#also the lyrics are from the cure obviously | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roboticbuild · 10 months

Text

Hello everyone I need to be insane Abt Asuka NOW!!!! Warning for anyone who cares Abt it I guess this post is gonna have guilty Gear spoilers? I doubt people who see this are gonna care but better to be safe than sorry.

But also hey what if I overanalyzed the lyrics of the Guilty Gear theme for Asuka, The Gravity? Haha, just kidding.......

........Unless?

Read more just in case it becomes long lol

Anyways I've been listening to the Circle on loop and there's obviously a LOT of symbolism, it's guilty gear, but there's a very specific set of lyrics that's making me feel like an insane madman (or thatman.)

So I wanna go over each lyric MOSTLY one by one kind of. And now I will immediately be inconsistent.

Find it, find it

Something unseen

Play back the history, answers within

I think this part is so so important bc I think it shows how Asuka doesn't only choose to never leave the past, but ACTIVELY chooses to stay in the past. It's only MAYBE at the end of strive where he thinks somewhat about the future of himself and the people around him. And even then, he continues to run from his consequences, and the truth of how everything is now. And so, he looks into the past, to find the answers he needs for the present. He thinks about Fredrick, he thinks about Aria- but in the end he doesn't think about Sol Badguy, or Jack-O Valentine. He looks into the past and can only think about his sins, and how he needs to persecute himself to "repent"- when it never was the answer. This isn't to deny he's changing- he absolutely is. But timeline wise? It's only recent. While Sol and Aria's soul (and the fragments we see chars become from her soul) have been changing CONSTANTLY. They've never stopped changing.

And I think it makes something very, very interesting. Where somewhat recent, Sol decided to not look too far into the past, while also being blinded by it. He didn't think of the future, because he- at least in my opinion which is a whole other post- didn't plan to be in a future after his original goal of destroying all gears. Asuka wants the past to be the past again, and Sol wants the past to be destroyed in something similar to a blazing glory.

And Aria? She's like a god damn anchor. She doesn't want to look at the past. She doesn't want it, knowing what has happened. She looks toward the future, and she stands in the present, and she decides she refuses to let the cycle continue. She knows this present and this future isn't her own- she was never supposed to be this far. And so, as she refuses to overwrite Jack-O, she decides one thing, her own choice for herself- this isn't her world. It's Jack-O's. She already had her own time, and she's not going to rip it away like it was ripped away from her.

Does existence have a meaning?

This one is extra interesting to me, as it's eventually followed up by "Does meaning have (a) meaning?" And I think it kind of shows the way Asuka thinks. He over thinks everything, but not the things in the now. He thinks until the definition of things are ripped apart- and on the way he questions his own existence. He questions if all of this was meant to happen. If what he did to Fredrick, to Aria, was truly an act of himself or an act of fate.

And maybe this is me overanalyzing in the "analyze everything" game series, but I think it's in a way shown that Asuka in this song and some parts in general finds fate to be something horrifying. One of the hardest things he has trouble understanding is something out of his control, something that doesn't fit his visual, even if the visual is caring. He couldn't understand why Aria would choose to eventually die than be cryo frozen into a cure, after all. He just... Can't understand it, when isn't the essence of humanity to survive? To live? When he wants to help the people he cares about most? When he loves them, god he loves them, so why would they choose to the "obvious answer" to continue being alive? To continue existence and love and care?

And so he rips down meaning after meaning to do what he can to understand definition and not person, because he doesn't know how.

The reality of truth, the reality of truth

what should we accept?

Reality of truth, reality

This. Makes me fucking insane.

Because it's a part of Asuka, understanding he needs to accept the present. The reality of truth- that Sol isn't Fredrick, and Jack-O isn't Aria. The reality that Sol isn't just gonna be buddy buddy with him again like old times, nor is Aria coming back. That everything has changed, and he barely has. And he can't help but wonder, if he should accept it. If he should accept the now instead of his original goal of making the past real again. He isn't sure, and after the events of Strive ESPECIALLY not sure at all. And it kind of scares him, I think. He fears change so badly, after all.

As the Universe turned black

Okay here's the part that led to me making this post at like seven am. I think the "Universe" turning black is a part of the next lyric, but also its own type of thing. He almost ended humanity. Even if for the people he loves and cares about, even if outside forces were involved- He still almost ended humanity.

And I think this shows how hopeless he felt, witnessing the Crusades. Watching as he knew that was Aria, that was fucking Aria, in Justice. Even if it was a mixture of things, it was still her! It was still her!!!!! And he fucked everything up. And he knows this so god damn well, especially as he witnesses Sol bring her down.

Did the Sun ever defy fate?

This one is connected to the above part, yes. It shows Asuka's fear of fate, shows how he believes it to be inescapable and world ending. After all, when the Sun goes out, so does the world. And when the sun is gone, only black will fill the stars, without the light of the Sun.

But not only that: It's also about Sol.

It's about how Sol, with the Flame of Corruption within, who tries to burn the past and present- and with every attempt, everything traces back to Sol as well, and he's the one to stop it because it's in his way. How Asuka sees what Sol does now as an inescapable path of horrifying, world ending fate. And how Asuka has felt for so long it was his own fate to be killed by Sol.

Beyond it all, do you recognize me?

THE BIG INSANITY INDUCER EVERYONE. MY GOD. I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME.

It's so. Clear as day. It's how Asuka hadn't confronted Sol because he was scared of losing his friends. How Asuka runs away and away and away. How Asuka wonders, I must be so different now. He must not recognize me anymore. How in one of the dialogue things as vs Sol, he says Sol is the one who hasn't changed. And when Sol replies that he's one to talk? It just makes me crazy. Because Asuka sees himself as someone who has changed so god damn much, when he hasn't. He simply hasn't. And he continues the cycle, to fulfill his want for knowledge and understanding of this world and universe. He continues, over and over, and admits it to himself: he's not different. He's so recognizable to the point it's horrifying. He has the hair from the past. He has the demeanor, everything. Meanwhile, Sol has changed so much he could be considered near unrecognizable.

And, in the end, even if he's starting to finally face the present? He wants everything back. He wants Fredrick back. He wants Aria back. He wants it to be the same again, and he wants Sol to recognize him as his friend, not the person who caused him so much despair and pain. He doesn't want Sol. He wants Fredrick. He wants Fredrick.

And, with the backing vocals? The "the wings, the wings, Gravity"? The sun burns Asuka's wings every time, and makes him fall. And he continues to fly again and again, to continue the cycle he made for himself.

So in conclusion. This guy is so fucked up and I think about him a lot.

#guilty gear #guilty gear strive #asuka r kreutz #sol badguy #Fredrick #Aria #jack o valentine #I FORGOT LAST NAMES FOR ARIA AND FRED NAUUUURRR #long post #gif

36 notes · View notes

bylerspookie · 9 months

Text

Certain lyrics that stand out to me in Mike’s Spotify playlist

(I might do this with the whole stranger things playlist)

Smalltown Boy

this whole song is just…help?? firstly, it’s a song about a queer boy, secondly, there’s references to the music video in the series (on top of that, those references are in shot with Mike) and thirdly, it’s the very first song on Mike’s playlist, it has to mean something.

the lyrics and repetition of “cry, boy, cry” might be referencing the cure (boys don’t cry, will also has a poster of this in his room)

and “run away” as well - the theme of “running away” is used SO much in this playlist it’s insane

Always Something There to Remind Me

I think the use of “girl” is important to this song, it may be about El, but also Will

they both “haunt” him in a way. firstly, in season 2, he might feel “haunted” (might also be a reference to the song “still haunting me”, which is used later on in the playlist) because El is supposedly dead, but he still believes that she is alive, it’s actually sort of similar to the hopper/el situation, but when will was supposedly dead, mike didn’t let that stop him, soooo…

secondly, Will is literally possessed, we even see the mindflayer specifically use Will to spy on Mike

thirdly, the lyrics “I was BORN to love her, and I will never be FREE”, it means that he feels like he is “supposed” to love her, it’s a nod to heteronormativity and internalised homophobia.

She Blinded Me With Science

there’s quite a lot to this, if you want to know more, go watch @lesbianmindflayer ‘s YouTube video on it.

I think this means that “she” (El, or even society) “blinded me” (brainwashed) “with science” (with heteronormativity, and the fact that homophobes like to say “but being straight is natural” and “it’s just science” to defend their homophobia)

I Ran (So Far Away)

yet another reference to running

“auburn hair and tawny eyes”

this might be a bit of a reach but Max is the only person with auburn hair, and Will has “tawny” eyes. It might be important to note that Max’s eyes are… screwed up. And that Will’s eyes turned from green to brown when he was possessed in season 2.

“a cloud appears above your head” this makes me think if the last scene in season 4, you know, the mushroom cloud.

“a beam of light comes shining down on you” this is so obviously about Will oh my god, in Mike’s point of view Will is almost always illuminated with sunlight, especially in the cabin scene, which happens just before the cloud scene.

“reached out a hand to touch your face

you’re slowly disappearing from my view”

this reminds me of the scene in season 2 when Mike “senses” Eleven, she sort of “disappears”, ykwim?

