#and often “schon” instead of the first one

[aceoflights]

It's mildly frustrating that the English language doesn't have a word like the German "doch".

One of its uses is when someone asks one of those questions that are stupid to answer, because they seem like yes/no questions, but you answer will always be misunderstood.

Like "did you not like the food?" "have you not done your homework?". If you want to answer that you did indeed do those things you would say "doch". Simple one word answer.

I won't explain its second use. It's basically a filler word. Kinda.

"ich bin doch nicht blöd"

"I am not stupid"

It's third use is basically translatable with "after all"

"er hat sich doch dagegen entschieden"

"he decided against it after all"

#probably means more #of youre austrian you mostly use “ja/jo” instead of the second one #and often “schon” instead of the first one #german #doch #languages #language #English #englisch

[drug-mythology]

Mythos #FPS-9: “Rauschgift”

🇩🇪 Version inspiriert von: „Dr. Fabian Pitter Steinmetz“:

„Die Polizei sagt, dass alle illegalen Drogen »Rauschgift« sind.“

Obgleich das Wort „Rauschgift“ [1] ein sehr altes Wortkompositum darstellt, sollte der Charakter zum Unwort erst in den letzten Dekaden offenbart werden.

Ohne in die wissenschaftliche Tiefe der Toxikologie abzutauchen, gilt es erst einmal festzustellen, dass von den ca. 150 illegalen Drogen [2] für die das Wort „Rauschgift“ vornehmlich benutzt wird, nur wenige Substanzen bei regulärer Anwendung zu akuten Vergiftungen führen. Paracelsus [3] sagte schon im 16. Jahrhundert, “dass alles ein Gift ist und die Dosis alleine den Unterschied macht, ob etwas giftig ist oder nicht”. Zumal die Zahl der Toten durch illegale Drogen [4], im Verhältnis zu Alkohol und Tabak, eher klein ist und wesentlich durch das Drogenverbot erhöht wird.

Es gibt in einigen Ländern Heroin-Abgabe an Abhängige oder Drug-Checking für Partydrogen, wo Vergiftungen oder gar tödliche Überdosen dadurch vermieden werden. Bei den vielen Drogen, z.B. Cannabis oder LSD, sind trotz Drogen-Prohibition (die keine Qualitätskontrolle und ehrliche Aufklärung zulässt) praktisch keinerlei Substanz bedingte Todesfälle durch Toxizität bekannt. [5].

Das Wort „Rauschgift“ wird gerne von Staatsorganen wie der Polizei gebraucht, um jene konsumierende Minderheit herabzuwürdigen – auch um ihre teilweise menschenverachtende Arbeit zu rechtfertigen.

Auf der einen Seite brauchen abhängige Menschen Hilfe statt Kriminalisierung und auf der anderen Seite sollte eine der größten Minderheiten Deutschlands [6], also Menschen die Cannabis, Psychedelika oder Partydrogen nehmen, nicht kriminalisiert werden.

Das Wort „Rauschgift“ verstößt somit gegen das Prinzip der Menschenwürde, macht eine offene, demokratische Diskussion fast unmöglich und führt zu der Diskriminierung von Kranken und Gesunden (fast jedem vierten Bundesbürger).

Zusätzlich verschleiert das Wort die Prägung, die es eigentlich inne hat, und zwar die Gefahren von Alkohol. Alkohol ist eine der wenigen Substanzen, bei der man oftmals bis zu einer Vergiftung konsumiert, um gewünschte („Rausch“)-Effekte zu erzielen.

Anzuerkennen, dass viele Drogen sicherer sind [7], und vor allem noch sicherer werden könnten als Alkohol, ist aber schwer, so lange ein solches Unwort von Politikern und Staatsorganen benutzt wird. Das Wort „Rauschgift“ ist somit höchst irreführend und wird politisch manipulativ genutzt.

🇬🇧 Version inspired by: “Dr. Fabian Pitter Steinmetz”:

“The police say that all illegal drugs are »intoxication-poison«.”

Although the words “intoxication-poison” [1] is a very old word compound, the character of the non-word was only revealed in the last few decades.

Without delving into the scientific depth of toxicology, it is first important to note that of the approximately 150 illegal drugs [2] for which the words “intoxication-poison” is primarily used, only a few substances lead to acute poisoning when used regularly. Paracelsus [3] said in the 16th century “that everything is a poison and the dose alone makes the difference whether something is poisonous or not”. Especially since the number of deaths caused by illegal drugs [4] is rather small compared to alcohol and tobacco and is significantly increased by the drug ban.

In some countries, there is heroin distribution to addicts or drug-checking for party drugs, where poisoning or even fatal overdoses can be avoided. With the many drugs, e.g. cannabis or LSD, there are practically no known substance-related deaths due to toxicity, despite drug prohibition (which does not allow for quality control and honest information). [5].

The words “intoxication-poison” is often used by state organs such as the police to denigrate the consuming minority – also to justify their sometimes inhumane work.

On the one hand, addicted people need help instead of criminalization and on the other hand, one of the largest minorities in Germany [6], i.e. people who take cannabis, psychedelics or party drugs, should not be criminalized.

The words “intoxication-poison” therefore violates the principle of human dignity, makes an open, democratic discussion almost impossible and leads to discrimination against the sick and the healthy (almost every fourth German citizen).

Additionally, the words obscure the imprint it actually has, namely the dangers of alcohol. Alcohol is one of the few substances that is frequently consumed to the point of poisoning in order to achieve desired (”intoxication”)-effects.

However, it is difficult to recognize that many drugs are safer [7] and, above all, could become even safer than alcohol as long as such a negative word is used by politicians and state organs. The words “intoxication-poison” is therefore highly misleading and is used for political manipulation.

Verweise:

Dr. Fabian Pitter STEINMETZ: “Obgleich das Wort Rauschgift [1] ein sehr altes Wortkompositum darstellt, ...”, https://twitter.com/docsteinmetz/status/1351955234692718592 (20.01.2021).

Duden: https://www.duden.de/rechtschreibung/Rauschgift.

Firman, J. W. et al. (2019). Mol. Inf. 2019, 38, 1800142. DOI: 10.1002/minf.201800142: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/minf.201800142.

Paracelsus (1493–1541): https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paracelsus (10.02.2019).

Taz (2017): https://blogs.taz.de/drogerie/2017/05/11/2016-wieder-mehr-drogentote/ (10.02.2019).

Nutt, D. J. Lancet 2010, 376: 1558–65. DOI:10.1016/S0140-6736(10)61462-6: https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(10)61462-6/

Welt (2017), “Diese Drogen werden in Deutschland am meisten konsumiert”: https://www.welt.de/gesundheit/article165805929/Diese-Drogen-werden-in-Deutschland-am-meisten-konsumiert.html (10.02.2019).

Taz (2019): "Neubewertung von Cannabis der WHO - Sind Marihuana und Haschisch doch nicht so gefährlich wie bisher angenommen?", https://blogs.taz.de/drogerie/2019/02/03/neubewertung-von-cannabis-der-who/ (10.02.2019).

Erweitert:

w-ewert: https://twitter.com/woewe59/status/1351959686564769795 (20.01.2021): Lachenmeier,D., Rehm,J.; 2015 Jan 30:5:8126. doi: 10.1038/srep08126: “Comparative risk assessment of alcohol, tobacco, cannabis and other illicit drugs using the margin-of-exposure (MOE) approach“, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25634572/ (2015).

Erstellt am: 28.10.2023, Bearbeitet: 29.10.2023.

Schlagworte: Betäubungsmittel, Droge; Rauschmittel, Rausch­gift­be­kämp­fung, Rausch­gift­han­del, Rausch­gift­händ­ler, Rausch­gift­händ­le­rin, Rausch­gift­kri­mi­na­li­tät; Suchtmittel, Suchtgift; Alkohol; Rausch; Behörden; Gefährlichkeit, Schädlichkeit; Definition; Drogen; Brandmarkung, Stigmata; Pharmakologie, Toxikologie.

#Drogen #Rauschmittel #Mythologie #Mythen #Mythos #Scheinargumente #Trugschlüsse #Unwahrheiten #Lügen #Missverständnisse #Vorurteile #Alkohol #Rausch #Behörden #Gefährlichkeit #Schädlichkeit #Definition #Brandmarkung #Stigmata

[nalle]

#moonstark #tatort #tatortedit #tatort stuttgart #thorsten lannert #sebastian bootz #mine #r: du weißt schon #thorsten: i'm struggling so my first impulse is to go to sebastian's #also thorsten: i see sebastian struggling so i'm going to sebastian's #can we go back to this? please? #instead of the not talking to each other and running away #PLEASE :( #eine frage des gewissens is one of those episodes that keeps on giving #there are so many good moments #if it weren't for the slimy pflüger dude i'd watch it a lot more often sdjfhskj

[samyistrying]

I just wanted to say, I read your fic 'curse of the sea', and I'm having alot of trouble commenting on ao3 so I thought I'd tell you here, that it's absolutely amazing. I love the way you describe mermaid Draco, like he's mesmerizing but also still dangerous. And Harry's 'Helper syndrome' *chef's kiss* hilarious.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! My heart... Glad you like it! 

And because you took the time to reach out, have a little deleted scene from Chapter 6 (I guess you could read this without context, it’s basically just fluff lmao)

AH and this is also for you @pauleonotis ;) (I did it! I wrote the scene omggg)

Drarry // Mermaid AU // 8th year // Fluff // Scroll for the German version

Tail-Touching

"Don't you think that's a little ridiculous?"

Harry lifted his head in surprise at Draco's question and examined the blond in detail. "What do you mean?"

"Your staring."

Harry remained silent and let his gaze wander again over the surface of the pool, under which he could clearly see the iridescent fishtail, which he truly enjoyed watching. "Not really."

Draco snorted, pulled himself along the edge of the pool, closer to Harry, who dangled his legs carelessly into the water. Harry tried hard not to make a sound. Draco was no fool, he would see what was going on inside Harry much too soon anyway. He could still blame his nervous reactions to Draco's touch on the surprise effect, but at some point even that wouldn’t be enough to explain himself.

But that night, it would still be enough, so Harry allowed his leg to tense up as soon as Draco laid a hand on it to hold on to Harry. But he suppressed the gasp, that would take things too far. 

"Do you want to touch it?"

Harry raised one eyebrow but didn’t dare to look into the silver glowing eyes, instead he devoted all his attention to Draco's hand on his leg. "Are you serious?"

Harry's cheeks burned just at the thought of it. He had thought too often about how Draco's fishtail would feel, how the shimmering scales would react to his touch, but he would never have thought of expressing his interest out loud. It felt too intimate, almost forbidden.

"No, I offered, because I would rather die than let you touch me," Draco replied, clawing his sharp nails, or rather claws, tighter into Harry's trousers leg. "Potter, don't be stupid!"

"I'm not stupid," Harry protested, staring defiantly into Draco's face. "It's just weird," he added, more quietly.

"Bloody weird." Draco sounded bitter, maybe even hurt, the two emotions went hand in hand in the Slytherin anyway.

Harry bit his lip to make sure he wouldn't say the wrong thing. He could hardly confess now how much he was consumed to accept Draco's offer. Then he might as well admit that Draco was probably the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and that went too far. Way too far.

"I - uhm, I'd still like to... Well, uhm - yes." Harry’s mind smacked himself while his last bit of self-respect disappeared into thin air. God, why why was he so insecure? It was Draco. Just Draco.

Very well. It was Draco in his mer-creature form, who could compete with a predator on one hand, and on the other, was truly the most beautiful thing Harry had ever seen. And then there was the life-threatening situation Draco found himself in and, oh right, Harry's feelings and body, which simply betrayed his mind and reacted so clearly to the blond that it was downright ridiculous. Perhaps his insecurity was understandable after all.

"Come on, then." Draco's voice had no right, no right at all, to sound so seductive. But Harry didn’t complain, allowing Draco to grab his wrist and then almost gently pulling him from the edge of the pool into the water.

Looking at Draco's face, Harry forgot to notice that his clothes were getting wet, forgot to think about since when the pool in the Prefects’ Bathroom had been so deep and even forgot to breathe for a moment. But he caught himself as soon as Draco let go of his wrist. Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap!

A smile plucked at Draco's lips before he lowered himself backwards and dived under. Harry's heart skipped a beat. A blue-silver shadow ghostly passed close to his hip and disappeared towards the middle of the pool where the water was deepest. Not sure exactly what to do now, Harry stared stunned at the shadow for a few seconds, but then he made up his mind and took a deep breath.

It was easy to glide through the water, diving along the bottom of the pool. The engaging silence and warmth swallowed him up, but all his attention was focused on the glow. Draco's glow. Draco.

Draco moved under water as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He seemed relaxed, as if the peace and quiet here was the best remedy for everything that went wrong at the moment. And then there was this elegance. The elegance with which he had been blessed as a human, but in this form, it became tangible.

Harry's eyes fell on the fishtail, it was so close by now that he could probably have touched it if he had stretched out his hand, but a pull in his stomach prevented him from doing so. Fuck, that really felt too intimate. But slowly, curiosity took over.

With one last look at Draco, who was clearly too amused watching him and floated effortlessly on one spot in the water, Harry decided to do justice to a Gryffindor.

With a few skillful breaststrokes, Harry swam around Draco until he stopped behind him. Then he stretched out his fingers and touched the scattered scales on Draco's shoulder blades. This wasn’t new, he had done it before, yet it was as fascinating as the first time. The glow under his fingers, the tingling sensation that ran through his entire body... truly bloody fascinating.

Draco had tilted his head to one side and was watching Harry closely, but wasn't moving. No, he just let himself be touched. Allowed Harry's fingers to slide deeper down, along his back, down to his waist and then right and left to his hips where there was hardly any skin left between all those scales.

Harry paused. It was all a bit much and he just wanted to take a deep breath but then he felt Draco put his own hands on Harry’s and forgot that he was supposed to be panicking.

Guided by Draco's hands, his fingers glided feather-light down, along the bluish scales that turned silver under his touch. The fishtail felt powerful, like snakeskin, but better. Somehow smooth, but also silky and soft. Harry couldn't get rid of the feeling that whatever was happening to him was completely indescribable and the realization made his thoughts woozy.

Everything was suddenly woozy. Everything became foggy, the feeling of dizziness overcame him. The silence of the water became overwhelming, Harry's chest began to hurt. Darkness overpowered him. And then he felt fingers reaching for his wrist and barely a moment later Harry emerged from the water panting.

"Salazar, Potter! Remember to breathe!"

And breath Harry did. Very hectic and uncontrolled, because he had truly forgotten the need for oxygen and his lungs had some catching up to do.

"Why are you so..."

"Shut up, Malfoy! I-" Harry interrupted the Slytherin, who scornfully scrutinized Harry and surely had something to say about his suicidal tendencies.

"I-" Harry started again, but was held back by his too fast breath, so instead Harry reached straight for Draco's shoulder to hold on to. Draco only raised an eyebrow, he didn't seem to mind the extra weight. Of course the bastard didn't mind.

"You...?" Draco interjected helpfully.

"I was distracted!" By you. I was distracted by your bloody beauty. Harry could barely keep himself from shouting the truth out into the world.

"Flattering, Potter. I never knew I was so breathtaking!" Draco's lips curled into a smug grin that said he definitely knew he was absolutely ravishing.

Harry just rolled his eyes; he finally had his breath under control again and was clearly too tired for Draco's teasing. An answer was denied him anyway, as Draco already broke loose from his grip and turned away from him.

"Last one on the edge of the pool is a rotten egg!”

