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#also none of it makes any sense
arainesque · 2 months
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love when u write a short silly little fic and realise, when u think ur finished and skimming through it, that u switched from past to present tense halfway through
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decompose1 · 2 years
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i think there’s divinity in gross and ugly things. i think the radical love and acceptance of what is weird and nasty is angelic and i think there is something holy about indulging in the neglected/looked down on/outcast/unacceptable parts of this world. you should let yourself be weird
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hopeswriting · 6 months
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was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.
and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.
because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"
and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.
and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.
and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.
so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.
and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?
and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr meta#can i even call this one?? well i'm going to anyway lol#yamamoto takeshi#sawada tsunayoshi#i've never been normal about devotion in stories and characters and won't ever be so sorry if this doesn't make sense#also this is not to say the 10th gen loves tsuna any less unconditionally this isn't a competition#it's just me saying the particularities and specificities of the way takeshi specifically does it appeal to me the most#which is one of the reasons why i have such a big soft spot for 8027#and it's not a problem in their relationship either btw that's also not what i'm saying#like tsuna doesn't mind it and absolutely /does/ reciprocate it 100%#he's just careful to keep an eye out so none of them will lose themselves along the way#also this is within the context of me shifting canon slightly to the left in the way where the 10th gen loves tsuna /so much/#they could just as well actually and properly worship him as a god and it still wouldn't make a single difference#and me liking to lean into that fully and taking it to extremes and it inevitably becoming some extent of dark#because considering the environment canon makes them express it (the mafia) it's like. well how else are they meant to keep it alive#and make sure it survives through it without giving it sharp teeth and claws and jagged edges of its own you know?#so if you feel like this is some kind of ooc-ness you're not wrong#but also consider: i'm not wrong either <3#anyway consider also: unconditional devotion running /so/ deep down to your marrow and to your very essence#even in the face of the whole world telling you how wrong it is and how insane and unhinged you are for it and condemning you for it#it still wouldn't so much as make you consider the thought they might have a point#and i genuinely EAT that shit up every time i love to see it <3
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extravagav · 10 days
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AND WE JUST DONT TALK ABOUT THIS?!?!?!!????
#THIS IS LITERALLY LITERAAALLLYYY THE BIGGEST FORM OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SUGISHITA COULD HAVE#NOT ONLY IS HE DOING WHATS BEST FOR UMEMIYA BUT HES PUTTING HIS TRUST IN SAKURA TO HELP HIM#AND OH IM SO UNWELL#HIS BODY IS PHYSICALLY REACTING TO HIM MAKING THIS DECISION IM JUST#IM SO PROUD#and then sakura acknowledging all of this too i just love them sm#they really have one of the best dynamics 😭😭😭#wind breaker#kyotaro sugishita#sakura haruka#wind breaker spoilers#wind breaker manga spoilers#ok nvm im still talking bc the second image literally gets me everytime i look at it#first off the way they drew sakura in that scene in the first place is just so beautiful thats the only word i can think for it rn 😭😭😭😭#second seeing this scene from sugishitas perspective and then learning later that the reason he has this reaction was because he thought-#-sakura looked cool and hes never thought that about anyone before just really gives us so much more for their relationship#specially how sugishita acts towards him 😭😭#add that onto what umemiya says to him (which i couldnt include in this post </3) about how hes never really shown emotion to anyone-#-till sakura showed up then it gives us an even BETTER understanding of why sugishita acts the way he does around sakura#my brain is so frazzled by the sun today and words are not coming to me easily so apologies if none of this makes any sense 😭😭😭#ill revisit it another time anyway#also the way they describe all of this really makes it sound like he has a lil crush and its so sweet 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Random Neon J gijinka doodle dump from my old sketchbook. I might post newer ones if I can gather the courage to do so. Anyway, *disappears.
