#also i start my new job in a week!!!

[noes-pillow]

Well... would ya LOOK at that...

I’m gonna be real I don’t have any event planned for 100 followers lol, sorry y’all. I feel like its been no time since 50 I swear.

But I do have this... (edit: this is long, didn’t mean it to be, I don’t even know where I was going with this when I wrote it, lets call it a brain dump)

Life has a funny way of doing things when it comes to how I apply my emotions to my writing...

Even though its 90% done, there's a portion of a scene in A Memory is Not Enough that I've been putting off. For many different reasons.

It's gonna be very rhetorically challenging.

It's gonna be very emotionally challenging.

...and also I just finished reading a really long book (tgcf) so I'm just chasing the dopamine and I didn't wanna write 🤷‍♀️

But suddenly last night I had a dream about suddenly seeing my dad again.

It's been 6 months since he passed.

In the dream I was screaming and crying telling him to help me make sure I wasn't dreaming. To do anything. Hit me, kick me, push me to the ground. None of this is something my dad would ever do, but I wanted to feel pain because in my eyes the pain would make me wake up if I was indeed dreaming.

Last night I learned pain doesn't make you wake up from a dream.

...or at least perceived pain in your dream doesn't.

Because at one point I had been kicked to the ground and I thought I had proven whatever I was in was not a dream. My life had been lying to me. My dad was alive and I had confirmed it wasn’t a dream... or thought I did.

Except when I looked up I saw my mom as well and something clicked. This February mom will have been dead for 3 years. So that’s when I woke up.

...

Something you've lost in your life will always make its way into your dreams if you miss it enough. And there's no sure way to test if you're dreaming or not...

...except when you naturally wake up.

"Alex, what in the hell does this have to do with your writing?"

Well... I think I just found out how I'm gonna write that once scene I’ve been putting off.

And I'm sorry in advance, but I think grief is such a powerful emotion. Its the only emotion I have never been able to control or fully mask. I can only funnel it into my writing.

And I like to watch my readers SQIRM 

I like to see you all comment and tell me you cried or screamed or wished for a different ending or really ANY comment at all.

I feel like I can show a bit of what I'm feeling using the characters that we all love. Because when someone loses someone there’s no such thing as true empathy. No one will ever really KNOW how I feel.

But if I kill a character we love using what grief I have, a lot of us will feel the same... or at least similar.

And since I can't FORCE anyone to read my stories, I feel like the people that do make me feel... heard. And in turn I like hearing from YOU ALL. Which sounds cheesy as fuck but I don't have a better word for it.

So... as I didn’t intend to write this massive text post, all I gotta say is... 

Thank You.

Thank you for liking, reblogging, commenting, or reading my stories.

Thank you for sending me prompts.

Thank you for loving VNC with me in general. The ride would not be anywhere near as fun without having this blog.

I know followers don’t matter, I don’t really care about this number at all tbh. It’s just an excuse for me to thank the little corner of the internet which I have made this blog to be.

It’s nothing really in the grand scheme, but to me it is still... something.

Thanks guys. I’ll be around 💜💙

With love,

Alex

fin

#also i start my new job in a week!!! #the majority of the work ive done on this blog has been between graduation and my first job and i wouldnt have it any other way #happy 100 everyone

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #oh man I didn't realize how badly I'd lost track of time since my wife finally got her career news #until my partner told me baseball starts *this week* #(tbh I kinda thought it didn't usually start till april anyway?) #(but also april is next week.) #(I'm very sick and it's very disorienting.) #(and I can't do anything but sit and wait for another month and a half and just. hope maybe this doctor will do their job.) #(I know it may be tiring to hear about but I'm putting it in the tags where it's easy not to read and like it's my blog after all :v )

[2hoothoots]

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me #the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun) #so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this #and also it's my blog and i like to talk :) #related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change #it deletes like half the post you just typed out #(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother) #what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump #but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags #there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs #i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time #but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids #omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez #i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them #and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate #oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point #i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share #i'm super excited about it :) #i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main #idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process #and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources #so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see #our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored #alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well

[becca-e-barnes]

I reallyyyy want to talk about how much fun it would be to jerk a really submissive Bucky off with a pair of soaked panties 🙈

I feel like submissive Bucky is so vocal too and I love that thought. He trusts you completely with his body and he's not ashamed to make as much noise as he wants to.

