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#and it feels like i've been believed for the first time in my life.
seospicybin · 2 days
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TOO HOT TO HANDLE.
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PART IV
Hyunjin x reader. (s)
Too Hot To Handle Masterlist
Synopsis: You and Hyunjin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (13,8k words)
Author's note: Enjoy the last, LAST chapter of THTH8 and the final season of THTH. 🥲
"The person leaving the retreat is Hyunjin."
The first thing Hyunjin does is check for you, he cares for your feelings more than his own. He's crushed hearing his name being called out but he can't imagine how it feels for you.
The whole you both standing next to each other, you've been putting a brave face on yet you break into tears the moment he pulls you into his hug.
"You have continued to put your physical urges before emotional connections," Lana says.
He's hugging you so tight because it will be the last time for him to do so until you both meet again, perhaps, outside of the retreat.
"It's okay. I'll be outside there, waiting for you," he assures you, rubbing your back and kissing the top of your head.
"Trust me," he convinces you with a tender caress on your cheek.
He has to let go of you to bid farewell to everyone else, his heart is getting heavier for every moment he shares with these people rushes through his head as he gives them a goodbye hug. In the end, he doesn't even remember the bad, he only remembers the good ones.
"Hyunjin, please leave the retreat," Lana says.
He walks back to you for the last goodbye, he wipes the tears rolling down both of your cheeks while putting on a smile for you even though his heart is breaking for not being able to be with you to the end of the retreat.
He kisses your forehead and fondly holds you by the jaw, "I'll see you soon, okay baby?"
You nod with your eyes red and pooling with tears, not able to say anything back to him without breaking into tears again.
"I'll see you soon," he says again with another kiss on your cheek.
He takes a few steps away and then turns around to look at everyone for the last time, like it or not, he finds friends in them and thanks them in his heart for the memories he'll cherish for life.
Especially you, thank you to the lovely and the achingly beautiful you.
With a bittersweet smile, Hyunjin turns around and then leaves.
-
HYUNJIN: I feel like I've already won with her but at the same time, I've got to go, [heavily sighs] leave this retreat without her.
-
With your eyes blurry with tears and your knees trembling, you wouldn't make it to the bedroom without Edie's help. "Come lay down," she says, guiding you to your bed and helping you get onto it.
She then sits on the edge of the bed, puts a pillow on her lap, and lets you rest your head on it.
"Oh, my God. I can't believe this," someone else says with a shaky voice and you can tell that it's Vic.
There are so many hands rubbing your back as you keep crying, sobbing into the pillow.
To say that your heart aches from Hyunjin's departure would be an understatement. It feels like someone has stabbed you right in the heart and twisted the knife over and over again.
"Hyunjin's gone," you croak in between your cries, saying those words only makes it unbearably painful.
You roughly wipe your eyes open and can finally see the girls gathering around you, offering their presence and their comfort to you.
"And I can't do anything about it," you croak then drop your head onto the pillow and sob again.
Edie comforts you by softly patting your head and putting away the hair stuck to your wet cheeks.
"Oh, God..." you breathlessly sigh while clutching your chest, "I'm going to miss so much."
"I know," Edie says, wiping the tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.
Vic finds your hand and squeezes it so tight, she knows she can't help you with anything but being here for you.
"It's going to be okay," a voice says behind you and you look over your shoulder to see Saskia there, landing tender caresses on your back.
How is it going to be okay when your heart breaks into smithereens and Hyunjin takes the pieces away with him? How is it going to be okay when you feel like you're losing a part of yourself? Are you going to be okay at all?
-
YOU: Obviously, I thought I would have more time with him [sniffles]
-
In the morning, your heart breaks all over again.
Waking up alone on your bed not only reminds you of your heartbreak but also reminds you that it's real, he really is gone and yesterday was not a dream.
The pain is there, telling you that it's all real.
You drag yourself up and sit with your back against the headboard, and have a sip of water as if it would lessen the stinging pain in your chest.
Noticing that your eyes are blank and looking sad, Edie jumps onto your bed, snuggling up to you and putting her long arm across your chest.
"I'm so happy that you stayed," she mumbles.
Her words warm your heart, and you respond with a caress on her forearm and a smile.
The bed creaks as someone else joins the two of you, also cuddling you from the other side of the bed.
"All of us are happy that you stayed," Saskia says, correcting Edie's earlier remark.
"We'll have the most amazing time," she mutters to you.
It already feels weird waking up without Hyunjin but that doesn't mean you're closed yourself off from having fun.
"Okay?" Edie asks, her big eyes looking right into you.
And it's not fair for other people to have to deal with your somber mood which indirectly affects them too.
"Okay," you answer with a nod and a smile.
It's sweet that they're making sure that you don't feel alone or left out in the retreat. Your partner may have gone but you've been given a chance to continue your journey and time to progress.
"Thank you," you mutter to both of them with a grateful smile.
Edie nuzzles her head further into the crook of your neck, "I love you," she cutely mumbles.
After all, you're not alone on this journey of self-discovery, you have these people you're sharing the journey with.
-
YOU: I'm thankful that these girls are so supportive. I think everyone here has been very kind and wonderful, I'm lucky.
-
It does feel weird being here without Hyunjin.
He'd always find you when he has nothing to do and vice versa, and when you're not together, you would find him in just a turn of your head, not far from your sight. You feel each other's presence whenever one of you enters the room.
The connection you have with him is one-of-a-kind, one that you haven't had with someone in a long time.
If he were still here, you wouldn't be alone for the upcoming workshop this afternoon. It has a nice setting with the sunset in the background and every couple has a table for themselves, you end up third-wheeling Remy and Saskia.
There's a cooking station set in front of everyone and not long after, someone enters while waving her hands high at everyone.
"Hello, my loves," she cheerfully greets everyone.
Everyone welcomes her with a round of applause and some cheers. She looks vibrant in her colorful outfit and pink bandana, a smile never wears off her face as she stands in front of everyone for her introduction.
"My name is Rita and I'm a chef," she announces.
"I'm here to teach you how to heat things up," she pauses as his eyebrow raises in intrigue, "and cook."
Rita looks like someone who gets along with everyone just fine, she has that happy-go-lucky vibe going and an infectious smile.
"But I know all of you are more interested in the heating things up part," she says, having some wits in her too.
-
YOU: I like Rita. She's such a sweet person. She brought a wonderful energy.
-
The previous workshops were about touching, sexual energy, emotional connection, and now, cooking which is great that you get to experience something different, completely new but not less helpful and educative.
"I think when you cook for someone, it's a sign that they're nurturing their love for them. Nobody cooks for people they don't like, right?" Rita says as she walks around to see everyone face to face.
"Well, unless you plan to poison them," she jokingly adds.
You're not great at cooking but if you have to rate your skill, you can safely say it's average, below average even so it's nice that you have the chance to improve that skill.
"I also think it's important to know that when we cook, we also add our energy, our passion, our love to it."
You find yourself nodding and agreeing to her words, because everything comes back to the intention of why you do something in the first place, if you do it out of love, that person will feel it.
"Seducing through food is a great ace to have up to your sleeve," Rita says with a sly smile, making everyone giggle in response.
She walks back to her cooking station and gets behind it, she puts her hands on the shiny surface to continue talking.
"Me personally, I would fall in love with someone who says something like 'I'm cooking for you today," she says.
Rita starts by taking bowls of ingredients she has prepared and puts them on top of the station. She then scans everyone and her eyes stop at Vic and Edouard's table.
"Come here, you, love!" She points at Edouard.
Edouard looks around thinking that she's talking to someone else and awkwardly gets up from his seat once Vic assures that it's him who got called to the front. He gets picked to cook the appetizer with Rita.
"I will teach you to cook for her," Rita tells him, "Something delicious like you."
She's making Edouard stirring the ingredients she puts inside the big salad bowl all the while explaining the process to everyone.
"We need something crunchy," she says, walking to the back to get something.
She then returns with a bowl of peanuts and puts some into the salad bowl, "You know what? Peanuts make you horny."
Edouard chuckles as he carefully tosses the salad, "We can't get horny here," he says.
"Oops! More peanuts then," Rita cheekily adds more peanuts into the bowl.
Once they finish, they plate it together and have Edouard deliver it to everyone's tables. It tastes sweet and sour, so refreshing, and what you love the most is the whole texture of it. Rita is definitely making it easy for everyone because even if you followed the recipe and everything, there's no guarantee that it'll taste this good.
For the main course, you get the honor to cook it with Rita. You're more than glad to make yourself useful and put your mind off things, and also to let Remy and Saskia have the table for themselves.
The first thing you do as you get behind the cooking station is check the ingredients and try to guess what Rita is going to cook with them.
"Why are you by yourself?" She asks you.
You politely chuckle and answer, "Lana sent my man home."
"Why?" She curiously asks.
"We spent too much money," you shyly reveal.
"How much?"
You never really calculated how much money you've spent until she asks you, "About 70 grand?" You give her a rough calculation.
Rita lets out a gasp and her eyes widen in surprise like a cartoon character, "Girl, what did you do?" She asks with a gentle shove at your shoulder.
"Spicy stuff, mostly," you playfully respond.
She takes your hands and holds them as she looks at you, "You look like a good girl but you're pretty naughty, huh?"
You nod, admitting her words with a shy laugh.
Rita is a great teacher, she gets you through each step with so much patience and you try your best to keep up with her as she tosses ingredients as she pleases. She checks the food once in a while to make sure it's well-seasoned and thoroughly cooked.
"What's the key ingredient in all food?" She asks you out of the blue.
You have to stop stirring the sauce on the pan to think of an answer, you're torn between a philosophical answer and a forthright answer.
"Love?" You settle on the former.
Rita's smile wavers a little, "I was thinking salt but yeah, okay, that too," she jokes.
You continue with the cooking while everyone else laughing at your answer but you don't feel offended at all, if anything, it feels good to make them laugh.
"Love means salt in food," Rita says as she adds a pinch into the saucepan.
You finish your task by delivering plates of food to everyone while Andy and Remy deliver cocktails they made together.
Once you're done, you come back to your seat at the table and have a bite of the food you cooked. It tastes better than you imagined, it's even better because you cooked it, and somewhat rewarding.
-
YOU: I think we can apply a lot of what we've got in this workshop to our lives. I really believe that when you cook for your partner, they can feel what you're trying to express to them.
-
Since Edie is a vegan, Rita calls her to the front to cook her meal together while everyone is busy having their main course.
"I know you're vegan so I'm making something special for you," she says to her.
"Thank you," Edie sweetly mutters.
"Everyone deserves to eat. How could I leave you out?" Rita kindly says.
Frida is handed the task of preparing the desserts for everyone and gets to decorate the plates together with Rita. As for you, you just can't wait to have a taste of it because it looks so appetizing.
When the dessert finally gets to you, it's so beautifully plated that you don't want to ruin it, but at the same time, you can't wait to dig into it.
"Can I save some for later?" Saskia asks Rita who's watching everyone eating her food well.
You take a moment to look at everyone to see how everyone is truly enjoying their food and you believe it's because Rita cooked it with her positive energy, passion, and love as she said.
This one made it to one of the most memorable moments in the retreat.
Seeing that everyone is close to finishing their desserts, Rita gets to the front of the station and clasps her hands together in front of her.
"I'm here to talk to you about love and one of the most sublime lessons I've learned in life is to spread all the love I have inside," she says with a smile.
She looks at everyone from left to right and continues talking, "Some people paint, some people dance, some people sing, well, I... I cook. I found myself like this, and I think finding ourselves is a good part of life," she says.
Everything she said is so heartwarming that you find yourself smiling listening to her talking which is exactly what you need after a torturous day you've had yesterday.
"This is the only one of many beautiful moments you'll have from now on, whether it's around the kitchen, on the dining table, or lying on a bed," she says with a grin.
Rita takes a breath before continuing, "After all, the best thing in life is to love and be loved."
Everyone is applauding in agreement to her words and simply in gratitude for the food, and this valuable workshop she shared with everyone.
"See you, lovely people," she concludes the workshop with a hand kiss at everyone and her infectious smile of hers.
-
YOU: Food definitely brings people together. Everyone was laughing, everyone was interacting. They're enjoying the food and the company they're with.
-
The villa is empty since the couples are being sent on dates. Remy and Saskia left this afternoon, then Vic and Edouard left not long after them while Diego and Frida will leave later.
The rest of us are hanging out in the swimming pools and enjoying most of the retreat since it's getting close to its end.
"How are you feeling?" Andy asks, brushing his wet, blond hair to the back.