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moonstonediaz · 1 year
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idk my whole stance on the “will they/won’t they” in regards to buddie canon is just. it’s loud, it’s oddly ironic, that these are the only two main’s on the show that are S I N G L E. still! in season sex six! that their relationship statuses have basically run parallel to each other, that they keep trying and failing to find a romantic partner. so let’s look at the other side of the coin. what’s the other option? introducing yet again brand new love interests for both buck and eddie and having these people be their endgame relationships?
eddie? who has always held his cards close to his chest, is extremely protective over his son and who he gets close to, who has already tried dating the seemingly perfect woman for him and his son?
buck? who’s going to be a harder sell than ever now that he knows not to settle? who’s going to be looking for someone that accepts him just as he is, someone that compliments him perfectly, who accepts his relationships with the firefam, with chris and eddie, without complaint?
if this were season 2, 3, or hell, even season 4, i’d say yeah maybe we have time for all that. but we’re nearing the end of season SIX and there have been no new love interests brought in. and i don’t foresee 911 being a show that runs for 20+ seasons. i mean it could i guess but like. we’re in it. the meat of the sandwich. narratively, i don’t see it making sense for them to spend precious time cultivating new endgame relationships for the two of them. they’d likely have to run them at the same time, parallel to each other. yet again. which would be a tell in its own right that they were actively avoiding buddie canon.
i’m not saying they absolutely won’t do that, i have no idea what their actual plans are. i’m just saying they’re boxing themselves into a corner. a great big rainbow-filled flaming gay corner.
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cringesnail · 7 months
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I keep seeing people call them djduo on twitter
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crimescrimson · 3 months
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Makoto's Vendetta in Persona 3 Reload (2024)
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theoryofwhatnow · 18 days
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you guys know what? this is weird but i’m going to rant.
a part of me wishes nigel had an even more horrific death, and i mean like a Hereditary decapitation type of death. like so sickening and twisted that it really tops the film off. that suddenly his death becomes more gruesome than his actions but not in a karmic way. more of like, he just kept getting worse and worse, and his death was the finale kind of way (does this make sense?) i suppose his death was already intended to be the finale, but i wanted it to have more kick.
and i am actually intrigued with the idea of decapitating nigel, given his obsession with “the skull”. it’s poetic too, his final action staged perfectly and making it easier for alex to take up his role as “jack” by chopping off his own head himself, even if he didn’t intend to do it. full circle type of moment. he becomes the one thing he sought. the repressed homosexual to maraclea pipeline is real.
or perhaps the train killed him. maybe alex had to watch his body get hit, shredded and destroyed in the rain and when it was all over, approached the sickening scene to see that former boy; now a pile of misplaced limbs and flesh. the only thing salvageable, was his head. maybe his foot got caught in the tracks and he watched the train rapidly beat towards him, a look of utter fear and shock on his face while he made a startled sound or even called for alex to help him before he met his fate.
or maybe the gunshot to the face didn’t take him out as quickly as we were led to believe. trying to speak through his now ruined face in strange gurgling noises and hiccuping syllables while trying desperately to make words but he no longer looks or sounds like himself, or even human.
whatever happened, i like to image it was terrible.
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ride-a-dromedary · 6 months
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Alright, the jack in the box is wound, and the coherence is coming to me. Halsin and the dryad, I was talking about his response if the PC indicates that he is most comfortable after a supper large enough to induce hibernation:
"Mindless gorging...? No, that is not right. I did not realize you thought that of me."
And why this keeps catching in my mind is not necessarily what he says, but how he says it (so I am commending Dave Jones' voice acting here). The rest of Halsin's responses to incorrect answers are generally even toned and corrective; firm, usually, but not inherently overly emotional. Much like a teacher correcting a student. But this one...he sounds genuinely surprised and taken aback that the PC would even suggest that. The "no, that is not right" is even firmer on its heels. And the last part...the last part, his voice is smaller. Less forward. I would not go so far as to suggest hurt, but it is approaching that territory. It comes so fast after his firm no, that it almost sounds like something that slipped by accident. Like something that was meant to be muttered under the breath, but it slipped from him because the surprise was so organic.
