#and escapism is great to a point but fuck the real world just sucks even worse

[quiveringdeer]

.

#nat rants #when you're giving life what you can give #and do a great job interacting with students and teaching whkch is your main job #but because you're late to the be an hour early setups or are in moods around coworkers #before turning on the positivity for the kids #im barely making fully successful on my evals #like i know getting back in therapy may help but people act like it's so easy to find a compatible therapist #and honestly i don't want to talk about all my shit with another white woman therapist no matter how #in the know on shit they are it just isnt the same and meds help some but im sorry i cant be positive and functional #all days of the week when i learn more and more daily about the tragedy that is living in this capitalist hellscape world #i just dont understand how im supposed to respond to that other than #yeah i GET IT im not over here enjoying that i feel like a barely functioning human most of the time either #and my supervisors are so understanding but have know idea how chronic depression and adhd and other shit work #and i dont have the fucking energy to mask every day at work #like i barely get what i get done done and have energy to procure food and do basicness of hygiene to not #ugh #feel so fuckin helpless #and escapism is great to a point but fuck the real world just sucks even worse

[maxknightley]

on the one hand I do understand where people are coming from when they respond to The White American Desire For Authentic Culture by going "you already have a culture" and pointing out that this desire often has reactionary undertones

that being said, I think it's largely sidestepping the actual issue, which is that American culture fucking blows chunks. American culture is strip malls and military worship and the elevation of mass-market pablum to Bold Artistic Statements.

and subculture is only partially an escape from this, because most subcultures exist within the same constraints of American culture as a whole; they are captured and redefined by capital on such a frequent basis that it often feels impossible to hold onto them in any meaningful way.

moreover, even the parts of American culture that aren't complete garbage are more or less inextricable from the colonial, imperialist, and racially-stratified history of the country. like, I think of that post that went around a while ago talking about "America sucks but has some good parts," and one of the things it listed was national parks, and people (rightfully!) pointed out that the national park system is fundamentally flawed and tends to shit on indigenous nations by design.

the only thing I can think of that's even sort of an exception is pop culture - jazz and rock music, superhero comics, Hollywood. and all of those are, again, captured and defined by capital, and in one way or another have historically been built on screwing over the artist.

so we come to a position, one way or another, where a lot of people say something like: "I'm alienated. I'm surrounded by traditions and institutions I think are shit; I have no way to meaningfully undermine them, and I can't escape them without effectively destroying my life. the culture I was born into is a gravestone on top of another gravestone, lifeless and miserable, and people are constantly shouting that I should be grateful because it's The Greatest Country In The World."

at that point, one seeks an escape, and I think there are three major routes here.

one is to become a weird lib obsessed with the Real Soul Of America. America is really about the good parts, not the bad parts which outnumber them and which they are built upon.

another is to fixate on the Exotic, for lack of a better word. cultures which you do not have an obvious "connection" to, but which fascinate you or appeal to you. obviously this can be pretty fucking fraught, though I would argue that taking an interest in other cultures is a good thing if you aren't shitty about it. (That's its own conversation.)

the third is to fixate on the culture(s) you feel you "ought to have" had, that which was sacrificed on the altar of whiteness by grandparents or great-grandparents who, frankly, had different concerns. to look at a culture that may still be defined in many ways by cruelty and stratification - the way I would argue most human civilization has been - but that seems to have had something else going on, at least. a culture that may not have been recognizable 500 years ago, but at least it existed.

again, none of these impulses is beyond criticism, and I think it would be naive to say that the last one can't have reactionary undertones. I also doubt these impulses are unique to the USA! alienation is extremely common in today's world, and it's not as though the USA is the only settler state in existence.

what I am saying is more that I think the conditions that lead to these fixations are worth paying attention to, and that dismissing them with "you already have a culture" kind of misses the point in favor of getting in a zinger. people wouldn't want a different culture if they were happy with the one they had. like so many other things, people want one that Doesn't Completely Suck. failing that, they'd probably like to not be defined by any culture at all - but that, tragically, is just as impossible.

#related to the post i just rb'd obviously #idk. i don't know how Developed these thoughts are but they're bouncing around in my brain

[somnambulic-thing]

I want to talk about something in regards to Flight of Icarus.

disclaimer: I fully read the book, slept two nights over it and enjoyed it a lot. There is a possibility of finding content on my blog from now on that contains lore from the story. My Eddie characterisations won't change much in their essence though since I pretty much head cannoned him like he's pictured in the book the whole time.

Okay. Let's go. No detailed spoilers ahead. Feeling jealous in the light of the romantic arch in the book or the mentiones of Eddie's experiences with intimacy is okay.

It's not a great experience I bet, but you're not being a bad or silly person simply for feeling that way. Many of us have built a deep emotional connection to this fictional character for all kinds of reasons. While I personally don't think that the fact that the book is coming from the creators of ST makes a difference to canon, I do understand that for some people the book has a different weight than fanfic. And that is ok too.

So right now, many people can't help but feel heartache or jealousy over the story. Emotions are not rational. And I am deeply sorry that some of you feel bad about something that used to be your escape and save space. That sucks.

However, we all have control over how we act upon those feelings. And being hateful or mean towards others (including the author) ain't it. No exceptions. I don't care for your personal reasons why you feel that way, I'm not your therapist, that is your business to deal with, but lashing out about your personal, very subjective feelings is just not the way to deal with them.

Slipping up can happen to everybody, and that is human, but there is a line when a slip-up stops being that. And accept the fact that nobody owes you to listen to your opinion. Accept that people might find your opinion a reason to stop interacting with you, even if you voice it in a civil way.

Find a friend who gets it and let out all of those feelings in a closed safe-space with curse words and shit. Get it out, cleanse yourself from that pressure. That's cool. Writing a fix-it fic that will get your emotions out? Ask an author who is comfortable with that to write something like that? Cool. Journal. Skip rocks. Work out. Angry clean your house. Throw darts at a copy of the book. Get creative without getting other real people into the crossfire. And then, maybe step away for a few days to let the dust settle and then come back and see how it feels. Oftentimes it's just like poking at a wasp's nest to keep leaning into those feelings and the pain and get all heated up again and again.

Give yourself some time. Be kind to yourself. But also be kind to others!!!

I believe with my whole being that kindness is the best fucking thing we as a fandom can practice right now. And nuance. Always nuance.

That book isn't a bad thing just because it makes you feel uncomfortable or because it didn't fulfil your wishes or expectations. You have the right to have your opinion but opinions do not exist in a vacuum.

Opinions can be hurtful and harmful.

They are not neutral - that's the whole point - so giving it a few moments of thought on how and where to voice them is imperative. Or if it's even necessary to voice them at all. It's ok to fuck up but own that and say sorry. Be kind.

Criticism of the book is valid, not liking the thing is valid, it's not about that. (Fucking hell I love discourse and meta and analysis.) It's about being mindful and responsible for what energy you put out into the world and how you treat real human beings. When in doubt, step back, give it time to cool. Making posts in the heat of anger is rarely a good decision.

We're all here to have a good time. Why do we keep tearing each other down about something we all claim to love?

It's not worth it.

#flight of icarus #somna talks

[echoequinox]

So, Neverafter spoilers, but I feel like everyone is like... inordinately mad at either the princesses, Brennan for writing the princesses, or. Both? Like... I’m not sure what exactly people were hoping for?

You have to think of the options, especially to this group of people. Someone mentioned that it’s like “Oh the disenfranchised group is actually bad, Both Sides of the Argument Are Wrong” and that’s like. Not at all the takeaway from the princess reveal, I feel. These are people who have watched their lives stretch out over and over into eternity, and not even their deaths, but how they were abused in life. They are abuse survivors from the very real, terrestrial, physical sense, all the way up to cosmic, divine, and magically.