He knows what his little whines and moans do to you. You get off on his desperation and he absolutely knows it. You can't help but melt when he looks up at you from his knees, his eyes wide and expectant, whispering "please, mommy" when all he wants is permission to kiss from your ankle to your knee.

He's learned that being well mannered is the only way to get what he wants so you don't mind rewarding his good behaviour. His plump lips begin to trail eagerly from the ankle strap of your heel, up the side of your calf until he reaches the joint at your knee. Your fingers tangle in his hair, warning him not to go any further and the groan he elicits is heavenly.

"Please let me kiss you." He practically sounds like he's panting. Frustration has settled into his features, his eyes trained on the cherry red lace that shields your sex from his hungry gaze.

He knows you're already wet and he knows that if he's just able to kiss a little bit higher, your self control might waver enough that you'll allow him to lap up your arousal and that's really all he's dreaming of.

"You're so selfless, aren't you?" Your sarcasm isn't lost on him. He wants to taste you because he wants to taste you, not so much for your pleasure. "No, let's try something different."

You slip your panties down your legs but he's smart enough to know you aren't going to give him exactly what he wants.

You kneel down beside him, lining your hand with the slick lace before wrapping your fingers around his stiff cock that's been begging for attention for far too long now.

"O-oh my God." The first stroke of your hand makes him crumble. Despite being slick, the lace offers so much friction and he's far too sensitive for that.

Your hand pumps quickly, watching his face while he begins to slip. "Good boy, that's it. Take it. Fuck, you're so pretty, do you know that? You're doing so well for me."

" 's too much. Please. Don't stop." His head falls forwards onto your shoulder, groaning pathetically into the crook of your neck.

"Do you want to cum, sweetheart? Are you going to be a filthy slut and cum in my panties? Do you even realise how fucked up that is?" Your soft voice makes him melt up until your hand on his cock speeds up.

"Y-yes. Oh God yes, please let me cum." He didn't think it'd be this easy but when you give him permission, he knows to take the opportunity while he's getting it.

In just a few more minutes, his thighs are trembling as he shoots a thick load into the already saturated lace lining your hand. The release of each gush of his seed feels more euphoric than the last and he's whining pathetically, up until he's fucked himself empty into your fist.

"Good boy." You whisper, kissing his damp forehead while he catches his breath. "I'm so proud of you."

You unfold the lace, admiring just how much of his cum he's managed to splatter over just your underwear. "Now. I want you to put these on and wait in the bedroom."

#becca's thots #becca writes spice #sub!bucky #subby!bucky #I can't stop thinking about it #I was going to write a longer piece today #but then today became a chill day #bad week besties #my car wouldn't start yesterday morning #since the weather is better I've been walking more and now I never really drive my car #but dad jumped it for me and now it's fine #it also didn't work out with the house I was bidding on 😭 #but it's fine #I just REALLY liked that one #I think I'm having an identity crisis rn #like new phase in my life #new job in less than a month #booked in with my optician for an eye test and inevitably new glasses #I'm booking in to change my hair again #and I put my favourite perfume on this past Thursday evening #I have always been obsessed with that perfume #I got it for starting my undergrad and I wore it almost every day #I save it now for special occasions bc I want to use the last of it for my masters graduation (bc I am a sentimental idiot) #but I put it on and I don't think I really like it? #I've been wearing the Tiffany and Co aftershave so much I think I don't want to smell like anything else #who even am I these days 😩

[absoloutenonsense]

Coming soon…

'cause I want you (for the worse and for the better) by nonsensedarling

When Louis gets invited along to Anne's wedding, Harry is prepared to let people think whatever they want about their relationship. That's what Louis said -- let people think whatever they want. That all changes when Louis sees his ex, who turns out to be Anne's future husband's son. Now, Louis wants to prove that he's an omega that an alpha could want, and Harry wants to get through this weekend without letting his best friend figure out he's in love with him.

