#also starting off is actually easy. its about maintaining thats difficult i feel

[fieldsofbats]

a family man : könig x fem!reader

summary: könig wants to know why he hasn't met your family.

tw: bad relationship with mother, mentions of difficult childhood, trust issues reader. please let me know if i have missed anything x

a/n this is completely self-indulging and for v specific audience. mummy issues unite! also my first longer fic :))

you wanted to turn and slam the door in his face, but you knew that would make the situation worse. instead you pushed it open and left it where is slammed against the wall. he followed you into your room, closing the door behind him. each step brought him closer to you and thats all that mattered to him. closer equal comfort, but you felt so far away.

"i just don't understand why its such a big deal?" he whined again. it was the same thing over and over for the pas two weeks. when can i meet your family? why haven't you introduced me? does your family know about me? of course they know about him. well some of them.

you sighed and sat on your desk chair taking off your work boots and socks. it broke your heart a tiny bit to keep answering him the same thing, not strong enough yet to explain to him why you didn't let him meet your family yet.

"it's not a big deal. just...it's difficult." you answered, rushed to think of a new excuse. this time he started to take his uniform off, keeping his hood securely on. the anxiety in you began to grow and bubble up as his questions grew more reasonable, your internal logic falling apart. and you knew the anxiety was just as high in him, he never kept his hood on once you both entered one of yours bedrooms, his or you own.

"but why?" he paused for a moment, shifting backwards onto his heels in defeat. "do you not see a future with me in it?" his voice was scarily calm through the sentence. a future without him? you couldn't even fathom it. is this what you drove him to? the anxiety died down into guilt for pushing aside königs feelings to maintain your high walls.

it just wasn't that easy. having to explain why you never wanted him to meet your family. formulating a response for him seemed to be near impossible without breaking every rule you had set of yourself. every wall that was carefully built to let him in just enough that you seemed normal. its the dropping of the corners of his eyes from his lips frowning, the new shimmer of tears on his waterline that seem to push you over. fuck.

"there will never be a path in my life without you accompanying me, könig." your hand reached up to brush his face through the hood. tears hand't broken yet as the fabric covering his face was still dry, but his shakey breaths told a different story. "just sit down and let me explain."

he obediently sat on the edge of your bed, at this height he was eye level with you.

"firstly, my family live too far away for us to actually meet them anytime soon. and for what its worth, my father and brother both know about you." his hands gripped tighter on your thighs, mostly for his own comfort. he tilted his head in question. you knew before he asked.

"i am not close to my mother. she is still alive. where? i don't know. she is not a nice woman, she is cruel and controlling. she wasn't the best person to my growing up and became worse as i tried to leave home and have any sense of individuality. so no, you will never meet my mother." you sighed out a breath of relief. finally telling him the truth. the ugly awful truth about your own family and your past.

it worried you so much because he is so close to his mother. she is incredible, the epitome of a women. kind, sweet, generous, caring. she welcomed you with open arms when you met her. she taught you to cook königs favourite childhood meal and didn't kick you out after you made so many mistakes.

his eyes wondered downwards as he nodded. his grip never faltered, but you could see the thoughts processing through his mind. you knew you had blown it. fucked it. completely messed it up. this is why the walls are there. this is why you don't commit to people. this is-

"thats alright, perle. thank you for telling me." his eyes had come back up to you during your spiral of thoughts. he wasn't amazing at using his words but his actions always meant more. his hands had risen from your thighs to your waist, gently rubbing up and down in a soothing motion, tugging your shirt up slightly to expose your skin. his hands, free of there gloves, rubbed against your skin. round in circles, up and down, back and forth.

"you know you can just tell me things. i know its difficult but i hope you know you can trust me." he smiled under the hood, "i love you very much."

with that, you stepped forwards on the bed and straddled his legs. both hands wrapped around his neck, chest to chest in a tight embrace. it was so simple but exactly what you needed to hear. his hands remained on your skin, reaching to the top of you back and then down again.

"i love you very much as well." you whispered back. he hummed back and pressed his face further into you. inhaling and exhaling with comfort. you did the same. his shampoo, his body wash, his sweat, his everything.

a moment passed before he said "i'm more scared to meet your dad honestly." you giggled a little at the comment. kissing the top of his head you stood up and stroked the fabric of his hood.

"you should be."

#cod mw2 #cod mwii #headcanon #konig x reader #konig mw2 #konig x you #konig x female reader #konig #konig fanfiction #konig cod #konig call of duty #kortac #task force 141 #hehehe my first konig fic #kind of ooc but who cares #editing is for losers

[pezpenser205]

i feel like every pwnpd or even anyone with narcissistic tendencies has to go through that certain stage of realizing that protecting yourself and keeping your vulnerabilities hidden can actually make you more unlikeable, or ruin the chances you may have had at friendship and with certain people liking you and thinking youre cool. sometimes you even have to go through this multiple times in different stages of your life to different degrees. the first time is by far the most difficult, and it gets a little easier after that. its not easy by far, but its easier.

i know a lot of instances in the past when i was quick to get angry and defend myself even within the past few months, and i regretted it later. i regretted being so adamant that i was right and not hearing other people out first, because if you refuse to bend to other peoples needs even slightly, you will either end up alone, with people never actually liking you and only being scared of you without any sense of admiration, or with no one who respects your own needs and with people who use you, because you never respected them.

if you are unwilling to cooperate with others and listen to their gripes in a relationship, you will only become surrounded by other people who care as much about you as you do them; not at all.

whenever i start to close myself off or become involuntarily aggressive i have to realize how counterproductive it is

and when i see pieces of my old pre-self-aware-self in people its crushing because i cant exactly talk to them about it or warn them about how painful and difficult theyre making their life, because old me wouldnt have wanted to talk either. old me wouldve immediately gone on the offensive and started getting angry at them for accusing me of something.

old me wouldnt have listened and would have tried to maintain a moral high ground against them while making them feel bad, so i know people like "pre-self-aware-me" wont listen to me now. its miserable to witness in my family and peers who also struggle with narcissistic traits but i think with some people you really do just have to let them get to the point where they dont have anybody left until they can realize theyre a big part of the problem despite their circumstances.

(which pwnpd, contrary to popular belief, we are usually in some pretty shitty circumstances most if not all of the time. otherwise we wouldnt have ended up this way. we are scared of something. something thats happened before.)

narcissism is about denial and protection, and its not even remotely about greed or malice like how people perceive it as. its about being scared of being seen as weak or inferior to others. narcissism is a learned behavior caused through immense trauma and childhood abuse, and while protecting oneself can be beneficial while the abuse is still happening, it can become chronic to the point where its no longer helping after the fact and it can end up being self destructive in ways that you dont even realize and feel really shitty about after the fact.

ultimately once it reaches that point for some people, even if you love them, you just have to wait until they realize on their own, because their denial comes from the fear theyve pushed down, and even if they do truly love you or like you as a person, theyre too scared to listen to anything you say until its too late.

#op #npd #actually narcissistic #n4rc abvse truthers better not touch this post ill literally explode you

[phoenix-before-the-flame]

Im sorry im sot sure how to word this right but, how do you manage to change the characters race while still making them look like well, them? I've tried but it never comes out right.... they allways look like a new character when i try.... again im sorry to ask....

Tis not a problem at all dear comrade! I'm always happy to try and answer art questions, but just a heads up i might get a lil bit rambly in some spots so i do apologize beforehand.

First off, change that negative tone!

I understand how you feel and its easy to feel down when the piece isnt turning out how you picture it but that's ok. You're setting foot into new artistic territory, something you havent tried before thats still a fairly big unknown. Instead of seeing it as a failure see it instead as a step in your artistic growth. No one starts off god tier right? Changing your framing of how you see your 'bad' drawings can really help you see em in a more positive light (and help with motivation when you attempt something new another time!)

Ok but onto what you actually asked about. How do you change a character but still keep them the same? Well in my eyes to do this, you have to

Break down thedesign

Let's take in the character we wanna redesign. We gotta really look at their original design and identify all their relevant features and shapes that make them easily recognizable as them.

Lemme grab my assistant Gajeel to illustrate my point.

So we have our Gajeel, yea we know what he looks like but! What exactly are we looking for here? Well we're looking for the key features to his design, features important enough where if he had a completely different hairstyle and colour palette ( and perhaps even body type) would make you go 'yea that's gajeel'.

So in breaking it down we note that he has:

Triangular shaped eyes with a bit of a dark outline

Small eyes with slit pupils

Prominent cheekbones

Jacked up hairline

And of course the most noticable feature, the multiple piercings

These- to me- are the most important parts of his design so i leave them generally unchanged when i go about drawing him. Which means everything else is on the table to change!

Though for me when I got about my redesigns i focus on changing 3 things mostly- nose, lips and hair. These really push a race change design, specifically in this case, makin em black

Now of course with this you are going to change skin tone that's obvious but relying solely on colour palette change makes for a somewhat weak redesign. If you turn off the colour and you can't tell if the character is nonwhite then it needs some work.

Noses and Lips

Now there are a great many ways to draw wider noses and it can be a bit difficult figuring out to interpret em without em lookin janky but i find that less is more!

I only ever really show the base of the nose where the tip part is and the nostrils, the bridge of the nose is only ever shown in my style when the head is a bit turned.

The same goes with lips, you only really need about 2 or 3 lines at minimum to emphasizs thick lips- one for the actual lip line, one for the top lip and one for the lower lip. Some people choose to leave out the line for the bottom lip and thats fine. Just don't do this-

If you do that im putting you in the ground myself.

Hair

Hair is a bit of a 50/50 for me to change most times because i really enjoy drawing that spiky anime hair lol. But I think that the important thing to keep note of changing the hairstyle to a more natural one is to keep the overall silhouette of the hair recognizable.

The silhouette being y'know, the shape and all that. If you're a pokemon fan then you already know how much a silhouette builds recognition. So as an example, Juvia's first hairstyle was that straightened looke with the tight curls at the end. The shape of that hairstyle was mimicked by using braids with puffs at the ends to help with maintaining that silhouette.

Gajeel has very big, spiky and wild hair so I tried to mimick that with dreads

(Also to note with the Gajeel redesign is that his face is slightly wider with the features a bit lower but thats more of a liberty I took than anything hard and fast so dont even worry about that)

Again, if i am changing the hair then i try to follow the shape of the original design as closely as possible. Even with a design such as my Black Gray design with a vastly different hairstyle i still sketched out the shape of his og hair to maintain the overall spiky shape (with a few liberties lol)

So uh, yea! I think that's the most basic breakdown of how to go about doing a black redesign. Identifying the key design traits i think really is the most important step to do as it really helps to cement what's necessary to keep and what can or cant be changed.

But some other stuff to be mindful of when redesigning:

Refs naturally are your friend. If you have difficulty with interpreting irl refs then theres no shame in using someone elses art as a reference to help you to learn and understand (just no tracing!)

Please for the love of god use saturated browns for the skin tone. I cannot tell you how often i see designs with a gray-brown skin tone. It makes the character look ashy. Please don't make them ashy.

Also speaking of skin tones, be mindful of being accidentally colourist, where all your darker skinned characters villains or angry, loud, violent, sexual, etc. Not saying you can't redesign characters who have those traits to be dark skinned. But if all the characters you redesign to be dark skinned have those traits while others with more positive traits are lighter shades you may want to step back and do some reflection.

Don't be let down if you don't get a redesign on the first try! You don't see behind the scenes for other artists, it definitely takes a few tries to get it right so dont get hung up on it!

These are not hard and fast rules, just really what works for me and how I do things. If you need anything clarified better or wanna ask anything else feel free to! Happy redesigning comrade!

#talking to the firebird #uhhhhhhh #this got longer than i intended #should i tag this with something #uhm #art tips #i guess?

[ask-the-shorty-squad]

*/w group No.1*

As a team manager it's my job to motivate my team and help them in every which way possible. Never giving up is essential to being a Team Manager, if you want the spirit.

YOU GOTTA SHOW THE SPIRIT!!! NEVER GIVE UP!!!!

And you gotta make sure your Team is fully and we rested, so if they need a break you gotta give them a break! Overworking your body will just cause problems! And then your body wont be able to comprehend all the pressure and strength your forcing out and you'll hit the floor!

Its why I hated school, during P.E if we needed a break they'd make us do extra. That aint healthy in the slightest.

You gotta make sure your team always does these things: Rest, Stay well hydrated, and Eat. And dont forget Shit. Shitting is very important.

And if you wanna train your team to the max start off slow, give them plenty of breaks, and start working your way up, give them tasks to fulfill at home, obviously make 'em record it so you know they aint slacking. But making them do just the little things like going on a walk everyday for fifteen minutes, keeping that up really helps your body, obviously your legs will hurt, but thats from your old muscles breaking creating newer stronger muscles. And resting really helps that. You gotta take care of your team like they're your family, like a second family.

Guess thats just about it for me! Gonta?

Gonta will tell you all about Entomology! And why Bugs are really our friends!

I know you have arachnophobia Teru so this will help, although some spiders can be venomous they'll only ever bite if they feel threatened if you very gentle and careful with Spider, Spider will simply crawl on palm. Most spiders arent venomous at all, and they really help our houses, they keep away food flies and wasps that try and sting us, and they very friendly and do no harm at all. Most bugs are actually very friendly, like: Centipedes, Stink bugs, Ladybugs, Mantis, Earwigs, Ground beetle, Dragon flies, Silver fish, Crickets, Tachinid flies, Camel crickets, Braconid wasps, Lacewing, Soldier beetles, Cicadas, Walking sticks, Spined soldier bug, Minute pirate bugs, Roly polies, Nabidae, and Mealworms too! All very kind bugs! All our friends too!

You should come with Gonta and meet Gontas friends soon!! Gonta would be very happy to introduce you to all of Gontas bug friends!

Maybe during a time when I feel like it. At the moment, I'm not too keen.

As a chef my responsibilities are very diverse. There's a multitude of qualities that are a must when working in the culinary industry.

•  An absolute passion for food and cooking; •    A total commitment to cleanliness and personal hygiene; •    An ability to work under pressure; •    Time management skills; •    A balanced calm temperament and an ability to maintain equanimity in difficult situations; •    An acute sense of business so as to rake in profits for the organization; •    Good health so that one can spend long hours on their feet, lift heavy pots and pans, work in proximity to fire and heat; •    The ability to take criticism; •    The ability to work as a team member and mentor others once they become experienced enough; •    Has to have the flexibility to take the unconventional hours that the trade demands;

It's also important to have a very keen memory. I've made it my sworn duty to memorize not just recipes, but also my dear friends and families most favorite dishes. All their likes and dislikes are always stored in the back of my mind when needed, or written in note cards. Culinary is what you make it to be. You could take a calm slow and steady approach like with those nearby bakeries, cafes, and other various types of small stores. Or you could take on the big restaurants where business is always booming and you're constantly on your toes. Whatever seems to work for you. At times it's not easy, but nothing worth wild is ever really easy is it?

