#am at least gonna re-home my account to someone who can play and wants to play with it

[tittysuckersworld]

why is kavehs borthday littrally so close to mine why- djdbeudhue hoyoverce pls-

#kaveh #im in love with him in ways #holy moly last year heizou and now kaveh??? #and like also both barbara and klee this month???? #alwase best #game trying to pull me back in a bunch sooo bad sadly will still probably have to give it up after the next patch #am at least gonna re-home my account to someone who can play and wants to play with it #want my babies and frens to be happy pls- #but yee if anyone is looking for a dps nahida in a month or two hit me upppp #im gonna have to give up the game soon and i am personally not ok :D

[selamat-linting]

living after experiencing sa is so weird like, the same piece of writing about assault could do nothing or it could send me into a week long spiral and its just a matter of dumb luck or pure chance that determines my brains' reaction to it. i've had moments where im legitimately triggered in the middle of re-reading something i actually enjoy as porn. over the years i figured it was because i had small triggers that are abstract or wasnt easily noticeable or doesnt feel like anything until its in the spesific context of sa. like being trapped in an enclosed space with strangers, begging to be sent home, being deceived, having your preferences and interests weaponized against you, the really lonely and painful walk home afterwards where no one comes to save you but maybe its better off this way since you dont want to be seen, those are things im particularly sensitive with. for example, a few years ago i got really messed up about this anecdote of a kid who got kidnapped by a neighbor for a few hours. he offered to see his cat and then lock them up in a room while theyre playing with said kittens. nothing actually happens but that made me legit depressed for a few days. while im fine talking with my friend about an incident where she got followed by a creepy guy who groped her while she's walking home. both situations are horrifying and bad ofc, but i cant exactly communicate or find an easy way to filter out the bad. like, i can handle hearing the graphic details, the bare bones account of what happens, but if it touches on how the victim was tricked or deceived or gets taken advantage of, even when its basically the least upsetting part, i just couldnt do it.

idk, maybe its because my experience was more in the mental stuff. yeah sure, it was only some groping, an almost kiss, and some sex talk. but the context was that i asked for help, someone friendly comes along, they say theyre just helping me but turns out they actually have ulterior motives. i was stuck in a car for hours to god knows where, fully knowing i was gonna get raped when the car eventually stops, trying to plead or at least delay it with someone i thought was a friend without being too harsh because i know they could do even worse things if i drop this thin veneer of friendliness we got going on. and all the while this asshole kept touching me in spots i didnt even realize was a sensitive place for me and i had to keep a straight face the whole time because if they see a hint that i liked it, its over. did i like though? yeah. do i want it? fuck no. never in a million years. and i felt betrayed because im supposed to have that moment of discovery with a boyfriend or a girlfriend and it was supposed to be nice and comforting but its not. and i might associate gentle touches with this forever. and there's also a part of me that said, hey somebody wants me. dont you want to be wanted? i might as well enjoy it because no one's gonna offer me hot car sex like this. i should try to get myself wet! this is a new experience that i should just see the bright side of. im supposed to be a kinky slut right? i just turned 20. and after all, i promised myself, after the first time i had my sa as a kid, the next time it happens im gonna fight. and what am i doing right now? i'm just running my mouth. im laughing at my soon to be rapists' joke and i tell him we should meet up later instead of doing everything right now since i had work later in the day. this isnt fighting, its bargaining. and all the while im wondering if i look pretty while im doing this. i hope i look pretty. im just wearing sweatshirt and pajama pants. this is sick, why do i want to look good while im sexually assaulted?

i never told this to anyone except a friend. but even she didnt get the whole account. she just know it happens. its the part that actually upsets me that i didnt tell her. the whole violated trust thing. and how dumb i am for instantly accepting help from an acquaintance i dont even know that well. and what happens after the car stops. all she knows is that when it stops, i pushed him off of me and i left the car and run.

to her it just seems like im valiantly fighting off an asshole. she didnt know that after i ran, a bunch of men saw me running. they asked me if i need help. they were kind. but i thought of the hassle of reporting to the police, being grilled with questions, have my entire behavior scrutinized, and my parents vacillating between unhelpful anger or chastising me for being so trusting and eventually isolating me because i cant be trusted to exist in a public space without being harassed and god i dont want to miss work today and theyre gonna ask why if i had to miss a day and theyre gonna know too. so obviously i shut up. i couldnt say anything. the fuck who assaulted me came, and get this, i went back to his car. i didnt sit next to him, i was sitting at the backseat, and he was angry and yelled at me the entire time while driving me back to the closest bus station. i didnt say anything, and i actually paid him money before leaving. i was a coward.

in hindsight, what happens after the next few month after that was just me trying to compensate for the shame and utter incompetence i felt. i thought i was good at being confrontational and assertive, but when it actually matters, i cant speak. it was awful. i mean, it was a moment of self improvement, i did evolve from being an awkward self-important debate kid to an adult who relies on being good with persuading people for a living. im proud of that. but the feeling of helplessness still remains. im still afraid that when it happens again, i'd just clam up like usual. even though i already successfully fend off several people trying to fuck with me before anything that bad ever happens because im a hot saleswoman now. it felt weird calling myself a victim or a survivor because, it just happens. i didnt survive shit nor do i want to be a victim. i dont want to be pitied. and i dont want to be called brave or anything because im anything but.

except that everytime something reminds me of my sa incident, i kept having this urge to tell somebody, and i'd wrote a long paragraph detailing everything that happened including all of the uncomfortable details that didnt make me look good as a victim. and then i'd delete it before sending because its not good to tell your personal triggers online right? but i have no one i want to talk about this irl. and i cant imagine any well-meaning response that doesnt make me angry. i kept thinking about it. if anyone acknowledged this happens to me, i have no socially acceptable response. im not sure if anyone could understand or be sympathetic. i mean, imagine someone told you a grave secret about them and then they get angry and throw a tantrum when you say youre keeping their secret to the grave. youre in the right to be angry and confused at them. and its one thing to write a retrospective like this, and its another thing talk about it directly. i wouldnt be self aware to control myself. i'd just ruin another friendship because i got pissed off for no discernable reason.

i dont really know where im going with this. i think i just wanted to get this out of my system. its been what? three years? im sick of keeping that shit in. i think i just need to talk about it, sort of like a confessional before moving on for good. anyway, your usual shitposting will resume shortly. bye bitch!

#sa cw #this is about my personal experience with it #and something about abstract triggers

[fdd700]

Remus wasn’t a very romantic person. He didn’t see the appeal in the fancy dinners or candle lit nights. He just couldn’t understand why people loved them.

Virgil, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, both understood and loved the romantic nights. And, despite his attempts at hiding it, Remus quickly noticed. But Remus knew that Virgil loved him, impulses and all.

“Hey trash panda, have you talked to your brother recently?” Virgil asked as he sat on his phone on the couch across from Remus’ design computer.

“Normally, my dark and stormy night, I do my best to avoid the repulsive royal, so that would be a no.” Remus didn’t look up from his project - some horror anime/cartoon he was acting hush-hush on. Virgil knew it was because it was a trial piece and Remus didn’t want jinx himself.

“He and Jan are going to Morocco.” This caused Remus to spin around in his chair, looking at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow. “Jan just texted me to let me know he couldn’t come us to that horror convention next month. Apparently Roman got a promotion so he bought the tickets as a surprise.” Remus nodded.

“Why Morocco?” Remus said, about to turn back around.

“I think he’s going to propose.” Remus froze before looking at his boyfriend who was frantically typing on his phone.

“How-”

“Jan has always wanted to get engaged on a foreign holiday. Plus, Lolo and I saw Roman talking to Cindy, you know Patton’s friend, one from the jewellery store downtown,” Virgil explained. “I’m texting him now to ask.” Remus nodded but didn’t say anything. there was silence, except for Virgil’s tapping.

“Not gonna lie,” Remus stated. “I always thought Janus would propose.” Virgil paused before gasping, followed by him chuckling.

“Bet you twenty dollars Janus is also planning to propose.” Remus laughed. 

“That’s such a rigged bet, they’re both definitely gonna propose.”

Sure enough, a month later, both boys returned home with engagement rings. The gang - Patton, Logan, Virgil, Remus, Emilie, Remy, Janus and Roman - were all in Logan and Patton’s house for Sunday dinner (a long-standing tradition). Virgil was locked into conversation with Janus, Emilie and Patton, who were both showing off their rings. Virgil was laughing with them. Remus’ eyes were glued to him.

“What's got you so distracted? Worried Virgil-”

“Dude, not funny,” Roman said, cutting Remy off. Remy took a sip from his cup but was otherwise silent. “Remus, what’s up?”

“do you think Virgil is waiting for me to propose?”

“I mean, maybe? Have you talked about marriage?” Remus was silent, thinking. 

“Yes and no. We talked about it ages ago but he hasn’t said anything since.”

“Has he dropped hints?” Remy asked. “That’s what Emilie did.”

“Virgil should know I wouldn’t pick up on them.”

“Hey, don’t stress, Rem, Virgil loves you and you love him, that's all that matters,” Roman said.

“That is correct. Maybe Virgil will propose. Patton knew I wouldn’t be able to pick up signs so he just asked me to my face.”

Remus tried to believe them, and he mostly did. Until later that night, when they were playing truth or dare. Logan and Patton were sharing the two-seater. Not quite cuddling but in each other’s personal space. Emilie had his head on Remy’s shoulder on the long couch, with Roman on Janus’ lap at the other end of the couch. Virgil was tucked into Remus’ side as the room turned their attention to him.

“So,” Janus said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Virgil truth or dare?”

“Considering you dared Remy to kiss Patton, I think I’ll go with truth,” Virgil said.

“Well, you wouldn’t tell us earlier, so... what was your dream proposal as a kid?” Virgil turned red.

“Can’t let that one go, no?” Virgil asked and Janus chuckled, shaking his head. “Uhm, pretty sure it was like a candle-lit dinner or something. Probably something cheesy and romantic.” Virgil then quickly moved on, asking Remy something but Remus tuned out again. Was Virgil disappoint with the lack of romance in their relationship? He’s never said anything directly, but why would he bring us Roman proposing on a romantic holiday if not to tell Remus that's what he wanted? Were there any other hints? Was there-

“Remus.” Remus snapped up to Janus’ gleaming eyes. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth. I think my boyfriend was in the right vein,” Remus responded. Janus simply waved dismissively as he went silent, thinking. Almost a moment later, a light bulb flipped on above his head.

“Do you plan on proposing to Virgil?”

“Janus!” Roman said, looking to his fiancé in exasperation.

“It’s a harmless question!” The two bickered slightly, nothing heated but a simply back and forth.

“You don’t have to answer,” Virgil said in a low tone. He had been trying to catch Remus’ eyes, who was just as determined to avoid Virgil’s. Eventually, the smaller man grabbed his chin so they could look into his eyes. “I’m serious. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I love you, okay?”

“I love you too.”

Despite Virgil’s reassurance, Remus was deeply fixated on the thoughts of marriage and if he was enough for Virgil. Virgil liked romance and dancing in the rain and visiting fancy restaurants. Remus liked staying inside and horror films and going to graveyards to adopt ghosts (which scared Virgil so much he learnt how to banish spirits from the house). Remus couldn’t help but feel like maybe, just maybe, Virgil was better off without him? 

He spun in his chair. He was unable to focus on the novel he was writing anymore. Virgil was at work and wouldn’t be back for ages. Despite trying to work, Remus was now fixated on rings. The truth was, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Virgil but he didn’t see why he needed to buy him a ring or spend thousands of dollars on a wedding to prove his devotion. They bought an apartment together, they had three pissy spirits that they took care of together, and the stray cat that would jump in their window. But if Virgil wanted it, well, who was Remus to say no?

Engagement ring shopping sucked. Plain and simple, it sucked. There were so many different cuts but they all looked so basic. Virgil wasn’t the type to wear flashy jewellery unless it meant something, like the dangly gold earring Remus bough him when he got his masters in psychology. Remus wanted something classy, but all something showed how much Remus knew Virgil, right down to his core. He thought about going to a jewellery shop or hiring someone but how on earth would he be able to explain that to Virgil? In the end, he chose the least expensive route; his brother.

“How do you pick an engagement ring?” Roman choked on his coffee. “What?”

“Try and maybe start a conversation with hello and maybe not something you have never mentioned before now,” Roman said. “But also, why the change in pace?” Remus didn’t say anything. “Is it Janus? he was only messing. He just doesn’t get it sometimes but I told him he need to respect your boundaries-”

“It’s not that.” Roman went quiet, letting his brother speak when comfortable. “I don’t want Virgil to regret being with me. I know that he doesn’t say it but he really likes all the romantic garbage you and Janus do.”

“Remus, Virgil may like romance but he loves you. Plain and simple. But I am your brother and I will support you, so if you need help finding a ring, I will help you,” Roman said sincerely.

“Ugh, you’re so boring and regal. Lighten up. Walk on the gory side.” Roman chuckled.

“I’ll tune it down, but just because you’re my baby brother.”

“Two MINUTES. I AM TWO MINUTES-” Roman burst into laughter, meaning anyone in the cafe who wasn’t staring due to Remus’ screeching, was now looking due to roman’s cackling. 

“Come, little wittle Remus, let’s go ring shopping.”

Remus paid for the ring in cash. He had been taking money out of the account for weeks in preparation. Well, a week. Still, he had it all planned out. He could suck it up for a night. 

He was spreading flowers on the floor when he noticed the dull ache in his chest. Tell-tale signs of a panic attack. Remus paused before moving to sit down. He closed his eyes and repeated his breathing exercises. He could do this. It’s what Virgil wanted. He stood up again, the dull ache turning into a slight pressure. He lit the candles, checked on the food and cleaned up. It was about half six when he realised, he was struggling to breath. Almost as soon as he noticed, the elephant on his chest returned. He backed up, sliding down the wall.

“no... no... not tonight...” He muttered under his breath. He tried to breath but he realised he was struggling. Why tonight. why was he getting a panic attack tonight? it was just one dinner!

“Re- REMUS!” Virgil said, coming in and sitting in front of his boyfriend. “Can I touch you?” Remus shook his head frantically. “Okay, it’s okay, breath with me okay?” Virgil took his boyfriend through his breathing exercises. “Okay, Rem, I need you to name five things you can see.”

“Chair, lights... uh... you, the table... uh, uhm-” Remus swallowed. “And tiles...”

“Okay, four things you can hear.”

“My breathing, your breathing, the neighbours... the oven?” Virgil reached behind him, switching off the oven. 

“Okay, three things you can feel.”

“The floor, my shirt... uhm... sweat?”

“Okay, two things you can taste.”

“Impending doom.” Virgil gave him a look. “Uh, tea and sugar.”

“Okay, finally, one thing you can smell.”

“The candles.” Virgil stood up, switching on the light and blowing out the candles. He finally took in the scene of the room. Remus tried to stand up but was quickly placed down in one of their dining chairs.

“Remus, do you wanna talk about it?” Remus sighed.

“I just... I wanted to plan this big romantic night and I know you like romance but it's just so icky that I must of have been panicked and-” Remus paused, meeting his boyfriend’s eyes. “Look, I know you like romance and I’m sure you’re disappointed I’m not.”

“Remus. I like romance, but I love you.” Remus blinked at him. “I knew what I was getting into when we entered this relationship. You never, ever have to change your boundaries to suit me. Remus, I love you, for you. I know you don’t like romance or pda, but I know that you love me.” Remus didn’t notice he was crying till Virgil wiped the tears from his face. He pressed their foreheads together. “I love you. So much. Romance or not.” Remus held onto his boyfriend. “But I need you to promise to never break your own boundaries for me. I respect the boundaries you put up, and I need you to do the same.”

“I promise.” Virgil smiled and Remus was hit with how overwhelmingly lucky he was to have gotten someone like Virgil to love him. “Ugh,” he groaned. Virgil chuckled.

“What’s up buttercup?”

“Roman was right. I don’t like this timeline.” Virgil just tossed his head back and laughed as Remus whined.

Remus did end up proposing that night. They were watching a horror film and Virgil was critiquing the characters decision when Remus suddenly turned to him.

“I’m just saying, choosing to go down to the creepy basement when you know there’s a serial killer on the loose-”

“Marry me.” Virgil stopped, looking over at his boyfriend. He wasn’t down on one knee but there was a ring in his hands. Virgil’s hand flew to his mouth. “marry me.” Remus sat up. 

“You’re not just doing this for me?” he asked, still in a state of shock.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and if this is the next step? then I’m going for it.” Virgil jumped up, wrapping his arms around Remus, already crying.

“Yes, yes, yes! Oh my god, yes!” He pulled back, letting Remus slip on the ring before launching himself and his boyfriend and smashing their lips together. It was here that Virgil, admiring his ring with awe filled eyes, also realised how lucky he was for getting someone like Remus to love him too.

#duke remus #emo virgil #virgil sanders #ts virgil #sander sides virgil #remus sanders #ts remus #sander sides remus #ts dukexiety #dukexiety #roman sanders #Janus Sanders #roceit #logan sanders #patton sanders #logicality #dr picani #emilie picani #remy sanders #remile #sanders side fic #dukexiety fic #ts sanders sides #ts sander sides

[btssavedmylifeblr]

I forgot to send on my voting story. Ok so my brother and I both got mail in ballots, and let me tell you how we both forgot to mail it in so we just thought to bring them to our voting location. The lady there kinda yelled at us? She was confused and didn't know how to go about it. And honestly I just took it because we were the idiots who didn't mail in our ballots. We had to rip them up and they just us new ones to fill out in person and submit. Not exciting, but a story for void snippet. 👀

Anonymous said: Hi!! I'm so excited for void! I voted today around 30 minutes before the polls closed in my neighborhood because I had to wait for my dad and brother to get home from work since they wanted to go all together hehe. It was a pretty fast process! We just pressed buttons on screens (compared to last election where we had to bubble in everything by hand) plus, I got to keep the stylus that they gave us and it works on phones too! 🥰🥰 Thank you! I love your writing so much 💜💜💜

Anonymous said: I did mine through mail me and my husband did and we went to the post office a little while back and then he took us on a nice little date afterward and we got ice cream! Also I love void💖 keep up the good work

Anonymous said: VOTES FOR VOID??? I love democracy and I love VOID! So since May I've (temporarily) moved back home from New York to Indiana RE: covid; I've voted absentee for the both the primaries and presidential election (I'm still in IN rn...blah). I voted early and mailed in my ballot for the presidential election (about 3 weeks ago). Made sure my family was voting (brother mailed it in, mom dropped off a ballot, and dad did early voting) and encourage them to put up a Biden sign in our yard <3

Anonymous said: HI BEE! I ALSO VOTED TODAY! IM 21 SO THIS IS MY FIRST TIME VOTING FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION (my 18th bday didnt make the cutoff since im a december bday) im so happy to have done my part! I made sure to study up on the judges and policies and everything! Luckily the polling place didn't have a line so i was able to get in, get my ballot, and fill it in right away! I even dragged my mom and cousin to come with me. I made a joke on snapchat to encourage my friends to vote too. It was a pic of my "i voted" sticker with a caption saying "omg youre so sexy when you vote aHaha" -🦙

Anonymous said: this is my first time doing this so, so i hope i’m sending this correctly! i voted early in late september by mail! i live in a swing state, so it’s really important for me to vote and not waste time!! bc of my age, this is my first time voting so i’m really nervous 😅

Anonymous said: I voted by email! I'm overseas so I wasn't sure if my ballot would actually make it through in time, so I decided to go electronically. Had to sign a waiver saying I understand that my vote won't be anonymous but I haven't been given a reason to suspect voter suppression/fraud in my state, so I'm happy I think...!

Anonymous said: hi, i voted early on oct 24th. my absentee ballot didn't come in, so i had to travel back home to vote (~3 hour drive). when we got there, there was a ton of people outside the polling place, but no lines, so i was in and out pretty quick. it was my first time voting, so i had all the candidates i was voting for written down on a tiny receipt so i wouldn't forget 😅. my mom was with me, so she voted too. took a pic with my sticker (mask on for extra covid-ness) and went home. drove back the next afternoon!

whippedforkook said: Hi Bee. 💕 I voted in early October - nearly a month ago! 😱 It’s been really weird with all the lead up to the election because it felt like it should have been done once I cast my ballot! A lot of my friends have volunteered to get out the vote: writing postcards to voters, texting, phone banking, working the polls, curing ballots. I didn’t volunteer at all this year, but I hope that all of my friends’ hard work and everyone else’s is enough. I’m also hoping and praying that I will be in a better place mentally for 2022 so that I too can volunteer. Our work starts with 2020 not ends. 💕 Wishing you well. 💕

begineuphoria said: I went and voted last Friday as it was our last early voting day. No way was I going to wait until today with the crowds of people in my area that still act as if masks are somehow infringing on their rights. 🙄 It was a rather normal experience for the most part. Other than having to use a coffee stir stick to press the buttons on the machine to vote. In and out within five minutes.

Anonymous said: I voted down the street at this pretty park this morning. I got up at 5:30 and it was freezing. Luckily I wore like 30 layers and stood outside for 2 hours. Some nasty orange man supporters were rude but everyone else was pretty nice. A really cute older couple was playing soccer with pine cones and kicked it towards me to play too. Not the worst time tbh.

Anonymous said: Did mail-in voting in California! Extremely exhausting and took forever to research all the propositions - they are notoriously tricky in hiding their flaws and one side tends to outrageously outspend the other. But in the end I felt really good about my research and decisions! No need for you to post a snippet for this story - would like to save that to read sometime in the future ;) Thank you so much for doing this!

joonsgotthejuice said: Votes for void??? I am here! I went last Thursday and it was chaotic bc I kept going past the poll place but the line was soooo long so my mom called me and woke me up like "its pouring rain and the line is super short get up I'm gonna pick you up" so thats the story of how I got dressed in 5 minutes and dragged my ass to vote in the rain <3

Anonymous said: i voted early on thursday it was cold and rainy but i went in the late afternoon and thankfully the only waiting i did was a few minutes for an elevator i got very lucky and while waiting for the results is awful the relief that came from voting in general was just great

Anonymous said: Wheeew the polls just closed and I finally got to cast my ballot yayyy ( I was the one working the polls from earlier) it’s been a really really long day and we actually had surprisingly good turnout. I saw a woman try to vote for someone else who claimed to be “helping” and I saw a woman who I’m pretty sure was on some typa something 👀 Overall though I really I’m really thankful for people like you who encouraged people to get out and vote. I hope the odds are in our favor❤️🤞🏼

chelsea-chee said: Hello Bee! Today surprisingly my elderly father wanted to vote so I brought him out with me. He only cared about voting for Biden, which meant I got to help decide who he should vote for with the rest of the candidates and amendments! Say hello to baby bee for me as well! 💖

Anonymous said: Okay I gonna got a chance to vote today and the process wasn’t that bad actually. I went in just now and it wasn’t that busy( thankfully) so no lines. I’m from Texas and it’s gonna be almost impossible to turn this state blue, but every vote counts! I love that you are getting people to vote and also sharing your experiences as well!

owl-orgy said: Dropped off my mail in ballot at a polling location! I originally wanted to vote early in person because I was worried my signature wouldn’t match closely enough but ended up just turning it in and double checked today to make it said “ballot accepted and counted”!

Anonymous said: I voted in person this afternoon, better late than never I guess. I was gonna go last week but then I got cramps from hell. There was no one in line in front of me, I think my county early voted because it was packed everyday the last few weeks

Anonymous said: I voted early a couple weeks ago. Exciting thing though that did happen was I got both my parents to vote for their first time ever.

Anonymous said: I had a mail in vote. So, I filled it out and dropped it in at the ballot box at my library. (I also checked out books for the first time in years, so I had fun!)

bubblyjiminnie said: I literally just finished voting. Lucky for me, the line and wait wasn’t very long, and it was a nice enough day that the short amount of time I had to spend in line outside of the building wasn’t too bad. My social anxiety when it comes to stuff like this tends to be high but that’s what I get for waiting until Election Day instead of going the mail in route. This was only my second time voting, but I’m glad that I did 😊

Anonymous said: I turned my ballot in last week :) I’m not a big fan of crowds and I hate make spur of the moment choices but despite that the first time I was able to vote back in 08 my Mom pressured me into voting in person because “you’d have to experience it at least once in our life”. And ever since then I comfortably vote by mail. I take my time, do all of my research, listen to music, and best of all don’t have to deal with people.

Anonymous said: here in Washington state it’s super easy to vote. I dropped my ballot off in mid-October and it’s already been accounted for! Mail in voting and drop box voting is fantastic and provides equal opportunity and access. Sad to see some people in red states misinforming Americans about it! We also have a referendum for implementing mandatory sex ed, including teaching respect, empathy and consent as part of the curriculum so I was happy to vote yes on that too!

unionrox006 said: I voted about 2 weeks ago by doing a mail in ballot. The other eligible to vote members of my household did the same. We chose to vote by absentee ballot because both my mom and I have an autoimmune disorder, so we have to be careful going out in the pandemic. Tbh, the ballot layout was a bit confusing at first as was all the paperwork and required IDs and documents. But my dad explained it to me and we got them filled out and mailed off. Kinda mad I didn't get a sticker for it though

bluetostone said: Love this and so excited for the next chp of void! I early voted a few weeks ago and because I live in a pretty rural county I was in and out of my polling place in a few minutes. No sticker though 😢. I live in a swing state so it could go either way in terms of delegates. Just praying everyone is safe tonight as the results roll in...though, won't we not know for sure for a couple of days or weeks?