"Well, it comes and goes, you know," You turn over to lay on your back and stack your hands under your chin.
It's hard not to miss Hyunjin when you used to spend most of your days with him in every part of this villa. The pain comes whenever something reminds you of him and it goes when you remember his promise that he'll be outside waiting for you.
That's how your day goes with pain that comes and goes like the waves.
While waiting for everyone else to come back from their dates, you're getting ready for a party Lana is throwing tonight, probably the last one in the villa.
You're about to do your hair when you see Vic and Edouard coming into the room, holding hands and smiling ear to ear.
"Oh, my God!" Edie squeals in reaction to their return.
You put down your hairdryer and look at them, "How was your date, guys?"
Emilie abruptly stops curling her hair and joins in to grill the couple with questions, "Tell us everything!"
"We went on a boat, we had fun cocktails and talked," Edouard answers.
"It was romantic with the sunset in the back," Vic adds another detail.
Edouard glances at Vic before continue talking and licks his lips, "It seemed like the perfect opportunity to ask her something," he says.
Edie is flapping her hands in excitement, kind of guessing where the talk leads to.
"What did you ask?" Andy asks with his shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders.
"I asked her to be my girlfriend," Edouard answers with a big smile.
The girls are cooing in unison but you quickly hush them since the story isn't finished yet.
"And what did you say, Vic?"
Vic can't contain her happiness, she breaks into a wave of giggles and nods, "I said yes."
Cheers erupt in the room and everyone comes to the couple to congratulate them on their relationship.
"I've fallen for him so badly," Vic shyly admits.
Edouard is gushing hearing her sudden confession and pulls her close to his side. He then remembers something that he hasn't shared with everyone, "We also got a green light!"
As someone who has seen them from day one, you must admit that they've come a long way and you couldn't be happier for them. At the same time, it's hard to not get jealous of them, and even harder not to think of Hyunjin in a time like this.
-
YOU: I'm very happy for them but obviously, the only thing on my mind is Hyunjin. I just miss him so much [sighs]
-
Andy leads the toast to start the party, making everyone raise their glasses in the air, and shouts Lana's name out loud at the count of three.
"Here's for Lana!"
"Lana!" Everyone shouts and collectively takes a sip of wine.
You allow yourself to soak in this moment for you couldn't get it anywhere else, and these people you thought were strangers at first, now become your friends that you'll cherish for a long time.
It would be a lot more meaningful if you get to finish it with Hyunjin but alas, you're proud of yourself nonetheless to be able to get to the endpoint. You decide to sit the rest of the party and watch everyone dancing to the blaring music while quietly sipping your drink.
Frida joins you and leans in to ask you against the loud music playing, "How are you doing, my darling?"
You swallow your drink first to answer her, "I'm having a good time with everyone but I can't lie, I miss him."
Frida smiles and nods, "I can see that."
Everyone knows you're not good at hiding your feelings so it comes as no surprise that she can see it, "But it's normal, right? If anything it shows that my feelings for him are deep and real."
"Of course!" She shortly replies.
"I think about him and the memories we could've had. He's not only my partner, but he's also my best friend like... I don't even think about the physical stuff anymore. I genuinely miss him," you openly share with her.
You miss his cute morning greeting, you miss having conversations with him, you miss listening to his random ideas and you simply miss being around him. You miss him with your whole heart.
Someone lets out a scream and you almost jump on your seat, Frida is as startled too. Then everyone looks in the direction of the stairs that leads down to the beach and you turn your head to see someone appears.
"Who is that?" Edie asks in a panic.
No one can see who it is with the mysterious person wearing a hooded black cape and looking down to hide his face. The figure keeps walking and stops in front of everyone, slowly revealing himself by pulling his hood down.
"Oh my goodness!" You let out a loud gasp in reaction to his return.
It's really him, it's Hyunjin and he's coming back.
-
YOU: This is one of the happiest moments in my entire life. And he just looks so good in all black.
-
Hyunjin is ecstatic to see everyone's reaction to his return, especially you. You light up the second he reveals that it's him and you come running to him, throwing your arms around him to welcome him with a tight, warm hug.
He lifts you off the ground and holds you just as tight, feeling his heart getting less heavier the longer he holds you.
Realizing that there are other people, he slowly puts you down to give everyone else a hug as well.
"I can't believe it!" Edie exclaims, jumping on her feet while hugging you from the side.
Andy is still in disbelief as well, he roughly brushes his hair to the back and asks, "Are you staying, bro?"
"Yeah. Tell us what is going on?" Frida hesitantly asks.
Hyunjin uses the opportunity to explain what happened to him after he got sent home by Lana that day.
"As I got kicked out of the retreat, Lana decided to give me a second chance," he says.
"I went through a one-on-one workshop. It was intense but I learned so much about myself and it'll help me moving forward," he pauses in the middle to look at you, "especially with you."
You brightly smile as he points at you and you come to his side, hugging him with eyes that flicker as you look at him.
"Which is why I'm here," he says to everyone.
-
HYUNJIN: I'm back, baby! [Grins]
-
Hyunjin is glad to be back here.
He has had to work on himself, he changed his outlook on things but the biggest thing he's taking from the entire experience is that he has a genuine connection with you.
You take him by the hand to the bedroom to have some privacy so you can comfortably catch up with each other.
"You're back," you happily exclaim as you enter the bedroom.
You turn around on your feet and look at him, "Can't believe you're back," you say again.
He takes your other hand and pulls you into a hug, "I'm here baby," he assures you that his presence is real and not just your imagination.
"I missed you," you mutter with a long sigh, a sigh that lets out all of your worries and restlessness.
"Missed you too, baby," he mutters back. In fact, he never missed someone this much in his entire life.
You both stay like that for a moment until he takes you to sit on your shared bed. He endearingly brushes your hair to the side and holds the side of your face.
"How are you?" He softly asks.
"I felt like grieving a death these past couple of days," you answer with a sad pout, "what about you? You need to fill me in about everything."
"That day... So many emotions going through me. Confusion, anger, there was so much that I can't even explain it to you," he replies, letting out a sigh that describes how overwhelmed he was that day when Lana sent him home.
"Let me tell you when I was away, I missed everyone," he says, lacing his hand together with you on his lap, "but you were on my mind 24/7."
There wasn't a moment where Hyunjin didn't think of you, it was what kept him going and eventually earned his way back here.
A smile rises on your face and oh, how he missed it, that smile cures all of his sorrow away and replaces it with something that wraps his heart warmly.
"I'm so happy you're here," you say to him with a blissful smile that shows him how much you meant those words.
You crash yourself at him, burying your face in his chest as he hugs you close while putting soft kisses on the top of your head.
You look up at him and smile with your eyes closed, "It still feels like a dream to me."
The melodic chime shatters the tender moment and Hyunjin immediately breaks the hug to face the cone.
"What's up, Lana?" He asks the cone. He glances at you and you give him a puzzled look in return.
"Hyunjin, through your one-on-one workshop, you were able to access your true feelings about your partner, proving to me that your connection is more than skin deep," Lana says.
Hyunjin nods and keeps holding your hand on his lap as he intently listens to what Lana is saying.
"However, actions speak louder than words. Which is why you will both be put to the ultimate test."
Of course, the thought of being put into another test makes him nervous because the last time he had it, he lost everything. This time he's sure will be different, he has learned to control his urges and is more prepared now.
"A night alone in the suite."
However, a test is a test and it's not going to be easy.
"While I was absent, the total sum of your rule breaks was $90,000," Lana informs, "If you refrain from breaking the rules tonight, you will win back all the money for the group."
Finding out how much his reckless act costs him that night at the suite, he realizes how selfish and how big of a mess he made for the group. Now, he's given the chance for redemption and he has to take it.
He looks at you and says, "Time to repay our debt."
"I have gathered the rest of the group at the cabana. You must now tell them of your challenge," Lana orders.
He takes a deep breath and answers her, "Challenge accepted, Lana!"
-
HYUNJIN: It's going to be the hardest test for me but will all the stuff I've gone through in the workshops, I'll show how much I've improved myself.
-
As Lana said, everyone has gathered in the cabana and waiting for both of you. It feels so awkward standing facing everyone, it's like he's trying to admit a crime he hasn't even committed yet
"We have news for you guys," you start the talk.
Hyunjin takes his turn to continue while steadily holding your hand, "Basically, Lana told us that we've got a night at the suite," he announces.
He can see that they don't take the news well because the last time you and he were in that suite, all hell broke loose so why the final test has to be held there he guesses is what everyone reckons.
"This is the final test," he says, emphasizing the importance of it, "If we pass this Lana will give back $90,000 to the prize fund."
Everyone is cheering at the mention of how much money will be gained from it but the key to success here lies in whether you both pass the test or not.
"Lord, help us all..." Diego sighs loud enough for him to hear it.
He understands that some people are still skeptical about him if the workshops really worked on helping him with his physical urges. But that's the motivation he needs, it encourages him to prove them wrong.
"The only way to make you guys proud is to pay you guys back," he says.
"That's right," Remy says, nodding along to his words.
You look at him before looking back to everyone, "Wish us the best of luck?"
No one says anything and it's getting awkward with each passing second goes in silence.
"Well, we've got nothing left now so please, do us proud," Andy says, representing everyone as he said it.
You look at each other at the same time that you both crack into laughter, he takes your hand and waves bye at everyone to leave for the private suite.
"Oh, yay! We get to go to suite again," you lowly exclaim and giggle.
-
HYUNJIN: It'd be nice to pay the debt to everyone but when I'm with her, the tension goes... [whistles] through the roof.
-
It feels like a dream still that Hyunjin is here.
The second you enter the private suite, you turn around and hug him again, feeling the warmth of his body against yours and drinking in his natural scent that you didn't know you missed so much.
"Missed you so much," you tell him again and again because telling him once is not enough and even though you're with him, you're missing him still.
He hugs you back and kisses you on the neck, without warning, hoisting your body to take you to bed.
The suite is decorated similarly to the first time you got here, the room is dim and lit candles lined up on one side of the wall, rose petals on the bed, a bottle of champagne chilled in a bucket of ice, the sex toys and condoms are present and ready to use.
You don't need any more pointers to sex, the room itself reminds you of what you did the last time you were here. Not going to lie, you get butterflies from the flashbacks.
Hyunjin swiftly pops open the wine and fills the flutes with bubbling wine.
"Do you remember what we did the last we were here?" You playfully ask him.
He licks his lips after sipping his wine, making them wetter and redder like a ripe cherry.
"When I told you you were on my mind 24/7, our time in the suite is included," he shamelessly admits.
"Which one?" You ask with a sly smile.
"The second time," he shortly replies.
It's impossible not to think about it when you had sex in this very room, on this very bed and the person you did it with is with you. You can see that he's thinking of the same thing too and despite everything, it was special for both of you.
"It means that it's our third time in suite," you remark, hooking your fingers on the belt loop on his jeans.
He leans in and puts your hair to the side so he can place a gentle kiss on your jaw. With his mouth only an inch away from your ear, he asks, "And you know what they say?"
"What?" You lowly ask back.
"Third time is a charm," he replies with a smirk and another kiss on your cheek, a little too close to the corner of your mouth.
You refrain from sexual stuff just fine when you're alone but when you're with him, all of your senses and everything you learned in this retreat are out of the window. He has that much influence on you and that's what makes him dangerous.
"Should we make a toast?" You suggest, raising your glass to the middle.
"Sure."
You clink your glasses together and say, "The third time is a charm."
"Third time is a charm," Hyunjin repeats the words while devilishly smiling at you and his teeth faintly biting his lower lips.
-
YOU: We did it once but I'm afraid, it'd only make us crave it more [bites lips]
-
You stand facing the sink and carefully take off your earrings, then your necklaces next, unclasping them one by one while Hyunjin checks the bathwater.
He then walks up to you, noticing that you probably need his help, "Need help?"
"Help me with the dress, please?" You sweetly ask as you place all of your pieces of jewelry into the soap holder.
"Okay," he obeys, putting all of your hair to the side before slowly unzipping your dress. He parts it open, exposing your back to the cool night air.
"Want me to take it off of you too?" He offers with his knuckles lightly caressing your back.
"Yeah, sure," you answer.
Hyunjin looks at you through the mirror as he pulls the straps of your dress down your arms and instead of keep pulling it down, he pulls it over your head and you raise your arms to the air to make it easier for him.
You can hear his low sigh as he takes a look at the reflection of your naked body in the mirror and he doesn't hesitate to slip his arms under and around you.