“reached out a hand to try again

I’m floating in a beam of light with you”

this is definitely about Will, in season 2 when Mike reaches his hand out to grab Will’s in a loose grip, in season 4 when Mike reaches his hand out to grab Will’s shoulder in a firm grip - he’s “reaching out to try again”

now, this is a very sad theory, a stretch, but not impossible, but it might also be a foreshadow to Mike getting Vecna’d, and possibly dying or at least near to death (he probably won’t die, he has a very high chance of getting Vecna’d, but I think he’ll survive because he’s immortal obviously gays defeat Verna or whatever and Robin will descend from the heavens but also because I firmly believe that he’ll leave Hawkins - smalltown boy/should I stay or should I go theory is real guys)

but listen LISTEN

“a cloud appears above your head” idk but I’m pretty sure Vecna makes you see things when you get Vecna’d or something idk but I also think byler standing in the centre of the last scene means something guys

“reached out a hand to touch your face

you’re slowly disappearing from my view”

this reminds me of the lumax scene, imagine Mike on the verge of death, reaching to hold Will’s face while he’s gradually disappearing from his view because he’s either closing his eyes or because he can’t see anything

“I’m floating in a beam of light with you” hell, “floating”??? Mike it isn’t looking very good for you.

lmaooo but anyways that is a little bit of a stretch and I just put it there to scare some of you

I’ll make a part 2 soon I’m tired it’s 10:00 pm

#mike's playlist 🎶#byler #byler is real #byler is canon #byler is endgame #mike wheeler #byler nation #will byers #mike wheeler is gay #mike wheeler is a boy kisser #stranger things #byler target audience

23 notes · View notes

heartbreakgrill · 1 year

Text

kol mikaelson; best friend’s brother, pt. 3- don’t you wait.

“i can be your friend, but that’s not what you want to hear. don’t you wait.”

a/n: angsty boi kol being angsty and cute; there will be one more part to this :,) love at first meeting tropes are my fav, can u tell??

"todays been long," i swallowed and allowed my body to slump forward, elbows planted on the table.

rebekah rested her chin on her fist. "i know. whose idea was it to make school start at 7:30am? i mean, im dead, and im tired."

i giggled at the sarcasm, "imagine being human."

rebekah made a face, "no, thanks. after that run-in with the cure, i've decided i somewhat enjoy being a vampire."

"well, good, considering you are one," i snickered. she flipped me off- a new trick i had taught her last week.

today was friday- which meant that, in 3 hours, i'd be headed to the mikaelsons to decorate. i didn't know if kol was going to pick me up. or i would have to walk in the rain. we hadn't messaged one another directly since wednesday.

of course, there was the group chat, with finn, klaus, kol, and elijah. we'd created it to solidify certain plans for the upcoming weekend. finn had a pretty great idea to take rebekah out of town for some supernatural conflict. it was a ploy, obviously. she'd get home from school, and they'd whisk her away. klaus thought it would be easier to dagger her for two days, but i quickly shot that idea down with, "this is a dagger free party zone."

thankfully, he got over the idea.

i didn't know what i'd done to upset kol so badly. but i'd felt incredibly anxious all week, thinking over every single thing i'd said and done to him on wednesday. but nothing stuck out to me. maybe he'd just been using me to plan to the party. maybe i had snored during my nap and he'd decided i was no longer attractive. but that felt incredibly childish for a 1,000 year old vampire.

"wanna hang this weekend?" rebekah snapped me out of my thought process.

i looked up at her, realized i was frowning, and straightened my gloomy posture. "oh, i don't know if i can," i scrunched my nose in apology.

rebekah rolled her eyes, "is it the guy? or work?"

i hesitated. i so wanted it to be because of the guy. i wish kol and i had longer than those two days to plan the party. i wanted to go for coffee again- wanted to sit in his car, listen to my music, and hear him complain about taylor swift again. wanted to watch him mumble the lyrics under his breath because he secretly liked her. but the jig was up at this point. i needed to ease myself out of that lie, considering kol and i were never going to have to sneak away again. not to mention the fact that he had threatened me. even if i had the option to be with him, i don't know that i would. any trust building between us was cleared.

"uh, work. yeah, i didn't really like that guy. he was kinda...toxic." i was still being honest.

rebekah tilted her head, examining my expression. "that's strange."

"what?"

rebekah took another swig of her water bottle, "i can smell your pheromones."

i widened my eyes suspiciously, "um. i'm not a bug, bek. i do- what?!"

rebekah cracked a knowing smirk, "i can smell it in your blood and on your skin. it's all you've smelled like all week. you do like him. a lot."

i went to reply, but my throat was frozen from any answer. my fingers fiddled with each other, red hot heat shooting down my body. "i don't know- what you're talking about."

i shoved a handful of pretzels into my mouth to avoid talking and screwing anything up.

rebekah trace her chin with the tip of her finger, thinking with a sly smile. "uh, yes, you do know what i am talking about. you like him; so why aren't you seeing him anymore? if he did something, tell me so i can kill him."

i swallowed thickly, nearly choking on the pretzels as they went down. "rebekah- i. ugh, he didn't do anything. i just don't think he's- a good fit? he has some major red flags."

rebekah replied, "you can tell all that from two dates? also, i have major red flags on a daily basis, and you still hang out with me. hell, if we were gay, we'd have eloped by now. why not give him a chance? why choose now to be picky?"

i began to explain the kol situation ambiguously. maybe her opinion would help me decide what to do. to forgive and forget, or hold a grudge- which would be so easy. "he doesn't like it when he can't be in control. like, he had to choose the coffee shop. and he had to pick where we sat-" i lied, speaking symbolically about the moment with kol in his car."he was just- bad boyish."

"i personally think you could use a little bad boy in your life, babes," she sipped at her drink, self-righteously smirking at me. "you're so cookie cutter- such a good little girl. i am a firm believer that we all need negative experiences to grow. besides, you might be able to help him. just be the strong independent woman that you are, and he'll have to kneel to your power. maybe the universe put you together so you can help him."

i glared at her, "rebekah, you are clinically insane. listen-" the lunch bell rang through my words, "i'm not gonna do any of that, but thank you. have a great weekend, and maybe we can do something sunday after i get off. goodbye, psycho!"

rebekah laughed after me as i left the lunchroom. i needed to catch my breath because what she was saying actually made sense. and it was hard to swallow. she was right.

i don't think kol is a bad person. i don't think most people are bad to the bone. human beings- yes, even dead vampires who aren't technically human- make mistakes. good people do bad things sometimes.

maybe he did need me. regardless of the fact that he was my best friend's brother, regardless of the fact that he had killed people- maybe he needed my kindness.

anger bests us, takes ahold of our better senses. it's only when we're mindful- a difficult, strenuous thing to do- are we able to look beyond the anger and control our situation and actions with kindness.

maybe if he apologized to me, things could be different. maybe he could prove to me that he wasn't that terrible person rebekah had described him as. this past week- besides that one moment in the car- he had been a different person than the reputation i knew. he was actually kind, with an actual personality, and a passionate listener. i think that deep down inside, his humanity needed to shove out of him, struggling against the darkest parts of him. like a bioluminescence on the bottom of the ocean floor. and i was scuba diving deeper.

i just had to decide if i wanted to keep swimming.

the final bell for the day was ringing as i slammed my locker door shut. slinging my backpack over my shoulder, i joined the throng of students leaving the building. my phone buzzed in the back of my jean pocket and i retrieved.

Kol :)- parked by the stadium.

my heart skipped a beat. there was something there. some humanity, even when he scared the hell out of me. because he was here to give me a ride to his house. because he was here.

i picked up my pace a little bit, ready and willing to see him. like rebekah said- i held the power. i needed to wield it.

when i stepped out of the doors to the school, i spotted his car right away. his hung head hung low, left elbow perched on the window sill and right hand slunk around the wheel. i contained the urge to grin at him and began to step out into the parking lot. i knew he could hear my heart beat and smell my blood- but he never looked up.

as i got closer to the car, my stomach sunk. he wasn't getting out to open the door. he wasn't lifting his head to smile at me. i hesitated, but opened the car door, and sat in the car. he still didn't look at me. instead, he waited a second for me to put my seatbelt on, and sped out of the parking lot.

i clutched my book bag, heart beating a little more rapidly. was he still angry with me? i suddenly didn't wanna be in the car with him- i didn't wanna be anywhere near him. i pushed my shoulder against the door and peeled my eyes off of him.

it was silent until we reached his house, for the sound of him opening and slamming the door shut penetrated the cold silence. he sped into the house within the blink of an eye. i watched as the front door hung open- for me.

i shouldered my book bag, closing the car door slowly. my throat tightened. fear or anger or something unpleasant tickled my stomach. with a deepened frown, i made my way inside. i slid off my shoes and set my book bag down on the bench in the foyer.

i took a guess and headed for the living room. there, luckily, kol was sitting on the couch, legs crossed and feet propped on the coffee table. he nursed a crystal glass of blood. elijah was sitting in the window seat- thank god- with his own glass. he looked up as i entered and grinned at me.

