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wonderlustlucas · 4 years

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jack pot ; part 3 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader ⇢ word count 6.4k ⇢ genre fluff & angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way) ⇢ warnings (18+) drug use, a suggestive make out & the mention of a boner twice maybe ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n AAAAAAAA omg im so excited to post this, this by far is my fav part of jack pot & i cant wait to hear what u all think!!! sorry its a bit shorter than the other parts, & technically this is the *last* part, but there will be an epilogue where you will see how everything comes to be!!!! have fun reading!!! <3

⇠ part 2

five.

“Oh, fuck, he’s good,” Yeji gasps, shoving her phone into Maddie’s hands before faceplanting into the table.

“Are you H-T-T-P because I’m colon-slash-slash without you,” Maddie reads with a chuckle, thumbs hesitating over the keyboard. “Quick, YN, look up some pick-up lines.”

Closing the tab on the article you should be reading but has been long forgotten, you promptly do as you are told and open the first link from your search, Minho and Jisung leaning in to help. “There,” Jisung stops you, pointing to one, “’Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you.’”

The table can’t help but burst into laughter at such a sentence. It’s stupid, but ever since Yeji and Kim Sunwoo began texting, their conversations have been full of tacky puns and emoji-filled compliments.

“Damn,” Maddie whistles, setting the phone back into Yeji’s limp hand, “he’s already typing back.”

“Gross,” Ryujin teases, busy typing away on her laptop. How she manages to multitask so well is a skill you certainly lack. “Why don’t you just like, I don’t know, ask him out?” Jisung asks and when you glance up, he’s looking at you. “Because that’s the guy’s job,” Maddie quickly saves the day, winking to you when you send her a grateful smile.

“Bullshit,” Jeongin scoffs. Everyone, even Ryujin, stops to look at him.

Did he just curse?

“I mean, like,” he stammers, cheeks turning rosy at all the attention, “it’s 2020. Guys have insecurities, too.”

“I agree,” Minho hums, looking to Maddie with hearts in his eyes, “that kind of confidence is enough to make any boy fall in love.”

“Yeah, but—”

Lia rebuts, but your attention quickly falls elsewhere when a text message first appears on your laptop, then your phone.

hwang hyunjin🦔🕺🏻💞🧻 [now] Where r u rn?

Unable to fight your smile, you quickly type back.

[3:39 PM] YN: outside hollin st café [3:39 PM] YN: why? :)

“Have you seen their new house, YN?” Minho asks, prompting you to click your phone off and set it back on the table. “Whose house?”

“Changbin’s parents.”

“Oh,” shaking your head, you distantly curse Chan for keeping your friend busy today. Unlike Jisung, Changbin likes to write lyrics and do whatever other music stuff during the day at a normal time instead of the middle of the fucking night while stoned and trying to finish his computer science assignments at the same time. “No, he forgot to send me pictures.”

“Dude,” Jisung sighs dreamily, “it’s huge. So nice. I think the front door alone could cover tuition.”

“Is it really that nice?” Maddie asks in awe.

“He started to show me pics the other day but couldn’t finish but the kitchen… unnecessary,” Ryujin quips, pausing her work to check her phone. “Yeah, it’s insane. The whole place is unnecessary but the kitchen is like, a house in itself,” Jeongin hums, head shaking in disbelief.

“Damn, now I really want to see it,” you sigh, making a mental note to hunt Changbin down so he can show you. “It’s like Hyunjin and his rings,” Minho snickers, “he has so many. Whenever we’re out, if he sees a ring, boom. It’s his.”

Well, he’s not wrong but… You bite your tongue no matter how badly you wish to defend Hyunjin and his affinity for rings and jewelry in general. The boy has taste, what can you say? You certainly are not complaining about Hyunjin’s long fingers and the way he chooses to decorate them.

“I never thought I’d hear Changbin’s parent’s kitchen be analogous to Hyunjin’s jewelry collection, yet here we are,” Maddie chuckles, leaning over Yeji to peek at her conversation with Sunwoo.

“Wow, speak of the devil,” Jisung pipes up of course as soon as you have reopened the tab to your assignment. Changbin or Hyunjin, you don’t know, head whipping up to find out and a peculiar mix of relief and panic settling over you once you spot the latter. “Uh oh, YN’s gonna go into cardiac arrest.”

As subtly as you can, you elbow Jisung in the stomach and smile at Hyunjin as he nears. “Hey,” keeping his eyes on you, Hyunjin approaches your table and stops behind Maddie opposite from you, “I’m sorry, I should have asked if you were busy.” His cheeks, already flushed, burn pinker once he looks away to smile weakly at everyone else.

“I’m not busy!” You squeak, scrambling to close your laptop and shove it in your bag. “Are you sure? I can come back later?” He offers, tilting his head and this is when you realize he is holding a bubble tea in each hand. And from the looks of it, one seems to be your usual order. “No, she’s not,” Jeongin answers for you, recognizing your stupefied expression.

“I was just – yeah. No,” rushing to stand and swing your legs out around the bench, you nearly fall flat on your face, “I wasn’t doing anything, actually.” Steadying yourself with a hand on Minho’s shoulder, you heave a labored breath before carefully walking to meet Hyunjin.

“Okay,” he beams, either oblivious to how flustered you are or simply choosing to ignore it. Turning to wave to your friends, he hands you one of the cups and you realize it is, in fact, your favorite boba. Oh boy. “See ya later,” you wave to them as well, nose wrinkling when both Jisung and Maddie wink in return.

Following after Hyunjin, you finally allow yourself to take notice of his attire and can’t help but feel confused. He looks good. And not in the good attractive way—he always looks good. But good as in formal. It’s four o’clock on a Tuesday in October and he’s out here looking as if he just got out of a business meeting. White button-down tucked into fitted black slacks, dress shoes, black tie, and he even has a black suit jacket draped over his arm. His hair is styled, too; ever since he dyed it back to black, he’s been growing it out long enough for his bangs to cover his eyes. Now, however, it’s parted down the middle and seems as if he’s ever so slightly curled it away from his face.

Suddenly, you feel ridiculous walking beside him in mom jeans and a baggy sweatshirt from high school.

“Thanks for the boba,” you mumble around your straw, brain still preoccupied trying to get over how utterly handsome he is. “Why do you look so fancy?”

The side of his mouth twitches up at your words, but his eyes stay glued to the sidewalk as you continue to your unknown destination. “I had an audition,” Hyunjin admits, voice devoid of emotion as if it’s not important at all. “An audition?” You echo. “Why do you sound so not super mega excited? How did it go? What was it for?”

“Well—”

“Wait!” You interrupt, stopping your walk once you realize he had an audition and you didn’t know. “You had an audition? What – why didn’t you tell me?”

Hyunjin frowns, avoiding your gaze and dragging his bottom teeth over his top lip. “I didn’t tell anyone,” he finally says before reaching for your hand and tugging you away from the walkway and into your campus’ main courtyard. “Why? Is it some sort of secret or something, Hyunjin?” You scoff, sounding way more annoyed than you intended. But you are annoyed; why didn’t he want to tell anyone?

“No,” he sighs, finding an empty area in the grass and lowering himself to sit, “I just… didn’t want anyone to know. Didn’t want to make it a big deal.”

“Hyunjin,” you sigh, visibly softening for him and settling down next to him, crisscrossing your legs, “it is a big deal. I don’t know what it’s for, but if it’s important enough for you to audition, then it’s important to us, too. You don’t need to be humble twenty-four-seven, you know. I’m sure you could have used our support.”

“I didn’t get it, though,” Hyunjin whispers, “they just – I didn’t get in. I wasn’t good enough.” Sensing the sadness in his voice, you find a lump forming in your throat when you notice the way his bottom lip trembles. “Hey,” panicking, you set your boba down and sit up on your knees to wrap your arms around him, cradling his head into your chest once tears start falling, “no. Don’t ever say you’re not good enough, Hyunjin.”

“But if I did better, practiced more, than I would—"

“Stop,” you hush, combing your fingers through his hair and brushing strands away from his eyes, “I’ve never met someone who works as hard as you do. You can’t beat yourself up over this. Everything happens for a reason. You don’t know what could have happened if you got in. You could have hurt yourself eventually, or maybe met someone who’s a real asshole.”

“Yeah,” is all he says, quiet and muffled when he turns to press his forehead into your sternum, body still trembling as he lets out all his tears. You stay like that for a while, holding him against you and soothing a hand up and down his back until his sniffling falls quiet. “Listen,” you finally sigh, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him back. Your heart sinks once you take in the wet trails down his cheeks and the puffiness of his eyes. “Forget about it. Was it something for dance?”

When he nods subtly, you cup his face in your hands and swipe his cheeks with your thumbs. “You are an amazing dancer, Hyunjin. You can’t let this get to your head. And I don’t want you working your ass off more than you do already. Practice makes perfect, sure, but you need to rest. What about the idea Changbin came up with?”

“The YouTube thing?”

“Yes! Filming dance tutorials or just posting your routines is a really good idea,” you remind him, wiping your hands on your jeans once he falls back onto the grass with a gentle thud, hair flaying around him like a halo. Your limbs twitch with the urge to lie beside him, maybe throw an arm around him and rest your cheek on his chest, fingers tracing the soft features of his face, stroking through his hair and reminding him just how innately perfect he is, inside and out. You, of course, resist such a temptation, flopping down beside him and staring up at the clouds with a heavy heart.

“I could do that. Maybe,” Hyunjin huffs. Tilting your head to look at him, you find yourself knee-deep in that familiar longing feeling, pausing simply to appreciate how pretty he is in the evening sun, cheeks rosy from crying and hair begging to be touched. Shaking your head to rid such daydreams, you remind yourself how fragile his emotions are right now. Now is no time to get caught up on a fantasy. Reaching for your tea, you lean up on an elbow and redirect your gaze to the trees, the promise of winter having turned what was green burnt sienna and butterscotch, leaving trees barren and branches swaying gently in the crisp breeze that leaves you curling into yourself. “You should,” you hum, distant, mind clawing to come up with the words you want to say.

“Come here,” Hyunjin says now, voice stronger than before and when his hand wraps gently around your wrist, you can’t find it in yourself to resist. Allowing him to pull you back down beside him, you curl into his side, resting your head a safe distance away from his own and onto the curve of his arm. “Thank you for being so good to me,” he expresses. You squeeze your eyes shut when the arm you lie on wraps around your shoulders and pulls you substantially closer. “I need to tell you something.”

A long stretch of silence falls upon you and for a moment, you are unsure the words even left your mouth. What are you thinking?

“Wait! I have something first,” Hyunjin sighs, missing the way your breath hitches. “Okay,” you whisper, fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt and focusing all your attention there.

“I just – I think… I owe you an apology,” he finally says, “I need to apologize for something that I did a while ago that I know probably hurt.” Your chest tightens. There’s a lot that has hurt you when it comes to Hyunjin, but none that he’s done purposely. None that are his fault. None that he should be apologizing for.

“I feel like we came to some mutual understanding to not mention what happened when we were freshmen, but it kills me to know that – that something happened, and we never talked about it,” Hyunjin starts, grip tightening on your shoulder and suddenly, you think you are dreaming. This cannot possibly be real. “I know it was awkward but, I also know me and Yiren dating was… ah. I don’t know.”

When he falls silent, you are unsure of what to say or do. You have no idea what the end goal of this conversation is. Hardly a minute ago, your heart and your brain decided it was time to tell him. Now, you’re not so sure you can do that until he finishes, and you are not about to give him your two cents if his reasoning for bringing it up is not the same as yours.

“I just want to apologize for not being brave enough to talk to you about it. I know I was confused, but I’m sure it was worse for you when they told you about her,” Hyunjin continues, sensing your rendered silence, “and it’s been so long since that happened, and now, you’re one of my closest friends.” Ouch.

“But I’ve been thinking,” when he picks up again, your eyes fly open in a panic. He’s been thinking. Hyunjinhas been thinking. You think you are going to pass out. “And I just feel like we… me and you, I mean—"

The standard iPhone alarm blares from beside you, promptly cutting him off and you think it is the biggest cockblock known to man. “Shit,” he hisses, leaning up to tug his phone from his pocket and in the process nudging you from your comfortable position. Sitting back up, nerves aflame and heart racing, your brows shoot up in confusion when all he does is stare at the number calling him. “What are you doing?”

