#and i've been feeling like this for what. 7 years

[whoishotteranimepolls]

Poll analysis part 5

This one isn't so much related to fandom behavior. Overall, it's more about how certain characters or apparently where some people draw the line enough to have made a fuss in the comments or my inbox. I find it interesting where the standards are for some people and I mean I just drew the line at no sentient weapons or mechs

And when I say cause a fuss that would mean causing crap in the comments to messaging me asking me to ban characters or entire franchises because they're problematic for various reasons which I will get into. To flat out harassment of me for allowing these characters in my polls and the people who voted for whatever character they have a problem. It's the full spectrum of bad behavior. This is going to get weird

Izutsumi from Dungeon Meshi why is she the only character people are causing crap about for being 17? I have gotten so many messages about this one character. No one gives a crap about the other underage characters apparently, but the 17 year old cat girl is too much. And again, I think I would have gotten at least one message about one of the 15-year-olds but no just the underage cat girl. I am so confused why this is the line for so many people. When I say she has been a problem, she has been in two polls and she has been the source of 7 polite messages. 12 not nice messages full on harassing messages. Calling me a disgusting pervert for even allowing her in my polls. 11 comments that had to be deleted 12 tags/Reblogs that had to be hidden. All because they said something like she's 17 you perverts. I have set a new record for the amount of people I've had to block over a single character and she's been in two polls. I didn't get this much crap over the character that looked 12.

Kikuri Hiroi from Bocchi the Rock! My original problem character because of her Moe art style she looks 12. Even though she's 28, I've resorted to just putting her age in the post to avoid the things turning into a dumpster fire after that first poll.

Uncle Iroh was a character. I did not expect to cause issues because everyone loves Uncle iroh. Apparently some people find it weird that some people find him hot. Because multiple people have made a fuss in comments or in my inbox about how it's gross or weird to find him hot because he's a grandpa. Ironically, one of the people making a fuss about iroh really has a crush on Silvers Rayleigh the irony in that is hilarious.

Toji Fushiguro I've gotten a few messages about him saying he should be banned because he's a crappy father. A terrible person and anyone who finds him attractive should seek psychiatric help. People he's a villain calm down This is Tumblr. I feel like people have forgotten Loki mania where he was considered the god of Tumblr. I think Tumblr has a thing for villains. Look at the persistence longevity of the Hannibal fandom. So please calm down people it's still not a justifiable reason to ban a character from my polls.

Dracula from Castlevania because genocide and sexism once again I'm sorry people sometimes find villains hot. I'm confused about the sexism part. I think it's because of the way he treated Carmilla, But I'm still confused because that man loved his wife

Franken Stein from Soul Eater. I've gotten a message that he should be banned because he's a groomer. I watched Soul Eater and I'm also confused about this one. If any Soul Eater fans can anyone help me? I'm again so confused about this one. If anyone from Soul Eater should be banned for bad behavior, it is not Stein

Gojo, is a little bit of a headache character for me for the thousands of comments I've seen calling him the Blue-Eyed demon seriously Tumblr what has this man done to you? How did he hurt you? He is also a character I have had people message me asking me to ban because apparently he's racist. I'm so confused.

And to build upon this, someone sent an entire list of characters that should be banned because they have blonde hair and blue eyes because if they win that reinforces white centric colonial beauty standards I should have screenshotted that message. These polls are done for stupid fun and I don't think they are going to reinforce colonialism. In fact, many of you have told me they're going to kill the British monarchy and I think that's the opposite of reinforcing colonialism. That list is too long to post in its entirety here. Remember I said this was going to be a little weird.

Someone actually messaged me saying I should not put Victor from Yuri on Ice in future polls because he is not a good representation of the lgbtq+ community

I've also received similar messages about Grell Sutcliff and Yamato for the trans community

Dungeon Meshi You think would be free of criticism because it's so loved however Laios Touden should be banned because he's blonde with blue eyes and a bad representation of people with autism. I wish I was making this up. Marcelle and Falin are not safe either because some people have it out for blondes and they are also not good representation of the LGBTQ+ community

A bunch of Fullmetal Alchemist characters should be banned including Mustang, Hawkeye, Ed, Alphonse, Armstrong, Hughes basically everyone but Scar. Because those characters perpetrate and promote genocide, racism, ethnic cleansing, imperialism, the military industrial complex, colonialism, fascism, sexism, misogyny, and white supremacy. I honestly think someone missed the entire point of the show but that's just me.

Someone wants the entire Apothecary Diaries franchise banned because it's sexist, misogynistic and a poor representation of Chinese culture.

And basically any villain or abusive parent. Someone has complained about or pushed to get banned because it makes them uncomfortable. Because God forbid characters have flaws

So many One Piece characters are problematic just for being One Piece characters not for anything they've done in the story or their character arc or anything like that. It's really because I have a group of people that think I should ban the entire franchise from my polls because the one piece art style is misogynistic. Oh boy. I should have screenshotted some of the essays I received in my inbox. Some of you need to take a chill pill because if I get another essay about one piece being misogynistic because of the art style, I'm going to shame you by posting that crab publicly. Because I will admit the art style is not for everyone, but especially when it comes to the female characters. But those female characters are some of the best written you will find in all of Shonen anime. Plus if we really want to start banning anime franchises for being misogynistic, It's going to be a bloodbath. Because if One Piece is misogynistic for the art style, Naruto is misogynistic for the writing. And I could probably find something misogynistic about most Shonen anime. So again let's not even go there.

The only justifiable reason I would ever ban a character is if the fandom becomes so toxic it's no longer worth it for me to put up with the drama. Now all the blogs I have had to block have been dedicated to one of two things. Naruto or Dungeon Meshi. One of those fandoms I already refer to as my problem child fandom and the other one I hate to say is quickly becoming its twin.

So can we all just agree to calm down because if I banned everything someone had an issue with because it's sexist, misogynistic, racist, etc. There would be no characters left. So let's calm down everyone and please keep the complaints and the tantrums to a minimum. I am a fellow fan that runs this blog for fun and I'm very tired of this crap.

#poll analysis #not a poll #fandom culture #whoishotteranimepolls

[octuscle]

My biggest dream was to backpacking in europe between the end of high school and the beginning of college. But I didn't do it. In a few days I'll celebrate my 50. birthday and my wife told me she has a special present for me realizing my dream from my youth and getting a young lover for herself when I'm back. Now I've this countdown on my phone from your corporation. What's going on?

You think it's a bit silly when you get on the plane. With hand luggage only. A large rucksack. Nothing else. Otherwise, when you get on the plane, you usually have a suit on and your laptop with you. Today? T-shirt and functional pants. Cell phone with extra powerful power bank. You feel dressed up. And you look really dressed up too.

When you wake up shortly before landing in Paris, you stroke your chin. Shit, you can't have grown that much beard between New York and here… Anyway, now you have to make your way to Gare de Lyon somehow. The TGV to Vezelay leaves in four hours. And from there, the first stage takes you along the Way of St. James to Strasbourg. With your little bit of school French, you'll manage quite well. In the metro, you look at your reflection in the window pane. You are a miserable tourist. An ageing man in ugly functional clothing. But the beard looks pretty cool…

When you finally arrive at Vezelay station, it's late. You are tired. You've booked a hotel room near the station for your first night in Europe. A bit of comfort. By the way, the Chronivac timer has expired. The display shows that the transformation is in progress.

The hotel is relatively elegant. You stand out at breakfast. Yes, you are freshly showered. But you could go to the hairdresser again. And although you've had a fresh shave, you've already got a shadow of a beard again.

Now it's getting serious. You're standing in front of the hotel. The rucksack on your back. You're already hot. And your first stage of the day is 25 kilometers. How much is that in miles? And why are you doing this to yourself…

The day is hell. You're sweating like a pig. Your feet hurt. You have a sunburn. On the one hand you're hungry, on the other you feel like puking. And when you arrive at your stage destination, you realize that you can't get accommodation without a reservation. As you pass a building site, the foreman asks you if you are looking for work. You reply that you need somewhere to sleep. He replies that that is not a problem. If you give him a hand, you will be given dinner and a place to sleep. You don't really feel like doing any more physical work. And you've always been a failure as a handyman. But somehow you know how to mix concrete and pour a foundation. And as you drink a beer in the evening sun at around 7:30 p.m. and talk to the other craftsmen, it feels very normal. One of the carpenters asks you if you're from the north of France. Because of your strange dialect. You look at him questioningly. And say that you're from Buffalo. He asks if that's near Lille. You have obviously arrived in France.

When you wake up the next morning in your bunk in the trailer, it's 05:30. You were expecting a hell of a muscle ache. But you feel like ripping out trees. You wash yourself briefly with ice-cold water in the rain barrel and then continue on your way. You've promised to help out for two more days before you move on.

Your wife mocked you when you said you wanted to take time out to do two months of work and travel in Europe. Sometimes you realize that she is simply much older than you. But shit, so is the French president's wife. And he should be about your age. 45 years old, as far as you know. Just four years older than you… Well, he's got further than you. But you look hotter than him. And the fresh air is obviously doing you good. Your wife is really suggestive when you facetime. You didn't even know she was into phone sex. But it's a nice change. Normally you tend to fuck colleagues on the building sites where you're helping out. It's more of a man's world. Something for real guys. And if you're anything, you're a real guy.

You've been on the road for six weeks when you finally arrive in Strasbourg. Shit, it's expensive here. Prices completely spoiled by tourists and European bureaucrats. Fortunately, you soon find a job here too. Not as a construction worker, though. But as a waiter in a bistro. And you can even sleep above the bistro. On the very first evening, you notice that very few guests spend the whole night here. A constant coming and going. And when you have to go to the toilet across the corridor, a not at all bad-looking guy in a stuffy suit asks you if you'd like to come up to his room for a moment. He slips you 50 euros. A hell of a lot of money for a blowjob or something. Should you feel cheap or like a hooker? Who are you kidding? Back home on the other side of the pond, you're the toyboy of an ancient lady. She's already 50 years old.

Strasbourg was awesome. But you only have three more weeks before you have to go back. The new semester at university starts. And your GILF is waiting for you back. She told you yesterday how much she misses you. You went out of your way to make her squeal with ecstasy at the end of the phone call. The PayPal payment arrived immediately. Together with the money you earned as a hustler and waiter in Strasbourg, you can now enjoy your last days to the full. You love the wind on your nipples. Maybe a hot trucker or something will pick you up as a hitchhiker. Tonight you should be in a place called Karlsruhe. Then it's not far to Frankfurt. And from there it's back to Buffalo. Someone there is eagerly awaiting her young lover.

#male tf #muscle tf #reality change #inked man #tank top #age reduction #ai image

[roboticchibitan]

I've been entertaining myself lately by thinking about what I'd do if I randomly woke up in like idk 7 year old me's body. And last week or the week before I told my gf, "if I woke up and was a child again, I'd start drawing stuff all the time so I could get good at it. Because there's stuff I'd like to draw but I don't have the skill and I feel like it's too late to start learning now." And she looked at me and said, "it's never too late." And I thought about that for several days and then decided what the hell, why not try it?

So I ordered a sketchbook, some pencils, and some other drawing stuff and I'm gonna try to teach myself to draw. Why not? I'm not even 30 yet. In what way is that "too late?"

So yeah eagerly awaiting the arrival of my FedEx pakidge and regretting the fact that I didn't go to the local art store that costs more but is a local place and can supply me with instant gratification. I learned my lesson. I'll go there from now on.

[rvb-canon-grimmons]

RVB RESTORATION THOUGHTS!!!!

LONG POST IM SO SORRY I HAD A LOT OF FEELINGS

(Im so sorry this got so long, but i got emotional while writing it so please bear with me, read this like its the morning paper while u eat breakfast or something i have alot to say)

Before I go into the things I didn't like I do want to focus on some positives.

-Like I said in an earlier post, Geoff's acting…he absolutely killed it, and maybe this is because I'm a little bit Geoff/Grif biased but he was giving so much emotion and everyone else felt a little bit flat. Also only he could have delivered the "Come with me" line with so much Homoeroticism -I Had a pretty fun time watching the fight in the second half, The references to Monty we're sweet and getting to see Tex and Carolina fight together was pretty epic! -A good handful of jokes got me good. "23rd in my class" Shelia translating Caboose's Spanish to Lopez

Ok……. the next bit of this will get a little bit negative, but I do want to say this is coming from a place of deep love and care for this series. I have run this blog for like 6/7 years now and I've been a fan of this show for double that. My biggest fear is that fans get the same treatment we did when no one liked RVBZero. I have criticisms. This is a 21 year old series that so many people have had a part in and so many have loved. I was not looking for perfection, I wasn't even looking for something good. I was looking for an ending to the stories of characters people have held in their hearts for 21 years. Unfortunately, what I feel we were left with was a hastily thrown together hour of basically nothing.

