters. Now, to put it into perspective, the English dept standard was 40 primary texts and 20 secondary texts, so 60 texts. Mine was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over that. I ended up with over 16,000 pgs of texts to read. Hint: I DID NOT READ THEM ALL. And remember, half of mine were in Middle English, so they took 3 times as long to read, and half were translated OE texts. But I read a lot, read the secondary stuff, and took my comps. Comps were supposed to be 2.5 hrs. The director of graduate studies handed me my comps and said, “You’re the medieval one, right?” And I was like, “...yes...” and he looked at me and said, “You get 4 hrs.” THAT’S HOW FUCKING LONG MY ADVISOR MADE MY COMPS. I HAD TO GET EXTRA TIME. So, 4 hrs I did nothing but type. There were questions on there that were not part of my 16k words, but I answered everything. I wrote 9 fucking thousand words in 4 hrs. I was PUMPED. Then, he gave me just a PASS not PASS PLUS. I’m a straight A student, valedictorian, graduated cum laude and magna cum laude, mortar board, scholarships, etcetc. I WAS PISSED :|||| I MEAN I HAD 4 HRS AND WRITE 9K ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? It didn’t matter bc I still passed, but it was a pride thing lol

Okay, so that August I moved to Boston. My diss director was PISSED. I was ABD (all but dissertation, ie I had passed my comps), so I was going to work on my dissertation remotely. Many ppl do this. Well, he basically looked at me and said, “Yeah most ppl don’t finish who do this.” I cried for like 2 weeks. Then I got pissed and told myself I WILL FUCKING FINISH THIS IF IT KILLS ME. I regretted not doing the Native American diss with the professor I loved. My dissertation director is a dick. Hands down. I would be finished if I had a better director. I have had no support. Now, I did move to Boston, I procrastinated and took my time and had a lot of anxiety, but he didn’t help me at all. He made it worse. If you’ve followed me for awhile, you know I struggle with depression and anxiety, and at times it’s basically debilitating. So, it increased tenfold with the dissertation process. It took me a year to get my proposal submitted, finalized, and approved. 

I started working on my dissertation, which thankfully I had drafts of chapters from my class papers. As of right now, I have drafted 4 full chapters of average 40 pgs each and am revising. My director takes forever to get back from me, and my comments give me MAJOR anxiety. Part of the dissertation process is being told “yeah this needs work.” It’s like, hey, your ideas are great! You have a good point! But here are 100 ways you suck. Or that’s what it feels like. So, it became a major source of crippling anxiety for me. When I was in therapy, it was like all I talked about. I have to spend a week or two just pumping myself to check my fucking email. I have been trying to make an inface mtg with my advisor for a freaking yr. He blew me off to go to the bar with his friends at a conference we attended last yr (I only know this for a fact bc I SAW HIM AT THE BAR WITH THEM when he texted me and said he had “fallen asleep.”) So, needless to say, that has been a huge struggle and conflict. However, I don’t think that’s normal. lol I’m just cursed.

Right now, I’m trying to learn how to push myself as an academic writer and researcher to the next level. Something I need him to teach me, but still trying to meet face to face! I’ve gotten to the point in my drafts that I need to improve the arguments and research in a few places, but I’m not sure how to break through my wall. I need guidance, you know? Bc I don’t live around the campus, I’m doing this alone. I don’t have a writers group or any friends in the program. I’m pretty alone and isolated, which sucks. It’s also not the norm either, I don’t think. So, I have to push myself and keep myself going and write in a vacuum. I’m the only medievalist in the Eng dept getting a PhD, so there’s not even someone else writing their dissertation in Anglo-Saxon lit or even Middle English. The medieval dept is small.

So, that is my PhD schooling experience. Let’s talk about work and loans. I worked at a different college as an adjunct while doing my classes. I did not do a graduate research or teaching assistant job at the university, which means I paid for my schooling out of pocket/loans. I had someone tell me once, “If you’re paying for your own PhD, you shouldn’t be getting one. If you’re not being paid to get it, you’re not worth anything.” Pretty much, I feel like I was told the entire way I was doing everything wrong. I couldn’t get a GRA/GTA while teaching at the other school. I was an adjunct with a 3 class load, so I made decent, though not much. I lived at home w my folks, so I was okay with money. I was extremely lucky bc of that bc most ppl live on their own and have to work multiple jobs. When I moved to Boston, that’s when I got the 239847239 jobs. (also why I used to write a lot of fic and now I don’t write as much lol real life, man). When I moved to Boston, I taught adjunct, 3 classes. I also did freelance writing and worked at a farm, mainly bc rent was$2000/mth and I didn’t get paid during the summer. When I moved to SC, I also ended up with a 3 class adjunct job, but continued with the freelance writing. I have always been incredibly lucky with getting jobs. I think it’s bc I have a lot of teaching experience (this is my 10th yr teaching) and I have a background in English literature instead of education. I also wasn’t picky where I taught. I wasn’t teaching at Harvard, Boston College, or even something like the University of South Carolina. I taught at a small state school to start with, a community college in Boston, and now another small state school. But all experience is good experience. One thing that will make you marketable is your teaching experience. Everyone I’ve every talked to who hired me was interested in my teaching experience. 

