#and often they won't ever do that

[knowlesian]

my last post and the shameless mountain goats reference i threw in there got me thinking about one of my favorite story beats, because it combines a lot of character work and thematic oomph in one: ed being a victim of his own legend and ability to protect himself by hiding in plain sight + codeswitch into the version of himself that best suits the company/situation he’s in, in many ways but often most visibly through his interactions with izzy.

my take on “is blackbeard real or fake” has always been “yes”; blackbeard is pieces of ed filtered and strained and assembled and pruned down in ways that scarred him even as they kept him safe, in ways that are very sad and often stretching the definition of safe as far as ed’s personal definition of murder. nonetheless: it got him to the place he's at, still alive. could he have done it another way? who knows! that was the way he did it, it's the way he knows will work because it did work.

or: he thinks he knows that. but the legend was never all of ed and in fact demanded he spotlight pieces of himself he doesn't like so much a lot and repress a lot of the things that make him feel good, it’s not helping/hurting anymore. it’s just dragging him down.

so ed is sick of the blackbeard schtick; and here’s the rub. if he’d been worse at the art of personal fuckery alongside the pirate type, maybe none of this is happening. the world never knows his name; or worse, once he gets spotted as a man who won't kill they mock it. 

that version of ed does not attract izzy ‘ask me about my boner for the sunk cost fallacy’ hands, or does not keep him. because izzy has built his identity around ed’s legend; who is blackbeard’s first mate, if there is no blackbeard? who the fuck even is izzy hands, if he’s not seated at the right hand of edward teach?

now. you would hope, in a better world, that izzy would be like you know, edward, the thing here is: you wanting something different involves emotional consequences for me. i would have to figure out my whole life over again and i am simultaneously con o’neill’s age and emotionally sixteen like the real world me was, so you can see that would be super complicated. i have so fucking much baggage and you are just adding to it, and i do not like that. also: this fucks up my work situation and my home life at once, it makes me feel sad and abandoned and itchy in ways i do not wish to label with words because they would be gay ones like ‘please don’t leave me, i love you and i thought it was mutual’ so like... world rocked, thoroughly and in ways that make me want to rant until past last call, in conclusion this sucks and i think it's twenty mistakes in a trenchcoat, some of them maybe life threatening! i wish you would not.

and then he would step back and let ed make his own fucking choices anyway and either do the work to figure himself out in the same space or finally grab those cds from the car and find his own place to do the same, because a shitty fact of adult life is sometimes people cannot be what we want or need. sometimes that is because they suck: sometimes, it’s just because they can’t or don't want to, and that isn't them being mean or withholding. they don't owe us more than the basic kindness and dignity we all owe to each other just because we put in our hours longing for them to do so. that’s some toxic, entitled shit. understandable! an impulse i share at times! but we should never be That Guy (gender neutral) because the friendzone doesn’t actually exist and nobody deserves to win someone else as a prize for hanging around long enough and driving them to the airport. that’s just called being friends, etc.

izzy is sadly currently stuck on being That Guy. so instead of realizing ed is an adult man and can make his own choices, even if izzy thinks they're bad ones, he fucking panics and starts swinging around and finally runs to big daddy england to make stede bonnet stooooooooop (messing with ed’s brain).

and of course he does something like that! he thinks a relationship is when you metaphorically own each other and when you can only be tender after putting your right foot in and then putting it out before once again putting it in and then proceeding to shake it all about, violent rituals unlock love style. he’s a desperate man in a hell entirely of his own making.

and so is ed, in this entirely different way but stuck in his own fucking orbit as firmly as izzy, only ed is trying to claw his way up and out to see what else he can be, while izzy would do juuuust about anything (including lick the king’s boots) to stay the same forever.

that’s some tragic shit. i love this writing team, the end.

#what if i staple no children to their heads when they're together what then #truly this is some good writing #like: i find izzy fascinating because he was written by the same team who wrote everybody else #he sucks in ways that i want to think about because they sometimes allow me to examine myself #and then sometimes let me laugh at his dumb ass or talk about serious thematic shit #he bears a lot of weight in the narrative because that's in part what a good antagonist should do #anyway yeah the sort of classic tragedy of these two is super interesting since like...clearly the show knows what's up #i maintain izzy is gonna figure his shit out and become a productive member of this pirate society tho #because okay like: in real life i know the best i can often hope for is somebody knocking a specific behavior off #and often they won't ever do that #but if they did the world would be better and they would be better and i would have another comrade #i will always settle for one less enemy if that is my only choice #but i'd rather make a new ally i can trust #and my fantasy is often that the izzys of the world in all their forms don't just knock it off #it's that they start fighting alongside me or become someone i don't mind being around because i CAN trust them now #(hey: i did say it was a fantasy) #so i kind of ask myself: what makes life better in this fictional world #an izzy who can't hurt people because he is no longer around or an izzy who has started to figure his shit out #anyway yes: this shit is sad and well-crafted

[firstroseofspring]

b’elanna vs her mother at similar ages, plus some sketches!

