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offtorivendell · 3 months

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The Asteri, the Daglan, and Prythian's Court System

Disclaimer: this is a stupidly massive crack theory that could end up being disastrously wrong. Oh well.

Spoilers: the ACOTAR and CC series to date (I'm halfway through HOFAS right now, slowly plodding along, so nothing beyond that).

Image from ACOSF, Kindle edition.

Buckle up for some more of my nonsense! I think I could have discovered why Prythian's land has the Court and High Lord Systems. This theory still has a couple of wrinkles to iron out, but it's plausible, so I figured I'd share what I've got.

A massive thank you goes to @ladynightcourt3 and @psychologynerd for our chat yesterday morning, which led to this post. I love you guys! 💜

Full warning that this will A) be absolutely cracked, and B) contains Maasverse spoilers, including from HOFAS (up to around 40% I think), but I was mulling over what I'd read so far and this popped into my mind.

Part 1 - The Court System

Bryce made, I think, one hell of an assumption when she said the following in HOFAS:

Vesperus, the only Asteri left on this world, lay dead. - CC HOFAS, chapter 26

@wingedblooms and I have previously theorised that some of the barren regions in Prythian may be so because the death gods were trapped there, drinking the magic of the land, rendering it spent - lifeless - and possibly unable to power up a gateway to an interstellar rift. We both also think it's very interesting that one Elain Archeron was referred to as “a rose bloom in a mud field,” but I digress.

However, in HOFAS, we learnt that there was a Daglan/Asteri, called Vesperus (who considered herself the Evening Star and their god), trapped in a crystal coffin far below the Prison, which was once a land of Dusk.

The female’s long nails scraped along the lid of the coffin. She didn’t look at them as she tested the lid for weaknesses. “I am your god. I am your master. Do you not know me?” - CC HOFAS, chapter 24

It's interesting, no, that the region was named after the Daglan who ruled it? Was this common practice? Because we just so happened to learn, in Feysand’s ACOSF bonus chapter, that there was once an ancient Night Court goddess named Nyx.

You know, their son's namesake? Yikes. 🫣

“You may call me Vesperus.” The creature’s eyes glowed with irritation. “Are you related to Hesperus?” Bryce arched a brow at the name, so similar to one of Midgard’s Asteri. “The Evening Star?” “I am the Evening Star,” Vesperus seethed. - CC HOFAS, chapter 25

Silene, Theia's second daughter, who “escaped into the night,” gave us further information that appeared - to me, at least - to be incomplete. Or perhaps inaccurate? She had been taught by her mother, so she could have been fed certain things as facts. For example, was the land of Prythian really divvied up into seasons and times of day before the Daglan came to town?

The land strengthened. It returned to what it had been before the Daglan’s arrival millennia before. We returned to what we’d been before that time, too, creatures whose very magic was tied to this land. Thus the land’s powers became my mother’s. Dusk, twilight—that’s what the island was in its long-buried heart, what her power bloomed into, the lands rising with it. It was, as she said, as if the island had a soul that now blossomed under her care, nurtured by the court she built here. - CC HOFAS, chapter 19

The Cauldron was of our world, our heritage. But upon arriving here, the Daglan captured it and used their powers to warp it. To turn it from what it had been into something deadlier. No longer just a tool of creation, but of destruction. And the horrors it produced … those, too, my parents would turn to their advantage. - CC HOFAS, chapter 19

My sister and I grew older. My mother educated us herself, always reminding us that though the Daglan had been vanquished, evil lived on. Evil lurked beneath our very feet, always waiting to devour us. - CC HOFAS, chapter 19

Reading between the lines, I think it's just possible to link the powers of each land with the Daglan who once ruled over them. Perhaps each region - each “precursor” to a modern day Court - had a Daglan/Asteri buried underneath a barren peak, or in a body of water? Is this why the lands have frozen seasons, pools of starlight*, or powers based upon the light of the time of day? Because of a monster buried far, far below the surface?!

*Is there a Daglan entombed in a crystal coffin far below the surface, or is it a cache of firstlight, one that may be refuelled each Calanmai? Or, as @psychologynerd has suggested, is there a Made object of power that will draw Elain to the Spring Court?

Our home had been left empty since we’d vanished. As if the other Fae thought it cursed. So I made it truly cursed. Damned it all. - CC HOFAS, chapter 21

Despite my efforts to hide what this place had once been, a terrible, ancient power hung in the air. It was as my mother had warned us when we were children: evil always lingered, just below us, waiting to snatch us into its jaws. So I went to find another monster to conceal it. - CC HOFAS, chapter 21

I left, wandering the lands for a time, seeing how they had moved on without Theia’s rule. They’d splintered into several territories, and though they were not at war, they were no longer the unified kingdom I had known. - CC HOFAS, chapter 21

As a quick aside, I still suspect that Fionn may have been a Daglan - or similar, perhaps an Under King - who tricked Theia into thinking him a normal faerie and used her to overthrow his peers in order to gain more land for himself. It seems exactly like something a rogue Asteri would do.

Like I suggested earlier, could each region be named for its ruler? Because the names of at least one of the Midgard Asteri was, shall we say, coincidentally similar to the Daglan of Prythian, and others appear to match at least the solar courts.

Solar:

Dawn - Eosphoros

Day - Rigelus

Dusk - Hesperus

Night - Sirius

Seasonal (incomplete/unsure/probably incorrect):

Spring - Austrus?

Summer - Octartis?

Autumn - ?

Winter - Polaris?

As I said, the Midgardian Asteri don't perfectly match up to the seasonal Prythian courts, but it's too close to not consider as a possibility, imo.

Perhaps the lands of Midgard were broken up into solar regions and something else that wasn't seasonal? But given the Vesperus/Hesperus competition... maybe whatever species Asteri and/or Daglan are are strongest when travelling with a full complement of powers? And each "clan" (for lack of a better word) that travelled together had dawn, day, dusk, and night “lights,” as well as spring, summer, autumn and winter lights? Could it weaken them to be without a full cohort of powers? As @ladynightcourt3 said, it would explain why they were so upset about Sirius. Could Rigelus be hoping for a replacement to find them and return them to full strength, and that's why he keeps an empty throne?

Part 2 - The High Lords

No one knew that the infant who sometimes glowed with starlight had inherited it from me. That it was the light of the evening star. The dusk star. - CC HOFAS, chapter 21

An Asteri being buried under each Court could explain the high lord magic as well.The HLs are “a different breed,” per Lucien. Did the Asteri/Daglan need a Starborn Fae who is predisposed to holding, or withstanding, their magic? If this is the case, it would explain why the next in line to inherit the power - or who the magic chooses - isn't always a direct descendant of the previous high lord. Does it pass to the Fae with the strongest Starborn blood? And why the mountain shook when Mor got her first period. There has to be a Daglan/Asteri buried under the Hewn City.

That being said, why is it only men who can inherit the magic, and not women, especially when we now know that high ladies used to exist? Did Theia's betrayal made them distrust females in general, or was it something Seline did? Or is it because the women have the most/purest/strongest, starborn power, so did the men keep them down to use them as “breeding stock” in order to legitimise their rule, similar to what Pelias did with Helena?

Part 3 - Further Thoughts

I still wonder how Hybern and Hel could come into play here, because I think those lands are linked. A Valg/Hel Prince population on a different island?

@psychologynerd noted that we’ve previously connected the solar and seasonal courts, such Dawn = Spring, Day = Summer etc., and that it would track for Autumn and Dusk - an appropriately matched pair - to migrate together to Midgard. As an aside, this could tie in with the parallels shared by Azriel and Lucien, who may be/are linked to Dusk and Autumn. What if their power was connected via their “stars”?

@ladynightcourt3 wondered if Hesperus may have changed her name, hence Vesperus’ anger.

I can understand how a Daglan's presence may impart their magic into the land, especially if they're left buried - steeping? - in the soil for millennia, but how would that magic shape the faeries living there? Is it like I suggested in this post, that prolonged exposure to a powerful object allows a tie to be forged?

A bonus crack theory for fun - what if Merrill is a trapped Asteri? Either Nyx or Sirius, whom Apollion ate, and perhaps she escaped the pit of Hel through the base of the House of Wind library; nobody knows where she came from, she's descended from Rabbath of the Western Wind… her room is described as a cell and she called Nesta “girl” like Amren - an ancient - did. I dunno, but there's something about Merrill.

As always, thank you for reading! 💜

#hosab spoilers #hofas spoilers #acotar cc tog crossover theory #acotar theory #the dusk court #dusk court #the night court #night court #prythian #acotar #sjm books #maasverse #feysand #feyre archeron #rhys acotar #crack theory

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gabzilla-z · 11 months

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ok quick thoughts, spoilers behind the cut.

Pros:

Halle. HALLE. H a l l e. Her voice, her face, her mannerisms. They took what made Ariel special in the animated movie and built on it and she was the perfect person to pull it off.

Her beauty was distracting.

So glad they finally got a singer for a live action, I couldn’t take another B&B autotuned disaster.

Made me want to get to the nearest rock and play mermaid ngl.

I had my doubts with Jonah but he did a great job with Eric, played the shy, kinda awkward potato prince charming to perfection. Loved that they expanded his backstory and his interest in adventure and the sea. Also A+ for the movie knowing he had a white shirt on while surrounded by water and using every chance it had to drench him.

Eric still being caring and worried about Ariel even under Ursula’s spell? 10/10 no notes.

He came to chew bubblegum and be dreamy and he was all out of bubblegum.

Halle and Jonah’s chemistry was insane, I need them to do ten movies making eyes at each other.

Seriously the movie could have been 2 hours of them interacting in that library and it would have been money well spent.

or just two hours of them being cute smol and tol in a boat idc

TRUE LOVE INDEED

Can’t wait for this movie to be out in D+ so I can reblog all the gifs.

Part of Your World and all reprises were ofc gorgeous. Vanessa’s Trick is haunting and exactly what one would want for a siren song. For the First Time is gorgeous and underrated, felt very Broadway-esque. Eric’s song was corny but in a good way.

The rest of the songs are adequate but are not as good as the original ones.

Gotta said, song aside, the Kiss the Girl scene was more endearing in this version. When she helps him figure out her name?

Melissa was good as Ursula and made the character her own, though I think she was not as scary as she could have been. Better than I expected, though.

The actress that plays Vanessa knew she had 5 minutes to make an impression and used them to the fullest. Delightful.

Cons:

The CGI felt unfinished and so did the color grading/lighting. I edited all the movie images in this post (just played with the saturation and the contrast) and I’m mediocre at best. HIRE TUMBLR EDITORS, DISNEY.

Halle deserved to wear more outfits, I can't believe Disney missed an opportunity to sell more dolls. Would have given her a dress for each day on land and the water dress. Mouse, I thought you liked money.

we could have had it all

Wanted more of her sisters tbh. And less Triton, Javier phoned it in imo. I know Triton and Ariel’s relationship is an important part of the original movie but idk if it was his half assed acting or me wanting more of the sisters, but I wasn’t moved.

Flounder's weird character design was saved by his stellar voice actor and Sebastian grew on me, he was hilarious. Scuttlefina was tolerable but gosh she’s always playing the same character, stop casting her in everything.

Less I say about Scuttlebutt the better. Kids are probably gonna love it, though.

The ending was kinda weird? It felt rushed and the battle with Ursula was disappointing. Which is a surprise because the OTHER stormy scene at night was wonderfully done.

Up to Ursula taking Ariel back to the ocean it felt really cohesive but the second Triton appears to save her it was like they were trying to speed things up and it got... weird.

Didn’t mind Ariel being the one that killed Ursula, after everything she put her through.

Cannot believe the movie robbed us of Jonah screaming “I lost her once, I’m not gonna lose her again!”

Overall it was a well paced (up to the finale), entertaining, charming movie. Despite its faults, the only Disney live action I want to rewatch (outside MAYBE Cinderella).

8/10 Justice for the foam dress.

#The Little Mermaid

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fleuntet · 11 months

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once more to see you

pairing: miguel o’hara x fem!reader

summary: you’re an anomaly, and despite comments from others miguel decided to have you stay. but eventually the two of you had to face reality of your situation.

warnings: not a sexual relationship between him and the reader, more of a father-daughter relationship!

the last thing you considered he would be doing was this — sending you home. a known anomaly roaming around a dimension that wasn’t there’s was enough to consider you as a threat but there was something about you that miguel couldn’t have you go through that machine.

maybe it’s because you reminded him of her, his daughter. maybe it’s because for the first time in a long time you made him smile, you made him…feel whole again.

miguel should’ve let you go home from the start. it was a selfish act, trying to keep you here for his own personal interest. but he couldn’t help himself. he longed for his daughter for so long that you were what he needed at his times for desperation.

you were soft, gentle, everything that made you you made him think of her.

he should let you go home from the start. but because of his stupid mistake, you were now left to face the consequence — a heartbreaking betrayal.

