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wookie92 · 3 years

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The Furry Report: New Trends in Masculine Chest Hair

I am the middle brother of three brothers. My older brother is quite hirsuit with a thick veldt of chest and stomach hair and hair on his upper back and shoulders. My own chest is quite hairy, but I keep my shoulders and back clean of unwanted hair. My younger brother has a center patch, but significantly less hair that the other two of us. I am sharing that just to point out that among the three brothers our chest hair patterns are all three different from one another and still different from what Dad has.

I started growing chest hair at age 13 and had a fully hairy chest by 15. I got the nickname “wookie” at school because of my hairy chest. I was proud of my chest hair, and unless “commanded” to shave it as a part a member of the swim team, I let it grow. In college, it wasn’t an option; we had to shave.

My own experience has been that a clean shaven or waxed chest was very popular from 2000 to 2016, but a more natural look seems to now be returning as a grooming fashion. That was good news to me. Shaving is not a good option for those of us with thick fur on our bodies.

MASCULINE CHEST HAIR

Chest hair is hair that grows on the chest of a male in the region between the neck and the abdomen. Chest hair develops during and after puberty along with other types of androgenic hair (hair that develops on the human body during and after puberty). According to the New York Times, for a new generation, the overly groomed body appears to be falling out of favor. “We’re seeing a return to ’70s fashion,” said Tim Bess, an analyst at the trend forecasting agency the Doneger Group. “The late ’60s and early ’70s were about freedom, the hippie movement, having lots of hair.”

DEVELOPMENT AND GROWTH

Although vellus hair is already present in the area in childhood, chest hair is the terminal hair that develops as an effect of rising levels of androgens (primarily testosterone and its derivatives) due to puberty. Different from the head hair it is therefore a secondary sexual characteristic. Men tend to be covered with far more terminal hair, particularly on the chest, the abdomen, and the face.

The development of chest hair begins normally during late puberty, usually between the ages of 12 and 18. It can also start later, between the age of 20 and 40, so that many men in their twenties have not yet reached their full chest hair development. The growth continues subsequently until the end of life.

PATTERNS AND CHARACTERISTICS

The individual occurrence and characteristics of chest hair depend on the genetic disposition, the hormonal status and the age of the person. The genes primarily determine the amount, patterns and thickness of chest hair. Some men are very hairy, while others have no chest hair at all. All ranges and patterns of hair growth are normal. The areas where terminal hair may grow are the periareolar areas (nipples), the centre and sides of the chest and the clavicle collarbone.

The direction of growth of hair can make for interesting patterns, akin to depictions of mathematical vector fields. Typical males will exhibit a node on the upper sternum, the hair above which points up and the hair below which points down. Some individuals have spirals on their upper pectoral regions (several inches from the nipple towards the neck) which run clockwise on the left breast and counter-clockwise on the right.

Considering an individual occurrence of chest hair as abnormal is usually not due to medical indications but primarily to cultural and social attitudes. An excessive growth of terminal hair on the body of men and women is called hypertrichosis. This medical term has to be distinguished from hirsutism that just affects women. These women can develop terminal hair on the chest following the male pattern as a symptom of an endocrine disease.

SETTY PATTERNS

Four areas in the Setty chest hair pattern system: infraclavicular (top), pectoral (left), sternal (middle) and circumareolar (right)

There have been occasional studies documenting patterns of chest hair in men and occurrence of these patterns. A study of 1,400 white men aged 17 to 71 conducted by L.R. Setty in the 1960s defines 15 patterns of chest hair. In this study, four parts of the chest in which terminal hair occurs were identified:

There have been occasional studies documenting patterns of chest hair in men and occurrence of these patterns. A study of 1100 men aged 17 to 71 defined and documented ten patterns of chest hair in Caucasoid men. In this study 6 percent of the men were found to have no chest hair. The largest group, 56 percent, displayed pattern four as shown in the accompanying figure. The remaining 38 percent of the men displayed a lesser quantity of chest hair. Seven percent displayed pattern one, 13 percent displayed pattern two and 18 percent displayed various other patterns.

WHAT PERCENTAGE OF MEN HAVE CHEST HAIR?

74% (Sternal) The center and lower part of the body of the breastbone

63% (Infraclavicular) The area immediately below the medial end of the collarbone

77% (Pectoral) The breast area, including the area immediately around the areola (nipples)

16% (Circumareolar) A small area immediately encircling the areola.

6% No chest hair. The pattern of no chest hair may be found predominately in Native Americans, Ireland, UK, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Czech Republic, Poland, Ukraine, Southern Russia, Netherlands, Denmark. Unhairy - Majority of population not hairy (e.g. a lot of men don't have chest hair) Norway, Sweden, Finland, Baltic States, Northern Russia.

Chest hair may occur on each of these areas independent from the others, making for a total of 15 combinations in addition to the apilose (bare) pattern. Hair is said to occur on both the pectoral and circumareolar areas when there is hair around the nipples and on the breast, but these areas are not connected.

What Your Chest Hair Should Look Like

Chest hair can be pretty divisive. You are either really into it, or not. Even if I had to look at it objectively, some of the manliest men of all time had quite a bush. James Bond, Anil Kapoor and Chuck Norris—to name a few. Yet, there are some handsome hunks who can pull off bare-chested look like a boss. Case in point - Ryan Gosling, Ranveer Singh or Salman Khan. The truth is with such a laudable amount of care going into manscaping, I thought it’s only legit to inform you about the top styles that can accessorize your chest. Here goes!

The Rug

It symbolises manliness like no other chest hairstyles. It’s the ‘daddy cool’ style, which is, more often than not, sported by men who’re old enough to be fathers. With celebrity supporters including Tom Selleck, Akshay Kumar and Alec Baldwin, it’s no wonder the style has to be worn proudly. Just keep the look under control with constant quick trims.

The Tree

As the name suggests, this version of the style has moderate amount of hair on the upper torso with a small trail leading south. It’s rather popular among young guys who don’t want to come across too bushy but also don’t want to part ways with chest hair. This evergreen approach, as a result, let boys sport a happy tree throughout the year.

The One Sided Affair

This one is the manscaping underdog, and characterizes a well-trimmed hair on the top half of the chest but a smooth bottom half. Smooth can become stubble but that’s as far the length of the hair on the bottom half can go. As seen on Don Draper, this look is popular and is sported by men of all ages.

Gay Otter: A man with think or thickish athletic build that usually has lots of body hair. Typically, this hair covers various parts of the torso, including the chest and stomach. Some otters also have hair on the arms, back and butt.

Gay Wolf: A man with a lean, muscular build. Usually has body hair on the chest and/or torso region. Almost always has facial hair.

Gay Bear: Broadly-speaking, a bear is hairy, with a large build and over 30-years-old. They are hunky, chunky, often with bellies, big legs, big butts and almost always with a full beard or facial hair.

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asteroiideae · 3 years

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okay, so I don’t make these kinds of posts often because tbh I’m a little lazy and very tired like 24/7 lmao but I’ve been seeing a lot of Pride reading lists hit my dash (and they’re excellent, and I save them all!) buuuut reading books is still a roadblock I’m struggling to mentally overcome -- and audiobooks are great, but they take 84 years (sometimes literally???) to get through. so! I thought I’d share a (very tiny) list of the queer manga I’ve read this year that you might enjoy for Pride, with some descriptions/trigger warnings/thoughts to go with them. so here we go in no particular order other than where they sit on my bookshelf:

What Did You Eat Yesterday? by Fumi Yoshinaga

okay so I know I go on about this manga at literally every presented opportunity, but I honestly just can’t help myself??? as a thirty-something queer adult, I really love the quiet maturity of this relationship between Shiro and Kenji; especially when it’s highlighted by references to shenanigans of their youth, and the ways in which they are still growing as both individuals and a couple. I’ve only read the first six volumes but I’m OBSESSED.

Status: Ongoing (17 volumes; 15 translated) Summary: Shiro and Kenji are an established adult couple with separate careers and interests, whose relationship is depicted over the meals cooked for them by Shiro. This doesn’t have an overarching plot, which might be off-putting for some readers; each chapter can be compared to a fanfic one-shot, usually containing it’s own tiny storyline or theme. It’s literally just domestic moments and meals shared between these men. Warnings: While I didn’t personally have a problem with this, younger readers might find some of the dated terms offensive. If you’ve spent any time with older queer folks (older as in 45-50+) this won’t be anything you aren’t used to, but if your experience of queer folx skews younger or online, you might get taken by surprise. There’s also some internalized homophobia; and by some I mean quite a bit. Shiro’s personal arc (at least in the first six volumes) heavily revolves around how much he closets himself and tries desperately to pass as “normal” in Japanese business culture.

Boys Run The Riot by Keito Gaku

holy shit holy shit holy SHIT. this story is so good??? so VERY good??? I was a little cautious, and a little bit uninterested in a story about teens (only because I’m in my thirties and crave more adult representation,) but I was VERY WRONG to be. Boys Run The Riot is beautifully drawn, beautifully written, and probably my favorite work on this list. the mangaka is also trans so the inherent understanding and nuance of our protagonist’s experience is really lovely. Also featuring a fantastic brotp between a trans boy and his new himbo bestie; no seriously if you want a story about a trans boy getting to have good broships with other boys his own age I CANNOT stress this enough. Volume two is releasing next month; I have it preordered. I’m laying on my floor wishing for time to hurry the fuck up. I need more of this smol angry trans boy and his big soft himbo bff. PLS. Status: Ongoing (4 volumes published; 2 translated) Summary: Ryo Watari is a second year high school student who is trans and struggling to feel comfortable with his very rigidly structured life at school, at home, and among his friends (to whom he is not out.) By chance he meets Jin Sato, a cis boy who also feels outcast (often judged for his appearance without any deeper thought.) When Ryo comes out to Jin in a state of frustration, Jin accepts who Ryo is and makes an offer -- why not start a fashion line that subverts all the expectations that have been put on them both; why not express themselves even when they’ve been told they shouldn’t. Warnings: Ryo is struggling with gender dysphoria, and it is written by someone who has probably experienced it, so it might be a little real for any trans folks who deal with that. Also, while neither the narrative nor Jin misgender Ryo (at least, not once he expresses to Jin that he is a man), Ryo is not out to anyone else and so he frequently is misgendered at school and we see how badly that impacts him and the way he views himself and processes his emotions. Ryo spends a lot of time being angry and trying to swallow it down, and that can be very raw to witness at times. There is also a depiction of unsafe binding (though the mangaka has an immediate note about binding safety, and goes further in-depth at the back of the manga.)

Our Dining Table by Mita Ori

okay, so I was a bit on the fence about whether or not I wanted to include this as a rec, but I decided that it might actually been what someone wants or needs, so here it is! while I really enjoyed this concept, and I’m always a sucker for found family stories (let me tell you I’m queer without telling you I’m queer, much?) it feels like this story is a bit rushed at times, and the romantic relationship between our protagonists is very blink and you’ll miss it. I don’t even want to call it subtle so much as it is just not remotely the focus of the story so it’s a little startling when it happens. but! if you’re looking for a story about adults processing grief and trauma together, and learning how to care for another person (and as a result, learning how to care for themselves,) this is a nice read that isn’t too heavy! Status: Complete (one volume) Summary: Yutaka is a salaryman whose past experiences prevent him from reaching out to others, even through something so simple as sharing a meal. Despite this is REALLY loves to cook, and wishes he had a reason to do it more often. Then he meets Minoru, and his muuuuuch younger brother Tane (it’s like a 17 year age gap between the brothers?) and finds himself teaching them how to cook, and overcoming his fear of eating in front of others. Warnings: Good news, there’s no overt homophobia in this story! Bad news, the other trauma makes up for it! We have a lot of trauma surrounding parental death, childhood bullying, and adoption; in addition to an actual fear of eating in front of others.