"afternoon, y/n," he nodded. "how was your day at school?"

i clenched my jaw, staring at kol's face, willing him to look my way. i felt i would shrivel up if he didn't just look at me. i yelled at him in my mind, wondering if he would hear, if he would listen to me.

but he didn't.

i glanced at elijah, voice dry, "hi. fine, thanks. you?" i pressed my front against one of the arm chairs, my hands coming to rest on top of it, nervously rubbing the fabric.

elijah chuckled, "why, my day at school was wonderful, thank you for the inquiry. today i learned-"

"'lijah-?" kol cut him off though he still stared right ahead. "shut up."

elijah made a pointed face, amusement lacing his lips. "i see we've chosen to be grumpy today, kol. remember- frowning is not a good look for you."

i heard a whoosh behind me just as kol went to speak again. i glanced behind my shoulder and watched klaus saunter into the room. he stopped beside me, smiling down at me. i sent a weak one back.

"shall we start decorating, or do i have to listen to this insufferably awkward moment much longer?" klaus spoke. apparently, only finn had gone with rebekah on her secret mission. they were someone in california.

kol dipped his head back and chugged the rest of his drink. "let's get this over with."

elijah took two small sips to finish his own drink. "where shall we start, y/n?"

klaus and elijah looked to me. i moved my eyes back to kol, furrowing my brows as i glared at him. "uh- follow me."

what the fuck was his problem?

klaus and elijah helped carry the decorations out of kol's room. i didn't even let myself peak around- i was blinded by anger. i knew i was frowning and speaking in short sentences, but i couldn't think straight.

what had i done?

opened my chest up to a serial killer and expected him to not rip my heart out.

that's what.

we started decorating in the foyer. klaus put on some 80's rock- his apparent favorite genre- while everyone hung streamers, blew up balloons. we ran a pink runner down the middle of the room, set up tables for food along the walls. tomorow morning, a company would be delivering about a thousand red roses, rebekah's favorite flower, to decorate the archway of balloons adorning the front of the house. a local bakery had made a three tier cake and we had bought enough chips and various other snack foods to feed a third world country.

by the time we were done with today's tasks, it was 7pm. i was exhausted, starving, and ready to leave. kol had continued his silent treatment. to literally everyone.

klaus, at one point, tried to tease him about his shoddy balloon work. he said something funny and grabbed kol by the back of the neck, pushing his head forward. in response, kol snapped his fangs in klaus' direction and warned him to watch his hands or he'd lose his head.

i felt uncomfortable. klaus and elijah were nice enough, but i could tell that they were trying to ease the tension. like they knew kol would eventually snap at me, and hurt me.

once we were done, i bid klaus and elijah farewell. elijah went to reply, but i turned on my heel before he could say anything. kol had left for his room ten minutes ago, without a word to any of us. whatever. we didn't need his help anyways.

i slipped into my shoes, tugging my heavy backpack up and over my shoulder. the night air was cold on my arms as i stepped out of the house. the door shut behind me softly. i shivered as the wind whipped past my ears.

it was going to be a long walk home. i braced myself and began my trek. ten minutes in, i was frozen to the touch. my fingers were numb from the chill and my chest hurt from the cold air. i could've called caroline- somebody. but the walk felt good. the quick pump of my legs allowed for my energy to dissipate. any anger or annoyance i had was slowly easing out.

that was, until-

a pair of headlights shone from the distance behind me. i glanced behind my shoulder, but continued on my way. the car was going extremely fast and my eyes squinted as the lights became brighter. i tried to walk faster, a sick feeling in my stomach. then, i noticed the shape of the car, and the blue color of its siding. i stepped into the grass as it came to a tearing stop right behind me. my backpack fell off my shoulder, and i let out a huff.

"what the fuck is your problem?!" i crossed my arms as kol stepped out of the car.

his face was the same- angry, annoyed. he came around to me and grabbed my back pack. "get in the car."

oh, he had a voice! what a surprise!

i scoffed at he tossed my bag into the passenger seat. "fuck you, kol! i'm not going anywhere with you!"

kol stepped back in front of me. he glared down at me, his jaw tense. he stared at me for a second before grabbing my bicep.

i screeched at his rough pull, and kicked him in the shin. "what the fuck, kol."

kol stooped down in pain. but he recovered quickly and towered over me again. "get in the car, y/n!"

my name sounded venomous on his tongue. i shook my head, taking a step back from his. kol rolled his eyes, darkened with frightening anger. my brows hesitated from their furrow, and my lips parted in fear. i took another step back.

i flinched as he reached forward; kol tossed my over his shoulder, gripping the backs of my thighs as i hung like a rag doll. he started walking towards the car, and i began to hang at his back with my fists.

"put me down! help! somebody help me!" i screamed, but the night air was silent in response. critters sung harmoniously in mockery and the moon hung low in a teasing freedom.

i kicked at him, but he remained strong. kol opened the door and set me down onto my feet. i was seething, still frightened, but too angry to care about safety.

"you are a fucking douchebag," i murmured. kol gestured to the car.

i looked over his shoulder, to my right, where the woods lay in darkness. i met kol's eyes. he must've reached an understanding because he tilted his chin and widened his pupils.

"do-"

with all of my might, i kicked him in the balls. kol doubled in pain. i kicked his shoulder, too, and as he fell over, i started running into the woods. i pulled my phone from my pocket as i ran, dialing caroline's number. just as i went to press call, something pulled me from my feet. within 5 seconds, i was back at the car.

kol pinned me up against the back door, chest heaving up and down, chocolate eyes a desolate black as he glared. "what the fuck was that?"

the car was cold against my back. kol's hand were planted on either side of my shoulders, and his head stooped low. i could see the white of his narrowed eyes.

i tore my eyes from his, choosing to glare at the collar of his jacket. kol spoke again, "huh? what was that? it's not safe to walk home alone, y/n. just let me take you home!"

i rolled my lip between my teeth, "i'm good, thanks." my voice was wobbly with fear.

kol slammed his hand against the car, next to my left shoulder. i flinched at the violence. i glanced at his face and watched as his eyes glazed over, the veins beneath his eyes popping out. his fangs hung low from his mouth.

i shivered, pressing further into the car. kol noticed me shrinking away and cursed under his breath. "no- i- fuck! i'm fucking stupid."

i continued looking at him. his fangs retracted. his eyes went back to normal. he pulled his hands off the car, running them over his head frustratingly.

"i'm so fucking pathetic. i need to breathe a second-" he paced.

my shoulders slumped. i blinked harshly, willing away the fear. "kol-"

i felt- sad. i hurt for him- he was just frustrated with himself. not me. he had a difficult time controlling his anger. he had no emotional regulation. but im positive that if he was human, that wouldn't be the case. kol wasn't evil.

he could be a terrifying monster but here- here, under the dim light of the moon, he was just a boy. at the end of the day, he was just a boy, trapped in the body of a vampire. he wanted to act normally- to laugh loudly and fall for a girl. but he couldn't be mindful of his emotions because they were all over the place. anger misplaced all other focus because it was all he knew.

kol paused, head shoved in his palms, breathing quickly. i reached out a hand and my fingers brushed over his. he flinched at my cold touch, and he dropped his arms, moving a step back.

i let my hand rest in the air, reaching for him. kol stilled, cheeks flushed red with frustration, eyes a little watery. he was terrified and angry. he glanced at me and my hand.

i sighed, stepping forward. "just let me give you a hug, kol."

he hesitated, but stepped forward, practically falling into my hold. he clutched my waist, and i wrapped my arms around his shoulders. i hushed into his ear, brushing the back of his hair soothingly.

"it's okay," i hummed, "just take a deep breath."

kol was raised with anger. his father was a violent man, taking care of his children in a barren land of forced natural selection. his mother was a crafty witch who used her powers to selfishly preserve her children, then turned on them to feed her own desires. his brothers and sister were competitive, angry by nature.

when had kol last been comforted? when had someone last hugged him? when he threw tantrums like this one, who soothed him through them? empty or pregnant threats from his brothers and sister worsened the situation. teasing, backlash, daggerings. none of it helped.

lol just needed to be held. he needed to be angry- to soothe through his emotions with a helping hand like mine. he had attachment issues. he was scared to trust, to make interpersonal connections. it was basic psychology.

we stood there on the side of the road for fifteen minutes, hugging one another. kol cried. i didn't tease him for it or think him weird. i thought he was strong. and i hoped he could feel my pride for his ability to feel.

eventually, he pulled away. he didn't look at me, but at my shoes. i kept a hand at the nape of his neck, curling my fingers through his locks. he shuffled, "can i drive you home?"

i nodded, "yes."

kol opened the door for me, gently, and shut it behind me, quietly. i waited patiently as he walked to his side and got on.

