#and it hurts a lot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

snopiah · 10 months

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one of the reasons why i haven’t drawn Bobby that much is bc I know I will just c r y

#that little egg got me so attached man #i’ve felt grief before #and his death felt real close to that actual feeling #iTs jUsT a cHaRaCtEr DeaTh!#SHUT UP THAT WAS OUR BOY #THAT WAS OUR SON #patito de cheetos :(#also bc i watched jaidens pov a lot #and i watched how much she loved Bobby #and it hurts a lot #qsmp #qsmp bobby

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carry-on-my-wayward-butt · 8 months

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Hey bestie I just saw your multiplayer post and 1: I totally get it. Multiplayer sucks so much ass because I’m an impatient motherfucker.

But I wanted to ask you something. I’m so sorry, I’m not trying to be rude or judgmental, just some food for thought (that you may not even need!) from a bestie who is rooting for you!!

Have you ever considered that FOR YOU playing multiplayer with someone might be less about your personal enjoyment and more about doing an activity with a loved one that THEY enjoy?

It sounds like you have people in your life who love something! And they also love you! And they want to share those things with you, even though they aren’t your favorite! Obviously you don’t need to let anyone pressure you into anything, but I think doing un-fun activities that someone else enjoys with them can be a very sweet way of engaging with them selflessly.

Like i fucking hate bowling. So fucking much. I can’t even explain it. But once recently I managed to put that aside because a friend wanted to bowl on her birthday and I didn’t want to rain on the parade.

And I was nervous, like I’m going to ruin this with my bad attitude because I hate bowling. But I decided to try a different mindset? I don’t care if I have fun doing this activity, the fun part is being with my bestie. Joking around, hanging out around her. And it actually made it so much more fun. I don’t know how to describe it but bowling with her was actually fun that day.

And cooperation is so difficult and different even than the bowling example, but I actually have one for that too! I recently tried Portal 2 with my dad (we famously struggle to cooperate and always end up arguing.) But he loves the game and wanted to spend time with me. So I resolved to do it well. Instead of playing the game the way I usually would, I was intentional about playing differently. Because this is a different activity entirely, I’m not playing a game, I’m hanging out with my dad.

I literally just stuck by him, let him tell me what to do, and was blown away when he started asking for my opinion. And since I’d faithfully followed orders, when I had an idea to try he would do the same. And eventually we entered a cooperative zone I’d never before have deemed possible with my father.

So anyway, like I said this may not be applicable for you! But I thought it might be decent food for thought, maybe there is a new way to approach that activity that could be less painful for you??

since you typed so much and put so much effort into saying this as kindly as possible to get it out to me i want to do you the same courtesy and say this with patience and grace.

i know they want to share something they love with me, and that doing something im not into so that my loved ones can have fun with me is just something humans in a community occasionally have to deal with. sometimes we just have to grin and bear it so our friends can enjoy our company, and in a community, everyone takes a turn grinning and bearing it.

but this is something i do for them with like... team shooters and realtime co-ops. not for turn based strategy where i'm forced to wait on them to read at the speed of smell or watch a cutscene they've seen six times so they can make different decisions or meticulously organize their inventory.

when i play fortnite with my boys, i dont need to wait on them except to regroup or discuss what to do next, and i'm happy to put my impulsive playstyle to the side and hold back instead of barging in guns blazing like i do solo. i grin and bear it.

but when i play bg3 or ffxiv or wow with my boys, i'm fucking miserable, impatient, and forced to adhere to their playstyles when theirs all mesh together and mine is the outlier.

i read at warp speed. i comprehend and strategize and improvise faster. slowing down is torture because the game itself is already working at the pace of a 600lb century tortoise and i'm already making concessions just to be able to play at all.

i dont want to work and try when i play games. i want to relax and turn my brain off. my friends all know this and they have for over a decade.

they have known for 15 years that i hate turnbased strategy games, and i hate playing multiplayer. i am able, with effort, do one or the other, but not both. they've known this for so long. and every like 8-15 months they seem to forget and something they all love comes out and they want me to be included and i get the game and have a good time by myself and im able to join in the conversation and the last six times this has happened evaporate from their memory and they insist it'll be differen because this one is "actually good" and i assure them it will not be different and they encourage me to try and i grow a fucking demoncore in my chest with the weight and pressure of not screaming HURRY THE FUCK UP IT'S BEEN 7 MINUTES THAT YOUVE BEEN ORGANIZING YOUR FUCKING CHEST THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SILLY FUCK AROUND RUN NOT A SERIOUS ORGANIZED RUN THIS ISN'T "PLAYING A GAME" THIS IS "SCROLLING TIKTOK WHILE I WAIT FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING TO FUCKING HAPPEN AND THEN NOT GIVING A FUCK WHEN IT IS MY TURN BECAUSE THE EXPERIENCE IS RUINED BY FORCING ME TO PULL MY BRAIN OUT OF THE GAME!!!!!!!"

