#and i think that's valid and okay

[stamour]

love (unintentionally) views sex as transactional but the only thing they get out of it is (perceived) validation for making their partners feel good lol

#usfw / #︵ ♡ 𝗠𝗨𝗦 ﹕ headcanons ꒱ .ᐟ #i say perceived bc it's like. very shallow. like bby ur self worth should nawt be measured by how good u are in bed #sadly what love learned from being in the entertainment industry for so long is that sex is the fastest way to get someone to like u #yet it's usually very surface level. they've had a lot of fwb type situations bc they're lonely n like #'give them the best sex of their life n they'll want to be around me more' #ofc this is a sex positive household!! but love's approach is very unhealthy and that needs to be acknowledged as well #most of her self esteem relies on her own objectification #random hc i have is that the number of times love's made someone else finish vs the number of times they have is... very imbalanced #bc they dont really care about their own pleasure they get that from tallying up the other person's organism lmaooo #i also half joke that love's one flaw is that he'd cry after sex but it's also partly true IF #he has an emotional connection with the other person first. and comes to the realization that it's about that connection n unity #and suddenly it's different than all the other experience love has had. it'd be overwhelming #and may take a bit for them to get comfortable tbh #idk why i started rambling about this LOL it's just been in my head for the past couple of days #love makes me sad. she's surrounded by love and yet feels like there's a huge part missing #bc sure fans love her. her family loves her. but she DOES want romantic connection as well #and i think that's valid and okay #will i let it happen tho? probably not ehehe

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!" #to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid'' #like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that. #you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time. #dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem. #these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly. #they arent meant to be fun and exciting. #OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off. #but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was. #i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill. #the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT. #like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

[goodluckdetective]

Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:

I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:

I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.

I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.

Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.

It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.

I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.

I don’t eat dinner.

The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.

#moral ocd #ocd #scrupulosity #Iz rambles #this is okay to reblog I think people really don’t get it #mental illness #the issue with the social media post is not that it exists or that OP even feels about this issue: the issue is it validates my ocd #I don’t obsess about frogs but that is a bummer stat I do rather like them #obsessive compulsive disorder

[shwarmii]

i just heard one of my favorite youtubers say this meme out loud in a video and the pronounciation FLOORED ME so now i gotta know:

poll is just "which way do you say it"; tags is "which way is right", assuming your answer to "which way is right" is different to "which way do you say it". or i guess tags are also for uhhhhhh if your answer is complicated and if you wanna explain, if you have a diff way of pronouncing (pls tell meeeee), or whatever else you want, im not your parents, idk

#i just.. diDNT THINK THERE WAS ANOTHER WAY TO PRONOUNCE IT??? #but i heard [redacted pronounciation] and i just went ''pÁŔƊÓŃ???'' so i tried to think of all possible ones? #forgive me if theres already been a poll on this; i didnt see it and thus didnt know #edit: fuck!!! i just realizied you could combine the last two like i couldve made ''be o bo'' and ''bo be o'' each an option #if oNE OF THOSE TWO ARE THE MAJORITY (not that i expect many votes at all. but still!!) IMMA BE (1) SHOOK AND (2) McFUCKING BAFFLED #edit: wow. i thought id be lucky to get 20 in a week with my follower count. okay. damn. youre sweet ♡ also ''Boo boo''s you are so valid #im sorry i did not think to add you as an option. you are so right

[chaotic-carnifex]

No hold on I'm gonna make an extra post about this:

I wouldn't choose to be alloromantic

If I were given the choice to either remain aro or become alloro again, I would choose aromanticism.

And I think a lot of people need to hear that.