“miguel?” you shouted out as the machine clawed you, gripping into your skin as you attempted to fight back. “miguel, you can’t do this. miguel, por favor. por favor!”

your voice, the sound of it, was so loud and clear, it made his heart hurt with every second that you cried out to him. he knew you felt it too — the bond between the two of you, one that could’ve been so easily breakable if he did the right thing.

but now he had to listen to your painful cries. he couldn’t bear them if he was honest.

and no matter how much he wanted to console you as he departed you away, his face remained heartless and cold. “i have to.” he muttered.

you shook your head frantically, tears welding up in your eyes. how could he do this? how could he suddenly make you go back home after all the time you have spent with one another? as hurtful as it was, you were oblivious to the reality that surrounded you.

death was waiting for you back home, something that was inevitable, that should’ve been inevitable seen so clear to be inevitable to miguel from the first day he had you here. you were an anomaly. nothing more, nothing less.

pushed into the center of the machine, it started to confine you, and still like a small child, you cried out to him, begging for him to take you back. “you don’t!” you shouted through the deafening wiring of the machine. “listen to me, you don’t have to do this.”

and it almost felt like you gave up with the small whisper you let out in the end. “do you even realize what happens when i go back?”

he did. he was the who showed you before shoving you into his machine. reality had hit the both of you.

gritting his teeth, miguel stared into your eyes as you stared into his. although his words were cold, his eyes began to reveal a different emotion. “and it has to happen.” he said, reminding himself.

you frowned at his response.

“you don’t belong here.”

looking away from you, it cracked your heart into pieces as he could make this decision and not even look at you in the final moments you had together. you couldn’t imagine, ever, that this would be how it ended. when you first arrived here you were scared of the unknown, but with your time with miguel, everything changed.

you saw him as something you didn’t have. and for that same reason he had to let you go. he couldn’t let himself make the same mistake twice.

“lo siento,” he whispered, his voice cracking.

you shook your head, refusing to let him think that this was a good thing. “si realmente lo lamentaras, no harías esto.” (if you were really sorry, you wouldn’t be doing this) before you he could look back at you, shocked at your words, the machine had built its cage around you. engulfing you, you could feel yourself floating for a brief minute before everything brightened against your vision.

(x)

fluttering your eyes open, your body ached against the cold concrete floor. wincing, you pushed your upper body up, closing your eyes in pain for a minute. through the silence that surrounded you, you could only hear your loud heaving pants that you let out. “fuck…” you breathed out.

that’s when panic began to strike you as you realized you were not immediately dead. that could only mean one thing — you didn’t have much time left.

looking up, the only thing that you managed to make out that was surrounding you was tall buildings in which the edges slipped out water. that’s when you felt rain caress your body, a smooth and relaxing feeling compared to the your aching body.

your breathing began to come quicker, hitching every now and then. “no,” you whispered. “no, no, no!” you looked down at your hand. no watch.

if you had the strength, you’d cry out. but with all the crying and fighting back a few minutes ago, there was barely any strength in you left.

godammit, i lost the watch, you cursed at yourself.

regret filled your conscious. you should’ve never thought so highly of him, a man you knew deep inside was just another selfish and cruel man. as your mind collapsed all the memories that you two had of each other, nothing could prepare you for the sudden appearance of what would cause your death — goblin.

“i was starting to think you ran away from me.” his mocking tone of words sent a chill going through your spine. knowing your situation, you knew there was no escaping this. if this is what he thought was important, what else could you do? he left you here. abandoned you.

(x)

returning to his office, miguel couldn’t seem to shake off the guilt that filled with every bone. to his daughter, he only wanted what was best for her, he wanted to give her the world, and he hopes she knew that, although that he was the reason that she died.

hope came back when he first saw you. with you he felt like he could see his little daughter again. he felt happy. something he so desperately wanted. and he wished he could keep that.

“lyla?” he called out. in a matter of seconds, she appeared along his shoulder.

“yeah?”, her tone was soft compared to the other times she would be called for. despite her comments as to how you shouldn’t have ever stayed, she knew miguel inside and out, and so she knew that this decision was a hard one for him to make.

staring at his screen, the one image he would always go back to stared at him back. taunting him almost. he couldn’t help but his feelings absorb him as tears were threatening to be released. sighing, he asked, “is it always gonna be the same outcome?”

“there’s a slight possibility. a fifty six percent, more or less.”

clenching his teeth, he pulled himself together. you were hope to him. to him, you gave him hope. he wasn’t stuck in a dream anymore, you were his reality. and if there was a chance, a small chance that he could fix his wrongs, for the two of you he would.

“give me her coordinates. now.”

#across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #miguel o’ hara x reader #spiderman 2099 #miguel o’ hara angst #spideraman 2099 angst

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chazmcfreelyhater · 6 months

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CHAZ/TOBOR BRO HEADCANONS

omg. so I realised that after I drew Chaz/TOBOR content one time that i haven’t actually shared how important they are to me. erm. so I have made a silly little document of background/headcanons that could have been pages long but I didn’t want to be TOO insane.

also BIG DISCLAIMER the TOBOR headcanons and art at the bottom belong to Chiptoons on Insta/Chipt00ns on Twitter. SHE IS AMAZING and helped me to edit this doc so thank u for ur service chippy. thank you for inventing tobor mysims

They became friends because we were friends and it was like dragging our children along to a function and being like “ok now go play w the other kids” lol. lmao.

We both have OCs x canon with the robots so that's pretty much where it all started from- I probably won’t do a whole timeline at least for now but basically Makoto, Naomi (Louie’s OC) and Vivian (Chippy’s OC) would all spend time together regularly until they started inviting the bohs along

TOBOR was. a bit suspicious of Chaz at first since he had some pretty bad trust issues when it came to humans, and also because that’s usually the normal reaction to meeting Chaz, but he honestly wasn’t super phased by it. Chaz was used to people being kinda cold towards him yet also had a tendency to latch onto them anyway. Even though he spent hours actively trying to annoy him and talk about bike mechanics, which was pretty much just his attempt at being friendly and having fun- the biggest thing for TOBOR was that Chaz would never use the fact that he was a robot against him. Like he would never treat him like any less of a person, to Chaz he literally was just Some cool dude with a green head

Even when they become like Friend friends they still are surprisingly careful around eachothers’ boundaries. Tbh a lot of their relationship is built off things most people wouldn’t expect from them, as in the two scary bitch boys are actually very respectful of eachother and keep secretz and look out for the other n their bffs. It’s not OOC if we make the chars. IDGAF

They actually didn’t think they’d get as close as they did: TOBOR and Chaz essentially see eachother as brothers at this point, since they (mostly through accident) found out they had a surprising amount in common, with the way people kinda assumed stuff about them beforehand and were not the nicest . Chaz considers him one of his best friends bc he is CRINGE and is still constantly out to annoy him but at this point TOBOR just effortlessly shows him up. Chaz also likes to bully him on account of he hearts Vivian and you know what who doesn’t. They both got parental issues too which they also kinda relate to each other with; sometimes there will be stuff between them that they tease eachother for RELENTLESSLY, but if anyone else were to bring it up at all they would be killed within the second. TOBOR tends to stick up for Chaz a lot since he is more naïve and struggles to see when people are actually trying to upset him instead of just being Chaz Haterz for fun. Defending people and having their backs is his love language.

There is also a whole thing in the future with him/Makoto being more closely associated with the Delarosarenas but I don’t want to overshare or b cringe but Kerry literally adores TOBOR and the fact he loves cooking :> he simply IS her new son and she displays interest in hiring him one day. If the lab thing doesn’t work out. Which it is not. Again they r like BROTHERS make no mistake we do not ship them.

Silly little HC list for the fun of it:

Chaz likes to attempt to tackle TOBOR every time he sees him and it always ends in an injury.

TOBOR is secretly very good w Chaz’s younger family members.

TOBOR attempted to teach Travis how to cook for Chaz romantic style. After it all went to shit he informed the Englishman the only way to save it would be to fake his own death.

Chaz’s favourite name for TOBOR is “Flat Head Ass”, closely followed by “Toby”. His bro name for them is “Chobor”. TOBOR is repulsed by every single thing that comes out of his mouth.

TOBOR considers Naomi a little sister. Not super relevant but when Chippy said he probably did I wept. oh how I wept

Toborviv bridal party at Chavis wedding. I may be cringe but I am free.

TOBOR succumbs to the fact he is in love with Vivian. Instead of confessing, he panics and asks Chaz, who has NO electronic experience, to program it out of him. They both damn near die, bro style

TOBOR LETS HIM INFODUMP he is happy that Chaz trusts him ahehe

WTF!!! Da gallery:

#mysims game #mine #and chippys #I LOVE THEM SOOO MUCH YALL DONT GET IT #OLATONIC FRIENDSHIS HCS. ARE SO #CRUCIAL TO ME AND MY LIFE #i love it when charactyrs get to be frienfs #again massive shoutout to chippy ilysm #sim: chaz #sim: tobor #long post #sorry for being deranged

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thecameronchronicles · 2 years

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Revelations

TW: Smut. Language.

SUMMARY: Topper learns of the true nature of your relationship with John B while your ‘husband’ makes it a point to prove how devoted to you that he truly is, learning something about you in the process…

WORD COUNT: 1600

*Requested*

xtom-darling-x17 asked:

Hey, can I please request John B x Reader, where the scene where Topper comes on his boat with Sara but instead.. it’s you but you never disappeared, staying with them on the dock in the morning. Topper comes by being his jealous self and You blurt out that John B is your husband.. I really need to see Toppers Reaction! Thank you so much.. later that day, John B finds out that a man has never ate you out, you two had sex before but not oral.. John B blows your mind with his tongue.. if you want you can include that they had sex too!! Thank you so much, I love your writing.. 🥰

Revelations

“Save some of him for the rest of us…” JJ teased as you had kept John B wrapped in your desperate embrace after he’d returned to you after being imprisoned. Not a moment spent apart in which your loyalty waivered, but it was not enough to keep Topper from trying to intervene to someone he believed he was still entitled to. The sight of his boat visible as Pope would comment something beneath his breath before pointing to the dock.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay…” Topper ignored John B’s presence entirely, even if he was glared at by the recently renounced criminal.

“I’m…”

“Problem?” He asked when looking at John B.

“I mean, you COULD keep your hands to yourself…” He warned as you stood before both of them, the bravado sweltering as they towered over you, the tension enough to make you anxious as you cast a look to the other pogues as if silently asking for help, their feet at the ready to intervene if things got out of hand as Topper was without his usual brigade of fellow kooks, including your brother.

“Didn’t realize she had a leash-”

“Just keeping her away from trash-”

“Oh really? And what makes you better? Huh? I just came here to check on my friend-” John B scoffed at the title.

“Stop it…both of you…” You turned to Topper.

“Really, I’m fine…Thanks for checking, but you could just call next time, you know…” You reminded him as you attempted to diffuse the situation, but the tension that had been created with or without your presence was too thick for words to penetrate.

“I just worry about you…You’ve been through so much…” You understood why Topper cared about you. It was a relationship that may not have been lengthy, but it did mean something, even if it wasn’t true love, it was admiration and respect to a certain point. But it still paled in comparison to the life you had with John B. The way his arm around your waist or look from across the room held more chemistry than any intimate moment between you and your ex.

But still, neither one of them could accept that one was your past and one was your future. Where Topper believed he was protecting you, John B believed he was speaking on your behalf, maybe even more of his own. But it built such an argument that JJ kept John be held back and Kiara and you held your hands to Topper’s chest.

“One day she’s gonna see that all you are is a mistake! I’m not saying she’ll end up with ME, but she’ll definitely find someone better than you!”

“Oh really?!”

“Yeah, really! You’re nothing to her, and she’s smart enough that she’ll get bored and-”

“Topper!”

“No, look, I’m just looking out of your and he’s just dragging you down…and I just need you to know that I’ll be there for you…You’re nothing to her! Just a guy she’s-”

“He’s…” You looked between the two men, who couldn’t be any more different, and yet held your romantic interest at different times within your life, one more intense than the other. But because of this, the words left your lips before you could stop them.

“We’re married!” Everyone stood completely stunned, JJ having made some remark about the lack of a bachelor party and Pope and Kie sharing a look of disbelief, while Topper stood dumbfounded.

“You-You’re what?”

“We got married.” John B now pulled you to his side, a weak smile across your face as Topper would just continue to stare, trying to find how your words made sense. He knew the words, they were in English, yet they couldn't have been true. It was as if any small fraction of a chance he had to have a life with you was now impossible.

“How?” He finally asked.

“Beneath the stars…on the ocean…” You relived the moment as John B and you shared a loving gaze that only frustrated Topper further.

“So it’s not legal then.”

“It doesn’t matter-”

“I’d say it does considering-”

“Please, Top, just…just go…I appreciate you wanting to be there for me…but-”

“You’re gonna regret it…all of this…You don’t belong with them…”

“Yeah, I do…” You corrected as he would shake his head, return to his boat, and disappear on the horizon while John B held his arm proudly around your shoulders.