"My baby is so beautiful," he murmurs with his plush lips on your shoulder and drags them to your neck.
It feels a lot more arousing as he's holding your naked body while still fully dressed, you can feel his rough clothing making friction with your skin with the slightest of his movements.
"Mind your hands, please," you remind him as his hands slide down to your thighs.
He immediately rests his hands on each side of your waist and kisses your neck before pulling away. While you're putting your hair into a bun, you quietly watch him taking his clothes off through the mirror.
He's a lot more attractive than the one you imprinted in your mind, you wouldn't say he's muscular but he has muscles in the right places and they contracted when he's taking his shirts over his head, sending his hair disheveled.
You hurriedly distract yourself, taking care of the bath and turning the faucet off. You check the temperature once more by dipping your hand into the water.
"Bath is ready," you announce.
When you look over your shoulder, Hyunjin is already standing behind you, naked. You suddenly get nervous at how close he is, you can feel the heat his body emitting.
"You need help to take it off too?" He teasingly asks, picking at the thin strap of your underwear.
"If you want to," you coyly answer.
Hyunjin surely won't skip the chance to get physical with you, you stand still while hugging yourself as he takes your underwear off for you. He slowly pulls it down until it's pooling around your ankle and you kick it to the side.
"Are you going to help me get into the tub too?" You tease with a sly smile on your face.
To your surprise, he lifts you newlywed style and gently puts you down into the tub, showcasing his strength and the muscles on his arms.
"Anything else I can help you with?" He sweetly asks.
You take his hand and pull him close, leaving only a few inches between your faces. Seeing him this close and not being able to kiss him is a real torture.
"Actually yes, can you get the wine, please?" You politely ask with a soft smile.
-
YOU: I know for a fact that we can't be close to each other because if there's a spark, we'll catch a fire.
-
Memories are coming back, you and him in the bathtub, the water is warm but the temperature keeps on rising and rising. It's a scene that was once very familiar to him.
He'll never get used to seeing your naked body, you'll always appealing, alluring, and irresistible to him, it takes everything in him to not follow the urge to put his hands all over you.
The plan is to try to keep himself away from you but it seems like he already failed on that.
"Want to come to you," you say, putting your glass away and crawling over to him.
Unfortunately, your hand slips down the edge of the tub, sending you collapsing onto him but he's quick to catch you and steady you.
"Are you okay?"
You laugh as you rub your elbow, "I'm okay."
To avoid more accidents, he allows you to sit straddling him inside the tub, your hands are around his shoulders and your eyes are boring into his, filled with filthy ideas just like his.
"Let's get to know each other," you say.
He keeps his hands gripping the edges of the tub instead of on you, "Okay."
Your head is hovering above him and beads of water are dropping from the end of your hair onto his chest, "What's your favorite position?"
He kind of expected that the question would be about sex and he was right. Instead of running away from it, you're going straight for it, leading him into it. He drops his head to the back and groans.
"We shouldn't even think about it," he grumbles.
You're chuckling and lifting his head back to face you by supporting the nape of his neck with your hand, "We're just getting to know each other," you innocently say.
Hyunjin touches his lips as he thinks of an answer. He can think of his favorite positions but he can't help but think of the ones he wants to do with you. Then he looks at you and how you're straddling him, the way your eyes look down at him.
"I think this is the best position," he finally answers.
You tuck your hair behind your ear and place your hand on his chest, "Me on top is your favorite position?"
"I said best position for you, not for me," he explains it to you with a grin, "But I know I'd enjoy it nonetheless."
You giggle in response and lean in to kiss his neck, he's not expecting you to keep going at it, making a trail of kisses down the column of his throat.
This is not good and if he lets you keep going, he's not sure he can restrain himself anymore. He puts his hand on your neck and turns your head to make you look at him.
"We're here to talk so let's talk," he softly says, he gently touches your cheek with his thumb.
You nod and smile, leaning in while tightening your arms around his shoulders.
"Well, I'm so happy for us," you bump your nose against him, "Can you see that I'm so into you?"
It's hard to focus on the talk when your nipples are lightly grazing his chest. He has to actively tell his brain to keep it together.
"I never thought I'd meet the one here," he mutters to you.
You slip your hand into his hair, playing with his little ponytail and twirling it around your finger.
"Am I the one?" You ask with a shy smile.
He stares into your eyes which slowly enchant him, "You are the one."
He can't even believe that he said that out loud and his mouth would get ahead of his brain, but that doesn't make it less true. You are the one for him.
"I'd love to kiss you right now," you murmur with your lips merely inches away from his.
He immediately stops you from following your desire, he holds your face with both hands and keeps you close, "I'd love to do a thousand things to you but..." he can barely finish his sentence, he ends it with a sigh instead.
-
HYUNJIN: She's not making it easy for me, especially in the suite.
-
Bath time is over doesn't mean the temptation ends there too. You're dressed in a flimsy night dress that leaves so little to imagination and you catch him staring through it yet do nothing to stop him from doing it.
Hyunjin knows you secretly enjoy being ogled on like this.
"I feel like I need to test you a little bit," you say.
He lets out a chuckle, "Why?"
You put your hand across his chest and hover above him, "I need to know that you can be around me and you know, be good," you say with a nonchalant shrug.
He puts his hands under his head to prevent him from touching you, "I think I can. That's why I'm back," he not-so-confidently says.
"Okay," you repeatedly nod and touch his chest, caressing his soft, warm skin, then pour some wine onto it.
"What are you doing?" He asks with a suppressed moan as the wine streams down his front.
"I owe you a body shot, remember?" You coyly say, leaning in to drink the wine right from his body.
Hyunjin watches as you lick and suck the wine on his abdomen, you don't even hesitate to use your tongue to collect the droplets of wine on his abs.
"Oh, look at you being naughty!" He murmurs, feeling aroused at how you give him seductive gazes once in a while.
You giggle in response and continue your trail of kisses up to his neck and start nibbling on his ear, making his eyes flutter open and shut, immersed in the pleasure.
He has to use his hand to stop you or else, he'll get too worked up and—
You pull away and sit on the bed, tugging the hem of your night dress to take it off and leaving only your silk underwear on.
"And what are you doing now?" He asks, thinking that he's safely made it after that kinky body shot.
"You're okay with me sleeping naked tonight, right?" You say, tossing the night dress at him.
This is unfair. He's trying to be good and here you are, making it hard for him, literally and figuratively, and it's like everything he learned in that workshop evaporated from his head the second he sees your naked body.
You crawl over to him and just stay like that, hovering above him, teasing him with your body and how your breasts hang close to his face.
Using his knuckles, Hyunjin caresses your sternum down to your abdomen, then rests his hands on each side of your waist. How did he get himself into this compromising position?
"I'm anxious," he mutters.
You slowly lay yourself down on top of him and prop your elbow against the mattress to support your head, "Why?"
"Because I'm able to do whatever I want with you," he murmurs with his hand continuously rubbing the soft skin on your back.
You swipe your thumb across his lips and turn his head to face you, "If it were up to me, we could just say fuck it."
He slyly grins and licks his lips, making them glisten under the dim light, "Should we?"
You place a hot kiss on his neck and another on the sensitive skin behind his ear, then you softly whisper to him, "I say let's enjoy ourselves."
-
HYUNJIN: Despite everything, I think we deserve this last suite.
-
In the morning, it rains down kisses on your back, shoulder, and neck. He stretches his arm out, gesturing you to rest your head on it so he can pull you closer and peppering you with more neck and shoulder kisses.
"Morning," he hums to you.
"Morning," you mumble with eyes barely open.
You both stay like that for another moment, cuddling each other and simply enjoying each other's presence in comfortable silence.
After a while, he looks over your shoulder and says, "I had a great night last night."
You hold his hand and clutch it close to your chest along with the duvet, "Me too."
The morning continues with breakfast, you borrow Hyunjin's shirts since you're wearing nothing but your underwear. It really brings back the memory of the first time you went to the suite together with him.
While you're busy chewing your food, he suddenly grabs your elbow.
"You have a bruise, babe," he informs you with his thumb gently rubbing on it.
You put down your fork and immediately have a look at it, there's a blossoming bruise right below your elbow.
"Oh?" You guessed it was from last night when you accidentally slipped in the tub.
"Does it hurt?" His voice is tinted with concern.
"Well, it's your fault," you grumble at him and pick up your fork to continue eating.
He looks so puzzled at your words, making you want to tease him more.
"You were so rough last night," you jokingly add with a grin.
"Not that you minded last time," He replies with a cheeky response, then aggressively throws himself at you and attacks your neck with kisses.
There's not much time left in the suite, you head straight to the bathroom after breakfast, wash up, and change into a new pair of bikini. You're brushing your hair and tying it into a ponytail since you didn't take any of your hair products with you.
Hyunjin lifts you by the waist and sits you down on top of the sink, deciding to seduce you at the last minute, kissing you all over your chest and neck. Moans are spilling out of your parted mouth as he drags his full lips along your collarbone, then kisses the base of your throat.
He cages you between his arms and slightly bends down to be on the same eye level as you. The way he looks at you fondly yet intensely gets your heart flips and your belly turning at the same time. You keep your hands on his chest just in case he tries to do something.
However, you're not sure you can restrain yourself too when he looks this good with his hair slightly tousled and his lips are merely inches away from yours.
He then leans in, bringing his mouth to the side of your head, "I can put it in for a bit," he seductively whispers with his breath tickling your ear.
If you were anywhere than here, you would have crumbled in front of him in a second. Thankfully, you remember the task at hand and immediately push him away.
"Come on, we have to go!"
-
YOU: [Chuckles] It's kind of hard to resist him because I'm really, really attracted to Hyunjin.
-
The two of you going to the bedroom since everyone else is still there, probably waiting in anticipation whether we win that $90,000 back or not.
"What are we going to say to them?" Hyunjin asks.
"The prize fund is zero so I guess there's no money to lose here," You jokingly answer.
Hyunjin pushes the door of the bedroom and lets you in first. You see that everyone is still sitting on their beds and the chatter abruptly stops when they see you enter the room.
You both keep your facial expression calm and plain as you take a seat on the bench sofa in the middle of the room with Lana sitting prettily on the table at the end of the sofa.
Hyunjin looks at everyone and then at you, "Do you want to start?"
Well, you haven't thought of what you want to say but everyone is looking at you in anticipation and waiting for you to say something.
You open your mouth to speak but the cone gets ahead of you, Lana chimes and lights up.
"Last night, you both faced the ultimate test," Lana goes straight into business.
"If Hyunjin could put what he learned into practice, and as a couple you could refrain from breaking any retreat rules, the prize fund will be increased from $0 to $90,000."
You keep looking at the cone as she speaks and at times, glancing at Hyunjin.
"However, what I did not see was that your partner would be the problem."
Lana doesn't have to expose you like that, you were just having a little fun last night. You dramatically roll your eyes at the cone then look away.
"Even though she was successful in sexually arousing Hyunjin, he was able to dig deep, hold firm, and respect the rules of my retreat."
The most important part of it all is that you did not break the rules but okay, you'll let it slide because Lana is going to give back that $90,000.
"Which means the prize fund now stands at $90,000," Lana announces.
"Oh, yeah!" Diego triumphantly shouts and punches the air at the same time.
Andy is loudly whistling in reaction while everyone else is applauding the two of you for successfully paying your debts.
"Proud of you, guys," Edie cheerily says with a big smile on her small face.
"This is what you called growth," Remy says with two thumbs up.
It does pay to be good and you're happy that you don't owe anyone anything now. You can't say that it was easy to pass the test but you're proud of yourself for not acting selfishly and proving that you both have grown personally and as a couple.
"As a reward for showing restraint and putting the interests of the group above your own, I'm sending you on a date this afternoon," Lana adds.
Hearing that gets you to jump up and crash yourself at Hyunjin, and thankfully, he catches you right on time. Instead of putting you down, he hoists you higher and gives you a spin.
"Aww, stop it! You guys are so cute," Vic says in jealousy.
-
YOU: The last few days have been so hard for both of us. We earned this date. [Squeals] Oh, I'm just so excited!
-
Hyunjin meticulously picks his outfits for the date.
He settles on a light blue shirt and dark swimming trunks, he ties his long, dark hair half up and half down, and he uses his cologne with the scent you like so much.
As he waits by the beach for you, he's organizing his thoughts and planning on the things he wants to say to you. He has a plan in mind but he hasn't figured out how to do it yet, but more importantly, how to get the best outcome.
There you are, looking so beautiful with a smile that is brighter than the sun, walking up to him and only him. He holds his hand out of you even though you're still out of his reach.
