#also I used to fucking hate zaraki

[b4nka1]

my favorite animated men and random things they do when jealous and want to grab your attention!

warnings: suggestive content (mentions of smut), misogyny, toji being nice, jjk manga spoilers. not proofread.

— FUSHIGURO TOJI : he would pout as you were busy with your office work. sure, you did love him, but your work was your priority for now. he would slowly walk into your room, standing behind you as you worked. he'd start massaging your shoulders, and within seconds, your eyes closed and body relaxed. "mmh, just right, baby..." you whispered to toji, you was still carefully and gently massaging your shoulders.

"if you gave me a tad bit more attention, i'd make you feel far far better, princess..."

— RYOMEN SUKUNA : he grumbled in annoyance when you paid no attention to him. the king of curses wanted to be mad but couldn't because you were so happy playing with the new puppy he'd gotten for you. you were laughing and giggling as the puppy kept whining and climbing over you. he got the most jealous when you kissed the puppy on its yucky, disgusting mouth, according to him. within seconds, he took the puppy from your hands and put the puppy back in his crate. he turned back towards you, picking you up and dragging you to the bathroom to make you brush your teeth.

"why'd you kiss that puppy on its disgusting mouth? now i can't kiss you without feeling disgusted."

— GOJO SATORU : he was pretty much annoyed at the fact that you were paying more attention to the three freshers than him. he scowled at megumi, who was getting more interest from your end. he was beyond irritated at this point. he sure was jealous but didn't admit it, not even to himself.bhe had to butt in, of course. his possessive ass simply couldn't handle the fact that you're quite nice and friendly. he stomped over to you, with a tiny pout on his face and his brows furrowed together.

"they're my students, but i hate the attention you're giving them."

— KUROSAKI ICHIGO : isn't exactly the type to get jealous, but he is very possessive. whenever he notices another man, especially abarai renji talking to you, he would ever so casually walk over to you, wrapping an arm around your waist. he'd indulge himself in the conversation, laughing and nodding with whatever was going on. his arms would then creep down your back slowly as the conversation proceeded. he'd ever so subtly squeeze your butt and act as if nothing happened after he did so. when renji notices, he takes a leave and waved goodbye to you. you turn to ichigo and scold him for doing so.

"what? i'm just squeezing what belongs to me, you don't get to scold me on that."

— GETO SUGURU (villain era, you're not on his side) : he is a calm and collected man. but when he notices you and satoru being too close physically, practically invading each other's personal space, a smile and a bulging vein of anger on his forehead is prominent on his face. he silently swore to get you fucked raw before the war broke out. mimiko immediately notices this and huffs, "why don't you already go claim what's yours?" she snorts, going back to doing something on her phone.

"well, she will suffer. so what if we drifted apart? who is she to move on from me? she's still mine."

— NANAMI KENTO : he had been working overtime and came home late. to make matters worse, he found you on a long ass call with one of your guy friends, who used to like you. dismissing the jealousy, he took a shower and ate the dinner you prepared for him. and to make matters even worse, you were laughing at something he told you about. he was clearly frustrated and irritated, and of course, jealous of your little guy friend. when he had enough, he snatched the phone from you, putting it to his ear,

"either you end the call or hear me fuck her dumb and make her scream my name."

— ZARAKI KENPACHI : despite his rough and tough demeanor, poor guy also gets jealous of you spending time with ikkaku and yumichika. he tries his best not to show it as a kenpachi but fails when yachiru notices it. "ken-chan, don't worry, i gor your back!" she giggled happily. she searched around the seireitei and finally found you casually hanging out with yumichika. she walked over to you and held your hand. you raised your brows in surprise when she tugged you to the direction of the squad 11 barracks. she pushed you into zaraki's room, closing it behind her. zaraki sighed, hugging your waist.

"sorry, i kinda felt...jealous but didn't show it because of my status...i'll buy yachiru some treats for helping me."

— ABARAI RENJI : has his zanpakuto ready in its shikai state when you were found talking to ichigo. he angrily stomped over before byakuya stopped him. "they're just friends." he told renji and ordered him to sheathe his zanpakuto. renji grumbled and followed his order, stomping towards you, with a small pout on his face. he kept on giving ichigo glares until he took the signal and left.

"next time i see that piece of shit, i'm making him watch me pound into you."

— ZENIN NAOYA : oh boy, this misogynistic bastard wasn't ready to accept the fact that he was being jealous because his stupidly handsome cousin toji was being nice to you, complete contrast of how naoya usually treats you. toji helped you in the kitchen, he helped you with cleaning and helped you do the laundry. but naoya lost it when toji's arm wrapped around you instinctively as you were about to slip and fall. naoya grumbled, waiting until toji was out of sight. he pulled you by your kimono to his room, slamming you ruthlessly into the bed.

"that bastard crossed the line. might as well show him who this pretty but useless wife belongs to."

— KINJI HAKARI : is chill on the outside but the anger is bubbling within him inside as he watched your yoga instructor from afar being too touchy with you. his let out a low growl when he placed a hand on your hip and squeezed the skin. hakari had enough when the yoga instructor smirked and placed a hand on your inner thigh to "fix your posture," rubbing it sensually. you were too innocent to notice that. in a flash, hakari punched him square on the nose, stomping on the scum's face before leaving with you.

"he doesn't know.who he's messing with. we are finding you a new instructor. this one's gonna be fed to the curses."

— KAMO CHOSO : is a VERY pouty baby. yuji was his brother, yes, but that didn't mean you spend the whole day with him when you met him for the first time. it almost felt as though you and yuji were a couple and choso was the third wheel. after the whole day passed by, you and.choso went back to your shared apartment. he immediately went into the bedroom, snuggling under the xxovers and crying into the pillows. when you went into the bedroom, you noticed what's happening and frowned, rubbing his back and asking him what happened.

"i-i felt so left out today, bub... i-i know yuji is my brother b-but i needed you a-attention..."

— HIGURUMA HIROMI : he sighs once he comes back home after a long day. he put his bag on the coffee table in the living room before going into the kitchen, finding you there with your 2 month old baby, putting her to sleep. higuruma pouted as he wanted you all to himself tonight, but your baby had different plans. it took you great effort to rock her to sleep, eventually putting her in a crib and walking back into the living room, hugging him tightly. he returned the long hug, sighing in content and rubbing your back.

"didn't know i'd be so envious of our own princess, baby..."⁹

–

hope yall like it!

#jujutsu kaisen #bleach #fushiguro toji #ryomen sukuna #toji x reader #sukuna x reader #gojo satoru #kurosaki ichigo #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #ichigo x reader #geto suguru #nanami kento #geto suguru x reader #suguru x reader #geto x reader #nanami x reader #zaraki kenpachi #abarai renji #naoya zenin #naoya x reader #renji x reader #kinji hakari #kamo choso #higuruma hiromi #hakari x reader #choso x reader #higuruma x reader #smut

[gallusrostromegalus]

AEIWAM ask spam 1: you’ve already elaborated on all the weird grudges people have, what about weird friendships?

THANK YOU! I am stupid busy but I am having a ton of fun with the friendships in this fic, so short versions that I can/will elaborate on later:

- Kenpachi and Byakuya: when Kenpachi first arrived in the Seireitei, Byakuya was a recently orphaned teenager and Kenpachi is, as he says "related to his mother" and can't help but take him under his wing a bit. As it stands, Kenpachi is, functionally, Byakuya's step-father.

- Izuru and Komamura: Wabisuke and Tenken were friends first, but it grew from there when Izuru got sent to investigate the curious incident of the dog in the night.

- Hanataro and Akon: The 4th needs more supplies than any other division and the 12th provides them, so the 4th's Toxicologist and Go-Fer gets to see the 12th's shadow captain all the time.

- Ikkaku and Sasakibe: the first lieutenant's meeting Ikkaku was at was ALSO the first lieutenant's meeting after TBTP, when nearly all the lieutenants had been field-promoted or killed, and there was a general bereavement, but when Sasakibe walked in to see what maniac the wildman that took over the 11th appointed for a lieutenant, he instead found Ikkaku doing stage magic tricks to cheer up a distraught Isane and Kaien, and realized this was a kind, if fundamentally ridiculous soul.

- "The Kids": Yachiru, Nel, Toshiro, Weiss, Syoga No Kotowari, and all the other Court Guard Brats tend to travel as a pack, and things can get a bit Lord Of The Flies sometimes.

- not exactly a friendship per se, but The Thirteen Daughters of Aramaki, including Hisana Kuchiki nee Aramaki.

- Soi Fon and Chikane Iba: after TBTP, Soi Fon ended up bonding with her fellow female captain and single mother Chikane Iba. And by "bonding" I mean "basically moved in with". Chikane was deeply relieved to have a regular babysitter and Soi Fon relieved to have another home to go to that doesn't contain her family. Or what's left of it.

- Rangiku and Retsu: Retsu, canonically, runs the Ikebana club, is the Chief Judge at the Seireitei Flower Festival, and keeps an enormous flower garden. Her first introduction to Rangiku is finding the academy student crouched in her foxgloves, and then being subject to a surprise 30minute lecture on the medical and cosmetic applications of digitalis, and realized she had found a kindred soul.

- Nanao and Gin: Nanao was quite possibly Gin's favorite person in the Court Guard, because she was very used to explaining things very slowly and in little steps, and Gin was functionally an escaped sausage roll in an executive position so 76% of the credit for the 3rd division's functionality goes to her. She liked having someone who actually listened to and took her advice and MAN, things got weird after Aizen.

