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antebunny · 3 years

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April 27: games

A sequel to archer and bridge, an identity porn extra of a modern cultivators Olympic sports AU.

Note: this is from the perspective of an NB OC named Elaine Chao who uses they/them pronouns. I did this because 1) the number of NB people I know has exponentially increased in the past year, and they all use they/them pronouns so I wanted to make myself familiar with using they/them pronouns to refer to a single person. I chose the name Elaine Chao because that’s the name of Mitch McConnell’s wife and I think I’m funny.

Elaine Chao is taking a class on cultivation, which is a new class offered at their university and also not very popular because cultivation is supposed to be a dead practice now just used as a sport. So it was expected to have like five students, max. The professor is an expert when it comes to the culture and history of xianxia, and now decided to also offer her skills and knowledge on cultivation, which she is also an expert on, despite having previously just taught the history/culture of that era. Then suddenly at the last minute, the class gets six new students. Initially, this isn’t the weird part. With an eleven person class, the students interact somewhat, but for a while all Elaine could tell you was their names.

Soon enough, their professor goes on a tirade about the international cultivation competition. She hates it because 1) it makes a mockery of the original purpose of cultivating, i.e. night hunts and defeating monsters oh and also war, and yet it still 2) puts the lives of the competitors in danger. Not in the way that sports usually do, in that there’s a risk for injury which can sometimes be permanent, but the competitors are all world-class athletes and generally don’t come to harm. But in an active, monsters-are-trying-to-kill-you sort of risk that has led to severe/permanent injuries recently, but no (recent) deaths. And the professor hates that the lives of these teenagers and young adults are so blatantly being put in danger for entertainment. She also hates how gamemasters pass their roles to their kids, who are usually competitors themselves, and so on. So the professor rants about the international tournament and these competitive cultivators and how much she dislikes it.

Then she mentions the last international competition, which everyone has heard of just because of how wrong it went.

The recent competitions have been rife with controversy anyway; there was that whole thing with gamemaster Wen Ruohan where he was favoring his sons and almost got the other competitors killed, and usually the other gamemasters would vote him out but Jiang Fengmian (and his wife) passed away from disease recently, and Jiang Cheng was his nominal replacement since it was assumed that Jiang Cheng would be too old for competition by the time Jiang Fengmian retired, and Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were skipping that year’s competition anyway because of jfm and yzy’s deaths, but then Jiang Cheng was dragged back to vote Wen Ruohan out. That all worked out in the end, because the Wens were just removed from the competition.

But last year’s competition was the final nail in the coffin. Basically, one of the gamemasters (Jin Guangshan) rigged the game for his own purposes. Since Jiang Cheng was still competing, Jin Guangyao was chosen as the new gamemaster. When only five contestants were left–the same five as the previous years–the monsters suddenly stopped dying and their time-out flares suddenly stopped working. This maybe would’ve worked except that Jin Zixuan was surreptitiously warned at the last moment that the game was rigged in his favor, and immediately told the others once he found them. Then they realized that they were stuck in the arena with monsters that wouldn’t die and no way to get out. They had a collective come-to-grace moment in which they realized “hey maybe putting our lives on the line like this isn’t healthy or normal just because it was what our parents did”. (Meanwhile, the other two grandmasters are panicking because their little brothers are out there jgs I’m going to wring your neck–) Then Wei Wuxian goes “actually I think I can control the monsters using ~demonic cultivation~” and the others go “it may be against the rules but we’ll back you up”. So that was last year’s competition. It was even more controversial because Wen Ning died as a consequence. His sister, Wen Qing, the best cultivating doctor in the world, who has treated all of the competitors in the past, literally hit the ceiling. She treated the five returning contestants and then promptly quit. That would be a problem because there’s no other doctors willing to treat all the cultivating contestants after a competition. But the bigger problem comes when Wei Wuxian, who should have gotten first place, gets banned from competitive cultivation for breaking the rules. They try to award first place to Lan Zhan, who promptly refuses and also vows to stop competitive cultivation because they banned Wei Wuxian. Then they try to award it to Jin Zixuan who refuses because he doesn’t ~deserve~ it and he’s wrecked with guilt that all the others went through this just because his dad wanted to make him win (and also wanted to kill the others). They go to Jiang Cheng who takes one look and goes “you’re kidding, right” and everyone knows that Jiang Cheng is suffering from an inferiority complex due to Wei Wuxian constantly upstaging him but Jiang Cheng is like “if you think I’m going to take a first place prize when I should’ve been fourth and you’re robbing not only the first three but also my brother by banning him from the game that almost killed all of us just because you think I have some stupid complex then you have another thing coming and also fuck you.”

So next year’s competition is canceled. Suddenly, these professional athletes have nothing to do. The five of them sit down and say “maybe we should learn more about our supposed profession” since the only reason they survived was because of Wei Wuxian’s demonic cultivation. Jiang Yanli brings up the university class, and the next thing they know, all six are enrolled in the class.

When Elaine overhears Wei Wuxian needle Jin Zixuan about something to which he responds “that was years ago!”, they can’t help but ask, “do you know each other?” And Wei Wuxian glances nervously at the professor and says “we’re…uh…family friends!” (That brick wall Lan Wangji is glaring at Wei Wuxian because he doesn’t like lying, but Elaine can’t tell because Lan Wangji is a brick wall. In more ways than one). Basically, while they didn’t have any intention of hiding, Wei Wuxian panics when he remembers how much the professor hates competitive cultivators, and everyone else gets sucked into his lies because of him.

And then it all comes spilling out: Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Yanli are siblings, Nie Huaisang is high school friends with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Wangji (and that much was already obvious from the very public pda), and Jin Zixuan is Jiang Yanli’s fiancé, and his family is friends with Jiang Yanli’s family, which is how he knows the siblings from earlier. It also comes out that all six of them aren’t regular students at the university, they’re just taking this class in particular. Their answers aren’t particularly enlightening, and Elaine doesn’t understand why they’re being so dodgy on the question. Well, if “dodgy” means Jiang Cheng snapping “none of your business” and Lan Wangji staring at you until you walk away nervously.

This is how Elaine gains perspective on their classmates. Jin Zixuan is an arrogant rich prick who can’t last a conversation without mentioning how much better he is than you. Jiang Cheng would be cool (and maybe even cute, Elaine notes) if he wasn’t perpetually angry, even with the people he supposedly got along with. He’s polite enough with strangers but any personal comments and he acts personally offended. Wei Wuxian is nice enough, but he’s also an annoying troublemaker who’s always late for class, and has the social skills of an agoraphobic lobster. He constantly inserts himself in conversations and gets on the professor’s nerves. Well, the professor appreciates the questions and knows that Wei Wuxian is actually interested and also really really smart, but. Nerves. Lan Zhan is handsome, and a model student, but that’s about all Elaine can say about him. He has the emotional capacity of an old shoe, and rarely offers more than one word answers, as if talking is beneath him. The only exception is Wei Wuxian, and that’s a whole other can of worms, because Elaine cannot for the life of them figure out how those two are dating each other. It’s clear they’re the most in-love couple to ever being in love, but that doesn’t answer the question why. And how. And what. Nie Huaisang is nice enough. He actually has some social tact and can hold a conversation, but he also has zero spine and isn’t interested in anything but art and procrastination. Elaine doesn’t understand why he’s even taking this class. He’s not in uni anyway, why is he here.

The only acceptable person is Jiang Yanli, and that’s because she’s a human person with actual feelings. She’s always nice, but knows that her siblings are not, and she has interests besides ??? and none. She actually goes to university and is majoring in political science, which is how Elaine learns that she is a debate champion, and already managing a business left to her by her recently deceased parents. Elaine brings up their parents once and then Jiang Cheng the aggressive angry grape starts yelling and Wei Wuxian turns downright vicious all cold and dark and Elaine never brings it up again. So Jiang Yanli is the only one that Elaine actually likes/considers a friend. The only thing is that Elaine cannot understand why she associates with the people that she does. Siblings are understandable, but why is she engaged to that rich brat Jin Zixuan? The terrifying thing is that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian agree with Elaine and think Jiang Yanli could do better, and Elaine knows this because they’re so vocal about it. Like are they trying to ruin their sister’s engagement? Actually maybe they are.

So that’s Elaine’s university class experience.

#antebunny's april prompts #fic outline #spring fest 2021 #mdzs #not my art #obviously

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itwoodbeprefect · 3 years

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(different anon, but!) now i’m curious - how would you do an actual crossover between sga and h50?

gosh, crossovers are honestly very far out of my wheelhouse (in that i don't read them and i don't write them because i'm sure they can be very good!! but it's just always felt vaguely awkward to me), but i can definitely throw some thoughts at the wall!

okay, so, i assume that if we're talking crossovers that means we want the characters to meet while keeping both canon universes intact, which is fine, because there's not really anything in either of them that would contradict the other. a very easy out would be to put the stargate program on steve's resume as one of those very top secret missions that he drops into conversations just to watch danny be annoyed when the only answer to all of his questions is "classified". another take could be to - and it keeps coming back to this, for some reason - steal some plot beats from vegas, as in, a live wraith has somehow found its way to earth and has gone undetected, but the detectives on the case, which would now be steve and danny, can feel that something is up. those two starting points could also both work, of course: steve has that background (but has been out of the stargate program since he came to hawaii and probably doesn't know what a wraith is), so he can see there's something off about these bodies they keep finding with causes of death that fascinate and puzzle max and really frustrate danny, and he makes a call to sam, who alerts the right people, which is how eventually some experts get called in, which obviously need to come from atlantis, so that's john and rodney and definitely carson (there's dead bodies to be examined!) and maybe teyla and ronon too, because you need a tracker if you want to find that wraith.

or, alternately, and actually way more interesting on second thought: jeannie still drops out of the scientific community because she gets pregnant, but then she realizes that even though caleb is an incredibly sweet vegetarian english major and will definitely be involved in the raising of their child, she can't marry him because she's a lesbian. so. what i'm saying is. jeannie mckay/mary mcgarret, recently invented rarepair. jeannie marries mary instead, and when jeannie gets kidnapped obviously rodney, john and ronon still show up (plagiarizing miller's crossing this time - see! there's episodes of sga other than vegas!), BUT mary has already made a call to her big brother, like help, my wife is missing, and of course steve and danny have also sprung into action, and inevitably the two investigations end up running into each other. steve's like "we know about atlantis" (either because again, steve was part of the stargate program, or because jeannie told mary, like she did with caleb in canon, and now that jeannie is missing mary shared what she knew with steve and danny) and john's like "... what's an atlantis?" at the same time that rodney blurts "how?" because his SISTER is MISSING and he has no time to pretend he cares about secrecy when that's obviously a moot point anyway. at some point rodney is like, this is my SISTER we're talking about!, trying to make the point that he has more of a personal stake than anyone else, and steve's like, she's a sister to me too!, and they probably have a talk about growing up with bad parents (rodney feels a little better about his once he hears about steve's my-mom-pretended-to-be-dead-so-she-could-raise-my-arch-nemesis-who-then-killed-my-father issues) and about how that can lead to accidentally becoming estranged from your little sister, and about how to fix that. this leaves john and danny in each other’s unlikely company, so danny’s like, “... how’s living in another galaxy?” and john’s like “pretty cool. we have flying ships” and danny’s like “PLEASE don’t tell steve about those. he WILL crash them” and john’s like “noted. hey, i heard you guys have kids?” so danny gets out his phone to show him pictures of grace and charlie and doesn’t correct him on the part where he seems to think they’re steve’s kids too, because why bother. they of course save jeannie and bring her back home safe to mary and madison (and caleb). once everyone heads back home there’s probably a thing where john and rodney talk while on the deadalus and realize that if it can work between steve and danny, then why not between them, and meanwhile on some plane somewhere steve and danny are having the exact same conversation in reverse (because none of them were actually dating yet, but they both thought the others were). this works out well for everyone involved until jeannie and mary’s big tenth wedding anniversary party, at which the truth somehow comes out, but then all of the guys realize that in the grand story of their lives, with all of the strange things that have happened to them all, this really isn’t even that weird. (it is that weird to jeannie and mary, though. it’s the ONLY story they tell ANY of their friends for an entire year. madison grows up and writes a semi-autobiographical book about her family and the strange case of how her uncles ended up together and it’s a new york times bestseller but also gets called “sweet, but a little implausible”.)

