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poltoreveur · 3 months

Text

Outlines on bedsides

Pairing: Luke Castellan x F!Reader

Warning: NSFW, established relationship, smut, PWP, semi public sex, slight exhibitionist, bratty (slightly) sub!Luke, oral (f!receiving), fingering, mutual masturbation (?), they’re making a sex tape!!!! (lol).

Word count: 4.0k+

A/N: Based on this ask! I started writing this fic with the idea of a jealous!reader, but then I give up, so cheers to another pure smut!

!Not readproof!

Luke had no idea what he was getting into.

You can tell how much he enjoys the way he is making you feel. The way he’s touching you, the words of encouragement you whisper in his ear, they all make his body shiver with pleasure.

It feels like heaven having him close to you, touching every inch of your body in a way that makes you want to let your control go. But you know you couldn’t do that. Not when you wanted the upper hand over him.

You feel his warm breath against your skin as he kisses your neck, down to your inner thighs. His hands trail down your shoulders, down the curve of your spine and up your back.

In all honesty, you don't hesitate to acknowledge—particularly once the teasing kisses on your thighs come to an end, igniting a sensation where your legs meet your hips that Luke possesses an exceptional skill when it comes to pleasuring women.

Actually, it's the soft and slick flat of Luke’s tongue moving in long and leisurely strokes on your clit as if the ache surrounding your intimate area is nothing compared to the one simmering in your stomach.

With this sight, Luke only wanted to surrender himself to you more quickly; he wondered how it would be if you both were in a completely different place instead of being in the middle of the cabin where anybody who weren’t supposed to be there happen to just waltz in and see what the both of you are doing.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to be having sex in broad daylight when everybody else was out training. But that’s also the same reason why the two of you decided to do it right now.

Everybody was out training. Except for both of you.

But that still didn’t eliminate the possibility of somebody stumbling in. You both choose to do it in the Hermes cabin of all places. Sure, his siblings and all the unclaimed kids were out training, but that didn’t stop the possibility of a newbie suddenly appearing.

He watched how you would allow your body to dissolve like water and completely disrupt his pristine sheets, then maybe you could catch your breath and find your voice once more.

It's his mouth. The precise movements. The pulling, gentle sucking, and fluttering of his tongue. Increasing in intensity, licking along the crease. It's these actions that cause your toes to curl and your feet to press flat against the bed. You tightly clutche fistfuls of cotton sheets.

Your fingertips intertwine with his hair. You herself to the table behind you, your back and hips tensing, thighs willingly parting. Perhaps you give yourself too freely, but Luke is the kind of person who gives relentlessly, always ready to receive in return.

This is an undeniable truth. He draws your swollen lips into a kiss, a mischievous suction, tasting yourself in between his lips before dipping himself back into your body and your thighs gradually tighten around the sides of his head, causing a slight dizziness to overcome him.

With an open hand gently caressing your thigh, he encourages you to open up, to gasp for air.

As you lay there, panting and covered in sweat, Luke's fingers trail across your heated skin. He smirks down at you, his eyes dark with desire. "You like that?" His question came out breathlessly, trying to get a breather after burying himself in you.

“Am I doing a good job?” His voice was asking for reassurance, he didn’t want to do anything that wasn’t just purely satisfying you.

You nod eagerly, unable to form words. The way he knows exactly how to touch you is both exhilarating and terrifying.

But just as things start to escalate, Luke pulls his head away abruptly. You feel a mix of disappointment and anticipation swirling inside you.

"What are you doing?" You ask breathlessly, arching your back in protest.

Luke chuckles softly and leans back against the headboard of the bed. "Relax," he says casually. "I'm not done satisfying you yet."

Your heart races as he slowly started sucking on his own finger.

"What's that for?" You ask, raising an eyebrow at his behaviour.

Luke smirks mischievously before answering sarcastically, "I just wanted to taste you.”

Without warning, he slides one finger inside you, stretching and teasing until you're begging for more.

With a sly grin, Luke leans in close, his lips grazing against yours. "I know what you want," he whispers seductively. "I can feel it."

His fingers slide between your thighs, teasingly circling around your clit. You gasp as waves of pleasure wash over you. It feels like electricity coursing through every nerve ending in your body.

"Please say it," Luke moans appreciatively as he watches your body tense and relax around his hand.

“Please tell me you want me.”

“Luke,” you respond softly, leaning against his chest. His breathing is shallow and your heart is pounding. You feel so close to him in this moment, almost as if nothing else in the world exists. “I’m not saying that.”

You gave him a smug smile as he pouted at your answer.

The bed creaks with every movement he makes.

Luke holds you tightly, his entire body tense, and runs his fingers through your body.

His expression hesitates slightly as he feels you tense up. "Let me know if it hurts," he whispers gently, and you feel him ease up a little. “Or if I’m going to fast.”

When you don’t protest, he continues, kissing along your neck and shoulders. His lips trail down your body, leaving a tingling sensation on your skin.

But your body responds to his rhythm. You can feel every movement like the brush of a feather, the brush of your skin. His touch is gentle and caressive, and his breath is on your neck.

He takes a deep breath before leaning in closer to you, his hands trailing softly down your shoulders. “I just want this to be special for you.”

“Luke Castellan, if you don’t shut up and hurry up, I swear someone is going to walk in before I finish.”

The comment makes him chuckle quietly at your frustration, and his hands immediately move even quicker.

You notice that he's being extra gentle now, and his eyes are full of admiration for you.

“What? I thought you liked hearing me talk,” he replies with an exaggerated pout. “I was just planning everything out so that it'd be perfect for you.”

“You could have just told me to shut up if you wanted me to shut up, you know?"

You can't help but smile as his fingers dance across your skin, filling you with the sweet sensation of being touched. The way he's taking the time to explore every inch of your body, the way he is looking at you like you're something precious.

It's almost too much to handle but in the best way possible.

He slows his movements as you begin to moan in response. “Is it too much? Am I doing okay?” he whispers in a rush, “I'll go more slowly if you want.” he whispers softly, his breath hot on your skin.

As he notices the increase in the sound of your breath, he slows his strokes, letting them linger longer. His eyes are fixed on yours, watching for any hint of discomfort. He adjusts his pace to match your breathing, waiting for you to signal that it's too much.

You feel his fingers trail softly up your thigh, his other hand moving slowly over your waist. He caresses you in a way that feels almost too good, his eyes fixated on you as he kisses your neck softly.

His touch is addictive, and you find yourself wanting more. "Your body is so perfect," he whispers in your ear, and the sound of his voice makes you tremble with desire. He leaves lingering kisses, worshipping your body.

He trails kisses across your neck, making his way down to your chest, his eyes never leaving yours. His touch is addictive, and you can't help but tremble with desire.

“What would the others think seeing you being so good for me?” He breaks away from the kiss slowly, watching you for a moment.

The corners of his mouth quirk up into a smirky smile as he watches you. "I'm pretty sure they'd be pretty jealous," he teases, "But I don't mind being good to you. I want to be good for you."

As he keeps kissing your neck, you find yourself lost in the sensation. You almost forget where you are, your senses overwhelmed with pleasure. You let out a soft moan, your body arching as he continues.

Luke pulls away for a moment, his mouth just inches away from your ear as he whispers: "Tell me what you want me to do."

Your body is completely lost in the moment, caught up in the sensation of his touch. As his hand slowly slows its pace, you almost feel deprived of something vital, a deep moan escaping your lips, your body arching.

Luke smiles smugly as you moan softly, the sound enough to drive him mad with desire. "Are you enjoying it?" he whispers, his voice hot in your ear.

"It's been a while since you’ve let me touch you, so I want to make this special." You feel his other hand moving slowly up your body, his fingers grazing the curves of your body.

He then glanced over at his nightstand, grabbing the video camera that had sitting there ever since the both of you started.

He takes one hand off of you to adjust the camera, and you feel the sudden change in the mood. Your body reacts in a way that feels odd, but not in a bad way.

You're not against being watched, so if he wants to film you, then he has your permission. but of course, Luke, being Luke, he had to ask. “Can I?”

He waits for your response before he begins to record.

"If you want,” you tell him softly, your body tingling with desire. “I'm not completely opposed to being filmed,” you add, a shiver running down your spine as the camera captures your body from all angles.

His expression is expectant, but also a bit hopeful. You've never done anything like this before, but the idea of being filmed does make you feel a little giddy.

You sense that he really wants to continue, but he also wants to make sure you still feel comfortable and confident. At the same time, you're intrigued by the idea of being filmed. you know who Luke is; he wouldn't share it with anyone else without permission. He also knows better that if he does, he’ll get a hefty punishment.

He pauses for a moment, his expression soft as he looks at you. “Are you sure about this?” he asks, his voice gentle, “We don't have to do this. I don't want you to get uncomfortable, or to feel like I'm pressuring you.” Luke has always been careful not to push you into things you aren't ok with, and his expression says he's serious now.

“I give you my permission, Luke.” You sense the excitement and arousal radiating from his body, and you can't help but feel turned on by his reactions.

Your body is tingling with excitement, and your breath begins to quicken. You feel so overwhelmed, but at the same time, it's almost thrilling to think that someone is watching you.

“Good,” he replies, his voice oozing with anticipation. He starts filming again and his face lights up with a cheeky grin. He continues to kiss you, his hands touching you gently, his body moving seamlessly over yours. Every touch feels intoxicating, sending shivers down your spine.

You feel the heat of the camera against your skin and the sensation is nearly overwhelming.

"You should be thanking me for letting you witness me being so good to you."

A smug grin spreads across his face as he looks into the camera, his eyes bright with amusement. "Well, I am grateful," he replies, his hands grazing softly along your body, "I'm sure our viewers at home are loving it too."

His tone is playful as he continues to kiss you, his hands trailing softly up your body. You feel warm all over as if your flesh was radiating with heat. His kisses are gentle, each one making you feel like you're being worshipped. You can't help but feel intoxicated by the sensation.

His fingers slowly dipped into again, fastening his pace as he deepened the kiss, angling the camera at your face.

He leans into the camera, his hands running down your neck, his kisses getting deeper. You feel like you're drowning in pleasure, the sensations taking over your body.

The camera captures every detail of your expressions, your body arching tightly against his hand. It's almost like he was worshipping you with his touch and you loved feeling so desired.

“I want to be good to you.”

“I want you to feel like I'm worshipping you with every touch.” His tone is soft yet seductive, with a look of pure pleasure on his face. You feel the urge to arch your body against his hand, the sensations taking over your body.

“I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.” His lips are against your neck, biting very gently. His hand trails gently down your body, his other hand resting on your hip as he holds the camera steady.

“Luke, I’m—“

“Is this too much for you?” he asks, taking his face away from your neck and looking into your eyes to see if there's anything wrong. His hands trail slowly down your side, brushing against your skin playfully.

His voice is sweet and tender, his expression soft and concerned. He seems genuinely worried that he might’ve made you uncomfortable.

Your body is overcome with a rush of pleasure, every inch of you feeling energized. You can feel your muscles clenching tighter, the sensation becoming almost uncontrollable.

“I only want to make you feel good,” he whispers, his fingers gently tracing circles along your clit. He was holding back his own arousal, feeling himself twitched right with how your body was reacting.

As he continued to pleasure you, your hands slowly reached down onto him. When your hand touched his raw skin, you very slowly stroked him from his base to head, teasing him, admiring for the millionth time how perfect and heavy he felt in your hand.

His breath catches abruptly as your hand makes its way down his body. You feel his body tremble, his cheeks flushing and his breath becoming raspy.

He looks into your eyes, watching as your hand slowly traces patterns over him. The way you touch him is making him crazy, making him feel wild and untamed.

“You’re doing a good job,” you reassured him, knowing he was enjoying every bit of it from the way tried biting back his moan—the hand that was holding up the camera, slowly moved onto the sheets.

He sighs and lets his head fall back, taking a deep breath and trying to maintain some semblance of composure. The sounds of his heavy breathing fill the air, and you feel the need to laugh from the way he's trying to disguise his moans with subtle sounds.

"Don’t worry, I’ll return the favour," I teased, he’s trying to hold back his moans from the sheer sensation of your touch. His hands continue to move down your body, his fingers tracing over your curves gently. “After you’re done with me.” His kisses become deeper and more passionate, his voice getting hoarser with every word.

“Promise?” he whispers, his voice full of hunger. He seems eager to get you to return the favour. His voice quivers slightly as your hand trails all the way down his body.

He speeds up the movement of his slick hand which made the lewdest sounds. You feel him getting close to the edge, his breathing becoming more erratic with every touch.

You simply nodded as you let go of him, your hands combing through his hair instead.

He lets out a sharp exhale of air, letting it fill the room. His hand was still moving at a steady pace, but you could feel him trying to resist. You weren't sure how much longer he could hold on.

As your hands combed through his brown and bronze-tinted hair, he let out a soft sigh. Your body suddenly trembled violently like your limbs were about to convulse.

“Fuck—“

"You alright?" he whispers softly, his voice cracking and his body trembling as he struggles to stay in control. His breathing is ragged and shallow, but he tries to keep his pace steady.

“I’m close,” you whisper, your voice still breathless. His hand keeps moving at a steady pace, but he makes no effort to speed up the speed. He just watches you, eager to witness the intensity of your pleasure.

The sounds coming from your body were louder than anything you'd heard before every movement was accompanied by a soft moan or an eager sigh. You were on a whole new level of sensitivity, and it was clear that he was enjoying every second of it. The camera continued to record the entire scene, documenting all the details of your pleasure and his reactions.

“Don’t stop,” you tell him, your voice quivering with excitement as you feel that familiar build-up of passion deep within you. He keeps his pace steady, his eyes glued to you, waiting for the moment when you reach your climax.

“I'm not stopping until you need—” he starts, but he doesn’t finish his sentence when you bundle up his hair, softly yanking his head down. You feel him tighten his grip on you, his breath rasping out of his mouth. Your breath catches abruptly as the sensation becomes increasingly intense. Your body's tension builds up, all your focus completely immersed in what he's giving you.

“Hnngh…” he breathes heavily, his voice straining and his breathing becoming shallow. You can tell that he's nearing the edge, but he maintains a steady pace, focused on giving you your moment. He wants you to have this.

The room grows hot and the air becomes thick with your heavy breathing. He does not attempt to distract himself from your movements, watching your expressions and facial reactions as the intensity only builds before pushing his face down between your thighs, circling his tongue on your clit once more.

The video camera was long gone once he wrapped his arms around your thigh, splaying your legs wide open as he continued.

You can feel the muscles in your thighs tense up as he holds you in place. You feel his hands wrapped around both of your thighs, his fingers pumping softly in-and-out of you as he continues. His touch is like an explosion of sensation, sending chills all the way through your body. Your entire being is consumed by the pleasure he's giving you, your heart beating so fast it feels like it's about to burst.

His body is pressed against yours, his mouth moving with so much attention and passion that you can't help but feel overcome. His tongue is hot and his breath is heavy, but all that matters to him is your pleasure.

Every movement of his tongue and lips is like a wave of ecstasy, the sensation sending you over the edge as you come into his mouth. Your body quivers violently, your voice breaking into a high-pitched moan.

Luke didn’t waste a single moment as he quickly started slurping all of the juices that were practically all over his face and fingers.

His hands fall slowly away from you, the feeling of exhaustion overwhelming him. He closes his eyes for a moment, his face still flush with excitement. He sits there for a minute, letting the feelings pass slowly before he opens his eyes again.

His smile softens as he stares at you, his body still trembling slightly. Everything that happened felt real and intense like it could become something more if you wanted.

“You’re so good to me,” you say, your voice still breathless. You lay back on his hands, feeling completely drained by the rush of pleasure that had swept over your body. Your body shivers slightly with every deep breath, but you’re too immersed in your own satisfaction to care.

He pulls his mouth away briefly to take a breath, his body still trembling slightly as he looks up at you with a smug grin. He looks utterly exhausted, so exhausted that he doesn't even have the energy to talk. The camera is still recording every minute movement as your body finally relaxes at the moment after.