“It’s the studio I was just at,” he scoffs in disbelief, barely glancing at you before looking back to his phone. You have never wanted to shrivel up and die as much as you want to right now. “Well? Aren’t you going to answer?”

Hyunjin makes a noise of acknowledgement before tapping the green icon and bringing the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

Sitting quietly beside him, you watch with a forced smile as his hummed responses and subtle nods morph into enthusiastic laughs and wide, beaming smiles. Hyunjin notices your confusion when you tilt your head, mouthing a ‘What?’ to him.

“They made a mistake,” he whispers, covering the speaker of his phone, “read off the wrong Hwang. I’m in.” When he grins excitedly at you, your response isn’t as cheerful as it could be. As it should be. “Yay!” You whisper, clapping gently but quickly turning to your boba when the other line begins speaking again. Looking away, you take a hefty sip, nearly choke on a tapioca ball, and build the walls around your heart up all over again in a matter of seconds.

“I’ve gotta go,” whispering, you manage one more pained smile before getting to your feet and wiping your butt of any possible grass stains, “good luck!” When he shines you one more breathtaking smile and waves excitedly, you hastily head in the other direction, wrapping your arms around yourself and swallowing past the lump that threatens to form the farther you walk.

It must be nice, you think, frantically wiping at your waterline. Must be nice to put yourself out there and have things work out the way you want them to. Must be nice being told you’re ‘in,’ you’re wanted, you’re desired.

It must be nice.

six.

Pick up food, you said. Ask Jisung, you said.

Your conscience is a big fat oompa loompa ass bitch. You would have never called Jisung to ask him if he wanted anything from Taco Bell if you knew he was with Changbin. And not just Changbin, you realized four minutes into your call; Seungmin and Hyunjin, too. Apparently he went over their place to record, or something, and didn’t care to let you know. Not that you’re his mom and he has too—but it would have been nice, and would have saved you from spending almost fifty dollars at Taco Bell.

“I tried calling Jisung but he didn’t answer,” you snap once Seungmin answers your call with a muffled hello. “Can one of you please come out and help me carry this in?” You glance at the five large sodas and two bags full of food in your passenger seat with a grimace. “Sure,” he agrees and you make a mental note for the umpteenth time just how much you love Seungmin, “I’ll be out in a sec.”

True to his word, you spot him making his way out of their apartment and across the small courtyard to meet you by your car not even a minute later, hauling each bag under his arms. “Thank you,” left only with the cupholder, you hurriedly lock your car and follow after him. “No problem. Thanks for being our Uber Eats,” then, pursing his lips, “how much was this?”

“Forty-seven something,” you grumble unhappily, knowing this was a big hit to your debit. “We’ll pay you back, don’t worry,” Seungmin smiles, leading you up the final flight of stairs and kicking open the ajar door.

Immediately, you’re hit with the smell.

“Dear, fucking hell,” making a face, you rub your nose to keep from sneezing, “it reeks in here. How have you guys not been kicked out yet?”

The stench of weed generally does not bother you anymore, but still—they could light a candle, or something. Seungmin shrugs, setting the bags down on the kitchen counter. “Luck, I guess.”

“IS THAT YN?” From another room, you hear Changbin shout, followed by an excited shriek from Jisung. “They’re high. Very high. You’ve been warned,” Seungmin whispers just as tweedle dee and tweedle dum themselves come flying around the corner. “YN!” Jisung grins, engulfing you in a dramatic hug. “Watch,” you hiss, regarding the blunt held between his fingers that comes dangerously close to your hair.

“Sorry,” he smiles, then, without warning, sticks the thing right between your lips. “I didn’t even offer.” Well, when life gives you lemons…

You hesitantly take the hit and blow the smoke away from him. You weren’t planning on getting high today, but here you are. “Thanks,” shaking your head as if that will clear it, you turn to Changbin and snugly wrap your arms around him. Every day you thank the heavens that he is a chill, calm high, unlike your maniac of a roommate.

“Thanks for the food,” fishing into his pockets and pulling out a crumpled ten-dollar bill, he slaps it into your palm. You only hum in reply, shoving it into your own pocket and praying you don’t lose it before you remember to put it in your wallet. “Where’s Hyunjin?” You ask, no longer caring about being slick.

“In his room,” Seungmin answers, rummaging through the bags to find what he ordered. Then, “HYUNJIN!” You jump, reaching for your soda and standing away from the other three until they have claimed whatever belongs to them. No sooner than Seungmin calls for him, you hear a door being cracked open and out comes Hyunjin.

He looks extremely disheveled. Like, just woke up from a two-month hibernation, disheveled. In the blink of an eye, however, he rakes a hand through long blonde hair and promptly sets a baseball cap backwards to keep the strands away and suddenly, he doesn’t look so disheveled anymore. You force yourself to look away, cursing the way your gut twists.

“Gimme my crunchwrap,” you say around your straw, snatching the blunt from Jisung’s fingers and moving around him to fetch your dinner. He doesn’t even protest.

He knows you need it more than he does.

“That’s a lot of food,” Hyunjin says once he has finally entered the kitchen, voice groggy and eyes puffy from sleep. Or from being high, you can’t tell. Pressing his chest to your back, he wraps one arm around you to keep you against him while the other reaches into a bag to take what’s his. Swallowing past the desert dryness of your throat, you manage a thick inhale from the blunt before tilting your head to look at him and mentally thanking the other three for taking it as their cue to head out.

“Not my fault you guys eat like animals,” you chuckle shakily, trying to ignore the firmness of his body against yours, veins prominent on the arm that holds you against him and the ripple of muscle along his abdomen noticeable even through his shirt and yours. Dear god, it is too early for this. Not even seven o’clock and you are already drooling in more places than one.

Hyunjin pouts as if it is not true. “How much do I owe you?” He asks, finally moving away to grab his drink and you can’t help your disappointment, quickly finishing the blunt before tapping it out into one of the many ashtrays. “Don’t worry about it,” you wave off, digging through their drawers for a paper plate.

“YN,” Hyunjin deadpans, regarding you with a raised brow once you come up and begin unwrapping your food. You refuse to look him in the eye. “What do I owe you?” He repeats, firmer this time and it sends a chill down your spine when it most certainly should not. Sighing, you retrieve the receipt from your pocket and count everything he got. “Thirteen.”

Humming in content, Hyunjin reaches for his wallet on the counter and pulls a ten and five out. “There,” he beams, tucking the bills into your pocket himself. Rolling your eyes, you pray he does not notice how you flush and hurry out of the kitchen to join Seungmin on the sofa.

“House Hunters?” You ask with a laugh, looking at the TV once you have settled next to him. “I told you HGTV is the best.”

Seungmin hums in agreement. “I thought it was stupid at first, but Hyunjin was watching Fixer Upper and I got addicted,” he says, nodding to the older boy doing a little dance in the kitchen as he eats one of his tacos. Your heart does somersaults at the sight. “They’re all so good,” you agree after taking a few bites of your own food, eyes trained on the television, “House Hunters is a classic, though.”

“I like the international one,” Hyunjin adds on his way over, crashing unceremoniously next to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Seungmin wrinkle his nose when Hyunjin sets his free hand casually on your thigh. “Shh,” he grumbles, vaguely gesturing to the screen and chewing a mouthful of food, “I wanna hear what the house has.”

One episode turns to two, which turns to three, which turns to four, and suddenly you have been watching House Hunters with Seungmin and Hyunjin for almost three hours. It definitely is the weed, always making time perpetually slower, and it did not help when Jisung and Changbin reappeared sometime during your binge with one of Felix’s bongs. Not necessarily how you intended to spend your precious Friday night, but there is no sense in complaining when you are with your buddies and Hyunjin, of course.

Taco Bell long gone, you watch with blurry eyes when Hyunjin gets up from his slumped position against you to head into the kitchen and open the freezer. This, as well as the realization that House Hunters has ended and gone to some other, not-as-cool show, brings both you and Seungmin somewhat back to reality.

“It’s almost ten,” Seungmin announces, staring dazedly at the time on his phone. You hum in acknowledgment, certainly sober enough to reply but simply too lazy to. “I think I’m going to bed. Or play something. Don’t wreck the place,” he sighs, dragging a hand down his face before standing up. “G’night, Minnie,” you smile, watching with a furrowed brow as he continues down the hall and into his room. It isn’t until you hear his door click shut does the weight of being alone with Hyunjin settle on your chest.

It’s not like you haven’t spent time alone with Hyunjin before. In fact, that usually is the way it’s been in the past three years; whether the two of you decided to do your own thing or the rest of your friends eventually left or went to bed, you are used to this feeling. Used to ignoring the butterflies in your gut when he does something particularly cute and used to tampering down the mental images you conjure up knowing it’s just you and him.

But that doesn’t make things any easier. No matter how hard you try, you simply can’t help but feel this way around Hyunjin, especially when you’re alone. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

“Whatcha wanna watch?” Hyunjin asks around one last spoonful of ice cream before setting the pint back into the freezer. “Uhh…” You drone, blinking heavily at the TV and back to him as he makes his way back over. “I dunno, I’m sure you’ve been watching some drama. You can put that on.”

“You sure?” He asks with a raised brow, collapsing next to you and slumping dramatically halfway down the cushions. “Yes,” laughing, you find yourself reaching out to tuck messy strands of hair back behind his ear without hesitation, “also, why are you wearing a hat inside?”

Hyunjin pauses, straining to look up as if he will be able to see the back of his cap against his forehead. “I’m wearing a hat?”

“Yes, you idiot,” in comes the endless weed giggles and you find yourself unable to stop laughing, watching with teary eyes as he sits up and takes his hat off. “I don’t remember putting this on,” he chuckles airily, flipping the cap back and forth in his hands before tossing it onto the coffee table. “Should I cut it?”

“No!” You shout a little too quickly and a little too loudly. Shrinking against the arm of the couch, you ignore his amused smile and look to his long hair, freshly bleached strands falling down to his neck and shorter pieces brushing against his cheeks. Fuck, it should be illegal to look this good. “I like it long. It really suits you.”

“It’s annoying,” Hyunjin grins despite his complaint, lifting his legs onto the couch and flopping onto his side, head now resting on your lap. “I don’t know what to do with it.”

Now that he’s offered playing with his hair on a silver platter, you don’t hesitate combing your fingers through it, tugging out pieces stuck under his head and brushing it out completely. “You could pull the sides back,” you hum distantly, separating a section of hair near his temple to pull back, “or make a bun with what you can. You just have to play around with it.”

Humming in agreement, Hyunjin resituates himself after reaching for the remote and switching to Netflix. When you go back to simply raking your fingers from root to tip in irregular directions, you don’t miss the way his eyelids flutter at the motion and make sure to pay extra attention to his scalp. When this turned into a head massage, you’re not entirely sure.

The drama Hyunjin puts on is unbearable. You stopped paying attention a while ago, focusing more on him and how he seems to enjoy it, fingers busy braiding random sections of hair, taking them out, and then braiding them again. With two finally done the way you want them to, you are midway through the third when your fingers begin to cramp up.

“Why’d you stop?” Hyunjin asks seconds after you drop the braid and stretch your fingers out. “Fingers are cramping,” chuckling at the disappointed pout of his lips, you crack what knuckles you can before going back and undoing the unfinished braid. “Oh,” he mutters, cheek still pressed against your leg, “feels good.”

Humming in response, you ignore the way his words make your heart swell and begin gathering all his hair into a ponytail, pressing the braids to lay flat and finally tying it with a hair tie once you have combed up all that you can. Immediately, his bangs and hairs closer to the nape of his neck fall out, leaving the ponytail spikey and messy. At least the braids look good. You can’t help but giggle.

“What?” Hyunjin asks, pausing his show and leaning up. “What’d you do?”

“Go see for yourself,” pointing to the bathroom, you comb out a looped piece of hair before he stands to do just that. His ponytail bobs the entire walk there.

When he reaches the door and flips the light on, you watch from your position as he checks himself out, brushing away his bangs and flicking the pony. You frown when he accidentally yanks at a braid.

“Come here,” you say, sitting up, “you messed up the braid.”