"taylor swift?" i laughed, holding up my phone.

he nodded with the tiniest hint of a smile. i played my favorite song, and watched his finger lightly tap against the wheel to its rhythm. he didn't say anything the entire way to my house. neither did i. silence was an understanding that some needed to reach.

at my front door, kol waited as i unlocked the knob. i turned, standing in the doorway, and finally met his eyes.

he sighed, opened his mouth, "i'm sorry-"

i shook my head once. kol paused. "we can talk in the morning, yeah? why don't you go home, get some sleep?"

kol nodded, a tight lipped smile. "thank you for- that. please, don't tell any-"

"do you think i'm that mean?" i laughed.

kol's face finally lit up. "i'm just not used to feeling vulnerable. especially with someone i barely know."

i shrugged, "you should try it more often. it's illuminating. plus, you know my favorite color. what else do you need to know?"

kol chuckled shortly, "goodnight, darling."

i basked in the nickname. he turned to leave and i stepped back on the porch. kol stopped, half turning back to me. i rounded his body, sliding a gentle hand onto his cheek, and pressed a short kiss to the apple of his face. kol blushed.

"kol, i-" i faltered.

he shushed me, turning to face me completely. his hand hesitantly slid around my waist, the other cupping my chin. i lay my hand on his shoulder.

"no, let me-" i took a deep breath, "i want to trust you. i do- but, you need to let me in. i'm not your family. i'm not going to mock you for your humanity. i want to- to help you. so, let me help you."

kol's eyes flickered from my lips to my eyes. "i want that, too. i've only known you for a week, but i want to show you my whole heart. and that is officially the cringiest thing i've ever said-!"

we shared a hearty laugh at his comment. i squeezed his shoulder, hovering closer. "you've been alive forever, so you should know: time means nothing."

kol gulped, nervous. then, he tugged me closer, and kissed me.

—

6:52pm.

rebekah would be here at 7:30pm. the party began at 6:30- but people didn’t start showing up until 5 minutes ago. the sooner you tell people, the later they arrived. some stupid party rule.

the day had gone by smoothly. the flowers were delivered and decorated at noon. i arrived just before they did, sleepy and anxious.

i barely slept for numerous reasons. i was mostly nervous for how today would go- nervous for it to actually happen. and because kol and i had kissed.

just a minute detail.

he wasn’t there in the morning when i arrived. something about a small errand he’d had to run. i saw him at 5:45pm, when i was in rebekah’s bathroom, getting ready. he knocked gently on the door, the hanger to a dress bag slung around his finger.

i was leaning over the bathroom counter, applying lipstick. i paused when i saw him in the mirror and a small smile turned up my lips.

kol smiled back. he held out the bag, “i got you something.”

i turned, setting the lipstick down on the counter. “oh, you didn’t have to.”

kol shrugged, “i know. i wanted to.”

he held the bag as i undid the zipper. a purple, silky party dress hung from the bag. i grinned at it’s appearance, admiring the cut.

“oh, my gosh,” i stepped forward and tossed my arms over his shoulders.

it’s like i just didn’t know how to act in front of him.

kol hugged my waist. “i was out getting rebekah’s present and i saw this. i don’t know if you had something else to wear, but i’ll compel you if you don’t wear this.”

i pulled back and slapped his shoulder. “you’re ridiculous. i’ll wear it.”

“can’t wait,” kol flashed a cheeky smirk and left the bag with me.

i adjusted the hem, sitting on the bench in the foyer patiently. my strappy heels were already hurting my feet, but i tried to ignore the dull ache. the doorbell rang and i jumped up from my spot.

caroline, bonnie, and elena were on the doorstep. i grinned at my friends, tossing myself into the group hug. i ushered them into the house, taking their jackets into the small closet off the foyer.

“oh, my god, your dress,” caroline gawked, tugging at the side of it.

bonnie chuckled with awe, “you look hot!”

i blushed, crossing my arms over my chest. “thanks, guys. hey, listen, i know there’s animosity between all of us, but please-“

elena set a hand on my shoulder, “not tonight. of course. tonight is for rebekah.”

i squeezed her hand. “go; enjoy yourselves. she’ll be here soon.”

they nodded and joined the crowd dancing through the foyer. i sat back on the bench and checked the time on my phone. i heard a set of footsteps and looked up as elijah sat beside me.

he offered a cup of some questionable liquid. i declined with a hand, “i think i should stay sober.”

elijah scoffed, “okay, i can smell the anxiety seeping off your shoulders. dear, not being sober might be a good idea.”

i peered at him. then i took the cup, reluctantly, and sipped at it. “thanks.”

elijah nodded, “i don’t know what’s going on with you and kol, but so be careful. rebekah is territorial-“

“i know,” i interrupted. “i’ll lose my head. don’t need to remind me, thanks.”

elijah shook his head, “no, no,” he tutted, “didn’t let me finish. but- rebekah is loving. she wants happiness for the people she loves. and she loves you more than anything i’ve ever seen. so, try not to sneak around. try to be honest.”

i looked to him, “really?”

elijah nodded, sipping at the red plastic cup. “you’re the best friend she’s ever had. like a sister. to all of us, even.”

elijah set a cold hand on my knee. i leaned my shoulder against his lovingly. “in a not creepy way, considering…kol?”

elijah laughed heartily, “in a not creepy way. oh-“

someone caught his attention to his left. i perked up. kol stepped forward. elijah stood, “i’ll leave you two alone.”

i stood up, too, nervously clutching my cup. kol glanced as elijah left, then latched his eyes on my body. he dragged his gaze from my heels and up to my eyes.

“in the most respectful way, darling, you are gorgeous,” kol shoved his hands in his pockets.

i blushed deeply, feeling the best spread down my neck and shoulders. kol stepped towards me. i did, too. we didn’t touch, but it felt like we did- the way our auras wrapped around one another. the way our body heat melted around each other’s outline.

“don’t suppose i could drag you to the dance floor before my sister returns?” kol held out a hand.

i glanced to the front door. then, i looked down into my cup, and chugged the rest of it. “what the hell!”

i latched my hand onto kol’s. he dragged me onto the floor. then, he spun around to face me. his hands guided themselves to my hips, tugging my body flush against his. i tossed mine over his shoulders, wrists crossed at the back of his head. we danced sloppily, lazily, sweaty. staring into each others eyes like a rom-com, laughing as we stepped on toes and tripped over other dancers. we didn’t have the capacity to watch where we were going because we couldn’t look away from each other.

at 7:25, i ended our dance. kol groaned as i pulled my body away, but he let me go. before i left for my place at the foyer, i hugged him quickly.

“we have to tell her. tonight.”

as i stepped away, kol met eye, and nodded.

he looked scared. i squeezed his hand and motioned for him to breathe. he did.

i stood in the foyer. klaus, elijah, and kol stood around me. klaus’ phone buzzed and a text from finn informed him they were almost here. we shut off the lights and informed everyone to stay quiet.

i heard rebekah on the other side of the door, groaning about being tired and bored of finn’s, “depressing wit. like, okay, edgar allen poe, we get it. stop brooding and go learn to knit, or something.”

i giggled at her words. she cut herself off at the sound of my laugh. “why are there a billion heart beats-“

the door slowly creaked open and rebekah stepped inside the house. the lights flickered on and we all yelled surprise. the music started up again, and everyone cheered. rebekah flinched at the shock, eyes shooting around at all the people here- here for her.

she landed her gaze on me, and tears pricked at her eyes. “y/n! you lying bitch!”

i opened my arms and she jumped into them, squeezing me tightly. i hugged her back, my heart beating fast with happiness. she pulled away and saw elijah, klaus, and kol.

“did you lot have something to do with this?” she pressed her hands into her cheeks, shocked to her core. rebekah was grinning so widely.

elijah and klaus shook their head. klaus tilted his chin towards kol. rebekah widened her eyes at her older brother. he shoved his hands in his pockets, looking to the floor sheepishly.

“my idea, but y/n planned all of it,” kol murmured, with a shrug.

i intertwined my hand with rebekah’s. “without kol, there’d be no party.”

she tossed her free arm around kol’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. over her shoulder, he met my eyes, and grinned widely. “thank you,” he mouthed.

i shook my head, waved him off.

the night flew out from underneath us. i took my heels off not long after rebekah arrived because she forced me onto the dance floor. for three straight hours, we danced. eventually, we peeled her off the dance floor to the cake. we sang her happy birthday and watched as she opened presents. i had bought her the entire book set of the bridgerton series and half of a best friend necklace, a silly concept we’d made fun of. it was sentimental and funny- the perfect gift.

it was the perfect night.

too bad i had to go and ruin it.

#joseph quinn #kol mikaelson x reader #kol mikaelson x y/n #kol mikaelson #kol mikaelson x you #the vampire diaries x you #the originals #the originals x reader #the originals x y/n #elijah mikaelson #rebekah mikaelson #rebekah mikaelson x you

96 notes · View notes

positivelybyler · 2 years

Text

so i've been seeing ppl talking about finn wolfhard "love songs" playlist on spotify and how he made it for byler. (he also made a playlist for his character richie so making this wouldn't be out of the blue for him).

i honestly thought it was a stretch at first but after further analysis... it's too perfect to not relate to byler (unless finn wolfhard has a love triangle situation going on himself).

anyways here's my analysis of each song on the playlist! (i'll only be talking about 6/7 because one of the songs is in an east asian language that i do not understand!!)

