#am i approaching this in too utilitarian a way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

not-poignant · 2 months

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Hey, hey! Random kind-of-writer here, who struggles to bring words on paper and looking for help/advice? I think I finally found my problem, which comes in the shape of 'my third person pov writing sounds like an ikea building instruction'. AKA: All that what the pov character perceives is there, things are happening/the plot is there but the writing kind of lacks thoughts/feeling/inner monolog? For years I've followed your stories and I look up to your writings skills. Especially you handling of pov and that gorgeous mixture of what the character perceives and what is happening in their head. Do you have maybe any tips/insight how do you find a balance?

Hi anon!

So firstly I'm going to point you to my dialogue research post that I put up recently, because dialogue research applies to a characters inner dialogue as well, and will kind of give you a guide as to how they're likely to be talking in their heads. (How I write as the narrator in A Stain that Won't Dissolve is actually somewhat similar to how Alex speaks, I even go out of my way not to use certain words if I don't think Alex would know what they mean).

Otherwise there's several approaches you can take.

You can imagine that the character is basically writing a journal entry or a diary entry. The narrator is, in a way, piggy backing off that. You're a fly on the wall of a character's brain. Sometimes they're going to have lots of thoughts, sometimes they're going to have none. Sometimes my characters are literally just narrating what's happening no thoughts attached, sometimes they're narrating with thoughts attached, and sometimes they're just thinking about stuff and missing what's going on in front of them.

Diary entries are like that too. They can vary from 'today I did this, did this, walked the dog, had this for dinner, and read some of this book' to 'oh my GOD I HATE this person sO MUCH and I really can't BELIEVE this is happening to me omg the DOG needs to be walked I keep FORGETTING.'

Somewhere in there, is your character.

Some characters are more - for lack of a better word - detached or utilitarian than others, some have their voices 'come to life' over the course of a story, because they're growing (Gwyn can be a bit like this).

Some characters are very observational, some are stuck in their heads. Some ground themselves through noticing their surroundings, others notice how other people are acting and behaving (especially true with trauma, Astarion notices setting way less than he notices how people are behaving around him).

It might help you to write down some little sentences like 'this character notices people a lot because people hurt them' or 'this character looks for nature because they like nature' or 'this character is very sensitive to smells so they constantly are aware of how things smell.'

From there, I am very sorry to say, it's just a matter of practice! This stuff becomes easier the more you do it. At first, it will be normal for the characters to feel a bit mechanical and not very natural, and that's because you're still building the skills you need to bring them to life from the ground up. Most writers don't have these skills even if they know what they're supposed to be learning, and they can only be learned through trying, making some mistakes, having some successes, and keeping on with the words.

How you write the first paragraph of a character this year, will be very different to next year, if you just keep writing.

Unfortunately, you can't skip past that part either. I can give you lots of tips, and you can do lots of research and guidance for yourself, but at the end of the day the best way to make it feel natural and have some depth, is to actually just keep writing characters and reflecting on what you've written, notice the paragraphs you like as well as the ones you don't, and building and building from there.

I wish you all the words, anon! It's normal to feel dissatisfied with your writing sometimes, that means you know you have room to grow - but the best thing is, you're already growing if you're noticing this stuff!!! That's actually a positive! You'll go through periods of feeling satisfied, and then dissatisfied, if you keep on keeping on, and looking at what the writers you love are doing, you'll eventually really just pick it up until it feels quite natural to you <3

#asks and answers #pia on writing #pia on characterisation #so like... inner thoughts - i used to chronically journal #and i find narration and journaling quite similar as skills #because you can also journal clinically and observationally #or you can journal emotionally #you can journal in metaphor and prose-style writing #and you can journal in flat facts and science #narrators are kind of the same alkfjsadfsda #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue

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starfxkr · 2 months

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You’re an aspiring costume designer right?? (Pls tell me I’m not wrong - if not you’re great at visuals xox)

How would you “design” the boys and how would you make their wardrobes change/evolve as their characters do? Do you agree with the show’s choices? For example the s1 outfits how about the colour palettes? Is this too loaded of a question? I’m sorry

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS QUESTIONNNNNN yeth i am an aspiring costume designer its my bread and butter bc im such a visual person when crafting characters ever since polyvore ppl said my sets felt like actual ppl would wear them

i actually loveeee the costume design bc its so simple but theres so many details!!! the way the pogues all share clothes/worked at the same places so they have the same shirts or pope and jj both wearing hats constantly (esp pope in season 1) because its fuckin hot and the suns in their face or just how they all have a similar way of dressing bc of theor lack of wealth/lifestyle

like john b with the printed shirts and bandanas give classic adventure protagonist hes almost like a man of another time? they dress him like if kurt russel was a gen z’er and i love it sm it’s perfect he has the slightly rugged essence of a man from the past…we need that sex appeal back and i like how hes the most colorful too!!! i think it fits his charming and approachable aura

too i love the little details in jjs clothes: the tears and and stains and the fact that he cuts the sleeves off every single one of them 😭 and the fact that theyre all like…beer related oh hes so gutterbutt or the way hes constantly without a shirt in his overalls or under a flannel like perfect feral energy u can tell hes left to his own devices and his clothes are always slightly ill-fitting and the button ups are always dark blues amd just general cool/gray tones work so well with his character bc everything well worn and someone once pointes out how hes bracelets and rings are always in the same order on the same hands which is something dyslexic ppl do so they can differentiate left from right like idk of that was intentional but slay! and THANK GOD we’re goin back to the s1-esque hair like i loved s2 long hair but s1 was the sweet spot. also hated how blonde he was s3

pope i think in season 1 they didnt know what to do forreal but as time went on he had a more clear style? in the beginning hes very…regular dude button ups over t shirts, shorts and lots of graphic tees from local places but over time as he comes into his own you can see he develops a color palette of lots of greens and browns and beaded jewellery that maintain his quirkiness! also love the detail of his graphic shirts always being of more eclectic designs like the thrasher shirt from s1 being the more scraggly drawing instead of the well known one! he looks very diy/screen printed like pope has a lot of punk/afropunk inspired aspects which is interesting bc hes not punk at all also very glad they grew his haor out…very nice

rafe goes thru the biggest change bc he starys off stereotypical frat boy in polos and sperrys but like very southern preppy in the pastels! like thats a southern thing very vineyard vines but as time goes on he changes a lot like s2 is more utilitarian with darker colors and the northface jacket and even a t shirt? like very strange for him but shows how hectic his life has gotten. by s3 he marries the casualness of s2 with the ringer tees and that absolutely scrumptious striped shirt like despite looking casual he looks confident he looks comfortable which makes it less jarring to see, it goes with the buzzed hair. and then when he has to be The Man and he’s got the slacks, and the crisp button ups it feels less like him playing at being a man? compared to his obvious immaturity in season 1

#✨.txt #meta

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tbcanary · 7 months

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I love how much you love Dinah. I’ve been reading as much of her as I can recently, but I feel like I’m all over the place between old/new GA and BOP (Dixon vs Simone) and JLI and JLA and etc… with so many people cautioning that this characterization gets her or that one doesn’t. Would you be willing to talk a little about what you see as her core character, and/or what different runs get right about her?

oh anon, this is such a delightful message and i am overjoyed to receive it tbh. i can absolutely talk about this!! i keep starting this ask and then just rambling for a while with a bunch of context, but for the sake of not boring you:

i'm still pretty new to comics, and i'm learning as i go, so this is not going to be the most comprehensive look? also, i tend to take the approach of "no one writer gets everything right," so it's more of a pastiche of different things as opposed to just... one person's interpretation. bc everyone brings different aspects that i enjoy.

ok! deep breaths. i'm holding your hand and we're going to dinah land together.

core characteristics!

generally, i shy away from the idea that a character's main feature is their "compassion." this is something comics throw around a lot as either a character flaw or a point to differentiate them -- specifically from batman or one of his proteges, in this case, babs. so whenever dinah is described as "compassionate," i tend to back away a little and think of how to reframe it.

see: birds of prey (1999) #60, when babs "fires" dinah for being too emotional and compassionate in the field.

dinah does put herself in harm's way a lot. and sometimes it is emotional, for sure, which is something all superheroes do. but for dinah it's not... it's not that she gets too emotional or compassionate. she's very logical, actually, and pretty calculated even when taking risks. what dinah does comes from more of a utilitarian perspective, i think: if i do this, then fewer people get hurt. it's just that "fewer people get hurt" often translates to "dinah gets hurt instead of anyone else."

this is similarly reframed by shiva later, not as something compassionate but as something heroic. see issue #94: "what would dinah do? something heroic, i'd imagine." and then she immediately offers to fight someone one-on-one, not in a self-sacrificial way but more because she has logically -- if incorrectly -- assumed that it will be an even match and she stands a chance of winning. shiva knows dinah would put herself on the line instead of letting the whole team risk themselves; she also knows that it only makes sense to do so, for either her or dinah, when they stand a chance of winning. (bop #94)

this is reflecting back on dinah's little adventure with ted grant, where she frequently realizes the odds are against them -- and makes a calculated choice to get them out of the situation, even if it risks blowing her cover or revealing her identity. point of fact: it always works. (bop #82)

she recognizes they're outnumbered, pulls a stupid and desperate gambit to prey on the insecurities of twelve trained assassins, and in the end, they all get out alive. it might be based in compassion and worry for ted's safety, but it comes from a place of fully understanding their circumstances and acting off of those factors. it's what makes her such an incredible field agent.

so anyway. a lot of these are from simone's run, because that's what i've been reading lately. but generally, i think dinah is aware of her own skills and abilities. she takes risks and she acts against orders -- but while those behaviors may seem wild or random or unsafe from the outside, she always does it with an understanding of how much she can get away with. she might push herself here and there, or get into situations that are difficult to survive, but very rarely is she truly caught off-guard in a situation she actually cannot handle.