“Honestly,” Hyunjin considers his reflection one last time before skipping his way over, “it doesn’t look half bad.” Expecting him to sit back next to you, your pulse quickens when he anchors a hand to the armrest and leans in front you, only inches away from your face. “No, definitely,” you say once you have gotten over the shock of him being so close so suddenly, “I like it in the ponytail. You’d really impress the girls if you braided your hair yourself.” Reaching up to tuck hair back into the braid and press it down flat once more, you don’t miss the way his brows draw together and lips twitch down. “What?”

Time ceases to exist as Hyunjin begins to come closer. In reality, you know it simply is a matter of seconds, but all of space and time seems to still once he leans forward. It feels as if an eternity goes by, allowing you to count each individual eyelash, memorize the details of his skin, take note of the smoothed lines on his plump lips. The way time slows is cruel; it allows panic to set in, the realization that he most certainly is looming over you with his eyes on your lips sending a spark of excitement and anxiety through your veins.

And then, just as this realization and this panic has set your nerves aflame, a gentle hand comes to cradle your jaw before Hyunjin’s lips press against yours.

It is so easy to surrender to the taste and touch of him. Instantly, an eruption of emotions and thoughts spiraling out of control fills you, yet your brain focuses only on Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. This is not the first time you have kissed him, nor the first time simply having him so close, but the feeling that radiates from your heart outward is unlike anything you have felt before. This is uncalled for. This is not like two years ago. You were not expecting this.

Hyunjin sighs into the kiss when you lean up to loop your arms around his neck. No sooner have you done this, he breaks away to sit beside you once more, hands reaching for your waist and guiding you to sit over his lap.

You could kiss him all day, you think, palms lying flat by his collarbones before fisting the material of his shirt when his tongue prods at the seam of your lips. Blood seemingly coming to a boil and nerves sparking dangerously, you find yourself quickly sobering up as the minutes tick by, completely and utterly addicted to him and this feeling, this feeling you have craved but never crossed the line for. And now, it’s yours to keep.

Forgetting the braids, you seize the opportunity to rake your fingers through his hair. Different, than how you did earlier. Desperate. Combing it away from his face once, twice, swallowing his groans when you tug at the roots, you realize with a whine that his hands have left your face in favor of dragging down your sides, circling back to squeeze at your breasts, rubbing at your thighs and finally sliding back to your ass, situating you more comfortably on his thighs.

When Hyunjin finally breaks the kiss to journey elsewhere, littering chaste kisses across your jaw, below your ear, down your neck, the weight of your actions finally hits you. It is overwhelming, the way you come spiraling back to reality, and you are not sure if the quiet moan that leaves you is due to the press of something else against your thigh or simply the realization that you are making out with Hyunjin.

You have to stop before you get hurt again.

“Hyunjin,” you gasp, shuddering when his soft lips brush against your jaw, “wait. We need to talk.”

He pauses at this, fingers digging into your sides and you feel his frown against your neck. “What’s there to talk about?” He murmurs, arms sliding around you and tugging you closer, prompting you to wrap your arms around his neck and hug him close and pretend like his boner isn’t digging into you.

It’s your turn to frown. “About us,” whispering, you lift one hand to stroke through his hair, “we need to talk about us.”

“I thought my feelings were very clear,” Hyunjin scoffs, all tenderness in his voice gone. Instinctively, you lean back, blinking at him in surprise. “Unless this is just another one of your games? Does this not mean anything to you, YN? I don’t think I could stomach you running off to Changbin or fucking Chan again.”

His words pierce your heart before you have even fully processed them, hurt flashing across your features and your body goes numb. “What?” Is all you can manage, scrambling to get away from him, chest heaving and eyes suddenly burning with the brine of tears. “What are you talking about, Hyunjin?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” He shouts. You flinch, not from the way he raises his voice, but from the genuine sadness in his eyes. “The past three years have been a constant battle with you. We’re best friends, for fucks sake, I figured out a long time ago that you have feelings for me. Feelings more than best friends. Yet every fucking time we started moving in the right direction, you turned your back on me.”

You can do nothing but stand there and let the tears fall. All the words and bottled emotions you wish to say are right there on the tip of your tongue, but you simply cannot bring yourself to voice them. Not when he’s right. Not when you have turned your back on him time and time again.

And then, he hisses more to himself than you, “Is this just sloppy seconds? You never once thought about my feelings in all of this?”

The anger brewing within you suddenly bursts from the dam and hisses through your body like deadly poison. “Sloppy seconds?” You snarl, fists clenching. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Your feelings? You just said you know how I feel about you, so why didn’t you ever do anything about it? How was I supposed to know you felt the same?”

“I thought it was pretty fucking obvious,” Hyunjin spits back, gaze narrowing, “didn’t think I had to spell out the fact that I like you, YN. You’re a smart girl.”

“Do not treat me like a child,” clenching your jaw, you have to look away for a moment, pacing one, two, three steps, hands raking through your hair and wiping away the stream of tears from your cheeks. You have never been filled with such rage. Having finally reached its boiling point, it now consumes you whole, sweeping off in waves and destroying all boundaries. “Confessing is not an easy thing, as you apparentlyknow, so don’t make me seem like the only idiot here. But maybe I was wrong about you if you think of me as just sloppy seconds.”

“I never said that!” Hyunjin barks, standing up to grasp your wrist when you turn away to grab your keys. “Don’t put words in my mouth! I would never, never think of you that way. I just don’t understand why you never spoke up after all this time. I’ve been dying, YN, you have no clue how badly I have been—”

“Oh, believe me, I know,” you snap, yanking your arm away from him, “I told you, Hyunjin. Telling someone you love them isn’t as easy as learning to ride a bike. You’re right, I have turned my back on you. But not intentionally. I’ve been scared, I’m a pussy, whatever.” Biting your top lip as if it will stop the tears that continue to fall freely, you avoid looking at him and glance back to find not only Seungmin, but Jisung and Changbin, too, peeking out from their doors with eyes blown wide with shock. Once you have noticed them, however, they panic and scramble to get out of sight.

Sighing shakily, you look back to Hyunjin and cannot ignore the way your heart sinks at the sight of him. Even upset, he is beautiful. You wonder how much you will see him after this.

“You don’t have to tell me you like me back to make me feel better, Hyunjin,” bouncing on your heels, you suddenly feel exhausted, body and soul heavy with the words you not only spoke, but heard, too. “We can figure this out another day, but for now, I need to go home. I’ll see you.”

Turning away once more, you do not make it very close to the front door before he stops you once more. “Wait, YN,” Hyunjin huffs, smiling softly when he reaches for your hand and you do not pull away. Running his tongue over his lip, he seems to hesitate for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Did you mean it when you said you love me?”

⇢ epilogue

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rachellwrites · 4 years

Note

🖊

send in a “🖊“ and I will talk about any one of my OCs at random!

MIGUEL “MIG” RIVAS

oh i will gush about this babie any day of the week, thank you v much!!! he’s 26 years old, a hufflepuff and tyler posey is his fc and he is my lil himbo wfsfvdedf

he first came to mind to me awhile back when at the time i was thinking of putting together an rp group that takes place at a mall, and he essentially was just gonna be this ‘dumb of ass, pure of heart’ kind of a muse that either worked at like a radio shack or in a comic store and even tho the rp never ended up becoming a thing i kept him close to my heart and he’s just been there ever since.

he grew up in texas w his 2 twin siblings and a single mom, their dad just sort of bolted when mig was just around 6 and he grew up p quickly after that, wanting to do all that he can to help his mama out being the man of the house, and the closest thing to a paternal figure his siblings have ever had. bc of this he didn’t end up going to college but he doesn’t regret it for a second, taking any off end job that he could find so that he can still provide for his fam. he’s kind of a floater due to having the majority of his life being revolved around being a caretaker and provider but this he also doesn’t really mind either, he’s just doing his thing and letting the chips fall where they may, despite kind of being at a lose now that his siblings are old enough to care for themselves and his mom’s business now taking off, so he’s just kind of tryna figure things out. personality wise this babie is still a true child at heart, loving kids cartoons, will be the type to ask for a kids menu and a margarita and will also tell you the moon is made out of cheese (smh) he’s not necessarily the brightest but he makes up for it w such a big heart and love for all his friends and family, he adores them all so so much and would give them the absolute world if he could, god knows he absolutely TRIES, he’s everyone’s local hype man and an honorary older brother to all, he just wants everyone to be good and cared for 🥺 he ironically lacks self care despite his instincts to care for everyone else so his meals are usually microwaveable or shaped like dinosaurs. he’s got big stoner energy (he’s also a stoner)kind of just super down for whatever be that lazying around on the couch or going out to do smth spontaneous and uses words like rad and sick and my guy/dude a lot

he has thoughts about his dad who has left them behind when he was just a kid and the twins being too young to even remember him at all; he’s angry that he never got to have a dad of his own and is sometimes terrified of that anger still deeply rooted inside of him. he KNOWS that he wants kids but bc of his dad he’s really scared that he might mess up the same way somehow, he doesn’t want it to turn into a cycle so he’s hesitant when the topic goes to having a family of his own despite it being smth that he wants so so badly, he just wants to do his best by them bc that’s truly all they would deserve.

there’s this verse i have w a friend where he is her son ale’s cousin where after their dad left, ale’s dad stepped in to help out and be the dad for mig and his brother and sister, meaning they all just sort of lumped together as one big fam, gaining a brother (ale) and an older sister (barbie) and honestly i adore it so freakin much, i would die for that big conjoined family folks yes indeed

he is bi af and can crush on ppl fairly quickly, and he’s not v good at being subtle about it in any way, shape, or form, either, he’s just a cute lil puppy, i swear, it’s adorable but also like hello yes put the heart eyes away pls, we are in PUBLIC, on the flip side he is the densest in the WORLD when it comes to someone liking HIM, cannot pick up on hints to save his life and will legit be like “...you mean like as a friend” when/if someone says they love him dcsfvswff he has two ships, one w this lil hippie artist babe named rae (dove cameron fc) and they met at a carnival hitting it off right off the bat and we haven’t done much w them bc busy but goddamn it are they adorable as hell. the other one is w this cute paramedic named gabe (alberto rosende fc) who’s mig’s childhood friend that helped him figure out he was bi but he didn’t realize it until much later and they ran into each other again in their late 20’s and hit it off since and they are so freakin preCIOUS, I SWEAR, they’re kind of end game and thinking about it just makes me so freakin HAPPY

other lil things/ hcs about him: he adopted a doggo named duke and he’s this tiny lil babie who’s also a piece if shit and mig loves him w all his HEART, he’s learning how to pick up guitar and sings a lil bit but doesn’t really do much w it, has a tattoo sleeve and is always wanting more, tyler’s nose ring is canon bc ofc it is hello? he skateboards around to get to where he’s gotta go, tries to practice tricks indoors smh, owns so many freakin hawaiian shirts idk he freaking loves them, it’s like a collection now, also owns a lot of snap backs but are we surprised??? smokes the weed, what he does to unwind when he needs it

all and all he’s just my lil goof ball babie who’s heart is so big and adore him, my friend said it best when to describe him she said “he’s the maternal dad friend w the personality of the youngest sibling” this got super long and even all this i don’t feel freaking summed him up all around but i appreciate you sending this sm thank you omg

#IM HOMESTLY SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS TURNED OUT OMG

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taeyuung · 5 years

Text

Back To Life🌞🌧

Stoner!mark x Terminallyill!reader

not proofread!!!!!

warnings: mentions of underage drugs & alcohol, heavy talk abt illness’s, death, major sad boy hours

genre: angst, fluff if u rub ur eyes

bulleted au!

so you and mark have been friends for about two years

you both met on the night of your fifteenth birthday,, when you couldn’t sleep after trying for about two hours

you threw on an oversized hoodie and sweats,,, courtesy of your big brother jaehyun

you quietly ventured outside and snook around to the back of your house where there was a small park, that no one except you and your family knew about

so you thought lol

as you were walking along the path, you saw a cloud of smoke puff into the air and float away

you were beyond confused because?? who could that be??

you continued walking along the path, which crossed them anyway

when you reached them, you saw who it was beneath the black beanie pulled snugg over their head

it was mark lee

local stoner boy who got away with anything because his dad was head police officer

yes cliche whatever

n e way, local stoner boy is what you called him

you always kind of disliked him

not because of something he had done

but he always seemed to have a cocky aura or something

you had never talked to him very much before until then

he noticed you standing there and looked up at you

“can i help you?”

