Tumgik
#and im worried that ill never stop wanting more )):
"yes im so fine"
*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*
#tw ed#obligatory MASSIVE do not do this#straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time#used to be used to induce vomiting#directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others#i wont i swear i wont#but i still researched it bc i was curious#tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs#also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical#intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg#of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.)#honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think#(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth)#honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies#hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die#and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is#ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh#honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me#but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects.#thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects.#but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have.#so im safe#....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol#but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me.#im fine.#tw suicide#puddleglum hours#nobody worry abt me ok. im fine.#just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :)#EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide
14 notes · View notes
honeysuckle-teaa · 1 month
Text
The mentally ill urge to completely cut off contact with everyone and isolate yourself, despite already feeling completely isolated from everyone?
10 notes · View notes
Text
why can i never breathe lol
5 notes · View notes
b4kuch1n · 8 months
Note
Hi, I've been inspired by the composition and abstract style of your artwork for a while now, if I made an experimental art piece inspired by your composition style would you want me to credit you as an inspo? or would you just not be comfortable with me using your art as inspiration altogether? (which is fine btw, i don't wanna do smth that would make you uncomfortable)
oh sure! feel free! I don't mind at all lol
#ask#bakuspeech#tbh I do think this question is like. somewhat redundant in art. or idk unnecessary?#all of art is inspiration man. very frequently from art by artists you're never gonna have the chance to reach out to#large cause bc they've been dead for decades to a few centuries#and like. idk as an artist you kinda have to accept that people will actually look at ur art and interact with it in their own space?#so like. yeah there are things that if I see you do with my art I will block you for. but on principle I cannot bodily stop you#this is all to say that like. if the question is about my personal boundaries it's gonna be more complicated. like if you make something#with ill intention and then cite me as an inspiration source. of course I'd not like that#but also that will be on me to reflect on that and like. do what I need to do#but outside of that. saying 'don't take inspiration from my art' is 1/genuinely patently unenforceable and 2/antithetical to#the way that I do art at all#like! I thrive on remixing! it's what transformative fanstuff is. how would I ever get on someone else's case for doing the exact same thin#anyways yeah don't worry about it I guess all of the above is more like. somewhat of a blanket permission#do whatever you want with my art! if it's cool and u want me to see it feel free to tell me. if u know I wont like it dont get caught by me#I am aware that I have before mentioned things you can't do with my art. those are personal boundaries. I enforce it in my own spaces#I have no power in yours. it's just how it is. use ur judgement. have fun chillin#that's it babey I go get snack now. its past mid autumn so the moon cakes are on sale so Im gonn#a get a bag of dried corn
9 notes · View notes
scorndotexe · 1 month
Text
man i feel so fucking hopeless constantly truly what is the fucking point
4 notes · View notes
collecting--stardust · 10 months
Text
Rebelling for the first time by trying to convince my parents (especially my mom) to let me take the night flight and didn't back down even when my mom obviously dislike the idea so pls pray for me that my parents give the green light 🙏
3 notes · View notes
this-guy-is-insane · 2 years
Text
How do i stop traumatizing people by being myself
How do i stop ruining people
How do i stop being
Bad
17 notes · View notes
astroellipse · 2 years
Text
Tired tag vent 😞
#collecting my thoughts#seriously though why cant i do a read more on mobile#ah whatever. the informality of tags feels better for this. i guess.#just. anxious. i was chill all day everything was fine granted i was tired as hell cause i alept like shit#and now all my anxieties are hitting me! suddenly heart palpatations! yayy!!!#maybe i should not have watched better call saul before bed i shoulda done aomething more chill#granted i was getting j ro that funk where i didnt want to do anything but k couldnt aleep yet#going to implode head going to turn j to a great big fireball#theres just a lot all at once but its not even really that much im just a nervous wreck#i start school soon. never filed my fafsa for some godforsaken reason. hopefully i can focus through that#the place i replied to stopped replying abruptly while trying to digure out skmethjn with their website#had a weirsly atreasful time dealing with healthcare stuff#ambient worry about self image and my current situation and the future#aocial worries that i cant even vent about anymore because relevant people follow me now#not that thats a bad thing that's a net positive love havin friends#sparking with nonsense i need to ramble about but i cant cause its all just non issues and pity party stuff and hrg#the one thjng ill grant myself is oh my god maybe entering that relationship before was a bad idea now i know what it feels like#to be in love and i want that again so so bad#exploding again#i need to shower someone with love and affection jfc#maybe thisll pass or get less with time hopefully it does#but man its bad#as part of my weird sleep nonsense dreams last night there was one where i was in a relationship with fucking JERMA.#and it wasnt a dirty dream or anything we were just a tender couple talking about mundane shit and i rest my head on his shoulder and#ok now im getti g sodetracked because why the FUCK was it JERMA?? it coulda been my actual crush! that woulda made sense!!#hes not even my type!!!!!! god. anyways back to my crippling anxiety remembering that dream lightened my mood a little at least#heartrate atill funky but less overthinking#anyways going to pass out now its 1 and ive been exhausted all day that was enough no sense rambling#good night reader
2 notes · View notes
birbtails · 2 months
Text
.
