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trippinsorrows · 1 day

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with me + part ten

authors note: none

song inspo: “with me” by destiny’s child

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: fluff, language, suggestive themes, angst

words: 5.8k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns

You’ve never been a person who was big on holidays.

Never saw the massive appeal. Easter was annoying cause everyone and they mama showed up to church just to show off their kids silk press and frilly dresses. Halloween was too dark. Valentine’s Day was always a toss up, depending on where you and Amir were at the moment. And 4th of July….fuck America.

But Christmas…..in recent years, it’s starting to become a holiday you really enjoy. You owe a lot of that to Callie and her pure joy and excitement at the "most wonderful time of the year," for gifts, yes, but she loved celebrating “baby Jesus” birthday just as much.

And you couldn't deny that your town was most beautiful this time of year. Stunningly decorated, there wasn’t a non-resident building in town that wasn’t dressed down in HGTV worthy Christmas decor. Walking through town really felt like walking on the set of a Hallmark Christmas movie.

And the activities were endless, especially for kids.

Hence your current whereabouts, sitting on a bench with your mom as Callie partakes with a group of other kids in a workshop with some of ‘Santa’s elves’. Your eyes land on her more often than not, knowing you live in a safe area but never wanting to take any chances. You also notice how talkative she is at the table she’s seated at with another little girl. You smile. Seeing her interact with other kids always makes you happy. Once she gets past her initial shyness, you definitely see sprinkles of your extroverted personality in her.

Checking your phone from a text from Joe, you can’t avoid the pout when met with empty notifications.

Your mom, forever perceptive, notices this. “When does he come in?”

“Tomorrow,” you answer, unable to contain the smile on your face. You’re not sure who’s more excited about Joe’s return: you or Callie. Probably her, but you’re not that far behind.

And not even just for sexual reasons. Yes, that’s definitely up there, but also expected. Because one thing about sex with Joe: it’s addictive.

Having him like that for the first time in years awakened things in you that you forgot existed. No one could make you come like he could, and he knew it, hence his smug disposition during sex. One thing you were starting to realize was that Joe fucked like Roman, but he made love like Joe, and it was a deadly combination.

You woke up alone the morning after the date, but you knew that was the case because this man literally flew out for one night just to take you out. And dick you down.

But Joe being Joe, left you a note, like something out of one of those corny but sweet, romantic indie movies. It was thoughtful, but he’s always been thoughtful.

That shouldn’t have surprised you.

Just like you shouldn’t have been surprised to be woken up by Callie jumping on your bed, happy to see you and wanting to catch you up on her fun sleepover with Alexis. Alexis, who made sure that the first thing that she checked was the nightstand where that Plan B absolutely was nowhere to be found.

Used and discarded in your waste bin. That’s where it was.

The smirk she sent your way, you just knew she was gonna have a million and one questions. And clearly waiting for Callie to not be present to have that conversation was too much waiting, hence your phone buzzing with texts while you watched Wish with Callie.

Alexis: You dirty whore! I wanna know everything.

You: What’s there to tell? You don’t see the box anymore, do you?

Alexis: Bitch, you know what I mean. It was good, wasn’t it?

You: Girl…..good ain’t the word for it. 😩 I’m so tired and sore right now. He wore my ass out. Had me up all night.

You: I stopped counting after 4.

Alexis: 😖 You have no idea how much I love this for you.

Alexis: I’m also gonna take a wild guess that since you took the plan b, ya’ll didn’t use protection? He came in you, didn’t he? 👀

You: Every.single.time.

Alexis: Oh, he down baddddd.

Alexis: Shit, do I need to get you some pregnancy tests?

You: NO. It was just last night…..I may have to get on BC because that can’t be a regular thing.

Alexis: Well….don’t you want more kids anyway?

You: We’re not even dating, and you want me to get knocked up by this man?

Alexis: Bitch, you already have one child. Give her a sibling.

Alexis: And what do you mean you’re not dating? That is your man. Just own it.

It was a fun exchange, as are most things with Alexis, and it brought up a valid point. Joe was gonna have to either wrap it up or you were going to need to get back on the pill.

And you knew better than to tell her that this man literally asked you if you were on the pill and said good when you told him you weren’t. You haven’t given yourself time to process that….later date and time.

But Joe’s definitely been the subject of several dreams that left you waking up feeling aroused. Hence you counting down the days until his return, yes for Callie, but also because you desperately need your insides rearranged in a way only he can fulfill.

And you also just miss him.

Plain and simple.

“I take it things are going well between ya’ll.” Your mom gives you that all-knowing look that all moms possess. You roll your eyes, and she playfully nudges your shoulder. “I’m happy for you, sweetie. You deserve to be happy. You and Callie.”

“We’re just….I don’t know what we’re doing exactly, but….it is going well.” It seems a bit silly to not acknowledge that you and Joe are dating again, but until he confirms as such, you lean on the side of caution. Granted, you know he’s not fucking anyone else, and you damn sure aren’t either. You speak to each other as often as you can, and there’s seldom a conversation that occurs without one or both of you hinting at the mindblowing sex you’ll have once he returns.

Nope….not dating at all.

“Well, he’s divorced now, isn’t he?” You’d eventually caught your mom up on that important update, knowing that she would never really approve if his wife was still in the picture. She wouldn’t outright say anything, but her demeanor would be telling enough.

“Yes, but—”

“And he’s obviously very interested in being with you. I don’t need to ask if you’re interested in being with him, and Callie would do well in a healthy two-parent household.”

At that, you stop walking, arm in front of your mom. “Mama….you did amazing raising me all on your own. I owe you so much that it’d be impossible for me to ever repay you.” And it’s the truth. Definitely age and becoming a single mother yourself showed you just how much your mom sacrificed to keep a roof over your head and food in your belly. Your mom truly is your hero.

She smiles warmly, placing her gloved hand over yours. “I appreciate that, baby. But, if you don’t have to struggle, why should you? Joseph seems keen on being in Callie’s life and yours as well. What’s holding you back?”

You chuckle at her final question. “That’s more or less the same thing Alexis said.” Only gone for a couple days, you're starting to miss her too. She's been a great source of support the past couple weeks.

“I always did like that girl. A bit on the wild side, but I like her.” Oh, if your mom knew the extent of what that wildness looked like. Not just for Alexis but yourself. You’re certain your mom would have a heart attack if she knew you were a regular at the strip club in college. So much so that the owner knew you by name and often propositioned you for a job.

You’d be lying if you tried to say you didn’t consider it from time to time.

“Maybe it’s how we got together,” you guess aloud, sitting back against the bench. “I think I still have some guilt about doing that to his wife.”

It’s a take you’ve found yourself thinking about more and more over the past couple weeks. She may be out of the picture now, but she wasn’t when you first started messing with Joe. She was still his wife the first time you let him take you to bed, and that’s left a stain on your conscience you’re not entirely sure how to rid yourself of.

“I understand that entirely.” Hearing the change in your mom’s tone has you wondering if it’s truly wise to have this conversation with her. Is it still a sensitive subject? “But it seems they divorced before you even came back in the picture. Do you know why they finally went their separate ways?”

Shaking your head, you inform, “no, and a part of me wants to ask, but when he told me about it, I could see it was difficult for him. He had this….sadness in his eyes. And I don’t think it was because of the divorce itself but….something else.”

A part of you wants to ask him again, feels like it’s information you should know. But, another part of you doesn’t want to pry too much. If it’s a sensitive subject, you don’t want to reopen any open wounds.

“Well, if this continues to progress, it may be a discussion that needs to happen. Even if it just gives you a peace of mind.” You know she’s right. It’s just not something you’re ecstatic about having to do. “And you probably should also start thinking about what changes you may have to make for this to continue to work.”

Confused, you ask, “what do you mean?”

“He can’t keep flying in and out sporadically just to see his child. Or you. That’s not fair to any of ya’ll and not sustainable. You’re gonna have to relocate to wherever he lives.”

That….that is not something you’ve thought about until this very moment. You know Joe bends over backwards to make these visits work, but it hadn't occurred to you how long this dynamic could continue.

Your mom must see the wheels in your head turning, adding, “and think about Callie, once she finds out that’s her daddy, she’s gonna wanna be around him as much as possible. It could be easier if you’re a bit closer.”

You don’t know how true or untrue your mom’s take is, but it’s also another conversation that will have to happen between you and Joe. He’s always on the road in general. Will moving really do anything to help with his visits? Relocating is something you’ve never ever thought about. This is your home. You grew up here. Callie was growing up here. You always saw her growing up here.

But, that was also a version where Joe wasn’t in her life. Now he is. So, of course, some things would change.

You just didn’t imagine that is what would change.

Even if your mom’s guidance now has you wondering what it would be like to have a house together, the three of you, Callie, with an actual backyard she can run around in. Not just limited to the space of your apartment.

“I’m gonna go say hi to Gloria.” She taps your leg, gesturing to her friend’s store. “I’ll be right back.”

Nodding, you sit there, focusing on Callie instead of the nuggets of wisdom your mom just dropped on you.

“Long time no see, stranger.”

And just like that, you’re regretting ever agreeing to leave your place. You should have just done something at the apartment with Callie. Invited your mom over. Baked some cookies and shit.