(and, when she is, she's fucking excellent at asking for help. she contacts batman, she contacts ollie even when they're on the rocks, she contacts huntress. she urges other people to do the same. dinah knows her own skills, and she also knows other people's skills and when she needs their assistance. she's a tactician and a strategist, she's just also more willing to make a bigger play than most of her colleagues. risk it for the biscuit, baby!)

this is not to say that she isn't compassionate; she cares deeply for her family, and once you're in her circle, you are in it. wildcat, sin, roy, babs, helena -- every time she's gotten close to someone, she's held onto them. when babs and helena fight, dinah urges them to get their shit together (bop1999). when ollie finds out about roy's addiction and doesn't offer the support roy needs, dinah stays with roy until he's sober and can safely be on his own (snowbirds don't fly). when hal is transported to another world, dinah volunteers herself to go in after him, because she knows she's the only one who can do it (green lantern/green arrow). when "mother" threatens to train sin to become the new shiva, dinah pulls strings to get sin out of the country and into a safe circumstance (bop1999).

tl;dr: she does not give up on people. this is a pillar of the dinah lance experience, to me. everyone gets a second chance, and a third, and a fourth. there are limits and lines and regulations on that, obviously; when ollie cheats, it is a hard thing for her to come back from. again, she's logical and strategic in how she maintains these relationships. but! she does maintain them. she tries to keep people close to her, and i love how much work she puts into it.

also, like, i love dinah and ollie so much -- but despite the fact it took her a long time to get her own run and really develop, i appreciate that as early as the grell run in the 80s, she was her own person. the best dinah writers understand that, while ollie might be her other half, she has always been able to operate on her own.

(note: i love dinah in the longbow hunters. she is everything to me. she specifically tells ollie, let me handle this case, i have it and i want to do it on my own. and like... it doesn't work out, whoops, but that doesn't change the fact she was allowed to make that choice on the page. even in green lantern/green arrow, dinah is going undercover and investigating things on her own. these storylines fall into the trope of her being in mortal danger and needing ollie to save her, but like... aw, well. baby steps!)

i'm a lover of kevin smith's run of green arrow, and i think it's a great example of dinah and ollie at their best -- i love dinah's "the good ones always do the dishes" panels, and her dedication to assisting women who are in difficult or abusive situations -- so that's great supplemental material for that relationship, because as much as i've talked up dinah being logical and strategy-motivated here, i think a lot of that absolutely falls away in the face of the force that's oliver queen. he's the one guy who manages to get her to a point of misbehaving and turning off that voice in her head, which is just a delight to see. i love them.

i'm not AS familiar with jsa or jla, but! i think her appearances in justice league set her up as a good leader, despite bruce being a better strategist and superman being more powerful and diana being more compassionate and hal being more willful and ollie being more righteous and angry, etc. dinah is kind of... outmatched, on every front. but what she then offers is a sort of centralized perspective that encapsulates all of those things; kind of like a jack of all trades. she recognizes the strengths of the people she works alongside, and she can work to fill the gaps.

i haven't really been a fan of what's been done in rebirth/52, so i'm not as familiar with most of those. what i have read has leaned pretty far into her being a mess, and like... while dinah is messy, certainly, in other runs, it doesn't usually interfere with her work. she's very good at compartmentalizing. and i think when writers decide to focus on her Troubled Relationship With Ollie, they forget that like. she wouldn't be here if she couldn't separate the personal from the professional, you know? you just can't function that way.

and, yknow. i'm looking forward to where kelly thompson takes this run of birds of prey, because i like her writing generally and i'd like to see a new take on sin -- even if i wish they hadn't aged her up offscreen like they did with lian. because dinah's relationship with parenthood and children is such a big part of her character, to me.

there's longbow hunters, where she tells ollie that while she loves children, she "won't make orphans." again, this is why i push back against her being primarily ruled by emotion or her heart; she knows and understands the risk of her lifestyle, and she will not give it up. even if it means she can't be a mother, which is something she's always wanted to do.

(i'm not a huge fan of then moving to give her the whole infertility storyline, but whatever. comic writers will do what they do.)

dinah gets to play a motherly role with roy and connor, sometimes, but like. sin is the first time she comes close to actually having a kid of her own, so i'm interested to see where the current birds of prey run takes that. (i know they call each other "sister" usually, but dinah has called sin her daughter a few times; the sister thing is more due to the baggage of the word "mother" than because of the nature of the actual relationship.) i'd like to see how thompson writes dinah's relationship to motherhood and children now, and what might have changed or what they kept in the various reboots and retcons. because again, a core part of dinah is that she does love children, she does want to have them, she takes on maternal roles -- she just knows that it isn't practical or fair to do, with her vigilante lifestyle, and she loves that lifestyle too much to give it up for anything.

i don't even know if this makes sense anymore, frankly. i just love her so much. there are a few things i couldn't manage to fit in here that i think deserve mentioning, though, so here's a lightning round:

dinah struggles with guilt over her own abilities. she doesn't use the canary cry while fighting most of the time because it wouldn't be fair in hand-to-hand combat. she's been surrounded by respected martial artists and boxers for most of her life; she respects the art of unarmed combat, and her voice is a weapon she only uses in extreme circumstances.

similarly, she doesn't like knowing how to hurt people. she understands it as necessary for the greater good, and she does it when she needs to, but knowing how to break bones and having a "gift" in the area of physical violence isn't something she's proud of. it's a skill she possesses, not a trophy she shows off.

"You can't compartmentalize a lifetime of learning where to place your fist, just because you might be in polite company."

there is a panel where she explicitly refers to herself as a heterosexual. do not believe this; she has very weird, homoerotic tension with every single adult woman she has ever met, and other characters literally comment on it. (babs says she doesn't understand the weird Thing dinah and shiva have going on. as if anyone understands the weird Thing dinah and babs have going on, as commented on by ted kord, selina kyle, and likely many others i'm forgetting. come on.)

when babs tells her she's fired, she responds with the fact that fighting crime is the only thing she does "that makes any sense." despite her struggles with it, despite wanting a more peaceful life, she doesn't really know how to do it. this is who she is, and she will keep on doing it.

i didn’t reference Dixon’s run much here. it’s really good for developing dinah and babs’ friendship, but it makes a habit of downplaying dinah’s intelligence. she has some great moments and continues to shine as a field agent, and overall i do still love this portion of the run, i just don’t have as many specific pulls because any time dinah gets any kind of personal narrative it’s about being in love with “the wrong guy” or whatever. she and babs are really cute, though, and again — the mission where she takes babs’ place could be read as impulsive, but she has a handle on it. very rarely do her decisions as a field agent truly fuck her over. because she’s good at her job, damn it.

noooo idea if this answers any of your questions. again, this is very very bop heavy because that's the zone i've been in recently, but like. to be fair. it's a lot of dinah's big moments, so it seems appropriate. she's everything to me, really, and i love her so, so much.

#anonymous #ask.tb #well THANK YOU #i hope this is an acceptable answer kbnkjnbkjgng #i simply. love dinah lance so much. she's everything to me.#metaposting

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invinciblerodent · 4 months

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What are your thoughts on God Gale?

What was Arvid’s opinion and how did he react to Gale’s persistence to use the crown to become a god?

Ah, thank you for asking! ❤️ I've not actually gotten to the end yet personally, so I'm not entirely certain how exactly I'll feel about the whole god-business (so far? 100% not a fan from the epilogue clips I've seen from the corner of my eye, I'll have to see how exactly tho), but I feel like as a cleric, Arvid in general has a.... a pretty hard time, shall we say, with this whole matter. Specifically with reconciling the ideas of what's considered "good" for a single mortal, and what'd be "good" for the world.

In general, the way I see it, his thoughts on this whole thing are pretty intrinsically tied to the fact that he is a worshipper of Tempus, a neutral entity and war god: specifically the god of righteous, honorable combat.

At its core, in Tempuran belief, whether divine favor befalls one side or the other in a clash is decided not on the basis of whose heart is the most pure, who prays hardest, or whose cause is the most moral, but more based on their commitment, their willingness to fight for their genuine belief. (This does cause some weirdness in his feelings about the cult of the Absolute early on, but finding out about the manipulation at the core of that specific thing sorts that out quickly lol.)

Arvid too, because of that doctrine, usually tries his absolute best not to pass value judgement, and instead tries to respect all who stand up for what they believe to be right. But, being mortal (and generally just... well, a good person), that does prove difficult, so his dedication to a "greater good" does color his decisions with a pretty heavy hand as well. His overall cause and belief system is essentially a kind of... tolerant utilitarianism, I guess, a "let all may love their own god and fight for their own cause" with a side of "I'm singularly dedicated to putting the most possible good out into the world, and am willing to fight to the death for it", which is... not an easy tightrope to walk, especially while holding a pretty specific "let's at least try not to die, shall we" agenda as well, lol.

His first, kneejerk reaction upon hearing about Gale's desire to ascend was definitely an "ABSOLUTELY not, no way, no, that's not possible, nor is it a good idea even to attempt, this is a repeat of a terrible history with no winners", but... the more they see and experience, the more that certainty.... wavers. Because Gale's commitment is not only true and as ardent as it could be, Arvid also can't exactly disapprove on the basis of his own morality either, only on the basis of selfish desire.

Vlaakith, Shar, Mystra, the Dead Three's Chosen, even Raphael, Mizora, and the Emperor in a way... everywhere he's looked outside of his own little bubble in which honor in battle is sacred, the Divine (and those comparable to- or approaching it) have time and time again proven to be capricious, petty, deceitful, corrupt, and world-ending power congregates in hands that are entirely unworthy of even being mentioned in the same breath with alarming frequency. All things considered, both in his definition of objectively, and in alignment with the teachings with which he was brought up, he can see that someone as principled, trustworthy, and, yes, ambitious, as Gale, if he put his mind to it, would not exactly be a... a bad choice for a fledgling god. So the thought that Gale might actually (painfully) be right, does worm its way into his head, and it... it kills him a little bit inside.

He can philosophize and try to explain it away all he wants, but deep down he knows that his best reasons for trying to dissuade Gale from this potential folly are, at their core... probably some of the first genuinely selfish things Arvid has thought in his life. It's simply that he wants Gale, as he is, to stay safe, happy, and -yes, limiting as that sounds- someone he can hope to reach and live up to.

From then, the internal conflict is a pretty classic one that's between what he desperately wants (happiness for the both of them, while mortal and content by the side of the man he loves), and what he believes to be right (aiding the rise of a potential balancing force in the world), and because it's some excellent character-development opportunity to have him veer away from the self-sacrificing ways he's had his whole life, he'll eventually reprise his impulsive reaction from the end of act 2, and selfishly implore Gale to choose him, despite the sense and potential for good that he sees in the opposite.

Years later, watching Gale sleep beside him, human and happy, the thought will enter his mind again, about whether the world would be a better, more just place with such an incredible man in its pantheon... but, seeing as the world is nevertheless still standing, and that no terrible tragedy has befallen them or Faerun based on the selfishness of imploring his love to choose this, what's real and certain, over an abstract chance for something that could have been, he's willing to live with that.