After the details of your matrimony were offered to the pogues and you were finally allowed a moment alone, John B was desperate to prove his affection to you. Having been apart for a multitude of reasons, mostly his imprisonment, you were both eager to share an actual moment of privacy. And he was quick to take you to him as the door closed behind you both. With fingers wrapped in your hair, you felt his tongue glide against your bottom lip as he’d pull apart to speak, only to return with an even deeper kiss.

“I love you…So goddamn much…and I love that HE knows…I love that they all do…that you’re mine…that I’m yours.”

“John B…” Your hand came to his chest as he paused for a moment to assess you as your fingers played with the buttons of his already mostly parted shirt.

“There WILL be questions about it and judgment-”

“Let them. It doesn’t matter. But just know…” You were pushed playfully onto the bed, his body hovering over you as he teased your lips. “I do intend to make it legal…” His brow flexed as he kissed you until you were flat against the bed, his hands gluttonous for you until you were left in only your lingerie.

“God, I missed this…” He smiled as you nodded, biting your bottom lip, as he moved over you for another kiss, hand to your cheek, before a final peck, would bring him to his knees between you.

“Wait…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I um…I don’t know how…”

“All you’ve gotta do is lay there, baby…Let me show you JUST how much I love you-”

“No…” You spoke quickly, taking hold of his thick tresses before pulling yourself towards him, close enough to feel his scoff.

“Nobody’s uhm-” His brows raised as he looked between your legs before scoffing once more.

“HE never did? I mean…I know we talked about you never-But he didn’t…” You pulled your arms across your chest in embarrassment.

“Do you want me to?” You slowly nodded as he pulled your arms apart and laid you back flat.

“Then let me…” He kissed your lips, moving down between your breasts, his hands firm yet cautious, as he played with your nipples to such a degree that your hips were now moving against his chest.

“I love knowing I’m the first one to make you come like this…” He lowered between your legs, pulling one over each shoulder until his breath teased your exposed heat, dripping with anticipation, “And the last…wife…” His brow cocked before his tongue made his way against you. Your back arched immediately as he flattened you with a forearm across your hips. Your body was eager and reactive, grinding and twisting in desperation as he nodded and moaned against you.

“Fuck, you’re so sweet…” He pulled apart to make this very remark, before you led your hands through his hair.

“John B!”

“I love when you scream my name…” But you were quick to cover your mouth at the thought of the other pogues possibly in earshot of your coming orgasm.

“I think we’ve earned it, sweetheart…they know what we’re doing…so let them know I’m making it worth it…” You groaned, his fingers twisting your nipples as his other hand set around your thigh, pulling your legs wider for him, as he devoured you completely. The tremors of your orgasm crashed quickly as he nodded, endorsing you with nothing more than the loving circles made of his thumbs and the enthusiasm of his quick tongue.

“Was that-”

“Fuck me…Please, John B-” He scoffed, cockin ghi shead as he removed his shorts, pulling them clean off of hsi hips as you guided him inside of you.

“I love you, baby…” He spoke against your lips as you arched your back to the familiar fullness of his cock, only a handful of instances you were able to recollect due to the larger than life events that kept you unable to enjoy one another as you could in this moment, but basking in him irregardless.

“Til death do us part-” He nodded to your words before bowing his head into you, your fingers running through his hair in that loving hold to your chest, as he shuddered through his own release, a final kiss of pure love sent to your lips before you were wrapped in one another, never to be separated again. At least, if you could help it…

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae

#john b fanfiction #john b routledge #john b x reader #outerbanks #obx #outer banks smut #obxsmut #outer banks

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mdhwrites · 1 year

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Are there any characters in toh that you felt they should have never been created?

Or characters that you think would had better the plot, or move the plot forward if they had more focus?

Personally, I think Vee is just there and her existence didn't serve much, her screen time could've been used for smth else.

So the first part of this is… interesting to me. It's incredibly hard to ever say a character should never have been created unless A: them simply existence causes problems with the rest of the canon and the story itself or B: you know their inclusion was doomed from the start. This second one is really hard to be able to clarify though unless you have behind the scenes information and the like because unless they were made to be fridged or be offensive, etc. like that, there are few concepts that are bad from the get go.

With that said, The Collector easily should not have been in the show. There just wasn't time for him or the human realm and S3 has been very clearly struggling with those facts. Since he was also introduced in S2B, it's known that he was made after the shortening was very clear to the crew and they should have cut him and focused on Belos, especially since Belos is the big bad anyways.

The second question just gets responded to with: Raine. Raine and Darius. Honestly, just the coven head rebels in general should have probably gotten an entire episode actually dedicated to them that could have helped sell the threat, give them more personality as an organization rather than feeling like they exist to get around tropes or/and Raeda angst, etc. like that. Then again, quite frankly, with how little they've actually done with Raine outside of "ISN'T IT TRAGIC HOW EDA CAN'T BE WITH HER LONG LOST, TRUE LOVE!?", Raine as a character and their plotline probably could have been cut but it was something Dana wanted from the start of the show and S2A would have mostly not been affected by the shortening so they could have possibly had more of a role. Then again, they were also made to be Eda's long lost love so…

And finally Vee. Vee is… complicated. Honestly, it's hard to talk about Vee without talking about her episode, Yesterday's Lie. After all, maybe there were plans to do more properly with her (and she easily would have had the most interesting part of a season on Earth because of having to give up the identity that made her friends and have a place in the world back to Luz, if that was actually discussed of course) but as is… She's mostly just the one episode and looking cute. Worse yet, almost all the narrative goals are tied to Vee so their triumphs and successes are also tied to her.

Now let me get this out of the way: I like Vee. I think she's incredibly likable, cute, etc. like that. She (and the ClarVee ship) was probably the only reason I wrote anything immediately after Yesterday's Lie's ending left a bad taste in my mouth because it rubbed me the wrong way even on first watch. Her backstory is compelling, explains how she can be shy but also have a backbone when the chips are down and her limited interactions with her friends is incredibly charming, even before the MashVee ship existed.

And I'm not going to argue she shouldn't have existed. Character built for a single episode are fine. TOH actually has a paradox going on that while some characters desperately needed more exploration, like Amity, others very clearly should have been cut sooner rather than later. I mean, what could have been done had they just not spent two episodes of S2 on Gus when Gus isn't important to the narrative in any way and Hexide stopped being relevant to the show after S1? How much did we have to have Huntlow if it meant that Luz, who is one there for Hunter's biggest character moments, literally never speaks to him between Hunting Palisman and Hollow Mind?

But Vee was built for specific narrative purposes and does them well. Quite frankly… Too well. To the point where it creates problems. But that has to do with the narrative goals of Yesterday's Lie rather than Vee herself. The two just interlinked because when you make a character for a single episode, you know their narrative goals and how organically and well they function with those goals is part of evaluating the character.

And the narrative goals of Yesterday's Lie seems to be to have:

A: Given an answer to why no one was freaking out about a child going missing for MONTHS and it does this one quite well just by Vee being a shapeshifter.

B: Criticize Luz and whether or not she actually had any reason to leave which is the one Vee interacts with the most and is also the biggest problem to.

C: To build Camila's character, establish her unending well of understanding since she never judges Vee for even a second, nor Luz's story about the Isles, and then end on a mid-season cliffhanger I have SEVERE issues with but is outside the scope of this blog.

Vee's goals thus are to be able to fill Luz's shoes, which she does naturally, be able to scold Luz about her life and to be able to contrast hard enough against the norm as to make Camila's sympathy shine through. Her slug form and her ability to shapeshift honestly fit two of these three really well by themselves. It was a genuinely elegant and clever concept/implementation that was good for what they wanted.

But then there's Vee's actual character and actions that play into B. And B is… A lot.

Because this is the episode that caused me to turn on Luz in my heart.

It wasn't immediate but there's one line from Luz that really sums up the fact that you have to trust Luz in order to not entirely agree with Vee in this episode. That you have to go off of only Luz's words and not her actions for what her backstory was like. To be able to believe Gus and Willow were the first chances at having friends. That no one ever understood her. That school was always a nightmare for her.

And that line is "Oh no, highschoolers," because that is the second time Luz quite literally ever has that response to ANYONE. In the ENTIRE show. She didn't have any worries about meeting kids in Hexide. She never had worries about trying to hang out with Amity despite Amity clearly hating her. She didn't worry about Amity's siblings, the various villains she met, Eda, King, etc. In general, Luz shows NO signs of social anxiety or any sort of manifestation of trauma in regards to bullying, rejection, etc. like that.

Worse yet is who these people are. They are quickly characterized as atypical people with nerdy interests and chill personalities. They'd be in the anime club or the role playing club or the video game club at school. They are by all intents and purposes, people like Luz. Nerds. Outcasts. Etc. like that. People Luz could have easily befriended. I mean, Vee did and she knows nothing about human society.

Yes, the two also have drastically different personalities but also Masha likes giving tarot readings to her friends. I feel like Luz's passion would just mix and amplify Masha's own passion and the two would literally go hunt monsters together while Vee makes sure they don't do anything stupid. Luz could go on a rant about her philosophies on magic and the faux stoner dude would be enraptured by how wild and imaginative Luz could be.

And this all begs the question of WHY didn't Luz have friends?

Well… Her opening montage, the first real introduction to the character, kind of explains it but not kindle. After all, two of the three events we're shown, and VERY much so her presentations and projects, are about getting attention. About making sure she does something big enough that people consider her contribution the best, regardless of those around her. So she can't match a cheerleader physically? Call that nothing and show a weird trick you know. Wants to make sure people talk about her performance in the play? Opening night, do something that you didn't clear with your director and catches everyone off guard, even if it means going off script and possibly ruining the play.

Even worse is the clubs she IS joining there. After all, why isn't Luz a part of the anime club or something? Or a part of a book club back home? Well… Cheerleaders and actors are more popular. They get more attention. They're special. Nerds, outcasts, etc. I mean… Who wants to interact with those when it means people might look down on you?

And the final nail is that she does finally accept outcasts… So long as they have magic. And the closer she gets to Amity, the less she interacts with Willow or Gus, to the point where they spend close to zero time in Season 2. And why wouldn't Luz want to be with the popular witch instead of people who were only special by having magic in general?

Do I think this interpretation is intentional? No. Vee's friendships were merely to try and add a bit of gray into what was black and white. However, how Luz was introduced wasn't given enough thought to make such pointed questions work. Not when you're forcing the audience to ask these questions with Vee shouting "YOU HAD IT GOOD!"

So how good did Luz have it? Well, there were fellow outcasts in her own town, which appears to be pretty small, so she could have had friends and her mom is a literal saint. S3 would only reinforce this. And she still abandoned it all for three months so she could become a witch.

So… Sorry, but the statement of "If everyone you meet is an asshole, the asshole might be you," does fit sometimes. And it fits for Luz here.

And it's also the worst part of Vee because if Vee didn't exist… I might not have considered these problems. Not so quickly. But Vee being able to contrast Luz, to be successful in the human realm simply because she's willing to actually accept those around her and bend a little, not entirely, to what will make them like her, was one of her narrative goals. One of the reasons she is as she is.

And another time where TOH thinks it's being clever when it's really just shooting itself in the foot because it has never been smart enough to ask the questions it proposes. And it sucks that that's tied to a character who is so wonderfully likable otherwise.

#the owl house vee #luz nozeda #the owl house criticism

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comicaurora · 2 years

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You mentioned that young justice did a lot you didn’t like after s1- how would your ideal season 2 and beyond be?

Oh man, that's a dangerous question to contemplate.

Caveat that this is how I personally would've liked to see it play out, and I haven't rewatched it in a while so I may be fuzzy on the details or timeline of events. And word of warning, this got long.

First move would be to bin the timeskip. We'd be letting the characters age up gradually - maybe one year a season. Since it's perfectly structured for episodic adventures, we can imply downtime between episodes to fill out a year - plus this gives us opportunities for regular birthday or holiday episodes without an obligation to do them every time. We have enough characters without real regular birthdays that I just think it would be cute if Wally was like "congrats Conner and M'gann, I don't know squat about the martian year or how clone time works so I've decided it's your birthday, I made Shazam get us a cake"

Nixing the timeskip gives us the opportunity to put focus on Robin becoming Nightwing as an actual arc of its own, which could be an interesting opportunity to adjust the way it happened in the comic - which couldn't quite be adapted wholesale, because in the comic Robin was running around leading the Teen Titans as Robin for years and years with the Titans before he decided it was time to forge an identity of his own, accepting that he was fully out from under Batman's shadow now that Jason Todd was officially the new Robin. There was some comic angst from Dick about Bruce never officially adopting him which we could loop into that arc, since this Batman is pretty perfectly designed for being a well-meaning but emotionally distant and uncommunicative dad. What I'd personally want to avoid is leaning two hard on the Angsty Robin angle, because (a) that was already covered by Teen Titans (which we'd also want to avoid too much overlap with) and (b) Nightwing is at his best when he's optimistic, cheerful and emotionally well-adjusted. It'd be more fun, I think, to explore a version of Robin that is burying his angst under optimism and cheer in an arc that culminates in his cathartic dad-issues convo with Batman and subsequently his transition to being Nightwing. This gives us opportunities for fun intercharacter dynamics! Robin spent most of season 1 being the reliable party member who had the most experience superheroing and helped keep everyone grounded. Giving him an emotionally destabilizing personal arc and letting the rest of the party take a turn helping him through it could be fun! Plus, we've got one telepath with no boundaries (M'gann), two characters with a lot of experience with Dad Problems (Artemis and Superboy) and two characters who will be 100% supportive even if they don't fully know what's going on (Kid Flash and Aqualad), so he wouldn't be lacking in people realizing what's going on and helping him through it. This is fully a result of my "nightwing is my fave" bias but I think it'd also really work to let the gang have more fun group dynamics with personal emotional stakes, and I think Robin deserves to be helped once in a while, ya know?