#sga #*#anon #ask

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harringroveficlibrary · 4 years

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Harringrove ABO Masterlist

someone asked for an abo masterlist, so here it is!

this list isn’t sorted in any particular order, other than by date posted, which is the default on ao3. (newest -> oldest) i also didnt include every single fic in the abo tag because this list was already going to be a large post. if there are any fics i missed that someone thinks should be included, feel free to send an ask or to just reply to this post! :^) ♥ -cade

updated: April 16th, 2020

Carnal by mrhiddles (1/1 | 4,001 | Explicit)

Steve goes into heat when Billy pulls up to school. Billy's the only one who can help him, or so Steve says.

The Case Where Billy Hargrove Turned Out To Be Not Your Average Alpha by Anonymous (1/1 | 3,249 | Teen+)

“I don’t spend heats with alphas.” Steve said, his gaze avoiding Billy’s.

Billy faltered at that, his brows furrowing in confusion. “I thought you’d spent your heats with people before?” Billy asked.

“Well yeah, but not with alphas.” Steve huffed.

“So— You’re a faggot?” Billy asked, his eyes widening.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Perfectly Unnatural by ImNeitherNor (1/1 | 3,255 | Explicit)

‘You’re not an alpha in this house, boy. You’re not strong. You’re not even responsible with your sister. You don’t respect Susan. I thought I taught you enough in California.’

Neil’s words clang around Billy’s skull and burn the inside of his bones as he sits on the hood of his Camaro. The metal below his ass is warm from the engine just having been turned off, but the lights still spill out across the cliff. This place, nestled at the top and shrouded by trees, catches the wind just right. The wind bites through his jean jacket, settling close to his skin. The cherry red glow of his cigarette gives a false sense of warmth and puts Billy’s teeth on edge.

‘You’re unnatural.’

warnings: references to childhood abuse

Puppy Pile by Strawberry_Sweetheart (1/1 | 2,432 | Not Rated)

Steve forgets about his heat and thinks he has enough time to make a grocery run before it really hits.

He seems to have miscalculated.

Luckily, Billy is there’s to get him home safe.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

One Last Time by Strawberry_Sweetheart (1/1 | 3,157 | Not Rated)

It came with a phone call late at night, just past the witching hour. It was deathly quiet and dark, a new moon withholding any moonlight to chase the shadows away, and in that silence the piercing ring of the telephone downstairs cut through their dreams. A sleepy noise and wiggle came from the lump under Billy, shifting until it escaped Billy’s arms and legs that held it hostage.

this is a requested fic for Alpha El + Billy and Steve being good parental figure types and helping her figure things out

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

So messed up, I want you here by Boudoir_Writer (1/1 | 3,942 | Explicit)

“I turned you bitch, Harrington.” His voice is gravel and petrol, his limbs and heart lead. “We’re never going to be done.”

warnings: dubcon

Smoke by Carerra_os (1/1 | 468 | General)

Billy is ditching class for a smoke break when Steve comes along. -

Originally this was written for You're Extra Special, Something Else. However that story went in a different direction.

Black silk and wild flowers by Catharrington (1/1 | 3,015 | Explicit)

Steve’s birthday was really just another day. The only thing that made it special was his fathers insistence on going to a party thrown for just him, a party filled with starving alphas with fat wallets all rutting against themselves to buy their own little omega. Steve hates what his father makes him do. Steve hates his birthday. Until Billy Hargrove crawls through his window to remind him it’s not all bad, silver lining in the clouds and shit, and brings him a present.

Drop (The Game) by MissGillette (3/3 | 42,080 | Explicit)

Billy has wanted a piece of Steve since spotting him on the school parking lot his first day. So when Steve flees the bathroom at Tina's Halloween party, distressed and about to drop, Billy does the only logical thing: follow the scent.

The Lucky One by wingedbears (1/1 | 6,881 | Mature)

In a world where on one arm is your soulmate's name, and the other's is your enemy's, omega Billy has to learn to let shit go.

Princess of the apocalypse by Boozombie (2/2 | 15,034 | Explicit)

Steve just wanted to keep his kids safe, and Billy knows how to use that.

warnings: rape/non-con

Princess that runs his world by Boozombie (3/3 | 11,747 | Not Rated)

Billy takes Steve to wash up and plans to get him alone for a date. Steve wants to bring his pack along.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings, rape/non-con elements

lately i feel like i've been losing (my mind) by ToAStranger (1/1 | 3,162 | Explicit)

Billy hasn't felt right since the summer straight out of a horror movie. His instincts are all off. And Steve Harrington keeps looking at him.

Pothos by moonflowers (1/1 | 6,714 | Explicit)

He felt like the rabbit and the fox all at once, the thrill of chasing and being chased, a circle, whole. He might’ve felt stupid about it, if it hadn’t been so intense. Robin always told him he fell for people too easy – and fine, she was right – but this was something else. Or maybe not yet, but oh man he was starting to think he wanted it to be. And it was probably idiotic of him to get his hopes up, but he couldn't help but think maybe Billy did too; watching Steve from behind a tired and quietly angry veneer, a little twist of hope just visible through the mask.

Dubious Hijinks by Corvin (1/1 | 3,998 | Teen+)

Steve needs a buffer between him and the alpha his dad picked for him. The best option he can think of is an uncooperative Billy Hargrove.

with them indiana boys (on them indiana nights) by ToAStranger (1/1 | 4,842 | Teen+)

The thing is, when Billy first saw Steve Harrington, he knew.

He grew up knowing. It was hard not to, with all of those hormones and instincts running through his fucking veins. He knew, one day, he’d run across someone that smelled so right, so fucking perfect that he’d want nothing more than to bury his face against their scent gland and breathe in until the smell becomes a taste becomes a sensation becomes--

Well. The thing is, he’s always known.

None Brighter Than Your Eyes by Doodsxd (1/1 | 9,991 | Explicit)

Sex Ed course came once again, and, for the first time, Billy listened.

He listened, because it started to match and make sense with what Max’s little troup told him over and over again.

Apparently, it was biology which dictated that omega jewelry wasn’t just a futility or decoration, or even a signal that the omega was taken. It wasn’t a trade, sex for jewelry, like Neil had taught him all his life. No: scientists had found back in the sixties that omega jewelry has a soothing effect, especially during heat, as a reminder of love and affection; something tangible and available at all times, even when no one is.

warnings: graphic depictions of violence

"is that what you want, princess?" by greeneyedsourwolf (1/1 | 4,008 | Explicit)

Steve asks Billy if he wants to spend their first heat together.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Pool Time Stress by AMemoryDelayed (1/1 | 2,610 | Explicit)

Steve's been visiting the pool pretty frequently. He can't help it when he'd been carted along that one time. He can't stand to watch Billy eye other women. It makes him regret it too, and yet. He's excited when Billy barely even moves his gaze over to him. He gives Steve the slightest of grins from where he's sat at. He doesn't make any other sign to warn him of what's to come beyond that. Steve knows though.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Thanks Phyllis by Corvin (1/1 | 11,764 | Explicit)

Steve wants to start a family and asks Billy for help. What was supposed to be a purely professional exchange turns a lot more intimate than he expected.

Everything falls back by Crowweb (1/1 | 1,302 | Teen+)

Billy isn't home like he's supposed to and Steve gets a bad feeling through their bond. The alpha turns up beaten up after a couple of hours.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings, blood

push him down (spread him out) by tol_sirion (1/1 | 3,529 | Explicit)

“It’s embarrassing.” Steve whines and covers his face instead.

Billy tuts. “None of that, now,” he says, and Steve slowly looks up, hands falling to each side of his head instead. “Just one more picture. One more, and I’ll give you what you want.”

And maybe it’s cruel, holding it over Steve like that. Like only if Steve is good and does what Billy says, he’ll finally get dicked down the exact way he wants, and not a minute before.

Woke Up Thirsty by trashcangimmick (1/1 | 3,256 | Explicit)

Billy shows up at the Byers house looking for Maxine. Instead, he finds Steve Harrington and a kind of surprising proposition.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Grace Me With Nothing But Patience by itscrybabyharrington (icanspelliero) (1/1 | 6,587 | Explicit)

It started off as an itch beneath the surface of his skin, no matter how hard Steve pressed his nails could never dig through, could never scratch the discontent that simmered just beneath.

Tommy says it’s nothing, signs of an early rut approaching, meds wearing off after taking them for so long. Only Steve knows Tommy is full of shit and this doesn’t feel like a rut.

warnings: underage, offensive language used, homophobia

Buzzcut Season by Senowolf (1/1 | 6,332 | Teen+)

Steve always waits for Billy to come back to him.

I Wanna Be Loved by harringrovecryptid (13/13 | 51,993 | Explicit)

"Brenner Relations" was one of the most lucrative businesses in the modern age. But only its clients and staff actually knew how it made its money. Billy Hargrove found himself being one of those people. But the deeper he got involved with the shady industry, the more secrets he began to uncover regarding the omegas that are considered company property.

warnings: graphic depictions of violence, rape/non-con elements

Assigned Alpha by Kiram (2/2 | 3,415 | Explicit)

Steve used to just be an unknown secondary gender till Billy Hargrove rolled into town. Steve’s stuck in a rock and a hard place and is inevitable forced to fold and give into his nature. Billy likes bugging Steve while simultaneously protecting him.

war song by themundaneweirdo (1/1 | 1,789 | General)

Steve misses his soldier.

Don't Take Your Time With Me by trashcangimmick (1/1 | 6,864 | Explicit)

Billy is usually a light sleeper. But when he’s drunk, it’s a completely different story.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings, rape fantasy, implied/referenced sexual assault, implied/referenced child abuse

I Can Do That by captainwingdings (1/1 | 1,971 | Explicit)

Billy wants to help out with Steve's heat, so he shows him a taste of what he can do.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Hot Blooded by captainwingdings (1/1 | 4,463 | Explicit)

The new guy from California catches Steve Harrington's attention for more than one reason. Not only was he hot as hell and didn't know how to button his shirts, but he was the strangest omega that Steve had ever seen.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Moaning Lisa Smile by trashcangimmick (1/1 | 3,735 | Explicit)

Billy maybe kind of hides the fact that he’s an Omega because he’s too queer, and too pretty, and would rather not deal with a bunch of idiot Alphas trying to screw the gay out of him. But Steve’s not an Alpha. Steve is also very pretty.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings, consent issues

Sweet Dream (Saccharine) by Highsmith (1/1 | 16,039 | Explicit)

Billy and Steve aren't friends, until they are, and they're not more than that, because the world doesn't work that way.

warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, recreational drug use

Pressing the accelerator down by Etnoe (1/1 | 6,229 | Explicit)

Heat season takes a toll of two alphas who can't find anyone to share a rut with. Aside, of course, from each other.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Keeping a bit of you by peirypatt (1/1 | 697 | General)

Over the years Steve's room has had several changes and seen many trends and phases, but there was only one thing that didn't belong to Steve inside his bedroom. A denim blue jacket.

It came naturally to us by peirypatt (1/1 | 650 | General)

Saying that Steve and Billy held hands in 1999 for the first time would be wrong and right at the same time. It's complicated, and at the same time, it's not.

Don't Belong To Anyone (Else) by sparkleeye (2/2 | 31,145 | Explicit)

And he does, just Billy’s fucking luck, because Harrington licks his lips and hoarsely goes, “I fucking knew it, fuck Hargrove, you’re in heat.”