Harry groaned and watched Draco disappear beneath the surface of the water. Fairness was an alien concept for The Little Mermaid, but somehow Harry would probably be able to get used to it. With a sigh, Harry set about losing the race.

~~~

German version:

„Findest du das nicht ein wenig albern?“

Harry hob überrascht den Kopf auf Dracos Frage hin und musterte den Blonden eingehend. „Was meinst du?“

„Dein Starren.“

Harry schwieg und ließ seinen Blick wieder über die Wasseroberfläche des Pools gleiten, unter der er deutlich den schillernden Fischschwanz erkennen konnte, den er wahrhaftig gerne beobachtete. „Nicht wirklich.“

Draco schnaubte, zog sich am Beckenrand entlang, näher auf Harry zu, der seine Beine unbedacht ins Wasser baumeln ließ. Harry gab sich Mühe jetzt bloß keinen Laut von sich zu geben. Draco war nicht dämlich, er würde ohnehin viel zu schnell erkennen, was in Harry vor sich ging. Noch konnte er seine nervösen Reaktionen auf Dracos Berührungen hin auf den Überraschungseffekt schieben, aber irgendwann würde selbst das nicht mehr genügen, sich zu erklären.

Aber in dieser Nacht würde es noch genügen, also ließ Harry zu, dass sich sein Bein anspannte, kaum legte Draco eine Hand darauf, um sich an Harry festzuhalten. Das Keuchen unterdrückte er jedoch, das war zu viel des Guten.

„Willst du ihn anfassen?“

Harry hob eine Augenbraue, wagte es jedoch nicht in die silber-leuchtenden Augen zu blicken, stattdessen widmete er Dracos Hand auf seinem Bein seine gesamte Aufmerksamkeit. „Ist das dein Ernst?“

Harrys Wangen brannten alleine beim Gedanken daran. Er hatte zu oft darüber nachgedacht, wie sich Dracos Fischschwanz wohl anfühlen würde, wie die schimmernden Schuppen auf seine Berührung reagieren würden, doch er wäre niemals auf die Idee gekommen sein Interesse laut auszusprechen. Es fühlte sich zu intim an, fast schon verboten.

„Nein, ich habe es angeboten, weil ich eher sterben würde, als mich von dir anfassen zu lassen“, gab Draco zurück und krallte seine scharfen Nägel, wohl eher Klauen, fester in Harrys Hosenbein. „Potter, sei nicht dumm!“

„Ich bin nicht dumm!“, protestierte Harry und blickte Draco herausfordernd ins Gesicht. „Ist nur merkwürdig“, fügte er etwas leiser noch hinzu.

„Wahnsinnig merkwürdig.“ Draco klang bitter, vielleicht auch verletzt, die beiden Emotionen gingen ohnehin Hand in Hand bei dem Slytherin.

Harry biss sich auf die Lippe, um ja nichts Falsches zu sagen. Er konnte jetzt ja schlecht gestehen, wie sehr er sich danach verzehrte Dracos Angebot anzunehmen. Dann könnte er nämlich gleich zugeben, dass Draco wahrscheinlich das Schönste war, was er je zu Gesicht bekommen hatte und das ging zu weit. Viel zu weit.

„Ich- Ich, ähm, würde es trotzdem gerne… Also, ähm… Ja.“ Harry Verstand knallte Harry gerade eine, während sich sein letztes bisschen Selbstrespekt in Luft auflöste. Gott, warum warum war er so unsicher? Es war Draco. Nur Draco.

Nun gut. Es war Draco in seiner Meerwesen-Form, die einerseits einem Raubtier Konkurrenz machen konnte und andererseits wirklich das Schönste war, was Harry je zu Gesicht bekommen hatte. Und dann war da noch die lebensbedrohliche Situation, in der sich Draco befand und, ach ja, Harrys Gefühle und Körper, die seinen Verstand einfach betrogen und so eindeutig auf den Blonden reagierten, dass es fast lächerlich war. Vielleicht war seine Unsicherheit doch nachvollziehbar.

„Dann komm.“ Dracos Stimme hatte kein Recht, wirklich überhaupt kein Recht, so verführerisch zu klingen. Doch Harry beschwerte sich nicht, ließ zu, dass Draco eine Hand um sein Handgelenk legte und ihn dann fast schon sanft vom Beckenrand ins Wasser zog.

Den Blick auf Dracos Gesicht geheftet vergaß Harry zu bemerken, dass seine Klamotten nass wurden, vergaß sich darüber den Kopf zu zerbrechen, seit wann der Pool im Vertrauensschülerbad so tief war und vergaß sogar für einen kleinen Augenblick zu atmen. Doch er fing sich, kaum ließ Draco sein Handgelenk los. Heilige Scheiße, heilige Scheiße, heilige Scheiße!

Ein Lächeln zupfte an Dracos Lippen, bevor er sich nach hinten sinken ließ und untertauchte. Harrys Herz setzte einen Schlag aus. Ein blau-silberner Schatten geisterte dicht an seiner Hüfte vorbei und verschwand in Richtung Beckenmitte, wo das Wasser am tiefsten war. Nicht sicher, was genau er jetzt machen sollte, starrte Harry einige Sekunden nur perplex dem Schatten nach, doch dann besann er sich eines Besseren und holte tief Luft.

Es war einfach durch das Wasser zu gleiten, am Beckenboden entlang zu tauchen. Die einnehmende Stille und Wärme verschlangen ihn, doch seine gesamte Aufmerksamkeit galt dem Leuchten. Dracos Leuchten. Draco.

Draco bewegte sich wie selbstverständlich unter Wasser, er wirkte entspannt, als wäre die Ruhe hier das beste Heilmittel für alles, was momentan schief lief. Und dann war da diese Eleganz. Die Eleganz, mit der er schon als Mensch gesegnet worden war, doch in dieser Form wurde sie förmlich greifbar.

Harrys Blick fiel auf den Fischschwanz, er war mittlerweile so nah, dass er ihn wahrscheinlich hätte berühren können, wenn er seine Hand ausgestreckt hätte, aber ein Ziehen in seiner Magengegend hielt ihn davon ab. Fuck, das fühlte sich wirklich zu intim an. Doch so langsam nahm die Neugierde Überhand.

Mit einem letzten Blick auf Draco, der ihn deutlich zu amüsiert beobachtete und mühelos auf einer Stelle im Wasser trieb, entschied sich Harry einem Gryffindor gerecht zu werden.

Mit ein paar gekonnten Brustzügen schwamm Harry um Draco herum, bis er hinter ihm innehielt. Dann streckte er seine Finger aus und berührte die vereinzelten Schuppen auf Dracos Schulterblättern. Das war nicht neu, das hatte er bereits gemacht, dennoch war es ebenso faszinierend wie beim ersten Mal. Das Leuchten unter seinen Fingern, das Kribbeln, was seinen gesamten Körper durchzog… wahrlich verdammt faszinierend.

Draco hatte seinen Kopf zur Seite geneigt und beobachtete Harry genau, bewegte sich jedoch nicht. Nein, er ließ die Berührung einfach zu. Ließ zu, dass Harrys Finger immer tiefer glitten, seinen Rücken entlang, hinab zu seiner Taille und dann rechts und links zu seiner Hüfte, wo kaum noch Haut zwischen all den Schuppen zu finden war.

Harry hielt inne. Das war alles ein bisschen viel und eigentlich würde er gerne tief Luft holen, doch dann spürte er, wie Draco seine eigenen Hände auf Harrys legte und vergaß, dass er eigentlich gerade in Panik ausbrechen sollte.

Geleitet von Dracos Händen glitten seine Finger federleicht weiter hinab, die bläulichen Schuppen entlang, die sich unter der Berührung Silber färbten. Der Fischschwanz fühlte sich kraftvoll an, wie Schlangenleder, aber besser. Irgendwie glatt, aber auch seidig und weich. Harry wurde das Gefühl nicht los, dass, was auch immer ihm gerade passierte, völlig unbeschreiblich war und die Erkenntnis machte seine Gedanken wirr.

Alles war plötzlich wirr. Alles wurde neblig, das Gefühl von Schwindel überkam ihn. Die Stille des Wassers wurde erdrückend, Harrys Brust begann zu Schmerzen. Dunkelheit überwältigte ihn. Und dann spürte er Finger die nach seinem Handgelenk griffen und kaum ein Moment später tauchte Harry japsend aus dem Wasser auf.

„Bei Salazar, Potter! Atmen nicht vergessen!“

Und Atmen tat Harry. Sehr hektisch und unkontrolliert, weil er die Notwendigkeit von Sauerstoff wahrhaftig vergessen hatte und seine Lunge einiges nachzuholen hatte.

„Wie kann man nur so-?“

„Halt die Klappe, Malfoy! Ich-“, unterbrach Harry den Slytherin, der Harry spöttisch musterte und garantiert etwas über dessen selbstmörderische Züge zu sagen hatte.

„Ich-“, setzte Harry erneut an, doch wurde von seinem zu schnellen Atem aufgehalten, also griff Harry stattdessen geradewegs nach Dracos Schulter, um sich daran festzuhalten. Draco hob lediglich eine Augenbraue, ihm schien das zusätzliche Gewicht nichts auszumachen. Natürlich machte es dem Bastard nichts aus.

„Du…?“, warf Draco hilfreich ein.

„Ich war abgelenkt!“ Von dir. Ich war abgelenkt von deiner verfluchten Schönheit. Harry konnte sich gerade so davon abhalten die Wahrheit in die Welt hinaus zu schreien.

„Schmeichelhaft, Potter. Ich wusste nicht, dass ich so atemberaubend bin!“ Dracos Lippen verzogen sich zu einem selbstzufriedenen Grinsen, das aussagte, dass er definitiv wusste, dass er absolut hinreißend war.

Harry verdrehte nur die Augen, er hatte endlich seinen Atem wieder unter Kontrolle und war eindeutig zu müde für Dracos Sticheleien. Eine Antwort wurde ihm ohnehin verwehrt, da sich Draco schon von seinem Griff löste und sich von ihm abwandte.

„Wer zuerst am Beckenrand ist, hat gewonnen!“

Harry stöhnte und beobachtete wie Draco unter der Wasseroberfläche verschwand. Fairness war ein Fremdwort für die kleine Meerjungfrau, doch irgendwie würde sich Harry wohl damit anfreunden können. Mit einem Seufzen machte sich Harry daran das Wettrennen zu verlieren.

#drarry #drarry fanfic #drarry fanfiktion #hp dm #the curse of the sea #drarry mermaid au #samyiswriting

[unscharf-an-den-raendern]

Rating my new LPs - Part 2

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

This shows me why I started collecting records. If I listened to this on shuffle, I’d probably skip most of the songs but when listening to it as a whole it’s great. There are some albums that sound better when you listen to them as a whole and this is one of them.

Speaking of skipping: Even though side B of my copy has at least three scratches, it only skips once or twice.

Shine On You Crazy Diamond is just *chef’s kiss*

People on Reddit are telling me it's a wonder I found this cause Pink Floyd records are very hard to find in record stores. They also had Dark Side of the Moon for 20€ but I didn't want to make my grandpa pay that much. 20€ is pretty much my limit for used records, except for a few I really want and which you can't get any cheaper.

Queen - Greatest Hits

First song is Bohemian Rhapsody a.k.a the song everybody likes.

I’ve got the European re-issue which means Under Pressure is on it. Queen and David Bowie in one song. That bass line. All of it is just perfection.

Freddie and David must be having a great time in the afterlife now 😭

ABBA - Voulez-Vous

My goal is to own all ABBA studio albums. I still need five but they’re all cheap and very common.

What can I say? ABBA fucking slaps. There is no bad ABBA song.

Also this one’s got I Have A Dream on it and that song always takes me right back to my childhood.

And Does Your Mother Know? That one’s on  Greatest Hits Pt. 2 too but I love it. It’s impossible not to dance to it.

ABBA - Super Trouper

Unfortunately there’s something stuck in the first few grooves on my copy, so the first song on both sides skips pretty often. Which sucks a little since the first song on side A is Super Trouper and that’s one of my favourite ABBA songs. Maybe I can fix it with the vinyl cleaning fluid I ordered.

And the previous owner also did something you should never do to a record: They. touched. the. fucking. grooves. And now it’s got finger prints on it. Remember kids: Only hold your record on the label or on the sides, never on the grooves.

I’ve got the French pressing instead of the German one. There’s no difference except for the label. I just think it’s cool to have a pressing from another country since most records I own are German pressings.

Nena - ? (Fragezeichen)

Not as good as their debut album (which is one of my fav albums) but still nice to listen to

One song is just them singing "Der Bus ist schon weg" (we missed the bus) very fast for 16 seconds.

This one still got the original price tag on it. 17.90 DM. I got it for 2€. Neue Deutsche Welle records are really cheap and I love it.

My copy is the club edition. It's the exact same album as the regular version except that it wasn't sold in stores, only to members of the Bertelsmann vinyl club. Makes it a bit rarer than the regular version but since NDW records are so cheap it doesn't make it more valuable.

Nena - Feuer und Flamme

This one use to belong to a girl called Sandra Müller. I love used records with things written on them.

Unfortunately Sandra didn't care for this record properly. It's got a lot of crackling. It skips. But I guess that's fixable by cleaning it, it seems to be caused by dust not scratches.

I only bought this for Irgendwie Irgendwo Irgendwann. It also got Haus der drei Sonnen but I like the duet version with Peter Heppner more.

Ein Brief is a beautiful song.

ABBA - Arrival

I've got the Italian pressing and now I know the Italian word for "side". It's "lato".

And it's in excellent conditon. It looks and sounds like it was played only a few times if at all. Maybe the previous owner wasn't into ABBA. Good for me.

Dancing Queen is a great song but the problem with it is that it starts to get annoying if you listen to it too much. Fun Fact: Dancing Queen can be used as a song to do CPR to.

The Beatles - 1962-1966

I’ve got both best of albums now. All The Beatles bops and they’re a lot cheaper than the original albums.

The album is the German pressing but the cover is from the UK pressing. Buying used records is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you're gonna get.

But wait there’s more. This one’s not only got the usual two records in it, it’s got an additional third one - another German pressing of the first record. Which unfortunately has a scratch but hey, I can choose between two German pressings when I listen to this. And I only payed 9€ for this!

And there’s even more. One of these pressings was never sold on Discogs. Only 4 people have it in their collection and 14 are looking for it. WTF What the hell did I stumble upon? Like I said, this was 9€.

A Hard Day’s Night a.k.a. the song that’s partially responsible Kraftwerk even exists because Karl listened to it and decided he wanted to become a professional musician.

Listening to this and 1967-1970 back to back is great to hear how The Beatles developed. First they were all like “Hi, we’re nice guys from Liverpool singing about love” and then they were like “I’m gonna sing a poetic text about the universe now”.

I was thinking “hey, the sides seem to be unusually short”. They are, they’re just 14/15/17 minutes long.

#shut up charlie

[joie-university-rp]

Dear CASSIDY PILLSBURY-SCHUESTER,

It is with great pleasure we invite you admission to Joie University! Welcome to the Thunderclap family!

-

Congratulations, BREAD! Please be sure to check the New Members’ Checklist and send in your character’s account within 24 hours from now. We cannot wait to see all that you will bring to this roleplay! We love you already!

OOC INFORMATION:

Name/Alias; pronouns: Rye Bread

Age, Timezone: 26, EST

Activity, a short explanation: I’m a bread and I have no excuses

Ships: /chemistry, /forced for plot only

Anti-Ships: /incest, /forced

Preferred photo for Character’s ID (please give a link): https://media.them.us/photos/59fdad0c4fd386000be35a37/master/w_2560%2Cc_limit/AsosxGlaad_03_preview.jpeg

Anything else: I’m a bread and I’m a mess

IC INFORMATION:

Full Name (First, Middle, Last): Cassidy Neal Pillsbury-Schuester

FC: Tommy Dorfman (skating claim; Jason Brown)

Age/Year at University: 19, Freshman

Birthdate: October 1, 2000

Hometown: LITTLETON, CO

Gender/Pronouns: A-Gender, they/them

Sexuality: Pansexual

Major(s): Sports Science

Minor(s): American Sign Language

Housing request: Beiste Dormitory

Extracurriculars: LGBT+ Association

Greek Life Affiliation: Alpha Xi Lambda

CHARACTER PROFILE:

[At least] 3 Headcanons for your character:

Cass was born Cody Neal Pillsbury Schuester. The Nea is after Neal Schon from Will’s favorite band Journey.

From a young age, Cass struggled with gender identity but wouldn’t say it was a defining part of their childhood, it often made them feel like a recluse because they could not connect with binary boys in class but, with their mother being who she was, they attended a support group for children and young people who were gender nonconforming.

At first, they resisted, not wanting to attend the group because they thought it was “…silly because only people like mama need therapy.“ They soon understood it was to help them understand what they were feeling and give them the tools and language to express it. The group ended up being a very positive experience and they were able to make friends with people who understood them like no other. They also supported them in choosing the name “Cass”.

As a child, Cass always had a lot of energy though they didn’t know how to direct it. Emma and Will tried getting them into acting classes, dance lessons, and show choir but Cass always managed to get in trouble; saying things like how lame it was because it was what their parents did, or because Schuy and the others didn’t like to do it. Next, they tried putting them in sports but nothing seemed to stick, instead, they’d often escape practice and be found climbing trees, much to Emma’s disgust as they would trail mud and leaves back into the house quite frequently.

Cass frequently would tag along behind their older siblings though they weren’t the best at art so they didn’t always connect well with them; getting bored quickly. They did enjoy baking though if only to eat the treats at the end. In their obsession with constantly wanting to be around the others, Cass begged for ice skating lessons after Schuy and Austin or Ariel had them to prepare for an upcoming classmates’ birthday party at the local rink (Will and Emma did not want their children to be the only ones unable to at least stay upright on the ice for a full afternoon). Eventually, Will and Emma gave in and sent them to lessons. Cass had taken to the ice like a fish to water and the rest was history.

On the ice, Cass is jovial, passionate, and artistic but off ice they are much more reserved, compassionate, and conscientious.