-Why weren't they friends…..Why weren't they friends…No one cared for the others. I understand that we have semi warped perceptions of the characters from fanon works and things of that nature. But even in canon, the reds and blue care about each other. On their own team and the other team. Simmons, Grif, Tucker, and Caboose spent MONTHS together in chorus and same for Donut/Sarge/Wash. I've recently rewatched blood gulch and Caboose and Sarge have a great dynamic! Tucker and Grif canonically get along pretty well. Simmons was ON BLUE TEAM for like a hot minute there. THEY KNOW EACH OTHER AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. This was zero percent present in this film. No one had any motivation to look for Tucker. No one cared that it was Tuckers body inside the suit. THE REDS LEFT CABOOSE FOR DEAD!!!!!! THEY JUST LEFT HIM!!!!

-Tucker, I'm so sorry baby girl, this was supposed to be your arc, your moment. You were hardly in it. No build up to how he became the Meta. The scene where he breaks out of it to not kill caboose was the best part of the arc. And he just wakes up and remembers it "like someone elses Nightmare??" ok sure

-Wash………………WHAT THE FUCK???? WHAT THE FUCK???????????????? WHAT THE FUCK??????? WHAT THE FUCK???? TO RUIN THIS MANS ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC BY MAKING HIM COMPLETELY OBSOLETE. PUTTING HIM IN SOME RANDOM HOSPITAL FOR AN UNKNOWN INJURY THAT HAPPENS OFF SCREEN AND ISN'T EXPLAINED. HAVE HIM HALUCINATING DOC FOR SOME FUCKING REASON. HAVE HIM SHOW UP TO THE FINAL BATTLE AND DO ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING BUT JUMP OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND NOT SAY A WORD TO ANY OF THE RED AND BLUES I AM LIERALLY ABOUT TO FUCKING CRY TYPING THIS I AM LITERALLY SO FUCKING PISSED OFF. AGENT WASHINGTON, THE CHARACTER THAT WAS SO HAPPY IN THE SEASON RIGHT BEFORE CHORUS JUST TO BE ON BLUE TEAM AND HAVE A FUCKING FAMILY AGAIN. JUST SIDELINE HIM FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THEN NOT LET HIM SPEAK TO ANY OF HIS FRIENDS EXCEPT CAROLINA AND DEAD DOC. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT TUCKER BEING THE META WAS LITERALLY A PLOT POINT CATERED TO HAVE WASH BE INVOLVED. THIS IS LIKE AGENT WASHINGTON ANGST BAIT 101. YES IM A TUCKINGTON SHIPPER BUT PUT ALL SHIPPING ASIDE, THEY WERE STILL FRIENDS, THEY WERE FRIENDS THEY WERE FRIENDS.

Grimmons. I am disappointed. But really not surprised. Honestly for everything I disliked I thought Grimmons was handled ok… at this point im like….. they couldn't even throw us a bone. company was dying, final season airing, and they couldn't even throw us a solid Grimmons queerbait joke. Its whatever….I don't wanna get too upset about shipping because at the end of the day, ships becoming canon isn't what shipping is all about (says Tumblr user "RVB-Canon-Grimmons) you get what im saying.

-Donut…..where was he…..Fucking Homophobic honestly

-DOC IS DEAD?????????????????????????????? FUCKING WHY???

-Sarge's death was fine, I'm not upset by it I just didn't feel like it was emotionally satisfying. Especially after the shock of them leaving Caboose and the much better scene of tucker fighting the meta's control over him to not hurt caboose.

-PEOPLE CALLED U SIR ALL THROUGHOUT CHORUS SIMMONS WHAT THE FUCK??????????? WHY IS SIMMONS PROMOTED AND INCHARGE OF NO ONE???? WHY DID GRIF LEAVE HIM???

Im sorry………..this is so long………just remeber this is only my opinions and if u don't agree thats totally ok!!!!! I am just a critical bitch….

#rvb #grimmons #rooster teeth #red vs blue #rvb grimmons #rvb restoration #agent washington #tuckington #rvb restoration spoilers

[lousypotatoes]

Let The Stormy Clouds Chase

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Song Recommendation:

Killing Butterflies - Lou Bliss

Present Day...

Y/N, Angel Dust, and Vaggie were sitting in the living room, listening to Charlie rant about the new extermination date.

"Okay. So, the extermination is coming in six months instead of a year," Charlie ranted, pacing around the room. "No big deal. Just a little setback. Nothing we can't handle. Just angels cutting our timetable in half. But who needs a whole year to save souls? Am I right? And next time when they cut the time in half again and again, we'll just handle it right?!"

"Yes, we will," Vaggie said, grabbing onto Charlie's suit.

"Oh, please," Angel said while scrolling on his phone. "Ya had less than half a chance when you started all this salvation bullshit. And now...ain't no silver lining this time toots."

"Sure there is, Angel," Y/N said. "We just have to look a little harder for it, that's all." Charlie sent her a grateful smile.

"Well, while she's lookin'," Angel said. "The rest of Hell is going nuts. People are already freaking out about the news. Look at what's happening in the Doomsday District." he said, showing them his phone. Suddenly, a message from Angel's boss popped up on his phone.

"Uhhh, what is a donkey show?" Charlie asked, confused.

"Ah, heh, nothing!" Angel panicked. "My boss, Val, is just freaked out about the news too."

At the mention of Valentino's name, Y/N scrunched up her face in disgust. "Like I said, everyone's losing their shit." Angel finished.

"Yeah, that's true. Sinners are desperate," Vaggie said thoughtfully. "Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the extermination?"

Charlie gasped. "This is the perfect time to recruit more sinners for the hotel!"

"Good idea, Vaggie," Y/N chuckled.

"Cute idea and all," Angel said. "But you really going to go out in all of this?" He showed them his phone again, there was fire everywhere and demons were getting killed left and right. It made Y/N cringe.

"Well, it's not like people are just going to show up on our doorstep."

As soon as Charlie finished her sentence, there was a big explosion outside that destroyed the wall.

"Alassstor! Assasssin! Show yourssself!" said a voice from outside.

"Who the fuck could that be?" Y/N mumbled, getting out of her seat and flying out of the hole in the wall. When she got outside, Alastor was already standing out there.

Above the hotel, stood a steampunk looking blimp. Looking up, Y/N saw that the person who was piloting the aircraft was a snake demon.

"Face my wrath!" the snake shouted.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Y/N asked.

"Who am I? Who am I?" the snake repeated. "I am the great Sir Pentiousss! Inventor, architect of dessstruction, villian extraordinaire!"

By the time he finished talking, Vaggie, Charlie, and Angel Dust had made it out of the Hotel, they were now looking up at the blimp.

"Isn't this the guy who attacked us last week?" Angel asked.

"I would of loved to see that," Y/N said.

Nifty gasped, suddenly appearing on Alastor's head. "Ooh, he's a bad boy," Nifty said, a wicked grin on her face.

"Huh, well if all that's true, you'd think we'd have heard of you," Alastor said, setting Nifty on the ground.

"I attacked you literally last week," Sir Pentious said. Alastor tilted his head in confusion. "We've done battle like... twenty times."

"Well, you must have been really bad at this,"

"Yeah, I don't recall fighting with you, like ever," Y/N said, feeling bored.

"Silence!" Sir Pentious shouted. "Now cower! For when I've ssslain you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their equal!"

"Almighty Vees my ass," Y/N said under her breath as Nifty crawled on her.

"Ooh! Wait, who are the Vees?" Nifty asked.

"No one you need to worry about, Nifty," Y/N said.

"Enough!" Sir Pentious shouted. "Alassstor! Assssassin! Feel my wrat-"

Sir Pentious never got to finish his sentence. Long black tendrils sprouted out of Alastor's back and grabbed onto the steampunk blimp, shaking it around. Alastor began to laugh manically.

"Oh! Please! Stop!" Sir Pentious shouted.

"Um, Alastor?" Charlies said, concerned. "I think he's had enough."

"Nah, he's got a few more hits in 'im!" Angel said, smirking.

"Yeah, let him have his fun," Y/N said giggling.

As the blimp started to shake around more, Sir Pentious finally fell out, landing flat on his face.

Looking up, Y/N saw that there was a drone right next to the blimp, the camera pointing towards the hotel.

"Fucking Christ," Y/N mumbled. "I swear, I'm gonna kill Vox." Nobody heard her.

"Thanks for another forgettable experience!" Alastor said, twirling his cane. An egg thing fell right next to Y/N and splattered. Grossed out, she stepped away from it.

"Thank... you..." Sir Pentious said weakly. "For letting your guard down!" Suddenly, using his tail, he ripped off a piece of Alastor's coat. "Haha! Yeah! Oh, shit."

Suddenly, Sir Pentious was blasted away.

"Well, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor," Alastor said cheerfully. "Would you like to accompany me, Y/N?"

"Hm?" Y/N said, taking her eyes off the drone. "Oh, yeah, sure. I've been meaning to stop by there anyway."

"Excellent!" Alastor said, beckoning her to follow him. "Best of luck chums!"

"Wait, you guys can't leave!" Vaggie said. "We need your help. We need you to do your job."

"We need a wall," Angel said, gesturing to the big hole in the wall.

"Of course. We can't let our new project fall into disrepair already, now can we, Y/N?" he said, nudging her. "What would the papers say?"

The two of them snapped their fingers. Alastor summoned some construction demons and Y/N summoned some tools for them to use. The two of then walked off.

"I couldn't help but notice," Alastor said as they walked. "What was in the sky that had you so distracted, my dear?"

"You didn't see the drone?" Y/N asked.

"Ah, that's what you were looking at," Alastor said. "Yes, I saw the drone."

"It's probably from VoxTech," Y/N grumbled. "Knowing him, he's gonna take every opportunity he can to spy on the hotel, especially 'cause me and you are there."

"Ah, you seem to know Vox quite well." Alastor said, jealousy knawing at him a tiny bit. "Why is that?"

"We were acquainted for a little bit," Y/N said. "That's all I'm gonna share for now."

"If that's all you would like to reveal, that's fine," Alastor said, his smile seeming a bit more forced. "It's rude to pry."

"Say's you," Y/N said, a playful smirk on her face. "Your one of the most nosiest people I know."

"You say that like it's a bad thing, dear," Alastor said, she chuckled.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I swear, if I see that man again, I'm rippin' his pathetic head off,"

"He was only complementing you," Alastor laughed lightly.

"He was doin' it in a way I didn't like," Y/N said, looking across the street at the electronics store. "Ugh, I hate seeing Vox's stupid face every time I walk past that store."

"Top of the hour and we're discussing a certain has-been who has been spotted cavorting around town after a seven-year absence!" Vox's fake cheery voice came from the T.V.

Even hearing his voice pissed Y/N off, especially since he was talking about Alastor.

" I'm sorry, dear," Alastor said, a smirk on his face. "I'm afraid I have to cut this short, I have some business to take care of regarding a noisy picture box."

Y/N grinned, knowing he was talking about Vox.

"No need to say sorry, Al," she said. "Do me a favor, embarrass the hell outta him."

Alastor's grin grew wider. "I'll do my best, my dear."

With one final look at her, he melted into the shadows, no doubt heading to his radio station.

Wanting to see what was going to happen, she walked closer to the electronic store. The crowd didn't pay any attention to her, too preoccupied listening to flat screen demon.

Otherwise, the crowd of people would of ran for the hills.

"Alastor's a loser, he's a fossil, and I don't mean to sound hostile, but the demon is a coward!" said Vox's voice from the T.V.

Y/N laughed, knowing what really went on that day.

"You can play that as gospel, folks. He thinks he can take my viewers?" he laughed. "Impossible. Stop giving him the time of day. Don't listen to anything he says. Alastor should have stayed away!"

Y/N hoped that whatever Alastor was planning would be good.

"Hell's been better off since he disappeared," he said. "Wondering where he's been? Who gives a shit! He-"

Suddenly, a voice came from the radio in the window from the radio store next door. Y/N's eyes lit up in anticipation.

"Salutations sinners!" Alastor's voice came from the radio. "It's good to be back on the air!"