"Have you been waiting long?" You ask the second you take his hand.
"Not long enough, apparently," he jokingly replies.
A boat takes you to a small island where the staff has prepared a nice picnic, along with a basket of food and a bottle of wine.
It's such a nice date, the sun is about to set for the day and there's no one in sight, it's just you and him, enjoying each other's company.
"You look amazing," he compliments you and how you look in your floral sundress.
"Thank you, baby. So are you," you compliment back with a smile.
He still doesn't know how to start, he can't just suddenly talk his feelings out but he knows he has to consider that he has limited time to do it, this date won't last forever and if he doesn't do it now, he'd only allow himself to keep retreating.
"I'm going to be honest, it's your physical caught my attention first," he confesses.
You smile and keep your eyes on him, letting him finish his talk while holding your champagne flute close to your mouth.
"I can't even say anything bad about you. You're stunning, undeniably beautiful," he awkwardly raises his hand at you.
Your smile grows wider and brighter, flustered from his words.
"But what truly amazed me was what you have inside. You're beautiful inside and out, and I admire you for that," he sincerely tells you as he lovingly stares at your face.
He puts down his glass of wine so he can take your hand and holds it in his, he looks at you again with a facial expression that turns a little tense from a while ago.
"I learned a lot with everything we've been through," he says, his thumb lazily rubbing the back of your hand as he speaks.
"We've come a long, long way," he adds.
Realizing that the talk is getting serious, you also put your drink away and give all of your attention to him.
"Yeah," you agree with a light nod.
"And for as long as I can remember, my emotions have been so shut off. I never felt what I feel for you with anyone else, ever," he emphasizes every word to let you know how much he means it.
You tilt your head to the side without taking your eyes off of him, and a smile that never wears off even for a second.
"You've brought out a vulnerable side of me I never wanted to bring out," he admits.
You nod again to show him that you are present and listening to every word he's saying.
"You made me realize that I do have a heart and I'm willing to take whatever risks are to come," he continues.
The smile on your face wavers a bit and you ask, "Are you sure?"
He nods and confidently answers, "Yes."
His next question is the one that he dreads to ask you but he has to, he has to know what you think before he can continue with the most important of all.
He gulps air and bravely asks, "What do you think about doing long distance relationship?"
He thought asking it would be the scariest part but it's not, it's waiting for the answer.
"Well, that's going to be a big challenge," you honestly answer.
For the first time, you break your eye contact with him and add, "The thought of it is scary to me."
The answer is making him nervous and he suddenly doubts his decision to ask you the big question. He gets caught between two choices: continue his plan and risk getting rejected or abort the plan and try again next time?
Risk it or play it safe?
-
HYUNJIN: I want her to be my girlfriend but the one thing that scares me the most is the person I've fallen for lives on the other side of the world.
-
It seems like something you said displeased Hyunjin in a way, maybe you said something he doesn't want to hear and you understand if he feels that way, you just want to keep it honest with him.
Since Hyunjin has done talking, you take the turn to tell him about your feelings and more. It's impossible to put your feelings into words but you try your best at it.
But first, you close the gap between your bodies, you scoot closer to him, and put your clasped hands on your lap.
"Hyunjin," you softly call him to get his attention.
"Yes?" He sweetly replies.
"I loved meeting you and getting to know who you really are," you barely began but you're feeling emotional already, "I loved how we've fallen for each other so fast but at the same time, it was natural and nice."
He keeps his eyes on you and at times, keeps your hair tucked to your ear from the sea breeze.
"We got to talk about our lives and exchange thoughts and ideas too," you continue while trying not to break into tears in between your words.
"And the way you're always there for me, oh..." you let out a sigh with eyes closed, "it's amazing."
From what he said earlier, you get it now that he's dreading the same thing with you. Once the retreat ends, the two of you have to go back home and live far away from each other. You can't even bear losing him for those two days after he got eliminated so what makes you believe you can stand living far away from him?
It's hard but it's not about capability, it's whether you're willing or not. For him, you're willing to do anything.
"Someone a million miles away that's worth it will always be worth it," you tell him.
He looks so tense that you doubt he catches the meaning of what you said to him so you simplify it for him.
"No man I've ever met is worth it," you hold his hand tighter and continue, "Except you."
The warmth and the glow on his face return almost immediately like someone has turned up the brightness on his face.
"I've never liked someone as much as I like you and I'm willing to make it work," you remark.
Hyunjin looks relieved but you can see that he's holding something back, you sense he still has something else to say to you.
"Um..." he tucks a lock of his hair behind his ear.
You lean in close and curiously ask, "What?
He looks up and he immediately holds your eyes in an intense gaze, "I would like to go to the next step," he says.
It's like someone holds your heart and squeezes it tight, making you hold your breath without you wanting to.
"Will you be my girlfriend?" Hyunjin asks with eyes that are filled with hopeful glints.
You allow yourself to breathe to give him a confident answer, "Yes."
Hyunjin doesn't wait to put his arms around you and pull you into a hug, he buries his nose in your neck to drink in your natural scent that gives him a sense of comfort.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes..." you repeatedly say as you hug him back.
Without looking, you can hear him smiling close to your ear and you don't expect him to say those three words right into your ear.
"I love you."
You immediately pull away from his hug and look at him, "Me too," you whine.
You almost cry because all this time, you thought he didn't like you as much as you do or even had the faintest idea that he would be the first and this soon to say those three words to you.
"You love me?" He asks in disbelief.
"I've been holding myself back from telling you that 'cause I'm not sure if you feel the same so I waited for you to say it first," you can't hold it much longer, you let your emotions out and your eyes instantly get teary.
"Oh, baby," he coos, pulling you into a hug again. He holds your face with both hands and places a chaste kiss on your forehead, long and lingering, making your heart overflow with warm feelings.
"Say it again to me, please?" He sweetly begs.
"I love you," you softly mutter.
You thought saying it would lessen the ache in your heart but it's the opposite, your heart still aches every time you say it because it's real and it's true, and the pain is the proof of it.
There's that melodic chime and you look around to see where it comes from, not realizing that it's both of your watches turn green.
Hyunjin doesn't waste another second but bring your head close and slightly tilts your head upward. He flashes you a smile before leaning in and placing his soft lips on yours. You close your eyes to heighten the other senses so you can taste him more and feel him better.
The kiss itself is rewarding and exceptional, you feel like kissing him for the first time all over again.
He stops and pulls away for a second to ask, "Is it still green?"
You glance down at your wrist and nod, "Uh-huh, it's still green."
Hyunjin dives in for another kiss, putting his hand on the nape of your neck and deepening the kiss rather too passionately, sending you both to fall onto the picnic mat.
-
YOU: We've still got a lot to learn and there's going to be plenty more challenges for us out there but if he's by my side, I don't think anything can go wrong.
-
Some people are hanging out in the firepit, catching the two of you walking hand-in-hand, returning from the date. They are hooting at the sight of you and you can't help but smile, well, you've been smiling non-stop since Hyunjin asked you to be his girlfriend.
"Look at you, guys! Smiling ear to ear!" Saskia teases you with a pat on your butt.
You both sit on the smaller sofa facing everyone, "I know you won't believe it but we got a green light," you brag with a grin.
"Oh!" Saskia coos with her hands covering her mouth.
"Go on, spill!" Emilie demands the details from you.
"It was a beautiful date. We went to this beautiful small island, just the two of us," you make it succinct for all of them.
"And we're official now," Hyunjin adds with her arm around your shoulder.
"Man, you have a girlfriend now!" Andy proudly says, coming at him for an aggressive hug.
"Aww, I'm so happy for you guys," Emilie mutters with an envious smile.
The happy moment has to end with Lana assembling everyone in the cabana. You both successfully gained back $90,000 in the prize fund so you don't have to worry about the money anymore. Then again, you never know what's coming, all you know is she always makes you worry in this retreat.
The cone chimes and at this point, you give up on trying to guess what kind of news she's going to announce this time.
"Hello, everyone."
"Hi, Lana!" Everyone replies
"How do you feel knowing the retreat is almost over?" She asks.
"I'm happy we learned a lot," Andy answers.
"Yeah. Exactly," Saskia agrees with him.
"Sad that it'll be over soon," Edie says with a pout.
"Can we stay a little longer?" Saskia jokingly asks.
"As this is your last night in the retreat, I've prepared a special Cinelana with your best moments in the retreat," she announces.
All is cheering in response to this delightful surprise from Lana but Edouard isn't that delighted to hear it.
"Another Cinelana?" He asks with a weird look on his face, "I heard the last one wasn't very good."
While Andy is rubbing his hands together in excitement, "It's going to be awesome."
"Fuck. Everyone is going to cry," Frida says, already fanning her eyes in case it waters.
The TV lights up with the screen showing the word 'Cinelana' and then a video plays, a compilation of moments from the first time the group entered the retreat to the recent one where everyone had fun during the cooking workshop.
Everyone cheers whenever someone is kissing and laughs whenever it shows the goofy things people did, and for you, your heart bursts whenever you and Hyunjin appear on the screen, getting all sorts of emotions as you're watching it.
Edie puts her arm around you and holds you close as the video keeps playing, she's getting emotional as well the more she watches.
When the video ends, everyone takes a moment to compose themselves before applauding. Looking back at it, you can see that you have grown a lot as a person and you find yourself getting emotional by it, you carefully wipe the corners of your eyes and try not to ruin your makeup.
"Damn. I look that good on TV?" Andy playfully says.
"Play it again!" Saskia pleads with her hands raised in the air.
Lana chimes again and starts talking, "After reviewing your steps here at the retreat, I can see that you've changed a lot since you arrived here. Anything you'd like to share?"
Everyone shares their experiences in the retreat and how it changed them in a way. When it comes to your turn, you take a second to gather your thoughts and organize them into words.
"I feel like I had a lot of barriers and here, I learned to open up and really be myself," you share.
Hyunjin takes his turn next, licking his lips before speaking, "In here, I learned that the more honest you are with people, the more they become part of your life," he says with a smile and a glance at you.
It's only hitting you now that the retreat is going to end soon and you feel emotional all over again. Everything that you went through here, shaped you into who you are today and for that, you're grateful for this experience.
After all, everyone is really happy to know that we did our best and everything worked out in the end.
-
YOU: I'm having mixed feelings, you know? I miss everything that has happened here. It was really like a movie, it went by so fast.
-
The lights are on too early or that's what you thought. You stay lying on your stomach and dive back into your pillow, refusing to wake up.
Not long after, Hyunjin sneaks his hand under and rests it on the arch of your back. He lands gentle caresses on your back and softly murmurs, "Wake up, baby."
"Mmh," you hum in response to let him know that you're awake.
Dissatisfied with your answer, he hovers above you and slowly puts most of his weight on you.
"Wake up," he says again with a slobbering kiss on your bare shoulder.
"I'm awake," you croak with your eyes closed.
He gently removes the hair covering your face to place a kiss on your cheek, "Still sleepy, mmh?"
You lift your head from the pillow and nod with your eyes still shut.
"Cute," he comments and places another kiss on your cheek.
He lets you sleep more as he cuddles you in his arms, playing with your hair while chatting with Andy on the next bed.
A while later, the cone chimes for her usual morning greeting.
"Good morning, everyone."
"Morning, Lana!" Diego is the loudest to reply to her greeting.
"Welcome to the last day of the retreat."
It's kind of hard to believe that you're close to the end line and when you look back at it, it feels so short compared to the thought you had when you started it.
"I'll be announcing who the finalists are shortly," Lana announces.
Hoping to win the money too would be too much to ask, you already feel incredibly lucky that Lana decided to give Hyunjin another chance and make it possible for you to finish the retreat together with him.
"This is the last day! Let's make it count!" Edie cheerfully shouts to the room.
Hyunjin cups your cheek and looks at you, "Want to swim together?"
"Okay," you mumble.
"Okay?"
"Okay," you repeat with a chuckle.
You head straight to the bathroom to wash up and change into a swimsuit before joining Hyunjin in the swimming pool.
The morning sun heats the pool water, making it lukewarm and comfortable for you to dip your feet in. You sit and watch Hyunjin skillfully swimming in a backstroke style.
As he waddles his way to you, you hold your arms out at him, "Take me for a ride, baby!"
He brushes his wet hair to the back before turning around, offering his back at you, and lets you hop on it. You put your arms around his neck for support as he takes you for a swim around the pool.
"So, what's our plan?" You surprise him with a question as the two of you stand on the side of the pool.