#(sorry tumblr didn't eat anything lol i just knew this was gonna be long)#(i've been a bit under the weather so I was stewing on it a little)#(poking around on mobile was fine it was just the sitting up to actually put thoughts together lol ❤️)#squirrel plays bg3 #oc: arvid trygg

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shiningdesignersreflections · 4 months

Text

Chapter 3: Unexpected Challenge

Narrated by Vermillion.

~Content Warning: mild workplace abuse~

Narrator: It's three days to the New Year, and the preparation for every event is underway.

Narrator: After the press release, Helz plans to make acquaintances with some individual designers. As a good assistant, it naturally falls on me to scout ahead.

Narrator: I'm rounding the stairs, and what do I hear but that familiar, taunting voice.

Caroline: What's this supposed to be? Is it from your grandma's department store? The only place this color palette is going to is Cloud in a new year!

Narrator: Feeling the storm of Caroline's displeasure at her assistant's design from around the corner, I decide to hang back and wait for it to pass by.

Narrator: Out of the corner of my eyes, I see a young girl assistant hanging her head and slowly collecting sheets of paper scattered on the floor.

Caroline: All this time, and your taste hasn't improved one bit. The mix of red and white is a total nightmare.

Narrator: She has no right to say that about red and white!

Narrator: I dare not even breathe as I clutch the folder in my hands.

Assistant Girl: ...Actually, the inspiration for this color combo is from my...

Narrator: The girl tries to explain, but Caroline doesn't give her the chance.

Caroline: Fashion is to show one's identity and status, so it must be avant-garde enough to distance itself from others.

Caroline: If you turn something like this in again tomorrow, you're done.

Assistant Girl: ...I understand.

Narrator: Caroline walks off, leaving the girl behind. I hear her sobbing quietly.

Narrator: I approach, pick up a sheet from the ground that she dropped and hand it to her.

Vermillion Snow: Did you design this? It's pretty good. I like the red and white combo, too.

Vermillion Snow: I heard what she said to you. I'm a design student as well, and I liked your idea. Maybe we can talk sometime?

Vermillion Snow: As for what Caroline said, don't let it get to you. I don't agree with her, at least.

Vermillion Snow: The idea of using fashion only as a status symbol is just too utilitarian and impersonal for me.

Narrator: For a second, the assistant's grateful eyes meet mine, only to twist into shock as she stares past me.

Narrator: I turn around to find none other than Caroline standing behind me, imperiously impatient.

Caroline: What are you still doing here? Don't you know the next press conference has been moved up?

Narrator: The girl shudders from head to toe and sprints off with sketches in hand.

Narrator: After dismissing the girl, Caroline's focus shifts to me.

Caroline: Do not get in the way of my assistant's duties.

Vermillion Snow: ...I didn't get in her way.

Caroline: Did you take it upon yourself to teach her how to do her job, then?

Vermillion Snow: I...

Narrator: She notices my badge and smirks.

Caroline: Listen, little girl, you probably don't have the ear for advice from your betters, but here are the rules of this business.

Caroline: You do not have the right to point fingers at me, or my assistant.

Narrator: The acrimonious words echoed in my head, bouncing off the walls, infuriating me even more.

Choose "She's so condescending!"

You: She's so condescending! I would've lost it.

Narrator: I know, but I couldn't afford to get into an argument with her there.

Narrator: I had a job to do. What's more, I was a mere assistant, and she was a legend in the business.

Narrator: So I bite my tongue, and with all the politeness I could squeeze out of myself, I give her a nod.

Vermillion Snow: She's a designer, and so am I!

Vermillion Snow: One day, I'll beat her. I'll show her with my own work that only designs with heart and soul can truly move people!

Narrator: I tell Helz what happened. At first, he only shakes his head, but then his eyes light up.

Helz: How about you show her that at the cocktail?

Helz: If you get three letters of recommendation, you can go to the party as an indie designer, wear your own design, and show her what's what.

Narrator: I never imagined I would be able to attend the cocktail. After the surprise wears off, it's replaced by endless excitement.

Narrator: Three letters of recommendation... Helz starts me off with one. Then Sonya gladly provides another after learning about the incident. Just need one more.

Narrator: But what named designer would recommend me, an assistant?

Narrator: I stand in front of the hotel's floor-to-ceiling window and muse as the guests come and go.

Narrator: Lodden lies just beyond glass. It's bright, shining, and untouchable, just like cold fashion business in Caroline's world.

Narrator: Then, a waiter in a tuxedo delivers an unknown letter.

Letter of Recommendation: Heard you want to take Caroline on. I look forward to that.

Narrator: The letter isn't signed, though there's a Mercury Group seal in the bottom right.

Choose "The Mercury Group?"

You: Why would Mercury Group...?

Narrator: I don't know either, but there are many designers under the Mercury banner.

Narrator: Someone who didn't see eye to eye with Caroline probably got wind of it and decided to lend a hand.

Narrator: I felt the fire of hope light up in me once again.

Narrator: Just you wait, Caroline... I will prove to you that there's more than one way to good design.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

#vermillion snow #shining nikki #transcript #chapter 3 #ssr designer #apple #apple federation #unexpected challenge #new year #new year's eve #assistant #abuse #trigger warning #content warning #letter #letter of recommendation

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vergess · 1 year

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Anon Asked: Q for Vees (and you too tbh): how do you kill the cringe reflex? Like... there are a bunch of people online that I LOVE but I feel like society has beat the cringe into me and it pops up with these people even though I love them. I hate that feeling and I want it gone, and I'm sure it'll just take time and effort to beat the cringe back out, but any tips? Really don't want to keep having this reflex about people I care about so much

The GF answered this question already here.

As for me, I’ve got two suggestions that I hope will, between them, offer something for everyone.

First up is to ask yourself why you cringe. Not why you think you should cringe, nor what excuse you give yourself for cringing, etc.

Your goal is to identify the actual, specific emotions you feel that you are referring to as ‘cringe.’ Not to assign moral value, just to identify them. Envy, humiliated, angry, whatever else. All emotional responses are equally moral. But you need to know what those emotions are.

Because when you do know, then you can determine how those emotions were inspired by the event/action/person you cringed at.

Once you have the answer to that (which may take many months of inquiry!), you’ll be able to unknot the negative emotions from the thing inspiring them. Once the negative emotional bond is gone, the impulse to cringe goes too.

If you’ve ever had Dialectical Therapy for acute PTSD, you probably recognize this process!

If that sounds too difficult, the "shortcut" version of this is to purposefully train yourself to feel positive emotions instead of the negative ones, without actually interrogating the negative ones. It's not as effective as the full process, but it's very effective!

It's the basic concept underlying, "I am cringe, thus I am free."

The second option is less self-improving, but you do need to have a firm sense of public vs private spaces, and to remember that social media is a public space.

With that in mind:

“What are the behaviours against which I feel morally justified in openly mocking in public? What are behaviours that I want to loudly signal immediate, absolute repulsion towards? What things are actually worthy of being cringed at in this way?”

Your answer will vary. You are your own moral agent, so you have to decide that for yourself.

Maybe you’ll decide to go a sort of Universally Placid route. I think that would be very admirable of you. I always find pacifists to be deeply admirable specifically because I do not have the space for that much kindness.

I imagine this is probably your best bet for truly "killing that which cringes" in a total and complete way. My understanding is that Buddhist scholars could help you with that far more than me.

I'm neither that patient nor that kind, so I opted for a more utilitarian approach:

It’s always the right time to mock white supremacy.

#answered asks #arionwind #anonymous #cringe #cringe culture #Kill not that which is cringe; rather kill that which cringes #I am cringe thus I am free

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a-servant-of-the-secret-fire · 11 months

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The most human characters in Blade Runner 2049 are the ones who aren’t human at all. Nearly all of the human characters in the film are the ones who act most like machines. They’re the most cold, the most utilitarian. Their care for others is based on the use they can get out of them. Humanity views others as objects. Yet Officer K reprograms Joi, a sex AI, designed purely for the sexual gratification of human beings, into a real companion who he simply wants to share his life with. He values Joi for who she is, though her identity, like K’s, is an artificial creation of humanity. The objects treat others as humans while the humans treat others as objects. It’s easy enough to spot in the film, and easy to spot in humanity itself. But the hard part is to see it in ourselves.

It’s not hard because it’s not there but it’s hard because it forces us to look at our wounds. We have our coping mechanisms that turn others into objects. We might even have our coping mechanisms that turn ourselves into objects. I know I do. Robbing myself of my humanity is a habit I know all too well. Because if I’m not human, I can’t have wounds that are only human. If I’m not human, I can’t have trauma.

I’ve never experienced trauma. I’m fine.

That’s the lie I told myself for almost my entire life.

If I don’t have trauma, I don’t have to heal from it. My coping mechanisms are fine. I don’t need to change anything. Because I don’t want to, even when I’m forced to admit my habits are unhealthy. I want to continue as is.

I can’t do that. It isn’t sustainable, and it won’t make me happy.

But if I’m not human, I don’t need to be happy.

So the self-objectification continues until I confront my own humanity and accept that I have the dignity proper to the human person, that I was created by love and for love. The ones who have traumatized me probably have the same problem themselves. They objectify themselves and don’t see their own dignity and so treat others like they treat themselves. They see Christ’s command to “love your neighbor as yourself,” and they really do so, in the strict sense. Yet they don’t realize that implicit in the commandment is that one loves themselves. And only in this way can one harmonize the two commandments, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” and “Love one another as I have loved you.”

If one is to love one’s neighbor as oneself and love one’s neighbor as God loves them, then it logically follows that one is to love oneself as God loves them as well.

Yet there’s another struggle that I’ve had. Sure, God loves everyone and He loves the others that I see, and He wants them to go to heaven, but that’s just the way things are for other people. I’m different. I’m special. Does God really care about me? Does He love me? Does He see my pain and all the pain that others, even the religious, even my own family have inflicted upon me?

Logically I know that the answer to all of those questions is yes. That I’m not special. I know that even viewing myself as special in this regard is a result of the sin of pride, but I have a hard time actually accepting these things in my lived experience. My own father wounds have been imprinted in my heart upon God the Father. And I have trouble going to God without feeling the own wounds my father gave me.

God is the great physician but what am I to do if my own woundedness prevents me from approaching the physician? “It’s not the healthy that need a doctor but the sick,” yes, but when I cannot bring myself before the Doctor, where are my friends to lower me through the rooftop? Perhaps that’s where the saints come in. Maybe the saints can bring me before Jesus and I can be lowered through the roof, or into the pool at Bethesda. But maybe all I need to do is cry unto the Lord, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.” Maybe a simple touch of His garment will be enough to heal me too. Or maybe I just need to say in a simple, humble voice, “Domine, non sum dignus ut intres sub tectum meum, sed tantum dic verbo et sanabitur anima mea.”