Hearing the Radio Demon's voice, the crowd moved over to the front of the radio store.

On the TV, Y/N could see Vox's shocked and angry face. It made her giggle.

"I know it's been a while since someone with this much style treated Hell to a radio broadcast," Alastor said. "Sinners rejoice!"

"What a dated voice," Vox said.

"Instead of a clout chasing video podcast," Y/N could hear the smirk in Alastor's voice.

Deciding she didn't want to be surrounded by all these sinners, Y/N immediately unfurled her wings and flew back to the hotel as fast as she could.

Landing on her balcony, she ran into her room, turned on the radio, and turned her phone to the broadcast, hoping she didn't miss too much.

"Is Vox as strong as he claims or is it merely based on support?" Alastor said, making Y/N laugh. "He'd be powerful without the other Vee's."

"Oh please," Vox snarled.

"There was once a time when Vox asked me to join his team, I said no and that's why he's so pissy," Alastor said. "That's the tea!"

"You ØŁʥ timey prick!" Vox shouted. "I'll show you şµʩʩɞʁʁɨŋɠ!"

"Uh oh, the T.V. is buffering," Alastor said smuggly.

The T.V. signal started to break up. "ⅰII ʤşɫʁØʏ ʏØØ-Ø-⋃-⋃ ʏØ⋃ Įiɫɫɩɚ-"

Looking out the window, all the power in Pentagram City started to go out. Y/N was glad that the hotel was hooked up to a generator.

"I'm afraid you lost your signal," the Radio Demon said.

Satisfied, Y/N turned off the radio, heading downstairs.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------"When'd you get here babycakes?" Angel asked when he saw Y/N coming down the stairs.

"Just now," she said, sitting next to him. "I came in through my balcony."

"Uh huh," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "So what did you creepy voice do hmm?"

"All we did was go to tailor, you have such a dirty mind,"

"It pays off,"

The two of them talked a bit more until Vaggie and Charlie came in. Charlie flopped on the couch with and groaned, a disappointed look on her face.

"So how'd it go?" Angel asked.

Vaggie sighed. "Not a single new recruit,"

"Yeah. Well, who would want to use their last days not fucking and fighting?"

"I'm sure there are plenty of people, Angel," Y/N said, elbowing his side.

"Sure there are," he replied as Vaggie went to go answer the door.

Y/N heard a thud and Vaggie yelling.

"You should probably go check that out, Charlie," Y/N suggested..

As Charlie walked over the front door, Y/N peered over her shoulder and saw that the snake demon who attacked them earlier was there.

"Holy shit Angel!" she exclaimed. "It's that guy who attacked us earlier."

"No fucking way," Angel said, getting up and walking over, Y/N followed him.

"Are you fucking nuts?" Angel said, standing in the doorway. "This chump was trying to kill us, like literally six hours ago. And now you want to bring him in here to live with us?"

"Absolutely!" Charlie smiled. "This place is about second chances, and who deserves one more than this...slithery...slippery...special little man."

"This could end up in a pile of shit," Y/N muttered. "Aren't you like, the protector of this place, Vaggie?"

Charlie did puppy eyes over to Vaggie.

Vaggie sighed. "I...guess he's not much of a threat without the war machine," she said, making Sir Pentious smile. "Or even with the war machine."

Sir Pentious' smile dropped into a frown.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Charlie exclaimed, hugging Vaggie tightly. "Sir Pentious! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!"

"Oh, no darling, thank you," Sir Pentious said, as Y/N eyed him up and down suspiciously. "You won't regret this."

"Eh, I give you a week tops," Angel said, as they all walked back into the Hotel.

Upon further inspection, Y/N noticed that Sir Pentious was wearing a high tech watch. The kind that Vox Tech sold.

"Don't worry, if he tries anything, I'll kill him," Y/N muttered over to Angel.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What do you think about our newest guest, hm?" Alastor asked.

Alastor and Y/N were on Y/N's balcony, staring out into Pentagram City, something the two of them did quite often since she arrived at the hotel.

"There's somethin' about him that I can't quite put my finger on," she answered, leaning on the railing. "But whatever it is, I don't like it."

"Maybe you're being too quick to judge, dear," he said softy.

"Says you," Y/N said, playfully nudging him.

It was quiet for a moment, Y/N thought about what to say to clear the awkward tension.

"Can I ask you somethin', Alastor?" she said. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'm just curious."

"Ask away, my dear,"

"How in the world did you get shot in the head by a hunter?"

Alastor didn't say anything at first. Y/N couldn't tell if he was annoyed at the question or not.

"I was burying a body in the woods," he said. "At the time I didn't know, but I was on hunting grounds. This idiot man thought I was a deer."

Y/N remembered the day she got the call like it was yesterday.

"I guess that explains why you're a deer," she snickered.

"How did you die, Y/N?" he asked. "You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable."

"No, no, it's fine," she waved off. "It's not as gruesome as yours, but one night, about a year after you died, I was cleanin up some bodies in an abandoned church, when all of a sudden, a cop came barrelin' in. He shot me at least nineteen times."

"Nineeten times?" Alastor asked, his eyebrows raised. "That seems like a little much."

"Oh well," she shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn't matter anymore, now that I'm stuck down here."

It was quiet for another moment.

"I'm sorry for leavin' you, my dear," Alastor whispered. "I can't imagine what it must have been for you."

"Why are you apologizin' for?" Y/N asked, turning to look at him. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault you got shot."

"What was it like?" he asked. "After I died."

"It was hard," she admitted. "Really hard. It took me a while to get out of my house and do simple things like go grocery shoppin' or run the flower shop."

Alastor took her hand in his. "I swear to you, dear, I will never leave you alone, again."

Y/N smiled, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "We're in Hell, Alastor, we're not goin' anywhere."

The two of them laughed softly.

"We should probably head back down there," Y/N said, removing her hand from his. "Charlie said she wanted to show us somethin'."

"I suppose you're right," Alastor said. "Care to walk down with me, my dear?" he said offering his arm.

Y/N giggled "Why, it would be my pleasure," she said, interlocking her arm with his.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"'Oh, I'm a bad man on the streets who never got enough hugs." Angel said sarcastically, reading off a script

Angel was currently wearing a large trench coat and a tiny hat, while Sir Pentious was wearing a white and yellow sailor shirt and a black hat, and a licking a large lollipop.

"'Now, where's an innocent kid I can sell crack to?'" Angel said.

"Wow. Who wrote this?" Angel said in disbelief.

"It's great right?" Charlie said, a smile on her face. "Keep going!"

Y/N giggled.

"'Hey, you," Angel said, pointing to Sir Pentious.

"'Who, me?'" Sir Pentious said, batting his eyelashes.

"'Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some devil's dandruff,'" Angel said, a bored look on his face. "Oh, for fuck's sake."

"'Not me,'" Sir Pentious shook his head. "'I have to go home and study."

"'Come on kid, it'll make you cool like me...'" Angel said. "The crack head.'"

"'The only cool thing here is to say no drugs,'" Sir Pentious said. "'Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage!'" Sir Pentious announced proudly.

"Yes! Oh bravo, bravo!" Charlie exclaimed, standing up and clapping. "Wow, Pentious, at this rate you'll be redeemed in no time."

Y/N looked over at Angel, seeing a look on his face that she had never seen before on him.

"I...I'm going to bed."

"I am so proud of you, Sir Pentious." Charlie said while Angel walked off, ignoring him. "That was amazing!"

"Hey, Angel?" Y/N said, walking over to him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I..." he said, turning away from her. "I'm fine."

"Hey," she said, touching his arm. "Y'know if you need to talk, I'm always here."

"I said I'm fine Y/N," he snapped, jerking his arm away from her.

As Angel walked up the stairs, she couldn't help but feel sad.

"Everything okay, my dear?" a staticky voice asked.

"Yes, everything's fine,"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late at night.

Tossing and turning, Y/N couldn't sleep. Her mind was on a variety of things. The hotel, Angel Dust, Vox...

Alastor...

Deciding that sleep was no longer an option, Y/N got out of bed and started to walk around the hotel.

As she walked down the stairs, she heard voices.

"I hated that song! Why are you so lame?" came Nifty's voice. "Not a bad boy!"

Y/N laughed silently. She loved it when Nifty said the most out of pocket things.

"Good first day," said Charlie's voice. "Let's get some rest."

At the sound of footsteps, Y/N hid behind a pillar, not wanting them to see her. She knew they would ask questions.

When she knew they were gone, Y/N came out of her hiding spot, walking into the room that they all came out of.

Walking into the room, she saw the watch that Sir Pentious was wearing on the ground.

Somehow, she knew that this had something to do with Vox. No wonder Sir Pentious randomly showed up.

Smirking, she picked up the picked up the watch, turning it on.

Vox appeared on the watch screen.

"What!?" Vox's angry voice said.

"Hello there, Vox, missed me?" Y/N grinned seeing the surprised look on his face. "You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that next time, hun."

She laughed, hearing Vox scream out in rage. She dropped the watch and, crushing it with her boot.

She walked back to her room, laughing all the way.

Little did she know that a certain Radio Demon was in the shadows, watching her interaction with Vox, thinking to himself.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i am so excited for the new episodes of helluva boss

i hope they have striker

i want to get on my knees for that man so bad

stay safe and drink lots of water <33

xoxo, Izzy

Taglist 💋

@maksdust

@trippoverrt

@slytherin4ever

@lucifers-silhouette

@a-small-tyrant

@mo-0-o

@cutiebimbo

@mommymilkers0526

@mikariell95

@al-of-the-stars

@martinys-world

@bibliophile-yomna

@mysticwitchcraftco

#character x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor #alastor altruist #alastor x reader #alastor altruist x reader #angel dust #husk #nifty #charlie #vaggie #sir pentious #valentino #vox #egg bois #frank

[mirpuzzle]

I've been really curious about this, who are your top ten Yu-Gi-Oh characters?

Hello! 🌷 Usually, I only have a few favorites. So, aside from the first three, the rest is constantly changing. I'll try to put them in order (all under the cut).

♡. 10 ── Carly Nagisa (5Ds)

What's not to love about her? She's funny, pretty, and a complete mess of a person. She gets in all sorts of trouble, all because she's trying to make a living. I like it when she gets screen time.

♡. 9 ── Noa Kaiba (DM)

He was my favorite as a kid, so I still have a special place in my heart for him. His story made me cry. He did not deserve that. He only wanted others to understand him. You're valid, Noa.

♡. 8 ── Yusei Fudo (5Ds)

It's rare for me to favor a protagonist. That's how you know he's good. This man is a blessing to Yugioh. He has a natural charisma that's impossible to ignore. He's perfect.

♡. 7 ── Bandit Keith (DM)

...I think. I have mixed feelings toward him. I don't even know why he's on this list. I keep going to him in games where Kotsuzuka is not there. So, that must mean I like him, right? I'm confused.

Cross Duel showed me he can be really nice to you if you help him win. I appreciate how he helps other duelists fortify their decks, using the themes they originally had instead of giving them a completely new deck. He cares.

While there's no excuse for what he did to Kotsuzuka and the boys, the fact that, behind that 'bad guy' front, there's a sad, broken man makes me feel bad for him. He deserves to heal.

♡. 6 ── Ryou Bakura (DM)

The anime doesn't do him justice. The more I learn about him through other fans and Duel Links, the more I like him. He's a precious cream puff who likes spooky stuff and is treated terribly by almost everyone. He deserves better (friends).

♡. 5 ── Divine (5Ds)

This man is terrible in every way, and that's the point. I hate that his character was designed to be hated. He gets no backstory, no redemption arc, no nothing. I pity him. He's the worst. I love this guy.

♡. 4 ── Thief King Bakura (DM)

PLEASE give this guy a break. He has gone through enough.

♡. 3 ── Kiyoshi Takaido & Satake (DM)

They share third place because I can't have one without the other. I automatically started loving them because they're close friends with Kotsuzuka. I like that they care about him. These guys have so much potential to explore, and it's a shame we see so little of them.

They're not 'Keith's lackeys'. They're duelists in their own right. They have ambitions and aspirations. They just didn't get to be in the spotlight.

♡. 2 ── Yami Bakura (DM)

Sometimes switches places with Takaido and Satake but usually stays in second place. He's wickedly perfect. From his gorgeous design to how he pretends everything is part of his plan, even though he's literally dissipating into nothingness. And he has the nerve to make empty threats that he never carries out.