"Uhm..." he takes a second to wipe the beads of water on his face, "You're coming home with me, that's for sure."
You prop a hand under your chin and slyly smile at him, "And?"
This time, he wipes the beads of water hanging under his chin, "You want to know?"
"Uh-huh," you eagerly nod.
"Come closer and I'll tell you," he says with his fingers gesturing you to come close.
You obey and lean closer, he leans in as well but his mouth gets way too close to your ear and when you think he's about to whisper something, he kisses your neck instead.
He keeps you close with his arm tightly wrapped around your waist and instead of trying to fight it, you cave in and hold him back.
It's a moment like this that makes you wish things remain the same once you get outside of this retreat.
-
YOU: I'll miss waking up next to him and just being with him all the time [sadly smiles]
-
A little after lunch, Lana gathered everyone for the finalist's announcement. They may seem calm but you believe, they anticipate the news on whether they have the chance to win the money or not.
Lana comes online and after all these times, that melodic chime makes you nervous still.
"Oh, I'm not going to miss that sound," you groan.
Hyunjin smiles and rubs his hand up and down your arm to comfort you.
"Hello, everyone," Lana greets.
"Hello, Lana!" Everyone enthusiastically replies which is very unusual.
"I've been collecting data since you arrived and have now conducted my final analysis," She informs.
You have accepted the fact that your chance to be a finalist is slim, close to zero so you don't anticipate the announcement as much as everyone else.
"As you are aware, there was a prize fund of $200,000 allocated to aid your development. Now, the prize fund stands at $90,000."
"That's a lot of money," Diego says even though more than half of the total prize money has gone.
"There are three places at the final," Lana reveals.
You see everyone is glancing at each other and probably, calculating their chances in their heads as they keep following Lana's further explanation.
"Following my rules alone isn't enough to win. The finalists are those who have shown the most personal growth during their time at the retreat."
-
YOU: Will I win the money? Probably not. But would I like to win the money? Yes, I'd love to.
-
Hyunjin doesn't hope much about winning the money, he's happy just to gain that money back for everyone to win in the first place.
"The first finalist is..."
He also believes that Lana will make the right choices so whoever gets chosen, deserves it.
"Vic and Edouard, I nominate you as a couple," Lana announces.
Vic and Edouard take a stand and hug each other, looking utterly happy to be one of the three finalists. As a couple, they blossomed from all the hardships they went through together and that makes them deserve a spot in the final three.
"The second finalist is..." Lana continues with the announcement.
Hyunjin sees that you don't seem that hopeful to be called as a finalist as well but not disappointed either. The most important thing of all is you got each other and that's enough.
"...Edie."
A round of applause is aimed toward Edie who gladly stands up to take the second finalist spot, smiling as Lana explains the reason why she chose her to be a finalist.
"The third and last finalist is..."
His guess is either Frida or Andy because they both have shown so much growth in the retreat and they've been avid followers of Lana's principles.
"...Hyunjin."
It takes him a minute to register that Lana called his name, well, his guess is off-mark because he didn't expect that he'll be a finalist, or even considered to be one.
You keep yanking his arm, urging him to stand up as Lana instructed. He quickly gets ahold of himself and gets up from the sofa as everyone looks at him with pride.
"Hyunjin, although you connected with your partner from the start, you struggled to change your player ways, putting your sexual desires first and breaking numerous rules that I have to take drastic changes."
You quietly hold his hand behind him and stare up at him with a proud smile on your face, shaking it in excitement.
"But when I gave you a second chance, you embraced the opportunity to grow and found the importance of emotional intimacy."
-
HYUNJIN: I'm just happy to be considered that I am worthy enough, really.
-
It's a privilege to see him grow, he's changed so much from the person you met on the first day of the retreat to the man you're looking at now.
As someone who takes a small part in his transformative journey, you're more than happy to see his growth being acknowledged and standing as one of the finalists.
"Hyunjin, Edie, or Vic and Edouard will walk away with $90,000 and the decision will be made by the remaining guests."
At the end of the day, it's up to us to choose who actually wins because we are there every step of the way and being with each other all the time. You can only hope that everyone is making the right decision.
"Will the shortlisted guests please leave the cabana while the voting takes place?"
You get up to give Hyunjin a quick hug before he leaves with the other finalists.
"See you later," he mutters to you with a peck on your cheek.
"Mmh. See you later," you say with a smile.
Edie waves her hands and blows kisses at everyone before turning around to leave the cabana.
"I've been with them since day one. I've seen their journey so much and it's hard because how can you compare them?" Andy says, torn in between three choices.
"It's a question of decision which one you think deserves it most," Saskia suggests.
-
YOU: Hyunjin may have broken the most rules in the retreat but I've seen him learn and grow from those mistakes so my vote goes to him.
-
The dressing room is crowded and full of chatters, everyone is busy getting ready for the last party in the villa.
You put on the white dress you've been saving for which fits the theme 'White Party'. For the hair, you get help from Vic, curling them into loose, soft waves while you're doing your makeup.
This is what you're going to miss the most, everyone is in one room and interacting, there is laughter and smiles, and all sorts of energy converge in this one room.
Since the finalists have to wait in the dressing room, you make time to have a few words with Hyunjin and come up to him for a hug.
"I'm so proud of you," you mutter low enough only for him to hear and ignore that there are other people in the room.
He doesn't even try to stop you but stays still as you place little kisses and leave faint lipstick marks all over his face.
"So, so proud," you say again while tightening your arms around him.
He carefully pats your hand without ruining your hair and then kisses the top of your head.
"We're going to win that money," he jokingly says with a sly smile.
There's a possibility that he'd win but you don't want to put on a high hope. You decide to laugh it off but secretly wish that it'll come true in your head.
"You'd better. Flight tickets aren't cheap," you joke back.
With another kiss on his cheek, you leave the dressing room and catch Frida checking herself out in the bathroom. You decide to join her to check your appearance one more time.
"Look at us!" Frida says, putting her arm on your shoulder, "We became new women."
You smile as you look at both of your reflections in the mirror, and you like the person that you're seeing, she's confident, she's emotionally available, and ready for the world.
-
YOU: I came in a player and now I'm leaving with my head high and a smile on my face. I just need Hyunjin to win that money [laughs]
-
You and Frida are the last ones to join everyone by the pool where the last party is held. Frida notices that everyone is already holding a drink in their hands.
"Is that Prosecco?" She asks.
Frida squeals even though no one is answering her, she quickly grabs two glasses for her and you with Diego filling them for both of you.
"Let's have a toast for Lana," Andy shouts.
Everyone raises their glasses in the air and waits for the cue to drink it.
"And cheers to our long, hard, sexless summer," Edie adds.
Not long after, the finalists join the party with a dramatic entrance. The moment you had with Hyunjin earlier was so brief that you didn't pay attention to his outfit.
Silk shirts seem tacky to most people but Hyunjin is not most people, he looks damn good in it. It's one of those moments that makes you wonder if he really is your boyfriend. Heck! You even forgot that he's your boyfriend.
"You look amazing," you whisper into his ear.
"Thank you," he shyly says, blushing.
For the first time, everyone is happy for Lana to interrupt the party, mostly because they can't wait to find out who's going to take home the money.
"Good evening, everyone."
It may be going to be the last time you hear that melodic chime and God, let it be the last time.
"During your time at my retreat, you have broken my rules 20 times," Lana announces.
You almost choke on your wine hearing that, feeling guilty for contributing to half of those rule breaks.
"Goddamn!" Remy exclaims with eyes widening in slight shock.
"Throughout your stay, I've observed people commit to the process and ultimately make a significant change," Lana continues.
Edie cups her hands around her mouth and loudly says, "You did a good job, Lana!"
Everyone feels the need to give Lana a round of applause because all the credit goes to that cone-shaped cockblocker.
"The time has come to announce the winner."
This is where things get tense and you feel nervous for Hyunjin no matter how much you convince yourself that he doesn't need to win that money, he doesn't need to win anything at all.
"Finalists, please stand up!" Lana orders.
Hyunjin looks at you and you hurriedly give him a sweet kiss on the cheek.
"You got this, baby," you mutter with a smile as he gets up to hear the winner's announcement.
-
HYUNJIN: We've all been going through so many emotions and pushing ourselves to be better.
YOU: So happy that we've been able to share this experience with everyone here [smiles]
-
"The votes have been counted and only one finalist can check out with a $90,000 prize."
Hyunjin still can't believe that he's standing as one of the finalists and possibly, wins the money. It's a little funny though, remembering he went through a lot to get that money back.
"The person in third place is..."
It would be funnier if he won that money too, right? But he should remain humble, the other two are as deserving as him to win it if not more.
"...Edie."
Instead of looking disappointed, Edie keeps on smiling, she blows kisses to everyone, including him, Vic, and Edouard. Hyunjin smiles back at her, giving her a round of applause for winning third place.
Then it hits him that he's on the top two and it feels real with you holding his hand so tightly behind him.
"The winner who will be leaving with $90,000 is..."
He can feel you hold his hand tighter and tighter in each passing second his knuckles turn white.
"...Vic and Edouard."
-
YOU: We may have not won but I still win because I have the best man here.
HYUNJIN: Money is easy to make, but love is hard to find [smiles]
YOU: [looks at Hyunjin] Well said, baby.
-
Even though you didn't hear the name you wanted to hear, it doesn't stop you from celebrating. You even come to give them a hug to congratulate them on their win.
"Congrats, Vic!" You sincerely say to her as you tightly hug her.
Looking at her crying in happy tears gets you emotional as well, your eyes start to water, feeling tremendously happy for both of them and for everyone too.
To fully celebrate the moment, Edouard pops open a bottle of champagne and sprays it at everyone. You're lucky that Hyunjin immediately shields you from getting wine all over your dress.
After Edouard and Vic take a big, triumphant sip of wine, Lana comes with one, last announcement:
"My retreat is officially over. The rules no longer apply."
The way you and Hyunjin immediately look at each other and waste no time to crash your lips together that your teeth almost collide.
The kiss is momentous, making it a special memory that you'll cherish for life. Dare you say, like a movie.
"Pool party!" Andy spontaneously shouts into the night as he runs and jumps into the pool fully clothed.
Everyone laughs at the idea but a moment later, following suit, jumping into the pool with their clothes still on. Hyunjin looks at you to see if you think of the same thing as him. You nod in signal and take his hand, walking with him to the edge of the pool to finally jump into the swimming pool together.
He emerges out of the water first and hurriedly pulls you out, he puts your arms around him as support.
He suddenly gets the urge to utter his feelings and goes with it, "I love you."
You put your forehead against him and smile, "You know I love you too."
Out of happiness, Hyunjin lifts you up and quickly brings you down once he notices that your wet dress is stuck to your body and exposes everything, and a crazy idea crosses his head at that moment.
"What?" You ask in confusion.
He leans into your ear and says, "Want to check the suite for one last time?"
You gently hit his chest in reaction and break into laughter, and he thinks he should be taking it as it is, a crazy idea and nothing more.
You look around before looking back at him and say, "We should go now before anyone notices."
And this is why he likes you, you're shy but bold at times, a bit crazy but that's how he likes it. But the best thing of all, you are his.
-
YOU: Any final words of wisdom, babe?
HYUNJIN: It was an amazing journey with a perfect ending [smiles]
YOU: [nods] Yes.
HYUNJIN: But if I have to be honest, I just want to take her home now so we can f—
-
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jayflrt · 1 day
Text
𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝟕𝟖𝟔 35. change my world
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"I CAN'T STAY FOR LONG," were the first words out of Jay's mouth as soon as you opened the door for him. "I've gotta finish a project when I get back home. She changed the deadline to—hey, what's wrong?"
You looked crestfallen for a moment, but as soon as Jay pointed it out, you perked right back up again. He took a second to study your expression before stepping into your foyer. Your penthouse was always a little intimidating; growing up, Jay couldn't even imagine stepping foot in a place so lavish.
"Nothing. Just trying to make myself busy for next weekend so I don't have to visit my dad," you replied with an unamused laugh. "You free?"
"I don't think either of us will be; Jennie sent us all a text a few hours ago." He held up his phone to show you the messages. "She wants us to be free the entire weekend."
"Friday and the weekend?" you read off the screen before frowning. "Is that when we get hazed?"
Jay shrugged before he cracked a smile. "Guess you don't have to visit your dad, at least." This was perhaps the perfect opportunity for him to get more information on your family—a golden opportunity considering you brought up your father on your own. Before you could change the topic, he pressed on, "But why don't you wanna see him?"