Our Dreams at Dusk / Shimanami Tasogare by Yuhki Kamatani

this is the first manga series I collected, and I’m still very pleased about that. the art is ABSOLUTELY stunning? the use of visual imagery and surreal analogies to explain queerness is fucking on POINT. I cried so hard during a couple of these volumes I developed a migraine. I only have one piece of critique on the whole thing (addressed in the warnings,) and I intend to do another re-read when I’m ready for the catharsis of sobbing into my pillow again. Like Boys Run The Riot, Our Dreams at Dusk is drawn and written by a member of the queer community (a non-binary mangaka, this time,) and as a result it hits pretty fucking close to home in a lot of ways. while I really love this series it’s super not for the faint of heart, you WILL come out of this reading experience with some things to unpack. Status: Completed (4 volumes; 4 translated) Summary: We mostly follow Tasuku Kaname, as he is outted at school by a classmate as being homosexual, and his initial despair and subsequent journey of acceptance. In this process, Tasuku finds himself at a drop-in center, which seems to primarily function as a safe space for queer people; we meet several lesbians, an elderly gay man, a trans character, and a young character who isn’t ready for any kind of label because they are still ??? about themselves and their identity. Each of these “secondary” characters is given room to breathe and to work through difficulties of their own while Tasuku watches and learns that even though life is hard sometimes, there’s beauty to be found in one’s own strength. Warnings: hoooo boy; well there’s all kinds of homophobia and transphobia; a character is outted against their will (multiple times), there’s some really insidious transphobia covered by “concern”, there’s internalized homophobia everywhere, and a very complicated asexual character whose presentation left me (as an ace) with super mixed feelings and a lot of frustration (though I wouldn’t call it bad necessarily; just wanted to put that out there for my fellow asexual folks.) If you have read (or go on to read!) any of these, please let me know! I’d love to chat about the stories, and hear your thoughts on them -- because we’re a broad/diverse community and our own experiences shape us differently and give us different insights. <3 ANYWAY, for those of you who read this monstrous self-indulgent post, thank you! Feel free to add any queer manga you’ve been reading below - I’m always on the hunt for more recs!

#happy pride #manga recs #gay representation #queer representation #trans characters #asexual characters #gay characters #everything in-between tbh

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mandarinastronaut · 5 years

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Homoromantic subtext in ‘The Goldfinch’

The Goldfinch is a novel written by Donna Tartt, published in 2013. It follows the characters Theodore Decker and Boris Pavlikovsky. The relationship between the two is a bit controversial. Literary critics have completely ignored the implications of a romance.

Let’s start with Theo’s toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia. Since the Tumblr user @borispav has already made an excellent analysis regarding the subject, I’m going to quote them.

”…Internalized homophobia is a fear and aversion toward homosexuality that is felt by a member of said sexuality. It’s an inclination toward projection, a way of securing confidence and self-image (two things which are threatened both systematically and socially) by registering one’s own sexual identity as a flaw in other people.

Toxic masculinity (or hegemonic masculinity) is a series of behaviors and traits found in men who have been molded by the ideologies of patriarchy. This mode of thinking presents a set of standards and conventions which men are expected to both adhere to and promote interpersonally.

When it comes to men, the ultimate goal—in both these cases— is to embody the widely advertised image of what is considered to be a ‘normal’ or ‘average’ man. This man is able-bodied and strong (both physically and mentally). This man fulfills the roles expected of his gender. He is ‘masculine’ in that he does not cry nor outwardly express any emotions outside of anger and lust. As a child he is sociable and sporty. He has many friends and does not struggle with fitting in. As a teen he is rowdy and full of life, armed to the teeth with a ‘healthy’ sex drive; the ultimate manifestation of the phrase “boys will be boys”. As an adult he is married and financially stable. He is on his way to achieving the American Dream: a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a wife that he feels responsible for protecting. He is straight and always has been.”

”Naturally interwoven amongst the pillars of toxic masculinity sits homophobia and its internalized counterpart. Heterosexuality, after all, is a core part of being a ‘normal’ male. Any other errant attraction is therefore meant to be deftly identified and expunged.

Given the sexual nature several of Theo’s fears toward masculinity take on, I believe it is more than safe to assume that he struggles with accepting and acknowledging his own sexuality (whether it be bisexuality or homosexuality, I don’t have a definite stance) as it is at odds with what has been presented as ‘normal’ male behavior.

Sexuality very nearly serves as an antagonist in this novel. It’s depicted as an emotionally draining entity, a wildness, a physical allure, tangible threat, and elusive dream. Theo is almost always at war with it—a sort of subplot to the story that mainly reveals itself in behavior and attitude, rather than direct dialogue or thought.

Sometimes the terror Theo harbors toward homosexuality (and, at its core, his own sexuality) is visceral enough to manifest itself as a palpable real-life danger. For example, aside from being verbally and emotionally abused by kids at school, Theo is also able to recall an instance where several boys held him down and attempted to sodomize him with a stick of deodorant (615). This memory, like the other, is mentioned in a passing, blasé, way. However, the fact that Theo remembers it at all as an adult—and in enough detail to recall the exact names of his aggressors— speaks to the experience’s traumatic weight.

In a similar vein, we have Theo’s negative re-entry into New York: the two different adult men who were implied child molesters (who cornered Theo and physically chased him down the street) serving as more literal manifestations of his own homophobia (404-409). This is the fear, and false pretense, that gay men are ‘perverts’ or ‘child molesters’ brought to life. It’s Theo’s repressed sexuality taunting and confronting him in a brutal, nightmarish, form; an expected effect of having been taught that a part of his identity is inherently ‘bad’ and unremovable.

This, and the bullying incident, are two prime examples of a fairly common literary technique used in which a character’s strongest fears or desires are made physical, rather than just emotional. Such a device works to symbolize/convey their fervency, demonstrate just how pressing and real they are to the afflicted character.”

A few examples of Theo’s internalized homophobia:

He can’t tell his doormen he’s going to miss them, because he thinks it would sound ”gay”. (238)

He feels uncomfortable in the cab because the driver saw Boris kissing him. (396)

He’s embarrassed to be seen with Popper because the breed is seen as ”feminine ” or “gay”. (402)

He’s distraught when Boris asks if he’s Hobie’s partner. (615)

“As for the internalized homophobia, it’s as ever-present as ever in his adulthood. In fact, I think it actually might even be morepronounced and focused than it was in his youth, when his fears primarily manifested themselves in vague and ambiguous ways. As an adult, his aversion is blunt and easy to identify. He graduates from steering clear of things that might insinuate homosexuality, to steering clear of gay men almost altogether. He’s able to acknowledge that they tend to make him uncomfortable, but in terms of trying to understand or mediate on why this is so, little is done. Instead he deems it suffice to drop in a few cursory sentences here and there whilst on the subject of something else, leaving it at that. No bigger picture is addressed, and no critical issue is implied.

For example, what we get are brief and loaded anecdotes like the following:

“I’d inherited my mother’s light-colored eyes, which short of sunglasses at gallery openings made it pretty much impossible to hide pinned pupils—not that anybody in Hobie’s crowd seemed to notice, except (sometimes) a few of the younger, more with-it gay guys— ‘You’re a bad boy,’ the bodybuilder boyfriend of a client had whispered into my ear at a formal dinner, freaking me out thoroughly. And I dreaded going up to the Accounts department at one of the auction houses because one of the guys there—older, British, an addict himself—was always hitting on me.” (472)

The sheer weariness and disdain with which he views threats to his heterosexuality is palpable here. There’s something almost sinister and deceptive about the way he chooses to portray these scenarios, something nightmarish in the way both men seem to be implicitly taunting him, confronting or incriminating him with the knowledge of a secret he pretends not to know. Both cases are clearly sources of great distress to him, as he feels the need to bring them up in context of something that didn’t exactly need the reference. It’s all fine and good that he mentions the "younger gay guys” noticing his pinned pupils, since the topic of thought was drugs, but then to go off and suddenly engage in the quotation of very specific dialogue (“you’re a bad boy”), and the discussion of very specific fears (being hit on by a guy), suggests that there is some deeper trauma demanding acknowledgment at the root. Theo is bothered by this. He is tormented by this. He uses the word dread (dread!!) to try and convey just how much he does not want to be in the same vicinity as someone who may act upon the assumption that he’s gay. (He wants us to assume that’s only because he’s confidently straight and doesn’t want the attention, but we know, in truth, that it’s because he’s both afraid and enraged at someone knowing and confronting him with such an unbidden part of himself).

Either way, it’s clear that he’s aware of the irrational severity of these fears, otherwise he wouldn’t have brought them up of his own volition or chosen to detail the day-to-day effects of their disproportionally crippling nature (i.e. him now despairing a certain department of his work environment). So yes, at some subconscious level, he knows that this isn’t normal, that he is stunted, emotionally, in some way. However, as I said before, he doesn’t ever think about why this is. He doesn’t try to find the problem, or even allude to there possibly being some small discrepancy in the way he’s always perceived his sexual identity. His aversion toward gay men simply remains a ‘mystery issue’, something of obvious weight that Theo wants us to feel, but not know. (Though, we know what it is anyway.)

And as if all this wasn’t obvious enough, we also get the very particular way in which Boris is framed in reference to Kitsey. He reenters Theo’s life right as Theo’s in a crisis over her, the engagement, and the fact that he’s not in love. And I mean this literally; Theo runs into Boris at St. Marks because he’d been on a walk in efforts to find ease of mind, a refuge from the daunting prospect of upcoming marriage (525). What he does find is Boris. Boris, who then, briefly, assumes the role of a hero— the knight in shining armor who’s come to sweep Theo up and away from the worldly snares of expectation and social-rule. This image is only further enforced when Boris comes billowing into his life again at the engagement party, graciously saving him from what (to Theo) was a downright nightmarish scenario. “Let’s get out of here,” is what Boris implores of him, leading them both to the door excitedly (635). Theo’s immediate response is to recognize that this is what he’s been unknowingly hoping this entire time, that Boris’ plea to run away from the engagement party with him is the “only thing that has made sense” to him all night (635). This is the ever-warring sides of illusion and reality at direct confrontation with each other. Choosing to stay at the party would imply that he has an unwavering loyalty to Kitsey (as in to heterosexuality/convention), while choosing to leave would imply that there are other, more genuine, desires drawing him away to something else at heart (his love for Boris, his lust for that wild edge; life without restraint and rule).

Theo chooses to leave. Or, I should probably say, he has no choice but to leave. When given such an enchanting window of escape, at such a precise moment of emotional distress and internal turmoil, it is impossible to resist. Of course his instinct would be to leave with Boris, even without knowing the details of their destination or circumstance. There’s an innate trust and draw that has been built up inside him from their Vegas years; Boris knows the deepest parts of Theo inside and out, and there are little to no other people in his life that he is tied to like that, little to no people that would provide the same type of relief from social-performance and self-deception as Boris would. On instinct (on instinct) Theo is true to himself for once. He physically runs after the thing he prefers, the thing it is that he actually wants. However, I do emphasize ‘on instinct’ because this is certainly more of a one-time, impulsive, occurrence than it is anything else. In the end it’s still Kitsey who Theo deems worthy of a suicide-note, not Boris. It’s still Kitsey who, despite everything, he continues to remain on the fence about all the way through the end of the novel. So, yes, it’s evident that the instinct (to be honest with himself, to go after what he wants etc.) is there, that—even after all these years—it still remains strong enough to be acknowledged and acted upon. However, the pressures of compulsive heterosexuality and toxic masculinity have not lessened their grip either, and, in the end, they are the ones that win.”

(all of this was from the amazing @borispav ‘s blog, thank you for letting me quote you!)

The story is told in retrospect and therefore is completely dependent on memory. Well memory, as we all know, isn’t very reliable. You forget, remember something incorrectly, manipulate and so forth. It is also sort of implied that Theo’s been using all sorts of substances, from hard drugs to alcohol. On the pages 622-623 we find out that Theo’s a ‘black-out’ drunk (he passes out and forgets things). Boris brings up the painting which baffles Theo since he himself has shown it to Boris but completely forgotten about it. Just the fact that he’s forgotten something so insanely important and significant, makes it more than possible that there are other important things he’s forgotten about. Theo tells us that he’s written the book for his mother, and in the hopes that Pippa would read it one day. This makes him quite biased and sets up an agenda for him, therefore implying that he’s willing to manipulate the story to fit his purposes. And because he’s trying to convince everyone (mostly himself, but also the reader) that he’s in love with Pippa, it wouldn’t make much sense for him to write about the true feelings he has for Boris. Though it’s very clear that he doesn’t actually love her. He even says this on page 570;

”Worse: my love for Pippa was muddied-up below the waterline with my mother, with my mother’s death, with losing my mother and not being able to get her back. All that blind, infantile hunger to save and be saved, to repeat the past and make it different, had somehow attached itself, ravenously, to her. There was an instability in it, a sickness. I was seeing things that weren’t there. I was only one step away from some trailer park loner stalking a girl he’d spotted in the mall. For the truth of it was: Pippa and I saw each other maybe twice a year; we e-mailed and texted, though with no great regularity; when she was in town we loaned each other books and went to the movies; we were friends; nothing more. My hopes for a relationship with her where wholly unreal, whereas my ongoing misery, and frustration, were an all-too-horrible reality. Was groundless, hopeless, unrequited obsession any way to waste the rest of my life?”