There's something beautiful about this ancient evil spirit dedicating his existence to fulfill his objective - all while showing us that he can enjoy normal human activities, like playing games. The complexity of his character captivates me. You can study him for hours, and it will still take you a while to figure him out due to his confusing lore.

The way he makes others suffer causes me to have mixed feelings. Sure, I love angst. I just wish there were some feelings involved.

Seeing him make enemies with almost everyone he crosses paths with makes me think he wants to keep everyone away, and that's sad. I want him to care about someone other than himself. I want someone to care about him.

♡. 1 ── Ghost Kotsuzuka (DM)

Yes, that one guy who's known for using Zombie-Type monsters. That short, spooky 15-year-old who walks around hunched over pretending to be a ghost, not realizing he's too cute to be scary. That naive boy who trusted the wrong person and then was unlucky enough to cross paths with the main antagonist. He's my favorite.

I love him. The way his eyes light up when he talks about the things he likes is adorable. I could listen to him gush about ghosts for hours.

His character tends to be frustratingly misinterpreted and overlooked. It's sad that some people think of him as nothing more than collateral damage to Yami Bakura's 'mischief'. He deserves better than that.

When you see past his 'side antagonist' role, you realize he's a precious little guy who's trying his best. Behind that ghostly, mischievous smile, there's a lost youth looking for guidance from a 'big bro' figure he can look up to, whether he realizes this or not.

Despite the differences in his characterization between the manga, anime, and games, one thing remains consistent. He grows into someone who wants to prove he can duel by himself.

But what does he get? Nothing but pain. Betrayed, deceived, ending up dead or lost in the darkness, condemned in almost every canon, with only his sentient Duel Links data to remember him by.

He only wanted to duel.

---------------------ꕥ

I'll stop here. Otherwise, I'll be talking about Kotsuzuka for hours. Thank you so much for the ask! ♡ Sorry that it took a while. I was struggling to organize what I wanted to say for some of the characters, and I wanted to add some art :3

Keep in mind that I've only seen Duel Monsters and the first half of 5Ds, so there are many characters I don't know yet.

#yugioh #yami bakura #ghost kotsuzuka #kiyoshi takaido #satake #bonz #Bandit Keith #Yami Bakura talk #Kotsuzuka talk #Bandit Keith talk #Yugioh talk #Duel Monsters #yugioh sid #yugioh zygor #Takaido #yugioh fanart #fanart #my art #yugioh 5ds #yugioh bonz

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I like your blog, we've been mutuals for years. But blogging about the met gala when there are children dying in Gaza? Fuck the met gala and your celebrity worship

at what point have I made it seem like I don't care about/support what's happening in gaza? I don't share a lot about it, but that's because most of what I see have graphic images and videos attached to the posts, and while I understand the thought process behind sharing them to make it seem more real to people, I'm uncomfortable with it because I know that if I was in that situation, vulnerable and injured or dead, I wouldn't want people gawking at me online just so they can pat themselves on the back for 'suffering in solidarity' by making themselves uncomfortable and miserable looking at me. I'm trying to be respectful. I've still reblogged things about gaza though. but honestly, if you've been following me for years, you'd know I'm a pacifist and wouldn't need me to make a statement saying I don't support people being killed. my God, dude.

also, celebrity worship? I can't even tell you who half the people at the met even were. I just like fashion. I post about a bunch of different things on this blog, and you haven't complained about that, so where's the threshold for things people are allowed to enjoy while bad things are happening in the world? fashion is off limits, but doctor who isn't? I can still post about musicals and not support murder, but aesthetic pictures are on par with launching a bomb myself? I truly hate to break it to you, but sharing links on tumblr is not going to fix this situation. denying yourself any shred of entertainment or enjoyment does not give you a moral high ground. what's happening is horrendous, but even if this is somehow magically peacefully solved tomorrow, there will still be other atrocities happening elsewhere in the world. that's unfortunately just how life goes. in no world am I saying we shouldn't care about every single atrocity that happens, I'm just saying if you can't find some time to be happy in your own life just because bad things are happening to others, you will never truly live a life at all. it sucks! but that's how it is. it's like when someone close to you dies, and the first time you laugh after you've started grieving feels like you're betraying them. but you aren't betraying them for continuing to live, just like you aren't betraying anyone else in the world who's suffering just because you don't spend 24/7 thinking and talking about them.

I do truly, genuinely, hope this all comes to a peaceful end, and soon. I'm not naive enough to believe for certain that it will. but I do know, at the end of the day, people are already aware of it. people know what's going on. sharing photos of dead and mutilated babies will not make any difference. you, and I, and everyone else online are not going to personally save gaza. pressure needs to be put on the people who can actually do something to make a change, and they don't care about what's online. arguing with people because you don't perceive them as doing 'enough' isn't going to accomplish anything other than getting them to a point of making them eye roll whenever they see you post, because at the end of the day, unless you're literally a top politician, you are doing the exact same amount to help as someone who reblogs less posts than you. sorry.

#asks #molly mumbles #save our souls #which is my world news tag btw I also put good things in there but I'm also not great at keeping up with it #it's just occuring to me that someone could see me tag like something good 'save our souls' and think I'm against it lol #thatbakedjedi

[lemotmo]

:( Thoughts on Ryan (love him) saying buddie isn’t happening in the nicest way he possibly could?

Hey Nonny!

Okay, I'll be honest. I don't know how to feel about this article. It's all over the place and a little confusing.

First and foremost, I love how Ryan shares this beautiful message of inclusivity and acceptance. He is so well-spoken and I just love him for that.

Second, I've been in this fandom since season 1 and I've been rooting for Buck and Eddie since season 2. Both were very heavily queer-coded and their natural chemistry was amazing. It has since come to light that bi Buck was supposed to have happened in season 4, therefore we can conclude that queer Eddie would have also happened eventually. In my eyes Eddie was even more queer-coded than Buck.

I never ever expected Buddie to go canon in all those years. I was more than happy to live in Buddie fanon-land. No worries about canon. I even almost gave up on the show itself after the season 6 finale because of the horrible writing, but I mustered the strength to keep watching.

And then season 7. A breath of fresh air. The atmosphere between the actors was different, there was this sense of anticipation and joy among them.

The first Ryan and Oliver interviews came out, gushing about all things Buddie and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. They were actually talking about the ship I loved so much. They haven't stopped talking about Buddie ever since. Even the article mentioned above is, in essence, still about Buddie.

And then the show began. The first episodes were stellar. I loved the cruise episodes so much. And then 7x04 happened. Buck came out as bisexual and for the first time in all those years in the Buddie fandom, I realised that there would finally be a chance for them. I didn't vibe with Tommy, still don't to be honest (I don't like him all that much), but I accepted he was there for the time being. I didn't quite understand why everyone was so happy with Tommy, but I stuck it out anyway.

Then there was the Marisol situation that was handled as comedy when it turned out she was a nun once and Eddie had so much catholic guilt he couldn't have sex with her anymore. Strange storyline, but it was a great introduction to Eddie's Catholic guilt.

Everything in the narrative, all the nuances, all the dialogue, all the strange and questionable choices they keep making on the show, keep pushing Buck and Eddie together. Tommy and Marisol only appear when the narrative needs them. They are there to serve the plot.

Ryan didn't completely shut Buddie down. He kept a window open. I have to believe there is a reason for that.

I don't have inside information and I can't see the future, but as for now I'm still firmly on the Buddie train, destination endgame. I have to believe that there is a chance for them. I have to believe that they will get there eventually. I have to believe that Eddie will be free as well someday, free to be who he is. I also don't see either of them ever being as happy with Tommy or Marisol as they could be with each other. Them ending up with Tommy and Marisol would be deeply unsatisfying endings for me after 6 years in the trenches.

If, by the end of season 7, they have doubled down on Buck/Tommy and -god forbid- Eddie/Marisol, I will be disappointed, no lies there. And I'll probably wait out s8 for a while, see what the tone is and where they are going. I couldn't stay away for too long, because I love all the characters so much. This is a great show, even without my Buddie-glasses on.

Yeah, if canon Buddie isn't in the cards in the future, I'll go back to my little Buddie-fanon corner of this fandom. I lived there for 6 years. I can do it again. Happily so. Worry free.

But for now, there are still 4 episodes to go. No doubt they will be filled with great characters, actions and Buddie-moments. I'm choosing to focus on that for now. This show isn't over yet.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #nonnies galore

[destinyc1020]

Tom's fans are different, but they speak the facts. It's absolutely normal to want a successful project for your favorite actor because his work and talent should be recognized. It's also normal when you want to see activity on Tom's part. Sometimes some of Tom's fans are negative, but in many ways they are honest, to me they are much better than some hypocritical TZ fans who claim to be equally staned Tom and Zendaya, but in fact they are Zendaya's fans first and foremost. By the way, your theory is very interesting and I think to some extent I can agree with it. But at the same time, it amuses me how sometimes you are too optimistic or do not notice serious problems with some things related to Tom

I mean, I don't mind if fans are honest about their faves. I've always said that I'm 100% honest here on my blog about how I feel about a variety of people and topics. 🤷🏾‍♀️

But to me, it seems as though some fans of Tom (notice I said SOME) can be a bit harsh on him, or complain about things that in the grand scheme of things, really aren't big deals in the long run. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Or, they'll make blanket negative statements that aren't even true, like, "it's normal to want a successful project for your favorite actor" (as if Tom hasn't had MULTIPLE successful projects already?? 🥴🤔), or, you"want to see activity on his part" (as if, we don't get Tom content either through himself, friends, and or family on a REGULAR basis). Look, some actors out here don't even have social media at all, or never post, or don't have their parents posting content about them. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Yet, ppl are still their fans.

I've already made peace with the fact that we're not going to get the same social media happy Tom that we got in 2017. I've made peace with that with both Tom AND Zendaya tbh. If smthg harms my fave and their mental and emotional health, I'm not going to be upset if they're not posting on social media.

I will agree with you that a lot of Tom's fans are actually fans of him by extention of Zendaya, his gf. But he can't help that. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Their stars happened to rise at the same time due to their Spiderman movie that they were in together. Many fans of Z were fans of her BEFORE she got to the level that she is today though, but it's not a bad thing imo?

But at the same time, it amuses me how sometimes you are too optimistic or do not notice serious problems with some things related to Tom

I just feel like Tom's fans are a bit hard on him, and undermine his success already in the industry all the time (his R&J PLAY sold out in like 2 hours!!!) Like, c'mon. 😏

And what "serious problems" are there related to Tom exactly? Is he on drugs? Is he wilding out? Does he look depressed? Is he looking homeless? Has he lost a ton of weight in a short amount of time? Is he acting crazy out in these streets? To me, those are "serious problems" and signs that an actor is going through smthg. All the other stuff you've mentioned aren't "serious problems" imo Anon.

Yes, we all want great things for our fave actors, and of course we wish them the best! 😃 But unless there are some serious issues going on in that actor's life, we need to know our place as FANS, and let an actor live his (or her) life! Actors usually only film about 1 or 2 films a year (if THAT), and the rest of the time, they're working bts, negotiating other future projects, promoting current projects, or simply just taking a break. When you're at Tom's level of success, you can afford to take longer breaks if needed. He's been working and going non-stop for over 7 years. If the man wants to take a break, his fans should be okay with that. Jmho 🤷🏾‍♀️

[dragonwritersblog]

She Was Like A Sunflower

Read on AO3

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12

UM!!! EP 2 WAS SO GOOD!!!!! GUMMI GOO😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭!!!!!!! Um yeah that's all I have to say, sorry this is late lmao. Hopefully I'll get back to a better schedule soon. Also, trigger warning for child abuse in the first few paragraphs in this chapter as it does go into detail with Jack's backstory. As always I will put (1) when it starts and (2) when it finishes. All I want is for my audience to feel safe so if this is something that you know you can't read please don't feel ashamed skipping this. Stay safe xx.

3. Seven

And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why And I think you should come live with Me and we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry - Seven by Taylor Swift

.

.

.

(1)

“Jack! Jack! Get out here you little shit!”

A five-year-old boy whimpered at the loud voice, crouching behind a garden shed in the backyard. He held his breath, begging for the voice not to find him. In his arms he held a small, trembling baby rabbit, its nose twitching in panic as they hid.

“You can’t hide forever Jack!”