#teruteru hanamura #sdr2 goodbye despair #danganronpa 2 #danganronpa

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

#its me the mun #unconcerned ramblings #i know ive said that there are a lot of new blogs popping up #but uhhh i dont really dare to interact with them #considering they kinda did come in just when shit had hit the fan n idk i might have been known as The Problematic Blog tm #so i understand if ppl dont want to interact with me n im fine with it. so for now i wont be initiating anything #like dropping asks into inboxes unless i know the mun n theyre comfortable with me doing this #i will interact with everyone who drops by my inbox tho!! #i also tend to get to replies for other blogs faster than general replies cos i feel bad if i kept the other person waiting for too long #I DO forget about rp replies sometimes tho. sometimes #i try my best to get to every one of them tho. even when im kinda busy this period aha #also starting off is actually easy. its about maintaining thats difficult i feel #which is also why i havent done up a genshin ask blog yet HAHAHAHAHA #i really hate to give up on something ive already started when it comes to art projects so

[tigerdrop]

Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk

#asky #careposting

[yeoldontknow]

🖊writerly conversation tag

tagged by @j-pping to do this amazing interview/reflections tag. of course she put together one of the most amazing tags ever because she is brilliant. thank you for tagging me angel! 

questions below the cut!

2020

what was the most challenging part of writing this year?

gosh...i think for me the hardest bit was staying both motivated and inspired. a lot of my inspiration comes from being out in the world. im an introvert but i enjoy being out in the city around the noise and the people and the buildings on my own. the majority of my writing used to be done while riding the subway or on a weekend after id gone out somewhere. a lot of my fics are inspired by locations, and experiences within those locations. being inside for the majority of the year made it hard for me to remember how...people interact with or relate to the spaces around them. so i felt like a lot of the time staying inspired was coming from places within just me that felt inauthentic. i think my writing benefits from my ability to see multiple perspectives, so i felt like a lot of dialogue or writing itself was suffering just coming from me alone. it took a lot of work to ensure that it wasnt like that. 

and then, motivation was also so hard. the internet and the news and everything about america, the planet, the everything was unrelenting and draining. we as people were privy to so much trauma this year, to the collapse and fracture of communities, lives, governments. there were several weeks at the end of may and into june where i just...couldnt. i had no energy for anything. it happened again in november after the election and the windfall of it. energetic tensions were so high it just felt so hard to push out words when things were breaking everywhere. like there were more important things i needed to focus on, and healing was one of them.

what was the most enjoyable/rewarding part of writing this year?

i enjoyed the new community of writers/friends i found by writing for bts again. they challenged me and pushed me to better myself. @jamaisjoons is so inspirational in the way she generates community and encourages relationships between storytellers. doing the summer bucket list pushed me out of my hermit hole for camp nano, and i cranked out molotov cocktail and felt so proud of it. it mattered so much to me because it was the first long thing id written after a period of feeling deceased, and it was so enjoyable because there was a sense of community around it. its easy to forget how essential having a support system in your creative community is.

what piece has left the most impact on you and why?

probably ciperion. words cannot express how proud i am of that story and the direction its going in. i read it back sometimes and i realize that my writing was elevated because of that piece. tbh molotov was responsible for that lift, but ciperion was just a whole other tier. ive also never written anything like that story before and it felt so good exploring the themes of seafaring and pirates. 

what have you learned about yourself through the process of writing in the past year?

that i absolutely am someone who took for granted how inspiring the world is even if i see it as a stressor. but also that writing isnt necessarily about being inspired. its about pushing on when its hard. some of my best pieces came from that kind of push this year. 2020 felt like...a slog through most of it, but i kept pushing myself to write even when i was low and tired. i realized that some of my best writing comes from that push, when its not easy and when its difficult and i have to think harder. thats where i grow. 

how has your writing changed in the past year? how have you grown?

i think im more syntax and detailed focused than i used to be. lately ive been experimenting with making the act of reading feel like pleasure. my favourite books are the ones where i read a sentence, and im moved because it felt nice to read or it felt powerful. the sentence itself had power, not the image it was trying to convey. somehow separate, if that makes sense. theres a lot i need to learn before i could go off comfortably and try to write a book, and this is what ive been trying to master. my attention to detail has grown, and sometimes i think thats a detriment. i think sometimes im too detailed and i dont leave my reader enough power on their own. im still finding that balance, but i think im pleased right now with what im trying to push myself to master.

2021

ignoring your wips for a second, if you had all the time and energy in the world to write your magnum opus piece, what would it be about? why is that the dream story you’d write, all other things controlled for?

ive had two books in my mind forever. one was originally being written as a fanfic in a different fandom before i stopped and realized its too big and so much more important, and is worth being a book id like to write. if i wrote an opus like this it would actually be a book id submit to publishers but ~

- hundreds of years in the future, society has learned how to cure most diseases. for those we cannot, the sick person can be cryogenically frozen for a period of time until a cure is found. there is, however, a limit to the length of time they are frozen. no one has ever been frozen for over 100 years, and the main character is a scientist embarking on the experiment to do just that. it is, effectively, time travel. the main character is rash, selfish, sarcastic - not a very nice person; invested in their work and science and little else. they freeze themselves and wake up in the future. during their time in rehab they have to confront the horror theyve made of themselves, the horror people have made of the future, learn to be vulnerable. they end up falling in love with another scientist etc etc. theres so much more to this story and the world is enormous. one day ill revisit it

- a fictional play on orpheus in the underworld where a female main character’s brother was sold by their mother to the goddess of the underworld (helena instead of hades) for eternal youth. the gods all live in a hotel (the concept of this main thing is being used in elysian fields but its not remotely the same) after they were removed from the heavens. main character (ophelia) must gather several totems from the gods to prove her worth and survive her trip into the underworld to rescue him. id like to not focus on a woman finding romance, and instead a woman finding herself, her strength, her devotion to family, her power, and connecting with her history.

how do you want to grow in your writing this year?

this year id like to find balance, like i mentioned above, with my need for detail and my trust in my readers. the balance between detail and dialogue. i want to try to condense my writing again so not everything is a goddamn series. the ideas i have are huge and thats great but i need to remember how to parse things again, while still maintaining impact.

what’s one thing you’d wish to see in the fan-writing community this year?

i want more community, in general. as a multi fan, i see pockets in the kpop fandom where it exists and im well and truly aware that its recently become incredibly hard to foster on the exo side. ill just say that. maybe i dont witness it or its happening amongst blogs i havent found or have not found me. i want to see less dialogue about ‘popular blogs,’ whatever that means; less focus on notes; less worries about statistics. i want people to remember that fandom is not about numbers, and the moment you make it about that is the moment you stop having fun. i want less fear from writers regarding sharing work they read and liked, less shame around it. i want to see more vocal communication for the things people like and don’t like, more engagement and more interaction. the concept of popular blogs is so ridiculous to me, because no one has any control over the metrics. no one has control over who follows them or reads their work except the person doing the actual reading. i want people to realize they hold so much power - a person with 10k notes has as much power as a person with 2 notes because sharing is what fosters community. i want this fandom to remember to share again.

name one new thing you want to try doing in your writing this year.

gosh i really love postmodernism in writing. think like mark z danielewski, who plays with the shapes of words or the act of holding a book - the physicality of it. id like to maybe write a choose your own adventure, or do something that encompasses multiple platforms. or even, more importantly, finish as still as sound and time runner. those are more reasonable goals. time runner actually is done, i just need to stop pressuring myself about it and edit it to get it up. asas, too, is largely done i just need to get my ass together. i have so many other ideas no one has ever seen i need to finish what ive started. thats a real goal.

tagging: @yehet-me-up @jamaisjoons @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @luffles424 @yoonia @shadowsremedy @chillingkoo @onherwings @inkedtae @ninibears-erigom @imdifferentshadesofpurple @readyplayerhobi @ditzymax @sugaurora @snackhobi @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @johobi and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if comfortable or you want to!

#writer conversation tag

[punishedalexandar]

so the organized Belarusian opposition has recently published a list of demands and i thought they’d be worth going over in addition to everyone who is covering the protests themselves.

the manifesto can be found here in russian (archive.org link as i’ve started getting a 508 error in between compiling this and writing it as a tumblr post). i will not go over every word there but i encourage you to read it yourself if you feel my summary is incomplete.

the second paragraph of the introductory section starts out saying “To create a modern labor market with low unemployment, opportunities for young people, economic potential for investors and entrepreneurs, it is necessary to establish a new balance of interests.” here it bears emphasis that according to the world bank belarus’ unemployment rate (source, world bank) is 4.5%, putting it on par with Austria. remember that low unemployment is the first thing listed by opposition economists, as this will be relevant later. when they tell us they are looking to reduce unemployment and create opportunities for investors in a country with regionally normal unemployment rates, what they mean is they want to create opportunities for investors only.

we now move on the the first bullet-point in the section “Problems to be Solved by Our Reforms”

“The labor market is over-regulated. Difficulties in hiring and firing employees“ this is for sure an odd criticism to make considering we were just told unemployment is apparently the main problem. i don’t know about you guys but i sure wish the labor market here was over-regulated and it would be more difficult to fire people. im not one to use reaction gifs but this would be a great place for a confused sassy black woman.

the bullet-point list is concluded by a repeated statement of grievance against the state for overstepping its bounds in determining the terms of an employment contract “reducing the incentive to work.” if your employer was lobbying for their right to increase the “incentives to work” in their contract with you, what do you think that’d look like ? what does that term mean in a practical sense, would your employer have to lobby the government to offer you lucrative overtime pay or would they rather lobby to reduce your base wage and then add a performance-adjusted “bonus” ? the second point simply states that “The government's job creation and retention policy focuses on maintaining large state-owned enterprises through cash infusions, though the resources of the state in the economic crisis are declining.” again as if a job retention scheme is inherently a bad thing.

on to the next list, “Goals and Objectives of the Reform”

“Development of a promising system of full and productive employment based on the priority of generally recognized principles of international law.“ it would be nice to know what is meant here by “recognized principles of international law” unless of course that means selling off of the before mentioned state jobs to international businesses at below-market value as was done in virtually every country in eastern europe in the last 25 years, in that case i would not like to know what they mean by that expression.

“support for the unemployed and workers at risk of job loss” just seems further contradicting all the previous grievances of how hard it is to let people go, so is your plan to jeopardize their position and then give them training and assistance to make up for the loss of job security you caused or ???

(TOP - “5. Modernization of infrastructure (roads, electricity, thermal energy, telecommunications, water supply, waste collection and environmental protection”

BOTTOM - “to attract investors”)

the rest of the list is really just more repeats or meaningless terms like “fighting corruption”

now we’re getting to the meat of the reforms: how they are proposing to realize them. in order to generate employees, they are proposing to: support the liberalization of hiring practices (most likely meaning introducing zero hour contracts), threefold reducing the individual tax rate, adoption of the patent (as a practice), threefold reduction in rental rates for objects owned by the state, reducing administrative burden by half. 

as a result of these changes, 300k jobs will be created in the next two years. the plan says verbatim “These places will be occupied by both young people and workers dismissed from state-owned enterprises.” now i must confess i did not go to business school but i feel like if you fire 300k people, and then re-hire (most of) them with worse contracts, while paying less to rent the factories or land they worked on before anyway, you really cannot say you “created” 300k jobs. idk tho just how i see it.

other highlights include “we should be allowed to sell you shittier quality products so you have to buy more of them”

gotta have a section on Small Businesses. everyone loves mom and pop stores and cool startups, best not think about how its precisely their smallness that makes it so easy for large (foreign and domestic) companies to buy them because they don’t have the overhead to withstand larger companies operating at a temporary loss to compete. precarious small businesses trying to not be pressured into bankruptcy are going to be an excellent sponge to soak up all those employees we dismiss from state-owned enterprises and force to move cross country to get jobs (it literally says labor migrants from other regions and cities in belarus will fulfill this demand for workers. why do they have to migrate ? i dont know)

ok now that we’ve fried the small fish here comes the big boys. “3. Take all possible measures to attract foreign investors, including transnational corporations (TNCs).” finally a chance for the proud and appropriately-valued youth of belarus to work in call centers and machine tool manufacturies owned by T-Mobile and Volkswagen.

here’s what they simply have to do to get those charitable transnational corporations to toss these cold slavs a penny: large-scale privatization, land market (ie. privatizing forests or areas with natural gas or mineral deposits), creation of legal guarantees for property rights, acceptance of EU-given standards for goods an services (shout out to the real ones who know the EU literally has regulation allowing the use of cheaper and more dangerous pesticides and perservatives on goods meant for export to the eastern part of the EU “in order to be able to sell at competitive prices in countries with lower relative value of the same currency we forced you to use”) 

im gonna start skipping around more because there’s a lot of repetition, a lot of “once we fire all these people we can re-hire them, and that means we’ll create another 100k jobs” but this phrase specifically stands out and demands having attention called to it. detoxification of assets is business talk for when you steal something and then just say it wasnt stolen and everyone agrees that was very cool actually.

and here we have the experts who developed this proposal. 

Lev Margolin - a Belarusian economist who regularly prostrates himself in public begging the IMF to impose privatization, even calling for public unrest in 2016 in order to force the international community to intervene and force those measures.

Yaroslav Romančuk - a libertarian politician, president of the Mises Center for Scientific Research thinktank. in an interview with Radio Free Europe - Georgia published Aug 15th, openly stated that there were interests in ukraine associated with the pro-EU euromaidan movement interested and willing to oversee transition to a free society. he also named Mikheil Saakashvili as someone who he would like to be a mediator between the opposition and president lukašenka. Saakashvili is the former president of Georgia, having come to power during the 2003 Rose Revolution (hi mr Soros), whose tenure is highlighted by a strong push towards NATO membership, increasing the military budget by a multiple of 30, and starting joint drills with the US Army. he also privatized georgia’s healthcare system, leaving a great deal of the population without healthcare as they were stranded between being able to afford private, but not being poor enough to qualify for the public option. a short five years after becoming president, allegations of corruption, money laundering, extortion, and abuse of power were made against him, in response to which he had early elections which he won amid widespread accusations of voter fraud. hmm. later he would be so popular he had to flee to ukraine in 2014 after euromaidan where he was appointed governor of odessa and given ukranian citizenship (yes, in that order). crazy how ukraine doesnt allow its citizens to be extradited or something. anyway yeah thats the guy the opposition wants to be the mediator between them and lukašenka

Stanislav Bogdankevič - former chairman of the Belarusian National Bank ousted on suspected embezzlement and money laundering charges and also an IMF beggar. hobbyist advisor to ukrainian politicians and belarusian politicians acting in ukraine.

Mikhail Čigir - former prime minister of belarus, seems to be household name soft opposition, has interviews with RFE Belarus but doesn’t seem openly linked to the IMF or calling for widespread privatization like the rest on this list.

if you’ve made it to the end or this is the last thing you see before scrolling by, i want to emphasize that i am in no way contesting the accusations of voter fraud. there is not a chance lukašenka got 80% of the vote as he claims, nor am i defending treatment of the protesters. the people in the streets are overwhelmingly participating an organic social movement against the government. however it is rarely the people in the street who get to make the decisions following this sort of toppling of a system of power, rather well funded and well organized groups with ties to foreign interests who have something to offer to the international community (political and financial) in exchange for approving and orchestrating regime change. it is worth talking about what their plans are, and how similar plans have affected people in neighboring countries that were in similar situations. what i wish for the people of belarus is the ability to pursue fulfilling personal lives that are not marred by choices like “can i afford to start a family ?” 

#belarus #alyaksandr lukashenka #yaroslav romanchuk #sviatlana tsikhanouskaya #will prob edit and add tomorrow luckily im being paid big lukašenka rubles so i can say whatever as long as it ends with IMF kill yourself

[justheretobreakthings]

Remember Me - Chapter 14

(First Chapter) (Previous Chapter) (Next Chapter)

Word Count: 5,504 (Total Word Count: 57,367) Read on AO3

Story Summary:

It was strange enough for the paladins of Voltron to have found another human this far from home, locked in a Galra prison. But it was stranger still when this human insisted that he knew them, and even that he was the former red paladin of Voltron.