Written for the @1daboficfest -- posted here! Moodboard by @dearlou

Read a snippet below the cut!

They walk into the restaurant at 7:02pm, and are promptly guided down a set of stairs into the lower-level party room. 

From the doorway, Harry can see his mom and future stepdad, talking to a couple of younger guys – a dark-haired alpha and a blonde omega from the looks of it. They all laugh and his mom goes in to give one of them a hug while John clasps the other on the shoulder. That must be John’s son and the boyfriend Harry’s heard them talk about. 

Harry takes a deep breath, smoothes out his shirt, and reaches for Louis’ hand, ready to walk in and muscle his way through this weekend.

But Louis doesn’t take his hand. Instead, he grabs onto Harry’s wrist and yanks him in the opposite direction. 

“What?” Harry asks, stumbling a bit as he’s pulled. 

Louis doesn’t say anything, just gets to the restroom area and shoves Harry inside one of the single-room bathroom. 

“Ouch,” Harry says, shaking out his wrist. He watches Louis lock the door and whip around with wild eyes and frown lines etched into his face. “Louis, what the fuck? We’re already lat–”

“Will is here,” he says. 

Harry furrows his brows, unsure what that is supposed to mean. “Will…?”

“Will,” Louis says frustratedly. He looks to the door as he adds, “Will. My ex-boyfriend, Will. Will, who broke up with me after three months because he thought I was too loud and too clingy and too much.” He turns back around to Harry to emphasize, “Will!” 

Harry gasps. Ex-boyfriend Will, who refused to meet Harry because he didn’t like that Louis had an alpha best friend. “Dickhead Will?” 

“Dickhead Will,” Louis agrees. “Fuck. Fuck.” He reaches up and grabs fistfuls of his hair. 

What are the odds that Louis’ ex-boyfriend from Oakland is here in Sacramento now, working at the one restaurant where his mom’s rehearsal dinner is?

“Hey, it’s okay.” Harry steps close, and tries to pull Louis’ hands down from his hair, but they don’t budge. “We can ignore him, yeah? It’s just toni–”

“He was hugging your mom,” Louis interrupts. 

Harry is confused. He shakes his head immediately, ready to say that no, that was his future stepdad’s son – when it clicks.

“William,” Harry says.

“Yes,” Louis says, annoyed, finally pulling his hands down from his hair. “Will is often short for William. Very good, Harold.”

“No. John’s son is named William,” he explains. “He’s John’s best man. They’ve been talking about William and Dimitri – his boyfriend.”

Louis pales. “Jesus Christ.”

“Okay, it’s okay,” Harry says, looking around the room like the sink or toilet will tell him how to handle this. “We’ll just… avoid them.”

The look Louis gives him is unimpressed to say the least. “Avoid them?” he asks, voice filled with mirth. “You –also in the wedding and the co-person of honor with your sister– want to try and avoid another person in the wedding party?”

Harry inhales, his shoulders slowly rising up to his ears as he closes his eyes. “I don’t know, Louis, I’m trying to think of what will make this easier on you. I’m not sure how affectionate they are, but I don’t want you having to see it the whole weekend.”

Harry opens his eyes when he feels hand digging into his shoulders. Louis gives him a little shake, eyes still wild but frown lines mostly unetched. 

“That’s it!” he exclaims.

“What’s it?”

“Affection!”

Humming uncertainly, Harry says, “Affection?”

Louis shakes him again. “Yes.” He looks over Harry’s shoulder as he continues. “That bastard called me clingy, and basically told me an alpha wouldn’t be able to put up with it.” He locks eyes with Harry again. “I can show him I did find an alpha who not only puts up with it, but loves it.”

#i have been meaning to put a coming soon thing up for weeks now #but my brain is having A Time doing anything #but I wanna show off the beautiful moodboard Jo made! #like 97% of the things i write this turned out longer than I anticipated -- sitting pretty at 26k #i'm still not sold on my summary but we're working with what we've got #omegaverse fake dating #i also started a new job on top of my current one and am planning to flip my life a bit upside down so things are a mess -- but looking up!