Even if you were to interpret it differently (Theo actually being in love with her, or at least being sexually attracted to her) it still doesn’t overrule Theo’s love for Boris (Theo could be bi-, pan-, or polysexual etc.).

Now when talking about Boris’ internalized homophobia, it’s not as severe as Theo’s. He’s a lot more accepting and openminded. On page 314. Boris brings up homosexuality;

”…Old poofter?” he asked. I was taken aback. ”No,” I said swiftly, and then; ”I don’t know.” ”Doesn’t matter,” said Boris, offering me the jar. ”I’ve known some sweet olf poofters.” ”I don’t think he is,” I said uncertainly. Boris shrugged. ”Who cares? if he is good to you? None of us ever find enough kindness in the world, do we?“

It’s very clear that by bringing up homosexuality casually like this, he wants to hear how Theo feels about it. This dialogue also tells us that Boris is a lot more accepting than Theo, who’s shocked and troubled by the idea of Hobie being gay.

Boris doesn’t have trouble expressing his feelings, he often even exaggerates them.

Boris says he’s in love with Kotku even though he doesn’t know her (326)

Boris says that he ”loves” Kotku and that she’s ”the truestthing that has ever happened” to him (328).

Boris says that the 'fight’ he and Kotku had, was ”only out of love”, and that they realized ”how much they loved each other” (360).

Boris tells Theo how he and KT became ”so close” in one night, and how they ”opened up their hearts” for each other (602).

Boris says that Bobo was like a father to him (613).

Boris is telling Theo about his tattoo, and says this; ”…This is for Katya, love of my life. I loved her more than any woman I ever knew.” To which Theo responds with; ”You say that about everybody.” Theo’s comment proves that this is something Boris does all the time.

But with Theo, he can express himself only through action, rather than words. It’s important to bear this in mind whenever interpreting his actions.

Quoting the Tumblr user @queer-deckovskij ;

”…Part II of The Goldfinch Book contains the chapters Badr al-Dine and Wind, Sand and Stars, in which Boris and Theo meet, go on adventures, live a pair of year together, fight, love each other, then say goodbye. These 200 pages are introduced by a quote Donna put right before chapter 5, that comes from the poet Arthur Rimbaud and says,

When we are very strong, - who draws back? very gay*, - who cares for ridicule? When we are very bad, - what would they do with us?

So where do I start? This quote accurately depicts Boris’ and Theo’s friendship in a way that takes my breath away. It contains all the force and stubbornness and courage of the angry youth they represent. She couldn’t have picked a better quote to represent them. But that’s not all. The small poem doesn’t end here - Donna cut the second part of it, which says,

Deck yourself, dance, laugh. I could never throw Love out of the window.

Yes, the poem used to represent Theo and Boris’ relationship is a love poem. I think it’s really important the notion of who Arthur Rimbaud was. He lived in France during the 19th century and while still very young he had a homosexual affair with another poet, named Paul Verlaine; they ran off together and for quite some time they shared a really unhealthy and irregular life, mostly based on drugs and alcohol and dangerous experiences. Les Poètes maudits, yes? They lived in the same house for a few years and ended up splitting up in quite a violent way (Verlaine shot Rimbaud twice). Does this experience remind you of someone? A couple of guys who drank beer and did drugs like it was a packet of chips and a bottle of pepsi? Inserting that quote, Donna Tartt literally compared Theo and Boris to Rimbaud and Verlaine. Which means that, officially, Theo and Boris’s love was not a platonic one.

*I do not know if Donna inserted this translation or a more neutral one, like cheerful or jolly; the original French poem uses the word gai, which literal translates as gay.”

When Boris starts dating Kotku, Theo is forced to think about what his and Boris’ relationship was for the first time. Though, it’s already been implied earlier that Theo might have a crush on Boris.

Subtext of Theo’s attraction toward Boris;

He’s staring at Boris’ stomach (272).

He’s staring at Boris’ neck (284).

He’s staring at Boris who’s wearing nothing but Theo’s underwear (307).

He’s staring at Boris’ shirtless chest (308).

He’s staring at Boris’ lower abdomen (383).

Theo is jealous of Kotku, he’s even depicted as a pissed ‘house-wife’.

Page 327; ”…But what did bother me -a lot- was how Kotku (I’ll continue to call her by the name Boris gave her, since I can’t now remember her real name) had stepped in overnight and virtually assumed ownership of Boris. First he was busy on Friday night. Then it was the whole weekend–not just the night, but the day too. Pretty soon, it was Kotku this and Kotku that, and the next thing I knew, Popper and I were eating dinner and watching movies by ourselves.”

(Theo’s been depicted as a ‘house-wife’ before on page 277.)

Even though he’s feeling jealous and left behind, he still tries to convince himself and the reader that their relationship was nothing but platonic, that he doesn’t really care whether Boris has a girlfriend or not. Still, it isn’t so simple. He can’t find a right word to describe their relationship.

”…But who cared what crappy girl Boris liked? Weren’t we still friends? Best friends? Brothers practically? Then again: there was not exactly a word for Boris and me. Until Kotku came along, I had never thought too much about it.” (333)

If their relationship was really platonic, Boris having a girlfriend wouldn’t affect their “friendship” or “brotherhood” in the slightest.

Theo’s projecting into Boris because of his internalized homophobia. We find out that Theo doesn’t mind Boris showing physical affection, and that he even enjoys it (it’s the only thing that calms him down from his nightly terrors). This is something that he doesn’t want to admit. He’s constantly trying to convince the reader that there aren’t any stronger, possibly romantic, feelings attached. It’s actually quite comedic.

”The funny thing: I’d worried, if anything, that Boris was the one who was a little too affectionate, if affectionate is the right word. The first time he’d turned in bed and draped an arm over my waist, I lay there half-asleep for a moment, not knowing what to do: staring at my old socks on the floor, empty beer bottles, my paperbacked copy of The Red Badge of Courage. At last–embarrassed–I faked a yawn and tried to roll away, but instead he sighed and pulled me closer, with a sleepy, snuggling motion. Shh, Potter, he whispered, into the back of my neck. Is only me. It was weird. Was it weird? It was; and it wasn’t. I’d fallen back to sleep shortly after, lulled by his bitter, beery unwashed smell and his breath easy in my ear. I was aware I couldn’t explain it without making it sound like more than it was. On nights when I woke strangled with fear there he was, catching me when I started up terrified from the bed, pulling me back in the covers beside him, muttering in nonsense Polish, his voice throaty and strange with sleep. We’d drowse off in each other’s arms, listening to music from my iPod (Thelonious Monk, The Velvet Underground, music my mother had liked) and sometimes wake clutching each other like castaways or much younger children.” (335)

In the end, we finally find out that they’ve even been sexually intimate. Since this is something they’ve done regularly, it’s more than safe to say that they’re at least sexually attracted to each other. Still, Theo keeps projecting into Boris, saying that he’s the one ”who might have the wrong idea”.

“…And yet (this was the murky part, this was what bothered me) there had also been other, way more confusing and fucked-up nights, grappling around half-dressed, weak light from the bathroom and everything haloed and unstable without my glasses: hands on each other, rough and fast, kicked-over beers foaming on the carpet–fun and not that big of a deal when it as actually happening, more than worth it for the sharp gasp when my eyes rolled back and I forgot about everything; but when we woke the next morning stomach-down and groaning on opposite sides of the bed it receded into an incoherence of backlit flickers, choppy and poorly lit like some experimental film, theunfamiliar twist of Boris’s features fading from memory already and none of it with any more bearing on our actual lives than a dream. We never spoke of it; it wasn’t quite real; getting ready for school we threw shoes, splashed water at each other, chewed aspirin for our hangovers, laughed and joked around all the way to the bus stop. I knew people would think the wrong thing if they knew, I didn’t want anyone to find out and I knew Boris didn’t either, but all the same he seemed so completely untroubled by it that I was sure it was just a laugh, nothing to take too seriously or get worked up about. And yet, more than once, I had wondered if I should step up my nerve and say something: draw some kind of line, make things clear, just to make absolutely sure he didn’t have the wrong idea. But the moment had never come. Now there was no point in speaking up and being awkward about the whole thing, though I scarcely took comfort in the fact.” (335-336)

Boris feels troubled because his and Theo’s relationship has become so intimate. He’s not sure if Theo feels the same way about him, and that creates a lot of stress and confusion for him. He makes a subconscious decision to resolve the situation by jumping into an impulsive relationship with Kotku (there aren’t any strong feelings attached). The relationship is completely physical, (they’re sexually attracted to each other, that’s it) even though Boris tries to convince Theo it isn’t so. Soon after they start dating, they begin to argue like an old married couple. It even goes so far that Boris punches Kotku (in the face).

Then Theo’s dad dies, and Theo has to leave Vegas in order to avoid his worst nightmare; social workers. Tartt depicts the 'goodbye’ scene quite dramatically, starting it with Boris humming a song by The Velvet Underground called After Hours. The song is about, you guessed it, unwilling goodbyes, love etc. By inserting this song to the very start, Tartt creates the perfect atmosphere for the whole scene, implying that there are strong romantic feelings between the two. They’ve listened to the song together, and so, Boris tries to manipulate Theo into staying by humming it.

”…Boris, I realized, was looking up at the sky and humming to himself, a line from one of my mother’s Velvet Underground songs: but if you close the door… the night could last forever…” (392)

The certainty of the situation starts to sink in on Theo, and he starts expressing his true feelings for the first and last time in the novel, in fact, he’s lost all control over himself. Boris realizes that Theo’s expressing his real feelings (probably predicting a confession) and since Boris has stolen the painting (something Theo’s completely unaware of) he’s accepted that he’s completely ruined any chances of continuing the relationship, (knowing that Theo would hate him after finding out) and just can’t bear to hear any more of what Theo’s saying. So, he interrupts Theo by kissing him on the lips. Now, besides the suggestive placement of the kiss, (not only is it in the goodbye scene but its right before Theo’s confession as well) the way Theo reacts to it makes it very clear that this is unusual behavior, and not something Boris has done before, (Theo wouldn’t have missed a chance to make the whole situation seem as platonic as possible, he would have tried to pull some bullshit like ”oh yeah this is something Boris does all the time lmao doesn’t mean anything”. And they know each other so well that they can communicate without words, so I think it’s safe to say that Theo would’ve known about it if it was usual behavior for Boris.) the kiss is clearly more than platonic, to say the least.

”…Really, you have to come. We can go to Brighton Beach—that’s where all the Russians hang out. Well, I’ve never been there. But the train goes there—it’s the last stop on the line. There’s a big Russian community, restaurants with smoked fish and sturgeon roe. My mother and I always talked about going out there to eat one day, this jeweler she worked with told her all the good places to go, but we never did. It’s supposed to be great. Also, I mean—I have money for school—you can go to my school. No—you totally can. I have a scholarship. Well, I did. But the guy said as long as the money in my fund was used for education—it could be anybody’s education. Not just mine. There’s more than enough for the both of us. Though, I mean, public school, the public schools are good in New York, I know people there, public school’s fine with me.” I was still babbling when Boris said: “Potter.” Before I could answer him he put both hands on my face and kissed me on the mouth. And while I stood blinking—it was over almost before I knew what had happened—he picked up Popper under the forelegs and kissed him too, in midair, smack on the tip of his nose. Then he handed him to me. ”Your car’s over there,” he said, giving him one last ruffle on the head. And—sure enough—when I turned, a town car was creeping up the other side of the street, surveying the addresses. We stood looking at each other—me breathing hard, completely stunned. ”Good luck,” said Boris. ”I won’t forget you.” then he patted Popper on the head. ”Bye, Popchyk. Look after him, will you?” he said to me.” (394-395)

When Theo gets in the cab, he acknowledges his feelings for Boris and confesses his love for him. This is the first and last time he does this (at least according to Theo’s narrative, which as we know, isn’t very reliable).