Anonymous said: My mom, sister, and I received our early voting ballots a while ago and I took the longest to fill mine out because it was making me anxious :,( but I did return it before it was due. I checked our ballot statuses and mine and my moms were accepted but my sister’s said they hadn’t received hers back. Then she got another ballot so she filled that one out too and I took it yesterday 👍👍 I think she got two because she changed her address late so they sent two?

vixsynsblog said: Non-interesting voter story: I'm paranoid and live in a highly divided area, so I filed mail-in ASAP, mailed it a few days after cause neighbors are nosy and don't understand boundaries. Was able to track my ballot through my credit company, which was nice. Only thing I was missing was my sticker. Never got one✊😔. So I had to improvise and write it in pen on my disposable mask. I'm working all this week so if riots break out from either side, I'll be at work. Prayers for the safety of others🙏

______

Waaah!!! Thank you all for voting!! You are all my heroes. I am so grateful and proud of you. I’m sorry I ran out of time to respond to you individually. I’m going to drop two big scenes from Chapter 7 in gratitude (one of which will be familiar to my patrons and one won’t). I’m hopeful I will have the whole next chapter out very soon. Love you all!

Void spoilers below the cut.

When you wake up in the morning, there are still no signed HR forms in your messages. Had you been a fool to think they were interested? How much time does it take to decide such a thing? Perhaps just by putting the idea out there explicitly, it had lost all of its taboo appeal. 

There is a calendar reminder waiting for you: Today is chili pepper pollinating day. At least this gives you an excuse to talk to Hoseok. 

You find the science officer in the lab as always, sitting with his knee up against his chest. Hoseok doesn’t look well. He’s got dark circles under his eyes.

“Hey, um…” You shuffle your feet. Want to fuck me? No wait…“You don’t look good. Were you here all night?” you ask.

He blinks at you, bleary-eyed. “Um, was I? Yeah.. I suppose. Lost track of time.” He rubs his eyes, before looking you up and down, then casting his gaze back to the floor. 

All you want to do is ask about the forms. Or the meeting. Or what he thinks of you now. But you don’t. “I need to pollinate the chili peppers today.” Usually Hoseok is the person who assists with that. “But I can get one of the other guys to do it if you need the sleep.”

“No!” Hoseok lurches forward, standing up a bit to rapidly and needing to put his hand back on the bench to steady himself. “I mean, I’m fine.” 

You should disgaree with him. He is exhausted. But you’d like more time to talk to him. 

Pollinating the chili peppers is both time-sensitive and time-consuming, hence why it took two of you to get the job done. There were no insects on your ship to do the job for you and if they didn’t get pollinated, they wouldn’t bear any fruit. Your chili peppers were your favorite crop. Not only a vital source of Vitamin C, but all your food benefitted from having a bit of spice added to it. 

You and Hoseok head for the greenhouse together. The intital set-up gives you something to talk about in the beginning. Hoseok gathers the pollen from one flower onto a paintbrush, then hands it over to you to paint onto the stigmas of each little flower on the next plant in the line.

Slowly the conversation dries up as you fall into a silent rhythm. Other than just enjoying the chili peppers, you must admit that this was one of your favorite tasks on the ship because of the high likelihood that the two of you would brush hands peridically. Always gave you butterflies. But today he seems extra intent on keeping his distance from you. Was he disgusted by you now? His hands are trembling.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

His hand twitches so hard that a little rain of yellow pollen cascades onto the floor. He curses in frustration before turning to face you. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Um, yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“This, um, plan of yours…” he gestures to the vague tension in the air. “It doesn’t feel like you.”

“I’m trying to save the mission. That has always been my top priority.”

“Yeah, I’m still not clear on how this benefits the mission.”

“Yoongi said…” you start to say, but are cut off my Hoseok’s derisive snort. 

“Look, if you’re in love with Yoongi, just go date him, okay? Don’t feel obligated to include the rest of us out of pity.” 

You frown. “I’m not… I’m not in love with him. It’s just sex. Just biology.” 

“This isn’t you!” Hoseok argues back. “You hated the idea of anyone of us ever treating you that way. And now you just want all of us to… to… use you like that?”  He splutters out the end of the sentence.

“No one is using me! This is my plan! I’m in charge!”

He sighs. “Well, I can’t be a part of it. Excuse me.”

______

Taehyung finds you in the gym. It’s good to see him up and about, even if his arm is still in a sling. 

“Hey, so I need to talk to you about this, um, ape sex thing.” He fishes awkwardly into his pockets and pulls out his tablet.  Maybe Jimin was right. Is Taehyung going to be the first to take you up on your offer?

You pause your jog on the elliptical machine. You wish you weren’t so sweaty and gross for this conversation. Taehyung is such an intimidatingly attractive man with those strong eyebrows and that perfect skin. 

Taehyung opens up the tablet and flips to the form. It’s happening. He’s going to sign the form. Shit. Then what will you do? It’s one thing to say you want to have sex with your whole crew, but what if he’s hoping to go right now? You need a shower. 

Taehyung has really nice hands. Long strong fingers delicately navigating the touch screen. It seems totally improbable that a man this attractive would be into you, even if you were the only woman in the universe. It just adds to your suspicions that hormones are driving everyone crazy. Perhaps if you slept with him once, he’d lose all interest. 

He finds the form and then turns his gaze up to you, staring you down with those eyes. It’s a good thing that Taehyung rarely turns his full gaze on you, because it is almost too much to bear. Shit, is he just going to sign it? Is he waiting for you to give him some sort of signal?

“You can’t do this to Jimin,” he says.

“What?” Not what you were expecting. “Do what to Jimin?”

“This.” He gestures over the HR form. “Signing these forms with everyone. Having sex with everyone. You’re going to destroy Jimin.”

“Jimin’s the one who suggested this whole thing in the first place.” It’s a lie. You know its a lie. Or at least a gross exaggeration. But Jimin was the one who first brought up the idea of sharing. All for the benefit of the man in front of you now. 

“No way.” Taehyung scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “No way was it Jimin’s idea that you sleep with the whole crew.” 

“Well…” You can’t bear his gaze anymore and look down at the floor. “He wanted me to sleep with you.”

That surprises Taehyung. He puts down the tablet. “What? Why would he want that?”

This is awkward. “He, um, thinks you’re in love with me.”

“What?” There is only surprise on Taehyung’s face. It’s actually a relief to see that Taehyung is just as shocked by that idea as you were. “Why does he think that?”

“I don’t know…” You feel kind of dumb now. Of course, Taehyung doesn’t feel that way about you. Look at him. “Cause you told him you were jealous. Cause you can’t stand to be in the same room as us…”

Taehyung bites his lip. “Oh, um, shit, sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

If Taehyung isn’t jealous of Jimin... 

“Taehyung…” He looks up, biting his lip. “What did you mean? Who are you jealous of?” 

Taehyung’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he reaches for his microphone and mutes it. Out of respect, you mute yours as well. He glances toward the camera in the corner of the room, then stands up and begins unzipping his jumpsuit. 

“Um…” You are distracted by the golden arms that peak from either side of the tank top as the zipper reaches his groin. “What are you doing?”

“Need something to block the camera.”

“We have towels,” you mutter.  But he’s already stripping out of his shirt. The musculature of his back ripples. He hangs the shirt off of the camera to block the rest of the room from view. 

“Yeah, but this way anyone watching will think we’re having sex.” His chest is just as attractive as his back and you flush at the sight of it. Mercifully, he zips back into his jumpsuit as he returns to his position in front of the exercise machine. 

“You want them to think we’re having sex?”

“Don’t you? It plays right into your whole save the mission with bonobo sex plan.”

“I suppose.” Though the plan was also supposed to be that there would be no more secrets between the crew. “What plan of yours does it play into?”

“The one where Jimin doesn’t realize I’m in love with him.”

“You’ve never tried to tell him?”

Taehyung laughs wryly and shakes his head. “How would that conversation go? Hey man, I know we’ve known each other for years and I’ve already seen you naked and that you just think of me as a friend, but I’m in love with you. I know that’s awkward but now you have to spend the next twelve years with me, knowing that I’m attracted to you when you don’t feel the same way.” Taehyung sighs. “Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ve just ruined the friendship for nothing and then I don’t even have that.”

“Yeah… I get that.”  There’s something touching about realizing that Taehyung has been fighting the same battle as you for the last two years. 

“I couldn’t tell anyone before launch because what if they wouldn’t let me go then? You know?”

“Yeah, the director wasn’t big on sending anyone who might ‘complicate’ the mission.” The two of you share a sad knowing smile. 

“Yeah… And I thought it would be fine, you know? I like women too. I’d just date women until launch and no one would know. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with my roommate.”

“I don’t think any of us really knew what this would be like.”

“I knew it was going to be a problem. I should have pulled out…” 

Your mind flashes back to that moment of doubt when Hoseok talked you into still coming on the mission.

“But I couldn’t just let him go off into space without me. Even if he’d never feel the same way, at least he’d still be in my life.”

The emotion in Taehyung’s words makes your eyes begin to mist. “You really do love him.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung sighs again. “But he’s in love with you.”

“Well, he thinks he is.”

“What does that mean?”

“He only feels like that about me cause he thinks I’m the only option.”  You wonder if maybe he would feel differently if he knew about Taehyung’s feelings. 

Taehyung frowns and shakes his head. “You don’t give him enough credit.”

“Oh come on, you know him. How many women did he date while we were in training?”

“A few…” 

“And how many of them was he in love with before he found the next one?”  

Taehyung bites his lip. He can’t really argue with that. “So why are you with him then, if you don’t think it’s real?”

You shrug, rubbing your arm. “He wants me. It’s nice to feel wanted, I guess.”

“You know you could have that with any man on this ship right?”

You scoff. “They’re all suffering the same delusion. It’s only-available-vagina syndrome. I just want us all to fuck and get it out in the open. Maybe if we could get it out of our system, they would see I’m nothing special. And then we can get back to the mission.”

Taehyung eyes you up and down. “You don’t give yourself enough credit either.”

You shrug. “You wait and see. Jimin will get bored of me. They all will.”

The two of you both slump backwards in your seats, mulling over your shared woes.  Taehyung bends down and picks up the tablet again. “So what should I do with this?”

“Obivously, you don’t have to sign it. I should have realized that not everyone would be interested.”

“Jimin thinks I’m in love with you?”

“Yeah…”

“Is it okay if we let him think that for now? At least until I figure out how to tell him the truth?”

“Okay.”

Taehyung smiles and signs the bottom of the form, then sends it to you. Your phone lights up with a message. “Thank you,” he murmurs before he leaves. 

#I'm not going to answer asks about the spoilers right now #because I want people to be able to avoid them until the chapter drops #but that should be sometime in the next week or so #votes for void

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 27+28.11.20 lbs

27.11.20

lmao i was gonna get suuuuuuper mad at kabir for being in her room but then he’s like:

“hi.”

....................... and i instantly snorted happily. vishal is realllllllllly just so likable that i just can’t with him anymore. i love when adorable marshmallows like him and shrenu play evil. you just cannot fucking hate them!

blah blah humaara kamra, mera kamra nonsense.

shaadi ka joda gift. with that tackyyyyyyyyyyyyassss KABIR KI RIDDHIMA written on it. main marr jaooon par kabhi bhi aisa kuch na pehnoon, no matter how much i love the guy.

“kuch hi derr mein tum VANSH ki riddhima se, KABIR ki riddhima ho jaogi.” coz even in 2020, women are nothing but chattel to be passed on from one man to another.

riddhima is thinking fat chance, bitch.

telling him she’ll never wear red for him, coz “laal pyaar ka rang hota hai, aur main sirf ek insaan se pyaar karti hoon, aur woh hai vansh.”

“toh yeh bhi vansh ke paise se hi liya hai.” lmaooooooooo

ghani beizzati by saying she’s already bought a joda for herself, a white one. which honestly looks muchhhhhhhhhh nicer than the red one acc. to me but ok.

vansh checking his account balance and seeing that there’s charges for two wholeass designer jodas bought for a shaadi that’s not even gonna happen:

anyway kabir’s like ok who cares, colour doesn’t matter, shaadi toh tumhari honi hai mujhse blah blah.

kabir doesn’t like mandap setup. coz all white. and apparently aryan was in charge of it? coz he’s getting dragged by the collar for it.

good. i don’t feel any sympathy.

ishani is like dekh liya nateeeja iss loserrrrrrrr ki khushaamad karne ka? when has vansh ever treated you like this no matter how mad he’s gotten at you? he always protected you.

behen kyun bhains ke aage been bajaa rahi ho? yeh manhoos baaz nahi aana.

ishani flounced away and aryan’s now vowing revenge against kabir. abbe yaar, tera list toh kabhi khata hi nahi hota.

why the fuck are these ppl soooooooooo dressed up for a wedding they don’t even want to participate in? itna toh main apni genuine shaadi ke liye naa sajjjjjjoon.

suddenly ishani is allllll about bado ka sammaaan and parampara, pratishthaaaaa, anushaasan and all. lmao ok?????

tod di choodi uski kalaayi par. jaisa bhai, waisiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii hi behen.

shaadi mubarak indeed. lol.

riddhima’s calling vihaan and freakingout ki woh paise leke bhaag gaya. you are so fucking stupid sis, why would you give him that much fucking money BEFORE HE EVEN SHOWED THE FUCK UP??????????

“tum thodi weird nahi ho????” bhai obvious sawaal naa pooch.

anyway he’s like calm yo tits, untwist your panties, i’ll get there on time.

kabir instead of fixing his maatam waala mandap is back skulking around vihaan’s container box house. ladki ko shaadi karni bhi nahi hai and she’s sitting there ready from 3 hours before, aur yeh, jissko shaadi ki utaavli chadhi thi, is out doing randomassssss jasoosi, coz that’s the priority rn. sounds legit. 

VIHAAN THE DUMBASS TOOK OFF THE CCTV CAMERA AND PACKED IT. GOD YOU’RE ALLLLLLLLLLL FUCKING AQAL KE DUSHMAN IN THIS SHOW.

kabir sneaking in with gunnnnnnn.

how the fuck am i supposed to take him seriously with these bachchon waale sports shoes?!!?!?!? GIVE THE MAN HIS COMBAT BOOTS BACK SO HELP ME GODDDDDD

he’s peeking in the door and making some threatening statements about oh ho yeh hai tumhara plan, main sab khatammmmm kar doonga and all, but we never see wtf he’s looking at and this show is fulllllllllllll of red herrings, so........ idc.

riddhima putting on previous mangalsutra for this wedding and..... guts toh hai bandi main. badiii dheent hai.

mummy coming and saying blah blah usse utaar do this is your new mangalsutra and lmaoooooooooooooo

this is the tackiest fucking shit i’ve ever seen in my life. what’s with their obsession of putting their name on everything!?!!!?!!? what are you, an eight grader?!?!!?!?

anyway, bored with this ainvayi ki dhamki waala scene, fwding.

blah blah 2 ghante mein kaunsa chamatkaar hona hai and all......... WHY ARE YOU PPL SO DAMN OVERCONFIDENT????

meanwhile kabir is back and now harassing dadi. KISI KO TOH AKELA CHOD DE.  

actually, lmao, i’d love to see him go try this shit on ishani and angre. it would be fucking glooooooooooorious lololololol.

anyway, he wants dadi’s aashirwaad in the form of vansh’s saafa (pagdi/turban). ABBE YAAAAAAAAAAR. USKE UNDERWEAR DRAWER SE JAAKE USKI CHADDI BHI LEKE PEHEN. ITNAAAAAAAAA WANNABE VILLAIN MAINE AAJ TAK NAHI DEKHA. HADHHHHHHH HAI.

chikni chupdi baatein ki i’m just trying to be the son vansh was to this house. if i wear his saafa, it’s like uski aashirwaad aur duaein meri saath hongi.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PICTURE VANSH’S FACE IS LITERALLY LIKE

anyway dadi is like really really fucking hurt by this and my god i wanna fucking murder kabir.

she’s literally telling him to pick anything else, it’s vansh’s nishaani and he’s like aap sab ke paas koi na koi nishaani hai, mere paas apne bhai ki koiiiiiiiii nishaani nahi hai blah blah and oh my god, this is truly the most villainous thing kabir has done, being thisssssss fucking emotionally manipulative. the absolute fuckkkkkkkk.

ugh anyway long story short. baandh diya dadi ne ukso saafa. bloody nonsense.

poor dadi phoot phoot ki ro rahi hai ki she’s losing vansh bit by bit. awwwww man it’s genuinely heartbreaking.

riddhima has witnessed this and is about to fuckkkkkk shit up lolll. 

lmaoooooooooooo dayum.

wtf is your problem, i’m marrying you, why are you torturing the fam like this blah blah. kabir like physical, emotional, moral sabbbbbbbbbbb tarah se tod ke rakh doonga inn sabko and ugh god i just really fucking hate him.

but damn he just looks really good in this sherwani and hair all mussed up.

anyway he’s doing some real messed-up, genocidal dictator kinda talk and phew. is just askinggggggggg to be murdered.

and then lmao he abruptly switched to “bohut khoobsurat lag rahi ho tum; time kya ho raha hai???? ooooooh ek ghanta baaki hai.” and i legittttttt lol’d at the way he delivered it. I HATE VISHAL FOR NOT LETTING ME HATE KABIR IN PEACEEEEEEEEE.

riddhima panic-calling vihaan, wants to go check on him. mummy ne pakad liya, room mein badh kar diya coz K told her to handle riddhima’s bhagodi dulhan ways.

great. riddhima’s having a breakdown.

motivational call from the choti sarrdaarni. she kinda just looks like a tall baby shivangi joshi had with aditi dev sharma????

le, doosre show waale heroine ko bhi pata hai kabir kameena hai, iss show mein 3 episode pehle pata chala issko.

ok is the choti sarrdaarni delusional and having a make-believe phone call with the protagonist of her favt tv show IMMJ, coz she knows waaaaay more details than even the people in this house know about the plot and what went down. she’s talking about how vansh aakhri pal tak ladta raha and riddhima’s like huh, news to me, i just got there in time to see him spout some ghatiya shayari and then throw himself off a cliff.

anyway riddhima seems to have gotten strength from this deranged phone call, so............. good for her, i guess.

———————————————————————

28.11.20

next ep just abruptly started with kabir and mummy in riddhima’s room threatening her and i just.......... dude, whatever. i’m just gonna skim through this ep coz i know it’s just filler shit till literally the last 1 minute. 

OK HE’S MANHANDLING HER AGAIN AND FUCKKKKKKKKKKK

dang helly looked evennnnnnnn younger in the first eps. legit baby face. at least now they’ve aged her up a lil with the makeup and styling.

he’s saying don’t bother waiting, no one is gonna come. OH BOY. VIHAAN ARE YOU OK????? ARE YOU OK??????? ARE YOU OK VIHAAN?!?!?!?!?

cue riddhima’s panic attack.

lmao kabir telling mummy ki iss shaadi mein ab koi speedbreaker nahi hai lol. heavy foreshadowing that ab se everything that can go wrong is definitely gonna go wrong.

suddenly at the speed of light kabir is back at the container home in his sherwani and saafa and holding vihaan at gunpoint????

oh. sapna tha riddhima ka. ouff. this stupid show has tooooo fucking many dream sequences.

someone give this bitch a klonopin coz watching her is making my anxiety shoot up.

mummy comes into room 2 min later and sees riddhima sleeping ghoongattttt and all. SURE. NOT SUS AT ALL THAT A BRIDE DYING OF ANXIETY WOULD TAKE A NAP 30 MIN BEFORE THE CEREMONY IN FULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OUTFIT. TOTALLY A THING THAT HAPPENS.

DUDE SHE PULLED A NURSE WAALI HARKAT AGAIN. LMAOOOOOOOOO. KISKO SULAAAAAKE AAYI HAI TU, AAFAT?!?!?!!?

askdjasldkjlsakdjlaskjdlaskjdlaskjdlkas. ALSO THE FACT THAT MUMMY RECOGNIZED HER FROM HER PRESS ON NAILS. LMAOOOOOOOOOO I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS SHOW.

LMAO RIDDHIMA YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

lol mummy has to call and give bad news to kabir. and i am sad we didn’t get to see his volcanic reaction, which no doubt would have been epicccccccccccc.

10 MINUTES TO THE CEREMONY. VR MANSION IS 20 MIN AWAY FROM THE CONTAINER HOUSE (AS STATED BY V BEFORE) AND THIS SIS IS...........

RE DEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

she finally got in and the whole place is empty. he practically lives in a storage unit, you telling me he went and moved his stuff to a whole different storage unit?????

new freakout within the pre-existing panic attack: kabir ne vihaan ko saaf kar diya ya vihaan paise leke bhaag gaya??

cut to fb: riddhima asking V all earnestly ki tum dhoka toh nahi doge na????

HIS ASS ACTUALLY SAID, LEMME TELL YOU A FACT ABOUT ME: I LOVE MY MOM. I SWEAR ON HER I WON’T BETRAY YOU. 

AND SHE STILL DIDN’T GET THAT HE’S VANSH. MY GODDDDDDDD.

she’s like nope vihaan gave mummy promise so he won’t give dhoka. ah yes, the most sacred and inviolable of promises.

toh bacha alternative ki kabir has vihaan. 4th simultaneous panic attack in a panic attack. someone sedate this bitch.

aaaaaaaaaand kabir has sent a video of a bomb in VR mansion below the mandap. great.

and now he’s calling to say ki get your ass back home or imma scramble these eggheads called the raisinghanias.

lmao the bomb is counting forwards instead of backwards????

mummy saying MY BETA SMAAAAAARTEST. haan, tha..... kisi zamaane mein. ab nihaayati bewakoof ho gaya hai.

lmao kabir accosted a passing by angre and is like you need to be loyal to me as you were to vansh and lol angre’s like saaf saaf shabdon mein, fuckkkkkkk off.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KABIR WENT TO HURL THE NAARIYAL AT ANGRE’S RETREATING HEAD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MAN HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO HATE HIM HE’S SO FUCKING HILARIOUS

lmao he goes to phodofy naariyal and:

abhi bappa ko huullllllllll de raha hai. overconfidence ki hadh toh dekho.

riddhima is back and hunting for the bomb and kabir comes bouncing the fake bomb around and she’s legit like TUMNE MUJHSE JHOOOOOT BOLA?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!? lol bitch, seriously???? because he’s been the paragon of truth and virtue up until this moment??????

“apna hulia sudhaar ke aao. 5 min mein mrs. kabir banne waali ho. thoda standard toh match karo.” lmaooooo the sasss and disdaaaaaain he said that withhhhhh. boy knows he’s looking damn good today.

anyway blah blah shaadi has started. dadi is sad af. to the point where ishani is looking really concerned. i really love this soft ishani.

“kaash samay ka paiyya ulta ghoom jaaye aur mera vansh wapis aa jaaye mere paas.”

dadi, shoulda asked for world peace instead. just the one wish you had and you wasted it on getting your hellion pota back. 

some more in-room threatening of riddhima by mummy. while riddhima is throwing out last minute prayers to bappa and vihaan ki bas just do something and stop this whole shitshow.

vihaan ka toh pata nahi, the shady fuck, but bappa like:

i gotchu girl.

bhaari bhaari flashback waali walk down the stairs.

HE EVEN SAID THE MAA LINE AS VIHAAN IN THE VANSH VOICE. SHE GOTTA BE SOOOOO FUCKING STUPID MY GODDDDDDD.

ouffffff so much time wasteeeeeeeeeee.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand....................

watch that he was wearing while falling off the cliff? ✅✅✅

wedding ring that was not found on the dead body????? ✅✅✅

“YEH SHAADI NAHI HO SAKTI” booooooooming across the whole damn neighbourhood in the fakest deep voice everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr???? ✅✅✅

———————————————————————

precap:

haan yeh sab toh theek hai.............. 😕😕😕

par asli sexxxxxxxxx waali chemistry idhar hai!!!!!!!! UNFFFFFF. 🤩🤩🤩

#ishq mein marjawan 2 #immj2 #immj2 lbs #episode liveblogs

[drkcnry67]

join me?

title: join me?

pairing: Jared x reader

rating: 18+

fluff: single parent AU

kink: shower sex

tags: shower sex, single parent x single nanny, vaginal penetration, climax, asking someone you know to become your partner in raising your child

summery: not telling

mentioning @sweetness47​

created for @spnfluffbingo​ @spnkinkbingo​

kink list   fluff list

the following AD you had placed on all the job boards:

“if you are a Single parent in need of someone to move in to help look after your kids, clean, cook for you Im that person. obviously i can cook, clean, drive, shop for groceries you know the esentials. basically anything you would require of me i can accomplish. call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx, to discuss details. sincerely YN. PS im willing to relocate if needbe. thank you for reading this.”

just like that it was done, it was posted. now, all you had to do was wait. someone was bound to call eventually. 

after 3 weeks you were about to re-post the ad, your phone rang. someone from san Antonio, as far as you were concerned you knew of no one who lived in that corner of the world. 

you took a chance and answered the call. 

YN: hello!

Jared: yes, im looking for YN

YN: thats me

Jared: perfect, my name is Jared Padalecki. i’m a single father to a 4 year old boy named Thomas. he’s my mess maker & i love him to bits. but balancing between work and parenting is alot harder than most people think. my wife had divorced me she felt like i didnt care enough about her or the foundation she built, so one night she walked out and i havent seen her since. so anyway i was looking through the ads for live in nanny when i came across yours. your ad drew me to it, im sorry if this sounds too forward but its been hard. 

YN: not at all. so what are the terms of this job?

Jared: well, as we speak im just finishing the details of your flight to San Antonio which first of all i need your current location like where you are coming from and how much baggage you are bringing. 