Crossing your arms, you refuse to look his way. “Amir, it’s the happiest time of the year. Please leave me alone, and let me stay in my happy place.”

“You’re still upset with me?” He seems genuinely surprised at this, like you cussing him out in front of your daughter’s preschool wasn’t a good indicator of how upset you were. “Gotta let that shit go.”

“I don’t have to do anything but live, be black, and love my child.” Scooting to your edge of the bench, you tell him again. “Now go away.”

“We clearly need to talk this out—”

“No, we don’t need to do anything because there is no we.” You catch Callie’s eyes and remind yourself that you don’t need a part two of the last time. “I told you before. That’s done and over with. In all areas. You’ll never see my name pop up on your phone ever again.”

And that’s a promise.

“You’re so fuckin’ dramatic.” He’s growing annoyed. If only you cared. “Stop playing. What you doing tomorrow?”

“Sitting on my man’s face.”

Your answer seems to take him back. “He still around?” You don’t say anything. “You’re not stupid enough to be fucking him again, are you?”

“Amir, the only reason I was ever fucking you was because he wasn’t around, but he’s here now, and he’s not going anywhere. And without hurting your feelings before Christmas, I can promise you, dick is not something I will ever want or need from anyone else ever again.”

He scoffs, just looking at you with disgust. “Mariah was right. That nigga really does have you acting different.”

At that, your head snaps in his direction. “What did you just say?” Instantly, you see it. The regret in his face in realizing he’s fucked up. “Why were you talking to Mariah?” Your best friend couldn’t take your calls or texts, but she had time to fill your ex in on your private life? “When?”

He looks off, trying to hide the guilty expression you’ve already clocked. “We ran into each other at the store the other day.”

Lie.

Scoffing, you lean back against the bench. And you laugh. All you can do is laugh because never in a million years would you have put these pieces together, but it makes so much sense.

“Yeah, you can get the fuck away from me. Now.” Seeing him about to open his mouth again, you decide to separate yourself. “Fine. I’ll leave.”

And you do just that, moving to another available bench where you can still keep a close eye on Callie. It seems they’re nearing the end of the activity. One glance over to your previous seat, you see that Amir is gone.

Good.

Pulling out your phone, you send a simple text.

You: If you were too busy riding Amir’s average dick to message me back, you could have just said so.

There’s barely any time for you to slide your phone back into your purse when it beeps.

Mariah: ??????

It actually takes a lot in you not to call and cuss her out right then and there. You’ve been trying to get in contact with her for weeks and the minute you send her that, she remembers how to reply?

“Mommy!”

You’re grateful for Callie’s distraction. Smile on your face, you see she’s approached you with not only the little girl at her table but a man also wearing a friendly expression.

“This is my new friend! Her name is Taylor!” Taylor appears to be the same or around the same age as Callie, box braids styled into two space buns, and she and Callie share giggles like they’ve been friends for years. In a weird sort of way, she reminds you a lot of Callie.

“It seems the girls have connected,” the man speaks with a chuckle. He offers his hand. “I’m Darius. Taylor’s dad.”

Your phone goes off and you quickly glance, hoping it’s Joe.

Mariah: Can we talk?

Instantly, you reorient yourself to the conversation at hand.

“It appears they have,” you agree, offering your name and asking, “are you from around here?”

“Naw. Just visiting some family. Me and my wife.” He looks around. “She should be somewhere around here. Her parents only live about an hour out, so they came to meet us.”

“Oh, cool.” Glancing at the girls, you recognize that plotting look on Callie’s face and wait patiently. Coyly, you share with Darius, “I believe a request is coming.”

“Oh, most definitely.”

Sure enough, Callie is holding onto your leg, face peering up at you. “Mommy, can we see the fireworks tomorrow?” That’s certainly not what you expected to hear her ask. Callie has never been too big on fireworks. When she was younger, you’d have to lay in bed with her and soothe her to sleep because they made her nervous. Now she wants to go to an actual show? “Taylor is going too, right Taylor?”

Taylor nods happily. “And my mommy and grandma and grandpa.”

It's like the mentioning of additional parties triggers something for her, Callie offering suddenly, “Joe can come too!”

That gives you a pause. Joe’s never gone out in public with the two of you, outside of the hospital, but that doesn’t necessarily count. It was an emergency, not happy hour.

There’s a bit of anxiety, even though you know your town is the perfect place to do so. You’d put your head on the chopping board that less than five people would actually approach him, asking for autographs and such. They might recognize him, but they’d never approach.

It’ll also be the first time Callie can refer to him as her father instead of just Joe.

Finally deciding, you answer, “if you want to, baby.”

You and Darius share a laugh as the girls rejoice together. He pulls out his phone and offers, “why don’t I give you my wife’s number? You two can communicate regarding the meetup and whatnot.”

“Yeah, of course.” Exchanging information, you program Bianca Johnson into your phone, sending her a text after Darius says he’s already messaged her regarding Taylors new best friend.

It’s in programming the number though that you see an incoming call from Mariah. It’s an immediate decline.

Mariah: Would you pick up the damn phone, please?

Navigating to her thread, you put her on mute. It’s almost Christmas. You refuse to allow her or anyone else to ruing this for you or Callie.

________

Personally, you believe that there should be a mandatory set time for Children to wake up on Christmas. Preferably, any time after 10am. 12pm would be even better but highly unlikely given most kids go to bed extra early on Christmas Eve. Callie is no different. You and Joe get her down by 6:30pm which should have given you ample time to bake cookies, finish wrapping her gifts, the whole nine yards.

If only you two had a better sense of self-control, because the minute you were confident Callie was out for the night, he had you bent over the kitchen island. And that was….that was fine, because you’d been thinking about him being inside you from the moment he stepped foot in your place. Hell, from the moment he left.

But then you somehow ended up riding him on the living room floor, his back propped up against the sofa as you bounced on his dick, surrounded by the toys you should have been wrapping for your daughter. And while you eventually did get the gifts wrapped and cookies baked, you weren’t even able to change from out of your towel and into pajamas when this man propped you on your bathroom counter, spread your legs, and ate you out like he’d been fasting for 40 days and 40 nights.

It wasn’t entirely surprising. Joe’s always had a big appetite for sex, for you. Not that you were any better. And the fact of the matter was that having a kid meant you had to take advantage of the little free time you had, which you clearly did.

But it was now coming to bite you in the ass, because it’s goddamn 9 o’clock in the morning, and Callie is jumping up and down on your bed when all you want to do is sleep for another ten hours.

“Mommy! Joe! Santa came!”

It’s nearly impossible to hold in your groan, so you suppress it by turning over and pressing yourself into Joe. Of course, he’s already got his arm around you, holding you against his body. He’s also still knocked out.

Finding the strength, you shove on his chest. “Wake up.” It’s a bit incoherent, sleep still heavy in you and hindering your speech. Blinking your eyes open to allow the sun shining from the open curtains (courtesy of Callie) to motivate you to get your ass up, you punch him in his stomach. “Joe.”

He grunts, and you smile. “She’s up.”

Pleased with the fulfillment of her alarm clock duties, she jumps off the bed, yelling, “come on!”

At that, you sit up from the mattress, scolding her, “Calista Manaia Anoa’i, you got one more time to jump off this bed, sis!” Looking back to see Joe still trying to wake up, you shove him again. “You better get your daughter before she gets punished on Christmas.”

This helps to stir him as he lays on his back, hand on his forehead. “Leave her alone.” It takes a minute for you to refocus. His voice in general is sexy as hell, but that morning voice is something dangerous.

“Her ass is always trying to jump on and off shit.” Kicking off the blankets, you stretch and make your way into the bathroom to do your hygiene routine. Joe is not too far behind, coming in a few minutes later, slapping your ass as you’re bent over the sink spitting out your toothpaste. “Behave,” you warn. The two of you share the sink and counter space to get ready with you finishing first.

Back in the room, you make up the bed and check your phone, sending out a few, quick Merry Christmas texts, Bianca included. Even though you’ve only texted since yesterday, she seems pretty chill and you have a couple of things in common, kids around the same age, both working as teachers. It’s just unfortunate that she lives further down South. You’re not sure how you’re gonna break that to Callie, but that’s a task for another day.

Today is an exciting, happy occasion, and you’re not gonna let anything or anyone ruin it.

Joe is suddenly behind you, arms around your waist and mouth on the side of your neck.

“Merry Christmas, baby” he murmurs, pressing kisses against your skin.

Chewing down on your bottom lip, you turn around and lean up to kiss him. “Merry Christmas.” Hands on his chest, you ask, “You ready?”

He looks at you, clearly thinking about what you’re asking. This is what he’d been building up to, but you’re certain there’s some level of anxiety.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” he finally answers. You’re not certain if he’s speaking more to you or himself.

“She’s gonna be happy, Joe. I promise.” Stealing one more kiss, you take his hand. “Come on. She’s gonna start getting impa—”

“Come on!” She shouts from the living room, and you give him a look.

“That’s your child.” His chuckle follows you out of the bedroom and into the living room where Callie is literally bouncing on the heels of her feet near the Christmas tree. You’re not entirely certain, but you could have sworn there weren’t as many gifts there when you left for your shower and eventually bed.