”Later—in the cab, and afterward—I would replay that moment, and marvel that I’d waved and walked away quite so casually. Why hadn’t I grabbed his arm and begged him one last time to get in the car, come on, fuck it Boris, just like skipping school, we’ll be eating breakfast over cornfields when the sun comes up? I knew him well enough to know that if you asked him the right way, at the right moment, he would do almost anything; and in the very act of turning away I knew he would have run after me and hopped in the car laughing if I’d asked one last time. But I didn’t. And, in truth, it was maybe better that I didn’t—I say that now, though it was something I regretted bitterly for a while. More than anything I was relieved that in my unfamiliar babbling-and-wanting-to-talk state I’d stopped myself from blurting the thing on the edge of my tongue, the thing I’d never said, even though it was something we both knew well enough without me saying it out loud to him in the street—which was, of course, I love you.” (395)

When they run into each other as adults, Theo starts commenting on Boris’ appearance almost immediately. This isn’t something Theo’s done before, his internalized homophobia won’t allow him to. Boris is the only male he depicts this way.

”…There he was, sliding in across from me, slingin the hair from his face in a gesture that brought the past ringing back. “I was just about to leave.” “Sorry.” Same dirty, charming smile. “Had something to do. Didn’t Myriam explain?” “No she didn’t.” “Well. Is not like I work in accounting office. Look,” He said leaning forward, palms on the table, “don’t be mad! Was not expecting to run into you! I came as quick as I could! Ran, practically!” He reached across with cupped hands and slapped me gently on the cheek. “My God! Such a long time it is! Glad to see you! You’re not glad to see me too?” He’d grown up to be good-looking. Even at his gawkiest and most pinched he’d always had a likable shrewdness about him, lively eyes and quick intelligence, but he’d lost that half-starved rawness and everything else had come together the right way.” (596)

Then we find out that Boris has been embittered this whole time because he ruined his and Theo’s relationship (Thinking that Theo holds a grudge for him because of the painting). So, Boris projects onto Theo. He brings up their sexual intimacy, and offends him;

”…why do I feel like you’re trying to change the subject?” ”Not trying to judge! It’s just—we did crazy things back then. Things I think maybe you don’t remember. No, no!” he said quickly, shaking his head, when he saw the look on my face. ”Not that. Although I will say, you are the only boy I have ever been in bed with!” My laugh spluttered out angrily, as if I’d coughed or choked on something. ”With that—” Boris leaned back disdainfully in his chair, pinched his nostrils shut—”pfah. I think it happens at that age sometimes. We were young, and needed girls. I think maybe you thought it was something else. But, no, wait” he said quickly, his expression changing—I’d scraped back my chair to go— ”wait,” he said again, catching my sleeve, “don’t, please, listen to what I’m trying to tell you, you don’t at all remember the night when we were watching Dr. No?” I was getting my coat from the back of my chair…” (622)

Theo is clearly hurt by Boris’ words, even though he doesn’t admit it.

As if all of this wasn’t already obvious enough, Tartt’s sprinkled all sorts of subtext all over the novel;

Theo takes extraordinary notice of the sex books his therapist has. Tartt is already, this early into the book, implying that sexuality might be a theme for Theo. (162)

During Theo’s and Boris’ first conversation, Theo asks Boris to say something in one of the multiple languages Boris speaks and he decides to say something quite suggestive, which is; ”fuck you up the ass”. (265)

Theo’s internalized homophobia is taunting him, he says he feels ”shameful”, ”worthless”, ”tainted” and ”wrong”, and that he doesn’t know the origin for these emotions. (440-441)

Theo thinks about Boris every day and everything reminds him of Boris. (465)

Theo still remembers Boris’ home phone number in Vegas and even uses the last digits of it for the combination padlock that’s securing the painting. (532)

Theo confesses that he has googled Boris in the past. (595)

”You know what I did in college?” I was telling him. ”I took Conversational Russian for a year. Totally because of you. I did really shitty in it, actually. Never got good enough to read it, you know, sit down with Eugene Onegin—you have to read it in Russian, they say, it doesn’t come through in translation. But—I thought of you so much! I used to remember little things you’d say—all sorts of things came back to me—oh, wow, listen, they’re playing 'Comfy in Nautica,’ do you remember that? Panda Bear! I totally forgot that album. Anyway. I wrote a term paper on The Idiot for my Russian Literature class—Russian Literature in translation—I mean, the whole time I was reading it I thought about you, up in my bedroom smoking my dad’s cigarettes. It was so much easier to keep track of the names if I imagined you saying them in my head … actually, it was like I heard the whole book in your voice! Back in Vegas you were reading The Idiot for like six months, remember? In Russian. For a long time it was all you did. Remember how for a long time you couldn’t go downstairs because of Xandra, I had to bring you food, it was like Anne Frank? Anyway, I read it in English, The Idiot, but I wanted to get there too, to that point, you know, where my Russian was good enough. But I never did.” (614-615)

Theo depicts Pippa by referring to Boris. (678)

Tartt has placed a character from one of her earlier novels The secret history, Francis Abernathy, a homosexual man who was forced by circumstance to marry a woman, in Theo’s engagement party as a parallel for him. (710)

”Only what is that thing? Why am I the way I am? Why do I care about all the wrong things, and nothing at all for the right ones? Or, to tip it another way: how can I see so clearly that everything I love or care about is illusion, and yet—for me, anyway—all that’s worth living for lies in that charm? A great sorrow, and one I am only beginning to understand: we don’t get to choose our own hearts. We can’t make ourselves want what’s good for us or what’s good for other people. We don’t get to choose the people we are. Because—isn’t it drilled into us constantly, from childhood on, an unquestioned platitude in the culture—? From Willian Blake to Lady Gaga, from Rousseau to Rumi to Tosca to Mister Rogers, it’s a curiously uniform message, accepted from high to low: when in doubt, what to do? How do we know what’s right for us? Every shrink every career counselor, every Disney princess knows the answer: ”Be yourself.” ”Follow your heart.” Only here’s what I really, really want someone to explain to me. What if one happens to be possessed of a heart that can’t be trusted—? What if the heart, for its own unfathomable reasons, leads one willfully and in a cloud of unspeakable radiance away from health, domesticity, civic responsibility and strong social connections and all the blandly-held common virtues and instead straight toward the bonfire, is it better to turn away? Stop your ears with wax? Ignore all the perverse glory your heart is screaming at you? Set yourself on the course that will lead you dutifully towards the norm, reasonable hours and regular medical check-ups, stable relationships and steady career advancement, the New York Times and brunch on Sunday, all with the promise of being somehow a better person? Or—like Boris—is it better to throw yourself head first and laughing into the holy rage calling your name? It’s not about outward appearances but inward significance. A grandeur in the world, but not of the world, a grandeur that the world doesn’t understand. That first glimpse of pure otherness, in whose presence you bloom out and out and out. A self one does not want. A heart one cannot help.” (852-853). Since the main themes of the novel are authenticity and unauthenticity (good and bad, right and wrong) it makes perfect sense to have sexuality be a subtheme.

Love restricts one’s personal life. Committing to something so uncertain and scary, as serious romantic relationships are, is impossible for Boris due to his traumatic childhood. This (aside from thinking he’s ruined their relatonship) is the reason why he’s stayed out of Theo’s life for all these years.

”…Boris laughed. “And you love her, yes. But not too much.” “Why do you say that?” “Because you are not mad, or wild, or grieving! You are not roaring out to choke her with your own bare hands! Which means your soul is not too mixed up with hers. And that is good. Here is my experience. Stay away from the ones you love too much. Those are the ones who will kill you. What you want to live and be happy in the world is a woman who has her own life and lets you have yours.” (667)

Later, in Amsterdam, during the shootout, Boris physically follows this ideology and his true feelings- he’s ready to die for Theo. Theo confessed his love verbally, this is Boris confessing his love in the way most natural to him, through action;

”…Again Boris moaned, as the guy yanked his hair once more, and from across the car threw me an unmistakable look—which I understood just as plainly as if he’d spoken the words aloud, an urgent and very specific cut of the eyes straight from our shoplifting days: run for it, Potter, go.” (760)

Can a Pulitzer prize-winning author write this blatant subtext accidentally? Is this just another case of cheap queerbaiting? It’s up to you to decide.

———————————————————————————————————–

A look at internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity as presented in the character of Theodore Decker; https://borispav.tumblr.com/post/179768610308/a-look-at-internalized-homophobia-and-toxic

by https://borispav.tumblr.com/

Post on Arthur Rimbaud’s poem; http://queer-deckovskij.tumblr.com/post/171833208225/so-very-important-detail-i-dont-know-if-any-of

by http://queer-deckovskij.tumblr.com/

All page numbers are from my copy of the book, meaning that I’ve changed the ones in the quotations from the original ones to my own.

I received technical writing help from a friend of mine, as I am dyslexic and have trouble expressing myself sometimes, who wants to stay anonymous, thank you anonymous!

#the goldfinch #boreo #theo decker #boris pavlikovsky #donna tartt #theodore decker #tgf #rin's analysis

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armsdealing · 4 years

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@themercifulmother sent: ciro: 8. + 26. // emile: 19. + 23.

character development questions / accepting.

CIRO.

8. where and when do they seem most and least at ease? why? how can you tell?

ciro, especially older ciro, has a tight grip on his body language, so it's actually hard to tell when he's displeased or pleased by something, or when he's comfortable/uncomfortable. at least, when he's playing the role of advisor, and when he's around other made men. he's got reputation for being truly unreadable, for seeming perfectly okay with a meeting's resolutions only to turn around and tell salvatore that he thinks lowly of the terms of the prospective deal or the dealmakers themselves. he will seem unruffled by someone's aggressive behavior and, once that person is out of earshot, or simply has calmed down, he will pointedly criticize it. such a skill is invaluable for a consigliere, for a lawyer, and as salvatore's business partner.

he does not like surprises, though. he can work with them, will do well with them, but he does not like them. he does not like things being hidden from him, either, since they make his work much more difficult than he considers it should be. there's a breathable tension in the room whenever ciro realizes there's a crucial piece of information that he does not possess. he has argued (privately) with sal whenever he feels like sal has hidden something from him, and it's likely one of the few rare times sal could have seen ciro aggravated. it's not easy to tell unless you know ciro when this happens, but: he turns very still. hardly blinks, his gaze downturned when he is making direct eye contact. talks very coolly and keeps things brief and to the point.

he also does not like snakes. when he was younger (late teens), he was bitten by an asp viper during a trip to italy. a half hour of unbearable pain and some antivenom later, he's all good and healthy, but developed a fear of snakes. not a phobia: he can be near one, provided it's in its enclosure, but he'd rather not. he will avoid looking at it.

talks about sexuality also make him uncomfortable. it does not matter how accepting of it you might be. when he was young, even talking about girls was the one masculine ritual he never quite mastered (he was good at violence, at sports, at money -- but not vulgar conversations about women and sex), and his involvement was minimal, only the right amount necessary to keep suspicions of his own personal inclinations at bay. he claimed to be old fashioned, that he was raised to be respectful, a good catholic, a good sicilian. truth is, he was uneasy as fuck. and he's very tight-lipped about being gay even nowadays. you can chalk that up to both his stifled environment growing up and the fact that he's private by nature.

he's most at ease when things are business as usual. when he's on his own or with the company of someone he is close to (sal, delores, his wife), but not talking about business. you can tell because of the ribbing, and the rambling manner of his speech. he's more expressive, more colorful with his language, but still keeping his impassive disposition.

26. how do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does?

he views relationships (friendships, family, spouse) as some of the most important things on earth. money and power is really all in service of what you can provide for your loved ones. someone who is powerful, but alone, without strong connections to anyone or anyone -- does not remain powerful for long. as a result, ciro is loyal and unwavering when it comes to his relationships. once he has chosen you as part of his small circle of friends and loved ones, he will pretty much kill for you. he will lie for you in court. he will bury a body for you and make sure it is never found. he will do anything in his power to keep you safe. moreover, he will ensure your loved ones are safe as well. for example, when sal goes to prison, ciro visits him on a consistent basis, but mostly he makes sure delores and the kids are doing well.

all this being said, he simultaneously believes that emotions and sentimentality should not cloud one's judgement, and how one feels shouldn't have a say above the logically better decisions. his loyalty is airtight, but so is his sense of pragmatism, and his tendency to look for the long term solutions rather than instant gratification. when someone he cares about is hurt (like, for example, his children) or threatened by someone, he goes about solving the problem in tranquil, meticulous manner. make no mistake, though: it is not any less cutthroat than simply walking and beating the assailant up over it.

