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#and can't accept his past
linktoo-doodles · 1 year
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dig me up, let me go
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themthistles · 1 year
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something about the way guilt is portrayed in beyond evil. guilt as a state, guilt as a place you're condemned to. 'i will go to hell' 'life is hell' 'you shouldn't even set foot in that hell' but it's not really the hell we think of, not in the traditional sense. hell is where you're supposed to be sent to suffer and repent forever but all of them go there willingly. (that's why han kihwan will never end up there as juwon wants because he feels no remorse over his actions) they choose to stay and let it scorch the life out of them until all that's left is someone hollow and brittle, real person buried beneath the surface in a grave they themselves dug. in that way it's not lee changjin or the water that killed nam sangbae. it's guilt. that's what doomed him in the end. that hell of his own making he never managed to escape. and as he drowned, he probably thought he deserved that too. jeongje's still there until the end but so much of him died long ago. he's a ghost haunting himself. he tells juwon 'if you don't get out quickly, every breath, every moment of your life becomes a nightmare' if you stay that hell alone long enough, that's what happens. at a certain point you can't wake up anymore. you forget how to leave
#there are these parallels between nsb jj and jw#how both of them give him advice that comes from experience#'don't do this you'll regret it' 'don't do this there's no coming back from it' and both times he doesn't listen and ends up just like them#jw's almost a ghost in the beginning like jj but ds and manyang yank him back to life#and then ds doesn't let jw become another nsb he refuses to let him stay in that hell alone he says as much#i think ds learned how to claw his way out a long time ago#what he says in ep14#'wouldn't regret be a luxury for me'#a luxury#he understands that guilt at its most extreme is ultimately self serving#because it keeps you in this woe me state where you become so obsessed with your own failure that everything else gets drowned out by it#ds does the opposite he decenters himself in his mind focuses on the pain of others instead of his own#'this is how he makes himself happy' this is how he survives#he knows that wallowing in guilt won't do any good won't change anything what's done is done he accepts it#he says 'if i could go back i WOULD do the same thing again because that's all he could ever do#he did what he thought was right at the time now he has to live with it#nsb can't figure that out can't accept his mistakes can't move on from them so he's stuck in the past#he dies stuck in the past#'you want to cry aloud for your mistakes but to tell the truth the world doesn't need any more of that sound' you know?#that i think is the point in the end#but does that ever fuck you up how jj nsb and jw (for a while) are driven by guilt but ds always acts out of love#he has so much of it despite everything#and juwon only surivives because he starts acting out of love and care and devotion instead of shame and remorse#beyond evil
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spicedfink · 7 months
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Break down of Lemongrab (or something):
Lemongrab has similarities to PB the way her made up family members (Uncle Gumbald, Aunt Lolly and Cousin Chicle) did but he struggles unlike them. I think PB was trying to make an intelligent candy person and used part of Neddy to make him and when Lemongrab didn't act the way she had hoped she assumed his needs matched up with Neddy's
PB thought Lemongrab needed space, she felt she had failed him because he didn't find comfort in things she thought should be comforting and she couldn't understand him.