[sportsthoughts]

feeling Mentally Strong this afternoon so going to brave watching/giffing some of last night's game

#also a little personal update as I've told loads of you about this/moaned about it in tags for a while and you've all been so supportive #v relieved to say after 3 (hellish) years of prep mr sp passed his week long assessment last week and starts his new job soon #very exciting for him career wise. and me sanity wise because even though we still need to move house this summer we don't need to relocate #and because we'll be Considerably Less Poor!!! #only downside is he has to go away for 6 weeks straight may-june to train which is far more time away than usual and I may go mad #esp if we don't make the you know whats and I have no hockey to keep me entertained #but very good news overall and thanks to my lovely friends & mutuals here who have been extremely supportive in my time of monster stress #hilariously he's had to go back to work this weekend even earlier than usual as penance for leaving so it's hockey afternoon for me :)

[minnow-doodle-doo]

This week has been so long and hard. I knew what I signed up for at my new job, I just don't remember being so tired all the time from it.

#rant #personal #my sleep schedule is off too since I'm used to a 720 start time but now I start at 930 and I still wake up at like 630 every day #I just need to adjust my sleep by like 2 hours so I'm not nodding off so early #but I also blame how exhausting this new position is and that I'm going to school 2 times a week till 9ish right after work #even at my old job I would stay up late since I like to so I thought it would be a better time for me but so far it hasn't but hopefully #it will be in the future #Its not like I havent encountered the behaviors and stuff before its just very intense with a child I'm with so much and how many times #I've had to remove them from situations since they started to get violent (multiple times a day) #good thing the kid likes me and he's talking to me Ive had so many convos with social workers phycologists the partents teachers but still #anyway if I feel like this still by December I might have to find a different job while I go to school #its not like the school I work for isn't helping me its more that its a hard job and I'm tired

[nynazenik]

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR AURA? BEIGE.

lattes, dry fields, footprints, easels, cat fur, pottery, fresh-baked cookies. your essence is beige: you are an even-tempered and comforting presence. you take refuge in your sanctuary and creature comforts; the warmth you exude flees from spontaneity or change. you are consistent and indulgent. you are the sleepy. you are the satiated. you find kinship in like-minded individuals of brown, umber, tawny, and ashen, who share your patient nature. you are also drawn to the expressive souls sky and cream, who will help you grow and teach you to explore new ideas. however, you may struggle to get along with the spontaneous personalities of blush and lilac who seem too frivolous.

@tommishelby and @theresebelivet tagged me to take this 'what color is your aura?' quiz and then make a moodboard with the result! thank you, girls 💗💗💗

tagging: @targaryeirene @userabby @cruelfeast @halsiin @somethingtofightfor @skintyfia @alwynn

#so sorry this took forever lovelies! #the new job has been taking all of my time mainly because i'm not working from home anymore (i start this next week i think finally!) #this was also so fun to make i loved the result <3 #personal

[famewolf]

im punching and punching and punching my anxiety today

#[static] #man i need a new job but im gonna try my best to stick it out for the next year and a half so that im 'vested' - #- or whatever its called for my little tiny 401k money lmao #im starting to get anxiety about work on my days off more than usual #they just changed it from 5 years to 6 years fjgkdlghd #and im nearly at 5 years #also i think im gonna try and stick it out with the full time up until October and i'm going back to 4 days a week for my sanity #and also theyve been cracking down on ppl missing work and the winter time i have to call out a couple times a month for snow #they used to be understanding about it but it sounds like they arent anymore :) #in one breath they'll be like 'yeah it's no worries we work at a grocery store who cares! we're stacking cans this isn't life or death' #but the moment you gotta leave early due to snow so you can actually make it home in one piece they get butthurt lmao #mind you I have put my car in a ditch BECAUSE of work doing this to me and i ended up missing a week + covering repairs because of it #like ... would you rather i go home 2 hours early or miss 4-6 days of work and be in debt :) #and the answer is the 2nd one for them lmao i fucking hate them

[whentherewerebicycles]

question: when you're starting a new job, what do you most want out of your first week of onboarding? what's most helpful for you to know/understand upfront? also... what's not helpful? tell me your onboarding nightmare stories too lol