#gods#im .. in trouble this semester#which sucks bc i was doing so much better last semester#i stopped going to therapy!!#which i think i knew at the time was a Problem#but my therapist suggested it and i didn't want to but i couldn't come up with a better reason than im worried ill nosedive next semester#to be fair to me while i was feeling so much better i knew i wasnt .. stable i guess?#in her defense i can't tell anyone the whole truth even if my life was on the line#and by cant i mean some combination of wont dont want to and its instinctive#but the problem is im failing one of my classes and im at least a little bit suicidal and i havent told anyone really and gods i feel lonely#(and by a little bit suicidal i mean thinking of ways to kill myself 2 days ago. im feeling better now but i don't trust it)#(by feeling better i mean im not Actively thinking of methods but it definitely crosses my mind as a Possibility)#(although i guess its a bit less i want to die and a bit more i want someone to find me before i die and help me)#so anyways this semester might be replacing 10th grade as the worst year of my life#im just.. so tired#i don't want to keep living like this#and im sucking it up and making myself do better but i Hate this#and ive got to think about summer plans bc i don't want to go back to my parents house but i also Really want to bc i can see my brother and#maybe i can see my friends(?) and maybe if i tell my parents everything that's been going on theyll take care of me?#but i Really want to stay here bc i always regret going home and bc ive gotten used to living on my own and i really like all the freedom it#gives me?? but i need to get an internship or a job or something if i want to stay here but its So Late and now that im thinking about it im#worried that ill be so isolated here that ill feel worse? but if i get a therapist here then maybe itll be okay??#i don't know#and im almost done with my junior year and i don't know what i want to do with my future and#i just never thought id get this far yknow? i honestly thought i wasnt going to make it to 18 or college and now im almost 21 and so close#to graduating?? and i don't know how to face the rest of my life#im just tired and stressed and depressed#i just want a hug and a friend that i can tell everything to#ne ways im just tired and whiny and i need to suck it up and get groceries and do my hw
0 notes
hairydykecunt · 2 months
Text
once my friend said that sometimes it seems like i don’t want a girlfriend and just want to be some girls pet and like. yeah okay sure, but is that really all people see in me. is that what they think i’m only capable of? i want to give so much, i want to fill them with so much love and make them feel safe and loved and adored. i Do want to do more than just be a pet, i want to be a Provider, i want to take care.
0 notes
s3lkie2sato · 8 months
Text
i need to quit being so negative because i cannot keep making other people arpund me so sad
0 notes
wishful-seeker · 9 months
Text
Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist
1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.
Example:
Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."
Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"
This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.
Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."
Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"
This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.
Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.
To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.
2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.
For example:
Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"
Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."
Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making YOU uncomfortable?
3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.
For example:
Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."
Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."
This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.
4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.
For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.
5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.
6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.
For example:
Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"
Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"
Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.
7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.
For example:
Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."
Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"
This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.
Hope this helps, stay punk.
6K notes · View notes
rafeandonlyrafe · 3 months
Text
desperate measures
Tumblr media
words: 1.7k
warnings: 18+ only!, smut, p in v sex, BABY TRAPPING!, pregnancy, female receiving oral
rafe thought it was just his paranoia, the gnawing thought in his mind that you were going to leave him. he never considered that it could be true, that you were putting plans into place.
until a rumor spread that you were fed up with his behavior. his over protectiveness, his anger issues. you love him, but think he needs to heal without you first. that's the claim thats whispered to him at the party, one you aren't attending, staying home to study for your online college class.
rafe rushes home, rage flooding through his veins, knowing he needs to do everything and anything to get you to stay. 