“It’s Christmas!” Running over to Joe who swoops her up and kisses her cheek as she tells him Merry Christmas, you patiently wait for your turn, giving her a kiss and hug too before she’s pulling the both of you over to the tree.

Using your phone, you snap photos and record intermittent videos of her opening her gifts. And in doing so, you’re certain Joe added a couple more when you were in the shower. He’s definitely that dad who doesn’t see an issue with spoiling the shit out of his kid. And as long as Callie remains kind and respectful, you won’t stop him. He’ll definitely hear about it tonight, but you won’t actually interfere.

Alexa playing Christmas songs in the background helps to set the tone as well. Mostly Mariah Carey because it’s literal law that one must listen to All I Want for Christmas is You on Christmas day. Really, starting the day after Halloween.

You don’t make the rules.

Literal fucking law.

Callie suddenly pulls a gift, small and rectangular shaped, that you definitely don’t remember wrapping. “Mommy, it’s for you!” Thinking it’s something she made for you, you put your phone down and take it only to recognize that the writing is clearly too nice to be written by a child, not to mention that it has your name instead of mommy.

Your eyes land on him. “Joe….what is this?”

“Open it,” he encourages, waiting patiently.

Still in somewhat belief he would actually get you something, you rip off the packaging and gasp. You almost drop it reading the brand name written in gold calligraphy. “Chanel? Thee Chanel?”

“Who’s Chanel, mommy?”

“It’s a brand, baby,” you answer, distracted because you’re still stuck on the fact that you’re actually holding in your hand something that had to cost at least a thousand dollars. If not a couple thousand.

“Open it, mommy,” Callie presses. This girl is both nosy but also loves to see people receive gifts.

And so, you open it, gasping louder this time.

“Joe…..” It’s absolutely stunning, the most beautiful necklace you’ve ever seen. Gold. An intricately decorated ‘C’ pendant with a diamond in the middle. C for Chanel for most people. C for your heartbeat for you. “It’s beautiful….”

He moves over to you, helping to remove it from the box. As your hair is already up in a messy bun, he has no difficulty placing it around you, as Callie exclaims happily, “it’s a C!.”

“C for Callie,” you answer her, cupping her cheek before turning to Joe. “Thank you…..” Pulling him in for a hug, there’s something so emotional about this moment, something pure. You’ve never felt so cared for by anyone.

Never felt so loved.

He kisses your temple. “You never have to thank me for anything I do for you.”

Hating the fact that tears are brimming your eyes, you punch his shoulder, needing to not be so emotional. “You should have told me you got me something. Now I feel bad because I didn’t get you anything.”

Thumb caressing your cheek, he answers, softly. “You already did.” Confused, his eyes discreetly focus on Callie who’s back trying to figure out which toy she wants to play with first.

That….that does something to you.

You look at him, ready to say something, when you see it. See it in his eyes. A deep level of appreciation that indicates a story, a reason as to why this means the world to him. There’s something there. Something more he’s not saying, but you know it’s neither the time nor the place.

Now….now is the time for something else.

“Baby.” It’s surprisingly easy to catch Callie’s attention, so you pat the space in between the two of you. “Come here. We need to talk to you about something.”

Wordlessly, she plops right between ya’ll with that naturally inquisitive expression.

“Callie….” Joe feeling a bit nervous made sense to you, and you expected as such. But you never thought about your own trepidation in this moment. It’s difficult, but you do your best to push it away. “Do you….do you remember when you asked me about your dad?” She nods. “And why…..why you didn’t have one?”

She nods again, Joe this time grabbing her attention. “Callie, do you know why I came back in your mom’s life?”

She thinks about his question, answering tentatively, “because you missed mommy?”

He chuckles. “That’s true. I did miss her. A lot.” You try not to think too much about his words, to not make this moment about you or you and him. It’s about Callie. “But, I mostly came back because I wanted to meet you.”

Her eyes light up. “Really?”

He nods, “Calista, you are the sweetest, kindest, and smartest kid that I have ever met. And I love every second that I get to spend with you.” Joe brings his hand to gently palm her face. “And I especially love being your dad.”

You’re not quite sure if you’re breathing or even fully present in the few seconds it takes for Callie to process what he’s just said. But then, you see it, a smile that could light up times square. “Really?” She snaps her head in your direction, looking for confirmation. “Mommy, is Joe really my daddy?”

Sniffling, you wipe at your eyes. Damn feelings. You’ve been way too emotional lately. “He sure is, baby.”

Squealing, she literally throws herself against him, hugging him tightly. “It’s the best Christmas ever!”

“I love you, Callie.” Joe shuts his eyes, taking in this moment, kissing the top of her head. “And I’ll always be here for you.”

“I love you too, daddy!” If you could capture this moment, capture those words leaving her mouth, forever keep them as a keepsake to be preserved for all time, you would. Because it’s everything you’ve ever wanted for her. To know she’s wanted and loved by both her parents. And finally, that moment is no longer a hope but a reality.

“Wait!” She suddenly pulls away, grabbing the picture she’d drawn for Joe and given to him as a Christmas gift. “I’ll be back!”

He looks over at you. “What is she—”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” you answer with a murmur, still partially overcome with emotion.

However, Callie is back in a matter of minutes with that beautiful smile on her face. Flipping it over, she exclaims, “I fixed it.”

Your eyes immediately land on what she “fixed,” and your heart swells. She’s crossed out Joe’s name with a black marker and instead written above it “daddy.”

“I love it.” His voice is thick with emotion, and you move closer to him, laying against his side. Wanting to be with him in this precious moment.

Callie wasn’t lying.

This truly is the best Christmas.

________

“Come on! We’re gonna be late!”

Callie’s animated voice somehow travels to you and Joe despite all of the hustle and bustle occurring around you, the sea of bodies waiting for the fireworks show to begin. There’s not much distance between the two of you and her, enough for Joe to grab her if need be.

You walk close with him, you hands locked around his bicep.

His discomfort is obvious, so you assure, “relax. You’re not the tribal chief around here.” He glances at you. “They may notice you, but they’ll leave you alone. Especially since it’s Christmas.”

This seems to relieve him as she explains, “tonight is about her. I just don’t want to take away from that.”

“And you won’t, I promise. Just….just be present in this moment.” He takes your hand in his, giving a gentle squeeze. Continuing to walk with him, your eyes land on Taylor, Darius, and a woman who, even from a distance, looks vaguely familiar.

“Taylor!”

Callie rushes over to her new best friend, and the two embrace. You almost wish you had your phone out to take a picture. The woman wears a friendly smile, but instantly, something feels off. She approaches you, asking, “Y/N?”

Nodding, you’re shocked when she pulls you in for a hug and then apologizes. “I'm sorry. I’m a hugger, and I just feel like I know you already.”

Callie takes this moment to jump back in the conversation, rushing over to Joe and introducing, “this is my daddy!”

That settles some of your anxiety. You’re not certain you’ll ever get tired of hearing her refer to him as such, and you know he won’t either.

“Man, uhh, hi, nice–nice to meet you.” Immediately, you know that Darius most definitely recognizes Joe. “Big fan.”

“Thanks, man.” Joe, understandably, keeps it simple, and you clear your throat.

“Thank you for arranging this with us. Callie seems to really like Taylor.”

“Taylor too,” Bianca expresses with a smile, as you realize she also has dimples. It’s a little thing, stupid, but as much as you try, you can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. “I swear, you would think they’ve known each other for years.”

Joe chuckles. “They’ve hit it off pretty well.”

“I’m sorry.” You hate being so off-putting and direct, especially given all of your text exchanges with this woman have gone so well, but you have to ask, “have we m—-”

“Bianca!”

A woman’s voice calls out, interrupting your conversation.

She looks past you and smiles, waving whoever it is over. “My parents,” she informs. “Over here!”

Callie and Taylor are immersed in a conversation, as you make eye-contact with Joe who gives you that ‘what’s wrong?’ expression. Answering truthfully, you shrug and murmur, “I don’t know.”

The presence of Taylor’s grandparents snatches her attention from Callie. “Grandpa!”

Turning around, you manage a small, inauthentic smile to introduce yourself when you see it. And everything is suddenly ten ways wrong.

There’s a brief second where you question yourself, question your vision, question your entire existence. But as he smiles, holding and kissing his grandchild on the cheek, you just know, know that you’re not wrong.

“Dad,” Bianca speaks, but you’re someplace else, someplace much different. “This is Y/N and…..”

She’s talking, but you’ve completely dissociated. You can’t say anything, paralyzed with shock and an overwhelming feeling of heartache.

That’s why she looked so familiar. You saw her that day at the precinct, coming into his office to inform him of her sibling’s misbehavior. This is his daughter.

This is your sister.

The daughter he picked over you.

And this is your father.

You’re going to be sick.

Partially aware of Joe’s suddenly cautious gaze on you, you place one hand over your stomach. “Excuse….excuse me….I—” You feel like you’re going to pass out, like four walls surround and are gradually closing in on you. Your throat is about to close up. “I have to go.” And you run, you run as far as your legs can take you, away from that situation, away from that visceral blast from the past, away from the overwhelming emotions that are threatening to overcome you.

And you don’t stop.