Turning 18 meant they were finally able to compete in the senior Grand Prix circuit but their parents wanted them to focus on finishing High School. The Senior circuit meant more than just traveling around the country, it meant being on the world stage.

Cass thought their parents would be excited for them to continue their dreams of being a medal-winning pro skater but they frowned at the idea of them trying to complete school on the road in between training and competing. Their distaste was so strong Cass agreed to only compete in national-level events and finish High School on campus at home in Colorado.  

By the time graduation rolled around Cass felt underprepared for the senior competitive circuit so when they were offered an opportunity to train at Broadmoor Skating Club (a world-famous elite figure skating club) by their coach they jumped at the chance to take part.

Cass took a year off between High School and College to complete the year-long program at Broadmoor. Turning 18 and transferring to Broadmoor was when Cass found the confidence to legally changed their name.

The skating world is surprisingly closeted and binary so they are stuck in the men’s competition and is always addressed by their “legal” gender. Sometimes it hits Cass hard and is very painful but, most days, their mind is entirely on the skating so it doesn’t manage to penetrate the tough shell they have developed. Thankfully now that Cass is their legal name the skating community is forced to recognize it which helps.

Will and Emma were pushing Cass to continue into post-secondary education after their year at Broadmore so they decided to placate them by applying to colleges where there were professional level skating clubs that they were interested in. Eventually, after talking to skating clubs, coaches and choreographers they chose Shaker Figure Skating Club and Joie University.

Cass didn’t know what to study when they arrived at Joie, they knew they wanted to study ASL because there is a very big gap in support services in ice sports so they had considered a future in inclusive coaching or advocacy for minorities in ice sports.

STUDENT CENSUS SURVEY:

(Please answer the following questions IN CHARACTER. Responses can be as long or short as you see fit!)

What made you want to attend Joie University? Joie is located near a skating club that has produced Olympic level figure skaters and that was one of the biggest deciding factors for me in choosing a college.

What are at least 3 positive or neutral and at least 3 negative traits that you believe you possess? I like to think I am compassionate and empathetic, sincere, and respectful, an idealist, an individualist, a nemophilist, and indecisive but can be stubborn once committed.

Which of your traits do you value most? I would have to say my individuality. It’s such a powerful thing that I used to be so scared of because being different was terrifying, but now I really value it because it’s my niche on the ice; my style in my programs is so different to many skaters and I feel a sense of pride in that. The ice was the first place I felt pride in myself and now finally that’s beginning to spread to the rest of my life, for the first time I’m learning to be happy with who I am.

How can that trait benefit the University (or its student body) as a whole? Gosh, I couldn’t imagine how I’d affect the whole university but I suppose I could support others in being themselves and striving for their dreams.

What do you hope to gain from your experience at JU? People say normal is overrated but when you stand out for reasons beyond your control you crave a little normality. I thrive on the ice, but I hope Joie will teach me how to thrive on solid ground too.

What is a quote or song lyric that describes you?

No matter where you are in the world the rink is home -Jason Brown

#Accepted

[juttabluehberger]

Eine verrückte Idee nahm im Mai ihren Anfang

[English version further down]

Ein Online-Interview mit Alastair Humphreys, eine Broschüre bei der langen Nacht der Kirchen, ein Artikel in Aufatmen, … und bevor ich Recht weiß wie mir geschieht, bin ich fasziniert von der Idee zu pilgern. Ich habe mich anscheinend mit einem „Virus“ angesteckt.

Anfang August begann ich mit konkreten Vorbereitungen, wie z.B. längere Wanderungen in der Umgebung, die ersten Ausrüstungsgegenstände kaufen, mich in Online Foren informieren. Nach über 40 Jahre nicht Wandern und Null Ahnung über Weitwandern und Rucksack-Reisen, gab es für mich sehr viel zu lernen.

Schließlich machte ich im September eine Woche Wanderurlaub in Radstadt und merkte, wie sehr es mir zusagte. Zwar musste ich knieschonend gehen und brauchte dadurch oft viel länger als andere. Trotzdem habe ich am letzten Tag ungeplant die 20km Grenze geknackt. Da war klar, dass ich früher oder später einen längeren Pilgerweg gehen möchte. Aus verschiedenen Faktoren wurde dann früher, statt später.

Zu dem Zeitpunkt kannte ich bereits eine sehr nette Facebook-Gruppe, die auf den portugiesischen Jakobsweg spezialisiert ist. Nicht nur, dass sie eine tolle, ermutigende Gruppe sind, sie haben auch eine tolle Leiterin, die sich speziell um die Anfänger kümmert. Außerdem war bald klar, dass der Weg von Porto nach Santiago de Compostela ideal für Anfänger ist. Leider ist er schon so bekannt, dass er in der Sommermonaten ziemlich überlaufen ist. Und so entschloss ich mich im Oktober zu gehen, obwohl ich dann mit vermehrten Regenfällen rechnen muss.

Inzwischen habe ich fast alles, was ich dafür brauche. Der Flug und die erste Unterkunft in Porto sind gebucht. Die weiteren Unterkünfte hängen dann davon ab, wie viel Kilometer ich schaffe.

Die obigen Absätzen vermittelt euch aber nicht wirklich, wie verrückt die Idee ist und wie sehr sie im Widerspruch steht, zu vielem worauf ich bei Urlaubsbuchungen bisher geachtet habe.

Auch wenn ich während meiner Arbeit in Afrika, speziell den Spracherkundungsreisen in der Zentralafrikanischen Republik, oft jeden Tag an einem anderen Ort schlief, nie wusste, ob es eine Matratze oder nur eine Strohmatte gibt, ob und wann wir etwas zu essen kriegen bzw. unsere Vorräte auffüllen können, war das immer der am wenigsten geliebte Aspekt meiner Arbeit. Ich liebte es die Forschungsarbeit durchzuführen, die Menschen vor Ort und ihre Kultur kennenzulernen, mit ihnen zusammen zu sein, aber ich hasste das Reisen. Wenigstens waren wir als gut eingespieltes Team unterwegs und hatten ein gutes geländegängiges Auto für das oft sehr unwegsame Gelände.

Urlaub hieß für mich, an einem Ort zu bleiben, möglichst wo man Schwimmen kann, viel Zeit zum Lesen und Schlafen, vielleicht Radfahren oder Windsurfen, aber möglichst ruhig und natürlich im Einzelzimmer, vorzugsweise mit Kochgelegenheit wegen meiner Unverträglichkeiten. Ich fuhr vorzugsweise mit dem Auto auf Urlaub, weil man sich dann nicht so einschränken muss, was man mitnimmt. So landeten oft zusätzliche Bücher, Schuhe, Gewand für alle Eventualitäten und diverse Hobby-Utensilien im Auto, auch wenn ich sie vielleicht nicht brauchen würde. Aber man kann ja nie wissen.

Dazu kommt, dass ich schlechte Füße und lädierte Knie habe. Aus diesem Grund habe ich immer Radfahren und Schwimmen dem Spazierengehen vorgezogen und vor einigen Jahren auf Rat mehrerer Ärzte, den Versuch zu laufen wieder aufgegeben.

Insofern scheint es mir selber sehr verrückt, etwas in Betracht zu ziehen, bei dem ich

jeden Tag zu Fuß unterwegs bin, womöglich im Regen,

jeden Tag woanders schlafen werde,

oft den Schlafsaal mit anderen teilen muss und nicht weiß ob ich unter diesen Umständen gut und lang genug schlafen kann,

nicht weiß, ob ich unterwegs die richtigen Lebensmittel / Mahlzeiten in ausreichender Menge finden werde,

mit wenig Gepäck auskommen muss, jeden Tag Wäsche waschen muss und eben nicht für alle Eventualitäten ausgerüstet bin.

Trotzdem: Bom Caminho (port.), Bon Camino (span.), zu Deutsch: „Guter Weg!“ (Pilgergruß)

In dieser Zeit möchte ich praktisch nicht Online sein, vor allem nicht auf Facebook, und so habe ich diese Plattform gewählt, um für alle die Interesse haben, ab und zu Updates von unterwegs und Fotos zu posten. Ich kann allerdings nicht versprechen, wie oft und wie viel ich posten werde. Also wie gesagt, bei Interesse https://juttabluehberger.tumblr.com speichern und ab und zu reinschauen.

****

A crazy idea started in May

An online interview with Alastair Humphreys, a brochure at the Long Night of Churches, an article in a Christian magazine, ... and before I knew what was happening to me, I was fascinated by the idea of pilgrimage. I apparently got infected with this "virus" against all odds. At the beginning of August, I started with some concrete preparations, e.g. hiking in the surrounding mountains, buying the first equipment, informing myself in online forums. After more than 40 years of not hiking and no idea about long trail hiking and backpack travel, there was a lot for me to learn. Finally, in September I spent a week hiking in Radstadt (Salzburg province) and noticed how much I liked it. I had to walk in a way that was easy on my knees which often took me much longer than others. Nevertheless, I broke the 20km barrier on the last day (unplanned). It became clear that sooner or later I would like to go on a longer pilgrimage. Various factors turned this idea into sooner instead of later. At the time, I already knew a very nice Facebook group that specializes in the Portuguese Way to Santiago. Not only are they a great, encouraging group, they also have a great leader who takes care of the beginners. Also, it soon became clear that the way from Porto (Portugal) to Santiago de Compostela (Spain) is ideal for beginners. Unfortunately, it is already well known so that it is quite overcrowded in the summer months. Eventually, I decided to go in October, although I will have to expect more rainfall. Meanwhile, I have almost everything together. The flight and the first accommodation in Porto are booked. The other accommodations will depend on how many miles I will cover each day. The above paragraphs do not really convey to you how crazy this idea is and how much it contradicts everything I've paid attention to when planning vacations until now. In Africa I often slept in different places every day during my time, especially during the language survey trips in the Central African Republic, and I never knew if there would be a mattress or just a straw mat, if and when we would get something to eat or be able to stock up our supplies, but I never liked it. Traveling was always the least favourite aspect of my work. I loved doing the research, getting to know the local people and their culture, sitting with them, being in new places, but I hated traveling. At least, we were a well-rehearsed team and had a good off-road car for the often very rough terrain. Holiday meant for me to stay in one(!) place, preferably where I could swim, have plenty of time to read and sleep, maybe do some cycling or windsurfing. I chose places as quiet as possible and took a single room, preferably with cooking facilities because of my food intolerances. I often chose to go on vacation by car, because it meant not to have to restrict your luggage. So, I often ended up with additional books, shoes, garments for all eventualities and various hobby items in the car, even if I might not need them. But you never know. In addition, I have feet problems and damaged knees. For this reason, I preferred cycling and swimming to going for a walk. For the same reason, on the advice of several doctors, I abandoned my attempts of trying to run again. In that sense, it seems very crazy to me to even consider a trip where I will

walk every day, even in the rain,

sleep at different places every day,

often have to share the room with others and not know whether I can sleep well and long enough under these circumstances,

not know if I'm going to find the right kind of meals along the way,

have to manage with very little luggage, even wash my clothes every day and not be equipped for all eventualities.

Nevertheless: Bom Caminho (port.), Bon Camino (span.), "Good way!" (greeting of Santiago pilgrims)

During this time, I don't want to go online much, especially not on Facebook, so I chose Tumblr.com as a platform to post updates from along the way and photos for everyone who is interested. However, I can't promise how often and how much I will post. Most likely, I will write only in German. My recommendation therefore is to use the Google Chrome browser which offers you the option of having the page translated into English, even though it is often not the best translation. Sorry for this inconvenience! So, if you're interested, save https://juttabluehberger.tumblr.com as a bookmark and take a look from time to time during the coming weeks. 

#reise pilgern portugal spanien jakobsweg oktober #Jakobsweg #pilgern #Portugal #Spanien #Camino #Caminho Português

[linguavert]

For the "One Question a Day Challenge". How would you describe your prefered way of mixing target languages and your daily life? Do you do any of these things already? Kisses!

Danke für die Frage, @languageswithceles!

Vor ungefähr einem Jahr habe ich zwei Websites gefunden, auf den man deutsche und deutsch synchronisierte Filme und Serien kostenlos sehen kann – und seitdem sehe ich keinen Film und keine Serie mehr in Englisch. (Na ja, zumindest als ich allein zu Hause bin!) Manchmals sehe ich bekannte Lieblingsfilme noch einmal in Deutsch an, um die Unterschiede zwischen dem ursprünglichen Drehbuch und der Übersetzung zu merken (zum Beispiel, Phantastische Tierwesen und wo sie zu finden sind – oder Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them) ; doch am meistens wähle ich Serie aus, die schon alt aber noch mir neu, mit dem ich meine Freizeit verbringe. So sehe ich zum ersten Mal die amerikanische Sendungen Supernatural und Criminal Minds.

Ich würde auch gerne diese Websites mit andere Deutschlerner teilen. Aber weil sie höchstwahrscheinlich nicht so gesetztlich sind, schreibe ich hier kein Links dazu, und stattdessen bitte euch, mich ein Ask dazu zu schicken!

English Translation:

Thanks for the question!

About one year ago, I found two Web sites on which one can watch German and German-dubbed movies and series for free – and since then I haven’t watched any more movies and series in English. (Well, at least when I’m alone at home!) Sometimes I watch my favorite movies again in German, to see the differences between the original script and the translation (for example, Phantastische Tierwesen und wo sie zu finden sind – or Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them); but I most often choose series that are already old but still new to me, with which to spend my free time. That’s how I watched, for the very first time, the American shows Supernatural and Criminal Minds.

I would also happily share these Web sites with other German learners. But since they are most likely not so legal, I won’t share the links here, and instead ask you all to send me an Ask!

Feedback is always welcome! Please feel free to comment on my answer or to correct my German. And if you’d like to send me another question for my “Question a Day” Language Challenge, I’d be very happy to answer it. 

#langblr #langblrnet #deutschblr #asks #schreiben #Deutsch #German #Supernatural #Criminal Minds #Question a Day

[pandirpus]

The Cringe Wave - the YGO edition

Finally feeling up for tackling this meme! I was tagged by @sunkenscruffycat~

Tagging any and all writers/artists that follow me, if you feel up for it! Please tag me in it, so I’ll definitely see it - I’m curious :>

Rules: 1. Post a quote or short excerpt from your early days of writing/ARTING. (I’m talking old fanfics/ART, slash fics/ART, original fic/ART, etc., that are barely edited and have a ton of technical errors and misspelled words.) This is the cringe part. Don’t edit anything! Let it be horrendous. Don’t Panic. 2. Post a quote or short excerpt from one of your most recent works/WIPs. Something that you’re proud of. Something that you’ve written/ARTED that makes you smile when you read it. 3. Tag a writer/artist you admire, anyone who you think is amazing, new friends, followers, writeblrs, anyone who you’d like to know more about. If you think someone is a great writer/artist and you want to see how they’ve developed their skills, tag them! Everyone started somewhere.

*

So I’ve had this meme sitting around for a while being very indecisive about which fics to choose, until I realized this is an excellent opportunity to compare my old and my more recent YGO fics! :D The Cringe Section:

This is a part of a drabble from my earlier years of writing in English (2011, to be precise). Weirdly enough, I wrote better fics with better English back then, too - it was sort of hit or miss, depending on subject and form of the day. I’m a bit surprised actually that I can read most of my English fic without actively cringing despite their mistakes and flaws! Most cringy fics I wrote back then are cringy due to their subject matter which I often tackled in rather ignorant, superficial ways, but being uncomfortable with a fic content-wise probably does not fit this meme. 

So I opted for something harmless: the Kaiba brothers adopting a kitten. Which is... awkwardly written, to say the least. And the OOCness actively hurts me sdfklfkf