- Uryuu and Yamamoto: Yamamoto doesn't actually hate Quincies- it's really only the "evaporating souls" thing he's got a problem with. Long ago, before the gotei-13, he was even friends with the ancestor of all Quincy, and misses his friend and curses Yhwach for what that monster did to him. Uryuu bears a startling resemblance to his ancestor, and it's nice to have someone to practice his German on again. Uryuu is fucking bewildered, but also severely short on men to look up to in his life and- well. Maybe. Maybe if they are friends, they can finally stop this feud?

- Yumichika and Ukitake: Yumichika was raised by his mother and the rest of the nurses in the first hospital in the Rukongai, and that's where he learned to fight too. It's a huge surprise for Ukitake when Yumichika knows what to do when he starts to have an anaphylactic reaction, but far from an unwelcome one.

- Renji, Iba and The Lads: Graduates of the Zaraki Kenpachi Finishing School for Young Men With Good Knees

- Orihime and Tousen: Hey, remember when we were both kidnapped by a deranged maniac that one time and coped by doing religious math and improvisational surgery about it? Good times!

- Chad and Komamura: "What do you guys even talk about?" "Nothing." "Why the secrecy?" "No Literally. We don't talk, and if we do it's about Nothing."

- Tatsuki and Mashiro: "This is boring, you wanna break chairs over each other's heads?" "Yeah!"

- Momo and Byakuya: The Rice Farm Subsidies Fraud Investigation.

#aeiwam #an elephant is warm and mushy #bleach #bleach fanfiction

[bleachbleachbleach]

[Bleach 547/574]

The other day I wrote in the tags that I was certain Mayuri/Zaraki was a canon ship but I couldn't remember why, but NOW I I DO. When I first read TYBW I was reading as scanlation that translated both of these lines as "I don't dislike illogical things" and I was like hehehe... braintwins. >:} MAYURI WOULD BE SO MAD ABOUT THIS

But it's TRUE these two brought the exact same energy to TYBW. Byakuya's out here contemplating visceral philosophies of fear and Hitsugaya's rambling about thermodynamics but Mayuri and Zaraki show up like "fuck it, WE BALLLLLLLL"

Mayuri's line is 「非常識な事は嫌いじゃア無い」

Zaraki's is 「理屈の通じねえのは嫌いじゃねえぜ」

What these two lines have in common is:

the construction "I don't hate..."

both Zaraki and Mayuri not hating illogical things (though they use different words to describe the concept)

Translating the two lines, I came up with:

Mayuri: I don't DISlike the absurd.

Zaraki: I ain't mad about crazy!

For Mayuri, I decided to go with "I don't DISlike the absurd" because he's speaking pretty standard Japanese, but emphasizes one of the syllables of "hate/dislike," so I went with 'DISlike' to mimic that. I went with "the absurd" because nominalizations like that are super academic-y, which I feel like gives it the air of an ~intellectual. It also shares its construction with stuff like "theatre of the absurd," where Mayuri sure is troddin' the boards TONITE.

For Zaraki, his tiny lead-in bubble says 「ムチャクチャだな」 a translation for which can be "that's really absurd." I translated this as "fuckin' nuts" because "fucking" is used as a coarse emphatic in English all the time, and it matches the overall coarse pattern of Zaraki's speech in Japanese. The actual phrase he uses is also part of the title of a popular manga, "Love You Like Crazy." So for Zaraki's "I don't dislike illogical things" I borrowed the "like crazy" sentiment from that earlier bubble and went with "I ain't mad about crazy!" because I felt like that matched the coarse pattern of the original and there's a little fun wordplay there in terms of "mad about" as in "hate/dislike" and "mad" as a synonym for "crazy."

AT THE END OF THE DAY, the sentiment they are expressing is the same, they are braintwins!!! And given that the last two digits of these chapters are transpositions of each other, manga numerology dictates that KenMayu is super SUPER canon now.

#kurotsuchi mayuri #zaraki kenpachi #bleach manga #bleach language #bleach カラー #no brain just bleach #NB: Viz translates Mayuri's line as 'inconsiderate things' which is also valid #but given that the man walked out in an Electric Light Parade cosplay I feel like 'absurd' feels more pertinent to me than consideration #though later on with the zombies Mayuri actually does talk more about consideration #so the Viz translation might work better in the long game

[sinnercore]

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ⓘ BASIC INFORMATION !

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• aphrodisiacs, anal, age gaps, breeding, breath play, bondage, cumflation, cum eating, cuckolding, corruption kinks, dubcon, dacryphilia, daddy / mommy kink, drugging (sometimes), degradation, femdom, fisting, fear play, gun play, knife play, kidnapping, lactation, monsterfucking, noncon, pegging, power dynamics, praising, roleplay, stepcest, spitting, somnophilia, tentacle fucking, water sports and more.

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• age play, anything involving animals, child abuse, eating disorders, extreme gore, foot fetishes, gender dysphoria, heavy drug use / addiction (heroin, meth etc), high school student × high school teacher (college is fine), pet play, suicide, stds, self-harm, scat, snuff, vomit, vore, and probably more.

ⓘ FANDOMS + CHARACTERS !

attack on titan — [ annie leonhart, armin arlert, connie springer, eren jaeger, erwin smith, hange zoë, historia reiss, jean kirschtein, levi ackerman, mikasa ackerman, pieck finger, porco galliard, reiner braun, sasha braus, zeke jaeger ]

bleach — [ byakuya kuchiki, gin ichimaru, grimmjow jaegerjaquez, ichigo kurosaki, kisuke urahara, mayuri kurotsuchi, orihime inoue, rangiku matsumoto, renji abarai, rukia kuchiki, shunsui kyōraku, soi-fon, sōsuke aizen, tōshirō hitsugaya, ulquiorra cifer, yasutora sado (chad), yoruichi shihōin, zaraki kenpachi, + and more ]

dc universe — [ dick grayson / nightwing, jason todd / red hood ] *more to come soon*

dead by daylight — [ the artist, the doctor, ghostface, the huntress, the knight, the legion (frank + joey), michael myers, nemesis, the nurse, the oni, the pig, pinhead, the plague, pyramid head, the skull merchant, the spirit, the trapper, the trickster, albert wesker, the wraith, + all survivors ]

devil may cry — [ dante sparda, nero sparda, v, vergil sparda + dmc reboot dante, kat, and vergil]

genshin impact — [ albedo, alhaitham, arataki itto, beidou, cyno, dainsleif, diluc, dottore, kaedehara kazuha, kaeya, kamisato ayato, kujou sara, ningguang, raiden shogun, shenhe, shikanoin heizou, tartaglia, thoma, venti, wanderer, xiao, yae miko, zhongli + more ]

honkai : star rail — [ blade, caelus, dan heng, jing yuan, gepard, himeko, kafka, luocha, nanook, natasha, sampo, serval, welt, + more ]

jujutsu kaisen — [ choso, kento nanami, mahito, maki zen’in, megumi fushiguro, naoya zen’in, ryomen sukuna, satoru gojo, suguru geto, toji fushiguro, yuji itadori + more ]

resident evil — [ albert wesker, ada wong, chris redfield, claire redfield, jack krauser, jake muller, jill valentine, luis serra, piers nivans ]

#my navigation #rules

[unohanadaydreams]

I’ve actually written enough Bleach stuff to have an actual writing update. So here:

Unfortunately the Mayuri/Reader/Senjumaru piece is not doing well. The focus isn’t where I want it to be. I had so much fun with exploring the world building and wacky things Senju & Mayuri would do for Christmas that I fully lost sight of the x reader aspect (and tbh focusing on characters at all).

There are two scenes I can probably salvage, but three Im throwing my hands up on. So that’s in limbo until I can figure out what I want from that. Honestly, I’m so stuck with it because I REALLY like focusing on the absurdities the characters are or have already created so I don’t want to cut any of it. But it just doesn’t work for the fic!!! They’re not the focus!!!! But I want them to be!!! There is more word count in the first scene dedicated to a fucked up tree and roomba creature than there is to Mayuri himself, the subject of the scene!!! Why am I like this!!!!

Almost done with a Workaholic!Reader/Mayuri thing. The bones of which I repurposed from an ancient, unanswered request. I’m talking April 2021 old. It’s not long or anything and I just need to finish one scene before it’s done. Whoever requested this, your patience is saintly. I am bringing the purposeful sex pollen but tossing the sequel-feel to that one public fingering post.

Not so close to done with a truly Freak4Freak Reader/Mayuri fic because it’s a bit longer, also basted from old bones. Reader is honestly specific enough to be an OC but I also don’t feel like making this a long form story or committing to fleshing them out more so lmao.

The premise is basically, a scientist from WingBind who really envies the lack of regulation (and HR department) of R&D gets to join an exchange program and live out their horrible dreams post TYBW. Obviously they are obsessed with Mayuri and he is Loving it but also Hating it. Also the R&D cast of characters features more heavily in this and I’m having so much fun with them.

I’m halfway done with a Zaraki/Mayuri thing that would not leave my brain in peace until I started writing it. Zaraki tries to use his body to get what he wants (as always) and Mayuri spirals from how much he likes it. Just normal, really well-adjusted beginnings of a burgeoning relationship.

Lastly, I decided to pick up that Zaraki soulmate AU again now that I’m fully engaged in the fuck it, we ball mindset and don’t care how it reads pre-edit.

And that’s all I’ve decided to take on for now. But I’m having fun with them all (except the first one. Fuck me I’m so lost on the first one. And it’s my own fault lmao)

#yes it took me like a full year of drilling fuck it we ball into my mind #but I’m finally like believing and enacting and going for it #beta editing for other people and just #accepting and trusting that I will edit well #sometimes you just have to spend a year reading a lot and writing things you’ll never post and editing for other people #and you become less neurotic #but only sometimes

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 10/29/2021

You can honestly tell what kind of week I’ve had by how early in the day I post these updates 😂. Anyway, after a literal eternity (checks notes: 3 weeks), I have completed Chapter 9. It even came out a nice length (9k)! I also added a bit to the beginning of the already gargantuan Chapter 7, and I think it might be enough to split it into two, I am still debating.

