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#also church (my abhored)

ghost-bxrd · 4 months

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blog guidelines and tags

Hi! I’m GhostBird! This blog is dedicated to any and all things Batman and Robin related featuring copious amounts of fluff and feels 💚

First of all: be kind. Both to me and to each other. If there’s a prompt/opinion you don’t like please keep scrolling or simply block. Rude commentary or harassment of any kind will not be tolerated, and yes that also applies to ships you may find distasteful. If I have too many people going anon to be rude I will be turning that function off. This is a safe space, and I will enforce that with prejudice. 🐍

Second of all: Have Fun. Go wild. I love talking and brainstorming with you guys. And if you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask 🦅

TAG GUIDE

prompts — plot bunnies that hit me over the head at random times of the day. If you get inspired, feel free to write something for it. Or if you’d like to brainstorm for a certain prompt just reblog and tag me 💚

Digital Art — my art (unless it’s reblogged) ranging from sketches and little comic doodles to full paintings. Usually of the angsty variety ⛈️

Owl Song — for the Talon!Dick fic series I’m writing featuring lots of feels 🦉

what you’re longing for you claim to abhor — for the fic with Jason pretending to be a hallucination where the Bats think Hood was Jason’s boyfriend 🫀

Shuck — Church Grimm Jason AU 🐺

The Antithesis of Magic — for the fic where Jason Todd adopts a young Bruce Wayne from an alternate universe and takes him back to his own and now has to navigate being a dad to a traumatized ten year old who’s hell bent on becoming a vigilante while simultaneously juggling his night job as a crime lord, all while keeping both their identities secret from the Bats 🦇

ghost talks — responses to asks and suggestions, some general musings, and random thoughts 👻

brainstorming — brainstorming for fic ideas or existing fics

Fae Dick Grayson — the Fae au with multiple headcanons and little convos without an actual fic (yet) lol 🌲

Court Family — the batfam as part of the Court of Owls AU 🪙

Selkie Au — Selkie Jason 🦭

Etsy — updates and stuff for my Etsy store, mostly Batboys related 🦅

And… that’s pretty much it for now. I’ll update this list when or if necessary ✨

Edit:

My ask box is currently open for follow up requests for my existing (finished) fics! I can’t promise I’ll write them all but chances are good I’ll take an interest. Just let me know which fic you want a follow up scene on (with a specific!!! scenario pls that fits into the verse) and I might write a couple hundred words for it and post it in Ghost Stories. 💚

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inmarbleimmobility · 3 months

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1.1.6 - How He Protected His House

THE ONE WITH THE CHAIRS!!! my youngest brother and i goof about this chapter All The Time because this is as far as he ever made it in the brick. so sometimes we'll be at a holiday gathering and my mother will inevitably ask about how many of us there are while setting the table and my brother will go, "seven? yeah we have enough chairs for that, we could do up to eleven actually, it would be more but that one upstairs is too big-"

anyway!

"the most beautiful of altars [...] is the soul of an unhappy man who is comforted and thanks god" is fascinating. on the surface obviously he's talking about how compassion and love are more important than material goods. but also, the altar is *the* single most important part of a physical church to the point that the church is essentially built around it - compassion and love are the center around which Myriel's entire belief system (and the one Hugo argues for) is built.

I love that Myriel has "pupils from the secondary school" over!!! I'm imagining like tea in the headmaster's office but it's with the nice old bishop who just loves hearing about everything you've been learning lately

the bit about Baptistine's sofa dreams is actually kind of crushing?? "whoever attains the ideal"???? Hey Hugo, I know this is The Miserable Book but that's a little bit of a downer even for you. like, no, material things shouldn't be the ideal, of course! beautiful furniture is no substitute for the things that truly matter! (which, if I had a nickel...) But I feel so bad for her here. Let a woman have her one velvet sofa. (also, for someone who's going to talk so much about a certain "priest of the ideal" later, that's a weird way to talk about your ideal!)

it's fascinating also that Myriel still has the "grooming articles that betrayed the elegant habits of the man of the world"! it's a surprising bit of vanity that maybe he doesn't even realize is vanity? or maybe his 10 step skincare routine really is that good.

Myriel's "copper crucifix with traces of silver" caught my eye, because Valjean's crucifix in his terrible room in the Rue de l'Homme Arme is copper too. probably I'm reaching here and and all 18th century crucifixes were made of copper, but either way it's an interesting bookend.

i'm about to get very Red String Conspiracy Meme here for a second BUT! The Candlesticks. the church says you Must have a certain number of (specifically beeswax) candlesticks present on or near the altar at any mass. the absolute minimum is two, but the number increases up to 7 depending on who's celebrating mass/what type of mass is being celebrated. someone who needed a quick 1500 word essay could make something out of this - the fact that aside from the silver cutlery (which there were practical reasons for keeping) the only other Thing he has is those two silver candlesticks, the fact that two candles specifically are used for the low mass, the table/altar comparisons, the altar being a surface on which a sacrifice is made... all of this is an extreme reach but playing with catholic aesthetics is fun, okay, so sue me.

"The beautiful is as useful as the useful. [...] Perhaps even more so."

there sure are a lot of Guys Who Like Flowers in this novel, huh! Myriel, Mabeuf, Jean Prouvaire, even Valjean... I'm sure that means nothing at all!

"Nisi Dominus" etc is Psalm 127:1, "Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain."

"[the bravery of priests] should be peaceable" - and this is where we run into the limit of the Myriel Approach. his need to remain peaceable is the core of that whole interaction with G- and his aversion to the scaffold - he does not believe violence can be justified, which is why he can't change the system, he can only try to mitigate the pain it causes. it feels to me like a direct parallel of Enjolras' "death, I abhor thee, but I use thee".

#this is a particularly unhinged recap #i will likely read it when i'm less sleep deprived and go 'wow you really thought you did something there'#“i've connected the dots” “you didn't connect shit” “i've connected them”#les mis #les mis letters #lm 1.1.6

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officialyourdailyinspiration · 5 months

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Sabbath Devotional

Following the Lamb by William Jay

"These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth." — Revelation 14:4

Our following the Saviour takes in three things. First, It must be free and voluntary. “My son, give me thine heart.” If it be given to him, nothing will be withholden. If this is withholden, nothing else will be acceptable to him, for

“He abhors the sacrifice where not the heart is found.”

What he requires he infinitely deserves; and therefore, to gain the heart,-to make his “people willing in the day of his power,” -he opens the eyes of their understanding, he unveils to their view his personal glory, makes them sensible how much they owe to him, and brings them to his cross and says, “Behold my hands and my feet.” “Thus he draws them with the cords of love and the bands of a man;” and they run after him, and find his yoke easy and his burden light.

Secondly, Our following him must be impartial. Hence it is said, “They follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth.” It is true that their obedience while here is not perfect, but then it is not partial. They say, “Therefore I esteem thy precepts concerning all things to be right, and I hate every false way.” They come to him, not to bargain, not to prescribe, not to choose. They throw down their will at his feet, and their only question is, “Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?” “Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.” Thirdly, Our following him must be constant. The goodness of Ephraim was as “the morning cloud, and the early dew, which passeth away.” And the Galatians did run well, but they were hindered. “But he only that endureth to the end shall be saved.” When our Saviour was upon earth some followed him for a season only. One day a large number went back and walked no more with him, and our Saviour took occasion then to address his disciples, saying, “Will ye also go away?” But they said, “Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life.”

We may be assured of this:-that what comes from God will also lead to him. Hence, says the apostle, “We are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end.” And so it will be with all the subjects of divine grace. Each of them will be able to say, “To the-praise of his glory by whom we have been kept through faith unto eternal salvation;” and with Job, “My foot hath held his steps; his way have I kept, and not declined; neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food.” Or, with the afflicted church, “Our heart is not turned back, neither have our steps declined from thy way; though thou hast sore broken us in the place of dragons,” and “covered us with the shadow of death.” This is what the apostle enjoins upon the Corinthians:-“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.”

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notebooks-and-laptops · 2 years

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surrender to the peace

A short Steddyhands fic, gentlehands centric because I couldn’t get the idea of Stede tracing Izzy’s tattoo’s out of my head. As always, you can also find this on AO3 here.

-///-

The thing about sharing a bed with Stede Fucking Bonnet was that the man didn’t seem to think ‘bed’ and ‘sleep’ were correlated terms.

Izzy’s a damn pirate. He’s taken his bunk with snorers, with people who kick, with people who have knives they want to jam into your neck hidden up their sleeves. He’s also taken his bunk with men who have pushy hands which is usually when it’s good to have your own blade within easy reach.

But he’s never shared a bed like this.

Edward’s out for the count. Another thing Izzy should hate. Since when has Edward Teach been a heavy sleeper? But next to Stede – or maybe it’s just in this topsy turvy world that is life on the Revenge – he sleeps like the damn dead, pressed up against the window, light snores working past his lips.

Stede is not asleep. He is instead, tracing the tattoos on the back of Izzy’s left arm.

There is a softness here that Izzy fucking abhors.

But he’s fucking tired. Not too long ago, he was fucked to within an inch of his life. He has no energy left to snap at Bonnet, or to endure the ensuing fallout where Stede would either a) get that annoying upset hurt look on his face or b) bitch back at Izzy until their arguing woke up Edward.

Edward needs his fucking sleep. Izzy needs his fucking sleep. The only person who doesn’t seem to need fucking sleep here is the annoyingly chipper Gentleman Pirate. Probably because he has never done a hard day’s work on the Revenge in all the time he’s fucking owned the thing. Hell, Izzy doubts he’s ever done a hard day’s work in his life.

Sometimes, Izzy wishes he had succeeded in killing this man.

Instead, he is left to lay awake with soft touches, and Stede’s inane questions.