#roman reigns x black!oc #roman reigns fic #roman reigns #roman reigns x black!reader #arisnotebook #black writers

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anxious-witch · 3 days

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Okay, absolutely not a diss at the original post about Edwin's attraction to men being treated as punishment because all the men that have feelings for him hurt him and Charles, who he loves not feeling the same. It's a valid analysis and I absolutely see what op meant but but I wanted to expand on it in a more hopeful way, because I do feel like the show is, at it's core, a hopeful one, but I also didn't wanna like. Derail the post with this in a reblog so here is a separate one.

Yes, Simon sacrified him to a demon, the Cat King trapped him and consequently left him vulnerable to danger there and Monty betrayed him, but have they not also helped him face who he is? Regardless of if you think of them as villians or not, they showed him things he wanted. If Edwin left Port Townsend as soon as they were done with the case, he would have remained more or less unchanged, but would that truly have left him better off?

Moreso, Edwin changed them. Cat King realized at the end that he cannot keep Edwin unless Edwin wants to stay. That loneliness is not cured by forcing one to stay by your side, but rather by sharing a companionship. Monty realized that even if Edwin did not love him the same way, he cared for him and if circumstances were different, their friendship could have blossomed into something else too. He showed Monty that he can have thoughts and feelings outside of Esther. Hell, even if the Cat King didn't show up, it seemed like Monty was going to give up his plan to betray Edwin. Because he loved him, in the best way he knew how, in that moment. Simon by forgiving him, and letting him finally accept himself so he can move on, and Edwin realized being gay doesn't have to be a punishment. He said so himself. That the one thing that keeps them in hell, in true hell is them thinking it's a punishment.

And Charles? Charles who went to Hell for Edwin, who defied the story so ancient and powerful and got Edwin out of Hell? No matter if they end up as endgame or not, have they not already proven this is not a tragedy? This is not a punishment? If he didn't love Edwin, he would have never turned back, but he did. If it was a punishment, Edwin would have been taken again. But instead, they got out and they stayed together.

What I am trying to say is, yes, there is pain and there is hurt, but which relationship doesn't have that? Who didn't have a friend, a lover, a parent, hurt them in one way or another? That doesn't mean there was no love there, simply that that love needs more adjusting. And they all changed and began adjusting to fit a new situations and relationships they found themselves in. And I feel like, if this was a straight story, it would be exactly that.

Yes, Edwin still has a long way to go and I sincerely hope he gets his happy ending, whichever love interest he ends up choosing, but I don't think even know, this is the story of someone being tortured for being queer. It's a story of a bunch of people learning how to be who they truly are, and making mistakes all the while. But that's okay. Because they grow from it. And isn't that beautiful, in it's own way?

Simon, the bully who actually fancies the MC, Cat King, an older, more experienced guy who sees something special in the MC for the first time, Monty, the first, sweet romance that everyone wants but that doesn't end the way you expected. And of course, the best friend that has been "the one" this whol time. Those are all pretty common romance trope. We just rarely see them all together, and with some tweaking, but I'd say they make them more hopeful because that.

That's why I don't see "Love is a punishment for not having been strong enough to remain alone." as true for this particular media. Because it isn't-it's a learning experience that changes you. Perhaps not always pleasant, but we all must grow. Not even ghosts can stay unchanged.

#dead boy detectives #edwin payne #simon #cat king #monty the crow #charles rowland

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kikitakite · 3 days

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@fantasyfictionfables

I was going to reblog some of your posts because I wanted to discuss your takes on Mystra, but then I found out you're a Christian conservative who hates gay people.

No gay person thinks their sexual orientation is their identity, but it's absolutely PART of their identity, just as being straight is part of yours. You can claim otherwise, but it determines who you might love and marry and that person will one day become a part of you and your identity. It's inevitable. As a wife and mother of three, you should know that better than anyone.

But people from groups like yours shame gay people for exploring that part of themselves and that's why Pride Month exists. Pride isn't "propaganda". It's about marginalized people showing the world they exist and they're not ashamed of it. Parades are also a great way for gay people to meet each other. My bestie met her wife at a march 15 years ago and they've been together ever since. It's beautiful. They have two happy, gorgeous children who wouldn't exist without Pride, because their moms never would've met.

Pride also raises money to help gay teens who've been cast out of their homes and gay refugees who've had to flee their country because being gay is illegal there. It also provides support for gay people who need medical help, therapy for abuse, suicide prevention and more. It's a safe space for people who are often discriminated against and even KILLED just for being who they are. So sorry that seems to bother you.

Your take isn't brave, it's just ignorant and hateful. You didn't have to write that post. Nothing provoked it. You just WANTED to to air your allegiances. And then you turned off comments and reblogs lmfao. For the majority of the year, gay people survive just like us straights. They go about their day and don't even mention being gay. You picked the one month in the entire year that's dedicated to them to complain about their existence and call them "deranged". And then you have the audacity to say you "bear no ill will" towards them? Bullshit.

I can only assume the word "pride" scares you because you're a Christian and it's a sin, am I right? Well here's something ironic: lust is also a sin, yet your entire blog not only consists of Gale thirst posts, but you're also stealing Tim Downie's voice to make audio clips using AI. Hmmm, I wonder if God would approve of a married woman posting NSFW content and using a man's voice for her hedonistic writings without his consent. 🤔

And by the way, as a veteran DnD player I can tell you right now that Mystra has done some absolutely VILE shit to her followers. She's not perfect. None of the gods in DnD are. They're flawed and often cruel. I've seen you compare Mystra and Gale to stories in the Bible, but that almost feels blasphemous. Mystra has a history of evil deeds. She orchestrated Elminster's rape, made sure he had kids and never told him about them. She turned Volo into an anchor without his knowledge. She tortured a peasant because he refused to sleep with her, then killed his wife and punished him for crying about it. And don't even get me started on the "daughters" she created. The third Mystra (who has Mystra and Mystryl's memories) is cruel to Gale as well and the game gives so much context for that. Plus ALL the companions agree she's unreasonable and tell Gale to reject her, and if he does it leads to one of his most satisfying endings. He's happy, he's a teacher, he marries tav and everyone approves. Your way of playing isn't the only right way and people aren't wrong for criticizing Mystra. There's plenty about her that deserves to be criticized, as is the case with every god in the pantheon.

Speaking of, I have nothing against Christians, but I do when they use their faith to shame people and act like total hypocrites.

#pride month #happy pride 🌈#homophobia #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #mystra #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #call out post #tw r4p3

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aaliyahhves · 1 day

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F1 opinions that will probably get me cancelled

- Ever since christian horner case began , redbull has been going downhill , the team doesn't seem ready and United as they were last year , whether its in terms of performance or PR and it will probably keep deteriorating until redbull themselves make a decision regarding horner( i know they dismissed the case it still cost him his reputation and the team public favor ) , even though for the gp it seems to be over , people in the paddock still talk about this.

- Mercedes will likely be a mid tier team until the new regulations in 2026 (even though I'd like to see them in the front ) , toto shouldn't go for esteban or carlos this time , they'd be better off signing kimi or max , also I know we like to blame toto for everything , loosing lewis shouldn't be blamed on just him .

- The drivers currently on the grid that I see someday become world champions are charles leclerc and oscar piastri . Even though George rusell has potential , Mercedes are currently way too far from a championship winning car . I do think lando can win many races but he gets far too cocky the moment he starts performing well .

- Fred vasseur has brought an incredible amount of change at Ferrari, not only is the team more United, they all seem to be in a positive mood , fred brought out the silly in Ferrari management and now they make less mistakes on the track , he's signed lewis and multiple people from other teams . I'm praying Ferrari keeps performing the way they are now . During the binotto days , the team looked scattered and foolish with those shitty strategies . Sometimes a single person is the problem.

- Alpine team is absolute jokes , their PR is worse , idk who thought childhood rivals should be in the same team , no I'm not talking about them having track rivalry ( that rumor about their parents not even being allowed in the paddock at the same time ) , everyone knew they don't get along , why would you as a team risk that , I get that they couldn't sign oscar but this was literally a worse move on their part .

- Carlos should sign with alpine if redbull isn't signing him , he would have a lot more options if it wasn't for his father running his mouth and his ego . Esteban should probably take a break for a year since he can't stop fighting his own teammates . Daniel needs new PR managers and someone should probably teach him the difference between being misogynistic and funny . Yuki's good . Oscar's good . Lewis has stopped giving any fucks , max is enjoying himself and Charles seems healed .

- Kelly piquet is not a good person neither is her father , she's called out on every platform cause people know the problematic things she's done , some gossip pages are more focused on trying on invent new excuses they can use to hate Alexandra or lily , than they are on calling out the problematic wags .

Also this whole leo hate is so forced and so fucking annoying , that is a dog and people will rather hate on a literal puppy than get a life , whoever thinks they are woke while hating a dog cause you think it's PR should just stop consuming any media related to celebs and their lives .

#formula 1 #charles leclerc #f1 #max verstappen #scuderia ferrari #lewis hamilton #rbr f1 #mercedes #f1 wags #f1 opinions

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genericpuff · 2 days

Note

Rachel did a live Q&A in the LO Discord server and gave some news about the Animated Series, it’s still happening! (Surprisingly) Any thoughts on that or things you’d like to see from it?

Right, like every other time she's said it's "still happening" with no evidence to actually support it. That's always been the issue and still is.

