#and how it weighs on her or whatever

[rosykims]

like out of all the many, many traumas ive given elspeth my favorite has gotta be the deep roads lol. and specifically the way she never really got OUT of them. yeah so maybe her body did but not HER. shes still down there with ruck and helspith every time she closes her eyes. and during future expeditions when she goes down into the deep roads for real, it doesnt feel like some horrible nightmare it feels like REALITY and its the surface and love and warmth and alistair thats nothing more than a pleasant dream. one shes always going to wake up from. bc even in her happiest moments she's never not aware of the darkspawn digging up towards her just a few miles under her feet. and never not feeling the eyes of the deep roads looking at her, gleefully waiting for her, and knowing its not going anywhere

#i love shale but for elspeth's worldstate i dont recruit her bc im so obsessed w the dynamic of it being elspeth/alistair/oghren/the dog lol #oc: elspeth #tay plays dao #she got SEVERE shell shock being down there in the dead trenches after the realization that came from helspith's poem #why shes never seen any female darkspawn and why there apparently arent as many female wardens either #and like. Understanding that death is the absolute best case scenario for her. #alistair had to 100000% step up as the leader because she was completely out of commission. barely able to breathe let alone fight or lead #going from this unstoppable warrior who NEVER loses her nerve or control on a battlefield #to nearly dying to the broodmother bc she was so fucking terrified. bc all she could see was her own fate mirrored back at her #finally FINALLY understanding what it means to be a grey warden. and then trying to reject that reality with her entire body and soul #she pulls herself out of it enough to get out alive but she never had a moment of like... triumph over the deep roads where she had a burst #of courage and saved the day or whatever. thats not usually how trauma works and so alistair carried them thru that #thru the broodmother and the anvil and branka and back to orzammar just as elspeth was beginning to put herself back together #afterwards the lack of closure to what was one of her ''weakest'' lowest moments rly weighed her down with guilt and shame #and its only a year later during awakening when she finally reconciles with having NO choice but to go back into the deep roads #and being able to kill the mother. THAT helped. that restored some small part of her #gave her the strength to start going back down there when the need arose. resigned to an early death but ready to put up a fight #but ye. still such a fundamentally devastating thing she went thru which altered her entire personality to the point where she starts fully #embracing being a warden (bc how can someone who's seen what shes seen and done what shes done be anything else???) #and INSISTING alistair take the throne despite having always been supportive of his desire not to. even if it means she loses him. #bc its a last ditch effort to save him from the fate she's completely surrendered herself to #sigh. this game man. #i need dadw to Confirm that the grey wardens have found a cure and alistair and hof are safe because jesus christ. my girl NEEDS a win

[minglana]

girl help my mother has achieved what she couldnt achieve in 23 yrs (give me an ED)

#thanks to the doctor making me go to the nurse this summer and putting me on a 'diet' #WHEN THE NURSE HERSELF SAID I SHOULDNT BE TOO CONCERNED ABT MY WEIGHT bc im young and i shouldnt worry about this #and now my mom wont. stop. making. comments. on what i eat and the excercise i dont do #and the way i eat and when i eat #and its finally eaten at my brain. and now i think about it constantly #and i wanna make it stop bc i cant fucking believe that i didnt listen to her at all when i was at my most vulnerable (a teenager) #but her words have had their effect when i am/should be more ok w myself (not a teenager anymore) #like genuinely how do i stop making myself feel like this and think about this all the time i feel disgusting. i dont enjoy eating anymore #bc im constantly thinking about /not/ eating. or how i shouldnt be eating. or that i shouldnt be hungry #z xarre #AAAAAAANNDDDD i have to go to the n*rse next month to get weighed. and i already know that ill have gained weight. bc at the dorms #i cant like. follow the diet they gave me or whatever. and i eat more and im also hungrier. its so hard to think of eating #as something enjoyable now. literally wanna kms ive never been like this. we've always enjoyed food in my family #bc its the main way we connect and i can connect w my family and my ancestors and my culture. #and i dont wanna stop enjoying food. but the nurse and doctor AND MY MOTHER are making this so hard. #ed mention #weight mention