He shudders as Harrington takes a step towards him. The tangy, warm scent of alpha has him struggling to stand upright, already slipping into the too far gone state and it’s fucking Harrington’s fault because he still won’t leave.

Better yet, he knows, he can smell the sweetness of omega, particularly herbal and saccharine like lavender and vanilla - Billy knows he smells like a girly little candle, okay - flooding the air between them. He could push Billy over and take him there, on the floor, push his face down onto the cracked, dusty concrete and fuck him stupid.

aka -- Billy is a stubborn idiot and goes to school during his heat.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Upside Down, You're Turning Me by ImNeitherNor (1/1 | 7,885 | Explicit)

“Let me get this straight. You want me to go into the middle of the fucking woods in below zero temperatures to find someone who is probably high as a kite and just having the time of his damned life?”

“We’re worried--” Max starts and Billy sneers.

“That sounds like a personal problem, Maxine. Steve is a big boy, an alpha, and can handle--” Billy tears his gaze away from Max as Dustin climbs on top of his hood and sits there. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Not moving,” Dustin shrugs and crosses his arms over his chest.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Doctor’s Visit by HalfNakedWriter (1/1 | 2,320 | Explicit)

Steve goes for his 38 week appointment.

'Cause We Feel Young and Wild by BeautyInChains (1/1 | 1,515 | Explicit)

Soon, is Steve’s best guess. Soon like the subtle itch beneath his skin that intensifies with each passing day. Soon like the voracity of his appetite as his body begins to prepare itself for the upcoming marathon. Soon like the aggression that continues to build and threaten to spill whenever another Alpha so much as glances Billy’s way. Soon like the way he’s been tenting his sheets, his slacks, his gym shorts at so much as a gentle breeze.

So when Billy texts him that morning, an eggplant emoji followed by the fire, peach, and splashing water emojis with not one but three question marks, Steve replies with Soon.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Lost My Mind by trimorning (1/1 | 1,564 | Teen+)

"I don't want to be dramatic."

He doesn’t know what Steve is going to say, which isn’t normal because he’s a predictable kind of mess, so it makes him feel vulnerable.

But its fine, its just Steve so it will undoubtedly be fine. Billy looks back at the other boy, “I can tell you right now, that you are physically incapable of not being dramatic, so continue.”

---- An a/b/o Harringrove one-shot that has little to do with a/b/o and more with Steve's flirty and messy ass. enjoy

Lavender by PoisonousFlower3 (1/1 | 756 | Mature)

"Billy hated being an alpha. He hated how it made his sense of smell stronger and smell the despair that always seemed to linger in this town. He hated how he was always so angry, though he knew that part of it was the abuse from his dad and his temper.

What he didn’t hate was how it let him get a good whiff of Steve whenever he was around."

In which case home starts to include Steve Harrington for Billy.

Red by PoisonousFlower3 (1/1 | 602 | Mature)

"Yeah, maybe things hadn’t started off the best for them but Billy was definitely in love." Another little drabble for two idiots in love

now I got you drunk, hot, and vulnerable (how do you like me now? do i turn you on?) by brawls (brawlite), ToAStranger (1/1 | 6,807 | Explicit)

The first thing Billy notices is the scent.

Heady, sweet, electric. It makes his mouth water, the second he walks in. Makes every bone in his body sing.

Heatstroke by HobbitSpaceCase (1/1 | 8,022 | Explicit)

Billy is out of suppressants and going into Heat. Steve finds him. It's too bad Billy can't have this every time.

warnings: dubcon, sad ending

Steve Forgets by femmesteve (1/1 | 1,242 | Explicit)

Steve forgets his heat and Billy is there to be a jerk and fuck him how he needs.

you scratch my back, i'll bite yours by hoppnhorn (1/1 | 2,363 | Explicit)

Billy rushes Steve's fraternity and gets in, which sucks, only when it doesn't. Drunk Steve has a hard time staying away from what isn't good for him.

bite me, but not too hard by hoppnhorn (1/1 | 3,854 | Explicit)

Steve debates whether or not he should spend his heat tranquilized.

your teeth go deep (it seems) by hoppnhorn (1/1 | 3,554 | Explicit)

Nothing about his life, or his love life, has been simple thus far. The trend continues.

eat me (let it run down your chin) by hoppnhorn (1/1 | 2,837 | Explicit)

Billy ends things with Steve. Sorta.

Nine to five. by Fanflick (9/9 | 34,301 | Explicit)

Steve knew that everything would ultimately come to this, working for his father at a boring office job. It wasn't easy being an omega in hiding, especially now since Steve's boss is the arrogant alpha Billy Hargrove. Now Steve has to work alongside his high school rival while also trying to save enough money to get away from his father. How hard can that be?

warnings: boss/employee relationship

Drunken Things by Rhiw (3/3 | 10,566 | Explicit)

Nancy and Steve break up before Tina's party. Steve finds himself on the rebound, damned and determined to have some fun. Billy just wants to get laid.

Aka: The ABO of Stranger Things no one asked for. Written while drunk, with drunk characters, and lots of angst and smut and shit. Enjoy.

warnings: underage

what a wicked game you played (to make me feel this way) by brawls (brawlite), ToAStranger (14/14 | 119,016 | Explicit)

Billy knew Steve Harrington would ruin him. Steve knew Billy Hargrove was nothing but trouble.

They never expected it to end up like this.

warnings: misogynistic language, ableist language, mentioned dubcon

turn me loose by hoppnhorn (1/1 | 3,321 | Explicit)

Billy is a dominant, powerful alpha with a slew of omegas dying to win his affection. He loves it, lives for it, except when he’s in rut. Steve is an omega and fights it every damn day. But when his body goes into heat, needs to breed, he can’t do anything to stop it. Billy is in rut and Steve is in heat when a freak heatwave knocks out the air conditioning in their shared apartment complex. Open windows and rampant hormones? What could go wrong?

Punch by hati_skoll (1/1 | 2,330 | Teen+)

Steve is dragged off by another alpha, Billy handles it.

A Start by ImNeitherNor (1/1 | 5,574 | Explicit)

The quarry was always Steve’s go to when he needed a place to breathe, an area where the smells weren’t in his face and he could think straight. It was strange how one person’s heat could trigger another. Steve, a slightly cowed alpha after Hargrove rolled in, was done with the overpowering scents and the looks that were being thrown around.

He wasn’t interested in any of it. None.

So, when he pulled up onto the edge of the quarry and stepped out, he almost groaned at the smell that hit him. An omega. An omega in heat. Fuck. This is exactly what he had hoped to get away from. He was ready to slide back in and yank his car in reverse when he looked up and saw, exactly, what car was sitting to the side, shaded by an overcast of trees. If he hadn’t actually looked, it would have slipped away. He blamed his sharper senses, his need to search out the omega.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Slick by hati_skoll (1/1 | 2,028 | Teen+)

Steve gets wet for Billy.

(Less porn inside than implied.)

Hold Me Tight Or Don't by BTSBlossom (1/1 | 4,808 | General)

Billy has some news for Steve, he just doesn't know how to tell him. At least he knows he's got Ms. Byers on his side. She'll be there for Billy if Steve isn't.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings, abortion discussion

Wrap Me Up (In Your Love) by LadyMoonveil (1/1 | 1,254 | Teen+)

In which Steve keeps stealing Billy's clothes, and Billy is terrified of the implications when he comes to the realization that Steve is nesting.

After everything that Steve has done for him, all Billy wants to do is be good to his mate. (Even if it means adding things to his wardrobe that sadly isn't denim or leather).

Make me feel special by pizzz_10 (1/1 | 1,577 | Explicit)

A short sweet omega fic where Billy is an omega and Steve is his alpha who loves to spoil him

bück dich by Rebldomakr (1/1 | 966 | Mature)

Billy Hargrove arrives in Hawkins, with Steve Harrington's name written on his neck.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings, mild blood/slight gore

sandman by Rebldomakr (1/1 | 2,226 | Explicit)

Steve’s not a fighter. He sucks at it, actually. He’s a little soft, but he isn’t totally weak or awfully tiny. He’s a good Alpha in many of the ways that count! Just because he isn’t running around sleeping with anyone willing, picking fights, and beating people to death doesn’t mean he’s a bad Alpha. And though Billy might do all that, but he isn't a bad Omega.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Silk by Rebldomakr (1/1 | 3,393 | Mature)

In Indiana, Omega suppressants are banned. Billy runs out after a while.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

#stranger things #harringrove #billy hargrove #harringrove fanfiction #steve harrington #masterlist #abo #list

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fourteenacross · 4 years

Text

end of 2019

I've done this survey every year since like, 2006 and then missed it last year because I was on a social media break. Whoops! My shitty memory makes it fairly important as a way to track the passage of time, so I'm back on the horse this year.

What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? I'm sure there's some specific thing, but nothing's coming to me immediately. Oh, I guess I started cross stitching? Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I'm not sure what my resolutions were for last year because I did not write them anywhere because I did not do this meme /o\ Next year: + Set up some kind of writing schedule + Finish my mg novel + Survive moving + Get a new job + Go on more dates

eta: Outside of these sort of concrete, 2do-list type goals, I set some more nebulous personal goals on Twitter: - See my local friends outside of the BFC more often - Do weird, dumb shit - Be nicer to myself - Fix my meds - Bake something fancy(Okay, that last one is kind of 2do-listy.) Did anyone close to you give birth? YES!! @caphairdadbeard had a baby and he's perfect and I love him and it kills me that he's so far away and I only get to see him a few times a year, even more so than it usually kills me having Sarah so far away. Did anyone close to you die? My former roommate's father. I did a lot of family stuff with her over the decade that we lived together and spent a lot of time with her parents and he was super loved and admired by his community. A real shitty loss all around. What countries did you visit? Just the US, but I visited Seattle and Mississippi for the first time! What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? ~*~Financial security~*~ What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I'm so terrible with actual dates. May 9 was Max's birthday, so there's that? We did a lovely, successful live show on April 18. OH we went to Rent Live and had our wild weekend in LA on January 26. We watched a lot of wild movie musicals at Grace and Jesse's in July. I saw Blair Witch in the woods. I went down to the city to see Octet and Hadestown. Lisa moved in with me. Moby-Dick happened. Now I'm just listing events and not dates, but there you go. What was your biggest achievement of the year? God, do I even have one? I'm not dead, so that's probably something. Oh, I guess we had a really good WBS month where we were interviewed by Forbes.com, had one of our crossovers with IDEOTV, guest edited TBD, and had our live show. That was a really satisfying few weeks. What was your biggest failure? I'm haunted by this work thing I fucked up, even though everyone has told me it wasn't a big deal. I really crash and burned out for NaNo because SAD hit me way harder and faster this year than it has in the past. Did you suffer illness or injury? Lots of brain stuff, as per usual. A couple minor colds. My FAMILY on the other hand.... What was the best thing you bought? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Tickets to Octet, maybe. It was probably my favorite show of the year. The new chair/loveseat is also very good. Whose behavior merited celebration? Some of my friends. A lot of excellent activists. Sarah's baby (he's very good). Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Like, the whole government? Where did most of your money go? Grown-up type stuff (rent, utilities, groceries), cons, and travel. What did you get really, really, really excited about? LA, Octet, Max, DragonCon, Moby-Dick. Galentine's! What song will always remind you of 2019? Probably music from Octet? I don't like.....listen to the radio. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Probably about the same? Maybe more stressed out by family stuff going on and money stuff. b) thinner or fatter? Same. Also, I hate this question. 2020 Kaitlyn, delete it plz. c) richer or poorer? About to be poorer. What do you wish you’d done more of? Writing. Sleeping. Going on dates. Hanging out with people. What do you wish you’d done less of? Being depressed. Being stressed. Did you fall in love in 2019? Nope. What was your favorite TV program? If we're talking "currently airing" and not "things I bingewatch that are very old," probably The Good Place--OH I almost forgot Good Omens was this year!!! Also that! And I started watching Schitt's Creek and watched all of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Oh, and I started watching some videos on the Bon Appetit YouTube channel, mostly Gourmet Makes and Making Perfect and Reverse Engineering. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Mostly just like...........people I don't actually know who are terrible humans. What was the best book you read? Coming soon to a podcast feed near you! What was your greatest musical discovery? Probably Octet? I don't think I listened to a lot of new music this year. OH WAIT, The Highwomen!!! What a good album!!! (Also in doing the theatre section I just remembered Six was this year too!) What did you want and get? Mostly material things--clothes, cons, travel, seeing people, tickets to things, etc. Impeachment. Got that. That was nice. What did you want and not get? Financial security. A new job. Emotional stability. A relationship. More sleep. What was your favorite film of this year? Captain Marvel, although Us, Charlie's Angels, and The Wind were very good too. What was your favorite theatrical event of the year? Probably Octet! The broadway version of Hadestown was kind of disappointing compared to the 2016 NYTW version and Moby-Dick is great fun, but still pretty rough in places. Octet is just.....very good. Oh, or SIX, that was great too! Octet or Six. Oh, and, jesus, this year was a hundred years long, I totally forgot we saw Denee as Eliza this year!! She was very good!! And I got to see Daniel Breaker as Burr again and I fucking love him. What was your favorite podcast of the year? The Empty Bowl, a meditative podcast about cereal. It is so good for zoning out and being calm. TAZ has been killing it with the one-shots and the Amnesty arc, too, and this was the first year I listened to MBMBaM weekly and also I mainlined all of Sawbones after listening to half of it, then not listening to any for six months, then deciding to start from the beginning again. Unwell is a really good show that I recommend, and Mabel. The Magnus Archives killed it with season four, which was tailored to my exact narrative tastes. MFM and Criminal are perpetual faves. American Hysteria was super interesting to go through and Bear Brook and In the Dark both obviously had fucking fantastic years. Oh, and Who the Hell is Hamish? that was fun too. And I’ll stop now.