Their goals, the ends that specifically Cinderella and Snow seek, make sense to someone in that frame of mind. They don’t just want the fairies to lose, they want there to be no hope of ever being abused by the Authors again. They want an end to the cycle, even if that means the end of everything. For them, the entire world is wrong and fucked up. The entirety of the Neverafter exists as a torment engine, to take these people, chew them up for fucked up cosmic morals beyond understanding or sense, and spit them back out as examples. And that sucks! They want that to be OVER, forever.

That said, honestly neither side is fully... evil. It’s not a good vs evil dichotomy, it’s an order/safety vs chaos/freedom dichotomy. The idea isn’t that the fairies want this out of their own selfish needs (at least not all of them), and neither are the princesses. They’re both operating on separate moral frameworks - the fairies view their way of life as being safe, correct, and right. The princesses see their goals as being an end to a cycle of abuse, and the potential to never abuse anyone ever again. It’s killing your kidnapper, yes that means ending a life, but if that’s what it takes to stop it, they’re willing to make that sacrifice.

And that isn’t bad, or morally wrong, it’s just different. Scheherazade will likely side with the PCs, but Aesop is probably gonna side with the fairies! And that doesn’t make him “evil”, it’s just... a way of looking at things through a moral framework. And honestly, I’m hard pressed to find a way for the PCs to escape the narrative without picking one of the two sides, because it really does seem like if the stories continue, and if the cycle repeats, eventually either the fairies will win or the princesses will cut the cycle short. The only way out I could see is like... writing them OUT of a story, making it real, so there’s no more iterations, no more cycle, and only a single life to live, like real life. Which would be nice, but I’m not quite sure how much power Goose’s true book has in regards to making writing real.

TLDR the princesses aren’t evil. They aren’t wrong, they just have a very different way of looking at things due to their abuse and warped view of how dark reality is. And that’s GREAT that’s good writing! I’d hate it if they were boringly adorable princesses who just want everyone to be happy and safe, because that’s the exact story we’re trying to avoid. That’s like... the whole point. There is not going to be a happily ever after. And with a story like this, why would you want one?

#neverafter #neverafter spoilers #dimension 20 #d20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 spoilers

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Not sure how to view Chris anymore and it’s sad. At this point whatever the “truth” is, it doesn’t matter.

I’m just floored at how someone could be so weak to get into this mess and not “be able to get out”and it’s easy to say oh it’s hard for him to get out but he’s at least trying to show this is fake, yet he was bold enough to lie to the world about being married?

Make that make sense?

Like how the fuck do they clean this up at all?

It’s like reality and illusions are morphing together and I honestly don’t know who the fuck this man truly is and maybe that’s the way it should’ve always been.

We get wrapped up in this shit mainly due to the way of the world and due to Hollywood and capitalism, etc, but we have to take accountability by finally choosing to not fall for seeing other mere mortals as anything but human.

If you take any random person off the street, clean them up, give them a great marketing team, BOOM you have a new celebrity. It’s all a big awful joke of illusion.

No more rose colored glasses. It’s to the point fandoms and celebrity today is seeing a blue sky but being duped into believing it’s green.

Unfortunately most will never understand the above and never take those glasses off.

This applies to fans, non fans and just the overall population of the world who are willing and unwilling and unaware at how impacted we all are by celebrity culture. A headline makes waves or something goes viral and we ALL stop our lives to read or listen about it and many hop online to discuss and argue with others over various things, not once seeing the reality……you’re taking time out of YOUR life to focus on someone who doesn’t even know you exist, wasting YOUR time discussing crap about someone else who is living their life and getting rich off of you and someone who uses media to stay relevant through…..Y-O-U!

*breaks rose colored glasses* for good.

💔👓

#EnoughIsEnough

Same, An🫶n. Honestly before I was sucked in here, Chris was the ideal guy for me... Ofcourse, Papa was right. He told me once that "I shouldn't place anyone on a pedestal, because anything placed that high, is meant to break."

I've got nothing but love for Chris and his work. But the way this is all spun, real or not, I'm not sure if I can keep adoring him as a person.

Like I've said before, we can't exactly blame Chris, alone for getting into this mess in the first place. But if those breadcrumbing and hinting on his end isn't true (the hope and rumor that he's telling us that anything about the wedding is fake, etc.), An🫶n is right.

He's not a saint, but he's not a demon either. But the thing is, he isn't going to be just Chris Evans, the actor we all love and adore. The actor we'll be happy for when he gets his small victories. Whose dog is one of the best things on the internet during this whole mess right now.

He's also going to be Chris Evans, the guy who "married" a racist, who's friends have baited the entire Fandom. The guy who couldn't save his fans from tearing at each other. The guy who let this get so out of hand, that the one place that should've been safe for us to escape to, and enjoy everything, disappeared in mere months.

I'm planning to stick around, because I know for a fact, a ton of you were here for the fan-made stuff. The fanfics, fanarts, discussions about characters, etc.

I came here for that too. Doesn't mean I'm giving up this whole thing. But I'm going to take time to go back to the fun part. Because honestly, my page has turned into an analysis page😅 it's 70% rant posts about the bullshit pr, and 30% me and my fics...

Bro! I intended to make fucking fics before 250 Followers Celebration comes... But I'm way behind... Partly, because of life. And partly because the second something goes down, I drop nearly everything, and focus so much time and energy on this.

So, I'm not saying drop him or any celeb completely. I'm saying we need to tone down our idolization, because it may have gotten to the point where it isn't healthy.

For the sake of your health, mental and otherwise, Fandom. Take time to enjoy what you love about this Fandom. And please don't say anything about tearing the PR Narrative, because even I have to admit, it takes it's toll.

Again, not backing down, or stepping down. Just giving myself time to take care of me, and spend time with my family while they're still alive.

I don't know if this Christmas season will be the last that I get to spend time with any of them, so I'm going to make sure I live every minute with them. And not stuck in this hole I've dug myself for months, since the wedding announcement.

And you should all do that for yourselves, guys. Take the time, and make it count.

#An🫶n asks #booky reacts #booky answers #booky's thoughts #booky rant post #chris evans #chris evans fandom #love you guys! #❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ #P.S. can someone please open up some form of character discussion? I've always wanted to try it 😁

[sunder-the-gold]

Superpowered Minorities are speculative fiction rather than proper allegory

Speculative fiction is great. People need the freedom to escape the real world’s problems and ask themselves, “Hey, wouldn’t it be really cool or fucked up if...?”

But any Aesop-ish moral lessons derived from stories about superpowered minorities are inapplicable to reality.

Bigotry depends on the notion that one demographic is inherently superior to another demographic in some way. Humanity in reality will never achieve peace and harmony without people judging other people solely by the content of their character rather than by their parentage.

Speciesism

Zootopia and Beastars explore bigotry in a world where herbivores dominate modern society through sheer numbers while oppressing the carnivores... whose ancestors used to eat them. In fact, modern carnivores will still sometimes eat other people. There’s a similar situation going on with humans and beastfolk in BNA (Brand New Animal), but with considerably less ‘cannibalism’.

There’s some slight allegorical application with regards to situations like modern Japan fearing revenge from modern China for the abuses ancient Japan heaped upon ancient China, but the Chinese and Japanese are still the same species and Japanese rulers decided to conquer more territory for profit rather than because they needed to eat the Chinese as everyday meals for survival.

Evolution

In X-Men and Starcraft, mutants and psychics are presented as the next and inevitable stage of human evolution. These superpowered individuals find themselves oppressed because they are something new and strange and stronger. Both regular people and the Powers That Be feel threatened by mutants and psychics.

The Powers That Be want to maintain their control over the unwashed masses, and split into various camps. Some of them refuse to believe in the inevitability of mutation and think they can completely stamp this change out of existence. Others seek to exploit and weaponize this mutation as a new tool of oppression and warfare, and attempt to either become mutants themselves or ensure their descendants will be. Either faction benefits from fearmongering regular people into rejecting mutants, so that the unwashed masses do nothing to protect mutants from governmental abduction and eugenics.

I think there are very compelling stories you can tell about that cross-section of intergenerational and class-based conflict, but again, it’s not 100% applicable to reality where no minority or generational demographic can shoot lasers from their eyes or suck the life out of someone else with a casual touch.