“What does this one mean?” Stede’s voice is a whispered breath that curls against the skin of Izzy’s neck. His fingers are tracing the outline of a church – the Basilica – that is sprawled over Izzy’s left shoulder in intricate detail. Izzy doesn’t need to glance over to know that Bonnet is staring at him with that horrid earnest curiosity he has about fucking everything.

“Why have they all got to fucking mean something?” He throws back. Not answering will only mean the question is repeated louder. The path of least resistance is sometimes the fucking easiest.

Stede hums, “because you seem much more thoughtful about such things than Edward ever would be.”

Bonnet is, annoyingly, correct.

Edward’s skin is littered with tattoos and at least half of them he got because he was bored. Izzy had done a fair amount to him himself, a few of the more lude being fucking Jack’s doing. The ones on Edward’s left arm are all Edward’s own doing though. Given enough time without attention or stimulation, Edward was liable to find ink and begin just poking things in there, like a rich boy might doodle on a piece of paper only far more permanent.

Just another fucking reckless habit Edward does for ‘fun’.

Izzy though, Izzy is more careful about his own skin. Not too careful, not so much that he doesn’t have tattoos. He’s a fucking pirate for crying out loud, he’s got fucking ink. He has the swallow on his neck (the double meaning lost on many, but not Edward who had been there giggling the whole time when Izzy had had it done), and Edward’s signature on his cheek. Variously he has a ship, an anchor, a sword along the ridges of his spine, and an octopus looping around his left leg. And of course, he has a few others Edward saw fit to give him when he got tired of his own body as a canvas.

And the Basilica that Stede’s currently got his hands-on, of course.

He sighs, shifts over, dislodging Bonnet’s hand. But where he knows he should rightly shift away (he should rightly walk out of this room and stop playing this ridiculous game with his Co-Captains) he instead, shifts towards Stede, meets his eyes.

Stede’s gaze is, as it always is, a challenge.

Izzy has never been able to resist a challenge from Stede fucking Bonnet since they met on that fucking island. To Izzy’s utter chagrin, Bonnet’s challenges as of late have either involved sex, or emotional vulnerability (the former being entirely preferable to the latter).

“My mother,” Izzy begins, and he can already see Bonnet’s face lighting up with this tiny scrap of information. All about sharing, Bonnet is. Can’t help himself from getting happy when anyone on his crew gives a scrap of detail about their lives before, as if getting away from their crap isn’t the whole reason most people become pirates in the first place. Izzy wants very much to stab him. The fact that his dagger is so far across the room is distressing (and a fucking oversight, if they get raided in the fucking night. Fuck Bonnet for making him so fucking careless—)

“Yes?” Stede prods, the picture of innocence. Edward might buy it, but Izzy never has. Not since the beginning. Stede is many things – incompetent, an imbecile, the bane of Izzy’s fucking existence – but he’s not innocent.

“She used to call me Baz,” Izzy admits, and the admittance is like someone is pulling his teeth. Does Edward even know this? Probably not. Edward would likely use it if he did, and Izzy has long since stopped going by that name.

“Short for Basilica,” Stede murmurs, his fingers back on Izzy’s shoulder, insistent. He’s got wandering hands, Stede, but not the type that ever goes anywhere fun. No, Stede just wants to fucking pet him like he’s a fucking dog or some shit, wants to trace his skin until what? Until he’s memorised it? Like he does all those fucking poems he’s always reciting to Edward over breakfast?

Izzy just watches him. His own hands stay at his side. He might have permission to touch Bonnet and Edward now, but that doesn’t mean he does so frivolously. Outside of sex, he remains as distant as he can (while also sharing a bed and being held hostage to a litany of stupid questions by Bonnet).

“Where is she now?” Stede’s voice is soft. Kill with kindness, indeed.

“Where are anyone’s parents at our age, Bonnet? She’s fucking dead.” It’s not an answer, but it’s all he’s willing to give.

Stede, at the very least, seems to accept this. His hands pull away from Izzy’s shoulder to trace the wings of the swallow on his neck instead.

“I was thinking I should get one,” Stede says it casually like that isn’t the most bizarre picture Izzy has ever had in his head, “a tattoo.”

“They hurt,” Izzy responds, because the idea truly is ludicrous, and Stede has (such nice, beautiful, kissable, soft) barely blemished skin (minus the stab wound Izzy himself gave him, right next to the one from the Spanish, and the one he got from The Kraken before he’d made up with Edward).

“Yes, Izzy,” the way Stede says his name sometimes, so fucking insolent, Izzy wishes he hated it. But he doesn’t.

Bonnet is terrifyingly difficult to hate recently.

“I know they hurt. It wouldn’t have to be anything big. Just something…” Stede’s hand trails upwards, over Izzy’s jaw, lips, to the cross just below his eye.

Oh.

Right. He wants fucking Edward to tattoo him.

The thought makes jealously, long tamed but ever-present, rear at the back of Izzy’s fucking throat like bile. Would Edward mark Stede the same way he had Izzy? Or would he mark him elsewhere? With something bigger or smaller? Better or worse?

Izzy could remember the moment he’d gotten that specific one well: “Israel Hands signed Edward Fucking Teach,” Ed had said, clambering off Izzy’s lap to admire his handiwork. They’d been younger then. Edward hadn’t needed to watch his knees as he flung himself about; from the rigging to the crow’s nest to the body of whichever crew mate took his fancy. Usually Jack.

Izzy had fucking hated Jack.

But that moment had been theirs. It had been the moment that Edward had taken ink and devotion and pressed both underneath Izzy’s skin, marked him as his. And now Bonnet wanted his own little mark of Edward’s and—

“Will you do it?”

For a moment, Izzy thinks Stede is talking to Edward. That Edward has woken up and Izzy is going to get to listen to this frankly devastating conversation in real-time, over fucking pillow talk. He never should have let Edward convince him to stick around after sex. He never should have given his own cabin up to Frenchie and Wee John.

But Edward is still snoring in the background.

Stede isn’t talking to him.

Wait, what?

“You…want me to give you a fucking tattoo?” Izzy blinks slowly.

“Why not?” Stede takes a deep breath, and Izzy hates that he knows it’s the breath he takes whenever he’s about to order the crew into battle (or to do some awful arts and crafts thing). “Unless you can’t do tattoos—”

“I’m a fucking pirate, Bonnet, I can fucking do tattoos,” and he’s being played, but for once Izzy doesn’t let himself raise to the immediate bait. At least, not yet. “You just…you seem much more thoughtful about such things than fucking Edward ever would be.” His words, borrowed from Stede’s comment moments ago, tumble out over one another, as if thrilled to give away that he doesn’t want to say them.

Stede raises an eyebrow, that stubborn look back on his face, “Yes. I am.”

And Izzy really would have something to say about that if it wasn’t suddenly that Stede was leaning in and pressing very gentle lips against Izzy’s own.

It is the first time Stede has kissed him without an audience (if the snoring Edward behind them doesn’t count, that is.)

There are no tongues (Bonnet is a fucking menace with his tongue), no teeth (Izzy likes to bite Bonnet’s lips just for the hell of it, usually), there isn’t even very much passion. It’s just…a fucking kiss. Like it’s normal. Like this is something that Izzy fucking deserves, or wants, or needs (oh fuck, don’t let him get so far as to need it, fuck, fuck)

And then Stede is pulling back, and smiling at him, a wide, toothy smile that should be nothing but annoying and which Izzy refuses to call charming.

Whatever words Izzy wanted to say are dead and gone.

Huh.

“We can talk more about it tomorrow.” Stede pats his cheek and it’s almost condescending enough for Izzy to decide snapping is worth it, damn Edward’s fucking sleep schedule. But then quite suddenly, there is a Stede Bonnet rearranging Izzy’s limps so that he can rest his head next to the Basilica he was tracing that began this whole fucking thing and Izzy is fucking tired so he lets it happen.

“Goodnight, Israel,” Stede murmurs. If Izzy could bring himself to catalogue it, he would perhaps note that Bonnet’s voice held affection usually reserved for Edward.

Izzy closes his eyes, feels the weight of Stede against him, the way Stede’s leg is pressed against his own, and breathes.

Fucking Stede fucking Bonnet.

Edwards’s snores are still going in the background when Izzy finally drifts off himself.

#steddyhands #gentlehands #stizzy #izzy hands #ofmd

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calder · 2 years

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Fallout Occult Masterpost Part Zero: Division, Annotated

This is the first and shortest in a 15 21-part outline which seeks to exhaustively document and analyze the occult subplots and paranormal factors in the Fallout series. It's my hope that this series of essays and catalogues will serve as a reference for people trying to approach this esoteric school of topics.

The secondary goal of the series is to adequately explain and explore Professor Greebley's V-13 theory as a means to heal the Fallout setting, largely by demonstrating the false parameters and double-standards of the unclear "fallout canon" often invoked by shallow fans to gatekeep creativity.

What follows is my speculative annotation of the cut FO4 Atom scripture, "The Great Division," present in the files as terminal entries at Crater House and as a text holotape. I recommend you read and reblog from source, because these readmore posts will be edited and expanded with new developments. They will be found at /tagged/masterpost. I've attempted to format my desktop theme for pleasant reading.

Every testimony of Division and heretic testimonies resembling Division will be collected in Part 6.