#aro #aromantic #actually aromantic #safeforaro #alloromantics are encouraged to reblog this #aros aren't the only ones who need to hear that our orientation isn't a consolation prize #too many ppl - both aro-specs and alloros - think that being aro is okay only bc it's not something we choose #with the implicit belief that if we COULD choose then OF COURSE we'd choose to be alloro #bc it's clearly the 'superior' option #and honestly? it's not. #they're equally valid options and which one is 'superior' depends entirely on your own needs and preferences #and my preference is *being aro* #so if you're aro and you feel like yeah sure it's OKAY that you're aro bc you DIDN'T choose this #but if you could you WOULD choose to be alloro? #well maybe being alloro really would be better for you. or maybe it's just internalized amatonormativity. #and I cannot answer for you which one it is - the only one who can is you #all I can do is raise you the OPTION that it might be amatonormativity and then leave you to consider it #so this is for the aros who need to hear that option #and for the alloros who pity us for supposedly getting the short end of the stick #we are not a tragedy

[front-facing-pokemon]

#okay now my excuse for thinking this one was gen 8 is valid because i constantly got it mixed up with pincurchin #they look very similar. they have very similar Form Factors #except this one has a huge fucking hand coming out of its mouth?? don't get that #maybe it's something to do with the animal it's based off of but. i doubt it??? #pyukumuku #it's not pyukumyuku??? fuck!!! shit!!! #don't know shit about this thing apparently

[applebees4prez]

everyone in barbieland is asexual and aromantic btw. they’re all the bestest friends and in love with each other but never romantically. just so you know.

#they don’t have genitals !! #barbies and kens are all besties !! #okay yes i think margot robbie barbie is a lesbian but she’s not even a barbie anymore so she doesn’t count #and if you do think she’s aroace as well it’s so so slay!! #all headcanons are so awesome and valid!! #barbie #barbie movies #aroace #aromantic #asexual

[aeirithgainsborough]

#im just like her fr

YELLOWJACKETS 105. Blood Hive

#im sorry shes so valid id suck too! i wouldnt wanna help id want 2 lie down and be depressed. its awful. shes 17. its okay she couldnt do it #think more ppl should give her a break #yellowjackets #yellowjacketsedit #jackie taylor #jackietayloredit #96yellowjackets #dailyflicks #tvedit #filmtvcentral #cinepix #** #like camping is fun for 3 nights max but i have a tent and food and comforts and i know im going home #after 3 nights i want my bed and shower

[sunnydayaoe]

scene redraw... they did this... gwosh original under cut.

#okay to tag as ship; I personally don't see this as shipping still but it's okay ifyou do... I guess... #they are so cute togeather #they are a like.. a qpp to me #they might make me write fanfic for eel #it's terrible #my crack ship has been validated #I think I need to lay down #I havn't been thinking straight since I saw the video #tpot #tpot two #bfdi two #ii mephone4 #mephome4 ii #mephone4 #object show community #osc #jbird's art

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

when you try to stargaze but all you have is ceiling set lights. and they're not even on. smh

#OOPSIE FUCKING DAISY THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR WEEKS #LIKE A MONTH! #theyre hanging out <3 totally not dying (no they are. slowly tho. verryyyy slowly) #years of Goop will do that do a fella #theyre tired and deserve a nap ok. and theyll Get That Nap- #pffff there's a spot on my screen that lines up with the period at the end of frank's first 'okay' #and it makes it go from 'okay.' to 'okay!' #wally: yea we're dying #frank: okay!! 🎉 #scribble salad #welcome home au #wh lights out au #hm this is old enough now that ive Changed and Thought of many things #its still very valid though!!! i just need to puzzle out where it falls on the timeline #before or after poppy wakes... #before i think. if so then certain tiny details in this Scribble are no longer valid...