Divine Right of Kings Mages

This whole post started from me thinking about Sylas from League of Legends. Oppressed by the nation of Demacia for being born with magical powers, now leading a violent rebellion against the nation that imprisons, deprives, and kills countrymen like him, but Riot Games made the controversial decision that Sylas was not a good person, or even a complicated good person, or even a well-intentioned person mentally-wounded past the point of good judgment.

If Riot Games wants to tell a story of black-and-grey morality, fine. If they want Lux (a mage born into the safety and privilege of nobility) to be the hero instead of low-born, nothing-to-lose Sylas, that’s worth examining but it is not automatically bad.

But otherwise the choice regarding Sylas’ character leaves me asking Riot Games, “Are you trying to say that Demacia is right about magic?”

After all, Demacia’s fear of magic stems from how mages once ruled the world and then nearly destroyed the world in the Rune Wars. Anyone would want to prevent that from happening again.

So, is Demacia right to fear anyone born with magical ability? Are the other nations that embrace magic just setting themselves up for another Rune War?

The flipside of the coin is Avatar: The Last Airbender. Mages (benders) rule the world, but even Sozin’s Comet isn’t as powerful as a World Rune, so the closest thing they had to the Rune War didn’t really destroy the world, especially since the Good Guys won.

But afterwards the benders still rule the world, and an Equalist movement springs up in New Republic City, protesting unfair treatment for people who weren’t born with the magical ability to manipulate one of the four elements.

People’s mileage may vary on how well Legend of Korra sold the idea that non-benders were oppressed, but even without the threat of a Rune War this is still the sort of situation that Demacians could reasonably fear would happen to them if they didn’t pre-emptively oppress the mages born inside their nation.

This isn’t like X-Men or Starcraft. The magical powers of League and Avatar aren’t some new stage of human evolution that will inevitably encompass and uplift all of humanity into a world like My Hero Academia. The magical powers have been around since before recorded history and yet humanity is still divided into “haves” and “have-nots”.

But nothing like this is happening in the real world. No one on Earth is born with the ability to conjure fireballs and lightning bolts. This is not an exact moral issue that real people need to grapple with in the real world.

I’m not even sure that such stories offer anything close to realistic allegories for modern ideas of “natural-born talent” versus “hard work and clever work-arounds”, or about about disabilities and ableism.

It seems based more firmly in old ideas about “the Divine Right of Kings”, where the super-special magical abilities are passed down through special chosen bloodlines or otherwise granted to seemingly random Chosen Ones in the middle of nowhere.

#league of legends #legend of korra #starcraft #x-men #minorities #superpowers #avatar: the last airbender #avatar #zootopia #beastars #oppression #bigotry #bna #brand new animal #sylas #sunder says

[scumcoin]

Pondering and Rambling About Isekai A Little Bittttt.....

Rewatching VS Knights of Lamune & 40 Fire. (mouthful of a title, henceforth 40 Fire)

For the unfamiliar, the Lamune series is SD mecha anime series, comparable to Mashin Eiyuu Wataru and Madou King Granzort. in both TV anime the hero is some bozo kid who gets sucked into a video game (in 40 Fire's case, a CD-ROM game that was inserted into a console that suspiciously resembles a playstation) only to be gilded with the title of the great hero Lamuness: in this case, our new protagonist Lamunedo is christened Lamuness the Third. It's pretty much text that Lamunedo is the son of the previous hero... I honestly don't wanna think about it too hard so I won't but his parents look like Milk, the last show's heroine and love interest, and the original protagonist.

It really be like that.

Given I've already watched this show (albeit over a decade ago and never in Japanese, and I suspect heavily censored as well), I probably won't be doing a lot of posts on it, but I recently rewatched a chunk of the original and I've been thinking about both shows approach to isekai and hell, the approach many other isekai shows take. Shows like this, Fushigi Yuugi, Those Who Hunt Elves, et cetera. There... wasn't much "I died and now I'm permanently in another world"... was there? But I'm not really thinking about those shows because I have seen neither, we're talking about Lamuness, a series aimed at kids. There's a lot to unpack about modern isekai's penchant for escapism in a Japan that's settled into its post-Bubble Era woes, but I'm not qualified to talk about something so culturally heavy nor is it super related. But I do wanna touch on the "method" of being spirited away into another world, and the story structure.

Like I said, it's anything but permanent. There's no truck, no sudden heart attack from overwork. Come, Lamuness, time to save the world. There's no time to waste. Get in the fucking TV. The method is an incredibly accessible one, arguably: getting sold a shady CD-ROM for like a dollar and getting whisked away when it boots.

The premise of this series is very goal-based, and it would not be an exaggeration to say that even if the person in these kinds of older isekai in general comes to love the world and decides to stay, there is always the goal of "get back home". Lamunedo has the hefty weight of defeating the demon god's henchmen before they revive him, and when it all ends he gets to go home (sorry for spoiling an anime that's like 25 years old at this point, but that's how most of these ended). In contrast to newer isekai shows where the story begins with the protagonist's life ending, cementing that this is their new life and that they have no real grand goal... unless the goal is to not die. You have to live your new life, effectively an escape from the old life lived previously. The protagonists often skew older in their original lives, office workers over the age of 20 or NEETs who have wasted their lives and what have you. The issue with a lot of newer isekai media is not that they're paint by the numbers, but that because there isn't much of an immediate goal in most, many cannot deliver on the breadth of the premise or many would consider a gimmick. They drown in trying to tick boxes of "you should know the genre the protagonist is stuck in if you've picked up this book/manga/anime, so I'm not gonna think too hard about it either". It's not a diss or anything, but if your protagonist is just going to live and adapt to a new world and you make it the entire premise then you better have thought of the world building at least a little, or give it an actual plot structure to follow that isn't just you going through a buffet table and piling on more cute girls/boys/etc onto the protagonist's plate. They overwhelm with technicalities like video game stats (STOP!!!!!!! STOP PUTTING STATS IN YOUR SHIT I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF AND YOUR NAME WILL BE IN MY NOTE) and are indulgent in a lot of the wrong ways that may alienate those who do not consume the inspiration of the isekai much.

The best isekai that don't get immediately lambasted by the audience are isekai that dive right into the story without treating the outsider protagonist like someone standing behind the fourth wall at all times, and the rest of the world actually matters. Drawing attention to the fact that other characters are NPCs is tiring and makes me think I'm not supposed to care about them. It creates a vacuum where the only real person in the story is the protagonist and it's difficult to feel for a protagonist when everyone else is treated like an object. Both a literal object to interact with in a video game sense and in many cases a sexual object. Most good isekai will have you forget that the setting is based on something previously assumed to be fictional. It's not enough for the protagonist to be invested in the world, by the way. That's why shit like Shield Hero sucks ass even when you ignore the slavery shit (why would you though?!). I find that I prefer when it seems like the protagonist is in the story just like everyone else, rather than someone who consistently pushes against it. Of course there are many different ways to do it. This is a topic that's way too deep for me, and contrary to what my tone may convey I think that the genre is painted with an unfair brush so a lot of good shows slip through the cracks.

Or to be honest... the fact of the matter is that people are biased and judge stuff harshly just because they're a genre that's in vogue right now. Go figure. <-guy who hasn't even watched that many newer isekai shows

I'll make myself clear here: both old and new isekai are escapist fantasy and I dislike it when people try to paint escapism as a pathetic thing that only the NEW bad isekai shows employ. What's more escapist than being sucked into a video game and being told you're the hero that will save the world? You, a normal kid. What I find refreshing about the Lamuness series that I think newer light novels could learn from. There isn't any "I'll use my experience from the old world". Because Lamunedo is a child, and hero can never be an adult.

So that's a modern isekai shorthand immediately eliminated. (Note that I haven't once called anything a cliche in this post, I don't have that kind of scorn for the genre. I think it'd be good for actual critics to remove this buzzword from their vocabulary unless they truly face off against something that is an actual ripoff, because people have now taken the word cliche and turned it into an entirely negative thing, same with the word trope. But I digress.)