Sorry, that's not me being snarky at you, I'm more so frustrated and absolutely fucking done with all the empty promises and platitudes.

Best case scenario with what was said during the Q&A was that she said "it's still happening" (worst case was that she didn't address it at all).

Like, how is this:

"I can say that… we are currently doing work on it… and it is going well.. and that it looks really cool and that I wish everyone could see what we’ve done because it looks really really really cool, and it’s happening, but that’s all I can say at this point… I can say, making tv shows takes a really long time, it takes so long" (last night's Q&A)

Any different than this:

“Um, it’s been really interesting. It’s been educational for me. So, what I—what has been done so far is beautiful. Like, if I could share it, I would. But I can’t. Because it’s very naughty.” - Girl Wonder SDCC (July 2023)

She's been saying this for the last two years since people started getting suspicious it wasn't happening in the first place, and despite all the reassurances that "it's still happening", it doesn't seem to have anything to show for itself. Cast list? Nope. Director? Nope. Writers? Nah. Just a showrunner whose bio still says "TBA" and who, despite having a whole ass 40 minute long interview with Girl Wonder, still didn't have anything to show for what's to come, just more empty promises that it's "still happening" (and a lot of banter about Stephanie's life, rather than her involvement with LO).

In fact, most of what Stephanie talks about in the podcast concerning LO is pitching it, not developing it. And this interview happened just a few months ago. Go listen to it yourself if you don't believe me.

So at this point, I see "it's still happening" as "don't panic" corporate speak for "we're still pitching it and trying to find a network for it so we can actually move onto development." Yes, animation takes a long time, even Hazbin Hotel took about three and a half years to finally release after Prime bought the rights to it in 2020. But LO, again, clearly hasn't even started the animation process yet. And while we're comparing it to Hazbin, note that HH actually had LOADS to show for itself along the way of being developed and did a much, MUCH better job at staying relevant and pulling in new people and hyping it up. Even people who never watched Hazbin before in its indie days on Youtube were hearing about it, it made an active effort to sell itself to new viewers and break out of its bubble on Youtube. Is LO doing that? No, not really. Most of the people who know about it are diehard fans who refuse to read anything that isn't shown directly to them on Webtoons, and diehard haters who are tired of the garbage that gets advertised on Webtoons. Ask anyone who doesn't use Webtoons, and best case, they'll know someone who reads LO, worst case, they won't even know what a webtoon is.

Shit, even the new upcoming Zelda movie has names attached to it, including Avi Arad, Wes Ball, and Derek Connolly. And my god, it's gonna SUCK DICK with that bad of a line-up (the guy who ruined the OG Spiderman trilogy and created Morbius, the guy who directed the Maze Runner films, and one of the leading storywriters behind Rise of Skywalker, fucking YIKES) but hey, at least it has more than one name attached to it.

But okay, if we're gonna play the comparison game, let's be fair and compare LO to some other works in its own lane. Let's Play announced last year that it would be getting an animated adaption, and it already has a studio backing it that is FAR more suited for it than JHC is to LO - OLM, the same studio whose animated for massive franchises like Pokemon, Yo-Kai, and Gudetama. JHC meanwhile has animated... motion capture kid shows like Word Party. Because that's the only kind of animation they actually specialize in when it comes to their in-house services. Sure, they also have Harriet the Spy, but that wasn't animated by them, that was animated by Titmouse Inc (heh sorry).

I'm the Grim Reaper recently had its own animated adaption announced, and who's in charge of it? Oh, only SAM FUCKING RAIMI-

And look, maybe the Let's Play and I'm the Grim Reaper adaptions won't happen either. I just think it's ironic that they both have more to show for themselves in terms of credible names attached to them than what LO has managed to scrape up after five years of promising that it's "still happening" (especially when one of those series is nowhere near as big as LO and the one that WAS as big as LO walked away from Webtoons entirely). For Webtoons' own "worldwide phenomenon", they sure have given LO the shit end of the stick by pairing it with a family-with-kids-under-10 production studio that doesn't specialize in animation and a showrunner who got her start with the Cosmopolitan (weird how LO has so many plugs with Cosmo, huh? Why is JHC producing the show again?)

At the end of the day, nothing's changed. It's still just the ole' "it's still happening" record on a loop, while the comic itself falls further out of favor with people. And it's likely gonna be going behind DailyPass soon, so just think about what that's gonna do to its relevancy after it gets sent away to the equivalent of the Webtoons graveyard.

As I've said countless times before every time this topic comes up, at best, if it is still happening, and I'm wrong about all of this, they are doing the worst job I've ever seen at hyping people up and keeping them informed. It is NOT a good thing that people have to keep asking Rachel if it's still happening.

As for worst case... you wanna know what other projects come to my mind that have fallen into the same state of development hell and decay as LO's TV show? YandereSim and Cryamore. What do you think the popular opinion is about those works and their creators now? Because if you don't know either of those names and are about to google them, let me give you a heads up warning - it's not positive.

If it happens, it happens. It will hopefully be before I get all the therapy I need to undo what LO has done to my brain so that I don't have to make repeat visits LOL But if it's after, hey, maybe the show will be good! Assuming Rachel doesn't, y'know, E.L. James the whole thing. Because frankly, the show will need to cut and rework a LOT of stuff to be any good IMO and I don't think that will be possible if Rachel gets directly involved. But I'm not even hoping for that scenario because there's literally NOTHING to give me that hope, "it's still happening" is nothing more than "don't panic" corporate speak to me at this point. It's cynical, but I just can't waste my energy caring about it anymore.

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything #lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical

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sainzzsturns · 11 hours

Text

Self Care Night

H. Fort x reader

category: fluff

warnings: none, lower case intended, i apologize for any bad grammar since english is not my first language

summary: helping héctor de-stress

a/n: sorry this was so rushed 😭

you heard the front door slam as you ran down the stairs to greet your boyfriend who had just come back from training.

when you looked at him tho, all of your excitement was thrown out the window.

“what happened, love?” you asked looking at his eyes red from holding back tears. you hugged him as strong as you possibly could, wanting to protect him from all the bad in the world.

as soon as he wrapped his arms around you and laid his head on your shoulder you could hear quiet and soft sobs.

“i was absolute shit at today’s training, and i was hoping xavi would play me on the starting team this weekend” he explained.

you held his face, brushing away any curls that had fallen in front of his eyes and any tear stains that were left, he immediately leaned into your touch.

“well mi amor, everyone has bad days, xavi is very experienced and he’s been a player himself so i’m sure he knows you’ve just had a bad day. how about we have a relaxing afternoon for you to disconnect a bit from all this stress?” you answered.

“yeah i guess it could help.”

you went up to your room to start a bath, you put a fancy bath bomb and lit up some lavender candles to help relax.

héctor got in the bath while you headed downstairs to grab his favorite drink.

walking back into the bathroom you saw him laying on the bathtub with his head leaned back.

you sat beside him, filling up the cup and setting it by his side while stroking his hair.

“you’re too good for me” he whispered.

“i’m here to give you what you deserve” you answered, kissing the top of his head.

he kissed you softly, “don’t you wanna get in as well, that would definitely help me relax” he said.

“héctor!” you scolded him hitting his arm as he chuckled at your shock.

“kidding!” he said back, “i mean…”

“stop! well i think someone’s better…” you said getting up from your spot by the tub. “get out while i grab us some snacks, i’ll let you choose the movie today.”

you made your way downstairs to the pantry to grab all his favorite snacks, water, etc.

when you went back up the stairs you saw héctor with his pj pants on walking towards your shared bed.

“oh my favorite!” he said when spotting his favorite chips.

you giggled, getting comfortable in bed with him, one of his hands on the remote for the TV and the other resting on your lap.

when he finally picked his movie of choice, héctor laid his head on your chest, wrapping his arms around your waist.

you were going to make a comment about the movie half way through but you noticed his heavy lids shut and his breathing slowed.

you kissed his forehead feeling his arms tighten around you, leaning into him and drifting into sleep as well.

#hector fort x reader #héctor fort #hector fort #hector #fc barcelona #la masia #lamine yamal #marc guiu #football #football x reader #la liga #barça #barcelona spain

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lover-of-mine · 2 days

Note

the whole ‘why is he here’ thing is 95% of the reason i don’t understand where tf BT shippers are getting all of this from. ‘tommy’s so kind to buck’ ‘they’re so smitten’ ‘they’re made for eachother’ ‘buck’s so happy with tommy’. okay, but where?? show me in canon, read me dialogue, point out specific scenes, SHOW ME exactly where the show had told or shown you that these things are true. and they can’t! because there has been nothing on screen to suggest this, no development, no certainty about their relationship, no discussion about their relationship at all actually, no emotional connection… sure buck is smiling and happy but it’s not like buck has never smiled or never been happy before? ‘buck’s grinning!’ that’s literally how oliver smiles! he cheeses!! the show is giving absolutely nothing but then the shippers run with it and headcanon and make things up out of thin air and decide it’s canon fact to shove in people’s faces and delude themselves into believing they’re getting more than they are. either season 8 breaks them off and treats him as the fairly unimportant plot device for buck’s bisexuality realisation that they decided to keep around for a bit longer because he was getting them clicks and attention, despite the fact that they had no idea what to do with him… or it actually makes an effort to prove to us ‘why he is still here’. i know which option i’d prefer…. but my point still stands. sorry for the paragraph!