[transcarcinization]

what do you do when you meet a neutron star and it wants to watch television with you

#my art #ive been meaninf to sit down and paint this. for weeks #the murderbot diaries #murderbot #murderbot diaries #this is named start (star art) in my files lol #anyways. been thinking about feed presence and #the intimacy of knowing someone could kill you with no effort and still finding them comforting to have looming over your shoulder #and also i wrote my final term paper on the r-process and had to look at pictures of neutron stars for ages. and also that one screenshot #of the star and the cat and the cat says yeah im okay i just need some burgers to validate my gender identity #u know what im talking about #anyways

[the-kipsabian]

wrestling fic writers!!

i have decided to be the change i wanna see, so lets do a nice little thing for each other, as a community full of incredible and talented writers. yes this is writer specific only, but thats cause thats where the main problem of people not interacting with creative works lies in this fandom as far as i can tell and have seen people talking about it especially in the last couple of months

if you read this, please add links to your written works. it can be just a single fic youre really proud of, your writing blog, your writing tag, your ao3 account, anything where your works can be found

and if you leave your link here, PLEASE check out someone else that has left their works, and interact with them. leave them a comment, even just a kudos, REBLOG their fic, etc. interacting is the keyword i want to emphasize here, along with building a sort of a masterpost of where to find people writing in this fandom

and if you are not a writer, youre still highly encouraged to interact with this post and share it and show love to the writers in this fandom, obviously!! i think that should go without saying, but adding it in anyways

a bit more about my vision and resources and such under the read more, but thats the gist of it. happy linking and please be kind and supportive to each other!! 💜

nobody is too big or too small to add their things on this list. if you write and post anything in this fandom whatsoever, be it fics or drabbles or headcanons, any companies or any kind of ships or reader inserts or any content whatsoever no matter how 'dead dove dont eat' or hell even if its just meta, we welcome all here and nobody can say that one thing is less valid than another. just please tag your content accordingly, especially if theres content warnings, and feel free to mention what you write, who you write, any info you wish to leave that would help people before they click on your links. but even so, that should not and hopefully will not deter people from interacting, no matter what it is. someones trash is another ones treasure, i promise you

and unless the amount gets really overwhelming, im personally going to be checking out everyone that leaves something here. unless it squeaks me out, but even then, i'll spread the word. and i just wish as many people as possible will do the same, and not just use this as a potential board to only get eyes on their stuff. ofc thats also the point, but you should give as much, if not more, than you get. we need to be kind and supportive of one another (besides, from personal experience, if you show love to someone else, they are more likely to do it back than without you taking the first step, so... pay it forward)

as for resources, heres a few links that should be helpful in leaving comments and feedback. of course everyone does their own thing and no comment is too big or too small to leave, but for those who need them. if you have anything you'd like added to this list, dont hesitate to get in touch or drop it in the post yourself!!

101 comment starters

ao3 floating comment box

kudos html

dont know how to comment? easy solutions

a quick hot guide to commenting (by yours truly)

an overall guide to appreciating fanfic writers

and just in general.. leave people comments. leave them asks about their projects. just go over and gush about their work. i know it sounds embarrassing but writers love nothing more than to hear that someone likes what they are doing. if you find a fic that hasnt been updated in forever, comment on it. it might just be the spark the author needs to continue. while kudos and likes are nice, and just as valuable to some, its definitely in the words the people leave for them that matter the most. im not saying this to put pressure on anyone, its just how it is, and i feel like unless people are writers themselves, and even then sometimes, thats just hard to grasp, especially if the writer is a smaller and less popular one who doesnt get a lot of traffic in the first place

i think thats all. just be nice and considered to everyone, reblog peoples works, this post with others add ons and so forth. and if i find anyone talking shit here or at other writers for something they share, you'll be blocked and im probably taking your kneecaps. be fucking nice. we are all struggling here and we need to stick together

happy sharing and commenting 💜💜

#wrestling fanfiction #wrestling fic #aew fanfic #aew fanfiction #wwe fanfiction #wwe fanfic #i hope this make some sort of coherent sense #despite being a writer im really bad at words lmao #i also dont know what to tag this with without clogging main tags so im going to trust moots to get this going first #just. this is a topic im passionate about. i love writing i love writers and having seen the wrestling fandom as of late really struggling #with this. we need to do something. even a little bit helps. actually get people leaving feedback and commenting again #supporting each other. we can do this together #dont let dreams be dreams lets fucking do this #just be nice and help each other out #im gonna stop now before i get overly emotional. if theres any questions let me know tho i think i got the main parts pretty clear here #again moots. im trusting you to get this started. im not gonna add my own shit here immediately this isnt about me #this is about the community as a whole #i also hope nobody is afraid of adding themselves here. you are all valid and worth the attention no matter what #just remember to also give if you leave something here. look at the previous links. look in the notes to find more people #okay thats it i need to make dinner now #lets just be kind and support one another. promise me that 💜 #night is an absolute mess on main