I don’t know.

I do know is that I am wounded and I need the grace of healing.

Yet Flannery O'Connor was right when she said, “All human nature vigorously resists grace because grace changes us and the change is painful.”

Yet painful as it may be, gratia non tollit naturam sed perficit.

I have made myself less of myself, and God wants to make me more of myself. I hate myself and God doesn’t. I can’t stand to look at myself and thus don’t want to show myself to God. I don’t want to do what Christ told the leper, “Show yourself to the priest.” And it has nothing to do with God or His instruments and everything to do with me and my own wounds.

I may think I’m afraid of God but maybe what I’m really afraid of is myself.

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leafdebrief · 9 months

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most of my reaction gifs on other apps use women in their presentation but for transparency,

i am actually a cis-born-male that just mostly presents as feminine on the internet because i present as feminine in real life.

i'm not gay or trans, but most of my friends end up being somewhere on the LGBTQ2S+ alphabet, and that's because i find comfortable levels of femininity in those circles where i feel approachable people find my femininity approachable.

i was raised to be utilitarian and logical by a very angry man who actually kind of hates women, but we went there luckily for just 2 days a week even if he hated women for 7 and we spent basically every hour we were awake just working on The Farm so i mostly only got a few of his aggressively macho traits: love for tools, snobbish interest in the sciences and philosophy, and impotent rage.

but my mom got my sister and i for 5 days a week.

and my mom had many boyfriends, who my sister and i both got attached to in many ways, and they ended up doing a lot of asshole boyfriend things that hurt her and also hurt us because it made our mom cry and my sister would cry because she can't understand why her mom is crying.

then sometimes even i'd have to cry, because i don't understand why either of them are crying because even i'm still too young but i know it feels awful for all of us. but i don't know how to stop it, so i have to cry too.

but in my room.

because dad, who gets me 2 days a week and shouts at my sister and hits me when i'm acting out really really bad, says that sometimes i've got to man up and just Do The Thing instead of cry.

so it was safer to cry in my bedroom.

it was always safe to cry anywhere at my mom's but i didn't understand that part until a bit later. everyone else was crying there a lot so it didn't feel like the Thing To Do.

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somian-audere · 11 months

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ENTRY XXIV

Frustrations

It’s easy to backtrack,

Far too easy, this week hasn’t been the greatest for me, I’ve gotten lucky believe me, but I feel like that luck’s about to run out. This is it, the last push, so to speak. Honestly, between you and me, I feel like that’s a loaded statement. Last push, how many times have I told myself that? How many times have been told by others that? You’d figure that a last push would actually end one of these days. I guess that’s why I haven’t been trying as hard as I should be, I mean, sure I conquer tomorrow…maybe? But what happens next? Another test, another quiz, another problem, another push.

It’s all so…

Frustrating. Knowing that there’s something else, there’s someone else that’s better, there’s another thing that comes up, and I get distracted because…I’m tired of doing the same things over and over again. Is this just the way that life goes? Day in, day out, another grind? All for what? What was I doing all of it for? I tried finding something that makes my life worthwhile, a hedonistic approach isn’t enough, utilitarian approach far too presumptuous and loaded, having a dream means nothing to me anymore. Perhaps, the truth is, is that I wasn’t tired. I’m just done but I have to keep going, I have to keep fighting the same fight, and losing.

I want to give up.

But what happens then? Everything that I’ve done to get to this point, was it all a waste? Did I just waste my time, my efforts, my everything, just so that I could learn that I wasn’t enough? I’m becoming more and more apathetic as the days pass, I know that I won’t let it end here, but how do I begin all over again?

I’ve learned that there’s no point in worrying,

In my head, these things are still legitimate concerns that I’ve put off for some time, out of fear, out of shame, some other third thing? It’s the very source of everything that I’ve done wrong, it feels as though my soul is on fire, and it’s falling apart again and again [1]. I know that I can still change, but I’ve gotten so used to the fact that I’m just being dragged along by the waves. I have responsibility to see this through until the very end, it’s this stubborn fact that won’t let me change. I’m still not ready, to do something else, this path has caused me to suffer, but if I choose something else then it will truly be all on me. Do I trust myself that much? To not mess it up, to not fail, to make a life that’s worth living.

It’s hard to think,

About the past, the present, and the future. All three things seem scary to me now, to the point that it’s utterly debilitating. I spend days wherein I do absolutely nothing, and yet somehow that feels more important to me. I no longer hate myself, because these things matter so much to me now. I’m too stupid…or perhaps, the accurate term is that I’m not as smart as my contemporaries. I’m okay with that now, but the world isn’t. I’m constantly rushing for something that my mind no longer sees as valuable or important, I'm being pushed into a direction of greatness that no longer reflects the beliefs, and the person that I am now, after everything that I've gone through went through. This way of living is something that I have come to stand against.

But the question remains,

Do I finish this? Or do I start all over again?

A last push,

A new beginning

A decision that has yet to be made.

Both paths lead to the same end,

Though, it is all about the journey, and not the destination.

Nonetheless, this is going to hurt.

Reference:

[1] Crusher(2017). 【VOCALOID Original】Again【Gumi English】. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdQWia3fwMU

#memoir #personal #writing #frustrations

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sirartwork · 2 years

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And Ozymandias Shat: The Verisimilitude of A Dream

It is just barely 6 am as I type this in a fevered delirium, having just awoken from one of the most insidiously powerful nightmares I have experienced in years. Surely I must have fallen afoul of some ancient and terrible trickster deity, whose name has since been long forgotten whence it was worshipped at torch-light by creatures not yet evolved to intellectually modern humans. From where else could such horrors beyond the veil permeate? And wherefore where my dreams chosen to be their vessel?

I have glimpsed into Lovecraftian madness, and the reeking, foetid void has simply smiled back at me.

It began at Barnes and Noble.

Amidst the banal chatter, I felt the call of nature issuing me to that most anxious and onerous of circumstances: semi-public defecation. It’s only ever anyone’s guess as to the caliber of a public restroom unexplored, for it is far too easy to make one that truly disrespects the need for privacy during such a vulnerable act. I made my way past the other patrons of the café, and beheld the horrors of architecture so hostile that it could have only been the product of the utterly psychotic and deranged.

The bathroom was huge, and vast swathes of unused floor space and most of its walls were covered with a sickly yellow, densely packed tiling with black faux grout work. The lighting was florescent and tepid, with one wall cutting diagonally across the receding corner towards a more “open air” thoroughfare with a low retaining wall, giving it the additional presence of having been both poorly designed and converted from something else. Even forgiving the nature of dreams to hastily revise geometry and generate non-euclidian terrain, this bathroom was absolute insanity. A musty, liminal, McMansion-esque abortion of common sense and decency.

This is to say nothing of the abject horror of the toilet itself.

“Behold my works, ye mighty, and despair!”

The sole toilet of the bathroom was enormous. More of a throne, or some sick practical joke rather than something to be used for any utilitarian purpose. Ensconced by adjustable (?!) partitions that did nothing to occlude the user from unwanted viewership, this enormous sculpture had the added humiliation of a convoluted descent from the intended sitting area to the actual drainage, so that any excrement had to travel a languid and snaking path before being whisked away from sight and smell. The “seat” can only be called that in the most generous of terms, as the angle and depth of its placement necessitated the user to maintain an active hovering squat over the purely decorative bowl. Not pictured here was the stall next to it, which being of relatively more sane proportions, I had checked first in the vain hope of something more approachable. Very much reflective of my search for God in this forsaken place, the stall was completely empty. Absolutely nothing but blank floor and walls.

Any sane person would have immediately given up on the prospect of using this monstrosity, but as is the case with dreams the emotional underpinning was more important than the logic, and some part of me knew that my best and only chance was to try and finish up on this thing as quickly as possible before any other patrons came into the bathroom. Sure enough, as soon as I was “seated,” two women entered behind me.

There is a sort of unwritten rule in such spaces that under no circumstances are you to lock eyes with crazy. For reasons not entirely clear in hindsight, their business had to happen directly next to the stall. They did their very best to pretend they weren’t right next to a savage shitting into a glorified marble tower of turds as I tried in vain to adjust the height of the partitions to give some semblance of privacy and decency to the affair. It was a lost cause with the already hilariously undersized panels I had to work with. Instead I resigned myself to the humiliation and adopted a standoffish thousand-yard-stare as I began the arduous wiping process.

Incredibly enough, one of the women saw fit to extend what she must have thought was kindness by trying to commiserate with me about the absurdity of the toilet, before politely alerting me that I had somehow managed to get “a little shit nugget” on my face.

Like many dreams, there was nothing in the way of a resolute end to the event, but rather an abrupt shift from one tonal theme to the next. A janitor had wandered into the bathroom. My business being finished and my shame metastasizing into anger, I saw fit to inform the only authority figure on hand of the travesty that I had just suffered. In no uncertain terms, I told him that the sick bastard responsible for this, be it the plumbers and/or the corporate supervisors that signed off on its installation, deserved to be hung, drawn and quartered for their heinous deeds. Seemingly more interested in talking over me with inane minutia about the tile design, he simply relented to my passionate ranting by saying that he wasn’t responsible for the decision before shrugging me off.

And thus I awoke - ashamed, angry, anxious and confused. What terrible pit of my psyche was responsible for such visions? What unforeseen evil lurks in the depths of my own mind, and what possible chance do I have of ever being able to survive another encounter unscathed? I cannot say for certain what any of this says about me as a person, only that I’ve never been more thankful for a truly private bathroom.