#my art #star trek voyager #my very first deanna…. my original obsession. if i ever read as much about betazoids as i do klingons we’re all in grave danger #also wrt the first image b'elanna is. 12 years old and as such is about to go emo mode but not quite yet. the girly girl thing is a front #sometime in winter she'll chop her hair off without permission #what do we think? human girl look to fit into the image her father has while he's still around or after to try and get him back? #miral is also a little bookish like b'elanna but on different subjects.... likes to keep to herself naturally but is also loudmouthed and #got told she shared her opinion too often a lot in university. didn't stop her though she speaks up when she thinks (knows) she's right #what did she study? don't ask me my answer changes with the weather #botany....linguistics.....military strategy.....chemistry....... uhmmmm religious studies. or even better the klingon system doesn't have #starfleet equivalents and she spent ages 15-22 doing apprenticeships for a certain (or multiple) disciplines #anyway. #kessik 2352 b'elanna has trouble sitting still for photos until she gets a little older so all the pics from before 7 are of her father #physically holding her so that she won't wander OR off guard shots or super blurry. theres more videos of that time than anything

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Ngl it's weird finishing the Knuckles tv show and going to tumblr about it only for people (even who I consider bigger name fans) who also watched the entire show to claim that it "confirmed Knuckles Wachowski"

Like

I'm sorry

Did you somehow miss the part in the last episode where Knuckles had a whole montage of hanging with the Whipple family and Wade and saying "home" or something?

#sonic the hedgehog #knuckles series #knuckles the echidna #knuckles 2024 #knuckles whipple #sonic movie #knuckles 2024 spoilers #knuckles series spoilers #fandom wank #Sorry do you just think that this entire show was a sidequest so Knuckles could go back to the Wachowski house and be their kid now like #nothing ever happened? #In the show where episode 1 clearly showed that Knuckles couldn't mesh with the household and that Sonic considered him a roommate? #This place was not home for him. The show was about him finding home. How is the Wachowski household Knuckles' home after he had an epiphany #that his home was with the whipple family?? #Ah wait sorry how could I forget. Sonic fans are just used to absorbing canon with a toothpick and picking the parts they like and then #claiming their headcanons for filling in the gaps are canon #Only the things they personally like are what happened of course #Sorry for being salty I'm just annoyed. Like you can have whatever headcanons or fanon you want. Heck I loved all those 'maddie is knuckles' #mom' comics and whatnot. I'm not even saying we have to interpret the media the same way. But Knuckles having a montage and calling being #with the whipple family 'home' happened. That happened. #A friend and I are running a bet that most people won't acknowledge that it happened unless Sonic movie 3 shoves it in our faces #The universe tests me every day by having put me into Sonic fandom. It is a constant test of one's soul not only to exist in proximity of a #community who you often disagree on big points with‚ but to watch a bunch of loud people claim things are canon but only accept textual #evidence when it serves them. Or to explain a little better #to watch a fandom try to build an 'accepted idea' of what canon is like that becomes so divorced from actual canon that you get people #saying that it's canon and ignoring anything that doesn't fit it because 'writing bad anyways' #Like guys please I am grasping your shoulders. If you don't like canon just say 'fuck you I'm going to make content of this because I think #it's better'. You don't have to assert that everything you believe is canon and ignore when it's not #i just be ramblin

[urlocaltannenbaumm]

GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS (third-year-kghn day!!!!!! <33)

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #hq!! #hq #hinata shōyō #kageyama tobio #kagehina #kghn #kghn third years day!!!! #(THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT DAY THANK YOU CHEESE FOR REMINDING ME) #(i forgot i could put pictures via my laptop-) #but i won't do it as often cuz school laptops :')) #delete these tags if you ever plan to repost

[fitzrove]