"It's a long story." You sighed, but it didn't seem like you were unwilling to divulge. Your eyes were gleaming a little, and Jay wanted to believe that you were hoping he'd stay. "How about I tell you over ramen?"
He pulled off his jacket before reaching your dining table. There was only one bowl of ramen set out, so Jay paused before he proceeded to sit down. To his surprise, you sat a chair away, looking up at him expectantly.
"Where's yours?" He didn't mean for there to be an edge of suspicion to his voice, but Jay couldn't understand why you wouldn't make a bowl for yourself.
You propped your elbow on the table to rest your chin in your palm. "I just wanted you to try it. How does it taste?"
"You should eat, too."
"Later—just try it!"
Since you seemed so eager, Jay picked up the noodles with his chopsticks and ate a mouthful, humming with delight when the flavor hit his tongue. He looked over to see you beaming at him with anticipation, and he nearly felt his chest stutter from how flustered he felt as you stared at him.
"Good"—he coughed after swallowing down his food too quickly—"it's really good."
You swelled with pride, and before you could open your mouth to respond, Jay cut you off by holding up another mouthful of noodles to your mouth. His other hand was cupped below where the noodles were dangling from the chopsticks.
Like that, you and Jay started talking about school and the Order while you shared the bowl of ramen. Not about whatever was going on with you and your father. There wasn't much to catch up considering he had seen you several times over the past week, but conversation somehow felt so easy with you.
Jay had never been a people person; his social battery was low and he had no interest in expanding his circle. Ever since he moved to Connecticut, his world seemed to grow a little bigger.
And it seemed as though he had a space carved out for you in his heart, but Jay was sure he would be a fool if he tried to fill that void.
The conversation eventually moved to the couch after you and Jay had finished eating and nearly tackled each other to wash the bowl and chopsticks in the sink. Jay was feeling overly-conscious of your knee touching his and the faint scent of your perfume lingering in the space between you two.
It was when you were showing Jay a picture of your dog, Butters, when you brought up your father again.
(Jay had been secretly hopeful that you wouldn't mention him. The more you told him about your life, the more it tore him up inside as he realized he either had to betray you or his client.)
"Butters always gets so happy whenever I'm home," you said with a pout, staring at the picture of your Pomeranian facing the wind. "He must really miss my mom, too." You looked up at Jay again, grinning sheepishly when you saw the confused look on his face. "It was this whole thing from when I was a kid. My parents are separated, but they're not divorced... it's weird. Their relationship was rocky for a long time, but back in freshman year, my mom decided to just leave as soon as I left for Yale. I guess me moving out for college was what she was waiting for."
Jay's heart clenched painfully and he murmured, "I'm sorry. Is that why you didn't wanna see your dad?"
"Pretty much." With a heavy sigh, you leaned your head against Jay's shoulder. He stiffened up for a moment before relaxing—even scooting a little bit closer. "I just keep waiting for them to get together and make up again so that we can go back to being a family. It's, like"—you sniffled—"so annoying."
Another sniffle. You wiped at your eyes furiously, as if you were mad that they even dared to water. Jay kept his gaze down, unsure if you were comfortable with him watching you cry. He wished he wasn't so useless in these situations. You froze up for a moment when Jay brought his hand close to your face, but you closed your eyes and let him wipe a stray tear away.
"You can't tell anyone, okay? No one else knows about this, like, no one," you continued. "Especially not Sunoo."
"Of course I won't," Jay replied, eyebrows knitting together in confusion, "but Sunoo?"
"My mom and his dad used to date, apparently," you said, picking at your nails now. "That's why my dad thinks she wants to leave him."
"Sunoo's dad? But—"
"I really shouldn't get into it any further," you interjected quickly, "because that's Sunoo's business, too."
Sunoo never shared much about his family, so this was all news to Jay. Yet, he was sure he would have found out earlier if your mother was currently with Sunoo's father. Sunoo would've mentioned it, wouldn't he? What was your mother's motive then? Why would she walk out if her intent wasn't to leave her husband for an old flame?
Furthermore, Jay hardly realized that he kept gravitating closer and closer to you, but by the time your head was against his chest and his arm was around your shoulders, he realized he couldn't back away without offending you. He just hoped you weren't able to hear his heartbeat thundering in his chest.
"Is that why you two fell out?" he asked gently.
"Kind of." You angled your neck so that you could look up at Jay. "What about your family? You're always so mysterious."
"Mysterious? You've been to my apartment before."
"Not that—I just wanna know if you have secrets, too."
Jay swallowed thickly. "Everyone has secrets."
"But I wanna know more about you—your story, where you came from," you pressed, shifting your position so that you were facing him. Jay found it hard to breathe when you were so close. "I feel like you hide so much under the surface."
You have no idea, he thought, rueful.
Jay couldn't think of anything in particular that he could tell you, though. The only secrets he had were ones that he had to keep from you no matter what, especially when it came down to his work as a private investigator.
There was one thing, he supposed, that changed him forever. It wouldn't have done him any good to tell you about it—not when the very thought made his throat close up and his eyes water. He didn't even want to see the look on your face when you found out what he had done, what his client had on him.
"You're, like, insanely smart, too," you breathed out. "How is it you know everything? You even impressed everyone in the Order."
"I wouldn't say everything."
You shot him a pointed look. "Dr. Corvera literally offered you a research internship after lecture."
"Whoa." A faint smirk crept to his lips. "Are you stalking me or what?"
"I just happened to eavesdrop." Jay was far too delighted with the way you shied away from him. "But, seriously, why don't you give yourself enough credit? You're like... Master Oogway."
"The turtle? From Kung Fu Panda?" Jay deadpanned.
"Well, he's a tortoise."
"See? I didn't know that."
You scoffed lightly, voice dropping low as you rattled on, "And you're really good at Calculus, too... and you have a perfect GPA. Are you sure you're not—"
"I'm two years older, remember?" Jay cut you off before he could hear any of your theories, hoping that none of them implied that he was any more of an outsider than he felt. "I know how to code and I know around twenty programming languages, so the math sort of comes with that."
His answer only seemed to inspire more amazement in your eyes, and Jay suddenly felt hot even without his jacket.
"My only useful strength is talking to people," you said with a crooked grin, "which is why I'm pretty good at interviews and making people like me."
"I can tell. You're always the center of everything."
"Rude."
"That's not a bad thing," Jay said, shooting you a sideways glance. "People naturally gravitate toward you. You're just..." The whole package was what Jay wanted to say, but he was afraid that would get deeply misinterpreted, so he settled for saying, "You're just perfect."
Perhaps that wording was at greater risk for being deeply misinterpreted.
Your lips were parted for a moment—whether it was from shock or repulsion, Jay didn't want to know—and your eyes had a new gleam to them that he hadn't seen before. He wondered if his comment made you blush because you kept your head ducked down.
(And he wanted to kiss you. He really wanted to kiss you. This wasn't something Jay wanted to make obvious, but he found his gaze lingering on your lips for far too long before he managed to look away.)
He suddenly felt his mouth go dry while his heart did stupid backflips that you were sure to hear. How was he supposed to get himself out of this one? No, no, that wasn't what he meant—oh, but that was exactly what he meant.
"I'm not perfect at all," you said with a laugh. "Is that how you see me?" You shook your head. "I wish I was good at things like you are. I'm not as ambitious as you are either, which is a total waste. I always feel like someone else should've been born in my place."
That certainly would've made this mission much easier for him, but he felt as though your perception of him was misplaced. Ambition? Jay only wanted to help people, and he deduced over the years that he was terrible at that.
"I'm not that great as you're making me out to be," he said. "I'm really happy you think of me like that, but it's not like I've... changed the world or anything."
Jay remembered when he graduated college with Jake. Back then, Jay still had stars in his eyes and hopes for the future. Despite everyone who told him that his skills were better suited for a high-profile job complete with exploitation and corruption, Jay knew that he wanted to do something meaningful.
But that never happened. He was never going to save anyone.
You hesitated before you said, "You changed mine."
Jay sadly smiled at you, mostly because if you ever found out who he truly was, then you would quickly realize that he had probably changed your life for the worst.
Instead, he admitted in a soft voice, "You changed mine, too."
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prev | masterlist | next
SUMMARY ▸ private investigator jay park just wants to complete his mission quietly and move on with his life. you, his new assignment who keeps consuming his thoughts, don't make that very easy for him.
AUTHOR'S NOTE ▸ longish chapter to make up for the tiny break i took 🫶
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spicyclover · 10 hours
Text
You used me
Summary : It's bittersweet to think about the damage that you did.
Next part of "You betrayed me"
Hope you’ll enjoy it. Let me know in the comment section.
Thank you! :)
Lots of love, xxx Spicy Clover
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When the door closed that night, I collapsed on the floor of my kitchen, on the cold tiles. In the weeks that followed, I spent them in a blur. I kept myself busy to stop thinking, to stop thinking about you. I lived on automatism. I'm a fucking robot, because of you. I get up in the morning without motivation and go to bed with the ball in my stomach to meet you in my dreams.
I’ve been going over and over our conversation. I’m a bet. A fucking, humiliating bet. I have never been more shame than that evening. Everyone knew and no one told me. They knew that I loved you so bad, and I let you treat me like that. I'm so naïve. I just want myself back. I just wanted to be enough. Don't you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded? Don't you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing? But don't tell me you're sorry. You should feel sorry for yourself. An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean.
Once the door was closed. My friends left with you. Because you bring them more than I could ever and it hurts like hell. To see these "friends" I know since my early childhood mock me for my naivety. Until this day, it is hard to believe. I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one, In a short time you became the reason I get up in the morning and the reason I like to dream. And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.
It's bittersweet to think about the damage that you did. You betrayed me.
For the first time since we broke up, I saw you in the street. You had your arm on a new girl. Showing her off like she's a new trophy. A happy and rested look on your face. I wish I dared to come running and punch that smile off your face, but I couldn’t move. You hang out in public with her, but never with me. I went home with tears in my eyes and no morale. It was the first time I managed to leave home after weeks of moping.
The more time passed, the more I felt my head getting out of the water. My body was less numb and I started breathing again, enjoying what I used to love. I adopted a little puppy at this time of my life, the kind we talked about in our long late-night discussion about our future together. You gave me your word. He's the world to me now. Milo, the dog.
The late afternoon often takes me to the beach. I let Milo run on the deserted beach and play with the waves. I take advantage of this moment of calm to observe the sunset. I breathe in and out deeply, letting my last thoughts of you go into the sea. I feel free. After three months of hell, I’m back to normal, like you never existed.
"Hi, bab..." That voice is yours. Why do you come back? Why do you haunt me like that? I turn around and there you are, in all your splendour. Your curls are more beautiful than ever, your face more beautiful than ever. I can't let you win. I walk away from the beach. Milo follows me. I feel your eyes following me soon it's your footsteps I hear. "Please, Y/n, I need to talk to you."
"I think you said enough. You should go back to your new girlfriend. I think she's getting lonely." I said without looking back. The waves fade and I feel your hand grab my arm.
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killerlookz · 20 hours
Note
Hello my fellow Criminal Minds fan! 😊
May I please request headcanons for Spencer falling for a female agent who’s cynical about love and relationships due to being hurt in the past?
a/n: thank you sm for the request! i'd be happy to write this for you! :-)
Falling in Love Again | Spencer Reid Headcannons
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pairing: spencer reid x f!reader
content: mentions of reader having been cheated on in the past, uhhhh that's really it haha
word count: 1,478 (sorry she's so long)
Spencer Reid had always been excited about falling in love, the thought of being so close to another person- to share so much with someone was such a wonderful thing to him.
Especially after watching his mom and dad growing up, and the way his father treated her-Spencer was dead set on never becoming anything like him, he looked forward to treating a woman right and spending the rest of his life with her.
But, for as excited as he was he was probably 20 times more nervous about the whole falling in love thing.
So when you came around, and he started to experience that warm, creeping feeling in his chest- he felt a little bit like his world was going to end.
Spencer had never made a move on anyone before, sure he did make out with Lila Archer that one time but he didn't exactly initiate it.
Spencer decided just to channel all of his romantic interest in becoming friends with you, at least he got to spend time with you, that's what really mattered to him. Maybe one day it would turn into something more.
Well.. he hoped until he couldn't help but overhear...
"I went on my first date in months last night, and all this guy did was talk about himself the entire time- didn't let me get a word out, I mean, can you believe it?" Emily says, exasperated
You look up at her as she stands in front of your desk, "Oh, trust me Emily, I can believe it." You shake your head
"I mean," She throws her hands up, "What is it with men? What's wrong with them."