#Writing #Dreams #Horror #Bathroom

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glittergit · 2 years

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A guide to saving tomura and tenko

@mettywiththenotes I gotta say, your shiggy izu brainrot's amazing

so here I am, with some brainrot of my own!

it's interesting that izuku said he couldn't forgive shigaraki, and had trouble dealing with the fact in the aftermath of katsuki's injury

bakugou has always been izuku's blindspot

in a way, without thinking of it, he might subconsciously be mad at villains for separating people like him and kacchan, for putting katsuki in harm's way

I know he was conscious of his anger towards overhaul for hurting and gaslighting eri, at gentle for risking her smiles and happiness, and so on.

and yet, these are villains he was mad at for other people's sake. due to his altruism.

shigaraki and him have something personal, what with the former skewering bakugou and calling his sacrifice and pain 'useless'.

an aside:

he said he didn't want to be 'useless' deku when bakugou cautioned him in the battle.

he's associating the label with himself while trying to rid himself of it.

and yet, he couldn't bear to see that label associated with katsuki.

for katsuki or his work and emotions to be called trivial, or useless.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

there's a saying, that there are no winners in a war since both sides lose people

in other words, neither side has 'total victory' sans casualties(the way bakugou did in the joint training)

for bakugou to be with shigaraki right now, it gives the hero side their best shot at saving tomura and subsequently winning

because, katsuki excels at victory

he's also more objective than deku in battle

it seems to me, that he's the one most likely to understand shigaraki's complaints

(esp in light of aoyama's betrayal and anguish)

katsuki's very solution oriented. remember when he and shoto fought a villain group trying to rob people's purses and jewellery? when the leader complained about it being their source of living, he snaps at him to work for a living.

shigaraki's very valid grievances: for orphans and quirkless people, people with villainous traits/quirks not being beaten to the ground. for them to be safe, and be respected. for him to implore heroes to not be like katsuki once was: someone who scoffed at kindness.

who better to see this and the value it has, than katsuki himself?

katsuki saw first-hand how much impact his apology and acknowledgement of deku's mistreatment had on deku. how much it meant to him.

he knows how the effects of one man's hurt can spread to scores more: the todoroki family.

he knows, better than anyone, how much difference saving each person makes. how a utilitarian approach to hero work doesn't exist in a vacuum. that saving 'majority' of people while screwing over people the majority didn't find acceptable is wrong, hurtful and harmful. to both sides.

shigaraki tried to reach out to him once, when he kidnapped him, but bakugou was too scared and wasn't really given a choice in the matter. it wasn't a two-sided conversation while bakugou was on enemy ground and risked death with a wrong answer(which he still did, he didn't lie to them)

deku and kacchan complete each other

and so, it seems to me, that he's the best candidate to realise how to save tomura(and how deku can reach out to lil tenko). to see tomura's pain, not just as tenko trapped inside(which deku does) but as the leader of LOV who cares for them sincerely and wants them to have a brighter future, where they can be free.

#my babies #puts arms around chibi versions of them #curls around them #bnha #shigaraki tomura #shimura tenko #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bkdk #decchan #katsuizu #bnha brainrot #bkdk brainrot #bakudeku #mha

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hotforharrison · 2 years

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H💖 Chapter 2 (Harrison Osterfield/Reader)

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Explicit smut (fingering), discussion of BDSM/kink

Word Count: 3,564

Summary: You meet Harrison unexpectedly at a crafting meetup at a BDSM dungeon – flirty, gorgeous, British Harrison. By his looks and accent alone, you could honestly see yourself having a thing for him. Life is never that simple, though.

A/N: I'm done with up through Chapter 4 now and working on Chapter 5!

You walked briskly across the parking lot of the large apartment complex located at the address Harrison had given you, heels clacking against the pavement, wishing you’d worn a heavier jacket instead of a knit button up tunic cardigan. The winter chill was sharp and pervasive. You’d taken an Uber, uncertain of the parking situation and whether you’d be drinking, and had the driver drop you off by the leasing office.

The sunlight had long ago faded, and the dim lights illuminating the complex weren’t doing anything to help you find the apartment among the numerous buildings. As you neared the final building, you grew concerned that the apartments were numbered unconventionally when you didn’t have Harrison’s number and couldn’t give him a call. Fortunately, or unfortunately considering the cold and your uncomfortable shoes, the apartment was in the last building in the back corner. It was three floors up, not the easiest to ascend in heels, but you managed.

After standing in front of the door long enough to steel yourself for whatever you were going to find inside, you rang the doorbell. Harrison was quick to answer, ushering you inside the fortunately warm apartment.

He stood before you in black slacks and a striped button down, a few buttons undone that revealed his collarbones and a hint of his chest, chain around his neck disappearing into his shirt. His sleeves were rolled up to bare his forearms.

Your gaze traveled down to his hands, two additional fingers adorned with thick rings that left you feeling desperate already. It wasn’t exactly what you thought he’d be wearing to something like this, although you honestly weren’t sure what you had expected from whatever kind of sex party he’d invited you to. Regardless, he looked delicious in the ensemble, and you wanted a taste.

It was hard to tear your eyes away from him, but you then looked at what you could see of the apartment. It was much more cozy and homey than you expected. You figured it would be similar to the BDSM dungeon, more utilitarian and less welcoming. There was also no one else there, which surprised you. Maybe you misremembered the time.

“Am I early?” you asked.

He glanced down at his watch. “No, you’re right on time.”

“Oh.” You paused. “Are people usually, uh, fashionably late?”

Confusion crossed his face. “What people?”

“The people coming to the party?” you responded.

“Oh! You misunderstood,” he told you. “This isn’t a party.”

Several moments of nervous silence passed before you spoke again. “Then, what is it?”

“Honestly? I wanted to get to know you, just the two of us, somewhere you’d be more comfortable and without an audience that primarily consists of busybodies.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his now intact phone. “And I can show you the stills and films I took with my drone now. Got several of my favorites stills printed and framed around the flat, too.”

With a glance around the walls of the kitchen and living area, you spotted a collage of aerial landscape photos. After toeing off your shoes by the door, you approached the collage to get a better look. The photos were beautiful shots of farmhouses dotting fields of vibrant green underneath endless sunny blue skies and the same fields covered in a light blanket of snow beneath a cloudy muted sky.

“That’s near where I grew up, in the countryside south of London,” he said from beside you.

“It’s really pretty there,” you commented.

“Yeah, I miss it sometimes. I try to make it back a couple times a year, if life doesn’t get in the way. Didn’t get to go last Christmas because of travel restrictions.” He sighed.

You frowned, sad that he had to spend the holidays away from his family when things were rough for pretty much everybody. “I’m sorry. I hope you get the chance to go back soon and that you still had a good Christmas.”

“Thank you. I did. Spent the morning and afternoon with one of my best mates and his family, and then we went to get a pint at a pub that was open,” he responded. “Anyway, if you’d like, I can show you more of my drone portfolio now. I’ve been lucky enough to have done quite a lot of traveling, most of it before all this madness started.”

“I’d love to see more of your work,” you told him sincerely.

“Alright. I can show you on the telly. Much easier to see on a big screen than on my phone.”

You followed him to the sofa, stopping to unbutton your cardigan and drape it neatly over a chair on the way. Even without Harrison himself getting you hot and bothered, his apartment was far too warm for a sweater.

When you returned your attention to Harrison, he was sitting on the middle cushion of the sofa, scrolling through file folder menus on the television.

There was a recliner next to the sofa, and you were uncertain whether you should sit in it or next to Harrison. Getting to know someone was too vague for you to make assumptions about his intentions for the evening, as flirty as he may have been. Most of you was sure that he intended for you to at least sit next to him, if not do anything more intimate tonight, but a nagging voice in the back of your head had you questioning it.

While you were standing next to the recliner silently deliberating, he looked over at you and his eyes widened.

You wondered what caused that reaction until you remembered what you had worn when you thought you were going to some sort of sex party – a low cut black mini dress with lace up sides. You felt your cheeks heat with embarrassment and fought the strong urge to flee the apartment and never see Harrison again for as long as you lived.

Instead of doing that, you said as calmly as you could muster, unable to look at him, “I obviously misunderstood, and I’m so sorry for putting you in this, uh, situation, Harrison.”

“Well, I’m not. Surprised, yes. Sorry, definitely not.” He chuckled. “I didn’t realize what kind of party you thought you were going to with me.”

You risked returning your gaze to him and softly sighed with relief when you discovered that he looked amused, and maybe interested? A subtle glance to his lap didn’t reveal the outline of an erection, so it was still up for debate.

“Come on then.” He patted the sofa next to him. “I don’t bite unless you ask me to.”

You huffed a laugh and sat down gingerly beside him, trying to be careful to leave space between the two of you, even though there wasn’t much space to be had.

He returned his attention briefly to the television, browsing through subfolders with the remote, before turning to face you. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” you responded, trying to stop your mind from immediately rushing to thoughts that he was going to tell you that you were making him uncomfortable and ask you to leave.

He paused for a long moment. “Don’t feel obligated to answer, but are you even wearing knickers?”

That particular question hadn’t crossed your racing mind, and you giggled. “Um, no,” you eventually admitted. “You could see them through the sides of the dress if I did, and I didn’t think I’d probably need them.”

He laughed. “Figured as much. You were really expecting to have a good time tonight, yeah?”

“More hoping than expecting,” you answered honestly, “but yeah.”

His pale blue eyes stared intently into yours for several long moments, making you feel more exposed than your skimpy dress. “And who would I be to disappoint such a pretty girl?”

You couldn’t help it when your breath hitched at the prospect, at the fact that he was actually interested, not just casually flirty. This was definitely not what you presumed would be the end of your dry spell.

“Is that what you want – to be my pretty girl, hmm?” he asked with a smile.

That would be a very enthusiastic ‘fuck, yes.’ Not trusting your voice, you simply nodded eagerly to convey that sentiment.

“And what do you want me to be?” he continued.

Your brows knit in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Would you like me to be your sir, master, boss, something else?” he explained lightly.

You paused to contemplate the options as much as your lust addled brain could manage. None of them really did anything for you, and you were reasonably sure he didn’t sound attached to one in particular. “Something else? I want you to be my…Harrison, I guess. I like your name.”

“And I like the way you say it,” he told you, pleased. “Think I’ll like the way I make you scream it even more.”

“God,” you softly groaned, shifting to unsuccessfully alleviate some of the ache of your arousal. You took a shaky breath. “Believe me when I say there are no words for how much I want you to do that, as soon as possible, but, uh, I need to know. What are the rules for this?”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Rules?”

“Yeah, like what’s allowed and what isn’t. Is there a contract or something I need to sign?” you explained. “I don’t know how all this works, and I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Don’t worry, love, you won’t ‘mess it up,’” he promised. “The only fundamental principle I follow is safe, sane, and consensual. I’m only willing to do things that are safe for both of us, while we’re both in the right mind to consent, and that we both enthusiastically consent to. For scenes, I prefer to have a talk about limits, and then go with the flow, with safe words and signals in place, of course. But if a contract is something that would make you feel more comfortable, then I’m more than happy to do it. To be quite honest, I wasn’t really planning on doing anything we’d really need to talk about in advance tonight, though.”

That wasn’t the response you were expecting, not at all. “You have, um, normal sex?”

He chuckled. “Most of the sex I have is pretty ‘normal,’ as you put it. I had a feeling you’ve got a praise kink, and compliments aren’t particularly kinky by any stretch. I was just testing the waters with Dom names, and that obviously wasn’t a turn on for you, or me, really. I’m perfectly content to be your Harrison, however that ends up looking. Hmmm… how do you feel about sex toys?”