Alone, it doesn't mean too much. It's a slight offense to an obviously nonfactual statement. And that's likely all it is. I'm about to read too deep into this, I am aware.
But combined with the other things spread throughout Halsin's dialogue, particularly the implication that he is otherwise used to people making commentary on his physical appearance or the physicality of his being, it suggests an extra layer of hurt. An extra layer of: "I did not expect this from you, of all people." Not quite a betrayal, but approaching one.
What makes it particularly catching, is that one of the things you are able to wrench (and I say wrench because getting Halsin to share mundane personal details about himself is a production - and it makes *sense* it's a production if a. We keep in mind that Halsin himself doesn't seem all too sure who he is beyond his preoccupation - which elves are prone to but Halsin also just has...a lot on his plate that have evidently stunted his identity formation - to the point where he even claims he was forgetting who he was, and b. If he is used to questions concerning himself and his experience leading into questions regarding his sex life or his physical activities, see: the companion banter with Wyll and Karlach, he likely...doesn't really keep ready details about himself personally on tap anymore. He's so unused to people being interested in Halsin, that he's taken aback when they are. It becomes the "In the moment, I forget everything and anything I like to do for fun" mentality - no one really cares about what I like to do anyway - if you will. He even goes so far as to joking that the PC may be a doppelganger because *why else would they want to know these things*) out of Halsin when you ask him about himself is that he has a sweet tooth. That he likes honey, and people find that amusing. He chuckles, but his face falls, evidently prepping for the PC to make a similar comment (and he attempts to beat you to the joke about that, though a PC can still call that "on the nose" to which he responds that there is little point in denying oneself if it doesn't hurt anybody - indulging isn't a bad thing). If the PC instead chooses that he should pay little attention to what others think, he gives that infamous: "sometimes I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt" line. Which implies - regardless of whether he verbalizes it or not - things in this thread hurt his feelings. Comments or assumptions about his body and his person hurt his feelings. He won't say it, but they do. The PC is likely aware of this by this point in the relationship.
Halsin does not otherwise bring up eating or food to any level of significance or directness - the sweet tooth comment was the only time (you could assume outside of canon interactions that they've had other conversations between them and that perhaps this was brought up, but we are going to base this solely in what Halsin reveals in canon). He brings up hibernation, but specifically the sleeping part of it. Nothing else.
So, the PC then potentially goes ahead and makes an assumption of him during the dryad. How'd they arrive at this conclusion, as it obviously surprises Halsin that they did? It reads, very much, that the PC is making this assumption based on the comment about his sweet tooth, his comment on indulgence, and his physicality (note: the ha ha bear and hibernation thing almost seems like an afterthought - Halsin latches *very* quickly onto the "mindless gorging" part). All things that he has shown very evident discomfort (which is ironic because the question is when he feels most comfortable) or hesitance towards (he claims there is nothing wrong with indulgence, but never seems to indulge himself beyond sex, if that. Gee, what does that remind you of?)
Halsin entrusted this individual with this information, as frivolous as it was, potentially revealed that it hurts his feelings when people make assumptions of him, and this individual then went used that information and made the assuming connection: "So, this is a big man. He said he liked sugar, so he must like to eat and indulge. It must be his favourite thing to do because look at him." I am going to essentially ignore everything else I could have possibly heard, and make a bear hibernation joke that has nothing to do with sleeping being a comfort, but emphasize the eating part.
So, yeah, he's a little taken aback - incredulous, you might say. A little hurt. Resigned, almost. Because at that point, you can make a very logical assumption that Halsin came to a very quick snap realization that perhaps this person was not so different from the others as he thought. That it always eventually comes back to that. What else was he expecting? When has it ever been any different for him?