Overall word count is now 74535 (+10,786 over three weeks, but they were hard fought). My outline says I have 3 chapters to go, but I have one of those feelings that the next one is going to have to get split into two. I am feeling optimistic about it, though, but that’s probably because I haven’t started it yet.

(One of) The ridiculous thing about this fanfic, is that it all centers around this big, fancy-dress party that’s going on, except that by the time I actually get to the party in the final chapter, I’ve honestly got most of the plot threads already wrapped up and I literally have very little to say, aside from everyone admiring each other’s drip. I’ve been toying with the idea of making it light on the text and putting in a bunch of illustrations, except that then I remembered that it’s a lot easier to describe elaborate dress clothes and hairstyles than to draw them. Also, why on earth would I think that making, like ten illustrations would be easier than writing the equivalent?? This is probably a pretty good red flag on my mental state. 😂 Anyway, I’m trying not to worry about it too much, since I feel like by the time I get there, I may figure out what to do with it.

I did not do any fanart this week, although I did do an adorable sheet ghost tutorial. I love a sheet ghost.

Anyway, here’s your except this week, in which Renji’s old street rat social engineering skills once again come in handy.

"Give the invitation to him yourself," Yumichika muttered, refusing to look up from his expense reports. This was just typical Yumichika performative shade, they both knew perfectly well that he didn't give a shit about expense reports.

"If I do that, he'll lose it. Or forget."

"So?"

"So, my captain really wants at least one high ranking representative from each squad to show up. He said Eleven was a pit of uncultured voles who wouldn't bother to acknowledge the promotion of a new lieutenant, and I told him--"

"He's right," Yumichika cut Renji off. "Frankly, it's not going to make your case if Zaraki and Yachiru did show up."

"Or a high ranking representative," Renji quickly added.

"Whatever, what kind of…" Yumichika trailed off. "This is a party at Kuchiki's house?"

"Yeah," Renji replied.

"It's swanky?"

"Super swanky."

"Uniforms required?"

"Formal attire requested, uniforms acceptable if you don't have any." Renji stretched back and rested his head on his interlaced hands. "I'm gettin' a dress uniform, so I can match the rest of the swanky lads over in Six, only better looking. Gonna out-swank the fucking Soul King, I am."

Yumichika wrinkled his nose, horrified. "How are you doing your hair?" He waved an accusatory finger. "You aren't doing that, I'm telling you that much."

"Whaddyou care? You won't be there. Maybe I'll just wear it down. Or maybe a big fucking French braid with extra hairspray like you hate."

"Maybe I will be there," Yumichika snapped. "I am highly ranked. Give me those," he snatched the envelopes out of Renji's hand.

"I'm sure the captain will give up easily. You gonna escort Yachiru? I bet she's dying to go."

Yumichika snorted. "Please. I'll just tell her the menu is all vegetables and you don't get to do anything fun until you've cleaned your plate. Ikkaku will accompany me, and you will look like a peasant beside us, dress uniform or no. And I will personally shave your hideous head before I let you go anywhere in a French braid."

#writing update #art non-update

[elevatorelevenhatesyou]

Final Fantasy 14 Part 30: The Ascian Finally Tries To Kill Brash With Lasers

Labradoodle begins our dramatic final encounter by talking about wealth inequality.

So now that Gaius is done with, we get Labradoodle's big villain speech. His has I guess a little more substance to it? 

It's still extremely vague and basically just boils down to "Your god is Bad and my god is Good so I'm going to summon my god to beat up your god."

GEE IF ONLY YOU'D TRIED TO STOP US SOONER OR SOMETHING. The counter is at 8 times you fucking loser. What was stopping you from trying to kill Brash all those times?

Congratulations Labradoodle, you finally tried to actually kill Brash with lasers. Except this time she seems to be powered up by God, and more importantly also a level 71 unsynched ally, doh better luck next time.

Man, let's just beat him up! So they did! The End.

Not really of course, because again we're not allowed to win until God says we can. YAY I FEEL SO FUCKING INVOLVED.

Cutscene, Brash summons the power of god and boobs again and friendship punches Labradoodle out of Thancred somehow. guess that's sorted. thought we were gonna have to muck about with trying to get that dark energon crystal off of him like we talked about before but nope let’s just god zap him. 

Well at least the chaos emeralds finally did something. 

Are they doing something? I think they’re doing something.

Then Brash summons all the planeteers and we all fly past Labradoodle so fast that he evaporates.

nyoom

Great! Guess we're done! Not sure where my teammate went. Maybe she died in the explosion or something.

Oh right, the devastation.

Brash escapes with Thancred thanks to Maggie, and I guess possibly also God? Whatever. Maggie mvp.

Oh hey, looks like Gaius is still alive!

No wait, no he's not.

Maggie best pony.

She's certainly more helpful than YOU lot. seriously what were you guys doing while I was punching my way through those like six boss fights back there?

Ending cutscene, credits roll, new day, having a celebration, Thancred’s back to  normal, and of course more Alf talking.

I am incredibly checked out right now.

Victory speech, yay we did it, we did it by working together, all of us. Except for the beastmen. Fuck those guys.

After the incredibly long but thankfully skippable credits, we cut back to the afterparty where everything seems to be going fine, but then Brash feels Kenpachi Zaraki's spiritual pressure, oh shit.

No wait it was just a vision of a giant hunk of dark energon, never mind we're okay. It's identical to Crystal Mommy except purple and red so it must be the bad guy, presumably the evil god Labradoodle was talking about. 

I wonder if the intention was to make the two gods look basically interchangeable, cuz that was the impression I got, but then I already hate both of these super powerful idiots.

Before that shit can matter, the party is interrupted by a giant beastly roar in the distance, and we're informed that a new primal has appeared. I've been told this is supposed to be Bahamut from the Binding Coil raids, but I never did those, so I guess in my playthrough it was actually coming from Good King Moggle Mog.

Yay, fun little sequel teaser. Well, back to work!

Except then there's a second sequel teaser, with a much bigger, more horrific, and more foreboding revelation than I could have imagined.

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE WITH THIS BORING ASSHOLE?

FOOLISH MORTAL, THERE ARE DOZENS OF BORING ASSHOLES! EVERY ONE EVEN MORE BORING THAN THE LAST

THE BORING ASSHOLES WILL GO ON FOREVER

I cannot describe how depressing this cutscene was to see for the first time.

Woo.

And so we close the first chapter of Final Fantasy 14.

So it's time for Heavensward, right? 

NOPE! Not for another like hundred fifty fucking hours, actually! Still gotta go through that raid thing I skipped the first time, Mog, Ramuh, Leviathan, that tower thing with even more raids, Shiva's in there somewhere, gotta go fight that ghost dragon dude, get to meet the cute dragon ninja lady, Minfilia gets kidnapped again, and Alf has to start a private army because Alf being in charge of things always seems to go so fucking well. There’s so much more talking to Alphinaud we have to slog past!  Oh yeah, we're gonna be doing this FOREEEEVVVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Spite will see me through all of it. Spite is infinite. 

I'll show YOU who's the boring asshole.

I suppose since this is the end of the first of the major stories I plan to cover, I should do some kind of conclusion. A summary, wrapping up, final thoughts, that sort of thing. Should I bother? No one cares. What a dumb waste of time that all was, wasn't it? Especially seeing as I think basically everyone already agrees that ARR is garbage, even a lot of the people who play this game. They keep saying things like 'oh don't worry about ARR it's just the prologue, Heavensward is where the REAL game starts.'

Boy is that a load of shit. Now that ARR is over and we're in the Inter War Period, let's analyze that dumbass claim. You mean to tell me that I shouldn't judge the game on the basis of this enormous many hour long story? That ARR doesn't COUNT? You can't just write off this entire section of the plot. It's still HERE isn't it? New players still have to do this don't they? Unless they pay extra money of course OH WELL THAT MAKES IT ALL BETTER DOESN'T IT. Of course ARR fucking counts, get the fuck out of my face with that shit.

Secondly, looking at it now, I don't think it feels like a prologue at all either. It has a beginning and a middle and an end. It is very much a complete story. If ARR was meant to be only a tour of the basics in preparation for future stories, that would be one thing. I can understand shaving effort off the story if the point was just to introduce the setting. I think that would be a bad idea, but I don't think that's even what they were going for. I can see the things they tried to set up and pay off; they just did a terrible job. If your job is to make a story that gets the player familiar with major setting elements, you need to make those elements actually relevant to the story. Which is what they DID. See again, explanation of fast travel stations as part of going to fight Titan. The trouble is that they didn't do this ENOUGH and most of the time they did it poorly, see again that fucking Duty finder crowbarring its way into the middle of every major boss.

And then of course they muddled up a bunch of the setting elements they did introduce with all the inconsistencies. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to think about tempering. Sometimes it’s the main reason primals are dangerous and sometimes it doesn’t seem to exist. Same for the primals themselves, really. They’re often talked up as major threats to whole city states, but Titan and Garuda literally never hurt anybody. The tonal inconsistencies hurt the setting too, because all the shit they threw in because they thought it would make their writing deep and mature means I have no idea what level of cartoon laws the world is operating on. 