“nah, can i sit?” you said hoping for some company that night

“yeah sure uh i guess” he scoots up on the bench and dabs out his cigarette bud

“im y/n”

“mark, mark lee”

he would never forget that night, the way you smiled at him when you introduced yourself, a real smile.

that night you literally spent like five hours up talking and you exchanged numbers ofc

ever since, you and mark would meet at that bench every other night

he would be smoking or occasionally drinking, depending on his mood

he opened up to you about the difficulties in his life amd you would do the same to him

never in your life would you had expected to see local stoner boy, mark lee, so vunerable

he would often cry on your shoulder, you was his bestfriend and he was yours.

it was when you hadn’t shown up for almost a week around your seventeenth birthday, mark began to worry

you would text him and say you had “too much studying” or you were “too tired”

a bunch of bs tbh

you were just sick, your parents wrote it off as a common cold or migraines

your head would pulsate with pain and your vision often became blurry

but you didn’t want mark catching your sickness, so you decided to come up with excuses

bc if you told him you were sick, he would be straight to you in a heartbeat with whatever you needed

on the second week of you not turning up, mark decided to visit you

he felt quilty that he had done something wrong to offend you, thats why you wouldnt meet him

so, as he walked through the door

your parents out of town and your brother in college

he didn’t hear a sound and assumed you were just asleep

but when he opened you bedroom door he noticed you slim figure sprawled across your carpeted floor, you had collapsed

mark had seen you go through some of the toughest times, he’d seen you cry for hours on his shoulder and he’d seen you scream and shake in anger

but this sight had broken his heart into a million tiny pieces, your body was so thin and skeletal, you truly looked like death itself

his eyes welled up as he picked up your body off of the floor and went to his old tattered jeep

he gently put you in the car, afraid of your fragile state and drove quickly to the hospital

that was the day you were disgnosed with astrocytoma, also known as cancer of the brain

they had told you it was a growing tumour that clutched itself around your brain and you would need surgery as soon as possible

that brings us to here

four months in the hospital and tumour free

except you had to stay there because you needed to receive radiotherapy to make sure the tumour was dead

mark visits everyday

and its around the time he should be coming in-

“yo yo mark lee in the house- wait room?- hospital?”

“i’m a fingers length away from pressing the security button lee” you threatened

he chuckled and walked over to you

“not if i slap it away from you”

“im not paralysed mark i can just get it”

“whatever, you’re no fun” he complained

and you laughed at his whining voice as he climbed in the bed next to you

even though the bed is a single bed, mark would always climb in beside you and cuddle or just enjoy you by his side

“how were the kids today?” you say refering to the dreamies

“they wanted to come and visit with me but i told them no because you didn’t eat today and would probably eat them”

you slap him and shake your head “mark! don’t scare them like that they’re gonna think im mean!”

he just laughs at your poor hit and reaction

you had been introduced to the dreamies when you befriended mark

you and mark called them your kids because they practically were

they did come to visit alot, they instantly took a liking to you because they felt safe in your presence

“you’re ridiculous mark lee, im going to tell the security guards, the next time they see your face make sure not to let you in here”

“yeah okay, whatever y/n. you love me too much to never see me again” he made kissy noises and laughed as you also laughed and pretended to gag

as weeks went on mark kept visiting and so did the dreamies

and you had your regular radiotherapy appointments to kill the tumour

but suddenly your hearing was more sensitive, making you having to tell mark to be more quieter

your headaches came back

your vision was becoming more and more delayed over time

returning from your radiotherapy appointment, you see mark sitting on your bed and you climb in next to him

“heyyy bestfriend, how was your day?” he asks

“oh my god, martin from floor five was singing in around the ward today and i swear to god. i’m not the best singer ever but man that man is tone deaf”

mark laughed and scrunched his nose, the laugh you love so much filling the room you hate so much.

you went on about martin from fifth floors atrocious singing sessions before Dr.Kim came in and smiled at you sweetly

“hello y/n, i come bearing news”

you and mark sit up

“i-i’m afraid its not good either” he frowns at the two giddy smiles he sees before him, they are quickly turned into frowns too

“it’s your tumour, the radiotherapy was going extremely smooth until we hit a lump earlier today, im so sorry. your tumour is back and it would be extremely dangerous to operate.”

that was all it took for you to let out the tears you had built up

you were finally cancer free, a survivor.

until this news hit you like a tonne of weights straight to the side of your head

not only you but the black haired boy sotting on your left

he felt his own pool of tears stream down his face as the doctor walked out

you shook in absolute devastation and shouted

flailing your arms around in hope to release your anger

as mark pulls you close to him, his arms wrapped securely around your waist and your head pressed to his chest

his head lay ontop of yours and he pressed small kisses to your hair as you cried for what seemed like years

he whispers small encouragements into your ear but you knew it was over, and so did he

his voice cracked with every syllable spoken, he truly was terrified.

over the next days mark stayed there with you, you knew it was because he was afraid

everyone was now

it was just one day

when mark had gone to the hospitals cafeteria to get a muffin

you really started to feel sick

you could barely see straight and by the time mark came back

your lips were stained red and pale from where you had coughed up blood just minutes before he walked in

he dropped the muffin and ran to be by your side

immediately handing you tissues and wiping the blood from your chapped lips

“hey, hey it’s okay” he would say as he got up frantically to call for a nurse

“m-mark, don’t. please don’t”

he would be so confused, wanting to get you help as soon as it could arrive

but you were too tired of fighting

you just wanted to spend the next minutes with the person you loved

“w-what? y/n you need to be helped, i-i don’t understand” he would stutter as his eyes welled up and he slowly walked over to your side

he grabs your hand and kisses it softly, scared of you breaking

you shake your head gently and just smile

“just, sing for me mark”

you lay back and turn your head to face him

smiling weakly

he would be so heartbroken

but he knew how much you loved his voice when he sang

how soft it would be

how raw and full of emotion it sounded

so thats what he would do

sing your favourite tune as the tears streamed down his sharp cheekbones

you also crying, never thinking you’d be in this position

after he would finish

he would sob and apologise for not noticing sooner how ill you had become but you just closed your eyes, becoming too weak to keep them open

“m-mark, listen to me. take care of the dreamies for me, let them know i love them and i’ll always be right by their side. and as f-for you mister mark lee, my bestfriend, my whole wide world, the love of my life. p-please look after yourself, acheive your goals and promise me one thing” you open your eyes to look at him

“anything” he responded with a shaky voice and a sob that broke your heart

“continue to grow and love after me, it’s all i ask for. i want you to enjoy your life, even if it’s not for you, do it for me” you smile and then cough violently until you can barely see straight

mark reaches up and strokes your hair as a small sad smile etches itself onto his lips

“i love you y/n, you will forever be my angel. it’s okay, you can rest now. go to sleep y/n, i’ll see you in my dreams yeah?”

your eyes close, for the last time

he kisses your head gently and sobs into your shoulder

squeezing your hand, knowing you had rested

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nowlemmehearyourguns · 5 years

Text

Did someone ask for... Murder-fluff?!

I’m finally done, y’all! I hope you like it!!

i do apologize for how ridiculously i type out his lisp in advance.

((oh hey, this is the internet’s first introduction to my OC, Venus. She’s a rascal and i hope you like her too. lol))

. . .

‘Party pass cash in!!! <3’ The text came through on the five musicians phones. Why she always alerted them all, no one knew. William heaved a dramatic sigh tossing his dethphone back onto the couch.

“Not like sche’sch gonna hang out with anybody but Picklesch anyway…” He mumbled to himself. He couldn’t rightfully be upset. One could only assume someone preferred to spend time with their significant other, hence the significance. But man were they annoying, flaunting their couple-hood all the time. And knowing his pouting would be seen as invalid only made him angrier. By the time the whoosh of the dethjet neared Mordhaus, he was nothing short of thrilled to tell Venus the rest of the band was out for the day. That’d show her and her stupid good mood!

“DK! Where we goin’ tonight?!” The booming command for attention echoed in the empty front room. Venus stood; arms stretched above her, her head thrown back to properly shout her excitement to the skies. After a moment of realized silence, she lowered her gaze to observe her surroundings. “Fellas?” She questioned.

Her klokateer escort attempted to scoot his way out of the awkward scene. “3713.” The number froze him in place. “So, like… when you say ‘my masters await your arrival’ is that just a spiel? Did Mr. O tell you thatcha have to say that?” Venus inquired.

The chill that went down his spine was nigh visible. “Ma’am?” He managed to utter the word cautiously.

“No, but really. You don’t lie to house guests and fly them out from New York knowing they’ll be left bored and they’ll absolutely have to pester you and several coworkers into entertaining them and then you find yourself in trouble because you aren’t supposed to be drinking on duty ‘but mean old V made you and it wasn’t your fault,’ right?” She quizzed mockingly.

“I do apologize. It was my understanding that-”

“Where do you get off ordering around OUR schervantsch?” Murderface butted in. The klokateer himself never expected the bassist to be his savior.

“Oh there you are sire! Miss Remeldtindrinc has arrived. The uh- less scary one.” The near-groveling gear was quickly dismissed with a shove and a trademark ‘fuck off’ as his far-from-benevolent master stood staring the small woman down. Venus thought to call the worker out on his comment, but recalling the last time she’d upset Abigail, she concluded he was well within his rights to title them as such.

“In all fairness, he was assigned to me. But enough about that.” Venus eased off her cutting tone, directing a genuine smile and greeting at the man.

“What’re you schmilin’ at?”

Venus, consistently unfazed by textbook Murderface behavior, sauntered over to the couch, her backpack thrown over one shoulder. “Can’t be happy to see a familiar face? It feels like it’s been ages!”

“You schtayed for a month and went home for a week.” He pointed out, following her.

She ignored the factual assertion. “Where’re the rest of your heathen friends?”

He crossed his arms. Right, he was supposed to be laughing at her misfortune. “They’re not here. Looksch like you flew all this way for nothing. But hey champ, better luck nexsht time! I’ll be scheein’ ya!” He began to motion her back to the door.

Venus stood her ground, causing William’s force to become apparent. She turned to face him. “You… don’t wanna hang out with me?” The less chipper tone caught him off guard.

“Well ahhh- What?” He backpedaled, unsure of what upsetting his band mate’s girlfriend would beget. Not to mention, the hurt looked pretty genuine. “I’m not- I juscht figured…” Now he was the one sounding pouty, much to the young woman’s amusement.

“Figured I wouldn’t want to hang with the legend: William Murderface just cuz the rest of the guys aren’t here? Get the fuck outta here, goofy!” She nudged him in the ribs. “You wanna party? Let’s go party!”

Before he could respond she was dragging him back to the drummer’s room. “Just lemme change and we can be on our way. What’re ya thinkin? Dive bar? Upscale joint? Karaoke?” He was overwhelmed already, internally questioning how Pickles could tolerate this ball of enthusiasm on a regular basis.

She dumped the contents of the backpack on the drummer’s bed observing the pile as if even she wasn’t sure what all she’d stuffed inside. “We could go hang with some bikers. I brought my leather pants!” Venus exclaimed, clutching the pair to her chest, expressing aloud how ecstatic she was to be able to fit them again.

William propped himself against the wall with his shoulder, defeated in his quest to disappoint the woman. He supposed this was fine. It was a rare occurrence for him to feel welcome. Why not make the best of it? “Well there’sch thisch bar in Shcotla… what are you doin’ there?” He asked as Venus spritzed her curls.

“Hm? Oh, ya see with hair like mine or Abigail’s, it gets dry faster than say, Skwisgaar’s. So I have this handy little mixture of conditioner and water to keep the ‘fro in check.” She’d gotten accustomed to explaining these things due to her favorite stoner’s curious nature and lack of self-maintenance on what hair he had left.

“Condishioner?”

She rolled her eyes. “Willy, come on. Even good ol’ boys have conditioner.” He raised an eyebrow. “You’re joking!” She turned to him, her mouth agape. A slight headshake led her to begin plotting. “Come here.” She waved him over.

“Why?” William grew defensive again. Venus tapped on the trigger of the spray bottle and imitated the spritzing sound effect. “What? Why would I wanna do that?” He inquired.

She shrugged, going back to her own routine. “You get a lot of shit for your hair, don’tcha?” He couldn’t disagree. “But hey, you won’t catch me upset about being able to save on product, so to each their own.” She chuckled, scrunching the spirals to her liking and going back to mumbling to herself. “Kind of a ponytail night…”

He spoke up, his interest piqued by the open options. “What’sch the big deal? Doesch it feel that different?”