Seto raised an eyebrow when Mokuba looked at the cat that was tugging at the sleeve of his striped pullover. “He thought I might like her because she has so strange eyes”, he said, grinning at his own explanation, as if it was a joke that Seto just didn’t get. “What is with its eyes?”, the CEO asked, impatiently. “They are-…” “Noah said she looks like you.” Mokuba was beaming at him. “You know, we could call her ‘Seto’”. Now Seto was completely convinced that Noah had planned to work his last nerve with that ridiculous idea. Seto felt the urge to yell at Mokuba for daring to call a female kitten by his name, but the younger one already saw his expression and looked down at the floor. “… I knew you’d think this is stupid. I’ll give her back, okay?” Seto felt a sudden rush of guilt, which he surely didn’t feel very often. Only Mokuba could make him feel this miserable. “No, it’s yours”, he said immediately. “You can do with it whatever you want. I don’t care.” Mokuba let the kitten jump to the floor and hugged his brother tightly around his waist. “Thank you, Nii-sama!” Seto sighed, as he awkwardly patted his little brother’s head. Perhaps it was better this way. Now Mokuba had something to occupy him and it would surely make him happy for a while. And if this was the case, Seto would be able to ignore the fact that he was compared to this little fuzzy ball of flees. “As long as it stays out of my room and my bureau…”, he concluded aloud.

But to get to the really cringey stuff, I have to dig out my old German fics that I wrote in 2005 - so here’s a little snippet from my very first fanfic that I posted online, featuring a Yugioh Mary Sue (who crushes on Yami Yugi, of course) and my impeccable sense of humor :,D

Set after a very dramatic moment in which Yami Yugi and the Sue bond over almost killing Seto...

Schließlich sagte Yami leise: "Danke."

"Also hör endlich auf, Trübsal zu blasen!" Ich stand auf, packte ihn an den Schultern und schüttelte ihn kräftig. "Dein Selbstmitleid ist ja nicht zum Aushalten!"

Yami musste lachen: "Schon-gut-mi-na-ko-du-kannst-auf-hö-ren-mich-zu-schüt-teln."

Ich lachte und lies ihn los.

"Danke!" Er grinste. "Du solltest später Milchshaker werden."

"Scherzkeks!", erwiderte ich lachend. Da fiel mir etwas ein: "He, ich weiß ja gar nicht, wie ich dich nennen soll!"

"Du kannst mich ruhig Yugi nennen, dass macht mir nichts aus."

"Das geht doch nicht. Mit zwei Yugis komme ich völlig durcheinander!"

"Meinen richtigen Namen weiß ich leider nicht, aber wenn du darauf bestehst, könntest du mich Yami nennen."

"Yami? Ok, einverstanden." Ich probierte den Namen noch mal aus: "Yami. Weißt du, das klingt irgendwie geheimnisvoll... Oder du schreibst es wie ,yummy' , dann heißt es ,lecker'!"

Bei dem Gedanken fing ich an zu kichern. "YUMMY!"

Yami versuchte, beleidigt auszusehen, doch das brachte mich nur noch mehr zum Lachen.

Ahhh, simpler times :,D But I was obviously having a great time, so go you, past!me, live your teen dreams~

Something I’m Proud Of:

I feel the most appropriate comparison would be some of my more recent YGO fics - and one I’m especially proud of, writing-wise, is Relic, an Atem-centric fic I wrote a year ago. 

Because hey, I finally learned to create an atmosphere and to describe things, instead of stumbling through dialogues with little grounding! :D

Maybe this was why he remembered the little things above all.

He remembered the gravity in Isis’ voice when she predicted the paths of fate, even when they were favourable, as if she was always concerned for the future, and especially for his.

He remembered Mahado’s steadfast presence at his side when they entered the quiet, thick air of a temple sanctuary, the sound of their steps aligned on the stone tiles, and how his calm, low voice would ease Atem’s nervousness and doubt.

He remembered Seth’s challenging, impetuous attitude and how it stood in such contrast to the earnestness with which he performed his duties. Somehow, Atem remembered his provoking smile as vividly as the diligent care in the way his hands would undress and reverently tend to the divine stone-carved body of the god he had sworn his service to.

Something tugged at Atem’s heart, then, like an old ache, and it was to him as if the air about him was heavy with incense and the smell of anointing oil. And there were words, spoken softly, intimately, reciting spells to protect and to guide, as those firm, warm hands carefully wrapped his body in white linen with the same utmost care.

It was not a memory, not quite. It couldn’t be – his body had died and withered long ago even though his soul had lingered on. But with his name he had not only regained the memories of his past self, but also of the body he had once resided in, and as his soul had remained bound to this world, the remnants of his heart, preserved for eternity inside his corpse, connected him to his body still. In a way, Atem had always been aware of it, distant and vague.

Unconsciously, Atem pressed a hand to his left side, tracing a cut that was not there, and the heavy smell of incense mingled with the tangy scent of resin. With his hand on his stomach, he barely felt anything beneath his touch. All inside him was entirely still and quiet, if it weren’t for Yugi’s heartbeat faintly resonating in his chest. But as his fingers brushed over what should have been the swell of his ribs, the cavern of his chest felt strangely full, like it had been lovingly carved out and very carefully filled up again, and the distant smell of resin, herbs and spices did no longer alarm him.

As unsettling as it was to be so aware of his own corpse, there was comfort in it, too, wrapping itself around him like linen bandages, tight, but tender and protecting.

Instead of fear, a weariness pulled at the core of him, as old and ageless as his soul.

#writing meme #my fic

[the-panam-experiment-blog]

All new in Ecuador

Soon many changes to Colombia become obvious to us: a vast amount of the Ecuatorians are indigenous (more than 40% of the population, although diverse data exists on these numbers)...

We see many people wearing traditional clothes - young, old, men, women, children. Typical hats, dresses, sandals, often carrying huge loads wrapped in a cloth on their back. Also the landscape and the shape of the Andes here arise in a different shape very soon after the border. Mountains and volcanos are even higher (almost 6.000m), summits more rugged and often snow capped. Those sure make up for great pictures and a lot of "Wow" effects! The road side and market restaurants seem to offer a bit more variety in their menus, although, still, for not into meat people it still is pretty hard terrain. Until now we resisted trying grilled cuy - guinea pig - that is offered everywhere. No need to try everything in our opinion! We rather go for the huge variety of potatoes and other veggies or fruit available at the abundant mercados. Another thing that we notice is the exhausts, which are even worse - could be an effect of the high altitude? We do not know, but we do know that being passed by buses or trucks results in coughing and having a hard time breathing. Trying to stop breathing for a few seconds due to those black clouds while climbing up a mountain at 3.000m above sea level or sometimes higher than that, is still a challenge - even after 11 months of cycling! Since we left Mexico we did not have any problems with dogs anymore. In whole Central America and Colombia they were either very friendly or just not interested in us. Different story here! First of all, it seems like for every house in the rural areas there are at least five dogs. They are just everywhere! And they are not nice, and they are very interested in us. Interested in chasing and trying to bite. In the few days we've been cycling in Ecuador so far, we had to jump off our bikes countless times, using them as a shield to protect our legs, throwing rocks and yelling in order to get rid of those vicious creatures. Our relationship to dogs sure has suffered a little bit since we started our trip... Another thing that pops up as soon as we cross the border, are the prices. Here, things and services are traded for US Dollars, and everything costs about a quarter to a third more compared to Colombia.

Our way leads us closer and closer to the middle of the world. And then, here we are, crossing the equator! So we seriously cycled all the way from Canada to the equator! We can't believe it, are happy, take 100.000 photos of crossing, standing, kissing, jumping over that line on the ground. What a day, making it all the way to here was a huge goal for a very long time - achieved! Along these roads we finally meet some more touring cyclists! Has been a long time, and now there are even three of them in one day, going north. One of them is on the road for four years already!

Just a few more days we spend mostly on the Panamerican highway to reach Quito. A big destination for us. Quito means a long break and a big cut for us. Here we park our bikes for a while, trade our panniers for backpacks and try another way of travelling for a certain time. Nina's parents are coming for a visit, together we will travel through the country and explore, by foot instead of pedalling. We are so excited, has been almost a year since we saw them the last time! But how long will it take until we miss the bikes? Until we miss being out on the road and constantly moving? We will see, but now, we sure are looking forward to our visitors, the upcoming weeks and our "vacation".

Sehr bald schon nachdem wir die Grenze zu Ecuador überqueren, werden einige Unterschiede zu Kolumbien deutlich: hier ist der Anteil der Indigenen an der Bevölkerung sehr hoch (über 40%, obwohl es dazu sehr unterschiedliche Angaben gibt...), und das sieht man am Straßenbild - so viele Menschen in traditioneller Kleidung, Junge, Alte, Frauen, Männer, Kinder. Typische Hüte, Kleider, Röcke, Schuhe. Einkäufe oder Verkaufsgüter werden in riesigen Pinkeln auf dem Rücken getragen. Auch die Landschaft und das Erscheinungsbild der Anden verändern sich. Berge und Vulkane sind höher (bis knapp 6.000m), die Gipfel schroffer und teilweise schneebedeckt. Und genau das beschert uns viele hervorragende Fotomotive und "Wow"-Effekte! Die Straßen- und Marktküchen scheinen ein bisschen mehr Auswahl in ihren Menüs zu bieten, doch ist es immer schwieriges Terrain für die weniger Fleischbegeisterten untet uns. Bisher haben wir auch widerstanden (es war nicht schwierig), gegrilltes Cuy - Meerschweinchen - zu probieren. Man muss ja wirklich nicht alles kosten, da bleiben wir lieber bei der grenzenlosen Auswahl an Kartoffelsorten, anderem Gemüse und Obst auf den überall zu findenden Märkten. Was uns auch noch auffällt sind die Abgase. Diese sind sogar noch eine Spur schlimmer als in Kolumbien. Durch die in großen Höhen niedrigere Sauerstoffkonzentration in der Luft rußt es nur so heraus aus den Auspuffen. Das erklärt den Dreck, der hier ausgeblasen wird, aber nur zum Teil. Jedenfalls werden wir jedesmal, wenn uns ein Bus oder LKW überholt, wir in eine dicke, schwarze, dreckige Wolke gehüllt. Und selbst nach elf Monaten ständigen Radfahrens ist es immer noch eine Herausforderung, die Luft für mehr als ein paar Sekunden anzuhalten, während man auf 3.000m Seehöhe einen Berg erklimmt. Themenwechsel: Hunde! Seit Mexiko waren unsere vierbeinigen Freunde entweder freundlich und zutraulich oder haben uns einfach ignoriert. Nicht hier! Hier sind die Köter sehr wohl an uns interessiert, vor allem daran uns zu jagen und zu versuchen, uns zu beißen. Viele Male müssen wir von unseren Rädern springen und sie als Schutzschild benutzen um uns die Hunde vom Leib zu halten. Ein, zwei Steine in der Lenkertasche werden bald zur Notwendigkeit! Unser Verhältnis dem "Besten Freund des Menschen" gegenüber hat durchaus ein wenig gelitten, seit wir in Kanada losgezogen sind... Was sich ebenfalls geändert hat, sind die Preise. Hier werden Waren und Dienstleistungen gegen US-Dollar getauscht. Und alles ist um ein Viertel bis ein Drittel teurer als in Kolumbien. Man muss aber sagen, dass wir in den letzten 6 Wochen im nördlichen Nachbarland mehr als verwöähnt waren, was unsere Ausgaben betrifft.

Unser Weg führt uns immer näher zur "mitad del mundo", also zur "Mitte der Welt" - und dann ist es tatsächlich soweit, wir erreichen den Äquator! Also sind wir nun tatsächlich von Kanada bis runter zum Äquator geradelt... wir können es selbst nicht glauben, sind glücklich, aufgekratzt, machen unzählige Fotos wie wir die Linie überqueren, drauf stehen, darüber springen. Was für ein Tag! Es bis hier hin zu schaffen was ein großes Ziel für lange Zeit. Geschafft! An diesen Tagen treffen wir auch endlich wieder andere Radreisende. Eine ganze Weile ist´s schon her, und dann kurz vor Quito gleich drei davon. Alle in Richtung Norden unterwegs, von wo wir gerade kommen. Einer davon nennt die Straßen der Welt schon seit vier Jahren sein Zuhause! Nur noch ein paar wenige Tage verbringen wir hauptsächlich auf der Panamericana um nach Quito zu kommen. Eine große Destination für uns. Quito zu erreichen bedeutet für uns eine lange Pause und den Beginn eines neuen Abschnitts. Hier parken wir die Räder für eine Weile, tauschen die Packtaschen gegen Rucksäcke und versuchen uns vorübergehend in einer anderen Form des Reisens. Ninas Eltern kommen zu Besuch! Gemeinsam werden wir Ecuador erkunden, zu Fuß. Berge, Seen und Küsten besuchen. Wir sind aufgeregt, ist doch seit dem Abschied am Flughafen schon fast ein Jahr vergangen! Wie lange wird es wohl dauern, bis wir die Sättel unter dem Hintern vermissen? Draußen auf der Straße und ständig unterwegs zu sein? Wir werden sehen. Jetzt freuen wir uns erst einmal so richtig auf die beiden, die kommenden gemeinsamen Wochen und unseren "Urlaub"!

#ecuador #ecuator #äquator

[aroundandaground]

Traveling Taiwan - Taipei, Hualien, Taitung & Kaohsiung

Wow, wie die Zeit vergeht. Inzwischen sind wir auch schon wieder eineinhalb Wochen in Taiwan unterwegs und es reist sich gut hier. Nach 3 Nächten in der Riesenmetropole Taipeh und viel Erlaufen der Stadt mit Sightseeing in der schwülen Hitze (nach anfänglichen Regengüssen) verließen wir die Stadt gemütlich per Zug an für Ostküste. Dort ging es nach Hualien als Basis für weitere Ausflüge an die Küste und in die Berge. Hualien selbst ist eine kleine Großstadt, mit gemütlichem, asiatischem Charme, einem tollen Nachtmarkt ( mal abgesehen vom allgegenwärtigen "stinky Tofu"🤢)und einer perfekten Ausgangslage für Touren. Dank des netten Vermieters in unserem Homestay mieteten wir für zwei Tage einen Roller und bekamen weitere gute Tipps. An beiden Tagen fuhren wir die Küste am Highway 11 entlang, mit sehr eindrucksvollen Abschnitten, Stränden und Panorama-Aussichten. Am ersten Tag rollerten wir die gewundenen Straßen nördlich in die Berge des Taroko National Parks und versuchten uns an ein paar Mini-Wanderungen, was wegen der Hitze und vielen gesperrten Trails recht schwierig wurde - aber trotzdem ein toller Ausflug. Am nächsten Tag ging es den Highway 11 in Richtung Süden an der Küste entlang. Endlich hatten wir die Gelegenheit im Meer zu schwimmen- was bei den heftigen Unterströmungen hier nicht immer einfach ist- und wir schauten uns beeindruckende Gesteinsformationen an der Küste an. Aufgrund einer Taifun-Warnung - der Taiwan dann letztlich nur ganz im Norden streifte - war unser letzter Tag in Hualien eher gemütlich: Wäsche waschen, Cafés besuchen und ausruhen. Und natürlich lecker Veggie-Buffets genießen :-) Denn das angedachte 'River Tracing' konnte wegen der Wetterwarnung nicht stattfinden. Nach vier Nächten nahmen wir schließlich erneut den Zug und fuhren weiter südlich entlang der Küste bis nach Taitung, ebenfalls eine eher ruhige Stadt. So langsam etwas stadtmüde geworden fuhren wir mit dem Zug weiter an die Südwestküste, in Taiwans zweitgrößte Stadt, Kaohsiung, die wir allerdings nur als Zwischenstopp nutzten um nach 2 Nächten heute auf die vorgelagerte Inselkette, die "Penghu Islands" zu fliehen und zu fliegen, da dort das Wetter zum einen in den nächsten Tagen besser sein soll (und auch etwas "kühler" mit 29 grad), zum anderen brauchen wir jetzt mal etwas kleineres und Strand und so... und da es unvorstellbar kompliziert war eine Fähre hierher zu bekommen nahmen wir einen kleinen Flieger, der uns binnen 40 Minuten (statt 4 Stunden) auf die Insel brauchte! -----

Okay, so here we are and it's been almost two weeks since our last post. We've been traveling through Taiwan, which has been easy-going and great fun up until now - and supposedly/hopefully will stay that way :-) After three days of exploring and checking out huge Taipei - which included a lot of walking, sweating, avoiding downpours and eating great amounts of veggies - we left for the east coast by train to visit Hualien and use it as a base for further tours in the vicinity. In Hualien we had a nice home stay with a great host (Kim) who helped us to rent a scooter (which isn't always easy over here) and gave us some good advice regarding tours etc. Hualien is a small city, cozy and still very enjoyable with a lovely night market - except for all the stinky tofu stalls. The next two days we took our scooter and rode up and down the east coast, which gave us enough to do and enjoy. First we went up north and into the huge Taroko National Park in the mountains, full of trails, gorges and fantastic winding roads and even more fantastic views along these roads... we ended up not hiking too much because of the heat and because several trails were closed. The next day we rode along Highway 11 south bound and had a breathtaking scenery to enjoy - mountains "rolling" into the sea and incredible stones along some rough beaches. And we could finally go for a swim in the sea which is often impossible because of dangerous rip currents all along the coast! The last day in Hualien had to be a relaxed one due to the typhoon warning issued by Taiwanese authorities. Gladly the typhoon turned further to the north and didn't really hit Taiwan but nevertheless we couldn't go river tracing which had been our plan. Well, so it was doing laundry, reading, relaxing and having coffee - a welcome laid-back day :-) Our next stop along the east coast was Taitung, around 200km south of Hualien. Another smaller city with a not so convenient public transport system, so we ended up renting a scooter once again - and we took our first (!) taxi since the beginning of our journey when we left for the railway station. Again we had no luck in finding river tracing tour (at least an affordable one) so we spent the time on our scooter riding around the city's and coasts sights and avoiding the blistering heat as much as possible ;-) After spending 2 nights there we rode the train to the southwest coast and Taiwans second largest city Kaohsiung, where we then spent another 2 nights, although we're kind of tired by yet another city and can do with a change of pace, sights and scenery at the moment. So we didn't do too much in Kaohsiung but enjoyed the greatly remodelled Pier 2 full of cool artwork, strolling around town and once more indulging in vegan and vegetarian buffet bliss :-) Now we will be on the penghu islands for 4 days, getting some beach, some sun, some wind and a better weather forecast than the main island: sunny and "only" 29 degrees. And as it was incredibly difficult to get a ferry here, we took a small plane that brought us here in 30 minutes (instead of 4 hours on the boat!)...