--
“hey gorgeous, almost done studying?” rafe combs his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss to your head.
“yeah.” you hum, tilting your head up to allow rafe to press a kiss to your lips. “just give me 15 more minutes and ill come to bed, mkay?”
“okay.” rafe nods, squeezing your shoulder in support as you go back to typing out your essay. 15 minutes gives him plenty of time to do what he needs to. 
rafe grabs the condoms out of his bedside table drawer, throwing them all onto the bed. he's not sure how many tries it'll take, but he's determined.
he moves to your pinboard next, grabbing a tack that holds up a picture of you and rafe when you first started your relationship, before you saw the dark side of him. rafe frowns at the picture instead of mimicking the smile in it like he normally does, now noticing the difference in you, your smile is not as wide, eyes duller, cheeks not as full. 
“fuck.” rafe shakes his head, angry at himself for letting you down without even realizing it. things are going to change, he has to fix it. he can’t let you leave. rafe moves back to the bed, pin in hand as he takes a condom package and presses a hole through it, making sure to skewer it completely through. he continues until every condom is poked, glad for once that you reacted badly to birth control and had to seek other methods to prevent getting pregnant.
rafe cleans up quickly, tossing everything back into the drawer and then pinning the picture back up, looking over the other snapshots that you put up. there's some of your friends, but most are of you and rafe. rafe knows you love him, he just needs to make sure you never stop.
“whatcha looking at?” you ask as you enter the room, voice light and airy despite the bags under your eyes. rafe credited it to you taking college classes, but was now worried that he contributed to your current state.
“just how beautiful you are.” rafe doesn't miss the look on your face, the surprise.
“oh.” you blush, raising your hands to press your fingertips into your cheeks.
“and im really sorry if i haven't been telling you that enough lately.” rafe crosses over to you, hands coming to cup your cheeks, your hands trapped under his.
“what are you doing rafe?” you question.
“i haven’t been treating you well enough lately and im so sorry for that baby. i love you.” rafe presses his lips against yours. you react to the kiss, pushing past the surprise to kiss back, sliding your hands out from under his to grip his shirt, tugging his body into yours.
“are you tired princess?” rafe asks, lips still skimming over yours as he questions it.
“n-no.” you shake your head, bottom lip pouting out, making rafe lean in to kiss it. “why?”
“because i want you.” rafe smirks. he's used to your excuses. tired, headache, need to shave, need to eat, anything to get out of it.
“oh!” your eyebrows widen. “yeah.” you press yourself closer to rafe. it's been a long time since you felt the rush of lust for him, since he's treated you so sweetly, talked so candidly. no sign of anger or resentment hiding in his eyes. “yeah, i want you too.”
“good.” rafe moves you to the bed. his hands work effortlessly as his mouth distracts you, pulling at your clothes until you're naked, all of his clothes still on.
“rafe, let me see you.” you pout, tugging at his shirt.
“no, let me focus on you, princess.” rafe moves lower to wrap his mouth around your nipple, giving you full attention while his other hand cups the other side of your chest.
“rafe.” you whine, completely forgetting about your relationship issues, about how you were just thinking of the right time to leave him as he plays with your chest, ignoring your cries and pleas for him to give you more.
“spread your legs, baby.” rafe pushes at your thighs until you help him, spreading your knees apart to present yourself to him.
rafe lays between your thighs, but not before pulling his shirt off, granting you your wish of having him at least get closer to the state of undress you're in.
“such a pretty pussy baby. gonna give it so much lovin’, it's what you deserve.” rafe rubs your inner thighs, eyes locked on your wetness. 
“what has gotten into you rafe?” you let out a breathy laugh, starting to get slightly suspicious of how sweet he's acting.
“just wanna appreciate my lovely girl.” rafe moves closer, inhaling your scent before his tongue licks through your wetness.
you fist your hands in the sheets as he focuses in on your clit, knowing nothing gets you off faster than him sucking at your most sensitive part.