#i honestly do not ever think i've had a positive onboarding experience #in my entire professional life #i guess for me a lot of my early-job anxieties are around expectations and 'rules' #like i want to know what time i'm supposed to be there and what time i'm allowed to leave and what the dress code is #and how the hybrid schedule works #so i don't make dumb mistakes right away #i also think i want to be involved in the real work as early as possible #like i don't have to be DOING anything yet but i want to be watching people do things and shadowing in meetings #so i can start to develop a sense of who's who and what the actual work of the office/workplace looks like #and also because i really value getting a feel for personalities as early as possible lol i want to know what the vibes are #hmm and also maybe most importantly #i feel like in any new situation i need a very loose conceptual framework to hold the new information being given to me #otherwise it's just random pieces of info you know? like it's helpful when someone is actively helping me fit information into a frame #like they're saying 'here's the HUGE picture - now let's zoom in and start looking at this one corner of it - and as we add new corners #i'll actively help you fill in the connective tissue that holds these different parts of the big picture together' #hmmm #my worst onboarding experiences have been when the person training me comes in and throws lots of #long complex extremely context-dependent documents or readings at me #and is like ok spend the week reading those and get back to me #and i'm like ?????????? #i have NO understanding of what my role is or how this organization functions #at this point it is not helpful for me to pass my eyes over tons of dense info without a guide to tell me what's important #i have no way of gauging of something is important or trivial and then i feel stressed like i have to learn ALL of it #even though i know that a huge portion of it will end up being not that relevant to my day-to-day job

[lorelune]

i'm hoping things ease up come end of this month irl :'^) lots of changes and fun things coming up. its been a slog to get there but i am hoping for things to be kinder and more gentle!!

#lore loops #i start my new job and that SAME week i also go on vacation for over a week :''^) #VISITING BELOVED BLUE!!! #also meeting up with other beloved mutuals 🥺!!! #a few weeks after that is CON #which i am preparing for now :3c #nothing motivates me to work on cosplay more than becoming one of my husbands fr #mid february to end of march i will be quite busy!!! but itsl ike. good busy. good change. #my half-here half-there hiatus has been nice as well :'^)

[murderous-coffeebean]

Grounded (Or: Keeping the Duke of Ankh From Making a Run for It)

Some soft Vetvimes in 20 for @asongaboutpirates​! 😊❤️

Vetinari noticed that Sam was about five seconds away from shedding his coat and making a run for it before the latest social event had even begun, but since they were still alone, he had a solution for that.

Discworld © Terry Pratchett / 1780s - 1790s waistcoat & dress coats / art © Murderous-Coffeebean (tumblr & dA)

#vetvimes #havelock vetinari #sam vimes #discworld #discworld fanart #my art #my posts #art #fan art #digital art #requests #24.10.2022 #2022 #Grounded #asongaboutpirates #multiple versions bc that's app my Thing now(i think my fave is the first one tho) ^^ also researching coats was fun aaaah pls check themout #i have a couple more requests but those will probably take longer i once again spent an entire weekend (plus today) on a drawing #* and my wrist and arms are starting to protest a little. so i might take it a bit slower now. also my new job starts next week pls wish me #* good luck aaah

[anotherpapercut]

happy may day y'all remember that if you want to unionize your work place (and you absolutely should), the first step is getting familiar with your coworkers. one of the most important stages of forming a union is having conversations about the possibility of unionizing and what people want from a union in your workplace. you can't do this if you don't know them well enough to talk to them

#start to subtly implant the idea! try to find out about nearby unions in your field #or look for union stuff on the news #one of my biggest ins with a lot of different people has been 'have you heard about all the Starbucks unionizing?' #then the first library in missouri unionized and that became a great way to start conversations #also you must‚ and i cannot stress this enough‚ MUST be willing to put in the work #i have a part time job and a full time job and i give up an hour of my week to attend meetings #i have conversations with as many people as possible at work and outside of work when necessary #and im in pretty constant communication with the other organizers #our biggest obstable is that very few people will put in the work. weve been doing this for over 2 years now #and were like finally about 15 yesses from being ready to go public. after TWO YEARS #because people are ready to complain but unwilling to do anything to fix the problems