PB gave up on making intelligent candy people after Lemongrab because it seemed any candy person who wasn't dumb downed was going to be miserable no matter what
Also parallels can be drawn to Goliad - where Goliad was just doing what she was taught, when she was reprimanded and told she misunderstood/was wrong Goliad decided her way is best and that she must be right (driven by the mixed messages and contradicting information she received). PB deals with her by putting her into a standstill against her new brother
PB, Uncle Gumbald and Lemongrab all have a need for control, it takes different forms and reaches different degrees but the key difference is their motivations: PB wants love, Gumbald wants power and Lemongrab wants order. Though unlike Gumblad the other two have further motivations: PB feels she wants to protect people and Lemongrab wants to understand/be understood by people (there isn't enough time with Goliad to understand her motivations/desires even though she's also shown to be controlling)
Lemongrab was hurt when PB sent him away to live in a castle away from the rest of the Candy Kingdom, she saw him as a failure so he made a point to strictly follow rules - but no matter what he did he was told he was doing it wrong. He bent himself as much as he could just to still be called inflexible and unreasonable. Others couldn't see how much effort he put forward and thus he was treated as if he wasn't trying when he put himself into physical distress just trying to play along with PB's candy ways. So he became resentful
Since Lemongrab 1 was seeking connection with someone who wasn't even there (PB) the joy he felt towards the lemon people was short lived as apposed to Lemongrab 2 who was happy with being connected to the lemon people
The reason the lemon people are different from the Lemongrabs is because they don't have access to the exact ingredients
PB does care for Lemongrab on some level but she has no idea how to express it (and perhaps even fears that if she does he'll see her as weak and try to take her out like Uncle Gumbald did)
While Lemongrab sees PB as a mother figure I don't think PB sees herself as his mother, she created him sure but she assigns roles to her creations that don't always reflect that status
PB disliked whenever Lemongrab acted like her because of her own trauma with Gumbald which leads to some of Lemongrab's confusion (such as when she criticized him for watching her people sleep despite having cameras not just in her citizens homes but also cross boundaries by spying on other kingdoms)
Lemongrab 3 being a mix of the first two felt a struggle against himself, he ignored his conflict by focusing on order because order makes sense. He makes his kingdom into somewhat of a factory as he used rules, order and logic as a distraction from the overwhelming thoughts and feelings he had - similarly to how Lemongrab 1 did before him
When Lemongrab 3 is shown himself via Mathew's vision he is able to finally understand how he is himself, not just PB's creation. It's the first time he really saw himself and that allowed him to accept it (reading him as neurodivergent this could be aligned with getting a diagnoses)
After seeing himself and finding nothing wrong with him Lemongrab 3 starts to feel comfortable exploring more aspects of life instead of just being static and self contained the way Lg1 and Lg2 were (this also reflects how he's no longer letting PB dictate his life)
That exploring new things and actually living his life is what leads to him making a dating profile and meeting LSP (I'm honestly so confused on what the Adventure Time version of dating apps/online dating is since they don't explain if it was via tech or paper or magic or what but LSP does say "on your profile")
Either way Lemongrab is more calm about exploring new things but he also needs order so he is extremally put off by something seemingly small: food on a blanket. (As someone who's cried about a cup being in the "wrong place" I can relate to this intense feeling from something not being done "correctly")
Despite the discomfort and the fact they seemingly only started the date he still tells LSP that it had been nice
LSP thinks he's running away because he can't face his own feelings because she doesn't actually know him yet, they continue going on dates and LSP finds that Lemongrab says what he means. He would have told her if he disliked her without hesitation. LSP is so used to people ignoring her, placating her or lecturing her that she didn't expect someone to communicate in a way she could understand/wasn't condescending towards her
LSP is also pretty straight forward, she isn't great at hiding intention and she clearly states what she's thinking so after she realized she doesn't have to guess what Lemongrab is thinking they actually are able to communicate better then most couples in Ooo
Though LSP and Lemongrab wouldn't have worked out if they met before, they both needed to grow as people - neither of them were actually ready for a relationship before that point. Lemongrab needed to accept and become comfortable being himself/his own person while LSP needed to find out she didn't need to choose weather she wanted to love herself or others, that those things aren't mutually exclusive (if they interacted before it would have turned into the nastiest fight in all of the history of Ooo)
To summarize the 3 versions: Lemongrab 1 longs for PB's approval, he's aggressive and overwhelmed easily and is unable to handle the world being unfair. He is unwilling to take responsibility for himself/his actions and sees himself only as Princess Bubblegum's creation Lemongrab 2 doesn't care about PB's approval, he was made to make Lemongrab happy and he is Lemongrab. After making the lemon people and later Lemongrab 1's abuse he takes on the world view of people need to sacrifice themselves for the survival/greater good of others Lemongrab 3 is able to acknowledge being wrong easier then the other Lemongrabs since he has their residual (if not fully intact) memories. When he sees himself as not just the two before him he's able to start healing. He is now living for himself while realizing the impact he has on others, allowing him to not just be the calmest Lemongrab but the happiest. Unlike the other two he doesn't feel he has to fulfil a purpose