[puzzlekinq]

cant sleep because im seething with anger

#been laying here for like 40 minutes fantasizing about finally snapping and telling my mom everything i really think and feel #if i ever came out to her she would end up cutting me off like she did to my aunts and uncles and cousins #basically im alone and my parents and siblings are the only family i can be in contact with right now and its isolating #off topic but yeah #i miss having a big family and people besides my parents that i could rely on. people i felt like i could actually breathe around #idk. whatever #why do i feel responsible for her actions all the time. its been my job to keep her stable and listen to her vent for years #but i never say anything about my own feelings. because she would make me feel stupid and ridicule me. lol #all she does is make me feel like shit most of the time. shes always in a bad mood and shes always whining and always pessimistic #and yeah i get along with her for the most part but lately her attitude has been weighing on me a lot. i cant criticize or disagree with her #because she'll just get mad. shes always been an angry person. thats why i hardly spoke to her from ages 10-15 #maybe i jsut wanted to give her another chance. maybe i felt sympathy for her. shes had it rough her whole life #but when shes still bitter no matter how many times i comfort her and let her vent and cry to me and when she chooses her husband over me #every single time he fucks up (which is like. constantly) and always takes his side when they inevitably make up after a huge fight #it feels like i'll never be able to make her happy. it feels like i should stop trying. if she wants to be full of hatred #and have a shitty husband then fine. i cant fix her like and i cant hold the weight of her mistakes #*life

[summerhavens]

why is no one talking about the scene in priscilla where she's like 11 months pregnant and is examining herself in the mirror, clearly feeling insecure about her pregnant body, and then she steps on the scale for it to perfectly land not one single ounce over 130lbs 💀. sofia coppola is evil for that for real

#priscilla 2023 #literally traumatizing #weight tw #ed culture #when the scene was happening and they showed the scale i was like 'theres no way theyre actually going to show a number' #bc it feels so irresponsible/implies that she is some ugly undesirable woman for weighing *checks notes* 130.0 lbs?????????? #like i get that you can make the argument that maybe its meant to comment on how the expectations put on her were so harsh-- #that she felt insecure about weighing a very normal weight (especially at like 8 months pregnant or whatever) but i think its irresponsible #like you are literally telling every person/woman who sees the movie that they should feel bad about themselves for weighing 130lbs or more #sofia coppola #fatphobia

[percyjacksonscookies]

being alive is fucking wild

idk who said this on this stupid blue website but someone once said that were all skyscrapers of information trying not to crash into each other

and the more I live the more I see just how fucking true that is

and then I think about the systems we have in place that brought us here

the ways that people with power exerted that power over others to try and make life feel like more than it is

like.... imagine if instead of Europeans killing off natives with their nasty ass habits and diseases, instead, a disease that native people had, killed off every European that made it to our shores

THEN how would human history have developed? without a continent dedicated to imperialism and exerting power over others??

I like to think that native teachings would have thrived

I like to think that maybe when we figured out how to take care of immediate danger, we would thrive

instead of developing a world where your emotions are suppressed and squashed due to the culture built off of suffering of the many for the luxury of a few, wouldn't it be nice to just...

live?

truly truly live

bills don't exist

you have clean water, food, shelter, electricity, and internet

the community takes care of you and you take care of your community when you can

and the rest is just.....

up to you

theres a reason why the cliché of "life is what you make of it" exists

so people would have the opportunities to pursue what makes themselves happy

or make a miserable lives for themselves, dealing with whatever consequences may come

but they'll be alive to make new decisions

they won't have to make mistakes from being worried sick about how to survive in a world where community is being strangled right before our eyes

idk

thats my utopia

everyone has their basic needs met

if people are assholes, they dont have the power to make other people's lives miserable with their own unhappiness

basically; my utopia is you get to hang out with whoever you want

if someone sucks you can just fuckin leave

they can't control your shelter, clean water, food, electricity, or internet

and if they find themselves alone with no one that wants to be around them, they need to do some haaaaaaard soul searching

I just wanna hang out for a living man

why is that so hard

it shouldn't be

but im hopeful, that one day it won't be hard

were at a point in human history we've never been at before

more connected than ever, yet more isolated because of systems before us out of our control

but

those systems were made by people

so why can't we change it?

#i am thinking so much #i had to vent #ive been thinking a lot about this #i really just wanna hang out and have what i need and pursue whatever interests me #thats been my life for a couple months #and i dont think ive ever been happier #my life is so weird #i moved out of an abusive house when i was 20 but i grew up a lot this year #and i see my mom was truly truly trying her best in a system that targeted who she was and tried to shame the culture out of her #because of systems beyond her control #id like to think id do better if i was in her shoes #but the truth is #i didnt go to a boarding school #i havent lived her life #i bet my mom was so scared at that school that shamed her native language out of her and made her learn how to braid with a dirty mop #she didnt deserve that #no one does #just wondering who we all could be if we didnt have these systems weighing us down #thank for listening to the rant!!! #i can talk so much sometimes #my schtuff

[chocoenvy]

NOOO this is reminding me of the arranged marriage au idea ive had w the tsaritsa........