I.....listen to a lot of podcasts. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 34! On the day, I went out for dinner and drinks with some friends. That weekend, I bought a bunch of children's Captain Marvel birthday supplies and we played Jackbox games and ate cake! What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Any sort of fix to our current political mess. And/or financial stability. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? The "Whimsical" section on eShakti. What kept you sane? Friends! Podcasts! Anti-depressants! Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Brie Larson and Starr Busby are the first that spring to mind. What political issue stirred you the most? It’s hard to pick just one when the whole country is on fire. Who did you miss? Pretty much everyone when they are not right next to me. Sarah Bay, a lot, but I feel weird singling one person out. [This is exactly what I wrote for the last four years, but I’m keeping it because it’s still true.] Who was the best new person you met? Did I meet new people this year? I know I internet-met a couple people, but I'm not sure if I in-person made any new friends? We hung out with this girl Jenn at con a bunch, she was pretty cool! edit: oh my god MAX I met MAX this year because he did not exist last year!!! Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: Do not invite folks to sit on a panel unless you know they'll stick to the goddamn topic agreed on in advance. Quote a song that sums up your year: And no one grew into anything new / we just became the worse of what we were

(I think this is the third year in a row that Dave Malloy has been my lyric of the year.)

Anyway, that’s 2019 for me. I can’t say I’m sorry to see it go. The last half, in particular, was super rough. Hell, the last week was super rough--guess how many members of my family have been in the hospital in December! If you guessed “six” you would be correct!! (Everyone is more or less fine.)

But, hey, it also brought me my tiny nephew and two Dave Malloy musicals, so it wasn’t all bad!

I hope 2020 treats you all well, friends!

#stuff about me #2019 #meme

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ciaosucker-a · 5 years

Photo

@survivedempathy, @nahenama and @velvetipped asked for questions and I did them all. MEME: not accepting.

HOW DOES YOUR MUSE FEEL ABOUT SEAFOOD? crowley doesn’t mind it, that being said: they’re not particularly fond of eating.

WHAT IS THEIR FAVORITE PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY? definitely the answering machine, that or their phone. they don’t mind computers, but they don’t actually own one and use the ones at the library.

WHEN DID THEY LOSE THEIR VIRGINITY? roger taylor or freddie mercury, 1980. maybe both.

WAS THERE ANYTHING THEIR PARENTS PUSHED THEM TO DO? (E.G. SPORTS, THEATRE, BAND) not ask questions.

DESCRIBE YOUR MUSE’S WORST NIGHTMARE. the worst nightmare already happened for crowley, when both the bookshop and the bentley were burnt. not knowing where aziraphale or sabrina are either is a big nightmare.

WHAT IS A DEAL-BREAKER WHEN IT COMES TO DATING SOMEONE? let them have a heat lamp in the bedroom. no heat lamp, no deal.

WHAT WAS THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT IN YOUR MUSE’S LIFE? probably when aziraphale threatened to not talk to them again and that’s when they chose to do something.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR MUSE UP AT NIGHT? the fact that they never had any arms or legs as a snake and now they’re got some. also, they just sleep for like a minimal amount of time.

WHAT CHRONIC ILLNESSES DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE, IF ANY? none.

DOES YOUR MUSE GET CARSICK? nope.

DOES YOUR MUSE WEAR GLASSES/CONTACTS? yep. only sunglasses but they hide their eyes.

WHAT ARE SOME WARNING SIGNS THAT YOUR MUSE IS GETTING DEPRESSED? starts getting quiet. they love to talk most of the time so when they get quiet, then there’s something.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S FAVORITE CANDY? they reaaaally like kit kats.

DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE A “VICTORY SONG” AND IF SO, WHAT IS IT? brighton rock by queen.

WHO DO THEY TEND TO BICKER WITH THE MOST? aziraphale, joyce, and sabrina.

HAS YOUR MUSE EVER BEEN HOSPITALIZED OR INSTITUTIONALIZED? nope.

DOES YOUR MUSE PRAY, WHETHER IT BE TO A GOD OR SOME OTHER FORCE? only when they’re losing hope and it’s always to god.

HAS YOUR MUSE EVER LIVED IN POVERTY? nope.

DO THEY HAVE ANY DISTINCT VOICE MANNERISMS? (E.G. SAYING ‘LIKE’ OR ‘UM’ A LOT, STUTTERS) there’s a lot of like “jsssk”, or “agh”.

WHERE ARE YOUR MUSE’S ANCESTORS FROM? DO THEY KEEP ANY OF THEIR TRADITIONS? heaven. nope, once they were cast out, it was out with the traditions.

WHEN DID YOUR MUSE LEARN ABOUT SEX? like… 1900’s.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE MOST THANKFUL FOR? aziraphale, sabrina, freddie and the plants (but don’t tell the plants).

WHAT SHOE SIZE IS YOUR MUSE? size 9.

DOES YOUR MUSE HATE THEIR MIDDLE NAME? \ WHAT IS IT? they chose jay.

HOW MANY HOURS A DAY DO THEY SPEND ON THE INTERNET/WATCHING TV? like, maybe two hours max? i envy him.

DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE ANY TROPHIES? nope! definitely didn’t tempt any of the athletes who won trophies at the 2012 olympics to give them any trophies! definitely didn’t do that!

IF YOUR MUSE WAS GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO SKYDIVING, WOULD THEY? no. when they were falling from grace, they were terrified.

WHAT IS THE MOST COMMON LIE YOUR MUSE TELLS THEMSELVES? “aziraphale doesn’t love you.”

HAS YOUR MUSE EVER HAD A PET? IF SO, WHAT TYPE? i think they’d be a fan of a cat, so they might convince aziraphale to get a cat. other than that, when sabrina comes to visit, she usually brings salem and salem gets absolutely spoiled.

WHO WAS YOUR MUSE’S FIRST KISS? roger taylor.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S FIRST MEMORY? falling is the answer they’ll give you.

HOW DOES YOUR MUSE FEEL ABOUT CROCS? they invented crocs.

WHAT ARE YOUR MUSE’S BIGGEST PET PEEVES? anything hastur or beezlebub does count?

WHAT WAS YOUR MUSE’S HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY? they don’t have a birthday.

DOES YOUR MUSE CROSS THEIR LEGS/ANKLES WHEN THEY SIT? they can’t sit like a normal person, they usually spread their legs.

WHAT SIMPLE TASK IS YOUR MUSE SURPRISINGLY BAD AT? eating human food. just pass them a rat.

DID YOUR MUSE EVER OWN A TAMAGATCHI? no.

WHAT WAS YOUR MUSE'S FIRST JOB? hanging the stars.

DOES YOUR MUSE USUALLY GO FOR TRUTH OR DARE? dare. they’re a little shit.

HAS YOUR MUSE EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? been to all queen concerts in the london area.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S FAVORITE HOLIDAY? halloween.

DOES YOUR MUSE REPLY TO SCARY CHAIN EMAILS/MESSAGES? they’re the ones who start it.

DESCRIBE THE FIRST PERSON YOUR MUSE REMEMBERS LOSING. god and their love.

WOULD YOUR MUSE EVER ROLEPLAY? no.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S HOGWARTS HOUSE? hufflepuff.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S FIRST THOUGHT UPON WAKING UP? “so help me… somebody if i have to shed my skin today.”

NAME A SONG YOUR MUSE CAN SING EVERY WORD TO. i’m in love with my car

WHO WOULD YOUR MUSE SACRIFICE THEMSELVES FOR, IF ANYBODY? aziraphale or sabrina.

HOW LONG IS YOUR MUSE’S PENIS? || WHAT BRA SIZE IS YOUR MUSE? this is unimportant because they don’t actually make the effort to wear bras or have a penis. they’re an entity, they have no gender.

IF YOUR MUSE COULD RID THE WORLD OF ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE? anyone who misgenders them.

#❛ 📚 › 𝐬𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬. ( meta )

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liz-and-the-blue-bird · 6 years

Text

First Video Review

Am I allowed to do this for such a minor thing? Whatever, I’m gonna do it. If you somehow missed my spam (apologies, btw), here’s the video.

I’m gonna run down the feedback I received and also a lot of thoughts of my own.

Recommended soundtrack

So, btw, Youtube Analytics is like way more detailed than I expected. I guess this is what happens when your parent company is a massive search engine that makes money on incredibly specific targeted ads.

I digress.

It’s been about 24 hrs since I published the video, and it’s gotten about as many views as I’d expected (which is to say, less than fifty). Here’s the breakdown:

33 views with 120 minutes of total watch time (audience retention of ~45%). 2 comments, both positive (thanks guys!). Pretty much all my views came from discord, where I shared the video and asked for feedback. All the discord views are complete watch throughs, other sources are a mixed bag, most people dropped after around 2 minutes.

With that in mind, this video is basically unlisted on youtube, given that no one has seen it, nor will it be recommended often.

That’s fine, I don’t really mind. I think the video deserves around maybe 100 views. Max. Seriously.

Let’s start with feedback:

1) Audio balance is the worst

Yea sorry about that. I’ll be honest, when I recorded then put the music, I thought it was fine, but now that I watch it, yea the music is a bit too loud at points, and the ed cut in was way louder than my talking volume, it’s a bit of a mess. I suspect it’s because when I’m just listening to audio, I close my eyes and focus, but on a video, I’m watching a thing so the audio gets messed up more in my head, so the parts that need to stick out need to be more emphasized. I’ll get it sorted for the next time.

2) Text on screen is weird

There’s a few pieces to this. First of all, the transition is just really bad. The slides in particular. @shinbec made a great point about how dated they feel. I’ll defend myself, I chose the slide transition because I thought it provide a specific energy to the video. It does, but he’s right, they feel like they’re made in powerpoint. The fade ins are less problematic, but they do lack variety. Moving forward, I’ll probably have to come up with some more interesting transitions. Especially between scenes.