[sydmarch]

spent months like I need prescription for my mental health give me prescription please please & now that I have it I'm like hm. do I want to have to take meds, actually

#part of it i think is just that typical anxiety that comes before any life change like s new job or whatever but also like #despite never having TRIED stimulants im familar w them i know people w adhd who are on them i had an idea of what to expect & thats what i #i figured id be getting but shes having me try this non stimulant option first bcus 1 apparently its good for people who also have anxiety #and 2 easier to get w the like Adderall shortages & shit rn #& im like ok i have NEVER heard of this drug before and didn't even know there WERE non stimulant options options. #like im doing all my research TODAY for the first time then pick it up tomorrow? #like me heslth anxiety girl just has to be like ok sure i guess. i had mentally prepared myself for stimulants & thats it!!! #i mean worst case i just try it & see if it works or if i have side effects but like. ugh. & i dont like that i dont like my np LOL like id #probably feel less uncertain about trying something i was previously unfamiliar with if she was someone i liked & trusted more #if i knew there were unfamilar drugs they might recommend to me i probably wouldve started over & found someone new to work with. AGHHH & i #didnt discuss any of this w her bcus it took me a couple hours after our session to think abt it & do my own reading & process my emotions #to really come to thia conclusion. & also i wouldnt have wanted to talk to hwt abt this anyway bcus i dont like her & have not felt at all #like cool w opening up to her beyond the minimum i had to do for the assessment #& my therapist is sick this week so im not gonna get to talk to her tomorrow!@ #texticles #anyway i know ive got fellow adhd bitches following me. anyone try guanfacine did you like it or nah

[thatfaerieprincess]

if one more well meaning relative asks me if i have done any drawing recently i will start screaming and flip a table 🤪🙃

#it's not their fault!! it's not!!! I'm known for being The One Who Draws #they usually get updates from my parents sending out pictures of things I drew for assignments for school for years!! they haven't gotten #anything new in a long time!! #it's not their fault to ask hey have u been making anything new?? #but also if one more person asks I'll literally go fucking nuts I will start screaming crying throwing up #I will begin tearing myself limb from limb #especially if it's my grandma who I see literally every week and she in fact knows I have not been drawing #it's worse when she asks bc then it's also with that quiet pity of someone who assumes I probably haven't but hopes that I have #ANYWAY SORRY I JUST HAD TO PUT THIS SOMEWHERE #I'm doing my best and I'm not in a great space and I'm trying real hard to try and figure out who the fuck I am when my entire life isn't #Completeing Assignments #bc since middle school I have been nothing much outside of a Complete Assignments Machine #and I've found ways to bring my humor and my creativity and things I enjoy INTO Completeing Assignments #but I've somehow then learned I can ONLY do these things if they're for Completeing Assignments #and now I have graduated college and I'm trying to get a fucking job and move somewhere new and my life isn't Completeing Assignments anymor #and I haven't relearned how to have creative fun ideas outside of the assignments framework #but I want to get there again #but I need everyone to stop asking me if I have made any art recently #bc I think for a while the answer is going to be no and if it's not no it's gonna be yes but I'll have made something so fucking weird #you're going to wish I had said no and not explained that I was building a dead rat puppet #im a rambling sam

[lexicals]

Thing 1. I have accepted the new job which is scary scary but hopefully will be good. It's technically retail but a much more laid back form of it & still arts related & it's a management position so I am hoping for the best. Thing 2 related to this is that I have to hand my notice in tomorrow and that is gonna be Bad. That is not gonna be a fun time. I am gonna get so guilt tripped n then I am gonna have to spend 2 weeks in awkward "everyone knows I quit" limbo. Thing 3 is that I am getting soooo good at beatsaber 😌

#wastepaper basket #The biggest thing w the new job is that it's a 4 day week so I'll have time to start working on my comic in earnest n that is very exciting #I do beatsaber for exercise n also stress relief it is satisfying to hit stuff #So I've been playing quite a lot recently just to destress and apparently it's paying off lmao