In this period of grief, we see him stoop down by the smallest body in the line-up to recover their Scouts patch. It is the first and only time we ever see him do this in the series.
For someone whose philosophy is to make a choice with no regrets, regardless of the outcome; for someone who takes much time and care to reflect over his fallen comrades; we never see a scene like this again for the rest of SNK. He experiences this "Crushing Blow" (title of S1 E21, where his squad is slaughtered), and in "The Defeated" (S1 E22), stops to gaze - what was that, in his gaze? - at Petra's broken body by the tree.
Then he takes Petra's, and only Petra's, patch.
For every battle before and each battle henceforth, he comes prepared to lose everything. But in this one expedition, for this one soldier, he didn't. So he takes her patch.
"It's proof that they existed, at least for me." (Levi, in The Defeated)
He needed proof that she existed, because he wasn't ready to lose her.
I really like Petras' reaction here: "What the hells happened to you, Astarion? What are you?"
There is a datamined post (I can't find it!) where Aurelia and Leon are scoffing at Astarion. Making comments like "You were always the runt", "Always crying", and "You never supported our plans to try and escape."
I think this gives so much insight into what Astarion was like under Cazador. Completely resigned.
Man… the light from the Blood of Lathander✨ was too strong and that was why I missed the Astarion event with the vamp spawn. Had to load an old save to see it and I thought it was some kind of bug when they vanished🥺💦