Most of the other s2 timeskip stuff I'd either want to nix or foreshadow better. I don't particularly like the Superboy/M'gann "breach of psychic trust" breakup but I think it'd bother me less if it was actually built up rather than skipped over. If we have to do it, let's start with the premise that M'gann doesn't really get that humans are much less comfortable with telepathy than martians are. It's planted in season 1 and mostly centered on Superboy, the only party member with explicit trauma about telepathic intrusion and mind control due to his clone conditioning. He's the one who reacts most harshly and angrily when M'gann does her psychic link thing, but his reaction mellows out as he learns to trust and rely on her to protect him against other telepathic intrusions.

But while this helps improve their relationship, it doesn't fix the underlying miscommunication on M'gann's end - she seems to feel like her peers freaking out about her telepathically popping into their heads is a temporary imbalance, especially since she does the psychic link thing basically every mission instead of having to invest in earbuds or communicators. She's so comfortable with telepathy, especially after season 1 where she reveals her one big secret (being a white martian with a monstrous base form) and no longer has anything to mentally hide from the gang, that I think this could be an interesting miscommunication to explore. Ultimately her teammates will still value their privacy and mental autonomy even after they've spilled their big secrets and learned to trust each other, but M'gann is unlikely to realize this because from her perspective they've just finally stopped being weird about this stuff. M'gann is essentially experiencing slow culture shock at realizing just how private humans and other non-telepathic people are about their thoughts, and how much they at best mistrust and at worst hate and fear the thought of anyone else popping into their heads and rummaging around. So really, I think the psychic breach of trust thing should happen earlier and in a more minor way than it did in the season we got. M'gann using her powers to make Superboy forget a fight they had is a breach of trust and very uncool, but it also seems a little too extreme for the dynamic and understanding we've seen these characters share - even if she'd be willing to do that to anyone else, I think she'd know that doing it to Superboy would be the number one way to break his already fragile trust in her powers.

I'd go with a more slow buildup - start with M'gann commenting unprompted on the casual intrusive thoughts of her peers, totally nonjudmentally (she knows better than anyone that thoughts don't make you a bad person, obviously) but in a way that still makes them uncomfortable or angry. Maybe give her a plot reason to invade someone's mindscape with the best of intentions - could go classic on that one, give us a supervillain with dream-invading powers or something. Encourage her to push the boundaries with her teammates that she doesn't seem to realize are there. Maybe let Martian Manhunter sit her down and give her the "no really, you can't keep your mind this open in casual interactions, it's not about being bad for you, it's about being bad for them" talk. M'gann needs to learn to understand what privacy means, and she needs to become willing to impose polite and moral limitations on how she uses her powers. Since we're negating the timeskip where Beast Boy is introduced into the team, maybe we could work that in here - as he's introduced and develops his powers and he and M'gann's sibling relationship becomes more pronounced, especially if we keep the thing about his mom dying, we have a good character in-road to getting M'gann to better understand how to bridge the gap between herself and humanity.

Personally I'd nix both "aqualad pretends to be a bad guy" and "artemis and kid flash retire from superheroing". I think the show started kind of over-relying on the "you thought I betrayed my friends but actually we planned the whole thing in advance" gambit after it worked so well in the first season, and not telling the team telepath about the secret plan was pretty textbook idiot plot stuff. If we really want Artemis and Aqualad undercover there are still ways to make that work, but I'd say push that way down the line. Give us more time with the team first. If we want Artemis and Wally to retire from superheroing to focus on college and their relationship, that's workable, but that'd be a season 3 or 4 thing at the earliest.

If we want to expand the cast, let's do it gradually - I favor episodic adventures, and "there's some new weirdness in *location* that turns out to be either a supervillain plot, a new kid superhero to give our phone number, or both" is pretty much ideal adventure-of-the-week stuff. If we absolutely must bring in Impulse and Blue Beetle, let's not make the stuff with the Reach the only thing happening that season.

The biggest difficulty with plotting this show is avoiding just making Teen Titans, But Again. That unfortunately means a lot of the best classic comic arcs are off limits without severe modification - Judas Contract, Terror of Trigon, even Brother Blood's whole thing are kind of nixed. This is probably why the show never brought in Raven or Starfire, even though they absolutely could and should. So I understand the appeal of bringing in other threats like supervillain conspiracies and alien invasions and alien invasions but different this time, but this party lineup is demonstrably at its best when it's dealing with less apocalyptic supervillains-of-the-week. That said, in the comics, Raven arranges for the New Teen Titans to form because she goes to the Justice League for help with the Trigon prophecy and they turn her away - an arc that would fit bizarrely well with this version of the Justice League, which are a bit more dickish than their standard portrayal. Letting her go to the already-formed Young Justice crew for help would let us introduce a modified and potentially shortened Trigon arc without having to centralize Raven in the cast like they did in Teen Titans and Titans - could just add her to the expanded roster of Miscellaneous Heroes They're Buds With after they beat up her evil dad. She's also a little older than the rest of the Titans in the comics (and looks MUCH older than them), which could be used in this adaptation and help set this version apart from the other Trigon adaptations that have a tendency to make her increasingly younger - could get a lot of mileage out of making her a slightly awkward and aloof young woman rather than an emotionally troubled child. (Plus, if we want a cheeky nod at the comic-run romantic subplot between her and Kid Flash without actually breaking up the Artemis/Wally OTP we could just have Wally be his usual level of casually flirtatious with this Cool Spooky Goth lady and be gently dismissed because he's "a bit immature" for her.) Also, give me classic '80s hair Starfire or give me death, Nightwing deserves a love interest who can and will bridal carry him

Also, if we absolutely must "kill" Wally, we're bringing him back in one season max. Getting disintegrated into the speedforce is basically just a day at the spa for speedsters.

Overall my angle would be leaning into the massive ensemble cast potential after a proper season or two of just getting to know the main crew and letting them develop and explore the status quo. Trickle in a few more kid heroes during the early episodic adventures. Sprinkle in some more episodes where they deal with one or more members of the Justice League without anyone being mind controlled at the time. Dial back the Grand Conspiracy angle and let our heroes have a few unconditional wins once in a while. More scaled-down character-focused episodes like Homefront and Coldhearted where we fix the camera on one member of the team and get really deep inside their head as they go through something emotionally taxing but are ultimately rewarded in the end. We can still dive to dark and traumatic levels, but we need to counterbalance it with unconditional levity and victories for the heroes so the grimdark stings more when it hits. More character focus, less sweeping conspiracies, no more skipping over major arcs of character development, un-kill Wally West 2k22

#asks #not aurora

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hazelcephalopod · 10 months

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TBH the more we explore Orym’s relationship with death the more I think the Matron suits him as much if not more than the Wildmother. Now, disclaimer, I’m not expecting him to become more religious or whatever, and even if he did that does not have to mean a multiclass; nor will I get through every detail and bit of meta surrounding this. That said for meta reasons I’d imagine multiclass could likely coincide (Liam has a track record there). That said, I do want to explore and speculate about it a bit.

Orym clearly loves nature and has had very favorable interactions with the Wildmother, but I think something is missing there. Beyond that Orym has had his whole life to connect to the natural world in a magical or divine way and it just hasn’t happened. He could just com into it late, but for there’s clearly some barrier there. For the meta of course Orym was built specifically to NOT explore that, but tbh that does extend to magic as a whole. However I would like to pose that there’s just a very different vibe between nature aligned Wildmother and death/fate/blood aligned Matron even if they are both divine, AND divine magic is clearly different from Druidic -though of course not entirely seperate.

So how about The Matron? As stated she’s quite different from the Wildmother, but the two are both connected to a certain “natural duty” in maintaining a form of order and balance in the world. However the Matron seems more solemn in her obligation, those duties are of paramount importance to her. I think that form of duty does fit Orym, if one word describes him it’s probably Duty. More personally for Orym, I think there’s a draw there due to his more recent experiences with death and the danger he faces, and has choosen to do so. Orym has always felt the need to protect despite the risk. He’s always been close to death -in his adult life- that’s what he chose, he and Will knew becoming guards meant possibly dying. He respects death and the dead. He knows dealing death is a serious matter and treats it as such. He seemed to connect with what the Matron presented, grave duty and peace in death. He’d only be exploring a new aspect of things he’s already dealing with, all from someone who while not warm or kind, does understand obligation and the difficulty but necessity and drive to fulfill it despite the consequences.

If he were to multiclass I don’t think Paladin is in the cards for him, his strength and charisma are just too low mechanically. Druid is out, he’s spent too long around them and not picked it up to go that route, Ranger is unlikely for similar reasons. So, cleric, which has so many domains. For Orym my first but not exclusive thoughts are War, Peace, and Grave, with some fun outliers being Fate, Moon, and maybe Tempest. (The Moon domain b/c of all the moon bs and also the Matron was probably Ruidusborn; Tempest I have no real explanation for I just think it’s neat.)

However, he could do both the Wildmother and the Matron. That is an option, many Exandrian people in history have been chosen by multiple gods as champions and otherwise. To add to it as a strong contender, it would be interesting and maybe add something new to the dynamic if he was serving two relatively aligned gods. Heck the Inevitable End is still kicking -probably- and Lolth and Asmodeus don’t even get along so well anymore (who knows how that’s going atm though). In general I think it would just be cool too, he can have 4 moms!

PS: that the Matron has come up for Orym has really surprised me, as the cast has avoided retreading previous paths but considering Orym’s everything I think he could be the first character whose player decides “yeah it fits too well, yelp. What could I do with it this time around?”

PPS: again, he could very well never explore it much further and not multiclasss. This is just some fun speculation. Or he could and just not this way, and I will most likely love every minute of it no matter what.

#critical role #cr spoilers #Long post #surprisingly #this was supposed to be a short little musing #It became verbose meta speculation

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el-yon · 2 years

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To be honest, I can’t see either Ichigo or Orihime dating anyone else. I think you’d have better odds of spontaneously finding yourself on the moon. Ichigo took forever to ready himself for Orihime, and she could smell his presence. Them dating other people is just not possible, and it doesn’t actually add anything to their characters anyway.

oh, I agree that these two are very endgame-y, as their characters’ growth, their bond and their themes - empathy, fight and protect, reject events, shatter fate, the Heart and the Human x Hollow struggle - are so intimately interwined in each other. But as for the not possible thing in dating... I have a different approach to it, and here I come with my rambling:

I think that when it comes to other characters in the universe we were introduced to - which I believe is what you are reffering to - it would be hard to think of either Orihime or Ichigo going for someone else. Yet I wouldn’t say that it could not be possible, nor that it wouldn’t add to their character - both Ichigo and Orihime have built affective bonds with other people and these bonds are very important for their characters’ growth as well (Rangiku’s speech). So if we entertain, for instance, a Karakura Team mix-up and we had Ichigo dating Chad and Orihime dating Uryu after TYBW (I may not see it myself, but who knows, maybe it could have happened), I think it could work quite well for them - even if only for a while, and we still had endgame Ichigo x Orihime (and hopefully Chad x Uryu). I’m keeping within Karakura Gang because honestly there is much fondness and they’re all so loving and caring to each other while being beautiful argh- Anyhow, I am saying this because I like to think that this could be a possibility - if they wanted to. First, all fiction deals with imagination, possibilities, which is why AUs are so great and fun, and “what ifs” are wonderful tools, so I don’t like to think of anything as not possible (bar offense/aggresion/abuse, of course). But more to the point here, one of the greatest things about Bleach, in my opinion, is the matter of autonomy and people finding the power within themselves to make their own choices - and that includes intimate relations, me thinks. This is why I love the fact that Ichigo and Orihime did not get together right after TYBW: because they got to spend some time being their own person, which is something they both want for each other. For the first time, as young adults, they are in full control of their powers, of themselves, and they get to experiment this newfound sense of agency. Maybe Ichigo meets someone in Uni who also like Shakespeare and Al Pacino, maybe Orihime meets someone in her work or in the grocery store buying some weird food and they go like “oh my god samesies!”, and they may consider the possibility. I actually hope they considered it, and I have a personal HC that they did; that Ichigo got to see that other people – “normal” people, who are meeting him for the first time and have nothing to do with ghosts and wars – find him attractive, intelligent, charming and kind just for being his normal human self - just like Orihime did before everything started, but it is good that he gets this sort of confirmation from other people, too Same goes for Orihime, but in a different direction. Orihime spent her entire life being the object of desires, and I think it would be a huge deal for her to be able to a) decide not to pursue any dating at all with anyone else, or b) choosing to do so because she wants too – not because she feels pressured to “get out there”, but because she meets someone who she finds interesting, fun to be with... both ways work, because she has the liberty to do what she wants. And with this world full of possibilites, they chose each other all along (which is what Orihime’s five lifetimes confession was all about).