shes always so stiff n serious and you think that she hates you but really she's just awkward and afraid of loving someone again. her trying to keep her distance and not get attached but someone tries to kill you n she snaps. you've never seen her show so much emotion but also she just..looks so scared and she's trying not to be overbearing but even if you got a small cut that's no bigger then a papercut she's panicking.

evil murderous women who have a soft spot for their partner and everyone knows abt it even though they try to hide it........

leaves this and runs 🏃‍♂️ - eros

ARRANGED MARRIAGE AU- ofc you have an arranged marriage au with the tsaritsa/lh

As soon as people find out you're the object of the Tsaritsa's affection (because no matter how much she tries to hide the fact she has feelings for you it's painfully obvious) an assassination is planned on you. You're the Tsaritsa's weak point, if they can get to you (which they're confident that they can) then they can get to the Tsaritsa.

But then the Tsaritsa went ape shit as soon as she found out about it. Yeah she's burying her feelings, and yeah she's pretending she doesn't care about you, but you're still technically married (or at the very least you're a very important person in her court) and she cares a lot about you. Even though she's still pretending she doesn't. She's not convincing anyone, not even herself at this point.

But, feral, monstrous Tsaritsa going ape shit over someone trying to hurt you <333 she's so pretty <33 she's towering over you asking you if you're okay with her large hands and fangs covered in blood but y'know it's kinda hot-

#choco.asks #*~frequent customer #should the reader be a simp or normal the question i struggle with everyday #okay but consider this but hydro archon- #she has koko vibes if you get what i mean? #like they have a deal where they hide bodies in the ocean and don't tell anyone about it #hydro archon (marie is the fan name we're giving her for now) is like kinda of the quiet jealous type #like she's very loud about the fact that you two are dating or that she likes you or whatever she's into pda and stuff like that #but she doesn't like openly admitting to the fact that she's jealous #she's obnoxious and won't hesitate to put someone in their place but to actually feel jealous and have you make her feel so weak #she hates it so much #she doesn't even tell you how much she's done for you or how little it weighs on her conscious #she gets rid of them and forgets them #they're further down in the ocean than anyone will ever find them there's no reason for her to dwell on them anymore #She's prideful of how much she's accomplished but she doesn't like the dark and deep jealous feeling or the horrible things she does #because of this feeling #she won't ever tell you and remain the cute loud obnoxious prideful little shit you call your girlfriend #SORRY THIS GOT CARRIED AWAY I LOVE THE ARCHONS A LOT ASKLFJASDLF

[yeonban]

Soma is so interesting in the sense that... he's so tender and so indifferent at the same time. Out of the five grand generals he cares the least about Musashi and whether he lives or dies EVEN AFTER Musashi proves he's the Obsidian Goddess and Jisai's son (whereas Tatsuomi and Tsubasa, the other two coldest ones, both became close to Musashi bc of it) but he's also the one who'd be the most emotionally hurt if someone close to him were to get injured or killed (whereas Naotora saw Tatsuomi's blood pouring down a wall and heard he got killed but had no change in expression)

#muse: date soma. #Soma has such a weird balance on this front he's SO emotional and SO emotionless at the same time #Naotora... /could/ live without Tatsuomi. He'd hate not having his best friend anymore but he Could get over it #He'd also feel bad about the other generals dying but he'd get over them all too #Soma... would get over Naotora's death easily sad as it might sound #He'd mourn Tatsuomi's and Shishikado's to an extent and he'd always have some part of them in his heart #but I don't think he could Ever get over Tsubasa dying. like a part of him WOULD die along with her #He doesn't care what happens between them. if they stop being friends. if she marries sb and they barely talk again after that. #he's fine with whatever so long as she's alive and safe. there aren't words for the sheer emotional dmg he'd take from her death #and that goes for everyone else he becomes close to. if they were to die he'd always keep them in his heart even if his heart became heavy #Soma's the kind of guy who carries Everyone he cares about in his heart no matter how much that hurts and weighs him down #It's also why he refuses to get close to people these days if he can help it

[floral-hex]

The growing anxiety of realizing that I’m running out of time to text my dad happy father’s day 😬

