#and let me tell you. gale and lae'zel do NOT shut the fuck up if they are together.

[forcedhesitation]

astarion origin playthrough worth it just for all the extra moments where he does the "sad wet cat" face

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #thoughts about media #astarion #*kisses his forehead* my awful little bastard man... i love you and your big sad watery eyes. #IT'S SO FUCKING QUIET THOUGH IF YOU YOURSELF ARE PLAYING HIM GOOD LORD #I'M SO USE TO HIM COMPLAINING TO MY TAV!!!! #OR BANTERING WITH HIM OR KARLACH OR WYLL!!! #I MISS HIS THEATRICS!!!!!!! #not that it's ENTIRELY quiet. until i found karlach i was travelling with shadowheart lae'zel and gale. #and let me tell you. gale and lae'zel do NOT shut the fuck up if they are together. #they were literally having an entire tinder date while we were trecking through the woods to go get karlach. #i NEVER knew they talk so much because while i've travelled with them individually in past saves... #...i've NEVER had them in my party at the same time! #gale is actually pretty nice to lae'zel! he asks a lot of questions but doesn't condescend her as he does others sometimes. #that's probably because he's afraid of her though. I would be too were I nothing more than a wizard with 8 strength. #I do like how you can look at pretty much any two companions and get a well written and generally enjoyable dynamic! #It feels like they considered that a lot of people would want to maybe pair off the companions they didn't romance with each other! #and wanted it to be easy for really any pairing to work... if a person just paid attention to their shared interactions.

[whaledenwtf]

Halsin x Druid!Reader - The Forest's Calling

I'm currently HYPERFIXATING on Baldur's Gate 3. This is my love letter to Mount Halsin, the elf I would climb until my limbs fell off. You're welcome (or I'm sorry). Cross-posted on AO3 here: Link Enjoy!

Warnings: afab!reader and Male Smut, Dom/Sub Dynamic, Breeding Kink, Creampie, Choking, Oral (Female and Male Receiving), Kinky DRUID Forest Sex, Misuse of the Entangle Cantrip (hehe), Size Difference

I tried to keep Halsin in character as much as possible, but there is a significant change when y'all get funky

WORD COUNT: 4691

Nature calls to you, as it always had. The sounds of the forest have always been your favourite. Silvanus' creations had made you feel complete. The moss between your toes, and the swaying of trees; you had never felt so much peace during such perilous times. It's at times like this you are gracious for your god's teachings; nature is chaotic as it is gentle, and things will sort them out- if that is what is determined. This is how you kept such a level head during this adventure. Some of your companions saw your level-headedness as worrisome, but you always remind them that to persevere is in the forest's nature, and so it is in yours.

No good ever came from stressing over obstacles in your life.

"If you could stop thinking about the grass for five seconds, I'd appreciate you listening to me. Tch- tree huggers." Astarion tells you annoyed. You look into his crimson eyes and smirk.

"This tree hugger is your key to freedom. Unless you forgot about the tadpole in your brain." Astarion's eyes widen, before he smirks.

"Keep talking dirty, sweetheart. Might not resist taking a bite~" You chuckle.

"Settle down. Like I told you beforehand, we must seek out the Archdruid Halsin before we continue our journey. Nobody could come close to him in terms of knowledge-" Lae'zel rolls her eyes.

"Nobody could come close to the information about the ghaik than us githyanki. You istik entertain such useless ideas." You roll your eyes at her. Before you could speak up, Shadowheart speaks to the githyanki.

"Yes. I'm sure your barbaric race would know much more." She says sarcastically. "I, on the other hand, would much rather any other option besides yours." Before Lae'zel could fight back, Karlach speaks to them both.

"Shut the fuck up and kiss already. Wasting time when we could be slaying goblins and getting closer to being free. Stop fucking around and listen to (Y/N)." You nod your head in appreciation to the tiefling.

"Besides, even if Archdruid Halsin does not know how to help us, he may offer his services regardless. Leaving him with the goblins is a fate worse than death. His ally-ship will be indispensable." This appeases those in the group who were unsure of your leadership.

"Always the cunning one, aren't you sweetheart." Astarion speaks up. You turn your head and wink.

"Let's push forward and assist in any way we can." Wyll speaks up. Gale nods, looking over our group.

"Let's be smart and proactive, we do not want to lose eachother, nor do we want to get caught. We shall stay in hiding for as long as possible. Stealth is the best way forward with our little information we have." Astarion taps your chin.

"I like you like this." You smirk at him before leading the group to the Goblin Camp.

After killing every goblin in the vicinity, you all venture forward to a cage where a bear is roaming.

"A bear. He was probably going to be goblin fodder." Astarion says, smirking.

"Hush. Poor thing was being attacked by these goblins." Karlach speaks to him, bumping her shoulder into Astarions. He gasps, the wind being knocked out of him.

"Careful. I bruise like a peach!" He tells her angrily. She chuckles.

"And you're just as bitter as a rotten tomato-" Astarion bristles. You cut him off.

"Settle down, girls. We have time for play later. Show some respect. That bear is our charge." You unlock the iron gate before walking in alone.

"I don't think that's a good idea-" Gale says worriedly, but you shush him. When the bear makes eye contact with you, you see the gold swirling in his eyes. His mouth opens to show his sharp teeth, a warning.

You bow down infront of the bear, laying a hand out towards his snout.

"Are you sure that's... wise, sweetheart?" Astarion asks, concerned. You ignore him before speaking.

"Archdruid Halsin, it is my absolute honour to stand before you. We have come here to free you from your imprisonment and bring you back to the Emerald Grove. May Silvanus preserve us." Without a beat, the bear transforms into a tall, handsome, elf. Your eyes widen at his stature, but more at his beauty.

"Ah, a fellow druid. Silvanus has certainly looked upon me in favour. Thank you for assisting me." You realize you are still kneeling, at crotch level with the Archdruid. Your eyes flicker to his pelvis, and eyes widen at what you see. You rise to your full height, which makes you eye level with his chest. Your head tilts to look into his eyes, and notice him watching you, with a small smirk. He saw you gazing at him, how embarrassing.

"Of course, Archdruid Halsin." He shakes his head softly, braids swaying with the movement.

"Please, call me Halsin. My savior shouldn't have to call me by such a title." You nod, before looking over your shoulder at your companions. They are all looking at the tall elf in shock.

"He just- he just turned into a man!" Astarion says out loud. You chuckle.

"Yes. My preferred wild shape is a bear." He responds to the shorter elf, not looking away from you, glancing over you in curiousity. You turn back to look at him. Your eyes stay locked while you speak to your party.

"Let us leave. We will bring Halsin back to the Emerald Grove and then we can rest. I want to wash off this gods-awful goblin blood before it stains my armour." Everyone nods at that. They turn to walk out, ready to escort Halsin back. You follow your group, Gale and Wyll leading you all forward.

"Thank you, little flower. I truly appreciate you aiding me." Halsin whispers to you, matching your strides behind the group. Little flower... the nickname made you giddy. You blush softly, the heat reaching to the peaks of your ears.

"I can't leave a fellow druid behind. Especially with what those goblins were doing to you." You shake your head, looking over him and the dried blood that caked him from his wild shape form. He chuckles at your worried gaze.

"Nonetheless, the Oakfather has blessed me with your assistance. I am indebted to you for life." You turn to look at him, his easy smile and warm eyes making you feel something... magical.

"The Oakfather has blessed us many times anew. The air we breathe, the ground we walk upon, the forests. But alas, I did come to release you because we need your assistance-" His eyes widen lightly, before he looks down at you.

"What do you need, little flower?" The way he speaks to you is soft, unconcerned of the questions you will ask him. His caring nature speaks to the softest parts of you.

"I will ask you once we bring you to the Emerald Grove. However, I must warn you-" You stop walking and grab his arm. Holy hells his arms are buff. You must have paused for a moment too long.

"What is wrong?" You shake your head at your own thoughts. You're acting like a toddler, instead of the adult elf you are.

"At the Emerald Grove... Kagha is planning to do the Rite of Thorns, and is releasing all the Tiefling refugees..." Halsin's eyes almost bug out of his head.

"We must stop them! That rite does more harm than good! Those Tieflings... fleeing towards death. It is not right!" You tell him passionately. He takes your hand from off his arm and grips it in both his large hands.

" We will stop them, little one." You nod. He continues to hold your hand.

"The shadow curse has been on my mind for so long, I cannot believe I trusted such a-" He shakes his head, cutting himself off.

"We will continue our trek and once we stop the rite, I will tell you all you need to know." You bite your lip.

"If I could help carry your burdens, I would." He chuckles, a light blush appearing on the apples of his cheeks.

"I'm sure you would, little flower. Now, let us continue our journey. I appreciate you warning me." He lets go of your hand and waves his hand out, gesturing you to go forward, so you do. You can't help the chill that you feel when his hands release yours.