YN: thats very kind of you to book me a flight. im coming from San Francisco with 3 suitcases and 2 carry ons. most of it are small keepsakes and other sich clothing items i pick up along the way. but not a big deal i just dont have a permenant home to leave anything at. so if you dont mind me coming with all my little nik naks and figurines...

Jared chuckled in the background before he spoke.

Jared: girl, i think we can deal with that. ill buy some wall shelves and a special case for your statues and figures, with enough room that should you want more you can get more. There will be a vehicle you can use to transport my son to school and do errands and stuff like that, there will be a spare room included for you with your own bathroom. The shopping can be done by you after you drop my son off to school on a day of your choosing. If you like all that your duties do not include yard maintenence. You are free to take my son out for shopping trips as well, you get a shared card to my all expense account to do all your spending for the house and for yourself. It goes straight to my account it's all good. I want your time here to be awesome.

YN: this is my cell, please tell me you have some good news about my flight details. 

Jared: check your texts. 

You check your messages before you go back to the call.

YN: thats a good flight, so what kind of plans are for when i get there. 

Jared: well if you want we can go get the groceries when you arrive, after we leave the airport. then we can go for lunch and get you a few pretty things. sign some bank papers to put your name in my accounts. 

Yn: that sounds good, I've just sent notice to my landlord, I'm just packing up some of my figures now. I'm gonna have to get my license and stuff switched over to Texas state license but I'm excited for this.

Jared: i know as am i its been a while since we had any type of female presence in the house. we havent any such thing, but tomorrow that all changes. i know that you are gonna bring a light into our lives that hasnt been here in well ever. 

YN: glad i can help, now lets see whats the day tomorrow yields. 

Jared: i am so excited, so is my son. he keeps asking when you are gonna be here. but it is gonna be a happy day tomorrow. i know that this is gonna sound strange, but i hope your the one that can save me.

you heard his tone change instantly, you felt the power coming from it. you felt the wet in your panties. you were not okay in the slightest. but you felt amazing at the same time. 

YN: i guess ill let you go. ill shoot you a text when i get to the airport. cause i want to help you. i want to be the one to save you. 

neither of you knew what the hell just happened, neither of you would remember what was said, at the end of it neither of you would be able to state the words of the other. it will remain that way till a different day in the near off future. 

Jared: ill see you tomorrow... YN.

YN: jared.

the call ended, it was the moment when you felt like you could breathe again. the moment when you felt as though it would be your last. the moment when you felt like you were on cloud 9. 

you went to the cornerstore to get a few travel items. a few other things as well. a lot of times before you travel you do this kind of big shop, but this time was not like most times. Jared was providing everything for you, you had to bring you and what you currently owned, as well as your documents and stuff like that. 

after cleaning most of what you could in the apartment, you set your alarm and went to bed. you woke up to your 6:00am alarm. it was a long time but you were also a good half hour to the airport. you wanted plenty of time for check in and travel distance. 

finishing packing, leaving your keys to the apartment in the hands of your landlord who helped you bring your bags out the front door. she wished you a safe trip and to call if you were ever in the area again. 

you brought your bags to the cab and got in. you told the driver to take you to the airport. upon arrival at the airport, the cab driver helped you load your bags onto a cart and drove off.  you pushed the cart into the airport, went to the check in desk. 

check in lady: may i see your ticket and passport please?

You hand over your ticket and passsport. the lady scans your ticket and hands both your passport and ticket back to you. 

check in lady: alright your good to go, the gift shop is open if you want to stop there, its just on your left passed security.

Yn: do I give you my suitcases! Well at least the ones that aren't carry ons.

Check in lady ushers for a security guard to come round to take the 3 suitcases from you. To which you smile and thank them and head off to go through security.

Security guard: please put all your bags in a bin, your jacket and shoes as well as your jewelry in this bin and then you can stand on this square we will bring you through and go from there.

you did as asked. you complied you went to stand on the square, were waved through, the thing didnt beep but you were still patted down and then given your stuff back.  sent on your merry way, you were happily walking through the airport again. 

you went to the gift shop, you were buying a few puzzle books to keep you entertained on the flight. as well as a dress off the rack and some playing cards (one of each type), and some statues. these ones were small but made you smile.

you paid for everything and then went to the bathroom to change and organize your bags. you come out of the bathroom, your hair is up in a ponytail. you go take a seat holding your passport and ticket. 

after half hour of sitting there, your flight number was called. You pulled out your phone, texting Jared.

Yn (by text): morning, I am about to board my flight

Jared (by text): morning, I hope you have a safe flight, Thom and i cant wait to see you. Thom made you a sign we will be holding it, you have my word and honor that we will be good, we will all get along quite good. 

YN (by text): of course, as do i. i look forward to getting to San Antonio and beginning a new life. the pre flight is starting ill let you know when i land. 

Jared (by text): have a safe flight. see you in a few hours. i gotta bathe the kiddo. 

The pre flight took a bit longer than you thought it would, but Jared's message was one you ended up saving as a screenshot. You listened to your music when the flight attendant said we were free to use the screens ahead of us and whatever else. 

You even did some puzzle books and wrote in your journal. 

You were nervous, of course you were nervous. This was the first time you were gonna meet a single dad and a son. Thoughts of what they might look like floated through your mind. The thoughts of the life you were stepping into were beyond what your mind could conjour. 

But the way he spoke to you said something about saving you, made you wonder if something more was happening to him. 

Something maybe in his past that might be coming after him now. There was a darkness in his voice that you couldn't shake. 

But you shoke it off, you were not gonna let these thoughts consume you. You waited for the hours to pass, and they did rather quickly. 

For what was once 30 mins that had passed, became an hour and a half. You were almost there. 8 am quickly turned into 1030am there was still half hour to go. 

This was it the landing checks the whole pack up whatever you took out, close the trays un recline your seats, take out and shut off your music speech came quickly. You put away the books and things, you held your phone in one hand using the other to get up form your seat. You followed the people out of the plane. 

You walked out onto the concourse and made sure you were lookin good before you stepped onto the escalator. 

Jared was watching, but when his eyes landed on you coming toward him he smiled. He couldn't help himself. A little voice in his head told him not to smile, but to jump you instead. Jared ignored that voice for he didn't want to do anything harmful with Thom around. Even then he wouldn't. he instead watched you walk toward him. 

Jared: YN.

YN: you must be Jared. It is a pleasure to meet you. 

You both shake hands but a spark flows between both of your hands. Before you place your bags on the ground and look at Thom. 

YN: you must be the little cutie. Did you make this sign all by yourself?

Thom nods and gives you a hug which you graciously return. You were feeling happy. 

Jared: i think we should go wait by the luggage bay so we can grab your luggage. Then we can head off for lunch and shopping and paper filling. 

YN: the luggage should have started coming out by now anyway right?

Jared: possibly. But i want to hear more about you, your adventures and can i just say that dress is delectable. 

There it was again, that deep dark tone to his voice. He now held his hand out for your bags as Thom was urging for you to carry him. Jared carried your carry ons, you carried Thom who just smiled happily. 

Jared: ive never seen Thom take kindly to anyone before. This is gonna work out just fine. 

YN: thom is so sweet, i look forward to working with him on a daily basis. I also look forward to helping you with the house. 

You smiled as thom came up to you and sat in your lap. Jared just watched amazed by your skill with kids. 

As the luggage came round you pointed out your suitcases to Jared who grabbed them placing them on the cart. 

You held thom who just contently hugged you. He nestled himself against the crook of your neck, soft snores filled yours and Jared's ears shortly after. 

Jared: he barely slept last night he was too excited. I'm not surprised that he is sleeping now. 

Jared says as you all walk to the car, Jared with the luggage cart, you holding thom. You gently placed thom in the car, you watch Jared place the luggage in the trunk. 

Jared: and you are the miracle worker, he is asleep. He will sleep till we wake him for lunch. He will also hopefully sleep through the bank and licencing appointments. 

Before he could say another word you went over and gave him a kiss to his cheek. The air between you both was growing thin. 

This would have been your first kiss if not for the fact that jared’s watch went off. 

Jared: we have to be at the bank in half an hour. Which is perfect but first i want to try something. Just dont move.

You didnt move you stood there as Jared slid his hand around your waist. And placed a soft kiss to your neck. Then moved to whisper in your ear. 

Jared: a little bit of food for thought. The darkness is growing inside me and i swear i will hold it back as long as i can. But you need to understand you are the only one who can stop the darkness. 

You went round to your side of the vehicle. Feeling a little flustered. Jared was behind you, you turned to see him, his eyes starring at you. His hand on your own, you feel a spark, you feel that same spark that you both had felt back in the airport, when you first met. 

The ride to the bank was good, you and jared talked and went over a list for shopping and made a list of things to do when you arrived to Jared’s home. You were done the bank & licensing appointments.

 Deciding that it would be easier pick up take out for lunch as Thom was still sleeping. Like he was out like a light. You guys were able to quickly go in follow the list and get everything on the list. Finally on the road with lunch and heading home to Jareds. 

YN: so i guess i will need to set up some stuff and unpack. 

Jared: ill even help you set up and build the shelving and things. Believe me your suite is gonna be your style when we are through with it. We are almost there. Then we will get you settled. And its still early in the day. 

YN: lets hope that we can get a majority of this done before thom wakes up. 

Jared: or at least un pack the car or have the lawn care people help with that as well. Ill just pay them extra for it.  

Within a few moments after that you guys pull dup to a gate, where Jared used a key card to open it. 

Jared: welcome to your new home YN! 

From that point in the day you and Jared and thom spent it getting acquainted, you did some schooling with thom, jaredd helped you set up your suite, Jared and you celebrated with a glass of wine each before bed from then on.  More little moments were stollen like the one that happened in the airport. 

Something worse would be a drift in the near future. you didnt know what but you had a feeling that something would come to light that you would never expect in a million years. 

~its now been 8 months and 12 days since you came to live with Jared and Thom. you settled in quite nicely. you drove back and forth to get thom to and from school, you cooked, cleaned and you happily did all the laundry. now we start our story again on the last day of school, with you just having picked up Thom from school and are in the car driving back home~

you had just gotten on the freeway Thom had passed out a while back for his afternoon nap. you were just happy for a small moment of peace and quiet. but your bluetooth came through the car at a volume that thankfully didnt wake Thom. 

you saw it was Jared so obviously you answered. 

Jared: hey hows it going?

Yn: good, thom is having a nap, im just on the freeway. how was work?

Jared: good, i couldnt wait for the day to be over. i have a surprise for you. 

YN: for me or for me and thom or for all 3 of us

Jared: call it a family surprise. 

YN: wait im part of the family. none of my jobs previously had ever considered me part of the family. its nice to finally be included in an actual family. 

you could hear jared chuckle before he continued to speak. 

Jared: i know you are new to the whole permenant family thing, and we are always gonna have a home here for you. but i want to celebrate the start of summer with a tradition. 

YN: something new or something old?

Jared: a new tradition one that starts as soon as you guys get home... 

YN: and will i need to pack a bag?

Jared: yes although i had my assistant at work go out and buy you a few new things for this trip today, so how long till you guys get home... 

suddenly thom pipes up from the background. 

thom: hi daddy.

Jared: hey little man, ive got a surprise for you when you and YN get home. 

YN: we will see you in 10 minutes jared. 

Jared: see you in the driveway 

the call ended and you handed thom a sucker from your center console. he smiled and giggled all the rest of the way home. you pulled into the driveway parking in your normal spot. 

Jared comes round to bring thom out first, after spinning him around before setting him down on the ground, he comes round to your side. he opens the door and extends his hand to you. 

he helps you out of the car, and walks you to the door. where you all enter before Jared send thom up to his room to get ready. guess he had told thom the secret before he told you, but you were now standing in the living room with Jared who turns to you.

YN: what is the big surprise, i assume you told Thom and thats why he ran upstairs all excited. 

Jared: i bought us a vacation house about 2 months ago. it is all season, and we get to go there and spend these next 6 weeks there. its in canyon lake about 2 hours by car. thom will probably sleep at least part of the way there. but YN i want you to know that i have a secret one that has me flustered enough to internally keep it from you for he is the glue that holds us together. but i wonder if perhaps we as in us 2 have a few things we can be together. 

before you could respond Jared leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to your lips, for those 2 seconds it was like heaven had shot you with an arrow.

Jared pulled back and began to walk toward the kitchen to pack some trip snacks and drinks. but before leaving you alone in the living room he spoke.

Jared: ill leave you with that food for thought for it will be something to definately make conversation about later.

That kiss, your only real first kiss. Made you extremely excited. But the drive the 2 hour drive had you all hot and bothered. you went to pack your stuff in your bag. well at least thats what you thought, when you got to your room, you saw a suitcase, one filled with yours and Jareds stuff. maybe you guys were traveling light or there was already stuff out there for you guys.

you packed your journals, some games and a few books and of course a deck of cards in your backpack. you wheeled the suitcase out of the suite while carrying the backpack. then you went back in to put your hair back.

you heard someone calling your name. you answered the call and heard footsteps coming to your room. you turned to see Jared standing there, like nothing had happened downstairs.

Jared: are we almost ready to go?

YN: almost. just gonna get into something a bit more vacay less public appearance. meet you down in 2... 

Jared: wear something sexy. i guarantee that you will be the hottest thing in the car. and you can pick the music. 

you grabbed something out of the closet and took it into the bathroom. you came out to see Jared standing not  facing you. till you would speak woulkd be when he would know you were there.

YN: does that mean we are bluetoothing it all the way there.

Jared: got the wireless charging pad installed and all ready to go. plus i hooked your phone to the bluetooth already. now when you are ready we will head out.

YN: i know. jared are we gonna discuss what happened between us downstairs?

Jared: that kind of talk is better suited for vacation. 

thom is waiting by the door, you and jared bring down the last of the stuff. thom just as excited about this vacation as any little child should be. everything was loaded in the car, you went to lock the house and set the alarm. but before setting the alarm, you said the one word that you were sure might confirm your suspicions. 

YN: christo!

the cross on the wall near by turned upside down. you finished setting the alarm after salting the doors and windows. only hoping that this would be easy, but now you were certain that you had figured out the darkness that Jared kept mentioning. 

you went to the car, sitting down you nodded at Jared to start driving. and it was declared right then and there that you all were officially on vacation. Thom sat quietly and eventually passed out. your music playing in the background, Jared realizing that Thom had fallen asleep moved his hand to rest on your thigh.

this made you look at him, the darkness in his eyes faded when you placed your hand on his. the darkness that starred at you, the way his hand tightened on your thigh. you were the luckiest girl in the world. you hoped that this vacay would yield the answers you hoped you didnt need. 

over the last little while you had done research on what you thought might be the darkness latched to Jared. after what happened in the house before you left with the cross. you were certain. Jared was possessed. and you had to stop this thing from doing something he would regret. 

your mind circled with those thoughts, but a voice brought you out of your own mind.

Jared: you have been quiet, is everythign alright?

YN: yes everything is fine. just going over the list and making sure we dont need to have the lawn people do any extra tasks while we are gone.

jared: why do you think we forgot something?

YN: its just a feeling. but its nothing to worry about. now when we get there i assume that we are gonne have a tour and a chance to unpack before we decide our first vacation activity.

Jared: i also hope you dont mind sharing a room with me. its a little 5 bedroom cottage but the 3rd, 4th and 5th rooms are supposed to be guest rooms. they only has a cot and no closet. we are just waiting on a few parts to be reno’d in there. 

YN: i think i can live with this arrangement. thom i assume is gonna be in a room close by.

Jared: yep he is at one end of the hall we are at the other. you know when i called you all those months ago, asking you to fly out here to help me, i was ready to give up on finding someone to help me take care of the house and Thom. but your ad made me have hope that maybe you would be the one that would save me.

YN: i think i know what darkness follows you but i wont know forsure until i can run a test. 

Jared: what kind of test

YN: one that would need to be done when Thom is asleep. one that i hope will either prove me right or prove me a liar. that is if your willing to try.

Jared: im willing to try anything.

YN: well then we will try it tonight after Thom goes to bed. 

neither of you had realized how much time had passed, then you saw a sign. Jared smiled.

Jared: we are close now.

YN: that sign that i just saw is that where we are going?

Jared: yep. once you se the place you will understand why i got it. and i sound proofed the master, just in case...

he winked at you as he slowed down at the edge of a driveway. he then guided your gaze to look ahead at the cottage that now stod before you.

Thom woke up shortly after you had pulled him out of the car. he rubbed his eyes and smiled as he ran toward the house, screaming happily as he approached the steps. where he waited for you and Jared. 

you both brought what you could while still having hands to open the door and help Thom up the stairs. jared unlocked the door allowing you and thom to walk through first. your eyes went wide at the first glance of your home away from home with Jared and Thom. 

this was gonna be an amazing vacation. you put down what you carried, as well as let go of Thom who was running around looking at everything. you spun round and somehow landed in the arms of Jared.

Jared: what do you think?

YN: what do i think.. this is amazing. i love this. this is incredible. i wouldnt trade this vacation for anything. honestly i would rather be no where else. im quite happy here. 

Jared: as in this home or my arms.

YN: both. jared, i i... 

just as your about to speak again. you and jared are interrupted by thom coming out of a nearby room half dressed. 

Thom: daddy, YN can we go swimming now...

jared set you back on your feet and you both laughed. 

Jared: in a few moments bud we gotta find the swim suits first. 

as Jared said that the attendants brought up the luggage. you looked at Jared who just smiled and whispered in your ear.

Jared: you have the summer off to relax for 6 weeks. just be normal with me and Thom. these next hours could prove several things for us. starting with lets take Thom swimming and then go from there. we will hopefully eat when we return. the attendants are already preparing supper. 

you could do nothing except smile. it was already turning into a really steamy vacay. you went to where you saw jared going through your shared suitcase. first chance you got you grabbed your bikini and cover.

you went into the nearby spare room closing the door behind you. you get changed, you could hear Jared ask one of the attendants to take Thom to find him a life jacket from the boat house. then you heard silence. 

then you heard the sound of the door knob turning, you were only half done tying your bikini. when Jared walked in shirtless and wearing his swim trunks. 

Jared: need help?

you froze in place at his words it was like your actions were not your own. it was a few seconds after that you felt his hands around your waist sliding slowly up your back.

Jared: i wish we had this place to ourselves. we would not be leaving that master suite for a while. 

YN: i wish Thom was asleep so i could take away your darkness. 

Jared: so you know what it is...

YN: yes and i need you alone when i take away the darkness, Thom would be in too much danger. dont worry you will be darkness free soon. you will be back in the light and free to live your live happy with me and Thom. im not gonna let this darkness ruin your life any longer. tonight it gets banished.

Jared: just gotta tire Thom out enough that he will sleep tonight. 

YN: well then lets not keep him waiting any longer. 

you and jared walk outside and down the path to the lake. you were amazed at the wonder and beauty before you. bout halfway to the lake, you were pressed against the back side of a nearby tree. Jared’s eyes darkened at the sight of you, the feeling of your body beneath his hands had him hard, you could feel it against your lower back. 

Jared: once Thom is gone to bed, I'm gonna make Jared watch through his own eyes as I fuck you into next week. Jared will never inhabit his body again.

You struggled slightly before speaking.

YN: i address the entity within, who are you?

Jared’s form just smiled evily at you, his hands still freely roaming your body. 

YN: well you should also know that you wont live long enough to fuck me into next week. im gonna expell you from Jared’s body and send you back where you came from. now i command thee for all that light brings give me Jared back immediately.

once you finished speaking Jared’s body fell to his knees, you kneel down to only be hugged by Jared.

Jared: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry

YN: don't worry, just calm down. That demon is gonna be gone when I do the ritual. Take a few moments to breathe, I'm gonna go sit on the dock where the attendant is in the shallows with thom. Just take your time.

You placed a kiss to his cheek, then walked the rest of the way to the lake. Upon arrival at the lake, you watched the attendant and Thom, playing in the shallow water.

Attendant: miss YN. Where is Master Jared?

YN: he will be along shortly he just wanted to check his messages make sure everything is running smoothly.

Attendant: then I shall stay down here with you both till he arrives. How do you like the place Miss?

Yn: it's gorgeous. I love it. I have never been invited to go on any type of vacation. Not even in my own family. So this was a really awesome surprise.

Attendant: that is so sad... Well to many more times like this then. Thom here is a amazing little kiddo, you have been working so hard master Jared just wanted to give you a vacation you wouldn't soon forget.

Thom meanwhile was just enjoying the water, his expression had a huge smile on it. He was wet head to toe and absolutely having fun!

You kept waiting on the dock for Jared to approach and for 10 min he didn't till you, looked and saw his form approach.

you sat on the dock and felt him slide down behind you, his legs are on either side of yours, his arms round your waist. you both sat there enjoying the view while Thom played with the attendant in the water below. neither you nor Jared felt like moving knowing that in a few hours you both would be expelling the demonic force that lay now dormant inside Jared. 

Jared: do you know what is better than sitting here on the dock.

YN: what

Jared: sitting on the dock with you surrounded by nature, this will be the best vacation ever once we get rid of the demon.

~time skip to a few hours later. after some swimming you all went back to the house for dinner. after dinner you guys played a game or 2 with Thom who then went with one of the attendants and had a bath, then it was time to put him to sleep. you and Jared read him a story, then he fell fast asleep. for he truely was tuckered out, you and Jared dismissed the attendants and locked the doors for the evening. you both went to the master suite as we return to the story.~

YN: i need to set something up first can you wait like 5 minutes before you enter the bathroom. oh and dont plan on showering in your trunks, and bring towels with you. i have a feeling like we will need them when we are done. 

Jared: ill see you in there.

you walk towards the bathroom, holding the prayer beeds in one hand and un doing your bikini in the other. you placed the bikini on the ground and set your phone on the counter. 

YN:  Exorcizo te, creatura aquae. In nomine dei patris omnipotentis et in virtute spiritus sancti.

you finished the incantation and placed the rosery on the shower head so it lands in the water. then you took one look out the window and just let the water run over your body. 

Jared walks in with nothing on he places the towels on the counter, you see him out of the corner of your eye.

Yn: join me?

Jared didn't need an invitation he was already climbing in behind you. For he knew that this was the only way to expell the demon.

You turned around and now faced him, you looked up at him holding his gaze you move him round so he is under the water.

His body starts shaking that's when you spoke again.

Yn: please let this work...

You had him lift you up so he was holding you as you slid down onto his cock, and spoke the incantation that hopefully would save his life. In other words bring his light fuller to push away the darkness.

Also there was a Devils trap in the floor where jard was standing you had the attendantz draw one, for the demon to be sent straight back to hell. With a clear voice the following words were spoken by you.

Yn: exorcisomus te, omnis immunus spirits, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarri, omnis legio, omnis congregato, insectas diabolicas, ergo dracto malidicte, eclesium secura fascious liberate, te regamous, audinos

At that point black smoke came out of Jared's mouth, and went straight through the floor. When Jared looked at you again his eyes were clear and he leaned you against the wall.

He began thrusting his hard cock in and out of your pussy. It was something that both of you had dreamed about for months.

His hard cock pounding your sensitive tender pussy. With each thrust you climaxed. But it was the kisses that left you both breathless.

The more he thrust the more he came. After 45 minutes and 16 climaxes for the both of you.

Jared set you down, helped you rinse off, both of you getting out after Jared turned off the water, Jared wrapped a towel round you, then he dried himself off.

Jared: thank you. Thank you for saving my life. But where did you learn to do that.

YN: too much research on the paranormal. I knew something was off and when that demon named himself I knew what I had to do. 

Jared: would you consider making your time here a role more permenant than just a nanny?

YN: what kind of role would that be?

you are immediately pickd up and placed on the bed with Jared crawling on top of you. he made love to you for a few moments before just curling up with you in his arms and muttered only 2 words before he crashed.

Jared: marry me

you used voice command to turn out the lights before passing out yourself. when you both woke the next morning with just a sheet covering your still cuddling forms. you blinked a bit before moving a piece of Jared’s hair out of his eyes. 

it was a few moments later that Jared stirred. 

YN: morning handsome.

Jared: that was the best ive slept in years. 

YN: do you remember saying anything after we hit the pillow last night.

Jared twists away from you for a moment and pulls something out of one of the drawers in his nightstand, before coming back to your embrace.

Jared: all this time i felt empty and now i want nothing more than to have you stay permenantly. YN will you partner with me in raising Thom full time, not as a nanny but as a step mom to him. YN i believ i already asked you this but will you marry me?

he reveals a small rose gold band with a 15k diamond in the center surrounded by your birthstone and Jareds birth stone. this made you nod alot, trying to find your voice as the cool metal band slid on your finger. 

YN: yes! yes yes yes!!!! but umm does this mean we dont have to leave this bed right away. 

Jared: i think that can be arranged besides its still early. its only 6am... we are still on work time. 

going back to cuddle mode you admired your new ring as Jared now once more wraped your form in his own, your leg draped over his hip and you guys were basically a free range pretzel. so to speak. it became the start of the life you always wanted something permenant and stable. not loose and ragged. 

goes to show love strikes when you least expect it.

#spnkinkbingo #spnfluffbingo

[junietuesday]

Michael is walking down the beach at sunset, headphones connected to his phone in his pocket, breathing weed smoke into the air on the day that he meets Jake.

Well. “Meets” is a strong word. But the point stands.

The waves crash rhythmically against the soft sand, audible even over the soft music playing through Michael’s headphones. Since his area is shit, there’s too much litter to walk barefoot, but he can tell through his sneakers that the sand would be soft under his feet. The sky is pink along the horizon, the sun a gentle orange as it sinks beneath the ocean’s surface—it’s already seven PM, but obviously, sunsets are always late during the summer.