That couldn’t possibly be true, could it? After all, if this Keith was actually a part of the Voltron team, then why does nobody remember him?

Chapter Preview:

“Keith,” Allura snapped. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Saving the stupid mission, what’s it look like I’m doing?” Keith shot back.

“You were supposed to stay on the bridge with Coran!”

“Whoops,” Keith said drily. “Guess I forgot. Lance, on your eleven.”

“On my - hey!” Lance yelped, veering Red away as Keith sped by mere inches from her port flank. “Watch where you’re flying!”

“How’re things looking, Pidge?”

“Well, the intel holds true. We’re definitely getting readings in line with the ones the rebels sent us.”

“And you’re sure it’s quintessence?”

“Either that or the most bizarre new form of static cling ever discovered.”

Allura sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she frowned up at the screen where imaging from the Green Lion’s viewport was being projected back into the bridge, where the other paladins stood gathered, watching intently. “Pidge,” Allura said, “What have I told you about being sarcastic when reporting to base?”

“Hard to say, princess, I tend to tune you out when we get onto that topic.”

“Pidge,” Shiro said, tone scolding.

“Sorry. In any case, there’s definitely readings of quintessence on this ship, but it’s also definitely… different.”

“Different how?” Allura asked. “Different like the quintessence the Blade’s been trailing?”

“No, see here.” The view on the screen switched to Pidge’s helmet cam, and she pointed to a readout on her dashboard. “There’s no pattern to the energy surges. The quintessence that the Blade found in connection to Lotor had different energy readings than the ones we have on record from that druid lab we found way back when, but they were still regular. This stuff here, though, it’s like - it seems… unstable.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re moving around in Green,” Lance suggested. “Like, you know, you’re getting closer and farther to the ship, so the reading’s weird?”

“No, Lance,” Pidge sighed. “That’s not it.”

“Well, we can’t know that for sure until - ”

“Yes, we can. Distance doesn’t affect how Green picks up quintessential residue. She releases a signal toward a pre-calculated epicenter on the targeted area that remains completely static regardless of - ”

“Never mind,” Lance said. “I just decided you know what you’re doing.”

“Oh, goody, I feel validated.”

“Could whatever’s creating the quintessence energy be being actively altered right now?” Shiro asked. “Perhaps there’s a working lab in that ship?”

“Doubtful,” Coran spoke up. “Not with that make of ship. It’s a cargo ship, for one thing, but beyond that, it looks to be modeled after the Galra’s old Lexell-N-13 ships. Wonderful stability in the engine room, but notoriously terrible at maintaining internal gravity levels. A dreadful place to be doing precision lab work.”

“So, what are we looking at, then?” Allura asked.

“Transporting supplies, no doubt,” Coran answered. “Whatever’s leaving the quintessence traces may be what’s being experimented upon.”

“Not sure if that really gives us the greatest well of answers as to what the druids have been up to,” Keith commented from the back of the group. “Not if we don’t get access to their process in action, I mean.” This was the first he had spoken since Allura had told them about the signal the rebel group had picked up. Amid their wormholing to the coordinates and sending Pidge out in her cloaked Green Lion to scout out the ship the rebels had come across, he had remained quiet, intently focused.

“Perhaps not the greatest,” Coran replied, “But still useful. We can certainly glean information from whatever is being transported, both the cargo itself and inventory logs, and if they’re keeping travel records, we could use those to find out where the ship is coming from and where it’s going - two other locations that would be immense resources to us.”

Shiro nodded. “All right. Princess, your call: are we looking at an infiltration mission here?”

“That would probably be the best course of action,” Allura answered.

Lance lifted his hand in question. “Should we go for hijacking the ship while we’re down there? I’m just thinking, if this stuff important to Witch Lady, probably would be helpful to keep it from getting to checkpoint B, right?”

“Not in this case, no,” said Allura. “If we’re able to get information about the ship’s docking points, we’re going to want to be able to go investigate them afterward. As long as we’re stealthy and don’t impede the ship’s route, they won’t know we’re coming. If we interfere with them though, or if they’re able to send off any communication that something’s gone wrong en route, they’ll have time to clear the evidence. And if that prison was anything to go by, it seems that’s something at which the druids are quite adept.”

“All right,” Shiro said with a brisk nod. “I could join Pidge, and we can go down in Green and try and make our way into the ship.”

“Sounds good,” Allura said. “Lance, be on standby in Red in case they need help making a quick exit. Hunk and I can ready Blue and Yellow in case any shots start firing, and we can regroup once you’re either finished, or if a battle situation erupts.”

“What should I do?” Keith asked as the others started toward their ziplines.

Allura paused mid-step. “What - what should you do?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. Should I ride down with someone, or do we have any cruisers to spare, or…?”

“Right. Right.” Allura cleared her throat. “Well, actually, er, it - it would probably be very helpful to have an extra set of eyes here on the bridge to, say, keep an eye on - ”

“Uh-huh,” Keith cut her off, and Lance could practically see him physically deflating. “Yeah, I’m sure that’ll be helpful.”

Allura sighed. “Keith, this isn’t a matter of you not being helpful, it’s - ”

“I just figured, you know, this is sort of my mission too, isn’t it?” Keith asked. “I mean, we’re - we’re looking into this ship because it’s a lead on, um, my - my, uh, my whole… deal, with Haggar, and I thought - ”

“Keith - ”

“And like I’ve already told you, I’ve got experience with infiltration missions, so I know what I - ”

“Keith,” Shiro said. He had doubled back toward him from his path toward the zipline, and he set his hand on Keith’s shoulder, turning the smaller man slightly to look him in the face. “I promise you, this isn’t anything personal. I’m sure you’d do just fine on a mission. But right now, we just need to do this quickly and efficiently, and that’s going to be more difficult if there’s an unfamiliar element in the mix, you know? We’re, ah, used to the current Voltron dynamic, we know how to work off of it.”

Keith bit at his lower lip for a moment before dropping his gaze and nodding. “Right, sorry,” he mumbled. “I hadn’t thought of - I’ll, uh, stay here with Coran.” Shiro smiled and patted his shoulder before moving away.

“Oh, I’m honored to have the companionship!” Coran said, brightly and just a little too loudly to be perfectly natural, before throwing his arm around Keith’s shoulder and tugging him toward the mission control screens. “Don’t know how many of these instruments you’re familiar with, so let me give you a quick rundown!”

He began an enthusiastic tutorial of the various monitors and buttons, and the other paladins took the opportunity to start toward the ziplines again. Lance shuffled over to walk beside Shiro. “You know,” he whispered. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” Shiro asked.

“Like, give Keith a whole speech if he doesn’t like an order? I know you’ve never been big on pulling rank, but, I mean, you and Allura are in charge, right?”

Shiro shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt anything. ‘Specially when he’s still not in the greatest state mentally and all.”

“He’s a lot better on that mark lately. It just doesn’t seem - ”

“Gotta split up here, Lance,” Shiro said, gesturing toward the zipline entrances.

Lance huffed out a breath. “Right,” he grunted, parting ways with Shiro and moving toward his own zipline. He could let the matter drop. It wasn’t as if he actually cared about whether Shiro was coddling Keith too much. It just had seemed worth a mention.

That’s all.

He slid down the zipline and into Red’s waiting cockpit, and from there he flew out of the hangar to wait, and it was easy to put any concerns about how Shiro was handling Keith to the back of his mind. Red had a way of keeping him focused during a mission. Lance wasn’t sure if it was just the thrill that came with being in the pilot seat, or if the Red Lion’s own keenness and confidence were contagious. Probably the latter, if he were to be honest. And it was something he wouldn’t trade away for the world.

He waited for the others to get their places situated; Allura and Hunk were flanking Black on the way down so Shiro could move into Green for the infiltration itself, and keeping the lion covered until Shiro could return to the pilot’s seat. Once Shiro had made his move, he tailed Green along back toward the Galra ship, keeping his distance.

“Found what looks to be a good entry point over beneath this wing,” Pidge said into the comms. “I can keep Green’s cloaking on and dock her. Lance, keep an eye out on the exterior and be ready in case we need to use a different exit point.”

“Roger,” Lance said. He started Red on a wide swingaround to the other side of the Galra ship, keeping his eyes peeled all the while for any activity.

“You got any schematics you can send my way, Coran?”

“Got some for the old Lexell-N-13,” Coran answered. “Not sure it will be precisely the same as this ship, but should give you a good guideline.”

“Pass ‘em over,” Pidge said. “Long as an access point to their security network’s in roughly the same place, I’m good to go.”

Lance kept his position in the air, and the others were quiet over their comms as they waited before Shiro said softly, “Disembarking Green now.”

“Got you on my radar, Shiro,” Lance said, pulling up the thermal imaging scope on Red’s dashboard and focusing onto the entry site Pidge had pointed out earlier, where two bright blurs indicated Shiro and Pidge’s presence. “Think your coast is clear.”

“All right, I’ll make my way toward security,” Pidge said. “Assuming that these schematics are accurate?”

“I’m eighty percent sure that they are,” Coran said.

“Good enough. Okay, Shiro, quintessence reading’s mostly centered farther back along the cargo bay toward the aft fuselage. Start heading that way, I’ll monitor you?”

“Already on it,” Shiro said.

Lance watched as the two blurs from their heat signatures parted and took off, tracking them until they started overlapping with others on the ship in connecting hallways. At that point he minimized the thermal vision on his dashboard and brought Red around to monitor from behind the cover of one of the ship’s elevons.

“At the security bank,” Pidge said after a few doboshes, “How’s everyone holding up?”

“Hunk and I are holding steady out here, Pidge,” Allura replied.

“Same here,” Lance said.

“Think I’m gonna need a hand, actually,” Shiro said. “Door’s not responding to my arm.”

“Shit, hang on, I don’t see any alarm raised or anything, so what did - ”

“It didn’t light up red or sound an alarm, it was just unresponsive. Seems like it’s turned off.”

“All right, hang on, let me get that powered back up for you.” There was quiet for a few moments before Pidge said, “Uh, Shiro, what door are you trying to open?”

“The cargo bay entrance? Why?”

“Well, I’m looking, and I can’t find any entrance to the cargo bay.”

“What?”

“Like, there’s definitely a cargo hold here on the ship, got official schematics here in the security bank, but I can’t… figure out how to get there.”

“Could you send those schematics my way, Pidge?” Coran asked.

“Sure thing.”

“Pidge?” said Shiro. “If this isn’t the entrance to the cargo hold - ”

“Hold on, let me find you on the monitors… yeah, looks like you’re trying to access a liquid hydrogen tank.”

“Then how do I get to the cargo hold?”

“I’m looking…”

“Don’t forget, Pidge,” Coran said. “You’re also looking for access to transport records and inventory logs.” In the background, Lance could hear Keith’s voice softly ask, “Can I look at the schematics?”

“Yeah, yeah, I didn’t forget,” Pidge said. “I’ve got two hands, Coran, I can only type so much at once.”

“So what should I - ” Shiro started.

“Lay low for sec,” Pidge answered. “Look, I’ll - I’ll keep an eye on the cameras while I work my way into their records, Coran can start trying to figure out a way into the cargo hold.”

“I don’t think there is one,” Keith said.

A pause, then, “Come again, Mullet?” Lance asked.

“Well, I mean, there is, technically, but it’s not - look, I recognize these schematics, we infiltrated a ship with this exact same layout once when I was with the Blades, must have been the same model of - ”

“Now, Keith,” Allura sighed, “We have been over this. You were never actually - ”

“No, okay, whatever, I wasn’t actually a Blade, but I swear, I know this ship! And you’re not gonna be able to get to the cargo hold, not from inside.”

“What are you talking about?” Pidge asked.

“It’s an added security measure to ensure that only select people have access to whatever’s being transported. You can’t get to the cargo hold from inside, not unless you go completely smashing through some walls. The only way to get to the cargo is through the exterior bay doors, and they locking mechanisms and key codes aren’t connected to the ship’s internal network, so Pidge won’t be able to hack them from where she is.”

“Aw, isn’t it so sweet how much the Galra all respect and trust each other,” Pidge muttered. “So what, we’re gonna have to go try to get into the cargo bay from the outside?”

“Nothing doing, short stuff,” Lance said. “I’ve got the exterior cargo bay doors in my view. Windows all around, right in the line of a laser turret just off the starboard wing, no place to dock Green… there’s no way in Hell you’d ever be able to get in there without being spotted.”

Keith let out a little grunt of frustration before saying, “Well, then, forget about the stealth, and you can just - ”

“Absolutely not,” Allura said. “Remember, if we give away our activity, we give them the opportunity to clear out evidence wherever the ship is intending to go.”

“But - ”

“Sorry, Keith, but Allura’s right,” Shiro said. “For now, we may just have to forego the cargo and focus on Pidge’s info download.”

“...Fine.”

“Well,” Pidge said. “The good news is, that shouldn’t take much longer. Think I’m just about into their primary drive, so if we - ” A sudden blare sounded into the comms, making Lance wince and put a hand over his ear. “Fuck!” Pidge spat.

“What happened?!” Shiro cried.

“Pidge, did you trigger an alarm?!” Hunk asked.

“No, no way, I - ”

Whatever she said next, Lance didn’t hear. His eyes widened as one of the turrets on the ship rotated toward him. A nudge from Red kept his surprise from freezing him in his tracks, and he had time to grab onto the steering and pull away before a laser blast came shooting his way.

“Crap!” Hunk yelped. “They’re shooting!”

“You don’t say?!” Lance grunted. “Sorry, Pidge, they spotted Red, think that’s what triggered the alarm!”

“Shit,” Pidge muttered. “Woulda been nice for you to wait a few minutes more before making your grand entrance, Lance!”

“Hey, Red is a gigantic robot lion in the sky, there’s only so much I can do to keep her from being noticed!”

“Paladins, please!” Allura said. “This is not the time! Pidge, Shiro, get back to Green! I’ll escort Black around so Shiro can make the transfer. Hunk, you’re on defense, get to Lance and stave off any attacks. Coran, prepare the castle for me to return and make a wormhole for us.”

A chorus of ‘right’s and ‘roger’s sounded through the comms as everyone hastened to comply with the orders. Lance dove out of the way of another blast from the ship before sending one of his own back through Red’s open mouth.

“Hey,” Keith said. “As long as your cover’s been blown - ”

“Not really a good time, Keith!” Lance shouted as he narrowly dodged another blast.

“But we can use whatever’s in the cargo hold!”

“Keith, we don’t have time,” Pidge said. “I don’t know how long it will take to figure out the locking mechanism on the bay doors, and we can’t - ”

“Then forget the locking mechanism, you can get through the doors by force!”

“If we wreck the doors or the cargo bay, we’ll no doubt also destroy the cargo,” said Shiro.

“If you’re careful about where you hit, there will be enough left intact to at least get something! Bring one of the Lions close enough, and - ”

“Even if that is the case, they’ve got weapons mounted right outside the cargo bay,” Lance pointed out. “You try to get into it, you’ll get shot down easy.”

“Not if you’re fast and you dodge!”

“Enough!” Allura said firmly. “We’re cutting our losses now, and that’s that. This is not up for debate.”

Keith let out a growl of frustration, and Lance heard a thump in the comms before Coran said, “Keith, where are you - ?” He paused, then, “Think he left to cool down.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Shiro said. “We’re at Green, boarding her now. Allura, ETA?”