Venus grabbed his wrist and patted his hand against her mane, having him compare the sections she’d worked on against the rest. “I’d say so, wouldn’t you?”

The bassist found himself relaxing again. “Alright. I’ll try it.” He agreed, with less hesitation in his voice. “But this doeschn’t mean I’m schome nancshy boy, ok? You get that thought outta your head, if that’sch what your angle isch!” He reminded her with a threatening index finger.

Venus snickered, motioning for him to have a seat on the bed. “Lemme ask you somethin’, Murderface. What exactly constitutes homosexuality? To you? How can you‘tell’ someone’s gay?” She humored his admittedly irritating notions as she begun attempting to part his hair.

“Well that’sch obviousch!” William rolled his eyes; confident he had the world figured out. “You alwaysch see those dudesch with their fancshy clothesch and their two-hundred dollar haircutsch. Never wanna get their nailsch dirty.” He listed off.

“So Offdensen?” She teased.

“No! Not Offedenschen! I mean- I don’t think scho. No, like thosche pretty boy asscholesch with tight pantsch!” He attempted to specify.

“Skwisgaar and Toki then?”

“Nooo! Or maybe! I don’t fucking know what those Schcandinavian baschtardsch do when no one’sch lookin’!” He shuddered at the thought.

“Nate’s pants are pretty tight. You think he’s gay?” Venus giggled, working the leave-in spray through the dehydrated mass atop his head.

“Ok, no, Nathan’sch not gay.”

“Why isn’t Nathan gay?”

“Cuz he likesch pusschy!”

“Skwisgaar likes pussy more than anyone I’ve ever met.” Venus countered.

“He’ll fuck anything that movesch.” William noted.

“You are dangerously close to understanding my point, bud.” Venus giggled.

“What are you talking about?!” He sighed in exasperation.

Venus attempted again to run the comb through his hair with only the slightest avail. “Alright, hear me out. You know who else likes pussy and women in general?” He gave her a questioning gesture. “Yours truly.”

“Ok grossch, too much informatschion.” He noted. “But you’re dating Picklesch which obviouschly meansch-”

“I get more now than ever in my life because the boy’s a master of the ménage. You are correct, sir!” She said cheekily. “But I also love my little Irishman.”

Murderface raised an auburn brow, grunting slightly as she struggled with her task. “Scho you don’t do threeschomesch just becausche he wantsch you to?”

“No, dude. I wanna bang who I wanna bang and I don’t worry about what’s in their pants until I get there. And then, I’ll happily make use of whatever awaits me.” Venus smirked. “Hell Nona’s mostly a lesbian. So’s Abigail. Nathan is an outlier for a lot of girls I know...” She trailed off, distracted by pondering why that may be.

“So what’sch your point?” He huffed.

“I’m saying your sexual identity is based on who you wanna have sex with. It’s that easy. For some of us it can be anyone. For some of us it’s none. And you can’t be 100 percent sure who likes what unless an individual tells you. So knock off that stereotyping shit.” She threatened with a tug at his hair.

He shrugged. “I just have a sixschth schensche about thesche thingsch.”

“We call that gay-dar. It tends to be a lot more effective when used by our kind.” She snorted, spraying his locks again.

“Agh, don’t schay ‘our’ kind! Feelsch like you’re lumping me in with ‘em.”

“I wasn’t. But if the shoe fits.”

“I don’t think I appreschiate the inschinuation.”

“Again, I’m not doing anything. Maybe you’re projecting?” He cast a furious gaze her way. “And whether that is or is not the case, who. the hell. cares? Honestly, what business is it of mine or yours what anyone does with another consenting adult?”

William sat in silence for a bit as she worked away at his unruly mane. He pondered many deep-seeded thoughts he had never confronted before. “Scho if I thought a man was…”

No sooner than he parted his lips, a nasal voice called into the room. “Oh look at that, I didn’t know anybody else was here. Venus, babe, how the hell are ya? Murderface, what are we doin? Getting a makeover?” Dick enthusiastically approached; shutting down any revelations the bassist may have been coming to.

“Knubbler! Hi, doll! Long time no see!” Venus turned giving him a peck on each cheek once he reached her.

Murderface returned to his defensive posture, annoyed with the new presence. “What are you even doing here? We don’t have any schesschions today.” He pointed out in a grumble.

“Well ya see, I woke up on the recording room floor, figured it was a good night and thought you guys might wanna hang again! Maybe get some sushi, hit the bar. What do you say?” The engineer suggested.

Venus gasped, finally finagling the wide-tooth comb through a portion of William’s knots. “Great minds think alike! That’s why I’m here too. But everyone bailed on us.”

Knubbler gave her a set of finger guns. “Well it’s your lucky day. I can take you to one of my favorite places since nobody is here to object. Bright lights, beautiful people, the whole nine yards, babe!” He trusted she’d be in full agreement. They had similar tastes based on some of their previous chats.

“Excusche me, I might fuckin’ object!” Murderface turned; offended by the assumption he shared their affinity for the club scene.

“Aw come on, Dick’s cool! He’ll show us a good time. Old timers always know the best spots!” Venus goaded the brunet.

The man’s robotic eyes flashed red. “Hey who are you callin’ old? I’ll have you know, I can run circles around you and everybody else! I’m a fifth of vodka in right now and you wouldn’t even know it!”

Venus giggled at the notion. “Sounds like something old man Pickles would say too.”

After a heated battle with William’s coif and a few skincare pointers, the three of them found themselves in the deth limo, a bottle of champagne passing between them.

“So what’s the scoop, Knubbles? The suspense is killing me.” Venus questioned, hoovering a line off the mirrored tray to her left.

“This place is fucking amazing. Drinks are a little pricier these days than I’d like, but what are you gonna do, right?” He chuckled.

Murderface shook his head. “You’d better hope scho. If it’sch lame, you two can say goodbye to your inschtant accessch passch.”

“Grumpy, grumpy. Here, put some more liquor in you and get chipper, motherfucker!” Venus slurred lightly.

“Hot girls are instant access either way, Willy. Don’t worry about us.” Dick added on. “And if you need a pick-me-up, I know a guy.”

“Awwww, Dick, you sweetheart.” She waved a hand at him coyly as the vehicle came to a stop.

They stood outside the disco, gazing up at the neon sign. William fiddled with his wavier ‘do, suddenly worried about his appearance. He wasn’t one to dress for this environment, after all. “Just relax. You look great, man.” Venus put a reassuring hand on his shoulder before they journeyed inside.

Dick teleported to the bar, making a shady transaction beneath a napkin as he ordered a round for the three of them. He waved William and Venus over for extra hands.

Climbing into an empty booth, Dick displayed the napkin in his half-closed hand. “This shit will make you have a good time whether you want to or not.” He grinned.

A weary Venus motioned for him to slide her the thin paper. The small pouch wrapped inside contained 10 blue pills with tiny dolphins stamped on the sides. “Ohh. Good. This I can work with.” She nodded in approval.

“What? What isch it?” William leaned over to get a better view.

Venus removed a pill from the bag and gave him a closer view. In a loud whisper she informed him. “It’s ecstasy. You should take it.” She handed him the drug with a big grin. “Thanks, by the way, Dick. You didn’t have to do all this.”

Knubbler shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a nice guy.” He boasted, tossing three of the pills into his mouth. The younger pair stared in awe. “Hey I don’t keep up, I do laps.”

Thirty minutes later and William felt himself loosening up. Of course he’d experimented with many things over the years, but X wasn’t really his forte. Call him old school, but booze and coke was a failsafe combo. No need to complicate things, to hear him tell it.

He panicked as he slipped the cocktail waitress a five and felt the fibers slide from between his fingers. Venus and Dick stifled laughter. “Hey you two schut the fuck up. Thisch is your fault!” He whined.

“No, no, Willy, babe. We’re not laughing atcha. It’s just a happy high. Come on, let’s go dance!” Knubbler bounced in his seat as the electronic bass bumped.

“I don’t dansche.” Murderface insisted.

Venus slid him her cup of water. “Come on! You pretty much gotta on this stuff. Look.” She pointed to a woman lurking near the dance floor. “She’s not having the time of her life. Let’s go change that.” She insisted, grabbing a hold of William’s hand and tugging lightly. “My friends pull ass when we go out. You’re not exempt.”

Murderface sighed, downing the remainder of the water and succumbing to the excess energy and peer pressure. What was new? He wondered to himself as they approached the colorfully lit tiles.

Dick immediately went into disco king mode, doing the hustle into the bustling crowd and leaving the metalhead and his tormentor to fend for themselves. Venus shrugged, offering a hand to Murderface. “If ya can’t beat ‘em, join em!” She cheered, urging the bassist to twirl her.

The lonesome looking woman flashed Venus a smile, seemingly amused with her dramatics. She was a bit older, dressed in business casual wear. Venus motioned for her to join them in their awkward boogying. She initially declined, but Murderface, now fully immersed in his high, trapped her in an air lasso. The woman hid a shy grin behind her hand as she hopped toward them, allowing herself to be pulled by the imaginary rope.

Venus took the opportunity to spin both of them, taking her cues from the confident blonde across the room. “Ok! I see y’all” She cheered them on as the woman showed William her adorably dorky robot. He countered with the sprinkler earning hoots and hollers from fellow patrons nearby. The crowd loved the silly display, starting a wave of all the best throwback moves. And all hell broke loose as the DJ caught wind of the group activities and slowed it down for the electric slide.

A few younger adults stood in confusion. “What’s wrong? Never been to a wedding before, kiddos?” Knubbler attempted to spur them into action. Venus ran to the front of the group of 20-somethings and helped them get the hang of things. It was quite the show to behold.

By the end of the line dance, the bar was in a happy uproar, requesting more oldies and running on nostalgia fuel. Knubbler downed a water and got back to work, while Venus stopped by the shy pair to announce she was going for a smoke break. “Oh wait, me too.” The woman chuckled.

“Me three!” Murderface, followed, needing the fresh air more than anything.

“So what brings the infamous William Murderface to a place like this?” The gruff-voiced woman queried in the quieter smoking area.

William repeatedly failed to work his zippo as he tried to formulate a response.

Venus stepped in, lighting everyone’s cigarettes for them. “Everyone likes a night on the town. And nobody likes the same old, same old all the time.”

“Yeah, what sche schaid.” William pointed a thumb at his slightly more social comrade.

The woman brushed choppy blonde bangs out of her face, enjoying the cooler night air on her forehead. “You’re right. I’m getting too old for this myself. But it had been a while since I made a public appearance so here we are.” She motioned to her surroundings. “The two of you don’t strike me as 808 fanatics though.”

Murderface leaned against the railed enclosure. “Fuck no we’re not. Thisch was all Knubbler’sch idea. Just makin’ the bescht of a bad schituatschion.” He rolled his eyes.

“Oh shush, Murderface. We’re having fun! You can’t pretend you’re not. Was that the lawnmower I saw back there?” Venus teased.

“Ok, ok, schut it.” He chuckled lightly, releasing a small smoke cloud.

“And you’re the drummer’s girl, right? Sorry, I’ve just seen you in the tabloids.” The woman clenched her teeth, worried she was saying too much.

Venus chuckled, squatting down to the woman’s eyeline. “They still don’t know who I am? What a drag. I was hoping to be a household name by now.” She giggled. “Yes I am the not-so-mysterious ‘Yorko Ono’ here to ruin the band or whatever tripe they’re sellin’. My government is Venus.” She offered the woman her hand.

“Marta.” The woman shook Venus’s hand. Murderface leaned over the table and received a shake as well. Boy, was her grip strong. Murderface waved his hand, silently cursing at his now sore fingers.

“Nice to meet you, Marta.” Venus smiled, forcing herself not to laugh at poor William’s crushed bass-playing hand. “And if ya don’t mind me pointing it out, you don’t look much like one for the disco yourself.”

“Oh, I’m definitely not.” She chuckled, taking another hit. “It’s my little sister’s birthday and she lives for this shit. I’m more for the beer drinkin’ than the booty shakin’.” She said with a matter-of-fact tone.

“What do you normally lischten to then?” William chimed in.

“Hmm... Thrash. Though I guess I don’t look the type for that these days either.” She raised devil horns with a sinister grin.