[burr-ell]

"the tendency of this fandom to only engage with what THEY want these characters to be#as opposed to what their creators are trying to do and the stories they want to tell" slap this on a bumper sticker, you just summed all cr discourse (about PCs at least) in 2 sentences

It truly is maddening (and it's not by any means exclusive to the CR fandom). The reason why the discourse always goes the way it does is that at the end of the day, the loud fanwanky people only see what they would do, if they were self-inserted into the story, as a valid choice; and they are, more broadly, fundamentally disinterested in what others think or feel. There are several examples of this, and the variety of spaces within the fandom that produce these ideas is an indicator that this isn't endemic to one specific group of people.

-Keyleth is an important character whose feelings and choices are validated by the other PCs and cast even if they still disagree with them, in spite of how she and her preachiness get in the way of the Murderhobo Jubilee? It's not because the cast are all friends and they genuinely believe Keyleth is valid and are interested in how these discussions and choices can guide the story. It's because Marisha is the DM's girlfriend, and also here's my totally unbiased theory that my pet favorite players Sam and Travis secretly hate Marisha and Keyleth.

-Vax's presence is still felt and nodded to in the post-canon VM oneshots? It's not because he was an important character who mattered. It's because Liam wants to make everyone talk about his tragedy because he has Main Character Syndrome. Scanlan Wishes for Vax to appear at the wedding? It's not because he cares about Vex or because Sam and Liam wanted a sweet tribute to Vex and Vax's relationship and by extension Liam and Laura's friendship. It's because Liam thinks Vex's life should always revolve around Vax, and Sam wants to enable him and jerk himself off as the one who facilitated it.

-Beauyasha and Fjorester become canon? It's not because the players wanted it and it happened naturally. It's because there was a secret behind-the-scenes push to "force" those ships to become canon instead, and like, Dani Carr is some sort of shipping puppetmaster who made the players do it, and "they" (whomever "they" is) decided to sink Beaujester or Widojest because it was "obviously" going to become canon before the pandemic hiatus gave them time to "make the corporate-approved ships happen".

-Beau and Caleb try to reform the Empire and dismantle the Cerberus Assembly from within? It's not because it makes sense for their stories or that people who would take this position regarding a corrupt government might have a valid perspective that differs from your own. It's because the people at Critical Role Productions LLC are all spineless neoliberal cowards who won't commit to real activism. The best activism, after all, is violent, and violent revolutions have always resulted in stable aftermaths, and the real world has never demonstrated that this mindset is foolish.

-Relatedly: Caleb doesn't kill Trent personally? It's not because the most poetic justice would be to deny Trent the thing he wants most from Caleb. It's because "Limo Brain" is too obsessed with tragedy to have the stones to do "what needs to be done".

-Asmodeus, DnD Satan, turns out to also be CR Satan? It's not because it fits with the cosmology and the lore; it's because Matt Mercer is too attached to the "establishment", and the Prime Deities should have actually turned out to be the bad guys because of my personal baggage about Western religion and Christianity they're a little mean to my blorbo sometimes.

There's a pattern here: fans had expectations that they'd built up for themselves after projecting and building up fanon and deciding what players meant before they explained themselves fully, and when the players strayed from that, they were derided for all manner of reasons. I think we're seeing that same pattern play out in C3 as the story progresses in a way that fans dislike, and in fact we have seen fanwank spread whenever someone does anything that interferes with personally catering to a) the favored ship and/or b) the favored philosophy. (Orym, Ashton, FCG, Percy, Pelor...all valid when they affirm the Fandom Opinions and all disdained when they don't.)