Shamus Young wrote a great many words on what he called Details vs Drama.  Sometimes a story is Details First and puts a lot of effort into worldbuilding and lore and such, and some stories are Drama First and put their effort into characters and narrative and themes and so on, and both of these approaches are fine. FF14 is very much Drama First, but even a mostly drama story shouldn’t contradict itself so much, because not knowing what the fuck is happening hurts the drama. One scene Alf is saying let’s kill Garuda to serve as a warning to the other beastman tribes not to summon primals, then later Gaius kills Garuda and Alf and Minfilia say this will just make the beastman tribes want to summon primals even more. The Alliance leadership is terrified of the Ultima Weapon’s apparent invincibility, but then we just smash our way in and punch it until it explodes, its invincibility apparently having been forgotten. We see Ultima Weapon in action twice, and then after that we get Nero saying soon it will be ready for action. What am I supposed to expect from this story, what kind of emotion am I supposed to be feeling? This isn’t just about plot holes or lack of details. Like I said before, THIS IS NOT NITPICKING. I am having difficulty figuring out what even the INTENT is. What is even SUPPOSED to be being conveyed to the audience? I’m not even sure what kind of attachment I’m supposed to have to these places and characters.

And then after all that, instead of building on what they've done, they get bored and move on. From what I've seen, a lot of later stuff doesn't even build on the things set up in ARR; they introduce whole new places and characters to play with. That's fine, of course, but if ARR is supposed to be the prologue that makes it a really crumby one. Especially for Heavensward, which has pretty much fuck all to do with any of the stuff we were doing before. It follows the stuff in Coerthas with Ishgard, but that chapter in ARR had its conclusion, so it wasn't only there to be set up. Heavensward does have a prologue; it's the stuff that comes AFTER this. The stuff that comes next is going to introduce more of Ishgard politics, more heretic shit, and Ysayle the sexy elf with long white hair that Astra likes so much.

I don't care if the majority of players already dismiss ARR as the early part that's bad and doesn't matter somehow. They shouldn't, because it keeps being bad in the same ways, and if they say otherwise, they're lying. It'll still be a while before I get there, but hate to break it to you Heavensward also sucks, and it sucks for a lot of the same reasons that ARR sucks. So, just like how the player should be going through ARR to get the foundations that later stories are built on, I am committed to going through ARR's horribleness to lay the foundations that later mistakes failed to learn from.

#lahabrea #praetorium #labradoodle #maggie the friendly magitek armor #CAPTAIN PLANET HES A HERO #el11hypost #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy XIV #final fantasy a realm reborn #a realm reborn #ff14 #ffxiv #ffxiv arr #ff14 arr #critique #rant #analysis

[buriedinbleach]

🦁Thirst Tweets: Captain Edition🦁

In a special video feature for the Seireitei Communication’s new social media account, a few select Captains (plus Grimmjow – that guy invites himself anywhere!) from Bleach have gathered to read Thirst Tweets. Yamamoto made them. Something about morale. Lisa and Rangiku graciously offered to add commentary whenever necessary.

*Actual Thirst Tweets we’re used in the creation of these HCs. This is what happens when I’m quarantined and want to procrastinate. Thirst Tweets!

Shunsui:

🦁“I used to say I hated chest hair and facial hair and all that then I saw Shunsui and that was a life changing experience for me.”

Shunsui: “You’re welcome to sink your fingers in anytime, petal.” *seductively swirls his sake cup while staring into the camera and not-so-subtly opening his haori a little wider *

🦁“Anyways, random thought but I would let Jushiro take me from my mouth and Shunsui take me from behind, even if they don’t shower first.”

*Shunsui and Jushiro are older captains, they’ve seen – and done – many things. Read: act like they haven’t already done that in their youth. Or last week, but that’s not the point.

*Being the good sports they are, their initial reaction is some slight bashful laughter. There’s a light pink flush in Jushiro’s cheeks, just slightly darker than the tinge coloring Shunsui’s expression, which he tries to blame on the sake.

*Shunsui: “What a compliment. No shower and all. Though I think we do both enjoy an onsen or two.” He smiles suggestively at the camera.

*Jushiro: “Yes, I hardly know what to say here.” He smiles sweetly before rereading the tweet and chuckling softly. “Your place or mine, Shunsui?” They both start laughing like it’s an inside joke.

Jushiro:

🦁“Sitting in the back of this Uber on the 134 and thinking about my sexual awakening aka Jushiro Ukitake on the beach.”

*He smiles sweetly for a moment before glancing down at the paper again, a temporary look of fear immediately replaced with relief. “Just making sure this one wasn’t from Kiyone or Sentaro.”

Shinji:

🦁“[someone: mentions Shinji]

Me: caution. slippery when wet”

*Shinji: “Slip right on over this way, babe.” Was that? Did he just flash his tongue ring at the camera for an instant?

🦁“@shinjispiercednipples says: Shinji’s got that ‘let me lick whip cream off your body’ type body.”

*Looking smug, Shinji opens his mouth to respond when Lisa pipes up first, “Lick whip cream off his bones, maybe, but body? Where?”

*As everyone gets a little laugh, Shinji grumbles loudly, “Where it counts, Lisa!”

Grimmjow:

🦁“Grimmjow can take his shirt off anytime, that’s fine with me.”

*Grimmjow: “Since when were shirts a requirement anyway? Besides, that’s not the only thing I like to take off.” His smug grin is met with a chorus of eye rolls.

🦁“Grimmjow could star in a movie called ‘Grimmjow just stands there’ and I’d still pay to see it.”

*Grimmjow: “‘Che, damn right you would. Thirsty bitches. Who wrote that?”

*Rangiku: Smiles wide and stares straight into his eyes when she replies, “Oh, it says @domdaddyichigo”

*Grimmjow: 😳

Kensei:

🦁“I’m so attracted to Kensei. I just want him to cook naked for me and mix cocktails.”

*There’s a teeny tiny smirk visible at the corner of his mouth before he regains his grump composure and admonishes us all with, “I’m flattered, but for safety purposes and hygiene, please wear clothes in the kitchen.”

“I want Kensei to breastfeed me.”

*Kensei: “Ugh. Fucks sake. Hisagi! I’m done!” Abruptly stands up and walks out of shot. He’s begrudgingly shoved back into his seat.

*Is also secretly flattered most of his comments all had to do with his bod.

Kenpachi:

🦁“Kenny is the kind of man I need. The kind of man that can pick you up with ease and wrap your legs around his shoulders. A STRONG feminist.”

*He all but barks out his harsh, booming laugh. “Only if you’re flexible. If not, we’ll work around it!”

🦁“I want Kenny to pound me into the ground.”

*Kenny: “Come by the Eleventh anytime and we’ll spar! What? Well how else do you pound someone into the ground?!”

*Lisa leans in and whispers in his ear until Kenny laughs again.

*Kenny: “Even better!”

Unohana:

🦁“Like if Unohana was strangling me I feel like I’d say “this is super fun”. She could kick me in the boobs and I’d be having a great time.”

*Unohana: “This reminds me of the times when I used to fight Kenpachi Zaraki. Highly enjoyable. I certainly had a great time.” *grins that beautiful sadistic smile*

🦁“I just want to say: Unohana is the biggest Milf on this planet and I want her to fuck me through a wall. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.”

*Unohana: “I suppose I could heal any injuries immediately after, so 🤷🏻‍♀️”

*Lisa: “I’m equally turned on and frightened by you, as is the rest of the audience, I’m sure.” A few looks around the room would suggest Unohana and Lisa are alone.

Mayuri:

🦁“God, I want Mayuri to stroke my hand and talk about microscopic variations in the skin.”

*Mayuri: “Excellent. A willing test subject. Please escort her to th – what the hell do you mean that’s not what she was referring to?”

Byakuya:

🦁“I would let Byakuya rearrange my guts any day. That man exudes sexy and expensive.”

*Byakuya: “Well, there’s a lot going on there. But most importantly, this is why I don’t have Twitter.”

🦁“I want Byakuya to fuck me down so hard, my ancestors end up with phantom pains.”

*Rangiku: “Wouldn’t that be a dishonor, Captain?”

*In his usual quiet and authoritative tone, Byakuya says, “Not from me. It seems we’re finished here.” Curious and surprised glances are cast in his direction, but cool as a cucumber, Byakuya gets up and leaves.

#bib headcannon #bleach headcannon #warning: smut ahead #shunsui kyoraku #jushiro ukitake #shinji hirako #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #kensei muguruma #kenpachi zaraki #retsu unohana #mayuri kurotsuchi #byakuya kuchiki #lisa yadomaru #rangiku matsumoto #bleach captains

[kuronanox]

Different views - Kensei Muguruma

"Stop being so shy and tell him!" Matsumoto encourages (Your Name) as she sighs and grabs a fistful of her hair. "I HATE MEN!" She screams as Kira nods in agreement and Shuhei sit across from them awkwardly.

"GO GO GO OR ELSE ILL TELL MUGURUMA TAICHO MYSELF!" Kira's flush face offers as he slams his hands on the table causing the sake to spill. "Oi! The drinks is expensive you know!" Shuhei lectures catching the small shot glasses in mid air. "WHAT ABOUT YOU KIRA?!" Matsumoto shouts grabbing his shirt and tugging him towards her. "Everyone knows how you feel about Hinamori!"

"Ya ya ya! NOO I don't want my death bed by Hitsugaya Taicho." He crosses his arms as Shuhei attempts to help a very drunk Kira sit up after. (Your Name) just watches the scene and sulks in the corner this night was suppose to be fun but the only ones having fun is Kira and Matsumoto. She sighs and thinks about how her and Kensei relationship turned to friends with benefit rather than a couple as she hoped for.

It was about a year and a half ago, it was the New Years Festival (Your Name) drank to much alcohol on a empty stomach not realizing how fast it was going to hit her. She was lit though, dancing with everyone and making new friends. She was so drunk she attempt to kiss Yumichika and he allowed his cheek since he was probably gay anyways. That's what her problem was, she was so open and lusty when she was drunk.