The entire point of the series is to be an escapist fantasy for little kids who love RPGs, but you'll never once see a stat block nor will you hear much of bosses in the video game sense. Sure, maybe the tyke will wonder about home every now and then but after this point you're set off into the story with the express goal of saving the world. There's nothing deep to think about. Traversing through different "space"s and RPG village-like places is a given, and it seems like they're made up as you go unless they're on a map explicitly (they are supposedly, but they still feel made up). You won't hear much about what Lamunedo thinks besides the fact that his (and Da Cider's) BIG COOL MECHA has his blood pumping.

This is what I mean by goal driven: it ironically feels much more like a video game without constantly bringing attention to the fact that it's supposed to be a video game. A big greater goal punctuated by smaller goals and pitstops is how a lot of JRPGs progress. Perhaps it's prescient to compare a lot of newer isekais to an open world game: you're doing... something, there are story important cutscenes, but you meander around until you hit them and often you are sidetracked. It works when you're the one doing it, but when an isekai story is overwhelmed by the lack of nothing it is accomplishing that's when the audience disengages and starts wondering why the protagonist is a fucking idiot, and why they won't do something that actually matters. Have you ever watched someone dick around in Skyrim? Unless you really like Skyrim in my opinion it's not very fun to watch.

I find that this is why villainess isekai is so popular. Many employ the otome genre, which are much more linear in comparison. Sure, you make choices that lead you off to other routes and affect what ending you get, but everyone who plays Norn9 for example is playing the same Norn9 that the next person plays. Even with linear RPGs, you could be underleveled, you could favor certain characters, your experience can still be somewhat varied. Therefore, in a villainess scenario where the base is an otome game, there is an enforcement of an in-game clock where events will happen regardless of how much you dawdle. In fact, slacking tends to be punished. I'm aware that there are similar premises that don't employ a villainess or are based on other genres that are associated with women like management sims and mobile games, but in general they tend to emphasize proactiveness (also I'm speaking very broadly). Even the characters are treated with care. Sure, the heroine may casually spoil their supposed fate and metagame with previous knowledge, but they feel like actual characters.

In any case, as I've stated several times I carry no ire towards the genre. You'll catch me dead before I watch crap like Mushoku Tensei and Shield Hero but there's plenty of isekai manga and anime that I've either enjoyed or am looking forward to enjoying, past or present. But rewatching the Lamuness series got me thinking a lot about it. I wasn't even intending on writing most of what I wrote and I'll be honest when I say I don't consider myself a writer: I'm not the most eloquent and I struggle to express how I feel but by god do I express.

#general thoughts #cullen rewatches 40 fire #isekai #any comments feedback and reblogs appreciated :pleading: #anime essay #essay #isekai is such a fascinating genre even though i dont have much exp with it

[crestoflames]

I think I’ve figured out what makes me like a character that does bad things/is a villain/is “problematic” in any way:

it’s if they have power in their current role.

like im all for evil/complicated/murderous women and i love it. all of the Yellowjackets ladies, they’re a bunch of fucked up traumatized women doing bad things but they don’t really have a lot of power in the grand scheme of things.

dahlia hawthorne? she did tons of fucked up shit but she also failed horribly and was an abused child abandoned and treated poorly by her parents and taken advantage of by an adult man when she was 14. yes she shouldnt have done murder but realistically she never had any real power in the grand scheme of things, she was just trying to reclaim agency. (i feel similarly about most female ace attorney villains. except Morgan, fuck Morgan. April may isn’t great either but she’s mostly a caricature)

example of a female character I can’t sympathize with - dr. kelly. yes her circumstances sucked and getting impregnated by a Sleep Paralysis Dream Daddy (SPDD) is so fucked up and you can’t really tell anyone. but she always had the power over her son who she started abusing and poisoning. also bring a medical professional that only increased her power and authority and made it easy for her to get away with crimes and claim her son was just delusional if he ever did decide to tell on her. i cant really ever be okay with her because of that.

Reese also doesn’t really have power - the only power he has is his ability to transform into a very powerful monster, and even then he was kept from being able to do that for years, and once he finally transforms, everyone is basically trying to stop him (his mom, Wayne, Tabitha, and the MC if they decide to). based on the most common player choices, he doesn’t get his freedom like 80% of the time and just goes back to being locked up. he never had any real power and he was horribly abused, and him trying to fight back is used as justification for continuing said abuse and isolating him further. i have infinite sympathy for him (and I can relate to being isolated and treated badly by medical professionals), and i can’t not root for him.

Wayne on the other hand, has seemingly an immense amount of power and also the ability to have people in game (and out of the game) brush him off as harmless, or claim the MC is exaggerating or delusional. he will always be able to control you and maintain the upper hand (or so it seems at this point in the game). he almost has institutional power, where no matter what you say or do, nothing can stop him. and he doesn’t listen to what you want either.

there’s infinite more examples i could probably pull, but in general i feel like this is my pattern with defining which characters I do and don’t jive with. if a character has power and is harming others, I will pretty much always root against them because of my own experiences with people like that. but if someone is lashing out and hurting people, but doesn’t actually have any real power in the grand scheme of things, I will feel for them. usually the best evidence for whether a character has power or not is if they get punished, caught, locked up, or even killed for their actions, which happens to pretty much every character that I sympathize with that I’ve mentioned here. i think it has to do with my sense of justice and “what is right” that just makes me feel gross when a character with immense amount of power continues to get away with crimes, because that’s no fun. it’s just more of what happens in the real world and it sucks. I wanna see assholes get what they deserve (i say this yet im for prison abolition irl lmao. but fiction is wish fulfillment and escapism so it’s different)

#crest thoughts #ace attorney spoilers #Yellowjackets spoilers #scarlet hollow spoilers #dont come for me for critiquing characters you like #or defending characters you hate #these are just my opinions

[deathbypufferfish]

Recurring things in my dreams because I just need to get it out of my system. Like I am constantly back here to the point I'm like "fuck this again" when I dream it again.

It's the zombie apocalypse AGAIN (I'm with the walking dead guys). I am amazing at shooting zombies.

I can float and no one thinks it's even a little bit cool. I've dreamt this for as long as I can remember. To the extent that I forget that is not real.

Skiing I'm always skiing I don't ski but I'm convinced I can ski now.

The weirdest longest narrowest public bathrooms ever.

I'm at a water park! Oh God I forgot to shave my bikini line. Half of it is standing in line getting into the park?? There is an air of danger to the water park.

I'm just buying souvenirs at Disneyland. Usually pirate stuff or christmas ornaments.

At CVS but they have REALLY cool stuff just for ME!

Buying Japanese blind boxes for like $1 each and I never open the goddamn things in the dream.

Buying beanie babies that do not exist at thrift shops! yippee!

This very specific concept for a sims world and it's starting to get to me. New England coast vibes. There's a boardwalk with half rabbitholes (movie theatre, bookshop) and half visit-able shops. There is a roller rink in the center. downtown is old brick buildings and there's small little apartments in them. BASEMENT apartments too. The brick apartment buildings are centered around one long main street instead of a neighborhood. You can own a business in one of the storefronts. There are fruit vendors, a grocery store, and other rabbit hole shops along the main street.

I'm in an elevator in a really big hotel and I don't know my floor OR room number.

Petting bears .

A super cool magical world and oh god I have to save everyone and there's a conspiracy.

Genuine horrors!

Hiking through a big forest with big streams and at some point we gotta run out of there parkour style because a big magical goo is coming.

Climbing this huge snowy mountain (usually with my mom or friends) and there is a tiny cabin at the top and a beautiful statue garden. It is very peaceful.

I'm in Skyrim and I'm stealing these rich bad guys lodge aw man I can't live here what the fuck I did this quest for nothing.

Beating up guys from my highschool.

Walking around this huge mansion/museum but we can't go to the top floor because the king is sleeping there..

