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#been laying here for like 40 minutes fantasizing about finally snapping and telling my mom everything i really think and feel
puzzlekinq
·
1 month
Text
cant sleep because im seething with anger
#been laying here for like 40 minutes fantasizing about finally snapping and telling my mom everything i really think and feel
#if i ever came out to her she would end up cutting me off like she did to my aunts and uncles and cousins
#basically im alone and my parents and siblings are the only family i can be in contact with right now and its isolating
#off topic but yeah
#i miss having a big family and people besides my parents that i could rely on. people i felt like i could actually breathe around
#idk. whatever
#why do i feel responsible for her actions all the time. its been my job to keep her stable and listen to her vent for years
#but i never say anything about my own feelings. because she would make me feel stupid and ridicule me. lol
#all she does is make me feel like shit most of the time. shes always in a bad mood and shes always whining and always pessimistic
#and yeah i get along with her for the most part but lately her attitude has been weighing on me a lot. i cant criticize or disagree with her
#because she'll just get mad. shes always been an angry person. thats why i hardly spoke to her from ages 10-15
#maybe i jsut wanted to give her another chance. maybe i felt sympathy for her. shes had it rough her whole life
#but when shes still bitter no matter how many times i comfort her and let her vent and cry to me and when she chooses her husband over me
#every single time he fucks up (which is like. constantly) and always takes his side when they inevitably make up after a huge fight
#it feels like i'll never be able to make her happy. it feels like i should stop trying. if she wants to be full of hatred
#and have a shitty husband then fine. i cant fix her like and i cant hold the weight of her mistakes
#*life
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