Secondly, the use of the text in general. @chuuni-p made a good point saying that the text at the beginning with the direct quotes felt weird. Yea, it kind of does. I suspect it’s a combination of the poor transition and the strange phrasing (saying “quote” “end quote” very much cuts into your mental flow of the paragraph). But he did like the quotes near the end where I didn’t directly quote. I’m a bit torn on this. I like the direct quotes and then the text because it adds a sense of proof. Like, here it is! I’m not lying! kind of thing. If that makes sense. But the transition fails to emphasize that. This is all just something I should keep in mind for future text on videos. I don’t think this is something that is going to go away, it has to get better.

3) My voice is nice

Hey, thanks. I like my voice, I’m glad other people like it too.

Now then, on to my own personal criticisms.

The video now feels far too long to me. You may recall my surprise at my recording being 8 minutes and 30 seconds long. But it makes sense. I wrote about 1300 words, and I speak at about 175 wpm (this is above average). Of course it was gonna be 8 minutes long. It would be great if it needed to be 8 minutes long.

But it doesn’t need to be.

The video meanders, I think. When I wrote the script, I set out to post an interesting video about how Project No Chikara actually ended up revitalizing anime, even though its shows failed, with an interesting minor point on how the theme of the first show (So Ra No Wo To) actually lines up fittingly with that premise. Yet, due to the structure of the essay, it ends up being something else.

Here’s the structure of the video:

Intro (what is anime no chikara?) Body 1 (What So Ra No Wo To does well) Body 2 (What So Ra No Wo To does poorly) Conclusion (How did Anime no Chikara end?)

Just looking at this, you might see the issue. If you look at the topics of each paragraph, they don’t line up together. The Intro and the Conclusion are related, and the two body paragraphs are, but they aren’t technically related to each other.

And that’s the rub.

Essentially what I did was write a So Ra No Wo To review (6/10 btw) and then forced a structure into the intro and conclusion so that I didn’t have to title the video “So Ra No Wo To Review.” I don’t think that’s a very good strategy, and it lacks a sense of cohesion. Like seriously, you could rip out the middle two paragraphs (starting at around 1:00 and ending at about 6:50) and put the “thanks for watching” at the end of Amazing Grace and it would be cohesive. I could call that video “So Ra No Wo To, A Review on Moving Forward” and I think it would be a decent generic anime video.

I talked with another friend about this the other day. I think I could rip Body 2 out entirely, and restructure Body 1 to be more about Anime no Chikara and the integration with So Ra No Wo To. It would require more research and less “oh btw the show did x” but it would be a more flowing and exciting viewing experience. At least I think so.

My favorite book on writing, On Writing Well, has multiple chapters dedicated to ruthless cutting. The author mentions his distaste for adverbs because they rarely add to a description, unless you are using poor adjectives. He talks about how when he was a teacher, he’d tell his students to make their 10 page articles into 5 pagers, and once they’ve finished, ask them to make it a 4 pager.

If you’ve paid attention to The Nerdwriter, you may know that he used to make a video every single week. To be frank, that’s an ungodly amount of production for a single man making tightly edited videos. But it speaks volumes that when he slowed production down from 4/month to 2/month in order to “focus more on each video,” his videos remained short—they did not grow longer.

You might read all this and think I’m being kind of hard on myself for my first video. I got quite a lot of compliments, lots of people excited for where my channel is headed. (spoilers, it’s headed straight into a million kyoani videos.)

Maybe I am hard on myself. But if you consider video essays a form of art, and I certainly do, then I should learn to color in the lines.

#next video schedule:#script by 15th #video by 28th #i didn't even touch on how poor i believe my cuts were #but i'll get there #monologue #thanks for all the feedback guys i really appreciate it #i don't want to make anime reviews #God knows there's too many review channels on youtube already

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astridthevalkyrie · 6 years

Text

Axe to the Heart: Chapter 9

Astrid Hofferson/Steve Harrington. “Maybe I hate a lot of things here in Hawkins but I suppose you’re not one of them.”

Chapter 8

This chapter is dialogue HEAVY you guys...

Her nose wasn’t stuffed, and her throat didn’t hurt, and she wasn’t really nauseous, but she had had a headache the entire day, felt drowsy and cold all at once, and to top it all off, she had the whole day to actually, freely think about everything Hopper had told her last night. The demogorgon. The dogs. The Upside Down. Jane’s abilities. Her abuse. How a bunch of kids were dealing with things that kids shouldn’t have been dealing with.

And how her parents weren’t allowed to know because not many people were allowed to know. Because it wasn’t supposed to be known. Other dimensions and monsters were hidden away from people like her.

So Astrid spent the day groaning pitifully to no one in particular. She wanted to go -

Well, she didn’t want to go home, but she also did. Berk was strange, but it was beautiful and mysterious and it was her life. Hawkins had been dull and dry until this all happened. And maybe the excitement would be welcome if it didn’t come so fast and with a dose of child abuse.

There was a light knock on her window, and Astrid saw the hair before she looked at her clock. It wasn’t that late, but there was no reason for Steve to come. Their presentation had been today, and she had missed it.

Still, she trudged up and opened the window, reaching out and plucking a leaf from his hair before allowing him to come in. “Did you drive here? Can you even do that with your leg?”

“It wasn’t that bad.” Steve closed the window and then she saw he had a bag in his hand. “I was already out, I had to drop someone off at the middle school dance.”

“Was it…” She tried to remember a name from the multitude Hopper had given her yesterday. “Lucas?”

He shook his head. “Dustin. Here, I picked up soup for you.”

Astrid blinked in surprise, but took the bag without protest. She’d been too lazy to eat too much all day. “Um...thanks.” She looked up at him. “You didn’t have to.”

Steve snorted as she sat down on the bed with the bag next to her and flopped down, his head on her lap. “And I should have let you make your own soup? Please, I didn’t want you to die.”

She flicked his ear (it had been one bad smoothie and suddenly she was a bad cook? Unbelievable.) and yawned softly. “Why are you here? We don’t have anything to work on.”

“No,” Steve agreed, “but A, your parents are never home and you’re taking care of yourself, B, I didn’t have anything else to do, and C, you kissed me yesterday. We’re not going to just ignore that, are we?”

To her benefit, the way he brought it up caused her just to roll her eyes rather than any of that cursed blushing she’d been doing lately. “I just found out about alternate dimensions and me kissing you is what you wanna talk about?”

“Alternate dimensions will still be here tomorrow,” he said with a wide grin, raising his head slightly.

“While your lips won’t?”

Steve sighed dramatically and fell right back into her lap. “I thought Hopper already told you everything.”

“He did,” Astrid murmured, distractedly running her fingers through his hair, “I got Eleven, superpowers, bad lab people, missing Will, fake body, more monsters but little ones...I heard a lot, but not much about your involvement.”

He smirked; it seemed everything she said today was enough to set him off. He leaned up with his elbow propped up on the bed and his head in his hand. “How about this? I’ll tell you my involvement if you tell me something.”

Astrid furrowed her brows - how was she the interesting one right now? Lying on her stomach to face him eye to eye, she nodded. “Shoot.”

“Who are those people?”

Steve jerked his head towards the picture of the gang still propped up on top of her drawer, and her heart leaped in her chest. “Why?”

He gazed at her for a few seconds, and then said quietly and sincerely, “Because you look beyond happy in those pictures, and I’ve never seen you like that. Happy, yeah, but not that. Not...her,” he said, looking at the photo curiously.

“I…” Her voice caught in her throat. “That’s...they’re...important.” She took a deep breath and forced herself to look into Steve’s eyes. “They’re...the most important people in the world to me. They’re my best friends.”

She closed her eyes for a second, expecting a laugh or something, but when she opened her eyes, he was looking at her, intrigued, so she bit her lip and went on.

“I grew up with the gang. We...all of us played in the mud together, went on swings, took the mickey out of each other.” A small smile graced her lips as fond memories rushed through her head. “It was like...us against the world. There was me and Ruffnut, we were the only girls.”

Steve wasn’t looking at her anymore, he was looking at the picture and squinting as she described them all. “There was Ruff’s twin brother, Tuffnut, or Tuff. Fishlegs. He’s the other blonde boy. Snotlout, the short one. And…” She swallowed. “And the brunette is Hiccup.”

Her voice must have cracked, because he turned back to her and a look of understanding passed through his face. “And you and Hiccup dated.” It wasn’t a question.

“How did you -”

“I wouldn’t know for sure,” Steve mumbled, his cheeks reddening slightly, “but I think...the way you were looking at his picture just now?” He looked down. “I think that’s the way I was looking at Nancy when I saw her volunteering at the dance.”

“Oh.” She didn’t know what to do with that information. “That’s…”

“Pathetic, I know. She’s moved on, so why can’t I?”

Astrid hummed in thought for a few seconds and then said, “Just because she’s dating Byers doesn’t mean she’s moved on. She probably still cares.”

He snorted, sitting up with a slightly pained expression. “Of course she cares. She’s Nancy Wheeler. She’s nice and sweet and she...she cares about everyone…”

Oh, like she’d never met anyone like that before.

‘Hiccup too.” She sat up and he put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in. “He was nice and smart and funny and he loved animals.”

“He sounds like a great guy.”

“Nancy sounds like a great girl.”

“And we sound fucking pathetic.”

A laugh escaped her and she pressed her face against his chest. He wasn’t wrong, they were praising each other’s exes. “Well, we’re the assholes in the relationships, remember?”

“Yeah, we are.” He took a deep breath and then his words came out in a rush. “Last year, I saw Jonathan in Nancy’s room and my fucking head told me that meant she was cheating on me. I let my friend - at the time - spray paint shit about her. Then I...I…”

Deciding to follow his example, she didn’t say anything, but held his hand to show she was listening.

“I...insulted Will, and Jonathan punched me, and oh God, I fucking deserved it. So I went to his house to apologize but fought a demogorgon instead.”

Astrid breathed softly, looking up at him. “But Nancy was still dating you. What about this year? You had to deal with the...the demodogs?”

He gave a short nod. “Yeah. Dustin needed my help and I didn’t realize there was so many of them. I thought I could take it. Anyway, at some point Billy showed up -”

“Hargrove?”

“Yeah, Hargrove. He hates Lucas and he hates that his sister Max is with Lucas and he came and he pushed the kid onto a shelf.”

“What the fuck?” Astrid pulled back, staring at him incredulously. “What could Lucas have done that was so -”

“Billy’s racist.”

Pieces clicked together in her brain, and she nodded slowly. Great, more child abuse, just what this story needed, and now with a sprinkle of racism. Perfect.

“I got him away from Lucas, and I punched him, but then he smashed a plate on my head -” Astrid winced, trying not to imagine terrified kids watching their teenage protector lose a fight to someone who was out to hurt them - “and started to beat me up.” He scoffed lightly. “I guess I kinda deserved that one too. Once I hit the ground...I let him. At least he was beating me up instead of the kids, right?”

Steve’s voice was shaking, and Astrid, vividly remembering how Snotlout would tremble just like that whenever he talked about his shitty father, slid her arms around his neck and pulled him close, so that he could hide his face as he tucked it in the crook of her neck.

“He kept going. And going. Until...well, I passed out, but they told me Max stabbed him with a syringe that knocked him out.” She felt a slight wetness on her skin. “So a thirteen year old saved me because I couldn’t bother to hit back after a few punches.”

Astrid felt tears prickling at the corner of her ears too (to think that she’d thought he got those bruises in some stupid alpha male fight!) and she rubbed his back. “Hey. It’s okay. You...you were amazing, okay? Hiccup’s dad, he told me once that we both were warriors, born to protect. You are too. We’re protectors.”