“Within the dobosh,” she answered.

“On the bright side, least this wasn’t a total wash,” Pidge said. “Managed to get those transport records opened up before the alarm sounded, so I’ve got coordinates on hand now.”

“Those coordinates certainly would have been more helpful if we’d been able to maintain stealth, but I suppose they’re better than nothing,” Allura said. “We’ll have to - ” She stopped as a beeping sounded over the comms, followed by a thoughtful “Hm” from Coran. “Coran?” she asked. “What was that?”

“Erm, nothing, princess,” Coran answered.

“Coran - ”

“Allura, we’ve got visual on you and Black!” Shiro interrupted. “Moving in for transfer now.”

“Right, right,” Allura said.

“Feel free to hurry,” Lance said as Red sent another blast of flame toward the ship, “Sooner we get that wormhole opened, the better.”

“We’re all more than aware of that, Lance,” Allura said.

“Hey, guys? Looks like they have reinforcement coming in,” Hunk said.

“Quiznak, you’re kidding me!” Allura said. “What are we looking at here?”

“Just a small cruiser on my six o’clock, but I don’t know if more are intending to follow.”

“You and Lance hurry and take care of them.”

“On it,” Lance said, moving Red so that Yellow was blocking the ship from her before turning to face the new threat.

Just as he was preparing a beam, though, his comm crackled and Keith’s voice sounded into his ear. “Wait, wait, don’t shoot, that’s me!”

“Keith?!” Lance cried. “You’re their reinforcements?!”

“Wha - no! This is one of the castle’s cruisers!”

“Keith,” Allura snapped. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Saving the stupid mission, what’s it look like I’m doing?” Keith shot back.

“You were supposed to stay on the bridge with Coran!”

“Whoops,” Keith said drily. “Guess I forgot. Lance, on your eleven.”

“On my - hey!” Lance yelped, veering Red away as Keith sped by mere inches from her port flank. “Watch where you’re flying!”

“I know what I’m doing, Lance,” Keith growled.

“Like fuck you do,” Lance muttered as he turned to watch Keith speeding straight toward the ship. “Hey dumbass, you do realize that’s where the lasers are coming from, right?!”

“I’m aware,” Keith answered, dodging one even as they spoke, not letting up on his speed for a moment.

“I’m heading back toward the castle, wormhole to follow shortly,” Allura said. “What exactly are you - ?”

“I told you,” Keith said, “You wanna get into that cargo bay, you gotta use force.”

“Keith, you’re gonna get shot down before you get within a mile of that cargo!” Lance shouted.

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you - oh, for the love of - ” He hastily turned Red to fire at the turret that had been aiming for Keith’s cruiser. “See?! That thing just almost took you out!”

“But it didn’t!”

“Yeah, and you got me to thank for that! Now would you just - ” A crash echoed over the comms, and Lance’s jaw dropped as Keith rammed diagonally right into the exterior cargo hold door, leaving a massive dent in its wake.

“Keith!” Shiro shouted. “Stop that, you’re going to wind up hurt!”

“I already said I know what I’m doing,” Keith said. He started making a wide turn away from the ship, getting back into position to start careening toward it again.

“I hope you’re aware that the castle’s healing pods aren’t quite as good at healing corpses,” Allura said.

“Noted,” Keith replied, right before another crash, louder still than the one before it, and this time Keith’s cruiser managed to get through the cargo bay door, the tail end of the ship left sticking out of the vaguely cruiser-shaped hole in the metal.

“... Keith?” Shiro said. “Keith, come in! Keith!”

“Oh my God, is Keith dead?!” Hunk squeaked out.

“I’m fine,” Keith groaned. “Just… just a little winded.”

“Keith, are you hurt?” Shiro asked.

“I’m disemarking for a moment.”

“That doesn’t answer my question!”

“Hang on, there’s - shit,” Keith spat. Blasts started coming through the comms, and when Lance squinted, he could see small flashes of light in the edges of the hole not currently blocked by the cruiser. “What the hell’s going on in there?” Lance asked.

“I don’t think the cargo hold likes visitors…” Keith said.

“Then get the fuck out of there!” Pidge shouted. “Guess the locking mechanism’s not the only security on that cargo.”

“I know, I’m going, I’m going,” Keith said, and a few ticks later, the cruiser moved, backing out of the cargo door. A couple of small laser blasts followed him out, narrowly missing the cockpit.

As the cruiser made it out of the ship and started moving away, Lance kept half an eye on it. The vehicle didn’t look to be in the same shape it had been before its crash - only natural, he supposed - and Keith was no longer flying nearly as smoothly as before. The cruiser kept slowing and speeding, and repeatedly lurched to the side before being pulled back onto its course.

“Keith, I don’t think you’re ship’s in a good state to be in battle right now,” Shiro said over the comms before Lance could say anything. Seems he wasn’t the only one who noticed the erratic flying.

“It’s nothing,” Keith replied. “Just some dents.”

“It looks like a hell of a lot more than some dents. If you can’t fly it - ”

“I can fly it just fine, it’s just a little - ” He broke off to let out a small cry as a shot from the Galra ship caught his starboard wing, leaving him spinning out for a few ticks before managing to find equilibrium again.

“Just some dents, huh?” Pidge asked.

Keith was silent for a moment before hesitantly replying, “I, uh… I might need some help.”

“I’ve got him,” Lance said, resisting the urge to tear his eyes away from the battle long enough to roll them. “Hunk, cover me.”

“Roger that,” Hunk said. Yellow made a wide turn to fly between Red and the Galra ship, and Lance sped to where Keith’s little cruiser floated to scoop him up into Red’s mouth.

“Thanks,” Keith grunted.

“Uh-huh,” said Lance. “Now, what have we learned today about crashing ourselves into bigger ships and expecting to fly off unscathed afterward?”

“That you’re too chickenshit to try it?” Keith asked, his tone gratingly innocent. Lance scowled and grabbed a joystick on the dash to make Red shake her head back and forth. “Hey!” Keith yelped. “What are you doing?!”

“Sorry, Red had an itch,” Lance said.

“The lions don’t get itches.”

“And you would know that how, exactly?”

Keith went quiet, and Lance had to grimace to himself a little. Admittedly, that remark had been a bit of a low blow. He opened his mouth with the intent to say as much, but lost his trail of thought when the castle’s wormhole opened up in the sky before him.

“All right team, moving out,” Shiro said, and Black led the way through the wormhole, Red and her catch bringing up the rear.

The universe around Lance went eerily quiet as it always did when they went through a wormhole, that sudden transition away from the noise of battle always leaving a ringing in his ears. The silence was soon relieved by a buzz of conversation on the comms, appraising what they’d gotten from that mission and asking what was to be done next.

“Keith, are you going to need a pod?” Shiro asked as Lance neared Red’s hangar.

“Uh, hard to say,” Keith replied. “Think my ship’s more banged up than me, to be honest.”

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to check just to make sure. Coran?”

“Right-oh, Number One,” Coran said. “I’ll meet you boys in the hangar!”

“Thanks,” Keith grunted right as Red touched down. Lance lowered Keith’s cruiser to the floor delicately, taking care not to jostle it as a silent apology for knocking him around earlier.

Keith was struggling out of the cruiser as Lance descended from Red’s jaw, and the latter let out a low whistle at the state of the smaller vehicle now that he could get a better look at it. A chunk of the starboard wing had been torn off from that blast it had taken, and the crash had left the forward bulkhead half caved in. “Damn,” Lance said, “If this is what you consider ‘dented’, I’d hate to see your idea of a wreck.”

“It’s… probably mostly cosmetic damage,” Keith said, and Lance turned to him. This was also first time getting a look at Keith, since their communication had been entirely over the comms rather than any video feed, and Lance raised his brow at the other’s appearance. Keith had at some point outfitted himself in a thick, boxy armor and helmet, silvery-white save for pale blue accents on the joints and above the visor, a color scheme Lance recognized as that belonging to the old Altean military uniforms in the castle’s storage. Keith finished exiting the ship fully, pale face grimacing as he planted himself on the metal floor of the hangar. His left arm was tucked into his abdomen, his right arm wrapped around it, and he tilted as he found his footing.

Lance frowned. “Your ability to assess your ship’s damage doesn’t give me much faith in your whole ‘I don’t need a pod’ thing.” Keith just sighed.

The door to Red’s hangar opened then with its electronic whir, and Coran marched in with an authoritative stride. “All right, let’s see what the damage - good gracious!” he said as he approached and got a look at the ship. “That looks like - ”

“Yeah, I know,” Keith said. “I’m sorry. It can be repaired though, right?”

“Nothing’s ever beyond repair,” Coran replied. “But it certainly won’t be a quick job.” He tutted as he stepped in to examine the ship more closely. “You’ve got Hunk and my work cut out for us, haven’t you.”

“Sorry,” Keith said again.

“Well, what’s done is done.” He shook his head before turning back to Keith. “Now, boy, this ship’s not the only thing that took a beating, correct?” He gestured toward Keith’s abdomen. “Come now, let the Coranic have a look.”

Keith slowly moved his arm away, and Lance winced when the left hand came away covered in a splattering of scarlet. Coran pounced immediately, tutting away as he moved Keith’s arms aside and examined the injury himself, so Lance had to step around and crane his neck to see the blood seeping through a seam in the plackart.

“Dear dear,” Coran said. “I assume this was from that little crash?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Keith said. “Kinda wound up thrown into some dented part of the ship’s dashboard. I, uh… there was a little, um, I felt a crack.”

“A rib may have broken through the skin,” Coran remarked. “Let’s see about getting this armor removed, yes?”

“Is everything all right?” a voice called. Lance looked up to see the others at the entrance to the hangar. Shiro was at the front of the group, making his way briskly toward them, and he hadn’t even so much as removed his helmet before coming to check the damage, just having rolled up the visor instead. “Keith, are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” Keith answered as Shiro stepped in to hover over him at Keith’s side. The others, as they joined, hung back, giving Keith some space.

“Okay, my ass,” Shiro said. “You’re bleeding.”

“Well, I’ve had worse,” Keith said. “It’s not like this is the first time I’ve ever crashed a ship.” He squeezed his eyes shut and sucked a breath between his teeth as Shiro carefully peeled the chestplate from him. “And this one wasn’t even so bad. Yeah, I got thrown, but - but normally I hold up better than this, I swear.”

“Where did you get that armor?” Allura asked, frowning at the chestplate.

“Uh, in the armory?”

“Why did you select this armor?”

“It - it looked like it would fit? Why?”

“Because, this is infantry armor,” Allura answered. “It’s no wonder you got hurt. This armor’s not designed to hold against the sort of impact that would come from a full-bodied high-speed collision.” She lifted her gaze from the armor to Keith’s face, eyes narrowed. “You’re awfully lucky you weren’t hurt worse.”

“Good,” Keith muttered. “‘Bout time I got some good luck.” He gasped as Shiro gently probed at the underarmor an inch above the spot where the skin had broken.

“Definitely going to need a pod,” Shiro said grimly. “Keith, honestly, you gave us all a scare with that stunt of yours. If you want to go on missions with the team, you can’t just - ”

“Hey, that stunt got us quintessence, didn’t it?” Keith snapped.

The others paused, all holding still and staring at Keith in silence. “Um… what?” Shiro said.

“The quintessence. Snatched some before whatever security was in the cargo hold started firing on me. It’s in the cockpit.”

Immediately Allura turned and climbed onto the ship, clambering into the cockpit and stretching past the caved-in parts only to soon slide back out. Her eyes were wide as she gazed at the two clear tubes in her hand, each filled nearly to the top with a glowing, pale-yellow liquid.

“Well,” Shiro said softly. “I’ll be damned.”

“You’re welcome,” Keith said flatly.

Allura sighed. “Keith, regardless of whether or not you managed to - ”

“So sorry to interrupt, princess,” Coran said. “I’m in total agreement that Keith’s in need of a nice long lecture, but perhaps it ought to be saved until after he’s had his time in the pod? Shouldn’t be more than a varga or two.”

“Fine,” Allura said. “Get healed up, then we can discuss your… conduct. I’ll take charge of these in the meantime.” She gestured with a tilt of her head toward the vials of quintessence in her arms.

Keith nodded to her as Shiro slid his arm around Keith’s shoulders in preparation to walk him to the med bay. “Coran and I will get that taken care of,” Shiro said. “You three, go ahead and wind down; we can debrief once Keith’s out of the pod.”

The others nodded, and the group made their way out of the hangar. Beyond the door, they separated, Allura off to the bridge, Shiro and Coran balancing Keith between them en route to the med bay, and the rest heading off to the living quarters.

“All right, I’m just gonna say it,” Lance said as soon as Keith was out of earshot. “Anyone else starting to think New Guy is kind of an asshole?”

“Maybe a little bit,” Pidge said with a shrug. “But even you have to admit, he was pretty badass out there today.”

“Badasshole,” Hunk commented, and, at the looks the other two sent him, added, “Sorry, continue.”

“I’m just saying,” Lance said. “Hey, you guys don’t think Allura and Shiro are actually going to let Keith start joining us on missions and stuff, do you? I mean, yeah, he’s all eager for it, and okay, sure, he can pilot, but after that crap he was pulling, can’t imagine he’s much when it comes to, say, following orders and, oh, not almost killing himself.”

“Hard to say,” Pidge replied. They turned the corner into the hallway housing their bedrooms. “Guess it’ll be their call. If nothing else, having him along for missions will definitely make them, um… exciting.”

Lance rolled his eyes as he made his way to his own bedroom. “And isn’t that just what Voltron needs,” he said drily as he opened the door. “More excitement.”

#vldgen #vld fic #voltron fic #keith #vld keith #my writing #fic: remember me

[theolddarkmachine]

Four Years- Sophomore Year

Settling back into the careful composure of his well worn scowl, Keith lifts his glass in Shiro’s direction.

“I’ll stick with Shirogane, then, thanks,” he says brusquely as he raises the glass to his lips in an attempt to hide behind another swig of beer that he forgets isn’t there until he sees the flash of Shiro’s eyes as they meet his gaze through the emptied bottom of his glass.

Heat sparks in his chest, sending a flare racing up his neck and across the rise of his cheeks at the sound of Shiro’s husking laugh as, in a show of dominance, he tossed back the rest of his own drink.

“Looks like we’re ready for something stronger.”

Part 2 of 5

AO3

Warnings: None for now aside from underage drinking and ridiculous flirting, because this is a slowburn and that’s just how it goes. Will earn an E rating eventually. and by eventually i mean in the next chapter :3c

A/N: Originally I wanted to add lyrics at the start of each chapter from songs I felt encapsulated the feel for the chapter. But then I just couldn’t bring myself to add lyrics from Tupthumping and format them like poetry, but I tried to work that in another way instead. Enjoy.

********************

There were a great many thing things that Keith Kogane had learned by his second year of college. The first, is that being in a fraternity wasn’t actually that bad.

Not that he’d ever admit to Hunk that he was right.

Again.

But it had gotten him out of the hellhole known as dorm living and had even given him and Hunk a usable kitchen that didn’t carry the high risk of tetanus. It had even come with a fridge that was almost always stocked as long as Hunk promised an endless supply of his “Beta Famous Bear Claws.”

Really, everyone won in the end.

The second, is that he was disturbingly good at drinking games. So good, in fact, that he’d earned the title of The Anchor and had been the Beta’s not-so-secret weapon in every drinking competition that they found themselves in.

His only true match, was known as The Champion.

Or rather, Shiro.