I'm in a shitty arcade connected to my local movie theater that does NOT exist and also it is so shitty and the prizes suck.

God I'm in a Mario game and I have to do parkour fuck.

I forgot my bikini top on vacation so I just swim without one and I think everyone is looking at me but they do not give one shit.

Fancy beautiful wonderful showers ohohoho and I take a great shower OH SHIT I GOT WATER EVERYWHERE.

Exploring my grandma's old house but its a weird mansion with bathrooms that have little stairs going up to the toilet right under the ceiling and also the bathrooms are carpeted.

There is this giant secret part to my grandma's old house. Historical shit.

The freezer is filled with gas station ice cream yippee!!!!!!

I'm driving a car oh my god I can't drive oh and I'm driving from the passenger seat??????? How am I doing this?????? Whatever it's on autopilot I'm fine. I hope a cop does not see me driving this car from the passenger seat.

There's an apple orchard in my old town (there isn't).

I'm just trying to find the bathroom in this freak combination of all the schools I've been to someone help me.

Oh I found the school locker room oohh now I'm in a big open-air area in a barn??? Warehouse???? It's so sunny and warm and there's all these wooden stalls for outdoor showers yippee!!!!!

I'm getting fast food with my friends. I accidently order three sandwiches. I'm severely distressed over this.

I'm at the mall and I am looking at all the tasty snacks (great ice cream and coffee selections) and trying to find a hot topic oh no I'm lost.

QUICK TO THE ESCAPE POD ON THIS SPACESHIP.

I'm in a musical or dance recital and I do NOT know ANY of my lines or ANY choreography and I just have to wing it and NO ONE seems to notice.

THERE'S THIS HUGE T-SHIRT STORE. IT'S JUST T-SHIRTS BUT THEY'RE ALL THE WEIRD THRIFTED ONES I LOVE. I NEVER GET TO GO IN.

I'm at my Babushka's apartment building but it is 3 of them attached to each other and it's dystopian and scary.

I'm speaking Russian (I have not spoken Russian since I was like three and it wasn't even a lot).

I'm trying to break in to my elementary school (let me in).

I'm on a huge oh my god gigantic playground jungle gym I am going to die if I fall.

oh hey it's my sims hey you guys.

oh hey it's the munch story sims hey you guys.

sometimes I think I'm just walking through a wetland and that's it. Unclear if I am a wetland creature or not.

I'm sneaking through my ex-friend's house (SOMETIMES invisible)

Triple bunk beds

there's so much more but i can't morally make this post longer thank you for listening. Um tag yourself.

#puffer talks #sorry #i think this says a lot about me

[numetalpuppygirl]

what i'm listening to 2/5/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Radiohead - You And Whose Army?: this is just here as a placeholder to let you know that i'm still listening to amnesiac on repeat, especially since i got the cd. at this point it's become a contender for numero uno on march's album ranking. stay tuned, folks

Carpenters - Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft (The Recognized Anthem Of World Contact Day): #ToddGirlMoment. the carpenters are such a fascinating duo to look at with the heavy amount of retrospect we have access to now, and this is such a strange little blip in their discography. a warm, swelling progressive space rock anthem from the nicest little pair of easy-listening siblings in the world. karen carpenter was truly one of the finest vocalists of the time, and she brought this song to life in such an electrifying way... <3

RAYE - Escapism. (feat. 070 Shake): a few of you may have already seen me raving about this song but like. SERIOUSLY. this is an unbelievably good pop song, full to the brim with hooks. even if i don't relate to the lyrics in any way, i'm just pleasantly in awe of the polish on the thing

Godsmack - Voodoo: links to this post. even their shittiest songs are shitty in a way that pleases my ears

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - Thrift Shop (feat. Wanz): HE WAS KINDA RIGHT is all i'm saying..... like yeah man buy the cheap secondhand clothes and look fresh as hell doing it....... i've had mackle on the brain since i found out he's coming back. i'm all for it, i feel like white rappers are getting a little too comfortable with taking themselves seriously. like jack harlow wants us to believe that he's fucking or whatever. macklemore's gonna set everything straight

Cats Millionaire - Other Twilight: i can't even talk about this song it just makes me cry. that is not a joke i'm literally like a twilight kin or whatever and this song sees me in an uncomfortably real way. anyways

Iron Butterfly - In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida: i was watching the one hit wonderland episode about this band and it just kind of overtook me. that happens a lot. #ToddGirlMoment. anyway this is such a great and boring piece of 60s doomy psychedelia, with an awesome riff and countless minutes of pointless solos. it kind of sucks but it definitely rips

Lil Yachty - the BLACK seminole.: i still don't fully know how to feel about this album. the critical community seems to be rejecting it, saying that it's a shame to see so many rappers try to "escape" their own genre. i think there's truth to that, but i also think this is just such a wild left turn of an album that it doesn't only feel like an escape attempt, and i think it's a little unfair to yachty to treat it as such. there's some decent material on here! and this opening track specifically just has such a great vibe, even if it is derivative

Snot - Snooze Button: this band/vocalist are revered on r/numetal but i've yet to really get into them. upon hearing this song, though, i was sold. nu metal that's properly pissed off about encroachment upon workers' rights? like ya even gotta ask

Maneskin - Gossip (feat. Tom Morello): this album fucking SUCKED and not in a fun way like i usually talk about here. i'm really disappointed in this band, though not so much surprised. anyway this single got stuck in my head, and i really like tom morello's signature guitar tone, so here it is. don't listen to the record

Lil Yachty - Poland: it's just silly innit. here's a draft i was gonna post at one point: "some people will praise the new class of rappers that have 'punk energy' and then get so mad when rap demos that are clearly rough around the edges or even unfinished become big hits. sorry baby seems like maybe you aren't as keen on raw, scrappy punk energy as you thought" <referring to this song and "just wanna rock" by lil uzi

Powerman 5000 - Operate, Annihilate: insert post that just says "powerman 5000." these guys were such a fun band, man. if you ever happen to encounter this album ("Tonight The Stars Revolt") in the real world, pick it up and have a look at the inside. it's styled as like a retro magazine with all kinds of awesome cyberpunk stuff, it's sooo cool. this is one of my favorite album tracks, the whole record is pretty solid

Die Spitz - Grip: screaming furious riot garage punk for puppy girls. love it love it. i wrote a review of this ep on rateyourmusic but i can't figure out how to copy a link so. suffer in ignorance

Chuck Berry - Roll Over Beethoven: did i make a post about this? i don't think i did. but i didn't save the draft either. here's the thing: the beatles covered this on one of their early albums. and it was SHIT. it's such a raucous classic rock banger, written and performed by a legend, and after hearing the terrible cover it makes me appreciate the original that much more

Bailey Zimmerman - Rock and A Hard Place: i'm telling you, listening to all this top 40 is normiefying me. feels kinda good actually. did you know that normies are happy sometimes? like just naturally? it's crazy. anyway i've been enjoying a bit of pop country recently, and you may have also seen me having nice words for newcomer bailey zimmerman. we'll see if it lasts

U2 - Mysterious Ways: nothing to say. catchy song. it's like this band is good sometimes or something.