Venus squealed in excitement, internally of course. She was determined to hook them up now. “A thrash gal, huh? Who’s your favorite?”

“Fucking Exodus. Holy crap man, I saw them in ’89 and I’ve been in love since.”

“The Fabulousch Dischastour?!” William chimed in excitedly. “Fuck, man, that schit was fucking aewschome!” He sat next to her and proceeded to gush about the bands he saved up for or snuck in to see in high school. Venus flicked her cigarette into the ashtray and quietly departed, convinced her work there was done.

A few hours passed and the younger squadron of dancing machines tracked down team mom Marta, who’d been chatting up Murderface all night. Venus sloppily knocked back a jack and coke as she approached the table to check on her match-making project.

“We’re ready to hit the next spot. Are you coming?” A long-haired woman questioned Marta.

Venus watched Marta’s eyes dart between the girl she assumed was the aforementioned little sister and her new friend. “Actually I was thinking I might head out. But I’m glad you invited me!”

The birthday girl cheerfully waved her off, giving her friends a suggestive smirk about the whole scenario once she was out of her sister’s sight.

Knubbler approached, sweaty and still raring to go. “Where to next, VR?”

She looked at the incoming call on her phone. “Ahh, I’m being summoned!” Venus flailed about, excited to see her beau but also in desperate need of updates on the William and Marta situation. She answered Pickles’ call. “Babe ohmygod, this is too cute, you need ta see it! I’m not drunk, you’re drunk! I mean yeah I am but thass irrelevant!”

She fluxuated between swears and giggles as one of the klokateer’s threw her over his shoulder, holding the phone to her chest as she screamed back to her small posse. “Go on without me! Remember me, brothersss!”

Marta chuckled waving to the excitable woman. “It was nice meeting you, Venus!”

“Nice meetin’ you, you won’erful badass of a lady! Be safe ok, I love you guys dearly!!” Her words faded out as she was carried away. “Dick, you’re my hero! Murderface, be good! Marta! I know we jus’ met but be my first child’s godmother!” Venus shouted holding onto the doorframe. “Alas, I must go!” She shouted in defeat as she was pried away for the night.

A month later, Venus was en route to Mordhaus giddy over a text from her bassist pal. He seemed to be much more cheerful than usual.

“Yeah he hasn’t been around much dese past few weeks, but dat can’t be why!” Pickles asserted.

“You’re just awful!” Venus snorted, attempting not to laugh aloud and encourage the drummer’s shit talking. “Be nice to your band mate. Also, I have no reason to lie. Look!” She shoved her phone toward his face.

“Yeah I really feel like Marta gets me. Hell, I think I get myself more now. Thanks for the assist, bro.” And so it read.

He lowered the phone. “You tryin’ ta tell me dis chick was haht, single, inta metal, AND interested? In fuckin’ Murderface? Yer fuckin’ with me. Or you must’ve passed out and dreamt dat shit up!” Pickles shook his head in disbelief, pulling her into his lap.

“You’ll see when we get there! I didn’t even black out! I remember everything.” She settled into her place atop the cozy redhead’s thighs, examining the small image on her finger. A devil emoji. “Except the part where you convinced me to do this, you ass.” Pickles snickered at the thought, recalling the actual events of her threatening to personally torture a series of klokateers if one of them didn’t come forth and admit to any tattooing experience.

“Yep. Dat’s my bad. You betcha.” He rolled his eyes.

Once inside, Marta excitedly ran to hug Venus at the door. “Long time no see!”

Venus returned the excited embrace. “So what’s the scoop, girl? Will I be seeing you around these parts more often?”

“Oh, about that. I mean yeah, but not for… ah what was it you call it? Murderface-sitting?” Marta chuckled. Before Venus could ask any more, she summoned over a blonde man. He sported a septum ring and a series of lovely art pieces on his arms. “Venus, this is my brother, Max.” Venus stared at the man, mildly perplexed as she shook his hand. “We’re twins, biologically and in spirit.”

Murderface approached the huddle. “’Schept he can do tattoos and piercingsch, so technically he’sch the cooler twin.” He joked.

“You dick!” Marta laughed, punching the bassist in the arm.

Venus finally managed to read the room. “Oh… OH! Well I am psyched to meet you Max!” She retried her handshake. “And welcome to the gang!” She winked.

“Nice to meetcha. And thanks.” Max said, happily accepting the pleasantries.

Marta clasped her hands together. “Well! Now that intros are out of the way, I actually have a few errands to run, so I have to get goin’.” She apologized for not being able to hang for longer.

“Oh next time for sure!” Venus smiled waving her off.

“Well, an ass beatin’ on wheelchair bound is callin’ your name, motherfucker!” Max bragged, turning to the bassist.

“Oh you’re fuckin on, dude!” William shouted, flashing the pair a genuine smile as Max pulled him away.

Venus swooned as she and Pickles made their way down the castle’s corridor. “Must be spring. Love’s in the air.”

Pickles blinked at her in confusion. “Arite maybe I’m missin’ sumthin. Dat chick just bailed. Whut’s so lovey-dovey about dat?”

She turned to him with a sigh. “I… am not at liberty to say. Not our business what two consenting adults do.” The short girl smirked, placing a light tap at the tip of his nose.

“No, wait, wut da fuck am I not getting’ here?” Pickles whined.

“He’s my boyfriend, you fuckin’ dumbassch!” Murderface shouted down the hall.

“Yeah, ya fuckin’ dumbass.” Venus snickered throwing her beanie in the speechless Pickles’ face.

“Ohhhh!” Pickles had a laugh at his own expense. “Well good fer him!”

#metalocalypse #fanfiction #mtl #william murderface #sorry it's so long!#i always get carried away lol #i just wanted to write my son being a happy boi

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nyancheetosmusical · 7 years

Text

Dead Evan Hansen AU

@totally-not-using-a-fake-name yelled in our gm one day about an AU where Evan’s suicide was successful but he becomes a ghost. And then him finding Connor in the woods trying to kill himself and stopping him. So, as per usual, we wrote it, with @just-musicals throwing in a thought every once in a while or screaming at us for hurting her boys.

@monsterunderthefedora is writing a fic based on this AU, go check it out and read it! It’s really awesome!

Bold is @totally-not-using-a-fake-name, Italics is @just-musicals, and Regular is me ( @nyancheetosmusical )

Attempted suicide and a fair amount of self-loathing occur, so here’s your warning if you need one

connor was out in the forest to do it himself

and he's trying to do it

and like there’s this kid there who's trying to talk to him it's like looking at a blurry photograph the kid is kinda there, kinda not ...probably just the traz doing its job "n-n, st-stoppp!" ....he recognized that voice just a little bit and Evan is watchiong this kid keep poppin pills in front of him and he doesn't know what comes over him but he just like pushes at Connor and all of a sudden Connor throws up all these half-dissolved pills and connor has no idea wth just happened but he's feelin woozy and now really frustrated cause he screwed up killing himself, too couldn't he do anything right? but Evan stays there and trys to comfort him as best he can he can't really touch him but Connor gets this kind of warm sensation like an electric blanket Evan is trying to wipe away his tears and connor in his half aware state freaks out this strange hand kind of passes through his face but it leaves behind a warm sensation and it gently pulls the tears with it "-w-ww-wha-what i-is...." Connor eventually passes out for a bit his body has to try and recover but he wakes up and this kid is still there he sits up very self-consciously "...what do you want" "a-are you okay, Connor? "'m fine. why do you care" he pulls his hood over his face he doesn't feel strong enough to stand up but he’s frustrated and embarrassed

this kid he doesn't know watched him try to kill himself ....who was this kid anyway? "J-just leave me alone, alright? I'm fine " Evan really does want to go, this makes him so nervous and you know he thought when he died he was going to be done with his troubles but he's dead and still anxious

(I had to leave for a bit but I had a thought that I got very excited about) EVAN IS ABLE TO TAKE CONTROL OVER SMOL PLANTS SO LIKE CONNOR IS HAVING A BAD DAY AND SITTINNG GRUMPY IN THE FOREST LIKE ANY STONER BOY DOES AND HE TOLD EVAN TO LEAVE HIM ALONE AND EVAN DOES BUT THEN ONE OF THE LITTLE VINES BY HIS FEET REACHES UP AND GENTLY BRUSHES HIS ANKLE AND ITS LIKE PETTING HIM "...dude stop" but he doesnt and the vine very carefully wraps around his ankle, like a little hug and then around connor the other vines very gently do the same just a ton of tiny hugs one literally hugs the drawstring on his hoodie and one reaches up and pats his face okay I'm gonna add this because why not so connor is sitting there really sad and evan is having a hard time trying to cheer him up, and connor just gets upset and tells him to "leave me alone" and evan just walks off and connor is sitting there and now that evan is gone...he realizes how much he wanted someone to stick around and be there for him for once and now he's just sitting in the forest with his knees pulled in because he keeps messing everything up then he hears some footsteps and he looks up and evan has this flower in his hands "I-I I don't know if you like these, but-" and connor just takes it and holds it in his hands He's quite. Evan thinks he made matters even worse and waits for the anger to come back But Connor just sadly smiles, "Thanks." Later he tucks it into his hair subconsciously And Evan is just standing there smiling for once And eventually They actually start talking The first time Connor cones to the woods and doesn't get high And thinks that Evan won't be there Because Evan can control plants and disappear and normal people can't do that So he thinks Evan's a hallucination from the drugs But there's Evan

Waiting for him And he's like... okay... Not the drugs then... Which makes him freak out freaks out that he freaked connor out Because this kid can do some weird stuff and if it's not the drugs, then is he just crazy? But once the initial freak out wears off, he and Evan vhat like normal and it's nice because Connor can actually hold a conversation when he's sober And this goes on for many many days, weeks And over that time, Evan's support has helped Connor improve But. One day Connor and Larry have a big fight. And Connor gets very high And goes into the forset Way deeper than he ever has before And he stops at this big tree And sees someone lying at the base of it And he sees the shirt and thinks, So he walks up And shakes the lump And he stops Because something is not right And he's really regretting the high because he can't tell what it is So he rolls Evan over and screams. Because what was wrong is that the figure was too stiff and too cold and the neck was too slack And the green eyes that he's leaned to associate with excited rambling about trees or tentative moments of affection are glazed and staring at nothing And there's moss and grass entangling the arms and the legs And the mouth is slack and gaping like the boy had been gasping for air when it... dies And Connor is screaming because the plants have grown over Evan and the bod is cold and stiff and must have been there for MONTHS He just screams and screams "EVAN!" "EVAN EVAN EVAN" And he's not thinking straight but he sure as heck knows something is up It won't stop raining or maybe he's crying Who knows The color of Evans dead eyes begins to spill out. Slowly it's like a pattern Dead, glazed over irises watch over Connor from everywhere Connor can't move The smell of a dead body is horrible But he can't find the strength to roll over WHY WONT IT STOP RAINING EVANS GETTING ALL WET HE MIGHT CATCH A COLD AND and ...die Oh Oh gosh Evans dead He's dead He's dead I wish i was dead Evan stop looking at me You can see too much of me Stop Stop You won't like what you see No one does There's been a dull pounding underlying this whole moment Maybe it's his heartbeat

Maybe his screams The forest floor is grabbing at him Like Evan was here But it's not Because I'm just high cause I can't stand myself sober Because I'm a broken trash bag I wonder if evan could see me Would he hate what he saw too The dull thudding gets stronger and stronger Its It's not thudding It's words Whose words Good maybe his dad found him Maybe his dad would finally give up on him If he could see him like this