==The Great Division==

𝔇𝔦𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫 1

In the beginning Atom created the first division[1] of light from darkness[2], and the name of the first is Fission[3]

It is that which compassath the whole kingdom of Atom, wherein there is the glow[4]

And the stars cast His glow upon the firmament[5], and through it creatures were divided[6] from the earth and made with eyes to perceive His glory[7]

And for a time the great division continued and created all manner of creature which tested[8] themselves to be worthy[9] of Atom

[1] The big bang was, itself, the splitting of an atom. Conversely, every nuclear detonation is an act of creation. [2] Fission and fusion are self-explanatory as binary forces of destruction and creation, respectively. [3] The CoA associate destruction with light. [4] “The Glow”–Radiation, as worshipped by the Churches of Atom, the M.A.D. Monks, the Church of the Eternal Detonation, and the Enlightened. This may also serve to invoke The Glow visited by the Vault Dweller, which is now the state of Dayglow. [5] The Glow came from the heavens. [6] Implicit comparison of postwar mutation to the genesis of life [7] Eyes are a focal point of the study of evolution, and developed in several stages. The CoA are fixated on eyes. [8] Directly mythologizing evolution, continuing the secular creation myth. [9] “worthy of Atom”–Able to create nuclear detonations.

𝔇𝔦𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫 2

5. Thus came forth man, who had the potential to understand the true form of Atom[10] 6. But man was weak and, swayed by false gods, sought to enslave Atom wrapping his mortal gifts in the coils of a great copper wyrm[11][12] 7. But His prophets[13] were not swayed, and through them Atom's bonds were broken[14] and His trumpets soundeth[15] as the breaking of the world 8. And where His shackles were loosed[16] a tree of light[17][18][19] grew upon the earth and in its blooming, cast forth a cleansing fire[20][21]

[10] Humanity was the animal who had the potential to ascend through division. [11] The CoA abhor the use of nuclear power, when that power could be loosed upon Christendom. Perhaps why Fusion is cast as darkness [12] Perhaps in the author’s visions, they saw the same terrible worm as the Mad Preacher, and did not recognize it. [13] Prewar wielders of atomic weapons. Almost certainly alluding to the Atomic Priestood, vastly inflating their importance. [14] Likening the breaking of subatomic nuclear bonds to the breaking of the chains which bound their death god [15] Heraldic imagery recalling nuclear alert sirens. Note the misused faux Olde English [16] Craters and disaster zones [17] ”a tree of light”--Mushroom clouds, perhaps locally referring to the West Tek or New York detonations [18] Perhaps prophesying or recalling Harold or Tanagra [19] More Mad Preacher overlap [20] Ditto [21] The Children of the Cathedral also explicitly view the War as a cleansing, unifying fire.

𝔇𝔦𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫 3

9. The faithful[22] knew that they still had His love; for where the tree bloomed His seal was placed upon the earth wherein they might drink the waters of the glow[23][24] 10. Still the wicked did not believe and so stars of heaven fell upon the earth carried by winged chariots and his trumpets sounded for 40 days[25] 11. Thus the land was cleansed and a second great division began[26]

[22] The Children believe they already existed, in some form, on the day the bombs fell. [23] “He is the one who came before. The Firstborn of the Wood. Blood wept from his branches and he shared with all His believers.” - His Birth, Dim Moth Scripture [24] As with the first division, the creatures must be tested to be worthy of the glow, this time through radiation immunity, and/or ghoulification [25] Reverent mythologization of the bombing of America, comparing the War to the apocalyptic deluge endured by Noah. [26] Comparison of the War to the Big Bang, necessitating a second period of evolution.

𝔇𝔦𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫 4

12. But as with the wyrm, the unbelievers[27] hid below the earth from the Eye of Atom, trapped in their ignorance 13. To they He has delivered new prophets[28] and said unto them[29] 14. I have sent forth thy prisoners out of the pit[30] wherein is no water of the glow[31] 15. And you shall weild the arrow of my judgement upon them [32]

[27] All who reside in bunkers, but especially Vault-dwellers [28] Postwar wielders of atomic weapons. [29] Whispered or suggested in visions [30] Atom has made the vaults uninhabitable, forcing its residents topside [31] They offend Atom with their unirradiated lifestyle [32] Atom has sentenced them to death, and it is each Child’s duty to manifest that sentence by combat.

𝔇𝔦𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫 5

16. Pity not the wailing of heretics, for their tears shall be dried in the flames [33] 17. And their flesh shall consume away while they stand upon their feet in the division [34] 18. And their eyes shall consume away in their holes to behold the glory of Atom [35][36] 19. And their tongue shall consume away in their mouth to better speak His name [37] 20. And so shall you do my works upon the earth

[33] The joy of Division outweighs the sorrow of impending death [34] Division will physically transport them to Atom’s realm [35] Conflation of the ascendant state with ghoulification or death [36] In this instant, they will see Atom. [37] G’yeth, G'yeth.

[Part 1: History of the Children of Atom coming soon.]

#fallout 4 #children of atom #atom #scripture #lore #masterpost

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wutbju · 3 months

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Also last semester, BJU's new shiny spokesman Renton Rathbun chose the clickbaitiest headline. It's peak BOJOsploitation.

He called it "Hate More. Kill Better."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know he's talking about the mortification of sin. But it takes a long time for him to get to that point. And he flippantly states that "the Church is losing the skill of hating and killing."

This is the guy who started his sermon about gender binaries talking about sexual assault. And this is the guy who talked the students' neighbors as Sonderkommandos. And this is the guy who said that he's "punching them in the face." And the guy who said that men "pressure women into degrading themselves."

And he's saying it in the same pulpit that Dan Olinger "joked" about "killing" a student.

BJU loves to glorify violence. They love to exploit people from the pulpit. They love BOJOsploitation.

And fundy pastors love it too.

They are all as bad as the Reefer Madness producers.

Mark and avoid.

Here's Rathbun's whole thing. Note that he's equating pastors with holiness, and if you disagree with that, you need to learn more about "killing."

We live in a world where 62% of American pastors have a syncretistic worldview. It was pastors who enabled the success of the Revoice movement, which is responsible for grooming young men and women into embracing a gay identity within Christianity. And currently, there is a dwindling confidence in pastors’ spiritual credibility.

Now more than ever, the American church is in desperate need of pastors who are ready to address a simple fact: the Church has come to despise holiness. Yes, the Church at large seems fond of God’s love and goodness, but holiness leaves a bitter taste in her mouth.

Many fear pursuing holiness will make us unrelatable, robotic, and judgy. Yet, the most sobering statement of 1 John 2:1–6 is that the first and primary exhortation is to stop sinning. Yes, if we do sin, we have an Advocate. But John wrote his epistle principally so that his people “may not sin.”

When we do speak of practical matters of holiness, we often explain our way into retaining at least some sin. When 1 Timothy 2:12 forbids women “to exercise authority over a man” in the church, we roll out our feminists to help us see that “authority” is misunderstood by conservatives. When Romans 1:26–27 speaks of the sin of homosexuality and its “vile affections,” we roll out our same-sex-attracted pastors to help us see that only the act of sodomy is a sin, not the attraction part.

The Church is losing the skill of hating and killing. We do not hate sin as God does, so we do not kill it. We might condemn parts of it—but hating and killing it goes too far. Yet, God says He hates the work of those who sin (Ps. 101:3; 119:104). He hates abominations (Prov. 6:16–19; Jer. 44:4). He hates the planning of evil (Zach. 8:17). And God has instructed us to hate evil (Ps. 97:10), even abhor it (Rom. 12:9).

Our worldview is confused, so our compassion has become confused. In attempting to show compassion for those who are tangled up in sin, we have begun showing compassion for sin itself. As my pastor once stated, “When we forget the sinfulness of sin and God’s own hatred for it, we forget the cost of sin for the Son of God.”

How can we kill what we have become accustomed to? How can we assassinate that which we have been pining after? We need a biblical worldview of holiness. The puritan John Owen confronts us, “Do you mortify; do you make it your daily work; be always at it while you live; cease not a day from this work; be killing sin or it will be killing you!”

Pastors, do not give up. Do not give in. Do not go gently into the night. Fight for holiness in your own heart (1 Pet. 3:15) and in the hearts of your congregations (1 Pet. 1:15–16). Fight because you love God. Fight because you love your people. Turn your people into killers of sin, or it will be killing them.

Look around, Renton. There's a lot of hating. There's a lot of killing. And exploitative to say so cavalierly, "The Church is losing the skill of hating and killing."

#Bob Jones University #BOJsploitation #Reefer Madness #Exploitation Genre #Christploitation #Fundyploitation #John R. Rice #Renton Rathbun #BJUChapel #Mark Driscoll #Dan Olinger

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scotianostra · 7 months

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youtube

On the 3rd October 1721 The Rev. John Skinner, author of "Tullochgorum", described by Robert Burns as “the best Scotch song ever Scotland saw” was born at Balfour, Aberdeenshire. I always like when the Reverend Skinner pops up as it gives me an excuse to post one of my favourite old Scottish songs, and tell the story about it.

The tune Tullochgorum had been around for a long time before one day John Skinner was visiting one of his parishioners, a Mrs Montgomery in the town of Ellon near Aberdeen, the conversation over dinner must be just like conversations nowadays, as it had turned to politics in order to turn the chat away from this heated debate Mrs Montgomery suggested the good Reverend should write a wee song, and further put to him it should be to the old fiddle tune ‘The Reel o’ Tullochgorum ’

And gie’s a song, the lady cry’d, and lay your disputes a’ aside What signifies’t for folks to chide for what was done before them Let Whig and Tory a’ agree Whig and Tory, Whig and Tory Whig and Tory a’ agree to drop their Whig-malorum Let Whig and Tory all agree to spend the night in mirth and glee And cheerful sing alang wi’ me the Reel o’ Tullochgorum O Tullochgorum’s my delight, it gars us a’ in ane unite And ony sumph that keeps up spite, in conscience I abhor him For blythe and merry we’ll be a’ Blythe and merry, blythe and merry Blythe and merry we’ll be a’, and make a happy quorum For blythe and merry we’ll be a’ as lang as we hae breath tae draw And dance till we be like to fa’, the Reel o’ Tullochgorum What needs there be sae great a fraise like dringing dull Italian lays I wadna gie our ain strathspeys for half a hunder score o’ them They’re dowf and dowie at the best Dowf and dowie, dowf and dowie Dowf and dowie at the best wi’ a’ their variorum They’re dowf and dowie at the best, their allegros and a’ the rest They canna please a Highland taste compar’d wi’ Tullochgorum May choicest blessings aye attend each honest open-hearted friend And calm and quiet be his end, and a’ that’s good watch o'er him May peace and plenty be his lot Peace and plenty, peace and plenty Peace and plenty be his lot, and dainties a great store o’ them May peace and plenty be his lot unstain’d by ony vicious plot And may he never want a groat that’s fond o’ Tullochgorum.