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dnangelic · 1 month
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i'm a horror writer at heart but i like shoujo and big feelings which is why i'm here in gothic vkei central with daisuke
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bijoumikhawal · 2 months
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"Biden is the best choice and he's actually really empathetic and reasonable but also you can't wait for a candidate that won't do genocide and war crimes because to become a presidential candidate you have to be willing to do that" see what you fundamentally don't understand is I'm not waiting for a candidate that won't do war crimes, because I know that. I cannot morally stomach this system, it's a joke to claim its democratic, and AMERICA DELENDA EST. this country is a plague on this Earth
#cipher talk#It's baffling because okay so you know how fucked up this is but you're behaving in a way that clearly indicates you want that this shambli#Disgusting empire to cling to life until after you're dead because it'd make /you/ uncomfortable and inconvenienced#To live through its destruction (the wealthier classes and more privileged experience lesser material changes in state collapse so long as#They aren't too highly ranked/involved in politics. A Sri Lankan wrote an article specifically addressing Americans about this)#It's so dehumanizing! People's blood is so cheap to you! You've just accepted its inevitable that genocide will happen!#Because of how the US operates! You can see no other future! It hardly matters to you!#You say this like the death of Palestinians of Yemenis of Syrians is someone else's dropped ice cream cone#You understand why people hate this country and you understand we deserve it but it just. Hardly matters to you#It feels like madness to watch this. It's disgusting#I keep thinking- it'd be so easy for you to justify my people being killed if violence broke out and it was in your favor#It's unlikely because. Well. America loves 'the church of the martyrs'#But you'd do it if that was favorable. You wouldn't think twice. You might feel a twinge in your heart but that's all#Because we aren't people to you!#We aren't all that important! Not important enough for you do anything more than 'well let's vote a blue in and do some protests'#What's a protest worth if you perpetuate the system and can't see a way out and don't try for a way out?#That's killing a man then putting flowers on his casket. It's /perverse/.#You get used to the idea that Africans die that West Asians die and that's just the way of the world. My g-d do you understand anything??#I watch necrosis take hold my parts of my culture and I watch every good person I know be ground to dust under a military regime#I talk to my friend who got drafted and is trans and may never come out because if they do they can get arrested as a 'prostitute'#I watch the wild hope for the future I was introduced to over radio at 9 years old wither#I watch people risk it anyway because just past the fence they can see they know there are people there#I watch my neighbor to the south crumble and weep because our hands are bloody and it's in part because we bloodied them for the west#And you just think that's how things are.#Fascist white death cult mindset
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dutybcrne · 1 month
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Kaeya oftentimes wonders what it must have been like, living in Khaenri'ah. Reading the tales of Khaenri'ahn heroes Jean's shared with him, of things he remembered his father mentioning, helped him picture it all. As did knowledge the Akademiya has of Dahri ruins he managed to get his hands on one way or another years later, during his visit to Sumeru.
#hc; kaeya#//It was really after meeting Dainsleif that the thoughts increased exponentially; and became almost painful#//Thoughts of what it could have been like; had he grown up a 'proper' Alberich; surrounded by family & the culture he'd been wrenched from#//Of what Khaenri'ah looked like in her heyday; of the countless people lost because of the Cataclysm living their daily lives#//He wants to learn so much more; no matter what it means#//He loves Mond dearly; but it hurts feeling that emptiness from being denied that connection#//Of losing his mother tongue the longer it went unused; of not knowing the traditions he ought to have celebrated#//Rites of passage he must have missed in favor of Mond traditions; holidays; family customs#//Could he have had siblings? Cousins? Aunts; uncles; GRANDPARENTS???#//What would his upbringing have been like? Strict? Lenient? Would they have accepted him as he was? No mask necessary?#//Could his father have truly loved him so closely; instead of keeping him at arms length like he KNEW they'd have to part soon?#//That he didn't want to grow too fond of his own child because he could lose him any moment? (is it a wonder kae does the same at times?)#//What would it have been like; being a Knight of Khaenri'ah? Surely he would have given Khaenri'ah his heart; like he had for Mond#//If Khaenri'ah still stood to this day...would he; Diluc and Jean have still been friends? As fond and close as they once had been?#//Logically; he doubts that; but his foolish heart likes to think the three were MEANT to meet; one way or another#//MEANT to have that friendship they'd once shared (before he went and ruined everything with Diluc)#//Surely they would have found a way to make it work; no matter the distance from Khaenri'ah to Mondstadt#//Maybe they could have bridged the gap between the godless nation and the people of the Anemo Archon#//Ahh; but that's wishful thinking; now wouldn't it be?#//He likes to wonder how it would have felt; having that certain loyalty to his nation; not torn between his family's past & his current on#//Would he have been happier; had he been born to and raised in that nation? Rather than left to live in this one?#//Though he'd have to wonder if that would be true; considering the Archons' treatment of them in the end#//No doubt war would always be looming on the horizon; and if Dahri records were right...Celestia wasn't their only issue#//Still; he can't help but dream; and with a certain; aching longing at that