The young boy had come home from school, wanting to get into the house and not bother anyone. He had to be good, he will be good! But sometimes, good didn’t seem to be enough. Even when he was ‘good’ they still hurt him…

That was when he saw Luke, kicking a baby rabbit in the front yard. The poor thing was limping, it had probably wandered too far from its mama, now Luke was torturing it for his own amusement. He begged Luke to stop, to do something else, but the teenager had gripped his face and growled at the child to mind his own business. Jack didn’t know why he did it, maybe it was a reflex from the sudden fright he felt, but he kicked Luke in the stomach, leaving the older boy winded. There was nothing but red-hot rage in Luke’s eyes, that’s how Jack knew how much trouble he was really in.

So he picked up the rabbit, ran through the house and out into the back garden, now he was here. He heard Luke’s footsteps on the grass. Jack held his breath, forcing himself to not make any sudden noise. The seconds were achingly long, his heart pounding against his chest as he tried to hear if Luke was approaching or not. The footsteps stopped, Jack squeezed his eyes shut, as though this were all a nightmare and he would be waking up soon.

Unfortunately he was very much awake when a hand grabbed him by the hair and through him onto the open ground, forcing him to drop the baby rabbit. “You think you can get away with that?! Huh?!” Luke mocked, kicking the boy in the stomach as Jack let out a cry. “Come on! Finish what you started!”

“I’m sorry Luke! I’m sorry!” Jack wailed as the teen kicked him in the knees. “It was an accident!”

Luke paused, a sadistic grin creeping on his face as a vile idea came to mind, “Accident? Heh, I’ll show you an accident.”

His eyes darted to the baby rabbit still limping on the ground and marched towards it. Jack looked up from the ground, pushing himself up as he scanned the grass for the rabbit. It was only when he heard a crunch and a distressed squeak did his heart plummet to the pit of his stomach. Luke stomped on the little rabbit over and over again, little squeals leaving it as it writhed in pain. “No!” Jack cried, trying to stand despite his aching limbs. “Luke, stop it! Please, stop!”

Luke ignored him, continuing his attack on the poor creature. Jack tried to stand as quick as he could, the blood rushing to his head as he swayed on his feet. By the time he was fulling standing it was too late. There was nothing left of the rabbit but a mangled corpse and a manic sneer on Luke’s face. The blond teen turned to the young boy, shrugging as it he only flicked a piece of dust off his shirt, “What? It was just an accident?”

Suddenly, Jack didn’t feel the lightness in his head anymore. He squeezed his fists, a rush of adrenaline rushing through his veins as he screamed, running to Luke and tackling him to the ground. The blond wasn’t expecting this reaction, letting out a screech as he felt sharp nails scratch across the skin on his face.

“How dare you!” Jack screamed, not ceasing. “He did nothing to you! Why did you kill him?!” There were stains of red, Luke grunted as he tried to stop the scratching but Jack’s hands were too fast for him to catch. “I hate you!”

When Luke finally caught one of Jax’s hands, did clarity start to fill the young boy, along with the fearful dread. He tried to run, but Luke’s grip was firm and bruising as he stood up. With his other hand, his fingertips tapped against the blood on his face, inspecting it closely. A small chuckle left the blonde, lacking humour and filled with nothing but bad intentions. And little Jack had nowhere to run and no chance to hide now.

“Luke, please don’t do this,” Jack whimpered, trying to pull away from the older boy’s hold on his upper arm.

“Too late,” Luke hissed, his head turning back to the large, ivory house. “DAD! MOM! COME SEE WHAT JACK DID!”

Jack’s blood ran cold. Luke was already a bitter, vile person, but even bad people had to learn their behaviour from somewhere. As for Luke, he had received it from his parents. The only people – other than Luke – Jack feared the most, “Luke, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry!”

But his cries fell on deaf, ignorant ears. Two adults rushed out the house, a man and women in their mid-forties with scowls that seemed to be printed onto their faces. Luke’s parents, the ones who had also adopted Jack.

The woman let out a sharp, horrified gasp, “You! What did you do to my son?!”

“Little bastard attacked me out of nowhere,” Luke threw the child forward, making him fall forward and land on his palms.

Jack barely had any time to gather himself before a rough hand grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and lifted him up. Luke’s father glared at him, a cigarette hanging up his lips as Jack tried to not breathe any of the smoke being forced down his nostrils. “You think I accept that behaviour in my house?!” He glowered.

“I-I’m sorry sir!” Jack wailed. “But he killed that bunny! He stomped on it till it couldn’t move! I just wanted to protect him!”

“All this over a stupid rabbit?!” The foster mother screeched. “You’re nothing but a little monster! Hurting my boy over a useless rodent!”

Jack’s eyes widened at what she had said. How cold and callous her words were. How she devalued the life of an innocent creature who couldn’t take care of itself. He turned his gaze to Luke, the boy holding a t-shirt his mother fished from the laundry basket and held it to his face. He was still grinning, blood staining his teeth, looking more like the monster that his mother was talking about.

“Get in!” The man growled, dragging the boy into the house again. Jack grunted as his feet scrapped against the ground with the sudden, harsh movement, feeling Luke’s eyes on him as the blonde’s father kept pulling him.

He didn’t stop until the boy was pushed into the kitchen and the door was slammed shut behind him. The man’s grip moved from the back of his shirt to his foreman, nearly cutting off the child’s circulation.

He took the cigarette out of his mouth, “This is what happens to little brats who act out of line.”

Jack gasped, the realisation of why they went inside finally setting in. His foster father didn’t want to risk any prying eyes, any witnesses to see what he was about to do next.

Jack struggled, trying to escape, but the man struck him across the face, his ring leaving a mark in the child’s delicate skin.

The cigarette moved closer to his arm, the young boy crying and writhing. The blunt hadn’t even touched him yet somehow he could already feel it.

The flaming end met his skin.

And Jack’s scream echoed throughout the empty house.

(2)

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Jax gasped, sitting up straight in his bed as he clutched his hand to his chest. He scanned the surroundings, even putting a hand to his forearm to feel for any scarring. His breathing slowed, relief settling when he saw that he was in his own room, and that there were no scars to be found. Just an armful of purple fur instead.

He felt a body stir next to him, Pomni had the blankets tucked around her like a cocoon. Jax didn’t mind, he got too warm most nights anyway. He settled back down, sliding and arm round her waist and pulled her close. He felt her chest against his, rising and falling with each breath. He matched his own with hers, letting it calm his racing heart. His eyes began to droop when he heard a small voice.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Pomni asked, peering up at him with sleepy eyes.

Jax sighed, he promised not to lie to her and he wasn’t going back on it now or ever, “Yeah, I did.”

“Are you okay? You wanna talk about it?” She attempted to sit up. He patted his hand against her waist, reassuring her that she was fine where she was.

“It was about my old foster family,” he told her. “Way before I met Winter.”

“Oh, babe,” she tucked her head under his chin, snuggling close. “You didn’t deserve anything that they put you through. I’m so sorry that you had to relive that in your head.”

“There’s nothing you gotta apologise for,” Jax kissed the top of her forehead. “Honestly, I don’t think about them a lot anymore. I know that sounds ironic cause of Luke confronting me back then. But they don’t mean anything to me, they don’t matter…but you do, more than anything.

He felt her lips smile against his chest, pressing a small kiss next to his heart, “You mean more than anything to me too.”

Jax pulled her closer again, feeling his eyes fluttering shut as sleep came for him once again, “Thanks little lady.”

“I am not a little lady,” she mumbled causing him to chuckle, his voice vibrating against her ear.

The nightmare was at the back of his mind, his eyes gazing on the small jester curled up beside him. Luke didn’t matter anymore, his old foster family didn’t matter anymore. Thinking of them never did anything good for him, there was no need to focus on his past when his future was right next to him. He would talk about them if the situation occurred, he didn’t want to repeat the mistakes of secrets, but Pomni was all that mattered. And that was okay.

With one last sigh, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, joining her in a peaceful, blissful sleep. His dreams for the rest of the night were filled with the smiles of a certain brunette.

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Another day, another adventure. Everyone already had the same shared opinion of Caine’s adventures, but one of the worst things they all agreed on had to be mentally preparing themselves for whatever it was going to be. It was a process that had each one of them dreading for whatever Caine had created for them. Sometimes they were the most thrilling and exciting experiences they ever had, others were boring and had them wanting to go back to their quarters, but the worst ones had to be when they were left emotionally or physically scarred with the most haunting imagery that would be stuck in their minds forever. They never understood why Caine would create such adventures like those, how could he ever think they were fun?

Jax shuddered, hoping for at least a boring adventure instead of the awful third option. He turned to Pomni – who was busy talking to Ragatha – he definitely didn’t want her dealing with that type of adventure. She had already been through enough as it is. He knew that they were to keep a low profile, but he also knew that Caine was unpredictable. Whatever adventure was chosen, he was going to stick as close to Pomni as he could. The last time they were separated she nearly…

“Good morning my superstars!” Caine beamed, a juxtaposition to the circus members sleepy and dreary attitude. “Don’t I have just the perfect adventure for all of you today!”

“Wow, such a surprise,” Jax grumbled under his breath. The jingle of Pomni’s giggle at his sentence made him smile, making sure it was hidden from Caine.

The pair of dentures didn’t seem to notice, simply continuing with his speech, “I know you all miss your old lives as boring humans, so being the gracious ringmaster that I am, I decided to base our new adventure around one of your earthly activities I heard one of you mumble about – though I can’t seem to remember who said it.”

Everyone gawked at that. Caine so rarely laid any notice or curiosity to what the outside world was like, stuck in a firm belief that the circus was the greatest place to ever reside in. This was the first time that he mentioned basing an activity on the real world, what could he even imagine what said activity involved? But more importantly, what activity did he pick?

“I’ve done the amount of research that I felt bothered to do and created this!” With a snap of his fingers, there was a flash of light and the walls of the tent disappeared. Each member blinked, rubbing their eyes from the sudden bright light. When the brightness faded, they let out a small gasp at the scene around them.

An orange sunset, tall and long hedges and miles upon miles of fresh golden corn. Caine had created a cornfield maze. Other than the vegetable, Jax felt a tingling familiarity at the sight of the maze, the memories of falling asleep with a certain jester and dreaming about his best memories of his past in a place just like this. He looked to Pomni, she seemed to be having the same familiar feeling too. She turned her head to him, her eyes twinkling and her smile sweet. He returned it with the same warmth.

“Your goal is simple!” Caine interrupted the couple’s train of thought. “It will be a race between each one of you! Whoever collects the most corn by the end of the adventure wins…oh I actually haven’t thought about that. Um, what do humans usually win at these things?”

“Oh, well it ranges from a lot of different things,” Ragatha piped up. “It could range from prize ribbons, stuffed toys, sometimes even food. Something that most people can enjoy!”

Caine hummed, tapping a finger against the bottom of his jaw, as though he were deep in thought about a life changing matter rather than a prize for a silly game, “Aha! I’ve got it! The prize can be…water! Everyone likes water! Right?”

Ragatha cringed, not surprised in the slightest from his answer, “Sure Caine.”

“Well then, I’ll you all to get started superstars!” the ringmaster grinned, about to snap his fingers. “Oh I should mention, you’re all going to be separated until all of you have found an exit! Okay, bye!”

“Wait, what?!” Pomni paled, but her question was cut short but the familiar snap of Caine’s fingers.

Jax whipped round, his heart pounding. No, no, no! He promised her he would stay! He promised to protect her! He let his feet run as fast as they would take him, not letting the red and blue woman leave his sight for a moment. But she was quickly replaced by green, towering hedges covered with the yellow vegetable he had to collect.

Jax begin to pant heavily, panic filling him from head to toe. Would she be alright? They hadn’t left each other’s sides ever since they got their memories back, too afraid to let go as if they were afraid this were only another hope filled dream. Was she alright being on her own? What is something happened to her?

He took a breath, smoothing his hands over his ears until they sprung back up, picking up the basket placed next to him. Curse Caine and his sudden stupid rules. It didn’t matter, all he had to do was pick a few pieces of corn and find an exit. Maybe he would run into Pomni as well? Yeah, that’s what he had to focus on. Finding Pomni.

He plucked a piece of the edge, placing it inside the brown woven basket before walking down the path. He would find Pomni…

He will find Pomni.

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Knock, knock

“Come in!” a woman’s voice called through the door.

Riley’s wrapped her hand around the knob of the captain’s office door, with it creaking as it slowly swung open. A slender woman with warm, dark skin and brown locs sat at a table, reading through the files on her desk. Ever since Penny and Jack’s disappearance, it had thrown their entire case for a loop. But that was part of the reason why Riley was here.

