#also i've watched it 5 times now...

[simptasia]

my mum died last night

#i was with her. i spoke comforting words to her as her breathing slowed #she didn't suffer - she wasn't in any pain. she heard me and became slower and slower then i... saw her die #i never predicted i'd be there at the moment of death #it was her time. her body had been slowly shutting down the last three days and she'd been officially dying for 5 months #she was so strong. she was hanging on for me. needing to know i'd be able to survive with her gone #once it was clear that things were gonna be fine (besides the emotional toll) she started to truly let go #i've been with her whenever i could be the last three days. and night nurses watched her as i slept #last nights nurse woke me to be with her in her final moments #besides hearing me talk the last few days - i was also running star trek for her to listen to #she couldn't communicate or move but we all knew she was aware of things around her #i gave her words of reassurance and comfort and the last words she heard me say were ''i love you'' #and three days ago before she lost the ability to speak the last words she managed were ''i love you'' #so things went as well as they could be considering the situation #she died a little over 12 hours ago. it was 7 hours before they could take the body away. that was. haunting #it's been a rough day. worst day of my life. but mum is at peace now. and i have a lot of kind people to support me #everything will be okay eventually and i have my whole life ahead of me and mum wants that life to be good #so i musn't give up. now matter how depressed i feel

[sskk-manifesto]

I've just been staring at my my copy of Vol. 20 that came in the mail today with the page open on *The* panel.

This is how I cope.

Every Akutagawa fan right now

#That sounds like the perfect coping mechanism have fun 👍👍 #ryūnosuke akutagawa #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd s5 #bsd season 5 #The grip this pathetic man has on everyone is insane #I've been making fun of him since I first stepped into the fandom and look at me now #That's a perfect timing for receiving the mail though!!! #Funny coincidence my physical copy of Rakugaki Note also arrived exactly as I was watching the episode :D #people asks me stuff

[lovethistoomuch]

Jack and Mark discussing their friendship at the end of their latest video together:

Jack: you... you're genuinely one of my favourite people in the world.

Mark: awww

Jack: and I feel like, despite our (sigh) I don't know... cause people for a while were like: why don't they talk anymore? why don't they play together anymore? and, like, man, life get's in the way. eveybody has like different things going on.

Mark: yeah, sure do.

Jack: and I feel like we've both been on, like, parallel paths for so many years and every now and then, they like connect, but they're always kinda like, going in the same places and we always kinda, like have the same mentalities on things and... I don't think there's ever been, like, proper bad blood between either of us.

Mark: nooo! no! yes! so for anyone thinking, you know... I mean, all, all human relationships are interesting and dynamic in a way... but, no, yeah, you're one of my favourite people too. I love seeing the stuff that you make. and I can't wait to help you make some of the cool projects, ah, you've got on the horizon, cooking up in that noggin. and, uh...

Jack: that big old brain of mine

Mark: yeah.

source X

i'm really just so happy that they've addressed this! when i saw the video i was just delighted to see them talk to each other in a chill environment without having to interact with and comment on the game at all times. it felt like a step further than normal gaming videos. and then that ending totally made me cry.

seeing them from starting this really fast, intense friendship (that everyone was obsessed with at the time) and then it kind of falling apart with them not doing anything together any more and Jack even putting out a statement that they were never as close as people thought they were, a long time silence and then, pretty recently starting to do projects together again. it just makes me happy that they are so chill with each other now.

goes to show that things can probably get overwhelming pretty fast if you are pushed in a certain direction all the time. it's just so good to see they can be normal friends now without all the hype sorrounding it and i'm happy for them.

#jacksepticeye #sean mcloughlin #markiplier #mark fischbach #made this transkript mostly for me #so i can read it #cause i've watched that part 5 times in a row immediately #they've both been such a huge part of my life for so long #and seeing them reconnecting is just nice #not saying that they had to #or that they absolutely have to be friends #i am just glad that the crazy whirlwind of it all seems to be behind them now #and they can just chill together #and they don't shy away from the topic #it's very healthy i think #also maybe someone is happy to know this whithout sitting through an hour of them chatting about various topics #also i know jack said septiplier didn't push them apart #but even then #developing a friendship while being in the spotlight constantly must still be hard #long post

[crescentfool]

recently, i’ve been thinking about what a 100% social link/confidant run is like from the perspective of the persona protagonists, rather than the player. i’ve always been a sucker for thinking about the type of narrative created by a person’s gameplay choices (it can be so fun and deep) so!! i wrote this analysis / musing.

some notes before we start: this was written with the lens of persona 3 being the most recent game i played- but the concepts are applicable to the p4/p5 protagonists as well! no spoilers for any of the games are mentioned; this is moreso a general discussion of ludonarrative dissonance with the game mechanics and narrative and how it makes for fun angst (ft. personal interpretation).