Don't apologize, I'm giving you a standing ovation. The whole Buck is happy, he's grinning thing if funny because he was like that with every girl before? He was grinning like that at Ali, he looked smitten by Taylor up until the point in 5a where they decided the relationship has been enough, everyone saw how he was smiling a Natalia at the coffee date or during 618, even the cemetery while talking about her and no one was screaming endgame even tho Natalia was played out to be his endgame in case of a cancellation. And the whole T is so kind to Buck, sure, the flirting can be cute in 704, BUT Buck is an unreliable narrator, so I kinda eye everything that happened there wondering how much is true and how much is Buck's rose colored glasses, but even in that scene, T was in no position to excuse Buck from hurting Eddie, and he actually asked Buck out after kissing him out of nowhere instead of running away like Taylor, but it's not like Taylor set a very high bar. Then maybe the way he tops Buck's beer on the date? But that gets overshadowed by the way he calls a car and leaves Buck on the curb, only communicating he's leaving when he's literally in the car, when he could've talked to Buck before? Also the closet joke to Eddie when he knew Buck wasn't out was ?????? And then we have the coffee that i still don't understand why any of that happened, because why would you agree to go to someone's sister's wedding after half a date you walked off? Then the party, if he was so great he would've dressed on theme????? He literally needs to change into a uniform because he shows up at the hospital in said uniform, so he could've put effort into his outfit. The way the hospital scene could've been cute if he had helped Buck clean his face or at least told Buck his face was dirty, and they could've walked in holding hands or something. The ceremony had nothing, Buck's hand was even in his pocket because there was nothing about that conversation to indicate they were more than friends. And the dinner in the loft had Buck being vulnerable, and the weirdest tone shift leading to a kink joke that feels very out of place given the circumstances. That's it. That's every scene. Tell me where are you seeing them being made for each other? I honestly feel like T comes out as callous and condescending every time he opens his mouth. I can't find anything to like about him or about him when it comes to Buck and I legit don't understand where the hype is coming. Like, seriously. The show gave me nothing. Let's see how the show handles him next season, I guess.

#911 #911 spoilers #i really need a tag for asks #anon 😌#anti bucktommy

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eff4freddie · 2 days

Text

2 Sweet 4 Me | Part One

Dieter Bravo x AFAB Reader Words: 3k Minors DNI

Part Two Part Three

Dieter knows he fucked up, knows he lost you, knows it hurt and that he deserved it. But if its the way things had to be, the way they were always going to be, predestined as he is, apparently born under a vengeful and unforgiving star, then why does it still fucking sting so much?

This is a love story.

Warnings: Drug use, oral sex, M/M, M/F, tiny hint of a miscarriage. Cover image doesn't represent reader. Dieter being angsty and defeated, Dieter beating himself up, Dieter self-effacing and self-sabotaging. Just Dieter.

Dieter had really tried to be good. The problem wasn’t that he got bored easily, or that sometimes it felt like his bones were kind of itchy in an unsettling way. It wasn’t that everyone he knew wanted something from him, wasn’t that they usually got it. It wasn’t that he missed the chemical burn up his nostrils, the glug of the pills caught on the back of his throat. It was all of the above, and a bunch of other stuff his fifth therapist hadn’t yet figured out how to excavate.

He slumped his head back on the couch, his trailer too cramped for someone who won an Oscar, but absolutely the right size for someone successfully snorting it all away. He was in the back row, a long line of trailers all the way down to the highway, such that he had to put on his music to drown out the cars going past, and it was fucking impossible to concentrate on his craft when all he could hear was honking and the drone of the 9-5, of the people coming and going completely unaware that life was supposed to be about creativity and fun and getting your cock sucked by the best boy between scenes.

He had to be careful not to be too loud. Had to hold his cigarette tight between his fingers in case he dropped ash on the head bobbing up and down in his lap. He sighed.

‘I’m not sure this is working for me,’ he said, after a while, his mouth strangely dry, his tongue sticking to the roof his mouth. If you’d been here, you would have told him to drink some water. He tried to swallow down his feelings dry.

The best boy hummed, switching from forcing Dieter’s length down his throat to pumping with his fist while he tongued at Dieter’s balls. That was a slight improvement, Dieter considered. But not enough.

Gently, he took the best boy by the collar, heard the slick of his skin as it eased from the younger man’s mouth. ‘Thanks, though,’ he said, half-hearted.

‘What about if I…?’ the best boy asked, taking two of his fingers and swooshing them upwards into the air.

‘No, no,’ Dieter waved him away. ‘I just need to relax, I think.’

‘I have some edibles in my car, I could go and get them,’ the best boy offered, springing up on youthful knees and sitting, too close, to Dieter on the couch. ‘We could do them together,’ he went on.

Oh, fuck. Dieter could see the look in his eye, had seen it a thousand times. A look like he thought if he swallowed enough of Dieter’s come it’d land him a production assistant gig, a job on a daytime talk show, one of those ones that’s been going for 20 years.

‘Sorry, man,’ he said, standing and tucking himself back into his shorts. The best boy stood with him, hurt crossing his face before a professional veneer slotted over the top. For a moment Dieter stared at him, scared he was going to say something, and not sure what he would say that scared him the most; the offer of more drugs, of more sex, or just to tell him he was due back on set. ‘I gotta pee,’ Dieter said, eventually, scurrying away to the bathroom in the hope that by the time he emerged the younger man would be gone.

He avoided his reflection in the mirror, knew that if he looked, he wouldn’t recognise himself anyway. He could feel the stage makeup settling into his pores, could feel the mascara clumping in the corners of his eyes. Sometimes, when he was drunk enough but not high, when he was jet lagged but not too fuzzy, when he was feeling vulnerable but not unsafe, sometimes then he would look. Study the deepening lines across his forehead, the crow’s feet crinkling his skin all the way to his temples. He’d pull his hairline back, check for any movement, stare into the dark of his eyes and see if the rot was leaking out. He’d wonder why you chose him, husk of a thing that he is, how you stayed for so fucking long.

All of it was just sleight of hand. He’d go out there onto the soundstage, hit his mark and say the words someone else had written, pretend he was somewhere, someone, better. He’d got so good at pretending, at covering up, and making himself disappear that he’d forgotten now how to do the magic trick. It just happened. He won awards for it, the slippage.

On the way back to his rented apartment, because he can’t even commit to a real estate agent let alone to a partner, his driver wound down the window to try and clear the smoke drifting over from where Dieter sat in the back.

‘Sorry, Rudy,’ Dieter muttered, using the butt of one cigarette to light the end of the next. It occurred to him that all he ever did now was apologise. Fuck up. Apologise. Repeat.

That’s what you’d said to him, too, when you’d stood in his kitchen next to your overnight bag filled to the brim and reminded him that ‘sorry is not change’. You were right and you were smart and you were too fucking good for him, had always been. He hadn’t blamed you for leaving. Would have left himself too, if he could.

He wondered what you’re doing, even though it hurt. It’s nearly 11 PM on a Thursday night, so he knows you’re probably taking off your makeup, getting into your sweats to go to bed. He wondered if you’re alone, if that guy from your office, fucking Jonathan, was there with you. For a second, he let himself imagine you’re waiting for him at home, the bedside light still on and a book lying discarded next to you on the blankets as you snooze. He approaches, quiet over the carpet, pulls his shirt off, pushes his pants down over his hips. You smile, but don’t so much wake, as he slides in behind you, feels the warmth of your soft skin on his. ‘Hey baby,’ you say, quiet and half-asleep, and he buries his face in your hair. In the morning he’ll have his filthy way with you but right now he just wants you close, in his arms and under his blankets, inside his four walls. Wants you tucked up safe against him, wants to feel your love.

He looked down at his hands, could still feel the warmth of your skin on them, as if for a moment he wasn’t imagining but conjuring. He believed for a moment that it was possible. Wondered if the yellow stains on his fingertips were from the nicotine or just the orange glow of the streetlights.

His house was quiet when he gets in, because of course it was. He wondered if he should call his weed guy, call his E guy. If he just wanted a whiskey, maybe a little Valium first, maybe just a lobotomy. The silence was making him antsy again, sling-shotting from maudlin to jittery as the silence crept into his bones. He could paint but he couldn’t be fucked. He has a 6 AM call time in the morning. Rudy will be knocking on his door at 5.

He realised he’s too amped up to sleep, but that he needed to if he was going to be in any sort of functional state tomorrow. He really didn’t want to fuck up this job, this little indie shooting on the streets of LA on actual film like it’s the fucking 90s. This was maybe his step back into legitimacy, maybe a chance to show he’s still worth a shot. You were so proud of him when he got it, all those months ago, when even his agent seemed a little misty-eyed at the offer. This was important.

Just Ambien, then.

In his bed, Dieter waited for sleep to take him. He still had the picture of you and him on his nightstand, the one where you’re looking up at him as he holds you by the middle, your smile bright and shining as he stares, warmly, into your eyes. You’d been at some party, and even though he couldn’t remember where exactly you both were, Dieter remembered that moment, the snap taken by a friend who had no idea of its significance. It was the moment he knew he loved you, and felt it without fear. It hurt now, hurt a little then, and he left it there for every time he turns his lamp off. Lets it remind him that there was a golden period of some months where you existed in his life and he was yet to fuck it up.