ÉMILE.

19. how do they behave within a group? what role(s) do they take? does this differ if they know and trust the group, versus finding themselves in a group of strangers? why?

émile is an introvert who can pass very well for an extrovert, albeit at the cost of his energy. it also vastly depends on whether he trusts the group and the nature/purpose of the group itself.

he can effortlessly take the role of a leader, deciding what is best for the group and calling the shots, bringing people together and making sure everyone is doing well. this tends to happen with people he does not know much; he is the one that takes initiative primarily out of a lack of trust for others' leadership skills -- and because he is very independent and very intolerant to others bossing him around. it's also the sagittarius in him speaking -- sagittarians make good leaders because of their excellent organizational and people skills. at his best, émile is generous, broad-minded, optimistic, and charismatic enough to make people side with him and agree with him. he's also a great listener and protector.

but he can also easily take the role of the lancer/right-hand man. in order for this to happen, he needs to trust the leader greatly, and he will challenge them constantly. he is not someone that blindly follows others: he will act as a great complementary force. he will also appreciate not having to be in the spotlight all the time.

23. how do they respond to difficult social moments? what makes them consider a social situation difficult?

because of the add, émile suffers from emotional dysregulation. ed is a term used in the mental health community that refers to emotional responses that are poorly modulated and do not lie within the accepted range of emotive response. he also suffers from rsd, or rejection sensitive dysphoria, "an extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their life".

as a result, émile does not deal with criticism well, or perceived slights (at himself, at his family/relationships), or rejection. he can easily become irritated and that irritation can quickly evolve into intense anger. when he was a child, this presented itself in the form of aggression: while mostly well behaved, he would waste no time snapping back at other boys/bullies when they threw mean comments at him, or lashing out at teachers for criticizing him. he would get into fights just to prove himself as not one to be tested. he did not deal with being scolded by his parents well, either -- he would pretend not to care, but that shit would sting. on more than one occassion, he would cry. he would continue to act out.

he got better with age. more mature, less likely to respond to provocation. he had to set an example for his siblings -- he had to help his parents with raising them, and be a good older brother. still, he worried about being overly sensitive. he would get stressed out very easily, angry very easily, and sad very easily, prompting him into impulsive behaviors. then just like that, these emotions would disappear and be replaced with apathy. he sought out hobbies to help him with that, took up exercise, running, boxing.

nowadays, more self aware and with medication that helps him modulate his emotions properly -- he still considers situations when someone is mad at him or disappointed with him especially difficult, just because of how much it hurts him to be in that position. however, he has tools to deal with it, and not let it overwhelm him. he overthinks a lot, but he has turned it into a good thing. now émile tries his best to solve problems via words and effective communication.

#* ciro.#* emile.#answered ooc.

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lastsonlost · 5 years

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Masculinity Report, USA 2018

While we hear much discourse about the negative aspects of military service on men’s mental wellbeing – with suicide and PTSD never far from the headlines, especially after tragedies such as the recent Thousand Oaks mass shooting in California – the Harry’s Masculinity Report points to clear evidence that military service lifts men’s Positive Mindset Index. This fits perfectly with our broader findings that being part of something bigger that matters beyond the individual – “not self but country,” or “band of brothers” sentiment – is entirely in keeping with increased male positivity. It appears the residual pride, values, appearance, structure, self-worth, and patriotism reside long after active service ends. There seems to be evidence that the US forces can “build better men” – and perhaps this could be the basis of an armed forces recruitment/advertising campaign? Conversely, we know that former servicemen can often experience mental health difficulties associated with their lived experiences. This can later be exacerbated to a point where their sense of masculinity means they “bottle up” their feelings or self-medicate with alcohol or substance abuse. These are the men we need to reach out to, and say “it’s strong to talk, to take mastery and control over your destiny”. Here, other servicemen are the mental health role models they are most likely to listen to: strong men like them. All of that said, the findings regarding PMI and military service are intriguing and deserve further research in order to fully understand this phenomenon. Ethnicity & sexuality 2. Inner health is key A bespoke US study for Harry’s, in partnership with Dr. John Barry of University College London, exploring positive masculinity in 21st Century America.

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

In September 2018, research led by Dr. John Barry, Honorary Lecturer at University College London and co-founder of the Male Psychology Section of the British Psychological Society, and ethically approved by University College London, was conducted.

The aim of this academic survey was to identify the values and priorities of American men and the factors which contribute to their emotional, physical and mental health and wellbeing. In a comprehensive, intimate survey of 5,000 male respondents aged 18-95 spread all across the United States, subjects were asked first to gauge their Positive Mindset Index (PMI) which was determined by asking men about their happiness, confidence, sense of being in control, emotional stability, motivation and optimism.

Respondents were then asked about how satisfied they were with key areas of their lives, such as careers, work/life balance, relationships, money, physicality and mental health. Finally, to ascertain what kind of men they aspired to be, we asked them which core values they truly held dear.

By cross-analyzing all of this rich data, we were able to construct a comprehensive picture of who the most positive American men were: what they did, how and where they lived their lives. On the whole, we discovered that modern American men are doing pretty well – and absolutely stand for something commendably selfless, as opposed to selfish.

Forget unattainable celebrity lifestyles or chasing physical perfection: regular, stand-up guys and team players are the happiest men of all. The values American men most aspired to are those of everyday heroes: fathers, father figures, respectful co-workers, mentors. These are hardworking, loving, friendly men with a social conscience, which is great news for the men, women and children of America.

The report mirrored The Harry’s Masculinity Report 2017 conducted in the UK on 2000 British men, but the American report went into even greater depth, asking questions on military service, gender identity, sexual orientation, political affiliation, employment status, educational level, and population density. As such, The Harry’s Masculinity Report 2018 stands as the most comprehensive, ethically-approved academic study of American masculinity on record.

Source

PART I: KEY FINDINGS

The modern American man is a moral man. When asked what characteristics he aspires to, he chooses values that put the needs of others over his own. At the top were – honesty, reliability, dependability, being respectful of others and loyalty. At the bottom was athleticism (having a perfect body), proving the route to genuine contentment is who you are on the inside – not how you look on the outside.

America’s most content men have good job satisfaction, value their health, have a good income, are over age 50 and are married.

American men are largely happy, with an above average Positive Mindset Index (PMI), and typically have a more positive outlook on life than men in the UK.

The strongest predictor of a positive mindset in men – by far – is satisfying employment. Hard work is the cornerstone of a contented man that all else is built upon.

Significantly, American men now place more importance on their mental health than their physical health, while appreciating the two are fundamentally intertwined. Older men, especially, are tuned into the needs of their minds, as well as their bodies and souls.

The third driver of positivity is income, and while it may be true you can’t buy happiness, the contentment of providing for others, especially one’s family, is a central pillar of American men’s sense of positive purpose.

Next is health, and across the board is driven by, in the following order, good grooming, eating well, living longer and exercise.

Men’s mental health is also related to connecting with others through sports, and connecting with friends by listening and giving advice. PART I: KEY FINDINGS

In terms of relationship status, forget the myth of the carefree bachelor. Across the board, married men are the happiest, with this especially being true in the South.

Things can only get better! As men mature, their positivity rises and they become more likely to have a healthy and positive outlook on life. The over-50s were the most content group.

In terms of sexual orientation, heterosexual and homosexual men (who made up 11% of the sample) scored very similar levels of PMI (3.7 v 3.6). Can we take this as a positive sign that gay men are feeling more self-contentment and pride than in the past generations? However, a note of concern. Some 14 respondents indentified as ‘non-binary’ and 10 as ‘female to male transgender.’ The mean PMI score of non-binary participants (3.02) and especially female-to-male transgender participants (2.63) spell out significantly lower levels of wellbeing compared to the other participants. These findings have important clinical implications for non-binary and transgender men. These are populations, who, although smaller in number, are more likely to need mental health support.

PART II: WHAT GIVES AMERICAN MEN THE GREATEST SENSE OF WELLBEING?

1. Men at work: the dignity of labor

Men at work are men at peace: everything else flows down from satisfying employment. Men who have high job satisfaction are more likely to feel optimistic, happy, motivated, emotionally stable, in control and confident.

Job Satisfaction is by far the strongest predictor of positivity, being around three times higher than the next strongest predictor in every region and across the US overall. And this isn’t primarily about money, rather making an impact on a company’s success was the main predictor of job satisfaction.

96.4% of those with the top job satisfaction rating had normal or better levels of mental positivity compared to only 49% who gave the lowest rating for their job satisfaction. It, therefore, stands to reason that getting men into gainful employment is the best route to improving their positive mindset. This is not “greed is good”. It is difficult to conceive of these findings as pathological expressions of greed, workaholism, shallow ambition.

2. Inner health is key

Health – both physical and mental – was the second highest predictor of positivity across the US (interestingly, in the UK, it was being in a stable relationship: the more committed the man, the happier he typically is).

Perhaps surprisingly, grooming – taking care of our appearance - was the strongest driver of positivity. A breakthrough moment that should afford great hope is the emphasis American men place on their mental health. Across every age group, American men placed greater importance on their mental health than even their physical health. Across all men, 52% said their mental health was “very important” compared to 43% who said the same of their physical health.

In the UK, the most open about mental health was the 18-29 group, but in the US it is the over 60s (55.6% deemed mental health very important). This shows great awareness around age-related mental health issues, such as dementia, and shows senior citizens have a commendable openness to mental health that sets a shining example for younger men.

3. Men mature like fine wines

Men get happier as they get older, with men in their 50s at “peak positivity”. We found a clear correlation between age and well-being. This should encourage younger men to relax and the rest of us not to dread old age. According to American men, the future does look rosy! Perhaps we can (and should aim to) help younger men plan for future happiness by learning from happier older men. This should give great comfort to younger men: the future isn’t something to be feared but relished

4. Men in stable relationships

Being married was the fifth highest determinant of positivity in American men, showing men who are married have greater well-being than others. Interestingly, in the UK it was the second most important factor in British men’s happiness. Married men are the most positive, closely followed by those who are going steady or cohabiting. Single men are the least happy, worse than divorcées or even widows.

5. Friendship: the importance of buddies

Men who value friendship, family and sports and leisure have greater wellbeing. Sports – especially team sports – provide key benefits including, in order, socializing, feeling healthy and competition. Among the factors which were relatively unimportant to men were: winning; developing an attractive physique or ‘being skillful.’ As the old cliché would have it, it really isn’t the winning, it’s the taking part that counts.

This isn’t just about feeling healthy and fit, but also competing, being a team player and being sociable. When asked for details, the men who talked of health and fitness in this context specified not only the benefits to their own physical health but also to their mental health, alongside the importance of staying fit and healthy for the sake of their children and families.

The social side of sports – playing in/for a team, the banter and perhaps even a cold beverage afterward – is three times more important to men than having a good body. Team players, not vain loners, are happiest.

6. Other noteworthy findings

Military Service

It’s official: the Harry’s Masculinity Report shows that being a member of the US’s armed forces – both past or present – is related to a higher Positive Mindset Index. Men currently on active duty have the highest PMI, and even those on active duty in past but not now have higher PMI than those with no service history. Our sample included men with various amounts of experience of military service. Some 22% of our respondents had previously served active duty (1,045 men); 2% (94 men) were currently on duty and 3.6% had undergone basic training. Some 3,863 had never served in the US or other Armed Forces. Overall, military service was the seventh highest predictor of PMI, proving military service is a significant determinant of positivity. It’s especially valued in the Midwest, where it ranks sixth as a predictor of PMI.

Political Leanings:

Republicans are more positive Belonging to any political tribe gives a PMI boost. Men who voted Republican were generally more positive than Democrats. Voting Republican was the 11th highest determinant of positivity – higher than education level. While you’d expect men supporting a reigning President to be more positive, might this indicate that Democrat men are feeling the blues of the Trump administration? Overall, Republican voters have highest PMI, followed by Democrats, then Independents. All have better PMI than those who say no party represents them. Presumably, the latter feel a bit disenfranchised, which cannot be good for PMI.