Steve didn’t respond to that, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and grabbed fistfuls of her shirt, holding her close.

Then, after a minute, he said, without letting go of her, “I’m not over Nance.”

“I know.”

“I think you’re amazing, and - and a great kisser, and I wanna be with you, but it’s not fair if I’m still thinking about her.”

“I know what you mean.” She glanced at the photo over the shoulder. “I don’t think I’m ready yet either. Definitely attracted to you, but…”

“But let’s wait awhile.”

“Yeah. Maybe the feelings will go away.”

“Or maybe they’ll stay.”

“Maybe,” Astrid said softly.

It was then Steve pulled back, wiping his eyes (a lot more softly than she did when she was crying, but she was starting to notice he was a soft boy in general).

“Sorry. You’re sick. We should - I should....uh…”

Astrid bit back a smile and then closed her eyes, resting her head on his shoulder. “Just hold me, yeah?”

Steve complied, and as she was warmed up by his arms and soothed by the sound of his heartbeat, she thought that it should have felt like the end of a story just about now.

Instead, it felt like the beginning.

Okay, so I have like, five people who read this thing, and I want to ask you:

Since there’s no real plot running in my head, but a bunch of oneshot ideas, do you want me to end this story here and post them as separate oneshots in this universe? Or should it just be new chapters for this, but without a real plot (i.e. the Upside Down, demogorgon) and just Steve and Astrid’s developing relationship?

Also, either way, I’d like you guys to send in prompts for oneshots that I won’t guarantee I’ll write each one, but hopefully they’ll inspire me and you can send me as many as you want (but only for them at this stage of their relationship, close friends but not dating, once they start dating it can be prompts for that. You can still send romantic prompts, but they won’t be dating).

Please let me know!

#httyd #stranger things #astrid hofferson #steve harrington #stevestrid #valkyrie stories

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meditatemoremedicateless · 6 years

Text

Dear Kate, (I couldn’t get her out of My mind)

Fandom: Life is Strange

Pairings: Chasemarsh, ambermarsh

Major tags: fluff, angst, possession

Words: ~ 6,800

Summary: Kate has a horrendous Thanksgiving with her family, interrupted by some nice pictures from Victoria’s bathroom. She runs into Chloe Price and Rose Amber and joins them for a smoke.

Read the full story on AO3

Dear Kate,

Happy Thanksgiving! I can't be totally sure you're going to be the one to wake up, but I'm praying you will be LOL! I've been reading and re-reading your notes on the fam so I can say the right stuff. For instance, I won't call out Aunt Martha for being a raging homophobe, I WILL ask Lynn about soccer, etc. I'm gonna kill it. I'm great with parents! Probably.

I had our study date with Stella, and everything went fine. I said I'd try and be careful with the addys and it was just a bad week and she relaxed. I think maybe the reason she was avoiding you was because she was dealing, and she'd feel judged if you found out? She didn't really say but those are the vibes I got from her.

I got an 'A' on the Brothers K essay! I left it on the desk so you could read it if you'd like, maybe throw some of my clever points out in class when you get back ;) No need to thank me. Unless you want to, in which case you can buy me something off my wishlist on Amazon.

Speaking of which, I was thinking we could do some sort of gift exchange before we head home for Christmas. Dana wants to do a secret santa and I signed us up, I hope that's okay. But I'd also like to get you some stuff. Can you think of any way we could buy each other gifts without the other knowing about it? I'm thinking I'll just literally bring gift bags with me when I go shopping so you don't have a chance to wake up before I get them wrapped lol. Lastly, I wanted to buy some of the girls in the dorm HP scarves. I'm thinking Alyssa - Ravenclaw, Stella - Slytherin, Max - Hufflepuff/Gryffindor, Dana - Hufflepuff, Juliet - Ravenclaw, Taylor - Slytherin, Courtney - Slytherin/Ravenclaw? Honestly I don't know them that well and I literally have no idea how long it's been since I've read HP so I might be off-base.

@your story about Vic and the porn: THAT IS AMAZING HOLY SHIT. Like I'm sorry I woke her up (I was a little wacked out that week, my bad lol) but that's so funny. I can't believe she worked up the guts to yell at you. I think I'd strangle me for waking me up that early if I was her.

I know this is a little dark but I wish I could spend Thanksgiving with my family. Or, at least, I wish I knew if I'd like them enough to spend it with them. Your family seems great but the holidays seem depressing AF honestly. I really hope it's you tomorrow, not me. I'm probably going to cry or some shit if that happens. I wonder what I'll even do if I get to meet them.

Last thing: I've discovered that I'm actually pretty good at singing?? which I did not expect. You never told me! So I jammed out with Max a little and it was really cool and fun and she brought up the possibility of doing covers on Youtube. It would probably be at least a kind of ongoing thing so . . . do you think you'd be up for it? I know things are a little weird between you two rn, and I don't know if you sing, so I thought I'd ask.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family.

X O X O ~ Katie

Kate let herself have a smile. It was so much less frightening to wake up with time lost as long as one of these notes was there.

Thanksgiving with the Marsh family this year was at Aunt Martha's, like it is most years, even though it's much smaller than what Kate's family had. Mobility was a pretty continual issue for her, so she stayed home unless she absolutely had to, and Kate's mom did the best she could to make sure she wouldn't have to. Aunt Martha was a miserable middle-aged woman whose husband had died too young while her bones withered away from tumors that, by most estimations, should have killed her. She was exactly the sort of person that Kate had been taught to sympathize with, to help selflessly. But, try as she might, Kate hated her, hated that suffering had made her so insufferable, and hated that there was absolutely nothing Kate could do that she thought was of any value.

As Kate sat in the living room on a couch across from Aunt Martha's chair, she wondered what Martha would have to say if she knew Kate had sex with women, or that there was the spirit of a dead girl that made her do evil things living inside her. If wanting to be a children's author and a vegan was too much disappointment for her, what would that do to her poor, fragile heart? Maybe it would be too much for her, and Kate would never have to spend another holiday in this musty house.

Kate had been having more trouble keeping her misanthropic thoughts out of her head since she'd been putting herself together. That, apparently, was the price of letting yourself fall apart. Or abusing drugs, it wasn't totally clear which.

"So, Katie, tell me how school's going. You're a senior, aren't'cha?"

Kate nodded. It was the same few questions every year.

"Where are you applying to college?"

Kate sighed. "I'm not. Blackwell has a two-year program for seniors, and I'm taking college credit there."

"Oh, I see." She paused, but Kate could already feel the next question coming. Aunt Martha didn't disappoint: "But why stay there when you could go to a real college?"

Kate bit back the sarcasm that wanted to rise inside her. "Because most universities don't have a career-oriented program for English majors, nevermind for people who want to do what I want to do."

"Mm, right," Aunt Martha replied, nodding her head as she remembered. "Children's books, right? It hardly seems like you need a college degree forthat. Or . . . is that the point?"

God, not this again. Why did Kate's family think that her desire to go to university was some cloaked attempt to be unsupervised around boys? When had she ever needed supervision to stay away from boys? Kate's eyes narrowed; "I'm not planning on finding a husband in college, if that's what you mean," she said.

This was always a sore subject between them, because that is precisely what Aunt Martha had done, and what Kate's own parents had done. Her insistence that she wouldn't do the same at least only came off as stubbornly independent to her mom, but to Aunt Martha, it was like it was an insult, like Kate thought she was better than her because she needed a man less.

Aunt Martha seemed to sense the tension, and she laughed. "No, of course not. I suspect we'll be waiting a while before we find a man who can keep up with you. I can't imagine an English department will have many boys ready to ask a girl like you out."

Kate bunched up her skirt in her fists, her leg bouncing up and down as a vent for her irritation. She wished Mom and Dad would call her in to help with Thanksgiving dinner, but the kitchen was small and Kate was, honestly, a terrible cook, so they never did now that she was old enough to only be called on when she was needed.

Aunt Martha was always like this. She didn't insist, like Mom did, that Kate had been taken in by the hairy feminists who insisted on women doing everything men can do to make themselves feel better for being unable to have a happy family. No, Aunt Martha had almost always seemed to recognize that there would never be a point where Kate would agree with her vision of a good life. She just thought Kate was tragically stupid. That Kate thought the world could give her something that a good family couldn't find by the grace of God. She thought Kate was materialistic, naive, and most of all, unwanted. And Kate couldn't help but hate her for it.

"So, sweetie, how is the abstinence club going?"

Kate choked on a bite of shepard's pie, the only thing she could really eat on the table because she'd made it herself. It took a few seconds of hitting her chest with her hand before she felt like she could safely breathe again, and everyone looked at her with concern.

Kate shook her head to regain her bearings. "Um. Yeah, it's doing really good. There's not a lot of people in it, but it's very supportive. We have movie nights in the dorms and watch documentaries. It's good."

Dad looked from his food, concern clearly written on his face. "Are kids still giving you trouble about it? I know you said there were some girls being mean about it."

"Aha. Yeah," Kate said, nervously brushing some loose strands of hair behind her ear. "I think they got bored. Bullies, you know, they just like to get a rise out of you, so." Kate returned to trying to eat her food.

Kate hated talking about bullying, but she hated it twice as much with Lynn and Katrina listening. She always wanted them to believe that people were kind to Kate, and that she was kind to them. She wanted them to think that being kind would pay off. Not everyone was ready to accept that people are cruel, and you can't make them stop with kindness. Certainly not at their age. She also seriously didn't want to talk about the abstinence club, because if she let it slip that the membership was half Muslim and that the facilitator (Kate) wasn't even abstinent, this Thanksgiving dinner would completely implode.

Kate decided to take things into her own hands and change the conversation. "Lynn! How's soccer been?"

Lynn shrugged. "It's okay. It's not as fun anymore since we started being ranked, though."

Aunt Martha seemed amused. "You still get trophies for playing, though, don't you?"

Lynn seemed both taken aback and confused. She couldn't understand why the question was loaded - it's not like she watched the news or spent much time on the internet.

So, Kate interjected on her behalf, "I get that. I don't like competing, either, it kind of spoils the fun."

Lynn nodded, but Aunt Martha just raised her eyebrows. At the very least, she didn't say anything in response, just returned to her food.

Kate's phone buzzed. It would be rude to check it during dinner . . . but she just really didn't want to focus on dinner right now.

Victoria: Does your Thanksgiving suck as much as mine rn?

Kate smirked, settling her phone on her leg. She was careful with a touch screen - she didn't need to look to type, especially thanks to auto-correct.

Kate: more. Kate: my dad just asked about the abstinence club

"Kat?" Kate asked. Her sister gave her a glance. "How's robotics?"

"I quit."

Now that was something shocking. And disheartening. "But you love robotics," she replied.

Katrina seemed to think it over for a second, then shrugged slowly. Kate knew, of course, that Mom had always hated that Kat was so involved with robotics - it kept her out of the house for hours after school, and competitions often took her away for weekends and demanded even more hours away from home from her. Just like Kate had thrown herself at service projects and youth programs to stay out of the house, Katrina had been well on her way to becoming a professional right out of high school thanks to years on the Robotics team. Kat didn't really want to make a career out of it, though, and Mom had never understood putting so much time into developing skills you weren't going to use. If she knew her kids were doing it to stay away from her, she was just spiteful about it.

Victoria: wow Victoria: My family's just getting hammered because they can't stand talking to each other Victoria: You win though

Kate: thanks i know Kate: also they asked if you were bullying me still

Mom was the next one to speak up. "Oh, Katie. Maria Anderson sent me a copy of your school newspaper. You didn't tell us you had won a photography competition, sweetie. In LA, that's so exciting!"

"Oh. Yeah. I guess I just forgot, I'm sorry. I've been really busy with school this semester." And the competition was in San Francisco.

Now Dad chimed in. "Have you been getting more involved with photography? I know you were unsure about it when you signed up."