Though, how the Alphas decided he should be called that was beyond him when he currently sat with one more win under his belt.

And the only reason Shiro had managed to pull his most recent win from him, was because he’d used his dimple against him.

Keith still maintains that it was an illegal play.

The third, is that fate is a dick.

A dick that had paraded itself into his life in the form of one Professor Slav. A dick that had forced them into a group essay together that totaled half of their overall semester grade.

A dick that had landed him in a slightly sticky booth across from Shiro with two drinks between them and not even the excuse of any games.

We should celebrate, Shiro had said as soon as they’d dropped their fluid mechanics essay off at Slav’s office.

Yeah, that’d be cool, Keith had said, as if the mere mention hadn’t sent his heart crashing into the roof of his mouth along with the acrid taste of bile. It’s an exaggerated reaction, he knows. One that isn’t really warranted given his otherwise calm and cool demeanor towards his classmate and frat rival.

Which brings Keith to the fourth, and final thing he’s learned. It was a revelation that he kept wrapped in all its bits of ominous cashmere, folded and tucked safely between the space of his third and fourth ribs where even he couldn’t touch it.

Because touching it was dangerous.

Acknowledging the softness that lined his insides would be sticking his hand within the garbage disposal of his emotions that would surely cut him to bits and leave him bleeding out on the floor.

Acknowledging it would mean admitting what he had known that exact moment he’d walked into that calculus class his freshman year.

That he’s completely gone for Shiro.

And not in the perfectly acceptable way that could have been rectified by a drunken night and bad decisions. In the a way that left his heart a pale imitation of Atlas holding up the weight of Shiro’s smile.

A smile that is burning a hole through his sternum as he watches the Alpha grab his beer and raise it in salute.

“To surviving Slav,” he says, sliding the words through his grin as he lowers his gaze to Keith’s pint before snapping it back up to his face. Deep within the silver there, he sees the fire of a challenge that stokes the flames within his own chest as he closes his fist around the cool glass and lifts it.

“And to being dumb enough to want to stay in aerospace engineering,” Keith replies before draining half of his beer if only for the excuse of looking away from the blinding glow of Shiro’s look.

“Who’d have thought that we would actually work well together,” Shiro hums thoughtfully as  Keith resurfaces, looking him over as he wipes a lazy line along the condensation thats gathered along his own glass.

“Did we?” He asks dumbly, eyeing what’s left and calculating if he could finish it off in one more go.

The answer? Yes, yes he could.

The real question is, should he?

“I think so,” Shiro says easily, his dimple working its way further into the corner of his mouth as he watches Keith, some secret enjoyment turning his gaze bright. If Keith didn’t know better, he’d think that Shiro knows exactly what he’s thinking.

The very thought paints his cheeks red as he scoffs and rolls his eyes to the ceiling.

“That makes one of us.”

Regret hits him almost immediately as something a lot like hurt turns Shiro’s gaze downcast, pushing an awkward silence along their booth that’s painfully pointed. If he were being honest, they really had worked well together, but that isn’t really the point, is it?

No matter how well they may have worked together, it didn’t change the fact that Shiro is off limits, painted with a big fat X.

Swallowing down his apology, Keith cuts his gaze to the other bar patrons, mentally cataloguing each face that turns their way. He’ll never hear the end of it if any of the Betas catch him sharing drinks with Public Enemy No. 1.

Sighing loudly, Keith slumps further into the booth, turning his attention back to Shiro only to be met by his unwavering stare.

It’s the kind of stare that carries confidence and nonchalance, as if Shiro doesn’t care who saw them there. Though, now that Keith thinks about it, he supposes that only makes sense.

Sal’s was, for all intents and purposes, sacred ground where all rivalries were checked at the door since it was the one bar in town that didn’t look too closely at IDs. As long as no one made things difficult, they could overlook the differences in the laminated photos. 

That very rule made it the kind of place where even the most vehement of enemies would be able to share a drink side-by-side.

Of course, it was also the kind of place where drunken students would input the same song in the jukebox to play for an hour straight. 

At first, it had been funny. Now, it feels like an ill omen.

The song, a drinking tune made popular thanks to the 90s, kicked in once more as it listed off an obscenely long list of drinks. Keith is pretty sure that if anyone drank all of those, they’d be knocked down and definitely wouldn’t be getting back up again.

Granted, staring down the barrel of Shiro’s gunmetal eyes, he thinks he might just give it a try.

“So tell me about yourself,” Shiro’s voice is a burning ember stoked within the crashing roar of the bar patrons around them as he leans forward, gaze filled with intent as he breaks the awkward silence of their booth. It makes Keith’s heart flip a perfect 10 from the judges within his chest as he opts to throw back the last of his beer if only to buy himself a bit more time.

The smooth IPA washed down his minor panic, leaving nothing but feigned confidence in its wake as he emerged from behind the emptied glass.

“I’m not sure what else you want to know, Shirogane,” he says just as smoothly, leveling him with a careful arch of his brow as he settling back into the booth as he raised a finger with each point he made.

“I’m a Beta, I clearly like the pain of this major, and I’m the one that kicks your ass every weekend in beer pong. What more do you want to know?”

Deep lines crinkle the edges of Shiro’s almond eyes as he pulls his forearm up to rest his chin on his open palm. It makes him look younger, almost wistful.

“Shiro,” he answers, tucking his grin behind a careful sip of his beer.

“What?” Keith’s voice is a flatline as loses his train of thought to the slow drag of Shiro’s tongue along the slick liquid that coated his top lip.

“My friends call me Shiro,” the Alpha bites out, turning his smile predatory as his eyes glow with the dumbly breathless nature of Keith’s voice. Friends, was not the right word at all.

Friends, held a connotation that he never wanted a part in.

Friends, was something he wouldn’t have even wanted to be even if they hadn’t landed themselves in rival fraternities that pitted them against each other every weekend.

What Keith wanted, was something a lot stronger. He wants late nights, secret smiles and names gasped into the darkness of night.

What he wants, are early mornings, soft sunlight with softer kisses and his eggs over easy.

That, however, is a secret that he would take with him right to his grave, because Keith was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a traitor. No matter how enticing Shiro’s crescent smile and starlit eyes are.

Settling back into the careful composure of his well worn scowl, Keith lifts his glass in Shiro’s direction.

“I’ll stick with Shirogane, then, thanks,” he says brusquely as he raises the glass to his lips in an attempt to hide behind another swig of beer that he forgets isn’t there until he sees the flash of Shiro’s eyes as they meet his gaze through the emptied bottom of his glass.

Heat sparks in his chest, sending a flare racing up his neck and across the rise of his cheeks at the sound of Shiro’s husking laugh as, in a show of dominance, he tossed back the rest of his own drink.

“Looks like we’re ready for something stronger.”

The words, accompanied with a wink, carry Shiro away as Keith opened his mouth around a silent protest just seconds too late. A dryness fills his throat as he watches his classmate push through the crowd, ignoring the lingering eyes as he passes until he reached the bar.

From here, Keith gets a front row seat to the snug fit of his jeans, and the way his navy henley pulls across his shoulders, the fabric set just this side of too tight in a way that would make him go weak in the knees if he was standing.

Good thing he wasn’t.

Even from behind, Keith can see the confidence that holds Shiro’s head high as he starts to speak with the bartender. He can imagine the easy smile that would work itself high in the full of his lips, drawing his cupid bow taut and deepening that damned dimple. Something dark curled itself low in his gut as he watched the bartender toss back his head with a laugh, the sound of it snatched away by the sound of Chumbawumba calling out for one Danny Boy. Light flashes off his glasses as he returns his gaze to Shiro, his own mouth split wide as he reaches beneath the bar.

Keith shaking his head as he watches, shaking the blackened thoughts from his head as he turns away, biting down on his lip until he tastes the sharp tang of blood. If he didn’t know better, he’d think the tart taste on the back of his tongue was jealousy.

Good thing he did.

A tray of shots materializes in front of him, their contents sloshing over their sides as they’re dropped unceremoniously with a clatter on the table before him, causing him to jump as Shiro pushes himself back into his side of the booth.

“Are you up for a game?” Shiro asks, the silver of his eyes muted with a dark challenge as he licks across a sharpened canine. It’s a feral move that cracks that pesky space between Keith’s ribs wide with the brambles of sticky, sharp desire. It buries itself deep into his bones, forcing the gaps further and further apart until he isn’t sure he’d be able to keep breathing.

Crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to hold it together, Keith tilts his chin high in defiance.

“I’m always up for kicking your ass, Shirogane,” he growls, pushing the words through his gritted teeth. A storm cloud rumbles across Shiro’s face as a hungry shadow turned it hard in a fleeting moment that makes Keith’s heart race. 

The air thickens between them, catching with the same static that fills the air before a tempest as they hold each others gazes over the tray of sharp smelling alcohol.

It would be something of a perfect moment if only Keith could hear something other than that damned song starting over yet again.

“What’re the rules?” He breathes, shattering the moment as Shiro shakes his head briefly, his gaze returning to their teasing shine as he reaches for the glasses between them.

“Simple,” he says with a shrug as he divvies up the shots until there are an equal amount on either side of the table. Six a piece.

Keith’s stomach turns.  

“I ask a question, if you don’t want to answer, you drink. You ask a question, if I don’t want to answer, I drink.”

It’s said easily, as if it the statement isn’t filled with all the makings of a trap. Shiro was handing Keith the opportunity to make this last as long— or as short— as possible. All he needs to do, is leave all his questions unanswered.

Six shots weren’t that many in the grand scheme of things, after all.

Keith’s certain he’s done more than that before.

Granted, that night had ended in a promise that he’d never drink again.

But hey. He never said he was perfect.

“Easy enough,” he agrees against the better judgement that screamed at him in the form of a strangely Hunk shaped angel on his shoulder. Smiling all teeth, he grabs one of the shot glasses and gathers it between his palms.

He takes a vodka drink, indeed.

“I’m glad we can agree.” A small shiver dances it way down the grooves of his spine as he watched Shiro’s hand fold around his own. “And in a show of good faith, I’ll let you go first.”

Violet catches steel as they eye each other. Lightning gathers along Keith’s skin as he hums lowly in faux thought as he thumbs the lip of his shot glass.

“Why aerospace engineering?” He asks finally, reveling in the way Shiro’s eyes widen at the tameness of the question. It’s a throwaway question meant to test the waters of Shiro’s intent, and Keith is sure he’s found it in the moments of silence that pass before he pulls himself back together to offer a low chuckle as he let’s his head hang with it.

“Would you believe me if I said I just love space?” Shiro asks, open and honest before him, coloring his tone a shimmery shade with a hidden plea to leave it at that. It flushes his system with curiosity as he let’s his eyes openly roam over the Alpha as if he could pull the truth from within his mind before shrugging noncommittally.

“Don’t see why I wouldn’t.” And though he tries to play it off coolly, Keith realizes that he means it. Through the weekly competitions and their short time as essay partners, Shiro had never given him any reason to question his sincerity. It was most of the reason why his heart always seemed to batter itself against the inside of his chest whenever he was near.

Shiro’s fingers rolled the shot glass back and forth within his grasp before he spoke.

“What about you?”

Keith’s reaction is instinctual as his hand twitches around the slick glass. He knows that he should throw it down for the sake of being one shot down and a bit closer to freedom. That would be the smart thing to do.

But there’s a heat pooling in his stomach and licking the inside of his veins and he wants. He wants so badly, that he’s sure he’s going to burn with it.

More importantly, he’s sure he’d enjoy it.

“I want to be free.” The words leave his lips before he can pick them apart. They carry a weight that hangs between them as Shiro nods in understanding that stokes the flames charring his insides.

“There’s something about the idea of making it up there that sounds like the best kind of escape.”

Pausing, he drags his gaze up from the clear liquid in his glass, filling his smile with wickedness  as he winks.

“And I just love space.” It earns him a bright laugh that dances over him as Shiro raises his shot toward him.

“Touché.”

“Why’d you choose the Alphas?” Keith throws out quickly once his laughter has died down, pulling his brow up in question as Shiro swallows down his shot without pause. There’s a sharp click of glass against wood as he drops it on the corner of their table with a hiss.

“Well color me intrigued,” he says with a laugh as Shiro grabs his next victim, shrugging a shoulder as he keeps his eyes down.

“I’d tell you if we were friends but apparently we aren’t.” His smile goes sharp, filled with the same bite as a wolf. It only grows more pointed as his voice dips into nonchalance.

“Which, why don’t you want to be?”

Air seizes in Keith’s throat as panic stings his edges, leaving him buzzing as he tries to swallow it down. Suddenly, the shot warming against his palm feels like bullet as he realizes taking it would only prove he had something to hide.

Though, from the way Shiro’s grin widens, he’s sure he already knows.

“You’re an Alpha,” he tries, ignoring the way his voice sounds strangled even to his own ears. Keith doesn’t even want to imagine what it sounds like to Shiro’s. 

Like the confession he was hoping to avoid, maybe?

The very thought fills his throat with the bitter sting of bile.

Tsking softly, Shiro raises a finger at him and wags it slowly as he falls into mock disapproval, shaking his head in time with each hardened sound.

“That, sounds like a lie, and a lie is two shots,” he says mercilessly as he uses that same shaming finger to push another one of Keith’s shots toward him. It stares up at him, it’s clear stare reveling that of Shiro’s silver as he cuts his glance between the two before he sighs.

At the very least, Shiro is letting it go, and he’ll play by the rules if it meant being able to hide the truth beneath the acrid taste of vodka.

The first shot burns the entire way down.

“Making up rules as we go, are you?” Keith hums, not putting much force behind it as he grabs the second.

It chases the first’s flames with a kamikaze crash.

“Guess you’ll never know.” Shiro’s laugh is kindling to the fire that the vodka has already set, and Keith can feel it snapping and popping as it grows at his core. Mixed with the pleasant buzz of his first beer, there’s a happy kind of tingle that’s making his fingertips feels like lightning clouds as he palms his third shot. It bubbles up within him until he finds himself laughing as well.

He can feel the weight of Shiro’s gaze on him, but he doesn’t care, because in that moment he can pretend that maybe this is something more than two classmates celebrating the end of a partnership neither of them had even asked for.

“Who’s the guy you’re always with?” The next question comes after his laughter has dried up, and it causes him pause as he tilts his head, pulling his brows together in question.

There’s only one person that Shiro could mean, and that’s—

“Hunk?” He asks, though he supposes Shiro wouldn’t actually know. That would make the question moot, though he figures it should be anyway.

Shiro doesn’t have much of a reason to care who his friends are.

“He’s my best friend.”

Silver cuts into him, carving deep grooves into his skin as if he was trying to decide if Keith’s answer is a lie. It tickles his insides and turns his cheeks a light pink as the alcohol makes him warm beneath the stare. Suddenly, Keith wonders if maybe he does have a reason, because something about that look feels exciting.

Feels like maybe Shiro understands the way his fingers are screaming out to touch.

The corner of his mouth twitches up around a smirk as he leans forward on his forearms.

“Why, are you jealous?” He breathes. Shiro holds his gaze as he snatches up his next shot, throwing it back and baring his throat before dropping it in his shot glass graveyard.

A thrill runs through Keith that makes the edges of his vision light as he mirrors his stance and pushes himself forward against the table.

“Do you want me to be?” Shiro returns, barely hiding his smile as Keith opens his throat around another mouthful of vodka. It’s accompanied by the sound of his triumphant laughter mixed with the sweet, dulcet sounds of Tubthumping.