#BG3 Musing#Halsin Posting#does this make sense i don't think it does but it's like...jumping from a - z based on assumption and you know what they say about that#note: this isn't actually this deep i am just making it this deep - also yes i'm aware it probably means none of this#i have a degree in bullshit#but this is also why halsin should have had a legitimate bear like build of a body#i understand why he didn't - but this is *verbatim* what fat individuals receive as assumptions on their person#*all the time* that oh you must overindulge yourself you must eat a lot you must you MUST#and in that thread of thought of halsin's relationship with his body#there's also something to say when halsin says 'my ears are all yours...any part of me is yours should you wish it'#because he *begins* by offering his sympathy and understanding...but follows it up with 'but if i am more valuable to you in this way#then that's fine too - i'm used to that'#almost parallels (inadvertently) astarion's:#'i think i'll enjoy having halsin around not for his wit or wisdom he'll just make an excellent shield if we're attacked'#he's self aware#and in regards to how halsin sees his body as a separate entity - a. body dysmorphia and b. i don't think he truly does#halsin claims he sees his body as a vessel to serve nature and wrinkles his nose at vanity - but i feel there is enough old hurt in him#that this can never be true of him even is he so desperately wishes it was#does he have a level of confidence in himself? obviously he does - but it is marred - it's an exchange#there's always going to be that little voice in the back
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bugflies00 · 3 months
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do i have a presentation due at 8am that i have barely started even though its midnight? yes. however i was thinking again about the category 5 ctommy event last night and all the things i talked or saw people post about and it got me thinking
i was especially thinking about how ctommy is too often, in fan interpretations, forced into the role of the perfect, quiet, palatable victim — which, i mean, we've all made various posts on the subject, i don't need to get into the how again — but i was trying to think about why.
because on one hand, a good part of it, its true, circles back to what society has deemed the "acceptable" victim, which many of us have internalised and unknowingly refer back to, hence why many automatically try to sand ctommy down to be more "pitiful" (not saying people do this intentionally btw . we all have biases like that and they show up in different ways . i just like Talking about this stuff this is Not a callout or god forbid telling people to harass fic writers they disagree with. Ok.)
but i also think, in ctommy's case, a lot of it can come from. projection? well this might be the case with many other characters obviously but im focusing on ctommy here because like. i think he's a character who's very relatable for so many people, who are also loud and not subtle or discreet and who feel annoying most of the time, and a lot of whom are kids and teenagers. and something that's always struck me when reading comments etc about him is theres this sentiment of- when this fictional character is annoying it's seen as loveable and endearing, so why isn't it the case for me, as a person, in real life? a lot of those fans have also been hurt or perhaps even abused and found a way to relate through ctommy's own abuse
and so i think sometimes this tendency to "sand ctommy down" is less out of a desire to actually reduce his character but rather because, through him, they want their hurt and pain to be recognised. and as we all know, when ctommy is quiet, that is so unusual that in fics, it often immediately strikes a reaction of "oh, what happened to you, who hurt you". it's the idea that him being annoying and loud is missed, but people only realise that when he's gone quiet. so the more "quiet" and "docile" he is shown as, the more striking that reaction from other characters will be, and the more support he receives. im not in any way saying this is something you should apply to real people or anything, im saying that this is a trend not just in ctommy fics but in general media — if you're someone who is loud and brash, it's often portrayed like the only way people will acknowledge that you have feelings at all is if you lose that "spark", and suddenly people miss you being annoying.
and suddenly, it makes a lot of sense why so many fic authors write ctommy as so oddly ooc and quiet and pliable and docile — because they've been taught that's what a victim should be, but they're not like that! and you can live vicariously through a fictional character who's able to undergo a much more drastic outward transformation than you and be showered in love for it, and theres a desire for that to happen to them in real life, to have their hurt actually acknowledged. is this word vomit does anyone understand what im trying to say here
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tangledinink · 7 months
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How did Donnie react to the oops babies? How did he know these eggs were different than the other ones?
oh gosh. vague, unsure hand motions. i haven't thought about it too much yet, since it's not really a part of my plan for the main story and therefore not the focus, and also like. shrugs. turtle biology??? mutant biology??? what a mystery. so idk what exactly a pregnancy would look like for them, though i do think they'd know about the existence of kiddos before any eggs actually entered the world.