Kate thought about it for a second, then nodded. She took a bite of shepard's pie, and the conversation halted, waiting for a better reply. "Yeah, actually. I'm the photography professor's student aide, and one of my friends is actually going there just to study photography."

Mom seemed intrigued. "Oh? The fashion photography celebrity from the pamphlet?"

Kate nodded affirmative.

"Well, that's exciting!"

Kate shrugged. "I guess. He's kind of self-important in real life, though."

Dad snorted. Then he said, "Well, I guess once you get famous, it's easy to get like that."

"I guess."

Victoria: Oh? bullying you? Victoria: What did you tell them?

Kate: i mean you were totally bullying me Kate: i just said everyone got bored bullying me because you can't get a rise out of me

Victoria: roflmao

It was several minutes before Kate got the next message from Victoria

Victoria: You're right. I should probably make it up to you. Victoria: So you're still at the dinner table, right? Now would be a horrible time to get caught doing something terribly un-Christian?

Kate: i mean, yeah?????

Victoria: You probably shouldn't open up your messages again for a while, then.

Kate had absolutely no idea what that meant. Or did she know what it meant, just not believe it could possibly be happening? Even when her phone buzzed again, she thought the idea was so ridiculous, she must be getting ahead of herself and-

Nope.

Victoria had sent her a picture without a shirt on, leaning against the door of what appeared to be a pristine bathroom. Her skirt was pulled down just enough to expose her underwear, which was pink and it matched her bra and-

Kate dropped her phone. It startled her a lot worse than everyone, but it startled everyone.

"Oh, sorry," she said, retrieving her phone from the floor.

"Katie, put your phone away at the dinner table," her mother admonished.

There was a second photo now. Now it was a selfie instead of a mirror photo, with Victoria sitting on the counter beside the sink. Her skirt was pulled all the way down to her ankles now, and the angle somehow managed to get her eyes and collar bone and breasts in good lighting. Victoria really knew how to use a phone camera.

"Mhm," Kate said, slipping her phone in her pocket.

She could barely eat after that, and she dropped her fork several times.

Kate decided to go for a walk after dinner, which she had done nearly every Thanksgiving in the past years, though not previously to text girls sending her bathroom selfies.

Kate: WTF!! Kate: I was with my family!

Victoria: I invited you not to look.

Kate: You call THAT inviting me not to look?

Victoria: You're the one who looked.

Kate: That's gross logic. Victim blaming.

Victoria: Oh? So you didn't like them?

Kate's jaw felt rigid for some reason, like she was holding back a scream. She was walking awfully fast down the sidewalk, making her way towards the wealthier part of the suburbs.

Kate: That is not the conversation we're having. Kate: No bathroom selfies without warning. Illegal!

Victoria: But . . . bathroom selfies are okay, then?

Kate decided to reply to that question with another question: a random handful of emojis followed by a question mark emoji.

Victoria: God you're such a lesbian

Kate felt a tingle run down her spine just reading the word. She'd always felt like her liking women and her being a lesbian were two totally different ideas. She couldn't help the first one. But the second one always felt like she had to do something, be someone she wasn't to earn it. She believed she had soundly rejected the life 'lesbian' implied to her. But now, here she was. A lesbian after all.

Kate: You know you're the first person to call me that without meaning to be mean.

Victoria: Yeah, I'm not a tool.

Kate could tell she was in the richer part of the suburbs now by how much better-lit the streets were. The roads looked recently paved, the lawns recently trimmed. It was the sort of upkeep you could only really afford if you had someone else do it for you.

Kate: Hey so I have a weird favor to ask

Victoria: Need me to slash someone's tires?

Kate: No? Kate: Why? Is that a thing people really do? Kate: Could you get me a vibrator?

Victoria: That's literally not weird at all, one Victoria: Two, this implies that you were making those godforsaken noises thanks to your HAND? Victoria: I'll get you a vibrator AND a gag

Kate: Hey, you know, I actually feel really weird about all of this. LIke, all of it. Like what is going on right now. Like how did we have sex? And how are you flirting with me right now? None of this makes any sense.

Victoria: you're telling me Victoria: I'd like to say I'm not questioning it, but I'm not actually the sort of girl who can not question anything, lol Victoria: But if I remember correctly, you had a nervous breakdown and then seduced me? Victoria: And I'm honestly surprised you can even recognize flirting Victoria: What with you being a founding member of the school's abstinence club

Kate: I guess I'm just totally losing my sense of identity and replacing it with lesbianism

Victoria: yikes Victoria: but also nice - solid improvement Victoria: no offense

Kate laughed. That was right, wasn't it? If Kate was still who she had been at the start of the month, Victoria wouldn't be flirting with her and sending her sexy pictures during Thanksgiving dinner. If Kate was still who she had been at the start of summer, someone who never would have kissed Victoria just to mess with her, then Victoria would still be mocking her, defacing her club posters right in front of her, just shitting on her at every turn. The only reason Victoria was treating her nicely was because she changed. The Kate that Kate still thought of as herself, the version of her that she was just on vacation from and would be again one day, she would never be in this situation. Victoria didn't like Kate. She liked whatever mangled version of her this was.

Kate: None taken. Kate: You're not exactly regular-me's type, anyway

Victoria: Wow, savage much? Victoria: You don't think I'm cute?

Kate: Oh you are Kate: I just like nice people

Victoria: haha! Victoria: That's fair Victoria: So who do you like? You know, normally.

Kate: I feel like you seriously do not comprehend the Christian + Lesbian experience

Victoria: Try me.

God. Was she seriously going to talk to Victoria about this? Of all people? Then again, who else did she have? Katie? How would Katie possibly understand? She'd never been interested in Kate's chastity vows. She would have broken them if Kate hadn't first. The way she always talked about which girls were cute and who Kate should date with absolutely no regard for how much it hurt her? Katie was just a fundamentally different person. Restraint just wasn't written into her personality.

Kate: OK fine Kate: I literally monitor myself to make sure I don't develop feelings for anyone Kate: Because there is no version of that that isn't a disaster. Kate: Step one, like a person. Based on my inclinations, probably a girl. Oops. Put on the brakes. Kate: Step two, date a person. I took vows. And I took them knowing it wasn't going to be easy. I don't think I could ever be close enough with someone to call it dating and not be tempted. Oops. Put on the brakes. Kate: Step three. Fall in love. But I'm not going to be sticking around here. I'm going to go off to college and I don't really plan on coming back. Fall for someone in college? We just break up or get married and those are samely awful because marriage is a sham that helps reinforce white supremacy in America and marriage is only going to distract me from getting through my education. And hey, getting dumped sounds pretty bad, too. Oops. Put on the brakes. Kate: So I don't "like" anyone normally. It can't be anything but a train wreck.

Victoria never seemed to start a message and not finish it within seconds. She was sure of what she wanted to say before she even tried to say it. You can see indecision in those little "..." that pop up on your phone, and Victoria's lasted longer than Kate expected.

Victoria: ... but you like me?

Dammit. Kate had said that, hadn't she? For Katie's sake. So Katie wouldn't be lonely. Of course. That's really why this was all happening, wasn't it? Because Kate told a little white lie in hopes of helping someone?

Kate: For now.

It was curt. It was mean, and honestly, probably a little degrading. But Kate sent it anyway. Victoria was quick to respond.

Victoria: I can live with that. But I have to tell you, I think your brakes might be broken.

That's not all that's broken. The thought made Kate smile, but it also hurt like a hole had been made in her lung.

Kate wished she could explain her situation. She wished she could explain that she never meant to take Adderall, she never meant to kiss Victoria, she never meant to do anything but keep living her closed-off, secure, closeted life, but that the choice had been taken from her. She wished she could explain that she only let the thought of having sex with Victoria be anything more than the most passing, unwelcome fantasy because she wanted to get back at an invader in her own body. She wished she could be cruel and tell Victoria that she wasn't as special as she must think she is, because absolutely none of this was about her. She was just the girl around when any would have done (any girl she didn't fear falling in love with, at least). Victoria thought she'd taken advantage of Kate - she even apologized for it the next day. The thought hadn't even seemed to occur to her that she was the one being taken advantage of.

But, in the end, Kate had to admit she was having fun.

Kate: Send me another photo.

Victoria didn't text back. Kate was fairly convinced that was because she was listening, and here in a few minutes she'd have a new picture of Victoria to titillate her for absolutely no reason other than she wanted it. Victoria, as bossy as she was, liked being told what to do. Kate had never felt the impulse to obey. She wondered how easy it would have been for her to keep living her life as planned if she didn't have to struggle every step of the way against herself. If only obedience was as easy for her as it was for Victoria.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kate saw something that had haunted her dreams. Something that had always seemed far away, ephemeral, not really part of the same world that Kate lived in, sort of like Katie. No matter how much she'd seen it, she never really thought of it as something real.

The girl with the blue hair stood on the porch of one of the nicest houses on the street beside a short, black-haired woman. They each had a cigarette in their mouths, chatting amicably after a Thanksgiving dinner. Chloe Price: The girl of Kate Marsh's dreams. How strange it was that they'd never talked.

Finally, Chloe caught Kate standing there next to the driveway, looking at her with wide eyes of wonder and, frankly, fear.

"Yo!" she called. "Is that Kate Marsh?"

Kate just blinked. Of course. Of course they had met, and Kate just didn't remember. "Chloe Price?" she called, knowing full well the answer.

"Sup?! Wanna bum another cigarette?"

Another cigarette? Looks like that was another thing Kate didn't know she'd been doing. "Sure," she replied, and walked up the unfamiliar driveway to stand on the porch with Chloe and the unfamiliar woman.

"Hi, I'm Kate," she said, offering a hand to the Unfamiliar Woman.

"Rose," the woman replied as she shook Kate's hand, a wry smile on her face. "A friend of yours I take it, Chloe?" Rose asked before taking another drag from her cigarette. Kate absolutely hated the smoke from cigarettes. She was resolved to put it in her lungs.

Chloe nodded with a smile. "You can take it all the way to the bank. Kate here is an art student at Blackwell and co-friend to one Max Caulfield. She plays the violin beautifully and assists Mark Jefferson, fashion photographer and total hottie, as his class aide."

Kate had absolutely no idea how Chloe could possibly know all this stuff about her when all Kate knew about Chloe was that she ate at the Two Whales diner sometimes, and she didn't exactly have definitive proof of that, either.

"Well, Chloe, that's quite an impressive introduction-"

"-Thank you Mrs. Amber-"

"- But maybe Kate should get to talk about herself instead? And maybe you should light her cigarette, as she clearly doesn't have a light."

"My bad."

Kate held the cigarette in her mouth, bracing herself for what was to come. Chloe lit the cigarette and Kate inhaled and it felt like death and Kate immediately began to choke and cough.

Chloe pointed at Kate with her cigarette between her fingers. "You see, she keeps telling me she's a smoker, but I think she's just flirting with me."

Here Kate was, having one of the worst cardiovascular experiences of her life, and there Chloe was, making jokes at her expense like they were close friends. What in the actual goddamn?

"Are you alright, hun?" Rose asked as Kate managed to finally get a lungful of clean air. She nodded, not really aiming to talk so soon after embarrassing herself.

"Well, then, I hear-" she gave a pointed stare at Chloe, who just smirked before putting the cigarette back in her mouth, "- that you've taken over my daughter's TA position. How is that going for you?"

Wait, what?

"Rose . . . Amber," Kate mumbled, fitting the pieces together. Her eyes flicked up to Rose's face, wide with shock. "You're Rachel's mom."

Rose nodded. "That I am. Or I was, when she was still interested in having a mother." There was clear frustration in her face as she said it, but it cleared up a moment later. She shot Kate an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't say things like that in front of a stranger."

Chloe waved it off. "Nah, don't worry about it. She's heard me say worse. Katie here has been helping Max and me with some . . . extracurricular activities lately."