After you calmed down from your high, you slowly started to shift your thighs, moving them together while he lay in between them.

He glances over to the camera for a split second before looking back at you. His fingers trail gently along your thigh, his eyes never leaving your face. You could tell that he was still feeling the effects of the intimacy. His breathing was slowly returning to normal, but he was still filled with unexplainable excitement for what had just occurred.

He pushed his fingers into his mouth, licking them clean of all your juices. He continues to lick his lips, savouring every bit of you that's left on his fingers.

He lets out a soft sigh as you shift your thighs, your body rubbing against him as you adjust to a more comfortable position. Your body is still tingling with residual pleasure, the feeling lingering in your muscles even after the intensity of the finale.

He pulls his fingers away from his mouth and looks up at you, his face still flush with excitement. He runs his fingers along your thigh, his lips curling into a soft smile. His hand trails your thigh and up your side, moving slowly, but firmly.

You reached over to the video camera—playing the video in your hands, watching the scene that played out before you. It was clear that Luke made sure to get every scene of that moment into the video. You couldn’t believe you let him record it, but it was also one of the best decisions you've ever made because you can relive that intense and indescribable experience over and over again.

The video of the entire scene played out before you, every second of your pleasure recorded in the clearest quality possible. You almost chuckled as you saw yourself being pleased by Luke so enthusiastically, the intense sensation sweeping over your body as your facial expressions grew increasingly expressive.

The camera captured every detail of the scene, both visually and audibly. You could hear your breathing and your sighs in the background, the sound of the bed creaking against your movements.

You glanced down at him, smiling before hitting record on the video camera again. “I still need to keep my end of the bargain.”

His breath catches abruptly, and his eyes widen. A subtle smile cracks on his face, and he glances at the camera again before looking back at you. His head tilts slightly to the side as he notices that you've started recording again.

He raises his eyebrows in surprise as you hold up the camera to capture the scene in front of you. Your smile widens as you begin to tease him again, the prospect of pleasing him bringing a sense of satisfaction to your own desire.

His body starts to tremble again, and he looks at the camera for an answer, hoping that you'd turn it off, but something tells you that his reaction to you recording him is going to be worth watching.

"Don’t go too hard on me," he whispers softly, his voice cracking slightly.

“It’s cute that you think I’ll go easy on you.” Your reply was met with an amused laugh from Luke. He knows you won’t ever take it easy on him.

#luke castellan #luke castellan smut #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x you #luke castellan x y/n #luke castellan imagine #luke castellan pjo #pjo #pjo disney+#pjo tv show #pjo series #pjo fandom #pjo luke #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #imagine #smut #charlie bushnell x reader #charlie bushnell

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commodorez · 1 month

Note

Why Firefox?

Firefox isn't trying to take away my ad blocking software, forcing me to wade through advertisements to traverse the web. I rarely have to stop and put up with ads in my day to day browsing experience. Google has made it very clear that they don't want you to have that power.

I'm very used to a specific UI in my browser, and I'm able to tweak Firefox to my needs. I don't use tabs when I'm at home, and being able to eliminate the tab bar can totally be done with Firefox (I won't elaborate on that here). However, there are many other things I can add to Firefox to improve my experience!

You know how sometimes you want to download an image on a webpage, but you can't right click on it, or it's hidden behind another element? I've got a Firefox tool for that called Right-click boroscope.

Don't want scripts to load in on a page, and cause havoc? Firefox has me covered again with NoScript.

I want to immediately reverse image search something I find regurgitated here on tumblr, in search of the original? There's a TinEye extension for Firefox to do that and save time.

For using tumblr more efficiently, there's XKit Rewritten. In Firefox.

Sick of Youtube's shitty search suggestions, and shorts being pushed? There's a Youtube Search Fixer add-on for Firefox for that.

I've also got the Wayback Machine integrated into Firefox.

The thing is, whatever reasons I enumerate to use Firefox, there are another hundred good reasons that other folks can add to this list no problem.

In some ways, it sucks that I should have to make so many modifications to my web browser to make it suitable for taking control within the modern webscape, but it also says alot that I have the freedom to make those modifications to my browser should I so choose. At work I'm forced to use chrome, and even though I'm only browsing ad-free internal corporate pages to get my job done, I still can't stand that experience.

We should be free to control our web browsing experiences. If a company finds a mantra like "don't be evil" too restrictive, maybe I don't want to help perpetuate their advertising machine (and don't think for a second that chrome isn't part of said machine). The web is supposed to be this free and open place, and it sure as hell isn't helped by browser monoculture. I really don't like the idea of supporting a monopolistic browsing experience that is the sea of chrome clones. Everything else seems to have turned into another chrome.

Fuck that noise.

So I will continue to use Firefox.

#firefox

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amnesique · 1 year

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escapism. — tyler galpin

pairing : tyler galpin x reader

summary : after xavier breaks up with you when wednesday captures his interest, driven by jealousy, you decide to get your get back at him by sleeping with his enemy, tyler, who you knew had a thing for you for some time already.

warnings : dom!reader, sub!tyler, smut (18+, minors dni!), dirty talk, mommy kink, oral (m receiving), semi-public sex, unprotected sex.

as soon as your ex-boyfriend broke up with you saying that your relationship is no longer working because he has developed feelings for none other than wednesday addams, the new girl at your school, you reached for your phone and called a taxi, the address you said it being the exact address of the weathervane cafe.

drinking your coffee at this cafe very often, you had come to know his schedule. so, knowing that at this hour you would only find tyler inside who should be getting ready for the closing, you confidently stepped inside in your black dress that didn't showed too much, but leaved a lot to the imagination.

as you expected, tyler galpin was at the counter wiping the surface with a cloth. at which point you slowly approached him, and dragged your fingers, slowly, all across the surface until you were in his field of vision. he looked up quickly and when he noticed you, he instinctively took a step back and swallowed hard. he couldn't take his eyes off you, his eyes running from top to bottom on your body, impatience quickly making its way throughout his body, and lingering a little longer on your chest that was put in a good light by the cleavage you wore.

"getting ready for closing, galpin?” you asked him, what was obvious, in a low tone wanting to test his patience.

"y/n." the boy said your name out loud, without realizing it, trying to find out if he was somehow imagining this moment or not.

a not-so-subtle grin appeared on your face saying "that's my name," as you walked around the counter to get in front of him.

you were so close to him that it seemed like a dream come true. he thought he was losing his mind, but it was real. so fucking real, he would have added.

"what are you doing here?" he asked you, instinctively running his tongue over his bottom lip.

you pouted and eliminated the space between you, running your fingers over the collar of the t-shirt he was wearing even though it was already arranged, moving closer to his ear so you can whisper, "don't you want me here?"

he could swear he felt the thing in his pants twitching.

"i didn't say that," he spoke with difficulty as he was barely able to catch his breath.

you pulled away from him, grinning to yourself, and he immediately missed your body being pressed against his.

"seriously, y/n," tyler's weak voice was heard once again and you couldn't miss the rise and fall of his chest. "what's going on?" he added and your gaze gave up from scanning his chest so you can glare at him, with parted lips. a look that turned him upside down. "weren't you with thorpe?"

"past tense. exactly." you spotted the important part of his sentence and, moving closer to his face, you placed your palms on his cheeks to pull him towards you due to the difference in height. "now," you breathed in and whispered the next part slowly, "wouldn't you like to let mommy take care of you, pretty boy?"

your warm breath on his lips and the words you said, plus all the teasing before, had made his situation so hard that he would have done whatever you told him. so he nodded and without a second thought, you kissed him hard and first you took his apron off and then you undid his belt.

a weak whimper got stuck in his throat, trying not to look so eager in front of you, but all his trying ended when, running your tongue past his teeth, you deepened the kiss and undid his pants so you can put your hand in his boxers to palm him.

you broke the kiss just to ask him "do you enjoy the way i'm touching you?", then coming back to gluing your lips on his again, continuing to move your hand along his bulge and pushing him towards the counter behind him.

he nodded against your lips, longing for more. and you could figure it out. so you pulled away from him for a moment, a short moment when he moaned at the lack of your touch, clamping his arms around the edge of the counter to keep himself on his feet. but after removing his pants and boxers, you stayed on your knees and with a big grin on your face, looking at his member.

"please," he whispered, closing his eyes, clutching the edge in his hands so hard that you could see the veins sticking out under his t-shirt, as he couldn't take your intense gaze.

biting your bottom lip and bringing your legs closer, looking for some kind of friction, you run your hand over his length once more and ask him, bringing your lips closer to his member so he can feel the vibration of your words into his whole body, "what are you asking me to do, exactly?" finally, you run your tongue over his tip and he straightens his back against the hard counter.

the movements of your tongue over the tip of his member were driving him crazy, but he couldn't find the words to tell you what he wanted.

"speak up, pretty boy,” you added and then pulled your hand away, making him open his eyes, “or i'll stop.”

his eyes were shining because he was not getting what he longed for and he was forced by your threat to find his courage. so he said, "please make me feel good. please, y/n."

you wrapped your hand around him, going up and down in slow motions, but your gaze stayed on him. "how do you address me?"

"y/n?" he sighed your name, in the form of a question, not understanding what you're talking about, but your hand stopped.

"wrong, pretty boy. think it over."

the way he couldn't resist the desire he had for you turned you on so much that you didn't know how long you could last without getting something in return, but you couldn't stop. not now.

"mommy?" he said questioningly, remembering your earlier words, followed by a guttural hum.

you feel yourself clench over nothing and you approved with a smile before getting back to work. you surrounded him with your mouth, moving back and forth as you could hear him making the most beautiful sounds, moaning and whining for you.

when his hand found its place in your hair, forming a ponytail to keep it out of your face, you allowed yourself to gently slide your hands to the hem of your dress, lifting it as high as possible on your thighs. you let one of your hands slide between your legs, and into your panties, so you can caress your clit in circular motions as you continued to make him feel good.

pushing your panties aside with your hand, you insert two fingers into yourself, and at the same time you continue to stimulate him by running your tongue all over his length, and his moans encouraged you that you are doing a good job.

"i'm close, mommy." he said, and when you looked up at him, you could tell that your reaction brought him even closer because you could feel him throbbing.

driven by these impulses, you increased the speed and combined licking and sucking, and in less than a few seconds you had him under your power, moaning as hard as his lungs could allow him to do so as you felt his milk sliding down your throat.

you removed your fingers, arranging your panties back in place, everything under his watchful gaze as he tried to calm his breathing after he had just come off his climax. you began to clean him with your tongue, a fact that made you more eager, so you stood up and pulled him by the neck towards you. you pulled him into a quick, passionate kiss, letting him taste himself on your tongue and you took his hands to put them on your waist, wanting to get a little more from him.

between hungry kisses and caressing his neck, you managed to tell him, "you did such a good job for me just now". and he whimpered, feeling himself getting hard again under your touch. "do you want to continue being a good boy to mommy?” you said and withdraw from the kiss, running his hand under your dress to the base of your panties as his look on you was worshiping you like the goddess you were.

his finger went past the base of your panties and made consciousness with your wetness, and his body immediately tensed when he heard you let out a grunt.

"tell me, you wanna make me feel good, hmm?” you said and your fingers made their way under his shirt, tracing non-existent lines on his skin while he didn't know how to react, still being a little flustered.

you took advantage of the moment and pulled away from him, letting his hand slide outside your panties as you pulled off his shirt over his head and pulling off your dress as well, standing in front of him in only your underwear.

"pick me up.” you ordered and placing his hands on your ass, you jumped up to make him keep your legs around his waist. you moved to kiss his neck, and whisper instructions, “lay me down with my back on the counter."

realizing that this was really going to happen, he put aside his shyness, turning on his heels with you in his arms. he laid you down as you said, running his lips over your breasts, something he'd been wanting to do ever since he saw your chest for the first time tonight.

"you can take it off,” you encouraged him and stood up a little, ignoring how good his increasing bulge felt between your still clothed bottom lips, so that he can open the flap of your bra for better access.

he did as you told him, throwing the bra somewhere around the cafe, and hurried to run his tongue over your nipple, giving each of your breasts their moment to shine.

"i can't take it anymore," you said and moved him away so you could throw your panties somewhere. then you pulled him back to you, both of you moaning as you made skin to skin contact. "i need you inside me."

"now?" he asked in amazed, for the first time in a long time, not recognizing his own voice because of how hoarse it was.

"yes!" you cried out, the desire already being unbearable and you took the situation into your own hands, putting your hands on the his member and lining with your entrance.

"okay!"

he said and allowed himself to penetrate you, and watch as your bodies intertwined each time he came in and out of you.

"pretty boy," you drew his attention to you with your husky voice, "you have to move a little faster."

he nodded his understanding and increased his speed, kissing your neck and breasts not only to help you feel good, but also because he loved it. and you put your legs around him, the position making him touch your spot even better from this angle and turning you both into a moaning mess.

"i'm so crazy about you, y/n, you have no idea." he mentioned in a vulnerable moment, kissing you all over your body.

a guttural laugh escaped your lips, pulling him over you so you could feel his lower body rubbing against your clit. "believe me, galpin, your looks are not subtle at all. i was sure that you would love the idea of having me." you replied, hearing him panting so close to your ear.

"now that you have me, take advantage of everything i'm capable of giving you,” you grabbed his face and told him, after locking your tongues together.

he moaned into the kiss and pulled back to answer you, "you feel so good around me, mommy."

you were so close. your opening squeezed him so tight that you could his manhood throbbing again.

"pick up the pace and let yourself go release for once more, with me this time," you played with your hand in his hair, while the other hand left marks on his back when he touched that place inside you that drove you crazy. "okay, pretty boy?" you added with a sensual tone breathing slowly over his lips, pulling him into a careless kiss as his truths became sloppy.

he continued to thrust into you until you both came off your high and only then you both did relax, him staying inside you as he sat on your chest as you played in his hair.

"you were such a good boy to me, tyler, you made me feel so damn good.” you praised him, whispering in his ear, as he listened to your heartbeat.

he looked up at you, being willing to have you for several times, "will there be another time?"

you smiled at him. a smile that made his heart flutter, but you moved your eyes to the ceiling to avoid his gaze. "i promise you nothing."

you were just getting out of a relationship and you didn't want to take on another one at a vulnerable moment. but his version was not excluded at all. you liked the power you had over him and you were sure that if he gained trust, he could also be the one dominating you. and you didn't dislike this idea.

if only xavier had heard that now you were thinking how much tyler galpin could attract you. good that only you would know that.

at least for the moment.

part 2 part 3

#wednesday #wednesday series #wednesday fandom #wednesday smut #wednesday fanfic #tyler galpin #tyler galpin x reader #tyler galpin x y/n #tyler galpin smut #tyler galpin fanfic #minors dni

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anipgarden · 1 year

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Adding To or Starting a Garden

AKA, the beginning of the Plants-Related section of this series.

This is my third post in a series I’ll be making on how to increase biodiversity on a budget! I’m not an expert--just an enthusiast--but I hope something you find here helps!

Got an area of lawn you’d like to convert to a wildlife haven? An area you can stick some hanging baskets in? Want to know how your garden of tomatoes and zucchinis is already putting in a lot of work? This is the section for you!

It would be dumb of me to not acknowledge that the act of gardening can come with a lot of costs. Buying seeds, buying plants, buying soil, raised bed materials, mulch, etc. … it can all get a bit daunting, let’s be honest! But there’s quite a few ways to get seeds and plants for free or extremely cheap, which I’ll be addressing in this section! The next section will be all about addressing the other Costs in gardening and how to mitigate or eliminate them entirely.

Also, do keep in mind; there’s no need to try and convert a whole area from lawn to garden or unused to garden at once. In fact, it could actually be extremely beneficial to do it a little at a time--maybe four or five square feet to start out.