A wee bit more about Skinner himself, originally a presbyterian minister he had abandoned that in favour of Episcopalian, at this time the Jacobite uprising was gathering pace and, although Skinner was no Jacobite, he was caught up in the movement and accused of the “crime” as it was. It got so bad for the poor reverend that his Chapel was one of those that were burnt by ‘The Campbells’; the soldiers of the ruthless ‘Butcher’ Cumberland, egged on by the same local persecutor Skinner lampooned in his sermons. In 1753, Skinner was jailed also in Aberdeen for six months for the offence of ministering to a gathering of more than four people. Skinner used to officiate to his own family within his house, while the people stood outside and listened through the open windows, he was a very popular guy! So as well as a minister and a poet/songwriter Skinner also took to history, in 1788, he published his ‘Ecclesiastical History of Scotland’. This was a detailed account of the affairs of the Episcopal Church, from the time of the Reformation up to the death of Charles Stuart. Skinner dedicated this work to his son. He was also asked by Bishop Gleig to contribute to the ‘Encyclopaedia Britannica’, which he did with materials on ‘The Origin of Language’, ‘Episcopacy’ and ‘The Wisdom of the Egyptians’.

The poet Robert Burns was a big fan of Skinner’s work, and when, in the late 1780’s the Ayrshire bard was in Aberdeenshire he passed close to Skinners home, only finding out afterwards. The two began corresponding with each other and Burns included three of Skinners poems in his collection Johnston’s Miscellany’, this included Tullochgorum, Burns told Skinner his letter was, “by far the finest poetic compliment I ever got in plain dull prose.”

In latter life, Skinner was presented with the ‘Freedom of the City’ of Old Aberdeen. The Reverend John Skinner died in Aberdeen on the 16th of June, 1807, in the house of his son the Bishop, with whom he had been staying. He was buried in the Kirkyard in Longside, where there is a monument erected to his memory.

#scotland #scottish #history #church minister #songwriter #Youtube

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pub-lius · 2 years

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John and Henry Laurens for @thereallvrb0y

i hope you don't have trauma bc this is gonna be an emotional rollercoaster

tw: sewerslidal ideation, childhood neglect, shitty parenting, and like really blatant racism, oh and also discussion of homophobia and shit so be prepared

my sources for this are mainly the US National Park Service, but also Gregory D. Massey's John Laurens and the American Revolution. other good resources available online are the South Carolina archives, American Battlefield Trust, Britannica, George Washington's Mount Vernon, and this john laurens blog here on tumblr. now this isn't EVERYTHING i know about laurens, because like ive been fixating on him for a while and i can't put massey's whole book in here, but you'll definitely get a good understanding of him because this is a long one.

Henry Laurens

getting the boring one out the way. Herny Lauren (i don't like him having the same name as me) was born in Charleston (i will occasionally be calling it Charles Town in the names of shit) in 1724. His grandparents were French Huguenot immigrants. They were members of the Reformed Church, and fled to England and then Ireland after the Treaty of Nantes was revoked. Then they went to NYC then Charleston when they got rich as fuck.

Hreny was the first son, and was educated in Charleston, and later in England. He worked in a local counting house and worked under a prominent British merchant.

He returned to South Carolina in 1747. Charleston was really sick bc you could ship directly to Spain from there, and it was the busiest port in America for a little while. So, obviously, Homophobic Laureli had to get in on this and opened an import-export business (aka a mercantile) called Austin and Laurens. They imported rum and British mercantile goods like beans on toast, also trading in Carolina Gold rice, indigo, deerskins, tar, pitch, silver, and gold. They exported Colonial merchandise to England on returning ships.

Here's the slavery party. Huckleberry Laugens entered the slave trade with Grant, Oswald & Company, another mercantile that controlled the slave outpost Bunce Castle located in Sierra Leone. The company was contracted to receive, catalog, and market human cargo by conducting public auctions in Charleston. They handled the sale of over 8,000 people, receiving a 10% commission. Expenses incurred during the transportation of people were the responsibility of Austin and Ally (Laurens).

Now Laurens had some hot takes on slavery. He was an "abolitionist", which at the time usually meant a rich, white, slaveowner who made excuses. For example, this is how Fugly Laurens described to another business, Smith & Clifton, what slaveowners looked for in slaves.

“very likely healthy People, Two thirds at least Men from 18-25 Years old, the other young Women from 14-18 the cost not to exceed Twenty five Pounds Sterling per head… There must not be a Callabar (sic) amongst them. Gold Coast and Gambias are best, next to them the Winward Coast are prefer’d to Angolas. We would not choose them sent in the Hurricane Season but rather to come in the months of October or November. Pray observe that our people like tall Slaves best for our business and strong withall. Such as small, meager or other ways ordinary won’t sell better here than with you. The difference in price between Men and Women is never less than £3 per head, sometimes £6.” -Henry Laurens 1755

How disgusting is that. I fucking.

But its okay. Here's his list of excuses for why he can own slaves.

“I told you in my last that I was going to Georgia… My negroes there, are all to a man, are strongly attached to me �� so are all of mine in this country [SC]; hitherto not one of them has attempted to desert; on the contrary, those who are more exposed hold themselves always ready to fly from the enemy in case of a sudden descent… You know, my dear son, I abhor slavery. I was born in a country where slavery had been established by British kings and parliaments, as well as by the laws of that country ages before my existence. I found the Christian religion and slavery growing under the same authority and cultivation. I nevertheless disliked it… I am not the man who enslaved them; they are indebted to English for that favour (sic); nevertheless I am devising means for manumitting many of them, and for cutting off the entail of slavery. Great powers oppose me – the laws and customs of my country, my own and the avarice of my countrymen.” -Henry Laurens to John Laurens 1776

Okay, let's break this down. 1.) all of the people I enslave are so happy because I'm such a good slaveowner that they don't want to leave! 2.) other people's slaves are sad, so I'm better than them 3.) its the British government's fault that I HAVE to own slaves 4.) I'm a Christian 5.) I'm gonna free them eventually but like I don't want people to be mad at me 6.) I'm saying I hate it, but I'm doing nothing to stop the spread of the institution, but that's not important because I SAY i hate it. 99% of people who owned slaves at this time used at least one of these excuses.

Henry Laurens never publicly spoke out against slavery.

Dumbass married Eleanor Ball on June 24, 1750. She was pregnant a total of twelve times, but only four children lived to adulthood.

Hairless Laurens became a member of the Commons of House of Assembly in 1757. He was a member of every session until the American Revolution, so that's... something ig. The Assembly was the dominant institution in Colonial South Carolina, like the Virginia House of Burgesses or however you spell it.

Heterochromia held the rank of Lieutenant Colonel in the South Carolina Militia from 1757-1761, and engaged in many campaigns against the Cherokee natives and also in the French and Indian War, so don't worry, he wasn't just racist to black people. His business contributed £7,000 towards the war against the Cherokee. He kept a diary which is in the South Carolina Archives (cited above).

Hypnotizability Laurens was appointed to oversee Charleston's defenses in 1758 as "Commissioner of Fortification." I don't know why that's in quotes, that was his title.

Then, Hypopharynxes was designated to accompany the Cherokee to the capital for a peace treaty in 1761, which was probably a scam bc yk. Europeans be Europeaning.

Uh oh. Austin and Laurens dissolved in 1762. But it wasn't really a big deal.

Hamburger Laurens purchased a big ass plantation called Mepkin in 1762. It was 3,000 acres, 30 miles from Charleston, and cost £8,000, which was, to put it in modern financial terms, a shit ton. Mepkin housed fifty enslaved people, and generated corn, indigo, and wheat. Then, Habitual Laurens got like addicted to buying rice and indigo plantations, and ended up having around 20,000 acres. By 1766, he owned 227 enslaved people, yk, because he hates slavery.

He was offered appointments to the King's Council in Carolina in 1764 and in 1768, and denied both of them, because he was starting to separate himself from British politics.

He didn't do that fast enough bc in 1765, the Stamp Act happened. The Act was opposed by colonists, obviously, because it sucked. The stamps that arrived in Charleston were deposited at Fort Johnson and people were like rampaging the city looking for them.

Now, Hemorrhoid wasn't exactly known for his revolutionary thinking. He urged peaceful compliance until the law could be repealed, and viewed the Sons of Liberty as illegal, extreme, and likely to encourage harsher measures from Parliament. So, a rumor spread that the stamps were hidden in his house and a fucking mob stormed their house on October 25. There was no damage to the house, and Henry was really happy with that so. It traumatized his wife and kids but like. at least the house wasn't damaged lol.

where am i. oh okay. So after that, since he wasn't one of the family members traumatized, he was critical of British involvement in the Colonial economy, but that was mostly because he was a merchant and he had a lot of beef with customs agents.

Oh and then his wife died in spring of 1770. We'll talk more about that with John (foreshadowing)

HHHHHHG was appointed to the Safety Council, where he acted as president. Then he became Chairman of the Charles Town General Committee and President of Provincial Congress. He was also in SC's mini constitutional convention. He was elected VP after SC adopted their new constitution on March 26, 1776.