"Everything," You smirk, "They're men. I can't remember I had a good experience with one of them- never maybe?" You laugh. "I've given up on dating."
Your words sunk into Spencer's brain, leaving him with a heavy feeling all around he felt awful- not just about the fact that his chances with you seemed to reduce to zero right there in that moment, but because of how upset you seemed under your sarcastic exterior, he could tell you'd really been hurt before.
A few weeks later you're out for drinks with Emily, Penelope, Morgan, Spencer, and JJ. Amidst the loud, drunken conversations and music at the bar- you can hear the faint chiming sounds of your ring tone, Who would be calling this late?
As you take your phone from your pocket, your stomach drops when you see the number flashing on the screen. The mere sight of those 10 digits making you want to throw your phone to the ground and stomp on it until nothing remains.
"Ooooh, who's that calling." Morgan smirks
You look him dead in the eyes and respond flatly, "My ex."
Morgan's smile doesn't fade instead his smirk seems to deepen, "You two got a little thang goin on?"
"No," You shove your phone back in your pocket, "More like he's trying to get back in my pants after cheating on me- twice."
"Ooh!" Morgan responds, wincing, "So he's a dog."
"A pig is more like it." You scoff, "Who does he think he is. I can't even imagine giving my time to another man again, and even if I could- what makes him so confident I'd give him the time of day."
That familiar heavy pain hits Spencer again.
He's staring at you, and it's like the rest of the bar doesn't even exist. Only you, as you bite your lip, trying to hide any emotion in your face.
Spencer has become good at reading your emotions, maybe it's because he spends so much time with you- maybe it's because of how often he finds himself staring at your face. As much as you try to seem nonchalant, he could tell how upset you are.
Spencer would spend more time than he wanted to admit fantasizing about treating you well, about giving you the love you never seemed to have.
Every time you made a snarky comment about love, or how men had treated you in the past Spencer would want so desperately bad to just tell you about how well he would treat you, how he would never ever hurt you, how he would spend his entire life taking care of you.
The words were practically scratching up his throat, begging to be let out. But still, he would just swallow them down, and give you a sympathetic look, he couldn't muster up being able to do anything more.
At the very least, Spencer's plan of becoming friends with you was working.
The two of you would become very good friends.
Spencer would learn everything he could about you, he would want to know as much as possible.
Not in a weird creepy way- but in a he just thinks you're so amazing he can't get enough of you sort of way.
Every time you and Spencer hung out he wouldn't be able to ignore that nagging feeling, the thought of putting an arm around you and pulling you close, of holding your hand in his, or placing a delicate kiss on your cheek.
The thoughts would eat away at Spencer, and he would only fall more, and more in love with you.
Still, he would lose more hope every time you divulged information about your prior encounters with love. He couldn't blame you for feeling so cynical it, not after what you'd been through.
Spencer would think about his mom, about all the wives Rossi had been through, about Hotch and Hailey, about you- he would wonder why love had to be so painful for some people. He was sure he would never hurt somebody he loved.
One day you're over Spencer's apartment, watching a rom-com, and you make a snide remark, "Oh, real love isn't like that." You scoff and roll your eyes.
Spencer doesn't know what it is, but something in him makes him respond, "It could be." He says meekly
You look up at him, caught off guard at his disagreement, "Hm?" you hum
Spencer wasn't able to take it any more, he hated hearing your cynical nature. He would need you to know how you deserved the entire world.
"Love- It can be like the movies." He affirms his stance.
"Not in my experience."
"I would give you love like that." Spencer would tremble as he makes his confession, so unsure of what would happen next.
He would be terrified of your reaction, scared he was about to mess everything up, ruin any future the two of you had together, and even worse, lose your friendship.
"W-what do you mean, Spence."
"I mean, you always talk about how you've been hurt before, and it just-" He takes a deep breath in, contemplating what he's going to say next, "I love you, y/n," He looks down at his lap, then back up at you, "I would never hurt you."
Despite the obvious passion in Spencer's voice, you were still hesitant about it, but everything inside of you told you to give Spencer a chance.
Spencer would insist on taking things slow, you were his first real relationship and he wouldn't want to rush things, for both his and yours sake. He wouldn't pressure you to put a label on things, or even say you're "dating"- those would come on your own time.
Spencer was determined to make you believe in love again, and he would do everything in his power to make sure you knew without a doubt how he felt about you.
Spencer would often get to work before you to surprise you with coffee and a breakfast sandwich, or a donut on your desk in the mornings.
He would insist on having a date night at least once a week, even if the two of you were on a case, ordering room service or finding a local pizza restaurant way late at night was sufficient, as long as the two of you got to spend time together.
Spencer would be hesitant about PDA or really moving too quickly into being too affectionate, still, he would frequently hold your hand, squeezing it tight when he could tell you were stressed or upset- either by a case or by life in general, he just wanted to give you that extra reassurance that he was there for you.
Spencer would really put the work in, he'd exert more effort than you had ever seen from any past relationship into even the tiniest things.
Spencer wouldn't mind though, anything he could do to reassure you that he loves and cares about you, he would do it.
Every little act of love and gratitude would be worth it to him.
He would savor and cherish every hug, every shared glance, every peck on the forehead, on the cheek, on the lips.
It was all worth it to him, every second of it- all he wanted to do was make you smile, to make you fall in love again.
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So... @muffinlance wrote a really awesome story. I read a post from a point in time, though I truly do not remember when since it seems like I've been working on this project forever, saying that she gives blanket permission for people to print and bind the story into a book (I think there was an also addendum saying that they do not give permission to be sold, since selling fic is illegal). This fic has had total control over my whole brain since it was sent to me (@creatorofthemind I believe it was you, so thank you forever for tuning me into it) back during the days of like chapter six or seven.
So here I am now, sharing this amazing journey of my first ever bookbinding adventure. Further reading below.
So to give you an idea of what's going on, this is a fanfiction about Zuko (Avatar the Last Airbender) (animated show version, the LA show did not exist yet and we do not speak of the movie) being adopted by Hakoda, Father of Katara and Zuko. (This might have also been what kicked off the Give Zuko A Parent craze, but don't fact check me.)
Overall, the characters from the show stick very well to the cannon versions, but where MuffinLance really shines is in the rich backstories and fleshed out feeling of all the non cannon elements. Especially the background characters. I would argue that the writing in this peice of fanwork could easily rival the cannon show at many points of comparison.
Now that you have context, we can get into the actual process.
To start, I used this guide to figure out where to even begin, and fount the included resource list to also be quite helpful. I cannot for the LIFE OF ME figure out where I found the template I used for the front matter and such, but it must be somewhere and I will link to it when I inevitably come across it again.
Then I began to typeset. This step took... a long time. I worked in chunks from about September of 2022 to late March of 2024. I would get a big section done, sometimes even the entire thing, but then find I hated the way I had done it and give up for months at a time. Such is the life of ADHD and flitting interest in projects I suppose.
And then finally, step one was done, and I was left with pages on a word document that look like this. (And do please let me know if you want the link to the document. It was so much work, and I would love to not be the only one to use it.)
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Next step was printing out this beast. Ended up being about eight pages of front matter, and about 630 pages of body text.
That I printed wrong.
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Twice.
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Before finally getting it right. And then not getting a picture of it, because I finished at 4 am and had work at 7, and am also an idiot.
Then I simply stitched along, putting everything together into a beautiful text block.
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And came up with a design for the cover.
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Yes the glue did end up lumpy. Ignore it.
Yes I did have to sketch out the design onto a scraped page several times before I figured out what I was doing. Ignore that too.
The cover design does wrap around the entire cover. No I did not get a picture before I glued the thing down. See again: I'm an idiot. And just... massively impatient.
Finally, we get to the stage of gluing. Behold, my bookpress.
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Of course, topped with Madam MuffinLances own actual professional-people book, Fox's Tounge and Kirin's Bone. It is Excelent. Here is the LINK so you can go and support this amazing author with the real-monies as well as the internet-kudos.
Then, once everything is glued together, one must give the book its "gilt" edges.
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latteandjacks · 1 day
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"They should've made an emphasis on Sallie May being trans before" "There should be things that openly indicate she's trans aside from the horns" "The merch shouldn't show her with a bulge if she's trans, logically she should hide it"
My brother in Christ shut the fuck up
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Aight, I get where most of you are coming from but let me just say that Sallie May is a big breath of fresh air from a lot of canon trans rep I've been seeing in the internet about big projects such as Helluva Boss, let's go point from point
This contains spoilers from Hell's Belles
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Sallie May is a transgender Imp, this is not something that was decided just now for the short as her first appearance in the moon harvest festival already shows her with the thick line horns (Which are exclusively from AMAB (Assigned Male at Birth) Imps
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If there's only one point these people made that I agree with is the fact that the horns thing should be something implied in the show, not specifically with the intention of outing a trans character but something simple that could give more context for those who do not check the wikis or the social medias that often
Other than that, I feel like they haven't actually meet a trans person irl because they believe that her being trans should be something that everyone should catch the first time they see her, that someone should inmeditaly point out she's trans, yet, they get upset at the fact that she's proudly showing a bulge on the merchandise They want the show to scream verbally about her being trans but not casually
You have no idea how relieved I felt when, at no point in the episode, her being trans was mentioned or outed, none pointed out her horns or voice and instead the problem was her feeling left out of her sister's life, and, again, not because she's trans and feels like Millie doesn't view her the same or some bullshit, but because Millie doesn't go home as often and felt a bit mad when she had to do her work In fact! Her not getting genitalia reconstructive surgery is also a thing that is cool about her, she got tits but didn't chop off the dick and is not insecure about it, most of times trans people are put between not getting surgery or getting ALL of the surgeries AND being extremely insecure about their genitalia, and yes, there's a lot of trans people that feel that way, but I think that aspect of her is really good representation for those that don't want to get surgery or only want to either reduce or enlarge their chest, not everyone gets dysphoria the same way and this doesn't make her less of a woman for that
Even if it's okay to have characters where one of the main issue of the comes from being trans (I have a few myself), It's also nice to see character that are trans but the main issue with their life comes from something completely different and not related
So for people upset about her passing so well you can't immediately tell she's trans Surprise! That's a lot of us want, that's what a lot trans people irl try, to just be a person of the gender we really are, to be normal and not needing to always out of ourselves, to be treated the same no matter what I make a lot of jokes about my lack of dick and my excess of tits, I only out myself as trans when formally presenting to someone and that is just because I'm not allowed to be trans so I don't pass as a boy at all and need to specify, but me being trans is something that most of my friend only bring into the conversation to make a friendly joke or when I bring it up
Sallie May is not only good representation, is one of the best I've seen in a while in the modern adult media, because she's subtle yet obvious You may not like Viv (Me too girl /non gendered), but I got to give it to her, the lgbt+ representation she does is on point
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Anyways now that I tackled down that issue is time to actually talks about this short as a whole see ya
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Here we go again
Hi gang. I'm back on my Chris-Get's-Healthy kick, again. I know I've talked about this and asked for your help in the past. I am once again attempting to quit sugar and work out more.
If you have offered me advice in the past and are tired of my requests, yet again, for advice and ideas, I understand. I get it. Believe me, no one is more tired of my bullshit and my inability to stick to a regimen and make the healthy choices than I am.
This last time I was derailed by my mom's illness and death. I just did not have the mental space or physical energy to commit to disciplined nutritional choices and consistent work outs while taking care of her. But the reasons don't really matter because there were excuses before this one, and on and on. I have been starting and giving up on, healthy living routines since I was 18 years old. Let's do the math, that's 30 years!
A little background: I am not a yo-yo dieter. I very slowly put on weight starting with my first desk job at 20 and never dropped it. The weight has never bothered me. I am a confident woman who has never needed to fit into a six 6. I am also single by choice and nothing in the last 30 years has given me a reason to change my mind about this.
This situation now is that I'm looking hard at 50 and the little aches and pains: the trick knee, the occasional sciatica, the feet that get a little too sore too soon, are, I feel, all red flags signaling that hitting snooze on my health is no longer an option.
I truly believe that fitness and nutritional eating are not only the key to staying fit and active, but I think if I just commit and get through those first few tough months, I would actually like it.
Lately I've been drinking my Dr. Pepper and eating my high-calorie cheesy pasta and lots of sourdough bread (all my favorites), but they just haven't been as satisfying as they once were. [Sidebar: I realize some of this could be residual depression and grief making life just not as wonderful as it once was. That will take time.]