and all of that stays in my chest because obviously i'm not about to shout at my friends that theyre functionally illiterate and to just kill something already so it festers and rots between my ribs and i am having a noticeably bad time.

your friends cannot possibly enjoy something that makes you actively miserable. your friends want you to have a good time doing something they love, not to bottle your misery and fake it so they can have a fun time.

it isn't even about the game or my playstyle. it's about the fact that they learn this lesson CONSTANTLY and yet never seem to learn. it's about how i HATE the part of myself that keeps giving in just to get that little bit of revenge on them to really drive the point home this time.

----------------------------------------------------

it is february. you are lactose intolerant. your friends KNOW this. they have for nearly 20 years. sometimes you have a small ice cream bar because theyre so good and worth the pain. your friends only bought cheese pizza for the party, and no other food. you sigh.

You're like "i'll join another time, i cant eat cheese pizza." they insist it'll be okay, they want you here so bad because they love spending time with you. they'll take care of you, the second bathroom will be free all night and they have plenty of pain killers and extra clothes. you tell them 'okay but take care of me for real this time'. they promise.

there are no pain killers, only iron suppliments. they used up the pain killers about a month ago and didnt notice, they didnt think theyd need any so soon. the second bathroom is immediately clogged because one friend flushed paper towels on accident, and the others are using the main bathroom very frequently because they all drank too much. they didnt realize they wouldnt be able to drink so much. how could they have know the toilet would clog? they're complaining about your gas because there's no febreeze, only lemon pledge. how could they have know they needed febreeze so soon? the guest bedroom is full of dusty storage and the bed smells like mothballs. how could they have known they'd need to use it so soon? the only extra clothes are too small for you and the shower is mildewy. later in the night you ask for them to get you some water and they're all too tired. you get yourself some water and groan in pain the whole way to the kitchen and back. "can you keep it down, we're trying to sleep!" "YOU LEAKED SHIT IN MY BED?!?!" "ughhhh the bathroom is acrid"

you burn the house down in your mind.

your friends party every other week, so the next time you gather, and every time after that, they have food you can eat. they learned their lesson! all is well, and you're able to make funny jokes about how much you wanted to kill them, and they make funny jokes about how stupid they were to forget something so important, and they suffered a lot from your gas and groaning and having to clean the sheets since it was their own fault after all, so they'll never forget now! you forgive them. friends fuck up sometimes. months and months of perfect parties. perfect friends.

it is november. it's party time. you arrive. there is only cheese pizza.

you sigh.

#op #anonymous #ask #like i know my post was kind of vague so there's no way you could divine every intricacy of my situation #and obviously you cam from a place of gentleness and sincerity #but i hope this makes it more clear #i dont need to change #they need to learn #but they never will #and it hurts a lot

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staranghae · 2 months

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So it's about desi mingyu rot 😌

As it's an enemies to lovers, can we make them share a cup of chai BUT at first they were forced to have only one cup cuz the chai was finished and they were fighting for it until it spilled and they got more upset from each other, then later they would compete who will get the chai cup first until it's all cold and badmaza (idk it's english) , then after few more times of chai fighting, there's this one time where mingyu thought to share it cuz she was looking really sad for not getting it so after taking a sip of it he offers her the same cup, but being petty she rejects it, this happens a few times and then the part they are actually in love but haven't confess, he offers the cup after a sip putting it on the bench they sat on with the one hand distance, she takes the cup.... And takes the sip.... He is happy, she is happy, blushing they both look away from each other but didn't saw the blush on each other but hey got got friends? Did they capture the whole thing? Oh yes.

(It's a scene from kedarnath movie, the qafiraan song yk)

this is actually so good but im sorry I can't fit it in the story line I have in my head rn. I will try my best tho so. And if I can't it's gonna be a drabble based in the same universe hehe

#cherry.answer #<aznik3 #the brainrot isn't in line with the plot #and it hurts a LOT #i wanna write so baad #i have my FINALS #help 😭😭😭

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nade2308 · 1 year

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Yet another scene that broke me.

@thethistlegirl @malewifebillcage

#jack reacher #helen rodin #jack reacher 2012 #tom cruise #rosamund pike #my gifs #jack reacher gifs #my edit #this scene broke me #helen's words hit too close to home for jack #he is always one step away from being fully homeless #and he is not well versed in how society works #his face I swear #he looks like a sad puppy #like he got kicked on the curb and left to fend for himself #people can't see Jack behind what they imagine #and it hurts a lot

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maddiviner · 1 year

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Hey everyone. I’m posting this to raise a question.