i think that donnie would have a lot of feelings about it, like, you know, most people would, and there'd definitely be a lot of fear/anxiety/uncertainty (esp at the beginning) for a lot of reasons. but at that stage of his life, he is also in a really good, steady relationship with his partner,,, and has the support of his family,,, and it's definitely not like he HATES the idea of a Mini Him, he just hadn't planned on it so soon,,, (and also he is kind of, like. curious about the Whole Situation,,, scientist brain lighting up,,,)
he and sorrelshine definitely, like, go over all the pros and cons and discuss it at leNGTH on sEVERAL occasions before they come to any conclusion about what they're gonna do about it. but eventually, it's kinda just like...
fuck it, we ball. y'know?
#i say with some degree of hyperbole#obvs its something that they take very seriously and thoroughly consider before deciding anything#but they do eventually decide as a unit that its something that they want and are willing to go through with and commit to etc etc etc#im also like! not 1000% sure what the woRLD looks like when this happens in my mind#because i think something ive decided recently is that#like#i dont think i want an apocalypse timeline for gemini au#in the sense that like..... i dont think there's a doomed timeline? i dont like that. it makes me sad#i think there's just. one timeline. where there IS an invasion. and there is an 'apocalypse.'#but where!!! in the end!!! they win!#it takes some time and a hell of a lot of moxie but i think the turtle gang takes the win for team earth and eventually curbstomp the kraan#so theres no death of any siblings. no sending cj back in time on his own. none of that#just a period where things are Very Rocky and Complicated and then an eventual end to that#i think i like that for gemini au#i think thats what makes me happiest#ill just take the bits of apocalypse aus that i LIKE and leave the parts i dont u w u coz apoc aus are! very fun. lots of rooms for like#shenanigans and such. i just dont like the SAD BITS you dig? but so i think that there is a very real chance that they are like#in early-ish Apocalypse Years when donnie is infected with Baby#so thats also an element to the decision. if that makes sense#gemini au asks#gemini asks#asks#anon#tw pregnancy#cw pregnancy#kinda
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little-tulips · 5 months
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Is Fowler's nine levels castel a Dante's Divine Comedy reference? Like it does have a little chapel in the dungeon where Fowler does talk to Jesus (well he talks to him like he's making a deal, which is more of the devil thing) so some religious symbolism is intended. And if it is so that it is intresting that Mizu is climbing up to the 9th level as opposed to Dante who descends into the 9th level of hell. Which seems to mean that the paradigm has been fliped (in this senerio I mean). It's also intresting that once Mizu reaches the final level she finds four figures there, just like Dante. She finds Fowler, Heiji Shindo, and their business associates. Dante finds the devil munching on the three big traitors.
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doroinoue · 23 days
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since the moment i finished the manga ive been like "dorohedoro is literally just undertale but with gore and nudity and swearing". so i had to crack some stupid art abt it
like i even made this the moment i read the manga to prove my point:
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like COME on
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ayphyx · 6 months
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Listen. I love romantic MSR as much as the next person, but has anyone considered queerplatonic msr????
Queerplatonic msr. Reblog if you agree.
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coquelicoq · 1 year
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there's nothing that makes me realize how ridiculous homegrown pronunciation guides are like watching other people from oregon try to tell people not from oregon how to pronounce "oregon". there is a bumper sticker you see here that instructs people to say "ORYGUN", and i, as a person who knows what the desired end result is, have no idea how you're supposed to get there from "orygun". what is that y doing there? the sound it is representing is a SCHWA. on what planet is a y the most logical option for that sound??
a REAL pronunciation guide for this word would be more like "it's like saying the phrase 'or a gun', except you stress the word 'or' and you don't stress the word 'gun' at all. actually it's more like saying the phrase 'or again', with stress on the 'or'. but only if you also pronounce those words the way i pronounce them. obviously. otherwise you're shit out of luck." but that doesn't fit on a bumper sticker now does it.
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