"Kiss?" She asks Matsumoto as she gave a kiss to her and Hinamori even snatching one from Renji. Of course his face got so red he had to walk away. "(Your Name) you can't go around and keep asking people for kisses." Kensei lectures her and sighs as she pouts and crossed her arms. "You are just upset that I didn't ask one from you." She jokes and he lightly hits her head. "No stupid, I'm not trying to catch anything."

"MY MOUTH IS CLEAN!" She shouted and joined Ikkaku in another round of a drinking game. By the end of the night everyone was pretty sauced and making their ways back to their barracks. (Your Name) saw that everyone was slowly going home and she decided that she needed to head back home or else she was going to black out.

"God damn I can barely stand." She whines using the wall for support looking around for help because everything was blurry. Kensei sets Shuhei and Mashiro in their rooms and goes back to the party to help other members of his squad just in case they were to drunk to get back. As he expected he catches (Your Name) trying to walk back home. "Come on." He offers his hand as she looks up at her captain and takes it. "Captain, I don't think I can walk." She slurs as he clicks his teeth and picks her up so she was on his back. "I guess this is how Yachiru feels everytime she's on Zaraki Taichos back." She half jokes and silently falls asleep on his back.

"Oi don't fall asleep, I don't know where you live." He says and looks to see she is fast asleep, he sighs and takes her back to his place. After placing her on a extra futon he had Kensei makes his own a little further from her.

After a few hours of deep slumber (Your Name) wakes up and looks at her surroundings, it was unfamiliar to her. She turns to her side and sees Kensei fast asleep. "Huh? I guess I blacked out. Awe Captain is going to kill me when I'm in better shape." She shrinks still kinda drunk from a couple hours ago.

'The moon is still high.'

Laying down she scoots closer to Kensei attempting to warm herself from the cold winter night. After a few attempts she couldn't get comfortable and sits up. Going through his cabinets she saw there was extra blankets. "How can Captain sleep in this cold weather!" She says and grabs two. One for her and one for Kensei.

Placing the heavy comforter on him he awakens by shifting around him and he grabs her arms rather roughly. "Ow!" She shouts as his eyes widen. "(Your Name)?" Kensei questions as she rubs her armed that was grabbed from him in his sleep. "Sorry Captain it was cold so I got more blankets."

"Are you still drunk?" He asks because her face was still red and her words still a bit slurred. "Yes, but I am able to function again." She admits, hugging herself from the cold breeze that flew in. Noticing her gesture for warmth he looks to see he only gave her a thin sheet to sleep in.

"Are you cold?"

"No shit Captain!" She rolls her eyes as he knits his brows and clicks his teeth. "Sassy." Kensei says while opening up his spot next to him. (Your Name) stares at it hesitantly before climbing in the cover with him. At first it was awkward because he wrapped his body around hers to warm them up. She was still wide awake and turned to face him.

They stared at each other for a fat minute till she leaned in and placed her lips onto Kensei's rough ones. It was a small kiss till he pulled in and kissed her back in a more aggressive and needy way. Flipping (Your Name) onto her back and climbing on top of her he caressed her sides as her breath hitched from his touch. "Mhn." She moaned into his mouth as he separates their lips and gave her neck some attention. Grabbing a fistful of his hair she moaned in pure bliss as Kensei bit onto her neck as she squirmed by the rough gesture but he held her in place as he sucks the rough patch he bit. "K-ken-Kensei." She moaned out as he groaned in her ear.

"I'm sorry (Your Name)." He says then letting her go as she felt rejected from his warmth and kisses. "Why did you stop?"

"I don't take advantage of drunk women." He says as she shakes her head. "I'm not that drunk."

Kensei looks at her she was beautifully flushed and he couldn't tell if she was lying or just embarrassed. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

(Your Name) cringed thinking about the first night they had sex, after that night they made it official that everything they did was just for their own benefit and they had no relationship status. The first year was fine, they act like nothing happen and it wasn't awkward or anything between them.

Slowly Kensei started opening up to her and even sleeping with her after those sessions they had instead of leaving like he usually did. On some occasion he would invite her over and they wouldn't have sex but just for some  company. A few times they cooked together at his place and watched a few movies he really liked back when he was living in the human world.

It fell apart for (Your Name) when she realize that she was catching feelings for Kensei her captain and the worse part of it was that he didn't return them. He already made it known when they first started that this thing they were doing was for their own individual pleasure.

As time passed by they started learning what each individual liked in bed, luckily for her they both were into rough sex. But recently he was not as rough but more slow and passionate. It confused (Your Name).

"Ugh stop it!" She says walking back with Shuhei back to the barracks. She was on his back as he looked up and questioned what was wrong.

"Nothing! I'm fine!" She reassured as she looks up to see Kensei waiting outside infront of their barracks. "Taicho?" Shuhei says as Kensei sighs and shakes his head.

"(Your Name) how many times I told you to pace yourself when you drink?"

She looks down as Shuhei apologizes because he was also tipsy and not sober. Kensei walks them both home and drops off Shuhei first then (Your Name), she knew he was angry but tried not to show it. "Are you mad at me?" She asks him as he places her onto her bed. "It's fine (Your Name)." He says before leaving her. She sighs and falls down before sleeping.

The next week she didn't talk to Kensei much, he avoided her sometimes and didn't acknowledge her presence half the time. He only called her for training and paperwork but either then that they didn't speak. She was getting upset that he was acting the way he was to her. She wasn't dating him so why was he so upset?

"Can we talk?" She says to him as he went through papers on his office. "About?" Kensei asks raising a brow and crossing his arms now. "You are mad at me." She simply stated as he gave her a straight answer. "Yes I am."

"Well why are you mad at me?" She says staying the obvious slapping her hands into the air looking for answers.

"(Your Name) you realiz-" he started but was interrupted when a squad member barged into the room to say there is a emergency meeting for all captains and vice captains. He dismisses and tells (Your Name) to meet him at his place tonight.

"Ahh!" She moans as he roughly held onto her neck for support as he thrust into her. He came back stressed and upset but before she could ask what was wrong he slammed her against the wall and claimed her mouth with his. Now they were on the bed as he aggressively took out his anger into each thrust as she held on for dear life screaming his name. "Fuck." He says and flips her onto all fours.

"Ken-" (Your Name) says but he ignores her and places one arm around her neck to secure her from moving and pulls her hair with the other free hand he had so she was staring at him as he thrust into her. The sound of clapping turned him on each time their skin slapped as he groaned and she screamed. "Damn." He says as (Your Name) was left with her back arched all the way and her mouth was parted and she looked at him with lustful eyes. 'So fucking beautiful.' Kensei says in his thoughts and chokes her harder as she pleas under him.

"Ke-Kensei I can't." She says as a safe word and he realizes that he was choking her kinda hard as she holds her throat and coughs a little bit. "I'm sorry did I hurt you?" He worriedly asks as she faces him with tears in her eyes.

"You've never been this rough before, what's wrong?" She asks as he felt bad for making her tear up. "I don't know." He admits.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore?" (Your Name) tells him as he sits next to her and places a blanket around her naked body. "What's wrong? Am I being to rough?"

"It's not that, it just.... I've had feelings for you the last few months and I don't wanna keep sleeping with you knowing you don't return the feelings and me ending up with a cold bed every night." She shamelessly admits hugging her two legs towards her.

Kensei doesn't saw a word for a while and says "I was angry at you because you were drunk and Shuhei was tipsy."

(Your Name) looks up confused and tilts her head. "But I-"

"I know you tend to get really touchy with people when you are drunk and Shuhei was also not sober so the thought of you guys doing something made me angry because I also.... I also like you." Kensei admits as she widens her eyes and he looks away from her.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I didn't know how, I thought you were in it for the sex only, but I started to open up to you and you genuinely were interested and was there for me. Even when I showed my hollow mask I thought you were going to run away from this monster I have in me but you didn't.... I realized then that this was the girl I wanted to be with."

She sighs and leans against Kensei, relief and a smile on her face. "You idiot."

Kensei hugs her bare body and smiles back. "Now that we know how we feel about each other you don't have to feel down anymore." He reassures and gives a small peck on the lips.

"I agree." (Your Name) says and straddles his hips. "So let's continue where we left off at."

"Oh?" Kensei smirks and holds her hips firmly, getting ready for a night filled with adventures.

#Bleach #bleachbravesouls #kensei #kensei muguruma #Shuhei Hisagi #kira izuru #Matsumoto Rangiku #anime #bleach oneshot #bleach oneshots #bleach x reader #bleach one shots

[goatbi]

Hey, here’s some more on Yamichi cause as much of a mess she used to be (which you shall see), She’s kinda fun now. Also, this is copy-pasted from a convo with Ollie, in which he doodled her and I cried 

But! her name is Yamichi, cause I didn't have cool name ideas, but also don't know what I could update it too,,,, so yeah. She was also Uryu's,,, sister at point and girlfriend at the other IT WAS NOT GOOD but I discarded that whole idea, and she ended up instead related to Ikakku, cause I liked him and they seemed like they would be brother and sister cause WHY NOT, and she was kinda,,, like Ichigo in the fact that she was both a Quincy and a Shinigami, because that was canon and I was like 'thats cool as fuck I'm doing that'

Small child me was like 'all the things'

but she's kinda just,,, vibing now? I think I kept her as an unseated character in Squad 11, mostly because she didn't,,, Want to be seated? Cause that adds a lot of responsibilites, and she just kinda wanted to vibe, but also have her abilities be Legal

She could last a bit in a fight with Zaraki, which means, of course, because they reasonally can fight all out and Would Do That, Zaraki is like 'hey fight me' and she's just,,, tired. Let her rest man. She wouldn't beat him in a truly all out fight (like she could at first but NOT ANYMORE REEL THAT SHIT BACK) but like,,, she puts up enough of a fight for Zaraki to be like 'fuckin nice'

she could? possibly be a seat up near Ikakku and Yami (im calling him taht cuase I have no clue how to spell his name rn) but she just Doesnt Want To Be

She just kinda vibes and often sneaks off to the World of the Living, where a gigai is waiting for her, cause Urahara is like 'i know you, you're gonna come back' so she can just be there instead, and ends up following Ichigo around, cause she finds it funny when he's like 'WHY THE FUCK ARE ALL OF YOU FOLLOWING ME AROUND ALL THE TIME PLEASE-'

Also her hair is no longer so long, but it is Long, like, almost to the floor, which is enough of a chore that she has often debated cutting it all off but also like,,, nah she's not gonna

but her hair is still purple CAUSE IT'S ANIME AND I WANNA

OH ALSO, about Yamichi, Uryu is just,,, so fucking annoyed by her all the time

He just,,, fucking hates he sometimes aksjwoinveer

she like, exists in the WotL sometimes and Uryu's just 'god fucking DAMMIT she's back'

like, somehow he's more annoyed with her than Ichigo, the person she's ACTUALLY following around is

#bleach #i know guys bleach ocs #i dont ever see these #but i love Yamichi a lot #also would anyone want me to like... write something with her? #cause i kinda wanna do that...