Ethnicity & sexuality

Differing ethnicities or sexualities appeared to have no discernible impact on wellbeing in American men. There was no statistical evidence to point to white, heterosexual men being significantly more positive than any other demographic, although being white correlated to increased wealth.

PART III: REGIONAL VARIANCES

While positivity was typically standard across the US, there were some interesting variances that should give food for thought. Our data was split into “all US” and then four regions, namely Northeast; Midwest; West and South, and multi-variant analysis offered up some fascinating differences.

Being married was a significant predictor of PMI in the South, but not elsewhere

Friendship was a strong predictor in the West but not elsewhere

Being aged over 50 was a significant predictor in the West and especially the Midwest

Sports & leisure was a significant predictor in the South, borderline in the Northeast, but not elsewhere

Good pay varied in importance widely across the regions, from the top in the Northeast to fourth in the Midwest

Chat with co-workers was a significant predictor in three of the four regions, and a nonsignificant predictor in the West

In health, grooming was the highest predictor of PMI in the Northeast and West. “Living longer” mattered most in the Midwest, as did “exercise” in the South

Perhaps unsurprisingly, educational level was the highest determinant of salary in every US region, followed by being married, then being in full-time employment

In the Northeast, Midwest and South, “being white” was the fifth highest predictor of income, but did not feature in the South or West

PART IV: CONCLUSIONS & RECOMMENDATIONS

How can policy-makers, public services, charities and frontline professionals apply the findings of this research?

Across our research findings, the strongest single finding – by a factor of three – is that the happiest men are those who are happiest at work. This is not primarily about wealth, but a sense of making a difference, being part of something bigger and more meaningful.

The characteristics which mean the most to American men in 2018 are moral values, such as honesty and dependability, rather than physical traits such as a perfect body, showing that true contentment comes from within.

The lifestyle which is most effective at keeping American men happy, healthy and mentally robust is a combination of meaningful work that allows men to protect and provide for others, good health through a combination of good grooming (the exterior) and healthy diet and team sports (the interior), plus leisure and solid friendships that lay the bedrock of of a healthy social life. A winning Team America is made up of men who are team players.

PART V: MALE WELLBEING: SEVEN MAGNIFICENT PATHS TO INCREASED POSITIVITY

1. Get men into fulfilling work:

Across our research, by far the strongest finding was the importance of rewarding, secure employment to men’s health and wellbeing. Job satisfaction and the dignity of labor fulfills men’s desire to provide and protect. At the same time as noting that job satisfaction improves happiness, we should note the reverse: joblessness erodes the effectiveness of every significant protective factor and makes it harder for men to sustain a healthy, happy lifestyle.

Offering hope to these men is the most compelling clarion call of all, be it in the form of policy makers encouraging or incentivizing employers into socially deprived areas, or on an individual/community level by utilizing social networks, friends and the women in struggling men’s lives, who can lean in and be of assistance. Give a man a job he finds satisfying and you give him not only hope, but sometimes even a reason to live.

2. Health: Looking good and feeling good PART V:

Healthy men are happy men, but this is not about being a slave to a punishing or narcissistic physical routine, rather a more holistic approach to self-improvement. That journey begins in the morning – and the route to positivity could be literally looking at men in the mirror. In the category of health, good grooming was the highest predictor of PMI, proving good grooming isn’t about shallow vanity, rather it actually helps make men feel good about themselves. It’s beyond skin-deep. Clinically, it is important to remember that a lack of grooming can sometimes be an indicator of low mood.

The findings of this survey should highlight to therapists that a change in the grooming of their client might be a proxy measure of their mental positivity. Likewise, encouraging men to take care of their appearance might give them a psychological boost. Furthermore, healthy food and exercise, especially in a team/social environment, all add to this. Combine these factors and you have a template for elevated mood: the proof is in Harry’s data.

3. Support relationships and families

For every age group, being in a relationship (married, cohabiting, or going steady) made men happier compared to being single. This was true of parents and non-parents, although men with children are happiest of all. Men who lose contact with their children after a relationship breakdown are particularly vulnerable to poor mental health and even suicide. Supporting mediation services and the work of charities is essential for men’s wellbeing.

4. Embrace aging

With so much media emphasis placed on the power of youth, it was extremely gratifying to discover that men in their 50s are the happiest of all. Harry’s findings smash the cliche of the “mid-life crisis”. Instead, a man’s mid-life looks to be his happiest life. A public awareness campaign around this would be most welcomed.

5. Support Sports

Americans who value sports & leisure have a more positive mindset. Men’s mental health and wellbeing soar when physical health improves. In particular, men seem to benefit most from more sociable team sports. Providing facilities for these activities, and promoting their benefits to men of all ages would have extensive and far-reaching benefits, well beyond physical health and fitness. This is particularly true for individual men who are struggling with their mental health. We would encourage policymakers to encourage men to stay fit and well for the sake of their families and setting a good example to their children than they are about their own fitness or physique.

6. Promote the positivity of military service

There seems to be evidence that the US forces can “build better men” – and perhaps this could be the basis of an armed forces recruitment/advertising campaign? Conversely, we know that former servicemen can often experience mental health difficulties associated with their lived experiences. This can later be exacerbated to a point where their sense of masculinity means they “bottle up” their feelings or self-medicate with alcohol or substance abuse. These are the men we need to reach out to, and say “it’s strong to talk, to take mastery and control over your destiny”. Here, other servicemen are the mental health role models they are most likely to listen to: strong men like them. All of that said, the findings regarding PMI and military service are intriguing and deserve further research in order to fully understand this phenomenon.

7. Engage with men as they are, and as they want to be

When service providers seek to engage men, whether in health, education, community, voluntary activities or any other front of social policy, there is often a temptation to address either the problems men have, at best, or the problems men cause, at worst. Our findings strongly suggest that the values which men aspire to most are traditional, moral frameworks. Men want to think of themselves as honest, reliable, dependable and fair-minded and it is perhaps those traits which agencies should emphasize when they wish to earn the trust and co-operation of male service users.

Much previous research into masculinity has negatively focused on the problems men cause, often through the nefarious concept of “toxic masculinity”. This has never been more so than in this post-#MeToo landscape and after every mass shooting or domestic terrorist incident. Lately, the dialogue has expanded to include the problems men have: such as the male suicide epidemic, depression, anxiety and addiction, while offering scant few solutions.

But Harry’s wanted to progress this dialogue forward, by flipping the telescope and focusing on what gives men a positive outlook. We wanted to find out which American men were the most positive and content, then look at the core values and behavioral attributes that nurture these men’s mental wellbeing.

Next, we want to utilize these findings to formulate a roadmap to men’s contentment that could help others and help shape government policy around issues that affect men. What we found was that the overriding majority of American men aren’t “in crisis”. Rather, they aspire to be decent; they want to work, provide and nurture; they want to be loving, sharing partners and caring friends, and take care of their health and appearance. Crucially, American men are ready to open up about their mental health which we should see as a real opportunity to help tackle male suicide in particular.

Maybe it’s that when we see men playing/watching sports, or staying late at work, or not talking about their feelings like women do, that we see only one side of them and miss the rest. It could also be that men are too modest to show off how they really feel, and our survey has provided a rare insight into that aspect of the male psyche.

CREDITS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Dr. John Barry, Director of Research, Male Psychology Network; principal investigator Ethical approval:

University College London (UCL) Research Ethics Committee Funding:

Harry’s Ltd Executive summary written by Martin Daubney, co-author of the Harry’s Masculinity Report UK Access the full US report on the Male Psychology Network here:

https://malepsychology.org.uk/research-library/ Find the 2017 UK report on the Male Psychology Network here:

https://www.malepsychology.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/The-Harrys-Masculinity-Report.pdf

Source

#Masculinity #mens health #mens mental health #male positive

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divagonzo · 5 years

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Many times I’ve seen comments about how the Harry Potter cast avoided the “child star curse” and I want your opinion on that because I don’t think those kids were being treated well and I always find it shocking how everyone thinks their childhoods in the spotlight were something magically wonderful. Also, I hate how people talk about child-stars gone wrong because the aim is always to mock or attack the kid instead of realizing their behavior is a consequence of trauma and abuse.

Mornin’ Nonnie. Wow. That’s a bucketful of questions this morning.

Lemme get a huge cuppa so I can put some coherent thought into this set of questions.

RE: The Child Star Curse…. you’ve hit on the enormous Pandora’s Box here with this topic. No lie there.

Triggering mentions are in the tags for those who blacklist and don’t want to read on such things on a Sunday morning.

I’m putting all of this under the cut since this got really, really long really fast.

How did the kids avoid it where so many got lost and lost their way growing into adulthood? If you notice (I will speak of Eyebrows separately because her situation is pretty different by comparison)…. most of the main kids had a terrific support net of family at home - who could be wise to keep their kids grounded (as in feet on the ground and not under discipline/punishment). Sure they all had some mis-steps - but then I’ve never known a teenager who hasn’t made a mistake or 10 while transitioning to adulthood.

Dan? Dan had a serious drinking problem ‘til he decided to sober up (and I really commend him for taking that enormous step. It’s hard as hell to choose at such a young age that you have an addictive personality and that you can’t moderate the drinking and it’s smarter/safer to do without. (And it’s much easier to walk away at the younger age than in your late 20′s 30s 40s more when more damage has been done.)

Rupert? If anyone had been the most grounded, I’d say it’s him. His parents are top bants there, with his siblings and friends keeping him from being too much of a git. (And also being so b* smart in investing his funds early into a property owner to have his wealth but also paying his taxes, too.)

Emma? I think her situation was more fishbowl than the others because of the growing objectification of her and also how rude, lude, and crass men were treating her (including the paparazzi). I also think that she took advantage of such for her benefit to try and tame it down, and while it was mostly on point, there were moments where it was painfully obvious that she was there primarily for the male gaze. O_O She did take advantage of her privilege, with the additional benefits, but considering how much she’s been under the spotlight and constant attention of media and more, she’s done pretty well. (I won’t get into the issue of tax avoidance from the Panama Papers since I disagree with the mindset that the uber-wealthy should pay out 90% to benefit everyone else when they are already shouldering much of the social support net for those who need the assistance)

As for Tom and Bonnie and Evanna and the others? I think they have done pretty darn well for avoiding the child star curse.

But I also think the biggest part of it has been that they weren’t necessarily in the California/Hollywood scene, where it’s pretty much a free-for-all with access to anything and everything you’d want to delve into - along with the really ugly dark side of the business. (Yes, I’m tip-toeing around that issue since it’s pretty nasty.)

But how they were treated? I’m sure that the trappings of their situation made it more difficult, with constant media scrutiny and having so many people involved to have them appearing…. more appealing. While I’m sure for every one person there would be 100 who would give their toes and fingers to have that opportunity, it’s truly a Gilded Cage, of all of the pretty trappings and benefits - but with the enormous loss of privacy and anonymity.

Secondly, and more importantly, you also broach a huge issue, one that is constantly overlooked and also attracted the issue of victim-blaming. The ones who have gone off the rails, the kids who got lost along the way, were put under such scrutiny and given so much opportunity with little to no parental discipline to prevent problems, that, once again, media blame falls on the kids rather than the responsibility of the adults who should be there to support, encourage, and if need be, protect the kids.

I’m gonna say it right here in plain words: Being a teenager is Bloody Fucking hard. It’s triple hard if you are in such a position of making money hand over fist and people become blinded by the greed, attention, and privilege from what they have in those moments. How many horror stories do you hear of where a young actor or actress gets into drugs/alcohol/pills and then crashes and burns spectacularly? For every one success story, there are dozens that crash and burn.

Is it a self-medicating of ones who aren’t necessarily neurotypical? Or is it the craving of the validation that comes from the attention and when not receiving it, needs the self-medication? Coping with trauma behind the scenes? Trauma before getting into acting and using the benefits to dull the pain?

I’ll bring up 3 in particular, just to make the point here.

One is Cory Haim. He was a young actor back in the 80s, in quite a few films, and was one of the teenage hearthrob pin-up boys. While he may have never been an A-lister as an adult (and reading up on his film credits, was probably B lister) he was an A-lister as a teenager. But there are plenty of speculation, especially by his friend Corey Feldman, of abuse when he was a teenager. (I won’t get into it because that’s rumor, speculation, and more) When he quit being cute his roles dried up to C-list roles, in straight to video shows, tv shows and voice-over work in video games.