As witches and willworkers, we (should) try to show conspiracy theorists the door, particularly those who’re bigots. But what do we do about people who’re obviously experiencing delusions? Someone who’s mentally ill? Struggling and hurting?

As my username suggests, I’ve got a lot to say about this topic, but there’s not really an easy answer, and I think it needs some discussion. I’d be happy to hear other people’s perspectives. I do think people like me (who’ve experienced psychosis) might have strong feelings about this, but so might those hurt by conspiracy theories. It’s complex.

People online like to laugh when someone posts that the earth is flat, that the moon is a demonic lair, that mountains are trees, etc. When someone starts claiming they’re being “gangstalked” by aliens or the Illuminati, etc, people laugh.

My question is, where do we draw the line? Truth is, a lot of these weird delusions of persecution people write about online are symptoms of actual mental illnesses. So why do people treat it as funny?

Nobody’s going to post a video of me having a seizure and laugh when I bite my tongue. We don’t chuckle when someone with multiple sclerosis experiences spasms. People don’t post screenshots of people talking about deleting with “hahah look at that depressed loser,” so why the “hahah look at that stupid schizo” vibe?

I get that it’s hard not to laugh, at times. Some of it can be quite ridiculous from the outside. If someone on Facebook tells you they think you’re working with the Illuminati to spy on them for purposes unknown, it can be hard not to respond with anything but a confused giggle.

Still, though. Imagine being that person, believing that. From the inside, it can be a terrifying experience. Those things feel unbelievably real in the moment. Three months later, you might find that low dose Abilify (or something) returns your life to normal, but believe me - delusions feel real when you’re in them. I’d wager that’s true for all delusions. When we’re in it, we believe it, we feel it - the fear’s real.

I don’t want to discuss my personal experiences with delusions when I was much younger. I’d rather have written this entire post without mentioning it, but I don’t think my perspective would be taken seriously otherwise. While frightening, my own delusions didn’t involve these kinds of conspiracy theories. They aren’t really relevant here, except to say that it feels incredibly real and terrifying.

In other words, you can be sure that the boomer dude accusing you on Twitter of being a “perp” working with the gangstalkers and beaming “nausea waves” at him really does believe it, and really is frightened on an existential level.

With that in mind, can we really feel okay laughing at people like that?

I guess we might be unable to suppress a private giggle when we read someone’s comment about the hollow earth, or those moon demons supposedly drinking our blood. But it’d be downright unconscionable to directly bully them, even under the guise of “trying to talk them out of it.”

It’d of course, be worse, to pretend I *am* the moon aliens that terrify them, and start messaging them. And yes, that happens sometimes. I have an old friend who developed schizophrenia in 2007 and is STILL convinced we were all working against him/stalking him (at the time) because another person tried to turn his delusions into a joke, thinking it would “make him realize how silly he was being.”

Of course, by “turn them into a joke,” I mean “pretend they were real” and act out the scenario via Skype while the rest of us frantically tried to stop him.

If we’re going to talk about why humor might make such situations worse, we need to discuss humor itself. There’s some evidence that humanity’s capacity for laughter evolved as a way of signaling to our comrades that a situation isn’t actually dangerous. In other words, ancient humans might have laughed as a way of saying, “Yes, this looks scary, but it’s not!”

When we laugh at these things, we’re affirming (to ourselves, if not necessarily anyone else) that we’re not afraid, either of the moon demons or the person frantically telling us about them. Thus, the “laugh at conspiracy theories” thing can be a way of inoculating ourselves and others against them.

We shouldn’t do this at the expense of people who’re scared and suffering, though. We should always take care to avoid making things worse for other people who might have been unfortunate enough to fall into this kind of thing. The issue, of course, is how to do that while also not allowing a place for such conspiracy theories.

I hang out sometimes in transhumanist spaces online. It’s not frequent, but I do keep tabs on the movement and new papers, etc. Naturally, the topic of human enhancement, cyborgs, all that, attracts some conspiracy types, some of which are clearly hurting. In those cases, the moderators of those places tend to show them the door, because reading more transhumanist material and interacting with a volatile online space like that could be harmful for them in that state. That, and of course, not everyone’s kind, and people were trying to “mess” with these “crazies” too.