(more under the cut!)

the framework: game mechanics

in all of the games, the social link system’s existence coincides with the social stats mechanic. certain social links require a specific set of stats in order to initiate it, or surpass a certain rank. each game has around 20 of these- each of which represent the major arcana (+ some bonuses, e.g. aeon / jester / faith / councilor).

for any players going for a 100% social link run, this basically requires each social stat to be maxed out. anyone who’s followed a guide for a 100% run would know that the beginning of the game tends to be very “strict” with how time can be used, most of which involves getting the stats raised  as soon as possible.

outside of characterization and worldbuilding, completing social links are incentivized for a variety of gameplay reasons. so how could this completionist play style affect the protagonists?

prioritizing social stats over everything else: a general view

regardless of which protagonist you want to put under a petri dish, with a 100% run, you’re essentially asking the protagonist to form amicable bonds with 20 or so people, give or take. granted, not everyone becomes adjoined to the hip to the protagonist.

personally, i feel that forming 20 different bonds over the course of a year would be rather strenuous. during these 100% runs, the protagonists may feel that they’re spreading themselves thin trying to dedicate their resources to multiple different people as well as raising their “social stats.” i find the implications that this has on said bonds is so, utterly fascinating.

while this isn’t reflected in the game and would be better represented within a fic, i find it difficult to believe that this type of behavior doesn’t have any ramifications on the quality of the protagonist’s closer relationships (or their self-image, for that matter).

just… imagine calling one of your close friends but then they consistently give responses along the lines of “lmao sorry i’m busy doing other things,” and they rarely make the time of day for you. how would you feel? gameplay-wise, this deterioration of the relationship is best represented in persona 3 with social links reversing if you haven’t spent time with them in awhile.

part of my fascination with this concept is influenced by my own experiences. trying to maintain so many relationships can be difficult to keep up with and it quickly gets overwhelming (see dunbar’s number for more information). jumping between so many people also makes it difficult to focus on a few relationships meaningfully- meaning that relationships may be limited to being simple pleasantries. even then, ‘successfully’ keeping every relationship satisfying comes at the cost of being unable to pursue your own development and interests.

overall, i think that trying to do so many things ends up lowering the quality of the relationship(s) involved, especially when you also consider the fatigue from going to school as well as fighting shadows.

playing the therapist friend / listening role: a general view

another aspect of the 100% run that i think about is how the protagonists rarely open up to other people. a good chunk of SLs follow a storyline of the protagonist acting as a therapist friend/helping the other person through one central issue. some SLs are an exception to this and have a more casual “we’re just hanging out vibe.”

basically, SLs tend to be weighted toward the other character’s growth, moreso than the protagonist’s (which is handled by the main story). that said, the idea of mostly playing a listening role across most of your relationships and not having many that you feel comfortable to speak freely about your own stuff… feels really unbalanced and unhealthy?

i do think that part of the lack of “input” can be attributed to the silent-protagonist approach taken in the games (which is a whole ‘nother topic). but!! i find that each protagonist’s options, while limited, are fun to think about! some of the traits and interpretations i’ve seen for the differing protags, to name a few, include:

being afraid to open up / get attached and keeping people at arm’s distance as a result

needing to be around other people, even if it’s just listening them, to distract from their own struggles / pretend nothing’s wrong with them

enjoying helping others, being a good and careful listener who can provide an appropriate and helpful response

the willingness to prioritize others over themselves; a lack of self-preservation

compulsive people pleasing

at its worst, the lack of “protagonist talking” or equal reciprocation in response could be misinterpreted by the other person as disinterest (like they’re talking to a wall). alternatively- the lack of “personal tidbits” could be taken as, “you don’t trust me enough to be able to open up, huh.” and i just think that seeing this in a fic would be the biggest shitshow ever (and i would read that).

concluding thoughts:

overall, i feel that the protagonists taking a predominantly listening approach to several relationships at once can lead to compassion fatigue and general burnout. the protagonists are rarely at the receiving end of being listened to and/or having their issues worked through… and that’s kind of sad?