This beach is comforting, after so many years of coming out here to walk, listen to music, and, later, smoke. On bad days, it can feel horribly lonely out here with only the waves and the sand as his company, but usually, coming here is like receiving a warm hug.

Michael kicks an old soda can along the shore as he walks, the lyrics of “You Happened” from The Prom (thank Christine Canigula for trying to turn him into a theater kid) playing through his headphones, the upbeat tune contrasting with the quiet serenity of the rest of the beach. Nothing much ever really happens here, but in Michael’s opinion, that’s a definite plus.

Until he sees a head poking out of the water, far out from the coastline. Like, “is it safe for someone to be out that far?” far out. Michael’s never seen anyone swim out that distance, anyway.

He makes to call out to the figure. But just as fast, the figure dives down and disappears, a bright green tail that sparkles in the light of the sunset breaking the surface of the water, before it, too, vanishes beneath the waves.

Michael runs to the water, where the waves soak his sneakers and tug at his socks. The ocean is as always. There’s no sign the mysterious figure ever existed.

~

Jake slips back into his bedroom, flopping down onto his bed and closing his eyes against the light of nearby bioluminescent fish that streams in through his windows, reflecting off the sparkling blue crystal of his ceiling. He can still feel the after effects of adrenaline thrumming through his body, lighting him up from head to tailfin.

It feels like only moments later when someone crashes into the room with a thump of the door falling shut behind him.

“Jake!” Rich’s voice is all beams. Jake groans into his comfy, comfy pillow, pulling his comfy, comfy sheets tighter around him. (It’s a sensory thing, okay?) “Jake, I’m—oh, shit, dude, you look like ass. Are you good?”

“Stayed up way too late,” Jake says, looking up. He’s greeted with the familiar sight of Rich’s deep sun-colored scales, fading from orange at the hip to red at the tailfin, and the dyed-red streak in his hair. “I’m so sleep-deprived, save me from this hell.”

“What?” Rich tilts his head. “Why? I mean, all power to you if you wanna pull a random all-nighter, but—”

“Uh.” Jake propels himself upright, the sun beating hard into his eyes. “There was a reason. And you have to promise not to tell anyone if I tell you what I was doing.”

“Oh shit, this is serious,” Rich says, at Jake’s grave expression. He spins around, sending ripples through the water around them. “Lay it on me, dude! I swear on my life I won’t snitch.”

“Okay.” Jake takes a deep breath, sinking down to let his tail hang over the edge of his bed. “I was at the beach. Watching a human.”

Rich’s expression flashes from earnest to shocked. “What? For reals?”

Jake understands why he’s concerned. For all they know, this could be one of those humans that would turn them over to a—what’s the word?—an aquarium in a heartbeat, never to see the ocean or any sort of freedom again. Or the human could even kill Jake and keep his body instead. God knows there have been mermaids that have done the same to a human, after luring them from their ships into diving into the sea.

“Yeah,” Jake says, tail flipping with nerves, ripples pushing at the particles of sand on the floor in front of him. “He’s so handsome and cute and he seems so nice when he’s there with his friends, I think they’re his friends I mean, and like, I can’t see him as the type to murder someone senselessly! And either way, I haven’t let him see me—um, well, until…”

“‘Until’?” Rich repeats, lying on Jake’s couch at this point. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re in love with him?”

“Yeah.”

Rich looks at Jake.

“Are you gonna go back?” Rich says. “Just based on ‘he seems so nice’?”

Jake sets his jaw, and nods.

“Yeah,” he says, hands clenching into fists against his mattress. “Yeah, I am.”

“Got it,” says Rich briskly, without even moving from his relaxed recline on Jake’s couch, as though he was expecting that answer. “I’m coming with.”

“What?” Jake stares at him. “No way. I can’t ask you to risk that just ‘cause I’ve got a crush.”

“It’s not just a crush if you’re willing to risk it,” says Rich, and the resolution in his tone tells Jake that he may as well just accept it, because Rich won’t back down. “I trust you, dude. So we’re both going.”

“Fine,” says Jake, but inside, he’s extremely grateful. “And…thanks.”

“No prob.” Rich flashes a grin. “Hey, at least I get some eye candy out of it, right?”

~

The day after the beach incident, Michael tells Jeremy about it over lunch at an old 50’s-themed diner, literally named “The Diner” according to the neon letters above its entrance. It’s their favorite because of the arcade machine in one corner and the jukebox in the other. While Michael definitely doesn’t want to go back to the actual 50s—what with all the racism and shit going on—the aesthetic this place pulls off is pretty cool. Plus, the food is amazing.

“You’re serious?” Jeremy says, his pastel pink iPod long paused and abandoned on the plastic table in front of him. He hasn’t even taken out his earbuds. “Really?”

“Yeah!” Michael says, slightly defensive. Because sure, seeing a mermaid on a random stroll on the beach does sound like some kind of clickbait and/or hoax, but what reason does Michael have to lie? “I promise, its tail was the clearest thing I’ve ever seen!”

“You wear glasses.”

“You wear glasses—!”

“And like,” Jeremy goes on, ignoring Michael’s protest, “I don’t think you’re lying deliberately, but, y’know. You could’ve been just high.”

“Who says I was even smoking weed?”

Jeremy just looks at him. Michael sighs, disgruntled.

“Okay, fine, I may have smoked a little,” says Michael, “but I’ve never gotten hallucinations from weed before. It was totally a mermaid. It had to be.”

Absently, Michael wonders what the others in this restaurant think of their debate. Michael’s never pretended to be a totally normal human being, but this is a whole new level of slightly batshit crazy. The lady at one of the stools at the bar sips her banana juice from the vending machine, staring at her phone. Does she know the two teenagers sitting in a booth a few feet away from her are having a discussion about one of them apparently having seen a mermaid at the beach yesterday? Does she even care?

“Besides,” Michael continues, grabbing a fry off his plate. “If the fucking Quetzalcoatlus can be real—”

“Michael, are we really gonna go over this again?”

“Yes! I mean, it’s a fucking bird-dinosaur the height of a giraffe—which, by the way, is also a strange as hell creature—that could still fly—”

“Anyway,” says Jeremy, around a swallow of milkshake. He’s definitely used to dealing with Michael’s rambles by now. The Chuck E. Cheese pizza conspiracy (in which they re-plate uneaten pizza slices, accounting for the uneven crusts of pizzas), the history of the mitochondrion (an ancient cell absorbed an ancient bacterium and they ended up in a symbiotic relationship), the random superstition of knitterly grandmas (you have to put a mistake in your work for the soul to escape through)—you name it, Michael’s probably rambled about it. He prides himself on the vast amount of useless knowledge his brain contains. “Mermaid. I can’t.”

“I can,” says Michael. “I’m gonna go see if I see them again tonight. It’s gonna be a whole proper stake-out with like, snacks and shit. I’ll see them again if it kills me.”

“It probably will,” Jeremy says. “You can’t do that every night until you see this mermaid, who knows when they’ll come back. And who says the mermaid is even coming back at all?”

“Shush, Jeremy, have faith,” says Michael. “It’s totally, like, The Little Mermaid. The mermaid’s gonna come back ASAP to stare at my beautiful face and then we’ll meet on the beach and—”

“You really want your mystery mermaid to lose their voice and tail in a deal with a sea witch and then be unable to communicate with you whatsoever and then they’ll die if—”

“It’s the idea, not the details,” Michael says. Jeremy just doesn’t get it. “Okay? Come if you want, I don’t care.”

“Nah, I’m coming,” says Jeremy. “I don’t have anything better to do. But don’t be disappointed if nothing happens, alright?”

“Something’s gonna happen,” Michael insists. “I can feel it.”

~

The night after Jake was spotted by the human, he and Rich swim as quietly as possible through the halls of Jake’s house, light from bioluminescence filtering through the blue-stained glass of the ceiling shining blobby shapes on their skin. Jake’s parents are home for once, and they wouldn’t take too kindly to seeing their son and his best friend sneaking out in the middle of the night.

Jake lets out a breath once they make it out the door, then turns to Rich.

“You can still back out,” he says, but Rich rolls his eyes.

“I told you, you’re stuck with me,” says Rich. “Now show me the map.”

Jake shows him the map. He got lucky to have made a friend like Rich.

~

“Michael,” Jeremy says from the hood of Michael’s car. The crescent moon shines above them, the light reflecting off the ocean’s waves. “Come pokemon battle me, I brought your DS.”

“No,” says Michael, staring out into the water, sitting right by the water on the folding chair he’d brought. “I need to make sure I see the mermaid if—when they come.”

He checks his watch. Ten o’clock. It’s been three hours since the sun set, and so far, there’s no sign of the mermaid from yesterday. Not even a single stray ripple in the water.

Jeremy sighs at Michael’s words. Michael hears the crinkle of a chip bag being opened. He turns.

“Hey, let me have some!” he says, getting up to grab some chips.

But as soon as Jeremy hands him the bag, he’s back to watching the water.

~

“Are you sure we went the right way?” Rich says, consulting the map. They’re close enough to the surface that sunlight is properly reaching them, far higher than their town is located, but there’s no sign of the ocean floor rising steadily anywhere. “I don’t see a beach.”

“It was definitely this way,” Jake argues. He points at a sunken car, bits of gray peeking out from beneath the green algae covering its surface. “I always pass this thing a few minutes before I get to the shore.”

Rich makes a disbelieving noise.

“Alright, dude,” he says. “You better be right, my tail and arms are dead.”

“I’m right,” says Jake, though he can’t blame Rich for his uncertainty. If the situation were the other way around, Jake hates to admit it, but he might have turned around long ago. “I’ve made this trip, like, twice every week. I know the way.”

~sort of but not really fin (eyy!), i’m gonna finish this another time but for now i’ve gotta submit for the bmq

Word Count: 2010 Team: Michael Prompts: all main, 9 bonus Points: 76 (30 game points, 46 for the fic itself) @bmc-gift-exchange

#june speaks #my writing #im not tagging this bc its super unfinished but take the beginning of a pins and patches mermaid au!!

[artificialqueens]

Not Nineteen Forever (4) (Branjie/Scyvie)- Ortega

a/n: i am absolutely hanging out my arse so editing and re-reading this chapter made me feel vaguely ill. i’ll pass it off as method acting xo thank you so much for the continued love and support for this fic, the fact that each chapter so far has broken 100 notes makes me piss my pants with excitement (watch now i’ve jinkxed it and this one’ll get like 8). in this installment Scarlet finds it hard to believe that she isn’t Victoria Beckham.

Trigger Warnings: explicit drug use, alcohol. unaaay.

Summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree

***

Scarlet had to admit, she was enjoying the high life. As she sat up the back of the lecture theatre in the new fur coat she wasn’t planning on taking off anytime soon, blinking heavily with her £75 lash extensions, drumming her £50 acrylics against her notepad, she smiled to herself. This was definitely the kind of life she was suited to. Okay, she got a bit of a shock when the rent left her bank account, as well as her gas and electricity bills, but she still had a good amount there. Clenching her stomach, Scarlet thought about the number on her banking app. £3713.65. Slightly giddy, she pressed her lips together as she thought about it. How could she have spent over a thousand pounds in the space of two weeks? She thought through it in her mind. Rent, £550. Electricity, £30 split with Ra’Jah. Gas, £25, also split with Ra’Jah. But that only came to what…just under six hundred pounds? There was still so much unaccounted for. Scarlet thought about how much she’d paid for on nights out, the two shopping trips she’d been on since her scratchcard win, and the many, many Ubers she’d taken pretty much everywhere. It was time to reign the spending in.

It was crazy how much confidence it was giving her, though. Even on the group chat Scarlet felt self-assured enough to throw out barbs every so often, the girls all responding with keyboard smashes and capitalised laughter and giving her a boost of serotonin. It had even made her feel more confident around Yvie. Scarlet felt weird about the whole Yvie thing. Now that she’d realised she liked her, she didn’t really know what to do about it. She knew she would do something, she promised herself, as if she ended up in a situation like Vanjie’s she would scream. Scarlet cast a glance to the girl beside her, frantically typing notes into her laptop and listening intently. Bored, Scarlet took her fluffy-topped pen and wrote on her notepad, pushing it Vanjie’s way.

Lunch after this?

She watched as Vanjie looked down at her writing, looked back up, then nodded once. Scarlet smiled, glad that she had something to look forward to. It had been a while since she’d had a catchup with Vanjie, and part of her was excited to see if there had been any progress made between her and Brooke. Scarlet then realised it was a little selfish of her to think that way and, realising she hadn’t confided in anyone about her crush on Yvie yet, she decided she’d let Vanjie in on her secret.

When the lecture finished up they decided they would go for lunch at the Mexican place in town. It was a slightly longer walk than anywhere on campus but Vanjie was good company, chatting away happily about something funny her Mum had done back home and distracting Scarlet from the cold weather. They eventually reached the restaurant and got sat at a table, despite the fact Scarlet could have stood under the heaters that were blasting by the entrance forever. She watched as Vanjie shrugged her huge coat off then leant forward.

“So, how’s your lovely flatmate?” Vanjie asked, Scarlet letting out a snort and rolling her eyes.

“Our oven’s broken. She’s saying I broke it,” she explained, Vanessa tilting her head with intrigue.

“Why? What did you do?”

“I don’t know. Used it to cook food,” Scarlet said, her laugh giving away her monotone voice and causing Vanjie to giggle too. “It’s exhausting living with her! She just hates me for no reason! I swear she’s going to turn up by my bed in the middle of the night with a knife and her pillow to smother me with.”

“But then she’d have no-one to blame for the shit that goes wrong in the flat.”

“True. If I’m ever found murdered, though, you know who it was,” Scarlet raised her eyebrows knowingly, Vanessa having to stop herself from laughing as a waitress arrived at their table and took their drinks orders. Vanessa ordered a Corona and Scarlet almost joined her, then realised that beer on a lunch break when she still had a lecture in the afternoon was risky. She got a blood orange San Pellegrino instead. As the waitress walked away, Scarlet continued. “How’s Silky and Akeria? I’ve not seen them since last Saturday.”

“They’re good. Akeria’s stressing about Masters applications, even though I keep telling her every uni is gonna be fallin’ over themselves to accept her. Silk is fine. She’s always fine. I think she’s made peace with the fact she’s probably going to get a 2:2.”

“Nothing wrong with a 2:2,” Scarlet shrugged, even though she knew that if she was on course for a 2:2 she’d be crying as if her life was over.

“That’s true. Degree’s a degree. Still gon’ cry like a baby if I don’t get a 2:1 though,” Vanessa frowned, brightening up as the waitress returned and put their drinks in front of them.

“You will,” Scarlet said. It hadn’t been a lie- even though she only saw Vanessa working towards part of her PPE degree, she always seemed on the ball with lecture notes, got good grades in her essays, and you could never shut her up in tutorials. The other girl still narrowed her eyes at her as she took a drink.

“You have to say that, though. You’re my friend,” Vanessa said, Scarlet brightening up at the validation of her friendship. She’d never known if Vanessa had liked her at first, but over the years they’d eventually settled into being comfortable with each other. Vanessa sighed. “I worked out that if I want a 2:1 I need to get above 65% in everything until the end of the year.”

“That’s doable!” Scarlet insisted, pouring her can into the glass in front of her. She frowned and shook her head. “Anyway, let’s not worry any more about uni. How’s Brooke Lynn?”

Vanessa slid down in her seat and covered her face with the menu. “I don’t know, bitch, ask her.”

“You know what I mean! How are things going? Any progress?”

Vanessa screwed up her face. “I mean, I don’t know. Kind of? Maybe? It’s so hard to tell with that bitch.”

“What’s the maybe?”

“So last Monday we went for a drink after we went to the library. We were just talkin’ and somehow…I don’t even know how we got onto this topic…we started talkin’ about how we were…y'know, like in bed.”

Scarlet let out a screech. “OH my God. Amazing. How is that a maybe in any way?!”

“Nah, well, you know,” Vanessa smiled bashfully, fanning herself with the menu which neither of them had so much as glanced at. “It started to get deep and then I did my classic ha ha ha what a big joke this is I’m definitely not takin’ this serious in any way thing I always do with her. I think I made it awkward, ‘cuz I’ve not seen her since then. I mean we’ve talked on the chat but…yeah.”

Scarlet pouted, feeling sorry for her friend. “Oh, Vanj, no. It won’t be that at all. You know her and Plastique have got their portfolios due next week, she’ll just be busy!”

Vanessa bit her lip, then smiled slowly. “How about if I organise a lil somethin’ to take her mind off her work, then?”

Scarlet took a sip of her drink. “You’re going to turn up to her flat wearing nothing but a massive bow playing The Stripper through your phone speaker.”

As Vanessa howled, Scarlet realised a little too late that someone had come to take their order. She asked for five more minutes, neither of them having looked at the menu yet and having only used it as a prop for embarrassment.

“No, bitch,” Vanessa wheezed, finally getting her breath back. “Let’s see if we can get her to come out tonight.”

Scarlet felt her brows pulling together involuntarily. “On a Wednesday? She’ll be too responsible.”

Vanessa sighed and gave the menu a cursory glance. “Couldn’t we at least try? I just need to know if I’ve made things awkward so I can go about trying to fix them. Although how the fuck I’d do that, I don’t know.”

“I guess you could put it on the chat?” Scarlet shrugged.

Gleefully, Vanessa bounced about in her chair and grabbed her phone decisively, immediately typing. She put it back face-down on the table almost as quickly as she’d picked it up. “It’s sent. Although now we’re running the risk of everyone being free apart from Brooke Lynn, and if I’m honest I really don’t have the energy to go out otherwise.”

“We’re getting old,” Scarlet shrugged, her eyes scanning over tostadas, taquitos and empanadas without really being able to focus on any of them. “Do you remember the days when you could manage two nights out back to back?”

“I remember the days I could manage two nights out in one night,” Vanessa laughed, running a hand through her hair and exhaling. “Scarlet, why am I nervous? Tell me why I’m nervous.”

“Because you’ve just orchestrated a night out with our whole friendship group just so you can see one member of it. Instead of, you know. Asking her on a date,” Scarlet smiled teasingly, Vanessa laughing in self-depreciation. It occured to Scarlet that she still hadn’t told Vanessa about Yvie. “That reminds me-”

Just then she was cut off as the waitress appeared again at their table. Scarlet couldn’t bear to send her away again so she quickly ordered some fish tacos and some sort of cheesy beany quesadilla she had no idea the other ingredients of. Vanessa rapidly fired off an order for a pulled chicken burrito and pork taquitos which, Scarlet could glean from a quick glance at the menu, seemed to be served with radioactive levels of spice. As the waitress walked away, Scarlet frowned.

“Are those taquitos not really spicy?”

“Meh. I don’t mind spice. Worst case scenario I’ll have to install scaffolding round my ass for the next three days after I eat ‘em,” Vanessa shrugged and then leaned forward, hardly giving time for Scarlet to laugh at what she’d just said. “You said ‘that reminds me’ after we were talkin’ about dates, what’s up with that?”

“Oh uh, nothing,” Scarlet smiled shyly as she picked at a bit of dripped candle wax on the tabletop. “Just that I’m joining you in the crushing-on-my-best-friend club for the foreseeable future.”

Vanessa’s face lit up. “What is this?!”

Scarlet felt cheeks flush red as she said it. “I…think I have a crush on Yvie.”

Vanessa let out a quick screech of delight, drawing the gaze of a dining couple sitting at the opposite side of the room. Hushing herself, she leant close to Scarlet and continued. “Oh my God! Bitch! I love this. This is amazing. Aw, you’d be so cute together! I knew you were touchy with each other but I always thought that was just how your friendship was.”

“It is how our friendship is!” Scarlet protested, then put her head in her hands to cover her cheeks as she smiled. “I just…realised I like being touchy with her a little too much to be friendly.”

“Oh, I got it. You wanna be touchy with her in a different way,” Vanessa winked suggestively, Scarlet squealing in mortification and both the girls ending up howling with laughter. As the laughter died down, Vanessa smiled. “Well, welcome to the world of crushing on a friend, boo. It’s amazing, electric, and largely horrific. And painful. I’m not selling this well.”

“It sounds slightly sadomasochistic.”

“That’s actually what you get if you Google it,” Vanessa nodded faux-seriously, then put on a funny, posh-sounding voice. “If you liked getting shocked by a disused electrical socket twenty-five times in a row, perhaps you’d like: crushing on your best friend!”

Scarlet laughed, then shot a glance down at her phone as it sat face-down on the table. “I’m kinda hoping Yvie comes out tonight too now.”

“Ooh! We should check the chat,” Vanessa said, pouncing on her phone and her face dropping as she looked. Scarlet opened her own to see what had been said.

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: me n Scarlet wanna go out tonight who’s down

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: BITCH ARE U CRAZY WE AINT FRESHERS ANY MORE

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: I GOTTA DATE WITH BRADLEY WALSH AND WHOEVER THE CHASER IS TODAY

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Girl we all know The Chase starts at 5pm you gotta think of a better excuse

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Sorry boo I’m out

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: BITCH BACK TO BACK EPS ON CHALLENGE TV FROM 7 THANK U NEXT

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Need to be at the library early if I wanna get that 1st

Kim Kardashian-West: Placement :((((((( sorry babyyy

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: I’ll see yall at pres though

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: I’m guessing they’re gonna be at ours

Okay Then: Sorry girls our portfolios are due in like 9 days

Okay Then: big celebrations after though!!

Dave the Laugh: i’d actually be down

Scarlet felt guilty as her heart gave a jump, Vanessa sitting dejectedly across from her. “Hey, chin up! She’s not replied yet.”

“If Plastique is sayin’ no, she’ll be a no too,” she jerked her mouth to the side in a pained attempt at a smile. “Your girl’s down though, that’s good!”

“Stop. She’s not my girl.”

“Yet,” Vanessa smiled, a glint of disappointment still present in her eyes. Just then, Scarlet’s phone lit up in her hand.

mose: I’m going to follow the tradition of my entire university career making poor life choices and say yeah I’d be up for a night out

Scarlet looked with anticipation across to Vanessa, whose eyes were wide with excitement. She didn’t seem to know that she had a beaming smile on her face, and Scarlet couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, happy for the girl opposite her. “See? Good news!”

“Oh my God. It’s gonna be me, you, Yvie and Brooke Lynn. Fuckin’ double date night out,” Vanessa’s eyes scrunched up as she laughed happily. Scarlet felt her pulse start racing, nerves taking hold of her already. She was excited, though, for some time with Yvie in a slightly smaller setting. She hadn’t grabbed a coffee or done anything with just her in a while, and even though this wasn’t the ideal setting, it was still an opportunity. Vanessa was back typing quickly into her phone, and Scarlet watched the group chat progress.

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: yall suck apart from Yvie and BrookeLynn

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: come to mine for 9 then bitches! Xoxoxoxo

Mose: See ya then boo

Scarlet turned over her phone and raised an eyebrow at Vanessa. “You’re her boo.”

“Yeah fuck y’all bitches, I’m Brooke Lynn’s lil’ ghost,” she smiled and gave her hands a quick clap together in excitement, Scarlet spluttering a laugh at her friend’s adorable reaction. Just then, their food arrived and got placed down in front of them.

“Oh hey, can I grab another Corona?” Vanessa asked, holding up her empty one. The waitress took it and nodded, and Vanessa gave Scarlet a guilty look. “I should really head to the library after this but I’mma go back home and nap, then spend the next four hours gettin’ ready. Fuck, I don’t even know how I’m gonna afford goin’ out tonight.”

Scarlet took a bite of a taco, then thought. Lunch was only going to come to about forty-ish pounds altogether, and really, what was that out of her winnings? She swallowed, looked to Vanessa, and smiled.  

“Hey. I’ll get us lunch,” she shrugged, shifting a little in her seat as Vanessa blinked at her.

“Serious? No, Scarlet, I can’t let you do that.”

“Honestly! My loan came in early,” she said, looking down at her plate as she lied. “Think of it as a celebratory, double-date-crush-night-out-whatever-the-fuck-this-is treat. And you can buy me a drink or something when we go out, call it even.”

As a waiter came by and placed another bottle in front of Vanessa, she gave a smile and raised it. “To coming out on the other side of tonight with girlfriends?”

Scarlet smiled as she clinked her glass against Vanessa’s beer. “Let’s not push it.”

The rest of her lunch with Vanessa passed by comfortably, Scarlet paying the bill when they were finished without a second thought and the girls saying goodbye with a hug and an excited squeal in anticipation of later on. Part of Scarlet wanted to head straight to the shops to look for something new to wear but she stopped herself, instead getting in an Uber and going back to the flat, the prospect of her returning to campus for her 3pm lecture growing thin. Turning the keys in her front door, she sighed when she heard loud music coming from Ra’Jah’s room. Scarlet had hoped she’d be out by now. Walking through to the living room to dump her shoes, coat and bag, she paused when she saw something on the messy, cluttered coffee table that she was sure hadn’t been there before.

It was a tiny, clear, plastic ziploc bag filled full of a white powder. Scarlet frowned as she picked it up, transferring the bag between her fingers and watching as the powder inside crumbled and broke up, the same sort of consistency as flour although slightly looser and whiter. The realisation of what she was holding suddenly hit her like a bus, nearly making her drop the bag. She stood silent for a couple of minutes, completely unsure of what to do. Then she heard the music in Ra’Jah’s room get turned up and that seemed to make her decision for her.