#ask #ichihime #karakura gang #six hearts beat as one is a pretty great window to this issue too #it all makes me hype on my non-monogamous and polyamory Bleach agenda too but I won't highjack the ask #no more than I already did anyway

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misalpav · 2 years

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*Spoiler Warning* Dr. Strange Multiverse of Madness Review

AGAIN A REMINDER TO FILTER YOUR TAGS IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY!!!

MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS IF U CONTINUE READING FROM THIS POINT

OKOKOKOK I HAVE SO MANY FUCKING THOUGHTS I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN BUT LET’S DO THIS

I’m going to start with the positive stuff cuz that’s the majority

First off being the main movie hype woman was such a vibe. I’m usually a loud commentator for Marvel movies but there’s usually somebody else over me. This time it. was. me. I was the main bitch and that was def a proud moment of my life. I somehow managed to beat @janetsnakehole02 with my reaction game, provided I was always the slightly louder one, and also was probably more emotionally affected by the stuff that happened compared to her for once but hey, there’s a first time for everything

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCHHHH I loved Strange and all his variations. I loved the depth they gave to his character and tbh the way they showed him getting closer and closer to America. However I do feel like they could've spent more time on him.

Lowkey also LOVED how for the majority of the movie he was all about finding The Book of Vishanti as the solution to Wanda and then ACTUALLY USED THE DARKHOLD HIMSELF. HOW DOES SOMEONE COME UP WITH THIS GENIUS

Not just that but the full circle of him first burying the first Dr. Strange variant they show ONLY TO HAVE MAIN DR. STRANGE TAKE OVER HIS DEAD BODY AND USE THE FUCKING DARK SPIRITS TO BEAT WANDA

AMERICA RUNNING TO STRANGE AND HUGGING HIM I FUCKING LOST IT

America and the Latino representation!! It wasn’t huge or anything but seriously it was something AND HER PARENTS WERE LESBIANS GTFO RAIMI UR WINNING

The scene where What-If Strange and main Strange fight with musical notes was so fucking aesthetic and ngl funny

The moment when they were running in the tunnels of like the futuristic realm and then they closed that big door that Wanda didn’t cross AND THEN THEY J FUCKING PAUSED. I had a moment shouting things that essentially sums up to wtf, stfu, are we seriously trusting these people with the multiverse, yeah then we’re fucked, etc. And ofc this was that golden moment I got this other dude in my theater to turn around and give me a thumbs up which gave me a major confidence boost

Can we just talk about Steven’s maturity in the romantic sense? The way people kept asking him if he was happy without Christine and then built up that beautiful beautiful realization that he had so much to be happy about and even after being with the futuristic realm version of Christine, they both gained the confidence to a) admit they loved each other but b) respect the fact that they had responsibilities to their realms that neither could give up.

And with that I also need to plug Christine cuz she was such an interesting character from seeing the way she passively moved on from main Steven to seeing the futuristic realm Christine have moments of her own closure with main Steven after everything

Now Wanda. She had such a perfect story arc that flowed so well from WandaVision. I think it’s always been her thing to obsessively chase after a perfect life between mind controlling an entire village to be with Vision and then willing to kill another child to be able to be with other realm versions of her kids but this time I think she finally got the fact that she really can’t change her reality. I do feel like her ending was kind of left in the air and a part of me hopes she didn't actually die?

She lowkey looked so badass hot too

Mordo damnnn the arc they got between calling Strange his “brother” and that final realization that Mordo was, is, and will always be jealous of Strange was brilliant and I think all of us trusted him to some extent after that initial hug so were mildly shocked when the tea actually was spiked.

I say mildly cuz listen it’s still Mordo, I was still pretty suspicious

I FUCKING SCREAMED WHEN REED RICHARDS CAME IN I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES THERE WAS SO MUCH JOY IN ME IT IS INDESCRIBABLE

Him AND Professor X!!!! I can’t anymore I love life

BENEDICT WONG SIR I LOVED YOU, LOVE YOU, AND BELIEVE I WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU. The way he covers for Steven all the time and even when they aren’t together physically they somehow manage to work together. The final scene between them where Steven was just like “I’m so glad I didn’t have to go through all this alone” MY HEART

The mid-credits scene??? Oh my god??? Pls don’t tell me I was the only one with so many questions

AND THE POST CREDITS SAM RAIMI U FUCKING GENIUS HOW DOES ONE SET UP A POST CREDITS SO PERFECTLY

Ok there’s def a lot more that should be in the liked list, but here’s a very short list of things I didn’t like/wanted but didn’t get cuz tbh I rly can’t think of many things rn

The pacing felt a bit off? Idk but it went by so quickly. It made sense in the moment but afterwards I was like it’s only been 20mins tho??

I hoped we’d get to see some Loki for this movie (without sylvie pls) but at the same time I feel like it was fine without them? idk

yeah that’s all lmao

Just some other final thoughts

I rly can’t compare this movie to NWH just because they both were absolutely amazing in two completely different ways. MoM fucked with my brain made me think a lot about the plot as opposed to NWH which was a lot of doing what the fans wanted neither of them being bad but they just aren’t things that I can fairly compare on any scale imo

So many things came full circle in this and I’m honestly in love with that

I loved the Wandegore temple and was low-key kind of disappointed when it was destroyed. It was honestly so pretty and I had a moment when I noticed Sanskrit inscribing on the walls ngl

One more plug for Sam Raimi cuz why the fuck not. Sir I love you <3

Overall Rating: 8.5/10

#mom spoilers #multiverse of madness spoilers #doctor strange spoilers #doctor strange multiverse of madness spoilers #doctor strange in the multiverse of madness spoilers #doctor strange multiverse of madness review #multiverse of madness review #movie reviews #mcu spoilers #multiverse of madness #shri's movie reviews #shri's posts: mom

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gayspock · 2 years

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ok stark throughts specifically

stark is so strange because i find him very compelling as a concept but his execution (that is depiction-execution, but his execution-execution falls under that too LOLLLL) thus far is just so lacklustre to the point where like? i had to check whether i'd just...skipped episodes...

like ok. he disappeared at the end of s1 and i dont think they even explained where to. which like... fine, i can fill in the gaps - assume they just dropped him off, somewhere. sure.

but then he reappears in the locket which. ALREADY mentioned what i think about that episode - how i feel the elements with him and zhaan, though i wish they would work, would have been better off not in it at all.... and then he "dies" after LITERALLY in the next ep 😭 HE WAS HERE FOR 2 SECONDS...

and THEN i assumed he wouldnt come back for another season but?? hes...b..back again... after a single episode? like- huh?

and zhaan being so distraught, wanting to get to him- like its not ooc, and its not crazy that she would be. BUT. i dont actually care? whereas i would care for it more if they built up their relationship onscreen properly first

because i DO think they have a good foundation for a really interesting dynamic together. but its like... they spent that 1 episode, the locket, working together and thats literally it- and as i said, i did not care for their role in that episode, even. and its SUCH a shame bc zhaan, too, is like... ALSO another character whose premise is so good, but the execution is wanting. like they never seem to know what to DO with her half the time

and here it is!! something for them to do!! have them explore their dynamic. but they dont do that? and its so strange, the way they chose what episodes to do - because i know theres probably plot elements theyre trying to set up that need to be touched upon, but...

theres other episodes in this season that could have been cut. others that could have been reworked a lot to properly explore these things, in a more timely fashion. i think we COULD have had stark onboard earlier, and even if he was in the background then maybe we could have at least had small demonstrations fo him working with zhaan and maybe an ep of them properly bouncing off one another

but again. i say that. like i said they keep forgetting zhaan, too. she keeps getting relegated to, like, the background where they sometimes seem to forget about her entirely (i cant even recall a scene of her in clockwork nebari) or used as, like, the equivalent of a sonic screwdriver to fix stuff with spiritual-flavoured science technobabble.

which is funnily enough the problem both her and stark have, too, and its not the direct cause of the issues with their writing but they definitely occur more often together than not. like, the problem ive had with zhaan is like- i LOVE her concept, ive said that, but a lot of her "powers" and religion are this odd combination of too vague, and too specific, and pretty superficial all over. the same happened with stark. at first he was fine and it was all pretty well done (him in s1) but then with the locket, and with the dispersal thing?? its just... weird, man. because its like-

AGAIN. i dont think overdefining their abilities is the answer or trying to give in depth detail to what they do. i, like, like technobabble stuff a lot of the time- i think its fine? but it does so often approach a point wherein like... its hurting the actual narrative and its frustrating because i wish zhaan was MORE than just a tool to spout technobabble, and that what stark was doing felt like it was.. anything at all but sighhh

thats all to say. its a shammeeee. bc like even just making him a little plot device.... man, if u want to do that, why even bring him back the first time? just have him reappear at the beginning of this three parter, and do whatever it is he is about to do, since the journey in between for him really... was of no freaking consequence to any of us, and really didnt effectively build his character at all... so whyyyyy

(AND AGAIN. FOR THE RECORD. IM TICKED OFF BC I LIKE HIM. I LIKE MY FRIEND, STARK. I HOPE THEY DO BETTER BY HIM.)

#Egg.txt #farscape liveblog #anyway starting liar guns and money :3

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omsdoortodoor · 1 month

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Episode 4: Departure date minus 24 weeks

Ian’s Bikes

The Stable

Bike No 1: 2023 Cannondale Carbon Synapse

My reward to myself for working all of last winter, not that I needed much in the way of an excuse to buy it!

Although this one is the same model of my other Synapse it is a completely different bike both to ride & in its equipment. Still very responsive it is so much more comfortable to ride. Kitted out with electronic (no cables!) Shimano 105s the gear changes are quick & crisp & I love it! This is the one I will use for the challenge but will take the other Cannondale as a back up.

I had a few days in France this week & managed to get out for a couple of training rides in great weather, cycling in sunshine on quiet roads without having to dodge pot holes is so enjoyable especially when I could ride Bike No1!

The first of three rides was to the village of Sigeur & back, a total climb of 875 ft in 13 miles. The next ride was down the valley to Tarascon & back, 10 miles downhill to Tarascon & then a steady climb back up the valley to Auzat.

Jane's week - Angry Drivers

Having spent the last few weeks talking about my MS and fundraising, my thoughts now focus on coping with the challenge of supporting Ian using our Motorhome, Celeste. Here she is, what a beauty.

Named after Queen Celeste from Barbar the elephant. (Apparently, she was not only Barbar’s cousin, but also his wife – who knew).

Celeste’s vital statistics are:

Height: 2.84m (9ft 3in)

Width 2.34m (7ft 8 in)

Length 7.18m (23 ft 7 in)

Weight: under 3500kg.

So, she is a pretty big beast – longer than a typical 17-seater minibus, but being under 3500kg is important because it means I can drive her without having to get a special category reinstated on my driving licence. That category was revoked, as standard, when my licence was changed from a normal one to a 3-year medical license.

The reason why I mention that she is longer than a 17-seater minibus is because I did drive one of those as a support vehicle on a 3 peaks challenge many years ago.

So, this week, we took Celeste out so that I could get some reversing practice. I drove to the Tesco car park in Cullompton to get used to how the reversing camera works. I also found that the turning circle, when reversing is less than I had thought. Ooops. I was definitely closer to one parked car than I thought. We have no parking sensors. I am thinking that it might be sensible to alter that.

I also found where the horn was. Very conveniently right in the centre of the steering wheel, if you are interested. She is Italian built, so this may be why the horn is so accessible. I was furious because as we left Cullompton, Ian said, oh one of the cupboard doors has opened. So, I waited for a long straight section (not on the motorway for those who know where Cullompton is) where I could pull over safely. I signalled with plenty of time and pulled over gently. Bear in mind that nothing can happen fast in a motorhome of this size. (I might change my mind on that later on). And this bloomin’ driver beeped their horn, just because the had to pull out and overtake. I was so furious because a. I had manoeuvred safely and b. if I had done that in a car, they would not have beeped. So, I beeped back – loud, long and clear. Well, it made me feel better.

The other major prep I need to do involves building up my stamina so I can get to the end of the day without being exhausted and still be able to incorporate all pillars of the Overcoming MS programme that I follow. Bear in mind that it will be rinse and repeat for every day of the challenge.

But how on earth to do that when you live with MS? If you read my blog special to mark MS Awareness Month, (see above) you may have a little idea of what I will need to (at best) overcome and at worst (continue in spite of).

My plan has been to create a list of what a typical day on the challenge may look like and try to replicate that as much as possible. The idea being that by the time we go on the challenge, a lot of the things will become daily habits and not a daunting To Do list. I need to build up my strength (because I will be driving a big vehicle and because I will be putting up an awning and 3 wind breaks every day) and my stamina because I will need still be on the ball enough to cope with completing the social media in the evening. I think resilience also needs to go in there too because I will need to cope with the unknown and speak French, which believe me is a BIG challenge.