1. Boys Don't Cry - The Cure

so the first song on the playlist is boys don't cry which has been talked about and analysed multiple times because we see a poster of the song in wills bedroom. and although people say that it's will song, i believe that it relates to mike more! especially in the lyrics:

I would say I'm sorry if I thought that it would change your mind.

But I know that this time I have said too much, been too unkind.

we all know that mike wheeler says stuff he doesn't mean to (evident in the s3+4 byler fight) and he has a hard time apologizing. not only that but we don't really see mike getting emotional! will isn't afraid to cry but mike is. anyways this song has been analyzed lots already so moving on to #2

2. Let Her Go - Mac Demarco

i'm not gonna lie, when i first saw this song i was shocked to the very core because of how much it realtes to the mikewillel love triangle. the first lyrics being:

Tell her that you love her, if you really love her.

But if your heart just ain't sure, let her know.

obviously mike can't tell her that he loves her because he doesn't even know if he truly loves eleven or not. (and when mike did end up telling eleven that he loves her, there is obvious hesitation coming from mike and even el didn't believe him).

Growing by the hour, love just like a flower.

But when the flower dies, you've got to say goodbye and let her go.

hello???? literally the flowers that mike got her in ep2 and then we see the same flowers dead in the last episode. (not to mention this is when el hasn't talked to mike much in a couple days and their relationship is rocky). so is mike finally going to let el go?

3. Lovesong - The Cure

ok this song is absolutely adorable just look at the lyrics:

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again.

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again.

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again.

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again.

at the beginning of season 4, we see mike being closed off and definitely not like himself. he was a shitty friend to will at the airport and rink-o-mania because el was by his side. but once el had to leave to regain her powers, we started seeing more of the old mike as he spent time alone with will. i assume that will makes mike feel like he's home again even though they're in a completely different state and he makes him feel young again just how they were in season 2 (especially with the crazy together parallel in ep9).

However far away, I will always love you.

However long I stay, I will always love you.

i mean, come on even when they were in different states, they still loved each other! sure things were rocky the first few days mike came to california but then they went right back to being inspeperable!

4. Africa - Toto

this song has been used before in stranger things specifically in season 1 episode 1 in a stancy scene. and although there are multiple meanings behind this song, the more accurate one to our situation is "This song tells the story of a man who comes to Africa and must make a decision about the girl who comes to see him." in this case, mike comes to california and has to make a decision about el.

Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you.

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you.

we all know that el is infatuated with mike and is the first to meet him at the airport and she has clearly been waiting for spring break in order to see him again. as for the second line, mike and el are obviously bonded by trauma which makes it so difficult for the pair to break up. mike will have to go through a lot in order to end things with el in order to be with will.

I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become.

we all know that mike has internal struggles and lashes out at people (especially will) when he didn't mean to.

Gonna take some time to do the things we never had.

and when they both find out that their love is requited, then what!!

5. Inbetween Days - The Cure

this song is about having to choose between two people, and feeling guilty because you don't know which one to choose! basically a love triangle.

And I know I was wrong, when I said it was true.

That it couldn't be me and be her in between without you.

those lyrics are basically this image. i really like this random person's interpretation of the song cause its so accurate: "it's the story of a guy being in now stagnant relationship with a girl but pining for someone from the past that he parted ways with, now he's realizing that the current relationship couldn't work without this someone always getting in the way." it perfectly describes their love triangle.

i also want to add how the singer is talking about apologizing for saying the wrong thing to his current girlfriend (which is very mike wheeler core) but based on what we saw in the last episode, el isn't taking any of mikes shit! (good for her).

6. Lost Weekend - The So So Glos

ok so i actually love this song, i have it in my playlist lol and i never realized how much it applied to byler!! this song is generally about youth and growing up with someone.

You and I, riding high, in a landfill building castles.

castle byers, obviously and i'd like to think that mike and will spent a lot of time in their youth there together!

And we can't speak, cause we're in too deep.

We've grown up eighty-sixed and ended up like this.

clearly mike and will aren't willing to confess their love for each other (and this is sort of on the nose) because they're so deeply in love with one another. also, eighty-sixed is slang for being thrown out or discarded which could relate to mike and will being heavily bullied when they were younger (which is canon). and then they went to each other for comfort and continue to go to each other to this day.

anyways that's all of the analysis i have in me! even if this isn't true, it was still fun to look at the lyrics of these songs and try to figure out how they relate to byler lol (and if it is true then finn wolfhard is one bold man).

#delusional era #byler #byler endgame #byler nation #byler is real #mike wheeler #will byers #milkvan #stranger things

266 notes · View notes

skzinka · 1 year

Text

👜 ... ⃕ STAY ! NEW INKA CONTENT JUST DROPPED !

# ASK INKA : what's in my bag?

inka : hello guys ! i'm inka from stray kids and i will do the what's in my bag challenge. i always have it with me because i tend to always leave my stuff lying around.. so as soon as i find something that belongs to me, i put it in to store it later. handy, right? my bag is like mary poppins'.

inka : okay so.. let's start !

airpods, charger & phone.

inka : most important things, if you ask me. i really can't live without my phone, as i tend to write a lot in my notes. i must have like over 300 notes in there.. bits of songs, moments of my life that i don't want to forget, feelings.. that sort of thing. and my charger obviously, essential given the rate at which my phone loses its battery.

inka : i also have my airpods, with my super cool box with the effigy of this monster & cie's character, bob razowski. i wanted boo's version, but i was afraid it would be too big.. so i chose this one which i also love.

👤 : what is your song of the moment?

inka : my song of the moment? mhh.. lemme think about it.. i think it's i'm good by bebe rexha and david guetta.

perfume and makeup.

inka : another thing i can't live without, my perfume. i'm completely obsessed with this one. i am used to putting some very often, which makes my bottles empty quickly, but it's nothing because i love the smell of these.

inka took the opportunity to apply two strokes of perfume on her neck, feeling the good smell of the latter invade the room.

inka : ahhh, i really like it.

inka : i know that we have our makeup artists who always do an impeccable job without imperfections, but i like to have minimal makeup with me, just on principle. you never know.. maybe one day something will happen that will make me have to do my makeup alone, i have to be prepared for this situation !

songs notebook.

inka : ah yea. my private notebook. in fact, i have had this notebook for years, it's a bit like my secret diary you know. the pages are filled with song lyrics, song ideas, or little doodles. they sometimes help me to find inspiration and not to forget any of my ideas. speaking of ideas, as they often appear at any time and without warning, i try as much as possible to always have my notebook handy to write them down, otherwise i tend to forget them and regret it later.

wallet and card holder.

inka : my wallet is cute, right? it's kuromi. jeongin gave it to me on my birthday, since then, it hasn't left my bag. it is quite wide, so very practical. plus, i don't like going out without coins and all, so i put the cash in.

inka : and of course my card holder, because one day i lost my credit card by putting it in the pocket of my jeans, so i decided to pay more attention to it and always put it in my bag so i don't lose it again. a very tiring experience.

hand cream and hand sanitizer.

inka : if there must be one thing in all the bags in the world, it's hand sanitizer who never goes out without it's hand cream. with the hard time we've had, and the virus that is still running around, it's important to be careful and disinfect your hands regularly. but the disinfectant often dehydrates your skin much faster, especially with the cold weather, so it is very important to hydrate your skin regularly to avoid any damaged skin. that's what i do, anyway. i hate having sore hands.

inka took the opportunity to do a little booster shot, showing to the camera how to properly apply the cream on the hands.

medications, bandages & pack of tissues.

inka : i'm the type of person who regularly has migraines, and therefore unbearable headaches. it takes me often and it is extremely unpleasant, that's why i always have pills with me to help me feel better. i also have vitamins that i take daily, that help me to keep myself fit and energetic. and finally, regular pills to be able to cure my insomnia, i must not forget to take them, they are extremely important.

inka : bandages are very important, because sometimes when we get hurt outside the dorm, we don't necessarily have what it takes to heal yourselves, so i make sure to always have bandages to treat wounds that do not require medical treatment.

inka : i often blow my nose, really. i feel like i have a cold every day of the year. so i always have a pack of tissues with me, it has become essential.

itzy's ryujin polaroid.

inka : ahh.. one of my most precious treasures. this polaroid of ryujin is very important to me, because she personally wrote me a message on the back. a message of encouragement to be more precise, she gave it to me during a rather complicated period of my life, and i must admit that i consider it a bit like a lucky charm.

👤 : do you want to say a little word to ryujin?

inka : ryujin if you see this video, thank you for all your support, thank you for being such a precious friend ! you're the best.

a small stuffed cat.

inka : oh it's my little meow's turn ! it's a gift from ateez's lua. as many know, lua is my best friend, and she gave me this stuffed cat shortly after my debut in stray kids. i literally take him everywhere, i take great care of him, oh and funny fact, he has the particularity of smelling like vanilla. so my bag is always scented with a vanilla smell.

inka approached the little stuffed cat to her cheek, pretending to cuddle it tenderly for a few seconds.