... Yep Definitely his name being called It's so cold Like ice cubes He wished he could swallow an ice cube Choke on it See how long it took to melt Would he die first or would it melt "-NOR!! CO-" That That wasn't his dad's voice The eyes were back They were blurred, like an old photograph "CONNOR P-...PLEASE..." The crack in the voice shattered a canyon in the rock choking Connor he should chip his way out

that voice the rock was so thick how could he hear but he wanted to hear it had been a while since his name had been said and it meant good things dig dig dig oh hey he wasn't in a rock at all just in the mud trying to move trying to see who was there collapsed on Evan- Evan because Evan was- "Connor, please, I can't...." his throat felt like sandpaper he should probably stop screaming "C-connor, j-just relaxx a bit, okay? Please?" the voice was crying he wanted to listen maybe he should yeah it'd be easier than trying to move lets relax a bit connor let go he felt himself flop back onto the ground as if he was pulled the impact on his skull shook ...it was a pleasant distraction from the eyes floating around all fuzzy like a new pair of eyes joined them these had a face they were green like Evan's but so were the rest of the eyes The eyes weren't just Evan's the face was his too but this one looked more alive "Th-thank you...j-just lay there for a bit, okay? L-let it wear off" and a warm sensation spread through Connor it didn't feel normal like if a heated blanket gave you a hug that's what it would feel like if connor closed his eyes, the other eyes went away so he closed his eyes and let himself be he eventually comes to the high has mostly worn off he sits up and tears off a layer of grass and vines ....like a blanket that had been grown over him he's incredibly dizzy but eventually is able to see straight there's Evan sitting watching waiting "-E-evan....you're....you're..." evan has to look away ...somehow he had had the courage to stop Connor that day but couldn't stop himself good going Evan "yeah, I'm....yeah." "isss that why you can...you know, and we can't touch?" Evan shrinks into himself a bit Connor had been the one thing that had made being stuck here worth it otherwise he stayed in this forest and relived falling and falling and falling over and over and over and over “...yeah...I d-don't get it. I'm j-just here...and I can't-" he heard a yelp of pain he looks to see Connor have grabbed his own arm, only to feel the bruises there

oh no he had hoped he had discovered those at home... connor rolled back his sleeve bruises twisted down his arm strange spiraled patterns almost like... vines "I'msosorryIdidn'twanttodoitbutyouwerejustgoingtoandididntwantandthen-" connor looked up at Evan The boy looked afraid to come close but he could tell ghost kid wanted to "slow down, what happened?" ...could ghosts even cry? "You...you were..." Evan took a breath to steady himself "you started to...to scratch at yourself, at your arms, a-and then you started to scratch the tree, a-and you were hurting yourself and I couldn't..." "I didn't want you t-to do that" "s-so I tried to hold you back b-but um but you were re-real strong n stuff" "I didn't I didn't realize how h-hard I pulled...I'm sorry..." Evan had Evan had tried to stop him Connor thought of all the times he had been in his room alone hurting something clearly being wrong someone at the door asking if everything was fine a "yes" meaning no help me but the someone at the door couldn't be bothered to notice and so the hurt stayed but evan evan had tried to stop he had seen connor at his worst he had been insulted and hated and attacked by Connor over and over

and yet he had stayed stayed to help a stoned kid from ripping himself apart ....for someone very dead, it was the most human interaction Connor had in months he looked at the brusies running up and down his arms "....thank you." Evan stared in shock a a thank you? from Connor Murphy? hardly daring to hope, Evan got a bit closer he wanted to help, he wanted any human contact, anything Connor didn't say no when Evan got closer They sat together both broken thinking about their own deaths and wondering why had they not found each other sooner but they were there for each other now at least Connor eventually looked up at Evan "...Why do you just stay here?" Evan looked away "...where would I go?" "I...I dont want to watch my mother try and cope." "I don't have any friends" "I don't want to think about who I was" "If I just stay here, all I can really think about is dying...at least it's better than thinking about me...." ....connor determined that ghosts could indeed cry "what if you came home with me?" wait why did he say that evan looked over ["Wh-what? Y-you mean, like-" Connor looked away, slightly embarrased but also hurt why did showing kindness feel so strange? was he really that...bad? "You just seem kinda lonely out here. You're also kinda...dead, how many people can see you?" "....only one person." Connor looked over in surprise "really? who?" Evan looked back, confused "...you." oh duh "whu....anyway, your're probably lonely or something, i don't know, so....if you want, my house isn't great, but maybe it's better than the forest...?" Evan looked excited for a moment, but then looked away "I don't actually know if I can leave...I tried before, when I first...woke up, I guess, and I couldn't leave. I've been stuck here." Evan wanted to leave the forest he really did he was tired of looking at his body rot day by day watching his mistake be buried under forest growth but could he? He knew Connor had a rough home but anywhere would be better than here please, just let him leave... "come on, we can try anyway, can't we? A-at least walk me out of here, I don't really know where I am." Well, Evan could do that they didn't talk much as Evan lead him through the woods they talked a bit about their favorite bands quoted some songs Evan told some jokes he remembered they were all dumb and stupid but Connor found them so dumb they were funny they take in the view there's only trees forever and ever they focus on each other they begin to dream imagining the future what would they do? (...if they had one…) Bike the Appalachian trail? Write a book? Learn to sail? heh, that’d be cool they've slowed their walking Evan knows they're close to edge of the woods and so does connor but Connor just stops and he takes a breath letting the world around him go still and he opens his eyes and looks at Evan"just...thank you. Things have been so....you know, and honestly....right now, there's nowhere else I'd rather be" Evan feels his stomach drop "m-me too." "w-well, I mean I-I wish I w-was still alive and and you know um but I um-" he stops as Connor laughs a little "what?" "This whole situation....it's just so....so strange" "I'm trying to bring my only friend home so he doesn't have to live in this creepy a forest 24/7 cause he's a ghost and also does cool things with plants" Evan gasps a little " you think plants are cool? " Connor laughs again he forgot how good it feels to laugh "yeah, sure. Come on, I don't really want to go home, but I'm hungry." hey walk the rest of the way to the edge of the forest in silence they arrive He looks over at Evan "wanna see if you can, you know...." "y-you first, okay?" Connor shrugs and steps out of the forest he turns around "alright, come on, I think there's a bit of milk left and I am craving some milk right now" Evan is nervous well when is he not but he's extra nervous because he had let himself hope and now his hopes could easily be crushed he steps forward ...and doesn't go anywhere he tries again nothing he is still stuck in this forest this god damned stupid forest this was purgatory and it was full of the thing Evan thought he'd loved the most and now he was surrounded by his poor choices forever he looked up he could barely see the sky through the tree cover branches and leaves for forever he was trapped no hope no future just a dead kid in a forest Wonderful

Just

wonderful he probably deserved it to the world is meant for people who are smart and social and intelligent and kind not losers like Evan Hansen He looked out at Connor so close but so far and shook his head "I....I can't" Connor felt something inside him break a little Evan looked so hurt "what-no. That's bullshit" "I don't care what the laws of the universe are or whatever" "You're not staying in there, you're coming with me" Evan shook his head "I can't Connor, I c-can't! I'm trying but I but but I can't!...J-just go home, okay? I will, I'll be here when you when you come back" Connor took a step towards Evan "Yeah, well, I don't want that, and you don't want that either-" "WHO CARES WHAT I WANT? NO ONE ELSE DID!" Evan quickly shut his mouth Connor didn't need to hear that and right when he was so close to a breakdown too.... Evan needed to let him leave "Just go, please, you need you need to g-go home, a-and rest." Connor took another step "I'm not coming if you're not" Evan looked helplessly at him "I I can't-" "I don't care that you can't! You're gonna come with me!" "Why why do you care so much about a dead kiddd in a in a forest, Connor? I c-can't do anything for for you!" "YES YOU CAN!" Connor knew he was yelling but didn't stop "YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO GIVES A DAMN AND I’M SO TIRED OF WAKING UP AND WISHING I HADN’T AND YOU MAKE THAT FEELING GO AWAY, I’M TIRED OF BEING SO UNHAPPY, SO P-...please, j-...just....I want you to-to help me...." He turned away to hide his tears he hated crying in front of people Evan was quicker he stepped forward and tried to wipe the tears from Connor's face like the first time they met when Connor had tried to overdose his hand passed through Evan's face leaving behind a warm feeling and the tears were gently pulled away with his hand they stared at each other Connor looked down "...Evan"

"Connor, please go, I can't help you-" "EVAN!" Evan flinched he was not a fan of yelling but connor wasn't angry he was excitedly pointing at Evan's feet "Look!" evan looked down they were standing in the street behind them was the forest he began to laugh, relieved he he was out he looked up there was the sky it stretched on for forever beautiful open speckled with stars as the sun began to set it felt as if a haze had been lifted from his mind n his mind he no longer heard himself screaming over and over he no longer felt the dropping feeling in his stomach of falling the wind racing past the impact on the ground he had learned to tune it out, but the feeling of dying over and over... it was finally gone he felt so much...free-er he looked at connor and connor connor murphy he HE WAS SMILING??? SINCE WHEN DID CONNOR SMILE??? He noticed Evan watching him with wonder and tried to look away and wipe the smile off his face it was still there a bit Connor had seen a change take place in Evan as he stood before him He became more...ghostly more transparent, a bit blurred, but still there but at the same time he was clearer it was as if the Evan he had been looking at in the forest had been behind a layer of static and now he was fully there it was weird but good "were um, were you gonna go home and and get some milk?" Dang, he couldn't keep the smile off his face "yeah. Let's go do that" and off walked Connor, his friend only a step behind home might be rough

but at least he had someone with him

Walking into the house hit something inside Evan It was Connor's house, not his own, but the concept of walking through a door seemed so foreign at this point There were no doors in the forest The house was lit, but quiet. There was some sort of muffled music coming from upstairs and talking coming from somewhere, but it was hard to place where. Connor slunk through the house, his boots trekking mud on the carpet, but he didn't really care. He was too busy watching Evan Evan who was looking at the floor under his feet and the ceiling above his head with a mixture of fear and awe. "Hey, Evan?" The ghost turned, there was a shiny glaze on Evan's eyes. "You okay?" "I just- I didn't- I never thought I'd get to walk into a house again... I thought I'd- I thought I was gonna be trapped there forever and I just...."

Connor smiled sadly. "C'mon.nLet's go get that milk." Connor padded into the kitchen, Evan following with gleaming eyes and a big smile on his face. Connor honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd been so glad to be home. He pulled the milk out of the fridge and glanced at the cupboard where they kept the cups before shooting Evan a mischievous look. Evan gave a shocked laugh as Connor started drinking straight from the carton.

Suddenly, there were footsteps. A door opening. "Where have you been young man?" Damnit. Good feelings gone.

Connor turned around to face his father "Why do you care?" His father bristled Are you going t-" He stopped at a hand on his shoulder His wife had come down too "Connor, honey, what your father means is where have you been? We've been worried about you" Connor snorted Yeah right Worried about him It's not like they ever even took their eyes off Zoe they probably didn't notice he was gone He went to say as much when he saw Evan step out into his field of vision He looked almost scared ...scared of who? Connor? ...he was getting angry for no reason again He took a breath "I just...I needed some time to think, okay?" "Pft, more like you needed some time to smoke-" "Larry! Not now!" His father grunted and looked away before turning around and marching back up the stairs Connor watched him go Good riddance To his surprise, his mom came close and gave him a tentative hug "Sweetie, we were...a little worried about you, you were gone a lot longer than we thought" "...yeah. Uh...." Evan leaned in close to Connor awkwardly standing in his mothers hug "M-maybe say you're sorry?" Connor looked over, surprised sorry for what? But the way evan nodded at him just made Connor slip out a small "sorry", just loud enough for his mother to hear He felt her shock at the word But then hugged him tighter ...how long had it been since he had said sorry? She pulled back and Connor saw her eyes a little wet "You're here now, okay?" "Yeah, I guess..." She took one more look at her son before heading back up the stairs

Connor stood in shock The combination of the easy resolution with his father and intimate moment with his mother had him in frozen He saw Evan creep in from the edges of his vision. "You- That was a good thing to do." “Hey, it was your idea” "But you didn't have to do it. It was nice of you, She seemed happy." "I guess." Connor and Evan stared at one another for a while, just watching the other and taking in the events of the day. It had been a busy one. Their gaze was broken by the grandfather clock in the living room going off, One chime It was one in the morning No wonder his parents were mad. He crept up the stairs to his room. Zoe's room was across the hall. Music was seeping out from under the door, but he could hear the muffled snuffling of Zoe snoring too, so she must have fallen asleep with it on. Connor's mouth twitched. Whether it was to smile of frown, he didn't know. He slipped into his bedroom and van followed him in. Connor threw off his boots, but opted to stay in his clothes. He was too tired to bother with changing. Sleep pulled on his eyelids, but he forced them open. Evan. What would happen to Evan if he fell asleep? He watched the ghost staring at his bookshelf, examining the titles there. After a while, Evan seemed to notice that Connor wasn't sleeping "Connor! It's late! Err... early. Go to sleep." "But... What about you?"