#oh man our relationship would be so much easier if we just never tried #but I suppose that’s true for most things. not doing stuff is easier than doing stuff. wow what a concept. #but I do love my dad. I just don’t know how to talk to him #haven’t texted him since my birthday in December #lol just looked back and saw that the joke I was going to open with I already used for my birthday #’thank you for helping conceive me’ #okay yeah not that funny but like I said I don’t know how to talk to him #so being weird and trying to be funny is like ‘hey at least I’m putting some effort into my tri-annual text’ #I just… I dunno… blegh… I have nothing to say about my life that isn’t shameful or depressing #but hey! at least I’m the one (1) kid he has that’ll actually text him! #pretty sure my sis is still on the outs with him but she’s… got her own shit I don’t need to weigh in on #whatever. he’s got his whole ‘beach life’ Jimmy Buffet Florida day drinking ‘in a cool way’ BS going on so I don’t feel toooo bad #okay okay let’s see if I can get away with a quick text and not have to talk to him much #ugh… I’m a shitty son #or I’m not a shitty son but he really hasn’t done anything for me to avoid him like I do #just my own self-worth bullshit. well not just that. but I’m negative about myself so I’ll focus on that #oh hey sorry I forgot this isn’t a therapy session #why would you read all of this? #sorry to everyone having a shitty father’s day #I’ll be your dad #I’m proud of you. #if you made it through the day today then I’m proud of you and I love you or like you or whatever this is dumb #you can ignore this #text

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i dunno what i planned to do today. but it wasnt spening 8am-5.30pm weighing samples #just like i didnt plant to spend 11am-6.30pm yesterday weighing samples. but sometimes the universe doesnt let u choose #mostly i feel bad that our undergrad had to do all that time with me when she has all her class work as well and #like i dont care abt the project and ive been with it every step of the way. it was nice talking with her tho #fucking exhausting bc i talked the ENTIRE TIME bc i cant handle lulls in conversation. but ive been assured im not annoying so whatever #god. my boss asked me yesterday if id gotten to relax this last week and its like. i mean compared to the fucking month ive had? yes #but probably not by the standards of a normal person. i definitely havent been getting enough sleep #and tomorrow i habe to go in at 8 and in theory im supposed to go to a retirement party tomorrow at noon #and the guy is a rambler so who knos how long ill b there. and im already socially drained. thrn monday i should start with my other #project again. but i habe to check the machine and im just gonna have to go full on no breaks until mid may #so whej will i get a break? in theory after may 14th. so fucking frustrating #and im not mad at anyone specifically. i just hate this project and cant wait to quit and move #so now im gonna fucking draw more too earnest narut0 fanart and avoid the things i should b doing #bc im fuckine exhausted. literally i was standinf from 9.30 to 3pm with not breaks bc idk i didnt look at the time #and im not running today apparently bc im too tired and the sun is gonna set in 20min >:-[ #ay ay ay. 2023 my year of hatred and rage #wah. i don't wanna drive tomorrow 😫 #unrelated

[pinkfey]

mmmm i don’t like my mother

*clasps hands* i do not like my mother

#weight ment. #other things also but i don't know how to trigger tag them :/ #/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// #made me do our weekly weigh in. was the worst !! 🥲👍 #got on my case about how it’s less than last week by like. literally three pounds. which makes zero difference at 150 and 5’3 but whatever #and even if it did ummmm whose fault is that you’re the one force feeding me and managing my portion sizes 😍 #ik this is so not normal bc i’ve been living with it for two years but goddddd this is so not normal !!!!!! #atp her fear of me going back to disordered eating/being underweight is like. irrational. i know i was bad but this is so.. insane #i'm sick of the stomachaches and the micromanaging and the videos it's exhausting it's sickening !! #anyways.txt

[jlf23tumble]

Did you see that Kiki Layne post? Do you think it's true what she's claiming

No, and therefore, no clue!

#honestly if you're ask about a specific post or story or tweet or whatever #ya gotta send it #don't make me do MORE work lmao #it's bad enough i gotta weigh in now i gotta go find what i'm weighin' in on?? #and maybe it's out of date--then what? #because is this about her part being edited out in postproduction #i beg people to get this far into every movie out there #it litcherally happens all the time #was just listening to my fave podcast #and they were going way back into Rob Lowe's day #and how pissed he was about being edited out of the Outsiders #so yeah hollywood gonna holly comma wood #if it's something beyond that #then lmk i guess! #i mean it truly does suck--i feel bad for every actor who's gone Through It #but also--breaking news: video editor edits movie

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

All I am doing is jabbering on about nothing

When the time comes (time time no such thing as time) I will have my .357 ringing and cracking my .44 magnum

Well. I don't like the sound of some of these assholes who think they should control the gates. I don't care what ring they are on. I will find them and commit genocide on them.

#I fucking swear she gets these asinine redeco missions to play with you all day #me: staring at goddamn Japanese having a slow mental breakdown #her: do you think these shelves will work? #me: 105 lbs #if you were flat you would be less than a century #goddamn at 9 I weighed more #also my caveman brain with you in class #wow think of how she would be so easy to just....well do whatever you want with really #just under the surface old testament Jehovah is always ready to go murder mode #I know I am sure getting high and fucking all day long before we got old would have been terrible #....you would have been pregnant a lot