For my career, right now I do a lot of conferences. I am doing 5 this semester, and I have done a ton of them. Graduate conferences, medieval conferences, lit conferences, pedagogy conferences, even library conferences. I give presentations/papers at each of them, bc I don’t see the point of going to a conference if you aren’t going to give a paper. I haven’t done any publishing yet. I have a few ideas for articles, but I’m terrified. It’s very hard to get published, so I haven’t tried yet :/ it is an expectation of all professors/phds to get published. At my current job, where I just got hired full time as an Visiting Assistant Professor, if I get a tenure track position, I have to have at least 1 publication within 5 years. That is a peer reviewed journal article or book. Getting published in English is SO MUCH HARDER than the sciences. I have a friend who works in Atlanta as a research assistant/lab technician/scientist (I’m not sure the title tbh) and she has like 3 publications bc she helped with these studies that they publish online that get published within like a month. My sister has a chapter in an art history essay collection, and it took 2 years to get published!! Academic publishing is the WORST. I’m hoping at least one dissertation chapter gets accepted as an article. I also did a project in my 102 class last semester that I have given multiple conference presentations and teaching workshops about, and I’m starting to work on turning it into an article. I want to be a teaching professor, not a research professor, so I’m trying to focus on the teaching aspect of my career. I just got a Brit Lit class for next semester instead of a sea of composition, so I’m trying to come up with a unique topical angle that I can use on my CV to show my teaching skills. So, part of my job is trying to find ways to increase my CV. Like, I run a panel at a regional literature conference (I kinda lucked into it bc my mentor used to run it, and now I do lol), so that looks good on my CV, too. So, it’s not constant publishing, but you are expected to do SOMETHING, conferences, publication, things like that.

Is it hard to find jobs? I’d say yes. Like I said, I have been incredibly lucky to always have a job. My dissertation director told me last yr after I got my job in SC, “Well, I guess you’re doing something right. I mean, you always seem to find a job.” (thanks asshole for that BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT) I am not picky. Experience is experience, and you’re not going to find your dream job immediately. That sense of entitlement limits you and keeps you from finding a job to start. Right now, I teach 5 fucking composition 101 classes. I was bitching to my sister today about how I was teaching fucking TOPIC SENTENCES and my students don’t get it!!! It sucks!! But, it pays a full time salary, and it gives me experience. Do I want to teach how to write a FUCKING TOPIC SENTENCE?? NO!! I can translate Old English and have studied medieval and early British literature for almost a decade. THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO FOCUS ON. But, I’m not an entitled asshole and realize I have to work my way up. When I finish my PhD, will get the perfect medieval/early British job? NO. I hope to get a job as an early British person somewhere (not my current school, who has no need for a medievalist really), but I know it will take one to two jobs before my dream job. Everyone I know has done 1-3 jobs before their perfect tenure job. Of course, there are always people who have the magic CV or whatever who will get that perfect job right out of grad school. I have no delusions. That’s not gonna be me. I’m an okay researcher and scholar and a damn good teacher. The first part means more than the last part for colleges. I just hope to eventually find somewhere I can teach Medieval lit to undergrads, and maybe do a course on monsters in pop culture.

Money wise, professors make okay but not mega bucks. I make pretty good for my area. But, I grew up poor, so having a full time job is like WHOO. I’ve learned how to live a great life on a lower salary. If money is what you want, this is not the career for you unless you’re teaching business or accounting at an MBA program. However, I go to work at 10 am, I leave some days at 1 and others at 3, I get from May-August and all of December off, and I make a full time yearly salary. So...I chose my profession for the time off. lol That’s exactly why I became a teacher XD I’m in a lot of student debt, but I worked out a payment plan with the student loan ppl and pay my loans every month. I’ll be dead before they’re paid off, but oh well :P 

What other questions did you ask...yes, I worked the entire time teaching while getting my degree. At one point I was working 5 jobs lol but not while taking class, during comps/dissertation stuff. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask! Like I said, I have a unique circumstance, with a dick dissertation advisor, moving between 3 states and teaching at 3 different places, though I finally have landed a full time college teaching position lol When I finish my dissertation, I will be very happy with my career path. Right now, with it looming over  my head and making me feel like the fucking biggest idiot and stupidest person on the planet, I regret my life decisions XD But really, I don’t bc, you know, I work like 20 hrs a week XDDDDDD