From one of his interviews:

I was working on The Lost Boys (1987) when I smoked my first joint. But a year before that, I was starting to drink beer on the set of the film Lucas (1986). I lived in Los Angeles in the ‘80s, which was not the best place to be. I did cocaine for about a year and a half, then it led to crack. I started on the downers which were a hell of a lot better than the uppers because I was a nervous wreck. But one led to two, two led to four, four led to eight, until at the end it was about 85 a day - the doctors could not believe I was taking that much. And that was just the valium - I’m not talking about the other pills I went through.

Did he get into drugs to dull the pain of trauma? Did he get into it out of boredom? We’ll never really know since he died back in 2010, penniless. His star burned out fast after he quit being cute/adorable/a money-maker. Was trauma involved? I sure think so (along with former child actor River Phoenix, who was also mentioned in the dark side of Hollywood, too.)

#2 is Justin Bieber. (Yes, I know. Bear with me.)

He got his break early on doing YT videos and got signed on - and took off like a rocket. But he (now that he’s older and hopefully a little wiser) now admits that he isn’t neurotypical and is pretty darn honest about his mental health struggles. (And yes, this also includes the few years before he was participating in bad boy behaviors, mistreating his girlfriends, etc.) Now? He found some stability in his life, able to admit he has problems and is getting help (and does have some support from his family including his new wife and her family.) (Let me also broach this here in plain language: Being Christian and having Grace doesn’t mean that you have zero problems from there on out. Far from it. It means that forgiveness is there with contrition. It means having a framework to work on being better.)

Will he still make mistakes? Oh sure. Being human means making mistakes. Wisdom is learning from them.

Lastly? Miley Cyrus. (Yes, I know. I’m mentioning those who are fun to laugh at. But these three are prime examples - but also with examples of coming through it all - or not.)

She’s been under the spotlight for decades, now. She’s in a show-business family. Godmother is Dolly “I love everyone and then some” Parton. And she’s one of the Disney Kids, including some spectacular failures on her part (and I’m lumping in her on/off again with her now-husband Liam.)

Did she lose her way for a while? I sure think so. But then the media spotlight x 100 made it harder, with every mistake under intense scrutiny. (This includes some questionable choices in a presentation of herself to the world. O_O)

Was she abused as one of the Disney Kids? Frankly? I think so. Disney isn’t all bright colors and silly shows and enormous paychecks. Rumours run amuck of behind the scenes abuse and mistreatment. Even having a famous father probably didn’t shield her completely from being mishandled by adults in her sphere of acknowledgment.

It’s the utter dark side of the business - that is an open opportunity for adults to take advantage of kids when they aren’t intensely protected and shielded from predator adults - straight and gay. There’s so many quiet mentions of adults abusing girls and boys in their charge - to disasterous results mostly.

But from 2 of the three here? They are examples of hope, where you can make mistakes, get lost along the way, feel the intense grip of imposter syndrome, of mediocre achievements and still succeed - and survive mistakes. They are a hope that whatever has happened, trauma and abuse wise, that you can survive it and, with serious professional help, get through it.

As I am prone to do, especially with those I mentor, is that I won’t tell you what to think - just that you do think. But if a mistake is made (or even a really p*ss poor choice made) I’ll help you survive it.

2 of the three had their family and support net available to help them survive the choices made, leading to wisdom on what not to do - how to cope/endure/survive what has happened.

These kids were probably victims of abuse and trauma, before and during their early acting careers. But 2 of the three are examples of not living a lifetime of being a victim - but a bad-fucking-ass survivor.

To those who have survived abuse and trauma as a child?

I’m gonna tell y’all who might be reading this, including my Kiddos:

It’s not your fault you were abused. Never. Full-stop.

It’s the responsibility of the ones who hurt you. They are to blame. And G_d as my witness I better never run into them. I have zero qualms burning a bitch for hurting a child.

#TW:#Anonymous #Dragon asks #Dragon listens #Dragon speaks #Dragon talks XXX #Dragon talks Child stars and abuse #tw: csa #tw: abuse #tw: grooming #tw: drug use mentioned #tw: childhood trauma

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writeforsoreeyes · 5 years

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BL LookBack - Gerard & Jacques

Welcome to BL LookBack, where I’m rereading some of the oldest BL series still on my shelves to see how well they hold up for me today!

[image description: the covers of Gerard & Jacques volumes 1 and 2. On the first, an older man with an eyepatch and facial scar embraces a disgruntled teenage boy from behind. On the second, the two characters, both older, stare at each other tenderly.]

story & art by Fumi Yoshinaga originally serialized 2000 - 2001 (Biblos) English edition: 2006 (Tokyopop)

CW: rape, age gap

Fumi Yoshinaga is one of my favorite mangaka. Her diverse body of work includes award-winning alternate history (Ooku: The Inner Chambers), self-deprecating autobio comics (Not Love But Delicious Foods), and bittersweet school life drama (Flower of Life). But what she’s perhaps best known for are her many BL titles.

As a big fan, I’ve read pretty much all her manga and I usually recommend her titles quite enthusiastically. Gerard & Jacques, however, is one Yoshinaga manga that I generally do not recommend. My content warnings on this post probably give you a good idea of why, but let’s dive into it.

Set roundabouts the French Revolution, Gerard & Jacques follows the relationship of two men over the course of nine years. Jacques is the younger of the pair at just 16 when the story begins. He hails from an aristocratic family, but experiences a severe reversal of fortune: his family has sunken deep into debt and his father sold Jacques to a brothel in attempt to save the family’s wealth.

Gerard, meanwhile, is a commoner-- albeit a very wealthy one. He frequents brothels and is a favorite patron of many of the workers since he is younger and more attentive than most of the clientele. Since it’s Jacques’ first night on the job, the brothel owner decides that Gerard will be the best way to ease him into it.

Jacques, however, is understandably in shock about his new reality. He reveals to Gerard that he is an aristocrat and Gerard in turn reveals that he hates aristocrats, stating that they do nothing to earn their wealth. Furthermore, Jacques’ defense of his family’s actions angers Gerard. He makes Jacques face the facts of his situation and Jacques finally tells Gerard to do whatever he wants.

[image description: Gerard hold Jacques by the chin and tells him, “Think about it! What are you now? Do you have any means to pay off your debt other than selling your own body?” He lets Jacques go and continues, “And even in this state, a first-rate prostitute like you is blessed with a feather pillows, three meals a day and silk bed clothes. Younger children than you sell their bodies in places no better than a public toilet!”]’

Although consent is given on paper, it’s hard to call what occurs in chapter 1 anything besides rape.

Usually, this is where I’d drop a BL. However, the saving grace of Gerard & Jacques is that chapter 1 doesn’t end there. Instead, it ends with Gerard taking pity on Jacques. He buys out Jacques’ contract and challenges him to find a way to earn a living as a commoner, stating “If I see you back here [at the brothel] when I next return, I’ll scorn you from the bottom of my heart.”

Not long after, Jacques turns up at Gerard’s mansion looking for work, not realizing who lives there. Although he’s taken aback upon seeing Gerard, Jacques is still eager to prove himself. Gerard openly doubts that Jacques will be useful, but hires him regardless.

Here is the crux of Gerard & Jacques: the story’s setup is deeply problematic. But where a less talented mangaka would slip into weak character development and tired tropes in favor of exploiting the scenario’s raciness, Yoshinaga works hard to prove there is a story worth reading here. As for how successful she ultimately is… your mileage may vary.

Let’s talk about what’s done well first.

Yoshinaga excels at writing characters with complex emotions and motivations. Jacques is naive and repressed when it comes to sexual matters. However, he is also an intelligent, hard-working, and prideful person who isn’t afraid to tackle tasks that other people think are below him. After being turned out by his family, what he wants most is to prove his worth.

[image description: a maid praises Jacques for working hard and finding tasks to do without being told, ending with “That’s the sign of a good servant.” Jacques is pleased.]

Jacques, for obvious reasons, got a poor first impression of Gerard, so he’s surprised to learn that Gerard treats his servants very kindly and is well-liked by therm. As a self-made man, Gerard has enough reason to dislike pampered, frivolous aristocrats. (Note: Gerard made his fortune by penning erotica. There’s certainly some meta going on here, as that is also how Yoshinaga built her career.)

However, it doesn’t take long for Yoshinaga to divulge Gerard’s past and reveal the real reason behind his ire. I won’t go into the details because it’s all obviously spoilers. But, in short, Gerard was hurt badly by someone he loved and has never forgiven them-- nor has he forgiven himself for being blinded by his love.

[image description: Jacques asks Gerard, “Is this love?” Gerard is surprised by the question, then he looks down and responds, “How should I know?”]

As someone who primarily reads to experience other people’s emotions, I appreciate the care that Yoshinaga takes in crafting believable personalities and depicting the characters’ emotions clearly on the page. She isn’t afraid to use several panels to simply show a small shift in a character’s expression. In relatively few chapters, she covers a lot of emotional ground while showing how the two main characters’ feelings for each other change.

[image description: Jacques lays on Gerard’s chest and pets his hair, saying “I like you...” Unseen by Jacques, Gerard moves as if to put his arm around Jacques and return his embrace, but pulls away.]

Yoshinaga also manages to pack an awful lot of plot into just two volumes without the story feeling too rushed. Nearly a decade goes by! There’s the events that shift Gerard and Jacques relationship, story lines that reveal backstory, and, of course, plots driven by Revolutionary France politics. There’s so much political and legal talk at some parts, in fact, that you might momentarily forget you’re reading a BL. While some readers may be uninterested in such plots, I personally enjoy romance stories that have something else going on within them besides romance.

Finally, I greatly appreciate that Yoshinaga steered clear of the Bury Your Gays trope. It’s a spoiler to even say so, but I think it’s important to know, especially for queer readers: neither Gerard nor Jacques die. I won’t say anything more about the ending than that.

[image description: Gerard and Jacques are arguing whether Jacques should flee the country alone or if Gerard should come with. Jacques stands his ground, saying “I won’t go unless you do!”]

Now let’s talk about the bad stuff.

The number one issue I take with Gerard & Jacques is its double standard surrounding sexual consent. In essence, the reader is meant to presume that since Jacques ultimately enjoys the sexual pleasure he receives from Gerard, that means that his consent is good and golden-- and thus it’s not rape. By contrast, when another character forces sexual attention on people, it’s plainly depicted as sexual assault and rape. Obviously, that’s not how it works in real life.

There’s also a weird, pseudo-incestuous vibe. Gerard is quite a lot older than Jacques (roughly twice his age when they first meet, I think). Furthermore, Jacques’ background and kind-heartedness remind Gerard of a girl who he considered his daughter. Gerard even tells Jacques when he is older, “I loved you like my own child, but that’s not all now. I love you like my lover.” While no actual incest occurs, I’m sure this alone will turn off plenty of readers.

[image description: Gerard comments to the maid that Jacques looked cute dressed up in aristocratic attire. She remarks, “What a fond father you are.” He thinks on this, then repeats, “A fond father. I see.”]

Finally, there’s some unfortunate Man in a Dress style transphobia. Gerard disguises himself as a woman briefly for plot reasons and, in short, some characters note that the look doesn’t suit him. The way it’s executed is much gentler than most other Man in a Dress joking I’ve seen, but it’s still bothersome.

Overall, Gerard & Jacques isn’t bad. In fact, I’d say that Yoshinaga pulls off the story rather well within the confines of the problematic scenario. However, I think the story would’ve been far better without the rape between the two leads.

[image description: Jacques frowns at a manuscript and says, “No matter how many times I read this, it’s still just a crappy, erotic trash novel.” Gerard replies, “It sells. What’s the problem?”]

If this review has made you curious despite the warnings, I do think it’s a worthwhile read so long as you are prepared for objectionable content. But for people put off by the various warnings, I’d encourage you to check out something else by Fumi Yoshinaga. My two personal favorite series from her are Antique Bakery (workplace slow burn drama) and What Did You Eat Yesterday? (half cookbook, half slice of life about a middle aged gay couple.) Neither of these are actually BL in the proper sense, but both prominently feature gay main characters.