while the 100% social link run can provide great power to any persona fusions (and other cool battle abilities + hijinks)... i ultimately think that there’d be a lot of mental strain that would make achieving this much more difficult when you take a narrative-emphasized approach.

i do realize that it is possible to see the general vibe of this post as “100% social link is bad,” but like… there’s something i find really appealing about the messiness of attempting to manage so many relations at once- only to fall short in several of them and attempting to salvage the last bits of their sanity. when you think about the complications of the 100% SL run from the shoes of the protagonist… yeah!! that’s the good shit!

anyways! if anyone knows of any fics with this kinda vibe for the p3/4/5 protags… feel free to drop it in my askbox… i like them all VERY much :3c… and if this raised any food for thought- i’d be equally honored! let the protags go through shit i wanna see their emotions and coping mechanisms damn it! 👏

#persona 3 #persona 4 #persona 5 #yes it is 3am and im posting this. i couldn't sleep so i wanted to write something that i've been thinking abt as of late :x #highly recommend looking up ludonarrative dissonance btw! if ur interested in game storywriting its SOO interesting bc its definitely- #an occurence that happens every now and then in a video game. persona included. like.. when game mechanics tell one story but the narrative #-ends up contradicting that (or some other thing in reality ends up doing that...). does that even make sense?? #i tried to keep this post general to p3/4/5 but if you know me well enough you'll see how my p3 bias has shaped this post. lmao #i also could go on a tangent about how i feel about orpheus telos as a thing w/rt p3 social links BUT I WONT. unless...? #i have more i want to say on the topic (maybe will do so at a later time) but feel free to ask for more specific hcs with the protags? #maybe not p4kun though just bc ive only watched p4 so i havent had the time to let it sit btwn play sessions #anyway bye im just going to let this float in the void while i sleep. have a good day #meta #hc and au nonsense #lizzy speaks

[kiisaes]

mha is like an estranged awkward father to me. i try not to make my connection to it obvious but i secretly care a lot about it (sometimes against what i desire) and when ppl talk serious shit about it i get defensive. like yea i understand that it's not the best series writing-wise, it's got a good amount of problems and that its mere connection to me makes me cringefail ... but i'll always find some sort of unexplainable comfort in its arms despite its flaws bc there's still a good amount of it to genuinely enjoy without a constantly ironic state of mind that all media must be critiqued with nowadays and i don't expect anyone to understand this odd relationship but myself

#every time i hear that mha fans are cringe and have bad taste i'm like well yeah. but also hey. watch it #like protecting my pathetic father who does not need protecting but i'll do it anyway bc it just feels like i should #it's not at all a horrible series the way everyone labels it and i think its popularity caused such a societal whiplash #like oh it's mainstream now! time to pick on every flaw it has and reduce it to typical shounen shit #without addressing its actually decent and sometimes stellar aspects #it is not as overwhelmingly enjoyed like certain anime i've gotten into lately but that's ok. i'm fine with that #it's a mid to mid-good series with good characters (with exceptions) and great artwork and ok storytelling #i remember when mha was super praised and considered incredible like 5 years ago .. lol how times change #anyway. just wanted to type this out bc i think mha fans get an unfairly bad rep sometimes for doing nothing all that out of the ordinary #just for having an interest in a not-very-enlightening piece of media #and that kinda sucks #also bc i started watching mob psycho and it's really fucking good LMFAOOOO #bnha #mha #becki rambles about stuff

[springcatalyst]

top 9 first watches of 2023

thank u @hamburgerslippers for le tag!! mwah

Because some of them don't have English titles they are: Murder on D Street (1998), Antiviral (2012), Martyrs (2008); Round About Midnight (1999), Cure (1997), Cabaret (1986); The City That Never Sleeps: Shinjuku Shark (1993), Go Go Secondtime Virgin (1969), and Mad God (2021)

these are all fuckin bangers but some I would recommend more than others (gun to ur head. watch cure.) (maybe be wary of go, go secondtime virgin, tho.) this is the list of movies that did things to my brain. i shall never recover

#heeheeohoo. movies #murder on d street changed my brain chemistry and then shinjuku shark made sure it would never go back. but dont worry about that #go go secondtime virgin has not let me know a moment of peace since i watched it #mad god FUCKS SEVERELY #round about midnight is SO fucking fun i've rewatched it like 5 times now #cabaret also never let me know a moment of peace but in a less devastating way. but still a lil bit of that #antiviral BANGER. soooo fucking pretty. martyrs BANGER. soooo fucking bloody. lucie jurin fan club NOW