Front Lawn (or Managing Principles)

If you live in a place where you’re required to have a grass turf lawn (HOA’s come to mind…), try replacing it with native grasses instead! You could even possibly use a low-growing ground cover plant like clover to a similar effect! Reseeding/replacing an entire lawn can be a big upfront cost, but even just letting the lawn be a little messy and tall helps. If the lawn gets patchy, leave the bare spots for a little while and something different will likely pop up! Pioneer species will fill the gaps and provide benefits to other plants around them, support animals, and more! If you want to take the guesswork out of it, you could always research what the pioneer species are in your area and plant the ones you like most.

Obtaining Seeds for Cheap or Free

The cheapest way to start a garden is by far via seeds. However, seeds can be a bit complicated to grow, and some sources make them… way overpriced. Fortunately there are ways to get seeds for little to no cost!

Some places sell seeds for as low as a dollar, 50 cents, or 25 cents! The packets may not have a lot of seeds, but it’s definitely a good start for a low budget! I’ve personally bought cheap seed packets at Walmart--the Ferry-Morse and Burpee brands are not what we’re looking for here. Typically the cheaper ones I’ve found are American Seed (which is owned by Green Garden Products, which also owns Ferry-Morse, Livingston Seed, McKenzie Seed, and Seeds of Change. Do with that information what you will), but they’re rarely stocked near the Ferry-Morse ones in the Formal Gardening Section. I’ve most often found them on end caps near the gardening section, so you may have to weave through a few aisles to find them, but once you do there’s an array of flower and vegetable seeds to select from! Alternatively, I’ve found seeds at Dollar Tree sold 2 or 4 for a dollar in Spring as part of their seasonal product; however, when they’re out of stock, they’re typically out of stock for the year. Try to check them out early in the year!

Otherwise, other seed companies like Urban Farmer or Botanical Interests will often have semi-frequent sales in spring and fall, when people are stocking up on seeds--joining their email lists can help you be the first to know when a good sale is going on!

Some foods from grocery stores will provide seeds that you can use in the garden as well. I’ve had the most luck with store-bought bagged beans, peppers, and tomatoes. Some people have had luck with watermelons, apples, citrus, squash, and more. Do keep in mind that you likely won’t get the same variety of fruit/vegetable as the one you bought--the resulting plant may look different and taste different.

Give it a shot! Pick some beans you like--if they don't grow well, at least you can eat the rest!

If you live in the US, food-producing live plants, bare roots, and seeds can often be purchased with SNAP benefits. But what does growing fruits, veggies, and herbs have to do with boosting biodiversity? While food crops aren’t typically native, they still provide valuable shelter for native insects. Some plants even have intricate relationships with native fauna--like the squash bee, a solitary bee which exclusively pollinates cucurbits like pumpkins, squash, and zucchini. And we get to benefit more directly as well! If you’re planting a diverse range of foods in your garden (as opposed to the swaths of single-plant farms that typically produce what’s sent to grocery stores), you’re supporting high levels of biodiversity by providing a variety of plants for creatures to live and hunt around.

Most of the time, when we think of boosting biodiversity with a garden, we think of a colorful flower garden teeming with pollinator species. However, if we’re striving to use native species, it can be a bit difficult to find some species in stores. I can say from experience that trying to find any wildflower seeds other than butterfly weed, purple coneflowers, and black-eyed-susans is… challenging, if you limit yourself to stores like Walmart, Home Depot, and Lowe’s. You might occasionally get lucky with an ACE Hardware or a local nursery, but even then sometimes it can be hard to track down who in your area is selling what--let alone if you live in an area where no one really is selling native plants or their seeds. Not to mention, even once you find a local or online store selling the seeds you want, they can sometimes cost a pretty penny. So what do you do?

If you have the option to, consider gathering native seeds yourself! Get good at identifying the native flora and fauna--or at least, a few target plants and their lookalikes--and get ready to go! Learn where they tend to grow, when they’ll be seeding, etc. Try to identify the plant before it goes to seed (for most plants, it's easiest to identify when flowering), then check back regularly to gather seeds. Typically, if I want to learn how to collect seed from a specific plant, I just search it on Google or YouTube--oftentimes, I'm lead to the GrowItBuildIt Youtube page, so it may be a helpful resource for you as well! Of course, make sure to leave plenty of seed behind so the wild population can repopulate, and seed can feed other creatures in the area. A good rule of thumb is to take no more than 1/3rd of what's available.

Buying seed in bulk is an option if you can afford the upfront cost. Try teaming up with a few friends to buy some bulk seeds and split them amongst yourselves--you’ll get tons of seed! Prairie Moon is a popular site that'll sell seeds by the pound if you can afford the price--though they're in the US, and I believe they focus on Midwest and East Coast natives.

If you want to cheat the system, don’t buy bulk sunflower seeds--buy bags of sunflower seeds being sold as birdseed. They’re typically all black oil sunflower seeds, but they’ll sprout, and they’re fairly cheap for the amount you get!

However, beware generic wildflower seed mixes! Many brands like to sell wildflower seed mixes in big box stores like Home Depot, Target, or even Dollar Tree, but they’ll often include flowers that aren’t native or possibly even invasive in your region! Before you make any purchases, double check to make sure the contained seeds won’t do more harm than good! A quality source of native seeds will provide English and Latin names for all seeds included, and will be native to the region or at least non-invasive.

See this? I don't trust this.

There’s a good handful of programs online that’ll send you free seeds if you’re planning to start a native habitat project! Poke around online and see what you can find; you might get lucky! The best time to start looking for these is fall and winter, I find--by early spring, many of them are either done or beginning to wind down... though some also start up in spring. Ultimately--just check regularly! You never know what you can find!

Other Ways to Get Plants

Don’t want to start from seed? That’s fair! You can try cuttings! Just be sure not to take too much of the plant while you do so. Make sure you’ve gotten a few leaf nodes on your cutting, and cut any flowers you may have gotten. Make sure to leave some blooms and foliage on the original plant for the creatures in the current habitat--you don’t want to destroy one habitat to make another in your garden. There’s tons of methods of rooting cuttings, many of which have different efficacy rates for different plants, but that’s a topic for another post.

If you find seedlings growing in a place where they won’t be able to sustain themselves long-term, or are in danger of being destroyed, consider relocating them! You may be able to gently dig up and transplant the seedling to your garden. Don’t do this if they’re in a place where they can easily survive--ideally, you’ll be taking plants from sidewalk cracks, heavily maintained public gardens, roadsides, etc. Do be careful while doing this--ensure your safety first!

You’re totally allowed to join gardening communities like clubs, facebook groups, and more before you’ve even put a trowel to the dirt. These are great places to learn information and advice! Many gardeners are more than happy to help out a new gardener, and will eagerly provide seeds, cuttings, or even baby plants! Talk to some people about your gardening journey and what you’re hoping to do, and you just might find some kindred spirits--or at least get more people interested in the topic!

Seed and plant giveaways and trades happen all the time in gardening clubs, as well as online! Just poke around and see what you can find! Some are explicitly trades, meaning you’re expected to send something in return, but once you get your feet on the ground with some plant knowledge you’ll be stellar! You may be able to explain you’re just starting out, and someone may send you seeds without expecting a trade, but I’d suggest trying giveaways first.

Poke around online and see if there’s a local chapter of your state’s native plant society. From there, you’ll likely be able to find a calendar of events--many of them will host plant sales in the spring, with a bunch of native plant seedlings ripe for the pickings if you can make it out and have some money to spare! Fair warning, though, you’ll want to get there early if you can. If they say they’re starting at 10, try to get there by 9:45. Year after year, there’s always record turnout, and they sell out of plants faster than ever. Just trust me on this. I’ve been let down; hopefully you won’t have to be.

Some libraries are beginning to host seed libraries! Check around and see if your library has one! Ideally, the system works best if you also have seeds to contribute in return, but if you’re just starting out I’m sure they won’t mind you taking some seeds! Just consider saving some seeds to contribute in the future and pay it forward. If your library doesn’t have a seed library? Consider asking if they’d be willing to start one! Community interest is a great way to get the ball rolling on projects like these, but they’ll only know the community is interested if the community tells them they’re interested!

Volunteer to Garden for/with Someone Else

Maybe someone in your area wants to garden, but is struggling to find the time/energy. Many elderly people who used to garden simply can’t anymore but still would like a garden. Other people may love to have a helping hand in their garden. You might even find a few people in your area interested in renting and sharing a community garden plot with others, so they don't have to handle it all on their own! They may be interested in increasing biodiversity right now, or may be willing to if it’s brought up to them. You might be just the kind of person someone needs! Since it won't be your garden, you’ll likely need a bit of permission and collaboration to get anything in particular going, but it’s worth a shot and a way to maybe even make friends!

Again, your mileage may vary with some of these. You may not know where there's a bunch of wildflowers growing in your area, or maybe your local library doesn't have a free seed library. That's okay! Do what you're able to, find what you can find, get what you can get! And there's never any shame with starting small--in fact, starting small can make the project easier to manage and expand when you're able!

That's the end of this post! My next post is gonna be about ways to start growing plants cheaply--low cost seed starting set ups, essentially. There's a lot of good options, many of which I've used myself even! Until then, I hope this advice is helpful! Feel free to reply with any questions, success stories, or anything you think I may have forgotten to add in!

#biodiversity #solarpunk #gardening #outdoor gardening #growing from seed #ani rambles #out of queue #the biodiversity saga #i will be honest I have never flat out approached people to offer to help them garden #HOWEVER. People HAVE approached ME asking ME to help THEM with/plan THEIR garden #granted it was after I'd been gardening for a good few years. and its mostly family or family friends but yknow #people would be like 'oh wanna help me with my veggie garden?' even before I tried growing vegetables #i don't think the library near me has a seed library but you just wait until i. get the courage. to go to the library regularly.#i've seen people also make their own little seed library structures kinda like a little free library but like #i dont think my neighborhood is about that life.#if any of yall have those though it could be a great resource! also send pics because I love seeing them #not to say that this post should become a giant seed trade but if it did become that i would be the opposite of mad #if there's any typos blame my sister shes got the hotel room at like 60-something degrees and I am FREEZING #welp time to shut up now bye

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mikaleialt · 6 months

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Ride It!| Bada Lee

Bada Lee x Reader

Fluff, suggestive, smut, drabble

Synopsis: In a random instagram live, your newly found fans after SWF 2, started asking you random questions about what do you think of each team leaders. For a quick background, you are one of the team leaders in SWF 2, but sadly your team got eliminated after the Crew Battle Mission, after getting defeated by Mannequeen on the elimination round along with Wolf'lo and Lady Bounce.

C/w: based off of this post by @westwoodsvivi. Honestly I just wrote this to finally end my writer's block as I have been gone for more than a month now.

Street Woman Fighter 2 is finally over and although your team didn't make it to the top 4, you still continued to support the other teams until the end, especially when the winner of SWF 2 is the team leaded by your girlfriend.

And now here you are, preparing for the On the Stage concert. All of the teams are in one place again, practicing the dance routines they've performed during SWF 2.

You were finally on break and some of the dancers of each team started goofing around with each other, filming tiktok dances together with Redy who seem to just stand in the background of every video. You laugh at how Redy looks like a lost child standing behind Che Che, Debby, and Yoonji as the trio dance.

Bored in your own world you decided to set up your phone as you sat in the corner of the studio, and finally hit the 'Go live' button after getting permission from the staffs who told you that it is fine as long as you don't spoil anything about the concert.

Viewers immediately flooded the comments and you tried your best to greet everyone. The viewer count goes up by the second.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii 🤎"

"OMG Y/NNNNN 🥹"

"Hi from 🇦🇱"

"Ano ba tayo, Y/n 😩 (what are we, Y/n)"

You read each comments from fans greeting you, to trying to make you say a phrase in their language, to asking you how you have been.

"I'm doing good, as you all know, we're preparing for the upcoming concert. We're actually on a break right now and everyone is doing their own thing. And here I am, in my own space." You picked up your camera as you show the empty dance practice room that you are in right now.

"Honestly, I got bored during our break so I went live" you chuckled. "Everyone has been really busy these days, and I miss talking to you guys." You sent the viewers a flying kiss, which made the comment section go wild.

"AAAAAAHHHH"

"EXCUSE ME⁉️⁉️"

"THAT KISS WAS DEFINITELY FOR ME"

You immediately got embarrassed as you are not used to giving out fan service or acting cute for other people. You give it a few seconds for the fans to finally calm down once again.

"Hmm, there's still much time until we go back to practicing again, what should I do? What do you guys think?" You read the comments once again as each viewers suggest something for you to do. After a few more minutes you finally settled to do a Q and A.

"What is today's TMI?" You read one of the comments as you ponder to yourself what could you share to your viewers . "Hmm, today I arrived at the studio crying because I was watching that one video of that kid from My Golden Kid." You giggled. "It was a very sad clip, I was crying the whole time while I was on my way here."

A few more question pops up after that and you tried your best to answer each one. "Who do you find attractive among the SWF 2 leaders?" You read another question.

"Me, of course" you flip your hair sassily before laughing to yourself. "No, in all honesty, it's gotta be Kirsten or Bada. They're both really charismatic." You answered.

"What part of them do you find attractive?" You read the follow up question.

"For Kirsten, it's probably her hips. I'm not gonna lie, when I saw Kirsten dance for the first time, my whole attention was on her hips..." you shyly admit to your viewers.

"...as for Bada... I really like her nose" you said without any explanation as memories from a few nights ago came back to you.

♡⑅*˖•. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .•˖*⑅♡

"A-ahh Bada" your breath staggers as you move your hips, grinding your wet core on your girlfriend's face.

It was the night after BEBE won SWF 2 and you told Bada that you'll do whatever she asks for if they win, which leads you to the situation that you are in right now.

Bada's only wish from you as a reward is for you to sit on her face as she eats you out, which you did without any hesitation.

"That's it ride my face, baby" Bada speak against your pussy as she continues to eat it like a starved man.

You couldn't help but moan louder as your clit presses on the tip of Bada's nose. You continue to grind your puffy clit against it, each movement makes you shiver, as your girlfriend's tongue fucks your cunt relentlessly.

"I-I'm gonna—hah" your eyes roll to the back of your head as the pleasure in your stomach builds up. "Yeah that's it, come for me baby" Bada said as she continues to eat you out.

Soon, a loud moan escapes from your lips as you finally had your release. Your legs were shaking as Bada continues to lap up your juices, each movement of her head under you, the tip of her nose touches your clit.

"So good to me baby, can you give me one more?" Bada sucks on your clit before diving back again into fucking your cunt with her tongue...

♡⑅*˖•. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .•˖*⑅♡

"Ok let's get back to work" Funky Y announces as she enters the room which snaps you back to reality.

"So yeah anyway, that would be all. See you at the On the Stage concert everyone. Byeeee" You immediately pressed the 'End live' button, before putting down your phone.

"Oh Y/n, so you're here all along" The rest of the dancers enter the room one by one.

"Unnie, why is your face so red?" Sowoen pointed out your face. To which made you turn red even more. The whole time you are reminiscing about that night, you were blushing like crazy.

"It's nothing, I was just feeling hot." You excused yourself, but little do you know, a certain someone was actually watching your live earlier.

Bada approached you as she whispers something to your ears.

"So you like me nose huh, why don't you ride my face again once we got home?"

A/n: it's been a while omg, I missed writing. I'm slowly regaining my motivation to write again finally!!! I hope you like it, sorry if its not as good as you guys thought it would be. This is just a quick drabble to finally break my writer's block, I did not proofread this.

#bada lee fanfic #bada lee x reader #bada x reader #bada lee x y/n #swf2 x reader #bada lee imagines #bada lee smut #bada lee #bada lee fluff #bada lee imagine #bada lee x fem reader #lee bada x reader #swf #Spotify

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iamcalmdammit · 2 years

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Dirty Thoughts || [Simon "Ghost" Riley x f!reader]

Note: Dirty thoughts don't care where you are, they just appear. Ghost learns this the hard way while he's waiting for Soap with you in that church tower.

(Sort of a part one here. But it can be read without that.)