"I . . . have?" Kate asked. But Chloe said it without hesitation, she couldn't just be making it up, could she? "I mean, I have been, yeah," she corrected.

Rose conceded the point but still said, "Forgive me, Kate. It's our first big holiday without Rachel home and I'm . . . being bitter."

Chloe cracked a smile, snapping a finger gun at Rose. "And a little drunk!"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Yes, all right, and a little drunk. But mostly bitter."

"I'm . . . sorry, that must be so hard for you."

Kate suddenly felt stripped bare, exposed in an unusual way. She felt ashamed for the petty ways she'd been acting the past few days. There were people outside of her life, outside of her head who were having real problems, real concerns, and they still seemed to hold it together. Somewhere in the past few weeks of struggling against herself and abandoning all responsibility, the missing persons posters that littered her school had all become invisible, and she had forgotten that she missed Rachel, that she should care that Rachel was gone. Some people, though, didn't have the luxury of forgetting just because other things were going on.

"Yes . . . yes I suppose it is," Rose said, a faraway look in her eye as the embers of her cigarette glowed bright. She extinguished her cigarette on an ash tray left out on the deck railing and sighed. "I think some part of me thought she'd come home for the holidays. That she didn't . . . I don't know what it means."

The implication, though, hung in the air between them, a miasma worse than the cigarette smoke. Kate and Chloe both took a drag from their cigarettes to try and distract themselves from the thought of Rachel dead and buried somewhere, though the lack of oxygen and ensuing coughing fit did a much better job at distracting Kate than the nicotine.

After a moment, Rose said, "Well, I'm going to head inside. The Chardonnay isn't going to drink itself, I'm afraid." As she turned towards the door, she clapped a hand on Chloe's shoulder. "Just come in when you're ready."

Chloe nodded with a good-natured smile, and then Rose went inside.

Kate raised her cigarette again, but hesitated before it reached her mouth. Chloe laughed, and Kate tilted her head in confusion. "You don't have to smoke it, dude. Like in all seriousness, you should quit while you're ahead."

Kate pulled the cigarette away from her mouth and stared at it for a second. She considered smoking it just to be obstinate, but, honestly, the shtick was getting old for her. There were parts of 'no responsibilities' that she liked, but smoking was not one of them.

"Yeah, you're right." Kate extinguished her cigarette and leaned on the railing opposite of where Chloe stood.

"So, Chloe Price," Kate started, folding her hands in front of her. "You seem to know a lot about me. What's there to know about you?"

Chloe looked pleased at the prospect of talking about herself, and held her cigarette at her side once she'd finished what looked like the last of it. She blew up, trying to keep it out of Kate's face.

"Well, Katie, I'm nineteen years old, a natural blonde, my favorite color is blue and I like long, romantic walks on the beach. Oh, and I'm chainsmoking outside of my best friend's house to distract myself from the most depressing Thanksgiving I've ever had, and let me tell you, I've had some bad ones."

As much as Kate might like to ask about that, there was something far more interesting to her: "So, you and Rachel were close?"

Chloe quirked her eyebrows. "Was it the hundred or so missing persons posters or the breaking into your principal's office? Thanks, by the way."

Kate blinked. "For what?"

Now it was Chloe's turn to look confused. "For the . . . key to Wells's office? Max and I couldn't have done it without you, seriously."

I helped them break into Wells office? Katie, what are you getting yourself into here? Chloe doesn't know that you don't know what happened. Just stay cool and be vague.

"Oh, right, totally. Did you find what you were looking for?"

Chloe shrugged, tilting her hand back and forth to answer, 'eh.' "Kinda," she said. "Figured out that Nathan's a psycho, not that was news to anyone. Couldn't find Rachel's file though, which was shady as fuck considering they still had mine, but it didn't exactly leave us a lot to go on."

"Hmm. That's too bad."

Chloe nodded, then finally reached over to drop her cigarette butt on the ash tray. "We'll keep you posted. Anyway, how was your Thanksgiving?"

"Uhhh," Kate had no idea. It was a disaster, like it always was, but that wasn't really what stuck out in her mind. "It was . . . bad."

"How so?"

Chloe was not part of Kate's life. She was friends with Max, who Kate was friends with, so their spheres were not entirely divorced. But, obviously, Chloe was trusting Kate with something important, even if she had no idea what it was. Despite her rational inhibition, Kate got the feeling that Chloe was somebody that she could trust. And also probably a lesbian, judging from the rainbow shirt she wore in her profile picture on Facebook. Maybe this was the closest Kate would have to somebody she could tell about her fucked up situation.

"Well. For one, my parents asked about my abstinence club."

"Oh yeah, Max mentioned that you were in that. Why's that bad?"

Kate crossed her arms over her chest. "You promise not to tell Max?"

"Uh, yeah, sure . . ." Chloe looked both concerned and also overwhelmingly curious. "Why?"

"Well, I had sex last week."

Chloe said absolutely nothing at first. Her expression changed very slowly from concern to confusion to shock to understanding.

"Yeah, that seems like that'd be a weird conversation, then. Especially if - wait. Like, your first time?"

Kate nodded.

Chloe held her hand up in the air, "Eyyy, nice one!" She didn't drop it when Kate only stared at her hand, but after a second she seemed to realize the issue. "May-be? Are you happy about that? I don't know how the whole . . . abstinence thing works."

Kate giggled a little, then raised her hand for a high five. Chloe complied quickly, hitting her hand so hard that it gave a satisfying clap, although it also hurt like hell. Kate shook her hand to restore the feeling in her palm.

"So? Blackwell kid I know? Who's the lucky g-..." Chloe froze, inspecting Kate quickly and in no way subtly. "Yeah, I'm going to need you to help me out here - your sexuality's a little hard for me to suss out here."

Kate, despite herself, was growing fond of all these girls who, whatever else they thought, could distinctly sense that Kate was not-straight. After being friends with Alyssa, Stella, and Dana for a year, it was nice to experience a sense of normality. Not that she blamed them for the heteronormativity, really, it's just that everyone took her disinterest in relationships as some sort of shy girl shell that romance would one day crack. They thought she asked not to be touched because contact was uncomfortable for her. Even Alyssa, who was in the abstinence club too, never seemed to consider that relationships and touch alike were something Kate craved, and that is precisely why she said no.

"She's a girl. And you probably know her, so I feel like I shouldn't say."

"Ugh. Fine. But you're leaving me with some real gossip blue balls here, you know."

Kate gagged at that whole comment. "Gross. But, anyway, not only did I nearly die because I had to talk about the club, but then she goes and sends me pictures of her in her underwear during dinner-"

"-nice; continue-"

"- and I'm, you know, a bit new at this, so I lose my cool a little bit, nearly trip and stab my own neck with a fork, that sort of thing. So the whole dinner basically sucked."

"Reasonable, reasonable." Chloe paused to think for a second and then added, "Is it by any chance Victoria?"

Kate can't even muster up a facial reaction for how off-guard she was for that comment. "H-how did you-"

"Oh my god - holy shit! You had-"

"Ssshhh!"

Chloe had the biggest, goofiest grin on her face. "You had sex with Victoria Chase? Nice one, dude! I tried negging her for like two years, never went anywhere."

That left Kate a little more guarded, but mostly awkward. "I mean, yeah, because that's gross and misogynistic. Have you tried, I don't know, not doing that?"

"Pfft." Chloe considered it. "Yeah. I mean, no, not with Victoria, but like, in general. Why, what'd you do?"

"I-" Kate thought about what she had done, precisely. Had an emotional meltdown? Probably wasn't what did it. Just sort of grabbed her and kissed her? That actually sounds closer to sexual assault and definitely not something she was about to advise Chloe to do. What had actually, you know, worked? "I - uh." Kate's skin flushed red the more she thought about it. No, no, Chloe wasn't asking about those things, that was what probably made the sex continue, not start. Honestly, why should she even tell Chloe? What was it about this weird girl with beautiful arms that made Kate want to impress her?

"I - I dunno. I just. Kinda. Asked if she wanted to make me orgasm I guess?"

Chloe's shock looked both real and performative in its intensity. "Literally? How do you have so much game? You're like 5'5" and cute as a button."

Kate had been getting the impression throughout the conversation that Chloe was flirting with her. Now she was sure of it, and it was doing absolutely nothing to help her feel less embarrassed and overstimulated by this situation.

Kate reached up and scratched her head. The wind and walking had loosened a lot of her hair from its bun and now tufts of it were uncomfortably stuck in bobby pins, over her ears, and otherwise making nuisances of themselves. "But I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell Max about any of this. I don't want her to think less of me."

Chloe held her hands up. "Hey, I won't, but she's also not one to slut-sh-"

"It's not about that. I just . . . don't want her to know."

The look Chloe gave her was awfully suggestive, but she didn't pursue the topic further. "Well, all right, that's fine with me. I think I'm going to head inside, though, it's getting kind of cold for me. You good getting home?"

"Oh yeah I'm . . . uh . . ." Kate looked down the road that she'd come from. It wasn't familiar. She didn't normally walk this far - she must have been gone for over an hour by now.

"Want a ride?"

Kate didn't have to ask which car was hers - it stuck out like a sore thumb in this neighborhood. Still, Kate got the feeling that yes, she really did want a ride.

"Nice truck," Kate said as she looked back at Chloe. To her own total lack of surprise, she caught Chloe checking her out - she switched to a pleasant smile as soon as possible, but it was still a fraction of a second too late. "Sure, I'd like that."

Chloe grinned again, and the devil there in Kate's heart woke up. Kate could see the scene in front of her just like she had with Victoria. If she wanted to, right now, she could probably have sex with Chloe. They could go for a ride a little past where Kate was supposed to get home, where the street lights weren't so frequent and everyone just parked where they could along the side of the road. There wasn't really enough room in the truck to do the sorts of things she had Victoria had done by the looks of it, but Kate liked the look of Chloe's arms and her hands, and she was pretty sure that would be enough to get her off. She had already promised not to tell Max. All she'd have to do is suggest it.

Kate's phone buzzed, and she broke the lingering eye contact between her and Chloe to check it. About half an hour ago there was a picture of Victoria lying on a large bed, her feet in the air and her face held up by a hand. She must have been using a selfie stick, because no one could get such a clear shot of their butt from above without one. Then, just now, there was a message.

Victoria: Did you literally die?

Kate laughed underneath her breath, but, honestly, she felt like she'd been kicked in the gut. What in the world was she doing? What gave her any right to take and use girls just because she wanted to? That's not who she was. And, more importantly, she knew that's not who she wanted to be. Orgasms and control were nice, but maybe they weren't worth giving up all of her integrity.

"C'mon, I'll take you home."

Kate: no, sorry, just got busy Kate: Maybe once we get back I could see more of that in person.

"Mmhmm, yeah. Thanks, Chloe."

Victoria: Maybe so.

Dear Katie,

Thanksgiving went fine. Aunt Martha was, as expected, unpleasant. Katrina dropped out of robotics (I blame Mom).

Kate paused there. How much should she explain? Everything was getting so complicated, and as much as she wanted to spite Katie sometimes, she very well might be the one in charge of Kate's body come the morning. At the very least, they should talk about how Katie got the key to Principal Wells's office. She should ask about what Max and Chloe were up to, and give Katie a heads-up that Chloe seemed to be into her. And she should probably explain what was happening with Victoria before things got any weirder.

It's been a long day. I think I'm going to just go to sleep. Try to get some homework done this weekend, and make sure you're nice to Katrina and Lynn. I don't know how you feel about kids but I love those two a lot.

I hope you have a good day,

Kate

Kate deleted all of her messages from Victoria before going to bed.

#dear kate #life is strange #before the storm #fan fiction #kate marsh #rachel amber #rose amber #victoria chase #ambermarsh #chasemarsh #possession #angst #fluff #serial

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