After stopping the rite, you did speak to Halsin about the tadpoles. He sighs when he says he cannot heal you of your affliction. A shiver of fear goes through your body. If someone as knowledgeable with healing like Halsin cannot heal you, you cannot imagine how to move forward. Its then that he tells you that the Shadow-Cursed Lands may be the key to assisting you in your journey. You bite your lip worriedly.

"I will continue to assist you. I will follow your party and do what I can. Not only for the cursed lands, but also for you." He says it with such conviction, such passion, you cannot help but feel safe and warmed from his sentiments.

"I feel indebted to you Halsin. Truly." He shakes his head.

"You will be helping me much more than I, you." You smile up at him. He cannot help but be captured by the radiance of your smile. Oakfather preserve him, you are the most beautiful of his creations.

"I will help you with this shadow curse. Take back nature and restore balance. I just hope I don't grow any tentacles in that time." You say humourlessly, your laugh hollow. He grabs your chin with his hand, his thumb stroking the side of your face.

"I promise on all of the Oakfather's creations, I will not let anything happen to you." Your eyes flutter, and you glance down at his lips before looking back into his eyes.

"Thank you." You whisper to him. His attention is taken elsewhere, and his hand caresses down your neck before releasing you, and moving to the Tiefling asking for him.

You feel this feral need to have him, to help him. You're attracted to him, and you can tell this will be problematic. Oakfather preserve you.

That night, the Tieflings throw a party for you all. The music is loud, and you can see them enjoying themselves. You look over your companions and see all of them enjoying themselves; albeit in their own ways. While looking over the festivities, you see Halsin standing away, gazing over the festivities and people watching. Your eyes make contact and you blush.

"This wine tastes like goblin piss." Astarion tells you, gagging on the swig he just took. You chuckle at him, breaking eye contact with the handsome druid to look over at the vampire.

"Not your type of red drink?" You ask him flirtedly. He smirks at you and leans into you.

"No, sweetheart. My type of red is standing right next to me, as radiant as ever." His face gets close to your neck and he sniffs you deeply.

"All of a sudden, I am thirsting for something else." He tells you. You chuckle at his advances.

"Are you now?" You flirt back. He smirks down at you.

"You're much more fun to speak to like this, sweetheart. I can't help but want a taste." You giggle at him, before taking the wine from his hand and taking a couple mouthfuls.

"Oh gods it does taste like goblin's piss." You splutter out. He laughs at your turmoil.

"Oh darling, you make me laugh." He tells you. You grin at him.

"Glad my misfortunes bring you joy." He smiles at you, sharp teeth glinting in the campfire's light.

"Mm. The only thing that would bring me more joy in this moment is having a taste of you." His voice lowers to a whisper. You roll your eyes.

"Easy there. If I didn't know you better I'd say you're a bard, singing my praises so I could follow you to your tent for the night." You push his chest gently.

"I'm sure I can make you sing, sweetheart." He tells you, looking at you with a smirk.

"As much fun as we would have, I think you've had enough to drink." You tell him jokingly, waving the bottle of wine in his face. You take another swig, and swallow down the bitterness. You go to walk forward, the alcohol driving you to your destination; Halsin.

"Ah, my little flower! It seems you were having fun." Halsin tells you, smile on his face. The crease between his brows tells you that he'd much rather had been the one sniffing your neck, rather than Astarion. You feel a rush of confidence surge through you, aided by the alcohol in your system.

"I decided to turn my attentions elsewhere." You tell him confidently. He smirks at your words.

"Is that so? Well, I am honoured to have such attentions on me." He tells you in a whisper. You almost whimper at his words, feeling hot. You feel as though molten lava has replaced the blood in your veins, and the heat is centralized at the apex of your thighs. You rub them lightly, which catches the elder druid's attention.

"You could have much more than attentions on you tonight, Master Halsin." Your voice lowers to a whisper, and the effect is immediate. His eyes shine golden and his smile becomes wider, more primal. Just like in the Goblin Camp, it was a warning.

"Is that so, little flower? Are you offering yourself to me?" He asks you gently, taking a step forward. You are now flush with his body, and the carvings on his undershirt graze the peaks of your breasts deliciously, hardening them. You moan quietly, looking up at the gargantuan man through your eyelids.

"I'd like to explore you, Master Halsin. See if those rumours of your... generosity are true." You feel his arm wrap around your waist, his hand resting at the small of your back. His fingers seem to tighten, digging softly into your skin.

"You seem to enjoy calling me by my honourifics." You hum, smirking at him.

"I'm just calling you by title. You would like to be my master, would you not?" He growls lowly, much like a bear would.

"You're playing a dangerous game, little one." He tells you huskily. You giggle at him.

"The only games I would like to play are with you, Master." In his eyes you can see him having an inner battle. You take the hand on your waist in yours, which snaps him out of his inner turmoil. The alcohol is rushing through you now, your (very little) inhibitions non-existent now. You pull it closer to your face, before taking a thick finger in your mouth and worshipping it. You kiss at the pad of his forefinger before licking it; inevitably taking it into your mouth and sucking on it softly. He watches you entranced, groaning softly as you let go of his finger with a pop. You take his hand in yours, and pull him towards the edge of the camp, leading to the forest. Once you find the small grove in the forest, you let go of his hand, spinning in place and enjoying the silence of nature. He stays at the edge of the tree line, watching you with sharp eyes.

"Little flower-" Halsin says softly. You turn to look at the man with a smile.

"Our worries are for dawn. With the moonlight shining on us, and the trees as our witness, I would like to show you the pleasures of the flesh, as nature intended." He groans loudly now, far enough from the camp that your voices would not carry.

"I'm afraid to lose myself. The beast-" You pull off your nightshirt, exposing your breasts in the moonlight. You then pull off your pants and undergarments in one shot, fully baring yourself to his sight. He inhales deeply, eyes looking at you up and down multiple times. You begin to to dance sensually, your hips seeming to beckon him forward. He takes a couple of uncertain steps.

"Halsin. I am not one so easily afraid of beasts. Let me help you forget your woes for a night." His resolve seems to crumble, and he runs to you, leaving you both chest to chest.

"Little flower, I will devour you-" You moan, pulling his hair to bring him to your lips. His chapped lips touch yours, and it feels as if there is magic flowing through your bodies. His hands find purchase under your thighs, lifting you up into him. Your legs wrap around his waist, and you moan into his mouth. His tongue prods at the seam of your lips, persuading you to open your mouth to his. Your tongues find each other, and a battle of dominance begins. You lose easily, his gifted tongue prodding and licking at yours with wanton need. You release each other to inhale deeply. He inhales from his nose and groans.

"I can smell your need, little one." You whimper, looking into his eyes.

"You're overdressed, Master Halsin. Allow me to undress you." He lets you down out of his embrace, and you begin to untuck his sleepshirt out from his pants and over his head. You begin to untie his pants, helping him out of them as well. That's when you notice he is wearing no undergarments, and his cock is thick and long, closer to the length of your forearm. You whimper, falling to your knees and looking up at him.

"You don't need to please me-" You cut him off.

"I want your cock to hit the back of my throat until I am unable to speak." He moans loudly, before your hand grasps him at the shaft.

"The Oakfather blessed me with such a giving partner. I- Oh Silvanus-" You take him in your mouth, licking at the tip. You taste his musk, and he tastes like pine and mint, and something that makes you absolutely feral. Without a care for your own wellbeing, you try to swallow him whole, his tip hitting the back of your throat, and then some. He groans, eyes closing as one hand finding itself locked in your hair and the other forming a fist at his thigh.

"That's right little druid, take Master's cock into the back of your throat." His voice goes down an octave, and you feel a rush of slick leave you. Taking him out of your mouth, you kiss the shaft downward until you take his heavy balls in your mouth and suckle. You're panting with need, moaning into his skin. You let go of him, one hand stroking his cock and the other inching down your body to touch your cunt. He looks down at you then with hooded eyes, and moans again.

"Are you touching your needy cunt, little flower? I cannot wait to fill you with my seed until your entire being is satiated." You moan, needing him back in your mouth. You remove the hand on his shaft and deepthroat him again, only getting two thirds of his member into your mouth. You hear your need, the wet sounds coming from your pussy only arousing you further. He begins to thrust into your mouth and you choke on him. After making sure you were alright, he continues his movements, thrusts getting rougher. The hand in your hair tightens and pulls you off his cock, as he growls.

"I will pound your quim until you are unable to walk without my healing, little one." His hands grip your upper arms and lifts you up to stand. Your face is smeared with his precum and your spittle. Once you are stable on your two feet, he kisses you passionately and you moan into him. His hands are touching you everywhere. His touch is searing hot. His hands find themselves at your breasts, rubbing and pinching the peaks of them.

"O-Oh Halsin. Don't stop." He chuckles into your ear.