“rafe, oh my god!” you squeal. it's been a long time since he's given you head, and rafe is wondering himself why it's been so long since he tasted you on his tongue, moaning to himself as he swipes through what he swears is better than pure honey.
“so delicious.” he moans, the words vibrating over your pussy as he barely pulls away to speak, mouth greedily sucking at your clit, tongue rolling incessantly over it.
“it-it feels so good.” you moan, moving one hand to rafes head, his hair too short to grip onto, but you need the physical connection to him.
rafes eyes slide closed, concentrating on making you cum as soon as possible so he can get inside of you, his cock so hard he has to grind into the bed just to relieve himself slightly, knowing what he is about to.
rafe brings a finger to your entrance, carefully pushing in, knowing since it's been a while that he's going to have to open you up to take him. he immediately picks up speed to match to intensity of his mouth, only stopping sucking to press a few kisses to your clit.
“im-im gonna cum rafe, oh my god!” you let out a squeal, back arching off the bed as he works you until your high breaks through, legs clenching around his head, thighs pressing in but rafe doesn't let it deter him as he works you through it, only stopping when your whine from the oversensitivity and push at his head.
“gotta get inside you.” rafe pulls away, making sure to remove his finger carefully. he reaches over to the bedside table, grabbing a condom, knowing you won't notice the small hole pressed through the foil as you breathe deeply, recovering from your orgasm.
rafe tears the packaging open, standing up to briefly pull his pants and underwear off, sliding the condom over his hard cock, smirking when he can tell precisely where the small hole is. no way you wouldn't get pregnant, and then there is no way you'd be able to leave him.
“how you want me baby?” rafe asks. he knows his preference. to turn you over and have you on your hands and knees, ass presented to him.
“like this.” you open your arms up, wanting rafe close to you.
he nods, draping himself over your body, lips covering yours as his cock presses against your entrance, sinking in with a low moan.
your arms wrap around rafes shoulders, keeping him close to you, your chests pressed together as he lets you adjust for a moment, his cock pressing against your walls.
“god, ive missed this.” you mew out.
“gonna work on treating you so much better.” rafe says, a look of seriousness overtaking his features. “you're mine, baby.” he finished his words with a thrust. “all mine.”
--
“rafe!” you finally manage to shout out. you hear his footsteps pounding up the stairs, entering the bedroom and then finally the bathroom where you're hunched over the toilet.
“baby?” he questions, kneeling next to you, hands moving carefully.
“it's my stomach.” you groan, pressing a hand to your abdomen. “i must have come down with something.”
“yeah.” rafe nods. “im gonna get you a water.” rafe has to leave the room, he can't let you see him celebrate your morning sickness when you don't even know the true cause yet.
--
“when you get a minute…” your hands are wrestling with each other behind your back, trying to control your nerves. “i need to talk to you.”
rafe smiles. surely you must have had a suspicion yourself and taken a pregnancy test. surely that's what you must be holding behind your back.
“i have a minute right now.” rafe stands up from his desk, crossing the room. when he goes to place his hands on your shoulders, you take a deep inhale, not even meaning to retreat yet you step back into the doorway.
“baby?” rafe questions.
“im pregnant.” you blurt out.
rafe tries to control his excitement, tries to mimic shock before he pulls you into a hug, feeling how tense you are. “baby, that’s so exciting! oh my god, we are gonna be parents.” he takes your face in his hands, pressing a kiss to your lips, even though you don’t really reciprocate. “you’re gonna be the best mom ever.”
“i… i have something else to tell you too.” you feel tears fill your eyes, not stopping them from flowing down your cheeks. “i was gonna break up with you.” you let out a sob, burying your face in rafes chest as you continue. “i was gonna break up with you until i took a test and it came back positive. i’m so sorry rafe, i never wanted to leave i just thought-”
“hey, shh.” rafe strokes your back gently. “the past is the past. this baby will bring us together, okay? we are gonna be parents, happy, in love parents. thats what matters.”
you nod, snuggling into rafe as he kisses the top of your head, glad that you can’t see the smirk on his face, his plan executed perfectly.
taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @kamninaries @buckyswhxre @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart @pradabambie @tobesolovelysstuff @alexiskirkland @rafestar @brioffthegrid @juniebugg @magicalyoura @cokepewpsii @mysticallystilinski @luvdella @aerangi @folklorsweet @yourenogoodforme @auryyz @mayhem-72 @thestarlithideout
2K notes · View notes
propertyofwicked · 1 month
Text
YOUR NECKLACE - LN
no warnings just fluff + some SMAU <3 (one mention of sick, no specific detail)
-> lemme know ur thoughts! my inbox is open!! <3
masterlist the playlist
Tumblr media
after successfully keeping their relationship secret for 9 months, lando truly believed it was time for him to properly introduce his girlfriend to the world of motorsport. she’d attended races before but always under general admission, usually alone, but sometimes accompanied by the likes of max and p. and it wasn’t as if the fans didn’t know who she was, they just knew her as ‘y/n who works with quadrant’, ‘y/n that reset the cones in the driving video’, ‘y/n that keeps her social media private’ - never once being considered lando’s girlfriend, which worked well for the two.
the panic had set in that morning as she dressed for the day, her hands constantly running over her outfit, checking the way she looked in the mirror from every angle - she wanted to believe that no one would care, or even notice that she was there, but deep down she knew that making the jump from general admission to paddock would gain some chatter on twitter.
“you look perfect,” lando had whispered in her ear from behind her, his hands wrapping around her waist as he tugged her away from the mirror.
“maybe they’ll just think im helping with a quadrant project,” she said absentmindedly, more trying to convince herself than actually respond to him.
“maybe,” he nodded along with her, mulling over his next words, “we can walk in separately if you want? they might not assume anything if they don’t see us together?”
“it’s not that i dont want us to be seen together,” she told him as she moved to the floor, tying her shoelaces up, “i just hate to think what’ll be said about me if they do.”
“i know, angel,” he reassured her, offering out a hand to pull her up, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead when she returned to his level.
the journey to the track was a quiet one, the two of them engaging in light conversation, eventually deciding they’d just walk in together, keep PDA to the minimum and ‘run and hide at the first sign of trouble’ y/n had joked.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
lando paced up and down his drivers room, the sleeves of his racing overalls swinging with every step, from where they sat around his hips. he was getting into the right mindset, music playing, and yet his mind raced with every fear of the looming race.
“sit in the garage,” he asked her, halting his pacing to turn and face her.
“what?” she replied, half unsure she’d misheard him.
“watch from the garage - please,” he repeated moving to take steps towards her, noticing the way her fingers twisted at the rings that adorned them.
“are you sure?” she checked, as he grabbed her wrists to stop her anxious fiddling.
“never been more sure in my life,” he told her, using her arms to pull himself closer, joining the two of them in a sweet kiss.
“ok, ill be there,” y/n responded against him, parting only for a moment before connecting their lips again. the kiss was short and sweet, cut off by oscar knocking telling him it was time to go.
she stood in the garage, smiling at a few engineers she recognised before finding herself a seat. the nerves were washing over her again, but now they were for lando. y/n always worried during races, scared on his crashing, worried he wouldn’t perform as well as everyone knew he could. her hand reached up to her chest, instinctively searching for her necklace - lando had bought it for her before they were even together, knowing from the moment she smiled at it and looked up to thank him that this was it for him, she was his future. but the necklace wasn’t there, the girl panicked slightly, fearing she had lost it or it had fallen off before concluding that in her distraction this morning she had simply forgotten to put it on.
that’s ok, you’re a grown woman who can control her nerves. you don’t need a necklace to calm yourself down - you’re not even the one racing she told herself, letting out a deep sigh as she tried to believe herself. no one else in the garage seemed to notice her, a fact she was fairly happy about, hoping that the same would be said for the hundreds of news and tv stations priming their cameras for the race.
but someone had noticed her, recognising the look on her face as the same one she had been wearing all morning. only lando could decipher what her expression meant - she was nervous, of course, scared for him, but also filled with a small buzz of excitement - he couldn’t quite understand how one person could feel so much all at the same time, and not combust on the spot. nevertheless he jogged over to her.
“lando? aren’t you supposed to be like, getting your helmet on?” she asked him, shocked slightly at his sudden appearance. he looked at her, his hand tugging at the top of his fireproofs and pulling his own necklace from where it was trapped behind the fabric.
