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#and like with that i really hope ive managed to yknow. create a nice space here where ppl feel safe bringing stuff up?
gibbearish · 24 days
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ik i talk abt high control groups kinda often but i do encourage anyone involved in discourse in any capacity to watch folding ideas' "this is financial advice" video, because a lot of what he says about the gamestop apes being a self-organizing high control group imo also explains the more toxic discourse tendencies, and i feel like most discussion around high-control groups on here focuses on the tradtional kind that has one or a few distinct leaders which makes it harder to draw parallels between the signs. so i think its important to point out that these kinds of groups can still create that same energy as a unit even if there isn't one specific person calling the shots
#origibberish#namely the signs ive noticed most over the years are obviously internal jargon‚ thats kind of a given when working with microlabels#but see also transmed/truscum/trender/tucute/acey/theyfab/transandrophobia truther/etc etc etc#ideas being boiled down to short gotchas that just get ping ponged back and forth#see The Entirely Of Any Ace Discourse Argument for that but again see 'theyre just trans mras'#and the tendancy for members to turn on anyone who steps out of line even a little#omg i cqnt believe i forgot pro/anti discourse too theyre really bad about all of these on both sides#oh or another example would be steven universe discourse#like 'it endorses letting fascists off the hook' would just get thrown around as if it was undisputed fact despite there being MILES#of shit going on in the background to get to that#anyways. yeah 👍 keeping this in mind has already made a huge difference in how i engage in online discussions#and has also been a good rule of thumb for when to Stop engaging with someone#where if theyre displaying these signs thank you i do not want to be part of this#and like yes that goes for people youre arguing with but it obviously /ESPECIALLY/ goes for people you like#if you have a friend who you feel like you cant say anything that disagrees with them or theyll freak out at you. you dont have to keep#being friends with them. if being around someone makes you uncomfortable and you constantly find yourself making excuses for why#they treat you the way they do then thats a bad sign#and like with that i really hope ive managed to yknow. create a nice space here where ppl feel safe bringing stuff up?#idk
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Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?
ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH
uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)
so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too
another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)
as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.
then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD
i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)
in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.
i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)
anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)
uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha
ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow
BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks
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thataspdfeel · 6 years
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i really hope this isnt too intrusive but i was wondering if you have any tips on keeping up a good relationship/friendship as someone with aspd? ive gone through so many friends and partners over the years and i always end up alone like i am right now and im honestly lonely and my therapist doesnt really understand because he just said its for the best because abusive behaviour is common w aspd which made me scream and i dont know anyone who actually has aspd either :/
long answer so under a cut
ive kept this in the inbox and stared at it over and over again because of that fucking last bit like
fuck your therapist like deck him in the face. aspd etc people arent inherently fucking abusive thats not how that works. we have a really hard time connecting with people due to low empathy and have low tolerance for bullshit at least imo
oh also dont worry i dont find many things too intrusive. frankly, if anybody wanted to know how to keep a sex life nice, id answer that shit. like i have 0 concept of too intrusive lmao
also if youre lonely id honestly start out with a pet or two. that sounds really weird but if you get used to some asshole who cant communicate living with you, you start to tolerate others more. plus less lonely so win-win
THIS IS GOING TO SOUND HELLISHLY BIZARRE BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS: try dating sim games. this isnt to make you less lonely but to help you get better at communicating with others. like this is an actual scientifically studied thing. i cant remember where i found this out cause my memory is bullshit but hubs pointed me to it. its how he managed to keep my attention for so long. he knew how to properly engage with me and keep my interest through practice via dating sims. and when things are stale, he goes back to the dating sim textbook. like brings me flowers or goes back to wooing me AND IT WORKS
thats not to say his feelings arent genuine cause they absolutely are. these dating games just let him interact with me romantically easier for him. especially because hes like the human embodiment of golden retriever puppy with sunshine out its ass and he can EASILY come across as waaaaaay too much and these sims taught him how to tone himself down. whereas for people like us, theyd help us to play ourselves up so to speak. or just generally interact with partners easier
now if actual interaction isnt your problem, that you make friends or get partners easily but have a hard time with the maintenance, now thats a different problem and requires a different solution
first, find people you find interesting. it's so much easier to pretend to give a shit about people when you find them interesting because you actually listen to them when they talk to you. and this sounds like bullshit like ugh why do i have to pretend. well you do. you have to with everybody until you make a connection. the key is to find somebody interesting you dont mind listening to
make sure they dont mind listening to you either or they at least pretend to this is because relationships whether romantic or otherwise all rely on communication and listening to each others problems. ive had a few "friends" who expected all kinds of emotional labor from me but would turn tail or come up with excuses if i needed them. those arent friends tbh. those are leeches and dont keep those people around. also dont be one of those people cause emotional labor should go both ways
communicate. communicate. COMMUNICATE!!! ALWAYS!!! EVEN IF ITS PAINFUL!!! even if opening up is the last goddamn thing you want to do. in order to connect with people and to keep connection alive, you need to open yourself up and be vulnerable. and it can suck! it really can! but you dont have to cut yourself open just for a connection. basically share what youre comfortable with at first
later, once youve established honesty (and honesty is the key here) later, if youve got an issue with them? you can bring it up and be like hey it bothers me that you leave your socks everywhere. or i hate that you seem to only need me when your mom is being shitty. this lets them confront you too about things that make them uncomfortable. and, yknow, change when they mention something (so long as its not ridiculous like you drink too much coke or i hate that you have blue eyes)
AND ON THE HONESTY THING be honest about your dishonesty. what that means is letting the other person know you lie if youre a chronic liar like me. you have to be like ok so i lie a lot and usually its about stupid stuff and heres how you can tell. anybody who gives an actual shit about you will be like oh ok thats irritating but ok. just dont EVER EVER lie about big shit EVER like cheating or something like that (i mean dont cheat in the first place but you get my point) 
ive had like an empty bag of chips in my hand and hubs will be like "did you eat the chips" and i'll be like "no?" and it kinda goes back and forth like "i see the bag in your hand right there!" "no you dont" until about half an hour or so later im like "sorry i lied about the chips" and hes like oh its fine i get it. but he knows that while id lie about that or brushing my hair, etc i wont lie about if i took my meds or not etc etc. like be honest about your dishonesty dont hide it or itll create problems for later
let the other person know when you need space. because we all need space at some time or another. be like hey imma need to flake for like a day or so my life is a clusterfuck and i need some time to myself. or, like with one of my partners, im like do you mind if i just chill in the other room with video games/books/netflix/whatever for roughly x amount of time. i let them know its not them (even if it sometimes is at which point, i do let them know later what the problem was) and that i just need to be by myself. and yknow what? its made us all so fucking close when we've told each other when we need space
be honest about needing connection too. sometimes your life just goes all to hell and you need a cuddle buddy or somebody to go to coffee with. its scary making yourself so vulnerable and admitting that but honestly? the payoff is awesome because you have somebody there for you who will hold you through those times. and if they wont? walk the other way
and if it werent already clear, YOU HAVE TO MAKE A RECIPROCAL EFFORT because its not fun to be on anything one-sided. you dont have to magically develop empathy or wanting to be around people 24/7. you just have to make the same effort you expect with others
anyway those are the basics to making things work imo. IF NONE OF THIS IS HELPFUL or not the case for how to make things work for you, message again with specifics and i’ll do my best on the advice thing. just your ask was kind of broad so i answered it broadly
i hope this helps!!
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