Evan seemed surprised. "Me? I'll be... I'll be fine. I spent all that time alone in the forest, I'll last a night." "No.. I mean, if I was the reason you could leave... If I fall asleep, will you be forced back? Will you still be here when I wake up?"

Evan blinked for a moment and suddenly was flooded with worry what what if he did end up back in the forest? Back to his body? Where he always seem to 'wake up'? Connor seemed to be the reason he got out of the forest could he make him go back? he tried to hide his anxiety "o-oh, um , well...I, I don't know, b-but I'll be fine! Y-you need to sleep, please" Connor shook his head "but what if you-" Evan shrugged "what if I do? You-you'll come and get me." "...RIGHT?" Connor chuckled "of course I will. We'll figure this out, okay?" Evan put on a brave smile he was honestly terrified if he could make connor stay up for as long as possible that would be great but he cared too much about connor connor needed sleep Evan knew that anyway, Connor is the one who's still alive here His needs take priority over any of Evans "Sleep, alright? W-we'll see what happens."

Connor nodded, but tried to stay awake anyway.

There was a tight bind in his stomach that made him want to squirm If he fell asleep and Evan went back to that forest... If he fell asleep and Evan... Evan... The next thing he knew, his eyes were snapping open as Zoe pounded on his door. "-nnor? Connor! Oi! If you aren't up soon I'm leaving without you! Connor jumped up and looked around Sunlight was streaming in under his window. He was in his room And Evan? Evan was gone. Evan was gone Zoe was banging on the door and Evan was gone Evan was gone, gone, gone.... Banging "Connor-" "SHUT UP!" Silence. "Evan?" Connor whispered as he looked around. He frowned as he saw what looked like a bundle of static in the corner of his room. He went over and saw the outline of a person curled up in the static. "Evan? Evan is that-" "Co- Connor? I can't see... I can't- where are- Connor?"

Connor knelt down he tried to grab the blur but nothing happened his hands went right through and smacked the wall "E-Evan?!" crap crap crap can't lose him what is- the static was slowly disappearing but so was evan "wh-where are you-" “Connor wh-what's what's what's- like a broken record, Evan called for help over and over again nothing Connor could do and then the world twisted and connor stood up in a tree beside... "Evan?" but evan seemed to ignore him he took a deep breath, looked over the edge of the branch, and- "EVAN-!" And then Connor was falling, falling, falling, and he tried to scream but he had no voice, and Evan was falling with him and they were both going to crash and die and- With a start, Connor ripped back and gasped for air he was on the ground in his room what had- Evan where where was Evan with a near audible pop, Evan appeared in front of him he looked dazed and scared but almost...bored? "...you had to feel it too, didn't you?"

(there’s a fair amount more, and we’re still writing stuff for it. But here’s some of it for now)

#dear evan hansen #deh #dead evan Hansen #dead evan au #suicide tw #self-hate tw

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edourado · 7 years

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Kastle + 31? 👌🏻❤️

Hello, there, dear darling! Here I am with the filled prompt that I’m pretty sure you forgot ever asking.

I’m so sorry for this ridiculous delay. Last year was crazy, there was so much going on, I didn’t have the time and the will and the inspiration. But here I am, now, and I do hope you like it. To refresh your memory, the prompt was “the way you said I love you, #31: In awe, the first time you realised it”.

I do hope you enjoy it. It’s not particularly big, I’m trying to learn how to write shoter things.

Now, I’ll let you read. Hope you like it. Let me know.

Muah ;-*

I’ll worship

Frank sits there on her couch - a place he came to know well - and wraps a bandage around her arm, near her shoulder.

“What kind of knife was it?” he asked, his brow furrowed, still mad, so fucking mad it actually hurt for him to sit here and not storm out after the fucker who had attempted to stab her not half an hour ago.

She let out an angry sigh, and he doesn’t know where she gets off being angry. He’s the one with his heart in his throat, having to breathe deep to calm down, she’s the one who did exactly what she was told not to do and got jumped by a violent stoner.

“God, I don’t know what kind of knife, Frank, I’m not a weapon’s expert. What difference does it make, anyway? It was a sharp one.”

He closed his eyes for one second, breathing deep, trying to calm down.

“And you’re sure he only got your arm?”

Another dramatic, insolent sigh.

“As I told you the last 27 times: yes.”

“I’m trying to make sure you’re ok, if you haven’t noticed”. He wraps the gauze around her arm one more time, making sure the bandage is secure and her wound is not bleeding.

“It was just a scratch, Frank, you’re over reacting!”

“Over reacting?! I walk in and there’s a man lunging at you with a goddamn knife, ma’am, please explain to me how is this not the appropriate reaction!”

His voice is louder, now. He doesn’t mean to shout at her, but he needs to do something, otherwise he’s gonna explode.

“You seem to forget that I handled it pretty well!” she responds, yanking her arm away, getting up, pacing to the kitchen. “I was the one who jumped out of the way, I was the one who knocked him out, not you!”

He understood what she meant. It was the same point she has been trying to make for almost two years, now, that she can take care of herself, and he knows it, he knows it, but he still tries to twist her words in that particular moment, because he was so mad, he was so fucking mad at her.

Yes, she could take care of herself, he knew that, of course he did, but that didn’t stop him from worrying. Didn’t stop his heart from trying to leap out of his chest at the hint of a threat to her. So he got up, too, apologising, oh so sarcastically, for not arriving in time to save her, forcing her to save herself.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it! Why are you being this way?”

They argued for what felt like hours, but it was, in reality, a little more than ten minutes. They both knew and understood where the other was coming from, but they were both so stubborn, so determined to make their own point, that the fight went on. And on. Until she closed the bathroom door with a bang and he heard the shower starting.

He paced for the whole time she was in there, breathing, trying to do that thing where you close your eyes and focus on the air coming in and out of your lungs, urging himself to calm down, he doesn’t want to fight, he doesn’t want to make her mad.

He just wants her safe.

Before he can change his mind, Frank walks to the bathroom door and knocks.

“What?” came the angry reply from inside.

“Let me in”, he asked, willing his voice to remain low and calm.

After almost twenty seconds of hesitation, the lock turned, but the door remained shut. Turning the knob, he walked in, watching her silhouette from behind the shower curtain. He takes a step towards it, but she closes the shower and pulls her robe from the rack. Frank notices the movement is not as violent as it could be, but not exactly delicate, either.

“Ma’am”, he starts.

“Please don’t ‘ma’am’ me”, she says from behind the curtain.

She has as strange relationship with that term. Sometimes she likes it, sometimes she hates it. He’s still trying to identify and separate those situations, but it seems to go with her mood, so far.

When she pushes the curtain back, the robe is tight around her waist, and her hair is pushed back, finger combed. Her cheeks are red from the steam.

Her eyes meet his and screw it. He’ll apologise. He’s right, but he’ll apologise because he already thought something was going to happen to her not an hour ago, that constant fear that he lived with, that she was going to get hurt, killed, taken away from him suddenly, that he was going to live through that again, it was almost real. He can’t take her being angry at him on top of that.

Well, he can. But he doesn’t want to.

“Look, I’m-”

“No, Frank, listen.”

She takes a step to him and she’s actually a bit shorter than him without her heels. With her hands rubbing her face for a seconds, a sigh and and her eyes on his face, she blinks.

“I’m sorry. I know you worry, and I know you mean well. It’s just-”

Frank reaches for her and stops her.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, too.”

She has been through some shit, Karen. He has his demons, his tragic past, but so does she. They could talk about it, now, with each other, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it used to, but just as he has the sudden, violent death of his wife and kids to carry around with him everyday, so does she, with her brother. And he knows she cannot stand being treated like a child or a helpless maiden, so yes, he’ll apologise, even if he does plan on returning to that point later, to ty and explain to her, again, why she should be more careful.

“I didn’t mean to shout at you”, he says and is glad to see the small tug on the corners of her mouth, a reluctant smile appearing.

“Considering that you shot at me the first time we met, I don’t think this was so bad.”

With an annoyed click of his tongue, but a relieved huff of breath, he shifts his weight to his other foot and reached out to pull her to him, catching her face between his hands, looking at her with a sudden surge of… Well. Huh. Fuck.

“I hate that you keep bringing that up”, he says, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs.

“I like it. I think it’s exciting.”

Her hands close around his fists and just that simple but intimate touch was enough to have him sighing, as if all the tension and the stress were pouring out of him, evaporating with the steam of her shower.

“I’m sorry I was a dick”, he says, touching his forehead to hers and Karen rises to place a soft kiss on his lips.

“And I’m sorry I was careless. I’ll be more careful. Ok?”

When he nods, pressing another kiss to her mouth, and another, she takes his hands from her face and steps around him.

“Take your shower, I’ll work on dinner.”

“Come with me”, he tries, but she’s already closing the door behind her.

“Tomorrow, maybe”, she decides.

He could use the shower to relax, enjoy the pressure of the water hitting his shoulders, let the day go down the drain with the filth. He doesn’t. Shampoo and soap and scrub, scrub, scrub, rinse, rinse, rinse, dry, a towel around his hips and he’s out, looking for her, the weight of his sudden realization too heavy on his chest.

He stops for a second at the door, looking at her, standing there fixing whatever for their dinner, hair brushed back, wet blond strands almost shining against the white t shirt she only ever wore for bed. It was a man’s shirt, not even his, he didn’t know who it belonged to before her. Maybe her brother, maybe an ex-boyfriend, maybe she just bought it oversized because she knew how good she looked in it, maybe she was predicting, even before she met him, that he would love the sight of her bare legs when she wore it, the hem brushing her thighs, exposing her bottom if she lifted her arms.

How on Earth did he keep getting this lucky? Frank was not a particularly good man, he used to thank the heavens for Maria everyday. And now, after all his faith was obliterated and he thought he was doomed to walk the rest of his days alone, he gets her. He gets Karen, all to himself, and if that’s not proof that there is a God that, for some reason, likes Frank, he doesn’t know what is.

Or maybe she’s God herself. He wouldn’t be surprised.

Walking to her, he feels a lump in his throat that, he knows, will dissolve as soon as he touches her. He knows, because it happens all the time. She dissolved his horrors, his terror, his fear and his worry. She dissolved him under her fingers, her lips, under her smile and her tongue, only to put him back together with a look, her arms and legs around him, every time she opened the door.

Frank stops behind her and weaves his left arm around her waist, bringing her back to his chest, burrowing his nose inside her hair, right hand on the counter.

“It’s almost ready”, she informs him, cocking her head under his lips, left hand quickly stroking the arm around her before going back to her task.

“Ok”, he says, feeling almost dizzy as the truth and the depth of his devotion becomes clear to him. He breathes in and out slowly, enjoying her proximity, wondering, praying, for the millionth time, perhaps, that he’s not still in a coma, that this is as real as it feels, he has her. He has her. And, even if he is still trapped in a hospital bed, somewhere, he still does. He still feels, she’s still real. “I love you”.

It leaves his mouth like a prayer, like a promise, like something so simple and so clean, like the one beacon of light in an otherwise bleak, dark existence. He does, he loves her, and his brow furrows as he breathes her in again, just as she turns her head to look at him and, Lord, he wants to drop to his knees and worship, pray, thank whoever he has to thank for her, forever.

A smile that is nothing but divine spreads on her lips, and she blinks, and swallows and lifts her hands to wrap her arms around his neck, and he’s so close to her, he can feel her heart against his chest when he holds her back, so tight, and that moment stretches, the world stops spinning, just for them.

“I love you, too”, she whispers there in their small space, her apartment that became a sanctuary, a sacred place, the only place he can let go of all that makes The Punisher. “You know that, don’t you?”

He swallows, feeling light, lighter than he ought to feel. Smiles at her when she moves back to look at him.

“I do now.”

He should let go of her, so he could get dressed, so she could finish with the food, so they could eat and he could check on her arm.

But he holds her, holds her up in the air and Karen lowers her head to kiss him again, so slow, so full, so loving, tugging on his towel and he won’t let go.

Not ever.

#kastle #kastle drabble #kastle fluff #kastlelibrary #kastle fic #Frank and Karen #Karen and Frank #Frank Castle #Karen Page #Daredevil fic #answered #byameliak #prompt #Hell's Kitchen Cronicles #writing

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