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modwyr · 7 months
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also i have been struggling with bearn as a character and what he's meant to be like doing aside from giving eder's quest stuff to do that' not just finding out a person from his past's fate 2 but i think if he's read as like a stand-in for woden, who eder can try to save this time, it kind of works for me. and whether he's saved, dies, or is revived but rejects eder can represent how eder should approach that aspect of his past. this is probably not at all a novel reading and i'm late to the party but yeah
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silkjade · 3 months
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it’s 3am so please enjoy my favorite painting in the world while i reflect introspectively in the tags thank u ♡
day and the dawnstar by herbert james draper
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#— 𝓭𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓼#///#this is meant to be like elevator music for the dash while you scroll past#……………..#i love selfshipping it's vry fun but sometimes when i think about it too much or rather when i think about any scenario at all#i'm always like i want so and so to do this and this and this but when asked what i'd do for them it's like hitting a blank ) :#and i can’t help but feel as if i’m being…. selfish….#selfish in the sense that i can so easily accept the love i crave but i don’t know if i'd be able to give the same back?#and this bleeds into my real life becus i suppose i just don't know how to make someone feel loved like...#i’m not even half as affectionate irl as i may seem online & i don’t have a cute or particularly loving personality.#the words i say aren't warm ; ironically they make me sound disingenuous lmao no matter how much i practice my cadence#& idk why it’s so difficult for me to imagine myself doing like.. domestic things for anyone without cringing at the alien nature of it#not becus there's something wrong with that but i just can't see ME doing anything like that and i just think 'what is wrong with me' becus#it's one of the simplest and purest forms of love i think ; \ idk maybe i've just never loved anyone enough like that...#but then i feel so..bad...because the real me is so apathetic boring cold#& not to make things sound transactional but why would someone want to stay if what they invest produces lackluster results ?#like omg ! even i can tell that it's totally unfair i'd feel like a leech#even in the painting above draper the painter says: 'to faint in the light of the sun she loves / to faint in his light and to die'#iz so me yearning 'n then dying from yearning becus i don't know how to express it#like when mitski said '胸がはち切れそうで' 'my chest is about to burst' i felt that#anyways i suppose this was good to get out before chinese new year lolz#i hope u did not make it this far honestly anyways i m going to rb a bunch of random stuff to hide this
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ronanlynchbf · 1 year
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haiiii question for the masses <333
#this is just a few things. i debated putting adam spends the whole summer wanting to break it off with ronan in here but ended up not#doing it bc while it IS considered ooc 2 me when u look at it straight on (adam would've def taken Everything into consideration before#choosing to start a relationship with ronan) if u look at it like adam is separating his academic and personal life and convincing himself#he can't have both or not allowing himself to accept happiness that does not come with pain or being too scared of the different directions#ronan and adam were going in and deciding to break it off bc he felt like eventually it would stop working anyway and he thought it was#best to end it now bc it would hurt less than ending it after a couple more years or even growing apart would...alas we do not get this#insight it is quite literally what i THINK was going on with adam and probably not actually what it meant. if maggie meant for option 1 to#be the truth then i consider it ooc. for the small chance that maggie meant for option 2 and just didn't rlly manage to make it come across#as explicitly so then it is not ooc i actually think that would be very like the adam i know so i didn't include it. and the poll was full#anyways. also there is a lot of declan ooc moments........#tfw u ask ur mom if u can have declan lynch & she says we have declan lynch @home & then the declan lynch @home is declan lynch in gw 😐#trc#dreamer trilogy#polls#SORRY i know all the gw dunking days r in the past sort of but i need to know i'm not the only one who thinks this.#greywaren#also sorry for the essay in the tags ✋
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frog-on-leaf · 5 months
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this episode healed me fr
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icapturedthecastle · 7 months
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why are so many of the top mods for DA2 about removing blood from your companions
'no more bloody teeth mod,' 'clean hands mod,' 'tone down blood in dialogue mod' you're all cowards!! Kiss your romance companion with the blood of their enemies still on their teeth or don't kiss them at all!!
oh but Sarah some of us just aren't into that, some of us don't want to smooch someone whose hair is still dripping with gore well then don't romance the elf warrior whose whole thing is shoving his hand into people's chests and ripping their still beating hearts out!!!