[empressofeverything]

across the stars

Kurosaki Ichigo’s life is boring. At least, until the Jedi Knights Kuchiki Rukia and Abarai Renji crash land into his life. The galaxy is in trouble and they need his help. With the help of his smuggler friends Uryu, Orihime, and Chad and their ship the Karakura, the group heads off into the galaxy to stop the Sith Lord Aizen and his lackeys. {IRBB, Star Wars AU}

Notes: So this story is one I've wanted to write for a while and when the IRBB (IchiRuki Big Bang) opened up, I waffled on whether or not I wanted to join. I don't do well with deadlines (at all) and school has been my main concern. But I signed up thinking, oh I'll have plenty of time to write and finish this! 

I'm a fucking liar.

Anyway. Here's my IRBB Star Wars AU. Enjoy, my lovelies.

There will be art from my amazing partner, @lico-kun coming soon!! 

Also on AO3 and FF.net! 

Screaming was generally not a good sign. In any situation. And when the screaming was being done by every single sensor, alarm, and siren on a ship, it was especially not good. Bad things usually followed.

Like crash landings.

“You fool! I thought you said you fixed this problem before we left!” Jedi Knight Kuchiki Rukia screeched at a pitch to rival the sirens. The tiny woman clung with all the force she contained to the arms of her seat. This was not part of the plan. All they were trying to do was land in Dangai, ask a few questions, find a retired Jedi, convinced him to go back to Corusant with them, and save the galaxy.

Simple.

Of course, the Force almost always threw a wrench in Rukia’s well-laid plans, something she should’ve been used to by now.

Was she? Of course not.

“I thought I did!” Her Zabrak copilot howled back. Abarai Renji, fellow Jedi Knight and copilot of the Seireitei, was half wedged into a a panel running along the side of the cockpit. Frantic long-nailed fingers worked at sparking wires with a haste that normally was abhorrent to him. Emergencies always called for exceptions. He hadn’t died yet and wasn’t planning on dying today. “Everything was working fine when we took off and during the flight, I don’t know why it’s acting up now! You must’ve done something!” Renji was a mechanical genius but even he couldn’t mend a serious problem amid a stomach-dropping fall.

Rukia took extreme offense to that statement and tried to burst Renji’s eardrums in retaliation. Her astromech droid, R4-D7, matched her pitch with little trouble.

The ship continued to spiral downward, dropping pieces and wailing like a demon from the pits of hell as it went. To those on the planet below, if anyone had happened to look up into the wide lavender sky, they would have seen a streak of red, orange, and pitch black burning up the atmosphere.

On Phyrrus, no one ever looked up.

It took an hour for the ship to succumb to gravity and finally crash into the planet’s surface and stop skidding across the desert. In the Serieitei’s burning wake, the skid marks had turned the sand to black glass. The Jedi made it out of the ship with minimal injuries, their packs, and Rukia’s droid, but that was it.

Renji and Rukia stood outside the burning wreck of their ship, surveying it with mingled concern and sinking dread. R4-D7 whistled a mournful tone, shaking its head back and forth.

The Serieitei didn’t actually belong to either of them, having been a loan from the Jedi Order for this mission specifically. Technically, they weren’t even supposed to have it. Only the pull of Rukia’s adopted older brother, Master Kuchiki Byakuya, and the seriousness of the mission had enabled the two junior Knights to use the ship. Now it was good for nothing but scrap metal and spare parts. There was no way they’d be able to return to Corusant in it.

The crash of an Order ship meant they’d be reimbursing the Order from their own pockets. That, more than anything else, led Renji to mutter, “Well, shit,” and kick the smoking wreckage. Naturally, having just been consumed in flames, it was hot and burned his foot. As he hopped about swearing and muttering, Rukia sighed and began preparing for the long trek ahead of them.

They still had a mission to complete, after all.

There was only one man who looked up into the sky to see the faintest wisps of black.

Kurosaki Ichigo tugged off his goggles, squinting up into the darkening horizon with a confused look. Had…there just been smoke crossing the sky? Or had it been an approaching sandstorm? He shrugged, curiosity piqued but decided it wasn’t worth pursuing. Nothing worth caring about ever happened on his backwater homeworld. “Besides,” he said aloud. “It’s probably just Uryu being stupid with the Karakura again.” Ichigo never got tired of mocking his cousin. He was just so easy to provoke, what with his uptight Quincy heritage and high-strung manner. Thankfully he had started to calm down a bit after his marriage.

Kon nudged him from behind, breaking his contemplation of the sky. Ichigo grinned and replaced his goggles. Patting the nexu’s head, he sent one last look toward the sky to a chorus of Kon’s purrs. “C’mon, Kon, let’s get home. Goat-face’ll be waiting for these supplies.”

Within moments, Ichigo’s footprints vanished in the blowing wind. No sign of human or nexu passage was left.

“Your sense of direction sucks.”

Renji ground his teeth together and continued to trudge onward. Ignore her…you can’t throttle your partner…murder is wrong…goes against the tenants of the Jedi Order…

“Seriously Renji, how did you pass astro-navigation during the Academy? Master Zaraki has better directional sense than you do!”

If she says anything else about my navigational skills, I’m going to run her through with no regret. Little midget needs to bite her tongue. Damn noble best friend. Why is she like this. I hate her so much sometimes. No, no, hate is wrong. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. But ugh am I suffering now. Rukia, if you value your life, SHUT UP.

“Actually, I think you’re about on Jedi Yachiru's level. That girl can get lost in an empty room and you’re not much better.”

Before Renji could spin around and strangle Rukia in aggravation, a voice broke through the blowing wind.

“Need some help, strangers? You look lost.”

Their reactions were instantaneous. R4 squealed like a stuck sandpig as Renji and Rukia dropped their packs, lightsabers igniting as they whirled to face the newcomer. He merely grinned at them, paws up to show his lack of weapon.

“Now, now, is that how you greet someone who’s simply trying to assist you?” His fanged muzzle twitched in unhidden amusement. Neither Jedi dropped their guard. He sighed dramatically, whipping out a fan to wave in front of his face. “Please, if I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve done it already. You stand out a bit too much to be from around here.” Beady eyes peeked knowingly over the fan, shadowed by his striped hat.

Slowly, Rukia lowered her humming lightsaber but didn’t deactivate it. After a few moments and an intensely odd stare-off with the strange alien he’d identified as a Bothan, Renji followed suit. Reluctantly, but Rukia was lead on this mission. He had to obey her.

“What is it you want?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing at all. I just thought to my self that it would be terribly tragic if you came all this way and couldn’t reach your goal because you got swallowed up by a sandstorm and couldn’t, in fact, save the galaxy.”

The two Jedi stared. The Bothan continued on blithely.

“If you follow this trail for a few miles, you’ll come across a farmer and his family who should be willing to help you. I make no guarantees, and if they aren’t going to help you, you’ll soon find out. The farmer’s eldest is a crack shot with his blaster rifle.” He winked at their nervous expressions. “Just shout ‘Hello the camp’ before you get too close to the house. Got to give something for them to shoot at, after all! Ta-ta!” With that, he vanished in a swirl of dust and sand.

Renji stared at the place he’d stood, brow horns twitching. “That…was really weird.”

#IRBB #IchiRuki Big Bang #IchiRuki #Ichigo/Rukia #Ichigo Kurosaki/Rukia Kuchiki #Star Wars AU #scribbles of the empress #finally posting time!! #PLZ READ MY STORY #THERE WILL BE ART

[unohanadaydreams]

Don’t ask me why I made this, just know that I’m right and this is not just a Headcanon post but real. It’s not me having brain worms haha that would be insane. Honestly I just started thinking about how the hell arc introducing Seireitei approved social media would be such a mistake but god would it be fun to watch.

The Current Captains On Social Media

Shunsui Kyoraku - Failed erotic novel author turned romance/erotic novel reviewer. The fan base for his work is very small compared to his actual following. There is some divide in his followers—those who follow for his life updates and those who want to hear him talk at length about his latest read. Funnily enough, his quick, messy posts usually paired with scenery or a selfie are his most popular writing, often hailed as snippets of his poetic soul. Lots of people want to give him a hug.

Soi Fon - Adamant privacy and safety poster. Took to code and anti-virus technology well, much to Mayuri’s annoyance. Posts tips and tricks that read more like demands. Is known for her bitchy responses when followers @ her with their progress that are eaten up gratefully. Her advice is punctuated by posts admiring athletic women and these women make up the bulk of who she follows. She seems to admire runners and lifters the most. Her threatening posts when people hit on her too hard/with too many notes to back them up are turned into copypastas.