“Like whips and chains and handcuffs and-” you started nervously.

“No, nothing like that, at least not tonight,” he interrupted with a chuckle, rubbing your arm reassuringly with one of his large hands, immediately drawing your eyes and mind there once again. “I meant like vibrators and dildos, maybe plugs or beads if you’re into that. No pressure, of course.” He paused, waiting for a response that didn’t come in your distracted desperation. “But you’re more into my hands and probably not listening to a word I’m saying right now.”

A quiet moan escaped your lips when he experimentally trailed his index finger lightly along your arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake, confirming his suspicions.

He pulled his hand away, with a smirk, and you softly whined. “How about this – I’ll touch you all over, show you just how good my hands and fingers can make my pretty girl feel, and then we’ll go from there? Sound good?”

“Please,” you pleaded, every last bit of you exuding your neediness.

When you tried to stand, you stumbled a bit on unsteady legs, but Harrison was quick to catch you before you fell. Once you were stable on your feet, he immediately pulled you flush against his body and captured your lips in an unexpected kiss. You hadn’t been sure kissing would be on the table at all, with its perceived level of intimacy and your uncertain arrangement with him.

One of his hands moved to cup the back of your head, fingers scratching lightly at your scalp, while the other slid down your back to the curve of your ass, squeezing the supple flesh.

You moaned against his mouth. He took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue brushing against yours. The still noticeable lingering taste of mint meant he brushed his teeth shortly before you arrived, that it wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. He thought kissing you was a possibility he wanted to be prepared for. You were a bit surprised by the effect that had on you. A new surge of arousal throbbed between your legs, causing your hips to involuntarily buck slightly forward.

Harrison’s fingers toyed with the bottom hem of your dress before they pressed between your thighs from behind, slickly slipping through your folds, pausing when a fingertip made contact with your clit.

“Jesus Christ, you’re soaked,” he mumbled as he broke the kiss. “You really are desperate for me, aren’t you?”

“Not sure if you noticed, but you’re really fucking sexy,” you replied breathily.

“Might’ve heard that a time or two,” he told you, cheekily, “but it’s particularly hot coming from you, pretty girl.”

“Can you-” The rest of your sentence was replaced with a moan when he slowly circled your pulsing bud. That was good, really good, but you were aching to be filled.

“Can I what?” he asked, finger stilling again.

“Want you to fing-” Your words were cut off a second time when he repeated his actions, this time a bit faster. It was edging you toward an orgasm, a step in the right direction, but you’d been craving his fingers inside you all day.

“I didn’t catch that,” he teased with a smirk. “What is it you want?”

You groaned in frustration. “Dammit, Harrison, I-”

Instead of frustrating you for a third time, he easily sunk two fingers into you as deep as the slightly awkward angle would allow, the cool metal of one of his rings resting against your entrance.

“Fuck yes,” you sighed with relief as he moved his fingers a bit, but he withdrew them far too soon, eliciting another whine from you at the loss.

“Don’t worry, I’m not done yet, not even close,” he reassured you. “Just need to reposition us so this’ll work better.”

His hands moved to grip the backs of your thighs, encouraging you to hop up and wrap yourself around him.

You did so, and he carried you easily across the apartment to a closed door, reaching behind you to turn the knob and push it open. Your journey in his arms ended when he gently deposited you on a very comfortable mattress covered by a plush navy blue comforter.

You scooted back toward the headboard, stopping when your head rested on a feather pillow.

Harrison crawled up the bed to join you, tugging lightly at the bottom hem of your dress. “How do you feel about this?”

“I don’t know. I liked it enough to buy it, and you seem to like it, too?” you responded unsurely.

“I do like it. Definitely suits you,” he said, “but I think I’d like it more if it were on the floor.”

“Oh! I think so, too,” you agreed, a little embarrassed.

You lifted your hips so he could tug the dress to your waist, then sat up for him to finish pulling it over your head, tossing it hastily onto the floor. You lay back down, Harrison settling himself between your spread legs.

His eyes slowly swept over your nude form, lingering nowhere in particular as he took you in. The silence was a bit unnerving, but he seemed to sense your discomfort. “You’re even more gorgeous than I imagined.”

“You really imagined me naked?” you asked, part of you a bit taken aback.

“Been doing it on and off since we were at tea and crafts,” he confessed. “Couldn’t help it. If I had a type, it’d definitely be you, love.”

His sweet words washed over you, warm and pleasurable, even if you weren’t certain if you fully believed him. “I’m sure you say that to all the girls that end up in your bed.”

“Maybe a couple,” he conceded, “but it doesn’t make it any less true. And, well, let’s say a couple isn’t a drop in the ocean.”

“Can’t say I’m surprised. I mean look at you. You’ve probably even got women throwing themselves at you at the laundromat,” you half-joked.

He chuckled. “That did actually happen once.”

“Did you take her home?” you asked, curious.

“No, it was after midnight, and no one else was around, so I, uh, took her on the washing machine,” he admitted sheepishly. “I made some very questionable decisions when I was a lad. It was mad that I didn’t end up arrested for what I got up to.”

“But I bet you have a lot of interesting stories to tell,” you commented.

“Plenty, but later. Got better things to do right now,” he told you, making no effort to hide his hungry gaze between your thighs.

“Like what?” you asked coyly, even though you were already certain the answer involved continuing your previous activities.

“Playing with this pretty little pussy,” he answered, reaching forward to run his finger lightly along your slick slit. “Don’t worry, though. I’m not going to tease. I think we’re both a bit too desperate for that right now.”

“Yeah,” you agreed, impatiently awaiting his next move.

Without hesitance, he pressed two fingers into you, knuckle deep. A thick patterned ring rested just inside of you, the cool unyielding metal and texture contrasting with Harrison’s warm flesh. He didn’t give you much time to adjust before he started withdrawing the digits.

The whine that drew from you transformed into a moan when he curled his fingers as he slowly dragged them along your inner walls, your hips bucking when he found what he was looking for.

“There it is,” he said, pleased.

You didn’t have to ask him for more – he was quick to start fingering you in earnest, the long digits curling to hit your spot with every thrust.

The room was silent other than the wet sounds of his fingers working you over so nicely, punctuated with the slow crescendo of your carnal cries. The combination of Harrison’s skilled fingers and the texture of his thick ring moving along your opening brought you an unprecedented roller coaster of pleasure, slowly climbing the steep incline of the lift hill to that first drop. You both wanted to experience it for an eternity and bring a satisfying end to the anticipation.

After the hours of eagerly waiting and wanting, the latter won out. “God, Harrison, please,” you begged emphatically.

As he had promised, he didn’t tease. His thumb rubbed only a few slick circles around your throbbing clit before you quickly dropped from the precipice, riding out the sharp dips and rises of your climax, until it eventually ebbed into oversensitivity.

He gently withdrew his fingers from inside you.

Before you even had the chance to completely recover, the default iPhone ringtone sounded distantly from the living room.

“Shit,” Harrison cursed. “Give me just one second.”

You watched as he almost tripped when getting off the bed as he hurried to answer his ringing phone.

Generally not one to eavesdrop, you tried to give Harrison his privacy while you waited. Even if you wanted to hear the one-sided conversation, his words were muffled by the distance. However, the tone of his voice primarily conveyed annoyance.

He returned to the bedroom, sighing. “I’m so incredibly sorry, but something’s come up that can’t wait.”

“Oh,” you responded simply, hiding your disappointment the best you could as you hopped off the bed on wobbly legs and quickly slipped your dress back on.

He followed you out to the living room where you pulled on your cardigan, fumbling as you buttoned it with unsteady hands, and walked toward the front door where you slipped on your shoes.

As you opened the door to a whoosh of frigid air, you turned around, hoping for a hug goodbye. He didn’t approach you, and as much as you wanted his warm embrace, you didn’t want to force yourself on him.

“I really hope everything ends up being okay,” you told him quietly before you gently shut the door behind you and didn’t look back.

The weather had turned while you’d been inside. The temperature dropped, and freezing rain was falling steadily, leaving the dark pavement slick. You carefully crossed the parking lot in your heels, heading toward the leasing office and out of the line of sight of Harrison’s apartment.

You turned the corner of a nearby building and pulled out your phone to schedule an Uber pickup. It unfortunately wasn’t going to arrive for nearly 40 minutes. With a sigh, you slowly navigated the complex until you reached the closed and locked leasing office. Since there wasn’t an eave to stand under, you huddled against the brick wall, shivering beneath the freezing rain as you waited, trying to avoid thinking too deeply about what had just happened.

Tags: @lauras-collection @skymoonandstardust

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield x you #harrison osterfield x y/n #harrison osterfield smut #harrison osterfield fic #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield reader insert

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haleigh-sloth · 3 years

Note

Hello,

I just found your page and after reading some of your mha posts had a couple things I wanted to ask if that's ok.

1. Since you feel Hawks is not justified because he could have chosen options other than killing Twice, do you think he would have been had he genuinely been made to choose between killing him and saving others? I.e. do you think it's just this killing in particular that was not justified and thus murder, or do you think heroes killing can never be justified, even if in self-defense or defense of others? If we take the "Heroes save people" maxim to its limits, it might be reasonable to argue for a deontological approach to ethics rather than a utilitarian one, so that killing one to save others is not justified because you actively break your code (as opposed to risking not being able to save others, which would be considered a lesser moral wrong under this mindset).

2. This might very well be a stupid question, but if we consider that heroes shouldn't treat others as an it and put them down for the "sake of society", do you feel this ought to extend to AFO too? I really don't mean to use this as a gotcha moment or anything like it, but I feel like if MHA is trying to move away from a punitive justice system in favour of a rehabilitative/restorative one, we ought to consider where people like AFO fall into this system as well. AFO is seemingly entirely unlike any of the other villains in the show, but if we judge that he deserves a different fate for this it also feels like playing into the "Some people just can't be saved" notion that's been perpetuated by hero society. It is of course entirely possible, if not likely, that he'll fall in battle, or that Shigaraki himself will kill him eventually, but I feel like that skirts the issue rather than answer it. As someone who does not seem to show any remorse, desire or even ability to be saved, and in fact feels rather inhuman, what should a reformed society even do with him? Even if we could convincingly argue him to be fundamentally different and thus deserving of punishment, it is much easier for us readers who have more information to make this call, rather than in-universe characters whose judgement will inevitably be based on something less than the full truth. So even if AFO's case in particular was easily answered, it would set a precedent for cases that may appear similar, but in truth be less clear cut. Basically, I believe you feel the villain league deserves another chance because they were victims of their circumstances, and thus not necessarily beyond salvation, because they never knew normality to begin with, but what about those who were not victims, those who by their nature have insurmountable trouble fitting into a peaceful society? Perhaps it's just my mistaken assumption that such people exist and I'm reading AFO wrong, or perhaps it's the opposite and I'm giving people like AFO undue consideration, or perhaps my assumption that AFO ought to be treated as a person rather than a carocature, a symbol, is flawed to begin with, but I just really don't think a manga that wants to argue that villains are people too should go "but here's THIS vile piece of shit, let's kill him!". Am I making sense here?