#taipei #Hualien #Taiwan #travel #itinerary #sabbatical #taitung #Beach #Scooter #kaohsiung #City #taroko

[rapecca]

because of who you are

Five years ago, when I spent three months in England to run holidays over the summer, I felt satisfied. The combination of having fun, living in community, and searching for Jesus inspired me. One leader who I haven’t really talked to by then, told me that once I have finished my studies, they would find me a job. I haven’t even started my studies by the time. I also never expressed any interest and was just happy in the now. 6 months later, coming back for only 2 weeks, I suddenly had more interest in the structure and organizational parts of Capernwray Hall. When I left and said good-bye to the leader I’ve talked to last time, he looked at me and repeated his exact same sentence. This time, it hit me: “When you’ve finished your studies, we’ll find you a job.” I wanted to tell him that I never mentioned anything about that, even if it was a secret dream in my heart. I didn’t say anything but thank you. I walked over to another leader and she asked me why I don’t stay as a permanent staff. When I mentioned my studies, she said that the Lord might call me earlier. This confused me even more. Travelling home from these very interesting two weeks, I journaled and got super excited. My heart was so full of new passion and only the slight possibility of Jesus speaking through them just allowed my heart to set these hidden dreams free. I went home and I told my mum. She tried to be more realistic than me at the time.

After a while, reality hit me again. When God gives a promise, it almost never comes into existence right away. I can see, now, that the function of a promise is to first and foremost reveal God’s goodness.

I had four years of studying in front of me, but my heart and my thoughts were far away. This longing didn’t motivate me at all to go through my studies. So I decided to put boundaries to be able to focus on the now. I forbid myself to go to England for a while. I worked hard on focusing on the nearest challenges ahead. It came to the point where I couldn’t combine God’s promise with my life anymore. Often times, I didn’t see a future for my life at all. I loved my studies, but lost my compassion of teaching on the way. I struggled through pressure and depression. England, during these four years, became a place of refuge, a dream world, not more.

When I look back, now, I realize that I was disappointed. And rather expressing my disappointment to God, I narrowed down my problems, and I thought God just wants me to toughen up. He is one of them, one of these voices who puts pressure on me. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to achieve the best in life. And He is disappointed at me if I will fail or waste my time with pleasures. My years turned into a search for the real reality, and I got confused. Confused because I never found Jesus’ reality lining up with world reality. I was torn between the two, not knowing which voice to follow. I saw freedom in people who went for their calling right away. I always thought I needed to wait. The others receive the gift right away, I have to work my way there. These misconceptions were anchored deep inside my heart. I didn’t even notice, but through struggle and disappointment, this lie grew inside: It is for everyone, but not for you. You are not good enough and you will never be.

I am sure, now, that God’s heart was breaking for me every day of my life. I can feel His heart right now and it moves me so much. Two years ago, Jesus convicted me to step out of this religious lifestyle. A year later, I mightily encountered the Holy Spirit. He was living inside of me throughout my Christian life and gave me the ability to stay close to Jesus through every hardship, but He was never awakened. I didn’t know He is much more powerful than what I had experienced in my life so far. Jesus spoke to me about becoming holy which means to be set apart to do His work.

Encountering the Holy Spirit, I was on a high for three months. One touch was enough. I couldn’t do otherwise than bless. I wanted to spend time with Jesus, the bible made much more sense, joy was my daily bread. I started to seek God, rather than any event that seemed to be Christian. I was in my room, crying out, speaking truths, complaining, receiving, reading, letting my heart be transformed. The fuel was the intimacy I had with Jesus. I understood that fire can only keep burning when being with Jesus. Giving up what once was important to me felt so easy, because I knew that what I had instead was much better! And even my confusion about reality slowly left me, because I saw a new dimension and a new reality coming into my life. I didn’t stay the same. It was like I was born again. This must be it; this must be part of your journey with Jesus.

Just so you don’t get the wrong expression: hardships didn’t leave me. They came back and they came back even stronger. Depression knocks on my door once in a while, and struggles are also real. But through the Holy Spirit, I encountered grace. And grace means to accept that you belong because of the cross of Jesus, not because you have changed and succeeded in your methods. I am on a journey to come to the cross with all that I am, every odd pattern and ugly habit. I don’t deserve and I cannot add anything. Today, I don’t even want to add anything! There is a new freedom not to work out my salvation. There is fear of God rather than fear of men. There is less of me, and more of Him.

The last four years were meaningful. Jesus used this time to prepare me and to transform my heart. Four years ago, He revealed His plans to me to show His goodness. I wanted things right away, and He didn’t give it to me. He knew I wasn’t ready for this. In my excitement, I would’ve went to live out of my own strength. I would’ve never depended on Jesus like I do, now. I would’ve left my place of study to find refuge and walk away from reality.

Jesus pursues. When He gives promises, He fulfills. Two months ago, I received an e-mail out of the blue. Capernwray Hall asked me to be an intern after I have finished my studies. I was smiling because I never showed interest in being an intern at Capernwray. My heart didn’t ‘need’ Capernwray anymore. I had Jesus as my refuge. But Jesus said: this place once was a place of refuge, now it turned into a place of calling. I knew that if this was Jesus’ plan, He will certainly work out ways for me to attend this internship. And He did. I didn’t add anything to it. It was the most beautiful way to show His heart to me. I didn’t earn my way to go back, Jesus was gently saying: I want you, I have a place for you to prosper, I have a calling for you, I have a future. I am not just enough, I am warmly welcome. Pursuing me, Jesus stepped over every human rule or worldly reality. He focused on who I am rather than what I do. He pointed at what He has placed inside of me and He allowed me to let desires flow again. He said: It is all about character and calling.

These days, I am taking a decision to go. And what really bothers me is that I have a hard time to step into what God has prepared. It is about trusting Him, about His promise. It is about a gift from God without bringing anything back to Him. It is like sitting down at a table and have food without bringing some myself. It is all about accepting the gospel in its original value. And for the first time I am ashamed of myself; how could I search for another gospel? Why can my heart not receive an unconditional love? And while Jesus keeps pursuing my heart, my head takes the decision to go. I want to follow this love-filled voice, even if I don’t know where it will lead me. But I know one thing: taking this decision leaves every misconception on the cross. It’s like I scream in the enemy’s face: You cannot have me. I am THE LORD’S.

//

 Vor fünf Jahren verbrachte ich drei Monate in England, um bei Sommerfreizeiten mitzuarbeiten. Ich war zufrieden. Die Kombination daraus, Spaß zu haben, in einer Gemeinschaft zu leben und Jesus zu suchen hat mich inspiriert. Ein Leiter dort, mit dem ich noch nicht wirklich viel gesprochen hatte, erzählte mir, dass sie mir nach meinem Studium eine Arbeit finden werden. Zu diesem Zeitpunkt hatte ich mein Studium noch nicht einmal begonnen. Außerdem habe ich nie Interesse gezeigt und war einfach im Jetzt glücklich. Sechs Monate später, als ich für 2 Wochen nach England zurückkam, hatte ich plötzlich mehr Interesse an der Struktur und der Organisation von Capernwray Hall. Als ich ging und tschüss sagte zu dem Leiter, mit dem ich das letzte Mal auch sprach, schaute er mich an und wiederholte seinen genau gleichen Satz. Dieses Mal traf es mich: „Wenn du fertig bist mit deinem Studium, dann finden wir dir einen Job“. Ich wollte ihm sagen, dass ich es nie erwähnt hatte, hier arbeiten zu wollen, auch wenn es ein heimlicher Traum in meinem Herzen war. Ich sagte nichts und bedankte mich nur. Ich lief zu einer anderen Leiterin und sie fragte mich, warum ich nicht dauerhaft an der Bibelschule bleibe. Als ich mein Studium erwähnte, sagte sie nur, dass Gott mich vielleicht früher schon ruft. Das hat mich noch mehr durcheinandergebracht. Als ich nach Hause flog, schrieb ich Tagebuch und die zwei Wochen begeisterten mich sehr. Mein Herz war voll neuer Leidenschaft und nur die geringste Möglichkeit, dass Jesus diese Leiter gebrauchte, um zu mir zu reden, erlaubte meinem Herzen, die versteckten Träume freizulassen. Ich ging nach Hause und erzählte alles meiner Mutter. Sie versuchte damals, einen realistischeren Blick zu haben.

Nach einer Weile hat mich die Realität wieder eingeholt. Wenn Gott ein Versprechen gibt, wird es fast immer nicht sofort danach erfüllt. Jetzt verstehe ich, dass die Funktion eines Versprechens das ist, Gottes Güte zu offenbaren.

Ich sah vier Jahren Studium ins Gesicht und trotzdem war mein Herz und meine Gedanken weit weg. Mein Fernweh hat mich nicht dazu motiviert, durch mein Studium zu gehen. Deshalb habe ich mich entschieden, mir Grenzen zu setzen, um mich auf das Jetzt konzentrieren zu können. Für eine Weile habe ich es mir verboten, nach England zu gehen. Ich habe mich angestrengt, die Herausforderungen meines Alltags anzunehmen. Es kam zu dem Punkt, an dem ich Gottes Versprechen mit meinem Leben nicht mehr vereinbaren konnte. Oft hatte ich keinen Blick für die Zukunft. Ich habe das Studieren schon genossen, aber die Leidenschaft fürs schulische Unterrichten verloren. Ich habe mich durch Leistungsdruck und Depression gekämpft. England wurde in diesen vier Jahren ein Zufluchtsort, wie eine Traumwelt, nicht mehr.

Wenn ich jetzt zurückschaue, dann erkenne ich, dass ich enttäuscht war. Und anstatt meine Enttäuschung Gott zu bringen, habe ich meine Probleme einfach klein geredet, und ich dachte, dass Gott einfach von mir will, dass ich mich zusammenreiße und abgehärtet werde. Er ist einer von ihnen, einer von den Stimmen, die Druck auf mich ausüben. Er will, dass ich erfolgreich bin. Er möchte, dass ich das Beste im Leben erreiche. Und Er ist enttäuscht von mir, wenn ich versage oder meine Zeit durch Genuss verschwende. Meine Jahre wurden zu einer Suche nach der echten Realität. Ich war hin- und hergerissen zwischen zwei Realitäten und es brachte mich durcheinander. Ich habe die Realität Jesu nie in Übereinstimmung mit der weltlichen Realität bringen können. Ich wusste nicht, welcher Realität ich folgen sollte. Ich habe Freiheit in Menschen gesehen, die ihrer Berufung sofort gefolgt sind. Ich dachte immer, ich müsste warten. Die anderen bekommen ihr Geschenk sofort, und ich muss mir meinen Weg dorthin erarbeiten. Diese falschen Vorstellungen haben sich fest in mein Herz gegraben. Ich habe es nicht mal bemerkt, aber durch Kämpfe und Enttäuschung wuchs diese Lüge in mir: Es ist für jeden, aber nicht für dich. Du bist nicht gut genug und du wirst es nie sein.

Jetzt bin ich mir sicher, dass Gottes Herz jeden Tag meines Lebens für mich schlug. Ich kann sein Herz gerade spüren und es bewegt mich so sehr. Vor zwei Jahren hat Jesus mich ermutigt, aus diesem religiösen Lebensstil auszutreten. Ein Jahr später hatte ich eine krasse Begegnung mit dem Heiligen Geist. Er lebte in mir durch mein christliches Leben hindurch und gab mir die Fähigkeit, durch jede schwere Zeit nah an Jesus zu bleiben. Aber der Heilige Geist wurde nie erweckt. Ich wusste nicht, dass Er so viel mächtiger ist als das, was ich bisher erlebt habe. Mir wurde klar, dass diese Begegnung mich heilig gemacht hat, um Gottes Werke tun zu können.

Eine Begegnung mit dem Heiligen Geist zu haben löste es aus, dass ich auf einem dreimonatigen High war. Eine Berührung war ausreichend. Ich konnte nicht anders, als andere zu segnen. Ich wollte mit Jesus Zeit verbringen, der Inhalt der Bibel machte so viel mehr Sinn, Freude war mein tägliches Brot. Ich fing damit an, Gott zu suchen anstatt irgendein Event, das mir christlich erschien. Ich befand mich in meinem Zimmer und habe nach Gott gerufen, Wahrheiten ausgesprochen, mich beschwert, empfangen, gelesen, mein Herz zur Veränderung hingegeben. Der Antrieb war die Intimität, die ich mit Jesus teilte. Ich habe verstanden, dass das Feuer nur weiter brennt, wenn ich mit Jesus bin. Es fiel mir leichter, das aufzugeben, was mir einst wichtig war, weil ich wusste, dass die neue Realität viel besser war! Und meine Verwunderung darüber, welche Realität nun die wahre ist, verließ mich, weil ich eine neue Dimension sah und eine neue Realität. Ich blieb nicht der gleiche. Es war, als wäre ich nochmals geboren. Das muss es sein – das muss Teil deines Weges mit Jesus werden!

Nur, damit du keine falschen Vorstellungen bekommst: die schwierigen Zeiten hatten mich nicht verlassen. Sie kamen zurück und sie kamen sogar mit viel größerer Wucht zurück. Depressionen klopfen immer mal wieder an meine Tür, und Kämpfe sind auch real. Aber ich habe durch den Heiligen Geist Gnade gefunden. Und Gnade bedeutet einfach, dass du dazu gehörst aufgrund des Kreuzes Jesu, nicht weil du dich verändert hast oder Erfolg hattest in deinen Methoden. Ich bin auf dem Weg, mit allen komischen Eigenarten und hässlichen Angewohnheiten zum Kreuz Jesu zu kommen. Ich verdiene es nicht und ich kann nichts hinzufügen. Ich möchte gar nichts mehr hinzufügen. Ich durfte eine neue Freiheit empfangen, meine Erlösung nicht selbst zu erbringen. Da ist Gottesfurcht anstelle von Menschenfurcht. Da ist weniger von mir, und mehr von Ihm.

Die letzten vier Jahre waren bedeutungsvoll. Jesus hat diese Zeit gebraucht, um mich vorzubereiten und mein Herz zu verändern. Vor vier Jahren hat er mir Seinen Plan gezeigt und dadurch auch Seine Güte. Ich wollte die Dinge sofort, und Er hat sie mir nicht gegeben. Er wusste, dass ich noch nicht bereit war. In meinem Enthusiasmus wäre ich aus meiner eigenen Kraft losgezogen. Ich hätte mich nie Jesus anvertraut und mich so abhängig von ihm gemacht wie jetzt. Ich hätte mein Studium verlassen, um Zuflucht zu finden und von der Realität wegzulaufen.

Jesus bleibt dran. Wenn er Versprechen gibt, dann erfüllt er sie. Vor zwei Monaten habe ich eine unerwartete E-Mail bekommen. Capernwray Hall hat mich angefragt, ob ich nach Abschluss meines Studiums als Praktikantin anfangen möchte. Es huschte ein Lächeln über mein Gesicht, weil ich nie Interesse darin gezeigt habe, eine Praktikantin in Capernwray zu sein. Mein Herz „brauchte“ Capernwray nicht mehr. Ich hatte Jesus als mein Zufluchtsort. Aber Jesus sagte: dieser Ort war mal ein Ort der Zuflucht, jetzt hat er sich in einen Ort der Berufung verwandelt. Ich wusste, dass wenn es Jesu Plan war, dass Er für mich Wege bereitet, dieses Praktikum anzunehmen. Und Er hat es gemacht. Ich habe nichts hinzugefügt. Nichts. Es war ein schöner Prozess, indem Er mir Sein Herz zeigte. Ich habe mir meinen Weg nach Capernwray nicht verdient, Jesus sagte mit liebenden Worten: Ich möchte dich, ich habe einen Ort für dich, Ich habe eine Berufung für dich, ich habe eine Zukunft. Ich bin nicht nur genug, ich bin herzlich willkommen. Jesus trat über jede menschliche Regel oder weltliche Realität, um mich anzunehmen. Er schaute nur darauf, wer ich bin, anstelle von dem, was ich tue. Er zeigte mir, was Er in mir angelegt hat und Er hat mir erlaubt, Wünsche wieder fließen zu lassen. Er sagte: Es geht alles nur um deinen Charakter und deine Berufung.