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icharchivist · 2 years
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laughing at people talking about the lgbt rep in gbvs and specifically avoiding talking about Belial. Like, making a list of the lgbt chara and not mentioning Belial.
We know he is toxic rep but own up to it. Belial didn’t give us the most fascinating arc of toxic devotion through death and lack of self worth to become the most beloved and incredible antagonist of the saga for u to not count him just because he’s a baddie. Who hasn’t started two apocalypses for their lover once anyway.
#mister is out there whoring himself out showing his sideballs and he's not even put on rep lists despite being a hero of fanservice#like booo where's our representation for messy bitches who can't handle a break up did you think of that#(trying to resist getting serious in the tags about how it's fine he's toxic since he's a foil to Sandalphon who's also gay and not toxic)#(like yknow when it's clearly narratively driven and not because 'eheh gay scary')#But i don't want to be serious while the other reason is just that i think Belial being toxic makes him hella fun sorry he's not boring#also apparently another fighting game from the same company that distribute gbvs has added a second trans chara to their rooster#so that's why now i see so many tweets about the lgbt rep in gbvs#but booo coward move to ignore belial com'on#ichatalks about gbf#ichasalty#also it's really funny bc it's like no mention of Belial but mentioning Vira as 'feral lesbian'#i'm so glad we moved past accusing Vira of being toxic rep but this is such a whiplash as well#also ultimately my ultimate serious take is that#the lgbt charas in granblue especially are so fleshed out as individuals that it's about them as characters#not as arbitrary 'good' or 'bad' rep#(ofc to some exceptions and esp like. mishandled stuff. but that's not the topic rn)#they have flaws because they're fleshed out#some of them have horrible flaws because this is a story with stakes as high as corrupting powers and apocalypses#and themes that escape the limits of human limitations (re: primal beasts losing it to immortality and purpose)#sometimes to allow chara to be interesting and fleshed out in depth you have to accept they won't be entierely positive rep and it's fine#it's about whenever they make the narrative interesting#GOD I SAID I DIDNT WANT TO GET SERIOUS IN THE TAGS#belial makes me think unwise don't start weird stuff in my replies thanks bye
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noweakergirl · 2 years
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The poetry of Obi-Wan looking after Leia and Luke
or,
It all comes down to preserving the only light left of Anakin in this world
//
Song: Brighton - Forest Fire
Photo credit: the second photo is a screenshot from @chrrispine‘s post
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zukkaoru · 2 years
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no one look at me i'm thinking about the parallels between camp half-blood having very few campers who are adults bc most demigods don't make it that long vs. the only non-higher up sorcerers in jjk being younger than thirty bc most sorcerers don't make it that long--
#i can't like. put it into words but it's like#it's about the inevitability of tragedy#how you can see the blood and bones of the past in the Lack#the lack of adult demigods. the lack of older sorcerers. it's the emptiness that gives the warning#and yet. what can you do but continue down the same path?#it's about how the people in charge (the higher ups / the gods) try to cover up the tragedy#no one is allowed to speak about what really happens to demigods and sorcerers#but you can See it#you can see that camp half-blood is sparse and most of the campers are young#you can see that the jujutsu world is in need of more sorcerers and the ones they Do have are young adults / students#it's about how the unspoken is made clear when you really Look#it's about how even when tragedy remains unwritten you can see it in those who are left behind#the difference is percy sees the early deaths most heroes face and says NO that will NOT be me#the difference is percy's mother gave him the name perseus because the original perseus was one of the few heroes who got a happy ending#while itadori accepts his tragic fate. he accepts that he needs to die#his mother gave birth to him specifically so he could be sukuna's vessel - so he could be used#and then so he could die. because itadori was only ever supposed to be temporary - sukuna was always supposed to be that body's#final inhabitant#the difference is percy brings hope when he survives the titan war - survives the prophecy that everyone assumed would kill him#but itadori is not allowed to bring hope. all he can do is die and take sukuna with him#(the difference is pjo isn't a tragedy - it's a twist on myths where the hero doesn't die a painful death#while itadori was born into a tragedy - a story in which there is no room for hope)#haha anyway#hello grace here#also i'm gonna copy the first half of these tags in a reblog bc i can only communicate my thoughts accurately in tag rambling format
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t-u-i-t-c · 9 months
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Karizaki's Rebellion, The Price of Transformation
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asexualastarion · 10 months
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no was going to get away with anything
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