Ghost and you made it to the church a few hours after escaping Shadow Company and he quickly set up a sniper position in the tower. He'd been keeping in touch with Soap the entire time, relieved to hear that the sergeant made it out of the situation alive. His thoughts were focused on the task to survive in a hostile environment, but the two of them tried to lighten the mood a bit by telling jokes to each other.

But then Soap went awfully quiet and he was beginning to worry. Did they find him? Was he in danger? Well, in bigger danger than usual, that is. "Where the hell is he?" he asked quietly, mostly from himself.

"I'm sure he's fine," you said with a reassuring smile as you pointed at two Shadows across the square.

Ghost casually took them out then turned to you. "He hasn't said a word in half an hour."

"Maybe he has to stay quiet now."

"Damn it," he muttered under his breath, even closing his eyes for a second while he took a deep breath to calm himself. "I hope he's okay out there," he spoke up eventually.

"It's cute that you're so worried."

"I'd rather call it annoying."

"Hey, look at me." Ghost did as you said and turned to you with a questioning look. There was something about the tone of your voice that managed to calm his thoughts in an instant. "He's a big boy, he can protect himself," you told him.

It was true. Soap was an experienced soldier, he could surely do it. He had been doing well before he went no contact, so maybe you were right, maybe he was just at a place that was full of Shadows. "You're right," he noted.

Letting out a sigh, he checked the square again but there was no sign of the enemy. Even though he tried to focus, his mind kept wandering back to the one thought that had been returning since the Shadows' betrayal. What happened was his fault alone, he was in charge, he should have put the pieces together sooner.

Shaking your head, you suddenly moved over to him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "What is it?" you asked with your eyes focused on him, and he could tell you were worried about him.

"This one's on me, I should have known better," he told you.

"What are you talking about? None of us saw that coming."

"You told us you didn't trust Graves."

You rolled your eyes at this. "Yeah, because he's like Prince Charming from Shrek," you began to explain. "Perfect and gorgeous on the outside, and an amoral idiot on the inside.

Perfect and gorgeous on the outside? Interesting. "Does this mean he's your type? Looks-wise, I mean," he clarified.

Ghost expected you to think about your answer, or at least hesitate to say it, but you immediately stated, "He is."

"So you're the type of girl who's head over heels for guys with blond hair and blue eyes," he noted quite sadly, believing for a moment that you wouldn't like what he looked like. After all, sure, you flirted with him when he had the mask on, but what would you think once he took it off? If you weren't his type then he didn't stand a chance.

Focusing on inhaling and exhaling, he looked into the scope of his weapon to check the square. He found a Shadow, eliminated it, then glanced over at you out of the corner of his eye. It was strange. When he had told Soap not long ago that he was handsome under this mask, he wasn't lying. Past girlfriends said that often, picking up women had never been an issue, but this situation? This scared him.

What if you rejected him despite everything?

As if you figured out what was on his mind, you grabbed him by the chin to make him look at you. "Your eyes are just as beautiful. Just saying," you added with a warm smile.

"But you haven't seen my face yet," he pointed out.

"Yet? So there's a chance I will?" You sounded so excited all of a sudden, that it made him laugh. If only you knew what was going through his mind lately whenever he looked at you… Well, he could just as well tell you. "What? Why are you laughing?" you asked confusedly.

"Because I wouldn't do the things I want to do to you while wearing a mask," he said bluntly.

Your face lit up and you laughed a little as well. "You have my attention. Could you elaborate?"

"Ghost, you copy?" came Soap's voice through the earpiece.

Finally. "Johnny! Where are you?" he asked hurriedly.

"Not far from the RV point."

"We're already inside the church."

Soap remained silent for a few seconds. "We?"

"Y/N's with me," Ghost informed him. The two had talked a lot since the incident, but this was the first time he mentioned you at all.

"I thought she was on their side."

"Apparently not. We'll be waiting for you. Tell us when you get here."

"Rog."

"And keep me updated while you're on the way."

"Sure."

When Ghost looked over at you, relieved that Johnny was okay, he noticed that you were watching him with an expectant look. When he let out a questioning hum, you said, "So will you elaborate?"

Oh, that. "No." This wasn't the right time to discuss his dirty little thoughts with you. If he went into the details, there was a chance he would use the opportunity that you're alone to get what he wanted from you.

"Okay, keep your secrets then," you told him eventually, moving back to your previous spot and turning back to the square.

He did the same, desperately trying to focus on the task at hand. Soap would soon show up and it would be time to move. He had to make sure the area was clean by the time he got there, so he kept scanning his environment.

But it wasn't enough to avert his thoughts. Even the way you breathed caught his attention, and he kept finding himself looking over at you out of the corner of his eye. "You're killing me," he noted quietly.

But apparently he wasn't quiet enough because you turned to him with raised eyebrows. "I didn't say anything."

"You don't have to. Just being around you is getting frustrating," he admitted, talking about the effects of thinking about being intimate with you.

You looked around then pointed at the door. "Should I leave?" you asked.

"No."

Upon hearing this, you let out a quiet chuckle. "Thought so."

"Shadows are committing war crimes outside, Soap's fighting for his life somewhere, and here I am, having trouble not thinking about fucking your brains out. Unbelievable," he groaned.

"I'm a distraction."

"That you are."

"That's bad."

He nodded. "Really bad, yeah."

Once you broke eye contact and turned back to the small window, you cleared your throat. "Well, you'd better figure something out because Soap will soon get here and it will be time to move. You need to focus."

"Trust me, I'm on it," he barked, maybe sounding a little colder than intended.

Just before you could come up with something, Soap's voice filled his ear. "I'm almost there."

"We'll meet you outside."

"Copy."

"Let's go, he's almost here," he told you as he stood up and began to gather his things. You did the same then began to walk towards the door, but he quickly reached out to grab your hand. "Hey, wait." You stopped and gave him a questioning look. "Be careful out there."

"You too," you said with a smile as you squeezed his hand.

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley #call of duty #modern warfare ii #modern warfare

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ash5monster01 · 6 months

Text

Learning to Love

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x FemReader!PlusSize

Warnings: 18+, langauge, angst, fluff, mentions of bullying, body image issues, fat shaming, fake relationship, eventual smut, minor enemies to lovers trope.

Summary: It's not uncommon for you to be shamed for your size, it is however uncommon to be told that no one would ever date you because of it. Rafe on the other hand is used to being called a jerk, that is until he is accused of seeing people for only what's on the surface. It's purely coicidental you two meet right after these accusations are thrown your way. So even though you two don't know each other, and probably never would've looked the others way before this, now you're both going to prove a point. It's simple really, prove others wrong and don't fall in love. Easier said than done.

word count: 3k

→ Part 1

Masterlist

You're used to crude comments, truly. Living in the Outer Banks has proven nothing other than the fact that kooks will always be cruel, even if it's towards other kooks. As long as you're in a bathing suit, something is going to be said. Which is proven true as you lie on the beach, book in hand, and sunglasses hung low on your nose. It's your only day off and you were going to enjoy it. Soak up the sun as much as you can because summer would fade away before you knew it. You had only chosen the two piece bathing suit to get more of a tan, maybe a little extra sun. It's only twenty pages into your book you hear two boys snickering not far from your own set up.

"Look a beached whale, should we call the authorities?" your ears burn red only slightly, after all you were used to it. Honestly you could care less anymore.

"God, she has to know that's gross" the other responds after his bellowing laughs have calmed down. They truly can't be that stupid they don't realize how loud they're talking right?

"No decent looking, hell self respecting man would ever date a girl like that" this punches the air out of your lungs. You knew your body type wasn’t considered attractive. This was common knowledge, but to hear someone say you couldn’t possibly ever date an attractive man is something else entirely.

“I know I wouldn’t” the boys laugh again, hands clapping together as they stare you down like you were the most disgusting thing on this beach.

You’re not upset about what they were saying. You survived highschool after all. Your school had already been divided by kooks and pogues, add in the big girl and that’s a recipe for disaster. You’ve heard the most vile and mean things a person could say. Somehow you came out of it with still a little self respect, hell even some confidence, because if you were anything at all it was strong. You had dated here and there, never had anything stick though. Maybe that’s why this comment resonated so hard with you. No matter how decent a person you meet maybe you’re bound to end up ugly and alone because an attractive man belongs with an attractive girl.

Rafe has had to attend hundreds of useless business meetings since his Dad died. He had wanted this. When he was nineteen and trying to prove to his Dad that he was worth it, but now he was gone. He had no one to impress anymore and at twenty three he carried the burden of being the CEO of an entire company with his last name on it. So that’s how he finds himself inside of dark clubs at noon, sharing a scotch with guys willing to play dirty to get what they want. He often wonders why he had wanted this life so badly. Everything he had believed in for so long was now gone. His Dad, the treasure, and now even kooks and pogues. Ever since his sister had found that treasue social classes had been practically eliminated or at least weren't acknowledged like they were before. All of this had now left Rafe without a sense of self and he desperatley needed something to change.

"Man, why can't they hire pretty waitresses to look at anymore?" Levi, a coworker slurred as he watched their waitress walk away. Rafe noticed her shoulders stiffen because she had heard what he had said. He hated he felt guilty over it.

"It's a bar, not a strip club" Matt, another coworker teased and Rafe rolled his eyes. Four years ago these guys could've been his best friends, and he would've teased the waitress right along with them. Now things were different, he was different.

"I happen to think she's cute" Rafe told them before finishing the last sip of his scotch. He knew when he got back to the office people would give disapproving looks but he didn't know what to do with himself anymore. It was like he was just floating and letting the tide drag him along wherever it wanted to.

"Yeah right" Matt snorted out a laugh and Rafe gave him a confused look as Levi started to laugh along with him.

"Seriously Rafe, you’re way out of her league" Levi told him, his shoulder bumping with his own.

"No I'm not and there is no such thing as leagues" Rafe told them with a pointed look but the boys just continued to laugh anyway.

"Yes there is and the only one's in Rafe Cameron's league are tall hot blondes with legs for miles and tan skin smooth enough slide on" Matt said and Rafe felt his stomach clench as they spoke. Had he unintentionaly maintained a type, only taken someone for their looks? Flashes of ex girlfriends went through his mind and he had realized after all this time he had only taken women for surface things.

“That can’t be true” Rafe shook his head and the boys just chuckled.

“Admit dude, you’re an asshole and you like pretty little things. Nothing wrong with that” Levi said as he slapped his back, taking another sip of his own scotch. Rafe however realized there was everything wrong with that. Yeah he’s been a jerk his whole life but had he ever actually dated a girl he liked? Someone with substance?

“Hell would freeze over the day Rafe Cameron dated someone other than a supermodel” Matt pointed with the scotch in his hand and Rafe just shook his head, eyes scanning over the small crowd that littered the bar. For the first time he was seeing people he never would’ve noticed before.

He wondered if this was a side effect of his life before. Privileged kook, popularity, a need to impress everyone around him. Had women become a part of all of that too? A side effect of a need to please, to be the best. Had he been wasting years of actually meeting someone with a personality due to his natural self destructive ways? God he hoped not. Then again he couldn’t recall ever really liking the girls he dated, he usually just tuned them out and used them when he needed to make an appearance with a date. He had never actually dated someone for fun. Worst of all he hated that everyone knew this of him. That he dated for appearance instead of happiness. He wanted to change that.

You could only take so much of the harassment coming from the two boys on the beach, so after three hours you declared you’d had enough sun and started to pack your things. When the cover up slipped over your head you didn’t miss the applause coming from them. Rolling your eyes you grabbed your bag and started the hike up the beach. You needed a drink.

Rafe hadn’t been able to shake the thoughts over the girls he dated. After a very long recollection of every girl he had ever brought around he couldn’t think of one he actually enjoyed spending time with. With this in mind he dismissed Matt and Levi back to the office, claiming he’d find a way back on his own. He needed more time to think about this, and a stiff drink to go along with it. So that’s how he found himself now sitting directly at the bar and not inside the dark booth. The whiskey in his hand suggested he wasn’t making it back to the office anytime soon.

Normally he wouldn’t remove his focus from the drink in his hands but when a bag is slapped on the counter top beside him he finds himself lifting his head. The girl claiming the seat beside him is dressed in stark contrast to his own attire. He’s still in his work suit, tie loosened around his neck, but the girl beside him has clearly just come from the beach. Her hair is wild and wrapped in a bun a top her head. A red bikini strap peaks out the collar of the white coverup. Her breasts had left wet spots slightly see through to the red fabric of her top, like she had left the beach in a rush.

“Hit me with the usual Randy” she calls to the bar keep and Rafe can’t tear his eyes away from her. She’s bigger, sure, but the dip of her hips and small pouted lips have Rafe every bit of intrigued. He can’t help the thought of her being a girl he might’ve never noticed before escape him. He wanted to notice her now.

“Rough day?” Randy smirks at her when he’s back, a tall glass with a dark liquid set in front of her. She takes a sip before responding.

“Every day is a rough day” she mutters and Randy just chuckles before walking off to serve other customers. It’s only when your eyes lock with his own Rafe realizes he has been staring this entire time. “Let me guess, you got something to say just like everyone else today”

“I, what?” Rafe doesn’t expect the coldness from you and how strong willed you are with it too. You aren’t scared of him, he isn’t used to that.

“Listen I’ve had my fill of assholes today so if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself” you told him before turning back forward and taking a large gulp from the drink in your hand.

“Got someone bothering you?” Rafe asked finding his cool. He finally got himself to tear his eyes away from you, eyes scanning over the liquor bottles behind the bar. You turn to look at him, eyes drawn together in confusion.

“Not one specific person, everyone for some reason thinks they have the right to comment on my appearance” your words get him to turn back at you. Normally men don’t make you nervous but when you watch him eye you up and down you can’t help the way your heart accelerates.

“I happen to think you look just fine” the scoff that falls from your lips shocks him.

“I’m not looking for your pity, I happened to over hear today that no decent self respecting man would date me so let’s not lie to each other” you tell him and Rafe now feels the air knocked from his lungs. He can’t believe anyone would say that to you. Let alone to your face.

“If it makes you feel better I was told today that I only date woman for surface things” now you were the one drawing your eyebrows together in confusion, looking to the mystery of a man beside you.

“Surface things?” you question the stranger and he chuckles, his rings clinking on his whiskey glass.

“Appearances, apparently I’ve never looked deeper” this has you chuckling right along with him, lifting your own drink to your lips.

“Look at us then, two sides of the same coin. Makes you wonder if there really is anyone out there actually happy with who they ended up with” you say mostly to yourself, knowing this perfect stranger on a normal day would never look your way but you also would never find yourself thinking you had a chance with him.

“I think there is, at least the people who weren’t chewed up and spit out by the world” the optimism is what shocks you the most when he speaks. A hope for something better down in there.

“I wish I was one of those people” you find yourself saying and the boy turns to look at you again, eyes scanning over each of your features.

“Maybe we should prove them wrong” now you’re laughing, looking bewildered towards the boy beside you.

“And how do you suppose we do that?” you ask and he smirks, clearly having some sort of plan.

“We date. I prove to my coworkers that I date someone for more than just their looks and you prove to all those assholes that you can date a guy as good looking as me” he gestures to himself, as if his body is some of God’s best work. You scoff at his clear cheekiness but actually find yourself considering.

“I don’t even know your name” you laugh, trying to remind yourself that this ideal is completely absurd.

“Rafe Cameron, nice to meet you” his hand reaches across the bar, you take notice of how long his fingers are. With the shake of your head you find yourself putting your hand in his own.

“It’s not that simple” you tell him and he just smiles, dimples forming around his pressed together lips.

“Isn’t it though?” he says, a sparkle of amusement in his eyes and you sigh, finally removing your hand from his own.

“Date? As in fake date?” you ask and he nods, his head tipping to the side.

“Exactly, an agreement of sorts. We both benefit from each other, everything to gain and nothing to lose” he tells you like he’s already worked out every way this could end.

“We just met” you inform him and he shrugs, implying this wasn’t an issue.

“I’ve seen people date over less” he tells you and you sigh, holding your hand out to him. He looks are your empty palm confused and you quickly roll your eyes.