Then, Hyperthyroidism represented South Carolina in the Continental Congress from July 1777 until 1779. He replaced John Handcock as president in 1777. He served on the Commerce Committee and the Treasury Board. He also had really bad gout had to work from bed at one point in time. He tried to retire but they didn't let him.

He was elected on November 1, 1779 to negotiate a treaty of amity and bullshit with the Netherlands, but he got caught by British narks and was charged with suspicion of high treason and got locked up in the Tower of London. He was the only American held prisoner there, and it sucked ass. Family could only visit every ten days to two weeks and he wasn't allowed to leave his room for a while. He was imprisoned for two weeks, writing articles for a rebel newspaper secretly, until he was exchanged for Burgoyne, and fully released on April 27, 1782.

He went back to America and was like "fuck my 16 year old daughter is trying to marry this 29 year old asshole that I have beef with" and he didn't let them get married for two years, which like, why'd you give up bitch, don't let that creep near her!!!!

Hexylresorcinol served on the SC ratification committee and was the Presidential Elector for SC in the first election, and voted for Washington, bc obviously.

He retired officially from all politics and spent the rest of his life at Mepkin concentrating on agriculture.

He was really sick, and was also scared of being buried alive so when he died on December 8, 1792 because of heart problems, he was cremated bc he was definitely dead. This was the first cremation of a major political figure in the US bc he just HAS to be the first for everything. His ashes were buried next to John. Speaking of.

John Laurens

alright this is gonna get long, and there's a lot of quotes, but i don't feel like making separate posts bc this is what you signed up for, richie. everyone point and laugh at richie (jk ily bro)

John was born on October 28, 1754 in Charleston, South Carolina.

His mom died when he was sixteen. This was right before he and Da Boys were supposed to leave for England, and John was really upset that the trip would be delayed, more so than that his mom had died. Now, this is probably because he was in the denial stage of grief, but because he wasn't mourning his mother's death as openly as the rest of his family, he developed an insecurity that he was selfish and a bad person. This comes up later.

He, his father, and two brothers, Harry and Jemmy, went to England and John attended prestigious ass schools.

He wasn't really sure which course of study he wanted to pursue, stuck between ministry, medicine, and law.

“For my own part, I find it exceedingly difficult, even at this time, to determine, in which of the learned Profesesions I shall list myself… Thus I am agitated. ‘Tis beond far beyond the Power of one Man to shine conspicuous in all these Characters. One must be determined upon, and I am almost persuaded that it would be that of the Divine [clergy], if this did not preclude me from bearing Arms in Defence of my Country… No particular Profession is in itself disagreeable to me; each promises some Share of Fame.”

What he did know, was that he DID NOT want to be a merchant, which is what his dad wanted him to do. He thought it sucked absolute ass. Eventually, he chose law, because that was his dad's second choice.

"I have weighed the matter very seriously & considering that my Dear Papa & the majority of our judicious friends give a preference to my studying Law... I ought not abandon myself wholly to my own inclinations, but persue (sic)... which it is generally thought will render me most useful. I leave my favorite Physick, grieved to the Heart, that it is not to embrace that which I know would give my Dear Papa the most pleasure."

Also they moved to Geneva, Switzerland for a little while, bc it was cool, and his dad left John and Harry unattended, which turned out to be a bad idea, because John was gay! and he got a boyfriend

This boyfriend's name was Francis Kinloch. Now the whole gay thing is disputed bc historians are homophobic (*cough* massey *cough*), but like. if you think gay people are real, John was gay.

So Francis and John were in similar courses, with John studying French, Latin, Greek, and drawing along with the classics bc this is the 1700s, and Francis would be studying similar things. John and Francis exchanged letters that have a lot of romantic undertones, similar to John's letters to Hamilton.

John also might have had a relationship with a Frenchman named L. de Vegobre, who he tutored in English. The two of them bonded over studying law despite their passions for science.

"I can think of nothing more sadly insipid than to live without any affections of the heart." -Vegobre to John Laurens

Anyway, back to Laurloch. Tensions rose between the two of them later on (after John returned to London) with the developing American Revolution. Kinloch was a bitchass pussy Tory and Laurens was normal (kidding, Kinloch thought independence was dangerous for all the reasonable reasons, and John thought independence was necessary for all the reasonable reasons).

"My Ambition Kinloch is to live under a Republican Government. I hate the Name of King."

Also, Kinloch started pre-courting a girl, and John was really upset (foreshadowing).

This led to a messy break up, and, combined with John's religious and filial guilt, this could have led to John's one-night-stand with Martha Manning. If you don't know the story to that, John and Martha banged once, Martha got pregnant, and they got married out of necessity. Their daughter was named Frances, which. is awkward.

Okay, back to Geneva (sorry my timeline is messed up but these things kinda extend through different points in John's life). So Geneva was a pretty secular place, meaning there wasn't a really large religious population as much as there was in other parts of Europe at the time. John never really seemed to be more religious than the average dude in Geneva, and barely mentioned religion in his writing, but he did have some thoughts on Voltaire's takes on religion.

"...with respect to the Christian Religion, I believe Voltaire has done more Injury to it, than any modern Author; for I believe it is greatly owing to him that Deism has crept in even among the younger Branches of the Clergy here... but happily Instances of this are rare... [when such beliefs prevail] each Man supposes the existence of such a God as best suits his Purpose."

Now, you've probably heard some things about Henry Laurens being an abusive parent in fics or just people talking shit about him. I think this should be clarified as emotionally neglectful, which is still abuse, but not the definition that usually comes to mind.

So, in Geneva, John not only had to take care of his younger brother, he also had to take care of two other dudes, Jacky Petrie and Billy Smith. He said a few things about suicide in his letters to his father. John was also the eldest son, had already lost his mother, and was already showing he had a very low self esteem. So, not a great starting point for what I'm about to add onto that.

Henry Laurens had several parenting techniques, so I'm going to go through some of those.

He often used other people's sins as examples of what not to do, and honestly he seemed unnecessarily judgmental. He especially focused on sexual deviancy, and taught John that sexual deviancy was a sign of poor self control, which was unacceptable. John had a duty to his family and to society, which required him to have control of himself, and his natural urges. "A life of Indolence," Henry said, was, "the Source of all Evil."

A big theme with him is the concept of conditional love. It's clear Henry loved his kids unconditionally, but the things he said to them seemed like his love WAS conditional. For example, Henry said things to John like, "...you know how to please your Papa & at the same time... you love to please him," or "I shall recieve vast Pleasure if you continue to live in Temperance & Regularity, an example worthy the Imitation of your Father."

John's feelings about this are made clear in his letters to his Uncle James. (tw for discussions of suicide and self harm)

"My Father repeats to me his Commands relative to my Studies, and adds some such Expressions as make my Heart bleed. My good and Dear Uncle what shall I do. Is it not dishonour (sic) to stay [in London and not join the war]; and how can I disobey such good a Father[?]"

"I am ashamed to own that I am an American. Young and free from bodily Infirmities, in England, as a dear Father's Command[s] oblige me to remain in the humiliating Situation being pointed at others, and almost think[ing m]eanly of myself."

I have several concerns with these quotes. First of all, "adds some such Expressions as make my Heart bleed." There's several instances where John says his father's letters have severely distressed him to the point of despair (definitely more on that later), so this phrase sounds like a milder instance of that. Then there's him "almost thinking meanly" of himself, which, given the previous expressions in that quote, imply demeaning thoughts about himself and his abilities. Also, the "free from bodily Infirmities" being a specific thing he notes appears to me like thoughts of self harm. A lot of the time, people with suicidal tendencies will have self destructive thoughts indirectly or in ways that don't immediately stand out as "I want to hurt myself" or "I feel like I deserve pain". I believe this is an example of that.

John had an active social life, and ended up spending a lot of money, and was scared it would make Henry angry. John freaked out about this because Henry really drilled in that over-spending and wastefulness was really bad.

"An Industrious Man may gain near 12 Months in a Year over the bulk of his contemporaries. How much Time is lost in what is commonly stiled Pleasure, but deserves no better peithet than barbarous dissipation. Sleep & Indulgence unites in stealing another large Portion of Time from the Sons & Voltaires of Pleasure." -Henry Laurens

Henry also added on the weight of other people's expectations.

"Your friends on both Sides of the Water will expect to See in Jack Laurens the Man of Honour, Modesty, & prudence, the Scholar, the Christian, the Gentleman. Surely no endeavors on your part will be wanting to answer their utmost wishes & expectations." -Henry Laurens to John Laurens

John eventually returned to England, and there was. an incident. Basically, there was a party at Cambridge that a bunch of John's friends want to, and Henry really didn't like John's friends, and he really didn't want John to go to the party.

John said he didn't go to the party, but Henry didn't believe him. He basically tore into him for having bad friends, that he told John that John didn't really like his own friends, and asked if he immediately started being a slut (my word, not his) after Henry returned to the states. He told him, "...the Eyes of your friends & of your Country are upon you, they are in expectation & think themselves in view of a valuable Casket, for your own sake, for theirs & for the sake of posterity disappoint them not by becoming a bundle of Carolina Rushes."

Now, John's response letters is one of the most heartbreaking letters I've ever read, up there with Lafayette finding out his daughter died across the Atlantic and Hamilton's final letters to Eliza (spoilers lol), so I feel like paraphrasing it won't really get the full picture of just how emotionally destroyed John was by this.