Rose Otoribashi - Has one of the larger followings thanks to his nostalgic visuals as well as his dedication to frequently posting new music. He has a personality that’s easily digestible when viewed through snippets. The fact that his passion is music and his job is news/editing also do him a lot of favors. He loves doing live streams and encourages his followers to perform for & with him.

Isane Kotetsu - Her growth being captured on social media not just as a captain but as a person has given her a fan base that feels extremely protective of her. She’s less known for what content she brings and more for her personality. Any creative content she posts is likely to start trending. Especially her ‘peaceful morning’ videos and reflective writing. She’s one of the more interactive posters, beloved for her encouraging responses.

Shinji Hirako - As a more private person, he doesn’t have much of a following and his most popular posts are candid moments posted by others. Lisa is a large reason people consider him endearing in anyway. Definitely the kind of person who is either considered cringe or cool with little in between. The kind of guy who asks what he should do with his hair and then goes with an option that wasn’t listed.

Byakuya Kuchiki - Has an extremely scheduled and curated presence on any site he’s on, but is nonetheless adored. He used to ask Renji and Akon for advice on how to handle some of the more online behavior (like being @ed by women who photoshop them as their date to events or being asked how many notes a date would cost) but stopped quickly. Turns out saying something is flattering leads to more of that behavior. Any selfie he posts is edited and reposted into oblivion until it’s thousands of people’s pfp.

Tetsuzaemon Iba - Despite him being one of the most well rounded captains personality wise, he gets put onto block lists the most for his dedication to concepts of manliness, which are easy concepts to feed to the social media outrage machine. Women’s Association vs Men’s Association is a popular meme where the former is something sensible and the latter is something ineffective/archaic. That being said, he’s also known as a ‘problematic fav’ and people will often post memes about abandoning their feminism for a few minutes to like his selfies and training videos.

Lisa Yadomaru - Another captain with a large love and hate following. Often picked apart for interacting with porn/hentai accounts, thirsting after women openly, and posting pictures alluding to her sexual escapades. Despite her account being regular food for the outrage machine, she doesn’t seem to care or pay attention to it and is forever horny on Main. She posts a lot of candid photos/videos of her friends. Recommends the best fucked up fiction.

Kensei Muguruma - Of course he does cooking videos, but what really does well are his cooking challenges. He forces his lieutenant, friends, and colleagues to compete with him on making a better dish on a time limit and often with other handicaps. Usually wins. His bloopers get a ton of mileage when he posts them. His merch is constantly sold out. People often dress up as him for Halloween/conventions, usually with foam or blow up arms/abs.

Toshiro Hitsugaya - Another captain with a huge following due to him approaching social media with his tireless work ethic. His ice sculptures are very popular and his pop-up galleries sell out in hours. Is actually a huge fan of ‘cozy’ games and is known for having beautiful towns/farms/ect that showcase his attention to detail. He does events in Minecraft sometimes, where he guides people through building large scale projects (and also feels like he’s making friends but that’s left entirely unsaid). A bit harsh, but beloved.

Kenpachi Zaraki - People question if it’s really his account because it’s so random at times, but he posts videos of him mowing down his subordinates during training so it has to be. The odd content includes engaging with easy recipes & activities for toddlers and increasingly complicated punk hairstyles that he really does try out. He also posts weekly, asking for people to volunteer and fight him. The human world especially loves this and he gets a lot of responses. He tries to set up times to fight them but Nanao threatens to delete his accounts and put him on suspension if he attempts to follow through. He posts a lot of post-battle pictures and humans gobble it up. “Just fought *insert ridiculous thing here*” is a huge meme.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi - He is constantly making new accounts and circumventing bans for posting links to his old lab work, that often involves heinous amounts of gore. Actually does have a following, often from those within his own division, those hoping to be in his division, or humans who see him as edgy and a little bit off his rocker, which they think is cool. He posts pictures of himself whenever he switches up his look. And posts Nemuri a lot with unhinged captains about how she’s going to outpace even the head captain and no one could make someone as special & smart as her. Just comes off as a really passionate dad. Plenty of people are convinced he’s a creepy pasta project ran by a dude with a daughter.

Rukia Kuchiki - Like Isane, she’s really loved for who she is rather than creative content. Even her attempts at being stern and ‘captain-like’ are fawned over. She has a line of children’s books, stickers, and notebooks with her cute drawings. Her most popular set was when her daughter contributed. The human world is convinced Renji is her house husband and her life is generally seen as all around ‘goals’. Her posts are riddled with mistakes and very sporadic; she’s posted accidental live streams while she did paperwork and they went viral. She posts tons of candids of her subordinates and family but they are usually blurry or actually videos.

#bleach imagines #bleach headcanons #shunsui kyoraku #soi fon #rose otoribashi #isane kotetsu #shinji hirako #byakuya kuchiki #tetsuzaemon iba #lisa yadomaru #kensei muguruma #toshiro hitsugaya #kenpachi zaraki #mayuri kurotsuchi #rukia kuchiki #Mayuri having conspiracy videos dedicated to him actually fuels me

[recurring-polynya]

So you ever try to wrap your brain around Yachiru being Kenpachi's zanpakutō? It seems to violate all known (manga-canon) mechanics.

So, to be honest, that particular plot twist hit the note in my head that says “Yes, this is pleasing and not entirely unexpected to me!” I think it’s the fact that the idea of his zanpakutou being embodied this whole time made more sense than ::gestures vaguely at all of Yachiru:: this.

I don’t exactly remember, but I think I may have been spoiled on this one--I got spoiled on a lot of the Bleach endgame, and that always affects the way a plot twist lands, so please take my opinion with that grain of salt.

I think there were a lot of hints along the way-- that although Yachiru is very, very strong and somewhat bloodthirsty herself, she always seems more interested in seeing Zaraki gets the fights that he wants, and watching them raptly, deeply invested in his happiness. She doesn’t actually act like a child, she acts like someone would expect a child to act-- mischievous and silly, but she does not grow and explore or, most importantly, assert her personhood, the way a real person does. She never seeks to grow stronger, or to fight for herself. She wears the lieutenant’s badge and goes to the meetings, which she neither complains about, nor takes any interest in. A real child would either not put up with this shit, or seek to be taken seriously in this role (try to imagine young Byakuya, for example, being named a lieutenant). Most importantly: She is constantly trying to give him directions and they end up lost every time. We thought it was a running gag, but it was a metaphor.

It also seems to me that the other child characters in Bleach grow and age at times when their powers are developing. We see Rukia, Renji, Gin, Rangiku, and Shuuhei as powerless children, and then they age to teens when their powers develop. Toshirou is definitely seen as a smaller child in his Rukongai flashbacks, and it’s implied that he is currently at in impasse with his powers, having difficulty with the upper levels of his bankai. Even so, though his body is stuck in an adolescent state, he has the faculties and personality of an adult. Yachiru, if I am figuring things correctly, is older than Rukia and Renji. It seems like she must be an enormous outlier in the Bleach universe, and it’s frankly weird that, say, Yamamoto wouldn’t take a greater interest in her (unless he knows exactly what she is, and I suspect that both he and Unohana both do).

Unless I’ve missed something, we hardly know anything about zanpakutou-spirit dynamics within the Bleach manga canon. As far as I know, we only ever see two-- Zangetsu and Zabimaru. I think it’s safe to say that Zangetsu already violates all known normal mechanics. I also want to point out that I was a lot more pissed when Zangetsu turned out to be Yhwach (or whatever that was, please no one explain it to me I don’t want to think about it). It was telescoped well enough, but it poisoned a character who had always been there for Ichigo as a mentor and source of strength and it gave me the same yucky feeling as when they killed off Han Solo-- I do not like this. This does not feel right or enhance the story.

We don’t get a whole lot of Zabimaru either-- they can manifest on their own, and do so in order to bother Renji. They seem to be a fairly simplistic being-- they want to fight and be strong and are impatient with Renji’s (very reasonable) desire to take a minute to think things out.

Nobody asked, but I feel like it might be helpful if I unleashed my personal headcanon on Where Zanpakutou Come From. In the Zanpakutou Spirits Arc, the episodes are prefaced with a voiceover that says that zanpakutou are born and die with their shinigami, and I am sorry, anime filler arc, I reject this. One of my favorite Bleach phrases, which seems like it should it could have come from some angsty hurt-comfort fanfic, is “There are no ghosts in Soul Society.” (it actually came from a filler arc episode where Ikkaku, Nanao and Hanatarou get lost in the sewer). But I think there are! When shinigami are killed and reborn in the Living World, presumably, it is as a normal human with no powers. I like to think that some essence of their power and their zanpakutou are left behind, free-floating, nameless, formless, but with some distillation of the principles that guided their shinigami’s life. This ur-zanpakutou attaches itself to a young, spiritually strong person, and becomes intertwined with their soul. They develop a form based on the thoughts and memories and hopes and fears of their shinigami, and their names and specific powers are born of the union of zanpakutou and shinigami. Noble souls often get zanpakutou passed down from previous generations, who take the form of a grandparent, or form that their grandparents zanpakutou had. For kids from the Rukon, I think that most zanpakutou spirits takes the form of a barely remembered mother from the Living World, or a particularly frightening woodcut from a favorite storybook. As an aside, this theory also explains why almost every Rukongonian shinigami we see died as a child-- it’s easier for a free floating zanpakutou spirit to bond with a child’s developing psyche. It’s also a reminder of one more way that Zaraki himself is an outlier.