YoungBoy Never Broke Again - Black: man this album sucked too... but what a rager of an opening track. that weird scream thing he does at the beginning is so stupid, i love it. i'll never listen to this album again

the pillows - Strange Chameleon: as featured in hit yuri manga "hello, melancholic." READ IT. i also think it's really interesting to hear a damn solid britpop record from a japanese band

this isn't strictly music but i've also been watching some old-school mtv programming. felt noteworthy. okay bye

#*char noises* #talking pop

[solasan]

*thinks abt pallas + identity issues* *thinks abt pallas + identity issues* *thinks abt pallas + identity issues* *thinks abt pallas + identity issues*

hang on gonna be insane abt this for a sec. bc ok. in the beginning, she introduces herself as ‘alex hawthorne’ to everyone. EVERYONE. ellie’s pretty sure she “looks more like a lexie” so it gets to the point that nicknames start to stick. and it’s fine at first!! it’s funny. like some great big game only pallas is in on; like the BEST lie she’s ever told, and she’s told a LOT.

and it’s an adventure!!! she always wanted an adventure! it’s why she hounded ione abt going to halcyon in the first place! she’s playing the part of alex hawthorne, badass, and people respect alex hawthorne! they like alex hawthorne!!! being alex hawthorne isnt easy by any means, but it’s less painful than being pallas hensby, family disappointment, with the addict mom and the runaway dad who she doesnt even remember. and she exists outside of her family here!!!! she isn’t ione’s troublemaker little sister, the reason that ione never left home and did something with her techie skills and that amazing brain of hers.

she doesnt feel like a fuck-up, being alex hawthorne. she feels like a serial hero who walked right out of the screen and into real life, and that’s fucking awesome.

and then it… starts to get less fun. people start to recognise her as alex. people start to attribute all the badass shit she’s doing to alex, who was so fucking stupid he got himself crushed by her escape pod ‘cause he didn’t know not to hold onto the homing beacon guiding a heavy metal pod out of orbit (sorry, ADA). none of her lies have ever lasted this long before. usually it’s blown up by now, and ione’s picking up the pieces with a tut and a shove to her shoulder, saying pallas for fuck’s sake what did you do this time???

but ione’s not here. the only person who knows pallas as pallas is phineas, and he’s not exactly all there, so she can’t even be sure of that. and it’s— it’s hard, not hearing her own name. someone could say ‘alex’ on the other side of the fucking galaxy and she’d still somehow know and answer to it. and not even her crew know!!!! parvati and felix especially are becoming rly good friends of hers, but they’re not even really hers???? but it’s been long enough now that she doesnt rly know how to open up the whole ‘hey, so ive been lying to you guys abt my name for months now haha’ conversation. and they’re absolutely going to hate her n feel betrayed bc she lied to them for so long, so it doesnt even seem worth it!!!!!!!

idk. im not sure how her real name comes out in the end. whether she sucks it up n tells them or if phineas absent-mindedly calls her ‘pallas’ in front of the others and that kicks off the drama. i just kno that out in halcyon, surrounded by worlds so different from her home, it becomes a lot harder for pallas to remember who she is than it used to be :) thank u for coming to my ted talk :)

#ch: pallas hensby #mollie plays tow #this like probably doesnt even make sense lmao but WHEW i love giving my space girls identity issues :) #the whole existence of alex hawthorne and the ability to take on his name is GENIUS like oh my god the avenues it opens up....... #as a side-note: when it DOES come out i know for a fact felix at least is so chill abt it lmao we love 2 besties <3

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

(Just discovered a hashtag and you bet im gonna fucking use it)

This is a joke, there's no real animosity or hate here, I don't take any of this seriously. That being said, if you don't like hearing a word against Mike, do us all a favor and hit not "not interested", filter a tag, whatever.

Hopper "Mikephobia" Timeline.

S1:You are barely conscious. Joyce may be making baseless claims. Joyce, in fact, was not making baseless claims. You try to track down a missing person, some Mike dipshit was hiding her. Joyce's youngest kid is alive. You punch him in the ribs for the sake of potentially the world's least effective cpr. He has friends.

S2: You have a daughter, El. Apparently, some "mIcHeAl" bitch came up with the name. She's been calling Mike every day?!? Holy shit this impatient fucker inadvertently convinced your previous daughter to run away without telling you! Help Joyce, her boy has been possessed. Who comes to help?, this little Mike shit, of course. Wait.. why is he a good person? If he acted that way too El, she'd be in love- ohhh. Well at least this boy who has caused you such trouble will probably have no further involvement with your family. El came back! Mutual apologies because you both fucked up. Mike, of course, the little shit, yells at you for "hiding her" or whatever. Like calm down dude, El isn't even mad at you anymore, who the fuck does Mike think he is?

S3: El's boyfriend, that's who he thinks he is. He sucks at it too. Not to mention he's disrespectful as fuck. El's back, but she might as well not be. Maybe you should just kill Mike. you're the goddamn police chief, you can cover it up. You threaten him. You know it won't take much, you say you won't let them see each other. El finally has over different friends! SHE DUMPS MIKE! You fight Russia or whatever. They get back together?!?? Mike turns around to address you as an equal and you see he's had some character development. Great, at least he's slightly less of a dick. You die! (Allegedly)

S4: You're dating Joyce Byers. Also, you escaped prison. Also why did Enzo not show up with you on the car? Is the first time in almost a year you're seeing El. Disaster has struck the only other girl in the party. Who do you find at your inexplicably destroyed cabin? FUCKING MIKE!? you try to be civil. He points out your weight. For what?

S5(presumably): your enjoying your time with your family, Joyce's boys feel like your sons. Murray lives in your house for some reason. Mike is becoming more distant, but not better(no, never better). El breaks out of with him for good. You've been planning for this! You have a party for her with supplies you've been stockpiling since the literal day you got back from prison(not for the murder of one Michael Wheeler.)Mike is out of your life! You wake up the next day, rejoicing. You ruin down the stairs for a coffee, only to find... Your son's DnD party?!? Shouldn't Will hate Mike in solidarity? That's how it worked with Max last summer! You glare at the back of Mike's head and get your coffee. Both your younger kids start acting off.. El doesn't actually hate Mike?(why not? He's so hateable!) At least you won't see him around that much. At least you're daughter isn't saying him. YOUR SON IS NOW DATING MICHEAL FUCKING WHEELER!

#mikephobic #reminder jokes only #this is way too fucking funny to me #like why

[vomitnest]

when i was younger there eventually came a point, probably after having seen some really life-changing documentaries (e.g. the corporation and the canary effect), that my outlook on life disintegrated to the extent of my being completely disaffected with the world that's being marketed to us. i became deeply skeptical and somewhat of a self-imposed outsider. i never hopped a train or got out of dodge. at least not yet. (ha.) but it's a similar thing with the the way certain music effects me. which i think is the higher purpose of any great work of art, or movie, or performance. it completely changes your life or shakes up the way you look at the world and the way you choose to live in it. it disturbs you. but then sometimes it shakes you up in a different way. it propels you into flights of ecstasy. memories and feelings surface and you find yourself traversing poignant emotional vistas of rare and uncharted territory. it connects you to your inner creative genius. and your libido and your life force. your deeper self. the real one. your own personal divine spark. it can be profoundly intense. there is a particular feeling for me... when it comes over me... it's rapturous... it's like torture but it's ecstatic... it happened to me a second ago when i was listening to party police by alvvays.

the eclipse happened today. it's funny because today does feel like a pivotal moment in time. supposedly the eclipse was in aries but i'm not really that into astrology. i'm an aries. anyway. so i've been thinking about how suicide doesn't seem that revolutionary. or self-sabotage. i'd like to figure out a way to escape that involves minimal amounts of suicide and self-sabotage, if any. the less the better, as a matter of fact. i'm okay with burning bridges and social death and becoming a ghost because that kind of happened already. against my will. and painfully slowly. in waves of mishaps. broken bonds. lost loves. anyway i'm cool with being a weirdo and having spent the time i did the way i did. it is what it is. i'm learning to make peace with it. last time a major solar eclipse happened i was in asheville, north carolina.

but yeah fuck this place. there just doesn't seem to be anywhere else to go. i'm not a gutterpunk. i'm not street smart. or very tough. even though i have been homeless a few times and i'm somewhat brave with sketchy people. but i guess it just feels like a crisis of belonging. i don't feel like i belong with anyone it seems like. even my activist friends. it would be cool to be part of a black bloc or something. like what happened in seattle in 1999. or what's happening now with people protesting for palestine. that's really beautiful. i'd like to be part of something like that but without coming home to a bourgeois consumerist yuppie life that revolves around me paying for some nice place and living a life of privilege and personal success. at least not success in the shallow, material sense of looking successful and having social status and wealth and stuff. it sucks that when you're poor, that is generally the dream. the goal. or else what you would prefer to have instead of what you do have if you could. a life of comfort. but there has to be something else to aspire to than that. what i do know is i want to live an emotionally rich life. with a lot of time spent appreciating beauty and interacting with the people around me from an authentic place that appreciates the fact we are all going to die and that this is fleeting. maybe music will save my life. who knows. a man can dream.