3. On another note, what do you think of Endeavor's recent speech and general recent development? I've seen some people who were upset by his "Would it fix everything if we showed you our tears" line, but rather than him being dismissive or callous I just see it as him awkwardly saying that he doesn't think anything other than actions can help him atone for what he did. He's still got a lot to work through, but him recognizing that he's got something to atone for and freely talking about what he did to his family is, as I find, certainly a huge step in the right direction.

WHOO hey! Sorry for taking a while to respond. You gave me some really well thought-out questions and I wanted to return the favor with well thought-out answers. Also I was heckin busy yesterday when you sent this. So, here we go:

To answer this question about Hawks, I first need to clarify what it means to be a hero in the eyes of the story that is BNHA:

This honestly doesn’t even make a dent in the amount of panels in BNHA that reiterate time and time again that heroes SAVE people, but I don’t feel like I should have to spend too much time looking for them, these I used above should suffice. The one with baby Midoriya and baby Tenko doesn’t even have any words in the panel, and it’s still powerful enough to get the message across. And make me cry.

Almost every story has its own “heroes” in it. And every story’s definition of a hero is different. In Marvel and DC superhero comics and movies, the heroes usually end up killing the villains, yes? I can’t say I’m familiar with these stories because they aren’t interesting to me in the slightest, but from the ones I HAVE seen, the final boss at the end dies. But all of the heroes get to keep their title of “hero”. That’s not really the standard we have in BNHA.

“Do you think it's just this killing in particular that was not justified and thus murder, or do you think heroes killing can never be justified, even if in self-defense or defense of others?”

So this is a fair point and I feel that the best way to answer this is by asking what you consider self defense? Say Hawks is at home mad chillin and not prepared for a fight in the slightest, and somebody breaks into his house and starts trying to hurt/kill him. He’s unprepared and at this point just trying to keep himself alive. If he ends up killing the guy, is he wrong? In my opinion, no. In real life this happens to people, and they aren’t considered murderers, as they shouldn’t be. To me, self defense is a situation where:

It’s either you or me. It’s one or the other.

I think it’s fair to say what happened with Hawks and Twice was absolutely NOT self defense. I’m not going to go into detail about how deciding to kill Twice was absolutely 100% premeditated, because there’s a wonderful post by someone else that already explains that in great detail here. But I’ll end this thought by saying that Hawks was not committing an act of self defense.

Nothing about this says “self-defense” to me.

“If we take the "Heroes save people" maxim to its limits, it might be reasonable to argue for a deontological approach to ethics rather than a utilitarian one, so that killing one to save others is not justified because you actively break your code (as opposed to risking not being able to save others, which would be considered a lesser moral wrong under this mindset).”

To make it simple for some people to understand these terms:

“Utilitarianism is an ethical theory that determines right from wrong by focusing on OUTCOMES.“ In a nutshell, utilitarian ethics means you make a decision based on how it will affect everything else.

“In moral philosophy, deontological ethics or deontology is the normative ethical theory that the morality of an action should be based on whether that action itself is right or wrong under a series of rules, rather than based on the consequences of the action.” In a nutshell, deontological ethics means you make a decision based on whether it follows rules or not.

So this is a complicated question, and my answer to this is....both? Throughout BNHA we’ve had this dilemma over and over again:

Break the rules and save the day? Or follow the rules and possibly suffer the consequences? Well, BNHA just says “Yes” lol. Do both. Break the rules and save the day. Make a decision based on the consequences of said decision, but also try to follow the rules as best as you can. Even in reality, people do this to get through life. You really can’t live life under a strict utilitarian approach or a strict deontological approach. If Midoriya hadn’t persisted against his classmates and the law to go save Bakugo, he WOULD have gotten kidnapped AGAIN. They were actively trying to take him with them. If Midoriya didn’t break the rules to save Kota, Kota would have straight up DIED. Muscular was actively trying to kill Kota, not to mention Kota had zero ways of defending himself. But here’s where I don’t think this is a fair comparison:

Hawks claims his killing of Twice was to save others. I don’t completely disagree with this logic, if the situation was more dire and dangerous for Hawks. The league was taking peoples’ lives. Somebody had to do something. The problem is that Twice was RUNNING AWAY when Hawks killed him. Twice wasn’t fighting Hawks back, he wasn’t endangering Hawks himself. Hawks stabbed him in the back. AND Hawks had Dabi to worry about, who was actively trying to attack Hawks. But Hawks chose to murder Twice instead of fending off Dabi. And if you refer back to the post I linked above about how it was a premeditated decision to kill Twice, you’ll see that Hawks had the capability of knocking Twice unconscious. He should have done this from the get go. And honestly? There are other heroes who could have captured Twice. There SHOULD have been other heroes to capture Twice. If Hawks was the only hope for the heroes in that war then jeez, the heroes suck at their jobs.

So TLDR for this question: Hawks’s circumstances were not drastic enough for him to be justified in killing Twice. As I said above, self-defense is one thing, where yes I could understand how if a life is lost while defending oneself is probably inevitable in some cases. But this wasn’t self defense. Twice was running away. Hawks should also be able to rely on his hero comrades to help him out.

Instead Hawks chose to be law-enforcement, judge, and executioner all in one moment.

I hope this answers your question? I tried my best. If I misunderstood or missed a talking point, feel free to shoot me a message or another ask.

Next question:

Believe me. I have thought about this! What about AFO? He’s human too isn’t he? You have a point. Should the restorative justice system extend to AFO? I would say yes. If I’m going to stick to my guns that the villains deserve restorative justice and not punitive justice, I should be fair and say it should extend to all villains.

The problem is not in the idea of exploring saving AFO, it’s just that there simply isn’t enough time to explore this in the story. If Horikoshi had said “I’m not going anywhere guys! We’re in this for the long haul!” I’d say it’s possible to explore that route. We don’t know anything about AFO except from what we’ve seen on screen, and what we’ve been told by All Might and the other OFA holders. Which still isn’t much to go on. You’re not giving AFO undue consideration. It’s definitely a deserved consideration. There are people in the story (and the real world) who may not be victimized in any way and end up being villains. Do they deserve a chance? I’d say yes. It’s in my nature as a social worker irl to give people the benefit of the doubt and give them a chance to learn. You’re right that in the end, the league being saved and the characters not considering what could have led AFO to villainy is just “skirting around the problem.” And honestly, that’s probably what we’re going to get. I wouldn’t be surprised for the thought to pass in Midoriya’s head. After saving somebody like Shigaraki, who everybody in the story (and many readers) considered to be “too far gone”, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Midoriya entertained the thought for a brief moment. “What could have saved AFO from himself?” So honestly I don’t have an answer to this question that qualifies both sides. I can’t say that AFO is “too far gone” without undermining that fact that I never believed Shigaraki was “too far gone”, simply because we don’t get to decide what “too far gone” is. All I can say is that in the eyes of the story, there are far too many differences between AFO’s circumstances and Shigaraki’s circumstances to compare the two, and say they deserve the same type of sympathy from us readers.

Truly I have no sympathy for AFO, because the story doesn’t ask for it. The story wants sympathy for Shigaraki, Toga, Touya, Spinner, and even a tiiiiiny bit for Overhaul. It asks for NONE for AFO.

Another post I’ll link here that isn’t by me but by another awesome meta blogger (@hamliet) is this.

In a nutshell it says:

It’s not that AFO can’t be saved, it’s that he won’t. That’s the best answer I can give to that question honestly.

As for the third question:

That press conference was just...eh. I mean yeah, Endeavor not denying the allegations was good. Not that he really could anyway. It sucks for the rest of his family though. But at the same time Touya deserved his revenge, even though it was at the expense of his siblings and mother. It sucks, it’s a double edged sword because somebody is hurting no matter what was gonna happen. Endeavor was an asshole to that lady but I don’t really care too much. I’m really torn on what I think is going on inside Enji’s head because the Todofam is either extremely dense, or Horikoshi is writing their dialogue extremely vague on purpose to keep reader’s on the edge of their seats regarding what they want to do about Touya. I really don’t know. I’m not thrilled with the way the Todofam plot is being written right now, even though I’m 100% sure Touya is going to get his happy ending. But right now anything to do with the Todofam that isn’t Shoto and Touya just bothers me. I don’t think Enji really understands yet what he has to do for Touya. Yes he recognizes that he has to atone, but he’s not recognizing HOW he has to atone. Right now he’s still stuck in that “I have to be a hero to absolve my crimes against my family” headspace and I don’t think he’s going to get out of that headspace until he comes face to face with his son and realizes that he can’t just fight villains and go home to a happy family that he terrorized for 20 years. He’s going to have to let his family go, let them decide when to let him back in, if they ever do (I think they will just because of the way the story is being written.) As a reader, Enji is just a character that I cannot vibe with, no matter what happens. I definitely appreciate his role in the story. His role is vital to Touya’s saving and redemption. Touya is in my top 3 favorite characters from this series and I’m emotionally invested. So while I appreciated Enji’s role in the story, I don’t like his character or anything to do with him, at least until it comes time to help save his son. Also the trio of Hawks, Best Jeanist, and Enji just gives me major back the blue vibes and I just can’t read their chapters and be in a good mood lol.

Thank you for the ask! I hope I answered everything! This was fun to answer!

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herinsectreflection · 3 years

Text

Season Five is essentially a slow-motion trolley problem for Buffy to solve. She can let the unstoppable oncoming train that is Glory kill millions, or she can pull the lever and kill Dawn instead. It’s the most iconic choice in a series that is pretty much all about choice. This internal dilemma is externalised with the main villains. The show uses them to take a stance on the problem. There are obviously a lot of different ways to approach this from a moral philosophy standpoint, and I’m not going to talk about what is the “correct” moral choice, but how the show presents and interprets the various standpoints. It’s also worth mentioning that I am not a philosopher, this is just what I interpret from watching the show and some base level understanding.