"I'm not planning to stop until dawn shows itself." You whimper at his words, thrusting your chest deeper into his ministrations. You hear Halsin whisper before your hands are being pulled behind you, tightly grasped. Your feet are also held up, spreading your legs open. You notice that vines grew from the ground and are holding you up like a platter to Halsin.

"As much as I love your touch, little one, I don't want you to push me off when I get a taste of your ambrosia." You moan loudly, almost caterwauling for the elder druid.

His large hands caress up your leg, massaging the skin of your calves, before going higher.

"I wish you could see yourself as I do in this moment, little flower. You're exquisite; truly one of Silvanus' greatest creations." You blush, heaving.

"H-Halsin, please-" He chuckles at your enthusiasm.

"Don't fret, you will be chanting my name soon enough." His confidence is addicting, you could feel how drenched you were even with your legs spread so far apart. His hands finally reach close to your core, and he spreads your slit further open to look at you. You could feel your hole contracting, as if begging for an intrusion.

"By the gods... Look at your tight cunt begging for my cock. Can't wait to have a taste." You feel his breath on you. You look down and see him watching you, as his hands slide up to your breasts to play with your nipples like he had before. The first stroke of his tongue on your clit sent a sensation of pleasure up your spine. You struggle against your bonds, with an insatiable urge to grasp his hair and tug him deeper into you.

His tongue then ventures lower, tasting your essence. He moans loudly into your body, the vibrations of his moan pleasing you greatly. He continues licking you, tasting you as he tweaks your nipples, tugging before massaging. You felt powerless against the bonds, barely hearing anything more than the rush of blood in your ears.

"Your nectar... is just like honey. I can't wait to have you cum on my tongue multiple times." You moan. You can tell you're already close to your precipice, his words, moans and tongue vibrating and licking against your clit deliciously.

"Please... please Master Halsin-" He groans at the honourific. He plunges his tongue into you, lapping you at your source. His nose nudges your clit and that sets off your orgasm. You feel yourself leak onto him, his tongue cleaning your mess. You're shaking with oversensitivity, but he does not stop. One of the hands on your breast caress back down the length of your body, before he pulls away from your core. He grins up at you as he thrusts two of his thick fingers into you. He curls them, as you begin to shake harder.

"That's it, little one. Let all those in the forest know who is making you feel like this, making you cum and feel pleasure-" His words go straight to your core, and more of your slick leaks around his fingers.

"Halsin-H-Halsin- Oh GODS-" His lips wrap around your clit, sucking and licking at you. The attention was too much; you cum again. This time, you can feel much more than slick leave your body- did I squirt? You wonder to yourself, as your body is now lashing against the constraints. You didn't have much time to think about it, as he pulls his fingers out to taste you, moaning. You look down at him, panting. He spreads you open again, this time with both hands, before his tongue is back in you, tasting you like you were water and he was a man dehydrated. You whimper, begging him to give you reprieve. He pulls off of you, his mouth and chin covered in your release. He was panting, his eyes glowing a bright amber.

"You have no idea what you unleashed, little one." He growls out. You feel the vines dissipate. You're laid on the forest ground gently. Before he could move, you flip yourself over with enthusiasm, laying your upper body parallel to the floor and your lower body in the air. You wiggle your ass, one of your hands going between your legs and spreading yourself open. You look over your shoulder and look him directly in the eye. He is watching you with wonder, before you speak.

"Breed me, Master Halsin. Empty your seed in me and fuck me into a stupor." He growls, before kneeling behind you.

"I'll make sure you can't walk for weeks, little one. I'll spread you nice and good." You feel the tip of his cock at your entrance. He rubs himself up and down your slit, gathering your juices.

"Look how wet you are. Such a good little druid for me." You whimper at his words. Without warning he thrust into you, going to the hilt. His heavy balls hit against your clit, and your mouth goes open in a silent scream. He begins a brutal pace, pounding into you. One of his hands reach around your body, his large hand grasping your neck. His hold is tight, but not painfully so. You feel lightheaded, all your senses being overwhelmed by the Archdruid. You feel as though your floating, the only thing tying you to this plane of existence is the continuous thrusts from the elf behind you. You felt as though you were split open repeatedly, his cock reaching places in you that you were unsure existed before today. He growls as he pounds into you, and you begin to feel claws against your neck, before they retract.

"You make me feral, little one. I'm gonna fill you with my seed, fill you with pups." You moan, breathless. His thrusts begin to falter, but they seem to go deeper. You feel yourself fluttering around him, as you gasp.

"I-I'm close." You whisper to him. He groans.

"I feel you fluttering around me, little one." He chokes out. After a handful of thrusts he cums with a shout, and you constrict around him, cumming once more. You feel his seed in you, so abundant that it leaks out around him. You both pant for a couple seconds. He releases your neck and you gasp an inhale.

"Did I hurt you?" He asks you softly. You shake your head enthusiastically.

"N-no. Oh gods Halsin. I am unsure how I will walk right ever again." You tell him breathlessly. He chuckles at that, caressing your back and thighs with gentleness. You feel him slowly pull out of you, taking care to not punish your core anymore. You whimper at the loss, feeling your mixed spend leaking out of you. He flips you over softly, wanting to look you over. His hand goes to finger you lazily. You shriek, body seizing up.

"Not a drop goes to waste." He tells you huskily. After a couple moments, he pulls his fingers out too, and directs them to your mouth. You suckle on the digits, the taste arousing you once more. You both look into each other's eyes as you did this. Once he removes his fingers from your mouth, his lips replace it, tasting both of you on his tongue. He groans into your lips. You kiss for a couple moments, before you both need to separate so you could inhale. You felt utterly spent. He goes to lie down next to you, and your eyes follow him.

His hands begin to massage your sore muscles, before pulling you onto him. You felt utterly spent. He holds you into a lover's embrace and you can't help but sigh into his chest, caressing his pectorals and cuddling into him. You feel his lips on the crown of your head, leaving a trail soft pecks and kisses. You both lay there, absorbing the beauty of nature and speaking about your lives before the parasite and the shadow curse until the sun rose.

END

#halsin bg3 #halsin x tav #halsin x reader #baldur's gate 3 #halsin #fanfic #smut #halsin x reader smut #daddy halsin #druid reader #Halsin x Druid!Reader #fanfiction #halsin smut

[therealeagal]

Baldur's Gate 3 - companion ranking.

Decide for yourselves whether my list is accurate or not. Whichever you decide, please do @ me, bro. I'm interested to know who your favorite character is!

I switched up my usual intro. What do you think? Anyway. Let's begin. This is a list of the companions in Baldur's Gate 3. I think I got all of them. There's so many. They are enumerated from best to worst.

Wyll Ravenguard, the Blade of the Frontiers. Really got a stick up his ass. I try to romance him and he starts throwing out disapproves whenever I talk to someone else. Motherfucker I'm not the one flirting with them I just want to know what they're up to. Stuck up piece of shit. Also I guess he's a hypocrite that literally sold his soul for power (he says he had a good reason…) But mainly I'm mad about him being a fucking diva when other people flirt with me. Fuckin' Wyll… Wyll stans got pissy at me because they didn't get the joke. Well, his placement at the very bottom of the list was a joke. Don't tell the stans, but my review was completely accurate) What? I didn't say anything. I mean, Wyll Ravenguard is Ao's gift to humanity. There exists no person in this world that is better than Wyll. I could wax loquacious about all the ways in which Wyll is perfection beyond perfection, but I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that no matter what Karlach's entry may suggest, Wyll is truly the greatest of the great.

Scratch the dog. Maybe it's just because I'm a dog person, but there's no way you can convince me that Scratch isn't the best.

The owlbear cub, for much the same reasons as Scratch. Although I can't say I have any strong feelings one way or the other about owls or bears...

Karlach. No question that Karlach would take the top spot if Scratch and the owlbear weren't around. As she is the first companion that is both A: a good person and B: not a prick about it on top of being irrepressibly cheerful and kind, there is no question that Karlach is the best official companion (Scratch and the owlbear are more pets/familiars than companions). I mean, Gale is also a good guy too and he's not an asshole about it, but he's kind of a tool. Karlach is a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

Editing this one in, because I FORGOT WITHERS! Rookie mistake. Sorry, Withers!

Jaheira. I never played the first two Baldur's Gate games, but I understand that Jaheira is a returning character. Either way, she's a fuckin' badass. A regular in my final party.

Shadowheart/Lae'zel. It's hard to choose between the two. They've both got excellent storylines, which are actually quite similar in a lot of ways. And they're both badass chicks. What's not to love?

Boo, the miniature giant space hamster and his human familiar, Minsc of Rashemen. Also often a fixture in my party, because he's funny.

Gale Dekarios. To be honest, I wasn't crazy about Gale at first. Kind of pretentious. But he's grown on me. Yes, he is kind of a tool, but at least he generally likes it when I'm nice to people, unlike a certain vampire who shall remain unnamed... also he eats three of my magic items. Not that I was using them but it's the principle of the matter!