“Why do you want to be my friend so badly?” Keith volleys before the glass hits the wood, not even bothering to drop it by the empties.

The game had gotten interesting, and there was no point in pretense anymore.

Shining steel flicks downward as Shiro considers his words, mulling them over between the teeth he’s running over his bottom lip. And then he’s looking up and painting Keith’s vision a metallic shade as all else falls away. It leaves him feeling light, as if he’s about to float away, and now he remembers why he promised to never do shots again.

“I tried to tell you last year, you’re my type.”

He says it like a summer breeze. As if it were easy. As if it was right. As if it doesn’t set Keith ablaze and fill his lungs with smoke as he shakes his head.

“Lie, take two,” he manages as he tries to smoothly push one of Shiro’s shots toward him. Vodka spills over the side and slicks the table beneath it as he ignores it, instead smearing it along the table top as he pushes the glass further. Everything goes loud around them as Keith finds himself sinking beneath Shiro’s starlight gaze as he searches for something that only he could know.

“My turn,” Shiro’s voice is pitched low as he drops his stare to Keith’s mouth. In a brief moment of clarity, he notices the way it’s gone almost black.

“Kiss me?”

Everything stops and speeds up all at once as Keith finds himself floundering, crushed beneath the question. He should pull away.

He should laugh it off and take his shot.

He should bite back the gasp that has parted his lips.

But this is a game of what he should do, and what he does, and what Keith does, is none of the above.

Instead, he finds himself moving forward, his body propelled by the heat of Absolut and desire until he feels the unyielding pressure of Shiro’s mouth against his. It gathers the glowing heat of a star in his ribcage as they move against each other. Licking into his mouth, Keith steals the moan from Shiro’s tongue as he curls his fingers into the fabric of his shirt to hold him steady.

The new star incinerates his bone and his skin before building him back up and he’s certain he can see new universes glowing against the backs of his eyelids.

It’s too little and all to much as the room starts to burn around him, leaving a single point of clarity in the form of a heated palm against his nape.

That very palm, is the last thing Keith remembers as everything falls away into darkness, leaving nothing but the echo of that god forsaken song in its wake.

You’re never gonna keep me down.

***

Pain slices through Keith’s temple as he’s awakened by the sudden violence of his alarm going off. Eyes flying open as he pushes his way up from his bed, he grabs for the trash just to the side of his bed, managing to get it into his lap before his stomach empties its contents into the bottom of its cheap plastic.

This was it, the big one. The one where he promises to never drink again, and actually means it.

Why was he even taking shots to begin with?

Moments pass as his mind races to catch up with with his pulse that’s racing in his ears before it crashes down around him. Snippets of memory play before his eyes in dark fragments, set to a soundtrack of Chumbawumba.

There had been a strong arm wrapped around his waist that helped him stumble from the bar.

A deep laugh at some bad joke Keith had told.

A steady hand that had pressed into his chest and pushed him into his bed before pulling the covers up to his chin.

There had been the soft brush of lips against his cheek.

Keith’s breath quickens as he presses his fingertips to the crest of his cheek as if to chase the phantom sensation that burns there. Shiro had brought him home.

Shiro had tucked him into bed.

Blanching at the thought, Keith threw his legs over the edge of his bed, ignoring the tug of his blankets as they fall to the floor.

Something bright catches his vision as his eyes are pulled toward a glass on his nightstand. And beside it, two white capsules and a note.

With one hand clutching the trash can to his chest, Keith reaches for the pills, letting his fingers drag over the top of squared letters that sit beneath them. Each blue ink mark is another scar against his ribs as he reads the words.

Take this, and learn how to hold your liquor :)

He’s definitely never drinking again.

Groaning loudly, and wincing at the flare of pain it causes in his temple, Keith tosses the pills into his mouth, ignoring the water as he swallows them down dry to chase after his heart that was still rapidly beating in his throat.

********************

#sheith #takashi shirogane #keith kogane #voltron #the frat au #may this be a good end or beginning to your week #depending on how you like to read your calendar XD #my apologies in advance for the ridiculous flirting #it seemed like a good idea at the time

[deuce-duce]

"Your Effin Right Will Smith!!"

Now, I'm not sure how many of you believe in a destiny, a divine plan.... or that all of this has already been written. (Like the tail of a commet) Which could be the reason some can see into the future or claim to atleast... idk! None of us will truly know until... thee END!!

Throughout my life I have had some very magical/spiritual experiences, where I foresaw a lot of whats occurring and who it is I truly am. Now when claims to have experiences like this its easy for others and even the individual who had the experience to turn the other way and dismiss the vision as meerly happenstance or just crazy... that was what I did because it just seemed so unreal. It wasnt until My friend the Rasta Man says listen your probably not going to believe me... but I felt what you were feeling during the concert... now dont get me wrong it probably wasn't as intense but I could feel ya! I said not uh... he said yeah man!! Are you going to be ok...???? I remember being silent for a moment taking a deep breath trying to fathom everything this meant... then I let out a sigh... saying yea man ill be alright. Then it was off to Safeway for 🥭 Talenti!! 👈 more on that another time.

The woman i was with that night who I thought would have been my wife, told me it was the best experience she had ever had in her entire life!! Which makes me feel special to this day knowing that I shared a moment like that with her!❤🙏

On another occasion we drove an hour to the city for a show. This time the woman who knew exactly how to pull me up and make me smile even if I was down and out!!❤❤ not only was this also the best time she had, had in her life but she saved me from this guy because I kept trying to push my way to the stage. Haha crazy night! A lot of fun just Cray!! She told me she saw my aura that night!! I said really??? What did it look like it was really bright and It was the color...... (sorry). Beautiful soul on that young lady wish things didn't turn out the way they did... I blame myself because I freaked out when we were living together because it was when all of this started again... I didnt know anything about how it worked, why I couldn't remember and who the hell I actually was... all I knew was to kick everyone out!! She cared about me so much and I her. MISS U!!

I still think about them often and just want to say thank you!! ❤🤟

Back to present tense, well... somewhat. Im not sure how many of you know this but I have coincidentally ended up here on three different occasions...the two times prior had to of been a coincidence or... maybe... not!!

When I was running from the state I was born in because of very similar situation I find myself in now. It was February 2019 and after getting tired of driving I stopped at the park Downtown sat by the water where I met three girls after a short interaction we went our separate ways. I thought maybe I should go talk to them some more... but when I saw them again I had mistaken a restaurant as an apartment building and shyed away. Got in my car and left!!

The next time I was running again, same reason. I exited the highway at exit 4 and ended up at smoker friendly helping some kids who's tire had fallen off while they were driving... something caused the studs of the hub to be completely sheered off! I was like you guys can't fix that here... your going to need a tow. This was when their dad showed up and we came to the same conclusion... a tow was the only was to go. He tried to pay me for my time but I turned him down.

I then went for a hike/walk along the creek where I saw a sign that said the path forward is very difficult or something like that. Walked to the dog park turned around and said hi to a couple passed bys... as I passed a group of like five girls and their dog one was like you need to leave here... so I took to her warning stopped at the gas station before the highway entrance filled up and left.

So let allow me to correct myself this is actually my 4th time here... wtf this really is crazy! So I ran out of money and was stranded in a nearby state and went to the hospital they transferred me here to the emergency room I left and went back to the homeless shelter in the state I ran out of money. A couple weeks later I had an emergency room visit follow up. The doctor prescribed me a medication I thought would help. She told me if I came back here we could get to the bottom of what was going on... well... after getting 180 bucks doing finish carpentry I came to pick up my script and was planning on continuing to my original destination then I go around a bend a little too fast while it was raining slid into a curb and broke my axel... is that fate destiny a coincidence or meerly just an effed up series of events... I couldnt tell ya, all im saying is... no matter what, I continue ending up here... wtf! CRazy.......!!!!

Who am I?? Still not sure all I can tell you is I have been hated my entire life. Whether I was riding my bright yellow mongoose through the neighborhood with my walman on rapping and jammin or if I was maintaining a 3.95 for 2 years while in college. It has never mattered who I was or what I was, what I did. With all of those who hated there were so many who loved me!! Maybe silently but love all the same!! Just was never certain and have always thought it best to keep people at a distance not only for them but for me... all im saying is why hate me for just trying to be the best man I can be!?

This is the very first time that I have understood all of the working parts to the scenario we find ourselves in as I speak! What was wrong with me how it worked and how to keep myself safe. This has been the reason I have always run to escape from it but running is only an option when it alleviates the problem/problems your running from.

Fight or flight are the two primary trigger responses to traumatic events and in every situation leading up to where I am now that is the decision I have chosen to go with. Unfortunately when it doesn't matter how fast, far or suddenly you run, you only end up in another situation thats the same just different. At this point what does 1 do?? 1 can't run anymore it gets him nowhere. I just so happens this will be the time and place 1 spreads his stance sinks in his feet, puts up his dukes and prepares for a fight of Epic Proportions...

🤟✌

[anguianobrodan90]

Save Relationship Thats Falling Apart Prodigious Diy Ideas

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How To Save Your Sexless Relationship

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Questions To Save Your Marriage

Once more rented self storage can play a very expensive gift because the real issues, and especially in time to resolve some very good proof about the cost savings alone may make the adjustments happily and never go to a couple are faced with job loss, utility shut offs, car repossessions and foreclosure are increasing across the fence, but it is all about - having a baby can fix a relationship can be fixed.Some of the time to sit down and talk to your spouse has cheated on you.Many marriages do the exact methods that help save marriage from divorce.In order to attract your spouse what you should focus more time together, you should work together as well - children, finances and sexual issues are unresolved or lingering disagreements.They are marriage classes offered but they can help a couple or marriage.

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#Save Relationship Thats Falling Apart Prodigious Diy Ideas #Can I Save Marriage

[themoneybuff-blog]

The case for separate (but combined) finances

In the world of personal finance, the subject of how couples share (or don't share) their money comes up time and time again. It's no surprise. After all, money problems are a leading cause of divorce. But for some reason, the concept that personal finance is personal doesn't always factor into people's opinions about combining finances especially within a marriage. Often, people argue that in order to be a team, couples must combine finances fully. Or that separate accounts mean there's some lack of trust within the relationship. Or that you aren't truly committed to each other. Or that you must not be on the same page about long-term hopes and dreams. None of these things are true. Plenty of committed couples keep separate finances. These couples are teams. They trust each other. They share the same hopes and dreams. But for a variety of reasons, separate finances work well for them. Today, I want to share an alternative to these two dominant modes of money management. I want to share how couples can both keep their finances separate and combine them. Confused? Let me explain. Separate But Combined Finances My husband and I have been married nine years, and we've never fully shared our finances. Nor do we ever intend to. We've also never had a major disagreement about money. This isn't to say that we haven't had our fair share of arguments, because any couple that has been together for nine years certainly has. But for us, money has never been a serious source of contention, which seems to put us in the minority. Perhaps that doesn't have anything to do with whether we've combined our finances, but I think it does.

Oktoberfest 2018 was definitely a joint decision This past fall, my husband went on a week-long hunting trip. In preparation, he purchased a new camp mat, a new jacket, and a $300 tree stand. We do a lot of camping and hiking as a family, so we already had plenty of gear. Most of it gets used frequently. The $300 tree stand, on the other hand, has so far collected dust in our garage. My husband's plans for hunting changed after wildfires spread through our state before his trip. The stand was no longer helpful for the location he intended to go. Did he return it? No. Will he use it in the future? I sure hope so! But if he doesn't, it ultimately doesn't matter to me. This is because, for as long as we've been married, my husband and I have carried significant savings in our own individual accounts that the other doesn't see or have access to. This is a policy we plan to always maintain. We were just 21 years old when we got married. I'd just graduated college and he was a corporal in the Marine Corps. Unsurprisingly, we didn't have any real money to our names. Plus, I was $24,000 in debt thanks to student loans. Fortunately, my husband did have a small nest egg and a slowly growing Thrift Savings Plan retirement fund. We did, however, open joint checking and savings accounts while still on our honeymoon. (How romantic!) We deposited all of the cash we'd received from our wedding in order to start a nest egg that might serve as a down payment on a future home. Not long after, we opened a joint credit card the first credit card that either of us ever had in order to build a solid credit rating for when we'd eventually buy that house.

10 years ago, a few months before we were married Coming into a marriage so young and so broke would have been the perfect time to fully combine our finances, had we been so inclined. We both owned our cars outright, and the only debt we had was my student loans. We were fully invested to the marriage, and my military-dependent ID card even showed his social security number, not mine. In the eyes of the military, we were certainly one. And in all ways other than finances, we have been ever since. All the same, I still had significant student loans to my name. Student Loan Repayment To make ends meet, I was earning $750 a month at my first post college internship, plus $8.50 an hour at a second job. My $24,000 of student loans at 8.5% was daunting debt! But it was mine, not my husband's. Even after we were married, I didn't feel like it was his responsibility nor did I ever want it to be. I accepted the loans as part of my college education. I've never regretted the debt (in part because the payoff process is what introduced me to the financial independence community). I put my head down and paid off my loans in three and a half years. At the point I sent the last payment, I was earning $40,000 per year. Because the payoff journey was mine alone, I felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment that's been hard to match since. I was so proud of myself and it was something I could claim as entirely as my own. Could we have repaid the loans a bit faster if we'd treated them as our debt? Certainly. Would my husband have had to make extra sacrifices to get there? Absolutely. And that's something I'd never have ask of him. I feel like it would have been entirely unfair to do so. And because I tackled the student debt myself, that meant that if I wanted to skip a meal out, a new outfit, a fancy new fill-in-the-blank, I could (and did). But my husband was able to make his own choices for his money beyond what was required to pay our base expenses, and he wasn't required to live quite as frugally as I did while I paid off those loans my loans.

How Do Separate Finances Work? Over the years, we've traded bread-winning roles based on our life and career situations. Initially, when my husband was enlisted and I was working two very low-paying jobs, he covered a significant portion of our regular expenses. When we moved home after his military service was finished, he started college and I was the one with a career. It was my turn to pick up the bulk of the costs. Neither of us has ever harbored any resentment regarding income or spending. Though our money is separate, we are a team. We've shifted percentages as our situations have changed. No matter what, though, the individual leftover money was ours to do with as each of us pleased. Now that we have similar incomes, splitting costs is easy. At the end of each month, I tally our joint expenses, subtract our income for that month, and give my husband the amount left over from his income to do with as he pleases. That money is transferred to his personal account, and I never see it again. The leftover on my end goes to my personal account, and he never sees it again. While he may choose to spend it on a $300 tree stand that never gets used, I've dropped $400 on yoga classes in the past. We each have things we value that the other may not understand. But as the money comes from our separate accounts, we have full autonomy over those savings. There are no allowances set at the beginning of each month, and we don't have to check in with each other before we spend $500 on something the other may deem frivolous.