“How can I help you Agent Reed?” she asked, looking up briefly before returning her attention to the papers.

“Good afternoon ma’am,” Riley stood straight, hands clasped together in front of her. The perfect picture of professionalism. “I’ve just come to receive a warrant to do a search.”

“State the place and case Reed, and I’ll see what I can do,” Rae nodded, sifting through the dozens of notes.

Riley bit her lip, praying this would work, “C&A industries ma’am, for the Penny Reed and Jack Bloom cases.”

Rae paused, the silence was somehow more deafening than Riley ever imagined it could be. The captain placed the papers down, looking back up at red-haired woman, “Weren’t you there a while ago for your case? Something about seeing if a possible witness was involved somehow?”

“Yes ma’am,” Riley nodded. “And I believe that he might be right. Which is why I’m requesting the warrant.”

“It’s also funny that you mention the case for your sister and Mr Bloom,” said Rae.

Riley raised a brow, “What do you mean?”

“We just received word this morning that the files for the missing persons cases that were related to C&A went missing. I was about to make an announcement but as you can see, because of the recent incidents I’ve become more swamped with paperwork that usual,” Rae sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Riley cringed, “It’s really become that bad?”

“Since Jack Bloom was connected to C&A, it’s opened a whole pipeline,” Rae told her. “Apparently, the company is extremely defensive with being accused of these sorts of things, and it’s not the first time someone disappeared on their property on in relation to them. However we haven’t found any proof that they were involved, so we’re still stuck in limbo until we find something to shut them down.”

“That’s why I’m asking for this warrant ma’am. There might be a chance that C&A have these files,” Riley explained. “Some of the cases had this company involved before, right? Not all, but some? Maybe this could be a good chance to see how they were connected to C&A?”

“You sure you got the right plan for this, Reed?” Rae questioned, raising a brow. Her tone was stern but not demeaning in the slightest. “C&A have a pretty tight record. One slip from us and they’ve got lawyers, attorneys, everything coming after us.”

“As long as we have the warrant, we have the right to say we’re allowed to be there,” Riley said. “I’m not going into this blind ma’am, I’ve got a plan and I know what I’m doing.”

“It’s not that I doubt you Riley, but I do know that this case is personal to you. Since it’s your sister going missing as well,” Rae took note of how the redhead tried not to stiffen up at the mention of her sister. “I just don’t want you going into this with wool over your eyes. I’ve been seeing how you and Winter come into work sometimes. Both of you would never stop grinning and smiling at one another, now it looks like you two have become strangers. I don’t want these cases getting to you to the point where you feel like you’re losing yourselves.”

Riley crossed her arms over her chest, gazing down to the floor as though she were a child being scolded. Every time she saw Winter’s face - downed and saddened from the past few months - she wanted nothing more than to kiss every inch of it. She knew Winter wasn’t ignorant to her attempts to avoid anything that attached Penny’s name to it, like retracting a hand from touching a burning flame. But she saw how it was affecting Winter. She knew that she was only trying to help, yet Riley kept turning away, kept refusing any conversation about how she was feeling. It was making things worse, she knew that. Yet the fear of watching Winter tear herself apart from grief and pain had imprinted itself on her mind, and she just couldn’t muster the courage to try and talk to her wife.

One day Riley promised herself, one day I’ll say something. Just…not now.

“Everything is fine ma’am,” she reassured Rae. “These cases are stressful, but not impossible.”

Rae hummed under her breath, fiddling with her ring finger before saying, “Okay, I’ll send to you later today. You better know what you’re doing.”

Riley grinned, a sigh of relief escaping her, “I do ma’am.”

She gave a quick nod to her superior, turning on her heel and grabbed the door handle before Rae called her one last time, “Riley.” The redhead faced her boss again. “I’m serious, be careful with this. C&A aren’t to be taken lightly.”

The captain’s voice was stoic, serious, holding deep truth that Riley was slightly nervous to ask about. But she knew that Rae was right, they had to be careful with this. “I will ma’am.”

With that, she walked out the office, straightening her blazer. She whipped her phone out of her pocket, typing quickly once it was in her hands.

I got the warrant Samual

Be ready

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Riley had told her to wait, just until things were set in stone. But Amber had never felt so restless in her life. Here she was, waiting in her living room by her old computer, with both of her daughters out of reach. Was this really what was expected of her to do? Nothing? For god’s sake! Penny was trapped inside a literal video game and she was supposed to wait?! How could any mother simply do that without complaint?!

Amber groaned, burying her face in her hands before standing and walking to the kitchen. She at least had to do something to keep her mind busy, maybe some tea would help. After all, if she had anymore coffee she was sure she would only get more agitated. She opened the cupboards, her eyes roaming each corner before landing on a familiar yellow box. She reached her hand in to fish it out, sighing with slight melancholy when she saw what type of tea it was.

Chamomile, Penny’s favourite.

Penny who completed half of Amber’s heart with Riley. Penny who wanted others to see the best in themselves when they weren’t able to do so. Penny who had gone through hardship after hardship only to end up in a place that forced her away from her family and into a state of terror.

No. Amber wasn’t going to stand by. She slammed the box onto the counter and marched out the kitchen and up the stairs into the hallway. She could figure out a way to help, even if it was just a little bit. When she made it up the stairs, she reached up to a little strong connected to a trapdoor on her roof, pulling on it carefully as a ladder slid down.

Amber couldn’t remember the last time she had been up the attic, it had seemed it had been decades ago since she stored the last childhood memory of the girls up here. But it held what she needed with the plan in her head. She climbed up the ladder, poking her head up through the trapdoor as coughed from the leftover dust from the wooden floorboards. It had definitely been a while since she had been up here. She lifted herself up inside, taking out her phone to turn on her flashlight. Despite the length of time, she knew where everything was placed and kept in here. Time to get to work.

In a few minutes, Amber had packed a box full of long-lost belongings way back from her time, hopefully it was what she needed as she climbed down the ladder and shut the trapdoor. She made her way back downstairs, placing the box on the coffee table once she was in the living room. She placed her hands on her hips, where would she start? She peered down at the box, filled to the brim with gadgets, old software and objects that she and the girls used to use in a time where technology wasn’t so advanced. She picked up a walkie talkie and a string of fairy lights, perhaps she could start with that. Amber had a long way to go, but still, at least she wasn’t waiting anymore.

She just hoped that this would work a little bit, as long as it helped bring Penny home.

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Pomni sighed as she picked up another piece of corn, placing it in her basket. She did panic when she was separated from her fiancé and the others, but so far the adventure didn’t seem to be too hectic. Just a peaceful stroll in the fields while picking corn. She smiled, breathing in the fresh air – as fresh as simulated air could be at least. Doing this reminded her of similar activities she, her mother and sister used to do when they were younger. To get away from work, school, chaos, her father. To just have a day where they could focus on making happy memories. Well, it worked.

It almost felt normal, but…she wished this was something she was doing with Riley and her mother. Riley would lift her onto her back for a ride, despite her younger sister’s protests of not being a child anymore yet would still cling to her like a koala. Amber would be pestering the girls in a way to make them smile, perhaps picking up one of the pieces of corn and waving it like a sword as she chased her daughters.

Pomni gripped the handle of her basket, a shaky breath leaving her lips. She missed them so, so much. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to feel the waft of the warm oaky smell that hit her every time she entered her mother’s home. She wanted to be squeezed in one of Riley’s protective hugs. She wanted to explore every area of her childhood home, to make sure that each place was burned into her mind so she would never forget it ever again. “I miss you guys,” she whispered under her breath, despite the isolation of where she stood.

She shook her head, she had to get a grip. Right now she had to focus on completing this adventure so she could get back to Jax and figure out the next step of their plans. Just as she was about to reach for another piece of the vegetable, a small blue butterfly fluttered out from the leaves and stems. Pomni let out a yelp at the sudden appearance, tripping and falling back, the corn spilling out of the basket as it toppled to the ground. She kicked her feet, backing away from the bug – the last time she was near a butterfly she nearly…

She started to tremble at the memory, internally scolding herself for getting frightened by a single insect. But the feeling of the cold water forcing her down, down, down – burning her lungs as the simulated feeling of being unable to breathe wouldn’t leave her brain. Her chest started to heave with each panicked pant as the butterfly inched closer, fearing that it would glitch if it touched her again and send her into another spiral.

It got closer, she shut her eyes, bracing for that painful static when-

“Don’t be afraid.”

Her eyes snapped open, scanning the area. She swore she heard a voice, like it belonged to an older woman. But it was just her and the butterfly.

“It’s not going to hurt you dear,”

There it was again, “Who’s there?!”

“Just someone who wants to help.”

Pomni scoffed, disbelief curling her lips into strained smile, “How can I trust you if I can’t even see you?”

“I’m sorry. I wish you could, but the rules of this game won’t allow you to see my face. Not anymore.”

The jester raised a brow. Here was a voice, a voice so different, so foreign and unlike anything she had ever heard in the circus before. But for some reason, it didn’t seem bad to trust it. Despite it not actually being her, the voice reminded her of the soft tone her mother used to use to comfort her.

Pomni gulped, looking at the butterfly again. It was simply floating there, no threat lingering in the slightest. Maybe, just maybe. She lifted her hand, her face cringing as she turned away, shoulders stiffening in case that glitch did happen. The tiny feet of the bug landed on her finger. Nothing. No pain, no glitch, just the butterfly resting there as it waited for the jester to make her next move.

She opened her eyes, she was okay. She looked up, trying to detect where that voice came from, “Thank you.” It felt silly, sitting in the dirt as she called out for someone she couldn’t see, but sillier things have happened in this circus. She looked back at the butterfly, letting it crawl across her hand, “Sorry for getting scared earlier. You seem like a friendly guy. I’m sure Kinger would like you.”

The butterfly seemed nice, and it was gentle, but why did the one from before glitch? And why was there a voice this time telling her not to be afraid? With each passing day since she got her memories back, more questions kept opening up. She stood up, picking up her basket and placing the small bug inside, “Guess we’ll need to figure you out later. Hope you don’t mind the corn, I don’t want Caine finding you just in case anything happens.”

The butterfly didn’t seem to mind, already laying down on top one of the vegetables like it was a bed. Pomni smiled, lowering the lid and continued her trail. Now this was definitely going to be an interesting story to tell Jax. She just hoped he was okay.

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Jax grumbled as he hit another dead end. He had given up picking up corn a long while ago, settling for trying to find Pomni instead. But each path he took only seemed to lead him down the wrong way, as though the map of this adventure was mocking him. He gripped his ears, pulling slightly. “Easy adventure my @ss Caine,” he muttered under his breath. This was just getting tedious now.

He heard a rustle behind him, making him jump like the type of animal his avatar was. Perhaps it was one of the others? Or maybe Caine added a last-minute boss to try and make things more interesting – yet harder for them. But no, instead it was…him?

At least it looked like him, but much younger. He looked about he was no older than three, his hair shorter while wearing soft clothing stamped in little train patterns. What was going on.

“Come on sweetie!”

A new voice rung out. He looked up, a young couple came up behind the boy, reaching out their hands to him. “We have to start the maze!” the woman said, smiling at the child.

“Okay mama!” the young boy giggled, clutching his hand into hers as the wandered further into the maze.

Jax blinked, his feet trailing behind the trio. He felt like a dog on a leash going after them. Who were these people, why didn’t he remember this? Were they his…his parents? But they couldn’t be possible, his parents left him in social services ever since he was, well, the age the younger version of him here was. But then again, his earliest memory was him in a car going to his very first foster home, nothing before that.

Maybe, just maybe. They weren’t like anything like he pictured them to be, they seemed nice to younger him. Perhaps something else happened, perhaps he really used to be loved.

And so, he followed them. Tracing their lefts and rights, wherever they would go. They seemed like good people, laughing at their little boy’s antics and playing along with whatever imaginary game he came up with. He even felt himself smiling, a tear even escaping his eye at the long-lost image of the family in front of him.

Eventually they stopped, the couple sharing a look before starting down the young boy. Jax froze, what was going on? There was another rustle, a small rabbit jumping out of the stems of corn as it ran down the path. “Honey look!” the mother pointed with a grin. “What’s that?!”

“A bunny!” the little boy replied with excitement, jumping up and down on the spot. Jax’s stomach began to churn.

“It wants you to play tag with it,” the father said. “Don’t leave it waiting.”

“Okay!” the boy nodded, taking a few steps but pausing when he saw his parents weren’t following along. “Aren’t you playing as well?”