(this is Wyll's true rating, but ignore it because obviously he belongs at the top of the list. PLEASE LIKE ME!)

Halsin. Ever wanted to fuck a bear? In every sense of the word? Well, have I got news for you!

Astarion. WHY DO YOU HATE IT WHEN I'M NICE TO PEOPLE, ASTARION??!?!?!?!?!? IT'S SO ANNOYING!!!

The dirt.

The worms inside the dirt.

The stool of the worms inside the dirt.

Minthara. A giant asshole. Which I guess is to be expected. Still better than Solas. Yes, I know they are from two different games. Shut up. Fuckin' Solas...

The Emperor. He of the gaslighting and the tentacles.

The Absolute. Yes, the main bad guy. I'd rather hang out with the main bad guy than...

Oh, lemme edit this in. Just in case. If you, for some reason, get your dander up about the contents of this list, please refrain from reblogging this to just whinge about what a terrible person I am. Not that I am opposed to someone challenging my ideas, but the death spiral does get tedious quite fast. If you really really got an axe to grind, try the PMs. Please and thank you. :)

#spoilers #spoiler warning #fuckin spoilers #but I don't want people whinging at me #baldur's gate 3 #scratch the dog #owlbear cub #jaheira #lae'zel #shadowheart #minsc and boo #minsc #gale dekarios #halsin #astarion #minthara baenre #wyll ravengard #bg3 withers

[overobsessivewhumper]

Whumpcember 2023: Day 5: Impaled

@whumpcember

Content warning: Blood, Impalement

Read on Ao3

Astarion is badly injured, but with Karlachs still out of control heart, she can do nothing but watch as he suffers.

Work Text:

Karlach felt like she was going to be sick. How could she have let something like this happen?

It had only took one moment for them to get separated from Shadowheart and Lae'zel. She obviously hadn't minded being alone with Astarion, even if it was in the middle of the barren wastes of the Shadow cursed lands. She had briefly spared a worried taught to the fact that the other two might actually kill each other, but she had quickly dismissed it.

Together with Astarion, they had quickly planned a route back to the Last Light Inn and had set off on it. She doesn't remember what they had been talking about now, only that she greatly enjoyed the conversation.

Maybe that's why neither of them noticed the ambush.

Karlach is sure one of the others had told her the name of the plant monsters twisted by the Shadow-Curse, probably Halsin or Gale, but she could not give less of a fuck to try and remember what they're called.

Not now, not when Astarion is half sitting, half laying at her feet, bleeding, piece of wood so thick she guesses she could only about wrap her hand around it sticking out of his stomach.

And she can do nothing to help him. Not without burning him.

That's why they set out into the Shadow-Cursed-Lands that morning in the first place, to find Infernal Iron to hopefully cool down her out of control heart.

Crouching down next to Astarion, ignoring the way her own body aches, Karlach cringes as she gets a better look at the state Astarion is in.

The jagged piece of wood sticking out of his left side tore right through his armour, leaving an equally jagged hole in the leather, and surely his skin too. His armour is dark, of drow making, but she could see the blood running across it from the wound all too clearly from the way the liquid glints in the unnatural pale blue light of the Shadow-Cursed-Lands. His jaw is clenched, eyebrows furrowed, but somehow, he's still trying to throw her a alluring smile.

Normally a look like that would make Karlach feel a whole host of ways.

Now, pained as it was, it just made her feel sad.

“Please, please tell me you have health potions on you.” Karlach says, trying to let the rising panic spill into her words.

“I was just about to ask you the same thing, darling.” Karlach had feared he'd say something like that. Astarion shifts to sit up better, a pained hiss leaves his mouth despite the way he clenches his teeth, eyes pressed shut tightly, brows drawn together.

There were many times Karlach had wanted desperately to touch Astarion.

When he'd propositioned her at the tiefling party, every time she wanted to kiss that smug grin he had after battle or cracking a lock off his face, when they sat around the fire at camp close enough for her to have simply reached over and wrapped her arm around him. Hells, every single night she wished she could spend it with him pressed tightly to her chest.

She'd never wanted to be able to touch him more then now. If she could only pick him up, they'd be back at the inn in no time. It's now like he's heavy. But no, she couldn't even hold his hand without making things so much worse. Astarion starts moving again, clearly trying to stand up. And I can do nothing but watch, Karlach thinks.

“Shit fangs, you're loosing so much blood.”Karlach swallows thickly as she watches a fresh rivulet of it run out of the wounds and across Astarions thigh. Astarion laughs, and action he clearly regrets immediately as he stops and clutches the wound in his stomach by wrapping his hand around the piece of wood.

“I'm a vampire, Karlach. Bleeding out won't kill me.”

“You can still die from an injury that bad!” Karlach says, barely quieter than yelling. She hates the way her voice cracks. Loosing her cool now is not an option. Astarion makes it to his feet, immediately stumbling and having to lean against a tree. He's breathing heavily and doubled over. Karlach thinks he might be sick.

“Fuck, are you okay?” Karlach hurries to get up too and stands next to him, hand hovering just shy of touching his shoulder. He nods. Karlach isn't sure she believes him.

After what feels like ages, Astarion starts walking, and Karlach feels a bit sick herself.

He sways with every step he takes. Going by the limp he's got going, there's also something very clearly wrong with his leg. It hurts Karlachs heart watching him like this. But the worst of it is without a doubt the noises he makes.

It's the kind of thing Astarion is good at, something Karlach had already sworn she'd make Cazador pay for. Despite Astarions clear skill in the territory, the dead silence of the Shadow-Cursed-Lands is near continuously pierced by hisses and groans. Occasionally he even makes noises that are just barely not screams. Those chill Karlach to the bone.

When Astarion almost stumbles every other step, Karlach almost grabs him every time. She can't even steady him for fear fear of hurting him worse.

Karlach has to force herself to look away from Astarion to make sure they're still going the right way. Thankfully, the dome encasing the Last Light inn is already in sight, and slowly but steadily growing closer.

“Look Astarion! I can see the inn from here.” He doesn't look, too focused on watching the floor in front of him. Karlach hadn't expected him to look, but his lack of answer beside a weak nod unnerve her. Astarion is nothing if not talkative, him not speaking sat wrong with Karlach.

A few steps later, Astarion falls to his knees.

“Shit.” Karlach mutters to herself, dropping down next to him as well, bruised knees be damned. His eyes are half closed as he looks in her direction. They're unfocused and his expression looks distant. Karlach can't be sure Astarion can see her at all.

“Astarion!” Karlach exclaims, snapping her fingers in front of his face. “Please get back up. You have to get up Astarion!” Desperation and panic lace her every word.

This seems to snap Astarion out of it, and he struggles to get back to his feet. He's fatigued, it's painfully obvious from the way he moves.

“If I do pass out, you'll have to carry me back.” His vice is breathy and tight. It's clear he has to force himself to speak at all.

“I can't carry you back, I'll burn you!” Karlach says, sounding angrier than intended.

“Well I'd rather you burn me than leave me out here!” Astarion hisses back. Karlachs stomach drops. Does he really think she'd do that?

“I'd never leave you behind Astarion, especially not when you're like this.” Karlach tries her best to keep her voice calm and level. Astarion nods.

They're only around a 150 meters away from the dome when Astarion makes good on what he said and finally passes out. He does so so fast Karlach doesn't even have the time to want to try and steady him out of instinct. At least he has to good foresight to not fall forwards, instead landing on his uninjured side.

Fear grips Karlachs heart as Astarion refuses to wake back up again no matter how loud she gets. Nobody at the Inn could hear her calling for help from here, she's sure of it. And there's no way she'd leaving Astarion alone.

That really only leaves her with one option: Touching him.

Sure, she could find a way to drag him without touching him if she had the time, but she doesn't. And dragging him across such uneven ground in this state sounds dangerous.

“I'm so sorry Astarion.” Karlach says and scoops him up, one arm in the crook of his knees, the other across his back. She takes care to try and hold him as far away from his chest as she can. Karlach as fast as she safely can towards the bridge leading to the inn. For a moment, a traitorous little part of her almost feels joy at finally, finally getting to hold Astarion, at the way his unnaturally cool skin feels against hers.

It is almost immediately squashed an replaced by guilt as the smell of burning flesh hits her.

As soon as she crosses the threshold of the dome, Karlach puts Astarion down, apologizing once more as she does so, and begins yelling for Shadowheart or Halsin or anyone that can help.

Thankfully, Halsin appears fast, and Shadowheart follows shortly after. Karlach is predominantly focused on Astarion, but she does notice that Shadowheart looks rather beat up herself. Karlach tries to explain what happened, but it doesn't come out very coherent.

The two healers move quickly. They move Astarion into the inn, where it's cleaner. Karlach follows closely behind. They end up having to pull the piece of wood out before removing Astarions armour. Luckily, healing magic doesn't rely on them seeing what the injury looks like.