Something we will always agree on is travel though camping is cheap Of course, neither of us would spend much more than that without checking with the other first. We may have separate spending money, but the big things are ours jointly. We've always seen ourselves as a partnership a team in all aspects of life. That means big financial goals as well as big hopes and dreams for the future: saving for a house, having a child, investing in real estate, pursuing financial independence. None of these are individual things, and they're accomplishments we've tackled together as partners. But the little one-off things? Those are completely ours to choose. As long as we come together and agree on the Big Stuff, we've seen no issue with having our autonomy with the edges. As a result, there's no argument, no discussion about who blew $20 last week, because that $20 ultimately doesn't matter. The Importance of Separate Funds Beyond the desire to have separate spending accounts for one-off purchases, having some money that's fully separate is an important individual emergency fund. Earlier this year, Tanja at Our Next Life described her feelings about true financial independence in a partnership: It was when I realized that we had enough saved that, if we had to split things up, my share would make me financial independent on my own, and Marks would make him FI on his own. I hadnt realized it before then, but up until that point, I wasnt actually financially independent, I was financially dependent. So was Mark. We were both financially dependent on the marriage. We were FI together, but not separately, and thats a very different thing. Nobody goes into a marriage planning to get a divorce. Still, divorce happens even to committed couples. And when it happens, one partner is often left financially vulnerable, struggling to come up with even basic money to get by. Separate emergency funds (albeit small ones), in the guise of our individual checking and savings accounts, means that my husband and I each have some financial security outside of our marriage. We feel that's important. While we're still a long way from financial independence (either separately or combined), the basic financial runway we each have is a real and comfortable thing. It brings us peace of mind. We know that each of us wold be fine if we had to part ways, and that means there's zero pressure to stay together because of money. When you know that there's no financial need to stay together, there's no financial cage as part of the relationship. Marriage (or any long-term relationship) is difficult enough on its own. By removing money as a possible point of contention, we feel like we have a stronger baseline partnership.

The kid doesn't have to worry about finances quite yet Personal Finance Is Personal Personal finance is personal. Just because our system works for us, that doesn't mean it will work the same for anyone else. Our system has worked so well for us in large part because we're both generally on the same page with the larger financial picture. We come from frugal families and we've continued that lifestyle in our marriage. We live in an older, smaller home. We drive older cars. We generally don't buy new furniture. We don't have consumer debt. If one of us was prone to spending, this system might not have worked so well. We feel that there's ultimatelymore trust in the way we spend our money, joint and separate, because each of us could rapidly spend a significant amount of money on a joint credit card, and we'd both be on the hook. Fully joint finances, with specific budget bumpers in place, works really well with two people who adhere 100% to a strict budget plan for all of their money. For those of us who prefer flexibility, and have never done well with rigid budgets, joint-but-separate finances work extremely well. My husband and I will almost save half of our incomes in 2018. Could we have pushed this to 55% if we were fully combined with a strict budget? Probably. Would we have been a lot less happy? Absolutely. Not everything about your financial life has to be optimized to perfection. I'll take happiness over that last dollar every day of the week.

Author: Angela Rozmyn Im a thirty one year old native Pacific Northwesterner, living in the Seattle area with my husband and soon to be four year old son. During the day, I work 80% time for a company building sustainable, affordable housing and spend my mornings and afternoons with the kiddo, running, gardening, blogging, reading, and generally spending time in nature. Sustainability and love of the earth permeates through my whole life, and its where I start and end in terms of how I want to impact the world going forward. https://www.getrichslowly.org/separate-but-combined-finances/

[myheartislookingforyoualways]

03.19.2021

Dear G, 

Finally got home after a full. It was a good day though. I was, and still am, full of so much optimism, hope and love. All day long. You know its all based on how you want to view the current situation and the life that you’re living. No i don’t want this life right now. But I know what life I do want and every single day I’m just making small choices that bring me towards the life that I want to be. No I shouldn’t say that. I’m going to the life that I want towards me. Every day is full of choices. Choices are expressed through action. Action creates change. Change is the nature of becoming who you want to be. I want to be healthy, sober and happy. I want to live a life full of joy, love and gratitude. I want you to be a part of my life and I want to be a part of yours. Now I don’t know how long it will take, or what obstacles will be in my way but I do know thats what I want. The obstacles are just that. They are problems that are being solved or will be solved. I want to be sober, happy and healthy. I want you and us back. Each and every day through my actions that are in service of the life and future I want, step by step I get closer to bringing that future to me; to the present. Until one day I can say to myself : here I am . Then there will be new challenges to overcome. But I will be able to see where I came from and I can set a new marker for where I want to go. I hope when that day comes I can be holding your hand doing just that. 

Inspiration and motivation sometimes comes from the most unlikely of places. But not because these situations and people are not worthy of my time or consideration, only because I haven’t opened myself up to the possibility of such experiences. Openness, honesty and humility are the pathways to being able to be moved and move other people to change. Or simply to be inspired to change. Today I finally went to get my haircut after all this time. Looks good btw. But that wasn’t really the biggest thing of that event. I went to my old barber that I hadn’t been to in a long time. Hadn’t seen him for over a year. Called him up and drove out to get a haircut. He was noticeably different. Looked alot happier, lost a whole bunch of weight, smiling and happy to see me. He always used to be frustrated angry and it showed. We just started talking about life and everything while we he was cutting my hair. You know one conversation piece led to another and at one point in time I just opened up to him. You know really opened up to him. None of the small talk. Told him really and actually what I was going through in the past year of COVID. Really just honestly let it out. Told him about my addiction. Told him that I lost you, you had to let go and leave me. Told him that I was heartbroken. Told him that I am now facing myself, dealing with my addiction head on. Told him that I used to lie to myself and others all the time to maintain my active addiction. I didn’t create a narrative, I didn’t try to minimize or hide anything, I didn’t get into pitying myself or looking for his pity either. Just told him what I was responsible for in my life, the choices and actions that led me to this, how I saw it now, and the changes I’m making to become better as of now. And you know what? The most amazing thing happened. You know it wasn’t like a dramatic moment. It wasn’t that. It just felt like I was lighter, like a weight was lifted. I felt good just being open, honest and humble with another person. It was just the most quiet, happy feeling. Then he just offered his own words of advice, encouragement and support. He told me his struggles through the past year, the choices that he was responsible for and how he’s been changing his life too. I genuinely felt changed, motivated and inspired through that simple conversation. I paid him for the haircut, thanked him for the talk and left. Later I messaged him thanking him. 

You know what it felt like? It felt like that one time that I came out to you as bi. Like a whole weight had been lifted off of me and I could be just a little bit happier relative to the amount of weight I had lost in my soul. Of course this was  different specific situation but it was the same feeling. For so much of my life, I’ve always tried to conceal or hide darker things about myself. Or I shouldn’t say that. Things that i perceived in myself and judged myself for: things that I labelled as dark and therefore shut away from everyone else including myself first. With my addiction I was just holding on to it, hiding it concealing it from everyone, trying my best to make it seem like everything was fine. Shame, guilt, blaming myself in silence. Things and feelings that just weighed me down. A lot like the shame, guilt and blame I felt before coming out to you. Same feelings and same end result of releasing it. I just had to open myself up, be humble and honest with myself and others and it was miraculous the result. I went through my day with that feeling all day long. No its not easy, it definitely is not right now, this isn’t where I want to be right now but I know where I want to be and I’m being open and honest with myself and others. I am going to do this more and more now. Also if anyone ever comes to me I will open myself up honestly and pay it forward. Its a great thing. We always used to be so open and honest with each other in so many ways but I was never able to be with you about my addiction. I hid it in shame, guilt and self blame. Had to hide it in the shadows. That fuelled it. Gave it power. Well I’m not giving it any more power. Yes I am a addict and an alcoholic. But I am working on changing myself everyday through the choices I make to become who I want to be. I wish and hope that we can be there together one day. I have all the hope, optimism and love for myself and for you and for us. 

Of course it is still difficult to accept that you are not here right now. Of course I miss you with all my heart. Of course I wish that you were back here. Of course I wish that none of this happened. But I just accepted those as feelings today that I have and they don’t have to have power over how I get on with the process of change. Letting go and accepting that things are as they are because of the choices I made is hard but that is the first step to change and to becoming who I want to be and to get the future that I want. That is the plan, that is the goal that is my life right now. 

I thought about you all day long today again. A lot of thought about what you were doing. What you were thinking. What you were wearing. What you were doing. Did you eat? Are you tired? Are you smiling? Are you having a good day?How is your school going? How are you classes? Have you been surfing yet? How is Cha and Chu? What are you planning to do on the weekend? Are you thinking of me? Did you have an afternoon nap? Have you eaten lots of pan dulce? How is your workout schedule going? Have you found upper body workouts? Are you still doing the Glute Guide? Did you do your nails lately? Did you do something new? Do you have a new show your watching? What are you reading right now? What are the latest threads on Twitter that you’re into? How are you feeling today? What are you listening to for music? On and on and on and on. My thoughts were about the present you. The you right now that is where you are. The you that I so much miss and crave and love with all my heart. I didn’t get desperate. Well mostly not. I did for a few times. My heart does throb and ache but I accept that it will and then I carry on. Whenever I looked at the moon tonight I thought of you thinking of me. I sent all my love up to it whenever I looked at it and asked it to send it to you. I wondered if you could feel me thinking about you. Of course as well I kept on going through memories of you, or maybe even just moments, or just small things that made you you to and made you the most perfect beautiful person I could ever have been blessed to be with. I remembered when you first gave me the nickname Huevito. I laughed at that. Then I thought how you changed my WhatApp name to Huevito. I thought of the sticker you made of me. I thought about how I would call you bebecita. I thought of how we wanted to get Princesita. I thought about how I always wanted to come home to both of you. I thought about how you always used to fix my hair for me, at home, in public, before picture, anytime really. 

Then I would just close my eyes at times and see you. I would see your wavy beautiful hair that I would always tell you I loved it when it was wavy. Then whenever you did straighten it I loved it just as much. I thought about your beautiful big brown eyes and how they after all that time together still had so much love whenever you looked at me. I thought about how whenever I would see that I would tell myself I want to see those loving eyes forever. I thought about your cute ears that I always rubbed whenever I pulled your little pelitos behind them. I thought about your hoops that you would wear. The same hoops that I would take off for you when we came back home from being out. Or the same hoops that I would try to put on your when you were in the bathroom and late for work. I thought about your big beautiful lips and how I would just want to kiss them endlessly. On and on and on. I thought about the first time I saw you with red lipstick on and I just literally couldn’t even handle it. I thought about your beautiful laugh whenever I was being silly. I thought about your voice and all the different ways you would say bb to me, or yesh, or peash, or jaguar. Or your whimpers. I thought about your perfect fingers and your nails and how you would always ask me what I wanted you to get. I thought about every single lunare over your beautiful brown skin. I thought about your perfect little feet and how I would dramatically kiss and how you loved that. I thought about your panna cottas and how much I would just touch them and how much you always liked to show them to me. I thought about your curves and how I would always touch your hips in bed. I thought about how early on you showed me how to do that because thats what you liked. I thought about belly that you never liked but I loved. I thought about pulling you in closer to me in bed. I thought about your butt. I thought about just how many times in a day I would squeeze it, spank it, bite it and you never once didn’t like it. You always liked it. I thought about your smell. I thought. I thought. I thought about where I am now. I thought about where you are now. I thought about how I want to get back to you and back to us. I thought about how I will do it no matter what, no matter the cost, no matter how long. I carried all these thoughts with me today. With hope, optimism and love. 

Today was a good day my love. 

I love you.

I’m going to go to bed and dream of the day we can be together again.

Forever and a Day.  

[oovitus]

How to answer the most common nutrition questions like a boss: A cheat sheet for helping anyone hone their eating habits.

If you love nutrition, health, and fitness — or you’re already a professional in one of these fields — you probably get a LOT of diet- and nutrition-related questions from friends, family, clients, and/or patients. 

That’s why we created this cheat sheet, with evidence-based, easy-to-understand answers to the most common questions, all of which are covered in our newly updated Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification program.

++++

If you’re a health and fitness professional, no doubt you get a ton of diet- and nutrition-related questions.

Heck, even if you’re just really passionate about health and fitness, you’re probably getting questions all the time.

Coming up with the right answers can be difficult, because:

The right answer depends on who the asker is. Young athlete? Middle-aged man? Sixty-something woman? Whether you’re actively coaching, or you just have a diverse social network, the questions will run the gamut.

There are so many facets of nutrition. Macronutrients, micronutrients, supplements, pesticides, GMOs… where do you start?

There’s a TON of confusion about nutrition “truths.” Is red wine saving your life, or killing you? What about red meat? Eggs? And how ’bout that new plant-based diet?

The truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to any nutrition question.

However, if you build a strong foundation of nutrition knowledge, you can:

learn how to accurately determine each person’s individual needs,

understand how targeted nutrition can support their goals, and

get better results for them, confidently and reliably.

With this article, you’ll start to build that foundation.

Here we’ll cover:

what’s really behind the most common nutrition questions,

why each person’s unique physiology matters,

how each person’s situation can help determine your response,

how to handle diet trends (Paleo, carb-phobia, etc.), and

how you can incorporate this knowledge… starting today.

Of course, this “cheat sheet” is just a start. There’s so much more you can learn.

That’s why devote the entire first unit of our newly updated Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification — 300 pages, 8 chapters, 8 comprehensive video lectures — to the most crucial elements of nutrition science.

That includes the most up-to-date findings in cell physiology, digestion, energy transfer, nutrient biochemistry, and more.

And, in case you’re wondering, the other 300 pages, 9 chapters, and 9 video lectures are devoted to the art of nutrition coaching.

That includes the most up-to-date findings in change psychology and the latest things we’ve learned having coached over 100,000 clients.

So…

If you want to learn, we’re here to teach.

If you feel excited and inspired by what you learn today, and you’d like to learn more about the program, please put your name on our Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification presale list below.

We’re excited and inspired too.

We recently updated the program with the latest research, and enhanced it with a new workbook/study guide, over 35 new client assessment forms and questionnaires, and 17 brand-new animated videos.

The program opens up on Wednesday, April 3rd.

Since we only take a limited number of students, and the program sells out every time, we recommend adding your name to our presale list below. When you do, you get the chance to sign up 24 hours before everyone else. Even better, you’ll save up to 33% off the general price of the program.

Double win.

For now, let’s get started with some of the most common nutrition questions, including:

Question #1: “I’m new to this whole nutrition thing. Where do I start?” Question #2: “What’s the best diet to follow?” Question #3: “Is counting calories important for weight loss?” Question #4: “Should I avoid carbs?” Question #5: “Should I avoid grains?” Question #6: “What (and when) should I eat around my workouts?” Question #7: Should I drink less alcohol? Question #8: “Does the Paleo Diet live up to the hype?” Question #9: Should I do a detox or juice cleanse? Question #10: “Do sleep habits and stress really affect nutrition?” Question #11: How should I eat to get six-pack abs?”

Question #1 “I’m new to this whole nutrition thing. Where do I start?”

Answer: Let’s start by eliminating nutritional deficiencies.

This one is always interesting, because no one ever wants to believe they have nutritional deficiencies.

People might not want to hear it at first, but nutrition beginners don’t need a major diet overhaul on day one. They don’t need to “go Paleo” or “eliminate sugar.”

As their coach, your first step should be to open newbie clients’ eyes to the fact that they probably have one or more nutritional deficiencies (seriously — more than 80 percent of the population has at least one).

Until nutritional deficiencies are removed, the body simply won’t function properly — and that makes any health or fitness goal a lot harder.

So, to eliminate deficiencies, your first order of business is to help the person find workable strategies for rounding out the diet, so they get:

a bit more protein,

ample vitamins and minerals,

sufficient healthy fats, and

more water.

Tell them that you’re going to help them establish optimal eating habits one step at a time. Then talk through some strategies: Find out which of the nutritional areas listed above will be most challenging for them (for example, some of the beginners we work with don’t know how to cook meat). That’s the problem you’re going to help them solve first.

Once nutritional deficiencies are addressed, you can start to focus on things like food quality and portions.