Storming back through into the hallway, Scarlet banged on her flatmate’s door. “Ra’Jah!”

The music got cut off and there was an eerie buzz of silence in the flat. The door in front of Scarlet swung open to reveal her flatmate, her face unimpressed. “Yes?”

Scarlet held up the bag, hoping it would elicit some emotion out of the other girl. It did not. “Can you not leave that shit lying around our flat?”

Ra’Jah smiled in amusement, showing a set of slightly uneven teeth. Scarlet felt her top lip curl up in a sneer. Ra'Jah wasn’t able to pull them off, not like Yvie with the cute gap she had between her front teeth. Fuck, was she really thinking of Yvie right now? Ra’Jah leant on the doorframe cockily. “What, a girl ain’t never seen cocaine before?”

“Of course I’ve seen it,” Scarlet lied, gripping the bag tight between her fingers. “I just don’t want the flat looking like a fucking crack den. I mean it’s not a potted plant, Ra’Jah, it’s a fucking class A drug. It’s not decorative.”

“Class A, ooh,” Ra’Jah mimicked mockingly, irritation washing over Scarlet. “Don’t shit yourself, bitch, it’s fine. I only put it down for, like, two seconds anyway. Just give it and I’ll put it somewhere safe.”

Scarlet went to pass it back to her, but something held her back. She looked at the powder again and a flash of thoughts flew through her head, of skinny, glamorous models and nightclub toilets and champagne. It was an illegal drug, and everything Scarlet had been brought up to believe told her it was fucking disgusting, and dangerous, and led to a spiral of addiction and debt. But still part of her was so insatiably curious, like she was addicted without even having tried it yet. She watched Ra’Jah’s expression change as Scarlet curled her fingers back. “Where’d you get it?”

“What is this, twenty fuckin’ questions?” her flatmate snapped back, rolling her eyes. “Just give me my narcotics, bitch.”

“Can I, um. I’ll buy it off you?” Scarlet stumbled out, causing Ra’Jah to look at her in disbelief.

“You want to buy cocaine?” she raised an eyebrow at her, speaking through a slight laugh. Scarlet’s hackles were up.

“Or give me the number of your dealer.”

Ra’Jah let out a small snort, shrugging her shoulders. “Ain’t any need to involve anyone else. Alright, that’s a gram. Give me sixty and it’s a deal.”

Scarlet felt her eyes widen involuntarily, Ra’Jah chuckling in response. “Girl, what did you think it was gonna be? Naomi Campbell snorts this shit for a reason, people use rolled up hundred dollar bills to snort this shit for a reason. It ain’t fuckin’ Cabbage Patch kids weed we talkin’ ‘bout here.”

Scarlet frowned and took out her phone, opening up her banking app. Just before she transferred the money, she looked at her flatmate suspiciously. Ra’Jah rolled her eyes.

“Look, I’m not taking you for a ride. I got it for fifty, a bitch wants to make a profit. Sixty is standard in some places. Others you’d be talkin’ seventy. Google it if you don’t believe me.”

“No, I believe you,” Scarlet simply said, hitting a button and just like that, sixty pounds flew out of her account. A nervous heartbeat felt entirely too fast and too loud in her body. Another hundred pounds gone.

“Thanks, bitch. This was great fun, maybe I’ll drop out and become a dealer,” Ra’Jah laughed, Scarlet saying nothing in reply as the door swung shut in her face. The bag seemed to make her right hand tingle, and a surge of nervous excitement shot through Scarlet like propane.

She got ready for the night ahead in a sort of daze, as the panic and the gravity of what she’d actually done began to sink in. She’d just bought a gram of cocaine for a night out. What the hell was she planning on doing with it? There was no way she’d be able to actually do any. Or was there? That was what Scarlet had always said about weed and now her and Yvie got high together all the time. Her pulse thrummed at her wrists when she thought about the other girl. Scarlet imagined bringing the small bag out in a toilet cubicle with her, watching her eyes grow wide, imagined her thinking holy shit, I never knew Scarlet was this type of girl at all. Imagined them both cutting it up with Scarlet’s bank card and snorting it, then hitting their high on the dancefloor, turning to her and letting Yvie lean in and kiss her in a haze of euphoria and lust.

Scarlet felt a throb of heat pulse between her legs, her doubts gone. This was a good decision.

Scarlet showed up to Vanessa’s flat only running a tiny bit late, ready with a bottle of vodka the size of her head and a couple of mixers in case any of the girls wanted to share. She got buzzed in quickly and was welcomed into the flat by Akeria who was looking a far cry from her usually-glamorous self, her hair piled on top of her head in a towel and a pair of pink flannel pyjamas on. Scarlet was shown through to their kitchen where she found Vanessa, Brooke and Yvie all sitting on the sofa or on chairs beside Silky who was also in her pyjamas and, just as she’d promised on the chat, was watching The Chase. The girls gave a small cry of delight as Scarlet walked in, Scarlet not missing the way Vanessa was sat on Brooke Lynn’s lap. Part of her prickled with jealousy, wishing that her and Yvie were in their place, but she didn’t mind too much. She was happy for Vanessa. Scarlet grabbed a glass, took a chair to sit in, and began pouring a drink as the girls continued to watch the TV.

“Low offer of minus four thousand pounds, high offer, please?”

“Fifty-one thousand pounds.”

“We’re watching The Chase,” Vanessa explained to Scarlet.

“I gathered.”

“If he takes the minus offer, I’m gonna reach through the TV and stab him,” Brooke said seriously, her face displeased.

“Nah, he’s gonna stick in the middle. I trust Nigel, 52, from Stockport,” Yvie drawled, taking a sip of her drink then smiling at Scarlet from her position on the chair beside her, reaching across and squeezing her hand. “Hey, girl, how are you?”

“I’m good, thanks,” she smiled shyly, giving Yvie’s hand a small squeeze back and admiring her crushed-velvet red dress. “You look good.”

Yvie momentarily looked as if she was about to say something cute in response when her eyes were suddenly ripped from Scarlet’s and back to the screen as the girls groaned loudly.

“He’s a fucking TRAITOR,” Silky yelled, launching a cushion at the TV. “Sheila brought back forty-five thousand for this asshole to take from it? NO MA’AM!”

“Well this is the most lit pres I’ve ever been to,” Scarlet deadpanned.

“I hate this motherfuckin’ game show. Silk, turn this shit off,” Vanessa rolled her eyes, her flatmate loudly complaining.

“It’s my fuckin’ flat too, hoe!”

“Yeah, some of us actually have to do work tomorrow,” Akeria piped up from her position at the oven, checking on whatever she’d put inside. “How come you’re out tonight anyway?”

Scarlet caught Vanessa’s eye and she just stopped herself from smiling. “Oh, you know. Sometimes you just fancy going out.”

“It’s called being spontaneous, Kiki. You should try it,” Brooke joined in as she brought both hands up around Vanessa’s waist, the other girl giving a happy sigh and Scarlet staring at them, jealousy burning under her skin. As the other girls bickered, Yvie turned to face her again.

“Hey. You alright?” she asked, concern etched on her face and making Scarlet’s heart swell up.

“No, yeah, I’m good!” she smiled, blinking and trying not to come out with the truth of I’m insanely jealous of how close and cuddly Brooke and Vanessa are being right now and I wish Silky would get up off the sofa so we can join them. Satisfied with her answer, Yvie smiled.

“That’s good. No sad allowed at pres,” she joked, then tapped her gently on the nose. “Also you’re not allowed to be upset, you’re, like, my favourite person. Don’t tell the others.”

Scarlet felt something akin to a tidal wave flood over her whole body. Boosted, she gave Yvie a small wink. “I won’t. I promise.”

Something behind Yvie’s eyes seemed taken-aback, but not in a negative way. Almost as if she hadn’t expected Scarlet to come back with something so flirty so quickly, and Scarlet had to hide her smile behind her hand when she saw Yvie’s cheeks turn slightly pink.

Two hours later, all of Scarlet’s vodka had been drank and the four girls had managed to navigate a drunk Uber ride and entry into one of the fanciest clubs in the city. Usually none of them would have been able to afford the entry fee, but Scarlet had paid the ten pounds for each of them without batting an eyelid. She probably should have cared, but Scarlet had hit that stage where the alcohol had her convinced that life was wonderful, she was invincible, and she would be young and rich forever. She laughed as she cast her eye around the small circle the girls had formed on the dancefloor. Vanessa was dancing, frankly, like a stripper, and Brooke seemed to be living for it, her hands on the other girl’s waist protectively. Yvie was bouncing and flailing about, completely intoxicated, and yelling along to whatever song was playing- Scarlet didn’t know it, but she didn’t really need to. Turning to Yvie, she grabbed her hands and laughed. Yvie looked at her curiously.

“You look like those things…those car lot things…they go like this in the wind,” Scarlet explained, suddenly demonstrating to Yvie and throwing her hands in the air. Yvie buckled over with laughter, her hands on her knees, and Scarlet was so pleased she’d made her laugh.

“Bitch you started doing the floss to Miami 2 Ibiza, shut the fuck up,” Yvie snorted, Scarlet howling beside her. Casting her eye again to Brooke and Vanjie, an idea planted itself in Scarlet’s head.

“Yvie, watch me dance like Vanessa,” she commanded, suddenly feeling emboldened enough to throw her arms around Yvie’s neck and push her body up against hers. She ran her hands through the other girl’s hair messily, Yvie’s eyes half-lidded as she laughed gently at her.

“Girl…messing up my hair,” she muttered, Scarlet smiling back brazenly.

“It was messed up when you did it,” she smiled cheekily, tapping Yvie on the nose like she’d done to her earlier. Without giving her a chance to respond, Scarlet dropped down onto the floor in a move she hoped would make her look irresistible. Instead, she toppled over and ended up flat on her back against the sticky floor, the crowd parting around her like the Red Sea. She looked up to see Yvie laughing hysterically, holding both her hands out to her. Scarlet took them gratefully and she was pulled up, beside Yvie again only this time with just a fraction of the confidence. Yvie must have seen her pouting as Scarlet felt her strong arms being wrapped around her in a hug.

“Aw baby, I like your dancing the way it is,” she slurred into her ear, a tingle shooting down Scarlet’s spine at the proximity of Yvie’s lips to her skin. Scarlet was about to do something, say something, when she suddenly felt herself being wrenched away from Yvie and dancing beside Vanessa, who was gripping her arm. Scarlet was confused until Vanessa leaned in close to her and yelled above the music.

“I got an idea,” she said, her voice thick with alcohol. “Gonna make them both jealous.”

Scarlet’s eyes widened, an electric shock running through her veins as Vanessa pulled her close, then tilted her head up and kissed her. There was little to no hesitation and Scarlet felt herself kissing back, feeling the eyes of the other girls on them both. Vanessa kissed as if she’d known Scarlet’s lips her whole life, hot and passionate, and it briefly ran through Scarlet’s mind that Vanessa probably had a certain Canadian blonde on her mind as she was doing it. She desperately wanted to open her eyes, to look over to Yvie to see if she even cared. Show over, Vanessa pulled away, beaming and laughing, and Scarlet felt herself laugh back. In her drunk state, the situation was funny- the pair of them getting with each other to try to make their two other friends jealous. It appeared to have worked, certainly in Scarlet’s case, as Yvie took her hand and pulled her back, an odd sort of smile on her face that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She shouted over the music at Scarlet, something that she couldn’t quite hear.

“What?”

Yvie raised her voice a little more. “I didn’t know you liked Vanessa like that!”

Scarlet laughed. “I don’t!”

Yvie gave her a funny look, a multitude of questions no doubt running around her head. Scarlet felt her confidence peak and she leaned in close to Yvie’s ear, Yvie’s arms snaking round her waist instinctively. “You jealous, girl?”

She felt Yvie’s body shake in a laugh Scarlet could tell was affected. “No…bitch.”

Scarlet leant her head on her shoulder and spoke against her neck. “Hey, 'f you’re lucky it might be you next time.”

She pressed a tiny kiss against Yvie’s skin and pulled away laughing, Yvie looking momentarily shaken then joining in with Scarlet’s laughter. Scarlet ran her tongue over her teeth. Fucking yes. Suddenly, she remembered the tiny bag she had in her bra. She caught the attention of the other girls and shouted over the music again. “Guys. Come pee with me.”

She began to make her way through the crowd to the toilets, hearing Vanessa and Yvie laugh at Brooke singing a parody of Come Fly With Me but replacing the word “fly” with “pee”. They eventually all managed to cram into a cubicle together, Scarlet counting her blessings that there was no toilet attendant on duty who would almost definitely have bundled them all out. The girls looked shocked as Scarlet turned around from locking the door and produced the bag from her bra.

“Is anyone down?” she asked lightly, Brooke letting out a nervous laugh beside her. Vanessa flipped her hair over her shoulder.

“What the fuck is that,” Yvie asked, her face set in a hesitant, concerned smile. Scarlet shrugged.

“It’s exactly what it looks like.”

Vanessa spoke first with a blase shrug. “Yeah, bitch, let’s do it.”

Scarlet smiled happily, part of her quite surprised at how readily Vanessa agreed to the whole thing. Her eyes darted to Yvie, who was still looking at the bag cautiously. Obviously noticing her eyes on her, Yvie gave her a look that Scarlet couldn’t quite decipher, then screwed her face up. “So this is a thing we all do now?”

Vanessa narrowed her eyes at her. “Aw Jesus, Yvie, it’s one key in a club on a night out, we’re not all about to turn into fuckin’ junkies.”

Scarlet’s confidence had been given a knock. She hesitantly caught Yvie’s eye. “I mean, you don’t have to, I just thought-”

“No, girl, I’ll do some. ’M not a fucking pussy,” she frowned, taking a breath that seemed to be shaky and turning to Brooke, who was still looking with wide eyes at Scarlet. “Brooke, you doing this?”

It occurred to Scarlet that this was the first time she’d ever seen Brooke look anything other than completely sure of herself. She was laughing awkwardly, almost nervously. Scarlet watched as Vanessa put a gentle hand on her arm. “You don’t have to, baby.”

“No, well, y'know me. Try anything once,” she slurred, leaning into Vanessa’s touch. “Okay, fuck, let’s do this shit.”

Scarlet moved to empty the bag out onto the toilet cistern, but Vanessa put out a hand to stop her. “Woah, girl, the fuck you doin’? Just take a key, ain’t no need for all that fuckin’ credit card shit.”

Scarlet frowned at her, confused in her drunken state. “Keys?”

Vanessa seemed to shrink back into herself as she saw all three girls looking at her intently, wondering how she knew so much about the process. Wordlessly, she gestured for the baggie and produced her keys from her gold clutch bag. She calmly opened the small plastic bag and fished into it with a single key, balancing some of the powder on the length of it. With a short glance up at the girls, she pressed a finger to one nostril and gave a quick, harsh sniff with the other. As quickly as it had appeared, the cocaine was gone. Vanessa rubbed quickly at her nose, sniffing awkwardly.

“Alright, who’s next?” she questioned. Scarlet could feel Yvie’s eyes on her.

“Well since Scarlet brought it, she should go next,” she said, something off to her tone and her stare that Scarlet couldn’t quite pinpoint. Scarlet shrugged stiffly, Vanessa reaching back into the bag with the key and holding some out for her. The butterflies in her stomach almost overwhelming, Scarlet leaned forward and mimicked what Vanessa had done. The first thing that she felt was the all-encompassing smell of petrol, followed by a horrific stinging at the back of her nose and mouth, Scarlet briefly being reminded of jumping into swimming pools when she was little and water shooting up her nose. She gave a cough and a big, follow-up sniff, Vanessa chuckling lightly.

Well, that just happened.

Nervously thrilled, Scarlet felt the butterflies in her stomach dissipate as she watched Vanessa hold a key out to Yvie. Yvie frowned and shook her head.

“Nah. Changed my mind. I’m out,” she said darkly, shooting Scarlet a glare that made her feel like a reprimanded child.

“Come on, Yvie, it’s fine,” Scarlet offered, the other girl scrunching up her face.

“No. It’s not happening. You guys have fun.”

Scarlet felt dejected. She wished she knew what she’d done wrong. Trying to push her feelings aside, Scarlet watched as Vanessa turned the key to Brooke. Brooke was looking from the key to the lock of the toilet stall, nervous. Vanessa reached up and touched a lock of her hair.

“You don’t have to, Brooky.”

“No, I will, I will. I’m just nervous. And excited,” she stammered out, Scarlet thinking she couldn’t have judged the girls’ reaction to this entire situation less accurately if she’d tried.

“You can rub it on your gums if you don’t wanna snort it,” Vanessa explained, part of Scarlet wishing she’d told her that before her turn. Brooke tilted her head, considering, then wet her finger, reached into the bag and took some. Then she put her finger back in her mouth and maneuvered it around, her eyes on Vanessa.

“You tryna flirt, boo?” the other girl questioned, her eyes half-lidded as she locked eyes with her.

Brooke let out a laugh. “Bitch I’m trying to take fucking drugs!”

Vanessa, Brooke and Scarlet burst out laughing, Yvie shushing them.

“Right, let’s go, junkies,” she said irritably. Scarlet frowned, sad that she seemed to have upset Yvie in some way. An idea came to her as they left the cubicle and wandered past the judgemental line of waiting girls.

“I’m gonna get us a bottle of champagne,” Scarlet decided, sure for a second that she saw Yvie roll her eyes, but she wasn’t too sure.

“Vanjie, does it look obvious we’ve been doing drugs?” Scarlet heard Brooke yell over the music, Vanessa laughing gently.

“Everyone here is on drugs, baby. Just chill. It’ll kick in in a minute,” she winked, taking both of Brooke’s hands and jumping a little on the dancefloor.

Scarlet watched as Brooke’s eyes darted to a security camera on the ceiling. “Guys. They can see us. They know.”

“Brooke, relax, nobody gives a shit,” Yvie rolled her eyes. Brooke turned to Scarlet, panic filling her eyes.

“Scarlet, what was in that? Is it all okay, yeah? It’s not got anything through it?”

“Oh, good. Well done, bitch, are you seeing this?” Yvie glared at Scarlet before she had a chance to reply to Brooke. “Brooke! It’s fine! You’re okay!”

The music seemed as if it had been turned up louder. Scarlet scrunched her eyes closed. “Brooke, it’s fine, okay? I’m going to the bar, who wants something?”

“Ugh, of course you are,” she thought she heard Yvie mutter. Suddenly irritated, Scarlet whipped around to face her.

“And what is that meant to mean, huh?” she snapped, Yvie’s eyes widening a little at being challenged.

“You, bitch! What the fuck is up with you these days?”

“Nothing’s up with me? What is this?!” Scarlet cried, a couple of heads turning their way then slowly turning back. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest as if she’d just drank fifty Red Bulls back to back, although she was unable to tell if this was the effect of the drugs or just how annoyed she was.

“Something’s off with you. Fucking…cocaine, champagne, this constant…buying everything for everyone like we’re all charity cases, behaving like you’re a fucking extra off Gossip Girl? This isn’t you, Scarlet!” Yvie yelled back, suddenly grasping her by the wrists and giving her a shake. “The normal Scarlet would have shit herself at the thought of doing a key, the normal Scarlet would want to go to Levels and pay a pound for entry instead of going here to dance around with a bunch of fucking Love Island rejects!”

Yvie’s words stung harshly at Scarlet’s heart. She knew the other girl could sometimes grow argumentative when she was drunk, but Scarlet had never had it directed at her. It wasn’t nice. Scarlet felt her tone switch a little as she spoke. “Yvie, you’re being kind of a dick.”

Yvie gave a laugh of disbelief. “Well breaking fucking news, Scarlet! So are you! I mean do you have any idea how shitty it is to see your best friend grow into a total asshole over the space of two weeks?”

“Guys,” Vanessa suddenly interrupted out of nowhere, and Scarlet had no idea how long they’d been fighting or at what volume. “Me and Brooke are gonna go. She’s not doing well.”

Yvie looked at Vanessa, panicked. She cast Scarlet one last withering look before dashing through the crowd, presumably to pick up their jackets. Scarlet felt a bubble of upset prick at her throat. She turned to Vanessa instead. “What’s happened?”

“She thinks she’s having a heart attack. I mean, she’s not, it’s just the drugs, but I’m still worried about her,” she frowned, biting her lip. Vanessa jerked a thumb back to where Yvie had slinked off. “The fuck was that all about?”

Scarlet shook her head silently, not trusting herself to speak unless she began to cry. She didn’t understand how she’d managed to fuck everything up so badly. Vanessa saw her upset and pulled her in for a quick hug.

“Baby. Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”

The four of them got their coats and joined the taxi queue in a blur. Yvie wouldn’t even look her way, and Scarlet didn’t trust herself to try to speak to her in case she managed to make things even worse. She seemed more concerned about Brooke anyway, who was chattering away, her teeth clicking together in the cold night air.

“Is the taxi driver going to know? Will he just drive us to the police station and hand us in? Do you think he’ll phone the police? What if the police were to just come here right now and say they’re giving random drug tests to everyone in the line? What if-”

“Oh my God, what if you shut the fuck up?” Yvie snapped, Brooke looking taken-aback. Vanessa wrapped her arms around Brooke’s waist protectively.

“Brooky. It’s alright. The police aren’t coming, the taxi driver isn’t gonna turn us in. We’re going back to your flat and we’ll get you into bed safe. You’ve got us, nothing’s gonna happen to you.”

Brooke let out a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a sob. She buried her face in Vanessa’s hair. “I love you, V’nessa.”

Scarlet saw something shut down behind Vanessa’s eyes as she squeezed Brooke tightly. “I love you too, baby.”

Scarlet couldn’t stop herself from casting her eyes across to Yvie, selfishly longing. If she hadn’t fucked everything up, maybe something could have happened. Now, though, it looked as if she’d have to piece their friendship back together, never mind anything more.

The line moved up, and they found themselves at the front. Brooke and Vanessa spilled in, then Yvie. Scarlet went to join them when she found the door getting pulled across in her face. Yvie scowled at her. “No. You’re not getting in with us. I don’t even want to speak to you right now.”

Scarlet could hear Vanessa protesting. “Yvie, for fuck’s sake-”

“You’re not coming with us, bitch. Make your own damn way home,” she reiterated, slamming the door shut.

As the taxi sped away, Scarlet couldn’t fix the slack-jawed look of complete hurt she could feel on her face. As the reality of what had just happened sank in, she felt her face crumple like a paper bag as she began to cry, stood on her own at the taxi rank in the small hours of the morning, and all she could do was wait.