When the armour and shirt come off and Karlach catches sight of the ugly burn across Astarions back, she has to leave the room. Gods she hates how even when trying to help she causes damage.

The next time she sees Astarion is when he's been moved back to the camp and into his own tent. What Shadowheart and Halsin couldn't heal has been bandaged. Astarion looks almost peaceful now.

Karlach sits next to where he rests, making sure not to set anything on fire, and keeps watch of him. It's all she can do without hurting Astarion, so she's dedicated to at least do that well.

When he wakes up, Karlach apologizes a third time. Astarion waves it off.

“Once I get this engine of mine fixed, I'm hugging you so tightly. That's a threat and a promise.” Karlach states. Astarion laughs quietly, but says nothing. It's obvious he's still hurting but trying to hide it.

Karlach gets it. After all, they both come from places where showing weakness was not an option. Karlach sighs.

When Astarion settles to trance, Karlach doesn't even try to sleep. She'll keep watch just a little while longer, just to make sure. Just to make sure Astarion can rest easy.

#whumpcember2023 #bg3 #astarion/karlach #astarion ancunin #karlach #blood

[smiletimeisrunningout]

okay more Baldur's gate things because I'm definitely adding my Lex (half elf, wizard, criminal past, supposedly into knowedge?? the summary is: she's a weirdo with a personal code and lots of tadpoles) to my multi and yesterday it was hilarious:

I saved the thiefling and that's all that matters to me/Lex (don't know what I'll do when I'll try a less 'gotta protect the underdog even though I'm supposed to be a criminal' person), though I may have skipped forward too fast for a level 3 character in act 1 by killing all the goblin leaders, including the one we could have apparently recruited if letting those innocents be slaughtered. No wonder she gets along with Wyll best.

I had Volo rip her eye out by accident when pushing him to go on with his crazy experiment to remove the tadpole so now she can see invisibility with her prosthetic one. No, I will not be taking criticism or questions at this time (I need to rp the after because she was impossibly chill about it and that's canon)

Lae'zel came onto her??? Is that how you say when someone basically tells you she'd like to jump your bones? which is literally out of nowhere because as much as Lex finds her funny in my head, they disagree about everything, but because Lex didn't run away from giant fights (which I HATED, I was forced to, and I'm pretty sure Lex didn't want to do given her background) she was into her???? Obviously if I rp I won't ask another rper to replicate that, just to know that Lex would keep her and the others forever and have weird adventures because FUN. Also Lex NEVER takes her threats seriously nor shows all that respect, mostly she makes smartass or amused comments, but also got in the way so Shadowheart wouldn't kill her and won't criticize her for her way to live.

Shadowheart woken Lex up at night when almost killing Lae'zel WHILE SHE SLEPT (after the artifact fight) and she was saying she'd claim La'zel had started changing, so while I interrupted the fight peacefully there is no way Lex specifically as a character would ever grow super close/trust her again? I headcanon Lex is fine with people keeping their secrets, she does it too, but betraying trust and companions and lying about it, and the 'attacking a companion while they sleep'? Against her code. Even if she feels affection for her, she hasn't forgotten that Shadowheart wasn't exactly joking when she said 'huh I'd kill you right away' after Lex told her that if she (Shadow) turned she'd tie her up and go find a cure for her. She tries not to disrespect her faith and supports her, let her keep the artifact (and saved her on the ship at the beginning) so she thought they were getting closer, but this crossed the line even if Lex will still treat her as a friend and defend her.

ASTARION IS SO FUNNY. I stand by the idea that 'Lex will insult/roll her eyes at him at all times, but violently protect him with her life, she feels she's the only one who can be like 'shut the fuck up, Astarion' and won't let anyone else mistreat him unless it's a friendly thing, even told the others to trust him when they learned he's a vampire. I like the idea that she's very "I'm not buying any of your crap" to him, while unable to stop smiling at him and secretly worrying for him. Also I feel that when he sensed that she wasn't about to suggest sex at the druids party he was like 'I want sex... NOT WITH YOU' only because she wasn't giving him the vibe she'd say yes, otherwise they'd probably be considering it, even if it's just casually? Astarion was shockingly offended by Gale's reveal because 'he didn't tell his FRIENDS he was dangerous' he used the words "friends", he focused on that, me as a player and Lex as a character are so intrigued by that, considering that Lex herself didn't feel that personally slighted by Gale not telling the truth in general, just not liking that he might die nor that he didn't tell them he could "erupt" (also, if there had been a dialogue option for it, she'd have been like "you didn't tell you were a vampire and tried to bite me while I slept??" She gave him permission to do it once because she's a weirdo and it hurt, but it was such a dangerous thing). By the way, she told Astarion she can suck the enemies' blood but not hers, because it DID hurt and because she's not going to give her literal blood to people. She kinda looks at him softly when they are not bantering so there is that, and she drank his wine so. Weirdest relationship.

Wyll got horns and she's into the demon look. No but seriously, Wyll is the one she effortlessly gets along with and she likes so much (because they are both heroic even if she's not supposed to be) even though I accidentally started romancing Gale. She still thinks so very highly of Wyll even after knowing about him making a mysterious deal with the devil, never knew she wanted to be heroic too until meeting him and realizing she was choosing to fight for others all the time, the way no one ever fought for her. So help me god if the others don't rally up for her if she gets in danger.

Karlack is going to be her best friend, I can feel it. But she just arrived and I don't know much. 

We are in love with the dog.

I know nothing of Minthara, I killed her right away to protect the tieflings. 

I have Halsin in my camp but considering I didn't directly save him, I don't know him much

Wyll got horns and she's into the demon look. No but seriously, Wyll is the one she effortlessly gets along with and she likes so much (because they are both heroic even if she's not supposed to be) even though I accidentally started romancing Gale. She still thinks so very highly of Wyll even after knowing about him making a mysterious deal with the devil, never knew she wanted to be heroic too until meeting him and realizing she was choosing to fight for others all the time, the way no one ever fought for her. So help me god if the others don't rally up for her if she gets in danger.

I ACCIDENTALLY started romancing Gale to see if he'd respond well (when they performed a spell that bonded them a bit, so I reasoned she got a bit lost in it, and conjured the image of them having a romantic walk? she's weirdly sweet?) but I can feel that once he revealed his secret Lex pulled back because he not only hid it for so long, but can't deal with the 'sleeping with a goddess wasn't enough' which makes her think of how many tadpoles she put in her brain, even if she's still very friendly to him and kinda flirty, and I'm so curious to see where it'd go, but I think this was too big of a secret for her??

Karlack is going to be her best friend, I can feel it. But she just arrived and I don't know much. 

We are in love with the dog.

I know nothing of Minthara, I killed her right away to protect the tieflings. 

I have Halsin in my camp but considering I didn't directly save him, I don't know him much

We got Withers, Lex still can't believe a magical corpse is trying to get her money. He's is the equivalent of that guy in Spyro who asks you lots of diamonds to build bridges. It's hilarious.

Lex is shoving tadpoles in her head, she WANTS to be a cool wizard and I headcanon it's to protect herself because she lived a life of rejection and hunger, but in the end she's slipping into I NEED POWER TO SURVIVE. Yet she refuses to abandon companions who are a threat.

I literally made this post her unofficial about page in my multi.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #i can't wait to add her and rp her but I can't until I know the full story #or at least the full story in my playthrough

[adhdslugcrimes]

Me playing bg3 and how it's going.

After meeting astarion

Me: I'm going to marry that man.

Shadowheart: he had a dagger at your throat.

Me, heart eyes: I know

Karlach touch starved

Me: halsin is a good healer, correct?

Nettie: the best.

Me: he heals 3rd degree burns?

Nettie: as if you wasn't burn to begin with.

Me: good.

Saves him

Me: my tiefling wife needs a hug, heal my ass. KARLACH GET OVER HERE BEAUTIFUL WE'RE HUGGING!

Auntie Ethel: oh petal-

Me, with sword being held back; CALL ME PETAL AGAIN, DO IT YOU OLD HAG I'LL KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND FUCK YOU BITCH ASS OLD LADY DON'T CALL ME FUCKIN PETAL YOU DIRT ASS BITCH!!

Astarion: *talking about world domination*

Me: I hate I have to be good and not agree with this, you can't just offer me world domination and expect me to be a good boy.

Me, during character creation: I CAN HAVE A DICK!?

Me, with scratch and OWLBEAR CUB I named Gordon: if anyone hurt you I'll feast on their bones.

Gale: haha, that's a funny little saying.

Me: I'm not joking.

Gale: oh dear...

Astarion disapprove saving slaves

Me: buddy I know you are in your own self pity for 200 years but, come on,,,, you can't just disapprove this.... We're getting you fixed psychopath.