“You can’t take me out ion a date without my number dream boy” you tell him and he smirks while grabbing his phone out of his pocket and placing it in your hand. He watched as you meticulously open his contacts and punch in your number. You’ve named your contact ‘baby ❤️’ but he doesn’t get your real name until you type it into other names.

“Y/N? I like that” he smiles at you and you chuckle, clicking on the profile photo to take a selfie.

“We’re already off to a bad start if you want to stop liking people for just their surface things” he likes how quick witted you are and you don’t allow him a response as you lean into his personal space. “Can’t be a real girlfriend if I don’t have a profile picture in your phone”

You smile so easily and he instantly notices how beautiful it is. He’s not looking at the camera anymore but leaning in and taking in the sweet scent of your perfume mixed with the sunscreen and salty skin. You were like a walking beach and he loved that more than anything. That is how he finds his lips pressing softly against your cheek as the camera shutter clicks on his phone. Your body has chills that you have to brush off quickly as you look at the entirely real looking photo on his screen.

“If I didn’t like what was on the surface you would never be my fake girlfriend” he finally says as he takes his phone back before you could text yourself his number.

“I don’t like how easy this is for you. Are you sure I’m your first fake girlfriend?” you ask and he laughs, eyes falling on your face again.

“The first and the only” and you decide that coming into an agreement like this with a stranger shouldn’t be this simple.

“Then we need to lay some ground rules” this has him raising his eyebrows as you grab a napkin from the bar. He watches as you leaned over, searching for a pen behind the bar. Unashamedly he took the opportunity to inspect your ass, admiring the curve and thanking the see through fabric for revealing the cheeky bikini bottoms that laid over your large curves. He had never openly allowed himself to be attracted to a bigger girl. but now he was briefly wondering what it would be like to be suffocated by one.

“So, what’s these rules?” he smirked at you once you were sat back upright in your seat. He watched as you popped the cap off the pen with your teeth and leaving it in your mouth.

“Don’t worry pretty boy, I’ll keep them simple” you tell him, dropping the cap from you lips into the bar. He felt himself flush slightly at the nickname, watching as your neat and loopy handwriting moved across the napkin.

1. Must actively text/call/interact for a week before first “official” date.

2. PDA must be limited

3. Don’t catch feelings, no matter what

4. Attend whatever event your fake significant other asks of you

5. Most of all, don’t tell anyone, ever, that this is fake

“PDA must be limited?” you roll your eyes at the fact this was the only rule he questioned but you sign at the bottom of the napkin anyway.

“I don’t want to waste all of romantic gestures on something that isn’t real” you explain to him and he nods, sliding the napkin in front of him.

“I have a lot of work dinners I would like you to attend” he says as he signs the napkin.

“I’ll try my best” you tell him and now he’s furrowing his eyebrows at you.

“It’s your rule” he points at the napkin, more confused with you than when you first walked in here. “What could you possibly be busy with?”

“Work” you tell him and he still looks confused which you find adorable. Now rule number three only applies to you.

“Every night?” he questions and you chuckle as you return the pen to the other side of the bar.

“Usually, comes with the territory” and you laugh as he continues to try and process what you’re saying.

“What territory?” he asks and you smile, finishing the drink in front of you.

“My bar” and you gesture to the building around you. Rafe suddenly realizes why you know the names of the workers and why they know your usual drink order.

“You own this place?” and you nod, sliding off your seat and grabbing your bag. You also grab the napkin, now signed by you both.

“Don’t forget rule number one handsome” you tell him before heading towards the exit, determined to have a good rest of your day off. Rafe can only watch as you walk away, baffled any of what just happened actually occurred.

“Randy, I’m gonna need a refill”

Taglist: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog

Comment if you want to be added to the tag list :))

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lackadaisycats · 1 year

Note

I feel like this must have been addressed somewhere, but I can't find it: why were construction lines included in some shots?

Loved the film btw!! Incredible artistry all around!

It's meant to be reminiscent of the 'Xerox era' of animation history in which you can see some of the rough animation flickering in and out as a result of the technical pipeline employed at the time. Fable and I grew up on a lot of those animated features and have a real love for the grit and texture of it - the way it provides a glimpse of the artist's hand feeling out a drawing. We felt the glossy, smooth-as-silk airbrushed look you tend to get very readily with digital media wasn't right for something like Lackadaisy, which itself leans pretty hard on evocative patina. So, we indulged our nostalgia. As I've said elsewhere, it's completely fine and legitimate if you just don't like it. One thing I won't abide, though, is any accusation of laziness or sloppiness on the part of the animation and cleanup team. For one, it takes a certain array of personality traits to decide to go into traditional animation as a career, and laziness is really not one of them. And secondly, it's not detritus. It actually required more work on the part of the crew to add those lines back in, because the nature of the digital cleanup process eliminates them. -(Not to accuse you of anything, Anonymous. I know you were just asking a question.)

#lackadaisy #lackadaisycats #lackadaisyfilm #animation #2d animation #indie animation #q&a

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fandomxpreferences · 1 year

Text

Dirty Little Secret

Part 2

Masterlist

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Pogue!Reader, Best friend! JJ x Pogue!Reader (All over 18)

TW: angst, brief mention of weed and alcohol

Summary: You and Rafe are in a secret relationship, but it all comes to a head when a girl gets a little too close at a party.

Word Count:4.1k

You've been dating Rafe for almost a year, and it's been filled with love, lust, and laughter. You're both happier than you've ever been but the catch is, no one knows. It had started off as a mutual agreement to keep your relationship a secret.

You're a pogue and he's a kook; neither of you wanted the drama that would come from your unlikely pairing to interfere. However, as time passed and the two of you realized you were in love, the truth remained hidden.

You've always understood, really you have. You've each got reputations, and Rafe had insisted that Ward finding out about you would threaten your safety. You trust him, so you've never questioned his motives.

Standing here now at a party, doubt begins to flood your system, the nauseating scent of weed mixed with beer doing nothing to help your anxiety as your mind reels.

Rafe is constantly getting attention from female suitors and it's never really bothered you before. So you're not sure why bile is rising in your throat as you watch a girl twirl her hair and blink up at your boyfriend.

Women don't know he's taken, and you're well aware that your boyfriend is a beautiful man. You've told him many times that he could easily be a runway model. So it's never surprised you that he has a long line of women dying to get him into bed.

What does surprise you is the fact that Rafe is entertaining it this time. You stand frozen in place as his arm wraps around the blonde woman's shoulder and his head tilts back as he laughs without a care in the world.

Usually, the two of you have an agreement not to be seen together. It's just easier that way; it eliminates any suspicion or questions. That flies out the window as your feet carry you forward on a mission, and you stop just short of the giggling duo.

Rafe notices you immediately and though he's good about keeping a poker face, you know him better than you know yourself and recognize the concern and confusion swimming in his blue eyes that you so often drown in.

"Hey, Rafe."

Your smile is tight as you stare up at him, and in the same way you can read him like a book, he immediately knows that you're upset.

"Hey."

The woman looks between the two of you with pinched eyebrows before returning her attention to your boyfriend.

"Who's this, Rafey?"

You resist the urge to rip out her extensions that probably cost more than your car and tilt your head to the side.

"Yeah, Rafey. Who am I?"

Now, Rafe knows that he's playing with fire. He can see the storm brewing in your normally bright eyes and wants nothing more than to wrap you in his arms and shout how much he loves you at the top of his lungs.

However, for the first time, you two are playing very different games, and his next move is dangerously miscalculated.

"Just a friend."

The words taste like acid as they leave his tongue, and he knows he fucked up the exact second he sees them register in your mind. Your gaze hardens into stone and the usual love and affection that your eyes hold for him are nowhere to be found.

You purse your lips and narrow your eyes so far you can barely see while giving a short nod.

"Just a friend. Right."

You know you're being unfair; the two of you have had set rules since the beginning and you just swapped the handbook on a moment's notice. However, the logical side of you doesn't think it's too much to ask for your boyfriend to, at the bare minimum, not flirt unabashedly in your face.

This woman isn't even from here, she's clearly a touron. You can't for the life of you figure out why the hell it would matter if he told her that you're his girlfriend.

Last night, he was whispering under the stars about how he wants to marry you one day and today you're just a friend. The whole dynamic suddenly feels wrong, and you're hit with a painful realization that you deserve more.

The two of you stare each other down for a moment before you turn on your heel and storm off. You only get a few feet away before Rafe's large hand encircles your wrist and pulls you to the side away from prying ears.

"Hey, what was that about?"

You look up at him in disbelief before scoffing and he scowls.

"We agreed to keep our relationship hidden. We shouldn't even be together right now."

You ignore the searing pain that his insensitive statement sends through your chest and will the tears to disappear. His features soften when he notices you're about to cry, and he raises his hand to wipe at your eyes.

Your body instinctively lurches backward as if he's holding a flame to your face, and hurt flashes across his sculpted features.

"Yeah, Rafe. Hide it, not blatantly lie about it! We certainly didn't agree to openly flirt with other people."

You curse the way your voice cracks and cross your arms over your chest as if they're a brick wall creating a barrier between the two of you.

"Y/N, you agreed-"

You cut him off with a shake of your head and take another step back.

"I know what I agreed to. I just didn't think that I'd have to keep up the ruse even after we were well established. I mean, we love each other Rafe! I want to be able to hold my boyfriend's hand and kiss him in public!"

Rafe sighs and runs a hand over his head, clearly getting frustrated with this whole situation.

"I thought what we have is enough."

He's trying to keep himself in check, but his patience is wearing thin, and a headache is brewing thanks to the impending argument.

"Well, it's not anymore. I don't care about a stupid fucking class war, I just want you. All of you. If I can't have that, then what the fuck are we doing? There's no future if you can't even be seen with me. What are you gonna do? Marry me in secret and we'll just live in separate houses?"

The angry exterior comes crashing down as the weight of your words crushes him, and he wishes he could just take all of this back.

"What are you saying?"

He's scared to ask the question and completely terrified of your answer.

"I'm saying choose. Me or your precious image."

There's a heavy tension that hangs in the air, and with each second he doesn't answer your heart breaks a little more. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn't have even hesitated and it occurs to you that maybe you love him more than he loves you.

Maybe he doesn't love you at all.

You tilt your head to stare up at the stars, suddenly feeling stupid. Of course you would never get a happy ending with Rafe. You're a pogue; you were never going to be more than that to him.

How foolish of you to let him in and allow yourself to believe he could feel something real for you. His father always said 'Play with trash and you'll get dirty.'

That's all you've ever been; a disposable fling until someone better came around. Someone deemed worthy of wearing his ring and having the name Cameron.

You focus on a single blade of grass sticking out of the ground and swallow thickly.

"Well, I guess your silence is my answer. Good enough to fuck, but never good enough to actually love."

The air is sucked out of his lungs at your statement and his world feels like it's burning all around him.

"Do you really believe that?"

His voice is so soft and tender that you almost let yourself believe love and pain are lying under the surface.

"You haven't shown me anything to prove otherwise."

He's seconds from falling to his knees to beg for forgiveness and pour his heart out when you turn and walk away without glancing back.

"Where are you going?"

Your steps don't falter for a moment and you're still just close enough for him to make out your answer.

"Back to my side. I'd rather be in the company of people who aren't ashamed at the mere thought of being associated with me."

Every fiber of Rafe's being is screaming at him to chase after you, but his feet feel like lead and he watches helplessly as you disappear out of sight.

"Fuck!"

You don't know how long you've been walking, but you're interrupted by the sound of a dirt bike. A small sliver of hope ignites that maybe it's Rafe, but is quickly extinguished when you remember you texted your best friend.

You shouldn't be surprised that he came looking for you; there's nothing he wouldn't do for you. There's a fleeting thought about the fact that JJ drove around for god knows how long to find you when Rafe couldn't even be bothered to walk after you, but it disappears as quickly as it arrived.

You're sure you look a mess with windswept hair and mascara trailing down your cheeks but you don't care. As far as you know, your relationship just ended, and you're beyond distraught.

With each step you took, you silently prayed that Rafe would appear and sweep you off your feet. But this isn't a movie, and you're not the main character who gets the guy.

JJ's heart shatters at the sight of you tucked into yourself. You look so small and frail, and he doesn't need to ask to know that something happened between you and Rafe.

He's the only one who knows; you've never kept a secret from him and truthfully you needed someone to go to about your relationship.

He shrugs off his jacket and carefully places it on you before zipping it up. No words are exchanged; they're not needed. The two of you have always been kindred spirits, understanding each other even when you don't understand yourselves.

"Let's get you home, you're trembling."

He hands you his helmet and you climb on the back of his bike silently, wrapping your arms around his torso tightly. Your head lays on his back in between his shoulder blades and he takes off, speeding through the dark streets toward the only place other than Rafe's arms you've ever truly felt like you belong.

He pulls up to John B's house and you trek inside to clean up while he rejoins the group in the hot tub. He's always given you space and you're grateful. The last thing you need right now is an interrogation and he knows that.

Your reflection stares back at you in the mirror and you sigh at your splotchy cheeks and puffy eyes. You wash your face with cold water and change into something comfier, raiding JJ's drawer in the guest room for a pair of his sweatpants and an old t-shirt.

You briefly consider just crawling into bed and sobbing, but decide that you won't let the rest of your night be ruined. It's been a while since you've gotten to hang out with your closest friends, and you know JJ will have you smiling and laughing by the end of the night.

Your best friend's face lights up when you reappear and he beckons you with a bright smile. They've moved away from the hot tub, now slotted around a large bonfire.

You return his grin the best you can and shuffle toward him, taking a seat by his side. His arm wraps around your back and he pulls you into him before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head.

You snuggle in closer, letting his bare chest warm you up as the aroma of his woodsy cologne mixed with scorched wood fills your nose. It feels so safe, and you relax into the familiar sensation.

Everyone is laughing loudly and passing around a joint as you stare into the flames. You're entranced by the way sparks fly and smoke billows as the fire dances in front of you. It's comforting and you lose yourself in your thoughts as you watch the embers float away.

JJ notices your blank stare as you focus on the way the fire turns from blue to orange to yellow and he gives you a small nudge.

"Earth to Y/N. You with me?"

There's a teasing lilt to his voice thinly disguising his worry and you smile up at him.

"Yeah, I'm with you J."

His hand squeezes your waist and he lowers his voice so that only you can hear him.

"I can see the gears turning in that pretty head of yours. Wanna talk about it?"

Your head shakes from side to side as you finally take the lit joint and inhale deeply before handing it back to him.

"No, I just want to have fun and not think for a while."

His dimples pop out as he grins down at you and he laughs.

"Well, you're in luck. Making you laugh and not thinking are my two specialties."

He stays true to his word, and within the hour you're riding a light buzz and laughing so hard your stomach hurts. Any thought of your fight with Rafe is miles away and joy swells in JJ's chest as he looks at your bloodshot eyes that are leaking tears of laughter instead of sorrow.

You're all so caught up in the moment that you don't even hear the roaring engine of Rafe's bike. He's spent the last two and a half hours in agony, pacing around his room with relentless tears and a runny nose.

He wanted to run after you and track you down, but he also didn't want to make it worse. He figured it was best to give you space, and he waited as long as he could before he couldn't bear it anymore.

He checked your location to confirm his suspicions and set off to get his girl. The two of you always had your location on, something that was done as a safety measure. You had completely forgotten about it, and silently kick yourself for not just turning your phone off.

"What are you doing?"

Everybody stiffens when his voice cuts through the conversation and you turn slowly to look at him, still in JJ's arms. You don't miss the way his hold tightens or the way his muscles flex and subconsciously lean further into him.

Everyone else is genuinely confused, lost as to why the oldest Cameron could possibly be standing in front of them right now.

Your eyes meet Rafe's and your stomach lurches at the mixture of anger and betrayal in his ocean-colored irises. You don't answer, the haze still fogging your reaction time, and he repeats his question with a little more urgency.

"Y/N, what are you doing?"