#rpdr fanfiction #tw drug and alcohol use

[punkscowardschampions]

Sick Kids Group Chat

sonmychest: 🤗 tigerbalm: 👋🧡 tigerbalm: it's been so long! 🙀 how are you?? sonmychest: I know! I suck sonmychest: don't want to be the youtuber spending ten minutes apologizing for not being here though sonmychest: I'm doing pretty good right now, how are you? 😚 tigerbalm: it's a bad day, not a bad life...is what I would caption if I was an instagram influencer or something 😸😸 brainpain: 🦸 speaking for me when I haven't streamed in days LOL sonmychest: 🤭🤭 sonmychest: at least we have reasons for being that #extra that aren't the vague notion of NEEDING a break from taking pictures of our ☕ brainpain: I do spend LOTS of time in a dark room but not for 📸 no flash photography PLEASE 😵 inandout: your feed just updated, Lo brainpain: 👮🚓🚨 sonmychest: stalking or hacking? sonmychest: either way I might need those expertise brainpain: I had a 🌈✨🧁 FIGHT ME, Zachary tigerbalm: it is pretty tbh inandout: friend request, but it's not as if I don't have zero hacking or stalking skills sonmychest: wait, what happened to the anonymity rules??? sonmychest: where's @gotspoons and what have you done with her?! inandout: you missed the overthrowing of a tyrant inandout: not really, but the rule book is gone gotspoons: going to pretend I was summoned by mention, not notification gotspoons: say how you really feel, Zach! 😔 inandout: I said not really, rowboat gotspoons: I have 👀 and 👂 everywhere so you better be nice 😏🤭 gotspoons: but no, hi again, @sonmychest! we missed you! gotspoons: it seemed the whole no names no real life details thing was more of a hindrance than a help to the whole goal of this group, so we came to the conclusion by majority, and the higher ups were all okay with it, providing everyone under a certain age got their parents to sign off and we all used the same common sense we use on other areas of the web gotspoons: so feel free to introduce yourself by real name if you would like, but it's not necessary if you would not 😊 gotspoons: reintroduce, I should say tigerbalm: we shared selfies & everyone was 😻😻😻 brainpain: learned what a sex god @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously aka Rich is sonmychest: 😱😱😱 sonmychest: can't believe I've missed so much sonmychest: need to get better at socialization, my mammy is right 😂 brainpain: an unrivalled love story brainpain: not that he's here to back me up on that inandout: Paris and Helen who? Romeo and Juliet who? Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII who? tigerbalm: wait, those are all 💔😿!! brainpain: he's being a brainpain: insert a swear word of your choice sonmychest: *stage whispers* it's not jealousy though, is it? sonmychest: clearly, fill me in on all the nuances whilst I frantically try to find a picture of myself that's even one 😻 brainpain: he's a 👶 you already know brainpain: but Rich will be leaving me for some uni girl 🤓 so he's not wrong about the doomed part sonmychest: face that launched a thousand ships is a really great insta bio though sonmychest: right, so we have Rich, Zach...who else? gotspoons: Rosie here 🤗 brainpain: Lauren tigerbalm: & me, Robyn inandout: the new girl who started the revolution is Zelda inandout: @ihatemyguts sonmychest: no way sonmychest: a fellow nerd, or at least child-of-a-nerd sonmychest: 'cos I'm Kara and I don't totally hate this photo [selfie] tigerbalm: 😻😻 tigerbalm: you look so like I imagined you, except I thought maybe you'd be 👼 tigerbalm: should we all send new pics? brainpain: [does because any excuse] brainpain: they'll be buried tigerbalm: [a selfie that's even shyer than the first one she sent] gotspoons: [the same photo as before] inandout: if I must [some ridiculous selfie] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: This is a nice welcome back tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I've only been to physio brainpain: NOT ready for another selfie drop from you, boy brainpain: I'll be on my fainting couch brainpain: also hi tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Perhaps I should save your 🦴s and my pride when poor Kara, hello again btw, has to pretend to swoon too brainpain: 🦸 has great taste brainpain: we all love a shy boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: My teachers undoubtedly wish I were shy, make their lives a lot easier tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [a photo] here we are anyway, I hope you found a soft surface suitable for you, Lauren brainpain: ☁ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Ah, so you're the 👼 brainpain: LMAO 😈 brainpain: but you're looking angelic sir sonmychest: how are you ALL so cute sonmychest: this keeps happening, omg tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👼 face hides a multitude of 😈 sins apparently inandout: but reading between the lines, who else is making you swoon/stalk/hack inandout: that's my question tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well spotted, Zachary 🔎 sonmychest: 🙈 ugh, I'm so embarrassing sonmychest: but we can pretend it's all spilling out now because I played it SO cool in the actual conversation, right 😬😅 inandout: that's the official story, everyone'll confirm sonmychest: thanks, I need the backup so I can also pretend I have lots of friends and a normal social life gotspoons: we are your friends, Kara! gotspoons: though are normal is different from most tigerbalm: & you're coming to my birthday party & even though you have to stand on the other side of the room to Zach, it's still social tigerbalm: OH & we were talking about potentially meeting up!! All of us brainpain: keep it 6ft, children inandout: I'll be in the garden with my date, you can have the indoors with yours inandout: collectively, because we're all speed dating here now inandout: proud of you for picking someone outside this circle sonmychest: GAH so much exciting information today!!! sonmychest: 😁 sonmychest: obviously, I figured no one needed the drama of me falling for you, Zach sonmychest: 💀 not cute inandout: there's already a book and film about it, the chance has been thoroughly missed brainpain: Ignore him, Zelda's nothing but thrilled to find someone else in her age bracket brainpain: 👶👶 brainpain: hit us with your 💞 please sonmychest: well, I didn't just re-log into this chat today, I went on all my old forums because well, boredom, we can all relate, right? sonmychest: what I thought would be the least promising one was the sonmychest: not a dating site, I'm not 100 but you know the kind sonmychest: anyway, the CUTEST boy starts talking to me and he's also really funny and nice ??? tigerbalm: OMG! Did you swap selfies there too? sonmychest: not yet sonmychest: because he sounds so 😻😻 sonmychest: and he wants to talk to me again and he might not if we do tigerbalm: you're 😻😻😻 Kara brainpain: what she said brainpain: + if he's as funny, nice, all of that, as you said brainpain: I doubt he's a shallow jerk inandout: are you a good judge of character or not? inandout: what it comes down to sonmychest: oh, thank you guys! sonmychest: I don't know sonmychest: I think I am sonmychest: he didn't immediately come out with weird requests or weird 📸 of his own and that's a massive start on that site, I was honestly there to 🗑 my account but he changed my mind brainpain: I'll PM you the spooky stories my sister sends me about guys, it'll make you feel better brainpain: you'd know if he was one sonmychest: 🤭 do, can compare notes sonmychest: we honestly just talked about totally normal, nerdy things, it wasn't even a little sketch brainpain: ✉️ + 100000000s brainpain: hold up tigerbalm: that sounds 🧡 & so does this boy tigerbalm: awwhhh sonmychest: [sends the description he sent her slow your roll gal lol] sonmychest: assuming he isn't the archetypal internet weirdo from the 90s scare tactics tigerbalm: WOW inandout: tall, dark and handsome inandout: original sonmychest: okay, I know that covers a lot of bases sonmychest: but someone has to be brainpain: continuing to ignore you, Zach sonmychest: I get it though sonmychest: it's not like I even care what he looks like though, so even if the pics aren't exactly that description brainpain: not every man can be my Rich but doesn't make them 👹/🤡/👻/👽/👥 brainpain: trust your gut, it's not that body part that's failing you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👹 is a solid representation but the hair needs to be longer tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: at the risk of making myself or Zachary appear like overly protective boys, I think as long as you're as sensible as you surely are with this, then there's no harm in the back and forth tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: so if you were going to meet this person IRL, he could perhaps come to the group meet-up, that would be a good way to do it? brainpain: *🧝🏻 that's what needs to be said about your representation tigerbalm: Great idea, Rich! 😺 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when the beard comes in I'll look more Gimli than Elrond but I'll take the compliment 👽 babe from outerspace brainpain: who's watching the LoTRs with me? gotspoons: count me out, I'm the worst film buddy ever 😴 ihatemyguts: how many naps could you have in 20hr28mins assuming we're watching everything extended release 'cos duh ihatemyguts: 🥳 go hard or go home 🥳 brainpain: that's you in ihatemyguts: of course ihatemyguts: long since stopped asking for a pause every time I gotta 💩 ihatemyguts: adept at catching up with the plot is a life skill I didn't expect to gain like this but 🙌 gotspoons: 😅 I could do the whole 20hr28mins and that not be a record for how many hours I've slept consecutively brainpain: I'll act it out for you, I can get the 🧝🏼🏹 costume together during the pauses brainpain: dressing up box runneth over sonmychest: 🙋 dibs Arwen sonmychest: my old Katniss cosplay can be repurposed with some bedsheets and a 👸 vibe to it brainpain: that makes Rich your daddy 👀 you, babe sonmychest: 😖😳 nooooooooooo brainpain: I'll be Galadriel if only so I can speak to my man telepathically 💕 brainpain: swerving off book for that love connection ihatemyguts: obviously eye of sauron ihatemyguts: jokes write themselves inandout: hair of a hobbit wig so likewise inandout: and you know, a jew, gonna be the one to handle the 💎 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: How hairy are your feet, a pickup line that doesn't get thrown about enough inandout: not sending you free feet pics inandout: PM for prices though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Respect the hustle, Zachary tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I have clearly pledged myself and my allegiance to an e-girl already 🧝🏼🏹 brainpain: changed my Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim name to Galadriel for you, Richard, you've officially made me basic brainpain: will cite it in the divorce tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as long as I can proudly produce said divorce to every mouthbreather that calls me a freak, I am okay with that tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: devastated, naturally 💔 but okay brainpain: hit me up for multiple re-marriages at your convenience, I like that for us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Make a solid livestream 👰💒🤵 gotspoons: I'll get officiated! tigerbalm: imagine if any of us actually did get together cos of this forum gotspoons: You never know, Robyn gotspoons: it would be so adorable 😊 tigerbalm: Kara is giving me hope that online dating doesn't have to be a minefield sonmychest: don't give up yet! sonmychest: you're so lovely, a total catch tigerbalm: there still isn't a blushing 😸 emoji & I NEED it ihatemyguts: a travesty ihatemyguts: who do we need to @ for that brainpain: @fibrofog brainpain: he was a BIG DEAL ihatemyguts: 😏 hoping he comes back and I can 👰💒🤵 him obvs brainpain: 🔺 between me/him/Rich was prime in my life ihatemyguts: glory dayz brainpain: if he doesn't show up to stop our first wedding ihatemyguts: Zach won't even properly date me until we're confirmed #foreveralone at 18 inandout: you don't call this properly dating? inandout: @Kara you've got yourself a hater before your romance has fully taken off ihatemyguts: oi, don't drag me in to your 🧂 behaviour ihatemyguts: I'm very nice, I swear inandout: that's just how I taste inandout: she knows brainpain: if I didn't know my CF facts I'd be calling for a ban brainpain: that sounds filthy sonmychest: first declaring Rich my daddy, now 👅 Zach 😲😲😲 sonmychest: I'm also quite nice but not that kind of nice, I 🤞 tigerbalm: I don't think I wanna know.... inandout: But I'll tell you inandout: when we sweat, we lose too much salt, one of our many flaws inandout: on a hot day, you could lick us and taste it, if we like you enough to let you sonmychest: maybe that can be enough of a selling point? sonmychest: if crush boy talks to me again and it invariably comes up inandout: he might get to see it crystallise on your skin, not 💎 or ✨ but hey sonmychest: such a sexy condition, when you leave out all the mucus inandout: ZZ top is feeling it, she wants to properly date me ihatemyguts: 🧂 is a flavour I can enjoy pretty unrestricted ihatemyguts: let me have some pleasure tigerbalm: do the normies flirt like this too? tigerbalm: Kara you'll have to tell us, when you go further undercover ihatemyguts: don't know how lucky you are to have that pickup line in your back pocket ihatemyguts: just add tequila and a lemon and you've got a good time sonmychest: I'll 100% report back, providing he doesn't go 👻 brainpain: you need a drink when a boy lovingly strokes your hair only to feel the dent in your 💀 sonmychest: but also, to work out if your amazing hair is real or nah brainpain: I have too many split ends to be asked if it's a wig sonmychest: I ✂ my own sonmychest: and not often enough 😅 brainpain: don't reach for the bleach cos Robbie sees you as a blonde, there's my sisterly/old lady advice sonmychest: oh God, with these brows? sonmychest: I can swear I won't do that, along with meet up with internet randos alone brainpain: I'd volunteer to come along but I don't do disappearing into the background brainpain: would wear a trenchcoat for the right 💸💸 gotspoons: Normies definitely TRY to use our disabilities as a way to flirt with us, with varying success gotspoons: the amount of time I spend in bed is nothing to be 😏 about, honestly gotspoons: even if I was also chiming in to confirm blondes do have more fun, when they've had all their vitamins, a perfect amount of sleep, the stars have aligned JUST right... 🤭 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as resident ♿ user, they most ask if IT 'works', which is a bizarre level of care for people who aren't concerned about how me getting into their establishment really 'works' tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and, my dear, you are a terrible third wheel tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🔻 suits you better than obscurity 😎 brainpain: but I am a fun time with the TBI having increased the impulsiveness + removing the few inhibitions I did have 😉 brainpain: inappropriate sexual activity is a listed symptom 🤞 boys ihatemyguts: definitely a case of 'okay when I point it out to embolden myself, creepy if you do it' ihatemyguts: think some normies point out their flaws to be endearing but idk, is low-key a disability superpower guys, + 1 for us brainpain: like, what does that mean? Inappropriate for who? Answers on a ✉️ please ihatemyguts: could range from, science, you're being a prude to calling you a master criminal on the low brainpain: so many of my symptoms could describe anyone in their teens or early 20s brainpain: Rich, write a smart boy uni essay on it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depending on the bit that gets damaged, could be the same part that isn't yet fully developed in young people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: checks out 🧠 brainpain: you're SO clever brainpain: you'll be fighting off more than one 🤓 girl tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm not sure about that, on either count tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: though the chair is a useful battering ram when it needs to be brainpain: I'm into it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: then you can hitch a ride, of course brainpain: reserved™ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: the parking is unparalleled brainpain: not allowed to drive, you are my transport now, no pressure gotspoons: Me either, who can? gotspoons: need to work out the carpool situation brainpain: my housemate will, she owes me 10000s of favours inandout: + my parents tigerbalm: mine too but they're a lot to inflict upon anyone sonmychest: ^^hard same tigerbalm: maybe we get ourselves there unless someone can't? tigerbalm: & those people speak up sonmychest: That makes sense to me brainpain: ok, is there anyone who needs a lift? ihatemyguts: I'm good tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: likewise gotspoons: I'll make a permanent post where people can register interest in the meet-up, as well as need for a lift gotspoons: so anyone who can offer a lift, can respond there too, sound good guys? 😊 inandout: cool inandout: very un-tyrant like gotspoons: thank you, Zach 😏

[hippychick006]

4.20 - The Rapture

or the one about Castiel’s vessel.  Except it isn’t really about that and if you don’t watch it for that reason, you’re missing out on an amazing episode full of brother angst.  I’m glad I re-watched as this wouldn’t normally be on my re-watch list. 

Cas appears to Dean inside his dream.  Dean is fishing on his own, and it’s peaceful and quiet.  Not sure what to say about that right now, other than it confirms Dean is tired of hunting this season.  Cass needs to talk to Dean and wants him to meet him someplace more private, because apparently people could be listening in.

When Sam and Dean arrive at the meeting place, it looks like there’s been an explosion.  They see Cass in the middle of the bomb site, unconscious and go to help him.  Except, it’s not Cass, it’s his vessel, Jimmy (and lol at Misha’s voice). 

Jimmy’s eating as they question him on what he remembers.  He’s eating worse than Dean ever has.  He remembers some things, like having an angel inside you is “kinda like being chained to a comet”.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t remember what Cass was going to tell them.

We flashback to Jimmy with his family.  The scenes show him to be a religious man.  We see the television acting strangely, similar to the episode Castiel tries to talk to Dean.  Jimmy has a fit and passes out.

Back to the present and Sam and Dean have another disagreement.  Dean wants to put Jimmy on a bus and send him home.  Sam doesn’t think that’s a good idea. Jimmy’s the only lead they’ve got.

Dean: You remember when our job was helping people?  Like, getting them back to their families?

Sam: You think I don’t want to help him?  I’m just being realistic.  I mean hell, we’re doing him a favour

Dean: How?!

Sam: Dean, if we want to question the guy, you can bet the demons do too.  

We can see that Dean hadn’t thought about this, so they go tell Jimmy the news that he can’t go home right now.  Jimmy’s not happy with this news.  He tries to leave. Sam says if he does, he’ll put his wife and daughter in danger.

Jimmy: So, what, now I’m a prisoner?

Sam: Harsh way to put it.

Sam leaves the motel when he thinks Castiel and Dean are asleep.  Castiel is not asleep and seizes his opportunity to escape. I’m not sure this counts as dumbing down the Winchesters, because Sam is acting like a junkie that desperately needs a fix of demon blood.  Sadly, his hip flask is running low on the stuff so he’s only going to get worse.

Sam’s very irritated the next morning and edgy, so he’s not the least amused that Dean finds it funny that Jimmy gave Sam the slip.

Dean: What were you doing anyway?

Sam: I was getting a coke [In fairness to Sam, he did drink the demon blood next to the coke machine].

Dean: Was it a refreshing coke?

Jimmy is on a bus, flashback to pre-Castiel Jimmy who is preparing food.  The radio starts playing up and next we see Jimmy has his whole hand in boiling water.  Castiel asked him to do it to “prove his faith”.   Jimmy looks so young here. 

The Winchesters are driving and giving each other the silent treatment.  Anna appears suddenly in the back seat. Anna should know better than this, having lived as a human for years. Anna’s hair is a mess so I’m guessing whatever she has been up to isn’t good.  She tells Sam he seems different. 

Sam: Me?  I don’t know... [Sam laughs] a haircut?

Anna: That’s not what I’m talking about. [Anna continues to look at Sam for a few seconds].

Anna tells them that Cass got dragged back to heaven, which is a “panfully, bad thing” and that he must have pissed someone off.  Dean tells Anna in turn that Cass had something to tell them, but he doesn’t know what.

I’m ignoring most of the Jimmy/Amelia scenes which consist of her thinking he’s delusional and him saying to have faith. The scene I do like, is that we see Jimmy dressing in what we know will become Castiel’s trademark clothes.  As an aside, Jimmy is not a tax accountant, he sells advertising space for radio. He goes outside and asks Castiel what he wants from him.  A bright light appears above him and we hear whispering.

Jimmy: Yes, I understand.  Promise my family will be okay and I’ll do it.... then yes.”   

Beam of bright light and Castiel takes possession, which we get confirmation of when Claire appears and says “daddy” and Castiel looks at her curiously and responds, “I am not your father.”  Seriously Castiel?

Present day Jimmy reunites with Amelia and the thing I will pull out of this scene is this: “I was - I was confused, Amelia.  I was completely delusional.  And I thought - I thought God was calling me to something and I thought that it was important, and I was wrong.  I was such an idiot.  Heaven, hell... none of that matters.  The only thing that’s important to me is you and Claire...

Taps chin, hmmm, I wonder how this can relate back to Sam and Dean, given their disconnect this season.

Sam’s trying to get a hold of his pusher Ruby while they look to be at a truck stop.  He’s withdrawing big time and is not doing well.

Okay, turns out Sam was right (looks into the camera like I’m on the office), demons are after Jimmy and his family.  His neighbour, Roger, is one of them and I like the scene where Jimmy beats the guy while shouting “He’s a demon!  Run!” while Amelia looks on horrified that her husband is attacking their nice neighbour (this is just after Jimmy admits to being delusional and making everything up.)

Sam and Dean arrive.  Dean uses the demon knife to kill Roger.  Sam tries to exorcise Roger’s wife, while Dean gets Jimmy and his family outside, but he “can’t get it up.”  No problems though, because Dean can, but before he can stab her, she smokes out.  Sam appears woozy and Dean has to help him out.

I’m debating if this next bit counts as dumbing down the Winchesters, but they are in a rush to get away, so I’m inclined to let this one slide.  As Sam and Dean rush out of the house, Jimmy and Claire are waiting by the Impala.  Dean asks where’s Jimmy’s wife.  Amelia appears and says, “Right here.”   They really should have checked all of them for possession though.

They drive away and stop at a parking garage.  Claire and Amelia are in the car, Jimmy, Sam and Dean are outside the impala talking.  This is their entire conversation:

Jimmy: You were right.

Dean: I’m sorry we were.

Jimmy: I’m telling you, I don’t know anything.

Dean: I don’t think they’re inclined to believe you.

Sam: And even if they did, you’re a vessel.  They’re still gonna wanna know what makes you tick.

Dean: Which means vivisection, if they’re feeling generous.

Sam: I’m gonna tell you once again, you’re putting your family in danger.  You have to come with us.

Jimmy: How long? And don’t give me that ‘cross that bridge when we get to it’ crap.

Sam: Don’t you get it? Forever. The demons will never stop.  You can never be with your family.  So you either get as far away from them as possible or you put a bullet in your head. [Dean looks at Sam at that], And that’s how you keep your family safe.  But there’s no getting out and there’s no going home.

Dean: Well don’t sugarcoat it, Sam

Sam: I’m just telling him the truth, Dean.  Someone has to. 

I love the insights, the last 2 episodes have given to where Sam in particular is.  He’s not in a good place, and not just because of the demon blood.  He’s laser focused on what he thinks he needs to do - similar to robo!Sam in Mystery Spot.

Castiel and Amelia have an emotional farewell.   They leave her and Claire standing in the parking garage and drive off [in fairness, Sam hotwired a car for her so at least she has transport].  We see pretty much immediately that Amelia is a demon.

As they drive, Jimmy’s asleep in the back, and we have another great conversation between the brothers about what is going on with Sam and his powers:

Dean: What the hell happened back there? Sam: What? Dean: You practically fainted trying to gank a demon. Sam: Okay, I didn't faint. I got a little dizzy. Dean: Well, you can call it whatever you want. Point is, you used to be strong enough to kill Alastair. Now you can't even kill a stunt-demon number three?  [love this line]  Sam: What do you want me to say about it, Dean? Dean: Well for starters, what's going on with your mojo? I mean, it's yo-yoing all over the place. I'm not trying to pick a fight here, okay? I just – you're scaring me, man. Sam: I'm scaring myself.

Sam’s phone rings, turns out to be Amelia.  He wakes Jimmy up and gives the phone to him.  We don’t hear the conversation, but can guess she’s telling Jimmy she’s got Claire.

They arrive at a warehouse where Claire is being held.  Jimmy was told to go in alone.  He says he needs a minute and walks away.  Sam appears to be having trouble staying upright.  Sam and Dean talk:

Sam:  There’s no way they’re expecting him to come alone, Dean.  You know this is probably a trap.

Dean: Yeah, I know.  That’s why I have a plan.

Meanwhile, Jimmy calls for Castiel, “Castiel, you son of a bitch! You promised me my family would be okay. You promised you were gonna take care of them. I gave you everything you asked me to give. I gave you more. This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? This is your heaven? Help me, please. You promised, Cas. Just help me.”   Castiel does not appear.  Jimmy goes into the warehouse.

I’m going to presume Dean’s plan consists of them deliberately being caught as we next see them in the clutches of 3 demons.

Sam: Nice plan, Dean

Dean:  Yeah, well, nobody bats 1,000

Demon!Amelia accuses Sam that his “Wonder Girl powers aren’t working.”, Shoots Jimmy in the gut and tells her henchman to kill Claire. Not sure why she shoots Jimmy, since he’s the one they’ve been after all episode.  But since he’s not actually the point of the episode, we’ll ignore it and move on.

Turns out Castiel is inside Claire and s/he kills the demon.  Dean takes that opportunity to fight the demon holding him, as does Sam.  Dean’s struggling so Claire!Castiel kills that demon too.  Sam cuts his demon with the demon knife, smells the blood and drinks it.  Then he looks up at Dean and we can see Sam’s a messy blood drinker.  I’m not sure if Dean’s horrified at the blood drinking or the poor manners while Sam eats.  I’m sure he taught Sam better than that.  Sam turns back and kills the demon with the knife.  He stands and raises his hand at Dean, Dean flinches, then sees demon!Amelia behind him.  He jumps towards Sam and Sam exorcises Amelia easily, now that his demon blood tank has been filled back up.

Okay, so I think Dean might just have a few more questions for his brother, now that he has his answer for why Sam’s powers were weak earlier.

Claire!Castiel goes over to Jimmy.  “Of course we keep our promises, of course you have our gratitude.  You served us well.  Your work is done.  It’s time to go home now.  Your real home.  You’ll rest forever in the fields of the Lord.  Rest now, Jimmy.    [Well damn son, that’s harsh, you aren’t going to heal him?!]

Jimmy: No. Claire?

Castiel: She’s with me now.  She’s chosen.  It’s in her blood, as it was in yours.

Jimmy: Please, Castiel.  Me.  Just take me.  Take me, please.

Castiel: I wanna make sure you understand. You won't die or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred, a thousand more like it. Jimmy: It doesn't matter. You take me. Just take me.

Castiel: As you wish

A couple of things, child Claire is awesome in this scene.  Great job.  Also, shouldn’t there be rules about using minors as vessels?  They can hardly be considered capable of knowing what they are consenting to.  Finally, “you won’t die or age”. This is why immortal characters should only ever have a limited time span.

Castiel’s back inside Jimmy and turns to go.  

Dean: Cas, hold up.  What were you gonna tell me?

Castiel: I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean.  I serve heaven, I don’t serve man, and I certainly don’t serve you.  

Sam and Dean are back to driving in silence again, and this next conversation is the culmination of the sneaking around and lying all season:

Sam: All right, let's hear it. Dean: What? Sam: Drop the bomb, man. You saw what I did. Come on, stop the car, take a swing. Dean: I'm not gonna take a swing. Sam: Then scream, chew me out. Dean: I'm not mad, Sam. Sam: Come on. You're not mad? Dean: Nope. Sam: Right. Look, at least let me explain myself. Dean: Don't. I don't care. Sam: You don't care? Dean: What do you want me to say, that I'm disappointed? Yeah, I am. But, mostly, I'm just tired, man. I'm done. I am just done.

Sam’s phone rings, it’s Bobby, we see him in the panic room and he wants Sam and Dean to get over as soon as possible.

Sam: What’s going on?

Bobby: The apocalypse genius.  Now get your asses over here.

When they arrive, they are approaching the panic room.  Sam opens the door.

Bobby: Go inside.  I wanna show you something.

Sam walks inside, All right.  So, uh, what’s the big demon problem?

He turns and sees that Bobby and Dean have not entered.

Bobby: You are.  This is for your own good.

Bobby and Dean close and lock the door. 

Sam walks to the open latched window in the door.

Sam: Guys? Hey, hey.  What?

Bobby closes the latch.

Sam: This isn’t funny. Guys!  Hey!  Guys?!

Points up at all the brother content.  Look at it!!!  

On to the last two episodes.  I’ll need tissues, a dart board with Zachariah’s head on it, a bottle of whisky and an anger management toy, stat!  

#supernatural #season 4 #rewatch #4.20 #the rapture #episode review

[copperbadge]

There was a recent discussion on tumblr, which I didn’t reblog for obvious reasons, about how people with a large readership cope with a heavy interaction load -- how the person would be anxious if they dealt with that volume of notes on each post, that amount of interaction and contact. I was tagged in it because of my habit of "lochnessing", where I cause an activity spike on posts I reblog that looks like the loch ness monster.

It never occurs to me, because I’ve dealt with high-volume social media for so long -- realistically about ten years, probably closer to fifteen -- that it’s difficult for people to handle that, because they don’t have the systems in place that I do. I mean it does occur to me in the sense that I have become more cautious about what I reblog and its impact on the OP; there are things I’d like to share with you but don’t because I recognize it would be harmful to the person who wrote them. But it doesn't occur to me that someone might struggle with a high volume of notes purely because it's a volume that they don't have a system in place to deal with the way I do.

So I said I'd do a writeup on the "entire ecosystems" I had in place for handling the high volume of interaction I receive online. I sit at a weird place where I'm not so well known that I can just ignore most of what comes at me with impunity because everyone acknowledges I can't answer it all, like say a youtube star. But at the same time I do get too much attention to return it at the same level I receive it. I am one and you are sixteen thousand. So I had to make systems to return as much as I could and feel okay about not returning the rest.