“forgot to take this off,” he told her, hands moving behind his neck to unclasp the metal, “will you look after it for me?”
she nodded up at him, her outstretched hands halted as he stood close, hands moving the metal around her own neck and clasping it. the metal dropped against her skin, the warmth from him wearing it transferring to her.
“thanks, love you,” he told her, a rushed kiss planted on her lips before he jogged away from her again.
his face carried a smirk as he left her, knowing he hadn’t truly forgotten to take the piece of jewellery off. in actual fact, he’d noticed her missing necklace the moment they’d arrived at the track and made it his mission to have his own hung around her neck, almost as a badge of honour. the two had agreed to keep their relationship private from the public, somewhat of a secret - but now she sat in his garage, wearing his necklace. it was the bare minimum display of the love they shared, but it was enough for him, and it was enough for her.
oscar quirked his eyebrow at his teammates smirk, receiving a quick tell you later before the two pulled their balaclavas down.
the gesture was so simply and so subtle and the girl was oblivious to the moment being caught on camera. the moment a yellow flag was called, the sky tv cameras filled the wait time by zooming in on the faces of loved ones sitting in each drivers garage. however, y/n remained oblivious to the lens focusing closely on her, the camera closely capturing the way she fiddled at the necklace before dropping it as normal lap conditions resumed.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
"good day then?" y/n asked him softly, her head resting on his bare chest as she listened to his heart beat - lando felt the way her cool fingers fiddled with the necklace around his neck. that godforsaken necklace, quite frankly the only necklace to ever cause so much uproar online.
"soft launched on live tv and p3? i wouldn't have it any other way," lando replied softly, chucking lightly as his hand brushed through her hair.
“that checks out, mr nowins,” she teased, tilting her head to grin at him.
"being with you is a win in itself," he replied, taking the nickname in his stride.
"gross," the girl responded, pretending to vomit at his attempt at being cute.
“i am sorry though - i should’ve known that would happen, i should’ve checked with you before hanging the “lando’s girlfriend” sign around your neck,” he replied with a sigh, his head dropping to press a kiss to her forehead, his cheek resting on her head as they spoke.
“it’s ok lan, i knew there was a possibility of something like this happening,” she replied.
“and it was fairly subtle - we could probably play it off for a little longer,” lando suggested, knowing that neither of them were quite ready to expose the extent of their relationship just yet. at least this had given them the opportunity to be a little more careless with their efforts to hide from the public. they were private, not secret, and lando couldn’t be happier to preserve this part of his personal life for a little longer.
“im just glad we no longer have the responsibility of a big announcement,” she laughed, “god knows we’re both too lazy for that.”
“who’s we?” he grumbled jokingly, “im the one with the public account. besides, im more than hard launched on your page.”
“ah the joys of an ordinary life,” y/n joked, her arms stretching out in feigned bliss, “however i feel like i should steer clear of twitter for a while.”
“that’s probably for the best,” he agreed, his tone saddening slightly at the memory of things he’d seen posted about not only his ex girlfriend, but some of the claims people had already began making about the girl lying below him.
“hey!” she started noticing his change in mood, and pushing her body weight back to look at him, “none of that. today is a good day. trust me, ill take any excuse to get my screentime down.”
“i love you,” he told her, grabbing at her body to pull her back into his embrace, “more than you could imagine.”
Tumblr media
liked by maxfewtrell, team_quadrant and 111,230 others
landonorris soft launching on live tv wasn't enough, time to promote her to the gram
comments on this post have been limited.
maxfewtrell so glad i dont have to worry about slipping up on stream anymore
-> maxfewtrell chat aren't ready for what i have to say.
maxfewtrell 2nd photo is a violationnn - ynpng, pietra.pilao u gonna let this slide?
-> ynpng am i fuck. pietra.pilao we ride at dawn.
-> pietra.pilao omw queen.
-> maxfewtrell run landonorris whilst u still can
-> pietra.pilao you told me you deleted that photo maxfewtrell - sleep with one eye open xx
ynpng hate u with every fibre of my being rn <3
-> landonorris nuh uh
-> ynpng gonna unprivate my acc and let the world see the video of you falling down the stairs
-> landonorris might accidentally leak the video of you and the shoe incident
-> ynpng you wouldn't dare.