*final verdict: I was put off by its premise when I first read it and my feelings on it haven’t much changed. It’s well-done, but the creator has other works I’d recommend more.*

#gerard & jacques #fumi yoshinaga #bl lookback

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post-bronze-medals · 7 years

Text

PJO AU

Hi! I posted awhile ago that I have a Percy Jackson AU for Yuri on Ice! in my head and I thought I would finally get around to typing it all out. Super thanks to @forovnix for not telling me to piss off when I sent her most of this drunk off my face and for encouraging me. Jus, you’re the best, ily a lot. Also I heard through the grapevine that her and @actualyuuri are writing one together, which was the whole inspiration for this universe I have thought up, so I am crediting them too ;) . It is very long - so I will put it under the cut!

Let us begin with...

THE CHARACTERS

Yuuri

CHILD OF: Hecate

PANTHEON: Greek

POWERS: Magic - specialism in spiritual and shielding; Mist control; Astral Projection into the lives of other Demigods and godly beings; Dance is his primary spell casting method.

BACKSTORY: After Hiroko had Mari, she found her womb was too damaged to bear another child. Wanting another child, they tried everything from medicine to, eventually, prayer. The only one who answered was Hecate, who was a distant relative of Toshiya from many generations ago. And with a little divine interference, Yuuri was made from three parents.

Yuuri’s eyes go gold when he uses his powers, a throwback to Kronos that Hecate thinks is kind of adorable. Zeus banned visiting their godly children back after WWII, but he can only really control what happens in the US, as it is the current seat of Olympian (and Roman) power. As such, Hecate has visited Yuuri four times a year since he was a baby, and drops in on him occasionally for a few hours at other times too.

Viktor

CHILD OF: Persephone

PANTHEON: Greek

POWERS: Control of flowers and plant life - especially creating and killing them; Strengthen harvests in the early stages (springtime); Talented at poison creation; Spreads poison through his flowers (airborne) and generally though touch.

BACKSTORY: Victor’s mother had zero need or desire for a husband, partner or indeed, physical sex. She, being somewhat dramatic, prayed to Persephone in a ritual handed down from mother to daughter for generations but generally regarded as a bit. Persephone, bored and wanting to create some life in the world, agreed to help her conceive a child with her as the other mother. She however, recalling how much Hades’ indiscretions had hurt her, told him about her plans beforehand, and Hades’ was absolutely fine with it. He knew he had no room to talk about extra-marital children and he loved his wife a great deal. Something that came of her would surely be only a good force in the world.

Victor has his human mother’s silver hair, and his godly mother’s eyes that cycled through colour according to the weather, the state of the plants around him and his mood. He settled on a teal he liked as his day to day eye colour, and controls himself to keep it that way. Persephone and Hades, taking advantage of the same loophole as Hecate regarding non-interference, bring him down to the underworld every so often. Hades is actually a very doting uncle and is immensely fond of Victor’s loving and giving nature. He teaches him about poisons and summons spirits Victor wants to talk to for a chat whenever he asks. Persephone loves him a lot as well, but in a more distant fashion. It was her that taught him French, and they like to sit together in the pomegranate orchard underground and read.

Yuri

CHILD OF: Apollo

PANTHEON: Greek

POWERS: Graceful; Slight Precognition; Archery.

BACKSTORY: Yuri’s mum had a relationship with Apollo for two weeks, in which she could have sworn she was careful with condoms, but apparently not. Yuri was conceived and he left long before she found out or could tell him about it. The loss of the relationship didn’t really hit her hard, it was only really a fling to them both. She decided to have Yuri anyway, and once she recovered from the birth, she went straight back to work to earn money to support them all, leaving Yuri with his grandfather.

Yuri inherited his fathers colouring but his mother’s face. He also had Apollo’s artistic talents but enjoys dance the most, so generally ignored poetry and music - until he discovered hard rock at age 11. He is also a little precognitive, his instincts have got him away from more than one fight and also led him to the rink where Yakov took him on. His mother doesn't care about his father’s absence but he kind of does, and really really hates the guy, whoever he is. Apollo never bothered to think of a loophole to the decree of non-interference and so never even tried to meet Yuri - he fairly quickly forgot about him and his mother when his newest conquest came around.

Otabek

CHILD OF: Thanatos

PANTHEON: Greek

POWERS: Sense when someone is about to die and if it is their ‘time’; Gravitas; BACKSTORY: Otabek’s parents were cultists when they were younger, cultists in service of Thanatos. Although they settled down a bit when they were older, dropping most of their worship, Thanatos never forgot about them. He doesn't often get cults in his name! So when they were trying for a kid and it turned out his father was infertile, Thanatos helped out without even being requested.

Otabek’s parents love him a lot, as an unexpected and much appreciated surprise. After his birth they figured that it must have been some kind of divine interference and began to pray to Thanatos again. The god sometimes comes to chill out with Otabek and teach him how to use his senses. Unfortunately, his heritage makes him seem creepy af to non demigods. Yuri is his first true friend.

Christophe

CHILD OF: Cupid

PANTHEON: Roman

POWERS: See the truth of love - as threads binding people; Cause lust (orgies); Wings

BACKGROUND: Chris' dads are a very gay, very happy couple who are somewhat overdramatic (being theatre actors) but love with all their hearts. While performing in Paris they prayed they could have a child through their love and nine months later, Chris was dropped on their doorstep in Switzerland. Whether he is the child of all three parents, or of one of them and Cupid, or if he is adopted is unknown.

Chris is seriously loved by them, even though they definitely know something is up because he has large bird-like rose pink wings that show up every so often when he is excited and cannot control himself. His dad isn’t around often, it isn't his nature, but he leaves gifts for him whenever he is in Switzerland, so Christophe doesn't really mind. He has his parents either way!

Seunggil

CHILD OF: Athena

PANTHEON: Greek

POWERS: Tactics/Strategy; Unshakeable calm

BACKSTORY: Seunggil has a single biologist father who had a one night stand with Athena when in the US for a conference. When he returned to S Korea, a son showed up on his doorstep and after confirming he was his son he rolled with it.

Seunggil was brought up as a scientist, to question everything, which only helps his sense of strategy. He is a calm person but if you rile him up utterly he completely loses it and is terrifying.He also is very interested in coding and technology. He never meets Athena and doesn’t care about it - his father barely knew the woman anyway.

Phichit

CHILD OF: Venus

PANTHEON: Roman

POWERS: Charmspeaking; See love bonds

BACKGROUND: Phichit’s mothers are devotees to beautiful things, but most especially to dance. Venus saw them dancing and blessed them with a threesome in bed in exchange for them spending an evening dancing for her. Phichit was the result, as they found out several months later.

Phichit, like his mothers, loves beautiful things but prefers selfies and photography as his outlet, he is determined to capture the manmade and natural world in all its diverse beauty! Being able to charm people into doing what he wants means that he can be a little manipulative but he has a very strong moral code generally and would never hurt a friend.

Leo

CHILD OF: Morpheus

PANTHEON: Roman

POWERS: Send people to sleep; Influence dreams

BACKSTORY: Leo's dad has a very long and healthy relationship with Morpheus through his dream scape, where the bright colours of his artistic mind drew the sleepy god. They decided, after much deliberation, that they wanted a son as a sign of their love and to dote upon in the real world. Leo was conceived in a surrogate’s womb, but is of the two men’s DNA. Leo gets visited as regularly as possible by his godly dad in his dreams, as he is unable to leave the underworld to meet in person. He has never doubted that he is loved. He lives in Mexico with his dad but trains in the US / for the US when he gets his bracelet (more on that later)...

Guanghong

CHILD OF: Vesta

PANTHEON: Roman

POWERS: Fire, Constancy

BACKSTORY: Guanghong parents were unable to conceive and both being pure of heart, were blessed by Vesta so that they could have just one child. He doesn't see her often, but feels close to his godly mother when near a fire or a hearth. He is the emotional centre of his friend group and his sweet nature is pretty much never-ending, also he is asexual.

Mickey

CHILD OF: Dionysus

PANTHEON: Greek

POWERS: Grape Control; Invoke Narcissism and other disorders involving delusion; Makes a party crazy fun when he feels like it (rarely).

BACKSTORY: Mickey and Sara’s mother is a single black mother from a big Italian family. Dionysus didn't want to test his father in Italy, although he probably would have been fine, and decided to leave the Crispinos alone ‘for their own safely’. They pair were raised by their grandmother and long extended family primarily as their mother works. Mickey is protective of Sara for multiple reasons that are Not a sister complex here.

Sara

CHILD OF: Dionysus

PANTHEON: Greek

POWERS: Cause Maenad like madness with a touch; Make wine at will

Mila

CHILD OF: Venus

PANTHEON: Roman

POWERS: Create infatuations; Exceptional Beauty

BACKSTORY: Mila has a single father, who is a premier ballerino and remarried when Mila was seven. Mila was a typical Venus ‘one night of passion’ baby, who was dropped off with her father after her birth and then promptly ignored by her mother. She really likes her stepmum actually, who is a ballerina as well. Mila is very beautiful personally and also a dab hand at makeovers.

Phew - that is a lot! Dont worry, anything important will come up in the fic (if I ever write it...)

Now, onto the actual Plot...

THE PLOT

ARC 1: Yuuri begins to astral project as a child, while he is still learning to control his powers. Through his astral projection he meets the other demigod kids (the geographically closest first, then he ranges progressively further afield). He makes friends with them all and gets something of a crush on Victor, his skating idol (and pretty lovely guy when he gets to know him in person!) Monsters, able to smell their scent, are coming for them even though they aren't in America and everyone is pretty afraid. Yuuri, having the biggest heart, decides to try to change that fact of demigod life at just age 11 and he is very very stubborn about it, asking all the gods of the underworld and all the friendly or neutral monsters he sees about it. He hurts himself a lot trying it, but after a year or so he managed to create a bracelet that holds in the demigod 'scent', making his friend safer. The bracelets have to be personalised to the specific powers of each child so the first one goes to Phichit (his first friend). Then he makes them all one as he meets each character in person, either posting them out or giving them at the novice and junior skating competitions he attends. The hardest to create was Victor’s, who as the first child of Persephone is very powerful. Yuuri ends up accidentally putting a piece of his Self into the bracelet as that is the strongest power he has. It is very dangerous but even after his upset mum Hecate told him what he had done, he could;t regret it. The life of his friend was the most important thing!

ARC 2: Aboveworld gods don't care for their kids by and large (see character notes above.). They often forget them as they are not under American jurisdiction and therefore won't fight battles for them. Only The underworld gods and those mentioned above really care. Even as they become friends at competitions and through Yuuri’s projections, the strain of the bracelets wears on yuuri and maybe eventually one bracelet snaps or becomes overwhelmed. No one blames Yuuri but Yuuri, they just didn't realise how tough it was to power the close shielding of their scent. They have to team up to defeat the monsters that come for them. There is a Big Battle Scene and despite their desperate prayer to the above world parents, none can help. The underworld ones do their best but it is the solstice - their absence would be noticed. The arc ends with them all being pseudo adopted by underworld gods.

ARC 3: They all decide fuck the above gods, they won't be beholden to them anymore. The decide to circumvent their monopoly on items such as nectar and ambrosia, in the process setting up in the Underworld and creating their own godly market/culture/empire for those who dont want to use Olympus. In the process, they make friends with or at least win respect from some monsters. who admire their chutzpah, and also their stylish fashion.

ARC 4: Camp Half-Blood need hep with something as of yet undefined ( a prophecy?). Nico knows Victor through the Hades/Persephone connection and also because of their underground empire. Hades favours Victor as an heir despite not being his son because of his love for Persephone and also his strong underworld connection through Yuuri, his boyfriend, who is also an immensely powerful son of the underground. Victor, having survived past his teens, is also very responsible and wise so is a generally good choice. The whole crew agree to visit the camp at Nico's request and to meet their siblings. Drama ensues...

Yes, There are elements not mentioned here (how do Victuuri get together? What about other pairings? What happens at Camp Half-Blood?) but hey, have to leave something for the actual fic. Hope this is interesting to you guys, I spent several weeks daydreaming this. Tell me your head canons if you want, what do you think about my godly parent decisions? I would love to chat about it. <3 <3 <3

#yuri on ice #yuuri on ice #percy jackson #pjo #my writing

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