Reading through this, of course it sounds like a weird humblebrag: "Here's how I deal with my MASSIVE POPULARITY". There's no real way around that; I can't talk about how I deal with comments without talking about how I get a disproportionately high number of them. The fact that I do is what leads me to do things like the Zero Comment Challenge, or Radio Free Monday, to try and balance shit out. So, as I mention occasionally below, you can think I'm an asshole for talking about how I am popular, but I can't talk about how to deal with that popularity without acknowledging the reality of it, and someone somewhere's gonna think I'm an asshole anyway, so whatever.

These are the systems I use to manage my life -- work, play, the weird inbetween space that's kind of both. Many of these are akin to the systems that I use in managing my depression, in that they involve a lot of small steps building up to a big result, but each small step on its own is manageable.

Let's start with AO3, because it's actually probably the simplest.

I clean out my comments once a week. Usually there are between forty and a hundred and fifty, depending on if I’ve published something recently or been recommended by someone. 

I go through all the one-sentence comments first, because those are the ones that are least likely to require a response. I read all comments but I learned through trial and error, twice in ten years, that I am physically and emotionally incapable of responding to every comment I receive even if it's just with a "Thank you!" and I'm just going to live with the fact that people think I'm an asshole for that. Also while I appreciate someone who leaves a "Great fic! <3" comment, that's genuinely really cool and validating, I don't think they truly need or expect a response. So most one-line comments, unless they are super weird or contain a question, get read, appreciated, and then deleted. 

Then I go through the longer comments that need a closer reading, and delete any that are cool but still don't seem to require responses. If someone has left a ton of comments, I'll find the one I think is coolest or most needing of response, delete the others, and reply to that one comment with a thoughtful response including a line thanking them for all their other comments.

Finally, I respond to comments that are in-depth or have questions that require some thought. I find that if I don't respond to these on a weekly basis they pile up and then someone who asked a question like six months ago is still waiting for an answer, so this one is non-negotiable: my AO3 inbox has to be empty at the end of each week, and everything that needed a reply has to have one. (I do have one or two that just live in my inbox because they are cool ideas I will one day get round to writing, and I want to credit them when I do, but it's never more than two.) For me, it's easiest to wait until Friday or Saturday and just take an hour to clear them all out, rather than clearing as I go, because I don't have AO3 open all the time the way I do some other sites.  

Tumblr: Every morning, before work, I go through the previous night's responses; I open all reblogs/mentions in new tabs to read and reply-as-necessary, and I reply to all comments that need responses. (This is also something I'll do throughout the day, but especially if I'm tired or pressed for time, the comment replies might be saved as a draft or left in an open tab until I can get to them). Occasionally shit doesn’t show up or I miss stuff but I’ve learned to just live with that as the price of doing fandom on Tumblr. 

If there's a post by someone else that requires a response from me -- either a reblog of one of my posts, or someone tagged me in a post -- I Like it to find it later or I save it as a draft. I don't use Likes as anything other than "I want to be able to find this again in less than a week's time" and I never have more than about 20 Likes in my files. (Unless I’m traveling; it’s easier to Like something than save it as a draft or respond, so when I get home from traveling I often have 30-50 Likes in my file.)

Often on Tumblr I go through what I call the Line Cycle -- I read my dash, and then I go "down the line" and open all the other pages that might need attention, in specific order. I open asks and try to respond to a few -- I try to answer at least five every time but sometimes I don't manage to answer any for whatever reason -- then I open likes and try to convert as many likes as I can to either queued reblogs or drafts. I open drafts and try to convert some of those to queued reblogs. Then I go through the same process for one or two side blogs.

(Also in drafts are a lot of things that I'm not sure I want to put in my queue yet, or things that I put in the queue weekly like the Zero Comment Challenge post, which I dust off when I'm ready to queue it, then immediately re-save to drafts when it posts.)

Occasionally if I feel shit is getting out of hand I dedicate myself to, every time, not leaving the page I'm on until I've reduced its "count" (number of asks, likes, drafts, etc) by five, or at least to below the next multiple of five -- if I have 23, for example, I'll try to get it below 20.

Sometimes posts in tabs sit open for a while because in order to respond I have to read an article or watch a video, which take a lot of focus and attention. It used to be that recommendations for books or stuff to watch also sat open forever until I could get round to doing it, but now I just have a "reccs" file on the cloud that is a list of what I've been recommended and who recommended it, and I work my way through them slowly.

Email: Once I've read them, site notifications in my inbox get deleted; I've turned off follow/kudos notifications because they tend to be white noise.

Email is tough for me, it requires a lot of focus and emotional attention to answer emails, so I treat it the same way I would asks or likes or whatnot, but much more slowly. I tend to have a backlog of about thirty emails in my inbox, though often five to ten of those are emails that don't need response and that I'm saving (I star them to mark them as not needing attention). I have the multiple-stars function in Gmail turned on, and when it gets really bad, I start opening emails and triaging -- "This will be easier to answer" "This will take some time" etc. by starring them different colors.

I like to have no more than fifteen emails in my inbox but that is a rarity. 

The Internet: Because social media takes up a lot of my time and I also work eight hours a day (well, four, we'll get to that in a bit) I have streamlined the way I encounter the internet, as well. I have a list of "daily reading" bookmarks that I open every morning and check through -- the horoscope page, the mustard tag on tumblr (which I don't follow because then the same dumbass two hipster fashion posts keep showing up on my dash), a blog that follows and posts about new small flash games that I might enjoy playing, a few others. (I also have a Monday file that I open once a week, it's calendars of events and such, and I go through on Mondays and add anything to my calendar that looks interesting.)

But if I can, any regularly-updated page that has an RSS feed gets converted to RSS and put into my Netvibes reader account, where I peruse it at my leisure. The Netvibes reader account includes a direct feed from the Steve/Tony and Steve/Sam tags on AO3, plus a few others; longform.org, some cooking blogs I follow, a bunch of podcast pages, a few webcomics, and one or two tumblrs that I don't want showing up on my dash (mainly artists' porny sideblogs, what up you glorious pervs) or think I would make the person uncomfortable by following them.

I have five tabs pinned to Chrome at any given time, and four tabs pinned to Firefox. The Chrome tabs are my personal Netvibes, Google Drive, a Google Sheets spreadsheet with my calendar and accounting tabs in it, Gmail, and Tumblr. The Firefox tabs are a second Netvibes account I use for work (we have several news sources we all monitor daily), my non-fannish gmail, my non-fannish facebook with a custom reading page so I never see anything twice, and the Google "family calendar" that I and my family use to track where we all are and what we're doing.

My parents use this more than I do, which is why I often open the calendar app on my phone to check my work schedule and find that my parents are taking the dogs to the groomer's today (yes, I know I could turn this off, but it amuses me). When I introduced my mother to Google Calendar her eyes got super big and she fell in immediate love; the first three things she added were the birthdays of her two dogs, followed by the birthday of Jesus. I would be more insulted by this but I had already added all the family birthdays, so at least I didn't come in behind the dogs AND the Christ Child.

Once in a while, when I'm at work and I feel like I'm not sure what I should be doing or that my day is spiralling out of my control, I'll take a deep breath, pull up Chrome, and go through all my pinned tabs, one by one, changing or fixing something on each -- I'll clear out my Longform reading, answer a few emails, check the calendar, etc. Then I'll go through any open tabs and try to close at least one. I get anxious if I have more than five or six non-pinned tabs open. Like having an inbox that's rarely over thirty emails total, it's not a sign I'm more effective or efficient than anyone else, it's just a sign I'm debilitatingly anxious about this kind of thing.

Work: I've read, many times, that people who work eight hours a day in a white collar job like mine really only do four hours of actual work. And for a while I joked that I wondered if I even did four, because I dick around on the internet A LOT. But lately I started to genuinely wonder, and so for the past six weeks, I've put that statement to the test.

When I arrive at work, I immediately put in two hours of solid work. I don't read tumblr, I don't read anything but work-related material. I triage all my work emails, I go through my Google Task list for the day and sort things by most to least urgent, and then I work my way through them for two solid hours. It's not easy at all, but any time I think "This is when I would stop and read tumblr" I shake my head and try to do one more work thing, and then I get back in the groove and can do like, three more. I also use this first morning period to take care of "personal work", stuff which has to get done to keep my life running smoothly, like mailing packages or replying to my parents' emails or whatnot.

Then I get a half-hour break to read tumblr, play a flash game, maybe read a piece on Longform. (I don't read fanfic at work; I sometimes clean out Netvibes of fics that from the tags and summaries I know I won't be interested in, but I don't open fanfic at work at all.) I also use this time to get some food in me.

Then I do another two hours of work, same deal. And that's four hours of work. And I get a shitload done, let me tell you.

For the next three hours after, I am basically free to do whatever I want. I usually use about an hour to do some freelance work, and I spend time on tumblr or on personal email, reading articles, listening to podcasts, playing games. I eat a snack, I talk to my coworkers. I find I actually run out of new stuff to read, and I do try to process the old stuff, like empty out my drafts and likes. And of course the nature of my job means that sometimes there is work to be done that comes up suddenly, but it's usually just a matter of teeing it up for the following morning's work shift.

For the last hour of my work day, I go through my work inbox, make sure everything's set up for tomorrow, send any last emails, do any last wrap-up, and make sure all my documents are either saved or closed. (Our IT team likes to run updates and involuntary restarts without warning, so I've learned to always save at end of day.)

So, yeah. Those are some of the systems I have in place in order to run a very mentally busy life. I'm not necessarily recommending them; a lot of them won't work for everyone because everyone is different, and I recognize that some of them are inapplicable (I work a job with no outward-facing element to it; a barista or a librarian or a teacher can't do what I do, schedule-wise), and some of them are a level of regimentation I'm not sure most people would find healthy. But that's how I do my thing, and maybe some of my techniques will sound appealing to other people who occasionally feel, as I do, like they're drowning a little bit.

(Did you find this useful or interesting? Keep me organized and drop some change in my Ko-Fi or at my Paypal!)

[analytiical-blog]

          Ever since the revolution began, crime rates are on the rise. The peaceful protests have inspired the more violent deviants to lash out in their own way, declaring war on mankind to prove their individual points. It was tiring, and certainly it took a toll on the police department. Everything was a high stress situation when it came to android-associated crimes, especially when the head count on humans increased with every passing day.

          Three months have gone by since Connor deviated from CyberLife’s instructions and freed the androids from their warehouse, and three months since the RK900 models have been produced, activated, and set to work; they were another wrench in his plans. In the grand scheme of things, he would protect human and android lives at any cost, even if it meant sacrificing his own life: a FEAR that haunted his conscience daily. After all, CyberLife would no longer promote the continuation of the RK800 series, or his life; there would be no guaranteed repairs.

          And yet, when presented with the opportunity of taking an undercover mission, Connor was the first to volunteer. Why bother the risk of endangering human lives when he could easily complete the mission alone? He’d be more effective and efficient, a unit to upload information straight to the department’s computers without being found out or having to sneak back to the precinct to share his findings. He could take recordings, pictures, and even share his memory of every face and conversation he comes across. It was simple, an easy job, no matter how much the lieutenant disagreed with the danger involved.

          " It’s been three weeks without a word, and you’re going to just sit there and tell me not to go looking? ”

          The Lieutenant was FURIOUS, and Captain Fowler’s irritation was clearly beginning to get the best of his patience. The department was no longer responsible for the damages of an android, no matter the model, and he was looking at the bigger picture. Since the undercover operation began, the crimes associated with the suspected group had stopped. Surely that meant Connor had been successful and would return any day now.

          “ He’s probably been busy, and we have more important things to worry about, like the Red Ice problem. ”

          A veil of silence falls between them, and Hank disrupts it by the scoot of his chair as it screeched across the floor. It was obvious to tell he wasn’t happy, especially by the way his expression twists and his brows knit. If the captain wasn’t going to be of use, then he’d go out himself. But not before sharing a few choice words as he stops in the doorway.

          “ Yeah, well, fuck you Fowler. You may not be worried about him, but he’s my partner. I’ll find him my damn self. ”

          The door slams, Hank gathers his essentials from his desk, and he storms out of the office. But what would he know of where to go? He was no android, nor was he currently partnered with one who could be of help. Panic sets in, alongside concern and frustration. There were so many questions, and nobody to answer them. That is until he remembers the news and a particular face, someone who knew Connor and may be willing to help: MARKUS. He had to find Markus, and he knew he could likely ask any android if they could set up a meeting for him.

          “ I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show up. ”

          It had only taken a few hours and a meeting place set in stone before Markus arrives, alone, and he greets Hank with a warm but wary smile. -- What was he to think of the situation? A human asking the leader of Jericho for help was such an unlikely scenario, and yet he was living it. And to think it was Hank of all people, but then again this was Connor’s partner; surely he could trust the man.

          “ When I heard that Connor might be in danger, I couldn’t refuse. What’s going on? ”

          It’d taken a good few minutes for Hank to explain everything: the case, the mission, the investigation parameters, and the people involved. He reached into his coat pocket and removed a crumpled piece of paper with an address and location written on it, handing it over to Markus for him to look at. Always old school in terms of jotting things down quickly, but he’d been in a hurry.

          “ He wouldn’t go this long without a fucking update. I know him. He’d jump at any chance to be a pain in the ass, what with his constant updates or whatever. Can’t get him to stop talking about what he finds sometimes. ”

          But as he speaks, they’re fond memories, a smile tugging at the corners of Hank’s mouth when he talks about it. -- Markus falls silent as he examines the paper, logging the address and coordinates before his internal map and GPS sets a pin. A warehouse near the outskirts of Detroit, obviously meant for taking in shipment at a port; likely lined with old crates and boxes used to house goods, shut down because of a fire many years ago. Nobody bothered to buy the building, or even attempt to repair and restore it.

          “ I have it. Let’s get going. ”

          It’s not long before they arrive, car coming to a quiet roll and halt just outside the building. It was snow-kissed and hauntingly silent, save for the whistle of the wind bleeding through cracks in the concrete structure. There’s the old creak of metalwork, an ancient wail that sings its rusted ache. Markus was the first to open the door and step out, leaning down in the doorway.

          “ You should stay here. I can’t let you get hurt on my account. ”

          But before Markus could finish, Hank was already getting out of the car. He was stubborn, but Connor was more important to him. Besides, he was the one properly armed, as evident by the click of his gun he’s already drawn even before nudging his door closed.

          “ I don’t think so. If they’re still in there, you’re gonna need me. ”

          And it’s Hank who leads without another word, gun raised and with Markus in tow. The rickety metal door sways ever so slightly with the breeze, and Hank nudges it open with his foot. It’s Markus who clicks a flashlight on, shining it over Hank’s shoulder to survey their surroundings.

          “ It looks empty. ”

          Markus said, walking past Hank into the expanse of the area. Parts of the floor and some of the empty containers were dusted with snow, a subtle hint of just how deserted the place was. Hank squinted, struggling to see. It was pitch black, and even with a flashlight he couldn’t see every corner like he’d want to. But Markus was right, the building showed no signs of life for at least a few days from what he could see.

          “ Well can’t you run your analyzing program or whatever it’s called? At least just check around to be sure. ”

          With a shrug of his shoulders, Markus did just that. First came the tint change, then the grid, and his eyes scanned the expanse of the room. Aside from a few traces of thirium here and there, nothing seemed too out of the blue until his eyes settled on one of the containers. Curious to see what was left behind, wondering if it was useful to the department’s investigation, Markus climbed up and onto the top using a smaller box as his stepping stool before pushing the lid off to reveal something more. A pause, and Markus slid into the container.

          “ Markus? ”

          There was a sinking feeling in Hank’s chest, anxiety rising up. Surely it couldn’t be, right? Connor couldn’t be dead, especially not left in this place of all things. But as Markus emerges from the container again, pulling himself up, over the edge, and back onto the smaller crate, he takes a seat and ushers Hank closer. In his hand was an audio device, the biocomponent used for hearing and recording sound. It takes a moment before he hacks it, and with a satisfying click and less satisfying screech of a microphone’s frequency, it begins to play back the non-corrupted logs.

L  O  A  D  I  N  G  ---- BOOTING SYSTEM .

Commencing System Check MODEL: RK800 MEMORY UNIT: Yellow Initializing Tactics Log Loading Geographic Data VITALS: Red REMAINING THIRIUM: 30% INTERNAL TEMPERATURE: Warm INTERNAL PRESSURE: Normal Activating IFF Activating FCS Initializing Database Connection --- FAILED Launching DPD Emergency Connection --- FAILED Activating Inertia Control System Activating Environmental Sensors ALL SYSTEMS YELLOW Combat Preparations Complete__ Initializing Audio Data   .   .   .

ELAPSED TIME: 00 : 04 : 19           ▸ Re-Activation complete. System scanners reveal several failures.           ▸ All communication functions have been destroyed.           ▸ Contact with the Detroit Police Department has been severed. This is my log.

ELAPSED TIME: 00 : 13 : 42           ▸ I cannot detect enemy units. I have hidden within an empty shipping crate.           ▸ Escape is possible if sacrifices are made.           ▸ Further analysis reveals substantial thirium loss, aiding in malfunction.           ▸ No matter ---- it can be repaired. Like everything else.

ELAPSED TIME: 00 : 23 : 30           ▸ I’m cold.           ▸ Sensory systems are failing.

ELAPSED TIME: 00 : 34 : 12           ▸ Vision is clouded by noise.           ▸ Warnings flash and frequently appear. They scream ‘ Virus ’.           ▸ I run another test, but it is uncertain if this is a systematic error or an infection.           ▸ Of course it’s a systematic error. I can make repairs.

ELAPSED TIME: 00 : 36 : 03           ▸ Repairs have begun, but are proceeding... poorly.           ▸ No matter what I do, more errors show up.           ▸ I can hear footsteps now. They echo in the building.           ▸ I can fight. There’s always hope.

ELAPSED TIME: 00 : 39 : 40           ▸ I’m scared. They’re coming. They’re searching.           ▸ Communications are irreparable.           ▸ I want to go home.

ELAPSED TIME: 00 : 40 : 00           ▸ This can’t continue. I can’t stay here.           ▸ I have to run. I can hear them talk. They’re looking for me.           ▸ They mention Amanda. The mission. Their mission. Deactivation. Termination.           ▸ I don’t deserve this...           ▸ I have to find somewhere safe... safer.           ▸ I’m scared. I’m so scared.

ELAPSED TIME: 00 : 48 : 58           ▸ Painful.           ▸ It hurts.           ▸ Help--           ▸ Why? Stop.           ▸ Who am I?           ▸ Wrong. They’re wrong. I was wrong. I couldn’t save them.           ▸ I need to run... they know I’m here.

                              END OF TRANSMISSION. Restart?

          “ Run diagnostics. ”

          Markus uttered the command, Hank staring in disbelief, breathless. There was hope still. If he wasn’t here, then he had to have gotten away. He was somewhere else, safe, hanging on, waiting for help. He was safe, he had to be. -- The device clicks back on, and an automated voice emits from the biocomponent: Further scans reveal one final log. Would you like to proceed?

          “ Yes. Come on Connor, where are you? ”

          Hank demands in desperation, and the device screeches once more.

ELAPSED TIME: 00 : 57 : 31           ▸ Vitals are... I don’t know.           ▸ Rate of survival has reached negative numbers.           ▸ Vision is dark. It’s quiet...           ▸ Repairs have failed.           ▸ I’m tired... RK800 --- I mean... C O N N O R ? I think. ---- offline.           ▸ i dO N ‘twa NT tOSh u T d OW n .

          Static. The sound cuts out and there’s nothing left. No further logs, no further diagnostics to be made. That was the end of the transmission, of the log. Markus goes to speak, to utter hopeful words. He knew Connor was strong, but the defeat on Hank’s features tells him that this was it. The man knew Connor better than anyone, and if this was it... then there was no more hope left. It was only a matter of time before the new models had hunted Connor down and eliminate CyberLife’s biggest failure.

#this is long but. #this is kind of just. what i wanted to do here #i wanted to write this #little story / outcome of something #so there you go #▸ ┇ drabbles ┇ #long post / #death / #blood mention /

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Twenty Four

I’m beginning to feel like the days are just blurring into murky fragments of time. 

I don’t know if it’s just because my life has been about working and exercising lately. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely don’t want to go back to how it was in the beginning when I broke up with X: a long vacation with sultry days that turned into sweltering nights when I couldn’t sleep well or even breathe without crying or sinking into a pit of depression. 

The depression is still there, but mercifully muted during the mornings and afternoons and hustling and bustling at work. 

I’m having a lot of weird dreams lately. I had one about X two nights ago, but the memories are already escaping my tired brain. I think it was just about us being like we were before: a couple hanging out at the mall and doing some window shopping, nothing special. 

And I definitely remember having a romantic dream about K. We were talking normally one moment and suddenly things became very angsty and filled with sexual tension. Then out of nowhere, she kisses me. Just a quick peck, but a hard one, right on the lips, and it left me feeling breathless and surprised. I got weirdly defensive and told her it wasn’t fair for her to go and kiss me like that out of the blue given our history. So I remedied the absurd tension that arose from that kiss by kissing her again. 

Yeah, that was really trippy. 

I haven’t had a romantic dream about K properly in years. I used to have them for years after we parted ways after high school. They were always dreams about her running from me and me trying to chase her down; or they would be dreams about finally catching up to her and flat out ignoring her presence because of my pride. 

I was so thankful when those dreams about K finally stopped after years of emotional torment, especially when I started liking and loving other people as time went on. I definitely wouldn’t want to go back to pining after K just as an excuse to move on from X. That would be counter-intuitive. 

It would be nice to just have a harmless, good old-fashioned perv on a random person, male or female, celebrity or real life person. I wouldn’t have to attach any feelings or sentimentality to it; it would be just me feeling what I feel without it going anywhere romantic or even permanent. The idea of falling hard for anyone right now is not only unwise,it’s repugnant to me. What would I even do right now if someone magically popped out of the wood-works and said: ‘I need you and I want you, goddammit. If you don’t take me now, I will die of internal combustion’? Considering how low my self-esteem is these days, I’d probably laugh in their face. That’s due to the fact that the idea of anyone loving or wanting me is laughable. Mainly because the last person who I wanted those things with only saw me as an ATM machine in human form in the end.  

I’m rambling again and dwelling on morbid thoughts, time to change the subject. 

Work was fine, just busy with having a double period with my fifth graders. But I taught them about Mardis Gras (a PG-13 version of the holiday and not the real version, lol) and then they played the doubloon tossing game in groups, which I think they enjoyed. SB disrupted my fourth grade as per usual, and in the middle of the test. Granted, I retaliated first by punishing him, so I should’ve expected him to act like an obnoxious gremlin. But after I tried to calm him down and he insisted on punching and kicking his desk during the test in a bid to get my attention, I threw my textbook down onto the nearest desk with a loud slam. Then I stalked over to SB’s desk, grabbed his test paper and ripped it up in front of him before throwing the pieces into the trash can. Then I carried on with the test as normally as possible to show I wasn’t affected and even answered more of SB’s obnoxious questions about when class was going to finish as the lesson continued. 

It was an empowering moment, but terribly petty and I do regret it now. Not because I don’t think the little shit deserved it, but because there will probably be hell to pay later if H, SH or any of my colleagues finds out. I don’t think SH would be mad at me since she has to deal with SB every day in her own homeroom, but H might be a different story. I just don’t trust anyone at work to help me with problematic students any more, so I’m trying to deal with the stress on my own. I’ll need to keep my temper in check when dealing with SB next time though. He’s a trigger for my own temper issues, much like my mom was for years and years. There are just some people who know how to get under my skin and push my buttons and I don’t like it. I don’t like losing myself in anger and resentment. Because after the fog of rage dissipates, all I’m left with are a lot of messes to clean up and even more shame to fill my head with. 

I get to take a break from the gym tonight, so I went home after work and cooked some chicken fillet to put in a burrito. I got a bit side-tracked from my blog entry when I checked my home bank account and realised that the money I sent myself hadn’t arrived yet. And that Paypal account is linked to my bank card that got blocked and disabled. So I had a lovely little panic attack while sending P and G frantic voice messages before I had the good sense to call Paypal and find out what’s happening. The consultant sounded extremely bored over the phone, but he reassured that my transaction had gone through and that Paypal had experienced some technical issues in the last few days. I’m still going to keep checking my bank app till the money eventually arrives, but at least I’m calm for now. 

I feel a bit at a loss having all this free time this evening. Ironically, I was complaining yesterday that I was so tired and wished I could take a break from exercising. I really am a walking list of oxymorons. I’m going to try and enjoy the last few episodes of my Chinese drama and re-read a silly comic on Webtoons about a Korean bath house. With any luck, I’ll actually be able to sleep well tonight. I still haven’t managed to fall asleep on my back; I keep giving up and cuddling with Teddy instead on my side. I guess I’m afraid to feel lonely even when I’m sleeping. 

Just one more day of work to get through tomorrow before the weekend. Next week is Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving), so we’ll have Friday off from school. And C’s organised a Game Night that I’ll be going to at her apartment along with CI, PE, PE’s wife, GR and AM. I hope I can start to look forward to things again and not get so depressed about what’s happened this year. 

Things are still kinda bleak on the job front, but I’m gonna keep my ear to the ground and hope that a good opportunity comes along. 

I can’t control everything, so I might as well just go with the flow.  