Don't get me wrong, I think there's a place for comfort stories that deliver a personal catharsis. And I'm not going to dismissively say "well if you want it so bad make your own" because, as an artist, I am very familiar with the fact that creating is hard and draining and sometimes you just need to consume instead. But when you become so wrapped up in yourself and your feelings to the point where your perspective is the only valid one, someone else's feels like a betrayal when it isn't. It's always "They aren't doing what we wanted and here's why they're terrible people because of it" and never "Hmm, why is this what the cast wants? Let's examine that."

This isn't a new phenomenon, but I think it ultimately stems from not assuming that other people can differ from you in major ways in good faith. There are a lot of reasons for that (some more understandable than others), but I think you rob yourself of the potential to enjoy something new when all you do is demand what you already want. No matter what you're doing or where you are in life, you tend to become a better and wiser person when you open your mind to what other people have to say, no matter how mundane the subject matter. Sometimes the stories people have to tell are challenging—and the only healthy way to deal with that is to engage with them on their own terms.

#critical role #cr discourse #asks #long post #for the record i think VLD fandom became such a shitshow partially for this reason #but also. and admittedly i'm biased. VLD was basically a show for no one #this by the way is part of why a faction of fe3h fandom capes so hard for crimson flower (which is basically a glorified bonus route) #and absolutely abhors the idea of byleth being religious and enjoying her job as a teacher #and why some cr fans are so vehemently opposed to the prime deities being good and characters being connected to them #religious trauma that leads a character to reject religion and that being framed as a valid choice is okay to want to see #but it is also just as valid for a character to find religion to be a healing and positive experience #seriously 'gods bad' stories are not that difficult to come by. they're just not doing that in THIS story and you're mad about it #instead of doing the work of finding a story that WILL do that meaningfully

[vypridae]

btw im gaining some attention so anyone here for vees stuff!! if you think the vees are better off without valentino!! and hate on him constantly!! and say that vox deserves better!! get off my blog!! block me!! i don't want that negative energy towards my babygirl on my page!! i recognize that valentino does awful things, and he is a terrible person, but if you think he's the only one of the vees that's super awful then please go away <3 vox and velvette are literally no better, they AID HIM in what he does (velvette's love potion, vox's advertising of said love potion, not to mention their own personal issues). you can hate him as much as you want but if you want him dead because vox and velvette need to get away from him or you think they're too good for him, please dni!!

#i fucking HATE how val treats his employees and angel but does that mean i hate him as a character? no #he's awful yes but that's the point and its the same with the other vees #anyway sorry for mini rant it came to me in a vision #the vees are all my babygirls and i want it to be known they are ALL awful people and nothing they do is okay #they are fun fictional characters that we can have fun with #nothing they do is okay and i know that #i understand if you don't like any of them for any given reason and its very valid but if you think vox and velvette need better than val #then please go away <3 thank you #this applies to any vees apologists too . go away i don't want people who think their actions are okay on my page because i DONT #SORRY MINI RANT I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU ALL ARE CLEAR #xanrants #should i tag this with the characters idk #maybe i will #hazbin hotel

[dennistakesamentalhealthday]

dennis is an angry character btw im sorry but he is full of rage but that rage is not exclusive his anger does not negate sadness and fragility and insecurities in fact they work together and dtamhd was one of the first times where his anger was not used as a joke via a surface level rage explosion from him but instead explored the fragility of his anger. the way he keeps reassuring the workers he encounters (and himself) that he's not mad. when he tells daisy he's not mad but he is a little bit upset. dennis is angry and that anger is what makes him so fragile. he was upset and it manifested as rage bc he doesnt know what to do with his own sadness