“We’ll meet you at the end of the maze,” his mother said, her tone loving despite the dread of this situation building more and more. “You’re a big boy now, I’m sure you can do it on your own.”

“Oh yeah, I can!” the young Jack looked so happy saying that, so unknowing of the true danger he was put in. “I’ll see you soon! Come back little bunny!”

He ran off, chasing the small rodent down the path. Jax shook his head, this couldn’t be happening. Why would they let a kid go off on his own?! What were they thinking. As the boy wandered further down the path, the smiles on the parents faces dropped, grief and tearful fear replacing it instead. The man placed a hand on the woman’s shoulder, rubbing it reassuringly to try and rid some of the guilt that was possibly building inside her.

She nodded to him, taking a deep breath before turning on her heel and walked away in the opposite direction of her son, her husband doing the same. Jax’s heart plummeted, “No, wait!” He cried out, but it only fell on the deaf ears of a forgotten memory. “Don’t do this! Come back!”

He turned in the other direction, that younger version of him was on his own, going after the rabbit in a wild goose chase, to never see his parents again. He chased after him, there was no way this could be true, there was no way.

He saw the boy in front of him, his small form contrasting again the setting sun in the distance. Though this time he wasn’t chasing a rabbit anymore. “Mama! Papa! Where are you!” he wailed, rubbing away tears on his chubby cheeks. “I wanna go home!”

Jax began to shake his head in disbelief, this couldn’t have happened. His parents, they really…left him.

His eyes darted back to where the boy was, but he was gone too, leaving him alone in the field. No parents, no younger him nothing. He was completely and utterly isolated. The rabbit from earlier suddenly jumped out in front of him again, making eye contact with the taller avatar. His nose twitched as the two maintained eye contact, Jax’s eyes blurring with panicked tears.

The rabbit tore off again, leaving him stunned in place, “W-wait! Where are you going!” He chased after it again, just like how his younger self did. “Why are you doing this?! What’s going on?!”

The rabbit didn’t make a noise, it only kept running. Jax did the same, his lungs burning and mind spinning with more questions building as tears streamed down his cheeks. Why was he remembering this now?! How did he even get these memories?! Why him?! Why was this happening to him?!

Why did his parents leave him behind?! Did they just not love him enough to keep him?! But they were crying! They had to have loved him, right? Otherwise they wouldn’t have done that! Or maybe they just couldn’t have them in their lives. He didn’t have a place with them, in the world outside or this world in this game. He was pathetic, useless, he deserved all the bad things that happened to him. HE DESERVED EVERY PAINFUL THING THAT CAME HIS WAY-

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” he screamed, his fingers pulling on the fur on his scalp.

He skidded to a halt, gawking at what was in front of him. His old foster house, where he grew up. It was tattered and broken, the complete opposite to how it looked way back when in appearance, but remained exactly the same with how it made him feel. He sniffed, his hands clutching at his chest as his heart squeezed painfully. There was a reason he was here, wasn’t it? To finally get his comeuppance for every bad deed he caused in his life. For how he acted to others in his past life, to how he treated the others in the circus, and how he hurt Penny.

The house creaked along with the stinging wind that made Jax shiver, as though it were whispering him to go inside. He should go inside.  He lifted his foot, about to take another step-

“Jax!”

He stopped, turning back. Pomni’s voice rung out to him in the distance, “Jax! Where are you?!”

She was looking for him.

She cared about him.

She loved him.

Jax smiled, rubbing away the access tears that stained his cheeks. Maybe there was a reason for him to hurt like this, but there was also a reason to keep fighting. Pomni. He looked back to the house, the churning feeling ebbing away slowly though not fully disappearing. Perhaps forgotten things were meant to be forgotten.

He turned on his heel, running back into the maze. He had a jester to find.

The house abandoned once and for all.

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.

“I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again,” said Samual. “This feels just like a movie.”

Riley rolled her eyes as the car pulled up to a corner near the building of C&A. She was fully aware of the déjà vu she was getting, but this time she had the proof in front of her and a case to fulfil. “You go in first and go to the room where the files are. Wait for five minutes then text me to come in,” she instructed to the boy. “If we’re gonna do this, we need to make sure that Jason doesn’t get suspicious.”

“He might be already,” Samual admitted. “After I brought you here, he’s been acting kinda funny.”

“Well we’ll just have to be as careful as we can,” Riley said. “Just do what I told you and come to me if anything happens, I’ve got your back.”

Samual exhaled, mentally preparing himself as he stared at the building ahead of him, “Alright, here goes nothing.”

He climbed out the car, making his way over and inside the tall building. Riley waited until her phone pinged before jumping out herself and making her way over. She did the usual routine of what she would do whenever she got a warrant - go in, check in with the receptionist and have free reign of her search. She took a mental note of how uneasy the receptionist looked when she saw the agent again, Samual was right about Jason being at edge since her last visit. His glass house didn’t seem to be as stable as he wanted it to be anymore.

She made her way to the elevator, checking her phone to see where Samual said he would be waiting for her as the doors shut behind her. As the elevator creaked and shifted as it lifted up, the looming hidden threat of this place started to dawn on the redhead. This company had possibly managed to cover up the disappearances of so many people for nine years, including its own CEO and his wife. And now Penny and Jack were in the belly of the beast as well.

She understood why Rae was so worried with messing up, one mistake could quite literally cost someone their life. Hers, Samual’s, her mother’s, anyone. She had to be careful. The elevator dinged, opening their doors as she stood out and saw Samual at an open door down the hall, signaling for her to come towards him.

Riley nodded, remaining as casual as possible until she reached the room and Samual shutting the door behind her. “Alright, where do we start?” Riley asked, clasping her hands together.

“It should be on this computer,” Samual told her. “Jason doesn’t like keeping stuff like that on his own computer in case he gets caught.”

“So he’d rather have someone else take the fall, how chivalrous,” Riley muttered sarcastically.

“Tell me about it,” Samual muttered. Riley looked over at him with amusement, this was the first time she actually heard him have a bit of an attitude. He sat down, cracking his fingers and rolling his neck as he logged onto the computer. “Okay, I can do this.” He pulled a bag onto his lap, the C&A logo on top as he pulled out a USB. “I snuck into his office the other day. And before you get on at me for doing it before getting the warrant, Jason was gone for the day and it was the only time in the security guards schedule where they weren’t watching his office the whole time.”

“Holy shit kid,” Riley laughed. She should be mad, really she should. But goddamn she couldn’t help but be impressed. “You have guts. So, where exactly are these files in the USB’s?”

“These USB’s have old games codes,” Samual replied. “Sometimes if we have any unfinished demos, we store information in them to make sure other competition don’t try and steal it, to put it in a place where no one would think to find.”

“And if the case files in the USBs, then Jason can carry them around wherever he wants,” Riley finished.

“Yup,” Samual sighed. “Okay, I think I know what to do here.”

In just little time, the kid had managed to open a whole different part on the USB, old coding and files appearing and scattering over the screen. Riley felt as though she had to take a step back from how intense it seemed, but Samual was unfazed a focused, still clicking and typing as though this were as simple as clicking a browser away.

“I got it,” Samual spoke up eventually, turning to Riley and holding his hand out. “You got the other one?”

“Uh, yeah,” Riley reached into her pocket, taking out another USB and placing it into Samual’s hands.

“If we take everything off this, Jason’s gonna get more suspicious,” Samual told her. “I can make copies for you to take back and from there we’ll try and figure a way to get it loaded into the game back at your mom’s place.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Riley agreed, watching him work as she glanced at the door every so often.

It felt as though hours went by, but eventually, Samual had done it. The files were copied and put into the other USB. They had done it. “We got it!” he exclaimed, a small cheer in the back of his tone.

“Looks like it,” Riley grinned, putting the USB back in her pocket. “I gotta get going, before your boss finds out what’s-”

The door slammed open, another feeling of déjà vu and piercing cold fear shooting down Riley and Samual’s backs. “What are you doing back here?!” Jason growled.

Riley sneered at him, crossing her arms as she stood in front of Samual. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice, “I have a warrant to check this place out since the files for our cases went missing. And since your name is the main one on Jack Bloom’s case, that means I have to search the place. AKA, doing my job.”

“What gives you the right to speak to me that way,? Jason sneered.

Riley scoffed, “Other than the fact that I’m trying to find people I care about, you don’t get to speak to me that way either.”

“Oh really?” Jason raised a brow. “I’m sure your boss will disagree.”

He stepped aside, revealing the disappointed face of Captain Rae, almost looking tired as she stepped into the room. Riley paled when another face appeared in the door – Winter. “Winter, Captain Rae, what’s going on?” Riley asked.

“We got a call from Mr Wood that you came here under the guise of a warrant to steal game codes for their rival companies,” Captain Rae sighed. “And since I’m your boss, I had to be taken away from work to make sure my agents aren’t fucking up.”

“Excuse me?!” Riley’s eyes widened, appalled as she started at the man beside her boss, who seemed to be getting smugger when Winter spoke up.

“One of the employees here managed to find Samual taking out property from Mr Wood’s office before calling you,” Winter told her. “They were concerned that you were using the cases in order to make C&A look bad.”

“That’s bullshit!” Riley snapped. “My sister is involved in these cases, do you really think I would risk her safety over fucking game codes?!” Riley was treading on dangerous waters, and she knew it. But no one messed with her sister, especially not some big shot who believed he could get away with this.

“And what exactly is in that computer over there?” Jason pointed out, his tone slightly mocking. Riley’s face fell as she glanced towards the monitor. While she was glad that he didn’t know about the spare USB, she knew that this looked really bad.

Samual stepped forward, “It was my idea!”

Everyone turned to him, even Jason – his face darkening.

Samual gulped as he continued, “I wanted to help Miss Riley with the case and decided to do some unethical routes in order to help her. You can even check the USB, the game codes are still there.”

Jason hummed, pushing past Riley as he, Rae and the others made their way to the computer. Riley nearly sighed with relief when the appearance of the game codes was still there. To the others, it looked like normal files that you expected to find at this company. But to Jason, it meant that his secret was still safe. He straightened his back as he turned back to the others, a faux grin on his face, “It seems that I was mistaken. I do apologize for wasting your time Captain Rae. I just wanted this whole mess taken care of, we wouldn’t want to go to court over this after all.”

“No, we wouldn’t,” Rae retorted in a monotone voice. “We’ll be on our way, thank you for your apology Mr Wood.”

The four walked out the room, Jason’s stare burning on their backs as the door was shut behind him. Rae halted, spinning back round as she went face to face with Riley, “I told you not to be stupid!”

“I wasn’t ma’am,” Riley froze, immediately reverting back to the professional position she was back when she was asking for the warrant. “I did as you told me to. Search with the warrant and try to find out what was going on. I didn’t know he was gonna pull that shit.”

“This isn’t a game Riley, Jason Wood can and will do anything he can in order to keep himself and C&A at the top!” Rae hissed. She stepped back, rubbing her temples to dispel the approaching headache. “Did you at least find anything?”

Riley opened her, mouth about to reveal what she found when clarity struck her. How exactly could she explain this without sounding crazy? She almost didn’t believe Samual when he told her about this, so how could she explain this to her captain? And the files still looked the same as they did from the computer, no other person would be able to tell the difference about how they looked unless they had the tech knowledge that Samual did. All it would show was exactly what Jason had tried to frame her about, “No, I’m sorry.”

Rae exhaled sharply, “Next time you’re gonna be reckless, think twice before landing yourself in hot water, Reed.”

Riley lowered her head to the ground, “Yes ma’am.”

Rae sighed turning back on her heel and walked away.

Winter came up behind her wife, sharing the same scowl as their boss, “We’re talking about this when we get home.” She didn’t let Riley say a word, already walking away and towards the elevator.

Riley rubbed her eyes, this was not how she wanted her day to end. Samual came up, fiddling with his ring finger awkwardly, “I’m really sorry Miss Riley.”

“It’s fine kid,” she mumbled. “You just get home and call me if you need me.”

Samual nodded, not wanting to prod any further as he walked away as well.

Riley just wanted to fade into nothing there and then. What type of hell was she getting herself into?

.

.

.

Winter tapped her foot as she waited in the living room, dressed in a pyjama tank top and shorts with her hair tied into an uneven ponytail. Riley was half an hour late. She already had a habit of obviously avoiding a situation, but this was out in the open with how hard she was trying now. Winter groaned, picking up the bottle of wine of the coffee table in front of her and poured it into a glass, she didn’t want to be sober dealing with this.