"I feel my Mind a little eased, tho’ it will not be free from Pain and Anxiety, ‘till it receive some words of Comfort from you. And I am persuaded that however greatly I have offended, you would pity me, could you conceive the Tort[ur]e of Mind that I have undergone this day. I have experienced the same distressful Sensation in putting Pen to Paper to address you, that an offender does in lifting his Eyes, which Shame had cast down; to meet those of his injured Friend. Oh such a Letter from you my Father, and I, distracting Thought, to have given occasion for it. But your Words are a Seasonable, tho’ most severe, and trying Medicine. Yes you have shewn me myself. I was very well satisfied, before your terrible Letter gave the Alarm and call’d me home to Self-examination. You have shewn me such a Man as I almost hate. The more I look into my past Conduct, the more I despise what I was, the more I wish that a long Series of such Deportmant, as I now, dares such an irresolute man, say, resolve upon, were already past, and had regained your Confidence. The Remorse I have felt is known to none, but myself, and can only be conceived by one, who has been so unhappy, as to sink in his own, and the Esteem of his best Friend. I supplicate Your Pardon, and Pity, how dare I ask to restore your Esteem, Your Unworthy, tho much afflicted and pentient Son John Laurens.” -JL to HL, 29 March 1775

So, to summarize all of this, Henry taught his children to avoid being arrogant, hedonistic, selfish, atheist, dishonorable, degenerates, and that his definition of that was someone who overindulged in pleasures, who did not care what people thought of them, and did not control themself. In John's mind, he fit this description. He wasn't very religious, he was attracted to men, he had a child out of wedlock, and he had no real desire to study law. This would only get worse with time.

Now that was a lot of really sad things, so I will follow it up with something just as bad because John didn't get a break, so neither will we.

John moved back to London to get his law education but also to look after his younger brothers. His younger brother, Jemmy, he placed in a school in Greenwich. After he made the decision, he rushed home to inform his father and William Manning, his future wife's father. There, he ran into Manning's clerk, who informed him that Jemmy had suffered a critical injury. He had attempted to do parkour, but he was not hardcore, so he fell and hit his head. Doctors determined the injuries were too severe. John stayed by Jemmy's bedside until he die the following night. John described the situation in the following quotes to his uncle and his father.

"At some Intervals he had his Senses, so far as to be able to answer single Questions, to beckon to me, and to form his Lips to kiss me, but for the most part he was delirious, and frequently unable to articulate. Puking, Convulsions never very violent, an latterly so gentle as scarcely to be perceived, or deserve the Name, ensued, and Nature yielded." -JL to James Laurens

"what unexpected Cruel Misfortunes await us, of what can we promise ourselves any lasting possession[?]" -JL to JL

"What is there most dear to us in this world, that we are not liable at every moment to lose by some unforeseen Accident?" -JL to JL

"Suffer not one moment to be spent in useless moans for the Dead, which might be employed to the Service of the Living. You have great and important Duties to perform upon the Earth. Your Family your Country looks to you with Confidence." -JL to HL

So, add that to the list of shit John went through. His younger brother died under his care, and while it wasn't his fault, you know he thought that it was.

Anyway! John returned to America in 1777 and joined Washington's office as an extra aide-de-camp, then as as official one, because he finally snapped after he had to marry a girl he accidentally got pregnant, and his dad made him get an administration job instead of enlisting. He was present at all of Washington's major battles during his time in his office. His personal bravery/rashness was noted by his bros.

"It was not his fault that he was not killed or wounded; he did everything that was necessary to procure one or t'other." -Marquis de Lafayette after the Battle of Brandywine

That quote is really concerning considering what we just discussed but im too tired to unpack that.

Oh, and then there was the Lee Scandal. Laurens testified against Lee at his court martial after Monmouth, and absolutely fucking roasted him. Afterwards, Lee insulted Hamilton and Laurens- "those dirty earwigs who will forever insinuate themselves near persons in high office." Which like. he was right but he was rude about it.

So yeah Laurens challenged him to a duel on December 23, 1778. Lee proposed a deviation from the standard practice, where instead of being normal they would stand at a "proper distance" (roughly six paces), face each other, and shoot simultaneously. Lee's shot was errant, but Laurens shot him in the side. Contrary to what Lin Manuel Miranda wants you to believe, Laurens was not satisfied, and he and Lee wanted another round, but their seconds (Evan Edwards and Hamilton, respectively) wouldn't let them.

John returned to South Carolina in early 1779 to defend his state when the British turned their attention to the Southern states. He also went there to gain support for his manumission plan.

In March 1779, the Continental Congress authorized a payment up to $1,000 to the slaveholders of Georgia and South Carolina for each slave who enlisted in the army, and promised emancipation for those slaves who served until the end of the war. These "black battalions" should be raised and led by white officers. This plan found little support at the time in the southern American army (similar plans were put in place in the British armies and also in Rhode Island), but would have a development during the Civil War. John would continue trying to get this to work until his death.

Oh, oops, John was captured during the fall of Charleston in May 1780. He was transferred back to the Americans as part of a prisoner exchange in November of that year.

Then, he was selected to serve as a special envoy to King Louis XVI of France. He was almost crushed by an iceberg on the way there, and also Thomas Paine went with him. He appealed for supplies for the relief of the American armies. The active cooperation of the French fleets in Virginia that led to Yorktown was one result of his mission. It was technically a failure because he trusted some guy to transfer the goods and everything went to shit but like he technically did it. He wasn't known for his diplomatic skills I don't know why they picked him.

John rejoined the army and was at the head of the American storming party (along with Hamilton) of Redoubt 10 at Yorktown. Then, Washington designated him along with Louis-Marie, Viscount de Noailles to arrange the terms of surrender, and John was petty as shit about it.

John Laurens was killed in a skirmish on August 27, 1782 on the Combahee River in South Carolina before peace was formally concluded. He was shot multiple times off his horse after he ordered his men to attack despite orders not too. His men left and later returned to retrieve his body, leaving a gap in time in which Laurens likely bled to death, alone.

John was known to attack despite orders not too, being rash on the battlefield. It is possible that these were attempts at third-party suicide, so that he would die an honorable death, but die nevertheless.

This is really long, so I'm not going to go into lams and other things like that. If you have any further questions, absolutely feel free to ask! I personally feel like these are the most important things to understand about John's motivations and behaviors. Also I didn't think I would go into that much detail about Henry, but the National Park Service really is holding up the weight of the entire US government.

Anyway I hope that was helpful, even if it was very emotional. I thoroughly believe that mental health really needs to be a big discussion when it comes to John, even if it means putting myself through the ringer. anyway, love ya, @thereallvrb0y

#john laurens #historical john laurens #henry laurens #history #amrev #american revolution #american history #american revolutionary war #im so tired

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fangsandfeels · 7 months

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Yo, I didn't expect the game to mention my boy Hoar in any capacity

Imagine my surprise when it did:

Naturally, that tiny cameo means it's legit for me to shamelessly spam headcanons on Jerra's possible connection to Hoar.

Of course, I had to choose the most cringe edgelord/most edgy cringelord among the Forgotten Realms pantheon that is Hoar, the Doombringer, and the Poet of Justice. I’m not even joking here: Hoar is an angry petty bitch who sits in his edgy domain with booming thunders and heads on pikes while being salty about not getting a god of war portfolio in Unther. Like, this is meme is not a meme in Hoar's case, this how he probably talks:

youtube

Needless to say, Hoar's followers are just as cringe, brooding in their temples, remembering their grievances and planning their revenge. On top of that, he is the former exarch of Bane and the buddy of Beshaba (the goddess of misfortune and bad luck who ruins people's lives for the most insignificant of reasons).

So, Jerra is certainly not his faithful follower or loyal paladin. If she was, let's just say Astarion would not have gotten away with pulling a knife on her that easily. Also, him trying to bite her at night? Hoar would be pissed off at Jerra telling Astarion off and then letting him sink his fangs into her anyway. As a good devout, Jerra would be expected to bite the vampire's neck in return because Hoar's direct dogma is all about following Equally Matched Aggression standards to an extreme.

But in a world where everyone is influenced by deities and follows some (because the alternative is the Wall of the Faithless and you do NOT want to be condemned to the Wall) Jerra praying and leaving offerings to the Poet of Justice still makes sense, both in the context of her actions and even her acceptance of Astarion.

+ His tenets are actually pretty based. Violence begets violence, but kindness is repaid with kindness. Treat people like you want to be treated, don't commit evil acts for the sake of evil because this path leads to ruin and self-destruction. Meaningful gestures and actions matter more than words.

+ There are several different churches of Hoar scattered across Faerun, each squabbling over who understands Hoar best. So, there is a lot of in-fighting going on, which gives plausibility to the idea of more watered-down followers just minding their own business and keeping away from more intense brothers and sisters in Hoar.

+ Hoar is not that worried about looking righteous or valorous. It’s the spirit of the law, not the letter of the law, that must be upheld. So, it’s not about you looking good when you deliver the vengeance the person deserves. It’s about sending a message. Accordingly, poetic justice is encouraged. Yes, killing the duergar who enslaved a Deep Gnome and made him serve them drinks is good. But lacing the drinks he serves with deadly poison, so the slavers die vomiting their own blood and guts after smugly grabbing mugs from their captive's hands and laughing in his face? Wonderful. Priceless. Deserved.

+ Probably most important: Hoar doesn't mind the undead. At least, he doesn't seem to abhor them like Tyr or other gods of goodness, and his clergy has a rather interesting approach to the undead and necromancy. The dead deserve to be heard and avenged just like the living. Doombringers (the elite battle priests of Hoar) can raise the corpses of victims who died with the wish for vengeance on their lips as revenants - nothing is better than beating a murderer or a serial killer to death with the crowd of raging revenants who lost their lives because of them. Also, if a Doombringer is killed unfairly, they, too, rise as a revenant as a final "fuck you" to their murderer. But Hoar's tolerance for the undead doesn't stop there. The lore even mentions a vampire follower of Hoar (on the bad guys' side, but still). So, even if Jerra merely follows the diluted image of Hoar shaped by her mentor, she is used to speaking with the dead and didn't bat an eye at He Who Was when she first met him. Accordingly, it was relatively easier for her to think outside the box with Astarion and judge him through the prism of his deeds instead of his nature. Her philosophy is less about "there are inherently evil creatures that are KOS and inherently good creatures that deserve multiple second chances" and more about "there are many evil things in the world, lots of them are less obvious than the others"

In general, I don't think that Jerra draws her paladin powers from Hoar. Even though she ends up with several huge grudges against the Absolute, Raphael (when she promised to rip out his mocking tongue, it wasn't an empty threat), and the Emperor (oh she does NOT like the Emperor), she is still way too forgiving and patient to be a full-blown Hoarite. She pays her respects, certainly: her mentor followed the Poet of Justice, which was why they even met - all the time while the Flaming Fist and City Watch, the seemingly dedicated followers of Tyr and Helm, looked the other way. But her Oath was to herself, first and foremost.