An diesen Tagen wage ich es, eine Entscheidung zu treffen. Und was mich wirklich beschäftigt ist, dass es mir schwer fällt in das zu treten, was Gott für mich vorbereitet hat. Es geht nur darum, Ihm zu vertrauen und seinen Versprechen zu folgen. Es ist, als würde mich Gott beschenken, ohne dass ich etwas zurückgeben kann. Es geht nur darum, das Evangelium in seinem ursprünglichen Wert anzunehmen. Und zum ersten Mal schäme ich mich dafür, ein Ersatzevangelium zu suchen. Warum kann mein Herz diese bedingungslose Liebe nicht annehmen? Und währenddessen Jesus an meinem Herz dran bleibt, macht mein Kopf eine Entscheidung zu gehen. Ich möchte dieser liebevollen Stimme folgen, auch wenn ich nicht weiß wohin sie mich führt. Aber ich weiß eines: diese Entscheidung zu treffen heißt, alle falschen Vorstellungen am Kreuz zu lassen. Es ist, als würde ich dem Feind ins Gesicht schreien: Du kannst mich nicht haben. Ich gehöre DEM HERRN.

#testimony #shareyourstory

[hecallsmeworthy-blog]

Delayed answers and the lies we believe

Have you ever asked God for something and received neither a ‘yes‘ nor a ‘no‘ as an answer? I'm pretty sure you’ve experienced this.

When it comes to God there is a third answer which is, I’d say, the most common one. At least that's how I experience it. This answer is not the human ‘maybe‘, because with God there is no maybe. No, His answer is often ‘wait‘.

Ever heard this one? If you’re like me, that's certainly not the answer you want to hear. Patience is not my strong suit. It is also rarely required in today's society. People already get nervous when they have to wait a minute too long for their fast food or if there’s a green light and the person in front of them doesn’t notice right away. Everything is supposed to be fast and while we are focused on the pace of things, we often miss another thing: depth.

Principles that apply to the natural world can also be transferred to the supernatural, divine realm. At least that’s what we tend to do. So, we also expect instant ‘fast food reactions‘ from God.

"Well God, you know my dearest wish is this or that. And since it is an actual heart's desire, it must have been you who planted it within me and since I want it so badly now... when can I expect a result?"

While that may sound over the top, we often treat God this way. And when His answer doesn‘t follow within the next week, we get frustrated. Some even turn completely away from God, because He does not work according to the fast food principle and therefore… perhaps doesn‘t exist at all? How can he make me suffer like this...? Or we are disappointed and retreat, perhaps doubting that God really is good. Or we doubt our heart's desire and tend to put it on the shelf or even let go off it completely.

Each of these reactions is perfectly understandable from a human perspective, but not one of them follows biblical principles. When we look at the stories of God with the characters of the Bible, God entrusts many of them with times of waiting. Here are just a few examples to illustrate this point: Abraham und Sarah, Jakob, Hanna, Rebekka, Noah, David,… and the list could certainly go on forever. The exciting thing is that ultimately each of these characters - despite highs and lows - ultimately ended up as winners and blessed people.

Why the waiting though?

If we believe in a God who spoke words and thus created the world, we know it‘s easy for Him to give us the things we long for.

Over the waiting period, I have exposed various thought patterns that creep in as we try to understand God's ways.

Maybe you can relate to one or the other.

Lies

I can not count the moments in which I‘ve wondered whether I have overlooked anything, or if there isn’t any possibility to somehow ‘produce‘ the fulfillment of my desire. In some cases that might work, but the question is whether you will ultimately really get what your heart is longing for, or just a fast food version of it.

While God answers our (heart's) desire with a 'wait', it is also possible – it actually is inevitable - that one (or 10, 20, 100) others are given a 'yes' and are blessed with what we desire so badly. It might be a spouse, a car, a job, a ministry at church, a child, a house ... Again and again in situations like these, I've caught myself wondering what it was that this person had understood in order to get their wish fulfilled and what I still had to learn, so that the same would happen to me. Sound familiar?

These thoughts are based on a fundamentally false image of God. God only gives us gifts based on our performance. False. In saying this we overestimate ourselves and underestimate God. In order to expose this lie, one does not even have to look in the Bible, but can simply take a look around. I can only recommend reading Paul’s letter to the Romans - such a relief! Even though we are unaware of it, at the same time we imply that God is punishing us for "not learning" or "failing" by denying us His presents and keeping us waiting even longer. I can not imagine what it would actually mean if God's mercy and gifts to us were indeed dependent on our actions. Oftentimes, this misconception is based on the fact that we have not fully grasped that God is really good and therefore wants only the best for the children he loves. The outcome may look different than we had imagined at the first glance, but his intentions are always good.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Subconsciously, I went as far as to imply God intentionally created flaws in my body to prevent my desire from being fulfilled, so I can learn instead of being blessed. Wow. You may be wondering how someone could possibly come up with such a perverted thought, but question once again whether you've not already had similar thoughts. God is perfect. He also said that everything He created was very good. The destruction of this perfection on earth was not his will, but a consequence of the Fall.

What it is all about

Now on to a final point that, I claim, is the breeding ground of all the previously mentioned lies. Maybe you have already subconsciously determined what the focus of each point was. Me. When it comes to our desires, we easily tend to ignore everybody and everything else. God included.

If we look at the stories of the people mentioned at the beginning, God never simply looked at them individually (although He sees each one individually and knows our wishes!). God always sees the bigger picture. He knows the other people on whom the (non-) fulfillment of your desire has an impact. He foresees YEARS. He sees your story from the end. While our view, if we are honest, is actually limited to the here and now, to this moment (because we have no further influence, even if we like to fool ourselves), He sees it all.

And if you're reading this and you're thinking: great, this isn’t comforting me at all, you'll probably like the next paragraph even less. It's not about you. Just as little as it is about me. Yes, God loves us and as His children He wants to bless us and He does, but in the end we are not made to get our selfish desires fulfilled, but we are created to glorify Him. Our life should, it can exalt Him! And that's why we often don‘t understand the wait. Because our focus is on ‘me‘. And as long as this is our perspective, the wait is exhausting, depressing, it might even destroy me. But in all the time of waiting, I have learned one thing: if HE is my focus, everything else becomes less important. And I stop asking and learn to trust. His presence teaches me that only He alone counts. That He is enough. And I understand that my identity is not in the fulfillment of my desire. I do not define myself as a wife, homeowner, manager, worship leader or mother or anything like that. First and foremost, I am His child, born to glorify Him with all I am. Am I allowed to enjoy His presents and is He happy to fulfill my heart's desire? Oh yeah! Is He glorified by the fact that the fulfillment cannot be taken for granted, but is supernatural instead? Oh yeah!

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Galatians 6:9

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GERMAN

Vom Warten und den Lügen, die wir glauben 

Hast du Gott jemals nach etwas gefragt und weder ein ‚Ja‘ noch ein ‚Nein‘ als Antwort erhalten? Ich bin mir ziemlich sicher, dass es in deinem Leben schon eine solche Situation gab.

Bei Gott gibt es nämlich noch eine dritte Antwortmöglichkeit und die kommt, wage ich zu behaupten, fast am Häufigsten vor. Zumindest erlebe ich es so. Diese Antwort ist nicht das menschliche „Vielleicht“, denn das gibt es bei Gott nicht. Gottes Wille ist eindeutig. Nein, seine Antwort lautet häufig „Warte“.

Schon einmal gehört? Wenn du so tickst wie ich, ist das sicher nicht die Antwort, die du hören möchtest. Geduld ist so gar nicht meine Stärke. Von der heutigen Gesellschaft wird sie auch selten noch abverlangt. Oft sind Menschen ja schon pikiert, wenn es in der Schlange des Fast Food-Restaurants einen Ticken zu langsam geht oder wenn jemand an der grünen Ampel nicht sofort losfährt, wird direkt gehupt. Alles soll schnell gehen und dabei büßen wir eine Sache oft ein: Tiefe.

So oft lassen sich Prinzipien die in der natürlichen Welt gelten auch auf übernatürliche, göttliche Prinzipien übertragen. Und wir übertragen sie erst recht. So erwarten wir als Menschen von Gott auch eine solche Fast Food-Reaktion.

„Nun Gott, ich habe diesen oder jenen (Herzens-) wunsch. Da es ein tatsächlicher Herzenswunsch ist, hast du ihn sicher auch in mich hinein gelegt und da er jetzt so intensiv ist… wann kann ich denn mit einem Ergebnis rechnen?“

Das klingt jetzt sehr plakativ, aber häufig gehen wir mit Gott genauso um. Und wenn seine Antwort nicht direkt innerhalb der nächsten Woche kommt, werden wir frustriert. Manche wenden sich gar ganz von Gott ab, da er nicht nach dem Wunschautomaten-Prinzip funktioniert und demnach vielleicht gar nicht existiert? Wie kann er mich so leiden lassen…? Oder aber wir sind enttäuscht und ziehen uns ins Schneckenhaus zurück und zweifeln vielleicht daran, ob Gott wirklich gut ist. Oder aber wir zweifeln an unserem Herzenswunsch und tendieren dazu, ihn ins Regal zu stellen oder gar ganz abzuhaken.

Jede einzelne dieser Reaktionen ist aus menschlicher Sicht absolut nachvollziehbar, keine jedoch folgt biblischen Prinzipien. Wenn wir uns die Geschichten Gottes mit den Charakteren der Bibel anschauen, hat Gott vielen Zeiten des Wartens zugetraut – und das drücke ich bewusst so aus. Ich nenne hier nur mal ein paar Beispiele, um diesen Standpunkt zu verdeutlichen: Abraham und Sarah, Jakob, Hanna, Rebekka, Noah, David,… und die Liste ließe sich sicher endlos fortführen. Spannend ist doch, dass letztendlich jeder dieser Charaktere – trotz Hochs und Tiefs – letztendlich als Sieger/in und Gesegnete/r aus der Situation herausgekommen ist.

Wieso aber die Wartezeit?

Wenn wir doch an einen Gott glauben, der Worte sprach und so die Welt schuf, ist es ihm doch ein Leichtes, uns die Dinge zu geben, nach denen wir uns sehnen.

Bei mir selbst habe ich über die Wartezeit hinweg verschiedene Denkmuster entlarvt, die sich einschleichen, wenn wir versuchen Gottes Wege zu verstehen.

Vielleicht findest Du dich in dem ein oder anderen wieder.

Lügen

Ich kann die Momente schon nicht mehr zählen, in denen ich darüber gegrübelt habe, ob ich irgendetwas übersehen habe, ob es nicht doch möglich ist, die Erfüllung meines Wunsches auf irgendeine Art und Weise zu „produzieren“. In manchen Fällen funktioniert das sicher auch, die Frage ist jedoch, ob man letztendlich wirklich das bekommt, wonach sich das Herz so sehr sehnt, oder nur eine Fast Food-Version davon.

Während Gott unseren (Herzens-) wunsch mit einem ‚Warte‘ beantwortet, ist es gleichzeitig möglich – es ist sogar sehr wahrscheinlich - , dass eine (oder 10, 20, 100) andere Person ein ‚Ja‘ bekommt und das, was wir uns doch so sehnlichst wünschen, dieser Person geschenkt wird. Das kann ein Ehepartner sein, ein Auto, ein Job, ein Dienst in der Gemeinde, ein Kind, ein Haus…  Immer wieder habe ich mich in solchen Situationen bei dem Gedanken erwischt, was diese Person wohl verstanden hat, dass sie nun ihren Wunsch erfüllt bekommt und was ich noch lernen muss, damit es bei mir auch soweit ist. Kennst Du diesen Gedanken?

Ihm liegt ein grundsätzliches falsches Gottesbild zugrunde. Gott beschenkt uns nur aufgrund unserer Leistung. Falsch. Damit machen wir uns größer und Gott kleiner. Um diese Lüge zu entlarven, muss man nicht einmal in die Bibel schauen, sondern kann sich allein in der Welt umschauen. Ich kann hierfür nur den kompletten Römerbrief empfehlen – welch eine Befreiung!

Auch wenn es uns nicht bewusst ist, unterstellen wir Gott damit gleichzeitig, dass er uns für das „Nicht-Lernen“ oder „Nicht-Leisten“ bestraft, indem er uns seine Geschenke verweigert und uns noch länger warten lässt.

Ich mag mir gar nicht ausmalen, was es tatsächlich bedeuten würde, wenn Gottes Barmherzigkeit und seine Geschenke an uns tatsächlich von unserem Tun abhängig wären.

Häufig liegt dieser Fehlannahme zugrunde, dass wir im Grunde nicht vollständig begriffen haben, dass Gott wirklich durch und durch gut ist und dementsprechend für seine Kinder, die er liebt, auch nur das Beste will. Das mag zwar im ersten Moment anders aussehen, als wir uns das vorgestellt habe, aber seine Intentionen sind immer gut.

Denn ich weiß genau, welche Pläne ich für euch gefasst habe‘, spricht der Herr. ‘Mein Plan ist, euch Heil zu geben und kein Leid. Ich gebe euch Zukunft und Hoffnung.

Jeremia 29, 11 (NLB)

Bei mir ging es unterbewusst sogar so weit, dass ich Gott unbewusst unterstellt habe, absichtlich einen Fehler in meine körperlichen Funktionen eingebaut zu haben, um meinen Wunsch zu verhindern, weil ich doch vorher noch so viel lernen kann. Wow. Vielleicht fragst du dich, wie man auf einen solch verqueren Gedanken kommen kann, aber hinterfrage dich einmal, ob dir nicht auch schon Ähnliches unterlaufen ist. Gott ist perfekt. Zu allem was er geschaffen hat sagte er, dass es sehr gut ist. Die Zerstörung dieser Perfektion auf der Erde war nicht sein Wille, sondern Folge des Sündenfalles.

Worum es geht

Nun komme ich zu einem letzten Punkt, von dem ich behaupte, dass er der Nährboden aller zuvor erwähnten Lügen ist. Vielleicht hast Du unterbewusst schon festgestellt, worauf der Fokus der einzelnen Punkte jeweils lag.  Auf mir. Wenn es um unsere Wünsche geht, tendieren wir leicht dazu, alle/s andere/n außen vor zu lassen. Gott eingeschlossen.

Schauen wir uns die Geschichten der zu Anfang genannten Personen an, hatte Gott nie nur sie persönlich im Blick (obwohl er jeden einzelnen sieht und seine Wünsche kennt, nicht falsch verstehen!). Gott sieht immer das große Bild. Er kennt die anderen Menschen auf die die (Nicht-) Erfüllung deines Wunsches Auswirkungen hat. Er sieht JAHRE voraus. Er sieht die Geschichte vom Ende her. Während unsere Sicht, wenn wir mal ehrlich sind, eigentlich sogar auf das Hier und Jetzt, genau auf diesen Moment beschränkt ist (denn weiter haben wir keinen Einfluss, auch wenn wir uns das gerne vormachen), sieht er das große Ganze.

Und wenn du das jetzt liest und dir denkst: Na super, das tröstet mich jetzt null, wird dir der nächste Absatz wahrscheinlich noch weniger gefallen. Es geht nicht um dich. Genauso wenig wie es um mich geht. Ja, Gott liebt uns und als seine Kinder will er uns beschenken und das tut er auch, aber ultimativ sind wir nicht dafür geschaffen, unsere selbstsüchtigen Wünsche erfüllt zu bekommen, sondern wir sind geschaffen, um ihn zu verherrlichen. Unser Leben soll, es DARF ihn groß machen! Und deshalb verstehen wir das Warten oft nicht. Weil unser Fokus auf mir liegt. Und solange er das tut, zieht das Warten runter, es nagt an mir, es kann mich zerstören.

Aber in all der Zeit des Wartens lerne ich eines: Wenn ER mein Fokus ist, verliert alles andere seinen Wert. Und ich höre auf zu fragen und lerne zu vertrauen. An sich lehrt mich seine Gegenwart, dass nur Er allein zählt. Dass Er genug ist. Und ich darf lernen, dass meine Identität nicht in der Erfüllung meines Wunsches liegt. Ich definiere mich nicht darüber, dass ich Ehefrau, Hausbesitzerin, Managerin, Mutter oder Ähnliches bin. In erster Linie bin ich sein Kind, geboren um IHN groß zu machen. Darf ich seine Geschenke genießen und freut er sich von Herzen, mir meinen Herzenswunsch zu erfüllen? Oh ja! Wird er dadurch verherrlicht, dass die Erfüllung nicht selbstverständlich ist, sondern gar übernatürlich erscheint? Oh ja!

Deshalb werdet nicht müde zu tun, was gut ist. Lasst euch nicht entmutigen und gebt nie auf, denn zur gegebenen Zeit werden wir auch den entsprechenden Segen ernten.

Galater 6,9

[rumithetutor]

One of my work on Management major that received a grade of 36/45 (80%)

MGT2002 - Managing Organisations University of Southern Queensland Assignment 2

This is one of my work on Management major that received a grade of 36/45 (80%)

A. Assignment 2 details

This assignment is made up of three (3) structured reflection papers of the kind that you completed in Assignment 1

Question 1 (a total of 15 marks) The first part of this question – titled ‘The experience’ – requires you to write up a brief but specific case study of a personal experience you have had with an organisation. This section is to be 300 words (10% +/– allowance on the word count) in length.

The second part of this question – titled ‘Integrating theory with experience’ – asks you to make some quite specific types of links between your experience of this organisation and theory about the learning organisation as presented in of the course materials. You are however expected to include theory beyond the course materials. In the best papers students will articulate one major learning about or insight into the theory that they have identified by integrating their experience with the theory. This section is to be 300 words (10% +/– allowance on the word count) in length.

The third part of the question – titled personal reflections – asks you to engage in a more personal and introspective form of reflection where you are asked to identify previously unidentified personal strengths of yours that are worth cultivating and or previously unidentified (and possibly unhelpful) assumptions you have made about relevant theory. Or you could identify a preferred approach to work that you use, which you have only just identified. This section is to be 300 words (10% +/– allowance on the word count) in length.