Your brain seems to kick into gear and rage overtakes your senses.

"Just friend things." You bite, and Rafe physically recoils as you throw his own term back in his face.

You both know the implication behind your words and while you know that nothing is going on between you and the blonde surfer, Rafe doesn't. You expect your boyfriend - or maybe ex-boyfriend, you suppose- to flip shit, but instead, he just looks anguished.

You take in his appearance and your heart squeezes when you see he looks even worse off than you are. His eyes are red and swollen, there are dried tears on his face and neck, and if he still had his long hair you're sure it would be a disheveled mess from constantly running his hands through it.

By the grace of god, no one says anything even though you know they have a million questions and you internally battle yourself. You want to jump into Rafe's arms and apologize, but then again, what the hell do you have to apologize for?

He takes a tentative step forward and you squeeze JJ's knee when he shifts to stand. Rafe's eyes dart down at the movement and his gaze slowly lifts back up to meet yours. He's silently pleading with you, and against your better judgment, you cock your head to tell him you'll talk off to the side.

He follows you to a tree that's just out of listening range and you turn to look at him. He feels sick as he takes in your appearance. Your hair is in a bun and he can tell by your glossed-over eyes that you're high. What really catches his attention though is the fact that JJ's clothes are swallowing your frame whole.

He didn't realize how much he hates the image of you in another man's clothes, and he can't stomach the idea that this will be his reality if he can't change your mind.

He only ever wants you to wear his t-shirts, and though he's always given you shit over the fact that you've stolen every hoodie he's ever let you wear, he's now more than willing to give you his entire closet if it means he never has to feel this way again.

All he's been able to think about is you being alone and broken since you walked off. It hadn't even occurred to him that you weren't alone and that if you ended things you have people to come back to. You're all he has.

It didn't cross his mind that you would move on, and he'd have to watch you love someone else from afar. The idea drives him insane, and he's willing to go to the ends of the earth to prevent it from becoming reality.

If you told him right now to strip down and do a jig in front of the entire population of OBX, he would if it meant he doesn't have to spend the rest of his life mourning the one that got away.

You stare up at him defiantly as he squirms, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck as he tries to think of what to say.

"You and JJ…"

His question tapers off and you let it hang in the air and choke him for a second before answering.

"Nothing happened, I just said that to hurt you. Did it work? Thinking that I could have something with someone else?"

Rafe forgot how cold you can be when you've been scorned, the ice in your voice penetrating his veins and freezing his blood solid.

"Yes. Remarkably well."

Your eyes rake over his figure with scrutiny and you resist the urge to crumble under his spell.

"Good."

It's harsh, cruel even, but apparently he needs to be reminded that you know your worth and could easily find a replacement. It's a lie you tell yourself; you know that no one could ever replace Rafe, not really. Your soul is intricately entwined with his in ways you didn't know was possible.

He gives a curt nod and drops his eyes to the ground, unable to take the heartless glare you're giving him.

It's a sight to see; big bad Rafe Cameron insecure and floundering. It's a side of him that only you're able to bring out. He finally met his match; the one person out of eight billion that can bring him to his knees without a single word.

"I'm sorry."

He sounds like a scared little boy, and against your will, your heart sinks.

"For?"

An apology isn't enough; you need to know that he's aware of what he's apologizing for. You need to hear the words and acknowledgment leave his mouth.

"For flirting with that girl, and for making you feel like you're not worthy. Like you're not important to me and that I'm ashamed of you. Of us. I hate myself for making you think I don't love you."

You let the words sink in for a moment and shift on your feet, debating your next words.

"You have my heart in the palm of your hands, Rafe. I just never thought you'd intentionally crush it."

He loathes how small and meek your voice is, completely consumed by heartache. He'd take you raging and screaming at him over crying because of him any day.

"I know. I'm a fucking idiot, and it seems like no matter what choice I make it's always the wrong one. I need you to know that I'm trying. I'm trying to be better for you. You're it for me, Y/N. I'll do anything to make you see that, to feel that. Please, tell me you know that."

A single tear slips down your face and you turn your head to look out at the waves.

"I know."

Your voice is barely above a whisper, and more salty tears stain your cheeks when Rafe's hand reaches out to cup your chin and turn your head to look at him.

"Please, I promise that we can go public. I'll scream it from the rooftops, I don't care. Whatever you need, I'll do it. Nothing and no one is more important than you. You're part of me, and I think if I lost you I'd lose myself too."

In seconds, the wall that went up around your battered heart comes crashing down and you step forward into his arms. He engulfs you immediately, holding you with such force you're not sure how you can breathe.

You register wetness on your hair and lock your arms around his neck. Your hands play with the short hair at the nape of his neck and he cries even harder.

Despite what he's put you through, you're still willing to comfort him and he doesn't understand why. Your love for him is so pure and all-consuming, he's sure he isn't worthy.

The pogues watch intently, shocked by the sobs wracking the man's body. They've never seen Rafe show any emotion other than anger, and despite their initial disgust when he showed up, they figure you must be something special to elicit such raw vulnerability from the kook king.

"I don't deserve you. It was never you that's not good enough. It's me."

You only squeeze him tighter, pain squeezing your chest at his genuine despair.

"That's not true, Rafe. You're an idiot sometimes, but you're human. You're allowed to make mistakes, you just have to own up to them and rectify the situation."

He whimpers at your reassurance, the sentiment foreign to him. His entire life he's been held to a standard of perfection. He isn't used to getting a second chance, he barely gets a first.

"Don't ever do some dumb shit like this again, Rafe."

Your watery voice is muffled by his broad shoulder and he nods his head in the crook of your neck. The way he practically has to fold in half to place his face against your shoulder would almost be funny if it wasn't such a heartfelt moment.

Sarah snaps a picture of the tender affection and smiles at her phone, just happy to finally see her brother act like a human being.

"I promise, baby. I never want to be the cause of your tears and pain again. It hurts me."

The two of you stay like that for a few minutes before you tell the Pogues you're heading out.

"Are you okay?"

JJ is staring daggers at your boyfriend as he asks and you give him a tight hug.

"I'm good, JJ. Pinky promise."

He nods and lowers his lips to your ear.

"Call me if you need anything."

You press a kiss to his cheek and smile before nodding.

"Always."

You and Rafe make your exit, and for the first time, he takes you to Tannyhill to spend the night. Usually, the two of you crash at one of the unused estates, hidden away from the public.

Luckily, Ward and Rose are away for the weekend so you have time to come up with a game plan and mentally prepare for the nuclear fallout.

You're just settling into Rafe's bed wearing one of his Lacrosse hoodies from the academy when your phone dings. You frown at the Instagram notification and click it, your mouth dropping open when you see the post you were tagged in.

It's the picture Sarah took and sent to Rafe, along with a few more of the two of you at the beach and kissing.

Your pulse thrums in your ears as you see the likes growing and read the caption.

My entire heart

Rafe emerges from the bathroom as if he didn't just make the most shocking announcement Figure Eight has ever heard, and you stare at him dumbfounded.

"That was fast."

He laughs and shuts his phone off as it starts to explode with texts and crawls into bed.

"I'm not spending another second without the entire world knowing you're my girl."

#rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron angst #rafe cameron #outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic

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girlgenius1111 · 5 months

Text

we don't have to talk about it

part 2 of cool about it because you're all depressed

warnings: heavy descriptions of depression + depressive thoughts. self harm. maybe we'll make reader go to therapy in the next installment.

also i didn't proofread this purely so i can read it before bed and feel all warm and fuzzy inside

Alexia made a conscious effort to be more attentive to your mood, noticing highs and lows. You still struggled to let her in, and tell her when you weren't doing well, but it was improving. Mostly because of how persistent she was.

Alexia knowing, and just being there, was so helpful. It had been so long since you'd really struggled, and things were going well in your life, generally, so it caught you off guard when things started to worsen.

It was a few months after Alexia really learned about the depths of you mental health struggles, and both of you were incredibly busy. So busy, in fact, that neither of you really noticed that you weren't doing well. You chalked up your low energy to exhaustion from the season, and stress, and Alexia didn't think to question it.

It only hit you, what was really going on, when the Alexia left on national duty, and you remained in Barcelona. While England had been eliminated from the Nations League, you still had friendlies to play, but you'd picked up a minor concussion, and stayed behind, not wanting to risk anything for a friendly.

10 days without Alexia was not something you were looking forward too, and 10 days without Alexia, while you couldn't practice, sounded pretty awful. Maybe this is what caused your slump, or maybe it was some combination of the concussion and being alone with nothing to do. Or maybe, it was just something that happened.

You liked to think you had the depression beat, completely managed. Trying to find a cause to attribute your low mood too was your way of convincing yourself that you were fine. Normally it worked.

A few days after Alexia left, you realized what was going on. You had returned from dropping her at the airport, immediately falling asleep on the couch. You normally didn't nap, only when you weren't feeling right, so when you woke up a few hours later, you were already suspicious. This suspicion only remained over the next couple days, growing with each irritating symptom.

Leaving the house was an ordeal. You tried to get out everyday, you really did, but everything made your head hurt, and it was so much easier to stay in. And you were so, so, tired. Exhaustion that settled in your bones, that didn't fade even marginally, no matter how much you slept. You found yourself stressing over simple things, like what to reply to Alexia's good morning text, or what to eat for lunch. You made excuses for why you couldn't spend time with your teammates that had also remained in Barcelona, because none of them were Alexia, and Alexia was all you wanted.

You just didn't feel right. All you wanted to do was lay down and do nothing. Something within you ached, and you couldn't get rid of it. And with the ache, came insecurity. All the progress you'd made, letting Alexia see this part of you, vanished as soon as things got a little harder than normal. You had a lot of time to think, and think you did. About how sure you were that Alexia really didn't wan't to deal with this, with you like this.

Part of you wanted her, desperately, and the other part wouldn't allow it. It was so confusing, like all your emotions were contradicting each other. As a result, you pulled back a little. Answering her texts with shorter responses, making excuses about why you couldn't call. You told yourself that it was because you wanted her to focus on the games she was playing. Really, it was because you knew the minute she talked to you for more than 5 minutes, she'd know something wasn't right.

You were used to the decent into feeling worthless when you were depressed. It had never quite been this bad before; the regular feelings seemed to combine with the immense guilt you felt. Guilt for not letting Alexia in, and for letting her in too much. For not being strong enough to go 10 days without her, just 10 days, without completely collapsing. The guilt made you feel worse, until it was almost unbearable. Until it was unbearable. That was around day 7.

Day 9 was when you did the thing you promised yourself that you would never do again. You couldn't help it, really. Everything in your brain was screaming at you that you weren't good, weren't trying hard enough, weren't good enough at anything.

In hindsight, maybe trying to get rid of guilt by doing something that had, historically, made you feel incredibly guilty, was not the best plan. With each cut, the guilt weighing on you grew, until it stopped. Until there was nothing, you felt nothing, except the sharp sting on your thigh. You finally had a moment of peace, but it didn't last long.

Because, fuck, Alexia was going to be home tomorrow. Perfect, sweet Alexia, who took herself so seriously, and who blamed herself whenever anything went wrong.

You didn't cry, you didn't think you could, but you wanted to. As you disinfected and bandaged your thigh, you wished that you would feel the sting of tears in your eyes, but none came. Tears would have been a sign that you were coming out of this, whatever was happening to you.

You went to bed that night, not setting an alarm because you didn't need to get Alexia from the airport until the afternoon. You drifted off, buried on her side of the bed, wearing only her clothes, clinging to her pillow desperately. Every movement you made stung your leg, and you were reminded of what you'd done to yourself. You couldn't remember the last time it had been this bad, this heavy, this incapacitating. Your last thoughts before you fell asleep was how the hell you were going to keep this from Alexia.

-----

Alexia wasn't really sure what was going on. You'd seemed fine when she left, concussed and tired, but fine. As the days passed, she noticed you pull away. It was a busy break, and she had meetings on top of training and games. Her little free time was spent worrying, wondering if you were mad at her. It was the only thing she could think of, because you'd been so good about telling her when you weren't feeling right.

Her worry had grown so much that her friends got tired of how distracted she was, and told her to just fly back early if she was so concerned.

She only landed a few hours earlier, in the morning, getting an uber to your guys' apartment. Alexia was sure she'd find you mad at her, about something, and was prepared to do anything to fix it. What she wasn't expecting was to find you sitting on the couch, wrapped in one of her blankets, staring at the door as she walked in as if she'd caught you cheating on her or something.

"Ale?" you wondered, "I- I was gonna get you from the airport. Later. What are you doing here?"

Something wasn't right. You weren't mad, which she would've preferred to the empty look on your face. Normally when you guys reunited, even after only a couple days apart, you greeted her with a hug, and kisses. You were sitting, frozen, on the couch though.

"I came earlier, I missed you," she said, watching carefully as she spoke. "Can I have a hug, amor?"

At that, you seemed to realize that Alexia really was here, right in front of you, and you launched yourself off the couch, around the coffee table, and into her arms.

"Oof- hola mi bebé," she said, catching you in her arms with a huff. You clung to her, desperately, and she returned the embrace, as you buried your face in her chest. She was startled to feel that you were trembling slightly in her embrace. She tightened her arms around you, pressing a kiss to your head, before pulling away, and cradling your face with her hands.

"What's wrong? You're shaking."

"Just a long week. I missed you." You replied, but you wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Okay... if you say so. I need to shower. Want to join me?" She asked, hoping to distract you from whatever was wrong. She was well versed in how to get you to talk, and distracting you until she could catch you off guard was one sure way.

Alexia watched as your face brightened slightly, and you opened your mouth to say yes. Suddenly though, a look of panic crossed your face, your mouth snapped shut, and you shook your head.

"No, I... No I don't feel like showering." You told her shakily. You winced internally, realizing you probably could have come up with a better excuse than that. You couldn't shower with her though, couldn't let her see you. See what you'd done. She'd been with you through a lot, but never this. Never with something this bad.

Alexia was looking at you, very carefully. As different explanations for why you wouldn't want to shower with her flew through her head, an explanation that covered how panicked you had been when you said no, she settled on a clear answer. One that made her heart sink, and one that explained your odd behavior the past 10 days.

You knew you were caught, the look on her face told you that she'd put it together. She softened, looking at you so gently, it made you want to collapse into her arms.

"Mi amor-" She started, but you interrupted.

"I have to go. I have an errand to run, I need to go," You said, because you couldn't deal with this. You just couldn't. You tried to head for the door, but Alexia's grip on you was strong, one hand holding your wrist, the other wrapping around your waist, pulling you into her.

"No, bebé, I need you to stay here," she cooed into your ear and you shook your head frantically.

"No, Ale, please, I need to go," you said, struggling against her, and she felt tears pooling in her eyes at the desperation with which you spoke. Alexia didn't respond, simply kissing your cheek a few times until she felt you go limp in her arms, abandoning your fight.

Alexia picked you up easily, cradling you in her arms, and made her way to your bedroom. As she walked in, she noticed that your side of the bed was untouched. On her pillow, one of her sweatshirts was crumpled there, as if you'd been holding it as you slept. She didn't understand why you hadn't called her. You'd clearly needed her, desperately, but you'd suffered in silence. She set you down on the edge of the bed, and you stared at the floor.

Kneeling in between your legs, she looked up at you. "Y/n, what happened?" She asked carefully.

"I don't know. It just got so out of control and I didn't know what else to do." You replied, still refusing to meet her eyes. She wanted to shout that you could have called her, could have asked her for help. That wouldn't do anything, though, so she just nodded.

"Come shower with me, please. Then we can just hangout until you're ready to talk," she said, and you knew there was no other option. You nodded, and she stood, tilting your chin up to press a sweet kiss to your lips. "I love you." She told you, figuring that you might need to hear it.

"I love you too." you replied, giving her a weak smile.

Alexia took your hand, and led you into the bathroom. She turned the shower on, setting it to the exact temperature you would have, and your heart clenched at the small gesture. She turned back to you, and you felt your lip start to tremble, knowing what you needed to do.