👤 : do you want to say a little word to lua?

inka : bestie ! how are you? i can't wait to see you again soon, i hope we will have many more good times together. i miss you.. take care, okay? i send you all my support for your future projects. and don't forget, i will always be your biggest fan. *🫶🏻*

kitkat and other snacks.

inka : kitkat are my favorite snacks, it's nothing new, honestly. i buy these regularly and always have a few in my bag, just in case my stomach gets a little peckish.. you know, to avoid awkward gurgling in the middle of an interview.

obviously, she takes the opportunity to unwrap one and quickly eat it in front of everyone, triggering the laughter of some members of the staff.

inka : but ! i also have other snacks for the kids. those who ask me most often are obviously changbin and jisung. once, i caught them rummaging through my bag to find some, unbelievable.

yellow nintendo switch lite.

inka : my precious. she is always here for me. i really love video games, i often spend all my free time playing. i love playing animal crossing, fire emblem, trials of mana.. i have a large collection of video games at home. i often play with felix by the way. but i am more often playing genshin impact on my playstation..

👤 : which characters are in your genshin impact's main team?

inka : i change quite often honestly, because i love playing with lots of different characters. but right actually, my mains are mona – the only character who never leaves my team, scaramouche, tighnari and fischl.

a few words to end this interview.

inka : what i remember is that i should definitely organize my bag better, but i still think i have most of what i need inside. unfortunately, there will always be little extra things that will be added from time to time.. next time i'll take a backpack !

inka : thank you so much for this interview, it was fun to film and share all this with you, and above all, to show you a little of my life in this bag.

inka : aaand.. cut !

✧⠁taglist : @writerblock-sucks

57 notes · View notes

chronotopes · 4 months

Text

PERSONAL WRITING WRAPPED 2023

Getting this done significantly earlier than I got it done last year, which I think may in itself be an indication of being in "a better mental place."

Let's get to it.

CREATIVE NONFICTION, NEW FIRST DRAFTS:

"Catalogue of Thoughts, With Rebukes," January. CLASSIC katia journal entry turned essay format, which is "conversation between versions of myself." Artistic enough suffering that it totally counts as a cnf essay.

"I Can't Remember..." (titled in real life "my homework from brenda and julie"), January. Essay Written For Practice, specifically inspired by the prompt "Write an essay where every sentence starts with 'I can't remember.' Cathartic and has some bits of very pretty prose. Maybe I don't agree with the overall conclusions it draws, but I sure like it as a piece of writing.

"As the sun sets over [my local river], I consider Joan of Arc," January. broooo why were my early-in-the-year cnf titles so pretentious. Lyric essay meets prose poem but I'm choosing to classify it as a lyric essay. First draft dictated into my voice memos, mad scribe style. Man i used to love voice memos.

"Elegy for a life I can't live," April. Boooo emo bullshit booo but once again cathartic and perhaps more clear-sighted about things than the previous work. Anaphora got me through a lot in the first half of this year.

"I don't understand music," April. Finally, creative nonfiction that isn't about depressing shit! About a) piano and b) love, obviously. Needs a lot of editing but I am fond of her.

"Orthodox," July. Old poem about national identity and religion that I reformulated into a very unpolished essay.

"Two gay preteens and a lake monster," July. Another old poem, reformulated into a flash essay this time. Polished it enough to submit to a call for flash essay submissions and then never did.

"Nikolayevna," July. ALSO an old poem reformulated into a flash essay. This is my favorite trick and I will do it to all of my mid-but-promising poetry one day. This one's about ~generational cycles!~

"My dead boss and my dead friend," July. New addition to my senior spring flash essay series from last year.

"A spoiler, displaced in time," July. Another new addition to the senior spring flash essay, in an effort to make it more rounded with context I did not then have.

"[personal bullshit relevant situation], or 'The Kids from Yesterday.'" The Senior Spring Essays in their totality cannot ever seen the light of day for many reasons and one of them is that the ending rests partly on an MCR-based metaphor. Which is very silly.

"Justifications," October. Oh lord back to For Processing Purposes Only creative nonfiction. That's cool I guess. Mad about how good the prose in these quasi-journal entries is and the degree to which i did not write enough of them this year.

12 pieces in total.

CREATIVE NONFICTION, NEW DRAFTS OF OLD STUFF AND UNFINISHED BUT PROMISING NEW STUFF.

"Catalogue of Kitchenware," February-August. What it sounds like.

"Obsidian Greythorne's Depression Cannot Be Cured By Finding A New, Alive Girlfriend" and "Fornax And Annue Cannot Ever Have Sex For Reasons I Just Made Up," March-June. Two entries in an envisioned series of essays exploring adolescent sexuality/identity/experience through old fictionwriting adventures.

"Catalogue of Berries," July. Eastern Europe posting.

"On Taking the Waters," July. I said "Oh, I know what's missing from this old essay about being very sad in bath!" and stuck my friend who died in there. Classic essay trick.

"A Grand Palatial House of the Old South," July. Heterosexual roommate angst processing essay, refined.

"On being old enough to talk about the war," July. Flash essay (really edging out of flash essay territory, it got long) from last year about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, completely rewritten.

"A Hill in the [local civil war history location]," July. Also a flash essay from the senior spring essays, rewritten enough to count as a newish thing.

"A Car Is Like A Little House," August. Suburbia, weather, immigration, the interstate highway system, all the usual suspects in my writing.

Nine pieces in total.

POETRY:

"Myopia in seventh-grade notebooks," January. "It is january 2023, and one year ago I should have known better. / And unlike all of the other times I ruined my life, that time, it was for forever." Less Vent Poetry and more unified concept worth working from. About reading notes to myself in old diaries.

"Novice time traveler," February. Jesus christ reading through these is killing me. This one shares a lot of ideas with dialogues but is less good lol.

"3/23/2022," February. A sestina I wrote for Gabe on the occasion of our first anniversary, and certainly a sestina I like a lot more than the first sestina I wrote. Not groundbreaking stuff but I like it anyway. I would have to take a Real Poetry Class to get properly good at poetry, I think. For those curious: my words were moon, dare, blossom, spring, test, and time.

I would write Gabe little poems every day for the last few months of being longish-distance. Not all of them were good, and I cannot count them to save my life, but among them were "Sonnet for a job application," "Sonnet for an orchestra concert," "February Villanelle," "Sonnet for warmth," "Sonnet for Spring," "For Dusk," "For the sinking sun." Some of them will be something one day. Others had value in their ephemeral Baby Poem status.

Ten completed pieces in total, a whole lot more little stuff than that.

FICTION:

52 or so thousand words of what was once titled Adventures of the Extranei and is now titled fucking, like, Untitled Quartz the Novel Project, June-November. What started out as last year's fascination with an old, sprawling, deeply flawed novel turned into a perhaps-ill-advised attempt to rename (almost) all the characters and rewrite it to be coherent. Currently, it exists in the form of a 100-page outline and one nanowrimo's worth of novel (three parts out of like twelve complete). I'll go back to it after I finish Aivide, if only because of Sunk Cock Theory.

A rewritten prologue to what was once titled Adventures of the Extranei: The Next Generation and is now titled Dude If You Rewrite All Of Nextgen Too You're Going To Have To Start Asking For Money For It Because Seriously We're Talking 500k+ words of story here. What can I say, sometimes the grip of "I could do this BETTER" overtakes you.

Three edited existing chapters and one brand new revised chapter of AIVIDE THE PREQUEL, August-December. READ IT HERE, unless you haven't read Vinbre the Novel yet, in which case read Vinbre the Novel first. Very proud of the ways I've sneakily grown as a writer since first drafting the last three chapters, very glad for the opportunity to write it as I see it now and share it with the world.

About 85,000 words in total if you only count the completely new chapter of Aivide, somewhere around 100,000 if you count stuff I added to the old ones. I could probably be more accurate about it if I wasn't writing this at 2 AM on new year's eve. (Afternoon after edit: About 37,000 new words of Aivide + 51,980 words of Quartz + 10,007 words of nextgen bullshit = just about 98,000 words of fiction. yippee!!)

Overall, 26 completed(ish) pieces in total, counting the venty drafts and the revisions, which constituted a lot of what I wrote this year.

SUPERLATIVES:

Most Economical: "Two Gay Preteens and a Lake Monster," "My Dead Boss and My Dead Friend"

Most Romantic: "I don't understand music"

Greatest Potential: "A car is like a little house," "Orthodox"

Best Emerging Genre: Essay collections

Biggest Comeback: Fiction

Most Likely To Succeed: "Catalogue of Berries," "On Taking the Waters," "Orthodox," "A Car is like a little house"

The One You Should Read: Aivide the Prequel

Worst Girls of the Year: Quartz Greythorne and Aivide Thieri

#writing adventures #OKAY. DONE.

6 notes · View notes

the-raging-tempest · 6 months

Note

👾 for zrise please!!

Hey Romeo!! I’m not really sure how I do these but here we go! These are so hard to choose from but! I went for Death Is In The Air by SAKIMA

Overall this song to me for Zrise is about death. His own and others. Death is always around him. Follows him. It’s also about losing yourself. To your emotions. To your ambitions. Your justifications.