Gale telling about how he had a relationship with Mystra

Me: YOU ARE JUST ONE BIG FUCK UP!? You die so many times on me, set off all the traps as I'm disarming them, and now you're telling me you bagged a goddess and fumbled!? What is wrong with you!?

Me, stealing shit.

Game: sure you want to steal from the druids?

Me: kagha is a bitch, I'm sure.

Nebby: turn left bug

Me, turn right: Oki!

Nebby: I said left!

Me: I don't know my left and right!!

Karlach and Astarion having a similar situation

Me, with tears: don't you fuckin worry I'm killing them fuck them!

Game: use all these scrolls

Me, giving them to wyll to horde them: but what if I need them? Just in case.

Game: you're losing to a boss, use them

Me: NO I'M SAVING THEM WE'RE BRINGING OUT LAE'ZEL THEN SHE'S BROKEN!

Game: you're making this harder on easy mode

Me: shut up I came to simp not to think with my brain... Unless Nebby playing with me then I'll dust off the cobwebs but they're not here so brain off let me look at my wife and cunty hubby that you won't let me date at the same time!!!!

Shadowheart, being shadowheart

Me: I'm now 2 act in, when are you getting likeable? I've forgiven suicidal gale.

Me, every single time: map, map, where the fuck am I???? I have it on the smallest it can go wtf

Halsin asking for the death of goblin leaders

Me, 7th try in: you sit your big bear ass down and I'll kill them myself ugh.

Me, abusing vicious mocking

Also me tell my teammates I love them and to not die

Me, not seeing where I'm clicking and making my party hit each other so many times: maybe I need glasses...

My shitty hearing hears in the theme song they love capybaras.

Me, sad or pissed at the game, goes to astarion to call me darling or sweet: you are a true blessing in disguise, don't you dare forget it. Another yes darling please.

Me, looking up desperate for supplies: can I eat rotten food?

Game: no, throwable item.

Me, no supplies: fuck me....

Me: wyll I know how to get you out of the contract.

Wyll: do what she says and hope for the best you pass a roll ?

Me: no. I bang your demon mistress. I have a dick now, I'm ready to be a whore.

#bg3 spoilers #bg3 #my tavs are smart #I'm just a little guy #I'm having a lot of fun in the game

[thessalian]

Faerun!Alisaie vs The Great Reveal

Now in a mind flayer colony

Alisaie: Man, Lae'zel is going to be pissed she missed this. I'm going to have to dress this one up in all the bells and whistles when I tell it. ...Or maybe I should downplay it to stave off the envy?

Wyll: Decide that later. Rescues now. Still don't believe we're probably having to rescue Mizora.

Alisaie: In exchange for your freedom. What do you know about the fine print of your contract?

Wyll: *has INT of 8 and WIS of 10* ...Fine print?

Alisaie: .........ohforfuckssake...

Wyll: I was a kid when--! Oh, never mind; I'll tell you when we're done here.

Alisaie: But until then we have to fight our way through this place and then negotiate on the fly with unknown terms and conditions. Holy fuck.

Wyll: She's ... really mad at me, isn't she?

Gale: More the situation than you. And honestly, be grateful.

Wyll: That she's angry? Why?

Undead: *are kind of in the way*

Alisaie: *very much gets them OUT of her way*

Gale: That's why. She fights well angry. I'd swear she's taking lessons from Karlach. Anyway. Helping time. IGNIS!

Stabnation: *ensues*

After taking a bit of a wrong turn...

Gale: I don't believe you rescued an intellect devourer.

Shadowheart: I do. We met that one on the ship. It's kind of ... her ... intellect devourer now. Altruism, remember?

Gale: Well, I suppose she did rescue Lae'zel, and most of her people are trying to kill us too. Huh. What's this?

Alisaie: Neural network. I guess it needs connecting if we want that door unlocked. Lemme see...

Gale: If you wanted, I could--

Alisaie: *connects up the neural network*

Door: *unlocks*

Gale: ...I'm going to second Wyll on this, Shadowheart. Appreciate that one. Illithid Empire history! This is so cool...

Wyll: *holds Gale back a bit* You're remarkably cheerful for someone who might end up dead at the end of this.

Gale: We're ignoring that so we can keep going, because ... oh fuck if I have to do this here, I'm taking all of you out with me!

Wyll: ...That ... that can't happen. There's going to be another way. There has to. I mean, if it was just me, or just you and me, or... I mean ... they only just got their feelings sorted and started to act on it! They deserve better than that!

Gale: Sorry. My ex is a bit of a bitch.

Wyll: I'd say I sympathise, but I never wanted any of that with Mizora.

Gale: You said you were a 'kid' when that started. I'm assuming teenager. As in teenaged boy, brimming with hormones, and she wears cleavage down to her navel. And you're telling me you never even wanted--?

Wyll: ...Shut up.

Alisaie: *rocking back up with loot* What are you two talking about now?

Wyll; Gale: .........

Gale: Hair care tips? I mean, the texture of mine is kind of different but I imagine that particular style requires a lot less brushing after a day spent shoving through bushes, and I also wondered if it was easier or harder to wash viscera out of.

Alisaie: ...You two are so weird. Also lying, but I'm going to let you this once. We've got shit to do.

To the rescue!

Zevlor: Look, I'm sorry, all right? That Absolute thing got into my head and told me I'd be a Paladin again and I'd have the power to protect my people and--

Wyll: Deep mood. I mean, less mind control, and a lot less paladin, but seriously. Deep mood.

Alisaie: Look, I really don't care. If you're not carrying around the kind of protection we are, I can't blame anyone for getting mindfucked by a gods-damned elder brain. But I'll tell you this - you don't need that kind of power to be the saviour your people need. There's all kinds of other ways you can follow your ideals without a god letting you smite shit. Go be the leader your people need and get out of here before shit gets real. Because it's about to. But you've got a little time while we rescue the one other entity we're trying to rescue in here. Well, maybe more than a little.

Zevlor: You expect it to be difficult? I could--

Alisaie: Nah. I just want at least two minutes to point and laugh.

Zevlor: ...wut.

Wyll: I'm with her on this one, I have to admit.

Zevlor: Um ... very well? I'll ... just ... herd survivors out of here. Do you know an exit?

Gale: *as Alisaie and Wyll wander into the next room* Just keep heading that way and climb up. You should be fine.

Wyll; Alisaie: *hysterical, somewhat mean-spirited laughter from the next room*

Mizora: Yes, yes, I'm sure you're finding this terribly amusing, now get me out of here!

Alisaie: Okay ... but first you tell me what bullshit is in Wyll's contract that prevents him from being released from his pact right the hell now. ...No pun intended.

Mizora: Subclause saying that there's a six-month cooling-off period if the contract-holder agrees to terminate the contract.

Alisaie: Yeah, figured it'd be something like that. So if that's the case, and you really want to see if he might reconsider during those six months, shouldn't you sweeten the deal?

Mizora: ...I suppose it has been awhile since I led with the carrot rather than the stick. Here. Shiny toy. A reminder of what you stand to lose if you really give up this contract.

Wyll: .........

Mizora: ...Yes, I suppose also as thanks for getting me out of there. Zariel would have followed through on the lemure thing if you hadn't, by the way. Toodles! *poof*

Gale: I am still in awe of how you can talk people into anything. Or ... out of everything, depending on situation...

Mistress of Souls: OHAI. We're being attacked and you aren't where you should be and therefore I conclude you are the attackers!

Alisaie: Hey, I was sent here to help you keep your minions in check. If you were doing your job, I wouldn't have to be away from my post.

Mistress of Souls: ...

Gale: oshit...

Mistress of Souls: ...No! I can deal with this just fine! I'll be harder on them, I swear! Now go away and let me prove myself properly! I don't care where you wander, just ... not here!

Alisaie: You'd better. I don't want to see them anywhere else in this colony until they're properly recalcitrant, got it?

Mistress of Souls: Yes! Of course! Yes!

Shadowheart: *as they walk away* Did ... did you just get her to keep her own people out of any fight we might get into, and also be too busy to get into it herself?

Alisaie: Yep. And yes, I probably could sell firelighters in hell. I just don't want to. Sulphur makes me sneeze, and soul food is really not my bag.

Wyll: We're approaching potential doom and I'm laughing. Damn, you're good.

And, eventually, Ketherick Thorm and ... allies

Gortash: You're really fucking up, dude. Yeah, you got this army together, but you let the artefact wander around right under your nose in the care of some rogue True Soul and then you ran away?

Ketherick: She had an aasimar paladin on side. I think I'm within my rights. But she'll come down and I'll deal with her then.

Gortash: What, the paladin we locked up over there? Ugh; just ... get that artefact. Or I'll hand you over to Orin.

Orin: You have your source of immortality back. I could flay you foreeeeeever...

Gortash: Okay, let's call upon our gods and get the elder brain moving towards Baldur's Gate before Orin gets weird. *holds up gemstone* Tyranny!