So, I have created my list and every day I work out what % of those daily tasks I have achieved. I also rate my fatigue when I wake in the morning and my level of tiredness last thing at night. 10 being high.

My aim is that I feel 0 fatigue first think in the morning. (i.e. full recovery from whatever the day before throws at me). That I regularly achieve 100% of the daily tasks (because they will all need to be done). I am less worried about the end of day tiredness if I achieve full recovery by the following morning. Hopefully that all makes sense. I have 25 weeks to do this in.

Each week I will give you my headline figures.

Since I started to use this method (10 days ago):

I have experienced the lowest fatigue (2 out of 10) on just one day. 🙌

On the same day I achieved the highest % of daily tasks (70%). 👏

I have felt least tired in the evening (4 out of 10) on two days.🥳

I have experienced my worst fatigue (10 out of 10) first thing in the morning on two days.😩

I have achieved the lowest % of daily tasks (37%) on one day.😫

I have experienced my highest level of tiredness at the end of the day (7 out of 10) on four days.🥱

Thank you for reading this

Jane & Ian

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mouldremover · 4 months

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ive had prophetic dream a couple times in my life. one was about a VR place with black walls being built in the shopping centre in my city - a few months later, there it was! the other time i dreamed i saw mitski perform live and later that year, i did. i also once in primary school dreamt someone got star of the week, and the next day, boom.

my mum has also seen stuff in her sleep before it happened - she dreamed of there being a tsunami once and the next day there was one.

so this has, though i know it’s very unlikely and probably just coincidence, made me just a tiny bit think ‘lol i can sometimes predict the future in my dreams’ even though i KNOW it’s most likely just me being silly because i am very very good at that.

anyway this is all well and good because my dreams are all falling into three categories i can easily respond to:

a) so insane there’s no way it can be true - e.g the entire dream occurs in minecraft (has happened before)

b) are some neutral to positive mundane thing - so either something inconsequential happens, or sometimes even something good

c) are about someone dying / being in ill health - while this SOUNDS bad apparently superstition means dreaming of someone dying ensures they live longer. so it’s cool! i am extending my loved ones life spans in my subconscious!

but the issue occurs when i have a dream that is as everyday feeling as my type b dreams but is actually a bad thing that hasn’t happened yet. i’ve had two of these and both cause extreme worry in me.

the first one has actually happened in many forms, but always involves the bottom of my road and is terrifying, especially because i have to walk there everyday usually. everytime i walk there alone i think shit this is when my prophetic dream will happen which sounds silly but not when you’re there and of a paranoid disposition.

the second one happened last night, and again, i’m not going to go into it, but it made me think two things - 1. i’m probably a horrible ungrateful person and 2. people are going to find out and hate me. again, could write it off as an anxiety dream (it did take place in a bouncy castle so not exactly realistic) but i woke up feeling terrified and still feel terrified now. because oh no what if i’ve predicted something in my sleep!

i sit there, everywhere, waiting for it to happen.

and then i realise how i only focus on the bad. because why am i so caught up on two nightmares when i’ve had a million realistic good dreams? which haven’t come true? why have i not given them the same thought treatment, same anticipation. some special intuition? - no.

because reading this over makes me think, either everyone else is like this and humans just search for patterns and get silly sometimes, or i have some weirdly manifesting form of anxiety that’s making me stressed that if i don’t take the right learning experience from my dream i’ll either be hated, in danger, or some other awful fate.

and that maybe, just maybe, my new years resolution of ‘express more kindness’ should also apply to myself. that just because i live a very lucky and fortunate life, doesn’t mean i can’t have a mental health issue. it doesn’t mean i’m not allowed to be sad, or paranoid, or scared, or stressed, or disappointed, or bored. because literally no one is telling me that but myself.

maybe if i was kinder to myself, i wouldn’t have spent half my year feeling awful.

or, to rephrase that, i’m going to spend 2024 being so kind, so genuine, to everyone including me. i’ll focus on appreciating my waking moments instead of stressing over my sleeping ones. i’ll feel more interesting than just a coincidental prophetic dream.

and along the way, i think the anxieties i feel will settle down into more healthy worries.

i’ll be able to let nightmares just be nightmares.

#writing #mecore #tw paranoia #tw anxiety #i don’t know if this makes sense #but i wanted to process my negative feelings and get some hope out of them #i’m also having a really painful really mood swingy awful period #so that’s probably doing something

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exclted · 1 year

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˚ · . @teneguine asked:

"--Just a little further! I promise, you can open your eyes soon enough!"

Owain walks with awkward steps behind his cousin. He had been keeping a tight lid on her birthday gift all day now, dragging her here and there with his hands over her wrists--forcing her to avert her gaze. First it was to the stables, then back to his quarters (he forgot the key), then he wanted to stop for a quick snack and now: stables again. They've arrived, as is evidenced by the smell of horses permeating the air. Owain doesn't let it get to him though.

He walks Lucina around a corner, and finally stops to step to her side. "Alas!" hands return to him, allowing the Exalt free reign with hers, "The promised moment hath arriveth! You may set free your heroic gaze upon the world, but don't say I didn't warn you! The mystic powers that lie ahead are only to be seen by a warrior pure of heart!"

He's bullshitting, as usual. What he really means is that he hopes she'll like it.

"Fates cross and destiny clashes! From the reaches of the nether realms emerges your first and only sidekick," dismissing any notion that he fulfills that role, naturally, "say hello to Pitch-Black Scythe the Incredible!"

And with a flashy display of his hands, Owain reveals none other than a sacred kinshi. Its head stands level with the two of them, though as any bird of its breed would, it stretches its wings at easily double their height. White plumage is decorated with yellow accents: on the tips of its wings, in the spines of its tailfeathers, as a gradient on its crest. It greets the Ylisseans with an unamused coo, evidently miles more docile than Owain. How they even met is a mystery in and of itself, but how they get along is beyond even the depths of human knowledge.

"Using his fortuitous form and swift-striking grace, he becomes be a beacon unto all. Fighters of hope will draw near, scions of purgatory ready to take up arms. On his wings of glory shall ye charge into the fray, ready to banish evil in the name of Dark!"

The bird only brushes his feathers in response, though the sarcastic nature of this actions suggests less that he doesn't understand Owain and more that he does, seeing as how he already pays him no mind.

Moreover, Scythe seems interested in Lucina. He waddles a few steps forward, pressing and inquisitive beak to her chin.

"See how the mighty Scythe already binds himself to your soul! You two will be kindred spirits in no time!"

She knew better than to expect anything normal of Owain. There is never point A to point B with him, but rather point A to M (sometimes even Q) and a moment to touch on every letter in between.

So Lucina doesn't complain for a second as she is pulled along for the ride. His company is a gift enough -- every moment spent with him is priceless now after years of fearing that they may never have a chance to even age together, and a good handful more spent separated. She simply allows herself to enjoy his antics, to be apart of whatever world it is he has built today.

A normal person might grow suspicious about the contents of their gift, being lead to the stables as Lucina so clearly is now, but this is just another little Owain-ism. The location indicates little -- her cousin's creativity knowing not a single bound. To try and predict him is pointless.

Hands release her and they stop before a stall door. Lucina blinks between it and he that had brought her there, brow raised. This is where she would remind him that none of this was necessary, if not for the fact that, well, he never listened.

"I do so hope to be deemed worthy," she replies, a smile twitching at the corner of her lips.

In a display of extravagance that only her cousin could create in such an environment as this, the stall door is flung open. Lucina's gaze hesitates, lingering on him before glimpsing the surprise for herself.

Only when he says Scythe does she crack, mismatched eyes flitting past him and into the little room. They're greeted almost instantly by another pair, this one obsidian and unmistakably bird-like.

Familiarity plucks on strings of the Exalt's heart as the creature approaches. "Oh."

The bird pokes its beak at her, investigating its new owner as Lucina simply gawks. A hesitant hand comes to smooth the feathers at the crest of its head, eyes returning to Owain.

It's so moving that she can bite her tongue on pointing out that Pitch-Black isn't exactly a name befitting a bird the color of snow.

"I hadn't realized these creatures were... real..." The first and last one she had seen was in a reality that wasn't theirs, and yet. "Thank you, Owain. We will do our best to make you proud."

#[s] odin #teneguine #taking my sweetass time i know #lucina birthday asks done.... fuck #cousins............... grhhhhhhhhhhhh #oro narratively forcing me to stop joking abt kinshi knight luci and just do it #anyway ty bestie #╰ ⚜ ˖ answered

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erwinscrybaby · 2 years

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𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠.

@seychellse, HI!! I'M YOUR CUPID! And i hope you like what i wrote, even though it's just the first part! too much plot, too much reader development STILL i hope you appreciate it!!! smut comes on the next part and it's gonna be YUMMY cause aizawa is YUMMY! happy valentine's day again and thanks for your patience with me!!

aizawa shouta x reader. too much plot, slight angst, parents divorcing, but also fluff, reader is kinda naïve and silly, aizawa probably ooc, forbidden relationship (student x professor).

6.826 words.

Mom and dad are getting divorced. After almost two years of homemade hell, not even you were able to be the glue keeping them together, at least, until you find your way out of this room as an independent woman.

The big serious conversation happened yesterday. Right after a fucking tiring class at the college, you got home only to find out that your efforts were in vain. Useless, thrown aside with no hesitation.

Years of wearing the mask of happiness and flawless child just to discover it changes nothing in the way your parents are not meant to be with each other.

You’ve never been as happy as people say around. Despite the light, carefree smile always on your shining lips, good grades, social interactions and nice days and night having fun with your friends, you’re not as content as the gossips say. You do look like having a perfect life; never complaining and never letting your real feeling to come up beneath the thick layer of good manners and behavior, even inside your own home.

It wasn’t like you had any other option, anyway.

You used to wonder what could possibly happen if you stopped being the perfect, wonderful, amazing daughter your parents talked about every chance they got. Not long ago, on your eighteenth birthday, their marriage started to fall apart and, not wanting to accept what your eyes were showing, you tried hard to be the best girl in order to keep them together.

You graduated from the high school with a rain of compliments coming of your teachers, pleased to have had you as their student. Entered the best university of the State to study what your father always said would be a good idea. Built a network, met important people and brought pride to your mother, so interested in what the contacts can bring to one. Got a part time job as the assistant of a great specialist in the area you wanted to research about. You even dated a guy your parents liked for a few months, wanting to make them happy.

But none of this was enough. Years after making yourself the question “what if they divorce one day?”, you’re feeling it on your skin, every cell of your body aching, fingers trembling, eyes squeezing—how can one handle such pain?

They weren’t joking about mother leaving the house in the same night. You’ve seen the bags with her clothes, a truck outside to help her carry all of her stuff to her new house, on the other side of the city. She had kissed your face with a guilty expression, but reassured she’d always be right there if you ever needed help, of even if you wanted to move in with her.

Though she was talking like a stranger; she possibly doesn’t want you to go with her to live with her new prettier, richer man. Her words were pity, manners only. It broke your heart; you’ve spent the night awake and trying to convince yourself it wasn’t happening.

However, when your clock alarm announced that it was time to go study, you went to the bathroom and stared your own face on the mirror, your red eyes said everything. She’s gone; she’s leaving you and her husband because of a man she have known for less than six months. Your orbs also ask God, the universe, even yourself what did you do to deserve this. Or, even better, what haven’t you done? Were you supposed to be even more perfect? If you haven’t failed that exam—receiving a B instead of an A—, would the universe agree with keeping your parent together for a few more years? You’d never know the answer.

So, instead of dwell into it, you decided to keep your act. Perhaps your life is going to be fixed if you don’t lose your mind; if you keep playing your familiar role. Makeup could do little for your reddish eyes, but your skin won’t show the cruel pattern your never-ending tears made on your face if you cover it well enough. Although you know how fast the gossips run, and your phone already is full of messages of friends asking what happened, going to your classes won’t make you sadder. It doesn’t work anymore; since the day you decided you’d be the happy student, content daughter and unwavering friend, little has you upset.

Having your heart broken doesn’t hurt as it used to do when you were sixteen; hearing comments about your appearance also doesn’t have you sad. What is this bullshit in comparison to the hell you used to see at least once a week—parents trying hard not to scream and report they’ve been fighting for hours, but then saying, whispers of regret, that they shouldn’t have had trusted themselves to raise a child.

Oh, the weight of hearing your mother saying it would be better if they never had you.

After this, what else can make you cry like a newborn, wanting to be dead instead of hearing those things?

The curious, unsubtle gazes people throw at you also don’t bother you at first. You meet your classmates, talk to them about silly, light subjects; pretend you’re not broken inside, and it goes very well the whole day. Like the role of flawless student always does, you’ve almost forgotten about what waits for you at home. But then the classes are done.

You sure can hear the whispers as you walk to the exit of the place, this time alone, but none of them hurt you as much as when you notice a guy staring at you. He’s blonde, his eyes are creepy, the devilish smirk on his lips is enough to have you disgusted and annoyed. His mouth is moving, he doesn’t bother to hide he’s talking about you to his much less interested friend.