Sometime around 2 AM he’s woken by his phone, his body moving before his brain registered what was going on. He doesn’t remember setting an alarm, barely remembered falling asleep. He tried to shift some of the fog to the side so he could think.

‘-lo?’ he muttered, his throat dry.

‘Dee?’ you asked, and he could hear in your voice that you were flustered, worried. He sat bolt upright in the bed, pushed over the picture of you as he reached for the lamp.

‘Baby?’ he asked, as he felt his pulse race and the room swim in front of his eyes.

‘Are you OK?’ you asked, and he could hear how tight your voice was.

‘Mm’sleepin’ he said, surprised by how hard it was to get his mouth to work properly. ‘You OK?’

‘You texted me,’ you said, and he felt his stomach drop. Oh, fuck. Oh fuckedy fuck fuck.

‘I did?’ he asked, as he searched his brain for some scrap of memory. All he could now remember was why he never fucking takes Ambien anymore.

‘Yeah, you said you needed me.’

He slammed his hand to his forehead, hoped for a second that he was actually just straight up hallucinating.

You were still talking, and he tried hard to focus on what you were telling him. ‘You said you’d made a mistake, that I was…’ you paused, and he realised you’d pulled the phone away from your face to read his own messages back to him. ‘Too sweet for you, that you broke us, that you are not so much a bull in a China shop as Mengele hanging out in an orphanage.’ He cringed, no matter how poetic it was. And accurate.

‘Then I think you tried to send me a picture-’

‘Oh God, please tell me not of my-’

‘It’s too dark to see, I think its your ceiling. And you’re saying something about falling stars, and comets.’

Despite his mortification, he could hear a tiny bit of mirth creeping into your voice, and he felt it tinkle warm and delicate at the base of his spine. If he waited long enough, sent you enough fucked up texts, maybe he’d even get to hear your laugh.

‘Fuck, I’m so sorry,’ he started, but stopped when you shushed him.

‘Just tell me what you’ve taken so I know if I should call 911.’

‘Just Ambien, I promise, baby,’ he said, and he hated the little surge of something proud and excited that you cared enough to maybe call help for him. Hated that he had been the one to exploit that in you, for the entirety of your relationship, wondered if he’d started to dangle himself off the cliff just to see if you’d still come and save him. Fuck, there was so much to be sorry for. He’d lost track a long time ago.

‘Dee,’ you said, and then you trailed off, and he could hear that you were about to kindly, gently, admonish him.

‘Didn’t even know I was doing it,’ he explained, and he listened to your sad little sigh. He shut his eyes against it, pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Not that I didn’t want to…I mean, not that I wouldn’t have if I…not just because of the meds, I guess, I mean.’

In the silence, Dieter checked his phone to see the damage for himself. There were a couple of messages that had failed to send, gibberish mostly, and he deleted them before his phone attempted to deliver on his garbled words. There was, indeed, a picture of his ceiling. He wondered if his medicated mind had wanted to show you what it would look like if you were with him.

He read, quickly.

Down in mmy sheeps with me.

Brokei t. Us.

2 sweet 4 me

not so much a bull in a China shop as Mengele hanging out in an orphanage

He swallowed, assumed he must have got Siri to dictate that last one.

‘What did you mean?’ you asked him, and he heard the sheets rustle round you as you settled yourself back down in bed. He felt his heartrate pick up, had assumed you would hang up on him having been satisfied he was still alive. It had been so long since you’d talked properly. Since after you left, but also a little bit since before.

‘Well, he did a lot of experiments on kids, twins mostly,’ Dieter began, and you stopped him.

‘No, Jesus, no. Fuck, Dee.’ You collected yourself. ‘That I’m too sweet for you. You really think that?’

He thought about you staying up all hours of the night to chat to him on Facetime when he was on location, sleepless and anxious over some tiny bit part, in another country. Thought about you pulling the router out of the wall and putting his phone in the safe when the first reviews for Cliff Beasts 7 were looking shaky. When you cried, quiet in the bathroom when you thought he couldn’t hear, over the comments left on his Instagram the first time you were papped together.

‘My life,’ he started, rolling out a sentence both his manager and agent had said to him in the aftermath of the breakup, ‘is not a good fit for civilians.’

He heard you take in a sharp breath.

‘That’s not it though, is it?’ you asked him, and his eyes were getting heavy, the Ambien still in his bloodstream, the day, week, month, weighing heavy on his shoulders. ‘You put me on a pedestal, Dee. I was never too anything for you. I just don’t think you could bare it when I was real.’

He thought about that time he’d screamed at you, upended your suitcase onto the floor, while you were packing for a work trip, the hypocrisy of it not lost on him even then. That time when he’d dragged you out to an industry party, his nerves jangling, not able to remember the last time he’d done it sober, only to lose you in the crowd within fifteen minutes of arriving, everyone wanting to talk to him, to rub up on him, his hand slipping from yours in the throng of it, his mind tuning in to the attention of strangers, ignoring or rejecting or minimising that he had all the love he could want in you.

That time when you’d been sick, bleeding on the floor of the bathroom, calling him to come take you to the hospital, and he’d sent his assistant because he was about to shoot a big scene.

He shut his eyes, the shame of it licking at his cheeks. You didn’t come home after that. You returned to his place, stayed in his bed for a few weeks, ate the food in his fridge and haunted his living room, but you didn’t ever actually come home.

‘I miss you,’ he said, because it was all he could say, and because it was true.

‘Dee, don’t,’ you whispered, and he closed his eyes to revel in the sound of it, to ignore what you were saying to him and to just imagine for a second you were saying it with your body pressed to his.

‘Nothing feels real without you,’ he said, and he meant it, meant how he spent all day in clothes that weren’t his, saying words that he didn’t mean, to people he barely knew. That each morning they had to spackle over the hate and the want and the wash out, try to build him back up into a human being. He was so fucking cold without you, in the middle of an LA heatwave.

‘I wonder if you’ll remember this in the morning,’ you said, and it stung him. He felt the hot prickle of tears at the back of his eyes, felt the strain in his jaw as his mouth turned down.

‘I want to remember it all,’ he said, and he heard you huff out a quiet little laugh, not at all what he had been hoping for. ‘Do you miss me?’ he asked, dropping his hand to his chest to try and still his racing, terrified heart.

‘Go to sleep, Dee,’ you said, before the line went dead. He pulled his phone back to check that you were gone.

It was 2:30 in the morning. Rudy would be there within hours.

Taglist (want to be on it? Drop me a message): @dieterbravobrainrotclub

@harriedandharassed

#dieter bravo fanfic #dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo x you #dieter bravo #pedro pascal character #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal characters fanfiction

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saveugoodmadam · 3 days

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everyone meet my oc!!! his name is dr arthur buchanan and he is 35 years old, he's one of jekyll's oldest friends and kiiind of went to university with him but more on that later. he is a voice of common sense in the society (so much so that he appears as such in jekyll's mind). his job title is basically that he studies stuff that transforms, so like werewolves and vampires etc.

more info under the cut! I'm also probably going to do a separate post going through everything in the background because there's a lot of details back there! also this took me like four days in total lmaoooo

arthur's scar is from seal hunters while he was in his seal form. people tend to kind of assume it was from a werewolf or vampire he was working with but no. humans.

his hair is quite long because culturally selkies only cut their hair before returning to the sea, so how long his hair is indicates how long it's been since he's last been home.

I mentioned him kind of going to uni with jekyll- basically, if you look on the wall behind him, he's got a diploma from the hidden university, which is a university for magical or folklorish people. it operates out of several places (kind of like the open university) and one of those places just so happened to be a hidden door in jekyll and lanyon's university library.

he would be trans by human standards but selkies don't really have a concept of gender, only child-bearer or non-child-bearer so it's not a big deal to him. plus also once you're on land you have to pick a human name for yourself anyway- arthur named himself after the hero of the storybook that a much younger jekyll was reading when they first met.

similarly, his accent is kind of weird and hard to place because of the many people he learned to speak from, including jekyll, his teachers, townsfolk, lanyon, the club he founded for lanyon's exes and the lodgers.

he's also accidentally married to sinnett because of the seal pelt rule. they haven't really addressed this but they have something unlabellable going on between them and arthur goes absolutely batshit ballistic at frankenstein for the 'le sommeil de la mort' incident. imagine how batshit henry got and then imagine how batshit he would have been if it had been lanyon and not sinnett and you have the basic idea.

he also knew about jekyll and hyde before most other people because it was such an obvious textbook case of people dealing with a first experience of metamorphosis from both of them but he's been sworn to secrecy on the matter. they usually come to him to bitch about each other and get drunk.

this is all the lore I've thought of so far but if you want to drop me an ask about him please do 🥺🥺🥺 please. please. let me infodump to you.

#the glass scientists #oc: arthur buchanan #my art #I'm so happy with how this piece turned out!!!#proportions are a wee bit wonky but I think I captured the vibe of the original introduction frames quite well!#yeah please please PLEASE send me asks about him <3 #the post about the background will come very soon I promise!

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nouies · 3 days

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lou!! how was it? how are you feeling!!