However, if Hoar was more chill, I would have headcanonned that Jerra draws powers from his domain, which confused him greatly when it happened for the first time, but then he decided to allow it in a "Listen, if this mortal is so dedicated to her idea of vengeance, she raged her way into my domain, this is going to be good" way.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 oc ramblings #i probably got lot of this shit wrong #still need a dnd adult #Youtube #hoar dnd #paladin dnd #oath of vengeance #bg3 oc: jerra

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feedingtheflockministry · 1 year

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Examples:

Teachings about just the fact that God is love, He is also perfectly Righteous and although He loves all people abhors sins.

Teachings about Christian life being easy; Jesus said we will have tribulations, and battle between our flesh and our desire to obey God is not easy, it gets easier with time.

False encouragements, like someone saying "remember, being on fire is good". It's not just good. It's necessary. Jesus said to a church in Revelation:

I know your [record of] works and what you are doing; you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of My mouth!

Revelation 3:15‭-‬16 amp

We need to be on fire for Him and His commands!

#scriptures

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pudding-parade · 2 years

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Christian Nationalism

My fellow USians, I promised myself that I wasn't going to post on this blog about serious religious/political issues, and I'm not going to. Not with ranty opinions, anyway. But I will say that overturning Roe v. Wade is the tip of the iceberg and only the beginning. I’m an ex-vangelical atheist who used to attend a very, very fundamentalist and Christian Nationalist church up until the late 1990s, and I am not at all surprised by anything that's happened in the last 20 years because everything is going according to their plan. Among their goals is to destroy the separation of religion and government, if not by law then simply de facto, and to turn everything over to the states, which effectively ends the United States in all but name. They've just accomplished a bit of that with overturning Roe v. Wade and allowing states to determine reproductive rights. This is only the beginning.

I could write a book about this stuff, but a friend of mine, a constitutional law attorney, already has. Get yourself a copy of Andrew Seidel's The Founding Myth and read it so that you understand where these people are coming from and what their plan is and why it is wholly anti-American. (And so that you can argue more effectively against these people, if arguing is your thing.)

Also, for the love of everything you hold dear, VOTE. Vote intelligently, making sure that you carefully check every candidate's platform. Vote all Christian nationalists out of office and never vote any of them in again. This is especially important if you are a more mainstream Christian and understand the importance of protecting your own religion against government interference because I will bet you that the kind of Christianity that the Christian Nationalists embrace is NOT the Christianity that you espouse and that you probably abhor a lot of the positions that they hold and that they will force upon you, too, if you sit there and let them. Talk this stuff up in your churches; don’t just sit there and go, “Well, not all Christians...”

I understand that in some areas of the country, your vote might seem (or actually be) futile because you are drowning in a sea of Christian Nationalists, but vote anyway and encourage people who agree with you to do the same. It's important. And if you're in Texas, it's especially important. If Texas goes blue (which is a possibility) and if we can expand the Supreme Court to add more judges to dilute the Christian Nationalist majority it currently has, then a lot of these problems go away, at least for now. Don't just focus on abortion rights which, yes, are important but not the only thing that is important. Learn about the bigger picture and do what you can to derail the train, because I assure you, that train is picking up speed.

And that’s all I’m going to say on this subject, I promise. If you disagree with me and feel you need to unfollow me or whatever, fine. Do what you need to do. If you feel a need to send me anonymous messages to disagree with me, fine, but I won’t be answering them. This isn’t the place for that.

#non sims

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anruraiocht · 2 years

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marigold & willow (psychic damage)

botanical headcanons

marigold : is your muse prone to jealousy ? how might they handle envious feelings ? & willow : how does your muse handle sadness & depression ? ha ha funny that you, nanna mun, would send this :)

The short answer is yes, Miranda is extremely prone to jealousy. In particular, she’s jealous of Nanna, because Nanna stands for everything she wishes she had.

MARIGOLD POINT 1: KINDNESS

When Miranda talks about her father, her focus is entirely on how kind her father was, not his competency as a ruler.

“It all started when you fled from Leonster. My father was a kind man who loved peace. He had no reason to go against the Empire… But…but…!” (Thracia 776 Chapter 16B)

“Father abhorred fighting and was unfailingly kind... And he paid a terrible price for his kindness!” (Fire Emblem Heroes, castle quote)

We find out through Dryas reprimanding Miranda that her father was a weak ruler that refused to involve himself in conflicts and even further, the light novel implies that it was Ethnia, not the king, who decided to take in Leif and co. By all means, someone as single-mindedly focused on restoring Ulster as Miranda should be mad at her father for being a poor ruler. But Miranda instead clings to the memory of her father as a kind man.

Kindness is a trait that Miranda values, because she feels like she can’t let herself be kind. Compare Nanna’s ending, where her “sweetness and generosity” is stressed, to Miranda’s ending, where her “short temper and (proclivity) to misunderstandings” is what’s stressed. Even from a gameplay perspective, Nanna uses swords and staves and her personal skill boosts hit/avoid for allies. It’s a support based kit. Miranda uses magic (and swords upon promotion) and her personal skill guarantees a crit if the enemy attacks her first. It’s a purely offensive, selfish kit.

MARIGOLD POINT 2: LEIF (DEROGATORY)

Much like most things in Miranda’s life, it all comes back to Leif. Whereas Leif will always goes after Nanna, Leif will always leave Miranda behind. The most poignant example of the difference between the way Leif treats Nanna and Miranda is the scene after the final chapter of Thracia 776.

Miranda: “Well, yes, but… The people want more than that. My advisors are urging me to marry you so that we can unite with Leonster. They think they can just tell me what to do because I’m a girl…”

Leif: “Well, you and I are the only heirs that survived this turmoil. What your advisors are saying only makes sense. But I’m not sure…”

Miranda: “Do you not like me? That’s okay, but…”

Leif: “No, that’s not it. I still have things to do. We still have the Granvalle Empire and other divisions of the Loptr Church to deal with, and we also have to defend Northern Thracia from invaders. There’s just too much on my mind to be thinking about whether I love someone or not…”

... Leif: “Yes, you did. We grew up like brother and sister, but you were always the one helping me. I was able to come this far because you were always there for me, to support me and cheer me up. Nanna, once this war ends, I’ll go look for Lachesis as well. And when I find her, I’m going to ask her directly…for your hand, Nanna…”

These aren’t different scenes, by the way. The background doesn’t change. These interactions are only minutes between each other. Holy shit, Leif. To make matters worse, Miranda’s ending implies that if she hadn’t fallen in love with someone else, she would have waited forever for an answer that Nanna got immediately.

WILLOW

Miranda handles sadness through anger; I find it extremely apt that her personal skill is Wrath lol. She’s prideful and bares her teeth at the slightest provocation, because her anger is the only thing keeping her from falling into despair. She watched despair steal away her parents from her, she vows to avenge them, even if it means trying to kill Leif herself (in the LN). She uses anger as a shield, because it’s the only thing keeping her going.

#👑 ooc #👑 hc/meta #//FE5 SPOILERS BTW KJDHJKDFHJKFDKJH #//makes me insaneeeee that the LN implies that miranda was a shy kid that had to harden her heart to survive #//fe women should be allowed to talk to each other part 36538278 #//(shakes miranda around like that ferret gif) this tsundere can fit so many problems #//sometimes you cope with your life being a series of tragedies by blaming everything on leif. and thats ok <3 #//the joke here is that we've talked about this before

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childofchrist1983 · 2 years

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If we hate that which is evil, we will love that which is good. The two go hand-in-hand.

You cannot love God and love Satan; you cannot love God's Law and also love the paths of unrighteousness. Your new heart and nature from the new birth will seek what is truly good; the old nature will seek sin, but the Christian must subdue and overcome it.

May the LORD our God and Father in Heaven help us to stay diligent and obedient and help us to guard our hearts in Him and His Word daily, May He help us to remain faithful and full of excitement to do our duty to Him and for His glorious return and our reunion in Heaven as well as all that awaits us there. May we never forget to thank the LORD our God and our Creator and Father in Heaven for all this and everything He does and has done for us! May we never forget who He is, nor forget who we are in Christ and that God is always with us! What a mighty God we serve! What a Savior this is! What a wonderful Lord, God, Savior and King we have in Jesus Christ! What a loving Father we have found in the Almighty God! What a wonderful God we serve! His will be done!

Thanks and glory be to God! Blessed be the name of the LORD! Hallelujah and Amen!

Help us, Father God Almighty, Lord Jesus! Let us abhor the evil but love the good. Let us turn from sin and turn to holy living. Let us not be satisfied with half measures. Let us not cease to repent and rest comfortably at a halfway point.

Help us to ever strive after You and fight on, seeking the next great victory in our battle with the old nature. Help Your Church that is scattered all over the Earth. Unite us and help us to glorify You and to proclaim Your Gospel to all the nations, exactly as You command. Let us not take this battle nor giving to Your ministry and to Your people in need lightly. Let us not think it mundane and of merely carnal value.