"Mi niña bonita, it's going to be okay, I promise." She said, noticing the tears in your eyes. She gently tugged your top and bra off, trailing kisses down your chest and stomach as she kneeled in front of you. There was nothing sexual about the actions, she was simply trying to bring you any comfort she could. She rested her hands on the waistband of the sweatpants you had on, looking up at you, waiting for you to be ready.

"Are you mad?" you asked, squeezing your eyes shut.

"No. I'm not mad, I could never be mad. Not for this," she promised, and you opened your eyes, looking down at her. She was looking up at you, green eyes wide with such sincerity, you nodded, giving her the go ahead.

Alexia tugged your pants and underwear down together, carefully lifting the waistband over the bandage on your thigh. She worked to keep her face neutral, which was hard. The brown bandage covered up so much of your thigh, all of your old scars were covered by it. She bit her lip, trying to withhold her emotions for now. You needed her, which she was reminded when she looked back up at you, to see you staring at the ceiling.

"Amor, can I take this off?" she asked. Now that she knew you had clearly properly cared for the cuts, she didn't need to take the bandage off, and she wouldn't make you. She wanted to see, though, see how bad it was. She had to know, if she was going to be able to help. One cut was a lot different than ten.

You looked back down at her, taking a second before answering. everything in you was telling you to say no, but hiding things hadn't been working so well. It was what got you on the bathroom floor with a razor blade yesterday, and now, with your girlfriend kneeled at your feet, thumbs rubbing gentle circles into the skin of your thigh.

"I'll do it," you told her, taking a deep breath. You reached your hands down from where they held tight to the counter, ignoring the way they shook. You tugged on the bandage, not bothering to be gentle as you peeled it off. You wouldn't look, you couldn't. You heard Alexia's intake of breath at the sight, and you felt a tear drop from your face. You felt something featherlight touch the partially healed cuts, and you looked down on instinct. Alexia was placing a light kiss on every cut, and you couldn't hold back anymore.

Letting out a sob, you cried harder than you had in a long time. "I'm sorry, Ale, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." Alexia was up in a flash, cradling you against her as you cried. Her hands rubbed up and down your bare back as she spoke quietly in your ear.

"It's okay, you don't need to be sorry, mi amor. I love you. It's all going to be okay. Estoy aquí, no voy a ninguna. Te tengo, para siempre," she murmured.

She got you to stop crying, if only slightly, and pulled you into the shower, after taking her own clothes off. It was a blur, you knew she washed your hair, and you knew she was talking to you the whole time, but suddenly, you were sitting on the bed again, and she was carefully wrapping up your thigh.

"Feel okay?" she asked, once she'd secured the bandage on. You told her it did and she sent you a soft smile, before pulling clothes on you both. Alexia gave you your favorite sweatshirt of hers, an old Barca crewneck, and herself pulled on one of yours, a grey, ripped and faded hoodie, that she swore was the softest thing you owned.

Carefully, she brushed your hair out, tying it back in a loose braid, knowing you hated when your wet hair got your shirt all wet. She brushed through her own hair quickly, not daring to leave your side. It was silent as she did so. You were truly astounded with the level of care with which she was treating you. It made you feel like the thoughts that had been swirling around your brain for days might be wrong.

Alexia made the bed, then, knowing you preferred to lay on top of the covers with a blanket during the day, before laying down, and opening her arms for you to join her. You crawled up the bed, settling down with your back to her chest, lacing your fingers with hers, and pulling her arms to wrap around your body.

It was calming, feeling the rise and fall of your girlfriend's chest under you, feeling her chin rest lightly on the top of your head. Alexia wasn't sure what to say, where to start. She had so many questions. Luckily, it had seemed you'd found your voice, as you spoke.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was bad again," you rasped, throat somewhat raw from crying.

"Why didn't you?" she questioned.

"It wasn't on purpose at first. And then suddenly it was so bad and I didn't want you to know. I was worried it would be too much. I felt so guilty, like I was letting you down by not calling, but like I couldn't burden you with it."

Alexia hummed in response, thinking carefully about her next words. "Bebé, did you really think I'd be mad at you?"

"Yeah. When I get like this, I just. Convince myself that I'm not good enough for you, and I'm so scared that if I mess up, you'll leave."

"I'm not leaving. Ever. No matter what," she promised. "Can you tell me why? What were you thinking that made you do that to yourself?" You took a deep breath at her words, and you felt her arms tighten around you, just slightly.

"I felt like a bad person. I couldn't even make it 10 days without you, I was such a mess. I couldn't feel anything, but this insane guilt, all I could hear was my brain telling me that I'm not good. I just needed it to stop." It was the most you'd ever told anyone. You felt Alexia deserved an actual explanation, and you trusted her. You really did, even though sometimes it seemed like you didn't. It was you that you didn't trust as much.

"Did it work?"

"For a bit. Then all I could think was that you were going to be disappointed in me." You felt her shake her head behind you.

"Never. You are good, mi niña, you are so good. You are kind, and thoughtful, and you always make me laugh. When I get to make you smile, it's better than scoring 100 goals in Camp Nou. You are the most important thing to me."

"And it makes me chest hurt, to think of you doing this, to think that your thoughts were so bad, you didn't feel like you had another choice. You always have another choice, mi amor. You can always call me when you need me. When you feel like that, and your brain isn't being very nice to you, I will remind you every time that it's wrong." she paused.

"And I don't want you to feel like you need to hide it from me if you hurt yourself. I want to know, because I love you, and I care about you, and I want you to be safe, and happy, and healthy. I'll never be mad, mi amor. I want to help, but I can only do that if you let me, if you trust me," she finished, wishing she could see your face.

"I trust you. I promise I do, I just got so scared that it would be too much this time."

"You will never be too much for me," she responded firmly.

"I promise that if this happens again, I'll tell you. I promise," you repeated, promising yourself as well. Alexia kissed the top of your head in response. You shifted on top of her, rolling onto your stomach, resting your chin on her chest to look at her. Her thumb came up to gently wipe a tear off your face.

"Thank you. I know you said you don't mind, that you aren't mad, but you don't have to be as perfect, as patient, as you are."

"You are perfect, mi niña, you'll always be perfect. My most perfect girl," she said. You couldn't find a trace of doubt in her face. You looked up at her for a few more seconds, and she looked down at you, watching as you decided whether or not to speak.

"What is it?" she asked gently, watching as you fought back tears once again.

"It's stupid," you replied, and she raised an eyebrow at you. "I was clean for 4 years, and now I'm not. I have to go back to day 1, Ale, and I don't know how." You told her, vulnerability clear on your face.

"That's not stupid, not at all. We'll do it again, together. It'll be easier this, time because I'm not letting you do any of it alone. We'll get you to 4 years again, and 5 and 6. And if you slip up, we'll deal with that too. You aren't doing this by yourself, we'll figure it out. I promise."

"How do you always know what to say?" you asked, sniffling.

She chuckled lightly, and it was the first real smile you'd seen on her face since she'd walked through the door. "Because I know you, and I know how your brain works. I know that it's telling you, all the time, that I'm going to leave. All I need to do is promise that I'm not going anywhere, because I'm not. Being here, it's the easiest thing in the world, because you are so easy to love, so easy to be with."

Alexia tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, looking at you with an adoring face that you couldn't help but return. The force of her love for you tended to knock you off your feet, sometimes. You only really believed it, believed her, because you knew it was how you felt about her. You saw your love for her reflected in her eyes at you, and if anything was going to get you through this, it was the knowledge that she wanted to be here. That she loved you, no matter what. You knew she'd make you love yourself again, whatever it took.

-----

try to end one of my fics without both girls going to sleep challenge. i hope everything made sense. i feel like it's really hard to describe how i feel when i'm depressed, and i don't want to make it so specific that people will have a hard time relating. anyway, if you read this and it resonated with you at all, i hope you're doing okay. And if you're not, you will be. i promise. <3 i love you all

#woso #woso imagine #woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas

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that-student-that-has-homework · 3 months

Text

Al-Haitham Headcanons 01

All SFW Here Folks! I think? There's like one bit that's kinda suggestive. If you - no you don't need to squint. It's not vulgar though. Tumblr MasterList

I think his love language is acts of service.

Al-Haitham reads a lot, if he finds something that would be useful to you, he'd likely make note of it with sources, especially if you were going to use it in a paper.

Oh you got into an argument? Someone said something you disagree with? You struggled to support your point? He found some piece of information that supports your argument? Or maybe he found something that negates the other person's? He'll bring it to you.

Perhaps you had asked a random question: you were curious or wondering about something? If he comes across useful information again, he'll bring it to you, and explain it if you need him to.

Maybe you're stressed or struggling or your body hurts in some way? He's doing research and bringing it to you.

You've got a big daunting task? He's broken it down for you, maybe even helped you delegate and even eliminate some things too

Drapes his cape over you when you're napping and cold.

Drapes his cape over you when you're cold in general.

Someone is trying to belittle you? Let it be known that Al-Haitham has no problem silencing them, and in a truly intellectual manner.

Yeah no, he has no tolerance or anyone talking trash about his beloved.

Quality Time is another love language

As we all know: Al-Haitham dislikes having a large social circle. So if he is choosing to spend time with you, outside of work (or anything else that's necessary) nonetheless, he definitely values you.

For whatever reason I feel like he's more cuddly and probably goes for hugs more?

(For anyone reading Rationality of Emotion: when you see this appear again in that fic...well I mean I was always gonna use it there...)

I imagine his physical affections are more him holding you in some way, and mostly in private, and I mean just you and him private. Initially, when Kaveh was practically watching him like a hawk to see if he could display affection, Al-Haitham is deliberately avoiding any action that Kaveh was looking for.

That being said, if you're both reading on the sofa/couch looking thing in his house, he really enjoys kinda having you nestled into him? So you've got your back against the arm rest (you have it cushioned don't worry) with your head resting on his chest and your legs across his lap. Each of you just reading and enjoying the silence.

He usually isn't wearing his sound proof earpieces when you guys are doing this.

I can also imagine him going from mostly hugging due to requests to initiating hugs himself.

Yes he has hugged you from behind before, it was a hell of a day, he's kinda overstimulated, he's got his face in your neck, and is just leaning on you a bit. Please let him rest there for a bit, even if he's kinda heavy.

As for when he does kiss you though

I think Haitham's kisses are like cute little pecks on your temples or your head, or the juncture of your neck and shoulder. I don't think they're very common either.

If it's anywhere else he's probably got ulterior motives

But that's okay because he's your husband

(yes even when it's on your pulse)

(especially when it's on your pulse)

While he is mostly private, he will absolutely state his claim if necessary

I don't think Al-Haitham is a very jealous guy

he trusts you, he understands that for the most part you know how to handle yourself (sometimes you need help when hilichurls are involved)

however he doesn't exactly trust strangers

so if someone wants to try their luck, and can't take a hint, he will absolutely be by your side, with a hand on your lower back as he excuses the two of you and guides you along

That hand of his stays there the whole way home.

if you aren't picking up on the fact that this person is trying to hit on you: I think he'd only watch for a little bit, curious if you're going to pick up on it, before appearing to help you exit (especially if you look tired)

#alhaitham #genshin alhaitham #alhaitham x you #alhaitham x reader #genshin x you #genshin x reader #genshin fanfic #genshin impact #genshin x y/n #genshin imagines #genshin impact fanfics

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haunted-headset · 7 months

Note

Ok hear me out… scare actor reader and Wilbur who just wanted to go to a haunted house and then boom he’s like “oh no. The serial killer is pretty” you can use ur imagination for the rest this is just the caffeine talking to me with fanfic ideas :)

🔪 Is That Too Scary for You? 🔪

Summary: Headcanons about how Wilbur would act if he saw you, the reader, being pretty & a fake serial killer in a haunted house

A/N: HOLY SHIT. I LOVE THIS IDEA! Again, very sorry that it's only headcanons (idk if I'm even using the right term anymore lol), I'm extremely burnt out & tired rn. also tysm for the asks! it's been keeping me busy af & i love it! Also, the title was based off of the song I Think I'm Okay =)

pairing: CC!Wilbur x afab!actor!reader

pronouns used for reader: She/her/hers

tags: @vibestillaxxx @joviepog @ax-y10 @themonsterunderurmom @wilburstan @smolsleepykitten @funnyreally2009 @crows-death @thewheelersgaygaragelights @dykepunz @aresriiots @0miamor0 @cathers-world @defonotval @chipch0p @mazzistar16 @unmellowyellowfellow @justalittlebitofchaos @thosecolorfulsheets @vopix @taylors-version-from-the-vault @aine-lasagna @merianakross @veeislost @urfav-sapphic-siren (pls let me know if you do/don't want to be tagged!)

warnings/cw: scary stuff, reader is a scare actor (you're basically a fake serial killer), fake blood, the people with Wilbur & Tommy on the vlog getting jumpscared, reader pretending to k!ll Wilbur, Wilbur having a dream about the reader

genre: fluff/horror

Wilbur would probably be accompanied by the Sorry Boys for a Tom Simons vlog

Wilbur probably wouldn't want to go in the first place because he;d get scared easily

So when they do get inside the haunted house, they learn that everyone who's in the haunted house now becomes part of a challenge. They now have to escape the haunted house without being killed by any of the creatures/ghosts or you, the serial killer. It's basically just an escape room

When he first hears your menacing voice behind him, he stops walking. Not out of fear, but out of awe.

↑↑ You laughed creepily. "It seems I have some visitors here today..." Wilbur stopped in his tracks & Tommy turned the camera towards Wilbur. He was staring at you in awe. "Wilbur, stop being a simp & run!" Tommy laughed, pulling Wilbur away from you. "...Tommy, the serial killer's hot."

He basically tried to find any way to bring the group closer to you. He thought you were really pretty.

Would definitely 'die' first just to hang out with you

If you pinned him to the wall to 'k!ll' him, he would be so fcking flustered

↑↑ "Nowhere left to run..." you chuckled. You stabbed two of your fake knives into his shirt sleeves to pin him to the wall. "Any last words?" & Wilbur would be crushin' & blushin' so damn hard as he said, "Honestly? Uh you're really pretty & I kinda want your number if it isn't too much to ask-"

He ended up letting you 'k!ll' him so that you could bring him to where the people who were eliminated stayed until the attraction was over & you two just talked for an hour or so

& then you were stabbing him to death in his dreams <3

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siredtosturniolos · 19 days

Text

break the distance

Paring: Matt Sturniolo x Reader

Summary: You and Matt had been internet friends, meeting on Fortnite in 2020. You both entered a duo's match and had mics, and surprisingly found a way to form a friendship. Matt finally made it to LA and you couldn't have been happier to make the 3 hour drive to meet him. You had caught feelings a long time ago, but never acted on it due to being so far apart. Now there's only 3 hours between you two, will anything change?

Warnings: none!

Authors note: Oh to play Fortnite with Matt and be his bff. (Word count: 2550)

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

4 YEARS AGO

"Hey." A boys voice spoke within my headset making me flinch. I'm on Fortnite trying to find someone willing to be my friend, and someone that will play duo's with me all the time.

I have had no luck considering I'm a girl, and all boys assume I'm shit at the game and go back to the lobby once I speak.

"You got a mic?" He asks again, making me take a deep breath.

"Yeah I do." I say confidently, and he doesn't respond for a minute, and the bus is about to launch. "Um, where do you wanna land?"

I can hear him clear his throat, "I like to drop at Lazy, how 'bout you?" He asks, and I thank the gods above he doesn't shit talk me for being a girl right off the bat.

"I like Lazy, or Weeping." I reply with a smile.

"Let’s go to Weeping, it's closer more people will land there." He replies, and the game starts. We quickly eliminate the other teams that had landed there, and before I knew it we were down to the last 3 teams.

"Are you locked in, Y/N?" He excitedly asks, as he had gotten way more comfortable throughout the match. Mostly asking for meds or offering me shield. We made some small talk, just trading names and ages. His name was Matt and he was 17, turning 18 later this year.