HIIIIII! omg idk where to begin.

i’ve been spending the last four days with Anitra @allwaswell16 and it’s been absolutely amazing! we got to see lots of cool stuff for the first time together, or for the second time in some cases. sometimes it shows when you’ve known a person online for seven years or so bc it’s so easy when it comes to hang out “in real life” 🥹

so anyway, we had been so lucky with mexico city’s traffic for the first two days (even on friday which was also pay day), but yesterday we got to experience the real chaos (and the scam that has become uber), so we couldn’t get there by the time doors opened and we missed Giant Rocks and the special merch for mexico city (Anitra got us merch anyway and we’re twining), but i was mostly sad abt missing my chance to finally meet An @lemelous (we’re going to meet soon so it’s fine but also it would’ve made my night way better that it already was!)

before the show, we got to trade some friendship bracelets and we got the material for the fan projects!

i got to meet in person my friend Fer @fforever-dreaming alongside with Mery @fuchsiasea (who i’m going to see very soon too!) and her sister. we only had a little time to talk but it was definitely one of the parts i was looking forward the most and a highlight of the night.

SO THE SHOW. it’s going to sound cliché but it’s an experience that you have to live it to understand it. that moment when the playlist pre-show suddenly stops and you see the stage is all ready, and then a couple of minutes after the lights go off and you know it’s starting??? priceless! i screamed a lot when Louis came out on stage and i just couldn’t really process it that i was finally seeing him after two long years!!! (which i know it’s a privilege itself bc there’s ppl who haven’t seen him).

when it finally clicked to me that he was there, i noticed the shirt which i LOVED! he looks so beautiful in polo shirts and especially that colour! (i especially loved that it was red bc it’s one of our national colours too).

it felt like it was a song after the other with no breaks. idk how the ppl watching the live-streaming felt but it went too fast! and there were so many emotions in the air! i screamed, i sang, i jumped, i participated in the projects, i teared up a bit during certain parts, I LAUGHED he’s so funny and so grateful for everything, that i just wanted to put him in a pocket and take him with me lol.

i couldn’t tell you which songs i enjoyed the most bc honestly i loved them all. i’m not a person who watches livestreams from fans, and even sometimes the videos i watch them with no audio just to see if i can make gifs from them lol so everything was a surprise for me and i loved it! i didn’t notice we were missing a song until almost at the very end but personally i didn’t need it bc he gave us so much of him already. i definitely wanted to listen to bigger than me bc it was my most listened to song in 2022 and i didn’t want to miss it. but like i said, i loved all the songs, the chats, the projects!!!

a quick parenthesis abt the projects. so originally there were three: sibwawc, walls, and saturdays. what you saw on the videos going around and the kmm project wasn’t talked abt (as far as i know, maybe i’m wrong), but we did it last year (thanks to the chilean fans of course) so i guess everyone knew that part was coming and just did it. like it looked so coordinated but it wasn’t planned (again, as far as i know) before hand. i obviously couldn’t see the rainbow lights from my section bc we were holding the same colour but when i saw the video and i saw that it worked, i loved it. and i guess you’ve seen the video where the crowd screamed “for every question why, you were my because” and it shows the crowd? we formed the mexican flag there. for saturdays i also think the project worked? i haven’t seen videos but if i’m honest i wanted to film that song for my friend who couldn’t be there so i did the project for half the song lol

the fireworks and confetti after silver tongues were so cool! i wasn’t expecting them so i was filming the whole stage and not really zooming on him? so when the fireworks showed up i felt like a child! it was just pure and genuine happiness in that moment.

lately i’ve been enjoying concerts more than when i was younger, idk why, but i scream more and jump more, and just live in the moment. and this concert even if i felt it was too short, it was still one of the best experiences ever!! i love Louis so much and i love my friends! 🫶🏻

#my show #interlouist #answered

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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 1 day

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you know, i like hordak as a character. he's interesting, he's likeable, he's a good example of an abuse victim who isn't overly infantilized and coddled by the narrative. his relationship with entrapta was cute, his relationship with horde prime was tragic and i like that he at least gets a proper confrontation with his abuser, where he is able to declare his own independence and get some closure from his trauma.

however, there are two main problems i have with his character (some of which i've already talked about but i want to go into more detail):

1. hordak was not an effective villain. heck, he was barely a villain at all.

you cannot tell me that hordak was the main villain of the first four seasons when the majority of his screentime was spent with him either lurking in his sanctum or canoodling with entrapta.. in his sanctum.

at first i thought that hordak was going to be this looming presence that had control over everything and puppeted everyone's every move, and was this evil masterpiece who orchestrated everything behind the scenes but.. nah. turns out he's just an incompetent manchild who needs a literal teenager with no battle experience to plan everything out for him. how did he conquer half of etheria before that? who knows? not important.

hordak also has no meaningful relationship with adora, the hero. there were actually a lot of parallels that could be drawn from hordak and adora both being raised by abusers who valued perfection over everything else. granted, in that aspect, hordak is more like catra but there isn't even that many parallels with him and catra. there are, in fact, more parallels with catra and shadow weaver or catra and horde prime.

and okay, not every hero and villain needs a deep intertwined relationship or complex narrative parallels. but at least give us something? a proper interaction?? the show even acknowledges the fact that hordak and adora have absolutely no connection with each other, when adora asks him why he kidnapped her and he basically replies with "lol who are you again". and then he just randomly remembers her at the end of the finale and it’s supposed to be this touching, emotional scene except you feel nothing because these characters literally never interacted, what are we looking at?

adora is supposed to be fighting the horde, but it seemed like she was just fighting catra most of the time. as the hero who opposes etheria's oppressors, shouldn't adora mainly be targeting hordak, the person who started it all? and shouldn't hordak, as the leader of the horde, be more concerned about the rebellion having an actual god on their side? i guess it doesn't really matter if said god can be easily defeated by a inexperienced catgirl

it just feels like hordak didn't have to be a villain at all. we only know he does horrifying things, because the narrative says that he does. oh, and he tortures catra once and sends her to crimson waste, so i guess that qualifies as being a villain.

the point of a villain is to drive the central conflict of the story. to oppose the hero and to pose an actual threat to the status quo. any character who doesn't do this is merely an antagonist. in hordak's case, i don't even know if he counts as an antagonist. he's like that one edgy antihero with a dark past where he murdered countless people but it doesn't really matter in present time. it’s just there to add flavor and to enhance his tragic past, because war is obviously a fictional fantasy trope and totally not something that has happened in real life. /s

2. like many other characters in this show, hordak's character almost completely revolves around his love interest.

yes, entrapta taking care of hordak and boosting his self-esteem is endearing. yes, hordak breaking his defenses and being vulnerable around entrapta is very sweet. but apart from entrapta, the only characters who have any kind of effect on hordak is horde prime and catra. and.. i guess, imp? but again, imp is mostly just a stand-in for the cute animal sidekick.

i know that hordak was supposed to be a recluse but it's impossible to believe that this kind of person was able to start an army and feed them with false propaganda. again, if you read my post about cults and their methods of indoctrination, you would know that cult leaders are often very charismatic and friendly people. and i know the horde isn't exactly a cult but we are supposed to believe that at least some of the cadets raised there genuinely believed that they were on the side of good, when their leader was a mysterious shut-in who basically didn't do anything substantial and their mentor/superior officer was just actively radiating Evil Vibes™.

i just wish they did more with hordak’s character and actually made him interact with some of the other characters. he doesn’t even interact with shadow weaver that much, and she was his second-in-command. even if it’s not direct interactions, it would have been interesting to see the characters mention hordak more, especially the ex-horde soldiers. apart from the general “oh no he’s evil and wants to kill everyone”, that is.

like we see people talking about shadow weaver. we see adora open up about her relationship with shadow weaver and ponder about whether there’s some good left in the woman who raised her. we see glimmer talking about how powerful shadow weaver is and how she could help the rebellion. we see catra complaining about how shadow weaver treated her in comparison to adora. we see angella talk about how shadow weaver shouldn’t be trusted.

when you think about it, shadow weaver was much more of a looming menacing presence in spop, despite not even being a villain, let alone the main villain.

even when she was on the good side and helping the princesses, there was always a ceaseless feeling of unease and fear, because we’ve seen what she’s capable of. we weren’t just told that “shadow weaver is sooo abusive, she’s bad!” we see how she treats adora and catra, we see how she manipulates situations and people for her own benefit, we see how she slowly starts to get into glimmer’s head. the show actually does a good job with shadow weaver, and i have to give credit where credit is due. shadow weaver was genuinely a well-written character.

hordak is just.. there, most of the time. he acts evil enough to be considered as one of the villains but he’s not actually a villain if you consider it for more than five seconds. he doesn’t really do anything for the bulk of the narrative, he has one kinda cool scene where he stands up to his abuser and then he just peaces out with entrapta.

i don’t really understand the point of taking a main villain of the show and turning him into this. sure, the OG hordak was more of a comedic villain and wasn’t super complex, but from what i know, he still played an important role in a narrative and his humorous moments made up for the lack of a tragic backstory.

#also i'm feeling better now thankfully it only lasted two days #spop critical #spop salt #spop #spop discourse #spop criticism #she ra #anti spop #bad writing #writing errors

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