You are Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End! We know Your promises are true and we place our hope in You! May we live our lives with a spirit of thankfulness and may we always magnify You, O Lord. Allow our praises to You encourage others to seek Your face. I forever thank you, O Lord, for sending Yourself to our world so that we who believe may be set free from the law of sin and death. So that we may become sons and daughters of the living God and enter Your eternal Kingdom of Heaven. Praise be Your holy and almighty name!

Lord Jesus, my Savior and King, thank you for what You did for me and for everyone else on this Earth. Thank you for this beautiful life I now have in You. Help us all work together. Forgive us and cleanse us of sin, so that we may join You one day in Your Heavenly Kingdom, our true home. Help us all to be humble and obedient to You. And help us to be courageous enough to seek You daily and to humbly and faithfully do our duty to You, spreading the truth of Your Gospel to all in all nations, as You commanded before You ascended back to Heaven (Mark 16:15-16). May our lives show the world Your light and Truth and that You are a loving God and Heavenly Father who delights in showing love and mercy. May we all be humbly and faithfully honored and excited to worship, glorify and serve You daily and to do Your will. You have been so good to us, far more than we as wretched sinners deserve. You are so good! So wonderful! Forever and always!

Thank you, Lord, for keeping me and helping me in times where I am tempted to go astray. Praise be to You today and every day of my life and let me never forget all of the blessings that are given me by You. As much as the enemy will try, he will never be able to successful breed doubt about who You are, in the minds of anyone who truly believes and follows You. And I will follow and serve You all the days of my life and beyond! Thank you for the connection with You that we are given through Your Holy Word and Spirit. Thank you, O Lord, for all Your creation and Your miraculous ways. Thank you for being our stronghold and my refuge. Thank you for seeing us as worth the sacrifice. Thank you for sustaining us, loving us and defining us according to Your will and love for us. Thank you for making sure we are taken care of. Thank you for being the best friend we could ever have! Thank you for Your endless mercy and love that has saved us. Thank you for always protecting us and providing for us and for Your Spirit to help us when we are in need. Thank you for abiding within me and may I abide with You, my Lord. Thank you for giving us a chance to be saved from our sin and spend eternity with You. Thank you for adopting us as part of Your family in Heaven and making us one of Your own. Thank you for being our present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). Thank you for always being near and for loving us. Thank you for giving us a reason to love others and so many more reasons to love, praise, serve and follow You. Thank you for Your selfless and sinless sacrifice. Thank you for Your guidance and protection. Thank you for Your Truth and light. Thank you for Your wisdom and strength and grace. Thank you for giving life to the world and to us. You give and take away – And we thank you for it. Thank you for everything! Your will be done! Blessed be Your mighty name! To You and Your Kingdom be the glory forevermore! In Your name I humbly pray, Amen and amen

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bookwyrminspiration · 1 year

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I am very proud of myself today. I asked my school’s librarians to check out if they can get the Great Library for it! I want to understand why it is apparently so good.

-⚙️

I'm also proud of you! Talking to people and requesting things can be terrifying and I always end up forgetting something (*cough* me literally this afternoon *cough*), so kudos to you!

I don't know a lot about The Great Library except that it's an alternate world where the Library of Alexandria never burned and my mutuals love it. There's a Wolfe and there's a Santi. And they're gay.

But OUGH can you imagine if the Library never burned? We'd have access to the actual works of Herophilus and Erasistratus! We'd have record of the first systematic human dissections! We'd have the origin! Right now we only know they exist and some of what they did because others have mentioned them in their own works, but we don't have anything actually from them. Because they worked in Alexandria and their work/studies were burned in the library. But they were the first! The origin!

Can you imagine the implications this would have on the history of medicine?? Idk what the worldbuilding is in the tgl, but depending on what it is all the medical discovers and advancements could've been made so much sooner! Because there was like a 1700-ish year gap in studying the body, but maybe it would've have been there in this world! No more "the church abhors blood" and all that.

I'm getting distracted but my point is that I think it's a fascinating premise and I hope you enjoy the series! I'm going to lose my mind over what could've been--and this is just in one very small niche of mine, if the library had survived...unfathomable

#(you can watch me lose my mind in the tags in real time)#the great library #tgl #quil's queries #⚙️ nonsie #i wonder how much it would change. well. EVERYTHING. but you know #what could galen have accomplished? would vesalius even be as important anymore? or would his impact have come before him?#and rendered him unimportant to medical history?#GOD what I wouldn't do for a copy of vesalius' de humani corporis fabrica #one day I'm going to own a copy. i see one online for 1600 dollars for editions from two different years #GOD i want it SO BAD #over 20 years of painstaking translation? digital scans of the woodcuts?#OUGH #i want it SO SO BAD #it is essential to me #i'm getting SO distracted i'm so sorry #but also i want to read it own it have it in my hands DESPERATELY #if I can't have herophilus and erasistratus' work let me have this #ideally i'd have all their work #but I CAN"T because someone burned that library!!#1600 dollars is a reasonable price right. that's a reasonable amount of money to spend on two books?#ahreoaghergna i WANT IT SO BAD #GIVE ME GIVE GIVE #PLEASE #OH I SHOULDN'T HAVE READ THE REVIEW NOW I WANT IT EVEN MORE #WHAT I WOULDN'T DO TO OWN THESE BOOKS OH MY GOD #longingly touching the screen longingly touching the screen #what's that one quote #about how it's the unbearable but you must bear it #that's what this is (I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT OUGH)

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royalberryriku · 3 months

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Okay so sort of a vent about history and Christianity, and yeah I'm gonna get personal with this and maybe emotionally hating religion at the moment, but more as a reaction than what I genuinely think of it

// TW slight mention of various genocides throughout history, and religious trauma. And abuse mention.

Not to diss my upbringing as a Christian here (but also to totally diss my upbringing asa Christian here), but looking at the history of a lot of what's going on as far as Palestine and everything bad that has happened to Jewish people ever always seems to relate back to Christians and Europe being fuckwits and messing shit up, at some point, somehow, every single time and killing every other group and ethnicity to try and "cause" Jesus to come back or to just be prejudiced little shits to literally every other belief system that isn't theirs. Like every single damn point in history where Jews or Muslims suffer and I see either Romans (either Christian or the Roman Pantheon, usually the former) or Catholics with their crusade or Evangelicals mistaking capitalism for religion like come on guys, just don't cause mass bloodshed for five fucking seconds. And then there's literally just. Everything else ever to consider.

Look, I know Christianity can be good just like how Judaism and Islam can be used as excuses to do the same stuff but god damn, the more I delve I to history the more embarassed I am just to think about how I used to be a Christian or how my dad would justify said bloodshed and shit as a paster. Every day, I just become more and more cynical especially with the idea "oh god doesn't intervene because it would ruin the Plan™" as if that matters when the ones causing the problems are those inspired by said god and I'm just so angry and frustrated that I can be torn apart and wish I could do anything to help but no if there is some cosmic being, they are sitting back refusing to do anything when they can stop this by just, at least, revealing that this wasn't the original intention. And damn, if it was I'd be going to Lucifer's side because that's even more fucked up.

This is why the only gods I'd worship are pantheons like the Greek Gods or Roman or Norse or anything else because at least the gods ACKNOWLEDGE they do fucked up shit and don't hide behind "I'm perfect so if you feel empathy and sadness for people and justifiable anger at the injustices you see clearly YOU'RE the one in the wrong for not trusting me enough" and a nice little facade, they just threaten you and be done with it. Like, yeah, if my dad punched me in the face of stop trusting him that shit is EARNED. If a god demanded trust while allowing people in his care to die, why should I just. Pretend that isn't wrong? Act like somehow caring is wrong? If caring is a sin I'd rather be guilty of it.

And then there's the stuff in my own life that I feel guilty of feeling angry about because I was taught to feeling fucking guilty of being angry about. All because old men from forever ago decided No Actually God Told Me To Say This and then told people that being angry at god for the pain in their lives makes them weak and sinful and shit. Like come the fuck on as if that wouldn't give a child issues. And then when I didn't do that like a good little Christian child, aka internalizing everything and numbing myself repetitively, the one thing that did make me question god despite all the bullshit that already existed ever was literally the story of Moses because I felt like it was unfair and the kids in Egypt didn't deserve to be punished for the pharaoh. And somehow that is supposed to make me feel guilty? Like nah be it then or now, the fact that I'm angry and horrified? Distrustful? Absolutely abhorred with the idea of allowing injustice? That comes from love and that comes from kindness. Fuck shaming love, hypocritical ass doctrine.

And don't get me started on the ahistorical propaganda bullshit I was taught at church because, considering it mostly came from my dad who was the paster, I may actually just come to hate him for it. Not completely like cut off hate, but damn if I don't have a grudge. Literally took most of my young adult years unlearning so much bullshit and I'm only just starting to unravel it. If god was present, I'm pissed almost solely for the fact he didn't speak the fuck up and allow a kid to get mentally fucked.

Oh and we don't even want to go into the separate trauma, like the literal abuse that I decided to forgive to be The Better Person and believing genuinely that hating god for what happened made me a bad person like I already was dealing with undiagnosed C-PTSD I didn't need the religious trauma convincing me to feel ashamed of being traumatised.

Anyway yeah I'm feeling a lot of rage tonight and realising how traumatic Christianity was for me growing up actually. Like. Wow.

#angry at upbringing rn brb #it's the religious trauma it just Be Like That Sometimes #What do you mean I have pent up rage directed at my parents and god of the bible himself for Literally Everything hahaha...#this is why Baldr KHDR wanted to go apeshit it was the religious trauma #like damn ain't that the most relatable thing ever #me 🤝 Baldr #wanting to go apeshit #I too have a lot of rage after being forced to shut away my emotions due to indoctrination damn #he just like me fr fr

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