Question 2 (a total of 15 marks) The first part of this question – titled ‘The experience’ – requires you to write up a brief but specific case study of a personal cross-cultural experience. In this section you are asked to reflect on an incident that foregrounds your cultural intelligence. This section is to be 300 words(10% +/– allowance on the word count) in length.

The second part of this question – titled ‘Integrating theory with experience’ – asks you to make some quite specific types of links between your experience and theory about cultural intelligence as presented in the course materials. You are however expected to include theory beyond the course materials. In the best papers students will articulate one major learning about or insight into the theory that they have identified by integrating their experience with the theory. This section is to be 300 words (10% +/– allowance on the word count) in length.

The third part of the question – titled ‘Personal reflections’ – asks you to engage in a more personal and introspective form of reflection where you are asked to identify previously unidentified personal strengths of yours that are worth cultivating and or previously unidentified (and possibly unhelpful) assumptions you have made about relevant theory. Or you could identify a preferred approach to work that you use, which you have only just identified. This section is to be 300 words (10% +/– allowance on the word count) in length.

Question 3 (a total of 15 marks) The first part of this question – titled ‘The experience’ – requires you to write up a brief but specific case study of a personal experience you have had that relates either to ethics or to sustainability within an organisation or management context. This section is to be 300 words (10% +/– allowance on the word count) in length.

The second part of this question – titled ‘Integrating theory with experience’ – asks you to make some quite specific types of links between your experience and relevant theory presented in the course materials. You are however expected to include theory beyond the course materials. In the best papers students will articulate one major learning about or insight into the theory that they have identified by integrating their experience with the theory. This section is to be 300 words(10% +/– allowance on the word count) in length.

The third part of the question – titled ‘Personal reflections’ – asks you to engage in a more personal and introspective form of reflection where you are asked to identify previously unidentified personal strengths of yours that are worth cultivating and or previously unidentified (and possibly unhelpful) assumptions you have made about relevant theory. Or you could identify a preferred approach to work that you use, which you have only just identified. This section is to be 300 words(10% +/– allowance on the word count) in length.

B. Response

Essay Number: 1

Word Length: The experience 318 Integrating theory with experience 311 Personal Reflection 303

The Experience I was scared when I heard my name being called upon by my grade 9 math teacher for a review. Back then we must stand in front of the class to do the review, so a student would easily become a target for humiliation, if he could not answer a question. That was exactly what happened to me. I could not answer my teacher’s question, which was to restate a formula we studied earlier. I was really embarrassed when he asked whether there was something wrong with my brain. So to defend myself, I told him that I actually did not try to memorize the formula, because I could not understand from where it came and the principle behind it; instead, I had developed another way that can help me to solve the question of that type without relying on the formula. In fact, I was quite proud of my “discovery”, of a new way to solve that math problem.

I then proceeded to demonstrate my way in another question that he made. Unfortunately, contrary to what I was expecting, my teacher criticized my way as too long and strange. He even made fun of it by calling it as “heresy”. I felt absolutely disappointed, not because my way was not as good as his, but because of the way my teacher refused to acknowledge my effort of figuring out a new way solving math problem. He made it clear to all of us not to think that we were smart, and that we “just follow what I told you to do if you want to pass the exam”.    

I also felt very embarrassed because of the way he dramatized about my “discovery” in front of the class. That made me think of myself as some kind of a freak. This event made me hate schooling a lot, very much due to my non-conformity and rebellious mind.                

Integrating theory with experience Linking this incident with module 2 The Learning Organisation helps me to understand how my teacher’s teaching style and the education system in Saudi Arabia as a whole do not fit into the learning organisation paradigm. Samson and Daft describe a learning organisation as one in which “everyone is engaged in identifying and solving problems, enabling the organisation to continuously experiment, improve and increase its capability to grow” (2009, p. 56). Imbedded in this organisation is a supportive culture that promotes openness, creativity, and experimentation among members (Cummings & Worley 2009, p. 543). So if education is the outcome of schooling, then I believe that the teacher is a leader or manager, and pupils as employees. So to me the theory requires that learning is a process, in which not only teacher but also students are empowered in determining what and how they should learn, and this learning process should be open to new ideas.

However, the experience with my math teacher and my schooling experience in general were quite opposite. We were told what to do, follow specific instructions, memorise certain things despite of not knowing why we got to do so, just because they help us solve the questions to pass the exam. This was frustrated for me because I always believe that education should teach us the ability to think and grow. My schooling, however, only handed us knowledge in the form of memorised information and taught us how to conform without questioning, which to me is disastrous to the learning process (Bui & Baruch 2010, p. 231). Without growing, therefore, the high-school institution has failed in being a learning organisation. The capacity to learn and grow is very important because like Bui and Baruch (2011, p. 2) argue, rapid changes in today’s turbulent business environment require it much more than knowledge for us to adapt and confront changes.  

Personal Reflection I had always thought that I was not the type of person that fits in education because I often have trouble following instructions without knowing why or accepting things for granted without understanding the principle behind. Now, however, I discover that it is actually a strength that is worth cultivated. It is because my philosophy about learning is aligned with the double-loop learning that Argyris and Schon promoted as explained in Smith (2001). Double-loop learning occurs when the learner questions existing assumptions and conditions rather than simply accepting these features for granted. This is also consistent with another study about how the higher education process should be, in which the authors suggest that rather than controlling the learner and preventing mistakes, educators should encourage students to try new things, question and challenge learning issues, and learn from their mistakes (Silins & Mulford 2002, p. 441).

Another insight that I realise is based on Drucker’s idea about how do I perform in the learning process. I realise that the reason why I did not do well in high school was because there was a mismatch between my values and the school’s values regarding to learning, not because of my intelligence. I will work best whenever I am given clear idea about why I have to do certain things and have freedom of how to accomplish them. Unlike my math teacher, I prefer to take instructions but not orders. This understanding significantly rebuilds my confidence. Moreover, to prevent a similar frustration that might happen in the future, the company I choose to work for must have a similar philosophy like mine. At best, it should mirror a learning organisation because like Samson and Daft (2009, pp. 57-60) point out, this organisation is built upon employee empowerment, supportive leadership, and strong adaptive organisational culture.

Essay Number: 2

Word Length: The experience 314 Integrating theory with experience 311 Personal Reflection 329

The Experience It was the first time I went to a shop to buy a new phone, shortly after arriving to Australia. I was treated by a nice young lady. After introducing her name, she offered to shake hands with me. Because it is a sin in my religion for a man to shake hands with a woman, so I felt a bit embarrassed and backed away, saying that “Sorry I don’t want to”. She looked startled for a second, said it was fine, and asked which product I was looking for. At that point I could sense an awkwardness between us, and I realised that I should have explained to her the reason why I could not shake her hands, instead of simply rejecting her polite gesture. However, I was shy and did not have the courage to admit my rudeness. After all, I thought she was not supposed to be such friendly to a stranger male.

I showed her the phone and we discussed about some features around it. The lady seemed like not able to understand the questions I asked, because she kept asking me to repeat the questions many times. She stared at me incessantly while we were talking. That made me feel very uncomfortable, to the point that I tried to avoid looking at her directly.

After paying for the phone, as a sign of thanking her to help me, I offered for her to keep the change. To my surprise, she replied bluntly that she would not do that if she was me. I felt very embarrassed because it never happened for me before, and especially when this happened in the public. I left the store feeling confused and promised myself never coming to that store again. It seemed to me that Australians were so strange that I were not sure how to act appropriately in another situation like this.              

Integrating theory with experience The work of Earley and Mosakowski (2004) helps me a lot in realising the importance of cultural intelligence and assessing the three facets of my own cultural intelligence. It is the ability that allows a person to interpret unfamiliar gestures and act appropriately while dealing with various cultures (Samson & Daft 2009, p. 162). This interpretation, according to Triandis (2006, p. 21), is related more on the external contextual factors such as norms and roles, than the internal factors like attitudes and personalities. Furthermore, cultural intelligence is built upon the integration of three elements: cognitive, emotional, and physical (Earley & Mosakowski 2004, pp. 141-142).

Related to the incident, if I were having high cultural intelligence, I would not have seen the lady’s actions as a flaw in her personality, but as a difference between the Australian culture and Middle Eastern culture. For instance, in Australia, it is acceptable for a woman to shake hands with another stranger; it is polite to keep eye-contact to show your respect while listening to another person; and it is uncommon to give tips to shop attendants. Moreover, I should have known how to react more appropriately as well.    

Assessing what I did, I actually failed at all three facets of cultural quotient, and acted just like a provincial (Earley & Mosakowski 2004, p. 141), because I did not have sufficient knowledge about Australian culture or noticed clues that might help me understand the differences between the two cultures (cognitive); instead of using the incident as an opportunity to motivate myself to grow and become better at the next encounter (Moon 2010, p. 463), I felt embarrassed and blamed the other (emotional); I could not adjust my behavior appropriately, like maintaining eye-contact more often with the lady (physical). It is no wonder why my scores in the CQ strength test are low: 2.75, 3, and 1.25.  

Personal Reflection It is hard to identify any strength in someone, who scores very low in three aspects of the cultural intelligence. However, after reviewing the test, I realise that I do have an ability to immediately sense whether something is going wrong in the current situation. In fact, that ability makes me remember the incident so vivid and helps me very much in my reflection so that I can learn so much about myself, even after a long time have passed.

This awareness is important not only in regard to improving cultural intelligence (Crowne 2010, p. 392), but also to my learning according to Drucker. Unlike other people, who learn by writing or listening (Drucker 1999, p. 4), I learn better by reflecting on my own experience. Therefore, from now on, I will pay more attention to what happen around me, and perhaps set some time away every day or week to reflect on these things, so that the experience I get can be reinvested in the next encounter. Imagine what my life would be like to have the experience this year invested so that next year is even better.                

A clear example I can see for myself is also in cultural intelligence. After three years studying in Australia, I now realise that I behave not like a provincial anymore, but more like a mimic, according to (Earley & Mosakowski 2004, p. 144). However, I do not believe that I am a mimic by nature; instead, I think it is because of all the experience I have collected while studying in Australia has made me adopt some of the Australian features. Moreover, I also feel more comfortable dealing with people from other countries, because I no longer assume the Middle Eastern culture as the only one. Like McNamee and Faulkner (2001, p. 78) point out, studying abroad is one of the best ways to develop cultural intelligence. So I will consider this option should I decide to take postgraduate study later on.          

Essay Number: 3

Word Length: The experience 321 Integrating theory with experience 328 Personal Reflection 320

The Experience This incident happened during my first semester studying Data Analysis in Australia. I was very worried about the subject because it was difficult to understand and I was not used to the way Australians study. One day I came to ask my professor in class about how to prepare for the subject’s homework and assessments. My lecturer expressed great difficulty while dealing with me because she said that she could not understand what I meant. I repeated my question again. This time, she replied by throwing the same question back to me and asked: “What do you mean, exactly?” Then she commented that I should take an English course to improve my accent and pronunciation.

This made me upset, because I came to her asking not for an advice of how to improve English but for tips about my study. However, I did not say that out loud because I feared of possible unfavorable treatment from her. I said I was sorry for my bad English and I just wanted to know what to focus on while working on the assessment. Now she raised her voice: “You didn’t listen to me in class, did you? What did I say back then?” I started shaking, I told her that I did, but I could not follow her because she talked too fast. At this point, I heard her mumbling that she could not understand how they accept a student with such a poor English. She then explained the key points of the lesson to me. However, I was in such a bad mood that I could not remember much details of what she said to me.  

I discovered later that I was not the only exception, as some of my Middle Eastern and Asian friends experienced similar things with this lecturer. The experience made me feel embarrassed and stressful in class. Consequently, I stopped asking questions and just be quiet in class.  

Integrating theory with experience Although my lecturer’s behavior do not involve a break of the discrimination law, I believe the situation represents an ethical issue. This is because of two reasons according to Samson and Daft (2009, p. 174), firstly the domain of ethics does not require a specific law, but it is governed mainly by shared principles and moral conduct; secondly, the actions of one person give harm to another. To demonstrate, while it is hard to accuse my lecturer of committing a discrimination act as all of what she did was quite subtle and indirect; however, it would be easier to argue that her behavior violate the Australian spirit regarding to discrimination (National Anti-Discrimination Information Gateway 2012). Therefore, in terms of Kohlberg’s conventional level of moral development Samson and Daft (2009, p. 180), she is expected to live up to the expectation of a wider society, not only the law. Moreover, her behavior brought me stress and affected my study in a negative way.

If I was to deal with this ethical dilemma today, I could apply Velasquez et al.’ framework (2009) to choose the best action. Instead of stop asking question and keep quiet, I could either confront my lecturer politely to resolve the misunderstanding directly, or report the incident to the university. For the first option, the result is hard to predict as either the conflict is solved or it may be worse than before. It is because it is very difficult to challenge the attitude and belief of the discriminating staff, especially when she is not aware of it (Lee & Rice 2007, p. 397). Therefore, if I were to apply the utilitarian approach, I would not know how to weigh the benefits of the first option as they are indeterminable (Clegg 2000, p. 2). The outcome of the second option, if successful, could protect my interest and many others that are treated similar ways. So it seems to be aligned with the utilitarian and justice approach.