Started watching a "problem with greek myth retellings" video and it began with a blurb montage like "Condemned by the misogynist guys of history, this is the true girlboss feminist story of [A WOMAN]" and like. brb writing one of those about crown prince rudolf. It's ok he's like a misunderstood girlboss to me<3

#NASJASKSDFKDSLFDGJDFJ #joking. since those retellings seem to be often bad #fun fact i do have ideas for like a black teen comedy series with mary as the protagonist where the ending is like a harrowing twist #like you think it won't go that far but it does and the point is that she had historical agency and her own problems and personal journey #but in the end it spiralled catastrophically due to both crown prince rudolf related events and others #unfortunately writing one would draw the ire of both misogynist rudolf conspiracy theorists (how dare you suggest women have agency) AND a #certain type of feminist media critiquer person: (1) how dare you cover a topic like that flippantly 2) how dare you make rudolf anything #but an inhuman monster of a r*pist murderer gr**mer or whatever in the story #like idk man.. other male characters portrayed as romantic interests in mainstream media are toxic r*pists all the time. like omg i hate ho #'the great' handles p*ter and catherine because i was rooting for them to remain toxic and for catherine to kill him or whatever but then #she starts falling in love with him in s2 and everyone in tumblr is like omg hot sexy toxic romance. like cant we have ONE series where #straight romance doesnt inevitably become the overbearing focus?? i had wlw ships for that show.. they never pulled through... #anyway um yeah. the way i would portray rudolf in that is that mary sees him as this romantic hero which is emphasised in the way its shot #but he's constantly acting in kinda offputting and strange ways and is occasionally pretty pathetic and weird ASHDJFJF #^^ that's never been a deterrent to anyone ever. most rudolf biographers want to [redacted] him this has been proven by the way they write. #the only ones that dont are me (well not a real biographer but a rudolf enjoyer nonetheless) and brigitte hamann /hj #(she actually doesnt salivate over his appearance like frederick morton does xD only quotes 2 contemporary women commenting on it)

[feralnumberfive]

My followers amount is about the same as the population of my town right now. Heyyyy small town in Iowa how are you guys doing 👋

#actually my amount is higher right now because my town's population is declining because it low key sucks here lmao #in all seriousness I'm very appreciative of my followers and am quite honestly blown away that I ever got followers in the first place #so thank you all so very much and I can't wait to talk about the final season of TUA with you all ❤️ #and I'm also sorry I don't post very often anymore let alone anything about TUA 😔 #I do have fun on this blog and won't be going anywhere though even after TUA ends! (the show that is)

[aeide-thea]

#rebecca traister #marriage #uspol #this article is honestly a bit of a muddle structurally #but i think she touches on some good points #and i also just. appreciate the invitation to give the increase in lobbying for Marriage a good skeptical squint #because honestly i've encountered very little skepticism about the institution even in liberal parts #and i do actually think it's like. seventeen weasels in uneasy harness #like fundamentally the fact that you get a tax break for being married is. what the actual fuck. #similarly i know it's like. considered irresponsible to be down on marriage because it's important for queer ppl to have equal access to it #in the face of a society that has often refused to recognize our relationships‚ and i get that #but like. in an ideal world i think more people ought to explicitly set up medical proxies‚ iron-clad wills‚ etc #rather than the current setup where Marriage is meant to serve as shorthand #for a bizarre assortment of statuses‚ some of which should be more broadly available— #people ought to be able to share their health insurance more broadly! #(i mean for that matter health insurance shouldn't depend on employment‚ for many reasons.) #(but like. it's a whole fucked up chain. you depend on a company affiliation; yr spouse depends on a spousal affiliation) #(and anybody who can't or won't get themself within the pale of a network that will shelter them? is just fucked) #—and some of which shouldn't exist at all. like. i'm sorry. governmental financial incentive to enter into wedlock??? #anyway i don't think i've ever seen any skepticism/alienation wrt marriage on here except from soph #so i can't imagine this tag rant will be a particularly popular opinion #but it's like. marriage IS a conservative institution and societal pressure to engage in it is part and parcel of the machine #that's trying to grind us all back towards christian white supremacist cisheteropatriarchy etc etc etc. #(and yes there are many people of various marginalizations who dig marriage) #(and to whom their own personal marriage is imbued with its own individual meaning) #(and like. a marriage between marginalized people does not cause them to perfectly fit the trad model and receive perfect acceptance) #(like. just look at buttigieg.) #(but like. similarly it's true that the attempt to restrict abortion access is a deeply conservative project) #(even as there are more nuanced conversations it's possible to have about particular axes of reproductive justice) #(was that enough disclaimers?)