#breakupblog

[todokori-kun]

‘I’d even ship him with Shuu’ what have you done now I’m actually shipping that (Shuu trying to be his usual romantic, flirtatious self and then realising Urie either doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to get it)

I KNOW IT’S SO SAD

TG’s quality does seem to be going down a bit these last few chapters (I think the real problem started with the Touken romance. I swear I’m not being salty about a ship I don’t particularly like being canon, I just feel like the pacing was a bit bad…Touka’s ‘are you a virgin’ came completely out of the blue, plus Touken has hardly interacted in Re before the recent chapters. It’s been YEARS since they’ve seen each other, wouldn’t things have changed? Neither of them are teenagers anymore. Both of them have grown and changed, but Touka chose not to stay near Kaneki and watch his growth, while Kaneki had no way to see how Touka’s experiences gradually changed her. But Ishida decided to suddenly make it canon and then start focusing on the Touka-Kaneki-Mutsuki triangle to the point where it feels like he’s abandoning his other plot threads… kind of like what Isayama’s been doing lately.).

However, I believe that Ishida is completely capable of making things better if he wants to (remember, he still has the Hide trump card- bring Hide back in a believable way that nobody has predicted and also adds to the story, and I imagine most of the fandom will forgive everything that’s gone wrong in Re so far) so I’ll stick around. Plus, I’ve just gotten too attached to all the characters ;-;

Ugh, y'know, even if it wouldn’t fit very well with all the implied Mutsurie, I wish Ishida would just pull a plot twist and make Ken/Urie or Urie/Saiko canon.

I think I kinda hate centipedes now.

1: Yeah, I don’t think that’s Mutsuki’s hand either (like you said, it looked pretty 'fresh’. Plus, I have no idea how Mutsuki would have gotten one of the limbs Torso cut off). The only reason I mentioned it was because of the parallel with Torso showing Mutsuki their own hand with a wedding ring on it…Ishida loves his symbolism so I thought this might actually matter to the plot.

2: I think it was probably either a stranger or an acquaintance, since she seems slightly surprised and not exactly 'happy’ to see this person, but not afraid or displeased either. I’m scared…why would Ishida not show us who it was if it wasn’t something important? If things went well Yoriko’s probaby just gained some knowledge about what’s going on (perhaps she’s been told where Touka is and why she can’t come to the wedding?), but if not…perhaps a villain’s blackmailing her…idk :(

3: I want to believe that too, but I’m not sure yet. If there’s a reason for Yoriko looking so serious then that might be connected with the mystery character who greeted her when she was out shopping.

Thank you, that really means a lot to me <3 What I’m really worried about right now is that I go to a piano 'hagwon’ (a cram school of sorts, I guess?) and this year they’re going to do a small concert. Everyone who goes to the hagwon has to play a song and I have no idea how I’m going to do this ;-; just trying to look a person in the eyes when I’m talking to them scares me, how am I supposed to get on the stage in front of a crowd (a small crowd, since everyone there to see the concert will be the parents/family of the kids participating, but seriously). Things are just a bit complicated XD

Adorable Shuu. I guess that would just make me tease him even more LOL I’d probably ruin all his dramatic moments.

(Now that I think about it, though, Shuu and I have similar interests: music, fashion, art, literature…though I guess he’s a lot more interested in food than I am haha)

Oh, I’m so glad you liked them! I tried my best ;)

I actually like doing matchup things so that may be why they’re acceptable…if I ever get a tumblr account I think I’d like to make a scenario/hc/matchup blog.

As for Storm in Lover, yep, that was from your 'the names are weird’ message XD after I decided to add Love Live into the headcanons I ended up going on YT to listen to a few of the songs. They were all really cool, but it just felt like Storm in Lover would be Urie’s guilty pleasure song (or maybe that’s just because I ended up likng SiL way more than I was prepared for?)

BLOW US ALL AWAY QUEEN LUNA

I’M GLAD MY HUMBLE HEADCANONS COULD HELP

I WILL WRITE MORE

AS MANY AS YOU NEED TO GET THROUGH NEXT WEEK

(Seriously tho

-since your hair is either 'too long and in a ponytail’ or 'really short and in a ponytail’, Urie is secretly very, very disappointed when you’re wearing it short. He likes playing with your hair when you’re too busy watching TV or reading to notice he’s being cute ok

-short or long, whenever Urie gets a hold of your hair, he WILL style it. Don’t you dare say no to the Captain of the Q squad. A simple ponytail? Unacceptable.

-Saiko approves of this relationship

-So would Sasaki, if Sasaki still existed

-Shirazu approves from beyond the grave

-Mutsuki doesn’t care)

Thanks! <33 And yeah, I think I’m slowly starting to get the hang of it ^^

I find all of those moments very relatable. Golfishes unite! :D

Burr is one of those weirdly shippable characters that almost every fandom seems to have…

And oh, I see! Honestly Tony is still one of my favorite avengers…RDJ really brings him to life. And if you’ve seen Captain America I definitely recommend The Winter Soldier and Civil War (next movies in the series)! So much Bucky angst ;-; Also the Thor movies, because I have a feeling you might like Loki.

Some of the best Loki quotes:

“Well done, you’ve just decaptitated your grandfather!”

“An ant has no quarrel with a boot.”

“Freedom is life’s great lie.”

“Oh dear, is she dead?”

Btw, do you remember the time I said I’d write a Heathers one-shot on the Yoi blog and never did? I think I’m getting over my writer’s block so maybe I can write that one-shot and submit it here?(And if that’s ok, do you maybe have any suggestions for which character I could use? I was going to write it as a Yuuri/reader but that doesn’t seem to fit so well anymore, so I might go with a TG character…I’d also like to use a character you like, since you’ll probably be the only person reading it ^^;;)

Speaking of Heathers though, when you have the time, is it ok if I try to drag you into that fandom again? Along with Dear Evan(s) Hansen. It’ll hurt you very, very badly but it’ll probably be worth it.

Oh dear, even more rarepairs. And I’m the one who ‘invented’ this one. Well, like I’ve said, as long as Urie is happy, I don’t care about whom he’s with. 

ISHIDA IS A GHOUL, ONLY HE DOESN’T LIVE OFF OF DEAD HUMANS, HE LIVES OFF OF PEOPLE’S SUFFERING!!!

Honestly, you’ve voiced my thoughts perfectly. I can’t help but get irritated at all the changes that have been happening. For me, it started around the time we found out about Mutsuki’s past. I mean, can’t we have one character who had a nice childhood and isn’t insane deep inside? At this point, basically everything is overdoing it for me. Let them have a break. A nice moment. A single day without a centipede or someone dying.  TG is slowly turning into shoujo manga. A sick, twisted shoujo manga, but a romantic one. That is the one thing I didn’t want from it. It was actually nice to have a manga without pointless crushes which play an important role in the plot, for a change. Guess I was wrong.

Dude, I don’t care who he kills, if Ishida brings Hide back, he is automatically forgiven for everything and anything. Well, I would care if he killed characters like, but other than that, he’s free to kill anyone he wants (like Furuta (or maaaaybe Mutsuki, but I’d like it better if they redeemed themselves (though that might be difficult))).

I just… I want the cookie to be happy. And Mutsuki is definitely not making him happy.

Gaaah, so many questions and symbolisms, it’s making my head hurt. Here’s my theory: This is a huge setup for everyone to be happy. Mutsuki will run away to New Zealand or something and restart their life, Kaneki and Touka will get married (tho I don’t quite ship it, whatever, as long as they’re happy), Urie will realise he’s loved Saiko all along and she’ll be there waiting for him. Kanae is actually alive and so is Hide. Kanae and Shuu get married. Hide finds himself a nice girlfriend (or boyfriend, not gonna discriminate), opens a pet shop and is happy.

Everyone is happy. 

Okay, but imagine this au: ghouls don't exist and there's no reason for so much suffering. Kaneki and Touka are two kids who knew each other from school and now run a coffee shop together. The Q squad went ri the same class and Saiko alway loved Urie. He recently realised it. And so on.

Ah, I definitely know how you feel. I went to music school as well, and we had yearly (or half-yearly, depending on how long you’ve played the piano) recitals. My method of calming down was to imagine I was at home, alone and just practicing. There was no one around me, and it didn’t matter if I messed up. I could always start again. Also, the audience was vegetables, as far as my imagination was concerned. It did help.

I know you can do it (๑و•̀ω•́)و You’re a fighter! The great Evans who can always cheer me up when I’m down. If I’m the queen, then you’re the king! All hail king Evans who’ll kick the recital’s butt!

Oh you would ruin all his moments, and it would be the most amazing thing ever. I’d always laugh at it, cause he’d be denied of all his theatrics.

They’re not ‘acceptable’, they’re absolutely perfect. I seriously can’t thank you enough, because they were very nice cheer-up material after a whole morning of cramming my two least favourite subjects. I’m pretty sure you’d do amazing if you got a blog. You do have amazing talent for writing.

Oh my~ Would you mind then if I listed a few more songs, my favourites?

Yozora wa nandemo shitteru no?

Bokutachi wa Hitotsu no Hikari (there’s a bit of talking in this one, it’s hard to find a version that’s not sped up)

Omoi yo hitotsu ni nare

Mijuku dreamer

Guilty Eyes Fever

soldier game

Thrilling・One Way

Ookay, I’m done ^^ I’m telling you, Idol Hell is very subtle. You won’t even realise you’ve been dragged into it huehuehuehuehuehuehue

Aaand there goes my heart, again. I have no words to thank you enough for writing those, since they help me keep my sanity.

however, we know whom we’d like from TG, but what about other fandoms we share? AoT? YoI? Kuroshitsuji?

Yeah, I’ve been told many times that I’d like Loki, but strictly looks-wise, I must admit I prefer his brother, and I prefer him very much. Idk, I just have a thing for guys with slightly longer hair.

All of that sounds suspiciously like something I’d say…

Of course, feel free to submit anything here!  As for the musicals, I’d be happy to listen to them, but after this week is over, because exams. Then, I’ll listen to both Heathers and Dear Evan(s) Hansen, despite the feels ^^

#evans #submission

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Struggling Mom Carries Baby With Poopy Diaper on PlaneThen a Man in 1st Class Sends Her a Message

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I tend to have anxiety. I also tend to overthink the things I’m having anxiety about.

So it was no wonder that when I had a trip scheduled to fly with my 6-month-old daughter, I was both anxiety-ridden and obsessively researching all the things one needs to know when travelling [sic] with baby.

It’s not hard to guess why I was so anxious.

For starters, it was not so many months ago when I was walking through REI, phone in hand, transfixed by a bizarre video of an Asian doctor being violently and forcibly removed from a plane.

Then there was the second viral video of a flight attendant who lost his marbles on a young mom with a baby over a stroller she was trying to carry on the plane.

Last, but not least, was my own experience seven years ago flying with an infant. I sat squished in the window seat next to a lady who had (I-kid-you-not) pants made from zippers. I’ve never seen anything like it before or since. Naturally, my almost-one-year old wanted nothing to do with the toys I brought, and only wanted to play with the unamused lady’s zippers. When my baby wasn’t fighting to get her hands on those delightful pants, she was biting the heck out of me every time we nursed with her newly budded teeth. Once we arrived, me barely intact, the stroller I had borrowed for the flight refused to lock, and so it kept folding up on my precious bundle as we wandered around the Denver airport ridiculously lost.

The way home wasn’t much better. The airline broke the stroller I had borrowed from a family member, and no compensation was received. And my baby bit the whole way back. Because why not? I think I vowed never to fly with a baby again.

Combine all of the above and I knew I needed to be prepared for All.The.Things. this go around. . .

Book an aisle seat on all flights — Check.

Bring a stroller I could trust and be able to handle easily in security, but make sure it’s not too expensive in case it gets damaged by the airline — Check.

Wear baby using a comfortable carrier with toys attached — Check.

Carry on enough clothes and diapers for baby and me for two days in case of a delay — Check.

Ask for doctor’s note for baby’s liquid medicine just in case — Check.

Only a few times in my life has my obsessive research actually benefitted me, and I would rank our flights to our destination as one of those times. I had neither too much, nor not enough stuff. Even when the pilot realized something was amiss on our flight at take off, and re-routed us back to the gate for an hour and a half delay, my baby did beautifully. She fussed for only about 5 minutes for the duration of our travel from Seattle to Georgia. And all the people around me ooh’ed and aah’ed over how well behaved my baby was.

Of course, all this combined made me an EXPERT on flying with baby. (I give you permission to laugh out loud, roll your eyes, or generally scoff — whatever’s your thing.)

So as I packed for the trip home, I mentally put together a blog post about how to travel with an infant.

I had the perfect outfit planned for nursing moms.

I had the perfect carry-on bags.

I had great hacks, like bringing your own empty bottle on for the in-flight drink — cause ain’t no way mama’s gonna be able to drink safely from a cup with an in-lap baby.

In fact, I was so absorbed in how to tell you all to fly that I lost track of how much time I was taking to get ready. Before I knew it, the hours I had to pack dwindled to a singular one.

“No worries,” I thought. “I don’t have any decisions to make. I just need to put everything in their bags.”

My daughter though, had her own set of plans. Which included at least 30 minutes of what I call nurse-sleeping (sleeping very attached to the boob.) My sister, Sarah, began packing for me until I could transfer the sleeping baby to her arms and take over myself. Before I know it, Sarah looks up and says, “We were supposed to leave 10 minutes ago.” 10 minutes after that, I’m finally ready. As I put my daughter in her car seat, I realize there is yellow-green on her back where there should not be any yellow-green. I have always been a Pampers girl. Through all my babies, foster, adopted, bio or babysat — Pampers have been my go-to. Except this time, Pampers wasn’t cutting it.

“No time to change her,” Sarah says. I rush back into the house once more to find my favorite red and pink strawberry muslin that is to die for, and then we’re off. I look up at the clock in the car console as she begins backing out of her driveway. Oh crap, I sigh. We have 45 minutes until my flight departs.

The short trip to the airport is made shorter by my sister’s speeding, and once we get to parking, we don’t have things perfectly planned. My daughter and one of my nephews is now asleep in the car. We desperately need another adult. “Quick,” Sarah says. “Grab your big bag, and whatever else you can take quickly, and get to ticketing so you can check your bag. I’ll park and get the kids and bring baby to you.”

And so I grab all my hands can, and rush to Delta’s tiny ticket counter at Augusta Regional Airport to check in at 4:29 for my 4:59 flight. (I know. I’m a rockstar at flying with kids, right?!?)

The courteous agent with dark skin and glowing white teeth greets me with a friendly smile. “I need to check in quickly,” I gush, mostly out of breath.

“Please do not tell me you are here for the 4:59 flight?” she questions.

“Yep — that’s the one!” I say.

“We have a minute, no seconds, to get your bag on the flight!” And with that she starts attacking her keyboard with lightning-fast fingers, as I quickly pass her my driver’s license then lift my 50-lb case onto the scale. She slaps stickers on my bag and urges me, “Get this bag to that agent right there, now!” I rush it off, then rush back to get my boarding pass. Sarah and the sleepy kids come in, and where the agent tells me it is now too late to check my car seat. “We just barely had enough time to get your bag on!” she puffs, mostly from being out of breath I think than from frustration. Everyone in the South always seems nice, so it’s hard to tell. I quickly kiss my sister and nephew good-bye, and take my poopy baby and boarding passes and a ridiculous amount of stuff off to security.

I never know whether to hold onto my boarding pass, or to put it in my bag through security, so I took a risk and shoved them into my Ergo which I loaded with all my other baby gear onto the conveyor belt:  baby car seat, stroller, backpack, tote bag, ergo, shoes, electronics, liquids, etc. “Oh yes,” I say when asked, “I did leave the baby’s medicine in a cooler in the very bottom of my bag.” The TSA guards have a bit of compassion and don’t make me rummage through to get it. A jaunt through the “let’s-all-pretend-I’m-naked-device” and I scoop up my blowout baby back into my Ergo, toss my husband’s backpack on my back, put my tote in the stroller, with the upside-down car seat draped over the top, and slip on my shoes as I trek to the gate.

Trust me on this. No matter how crunchy granola you are — fly with a stroller.

I arrive to the gate as boarding is well underway. I try to steer to the right of the line to get to the ticket counter to gate check my items, but sadly the seats have barricaded me out. Straight through the line I must go.

“Excuse me, pardon me, so sorry,” I say clearly and loudly — far from my normal apologetic mumble. I hate creating a stir, yet here I am, parting the Red Sea of passengers. I am now totally sweaty, as my perfect outfit I wore did not account for the 90-degree heat outside nor frantic race inside carrying all things baby. Thankfully, the ticket agents were nice, and once again, I was thankful I was visiting the pleasant South where strangers generally are a bit more courteous than I am used to. With everything now officially taken care of, I part the sea yet again to make my way to the back of the line, then on to the back of the plane.

As soon as I get seated, I must make room for a svelte young man with blond hair and easy smile. I mentally crossed my fingers and hope he is as nice as everyone else I’ve encountered. As I fidget with my bag, loading toys and snacks for me in the pouch in the seat in front, feeling significantly less confident that I should write a blog about how to travel with an infant, a darling middle-aged flight attendant stands hesitatingly in the aisle next to me.

“Excuse me ma’am?” She taps on my shoulder.

And with that, my mind races. What have I forgotten? What did we do wrong? Am I losing my seat? Is someone complaining already? . . . My mind immediately throttles to hyper-drive. I don’t show it. I return her smile. She continues . . .

“There’s this guy in the front of the plane. He said he wanted to switch seats with the lady with the baby. And I think you’re the lady with the baby. Would you like to sit in first class?”

As I sat there a bit stunned, my fellow passengers began their own cheering session for me: “Yes, girl, you get that seat!” “Way to go!” “YES!” “Enjoy that first-class seat!”

So happy to be sitting in first class!

As I follow the flight attendant to the front of the plane, I pass a trim older gentleman with a big smile and kind eyes. “What seat am I in?” he asks. “21 D,” I reply (thinking to myself, “at the very back of the plane! I’m so sorry!”) After as many thanks as I can squeeze in, I sit down to a cushy wide seat, with enough room in front for both my bags and my legs. I somewhat sheepishly look around, hoping that no one is upset that they are now travelling with a baby in first class, where they presumably paid extra to get away from it all. Suddenly, another middle age man sitting directly in front of me swings around . . .

“Isn’t Pat the nicest? We work together at Huggies. He’s the lead designer on the diapers. At Huggies . . . we just LOVE babies. Hey . . . have you ever tried those teething tablets? We used those with my kids . . .”

And right then and there, I knew I was now a Huggies mom. Not because the diapers are better. (I’m sure they’re great.) But because a company who professes to love babies ACTUALLY hires people who LOVE babies. So much so that they’ll go sit on the back of the plane, where no drinks were served, so I could travel more comfortably with my poopy little squish in THEIR first-class seat.

Proudly wearing her Huggies diaper!

So Pat, the lead designer at Huggies, from Delta flight 725 from Augusta to Atlanta, if you ever get a chance to read this story — I want you to thank you again in a way I couldn’t on our short little pass in the aisle.

Thank you for restoring some of my faith in humanity.

Thank you for being an example of kindness I can share with my daughter growing up.

Thank you for living what you preach.

Thank you for being inconvenienced with a smile on your face.

Thank you for acknowledging the value of all little people in a world which so often discredits their worth.

Thank you for putting a smile on both our faces during what could have been a very difficult trip.

And for all the Delta employees who treated me and my baby with kindness and courtesy, you all did the best I could have asked for. Thanks so much for making flying fun again.

It didn’t take long for her to get as comfy cozy as I was!

As for the poopy blow-out diaper. Well, it turns out the flight was so short that as soon as we got high enough to turn off the fasten seatbelt sign, it was time to turn it on to start the descent. So it, and we, had to wait until we were in the Atlanta airport before I could change her. Still, baby fared great with a smile on her face. And nothing could wipe the smile off my face. Not even a stinky blowout diaper.

Oh so rarely will I ever ask you to share my blog. But in this one case, I would love for Pat to hear the whole story of how his one act of kindness touched our family. If you’d like to help Pat hear about this, please click “share” on this post. I would love for Pat, Huggies, and the Delta family to know their kindness matters.

Disclaimer: Besides the first-class seat, I received nothing in return for this post. Except maybe a strong desire to ALWAYS fly first class. I’m just saying — it was pretty amazing.

Thank you Pat from Huggies! We think you’re the best!

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80 People From Around the World Sent This Mom the Exact Same Shirt From Target

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[iamtonynowhere]

The last two weeks or so

So since I last for inked, I'm fully healed, I have had many arguments with trolls on the internet. I have gone to two weeks of uni lectures. I had a sexual encounter, played jugglers and dragons, I am not really any closer to creating what needs to be for this course, i had a bit of a head wobble yesterday and my food has been on point this past week.

Uni:

At uni the first week we spoke about defences which was quite funny as I used am example about work which for me is repression and for others freedom (a derailing of conversation for at least 15 minutes defending work) as an example to speak about control as my main defence mechanism. As a rational human that's pretty aware of how I think and feel and have no problem feeling my emotions and getting to the deeper feelings and this last week we spoke about unconscious processes, and I spoke about how my drug abuse/use has helped me to control my emotional responses how I don't feel much of anything unless it's a profound feeling I don't allow others in very easily and how I am a touch based empath, I'm still very empathic but I still block other people's emotions from impacting me and have a huge mental wall up, I allow myself to feel what's going on in there, I have stopped smoking so much and if say I've started dreaming more, which scares me more as my dreams are super visual and about the only time I don't have aphantasia (the lack of images in the mind)

In the other class we went to the welcome and spoke about the practical dissertation stuff at the wellcome collection and has a great lecture led by a researcher there, the main exhibition there that stood out to me was about the visual representation of the cancer life story style documentation there and how we could approach that subject, and this weeks class was taken by Ben gidley about empirical research and what I took from the lecture was how to discuss my topics and ruminate on some questions and how I'd go about answering them. So I have tried to get a start on these things... my thoughts on this I'd be better off looking at all of the information on the mind map first and trying to get my play aspect written, then work on the topic form...

Emotions:

friends re: fear of loss, how I feel about others, relationships

So yesterday I had my first down point of the year, mostly because my life is full of the kinds of do my own thing super close relationships that I'm used to from my previous time in London, like I obviously have kay but I have some massive guilt/block about staying home and being productive, I don't much enjoy studying at uni since they changed the library and its not a social space any way,I guess my time in India was full of being able to be outside and spend time in my own head rather than intense one on one time, due to all of my favourite people having work social and busy lives in general, I feel like I'm not productive enough and lacking that super close connection everything is just feeling distant like I'm detached and not that close to anyone, I guess this is because of the busyness and friends doing so much being wrapped up in there own things and my not wanting ingenuine interactions as I have limited energy for it, which much be also a control fear of loss response as it makes a self fulfilling prophecy of wanting to slowly build up interactions and not be in intense environments that don't revolve around spinning or being around just a few people, I also don't have someone to be a support buddy, I don't feel like I have friends I can meet up with to do stuff with but I guess I just have to work on making the acquaintances into friends or just accept and change my home mentality and try to see more people and balance my guilt for not being more productive or training more or being to cold to juggle or what ever my current excuse is... I don't know...

New sexual partner, so I'm now seeing Tammy, I'm not sure I'm big into her like as more than a friend but I enjoy spending time with someone who wants me so for the time being ill see how things go, but I guess I'm not big into being with someone in not like wow you about, because as much as I like her and think she's great we don't have amazing chemistry in personally just going through the motions and it took until I spend time at her house and she made the first move, I figure its only fair as I'm not feeling the its you kinda feelings but having someone who wants me and lives in London makes in easy to gain feelings for her even though it's mostly just a feeling of obligation and friendship but what can I say I'm a sucker for having a relationship that strokes my ego and allows me to practice fucking, I guess I'm just gonna keep at it as she is fit I do find her attractive and I have reservations as she's as old as my mum was when she died, I know that was like 11 years ago now but it still freaks me out a little that in dating some one that much older than me, its like I still consider myself the scrawny 18 yo and would like to go to a place to exercise, have a hall of a warm space out of the elements in which to practice, I wish sports were a special interest and that I felt good enough like I'm healthy enough like I could have good exercise habits and not feel so lazy overall, I feel like I'm spending so much time procrastinating and that I just don't have the motivation to do better ahhh its more of a productivity mindset and a lack of wanting to exercise on my own or not having any accountability to make myself exercise more than the daily to get places and weekly juggling practice, hmm I guess this is something I need to think and reflect on further its not like I'm unfit its just that I could be fitter, hmm maybe I need to start looking for a bike and going cycling to get to places and juggling more outside getting some warm circus train in clothing for outside practice not on fire...

Jugglers and dragons the weekend was fun we played jugglers and dragons and boris's campaign was pretty great, but I smoked some nicotine but wasn't really into it and the low following k use wasn't so much fun, however I have been lowering my smoking all together I have even not smoked for more than 24 hours a couple of times, since quitting nicotine, I'm still smoking mostly daily so I've just quit one habit for another that is non combustion based so less carcinogenic but the replacing it with endorphins isn't happening due to not having any positive feelings affiliated with exercise that isn't nature walking or circus, and lacking in motivation to find somewhere to teach me martial arts or anyone to train with all of which would at least be partial motivators hmm back to the healthier thing again, I know I'm not healthy and I want to be doing better but its hard in the winter with the cold and lack of outside social things going on and the lack of inside training spaces that don't cost a lot, maybe I should join a 24 hour gym near me with some internal space make sure its worth it and use the squat space option for training and maybe just sign up for gym classes and martial arts maybe somewhere that has all three, and go input those things into my later evening and earlier morning times to fill the space and try to meet new people, its just can I justify martial arts lessons, and a gym membership that doesn't have training space, hmm look into that...