[iguessitsjustme]

hello friends i am back. just had a mental reset in a weird way but i feel much better now so i'm back to being silly goofy on tumblr

#rae irl #i had a very strange time away not gonna lie #i'm not counting the few hours i was here on saturday as being back really #but now i'm back to annoy you all #well sort of. i'll probably be on less next week for work reasons but i'll still be here #anyway accidentally formed a cult while i was gone #also had an entire mental breakdown and drank on a school night #realized i'm the only staff member at my job in my 30s and the next oldest is 5 years younger than me #send immediate assistance my desk mate quit so i am all alone and no one snarks with me #started watching anime again and also finished a book series i've been trying to read for years #there's more but i'm too tired and cold to keep typing #time to go reblog some things

[braceletofteeth]

Congratulations to Never Let Me Go for being the second drama to get the highest rating from me this year. Currently preparing my mind and body to be insufferable about it forever.

#haha! sike! I've actually already started- #(list of things I did BEFORE finishing NLMG tonight: #1. downloaded the episodes to cherish and protect in case the downfall of internet is tomorrow/other disasters #2. bought a replica of Nueng's necklace for the price of two croissants in the not-very-legal market #3. included a shot from the series in a special gifset #4. had heated mental arguments with the people making negative comments about it #5. .......... considered giving FUTS another chance out of gratitude to PP (not sure yet but just the fact that I gave it a THOUGHT-)) #// #well now that being said #I'm kinda disappointed there are only 2 new dramas in the annual list that got the ''I will definitely rewatch this'' badge #last year there were 3 BLs alone. not even counting OTHER genres!!! and in 2023 I watched many MORE dramas!!! what is this!!!!!! #was I unlucky. was I going after the wrong stuff. I keep thinking about that. #but there were also a good number of dramas that got the ''I might rewatch this'' badge #and even the ones I didn't really enjoy were important to give me perspective/parameter #so... no time was wasted. and I was doing what I like to do? so I guess it's ok...

[joodeegemstone]

if i get any more emo right now i'm gonna revert to my les mis phase

#maybe that's not a bad thing though lol #i've read the unabridged brick like 4 times and now i'm armed with a library card so now there's nothing standing between me and number 5 #also so much content for the musical on youtube #les mis #les miserables #anyway might watch clips of philip quast as javert for like 2 hours lol

[icewindandboringhorror]

Various images of things

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that -- #1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public #2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys... #3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores #because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something #4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when #they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always #been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever #I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my #half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since #thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too #uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this #one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue #some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol #~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal #frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol #5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting.. #6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys... #7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc) #i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff #but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just #thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol #8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming #I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things #photo diary

[mwagneto]

I haven't talked to any of my irls since friday and they're all worriedly texting me but like what the fuck am i supposed to say. "sorry i am literally unable to talk to anyone who doesn't know just how deeply mentally ill i am and also i thought so hard about fictional gay people i forgot how to speak hungarian. dont worry this wont last long, probably only 2-3 business years and then i'll be normal except of course season 3 will be coming out by then so it's all gonna start over. see you!"

#I've barely moved from my bed since then let alone made any social contact how the fuck am i supposed to #communicate with anyone i met offline in the past year😭😭😭 #i can literally only talk to my tumblr mutuals coz im genuinely too mentally ill to make myself palatable to normal ppl rn #that is a compliment @ my tumblr mutuals dw. but like mannnn i legit feel bad for my irls but at #the same time wtf am i supposed to do be normal? no can do unfortunately i live like this now #it was easier during rm coz the only ppl i talked to were 2 online friends and 2 irls one of #whom watched the movie with me in cinemas like 20 times we were both crazy #now I'm talking to like 40 ppl at the same time and im supposed to keep that up while not #being able to think about anything other than my hyperfix for more than 5 seconds? please 💀💀💀💀 #i miss them but it's summer rn i need to dissociate and be alone and also eat my computer screen. yknow how it is #barking

[curiosityjams]

my future when it comes to still being Active on social media is teebeedee, but my main resolution for 2024 is like...be comfortable w/ being completely offline even if it's just for a day or a week.