“Said her mother’s a whore,” he laughs, shamelessly pointing at you. “Woman’s moving in to my house, bet it won’t take long ‘til I can fuck her, like my father did.”

You try to ignore, but suddenly you’ve lost the skill of walking. Your legs shake a little as you pass in front of him, now his words hitting your ears with a cruel remind of your family’s situation. It hurts. You wanted to talk back, tell whoever listened to his words that he’s just a fucking liar, a stupid weirdo, yet your tongue froze and you couldn’t do much more than feel them again. Warm tears, a sob leaving your lips as you looked at him with the most pitiful of the gazes.

The last time you’ve cried in public happened when you were fifteen, after a guy affirming he’d rather die instead of even holding hands with you. However the feeling is still familiar, the humiliation lump in your throat feeling bitter, like you’re about to puke the little you ate during the day. Your body burns in shame, so conscious about the way people stop on the hall just to see your crying face—not only the students, with their pity expressions, but also the professors, complacent but not surprised faces seemingly used to the young adults drama.

You finally manage to move your feet, walking towards the door, but the blonde guy opens his fucking mouth again. His voice is gross and, even without looking back, you know his smirk is also sick.

“Are you like this, too?” He inquires, but he answers himself with a creepy chuckle. “Of course you are; it must be genetic, mother’s a slut, daughter also is.”

Insults are nothing. It doesn’t matter if he’s calling you a slut. He’s an unknown, a guy you’ve never noticed before and probably will never see after finishing your studies. Although it still uncomfortable to hear a motherfucker like him talking about your mother. Not even your father, who was cheated on, didn’t call her names, why the little crap of this boy has to do it?

You know he wants you to answer. The usual behavior of a man trying to make himself a little fame. You’re tired, you’re sad, you’re feeling humiliated by the way your body betrayed you after so many years pretending to be the unshakeable girl—you don’t even have words in your mind other than fuck you, what you probably make him laugh. Still you turn around to face him and his red-haired friend.

“Quit it,” you hear your own voice, shaky and breathy, but also harsh. You feel anger, you feel sadness, you feel the urge to get closer to the guy and punch him, you feel the urge to cry an ocean and tell him to fuck off. Instead, you start walking again, this time decided to reach the exit. “If you’re so annoyed about my mother go cry for your father.”

“I won’t, unlike you, fucking crybaby. Just get over the fact your family is screwed now because of her,” he replies quickly, never stopping to smile, but it’s the last thing you pay attention to.

“Enough, Katsuki,” says a professor, approaching the both of you.

You recognize it is Yagi, but only because your friends can’t shut up about him. He’s not a professor on your department, so you barely know more than his name and the assumptions of him being rich and spoiling sugar babies around. You can also remember about your father saying they used to be close, back on master’s degree days, but that’s all. He’s never shown up on the reunions dad used to do to meet his friends, so you could only assume they don’t talk anymore.

You shake your head, bowing as you murmur apologies—not for the boy, but for the rest of the curious surrounding the high school-like scene. Your irises are shining, wet, tears threatening to fall again. Instead of waiting a minute more, you finally leave.

The heavy stares follow you until you’re inside your car, head on the driving wheel as you try not to let out a desperate scream and confirm you’re mentally unbalanced because of your parents’ divorce.

—

You don’t drive home. The Havana themed café inside the shopping mall is a place you’ve thinking about visiting for so long and, after a stressful moment, you think you can do this. Sit down, ask for your favorite beverage while the knot in your throat threats to untie in the warm, painful, familiar tears. At least in this part of the city the chances of any stupid guy seeing you are low, and you don’t have to struggle fighting against your feelings. On your own, yet in public, you can be a little more like yourself.

It’s small, really small, behind the glass door that rings a bell when you pull it. Only one of the six little yellow tables, each with two blue chairs, is taken. Because of the AC, the space smells like coffee, puff pastry and a man’s perfume, which you assume is fault of the one sitting down, sipping his cup and reading something on his tablet. You can only see the back of his head still, somehow stopping to think about the awful state of your life, you wonder if he’s pretty. He might be.

You shake your head. As you pull a chair and sit down, the waitress approach and gives you the also yellow menu and you analyze it briefly before asking for something different, this time. Life’s changing, isn’t it? It’s not the same as last week. Something catches your attention and you ask for one—strawberry frappe. Vanilla, milk, ice and strawberry jelly. You hope it tastes sweet.

Other than the workers of the place starting a conversation with each other once in a while, during the time you wait, the café is silent. You observe the details with an attention that makes no sense, so focused on trying to discover what the scenes on the wallpaper might be. Are scenarios of the Havana city, you know, but you let your brain go further. The more you think about bullshit, the less you think about your cell phone ringing on your bag, probably your father wanting to know if you’re coming to the afternoon tea.

It’s almost five, anyway.

The images are pretty. Behind the man writing on the tablet, the wallpaper shows colorful houses, an old car in front of them. Quite inconvenient, however your mind doesn’t fail to remind of the time your parents talked about their dreams of visiting a cliché scenario like Havana seem to be—you imagine a couple in front of the street, sharing a Cuba Libre as they flirt, the sensual air of the city involving both. Your eyes burn, a sob stuck in your throat, just when the man turns around to check something—maybe the clock on the wall behind you?

A single tear rolls down your cheek as you recognize a professor of your University. Aizawa. He’s pretty, you think, hiding a humorless smile. Also just saw you about to drown in tears whilst your frappe is being done, all because of a stupid thought that you shouldn’t have.

It’s ridiculous enough that you’ve been living your life for your parents, to keep them together, but this? You’re about to cry thinking about a love scene where you wouldn’t be the protagonist?

Epiphany hits you hard when you receive your pink-colored strawberry frappe and taste it. Sweet. Luckily. When had you stopped to be the protagonist of your own life? Your eyes widen, fill up with tears that you can’t control. In a matter of seconds, professor Aizawa sees you falling apart with a frown; the waitress comes closer to ask if you’re feeling good, if is there something wrong with the beverage.

Pathetic mumbles of sorry leaves your mouth. Along with them, the urge to stand up and go face your mother, ask her why? If it wasn’t for her and her stupid decisions, you wouldn’t be crying in public, suddenly finding out your life hasn’t been yours. You were, until the day they said they were getting a divorce, living your parents’ life.

“Sorry,” you manage to say, finally. Your eyes travel from the girl close to you to the man in front of you, who hasn’t stopped staring you. “I’m good, don’t worry about it.”

Exhaling, he stands up, nodding, and holds his stuff. Is he getting out sooner because of you? Guilt and shame hits you, fingers shaking awkwardly yet they’re still holding the mug tight. Too much humiliation for five minutes, you think.

Then he pulls the chair in front of you and places his coffee by your frappe’s side.

For you, his eyes are bored, like he’s doing something because he has to and it’s a pain in the ass. The tablet is the next to be on the table. Mr. Aizawa seems to keep there for a while, and you don’t understand why. You clean your eyes with your thumbs, careful not to smudge the eyeliner, and open up your prettiest smile, the happiest.

As if he hasn’t seen you sobbing a minute ago.

You’re a good pretender, aren’t you? Instead of giving up, you try to put yourself back together again, so no one has to worry about the pitiful state you are right now. You’re fucked up, you can’t say it softly—since your own experiences were standing by for more than half of your life, when it falls on your lap again it’s scary and probably keeping with the same attitudes as ever isn’t the best to deal with the unknown, still you can’t help. It’s like a part of you, already. Put on a fake smile and pretend you’re good.

You’ve been doing this for so long. Why would you hesitate?

Of course, your smile doesn’t last. Your lies don’t stand a chance against Aizawa’s attentive eyes. You’re too obvious. Too weak. When the professor keeps staring at you, lips in a rigid line like ever, arms crossed, you feel a little intimidated. No, not just a little. You instantly let your mask fall; your always so straight column curls forwards as you face the table, eyes down. Like you’re a joke, Havana’s cute streets laugh at you.

You take a long sip of your pink frappe, eyes locked on the beautiful city, waiting for him to say something. You wouldn’t say anything, if he doesn’t first. Childish, but you are not sure of the reasons he decided to sit close to you. Perhaps it’s pity, a small gesture for you not to feel that alone.

However, little could do to make you feel less like you’re this—alone. Absolutely alone.

“You’ve been crying too much for a tough girl,” Aizawa states, his sudden voice making you jump in your chair, as you look him in the eyes. Lazy eyes, still nice ones, though. “What’s going on?”

You’re surprised, to say the least. You don’t usually let your drama bother you at school. How does he know about this? Yes, you might have cried a little in the corners of the campus, but you’d make sure no one’s close. And, why does he pay attention to you? Many students cry around the corners, too overwhelmed by the awful feeling of being alive, you’re not special. Why had you caught his attention? Did he see you instead of the daughter of those rich ass parents? You try to start talking, but words don’t come, your voice doesn’t sound and the man takes it as a sign, sighing.

“Listen,” he tries once more. “It must be weird. But if you want to talk, we can pretend we’re just strangers.”

It’s an implied suggestion and you take it, nodding slowly after a quick “okay”. Yet it doesn’t work as easy, you need to talk. Having little to none friends has a great impact in the way you feel, and right now you need to vent, tell your worries. If he stays in front of you for time enough, you can even tell him about your stupid late epiphany. Maybe he has a good answer for what has your heart beating faster when you think you have been wasting your life for so long.

“You might have heard around the campus,” you start, but a detail has you shaking your head to begin all over again. “Why did you say I am crying too much?”

“I always drink coffee here,” he speaks as he points to the place you are. “Saw you passing by a couple times these days. Now I look like a stalker, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you shrug, not sure of what else to say. “It’s true, I’ve been crying a lot. You might have heard around the campus, people have no manners to—”

Aizawa cuts you before you can proceed, “I’m the stranger, remember?”

“Oh,” you murmur, face heating up. “Oh. So, my parents are getting divorced. My mom has already left home and… I’m kind of lost. Don’t want to hear advices of how to handle this,” you continue, after a sip on your frappe. “I just want to feel I’m not broken into pieces.”

That’s how you’re feeling since the day your mother said she was leaving. Leaving her daughter to live a luxury life with that rich man. Leaving her home, built with so much efforts of her and your father, her husband, for a teenager dream. She went and took away with her a part of you; the part you were gladly showing, the part of being the child every mom want to have. Left you with nothing but the little girl hidden deep inside, the one who hasn’t been in the real world since the day you found out what are the consequences of being the flawless kid.

And that little girl is also in pieces. Like a puzzle, you have to discover how to put yourself together, how to be the woman the years has taught you to be.

All the nights awake, insomnia making you think of many terrible things happening; the mornings spent in front of the mirror, putting on the makeup to pretend, once more, everything’s fine, you’re not drowning in your own suppressed feelings. It has to be useful, right? You did not suffer, you are not suffering it all for nothing. Where’s the maturity experiences were supposed to bring to you?

“I feel like I’m lost, too,” you conclude, your voice tone so hopeless that makes you cringe a tiny bit.

“And what are you doing to end up with this feeling?” The man asks, hands going to his hair, putting the locks in a messy bun. You feel your face hot again and look away. “Did you try to help this pain out in any way?”

You pout slightly, unconscious, nails hitting the wood of the table. You’ve been doing nothing more than pretending your life still the same. You’re living like the past months, changing the fact you don’t drink tea in family at five anymore. And that’s all. It must be the phase of negation. You let out a breathy chuckle, yet not happy at all. Everyone can see it.

“I don’t drink tea anymore,” you say, joking.

He doesn’t smile. Instead, harsh eyes meet yours once you’re looking up again.

“I bet you know this isn’t the answer I was expecting,” Aizawa sighs. “You understand what you’ve got to do, don’t you?”

“No,” you spill without missing a beat. “I don’t know the fuck I’m supposed to do now, that’s why I said I’m lost.”

You could have been softer on him, but it slipped out of your lips without a second warning. It’s the truth, after all, and the rare times people get to hear it from you it’s because you’ve given in to the primitive urge of saying whatever is inside your mind. You haven’t done this for so long, too much worried about what’s the correct to say, what’s the most nice to say, ignoring all of your feelings in the process.

“Sorry,” you apologize, feeling embarrassed. That’s why you don’t like those feelings; they cause you to be tough on others, just like yesterday, when you yelled at your father for a silly reason, hurt by the way he suggested that you should use mom’s jewels as yours. “Didn’t mean to be rude. But I still have to say that I don’t know what I should do.”

“Neither do I,” Aizawa finally shows you a hint of a smile that reaches his eyes. “However… Go home now, google something about self-knowledge. Find out who you are when you’re not being your parents’ daughter. It might help.”

Crappy advice. Everybody could have told you that. Somehow, you still take it like an order. And it hadn’t bothered you. You nod, drinking the last of your sweet frappe, and stand up. A trial of a smile creeps on your face. It might not be the prettiest, but at least is an honest one. The first one in days. You hope the professor can see it, too. You’re smiling because of the “stranger’s” words.