Personal Reflection It is understandably easy for a discriminated victim to say that “Not like me, I won’t commit such a shameful act!”. However, there is a true insight in that. Firstly, because I can look at the incident through a victim’s glasses, I understand what the feeling and consequence will be like for just a subtle form of discrimination like that. Moreover, I also realise that I myself have done something like this before to other people, whose country I will not discuss here, because to do that is another form of discrimination as well. As a result, I will be more careful in dealing with other people to avoid causing similar incidents in the future. Maybe my lecturer was not meant to be discriminating because another study (Robertson et al. 2000, p. 89) shows that teaching staff is often unaware of foreign students’ problems such as English, culture shocks, or homesickness so that they misunderstand students’ performance as lack of interest or competence. If she had known the impact of her behavior on her students, I would argue that she would have tried to express her points more carefully. This is because Hayibor and Wasieleski (2009, p. 162) find that people often conduct unethical acts because they are not aware of the potential consequences of their actions.  

Another insight I learn is that if the incident had happened in my country, then I would probably not consider the option of reporting to the university. The reason is because the attitude toward anti-discrimination is not that serious compared to Australia. Therefore, studying here has made me adopt some of the Australian’s expectations. Similarly, relating this to the company I am going to work for, it would be better for me to choose a company, which culture represents ethical standards that are compatible to mine or a little higher than what I am striving for (Elango et al. 2010, p. 553).  

Reference List

Bui, H & Baruch, Y 2010, ‘Creating learning organizations in higher education: applying a systems perspective’, The Learning Organization, vol. 17, no. 3, pp. 228-42.

Bui, H & Baruch, Y 2011, ‘Learning organizations in higher education: An empirical evaluation within an international context’, Management Learning, pp. 1-30, viewed 20 August 2012, <http://mlq.sagepub.com/content/early/2012/01/31/1350507611431212>.

Clegg, J 2000, ‘Beyond ethical individualism’, Journal of Intellectual Disability Research, vol. 44, no. 1, pp. 1-11.

Crowne, KA 2008, ‘What leads to cultural intelligence?’, Business Horizons, vol. 51, no. 5, pp. 391-9.

Cummings, T & Worley, C 2009, Organisation development & change, 9th edn, South-Western/Cengage Learning, Mason, Ohio.

Drucker, P 1999, ‘Managing oneself’, Best of Harvard Business Review 1999, pp. 1– 12, Cleveland Clinic Academy, Cleveland, viewed 20 August 2012, <http://academy.clevelandclinic.org/Portals/40/managingoneself.pdf>.

Earley, PC & Mosakowski, E 2004, ‘Cultural intelligence’, Harvard Business Review, vol. 82, no. 10, pp. 139-46.  

Elango, B, Paul, K, Kundu, SK & Paudel, SK 2010, ‘Organizational Ethics, Individual Ethics, and Ethical Intentions in International Decision-Making’, Journal of Business Ethics, vol. 97, no. 1, pp. 543-61.  

Hayibor, S & Wasieleski, DM 2009, ‘Effects of the Use of the Availability Heuristic on Ethical Decision-Making in Organizations’, Journal of Business Ethics, vol. 84, no. 1, pp. 151-65.  

Lee, JJ & Rice, C 2007, ‘Welcome to America? International student perceptions of discrimination’, Higher Education, vol. 53, pp. 381-409.

McNamee, SJ & Faulkner, GL 2001, ‘The International Exchange Experience and the Social Construction of Meaning’, Journal of Studies in International Education, vol. 5, no. 1, pp. 64-78.

Moon, T 2010, ‘Organizational Cultural Intelligence: Dynamic Capability Perspective’, Group & Organization Management, vol. 35, no. 4, pp. 456-93.  

National Anti-Discrimination Information Gateway (2012), viewed 15 September 2012, <http://www.antidiscrimination.gov.au/Pages/default.aspx>.

Robertson, M, Line, M, Jones, S & Thomas, S 2000, ‘International students, learning environments and perceptions: A case study using the Delphi technique’, Higher Education Research and Development, vol. 19, no. 1, pp. 89-102.

Samson, D & Daft, RL 2009, Management, 3rd edn, Cengage Learning Australia, South Melbourne.

Silins, H & Mulford, B 2002, ‘Schools as learning organisations: The case for system, teacher and student learning’, Journal of Educational Administration, vol. 40, no. 5, pp. 425-46.

Smith, MK 2001, ‘Chris Argyris: theories of action, double-loop learning and organizational learning’, The encyclopedia of informal education, viewed 20 August 2012, <www.infed.org/thinkers/argyris.htm>.

Triandis, HC 2006, ‘Cultural Intelligence in Organizations’, Group & Organization Management, vol. 31, no. 1, pp. 20-6.

Velasquez, M, Moberg, D, Meyer, MJ, Shanks, T, McLean, MR, DeCosse, D, André, C & Hanson, KO 2009, ‘A framework for thinking ethically’, Santa Clara University, viewed 15 September 2012, <http://www.scu.edu/ethics/practicing/decision/framework.html>.

#Work Portfolio #Management

[juttabluehberger]

Immer höher hinaus - die "Königsetappe".

Die heutige Etappe führte über den Arlbergpass und erreicht dort den höchsten Punkt und die meisten Höhenmeter in einer Etappe.

***

Higher and higher - the "royal stage".

Today's stage led over the Arlberg Pass and reaches there the highest point and the most altitude meters in one stage.

Die erste Stunde ging es noch einmal entlang dem Rosanna Fluss. Nach einem kurzen Stück Straße hätte ich abzweigen sollen, aber dadurch, dass der Weg abgesperrt war, habe ich die Wegweiser nicht einmal beachtet. Nach ein paar Kilometer kam ich drauf, dass ich mich von der Abzweigung entferne statt ihr näher zu kommen. Also wieder retour. Bei der Absperrung rief ich dann das Tourismus-Büro an. Von ihnen erfuhr ich, dass die Absperrung nur für Tiere ist. Seufz.

Nun konnte es weiter gehen. Leider hielt sich das Wetter nicht an die Vorhersage - das Nieseln wurde immer mehr statt weniger. Lange Zeit ging ich trotzdem stur mit Hoodie weiter, aber irgendwann wurden die Tropfen so groß, dass ich doch den Poncho rausholte.

Ab der Abzweigung kam dann das Herzstück der Königsetappe - ein steiler Anstieg auf Waldwegen bis über die Baumgrenze zum höchsten Punkt des Jakobsweges. Der Weg war glücklicherweise nicht so extrem steil wie der Anstieg zu St. Vigil (Dienstag) oder nach Stanz (Mittwoch) aber dafür länger - ich brauche mit Pausen zwei Stunden. Durch den stärker werdenden Regen war ich schon bald ziemlich durchnässt und musste mich öfter ermutigen, dass ich es bald geschafft habe.

***

The first hour I went once again along the Rosanna River. After a short stretch of road I should have turned off, but because the path was closed off I didn't even pay attention to the signposts. After a few kilometers I realized that I was moving away from the turnoff instead of getting closer to it. So back again. At the turnoff I called the tourist office. From them I learned that the barrier is only for animals. Sigh.

Now I could go on. Unfortunately, the weather did not keep to the forecast – the drizzle became more and more instead of less. For a long time I continued stubbornly with hoodie, but at some point the drops were so big that I put on the poncho.

From the junction then came the heart of the royal stage – a steep climb on forest trails to the highest point of the Way of St. James. The path was fortunately not as extremely steep as the climb to St. Vigil (Tuesday) or to Stanz (Wednesday) but longer - it took me two hours with breaks. Due to the increasing rain I was soon quite soaked and had to encourage myself more often that I will soon have made it.

Der höchste Punkt ist am Maiensee auf 1860 Meter Seehöhe. Es ist nicht nur der höchste Punkt des österreichischen Jakobsweges, sondern überhaupt der höchste Punkt bis Santiago! Nachdem ich diesen Aufstieg geschafft habe, kann mich der Schweizer Jakobsweg nicht mehr schrecken. 😉

***

The highest point is at Lake Maiensee at 1860 meters above sea level. It is not only the highest point of the Austrian Way of St. James, but also the highest point until Santiago! After I have made this climb, the Swiss Way of St. James can no longer scare me 😉.

Von dort ging es wieder ein Stück bergab bis zur Passhöhe von Sankt Christoph. Das war das schlimmste Stück der Etappe. Der Fußweg ist zwar mit Holzbrettern befestigt, aber nicht ausreichend. So führte mein Weg durch mehrere Schlammstrecken um die es kein herum gab. Entsprechend grauenhaft sahen danach Schuhe und Hose aus.

***

From there it went downhill again a bit to the top of the pass at Sankt Christoph. This was the worst part of the stage. Although the footpath is paved with wooden boards, it is not sufficient. Thus my way led through several mud stretches around which there was no way around. Shoes and pants looked accordingly horrible afterwards.

Auf der Passhöhe gönnte ich mir eine Mittagspause. Außerdem zog ich mir trockene Kleidung an. Leider reichte die Zeit nicht, dass meine nassen Sachen trockneten.

Während der Pause kam kurz die Sonne heraus. Aber gerade als ich aufbrechen wollte, zog dichter Nebel auf. Auf einmal war die ganze Landschaft verschwunden.

***

At the top of the pass, I allowed myself a lunch break. I also put on dry clothes. Unfortunately, the time was not enough for my wet clothes to dry.

During the break, the sun came out briefly. But just as I was about to leave, dense fog rolled in. Suddenly, the whole landscape was gone.

Nachdem der Reiseführer den Weg als schlammig und schlecht markiert bezeichnete und es ziemlich steil bergab im undurchdringlichen Nebel ging, beschloss ich die ersten Kilometer lieber auf der Straße zu gehen. Nach 3km wechselte ich wieder auf die offizielle Strecke. Die ging später auf der alten Bundesstraße weiter. Allerdings musste ich sie mir viel Verkehr teilen - vermutlich wurde eine Tunnelröhre repariert und die Umleitung verlief genau auf dem Jakobsweg.

***

Since the guidebook described the path as muddy and poorly marked and it was quite steep downhill in the impenetrable fog, I decided to better walk the first kilometers on the road. After 3km I switched back to the official route. The later continued on the old federal highway. However, I had to share it with a lot of traffic – probably a tunnel tube was being repaired and the detour ran exactly on the Way of St. James.

Die ganze Zeit blies ein eiskalter Wind und ich wünsche mir, dass ich Handschuhe mitgenommen hätte. Auf der Passhöhe hatte es um die 6 Grad und der scharfe Wind fühlte sich noch kälter an. Immer wieder kam ich auch an Schneefeldern vorbei.

Außerdem regnete es weiter und so war auch meine zweite Garnitur bald durch und durch nass. So beschloss ich nicht bis zum Etappenziel zu gehen sondern schon vorher ein Quartier zu suchen. Diesmal klappte es beim zweiten Telefonat.

Bei der Ankunft sagte mir die Vermieterin, dass sie bereits den Heizungskeller warm gemacht hat, damit ich meine Sachen zum Trocknen aufhängen kann. Außerdem konnte ich die schmutzigen Sachen in die Waschmaschine tun. Was für eine Wohltat!

***

All the time a freezing wind was blowing and I wished I had brought some gloves. At the top of the pass it was around 6 degrees and the sharp wind felt even colder. Again and again I even passed snowfields.

In addition, it continued to rain and so my second set was also soon wet through and through. So I decided not to keep going until the end point, but to look for a place to stay ahead of time. This time it worked out on the second phone call.

On arrival, the landlady told me that she had already warmed up the boiler room so that I could hang up my clothes to dry. Also, I could put the dirty clothes in the washing machine. What a relief!

#jakobsweg #pilgern #viajacobi #camino

[leidenschaftontour]

Magical music. Musical magic.

Accomodation: F1 Hotel, Saint-Dénis. When I read these words on the info sheet, I was sure that would be the day I die. It would be my first time in both the most notorious low-budget hotel and Parisian suburb. They I stand in life, is that I always have the worst expectations about everything. If things go down as bad as I imagined them to be, I’m shrug and comfort myself with the thought that I knew it all along. When I’m wrong, I’m happy through the pleasant surprise. Sure, Saint-Dénis is grim, but hotel had a secure parking lot. No wandering around those streets necessary. Yes, the F1 Hotel is the absolute basics of comfort: you get two sheets, one to cover the mattress and one to cover yourself and meanwhile protecting your body from the duvet. They don’t provide towels, so after my shower I had to dry myself with a t-shirt. The shower itself was so small and plastic, that I felt like being inside an airplane or a train or something. But, truth be told, the bed itself had one of the most comfortable mattresses of the tour so far. I slept like a rose.

Our route to Calais took us north-west out of Paris, passing by Amiens. It was one of those beautiful icy mornings where it doesn’t appear foggy, yet everything has a white gleam to it. The road crossed these stretched out sloping landscapes and it was really peaceful. We arrived in Coquelles to check-in for the Eurotunnel. As I was the driver, I got checked at the registration, but my passenger had to leave and go through customs. One guy, being not European had to fill in some forms, but apart from that there were no troubles. We had time to get some lunch in the terminal and I ordered myself two chili cheeseburgers at Burger King. When I started to eat the burger, I however noticed it had only one beef patty instead of the advertised two. So I did what every sensible person would and went back there to demand my meat. I had to prove to them that it said ‘two’, but in the end I got what I wanted. Our train was perfectly on time and we set off from Folkestone to London.

Suddenly my GPS told me to take an exit. I ignored it. I know the way to London, it’s just straight ahead, right? Less than 1 kilometre later, I was stuck. Turns out there are massive roadworks around Ashford and they only let a certain amount of vehicles pass at certain times. So, because I ignored my GPS, telling me to take some secondary roads, we spent 1h20 to drive 15km. Our timing wasn’t affected, but it’s not a very pleasant thing to happen. Personally, I don’t care, there’s no point in getting frustrated about it as there’s nothing you can do but wait. So I turned off the engine and started reading an essay by Schopenhauer about happiness. I didn’t read that much, but I love how this genius man still blows my mind everytime I read something of him. Allow me to quote a part of the essay I was reading (you can find the complete text here):

“There is no doubt that life is given us, not to be enjoyed, but to be overcome—to be got over. There are numerous expressions illustrating this—such as degere vitam, vita defungi; or in Italian, si scampa cosi; or in German, man muss suchen durchzukommen; er wird schon durch die Welt kommen, and so on. In old age it is indeed a consolation to think that the work of life is over and done with. The happiest lot is not to have experienced the keenest delights or the greatest pleasures, but to have brought life to a close without any very great pain, bodily or mental. To measure the happiness of a life by its delights or pleasures, is to apply a false standard. For pleasures are and remain something negative; that they produce happiness is a delusion, cherished by envy to its own punishment. Pain is felt to be something positive, and hence its absence is the true standard of happiness.” Arthur Schopenhauer - Counsels & Maxims, Part I: General Rules (1851)

Being the driver, I have the privilege of being the DJ as well. Sometimes I use my headphones, for example when listening to opera or podcasts, but most of the time I will play music through the speakers. As I spend so much time on the road, inspiration often drives me to music I haven’t listened to in ages. Falling under that category, I listened to the fantastic debut album by The Joy Formidable. I was a big fan when it came out and saw them live a couple of times, but the two later releases never really moved me or anything. But while I was listening to this album, the magical power that only music seems to have came into action. I was catapulted back to the time when I was so into this album. I felt like I felt back then: young, ambitious and happy. Of course I now know that when we think of the past, we only recall the scenes of those times, but not how we actually felt. Because then too, I was troubled with all sorts of desires and strivings, but they have disappeared and been replaced by new ones. So what’s left is the memory of the good times. And through the music, through that song and those specific lines or melodies, I was lifted out of the present and sent back seven years. Those magic moments go by as quickly as they erupt, but the aftershocks of those unexpected waves of melancholic nostalgia are true moments of bliss. It was round up with one of my traditions, or call it rituals. Driving into London, heading for the Blackwall Tunnel, you see the Isle of Dogs lying in front of you, with all its skyscrapers, with Canary Wharf being the highest. And then you put on that album and smile when Tom Smith whispers in your ears:

I swear to God, in this light and on this evening, London has become the most beautiful thing I’ve seen.