[weepylucifer]

We only meet the students for such a brief time, just a blip in their lives. Like the other characters in DE, there’s no way of really telling what they’re like when we don’t see them and when they’re not interacting with a cop. With them, since they seem to mirror Harry and Kim to some degree, it’s especially fascinating to wonder what Harry-and-Kim-like traits they might have that we’re not shown. Like this,

*just gives depression to Steban* sorry my boy

#it's nowhere near as bad as harry's got it. but let's check back in on that in 20 years #sorry my boy! it's not all the time! i make you feel very good a lot of the time i prommy! #but look the guy's literally making a fledgeling Expression in his portrait. i am seeing it i cannot unsee it! #and the role of uli in this is very... he's NOT a caretaking person by nature. but he probably learns to handle this #he's not the voice of REASON he's a cheerleader and often that would make him an enabler #Sometimes tho he IS the voice of ''okay no today's class is exam-relevant so we're getting up and we're brushing our hair and we're going'' #posts by me #also i love the kind of love that is like. one person struggling to keep it together but knowing without doubt that the other person's there #like ''everything i ever believed in might be false. but i do know one thing. there's another little guy here and he won't leave'' #idk i just noticed like... when harry's asking all these questions like ''what's the POINT? is there ANY hope?'' steban is like... #really struggling? like he never says ''psh of COURSE everything's gonna turn out GREAT!'' #like his answers give a vibe of ''look we gotta believe in Something otherwise what do we get out of bed for'' #i'd really like to see what that looks like when he's harry's age

[medicinemane]

.

#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better #forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood #I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself #by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good #everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice #but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care #not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening #it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me #I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet #and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information #but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived #that's where I'm totally blind #people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking #and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed #and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden #but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters #and I do not #I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to #and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well... #and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this #but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off #not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out #and a scrap of company #but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do #sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past #there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done #I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to #no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to #certainly let them talk about them when they want #...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing

[the-shy-artisan]

Corduroy fabric for ram horn texture? Yay or nay?

#paige chatter #i may or may not be planning on... remaking a certain plush in the far off future #using it as an excuse to experiment with other fabric types; i've only ever used shag faux fur and fleece #thinking of using faux beaver fur too; less fur i'll have to shave down LOL #'course i won't be doing this until well AFTER my beastos squad here is done and sent on their merry way #i like to remake plushies every so often; it's like redrawing but for sewing lolol

[oifaaa]

That's just doing Steph dirty though

Barbara far superior mentor

I mean steph will have to put up with Bruce for longer but on the plus side Bruce will also have to deal with steph for longer not to mention that it's just more fun

#Ask #Anon #Idk boo #Have you considered doing your own au #I mean it won't be much of an au considering babs is often a mentor to steph #But like what ever makes you happy #I'm kinda more interested in making steph have a longer go at Robin #And for there to be way less Tim involved #And dukes as Robin #Bc say it with me #Less Tim more Duke

[secretmellowheart]

I feel so much guilt during Christmas

#either you're mocking me because you were right all along #and I'm miserable #or you don't think about me in the slightest #which is the better of the two options #and the most likely thankfully #i just want to move on for fuck's sake #it's been close to two fucking years #I've been doing everything I've wanted #i have friends i go out decently often i got to experience more of life i went back to uni #and I've even been flirting and meeting people with non platonic aims #but i still feel so fucking unfulfilled like there's a gaping hole that can't ever be filled #and I'm so fucking tired of it. i just want to let go #but that hole makes itself known whenever my brain lets down its guard #if someone knows what to do - please let me know!!! #I've been trying everything!!! #I'm just done at this point!!! #anyways that's enough venting. merry Christmas and dw new year's won't be like that #mellow ruminations

[britneyshakespeare]

you know what it is. i talk about how vain he is and how he only talks about himself and that is the impression a lot of people have of him and it is the impression i favor leaning towards. he has a very coded way of self-disclosure; he often seems like he's trying to impress people but i know him to be not-the-most-assured in a lot of ways. when i first complimented him on his poetry and told him how much i liked a few pieces (and i loved some of what i read before i knew his last name, so when i read his poetry i did not assume the person whose poetry i so loved was, well, that retired male model i met in passing every now and then). when i told him that. he was very moved by it.