Orin: *holds up own gemstone* Murder!

Ketherick: *thrusts chest forward like lap dancer* The dead!

Enslaved Elder Brain: By ... your ... powers ... combined...

Gale: There it is. I ... suppose I should do this now, then...

Alisaie: Okay, no. Three reasons. One - they're calling on death gods, and at this rate, they might answer. Two - there's more going on than we know about and I think Mystra wants answers about those gems as much as she wants this thing dead. Three - that crown is Netherese and might protect the elder brain, and the gems might protect the wielders, and then nothing stands between them and taking over Baldur's Gate.

Wyll: Four - that's my father over there! And he rules Baldur's Gate and he has a tadpole and who takes over if he and I both die?!?

Ketherick: The other two are gone, you know. Time to finish this. If nothing else? I want my hammer back. This flail just ... ain't it.

Alisaie: We really don't have to do this. You could just actually repent. Isobel would probably want to know you found peace before you died.

Ketherick: ...I'm ... probably in too far for that. But I can quietly monologue about the sadness I feel about not being worthy until you're close enough to--

Alisaie: *shoves Ketherick into the void*

Ketherick: Thaaaaaaaaanks...

Myrkul: I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE BREAK MY TOYS.

Myrkul: *manifests a much scarier avatar than Ketherick will ever be*

Alisaie: Whaaaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuuuuck...?

Gale: Well. You did say the gods might protect them from the Netherese orb blast. Now, let's fight this thing so we can survive long enough for you to get in a good "I told you so".

Alisaie: Right. Wyll; go get Aylin out of that soul cage. Gale; you're on little-guy clean-up. Shadowheart; light him up bright as you can.

Shadowheart: ...What are you going to do?

Alisaie: *Mobile Flourishes up to the platform* ELFSONG TAVERN SAYS HELLO, YOU CLATTERING COLLECTION OF CANTANKEROUS CARRION!

Shadowheart: If she headbutts him, I'm going to slap her.

Alisaie: You never let me have any fun!

Stabnation: *ensues*

And finally, back up top...

Jaheira: So? What happened then?

Alisaie: I'll dress it up more bardic pretty back at camp - for Volo and Lae'zel, if nothing else - but long story short? Wyll got Aylin out of the soul cage and we beat the tar out of the avatar of Myrkul, who then turned back into Ketherick Thorm, and I'll dress up how she literally stomped him into paste in a ballad later so Isobel can appreciate it but looking at those two...

Aylin: *grabs Isobel* We'll talk later, Shadowheart; I need this woman to tear all my clothes off.

Isobel: *blushing* Work, work, work...

Alisaie: Yeah. That. So there is another way of dealing with this bullshit; we get two more of these gems that are controlling the elder brain, and then ... I dunno; I can talk people into anything, so with that much control, I can probably get it to kill all the tadpoles without hurting anyone and then make it give itself the granddaddy of all aneurysms.

Jaheira: I like your style, and the Harpers will be helpful if Duke Ravengard is compromised. Let me come along.

Alisaie: Yeah, sure. Halsin'll be glad of the company, and... Wait. WITHERS?

Withers: It is a matter of balance, and so I am Here.

Alisaie: .........

Withers: ...What?

Alisaie: MORE EVIDENCE FOR THE "WITHERS IS WHAT REMAINS OF JERGAL AFTER HE GAVE UP HIS POWER PORTFOLIOS TO THE DEAD THREE" THEORY, GUYS!

Gale: Yes. Well. Speaking of exploring theories. We ... we were going to Baldur's Gate anyway, yes? I mean, the elder brain's heading there and they have Duke Ravengard and there's the Harper base and Lae'zel's whole situation and needing to deal with Astarion's master and--

Alisaie: What do you want, Gale?

Gale: There's this bookshop in Baldur's Gate - I mean, more than a bookshop, though it is the apotheosis of bookshops, and--

Alisaie: Fine, yes, we can go shopping. I have a whole area's worth of junk that needs trading anyway. But can we at least get to camp first? Shadowheart's owed answers and I really just want a good solid meal.

Gale: Not sure how you can eat after having squelched through a meat cave the last few hours, but yes, of course.

#Faerun!Alisaie #Thess liveblogs Baldur's Gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers

[thessalian]

Faerun!Alisaie vs Politics and Cults

After an awful lot of wandering and more than a few dead things

Alisaie: Oh, hey, look - mushroom folks.

Gale: Please let them be friendlier than the last few encounters... Not that I'm not grateful for you taking us into that arcane tower - I learned a great deal - but it wasn't fun. And as for the kuo-toa...

Alisaie: Look, I was not going to tell the fish-people that I was a fucking god, okay?!? That's how you piss off real gods and get smited! Smote? Smoten? None of that actually sounds right.

Shadowheart: Just stick with 'angry gods'. Either way, it's getting ugly.

Gale: Um. Yes. About that. I ... may know a few things about angry gods.

Alisaie: Part of me doesn't want to know.

Wyll: And ... the rest of you?

Alisaie: Is a bard. Do the maths.

Gale: Well ... I may have pissed off Mystra. Just a bit. I had the best of intentions! I promise! Lovers give gifts to their--

Wyll: Hang on. Did you just say lovers?!?

Gale: I ... I have game. What can I say? But I decided to do something big and impressive and there's a bit of the tainted Weave in me and that's why I've been asking for magical artefacts, you see - I have to drain them to feed this bit of Weave so it stays in a ball and doesn't erupt and destroy half the landscape but it doesn't seem to be working particularly well anymore.

Alisaie: ...And you waited until we were in the Underdark for this because...?

Gale: Well, if we find an illithid colony, just leave me at the gates with some of that wyvern toxin and run like hell. I can at least do some good as I go out.

Alisaie: .........We. Are. FIXING THIS.

Gale: But--

Alisaie: No. You -- you just shut up. I've got Wyll with that Mizora bitch and Shadowheart getting repeatedly stabbed in the hand by her goddess and Karlach's own body trying to kill her and Astarion's stupid fucking master sending monster hunters after us and now there's this. Fuck's sake, could I just have friends who aren't going to implode?!?

Wyll: Well ... there's Lae'zel...

Alisaie: I haven't found a way to warm up to her yet.

Wyll: What about Halsin?

Alisaie: I am not ready to confront whatever guilt is lurking in there. I'm just not. I have enough to deal with right now. And I guess it starts with mushroom people. Whole colonies grow down here, looks like. And they say nothing grows underground...

A short chat with mushroom folk later

Alisaie: Welp. The duergar around here are chumps. The raising the dead's a bit of a pisser, though. Thanks for the assist there, Shadowheart.

Shadowheart: Shame I couldn't use it much. All our large friend over here did was raise his own corpses, and I wasn't sure if Turn Undead works on myconid-puppeted undead. Why did we bring this ... individual with us again?

Glut: AVENGE MY CIRCLE.

Alisaie: I am not getting involved in mushroom politics. *yeets Glut into the void*

Eventually, on a boat somewhere

Alisaie: So now I go murder the hell out of another drow. I'm not sure if this is politics or just being Saviour of the Mushroom People.

Other Boat: *cruises up alongside*

Duergar: Why've you got our scout's boat?

Alisaie: Your scout's dead. We're reporting back.

Duergar: True Soul, too. Huh. Handy. C'mon.

After a fair bit of negotiation, while stabbing up a Scrying Eye

Alisaie: So half these duergar want Nele saved and the other half want him dead. And either way we have to get him out, if just to get his head. At least it's not mushroom politics. It's just ... brain-worm cult politics. Fuck my life entirely.

Wyll: Still Saviour of the Mushroom People, though.

Alisaie: As a title, it lacks something. Blade of the Frontiers has way more oomph.

Gale: Look - you not only dug into the ... 'brain-worm cult politics', as you put it, enough to get help in our objective, but you convinced them to pay you for the privilege of helping you. Handsomely, in fact. We need an entirely new title for the nonsense you pull.

Alisaie: Just remind me not to ask Volo. Sometimes he's ... yeah, no.

Gale: And that's another thing - you may not have got a cure out of what he had in mind, but now you can see through Invisibility spells. You trip into the damnest luck, you know that?

Alisaie: My command performance got interrupted by mind flayers, Gale.

Gale: And they didn't kill you. And they put you in a position to make a lot of money and save the worlds. Plus the wonderful company you now keep.

Alisaie: Well, I got a Shadowheart out of the deal. That makes everything worth it.

Shadowheart: *blush* ...shutup.

Alisaie: I will not. You're adorable when you blush. And I need some nice picture to keep me going through the upcoming ugliness.

And, sure enough

Nele: Ah, good, civilised company! These idiots took too long to get me out; kill them for me.