[farglefarf]

Guys, am i allowed to be depressed and sad on here? What? Oh, this is my house? Cool:

Every day I am plagued with the question of "when will I stop feeling this way?" And that's such a hard question to answer. One day I will probably stop feeling this way, but until then, I have to feel this way every day. I try not to burden my friends with it, but it's always on my mind. Hopefully I am not part of the population that dies alone and unfulfilled. But how am I supposed to know that for sure at this point?

Sometimes it feels like people being in a relationship is fake and forged and just a concept because no one has wanted to act that way to me. Seeing people be a couple is almost like "wait fuck that actually happens in real life?" Type of feeling. Not in the asexual "wait yall are actually fucking on each other?" Joke but like "this could happen to me at any time and it hasn't yet?" Type of way. Cause here's the thing; I want to do the things I see people doing. I want to hold hands and cuddle and talk to someone all the time and have someone who cares about me so unwavering. I want to kiss people and touch people and be touched, but it has been so absent in my life that it is jarring to see it actually happen, I guess. Every couple of months I have a moment where I remember that people actually kiss on each other and that could theoretically happen to me and it's not just a trope used in movies.

It's also hard not to feel this lonely while living in the world. Love is literally everywhere except in my arms and that sucks. I love music, and love is everywhere in music. Down to the love and craft the artists put into their art. It's always being talked about in tv and movies and socially. My friends are in love with people and I get to be around them lots. "Stop looking for love and it will find you" girl stfu if I stop looking for love I am just going to rot away in a cold empty room forever. Not to mention the love that exists within myself. I will not be able to escape the effects of love on the world, so I guess that means it will never find me.

It's also hard to not be lonely when I Live Every Moment with myself. I am intimately aware of how infrequently people touch me. I know all about looking around and wishing someone were here with me. My friends are great but so many of them are dating or married and then I go home and Be Alone. I live in my brain and i am consious for every waking moment. The running tally for people that have flirted with me is like 2 (one of which happened in middle school and I didn't realize he liked me that way till college a decade later 😭). Fun related fact: the only people who have ever asked me out have been drug dealers. What am I doing for that to happen? What about me makes drug dealers the only people willing to ask me out. (It's only happened like twice but still).

I have been working on myself a ton throughout college and I really like who I am starting to become. I almost feel resentful that no one has ever thought I was cool enough to crush on. I try my best to be cool and nice and accepting and loyal and funny and chill and no one wants me as their partner? She has been working so hard for this, you know? It's hard not to let chronic loneliness and touch starvation lead me to be down on myself. I just have to trust that the reason I'm single isn't the way I look or my personality, both of which are really hard to change. I've fought these feelings of "why not me?" Since highschool at least and while they have never gone away (cause I've been single the whole time)I have just had to trust that I'm doing my best to be a good person and the right person will like what I look like

Don't even get me started on the "right person" debate. At this stage in my romantic development (see: none) I am not sure I want my forever person right now. I literally just want to be treated like I'm wanted for more than my friendship. To feel wanted is so undervalued. I know I should logically think about those I have a crush on more, but i don't know what to look for. I've never been in a relationship. I don't know what I do and do not want/like. Literally anything is more than nothing.

I also don't know how to socially initiate a relationship, or even just making out with someone at a party or something. I've never done this before, idk what I'm supposed to do! One day I told that to my friend and then followed it up with the one time I asked a guy out (didn't end well, he told me he liked me back but wasn't looking for a relationship, ghosted me, and got in a relationship with one of my classmates 2 weeks later :/) and her gut response was "I've NEVER asked someone out!"........ bestie I've never been asked out (in a normal way, by non-drug dealers) what am i meant to do? And she was like "oh...😧" yeah girl. Tell me about it.

My own mom has pittied my love life which is totally something i don't think about a lot. One of her friends told me not to get pregnant and I said "a lot of things have to happen before I could get pregnant" and she asked what I meant and I told her I haven't even had my first kiss and her AND MY MOM BOTH "awww 😟" at me???? Yeah that totally makes me feel like a regular person who is living life normally. Thanks guys. One time a guest at my regulars table said "if I were still a virgin I would kill myself" ????? Huh??? 😵 hey guy what do you mean?? Real shooting deflection meme moment:

Like I'm certainly not suicidal about my reality, but I am definitely unfulfilled. Thanks for reminding me, guy.

Maybe one day I'll learn how to flirt and initiate touch but for now I am doomed by the narrative.

That friend who's never asked anyone out before also thinks that my standard for those u have a crush on is not picky enough. Which is fair, it's not. I have crushes on weird little bi men and problematic men who I ultimately would not want to date and women who don't know I exist. I am an enjoyer of the medium ugly. She thinks I have no standards and have too many crushes on people who aren't good for me. Here's the thing tho?: Still single. The bar is on the ground, and still no one wants to cross it. A tragedy.

Last semester I almost found someone but they were moving and being really ghost-y and looking back, it almost feels like they didn't actually like me they just liked the attention. But he was my one and only romantic interaction all of college 🤪🤪 thank you to everyone who told me to "wait until college. You'll find someone in college" and thank you to those who "wait till hoghschool, you're too mature for these guys anyway" too 🥰 could have never done it without you! (And a special secret thank you to all who have started "but surly once you're a professional wrestler"ing me ♡♡)

I downloaded some dating apps at the start of this year, as I promised myself i would a few months ago. I really don't think I will like the expierence of using them, the idea kinda stresses me out. It'll be a learning curve to that I bet. I can't use it yet because this semester I have so much shit to do I am not willing to extra stress myself rn.

If you're reading this and you know me irl thanks I guess. Saves me saying it out loud I guess. I'll be okay. I hope. Just lonely about it all. If you're reading this and you have a crush on me- hello, I can't read people, please tell me.

#thanks for listening #delete later #i did that #you know its not a good time when marvin starts making sense #“anyone understands all i wants a kiss” headass #to be wanted #sorry about that #who said that #also trinas story :((* #“i never wanted to love you i only wanted to live and not be blamed” frrrr #like im saying!!!

[descentintosiblingcon]

Chapter 1: Prologue

(Underage cheesecake as a spread...yup, we're in for it.)

To start with, there are these players/things known as [.hackers] and hackers, being a mythical concept, are believed by Shugo, our dual sword wielding co-protagonists, to be a legend. But his sister Rena, our heavy swordswoman other co-protagonist, has to explain that they are a legendary team of great warriors. Shugo, having an actual goddamn legend confirmed before his ears, couldn't care less. Then again, it's not so much confirmed as it is "his sister said they're totes for real, yo" and even she said she's never seen them in person. His sister calls him out for hating because he ain't and Shugo helpfully reveals that the two are twins. Anyway, that's the set-up, those are the ones we're stuck with, let's move on.

Oh, the two are being stalked by a White Hair and a White Mage. The White Mage somehow thinks the two casually discussing rumors means that they have valuable information and the White Hair basically says, "I heard a rumor that monsters are coming back!". They'll group up in the future. You don't say...

Now Shugo is in the Ink Place. He is facing a girl with long white hair who goes by Aura and...oh, they wake up in the real world and take off their headsets. Shugo and Rena I mean, not Shugo and Aura. Yeah, for those new to the franchise, .hack is a VR RPG game so you can only access the world with VR. This series predates Sword Art Online so get all the related jokes out of your system before the otakus descend upon you.

(Character page says White Hair's name is Balmung and White Mage's name is Mireille so that's what I'll be calling them from now on.)

Apparently, fucking noob Shugo has never played a game before secondary school. Kind of jumping into the deep end with trying an immersive VR RPG but hey, it's your life man. Rena introduces him to .hack and, while understandably wary, Shugo bites the bullet and puts on the damn helmet.