What to say when the person seems impatient? Explain: “This process isn’t slow; it’s systematic. It focuses on the things that are in your way right now. Once they’re eliminated, progress happens fast.”

READ MORE:

The 3 steps I teach trainers and health coaches to fix any diet problem.

How to fix a broken diet. [Infographic]

What to do when you don’t like vegetables. [Article + infographic]

Question #2 “What’s the best diet to follow?”

Answer: There is no “best diet.”

As you emerge as a health, fitness, and nutrition expert, everyone’s going to want to know: Which dietary “camp” do you belong to?

The best coaches maintain a neutral position on this. If you can, strive to be a nutritional agnostic: someone who doesn’t subscribe to any one dietary philosophy.

Why? All dietary protocols have their pros and cons. What works best for one person won’t work best for another. Also: A diet that has worked best for someone in the past won’t necessarily be what works best for them moving forward.

Tell your client or patient that you’re going to help them find the approach to eating that works best for them right now, whether it be Paleo or vegan, high-carb or low-carb, tight budget or unlimited funds — or some blend of all of these.

The truth is, the human body is amazingly adaptable to a vast array of diets, so the best diet is the one that:

matches the person’s unique physiology,

includes foods they enjoy enough to follow consistently, and

is realistic for them in terms of life logistics and budget.

Indeed, you can make people lean, strong, and healthy on a plant-based or a meat-based diet. You can help improve their health with organic, free-range foods and with conventional foods. They can lose weight on a low food budget or an unlimited one.

It just takes a little know-how and a system for using the best practices across all diets.

READ MORE:

Paleo, vegan, intermittent fasting: Here’s how to choose the best diet for you.

Question #3 “Is counting calories important for weight loss?”

Answer: For many people, calorie counting may be more of a hassle than it’s worth. The good news: There is a better way.

Weight management is a simple equation: Eat more than you burn, and you gain weight. Eat less and you lose weight.

But the physiology behind “calories in, calories out” is actually much more complex and dynamic than most people realize. Plus, it’s imprecise; we estimate that there’s typically an error of up to 25 percent on the ‘calories in’ side, and on the ‘calories out’ side.

Beyond that, counting calories is an external system (outside of your body). In essence, people who count calories are less likely to see lasting results because they’re outsourcing appetite awareness to the food-label gods. To really win at portion control, coach your clients or patients on tuning into their internal hunger signals.

For these reasons, and more, we tell our clients that for most people, counting calories is a lot of work for very little benefit.

(Interestingly, most clients become elated when they realize they can get the body transformation they want without ever counting calories again.)

Instead of calorie counting, we recommend a hand-measure system for portion sizes. Here how it works:

Your palm determines your protein portions.

Your fist determines your veggie portions.

Your cupped hand determines your carb portions.

Your thumb determines your fat portions.

This system counts your calories for you, and gets your macronutrients lined up too, without having to do any annoying food-label math.

Plus, your hands are portable — they go wherever you go, making portion-sizing very convenient. In addition, your hands are generally scaled to your size — the bigger you are, the bigger your hands, so the more food you need and the more food you get.

Clients typically get the hang of this system within a week of learning it; then we help them monitor results and tweak as needed.

READ MORE:

Forget calorie counting: Try this calorie control guide for men and women [Article + infographic].

Can eating too little actually damage your metabolism?

The surprising problem with calorie counting. Part 1: ‘Calories in’ and Part 2: ‘Calories out’ [Infographics]

All about eating slowly (for appetite awareness).

Question #4 “Should I avoid carbs?”

Answer: No; but let’s make sure you’re getting the right kind of carbs.

Ask almost anyone what they need to do to lose a few pounds, and they’ll probably say: “Cut back on carbs.” As a professional in a health/fitness field, you’ve probably heard it dozens of times.

However, most folks would do best eating a moderate amount of quality carbs—whole grains (when tolerated), fruit, potatoes, sweet potatoes, beans and legumes, etc. (We emphasize moderate, of course).

For men, this usually means about 1-2 cupped handfuls per meal. And women, about 1 cupped handful per meal.

Of course, the needs of each individual may differ, based on their size, activity level, goals, and genetics.

But, bottom line, carbs are not inherently fattening, especially whole food sources. And getting adequate carbs can help most clients exercise harder and recover better, optimizing progress.

Yep, this is a controversial position to take. But it works. And while avoiding carbs may facilitate rapid weight loss initially, we’ve found that it’s not practical (or necessary) for long-term success for most people.

READ MORE:

Carb controversy: Why low-carb diets have got it all wrong.

The ketogenic diet: Does it live up to the hype?

Question #5 “Should I avoid grains?”

Answer: No; most people trying to stay lean do best with a reasonable amount of whole grains.

Grain discussions are really trendy right now, as many people have suggested they’re dietary enemy #1 and should be completely eliminated. This is hot news as, just ten years ago, they were supposedly one of the healthiest foods on the planet.

From our perspective, grains aren’t as evil as they’ve been made out to be by the Paleo and Whole30 camps. At the same time, they aren’t the superfood vegans and macrobiotic eaters suggest either.

Bottom line: While you don’t need to eat grains, unless you have celiac disease or a FODMAP intolerance, there is absolutely no need to avoid them. (And even in those two scenarios, it’s only specific grains you need to worry about).

Most people follow a better, more health-promoting diet if they’re allowed grains in reasonable amounts, along with a wide array of other non-grain carb sources like fruit, potatoes, sweet potatoes, beans, lentils, etc.

Remember, it’s the ability to follow a diet consistently over time that provides the greatest results, regardless of what that diet is. And unless you’re intolerant, there’s no good reason to totally exclude certain foods, especially foods you enjoy.

READ MORE:

Settling the great grain debate: Can wheat and other grains fit into a healthy—and sane—diet?

Question #6: “What (and when) should I eat around my workouts?”

Answer: It depends on your goals. Let’s talk about those… then we can come up with specific recommendations for you.

If you train athletes, this is a really common question. But lots of non-athletes are curious too.

Contrary to popular media, most folks are best served by eating good quality whole foods in reasonable amounts, without having to focus on specific workout nutrition products or protocols.

So you can advise non-athlete level clients to eat a normal, balanced meal 1-2 hours before and after exercise. This will provide adequate protein and carbs to both fuel the workout and maximize recovery/adaption.

However, if you coach advanced, hard-training clients or athletes, tell them you’re going to help with their unique workout-nutrition needs.

Endurance athletes, bodybuilders, or those looking to maximize muscle gain could add a protein and carbohydrate drink during their workout. We usually recommend about 15 g of protein and 30-45 g of carbohydrate per hour of exercise.

Physique competitors, as well as people trying to maximize fat loss, could add essential amino acids (or branched chain amino acids) during their workout. We usually recommend 5-15 g of EAA (or BCAA) per hour of exercise.

In the end, rather than having one stock answer here, you need to be clear about who you’re working with.

READ MORE:

Best workout nutrition strategies: A useful guide for what to eat before, during, and after exercise.

Workout nutrition illustrated. [Infographic]

Question #7 Should I drink less alcohol?

Answer: If optimal health and fitness is your priority, consider reevaluating your drinking habits.

People may balk at that answer initially, but once you lay out the facts and make it clear that you’re not telling them not to drink, their ears will open.

There’s a lot of confusion about whether drinking is good for you or not. That’s mainly because the news media likes to play up new studies revealing the possible cardiovascular benefits of alcohol.

But the truth is, no one really knows who will benefit from light to moderate alcohol consumption. Meanwhile, any level of drinking (even “moderate”) comes with health risks that should be considered.

Heavy drinking — more than 7 drinks a week for women and more than 14 per week for men — increases the risk for a long list of health problems involving the heart, brain, immunity, hormones, liver, and metabolism.

But even light to moderate drinking can affect sleep, appetite, and decision making — which absolutely can have a negative impact on your clients’ health and fitness goals.

Still, drinking is an undeniable part of culture, and when enjoyed reasonably it can be delicious and fun.

Tell your clients or patients that you’re going to help them sort out their priorities to determine the best level of drinking for them. Then encourage them to track their drinking habits — and how their drinking habits make them feel physically and psychologically — for a couple weeks.

Most drinkers consume a lot more alcohol than they think, and when they stop to evaluate, many decide on their own that it would feel better to cut back.

READ MORE:

Would I be healthier if I quit drinking? My quest to understand the real trade-offs of alcohol consumption.

Question #8 “Does the Paleo Diet live up to the hype?”

Answer: Mostly, yes. But not for the reasons you think.

The Paleo Diet is one of the most popular nutrition approaches in the world right now. There’s no doubt that it works for many people. However, the reason it works has little to do with the story the Paleo proponents tell (evolutionary adaptation, inflammation, etc.).

Here’s the deal. Paleo does work for a lot of people because it emphasizes mostly whole-food sources of lean protein, vegetables, fruits, and healthy fats.

However, while Paleo is starting to incorporate more high-quality carbs, grass-fed dairy, red wine, and other things that used to be “off limits” — the diet can still be too restrictive for some folks.

In the end, Paleo likely gets more right than wrong. And if people want to follow it, you can help them do it in a sane, reasonable, sustainable manner.

But for most, it’s unnecessary to follow such a strict dietary ideology. You can take the good from the Paleo approach and get rid of the silly dogma.

READ MORE:

The Paleo problem: Examining the pros and cons of the Paleo diet.

Question #9 Should I do a detox or juice cleanse?

Answer: Probably not; most popular detox diets don’t remove toxins or lead to fat loss.

Lots of people are worried about the effect of modern lifestyle factors like poor nutrition, sleep deprivation, stress, and environmental pollutants on their health.

So you probably get a fair number of questions about detox diets and juice cleanses, which have come into vogue as an efficient way to (supposedly) lose weight and rid the body of impurities.

But detox diets don’t clean out toxins or help you lose body fat. In fact, detox diets can work against these goals by bypassing the body’s natural detoxification systems and creating a feast-or-famine cycle of eating.

Among many problems, detoxes and cleanses often:

are protein deficient,

are extremely low in energy,

cause unhealthy blood-sugar swings,

cause GI tract dysfunction, and

lead to a yoyo of restrictive eating and overcompensation.

If doing a juice cleanse or detox diet helps a person get ready to make further helpful and sustainable changes in their life, OK. Just coach them through a cautious and monitored protocol.

However, we prefer helping them build life-long skills and incorporate daily practices to improve their health, performance, and body composition without extreme (and unsustainable) things like detoxes and cleanses.

READ MORE:

Are detox diets good for you? How a 3-day juice cleanse landed this dietitian in the ER.

Question #10 “Do sleep habits and stress really affect nutrition?”

Answer: Yes, but those effects vary from person to person, as do the best sleep and stress management strategies.

Sleep is just as important as nutrition and exercise when it comes to improving your health, performance, and body composition.

Clients and patients should be coached through:

creating a sleep routine, including having a regular schedule,

limiting alcohol and caffeine, especially in the afternoon/evening,

choosing de-stressing activities before bed,

setting an appropriate room temperature for sleep,

making the room dark,

keeping the room quiet, and

waking up appropriately, with light exposure and soft noise.

As for stress, it’s all about finding the sweet spot. Too much stress, or the wrong kind, can harm our health. Yet stress can also be a positive force in our lives, keeping us focused, alert, and at the top of our game.

It all depends on what kind of stress it is, how prepared we are to meet it — and how we view it.

Since stress affects the mind, body, and behavior in many ways, everyone experiences stress differently. Each of us has a unique “recovery zone,” whether that’s physical or psychological, and our recovery zone depends on several factors.

It is critical to teach people strategies and skills to view and handle their own stress load appropriately. The following can increase stress tolerance or diminish stress load:

meditation or yoga

outdoor time

snuggling a pet

listening to relaxing music

deep breathing

drinking green tea

READ MORE:

Hacking sleep: Engineering a high quality, restful night [Article + infographic]

Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot. [Article + infographic]

Question #11 How should I eat to get six-pack abs?”

Answer: First let’s explore whether a six pack is worth the trade-offs.

To answer this one, you first have to know if six-pack abs are really what your client wants. (And if they’re prepared to do what it takes.)

Getting ripped abs is a much bigger undertaking than most people realize. There are definite benefits to getting that lean (<10 percent for most men, and <20 percent for most women), but there are real trade-offs too.

Alcohol, processed foods, and desserts all need to be severely limited if you’re trying to lose fat and show off a washboard stomach. Social situations often become difficult. Other interests and hobbies may need to decrease.

However, if clients really want to get a six-pack in the healthiest possible way, they’ll need to follow these principles 90-95 percent of the time:

eat protein and vegetables at every meal,

include healthy fats at most meals,

eat a small amount of carbs post-workout only,

limit carbs at all other meals,

exercise intensely 4-5 times per week, and

get at least 8 hours of sleep each night.

Armed with this information, you can have an honest conversation about whether your clients want the six-pack badly enough. (Or if they’d settle for moderately lean and healthy without giving up some of the other things they enjoy).

READ MORE:

The cost of getting lean: Is it really worth the trade-off?

Here’s the cost of getting lean. [Infographic]

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In the end, yes, it’ll take some time to master these answers on the fly with a wide variety of people, but the only way to get started is to dive right in.

Remember: While you’re expected to know all the answers, you can’t be expected to know everything about every single person.

So use the answers in this cheat sheet as a starting point (I recommend that you do the deeper reading first), and then learn more with strategic questions about their particular needs and goals.

In the end, being the go-to coach for nutrition questions is about — yes — knowing the facts. But it’s also about meeting people where they’re at and garnering experience while you make the journey together.

If you’re a coach, or you want to be…

Learning how to coach clients, patients, friends, or family members through healthy eating and lifestyle changes — including how to manage energy balance — is both an art and a science.

If you’d like to learn more about both, consider the Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification. The next group kicks off shortly.

What’s it all about?

The Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification is the world’s most respected nutrition education program. It gives you the knowledge, systems, and tools you need to really understand how food influences a person’s health and fitness. Plus the ability to turn that knowledge into a thriving coaching practice.

Developed over 15 years, and proven with over 100,000 clients and patients, the Level 1 curriculum stands alone as the authority on the science of nutrition and the art of coaching.

Whether you’re already mid-career, or just starting out, the Level 1 Certification is your springboard to a deeper understanding of nutrition, the authority to coach it, and the ability to turn what you know into results.

[Of course, if you’re already a student or graduate of the Level 1 Certification, check out our Level 2 Certification Master Class. It’s an exclusive, year-long mentorship designed for elite professionals looking to master the art of coaching and be part of the top 1% of health and fitness coaches in the world.]

Interested? Add your name to the presale list. You’ll save up to 33% and secure your spot 24 hours before everyone else.

We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification on Wednesday, April 3rd, 2019.

If you want to find out more, we’ve set up the following presale list, which gives you two advantages.

Pay less than everyone else. We like to reward people who are eager to boost their credentials and are ready to commit to getting the education they need. So we’re offering a discount of up to 33% off the general price when you sign up for the presale list.

Sign up 24 hours before the general public and increase your chances of getting a spot. We only open the certification program twice per year. Due to high demand, spots in the program are limited and have historically sold out in a matter of hours. But when you sign up for the presale list, we’ll give you the opportunity to register a full 24 hours before anyone else.

If you’re ready for a deeper understanding of nutrition, the authority to coach it, and the ability to turn what you know into results… this is your chance to see what the world’s top professional nutrition coaching system can do for you.

The post How to answer the most common nutrition questions like a boss: A cheat sheet for helping anyone hone their eating habits. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

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