and i do talk about how vain he is; i do say he only talks about himself; but every now and then when he does say something about me it is not at all hidden that he does admire me. some of what he says that seems to coded to impress me or to get my validation, i know he is doing this towards me because he thinks im this smart poetry girl. and i am? i am that, he's not wrong. i think it makes me feel hopeless to think that he really does respect me and care what i think of him because i'd rather he didn't. i'd rather him be this charming but shallow pretty boy which i think he has been seen as by a lot of people throughout his life. despite that he is hardworking, despite that he has (or at least tries very hard to have) an intellectual side. perhaps what he says about himself is so often coded to please me even while it is fishing for my attention, and i want to see that as a reflection of his own self-regard but i don't know that it is.

i don't know that it's not, but i don't know that it is either and as neither of us is very frequently vulnerable with the other, it's not fair for me to say which is the case. or even that there's a "which" like it can't be both. i don't know that he admires me; i don't know that he sees me as this girl who is (or at least used to be) very charmed by him. i do know that he always comes to me and asks me about poetry because as far as he's told me, i'm the only one who has ever cared about his. for all i know that could also be bullshit, but then why should i assume it is either? i'm quite unfair to him in my assessments of him. i do have to admit, he has never actually seemed to have a disrespectful or unfair assessment of me.

#he told me today i was 'exquisite' basically #i think sometimes he's very shocked by my general lack of ambitions. while i do have all this artistic knowledge #i'm like some sort of poetry guru to him. which does make me laugh a little #his estimation of me is overstated. #im a fairy to him! a strange creature he doesnt understand #like how rochester used to call jane eyre a fairy. except we're both pretty good-looking #tales from diana #i dont call myself good-looking often either but i know other people see me as that. so. it is what it is #thats another piece of the puzzle is back in 2020 during quarantine he was... well he still is #but he WAS initially very flirty w me and sort of asked me out 'if we ever get out of this' (quarantine) #whether he sees me as some pretty smart girl who's 8 years younger than him. well. #thats probably exactly what he sees me as #although im not pretty enough or smart enough. or hell even young enough anymore #god we're both old now. #i do promise you reader i won't marry him

[tobestik]

i am being so brave by not posting entire essays about why d*v*d chr*st*ph*r f*l*n* and j*hn f*vr** have absolutely ruined st*r w*rs

#toughest battles to strongest warriors and all that #this is all censored to hell because if it shows up in a tag i swear to FUCK i'll kill someone @ tungle #the only thing i want to say #and i think i've got enough tags that it won't even register for the fucked up search function #is that i REALLY wish they would have just put d*v*d in a corner and let him do whatever the fuck he wanted in the clone wars era #because with HOW OFTEN he and his subordinates bring back battle droids #it's so obvious he wants more of that and doesn't actually want to do like anything new #also it all just sucks ass and it's inconsistent #yeah david we can fucking tell you don't have a plan for the mandalorian it's real fucking clear #anyway i wish star wars a very just fucking be dead never make another star wars thing ever again #star wars critical #dave filoni critical #please for the love of god don't let this show up in tags please

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

one of my friends and i were talking about life and where we would be in a few years and it made me a lil bit sad

#we were driving somewhere and i said something about how she was going to move away one day #(she doesn't wanna live in texas forever esp cause she's lived here most of her life) #and we talked about how one day we'd both probably just be fond memories to each other #like just people to look back on when thinking about your early 20s or whatever #SHE said this not me. i think it's so fucking morbid #but like she's not wrong and i keep thinking about it #how everyone you ever love will leave u some day?? isn't that just so absolutely fucked #but like. we're probably gonna part ways someday #and then we'll just start talking less and less and less and one day not at all #cause that's how life is isn't it #someone can mean the absolute WORLD to you one day #and a few years later you might not even think about them unless something prompts it #and i DO Try to talk to my besties as often as i can #but maybe i should get on real social media or something idk #it's literally impossible to talk to every single person who has meant something to you on a regular basis #and i think that's what social media is for??? idkkkkk #i'm being melancholy and CRINGE today ig #idk it's weird how u can go from 'we're going to be at each other's weddings' to 'eh we probably won't see each other much if ever #in another five years' #she's said both of those things. one of them is more realistic than the other. #delete later #you just gotta leave before u get left ig #sorry for quoting taylor swift