Glory represents the option of simply letting people die. She is presented as egocentric, narcissistic, vain, and honestly kind of lazy. I think this is what the show thinks of people who would simply walk away from the lever and do nothing to keep their own hands clean. Glory does not take a sadistic pleasure in causing the death of millions, she simply doesn’t care. She justifies this by declaring that the world sucks anyway, and everyone suffers, so it doesn’t matter.

“Funny. 'Cause I look around at this world you're so eager to be a part of ... and all I see is six billion lunatics looking for the fastest ride out. ... I'm crazy? Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind.”

- Glory, 5x21 The Weight of the World

But this is patently self-serving, yielding her own agency and using the absurdity of the universe to justify the atrocities she will be responsible for. She refuses to actively engage with the consequences of her actions, and so exposes her poisonous egomania. To simply not make a choice and let millions die would be selfish and intellectually vapid, and so Glory is selfish and vapid, and the main villain.

The Knights of Byzantium represent the opposite, strictly utilitarian viewpoint: that pulling the lever and killing the single person is not simply morally correct, but an imperative. They are treated slightly more sympathetically than Glory, since they are working in an understandable moral framework, but the story shows the ugliness inherent in their outlook. The ultimate endpoint of it is them hunting down and trying to kill a 14 year old girl. Buffy herself points out that this is inherently horrific.

“What kind of god would demand her life for something that she has no control over?”

- Buffy, 5x20 Spiral

The show is consistent throughout its run that a moral framework based purely on a utilitarian, mathematical approach and excuses any evil action as long as the amount of good done outweighs it, is ultimately unethical. That viewpoint can be used to justify any number of awful things, as long as they are outweighed on the cosmic scale. The show does not agree. It believes that certain actions are simply wrong, that no amount of good can wash out the bad. The hypothetical lives that the Knights of Byzantium could save lend their actions a reason that Glory does not have, but ultimately it does not change the fact that a child - a child with a mother, a sister, friends, a life - would be dead at their hands. The Knights refuse to confront that, simply falling back on dogmatic imperatives and silencing independent thought. They too allow their agency to be reduced, which is what allows them to commit awful actions.

Giles represents the space between these two villainous perspectives on the problem, and the heroic one that Buffy represents. He is, of course, not a villain - he’s one of the white hats, mentor to the hero. But he does argue for the utilitarian point of view. The shows stops itself being morally narrow-minded by allowing Giles to voice opposition to Buffy without being a villain, but it also proposes that the action of killing one person to save others is inherently unheroic. It taints Giles, and he accepts that.

“She's a hero, you see. She's not like us.”

I’ve been talking about Dawn as if she is the hypothetical single person on the other track, but she might better fit this scenario if we look at the “Fat Man” variation. This version posits that a “very fat man” is next to you, and pushing him onto the track will save everyone there. Dawn is that man in this scenario. Similarly, Ben can be seen as the “Fat Villain” variant, where pushing the person responsible for tying people to the tracks would save them. Giles’ murder of Ben can be seen as justified, if still unheroic, because Ben himself has chosen selfishness and tainted his own innocence.

Ben is very much a counterpart to Buffy in S5. He too had an ancient mystical force thrust upon him when he was young, which he had no choice in. His personal and professional lives suffer because of this. He cannot pursue the life he imagined for himself because of Glory’s presence, just as being the Slayer prevents it for Buffy. And both Buffy and Ben are offered an easy way out, which they spend The Weight of the World ruminating on - to simply let Dawn die. Ben at this point has a very obvious alternate solution - the same one Buffy eventually comes to, though she hasn’t realised it’s an option yet - that he ignores. He can throw himself onto the tracks. He can stop anyone dying by killing himself and therefore Glory. But unlike Buffy, he makes the selfish choice, to preserve his own future at the cost of an innocent child. And so he is condemned, and declared a villain as he is killed.

Buffy is the one true hero in this scenario. She concludes that the only moral option is to throw herself onto the tracks. This is still, ultimately, one life given to save many. But it’s hers to give. It’s her choice to make. Glory, Ben, the Knights of Byzantium, even Giles - when they advocate for killing Dawn, they all claim ownership of her life. She becomes a lamb for them to offer up. Dawn, brave and heroic mini-Buffy as she is, actually does offer up her own life to save others too, but the point is that it’s her life to give. It’s the difference between sacrifice and self-sacrifice.

This is how Buffy reconciles “Death is your gift” with “A Slayer is not a Killer”. All the other actors we’ve considered are killers. Giles and Tara spell it out pretty well in The Gift.

BUFFY: The spirit guide told me ... that death is my gift. Guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all.

GILES: I think you're wrong about that.

TARA: (points to Giles) You're a killer.

A killer is not necessarily evil or a monster, as Giles as a person makes clear. But a killer will pull that lever. A Slayer will jump on the tracks. Buffy and Faith debated this idea back in Consequences, where supposed utilitarian Faith suggests that “Slayer” and “killer” are interchangeable. Buffy argues that they are not, and specifically cites the idea that they can’t decide whether the lives of others are worth saving or not.

Faith: We're warriors. We're built to kill.

Buffy: To kill demons! But it does not mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else!

Throughout S5, and particularly starting in Restless she fears that Faith is in fact right, and that a Slayer is in fact a killer. But in The Gift she proves that incorrect. She ties the human part of herself represented by Dawn to the duty-bound slayer part of herself, and both lead to the same destination of self-sacrifice, and heroism.

#btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #dawn summers #s5 #the gift #rupert giles #glory #ben #meta

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sttheorycraft · 3 years

Text

Emerald City

OK, I still have doubts about the DID theories but I'm going to humor them in this post. See @kaypeace21 and @strangertheory for way more developed theories and @strangertheory in particular I was talking to when I started developing this into something worthy of posting. I did try to read kaypeace's stuff again but I am a busy (read: lazy) man and what I saw on a quick glance didn't resemble the newer stuff I plan to say here - apologies if I internalized some of your ideas so much that they feel like my own, kay, just tell me. I THINK this is going to be a new contribution, though.

So, I don't know enough about DID to use the terminology correctly, or even to be confident that what I'm proposing is a proper DID system. Let me just describe it in my own words and you all tell me. Suppose the events of the show take place entirely in someone's mind, and what's going on is a feverish mix of distorted memories (retold through events/descriptions of characters) and imagination. There is some main character whose mind this is taking place in, and we can infer some things about them/their life from patterns in the stories:

1) They had an abusive father (potentially very abusive as per @kaypeace21's theory, but at the very least emotionally abusive) and insistent that the main character be manly.

2) Their mother was harmed by the father and "left" (takes various forms across multiple characters, and could include Joyce if she dies off)

3) The character is gay or trans - this gets messy but it seems like the character was AMAB but El represents their female self, plus all the masculinity problems

4) The character is in love with their childhood best friend, but irl that wasn't requited, at least on the surface, either because of differing orientations or just the norms at the time. (Evidence: Will/Mike, Robin/Tammy)

Those are what I'm confident of so far under this framing. I suspect Hopper's family falling apart and his daughter dying could be relevant too, maybe even the loveless Wheeler marriage, but those aren't quite as clearcut. Nor do I think any of this is that original so far.

Here's what I think is new: this character could be actively under treatment, to bring them back to reality. And Hawkins Lab ("Emerald City" according to Officer Powell in S1) could be where that treatment is taking place. And the explanatory power of this framing is pretty cool.

Dr. Brenner and Dr. Owens represent two different psychiatrists/psychologists who are trying to get through to the patient. Brenner doesn't have much of a bedside manner, but is taking an exposure therapy approach. He wants the patient to face their inner demons ("demogorgons," to quote Bob from that Stranger Things Reunion video) to heal their wounds. That scene where he hands El the flowers and tells her "today we make contact" is about doing a deep dive to try to confront her past. But when she touches the Demogorgon, she can't handle it and freaks, and it's let loose on the population. Hawkins Lab spends the rest of the first season trying to recover El (spying on phone conversations = listening to different voices in the patient speaking?), but they seem to panic and take extreme measures in doing so (staging Will's death was more to stabilize the situation, but e.g., murdering Benny - which from a Rick and Morty-esque view of the situation isn't as drastic as it is utilitarian, definitely poisoned them in El's mind). This leads to Brenner being lumped in with the abusive figures in El's life and distrusted. (Remember: Connie Frazier did the murdering, and from memory Brenner seems to disapprove of her methods. I recognize painting Brenner in a positive-ish light is going to be unpopular here, but just humor me for now - it's not inconsistent with the evidence we have so far. That might change.)

S1E8: Brenner: "Shhh! You're sick. You're sick but I'm going to make you better. I'm going to take you back home, where I can make you... well again. Where we can make all of this better. So no one else gets hurt."

El: "Bad."

Brenner: "???"

So in Season 1, basically the patient rejects Brenner's approach entirely (I mean, it does fail pretty epically) and they bring in someone new ("Those people are gone now. They're gone. Okay? So if we're gonna get through this, I just need you all to realize I'm on your side. I need you to trust me").

Season 2 has Dr. Owens, a new psychiatrist/psychologist with a better bedside manner but whose approach is more tolerable to the patient (at first): just ignore it. Pretend everything's normal, and every now and then when something stirs in the wound, torch it back to where it was. Why fix things when you can keep them under control?

But of course, this wasn't enough: the patient's trauma managed to escape under the surface (subconsciously, is the metaphor) and ooze out all over Hawkins. By the time Owens realized it, the darkness had entered Will and nearly consumed him, and so there was no ignoring it and no way to extinguish it without harming the patient.

Around this time, there's another interesting Brenner scene:

S2E7: El: You're not real.

Brenner: All this time and you haven't looked for me. Why? Because you thought I was dead? Or because you were afraid of what you might find?

El: Go away.

Brenner: You have to confront your pain. You have a wound, Eleven. A terrible wound...

El: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!

Another callback to being afraid of facing one's fears. Brenner is the unwelcome treatment, but he also seems to be being painted as the necessary treatment.

One interesting side effect of this framing: Kali actively tries to exterminate the staff of Hawkins Lab. If Hawkins Lab is trying to help the patient return to reality, is Kali the villain here? Certainly she and her group come across as rather villainous despite the attempted endearment in S2E7...

Other miscellaneous notes: Dustin/Lucas in S1E2 suspecting El is from Pennhurst, maybe not wrong. S4 taking place in a mental hospital for parts?? Just lots to unpack here.

And of course, this could all be totally wrong. I just think the explanatory power is unusually good.

#stranger things #strangerthings #stranger things theory #stranger things analysis #brenner #psychologist #psychiatrist

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