Alisaie: Y'know ... I thought this was an awful lot of effort wasted when we could've just let you suffocate and take your head at our leisure, but ... no. No, this works. This gives me the privilege of killing your nasty, unctuous, cruelty-endorsing, worm-infected, gnome-enslaving ass. Bonus points if I lop your head right off your overprivileged shoulders while you're still standing!

Nele: ...wut?

Elder Brithuar: ...Okay, that was worth the extra gold. Let's go, my lads!

Stabnation: *ensues*

And, after an awful lot of running around...

Gale: Alisaie ... not to complain, but...

Alisaie: Yes...?

Gale: We just murdered a metallic abomination at great cost to ourselves. You nearly died doing it.

Alisaie: Well, you're the one who eventually killed the fucking thing, so thanks for that.

Gale: Well, it seemed to be weakest to just being hit with blunt objects and thankfully my staff doesn't melt in heat and-- Anyway! Just thank me by explaining why we're traipsing through lava!

Alisaie: I wanted Karlach to feel at least a little bit at home. Besides, there's a lava elemental she might like to kill.

Karlach: All right! Time to break in this hammer!

Alisaie: Besides, I need to get used to having someone martial on side. If we're hitting that gith'yanki creche, we need to have Lae'zel with us. So I figured I'd start with the more personable melee fighter and work my way up.

Gale: Fair. I'm personally looking forward to travelling with Lae'zel. Maybe she could tell me what life is like in the Astral Plane.

Alisaie: Yeah, because she'd actually tell you shit all--

Karlach: Maybe the people with ice stuff could help me kill the lava monster?

Gale; Alisaie: Oh; right. Sorry.

Gale: *fires Ray of Frost*

Alisaie: *rapid-fires ice arrows*

Stabnation: *ensues some more*

#Faerun!Alisaie #Thess liveblogs Baldur's Gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers

[thessalian]

Faerun!Alisaie vs Team Dangerous Company

Because now I'm doing this as an aasimar, new liveblog, and we begin on the nautiloid

Alisaie: Welp. This ship is falling apart and we must be someplace with people who can board a vessel because I hear fighting. I can just find a hole in the hull and fly the hell out of--

Outside: *is literally hell*

Alisaie: Oooooooor I could not do that...

Lae'zel: DIE, THRALL!

Alisaie: ...The fuck is wrong with you?

Lae'zel: What did you just say to me?

Alisaie: You know I'm in the same boat as you are. You saw it happen. You were, like, right there. And if you're not a thrall yet, why the fuck would I be?

Lae'zel: .........

Alisaie: Oh, right. Gith. "Stab first, ask questions never".

Lae'zel: You ... make a point. Just ... what are you?

Alisaie: As fed up with that question as you would be if you spent any time in Faerun, let me tell you. Now, maybe we can use this ... whatever the fuck they did to us to get the ship out of Avernus? I don't think there'd be a lot of help for us here.

Imp: *screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Alisaie: SHUT UP I AM TALKING. *crossbow bolt to face*

Imp: *dies*

Lae'zel: ...If you are this adept at battle, why do you allow that ... that thing to pursue--?

Us: *claws an imp into mince*

Lae'zel: ...Right. I refuse to be the only member of this grotesque misalliance not to have killed something. *stabs an imp*

Imp: *dies*

A little further in:

Shadowheart: LET ME OUT OF HERE!

Alisaie: Working on it! *taps console*

Two Cultist-Looking Thralls: *die*

Shadowheart: ......WITHOUT doing that to me, if you don't mind!

Lae'zel: I told you to touch nothing!

Alisaie: And I told you that you're not the boss of me and now we don't have to fight them and I can dig through their pockets for loose change or ... like, a rune that fits that machine next to the pod we actually want to open--

Lae'zel: I have no desire to--

Alisaie: I WAS USING THE ROYAL WE, SHUT UP.

Eventually, found the right rune, and:

Shadowheart: You keep dangerous company.

Alisaie: ...Ooh. 'Team Dangerous Company'. That's actually good. I'm sucker for a good team name.

Lae'zel: ...wut.

Shadowheart: She's a bard. Let her get on with it.

One long protracted fight and a crash that apparently scattered tadpole-victims across the landscape later:

Shadowheart: You're alive. ...I'm alive. That seems ... unlikely.

Alisaie: You, maybe. Me? *extends wings* Not so much. So where's Lae'zel?

Shadowheart: Hopefully a damp smear on a rock formation somewhere, honestly.

Alisaie: Well, if she isn't, we probably want her with us. *to the look she's getting* Okay, 'want' is a strong word, but gith know everything about illithids so she might know about a cure. I can deal with a lot of bitchiness in the name of maybe not becoming a mind flayer.

Shadowheart: Fair. ......Did I thank you for saving my life yet?

Alisaie: No, but it was kind of hectic up there. I can assume it's been said, if that's better for you.

Shadowheart: You are remarkably chill about all this.

Alisaie: Oh, I figure you're sitting on a boatload of secrets, but I'm not going to have leisure to figure any of them out if my only interest in the contents of your head is dinnertime.

Shadowheart: ...I'm sure there's a more repellent way of putting that, but I can't think of one right now.

One misbehaving waypoint rune later, with one very well-read Gale who's really cool with oversharing:

Shadowheart: Well. What do you know. He found the more repellent way of putting that.

Gale: Wait until I start describing the stages of ceremorphosis!

Alisaie; Shadowheart: Please. Don't.

Alisaie: You can come with us and maybe get in on whatever cure we find if you shut up about that.

Gale: ...Can it just be for now, the shutting up? I have this ... thing about Knowing Everything and Being Right and it makes it hard for me to shut up sometimes.

Alisaie: *siiiiiiiigh* I'll take what I can get. Maybe you and the gith can compare notes if we hook up with her again.

Gale: ...the wut.

But first...

Astarion: Look, there! I got one of those brains-with-feet! Kill it!

Alisaie: That's a boar, you--

Astarion: *makes a grab for her, knife drawn*

Alisaie: *dances out of the way* You really don't want to do that.

Astarion: I really thought those remarkable wings of yours would have caused a blind spot. Well, I suppose I'll just ask questions, then.

Alisaie: Wait for iiiiiiiiiiit...

Astarion: Wait for what, exact--?

Mind-Sharing Thing: *happens*

Astarion: Oh. Right. Apologies. I suppose I can share a boat with such lovely company.

Alisaie: You're really fancily dressed for someone whose memories mostly include Baldur's Gate's alleys and sewers...

Astarion: ...Magistrates just get all over, don't they?

Alisaie: You lie like a cheap rug, but I already know you can't get the jump on me, so whatever. Want to go find a tadpole-cure?

Astarion: I mean, I'd like to control these things--

Alisaie; Shadowheart; Gale: WUT.

Astarion: ...Oh, all right, fine.

A short walk later:

Gale: Ah. Gith. Just as you said.

Astarion: Goodness. Somebody's angry.

Alisaie: She's going to murder those poor buggers. ...Hang back, okay?

Gale: ...Oh, I have to see this.

Alisaie: THE INVASION FORCE IS HERE! RUN!

Tieflings: ...Goblins, githyanki, or whatever came out of that ship?

Alisaie: ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Tieflings: Oh. Shit. Leaving!

Lae'zel: I wanted to kill them!

Alisaie: They said someone named Zorru saw some githyanki, Lae'zel. If we want to get answers out of this Zorru about where he saw them and maybe get a line on where one of your creches might be, maybe killing a couple of his friends is a bad idea.

Lae'zel: What manner of warrior are you?!?

Alisaie: One who can fight with words, wit, and rapier with equal finesse.

Lae'zel: ...Very well. Get me out of here.

Alisaie: I have heard neither a "thank you for saving me" nor a "please" anywhere in that sentence.

Lae'zel: No. You did not.

Alisaie: Fine. *shoots out the bottom of her cage*

Lae'zel: *lands on her ass* OW!

Alisaie: Now go nurse your bruised ... pride ... at camp while we go try to find the locals so we can expose as few of these tieflings as possible to ... well, you.

Lae'zel: ......Do not keep me waiting. *leaves*

Shadowheart: Please tell me we're keeping her waiting.

Alisaie: We have an ancient ruin full of things we might be able to trade for supplies, or even use ourselves, and a man with a staggering talent with locks. We're totally keeping her waiting.

Shadowheart: There might be hope for you yet.

Gale: Though ... ceremorphosis is sort of ugly...

Alisaie: I bet there are ancient plaques and statues and maybe even books in there.

Gale: ...Damnit, you got my main weakness!

Astarion: And what do I get for unlocking and disarming and all that. Seems like a lot of work...

Alisaie: Cash, bling, and approbation?

Astarion: Appro-what?

Gale: Praise. And a wonderful use of the word, too!

Astarion: How are you finding everyone's weaknesses here?

Alisaie: Is that envy I hear?

Astarion: No. Maybe. All right, yes - shut up.

#Thess liveblogs Baldur's Gate 3 #Faerun!Alisaie - aasimar