Once inside, Shugo gasps at the graphics...and experiences one of the world's most awkward boners over his sister's avatar. He has to outright holler at her to change her damn outfit before he winds up on a site owned by MindGeek but Rena insists on keeping it, thinking it's cute (Cute apparently meaning "jailbait" in her province). Turns out Shugo and Rena have been assigned the avatars of two of the members of the last team of [.hackers], Kite and Black Rose.

Shugo and Rena are approached by two cute girls (Shugo proceeds to jizz from the sheer concept of a woman approaching him without needing a photo for the cops to identify him by) due to the rarity of their type of characters. Soon, the twins are swarmed by others when they find out they're [.hackers]' types, forcing the two to escape.

Next, they're at the interdimensional portal, the Murky Door. Players are teleported to different areas based on their level. Going through, they encounter one of the most terrifying beasts known to man...

Human-faced Dog is gonna human face you down, bitch.

Yes, to the surprise of none, the Human-faced Dog fucks Shugo's shit up. He attacked him without equipping and got deservedly wrecked for it. He also has to use a healing potion after encountering the first enemy. Way to win our hearts, Shugo. Rena has to roast his ass for him to learn anything, calling him out on not reading the manual (Devil's Advocate: she kinda sprung the game on him), not talking to villagers, doesn't buy healing items, doesn't save his progress, rushes to bash the boss without leveling up and goes online to give the game a 2/10 for being "too hard" (the extra point was for the tits.).

Shugo proves her point by shouting RPGs suck because he has to actually prepare and remember stuff. Tantruming off, he whines that he has to team up with his sister who is already glued to him at the hip in real life already. Rena manages to lure him back with the Wounded Gazelle act, softly saying she just wanted to have an adventure with her bro (Devil Advocate: as a younger sibling in the past, I can sympathize with being shunned by other siblings for having more esoteric hobbies.). Shugo stumbles back, apologizes and asks how to equip his stuff. Turns out he needs to know how to equip some feet because a new enemy shows up.

Demon Glaymore. Level 40.

Shugo is more impressed than scared but Rena has to tell her noob brother that a fucking boss just showed up out of nowhere and they need to book it like John Wick 3. Shugo is understandably confused because they're supposed to be in a training ground for novices. The Demon Glaymore expresses their sympathy for the twin's unfair predicament by trying to stomp them into paste, forcing them to flee. The Glaymore catches up however and, with a fatal blow heading for Rena's direction, Shugo pushes her out of the way, dying in her place as is expected of every twin.

Wait no, he's in the Ink Place from earlier. Aura shows up and glides over him, ending the chapter with telling him that he is the chosen one, the hacker...

You don't say...

THOUGHTS:

Not gonna lie, not as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, they charge right out of the gate with the incest subtext but I can actually believe these two are siblings rather than blood related roommates. I'm not actually suffering yet and Shugo makes a great punching bag without actually losing too much sympathy. Will this manga get actively worst or will I be forced to find a manga less hard to find? Only time will tell.

#.hack #.hack//legend of the twilight #review #if this has more than three volumes #we might have to just skip to the anime #i know this is not in high demand but #damn

[despairandregretentertainment]

God Strike Down The Queen | Chris | Trial 5.5 | Re: Sorano, Jun, Rafe

Chris gives a nod of thanks to Sorano with a small snort, having mostly known about that, and a slightly more soft smile towards Jun for his own words. He’d known about Jun’s situation too, though it’s the trust that he’s willing to put in him for this that he appreciates the most. He could hope to not actually die, but if he did, at least it was on his own terms.

“I guess you will, and I guess I do. I’d tell ya to catch up to me, but I think we’re both fine where we are now. Thanks for the trust, no matter what happens. I know you said under diary oath that you wouldn't want me dead just to end this, but hopefully something better’ll come out of everything in the end, y’know? I appreciate it."

And, finally, he turns to Rafe with a wry smile of amusement, not overly annoyed despite the predatory grin and the suspicions pulled out from long past. 

  “Hate to break it to ya, but suspecting me or not, it still just makes you an asshole to have done it cuz of that more than justified, dude. And eh, don’t flatter yourself either; Even if we have some things in common, we’re hardly the same person, and frankly I have a lot more in common with Jun than I do with you. This game doesn’t revolve around you, y’know? Or me. But thanks, I appreciate the vote for my death, and I’ll steal all the luck I can.”

HCDISUCHDISU Thanks Chris. He says that with genuine sounding sincerity too, still just vibing as he leans back to rest even in the face of somewhat-certain death.

“Though to set the record straight on my fly-in situation, just because it’s relevant to the topic of shit TE’s pulled anyhow…” Because oh boy, he has more shit to talk about-

“I’ve worked for TE before in the entertainment industry, and got pretty popular in Japan for a bit too. It was over a decade or so before now while Tomo's dad was in charge, back when I was living in Japan for a while for work reasons. Child actor stuff, though the public thought I was even younger than I really am, but that one’s my mom’s fault. 

I even worked with current TE board member and now known bastard Hideo Muramoto directly at one point, as you might have noticed from one of Akira’s memories in this chapter, cuz I sure remember that shit fucking happening. Can’t say he was a great guy at the time, though if I’m being honest a lot of people in the acting world just suck shit in general. You saw what he made Akira do with that woman, though. I fucking wonder how he got the disease he has now.” Bastard.

“But, anyways, I made a new life for myself after that years later and left all that behind, finally got out to live my own life under a new name, try to figure out who I really was, etc etc. Got a good few years of that in, it was honestly pretty nice. Still proud of the musical I ended up making. But in the end, shit always seems to happen, huh?

I was in the middle of fleeing the country to escape the impending backlash of a former friend of mine leaking some private information about me that was going to link me to my past identity to the public when TE found me. It was just taking a normal public flight out of the US to get away from it all, ride out the storm and see what my options where when things cooled off, but I guess TE managed to get a drop on the news before the greater public did and managed to track me, because I was intercepted mid trip with a re-route for them to take me in and make their offer for me. 

I guess they figured I was some kind of security risk, since I only got to meet with a hologram of Tomo instead of the real deal. Dunno if it was the real him talking to me or not, and we’ll deal with Tomo later after the rest of the assholes if it comes to it. I know my priorities here.”

“Their offer was that if I joined DARE that they’d keep my past identity under wraps and stop it from getting out to the public while I was on it and after if I survived if I got my grand prize. But obviously, I wasn’t about to just trust that so I planned to refuse. And as you’ve seen in the present, it only took Rafe vaguely outting my past identity as a former child star on live TV for them all to drop their end of the deal with loopholes on that with the fear motive they gave. Maybe they would have anyways even without that happening, who knows.

But of course, that’s when the threats came in for the negotiation, the implication I’d be trapped in Japan under their thumb to be their personal puppet or die on the streets if I didn’t comply. I wished for awhile that I’d refused anyways and just took my chances to flee Japan too, but I knew it probably wasn’t going to work out. Nice as it would be for the US to actually do something for me, their blackmail material on the legality of my citizenship was enough to make that complicated at best. I'm Scottish, by the way.”

Oopsie, Chris is in fact an illegal immigrant to the US. If he’s putting all his cards on the table now, there’s really no reason not to reveal that too. Maybe he’d get the chance to sort that out one day. Well, if he survived this anyways, it was still pretty likely that he wouldn’t. 

“So, y’know, like hell am I taking all that lying down without lying down directly in front of their only way out of this. If they wanna fuck with me like they have been, I’m abso-fucking-lutely doing everything I can to fuck them over too.

The TE board of directors are the ones playing with our lives for entertainment, so while I’d rather personally put them under that guillotine in the Rage Room myself, fucking with them and their entertainment value here will have to do, because I’m not giving them shit that doesn’t involve talking about the fucked up operation they’ve been running with their shadow puppeting of TE.”

That’s his bit done, and he gets his own phone ready to vote with once they actually have to, but he’s going to be slow about it himself in general. Come what may at this point.

#submission