#disclaimer tags yes i would like to see his emotions explored more but i disagree that we ONLY saw anger in dtamhd #and EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY ANGER... anger is just as VALID and fragile and vulnerable as sadness. they are family #we saw how his anger makes him fragile how it exhausts him #how it works with his stress and fears and insecurities and sadness #he was UPSET!!!! #angry dennis in dtamhd WAS big feelings dennis in tends bar. that was the same #he expressed anger in tends bar bc he was upset he expressed anger in dtamhd bc he was upset etc etc #and i think the sadness people were expecting was present. the sadness and fragility we would have seen if he cried on the beach like most #of us anticipated (btw he did cry at the beach <3 technically <3) was THERE. it was just in his anger #sewerkingcharlie talked about this already and worded it very well but im honestly kinda bothered by how some people have treated #the portrayal of anger and emotions in this ep #you dont have to like the ep or how they portrayed dennis but some posts have really given the vibe of #his anger and his emotional outburst not being as valid because it wasnt portrayed in the way you expected #or that it wasnt palatable enough #and honestly if you dont like it thats okay! but can we please be careful with how we talk about mental illness and anger outbursts! #yes it is frustrating when people ONLY see dennis' anger or see dennis' anger in a very shallow way #which a lot of the audience unfortunately does because its been treated like a joke #but it wasnt a just a joke here #and maybe this will all go past dudebros heads frankly i dont give a shit lol but thats for another post

[sarah-cam]

i've seen some people bringing up the parallel of how tim told lucy that they were worth the risk to how tim broke up with her... this is a great parallel don't get me wrong and it is so painful and i feel so sad for lucy

HOWEVER i've also seen people absolutely railing on tim and calling him a coward for leaving her and saying that this is unforgivable. i get being upset with him, i'm not saying that's wrong. but i just want to offer my take:

tim is absolutely broken down. this is the lowest point he's ever reached and it's been building and building since before we even met him. everything that happened in his childhood, in the army, with isabel, the trauma we've seen from the job these last 5-6 seasons. and now this, which has brought everything he's never dealt with to the surface. he truly believes in his bones that lying to lucy was what he had to do to protect her. even when lucy (rightfully) told him to stop, he said he can't because it's who he is. it's all he has right now because if he's going to lie and break the rules and compromise him morals, he is damn sure going to do whatever it takes to protect the people he loves.

he grew up with an abusive father who made him believe that he doesn't deserve to be loved, let alone unconditionally. he had no control in his childhood so he got that control by joining the military, and when he finally had that control?? he screwed up and blames himself for getting his teammates killed. he tried to gain back that control by becoming a police officer/to but never felt like he needed to move up any higher than that and now we know why. he didn't want to be a leader again because he didn't think he deserved it. he was terrified of losing lucy with the UC work and didn't even realize it, because when she's gone, he doesn't know what's going on and can't back her up. he has no control.

and now this? he compromised everything he believes in, as he said, "to save his career" but it's not that simple. if he told the truth, that angela and lucy knew about everything and still helped him, they would still lose everything he tried to protect them from. he can't even look at himself in the mirror right now.

he's not a coward for breaking up with lucy. he's not walking away because they had a fight and he doesn't want to work through it. in fact, she validated everything he did!! she showed him that she still loves him no matter what he did, that she would've done the same thing. but to him, that's even worse because he doesn't believe he deserves unconditional love, so when lucy gives it, he thinks that he's dragging her down because how could anyone love him after this. giving their relationship a shot was worth the risk because she is worth the risk. but him? he's not worth it

it's not cowardly to take yourself out of a relationship that you're not mentally okay to be in.

#chenford #the rookie #text #lucy deserves to be hurt and upset and everything in between but tim is not doing this to hurt her #he is doing it to protect her even if it's misguided #he knows he's not okay and he can't go back #that doesn't make him a coward #actually i think it's the opposite #it's brave to admit that kind of stuff ESPECIALLY for someone like tim #that doesn't make it hurt lucy any less #but it's valid to have empathy and compassion for both people in a tough situation #this just makes me think of nace #ace was ready to break the curse when he thought he might die but as soon as nancy was in danger he decided that it wasn't worth the risk b #ugh i just love tim bradford and lucy chen #and i want them both to grow and develop from this #cause she has her own issues going on too