What it comes down to is this. If it’s a friend of yours or a family member, you likely have the means to help, even if in a small way. When it’s an internet person, you really don’t. Trying to talk them out of it likely won’t work, and might make things worse. Play-acting to make them “realize they’re being silly” is disingenuous trolling, and you’re a grade-A piece of shit if you even consider it. Often, removing yourself from the situation is the best you can do, if the person seems to be in no immediate danger.

I actually wish I’d been banned from certain spaces online when I was dealing with this kind of thing. It sounds ridiculous, but many of the places I visited during my episodes delayed recovery. When you’re experiencing psychosis, material and interactions that would otherwise be innocuous can have straight-up toxic effects. There’s no sense to it - that’s why it’s psychosis, I suppose.

At one point I commented on here that I didn’t do Tarot readings for people currently experiencing mental health crisis or psychosis. I was called ableist for that, and told that I should simply “ask them their triggers and remove those cards.”

Yeah, no. Psychosis doesn’t play by that sort of rules. Or any rules, really. Even if, from the outset, I can’t cite “violent impalement” as a trigger, I might be terrified by the Ten of Swords, especially if I were experiencing delusions again. This is not a black and white issue, and I’m still figuring things out - I just think the matter of mental illness is an important thing to consider. And a lot of these conspiracy theories were intentionally designed by bigots for bigoted purposes. Popular conspiracy theory influencers nowadays exploit the vulnerable for fame and profit.

Many of these conspiracy theories are just updates of centuries-old antisemitic blood libel, though. And these ideas cause a lot of real harm. You only need to skim the news over the past few years to see how far-reaching and dangerous things like Qanon quickly became. How can we best combat this kind of thing, knowing that they specifically target people who are struggling?

We shouldn’t give conspiracy theories so much as an inch. We should be working to both debunk them and warn others from falling into those belief systems. But what do we do in situations where someone is clearly unwell?

As I said, delusions don’t play by normal rules. Mine didn’t. Presenting evidence isn’t going to work, and that’s not because the person is obstinate, either. I usually just walk away, disconnect - but this is something worth talking about. How do you handle these situations? Why?

Before I go, I want to also note that sometimes a response you post to a person online isn’t actually for them. It’s extremely hard to change someone’s mind by arguing with them online. Other people read those exchanges, though, and are influenced by your words.

In a way, when I argued with Qanoners on Facebook during the lockdowns, I wasn’t typing words for them, but for the lurkers who might come across it. I knew the person I was arguing with wasn’t going to listen, but I also knew we had an audience. So, that, too, is important to keep in mind when dealing with conspiracy theorists (of all sorts) online.

#witchcraft #pagan #magic #occult #new age #witchblr #witch #eliza.txt #ableism #gaslighting #delusions #actually delusional #actually psychotic #bipolar disorder #that’s my diagnosis #but even with something like that #psychosis does happen occasionally #and it hurts a lot

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blueink3 · 1 year

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Made it over 30 years without ever having to get stitches. The streak ended today.

#i have a boo boo #and it hurts a lot #just let me whine for a sec

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novaliane-san · 2 years

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#ofmd #ofmd fanart #gentlebeard #stede bonnet #edward teach #they are so in love your honor #and I love them so much #and it hurts a lot #at least until I have season 2 between my paws #in the meantime I will keep drawing kisses #tons of kisses

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oathofpromises · 1 year

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𝔸𝕟𝕕 𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕎𝕒𝕤 �� 𝕥𝕠 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕀'𝕞 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕀 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕤𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦

#I'll keep you safe this time dearly Star(Sora)#The brightest light in the darkness(Kairi)#Sketchbook Drawings(Stella edits)#ooc: Yeah;; Sol brought this up when we played through Kh1 and it's something I thought a lot about #Kairi has seen Sora fade from her sight twice..#and it hurts a lot

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stil-lindigo · 10 days

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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

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confier-boyfriend · 2 months

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I fell into the void again! :) also headache and body pain

#they really forgot me huh #just completely #and I can’t bring it up without seeming desperate #so like I’m just stuck here #forgotten and ignored :)#it got me really exited that they remembered me and called me about it #and then just forgot the day after and the day after #so chances are they’re never going to remember #so like I geuss I’m just that forgettable #just like. I already only have like one pretty close friend. I don’t need the other friends I have repeatedly forgetting me #and leaving me behind #they didn’t do it on purpose but that doesn’t mean it hurts me less #being forgotten is being forgotten #just that it sucks and I feel terrible anytime I think about it #I even watched them remember everyone else and see that I was there but still forget #and it hurts a lot #anyways #zenith vents

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son1c · 9 months

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there's no temptress quite as irresistible as the mid afternoon sleepies

#what could a little nap hurt.................... (a lot. always </3)

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inkskinned · 9 months

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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.