She let the liquid run down her throat, relieving some of the stress when she heard the door open. Finally.

Riley shut the door behind her, setting down her bag when she noticed Winter eyeing her down, “Where’s Percy?”

“Asleep,” Winter retorted, setting down the glass. “We need to talk.”

“Listen, I know how that looked back there,” Riley started. “But it wasn’t what you think it was.”

“Really? Riley a CEO of a billion-dollar company almost got you fired!” Winter exclaimed, setting down her glass. “What am I supposed to think?!”

“Everything I’ve been doing was to find Penny and Jack,” Riley told her. “And you really think that I would so something like that?”

“Of course not, but you’ve put me in a corner ever since Penny went missing and left me to gather dust!” Winter cried. “Now all of a sudden you’re sneaking into buildings and won’t tell me why, other than to just blindly trust you! Riley that isn’t fair! You have to tell me what’s going on!”

Riley peered behind her, grimacing at the empty wine glass on the table, “Have you been drinking on a work night.”

Winter placed her hands on her hips, refusing to back down, “I only had one glass, you know that’s all I have on work nights. And it won’t be enough for me to be distracted from this conversation.”

“I’m just thinking about Percy, okay?!” Riley groaned. “Sorry that I want to protect our son!”

“Oh please, not everyone is your father Riley,” Winter growled.

The redhead stiffened, her jaw tightening, “Back down, now.”

“No!” Winter shook her head. “You’re hiding something from me and I know it. All I want is to help you, but you act like I’m nothing but an annoyance to you. And now you’re pulling this shit and nobody will tell me why, not even you! You never keep secrets from me.” Winter’s voice broke, clutching the fabric of her tank top on her chest. “You’re hurting so much and it’s killing me seeing you like this. So why?! Why are you hiding things from me? What did I do?! Why are you allowed to protect me but I’m not allowed to do the same for you?!”

Riley wanted nothing more than to cry and bring Winter into her arms. Everything her wife said was true to a fault. She wanted to tell her about Jack, she wanted to tell her all her plans, she wanted to tell her how the grief and fear of Penny disappearing had been eating her alive for the past few months-

Percy’s cry broke her from spiral, alerting the two mothers. Riley sighed, “I’ll get him.”

Winter tried to stop her, “Riley-”

“Winter, please,” Riley’s voice was soft and desperate. “Please. I just want some silence.”

The other woman sniffed, backing away from her wife. Guilt churned in Riley’s stomach as she watched her wife face away, hearing her light sobs. This was for the best, at least she’s safe. With that, she went up the stairs to her crying baby.

Winter curled up on the sofa. Never before had she wished for her brother as she did now.

.

.

.

Jax gasped as the maze disappeared. He was still chasing after Pomni’s voice, but apparently Caine had announced that Gangle was the winner and brought them all back. He nearly fell to his knees when he saw the jester, she was okay.

“Well that adventure was certainly…an adventure!” Caine boomed. “I don’t fully understand your silly human activities, but tomorrow we’ll return to our regular schedule of fun, fun, FUN!”

“Yeah, yeah, great,” Jax said absentmindedly, his eyes still on Pomni as the jester looked at him, relief in her eyes as well.

“Good to hear your positive spirit Jax!” Caine grinned, about to lift his hand and pat him on the back when the rabbit flinched, arms arched over his head to protect himself.

Everyone gaped at that, Jax never flinched. Pomni brought her hands to her mouth, she knew what that meant.

“I, um. Jax, are you alright?” Caine asked, his tone much softer than it usually was.

Jax blinked, everyone was staring at him. He lowered his arms back to his sides, “I’m fine.”

Pomni bit her lip, he was anything but fine.

Even Caine was surprised by the rabbit’s actions, “Uh…right. Anyways I’m gonna…yeah I’ll just go.” The AI floated away, leaving the group in their stunned silence.

Jax ignored them, rushing to Pomni and dropped to the ground, wrapping her tight in his arms. He was shaking like a leaf, whatever he had seen in that corn maze had left its mark on him. She uncurled herself out of his embrace, holding his face in her hands as she lightly stroked his cheek. “Come on,” she held out her hand.

He hesitated for a moment, before his fingers intertwined with hers. She pulled him up, picking up both of their forgotten backets as she led him back to her room. The others were still staring, but she didn’t care. Right now, Jax needed her.

She shut the door behind her, letting him get comfy on her bed as she put the baskets back down and joined him on the red and blue mattress. “What happened?” it was only one question, but he could hear so much behind it. I’m here for you, tell me anything and everything, you’re safe.

“I-I think I saw myself in that maze?” he said. “Well, myself but younger, much younger. And my birth parents were there. I know, its stupid and stuff like this happens sometimes but…why do I remember this now? I thought I was okay with my past. Now seeing them, it only what makes what my foster family did to me even worse.”

Pomni was silent, taking in every part of what he said, “Show me where it hurts?”

He peered up at her, it had been a while since she said that to him. But both of them knew that what she did next helped more than he could imagine. He raised his arm, the same one that his foster father used to burn his cigarettes on. She held it gently in her hands, pressing gentle kisses to the appendage.

Tears trailed down the dried stain on his cheeks, his arm trembling slightly. She was so careful with him, giving him the kindness that the adults who failed him could never give him. “I know this isn’t much,” she mumbled against his fur. “But I love you more than anything. Those people never deserved you. I wish I could erase all the pain they caused you. All I hope than when I do this.” She pressed a kiss to his wrist. “You know that I’ll be with you despite everything.”

His breath staggered for a bit, it was so long since he felt the overwhelming feeling of being genuinely wanted by someone. His hands cupped her cheeks, pulling her closer and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was messy, frantic but neither of them could pull away, they needed each other.

They parted when the need for air was too strong, with Jax holding her close so Pomni could hear his heartbeat. His head was still swarming, spinning. But her simple touch was all he wanted to think about. All that he needed. The bad stuff wouldn’t go away. However for now, this was enough.

“There’s one more thing I need to tell you,” Pomni mumbled.

Jax pushed off her hat, pressing his nose to her hair as he hummed, “And what’s that?”

“Well,” she separated from him again, the rabbit already missing her warmth as she picked up her basket from the maze. Lifting the lid, she picked up the little butterfly as she cupped it in her hands. “I found this little guy during the adventure. But the way I found him? You’re gonna want to sit back for this…have invisible people ever spoke to you in this place before?”

.

.

.

Fairy lights were strung up, an old tape recorder and radio were placed together on the coffee table, and a walkie talkie was held in Amber’s hands. Hooked into the recorder and radio was a large wire leading to the computer. Amber clenched her fists, it was now or never.

She turned on the walkie talkie, “Penny? Are you there?”

#the amazing digital circus #jax #pomni #pomnijax #funnybunny #ragatha #gangle #kinger #zooble #caine #bubble #my writing #dragon rambles #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #jax x pomni #pomni x jax #jaxni #tadc

[pragnificent]

Tagged by @tina-mairin-goldstein! Tagging whoever else wants to play.

1.How many fics do you have on AO3?

78.

2. What's your total word count on AO3?

934,933. Wow, maybe I can break a million this year....

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just HANNIBAL right now (and for like the last seven years or so). Been vaguely thinking about picking up a second but nothing has caught my interest strongly enough.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Attachment - 7,592

The Fisherman and the Beast from the Sea - 4,565

Sashimi - 2,807

Hungry Ghost - 1,585

Identically Different - 1,382 <- This is my best series and yall should give it a shot <3

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to, and I enjoy doing so, but sometimes the brainworms win and I don't get stuff done even when I really want to.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Breathless

I don't love this story, but "Hannibal is effectively braindead after the fall, but Will keeps caring for the body and feels that Hannibal is there with him, up until the body dies and Will turns himself in because there isn't any point anymore" probably counts as the most angsty? If you are in the market for a "Hannibal receives a brain injury and he, along with everyone else around him, has to cope with that" story Tina's For Remembrance (Holes in the Floor of the Mind) is a much better pick. And as I continue to think about it, Means of Influence has a pretty angsty ending.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my stories have slightly bittersweet but still mostly happy endings. Part of the thing about that is I think it's really hard to envision a situation where Will is like 100% Happy Happy, his own mind hates him too much and every little scrap of happiness needs to be fought for and then vigilantly guarded. But I put both him and Hannibal through so much that I always want them to be as close to content as they each can be.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have gotten two flavors of Fic Hate. 1.) People calling the five year old kid OC in ATTACHMENT slurs like "r*tard" and saying "he belongs in jail" and etc.

Every time Hannibal or Will fuck someone who isn't each other at least one person decides to Yell At Me.

I think I've gotten the old "you didn't tag for bottom Hannibal!!" nonsense once or twice too, but who hasn't?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

A little. I actually started Hannishark bc I was really intimidated by sex scenes and wanted to see if I could pull off a short monsterfucker story. I feel like I've gotten better at writing these but am generally more comfortable leaving them sparce on anatomical details and big on feelings/conversations.

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one?

I've got a WRONG TURN crossover series that I'm very proud of here: Bear Mountain Road AU. You don't need to have seen any of the movies to read it, or anything, the movies' premise of "a clan of inbred mountain cannibals waylays travelers" is really just an excuse to put Hannibal (and Will and D, as child members of the cannibal family) In Situations. If I counts as a cross over, I've got a universe swap between the novels and NBC HANNIBAL here: Shiloh

I also have a vague idea for a SAW / HANNIBAL crossover but I've been sitting on that for so long, who knows if it'll ever happen?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not so far as I know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several times.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yep, a couple of times.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Hannigram and Reba/D (guys we need a fuckin ship name).

15. What are your writing strengths?

Character, emotions, dialogue.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Sex scenes, pacing.

17. Thoughts writing dialogue in another language?

Fine by me, tho I only think I've done it one or twice.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

FARSCAPE.

19. Favorite fic you've written?

Identically Different AU !!!! This it the best thing I've ever written and probably the best thing I will ever write.

#hannibal #hannigram #francis dolarhyde #prag's fic #reba mcclane

[moodyvamp]

uh oh vent in the tags

#i didn't even want to say this to anyone because there is so much pain in the world right now and i feel like my problems are #insignificant compared to what people in other parts of the world are experiencing #but also if i keep this in any longer i'll die probably so here we go #i am constantly craving to be treated gently and with genuine care but at this point i don't know if i deserve it or not #i feel like a weird mix of all the worst things a person can be #too soft but also a complete asshole #selfish but also not valuing myself at all #a coward but also too impulsive #and i've been feeling like this for what. 7 years #throughout my life i've never been anyone's first choice. when i was younger it didn't get to me but it does now #because i know that every friend and family member i have loves me conditionally #this friend loves me if i don't talk about this thing. that family member loves me if i don't share this part of myself with them. etc #i'm tired of cutting corners. i just want someone to hug me and dry my tears and kiss my forehead #and love me despite the parts of myself i view as unlovable #but maybe they're right and there is a genuine reason not to love me and i'll never know because i'm too afraid to ask #when i was 14 i thought these feelings would go away as i got older but i don't see that happening any time soon

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this. #wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on #i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head #that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it... #some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself... #maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts. #orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway #i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles #btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20 #well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10 #and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most #(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era #that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little. #certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye #idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'. #i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle #just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit #let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[origami-butterfly]

Hey I know they're coming up soon so I just wanted to wish you luck with your GCSEs, you'll do great I believe in you!

Thanks Mikey 🥹🥹🥹

#asks #gosh I'm so terrified #i still feel like a year 7 sometimes #but I've been revising. so I've done what i can #thanks so much mikey <2

[egglygreg]

...

#Furby died and I'm devistated #what was wrong was even worse than her dying from spider bite or snake #we figured out it was my young cousin and my friend's 7 year old playing outside and running around like mad #and he accidentally swung the door and it slammed her #I went back to bed that morning despite feeling the nudge to get up and join everyone #and it feels like if I'd been up I would have been out with them and could have prevented it #I miss her so much and she was so into everything and underfoot I keep seeing her everywhere #I spent most of the day at the vet #she was still alive this morning so I started having hope that she could make it #I've lost 5 pets in the last year and a bit to all different things and I'm so tired #I try so hard to take good care of them and it just keeps happening #why do my pets keep dying? #I didn't want Furby when she first came and I thought I was just taming her for a week to go to a new home #I'd only really just started thinking of her as specifically my cat and imagining having her for 15 more years #and now she's dead at 5 months #I'm so full of grief and so tired