Mostly, I'm just tired of giving the "I have got to get my health in order" thoughts the mental real estate in my brain. I need to deal with it so I can move on from it. So it is not such big part of my daily thoughts.
My long-winded and self-indulgent post here is just to ask once again - and I swear for the last time - what do you all find works for you as far as fitness and nutrition goes? My fitness goals are:
to get stronger and improve flexibility and mobility while protecting the joints and ligaments
staving off osteoporosis
alleviating some peri-menopause symptoms
My nutrition goals are:
to kick the sugar addiction once and for all and change my palate so I don't crave sweet things so much
prevent diabetes/heart disease, etc. before they start
improving gut health
I welcome all comments and advice, and that includes the tough-love "girl, you have got to get your shit together!"
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biasbuck · 2 days
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BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays
Happy Friday everyone! This is my first 911 ficrec post (I'm usually over here if ill-fated hunters and their angel husbands are your jam) but I've been DEEP in the Evan Buckley hyperfixation throughout April so come with me for what I've been reading!
This is a combination of Buddie and Bucktommy and buckeddietommy (aka buckeddie and meatballs, heh!)
26 April 2024
tell me about despair by @hattalove was the first fic I read, specifically because I wanted to get inside Eddie's head more as on first viewing I found him a little trickier to grasp...but yeah...that might just be because I am he and he am I. This fic was an wonderful way in to understanding his inner workings. His queer awakening and the associated traumas he has to work through were handled with such care, and the character voices were just gorgeous. "Eddie's not entirely sure he believes in getting help, at least not for himself. There's only so much healing to be had for a body torn apart by bullets, for a mind that's only half there, for a man who's been leaving pieces of himself behind all his life with nothing to take their place. Except, as it turns out, falling apart happens in increments, and healing does, too"
evan, elated and euphoric by @gayhoediaz 16500 words of bucktommy first time smut anyone?? "Buck likes it - not just being with Tommy, being with a man - that part is obvious, but he… likes that he likes it. He loves that he likes it. Truthfully, he doesn’t think that he has ever felt more at home in his own body than he does in this very moment." This is such a delightful exploration (through copious amounts of sizzling sex) in Buck feeling fully present and fully himself in his sexuality, and it's gloriously decadent as well as sweet and sexy as hell. I loved this characterisation of Tommy.
Both Bermuda and Golden (Lost but Doing Just Fine) by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels all hail the threesome fics! In which the correct answer is always - Both? Both is good! This one is gloriously kinky and sexy and I love the 'guiding hand' aspect and how both Buck and Eddie allow themselves to be led. "It's not that Buck's not happy with Eddie. It's just that being with Tommy taught him things about himself, things he wants, and he doesn't quite know how to ask Eddie for those things. He shouldn't have underestimated how well Eddie knows him, or how willing Tommy is to lend a helping, instructional hand."
Heart of Flowers / Heart of Gold by @elvensorceress is a gorgeously written allegorical tale with PEAK Buddie and Christopher family vibes set between S4&5. "In the aftermath of the sniper attack, Buck has to keep going without his partner while sorting through the layers of everything they are to each other, while Eddie fights for his life and through all his internalized trauma and regret for everything they never managed to say. aka After nearly losing each other, Buck and Eddie find their way to each other and their family’s happily ever after." My absolute favourite thing about this fic is the thread with the bedtime story that Christopher and Buck have created together. Just beautiful.
five ways to fall in love with the man in the mirror by @buckttommy is a bucktommy fic but crucially a Buck absolutely revelling in the poetry of getting to know your own identity. It also crucially gives me Jay Hulme vibes (iykyk) "Buck meets God at a gay club. He finds him in an oil-slick puddle on a damp night, neon lights reflecting off the kaleidoscopic liquid in the parking lot. or; Evan Buckley falls in love with himself."
and i know how i feel by @middyblue is a very sweet Buck coming out to Bobby fic, written I believe between 7x04 and 7x05. ALL the Dad!Bobby feels. "Buck stares off over the hills of Los Angeles, hugging his knees. He half wants to take out his phone and start playing Nine Simone (it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me, and I’m feeling - ) and half can’t bear to drown out the thin peace of bird calls in the quiet blue of the morning. Footsteps scrape on gravel behind him and he turns, half-expecting another hiker, but it’s Bobby, carrying a coffee tray with two to-go cups and a paper bag."
Short and sweet fic:
For All Occasions by @storybelle FIREFAM FEELS! In which of course, as per tradition, Hen makes the 118 a cake. I neeeeeed Hen and Buck queer camaraderie show, I need it, and just like this!
Wedding Bell Blues by @klutzygirl - much needed supportive parents actually fic! "Margaret and Phillip meet their son's new boyfriend when they arrive in town for Maddie's wedding." it doesn't go how Buck would expect, in the best way.
PS - if you have any henren authors/fic recs I should check out PLEASE let me know! I'm new and I love them!
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storiesbyjes2g · 3 days
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3.112 Cutting ties
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Love Day came upon us again, and it was so nice to have someone to celebrate with. Someone to celebrate, period. Sophia and I rarely did things traditionally, and I continued that trend by asking her out on a breakfast date. I suggested Vivianna's because it was the first place that came to mind, and I really liked their food. But Sophia was in goofball mode and said I wanted to see my girlfriend. I didn't like her saying that, but I loved seeing her in high spirits in those days, so I let it ride. When we got there, the host seated us at the same table from last time, and that sent her even more.
"It's a sign, Luca! If she's our server again, it's means you were meant to be."
I shook my head at her.
"You are way too high on life right now."
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She gasped, still giggling at her silly joke.
"Luca! She's here! I think she's coming this way!"
I was still shaking my head when Yasmine walked up.
"Happy Love Day," she said drily. "Y'all don't have restaurants in Oasis Springs?"
"Of course we do," Sophia said before I had a chance to even think of a response. "But we love this one."
"Hmph. You must really love this food. I wouldn't unfriend someone and still show up at their job. Are you ready to order?"
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Sophia looked at me in surprise but also trying to hide more giggles.
"Uhh...yeah, we're ready," I said, unsure if I should even respond to the first part.
When I finally looked at her, I saw her face matched her dry tone. Generally, she wasn't the cheeriest sim, but something was off. Granted, I was probably the last sim she wanted to see, but she should have been over that. Something else had to be going on, and I asked if she was okay.
"What do you care? I can't do this right now. I'll send someone else."
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She hurried away into the kitchen, leaving us utterly confused.
"What in the world was that?" Sophia asked. "And you unfriended her?"
"Yeah! She's been sending me mean messages ever since-"
"You broke up?"
"Would you stop with that?? She wasn't my girlfriend!"
I couldn't understand why she found this situation so amusing. It annoyed me, but her laughter was so contagious. I couldn't help but laugh, too.
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"Did she look different to you?" I asked.
"Sure did. I think she's pregnant."
"Pregnant? Yasmine? No way."
"She's definitely pregnant, babe."
"How do you know? She's not showing."
"Women know these things!"
"Hmph. Some sims don't need to be parents," I said under my breath. At least I thought I did.
"Luca!"
"What? It's true. She doesn't want kids right now. And she's mean...self-absorbed... Can you imagine her raising children?"
"I mean...I don't disagree, but... It's still not a nice thing to say. Maybe taking care of someone else will be good for her."
Nice or not, I meant every word. It was hard not to get upset about it. Sims all around us kept popping up pregnant unexpectedly while Sophia and I woohoo'd each other's brains out to no avail. WE want a baby! Why won't it happen for us? It wasn't fair. But I didn't want to ruin our date with my petty, jealous thoughts. That rant would have to remain in my head.
"Anyway... You excited about moving tomorrow?"
"You know it! I can hardly believe it."
"Yeah, seriously. I've been thinking about that house for so long... I have to keep reminding myself this is real life."
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My Social Bunny chime went off, so I checked to see who sent me a message.
"Oh...it's Maira."
"Why do you say it like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like you're surprised your friend is messaging you."
"I'm not surprised. It's just...I don't know. Every time I hear from her, I feel bad."
"How come?"
"Because I'm such a bad friend to her."
Sophia's lip quivered.
"I highly doubt that."
"It's true though! I never call her. She's always the one reaching out. Even back in the day it was like that. When I was open to dating her-well, she says we did date, but whatever. I got mixed signals, so I kinda stopped putting energy into our friendship. Then I met Yasmine-"
"While you were talking to me," she said sarcastically.
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Like a light switch flicking on, I understood why she continued to joke about me and Yasmine. She still felt some kind of way about realizing she wasn't the only one I was talking to, and this was her brand of petty behavior. I shook my head because I knew she would never let that go, and the jokes were a permanent part of our marriage.
"Yes, I was talking to you. I met Yasmine and Chi Chi-"
"I thought you didn't date her."
"I didn't. She came to my classes a lot and invited me to her house a few times."
She eyed me suspiciously, but I continued my story.
"Dating, having female friends, and all of that was new to me. I didn't know how to say no to her. I couldn't say no to her; you know how she is. And I was talking to you on top of dealing with my own issues... It was a crazy time, and I didn't know how to handle it all, so I ended up neglecting Maira. I feel bad because it wasn't like that in the beginning."
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"You didn't have any distractions then."
"Yeah...that's true."
"Do you think it's time to let her go? Everyone's not meant to be in your life forever."
"I know. That might be part of the issue. I want to be a good friend while being respectful to you, but I honestly don't know how she fits into my life anymore. But severing the relationship? I don't think I want to do that. At least not yet."
"Okay." She turned back to her food and took a few bites before a very obvious idea let up her face. "Since we're moving now, we should do a combo celebration! We can turn my birthday party into a housewarming party! Invite her to that."
"Oooh good thinking! You know I married you for your brains."
"Ah ha! The truth comes out."
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apologeticaugur · 1 year
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i'm not a person i'm just wearing skin fabric i've pulled over my skeleton
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languri · 3 months
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Yea umm ok so it took me 15 years to finally take a look at Akihiko's social link and 1 night to make me believe in Akiham
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dreamlogic · 3 months
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2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)
#ctxt#i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections#to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh#going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long#while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time#but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed#to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach#and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me#and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually#i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever#i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it#money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out#but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now#genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year#and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough#to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last#in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was#bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive#and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there#but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety#it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it#i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults#i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed#instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things#and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need#chronic blogging
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simptasia · 9 months
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my mum has stage four cancer
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jessamine-rose · 6 months
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/obey me! vent/
#jessamine rambles#before i start. pls keep in mind that this is fully subjective and could just be a 'me' problem. i just want to get this off my chest#ngl i've been contemplating on whether i want to stop playing obey me. both the og game and nightbringer#idk i've been playing the game since its first month and while it's given me a lot of joy + memories + chances to befriend other ppl. i'm#pretty burned out. not to mention TIRED of my consistent disappointment with the game#the main story.....where do i start?? i actually enjoyed s1-s3 despite my qualms with the fillers and pacing but s4 disappointed me. i was#rlly looking forward to simeon's storyline and the new characters but ultimately. the devs tried to squeeze too many things into one season#not to mention that there is a notable difference in how the characters are written. i.e. beel's hunger and asmo's beauty#being watered down to running gags instead of the complexities explored in the old dg stories and chara songs#gameplay-wise. i was there when the devs raised the rewards price of the event urs and removed the demon ssrs completely#but nightbringer was the last straw for me. the amount of time it takes to grind for two games. knowing that the og app has essentially bee#abandoned by the devs?? not to mention that while the plot is interesting. i haven't touched the main story ever since the coma arc#i will give credit to the devs for improving the event stories by choosing to focus on 1-2 demons. but it has always felt like a quantity >#quality situation. esp if i were to compare it to my other fandoms#it also doesn't help that i'm currently at a point of my life where i'm questioning if i could use my time on obm for better things#seeing how the game is giving me less reasons to believe it is worth my time#idk this may also be a short-term phase since i DID get back into twst after a long hiatus and i recently got into whb#which btw has felt like a breath of fresh air despite my frustrations with the bugs and current gacha#but yeahhhh........as much as i love the obm characters and fanfics. i'm just tired#at this point i feel like the only reason why i still play the game is due to the nostalgia and so i don't waste the years of grinding#aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#this is what i get for being the type of player who only plays a few games so they can rlly dedicate their time and passion to it#that's all
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2-kamikou-1 · 12 days
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the way i am so fucking paranoid rn.
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flickeringflame216 · 10 days
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and if all the people who told you one day it won't hurt all the time and there will be a sunny day and you will be able to notice how beautiful it is were right. what then.
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