"We're wining this shit easy Matt." I reply, using my snipe to knock one of the other players remaining. Matt quickly kills their partner, leaving us against one other team.

The match ended in Lazy Lake, which made Matt very happy. He knew all of the good hiding spots and where the blue chests usually spawned. The symbol for footsteps appeared on my screen, making me nervous.

"They're coming." I speak, and just then one of the other players opens the door to the room we were camping in. Matt and I both attempt to kill them, but Matt gets knocked the same time as the other player did.

"Fuck! I hate when that shit happens." Matt scoffs, leaving me to try and pull off a med kit as my health was only on 48. I start to revive him but the last player remaining starts running about down below.

"Holy shit I'm so scared." I gasp, watching as Matt's skin finally stands back up. "We should rush them so they don't revive their partner." I tell him.

"Lead the way." Matt replies, and I take my character out of the room while being crouched. Once I make it down the stairs I see the other team in the kitchen, trying to revive their knocked teammate.

"In the kitchen!" I excitedly told Matt, instantly shooting at the player still standing. I let out a squeal as they shoot back, knocking my health down until the screen starts to freeze up.

"We fucking won!" Matt yells on his side, making me let out a breath of relief.

"Lets fucking goooo." I grin, grabbing my phone to take a photo to post to my Snapchat story.

"My brother is gonna be so jealous." Matt laughs, "Wanna play again?"

NOW

My heart was pounding in my chest as I saw my final exit, before I made it to Matt's house. How the fuck am I meeting him right now? I quickly merge off the interstate, and check how long until I make it to his place.

13 minutes.

"Holy shit." I mutter to myself, running a hand through my straightened hair. I had dolled myself up before leaving this morning, I wanted to look good. Mostly for Matt, but a part of myself wanted to look good in order to feel good.

My mind begins to race the closer I get, what is he gonna smell like? Is it gonna be awkward? Will Nick and Chris keep things comfortable? Is he gonna be able to look down at me? What if he thinks I'm weird in person?

I went into auto piolet for the rest of the drive, slowing down and pulling into Matt's driveway. I put my car in park and quickly double check my appearance. I exit my car, as I'm sure Matt is watching for me and I don't want to make him wait.

I come face to face with his front door, making the butterflies in my stomach kick up into overdrive. I cannot believe I'm meeting my favorite Fortnite duo partner in person. I gently knock, and I'm not surprised that the door immediately opens to reveal Matt.

Holy fuck, he was even prettier in person.

"Holy shit." He whispers with wide eyes, I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Instead I take another step and pull him into a hug. I'm surprised when he wraps his arms tightly around me, tugging me even closer.

"Aw, how cute." I could hear Nick cooing from behind Matt, making me let out a giggle. I noticed the way Matt's breath hitches slightly, but I decide against commenting on it. I don't want to make him even more nervous than he is right now.

I pull away from Matt, keeping him within arms distance, "Hi." I grin up at him, and I watch as his cheeks flush. "Hi." He whispers back, his eyes glancing all over my face.

"Invite her in kid." Chris whisper shouts to Matt, making him roll his eyes.

"Come on in." Matt speaks, stepping back and letting me walk past him. Once I do, I'm met with a grinning Nick and Chris. Nick had his camera in his hands, and I'm taken back.

"Oh we're filming this?" I ask, eyeing the camera suspiciously.

Nick's grin instantly falls, "Matt! You didn't ask her?!" He shouts, glaring behind me at his brother. I look over my shoulder to see his sheepish expression, "I may have forgotten."

I laugh and shake my head, "It's fine, I don't mind." I turn back to offer Nick and Chris a smile. I gently wave at the camera before I approach Chris for a hug.

"Nice to meet ya kid." Chris jokes, making me roll my eyes. He's only a little over a month older than I am but insists on calling me kid all the time.

"Nice to meet you grandpa." I reply making Chris burst out laughing. I move to hug Nick, who passes the camera to Chris.

"I can't believe I'm touching you right now." Nick gasps into our hug, and instantly I'm laughing.

"Ayo!" I laugh, making Matt and Chris laugh as Nick cringes, "Yeah I shouldn't have said that." We make our way up the stairs and I'm amazed with how beautiful their house is.

"Damn, this is niceee!" I comment, quoting a TikTok. "Actually, this is way nicer than my place." We take a seat on the couch, and Matt goes to get me something to drink. He hands me a diet root beer and my heart warms, it was my favorite drink and he went out of his way to get it for me.

"Thanks." I smile up at him, and he takes a seat next to me. Silence falls over us, and I can't help but look between the three of them in awe. I can't believe I'm here right now.

"This is crazy." Chris comments from next to me, and I nod in agreement, "Our Fortnite squad is here right now. Minus Nate." He continues, bringing a smile to my face. Anytime Nick wasn't in the mood to play with us, we'd convince Nate to hop on.

"How was the drive?" Matt asks me, and I turn to face him. He was seated so his body was facing me, his arm resting across the back of the couch. His hand was dangerously close to touching me and my heart skipped a beat.

"It was alright." I shrug, Matt gives me a knowing look, "Okay fine. It was horrible, I almost died four times and I teared up more times than I can count." I huff dramatically. I've always hated driving and Matt knew this, and had told me several times he could come to me instead.

Matt cracks a smile at my confession, "So I'm guessing I'll be coming to you next time we hang out?" He suggests, making me nod rapidly. He lets out a chuckle and my heart soars. Holy shit I need to calm down.

"Wait, get up!" Chris demands, springing out of his position on the other side of the couch. I glance at Matt who looks as confused as I do, but we get up anyways. Chris herds us towards the large mirror they had propped against the wall in the dining area.

"Mirror selfie time." He grins at me, making me roll my eyes with a smile on my face.

"Okay vlog, we'll come back later." Nick tells the camera before he turns it off. The four of us huddle together, and I have to fight a gasp as Matt grabs my hip to tug me closer to him.

"Say cheese!" Chris jokes, all of us smiling wide. My eyes meet Matt's in the reflection and I can feel my smile get wider. "Can I post this?" Chris asks once he scrolled through the photos, handing me his phone.

Nick is standing slightly behind me, Chris next to him. I'm smiling wide while looking at the camera, and Matt's looking down at me sporting his own toothy grin. I show Matt, letting him approve it as well.

He gives me a nod and I hand the phone back to Chris, "Yeah post it." He types something then looks up at me again, "Do you want tagged?"

I think about it for a second, then shrug, "Sure. The fans know about me anyways from all the times Matt brought me up in a video." I joke, making Matt groan from behind me.

"Alright, pack it up." Matt mutters, playfully glaring at me.

I shake my head, "I never told you to talk about me all the time. Not my fault." I tease him, making him roll his eyes. My phone dings and I check it to see Chris had tagged me in the photo on his story, and captioned it with "Fortnite squad irl."

I shake my head in amusement, quickly reposting it to my story before putting my phone away. I look back to Matt to find him already staring at me. He quickly looks away once he realized I caught him staring.

"Wanna go on a drive?" I ask him, and he nods.

"Enjoy your alone time!" Nick shouts from the stairs, and I couldn't be more thankful for him. I'm close with Nick and Chris of course, but I did want some one on one time with Matt tonight. Chris throws himself onto the couch, "Bring home McDonalds?" He asks, making Matt roll his eyes.

"I'll think about it." With that Matt and I make our way to the garage. We climb into the car wordlessly, and once it's on Matt hands me his unlocked phone. "Put some music on." He tells me, as he buckles his seatbelt.

I search for Spotify on his phone, and when I click on the app it opens with a playlist already on the screen.

Songs Y/N has showed me

My heart warms at the title, every song I had ever told him about was in this playlist. It was over 5 hours long, showing that it had been worked on over the years. I smile at his phone, glancing to him as he reverses out of the garage, his arm resting on the back of my seat as his body is turned to watch the car back out safely.

"Damn." I mutter to myself, refocusing on his phone as I hit shuffle on the playlist. Armed and Dangerous by Juice WRLD came on.

"Y/N?" Matt asked, bringing his hand to my shoulder and slightly shaking me. I turn to face him, "I asked why you said damn like three times." He laughed softly, glancing at me briefly before leaving his eyes on the road.

I shake my head, "This is just crazy to me." I reply, looking out at the city around us.

"What is?"

"Being here with you, meeting your brothers. The fact you're literally famous now? Like hello?" I joke, rolling my eyes playfully. Matt being famous didn't bother me, it was just surprising that he was still the same guy from four years ago. He never let the fame get to him and I couldn't be more thankful.

I twist my lips in thought, "Can I be so forreal with you right now?" I ask him, as he comes to a stop at a red light.

"Always." He replies with a half smile on his face. I so badly wanted to take a photo but I refrained.

"You are even prettier in person." I tell him, and I'm left speechless as a blush covers his cheeks, "Are you blushing right now?!" I exclaim excitedly, making him roll his eyes and turn his face away from me.

"Matt." I whine, reaching over to grab his chin to force him to face me again.

He lets out a huff, "Of course I'm blushing, you just called me pretty." He retorts, making me let out a laugh. Silence falls over us as Dark Red by Steve Lacy comes on, and my heart skips a beat as Matt glances from my eyes to my lips.

It was like we just gravitated towards each other, like there was a an unknown force pushing us closer. He lifts his hand to my jaw, looking deeply into my eyes, before he presses his lips to mine. I gasp into the kiss, leaning forward to feel even closer to him.

Matt lets his hand slide from my jaw to rest on the side of my neck, and I reach up blindly to grab his hand. His tongue swipes against my bottom lip, and I instantly part my lips and our tongues meet in a messy exchange. Just as I tilt my head for a better angle, the car behind us lays on their horn, startling us away from each other.

Matt presses on the gas, before he's turning into the first parking lot he finds.

"What are you doing?" I ask, looking around to see all of the shops closed.

He puts the car in park before he turns to me with dilated eyes, "I've been dreaming of that kiss for the last four years. I wanna do it again."

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo imagine #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo x reader

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morallyinept · 2 months

Text

For anyone who needs to hear this today...

Dieter and I are just weighing in on some of the conversations floating around where people are feeling like they're not wanted here, or who feel like they might want to leave...

You ARE absolutely wanted here.

Whether you're a creator, reader, silent lurker. It doesn't matter if you have 1 follower or 10k. Whether you write one chapter every few weeks, or churn out fics on the daily.

This is a fandom, not a competition.

You. Are. All. Wanted. Here.

Tumblr, for want of a better analogy, is a crap factory of a website. 😝 It's gone down the pan in the last decade massively, and it's the complete opposite of what other social media platforms do, (in terms of likes and algorithims etc... you have to re-blog everything - not like it - here to get any traction) you get out of Tumblr what you put in, effectively.

No-one here is better than anyone else, we're all part of that big Pedro table and continuously squish up to make room for everyone. And if anyone isn't doing that, then they should be the one's to leave, not you.

I get it. I feel it too. I've contemplated leaving several times. Yeah. It's a hard place sometimes to try and make a tiny space of it your own.

☝🏻But remember, even the biggest blogs on here started off with zero followers and had to build their niche from scratch. Rome wasn't built in a day.

It takes time and effort. It might look like it's easy for others, but it really isn't. And I'm in no way a "big blog" in the slightest.

But I stay here doing my own thing, because ultimately, I love writing and creating - it makes me happy, and I love the sense of community here.

I get immense joy out of making my silly banners and posts, and having a giggle with like-minded people when Pedro shaves his beard off (🫠). I ignore the drama and focus on having a positive time here.

But I get that doesn't work for everybody. Sometimes it's hard to tune all the fuzz out, right? It's massively overwhelming some days on here - I feel ya, bub.

The level of talent in this fandom is incredible, but it often leaves you feeling like "where do I begin?" Or "who do I talk to?" And "how do I talk to someone without coming across as weird?" And "how the hell do I re-blog everything and reply to comments and remember to answer DM's and Asks, whilst remembering to update my WIP and see what my fav blogs have posted, and catch up on that fic I like..? 🤯

In short, you can't.

You simply can't do everything.

And you shouldn't try to either as that's when you'll burn out and when things start feeling overwhelming. Then your enjoyment wanes and then that's when you feel like you want to give it all in.

Just breathe.

The best advice I can give (and I'm no expert!) is to curate your own experience here as best as you can.

Eliminate that overwhelming feeling to make your Tumblr time and space enjoyable.

Make it work for you and your needs.

Some easy things you can do that might help:

Update your notifications - I personally filter out the likes, otherwise I find I miss notifs like new followers or comments etc... Tumblr can be glitchy as hell too, so by removing the likes, you can see all the stuff you don't wanna miss. To turn them off, go into your activity (app version) and hit custom, scroll down to custom again and then untick likes:

There's a new option now to subscribe to specific blogs you like and adjust your home feed settings to that. You click on the blogs themselves and add them to get notifications and then they'll appear under Blog Subs on your feed. You can then switch through feeds to just see the blogs you've added, rather than everyone you follow. It's then easy to switch between feeds:

Limit your time here - if it starts to feel overwhelming, take a break! That's your brain telling you that you might need it. We'll all still be here when you come back. Don't compromise your peace of mind or happiness for the sake of scrolling for hours.

If you're a creator and have writer's block etc... again, take that break! Whether it's a day or a week, or a year. Take as long as you need. Those that are worth it will still be here and will wait patiently for you. Don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. And if anyone does pressure you, block them.

Forget the numbers. I know, I know, it's easier said than done. Of course we want re-blogs and engagement, it's why we're here and putting our work out there. We wouldn't do it if we didn't want that engagement. But don't let the numbers be the main reason why you do it, otherwise your expectation can often be met with a harsh reality when it doesn't go how you think it will. Do it because it makes you happy, first and foremost. There will always be someone who looks forward to what you put out there.

If you want engagement, you need to engage back. This community survives and thrives on sharing. Re-blog everything you like. Re-blogging is the number one must on Tumblr. It's how the site works. Likes are lovely, but it's simply just a book marking feature here, which is essentially useless as your likes get pushed to the bottom of your like pile the more you like things. RE-BLOG EVERYTHING. By re-blogging you can also use tags so you can easily find things again. Liked that Frankie Morales fic you read last week? Re-blog it with the tag 'Frankie Morales' for example, and then you can search your own blog to find everything you've ever tagged with 'Frankie Morales'. You can even schedule re-blogs in advance too. You can't do any of that with likes. You'd have to scroll through every single like you've ever liked to find it again... and ain't no-one got time for that. If you're someone who is asking for engagement, you need to be prepared to give it back. I repeat, RE-BLOG EVERYTHING!

"Yeah, but if I re-blog everything, my aesthetic will be compromised, or my blog will be bulky and I might annoy everyone by appearing on their feed too much..." These are all valid concerns, but you can simply make a side blog specific for re-blogging things if you want. Whatever way you choose to do it, re-blog, re-blog, re-blog!

Be bold and reach out using DM's and ASK's. I don' think there's a single writer or artist out there who doesn't like getting a comment or a message complimenting their work. And we all love to chat about it, and that's an easy way in and to make friends too! It can be daunting, but I assure you if you're polite and kind, people will want to engage back with you. We all have one thing in common here at least - Pedro! 🥰

Sometimes, it can feel like everyone has their own friend groups or cliques and it can be hard to find your own community within a community. Almost everyone I engage with on a daily basis here, new and old users, are some of the nicest, kindest people I've spoken to. You really have nothing to be afraid of. They're just like you - they want to talk and make friends.

These are just some tips that I've found have worked for me on my own Tumblr journey with quelling that overwhelming feeling. And I hope they can help you in some way, especially if you're contemplating being here right now.

You might feel that what you put out there isn't appreciated because it doesn't get the notes or engagement you want, but I promise you, there is always someone who you have touched with your words and work.

Be kind to yourself and know that you really are a valued part of this fandom.

🖤

YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK. 🖤

Do you. Then do Dieter.

Self-Care With Dieter & Jett

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #self care with dieter & jett #dieter bravo #you are stronger than you think #do you #then do dieter

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