Is my heart breaking

Or do I have one at all

Am I feeling or faking

I don’t know anymore

Zrise wants to believe he’s a very heartless careless and callous person. Kind of in a self protective way. Because if he doesn’t have a soul, heart, etc then he can excuse what he does. He often feels he’s bad at living. Bad at being a person. Does he even care about the things he tells himself he cares about? Most of the time no. Most of the time what he truly cares for he tries to hide deep. Makes excuses. What he wants he can’t admit to himself.

What’s in the back of my head?

It’s just like white noise

Or a demon under his breath

Telling me it’s time to dance with death

Some nights I’m possessed

Anger, bitterness, resentment, sadness, a lot of emotions get the better of him and he feels he has little control of ‘acting out’. He’s always getting in trouble for pushing the wrong boundaries. Obviously some of these result in violence. In ways he regrets. Often for various different reasons. But he hates his emotions. He feels ‘possessed’ by them. Unable to let them go.

No I never

See it coming

Till it holds me down like an anchor

No I never

Hear the drumming

Till I’m too far into the rapture

Much of this is the same as above with the added. It isn’t until the repercussions hit him in irreversible ways do they register. Also to me this evokes the drowning.

I wish I could be brave

This line does a lot for me for his character that is hard to put into words. He often pretends he’s brave. Often looks down on cowards. But he himself IS one. He hates it about himself. He’s ultimately afraid to die, afraid to be alone, afraid to be unloved. He only gathers the courage to do the things he does because he believes he must to get what he wants. He wishes he could stand up for himself. Wishes he could actually practice what he preaches. No matter the consequences.

Do it or don’t I never know so I

Keep dancing on a pipe dream

Keep laughing when I wanna scream

He’s actually never clear of what he’s doing is helping him get closer to what he wants. Part of him knows no matter what he does he’s kind of fucked. Finding a cure is a pipe dream. Because even if he gets it likely it won’t solve all his problems. But it’s what he has to do. The last line is very him in his trickster mindset. He tries to find some twisted sense of joy in his misery.

I feel the ache of the waiting

I feel the tar in my lungs

For every debt that I’m paying

I’m no further along

This also calls back to the drowning for me. The ache of waiting for his mother to return and comfort him. Which never comes. The tar of the water and congealed blood in his lungs. For everything he does to try and prove himself to his mother he feels just as trapped. Just as unloved.

What if I give up the ghost

And just become one myself

What if he just stops fighting? Stops trying to survive? What if he just died instead? Would that be better?

Dunno why I’m holding my breath

‘Cause they all let me down in the end

And I just forgive them

Has to do with most people he grows close to. Most of the people he learns to trust and love end up betraying him. Just as he does to others. Because that’s the only kind of relationship he knows. He forgives them in the sense that he just allows it all to happen again.

No I never

See it coming

Till I lose myself to the anger

No I never

See it coming

Till The crying turns into laughter

I wish I could be brave

Much the same as similar lyrics as before. But instead we end on a more sinister note. Acknowledging the anger and how he leans into this vindictiveness. Where when others hurt him he wants to laugh. Loose himself and hurt them in return.

#oc: zrise #ask game answers #about zrise

5 notes · View notes

skeppsbrott · 2 years

Photo

I’D LOVE IT IF WE MADE IT :: A Cronus/Meenah fanmix

A playlist about the two-person project of travelling to the abyss and back.

We’ve been stuck now for so long, we just got the start wrong, one more last try, I will get the ending right

------------

INTRO: Ms. Lauryn Hill Doo Wop (That Thing)

1. The 1975 Love It If We Made It 2. Ed Sheeran Don’t 3. Veronica Maggio Fiender Är Tråkigt 4. Gloria Jones Tainted Love 5. Bruce Springsteen Pink Cadillac 6. Carly Rae Jepsen Boy Problems 7. The Cure Boys Don’t Cry 8. Ellie Goulding On My Mind 9. Prince Nothing Compares 2 U 10. Agnes One Last Time 11. The White Stripes I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself 12. Miriam Bryant Black Car 13. Maroon 5 This Love 14. Kate Nash Drink About You 15. Marianas Trench Haven’t Had Enough

-------------

57 MINUTES || SPOTIFY LINK

We should have been friends, friends are forever, would keep you around. It is so dull, being enemies, so unbearably dull.

Whew!

First off - that second quote is a paraphrase translation of the chorus to “Fiender är Tråkigt”, thank you Veronica Maggio for filling my life with all the most delicious messy relationship pop songs.

The illustration is mine, because I saw someone ask about it.

There’s a few tricks in this one. Most obviously there’s an even match of male and female vocalists and an (almost) back-and-forth structure with regards to that. While it doesn’t really come off in the cover art, in my mind this is a story of two people who are equally terrible for and towards each other, so it was important for me to balance the perspectives. Along that axis there’s also three (in my mind) matching pairs of songs:

Don’t and On My Mind are famously two sides of the same event. Goulding picks up Sheeran’s lyrics in the refrain, “you don’t fuck mess with love”, making for a pair of pop songs which are perhaps not revolutionary but hold a dear place in my heart. It’s a whole mess from start to finish and I think they capture it well - the ways we assume we understand other people’s intentions and the ways our own feelings neither exist in a vacuum nor are particularly predictable.

Pink Cadillac is a song I’ve pegged as a Cronus/Meenah song for a while now and here I think it pairs well with Black Car. I have to imagine that Bryant’s lovers car is equally classic, if perhaps not as expensive or flashy, a keen reminder of the aesthetics of relationships which very few of us are immune to.

Nothing Compares 2 U and Tainted Love are classics today better known by their cover versions. Simple as that.

Other notes:

I feel like Marianas Trench are decidedly uncool on account of having been a tumblrcore staple back in 2013, but “we’ve been stuck now for so long, we just got the start wrong, one more last try” is too good a lyric for this to pass up. Similarly, Maroon 5 are indefensibly uncool in 2022, but I’d argue that This Love is still really good, at least if you can stop thinking about Levine’s thirteen other songs about the anguish of being desired carnally by women with whom he has no hope of any sustainable romantic relationship.

One Last Time is a heartbreaking song in the same tradition as Rihannas Unfaithful and I think Meenah deserved a moment of anguish.

Finally, Doo Wop (That Thing) does not neccessarily fit into the narrative as a main character, which is why it’s an intro. Imagine Ms. Lauryn Hill as a muse, if you will, giving a unheeded word of caution.

#homestuck fanart #homestuck fanmix #homestuck playlist #cromeen #cronus ampora #meenah peixes #my playlist #Homestuck #bluh bluh #my art

37 notes · View notes

seconddoubt · 11 months

Note

Hiiii for the album ask: The Top - The Cure & Nevermind - Nirvana ⭐️

hiii thank you <3

Nevermind:

my favorite lyric: breed, it has everything, pleasant phonetics, whimsy but the funny answer is because i'm anti-natalist

Even if you have, even if you need I don't mean to stare, we don't have to breed We could plant a house, we could build a tree I don't even care, we could have all three

my favorite song: basic bitch answer but it's without a doubt lithium

the song that makes me cry: none

the song that’s a fucking bop: smells like teen spirit and stay away

the song i most dislike/least love: might be smells like teen spirit for being so overplayed, like it's OBVIOUSLY a fantastic song but i've just heard it so much and in every kind of context that it gets grating, but otherwise, considering it's a hidden track would it be cheating to say endless, nameless?

The Top:

ok brace yourself for the long answers.

my favorite lyric: the lyrics throughout this album are sooo good, the shrooms really came through, it flirts with surrealist imagery which is something i love so much (also i'm always interested in recs for surrealist lit, poetry and prose) so you know this hits the spot, i do think these lyrics from give me it are my favourite though:

Slit the cats like cheese Then eat the sweet sticky things Suck harder! suck harder! Suck your insides Insides out!

i wrote a whole trauma dump story as to why it resonates with me that i deleted but the gist of it is this reminds me of a nightmare i once had.

but god i am weak so here are some honourable mentions:

from birdmad girl:

Night time night time Sets my house on fire I’ll turn into the melting man I’ll lose my life To feel I feel desire Oh I should feel Like a polar bear… It’s impossible She flies outside this cage Singing girlmad words I keep her dark thoughts deep inside As black as stone And mad as birds

from piggy in the mirror:

I’m trapped in my face and I’m changing Too much I can’t climb out the way I fell in

from caterpillar girl:

Caterpillar girl Flowing in And filling up my hopeless heart Oh never, never go I dust my lemon lies With powder pink and sweet The day I stop is the day you change And fly away from me

the top (as in the song), all of it

my favorite song: toss up between birdmad girl and piggy in the mirror

the song that makes me cry: usually none but i know i broke down once to this album and that time give me it was the breaking point

the song that’s a fucking bop: caterpillar girl was the single for a reason!

the song i most dislike/least love: what kind of evil question is this :C gun to my head maybe dressing up? no fuck this listening to it now. none of them, brilliant no skip album.