#the good news is that i don't check sm during the am hours anymore (by that i mean like as soon as i wake up i still need to work #on being less online during the after hours aka anything later than 9-10pm ish) #BUT i've learned that being active hasn't made my ppl pleasing tendencies better and that there are many many things i need to like #work on far away from places like tumblr and The Big Four #(that being ig twitter still not calling it x fb and like...reddit #though tbf i haven't been ACTIVE active on twitter + fb for almost 4/5 years now so theres that #i still lurk the former when i'm feeling REAL bored but thats rare these days which is an improvement? #though i also have to work on doing shit that doesnt involve online brainrot 24/7 aka reading and writing and like...watching media that #isnt like...football (soccer 4 the us/canada/aus folks) #but lb ruined my love of film for a LONG long time bc it values getting the most pop review over idk actually loving movies #idk its just me rambling abt my relationship w/ sm and where it stands atm perdon sghdjfhj #the tl;dr is i need to shut up and log off when my body is telling me to stop gsbdhjfghjikejr #be quiet drea

[thermodynamic-angel]

I WANNA REWATCH HAPPY SUGAR LIFE AGAIN IBGRHVRHVDHDVF I LOVE IT SMMMRGRHGRHRVRHF

#I've watched it like 4 times and now it's gonna be 5 >:3 #I LOVE SATOU GGRHFGHRGRHRG #Also Shio hfvhegsjdvsjvshsvsjvfjevdhsvshbdhdvs #Aaaaaaaaaaa the soundtrack is so good toooooo hgrhfgfhrhrhrbngvdjsghagaaaaaa #HGRRGHVHVDB Gonna rewatch it in a sec heheheheh >:D #꒰ঌ♡ 𝟽𝟽𝟽.ramble

[lyxchen]

When the light starts coming back and you can hear the first birds outside, that's when you know you've been awake for too long

#i do kind of feel the urge to go outside and just sit there because 5am probably is one of the most peaceful times of the day #it's not dark anymore and there's no other sounds to drown out the birds #it's probably very pretty actually #but doing that would wake my parents up so i'm not gonna do that #but also #i really don't like when this happens to me because it means that i have been awake for way too long #like i also know that because i have a watch in my room but my time perception is kinda messed up so that doesn't mean a lot to me #But hearing those birds is a very clear reminder that i need to go to be Now #idk #i thought i had my sleep schedule a bit more under control because for a while i actually went to bed at midnight every day #but today is like the 5th day in a row where i've only started sleeping after 4am #and it's getting later every day #and idk how to fix this #also being awake at night is really calming so i kinda also don't want to go to bed so early #but maybe get back to 2am #that would be nice #anyways it's 5:30 am now i'll try to sleep #lea's random thoughts

[felixfellowish]

Gritting my teeth and screaming into a pillow because I'd want to start the process of getting my own dog already!!! But I can't yet!!!! And it's such a pain to have to wait!!!!

#it's been 5-6 years now and I still have to wait some more before it's wise for me to move to a different apartment that allows pets #i've watched all shiba inu documentaries on youtube lol #there's also like 2-3 of them around this area and i look at them longingly every time i see them outside #knowing the process itself can last like 2-3 years because shibas are so popular now makes it even harder #it'll happen eventually but like :) #personal

[keeps-ache]

who even wakes up at this hour!!! [<- is awake at these hours]

#just me hi #i Officially woke up at 5 a.m. today and Wah #i missed watching the sky slowly light up :) #still kinda tired tho so!! maybe i'm just cursed or summin lol!! #//anyway aside from the Curse of Exhaustion i Think i have other things to be doing ? #honestly i don't even know lol‚ i Think but i don't Rember #/i've definitely gotta finish drawing fpaa cuz i wanna post on the 30th #but also i Suck at sticking to schedules so that's in god's hands now #/mmm‚ i think i had to...... #uh............ #genuinely What was it - there was something i had to do!! #but i-! [dramatically falls onto a couch left on the side of the street] Don't Remember I Think !! #or it could just be the Magic playing tricks on me again. it be like that #for Example i was terribly anxious yesterday for Literally No Reason #and TRUST me i checked!! double checked!! went back in time five years to make sure nothin was up!! there was nothing going onnnnnnn #so could just be residual Magic left in my brain lol #//oh i have GOT to draw Oath again. for my health #i keep thinking about him and then i physically just Don't #mentally though it's like being steeped in tea. i'm in there ykno what i mean #might i'll put him in a car or something‚ let him run over another parson or something. for the stimuli #//anyway i'm starting to slowly clock back out braincell-wise so :0 toodles :>