Self-knowledge. Sounds awful. You don’t even know how to start.

“Thank you, Sir,” you tell him, offering another smile, receiving one, way smaller than yours, back. Suddenly feeling brave, you reach out for him. “I hope we can see each other another day, stranger.”

A subtle flirt. You’ve never been that good with it, so it was a clumsy trial. Yet he accepts your hand, standing up to shake it. As he does, his eyes never leaves your orbs, and you feel proud of yourself of how you manage to stand until he blinks, glancing at your body.

Of course you’re going to meet again. Next semester, probably, inside a classroom, in a position of student-teacher that can’t be broken. Still he nods.

“Perhaps. Good luck, girl.”

You give him a last gaze. Havana behind him, Aizawa’s dark hair in a casual bun you’ve never seen; he looks like a man you could dream about drinking Cuba Libres with. When you leave the thematic café, your smile is wider, and your sadness has grown smaller.

This time, after buying your father a new record he’d like, you drive home, satisfied with your brief interaction with a man that hasn’t been introduced by your mother or a jerk trying to get into your panties. Better—you talked to him and felt like yourself, not the perfect-kid-role you’ve been for years. Your heart feels so light, so happy. You can’t wait to go home, tell your father it’s getting better! It’s getting better, father, you’d say. I can be myself for a couple minutes, if I need to!

You feel silly, so many good things coming from a weird meet with a man years older that has nothing to do with your life. You feel like you’re sixteen again, talking to a guy with flirty tones for the first time, on your own. But what can you do about it? Despite the lazy expression on his face, you felt like he was looking at you.

You, you, really you. He looked at your body and the creepy shining of perverts hasn’t shown up on his orbs; he seemed to be interested in what you were saying, not in what your flesh can do or anything else.

The felt was too good to be real. What a pity it wouldn’t happen ever again, because it’s against the rules and you have no reason to flirt even more with Aizawa Shouta, although it’s all you can think about when your enter your go downstairs hours later and see your father’s friends fraternizing.

And, amongst the men you’re used to see, your eyes fall onhis black hair, black shirt, low voice again.

Him.

Aizawa is quite sure the reason he decided to join a few friends and ex-colleagues is because one of them—your father—is going through a terrible time. It’s absolutely this. He might not be the most affective person, but he’d never decline a request made with so much pain in the voice. The way that ex-professor said “I need to have a pastime” as the excuse for a late planned dinner at his place was too painful for one not to notice it wasn’t the only intention. By inviting his old coworkers, Shouta bet he wanted to hide something deep inside his chest, too.

Yet the both men hadn’t talked for a few months, losing touch after a few months, Aizawa used to think about how he is doing from time to time. A year ago, your father decided to leave his job at the University and make himself comfortable by doing what he always said was his dream: writing a book, he could both enjoy the pleasure of writing and the companion of his lovely family. At least, he said this to the professors he used to work with, in his last day.

Now, after talking to you on the café, Aizawa couldn’t understand what was the real motivation to make your father, enthusiast literature teacher, leave his happy job. He knows divorces doesn’t happen out of nowhere—even if the end begins in one’s head, the other totally unaware, it is never quick. Starts with some flirt here and there, if one of them is leaned to cheating; or it can start with the unpleasure of being even by the partner’s side. Minimum details start to annoy; love doesn’t seem to be enough.

It's slow burn, but one day the relationship ends and leave girls like you lost like puppies, unsure of what else to do.

If Aizawa knew about this situation before seeing you falling apart in a corner, trying to put yourself together before a class, he would have found a way of talking to you, or make the psychologist talk to you, to find out what is happening. It isn’t like he has any special interest in messing with students’ business, yet he couldn’t stop noticing the way you’ve been growing sadder beneath the mask of happiness.

He also knows it happens to every single person in the world. Sometimes things just don’t get together, just don’t work. And it’s okay, he thinks, nothing stays like this forever. However, he started to hear from his colleagues that you, the bright, always so joyful, student of theirs, was looking down, unfocused, not even joining your friends after class to the casual dates they usually have. They didn’t know whether it was unconscious or not, but you were isolating yourself and, for such a popular person, it was strange, to say the least.

Took all of his self-control not to call your father like you were a kindergarten child and say you were acting strange, not like yourself. He’d ask “Is something happening at home?” and would also suggest “Have you ever offered her therapy?”

Of course, he couldn’t do this. Otherwise, he’d have to do it for the other hundred students that he noticed becoming even sadder during the semester. Wouldn’t be fair with the other people.

Anyway, Aizawa did the stupid thing of sitting in front of you in public, acting like he was an advisor for a young girl instead of your professor, explicitly forbidden of having any kind of extra-scholar relationship with any student. Yet he put his tablet, coffee and hands on your table and listened to your vent, pretending to be a stranger as if it would absolve him from the guilt.

Unfortunately for him, he’d do everything again—would even talk more, try to be of any real help. The man would honestly like to help you.

During the days your father were a professor with Shouta, he wouldn’t shut up to talk about his prodigious, perfect daughter. Proud filled up his eyes as he spoke about how you were going to study in this University too; praising you with no shame, so glad to have a chance to talk about his little girl, that was becoming a woman so gorgeous as her mother. In work fraternizations, he’d talk with his colleagues, especially the ones who had children, about how was it wonderful to have such a great kid as his successor.

At first, Aizawa didn’t want even to hear about you. Your father showing you off everywhere, endlessly commenting about your qualities and how he loved you and your mother. It was kind of annoying, mainly because he didn’t want to hear proud fathers early in the morning, and he thought to himself that all his talking must be bullshit.

Who talks too much, does too little. And the parents’ perspective over their own kid isn’t fair, most of the times.

So, when Shouta heard the gossips between Yagi and Hizashi—the girl’s finally coming—he thought with himself that it was the time (or the year) of the truth. You’d show who you truly are to the professors and they’d come to the conclusion that your father was being exaggerate.

Except he wasn’t.

Dedicated, smart, kind girl. Easy to captivated your classmates; interested in finding what you could do in the university to help the others, to enjoy the maximum you could about the college experience. Though, one thing Aizawa found out was better than what your father said.

Gorgeous wouldn’t be enough to describe the deity you are.

Oh, he felt so guilty when he discovered this. You’re so much prettier than the other girls around that he almost got down to his knees to be grateful he wouldn’t be your teacher this semester. You are too pretty for his own good and he hated having amazing students on his classes—they’d never keep still, the entire class wanting to spend some time around you, wanting to have a word with you despite no subject or no need at all to do this.

Aizawa would feel jealous of how it is good to be a classmate instead of a professor. If he wasn’t fifteen, sixteen years older than you, he’d himself find a way of ignoring his embarrassment to invite you to a café. In a perfect scenario, you’d meet in the Havana one, in a much less suspicious situation.

That being said, the reason of why he joined the reunion besides not being a big fan of meetings, became both the worry about his old colleague, for who he cares, and the idea of entering your house and seeing you.

Luckily, when he entered, the living room was free, as the kitchen. Except for the host, no one else of the family were there by the time all of his guests arrived. So the night started, snacks, talks about children as usual, conversations about jobs, commentaries about woman. Until your father decided to fill some glasses with honey whisky—at the same time, like a mocking move, the music player started to play any Lana del Rey melancholic song that he justified being from your playlist—and said what everybody already knew.

“I’m a divorced man, now,” he said, a joking tone that matched nothing in the way his eyes were sad, tired, dark bags under them. But his expression became even more sadder as he continued, saying now what Aizawa already knew. “And my daughter is devastated. I don’t know what to do, she goes study and comes back hours after the end of the classes, never tells me where she’s going or with who. And, fuck, she cries the whole night. Breaks my heart to see her like this, but…”

His voice died as he heard steps coming from the stairs. In a weird synchrony, the men drank of their glasses and started talking about lighter, happier stuff. Although it was clear the host needed to vent, none of them wanted to keep the conversation knowing his daughter was right behind, in the living room.

Aizawa looks away when you sneak into the kitchen after greeting your father and his friends. Just like when you flirtedwith him in the cafeteria, you smiled at him shortly, a smirk carried with an inside meaning, before opening the fridge to get yourself a snack before coming back to your room, just as fast as you’ve showed up.

Unlike the expected—seeing a student in her casual clothes, since she’s at home—, Shouta watches you with the same t-shirt you were wearing when the both of you met, now matched with thick fabric pants. Better than the expected, to be honest. Yet inside his brain he can think whatever he wants about you (nobody’s there to judge him other than his own conscious), it wouldn’t be quite nice to see you jumping the steps in pajamas, usually with a thin fabric that leave little to the imagination of those who watch.

Your father did raise you like a good girl, hm? No showing off in front of dad’s friends; always dressing composed clothing to go downstairs during his meetings.

It doesn’t stop Aizawa from wondering about what did you think when you first saw him. What did you think when you showed him your smile, the one your father used to show off, shaking your hands at him?

Are you going to think of him in your room too, just like he’s thinking of you—despite his trials to avoid it—whilst your father keeps talking about how it is hard to understand what’s going on inside your mind?

Glasses of whisky and many hours later, the men start to go home. One by one, they ask for their wives to come pick them, find and Uber to drive them home, the one who didn’t drink goes straight alone. Then Aizawa and your father remains, eating the last pizzas slices and listening to Swedish songs as they try hard to find any subject to talk about before leaving.

“See,” the man talks to Shouta, pointing at the big portrait of his family enjoying the last happy vacations on the clear waters of a paradisiacal beach. In it, your swimsuit had a flowered print, and your arms were up, face seeming genuinely happy. “I wish I could live forever to take care of her. Of her smile. She’s not smiling these days, after her mother left, not even talking to me properly. Man, you can bet I’d do anything for her to stop crying at night and saying in the morning she’s okay, she’s feeling better than yesterday.”

He stops, perhaps noticing he was talking too much, and sigh, sipping the last whisky of his glass.

“I know she isn’t,” he continues, and Aizawa nods, silent. “Because I’m getting worse every day. Anyway, if you ever see her down at school, of even if something happens, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“You’re too worried about her,” Aizawa states, softly, placing a hand on your father’s shoulder, who shakes his head. Sounds strange to say it after listening to you, knowing you’re feeling lost, unsure of what to do to ease the pain and scary feeling of being thrown into the world without any knowledge, but he doesn’t stop himself. “She can handle this. Let her be for a while, she’ll be fine.”

Your eyes shined when you gave him that kind of rude answer, apologizing after. Yet you’re still a little girl trying to find your way, you’ll be able to do it in a couple days. His crappy advice should work for something, and maybe, just maybe, if you show up to drink another strawberry frappe at the Havana café he’d say better things to help you.

“I suppose so,” the host finally accepts, opening a smile, after a couple minutes in silence, a comfortable one. “She’s tough. But still, keep an eye on her to me.”

“Don’t worry,” he affirms and stands up, walking towards the door. “I’m going now, Sir. Take care and have a good night.”

Shouta enters the Uber he called after a couple minutes—those spent staring at the window covered by the curtains, a silhouette passing by every now and then—and heads home, thinking about how the innocent request of your father could be the excuse for him to do awful things to you. Things he wants to do, to be honest, but aren’t that important for him to feel the crazy urge of creating plans. He can’t risk losing his job because you’re pretty even when you’re crying; he can’t risk losing his career for something like that flirt that might just have happened because of your current state of loneliness, clinginess, neediness.

Still, the alcohol on his brain making it hard to deny, he thinks of you when he’s taking a shower, dick hardening against his will, wondering why the hell the bittersweet taste of the risqué and forbidden things is always tastier than the sweet of the things did according to morals and rules.

His cock remains untouched during his shower, but only because he thinks you don’t deserve it. Him fucking his hand to the thought of your crying, the memory of your eyes getting slightly happier when you notice he has paid attention to you during your conversation, really trying to help you.

You want to be seen, to be heard, to be liked for ones not because your father said you’re amazing and not because your mother said you’ll be heading overseas in a couple years to study more and become a great professional. You want someone to forget you’re their daughter, their flawless kid, predicted to be the greatest woman of the family. Instead, you want to take off the mask and still have someone praising you, saying you’re a good girl because you are! You’re the best girl when you don’t need to play your constant role, too. You need to hear the praises, but this time for the person you’re really are.

Aizawa knows it. Your irises are clear, can be read like a book, and he noticed all of this is a couple minutes. A hurt girl finding out the life isn’t what parents want to be—after all, the one who stays with you until the day of your death is you, only you—, expecting to discover what else you should do to live the dream hidden deep inside your heart.

He understands you. And, unlike a gentleman, he’s not going to help you with that. You need to understand it by yourself. Then, when you’re ready to say what you need to him—a poor, pathetic dream, because he knows you can choose any other guy, especially younger ones—, Aizawa Shouta will give you whatever you want, and take away from you whatever he needs.

Right now, the sun rising on the still dark sky, he decides he needs you.

continues on part ii.

#aizawa x reader #aizawa x you #aizawa shota x reader #aizawa shota smut #mha x y/n #mha x reader #bnha x reader #boku no hero x reader #my hero academia x reader #[ collab! ]

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