#asks #ask games #miranda

10 notes · View notes

morrisseyhaterr · 9 months

Note

7, 8, 11, 18 pls!!

okay, definitely putting a readmore lol

7: Favourite live performance of a song

Okay, I'm definitely biased on this one, because I LOVE LOVE LOVE the demo version of wonderful woman and I don't even want to know how often I've watched this video, but it's this 1983 performance of "What do You See in Her":

https://youtu.be/W9ktxjzC_4A !

The way Morrissey sings is SO incredibly emotional, and you notice how personal those lyrics are to him - this is what people mean when they say "he poured his heart and soul into it". Wonderful Woman is among the most underrated Smiths songs for me, but honestly, I'm still sad about the lyric change.

I also have to dedicate a honourable mention to this 1986 performance to The Queen is Dead: https://youtu.be/-o76TepMrJI. Though i was first completely put off by Morrissey's random gurgling and gagging, and disliked this performance when I first saw this video, it has now definitely grown on me. Though I wouldn't listen to this version when I just want to hear the song, it definitely fits the vibe of the song: it's not only meant to be an easy listen, but also convey a message, while ALSO being witty and ironic. Also, LOOK AT JOHNNY PLAYING THE GUITAR WITH A DRUMSTICK??? i LOVE this man so much.

8: Best cover of a Smiths song

I don't know if this is a basic answer, but I really like the Deftones cover of "Please, Please, Please, Let me Get What I Want". The band brings a completely different sound to the song and changes your eperience listening to both the original and the cover, and I think this is what a great cover is supposed to do. Also love the recordings with Sandie Shaw, but I'm not sure if they count as covers haha

11: Theory I'd like to share

This one is a bit far-fetched, but here goes:

So, I know that "This Night Has Opened my Eyes" is at least partially based on "A Taste of Honey", but I do think that it is also based on another play called "Faust" by german author Goethe. Actually, the only thing keeping me from 100% believing that theory to be true is that Morrissey has never admitted to being inspired by Goethe, like he has with other great authors. I'll summarise the play here, but fyi, in it, themes of pedophilia/grooming and a dead baby are discussed, so if you don't want to read about this, please skip this one! :)

To sum up the play "Faust" as short as possible, there's this guy ( around 50) who is really booksmart, but doesn't know anything about real life, so he basically makes a bet with the devil, who makes him younger (about half his age) and helps him get with a 14-year old girl called Gretchen, which is obviously very creepy, but at the time people thought it was normal. She comes from a poor household, her mother is sick, she basically had to raise her own sister when she was still a child, and her father isn't around - and now there's this older guy, who also seems to have some money, taking an interest in her. She falls for him, thinks he loves her too - which he doesn't, it's implied that he just wants her for her body (also she's 14 and he's 25! let's not forget this fact). He gets her pregnant and leaves her, and now she's on her own, with no way to support the child, and being outcast by the people in her village, so she sadly drowns the baby. She then goes to jail and dies there, but her soul is saved by god and she goes to heaven. Pretty crazy stuff, honestly.

You can probably already see where this is going: The first verse of the song discusses drowning a baby in a river, which is exactly what Gretchen did. The line that goes "a grown man of 25, he said he'd cure your ills, but he didn't and he never will" also makes a lot of sense through this lens, and by singing "save your life, cause you've only got one" Morrissey could be referencing her soul being saved.

18: How did you first get into the Smiths?

Honestly, completely coincidentally. Last winter, I was just opening up YouTube and looking through my recommended videos when I saw a video titled "There is a light that never goes out". I had heard the name of the band this song was by once or twice, but never really checked them out, but for some reason, I just clicked on the video, and that was it: I was completely enchanted. Naturally, I checked out some other songs and was even more impressed with this band. They became the first band whose full discography I had listened to in the correct order. I just got the urge to find out more and more about them, and they became more and more important to me over time- and now I'm here, with basically almost my whole tumblr account dedicated to this band!

#the smiths #smithsblr #ask me ask me ask me #hex-of-els #tysm for this ask :)

4 notes · View notes

gerogerigaogaigar · 10 months

Text

The Cure - Disintegration

Drawn out loving emotional splendor exudes from every pore of The Cure's undeniable magnum opus. Still gothic in its own way, but now with a sheen of glittery passion as Robert Smith write dramatic long love aong after dramatic longing love song. Nothing is done in brief, every song plays out its every melodic and harmonic idea for minutes before the lyrics even start. Lush, angelic, longing, desperation, love, sadness, bombastic, it blends into an all encompassing haze. Nine minute songs will go by in a rush and you will find your hour spent quicker than is reasonable. You will drown in this album.

Kendrick Lamar - good kid, m.A.A.d. city

A short film by Kendrick Lamar. Thats what the album cover says and that's most certainly what we get. An autobiographical concept album about Kendrick's life growing up in Compton. Kendrick Lamar takes us through his trials as a teen dealing with drugs and gang violence, his aspirations as an artist, the struggle to survive, and the knowledge that everything he does could easily be the last thing he ever did. Not only does Kendrick thread the needle really well when it comes to bringing all this together in a cohesive engaging way, but he also has a one of a kind voice. His rasp is iconic nowadays and his flow is so casual that it feels like he isnt even trying. But watch out, try to sing along and you'll realize that he actually has an incredible ear for the beat that allows him to play around it in ways that are very hard to mimic.

The Strokes - Is This It

Is This It is one of those overlooked turning points in musical history. It may seem like a perfectly normal alt rock album to the modern listener, but it was the first of its breed. The entire zeitgeist of 00's post punk revival starts here. Without Is This It there is no Killers, Franz Ferdinand, Silversun Pickups, Vines, Black Keys, Arctic Monkeys, Vampire Weekend, Interpol, Fratellis, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Hives, Shins, and about a million other bands who were very specifically copying the sound of this album. Now i do think the historical value of Is This It might be a little higher than the artistic value. Its a nice garagey album, lots of jangle and a couple of really catchy songs, but I think it was honestly topped by many of its imitators. This album is like Seinfeld, everyone copied it so well that it no longer scans as unique.

The Smiths - The Queen Is Dead

I'm a dramatic bitch. This is a dramatic bitch album. There are not a lot of albums that I have finished and then immediately started over again. The first two Smiths albums are dramatic and delightful, but they are 100% sincere. The Queen Is Dead brings a bitter irony into the mix. Morrissey is practically mocking his fans. I Know It's Over, Never Had No One Ever, and There Is A Light That Never Goes Out are so melodramatic that they feel satirical. Meanwhile Cemetry Gates, Bigmouth Strikes Again, and Frankly, Mr. Shankly are just humorous takedowns of people that just annoy Morrissey. This is music for listening to by candlelight while you lay on your chaise longue and pretend to have the consumption. Top ten album material.

Elton John - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

This is a good album, but its extremely bloated. It's often held up as Elton John's best work, and i would agree if you cut out most of the middle. In fact Jamaica Jerk-Off should instantly disqualify this album from being considered one of the best. Admittedly side one is actually some of Elton John's best work, starting with the eleven minute prog epic Funeral For A Friend/Love Lies Bleeding and continuing with three of his best hits in a row. I think of you trimmed about fifteen minutes of fat off this bad boy until you had a solid 60 minute album it would be really improved

Janet Jackson - Control

Not gonna lie, they definitely put Janet's albums on here in reverse order. Obviously they are all deserving of a spot but i just think Rhythm Nation>The Velvet Rope>Control. Minor placement gripe aside, Control is Jackson's first masterpiece. She establishes the album's theme succinctly: control. Every song really is about a woman establishing some sort of dominance over her life, often men. It established a precedent for female pop and R&B artists to present more forward and dominant personalities in their music and in their piblic persona. The fusion of pop, R&B, and synths, while not actually a new idea, was a perfect blueprint for her sound.

Joni Mitchell - Court And Spark

Here we see the beginning of it all. The first album where Joni Mitchell would start experimenting with jazz. It's clear that her folksy rambling vocal style was already perfect for some jazzier numbers. Mitchell is just a natural artist and everything she does is golden. It has been hard to review her every time because I simply don't have the time or energy to dissect the poetry of her lyrics and how it all ties together. You just gotta listen. I think that if you want to get into Joni Mitchell this is the only logical starting point. It has the artistic depth of her late work while still having a few songs that you can actually hum.

Lou Reed - Transformer

Yet another punk rock progenitor. The fuzzy garage rock of his Velvet Underground days is now mixed with a deliberately Bowie-esque glam. The result is a series of New York City street fables about drug dealers, hookers, and queers. Its more stripped down, more real than Reed's previous work. It shows off NYC the way a Bakshi film would, lovingly with warts and all.

Fiona Apple - When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right

Yes that is the album title. Where Fiona Apple's debut is youthfully melodramatic the follow up is a more mature album. She is much more capable of being genuinely sad but also gleefully mean. And her voice is slightly huskier, fuller at times. Apple is clearly not entirely in a great place on When The Pawn, but she is really mining that bad place for everything its worth.

#500 album gauntlet #the cure #kendrick lamar #the strokes #the smiths #elton john #janet jackson #joni mitchell #lou reed #fiona apple #love that the when the pawn review wound up being shorter than the album title

2 notes · View notes