-> landonorris you wanna bet?
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
1K notes · View notes
Text
.
#august living#im having a wild ride with school tbh#but uh this is a vent that might be jumping the gun a little.#context my class is only 5 people all of us are already quite friendly and so far our teachers have been effective and professional#until we met our comp teacher today who was vry clearly nervous and this is his first time teaching this class on his own#tho he said hes taught jr high before but like idk he was giving the most nervous energy#but uh. he. would not stop looking specifically at me all 3 hours of class#like maintaining eye contact over 3 computer monitors watched me walk to the front of the class for a drink of water staring#we have to keet our drinks at the front of the room in class bc they dont want us fucking up the comps by accident#um. anyway. everyone noticed. we went for a 15 min break and talked abt it like all break#im just worried that its going to be a problem and ill have to bring it up with someone#i. dont wanna be like jfc i have some of the worst luck with socially awkward neurodivergent men but.#it feels like it. it rlly feels like it.#one of my classemates thinks hes close to my age and that he likes me which. is. also what it felt like to me.#im praying and hoping and begging that that isnt the case and that it wasnt rlly abt me but.#i. know i have that effect on certian nerds sometimes. i just rlly rlly rlly hope that thats not whats happening here.#i hate yo add yo this but i remembered something thats making me even more nervous#which is him saying that he doubts any of us are pc gamers and have never heard of steam#which is already a big assumption but also flags him as a defeatist type nerd which could be bad news#hahahaha anyway im tired and will be sleebing shortly
1 note · View note
noxtivagus · 2 years
Text
reading the old stuff i wrote from ages ago n damn these words are still so familiar
#🌙.rambles#'these expectations for myself were forged by me alone—theres no need for them and nothing to gain.'#'disappointment seems to follow me everywhere it seems these days. i want to do better but i'm just so lost inside.'#'where will my future take me?'#'its lonely.' cutting the rest off that sentence bcs oh my god what the fuck#this whole paragraph. no...#the only words that comfort me are the ones i've told myself in the past#'im afraid. trust issues. i dont want to be hurt. i dont want to be drained. i dont want to be judged. anxiety's a pain in the ass.'#'but i can do it'; bcs after all i've already done it before. all the ppl ik in ffxiv... 'i can do it again. i know the confidence in me.'#me complimenting my own self hits different ahaha. n then — 'itll come at the correct time. ill make it happen.'#'its hard. it really is. all the struggles that you keep to yourself because youre afraid of vulnerability. you dont want anyone to worry.'#'all those big dreams you have that seem so impossible and far away.' & 'life is hard but i know youre just as strong.'#'after all even when overwhelmed with emotions—when have you ever given up? when have you ever stopped trying to improve and learn?'#'your passion has always reached the stars. even if you havent quite reached where you want to be at this moment#i know youre always striving for more and working towards your goals. i know youll always look back and be happy with yourself.#you'll never forget the meaning behind it all. you'll never stop loving yourself and know what you want and deserve. you'll never give up';#yeah these words still ring true#'just stay true to yourself and you'll be alright. i promise you.'; i'll stay true to my promise#'it hurts being sentimental / being a slave to the past but it's that very authentic love and care that you have as well as that sensitivity#that makes you such a beautiful human being. so empathetic. so introspective. you truly love nature and life.#i love you so much and i know you'll achieve many great things in life. be kind to yourself ok? i love you.' AAAA#I CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE THAT TO MYSELF ONCE UPON A TIME#aaaa that's some stuff from what i wrote one day. i have more days here#'theres so much things to do... but i know you can do it all. in time. i'll always believe in you. i'll always love you.'#me using 'you' here hits hard when i read back on these notes i once wrote to myself when i was in a time with similar struggles now#'youre so young my love. so kind so beautiful so deserving. you dont have to stay strong all the time. youre not a monster. youre human—#like the rest of the prople you love. you dont have to shoulder it all alone you know?'#wait this paragraph is so long i cant write it all here#self-love is so special. all these words hurt so much FUCK#i came across more notes. they're all too long to share anymore in tags here but ah they're so beautiful
0 notes