Zaraki is a really messed-up guy, I think we’re all on the same page there. Like, he just really needs a shit-ton of therapy, I can’t even start. He was a feral murder-child, and I think he saw Unohana as a mother-figure who rejected him. Unlike Ichigo, who needs a wise, experienced mentor to guide him through his warrior journey, Zaraki needs validation that he is a Normal Guy with Normal Murder Thoughts and Feelings, so his subconscious shapes his zanpakutou into another feral murder-child to love him and be his family. Zaraki doesn’t know how little girls act-- pink hair seems good? Stuffy people hate kids, right? It makes perfect sense that Yachiru would go fuck around with Byakuya. Zaraki finds all of Yachiru’s antics hilarious-- the names she makes up for people, the way she climbs all over Ichigo, her general proclivity for going ham. Zaraki is an incredibly simplistic person. My favorite Zaraki parts of Bleach are where you think he is about to get real deep and have some sort of insight, and it turns out to be “I’m gonna stab you, but I’m gonna use both hands” or this entire problem-solving process I’ve pasted in below, which ends in him finding Tousen by letting Tousen stab him. He’s just stupid, bless his heart, and having a murder gremlin for a guiding light just... tracks?

The weirdest thing about Yachiru is that she has her own zanpakutou. I spent about 10 minutes thinking about it, though, and decided that she’s just a recursion, and that the weird feeling I get thinking about her is exactly the way I feel about writing a function that calls itself, and I find that little paradoxical frisson to be kinda cool, actually. The second weirdest thing about Yachiru is that there does not seem to be any connection, thematically, between Yachiru and Nozarashi. After he finally learns his sword’s name, I would have liked to see Zaraki have a trip to his inner world (like Ichigo does, in the midst of battle) where he meets an adult spirit who has qualities of both Yachirus (which he absolutely does not recognize) and that there is some interesting explanation of Nozarashi’s special abilities. To be honest, I couldn’t even remember what they were. Kenpachi has always been one of the strongest Bleach characters and so much about him is just iconic, and then his bankai was just completely bland and unmemorable, with no symbolism whatsoever. Lame.

#kenpachi zaraki #yachiru kusajishi #yachiru unohana #zanpakutou spirits #bleach headcanons #feel free to reblog with your point-by-point complaints about where yachiru violates canon tho #they are probably better thought out than this answer #which is basically just 'i vibed with it'

[recurring-polynya]

Can we get some drabbles on Renji’s time with Squad 11 especially his interactions with Kenpachi and Yachiru? Obviously shenanigans with Ikkaku and Yumichika are welcome! Also, how did you think he was promoted to Squad 6 lieutenant? It’s safe to assume he applied (I can imagine his Squad 11 gang even helping him out with this) as that’s part of his “master Get-Back-Rukia plan” but moving from 6th seat to lieutenant is a leap and I imagine that Byakuya is super picky. Imagine his job interview!

I’ll do the meta part first.

#0. For starters, Renji spent 40 years reverse-engineering how to make Squad 6 Vice-Captain. He read every Teen Vogue profile on Byakuya, he clipped Byakuya’s unreadable etiquette column in the Bulletin, he studied Kuchiki military history, he hung out at Shirogane Ginjirou’s sunglasses shop and knew exactly when the guy planned to retire and got a bunch of spilled tea on Byakuya’s pet peeves, of which there are many. Byakuya is not exactly a complicated guy, it isn’t all that hard to figure out what the right answers to his interview questions are gonna be.

#1. I think there is an exam that qualifies you to be a vice-captain, and that Renji vastly over-prepared for it and got an extremely high score. Byakuya loves big numbers.

#2. There is a standard application for Vice-Captain that’s probably about 5 pages long. Renji’s application was 15 pages long. He included a personal essay and a long paean to how much he admired the principles of Squad 6. Byakuya loves Squad 6, and he loves a guy who is really enthusiastic about Squad 6.

#3. Renji is great in an interview. I headcanon that he and Rukia did a lot of con artistry back in Rukongai. Byakuya is a mark. Primarily, Renji gave him opportunities to pontificate, which Byakuya loves. Byakuya talked through 90% of Renji’s interview, and walked out feeling great.

#4. The only thing Renji had going against him was the reference section. Byakuya hates Zaraki and would go out of his way to avoid talking to him. Aizen was still salty that Renji left his squad, and tried to reverse psych Byakuya into not hiring him. (“Oh, I think he’d be an excellent second for you, Byakuya! He’s a bit impulsive, and I’m sure your influence would overcome some of that hotheadedness! His poor kidou skills shouldn’t be a problem, I’m sure you’ve got that covered yourself…”) Unfortunately for Aizen, Byakuya was already 80% on Team Renji and he realized Aizen was trying to play him, and Byakuya hates being played.

Job offer within 24 hours. Regrets came later.

I do a lot of shenanigans with Ikkaku and Yumichika, but not usually Kenpachi and Yachiru, so let’s try that for a change!

🗡️    💖   💪

“I have a Special Assignment for you, Abarai,” the Kenpachi grumbled.

Special Assignments could be anything, really. Running around dive bars in the upper Rukon, stapling up posters to advertise their next Recruitment Brawl. Delivering blotchy hand-written notes to Captain Unohana. Helping Zaraki set up elaborate obstacle courses that would then necessitate another Recruitment Brawl. The majority of Renji’s Special Assignments involved helping the captain get somewhere he needed to go. Zaraki was very good at getting lost, but Renji was exceptionally good at finding places. This worked out rather nicely, because there was almost always something interesting to fight in the places that Zaraki wanted to go, and the more Zaraki saw Renji fight, the more willing he was to bring him along.

“We goin’ somewhere, sir?” Renji asked hopefully.

Zaraki scratched his ass pensively. “Not today. C’mon in, I don’t wanna talk about it outside.” He let the way into what was occasionally jokingly referred to as his “office.” It was the place where Zaraki hung out and took naps during the day, in case anyone wanted to find him for fighting purposes. “Chisaka had to go to the Living World last week,” Zaraki explained, rummaging around in his kosode and pulling out a well-thumbed magazine. “She brought Yachiru back some manga she thought she would like.”

“That was nice,” Renji commented carefully. Giving gifts to Yachiru was nearly always an exercise in “no good deed goes unpunished.”

“Yeah, it went over real good,” Zaraki grumbled. “She liked it so much, she wants her hair done up like the kid in it.” He thrust the crumpled booklet at Renji. It was a girls’ manga, the kind with a lot of sparkles and girls in sailor suits. Zaraki poked a gnarled finger at a picture of a little girl with pink hair, twisted up into two little buns, with fluffy ponytails trailing down from them.

Renji rolled his eyes up towards his captain. “What the actual fuck, sir? Isn’t this more Ayasegawa’s department?” Zaraki didn’t like to be called ‘sir’ unless there was a profanity somewhere in the same sentence.

“Dammit, Abarai, I know you’ve let Ayasegawa do your hair. It takes him four fucking hours and he screams at you if you squirm. Yachiru can’t sit through that shit.”

Renji made an uncomfortable face. “Your hair always looks great, can’t you--”

“I tried! She doesn’t want me to use any gel, says it needs to be ‘fluffy’. How the hell are you supposed to do a hairstyle without gel, answer me that!”

“What makes you think I can do anything?” Renji finally whined.

“Look, I started at the top. Madarame ain’t got any hair, and Iba might as well not. You’re pretty fast, and you’re probably strong enough to hold her down, and at least you know how a ponytail holder works.” Zaraki sucked his teeth. “If you do it, I’ll fight you later.”

“Really?” Renji asked, his eyebrows shooting up. Zaraki didn’t usually feel that anyone below Ikkaku merited his time, and Renji jumped at every opportunity to convince him otherwise.

“Yeah, sure.” Zaraki flung open the door to the room where Yachiru sat, scowling, surrounded by an assortment of ribbons and barrettes. “I got help.”

“Wrong Way doesn’t know how to do hair!” Yachiru shouted.

Renji and Yachiru had an ongoing philosophical disagreement about the geography of the Seireitei. Yachiru had zero legs to stand on in this argument, but also, she was the one who came up with nicknames.

“He has a lot of hair,” Zaraki countered.

“That’s boy hair!” Yachiru returned. “It doesn’t count!”

“I… have done girl hair before,” Renji admitted, somewhat painedly. “Hair is hair!” He almost yelled “Gender is a construct!” because he had been reading some of the books Iba’s mom kept leaving in their room, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to explain what that meant. At this point, he just wanted to get this over with, preferably without getting kicked in the nose, which tended to happen a lot around Yachiru. “If you let me try, I’ll let you do my hair.”

Yachiru’s eyes went wide. “Really?”

“You can’t cut it, but sure. Whatever.”

Zaraki was looking over at him with something that might have been respect. “Do you know what you’re doing, you crazy bastard?” he mumbled.

“Absolutely not,” Renji replied.

🗡️    💖   💪

“They’re uneven, is all I’m saying,” Yumichika sniffed.

“I love them, he put extra ribbons on!” Yachiru howled, swinging her sheathed sword at Yumichika, who deftly ducked. The ribbons swung delightfully around the sides of her head.

“I’m honestly surprised there were any ribbons left,” Iba commented dryly.

“You can shut it, fucko!” Renji yelled. His hair was styled rather similarly to his vice-captain’s, except that his was in three (rather lumpy) buns, and his ponytails trailed more majestically. The curling iron had been a terrible idea overall, but the big, loopy curls at the ends of both Renji’s and Yachiru’s hair had definitely been worth all the burns.

Ikkaku rubbed his own bald pate. “I kinda like that look on him. 100 kan says it helps him fight better.”

“You’re on,” Iba agreed.

“What’s the hold up?!” Zaraki roared.

“Here I come!” Renji bellowed.

“Ganbatte, Wrong Way!” Yachiru cheered.

There was a loud crunch.

Ikkaku handed over the 100 kan. “It was worth a try.”

#happy birthday renji! #renji abarai #squad 11 #my writing #drabbles