#also I kinda get anti-maskers now

[enriquemzn262]

So this is what being terminally online does to people.

Look at that description too, and I bet all of you the “pre-med” part is there because she does so much “research” in order to validate her “chronically ill” tag.

Seriously, whoever created the term “validation” in the context of personality issues should be tried and executed.

#twitter #shitpost #also I kinda get anti-maskers now #because damn

[worms-in-my-brain]

Oh boy do I actually have a story for this account that I nearly completely forgot until I thought more about the subject of anti-maskers.

So this was maybe two years ago, during a really bad COVID spike in my city. But it was towards the ‘end’ of the pandemic (well. It hasn’t ended but it was towards when people started calling it the ‘end’) so people were starting to be… worse… about wearing masks. Anyway, I was at the grocery store. It was reaaaally crowded, and despite most people there wearing masks, there were still a good portion not wearing them, so I was a little impatient to leave.

So I’m in the super long line. Luckily the people around me are wearing masks. Except… the person in front of my has their nose out of their mask.

So I’m thinking. Do I say something. Because come on, we’ve been doing this for years, it’s not hard. But also I don’t want to like Get Into a Confrontation. But I look at this person, they have dyed hair and cool earrings and generally look queer. I kinda sigh with relief and think, oh, this person is probably not, like, super conservative, luckily I can probably say something.

So I say, “excuse me?” and they turn around to look at me. “Sorry, would you mind pulling your mask over your nose?”

Now I’m not gonna lie I don’t remember word for word what happened next because I ended up dissociating hardcore. But I do remember that they got, like, mad. Like they started yelling at me and shit. Something along the lines of, “oh yeah? You want me to pull it up? What, are you scared? Are you scared?” Surprised, I made the mistake of. Responding. I said something like, “well, yeah, it’s not that big a deal?” And that SET THEM OFF!! They pulled their mask on and started trying to get super close to me.

Now keep in MIND that I am disabled and while I don’t know for sure if I’m immunocompromised or anything, I do have weird nebulous lung issues, and have had periods where I’ve been sick for like. A year. So I did NOT want to get COVID (for good reason, when I got it a few months ago it left me with long COVID…).

So I have this person trying to get all up in my space and I’m guiltily moving really close to the people in front of me. I try to keep a lot of space between us. But even though I literally do not open my mouth from then on, they keep. Harassing me. Yelling at me, and if I so much as GLANCE in their general direction they start trying to get in my personal space. Like it got so bad that a woman with her son next to me pulled him closer to her because of the ire of this person.

I am autistic and I started to get very overwhelmed. Mostly typical dissociation stuff, but I must have been visibly, like, upset or something because a worker at the grocery store CAME UP AND MOVED ME TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE.

This did NOT make the person happy. And the one time I tried to subtly glance back to see what they were doing as I was checking out, I found them staring daggers at me. Ofc they immediately noticed me even though I tried as hard as possible to be subtle, and they started yelling at me from ACROSS THE STORE.

Anyway so I got out of there ASAP.

Moral of the story is that people are weird and anti-maskers like that are truly the scum of the earth and make life way more difficult and dangerous for every single disabled person out there.

Like I literally was in disbelief the whole time, thinking, I wouldn’t even believe this if I read it online. I can’t believe things like this actually happen. So yeah anyone who doesn’t believe this. I totally understand lmao. But also be careful out there… pls learn from my mistakes 🙇

#disabled #actually disabled #disability #chronically ill #storytime #Cyril.txt #anti maskers #actually what the fuck was wrong w that person im still in shock

[lucysweatslove]

Finished NeuroTribes today. Yes, I binge-listened, and I even put it up from 1.5x to 1.75x then 2x and then 2.3x. My brain just needed it faster, idk.

This means I’m 2 books away from 100! If I finish Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (misplaced Kindle and need to find) and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck (20% through) by Friday before bed, that would be kinda cool, 100 books in half a year.

Contrary to what people say to do, I try not to set too many goals for recreational things / things I do just for fun. Such as reading. Meeting goals can give a sense of achievement and pride, and goals are particularly helpful in getting me to do things I Don’t Really Want To Do (assuming I set the goal myself; otherwise Demand Avoidance enters the chat). However, goals also start to suck the fun out of things I already want to do / am motivated to do on their own. Even if they’re reachable, I focus too much on the goal instead of the intrinsic enjoyment of said thing. Which is why I try not to have goals for # of books to read in general. Buuuut I think this is a time where a short term goal can actually help.

I wavered on whether or not to give NeuroTribes 3 or 4 stars in Goodreads as I felt it was sold 3.5; ultimately I went with 3. That might be different if I visually read instead of listening to the audiobook, as no matter how slow (or fast) I have audiobooks playing, I don’t retain small details as well as I do while visually reading. General thoughts:

Seemed to portray more pictures of autism as those who are lower masking and have higher support needs.

Did talk about the strengths that autistic people bring to society, used Temple Grandin a lot here (I like her so I’m not mad about it).

The downside was that for most of it, he really presented autism in two ways: more profound autism with lower IQ, or such low social engagement, or such high support needs (often to the point that families find them a burden and families, historically they have been institutionalized, there is significant shock and relief when they can do basic ADLs on their own- which I’m iffy on the presentation), OR genius “savant syndrome” level autism. I would’ve more liked representation from those who do have low support needs and are high maskers but aren’t “savant syndrome” level geniuses at their special interest or anything to that degree. I found it difficult to find “me” in the examples, exactly, or a lot of the autistic people I know, and I had to remind myself much of the time that I am still valid even if my intelligent and hyperlexia doesn’t reach the examples he gave.

In later portions he did talk about it as a spectrum (which he also credits Hans Asperger for initially postulating- but that brings up another bullet point), so it’s not like he totally ignores that there are people like me, or my autistic friends, or whoever out there, but the general feel seems to gloss over us.

Also used the “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism” idea to reflect that every autistic person is different

Thankfully portrayed how ABA was founded in a negative light. Not like “ABA is stupid and harmful and nobody should ever do it” but actually explained how using punishment for behavioral modification passed review boards

I can’t remember if it was addressed, but he used “functioning” labels for some of the book which is gross.

Dude had a huge boner for Hans Asperger, but this was also written in a time where the common idea was that he was anti-Nazi and only seemed to favor the “lower support needs” kids (“little professors”) to try to get Nazis to not kill autistic kids. Like “look at how useful these kids are, it would be such a shame to kill them when they have so much use to the state.” When I have more emotional energy, I’d like to do a deeper dive into the guy, but as of right now, my opinion of him is fairly low, and I was overall very annoyed at the level of reverence given to him in the book.

Talked about some controversies regarding vaccines and how autism speaks is more “cure” driven than actually support/resource driven.

Did eventually get into the modern day advocacy movement, how more autistic people are demanding their voices be heard when autism is discussed, and how there is a push from actually autistic people for advocacy groups to focus on resources and support and “normalizing” autism as a different neuro type vs “curing” it like it’s something faulty. Also mentioned that actually autistic people have pushed for “disability first” language instead of person-first, which I appreciated.

Overall an interesting history of how we have historically categorized, tried to explain, or pathologize autism in general, and how as we have come to understand it more, we realize how much more common it is.

He talked a little about how when autistic people are around other autistic people, or when alone, struggles and level of disability tend to decrease. But, I wish he would’ve gone deeper into some of the social issues autistic people face, especially the women who do want to fit in, how NT people can often tell when somebody is autistic even if they don’t have the words for it (they can just tell there is something uniquely different)

I think if I had read this in 2015 when it was published, it would have been a 4 star. Which is why I struggled with the 3 or 4 star rating- I want to judge it based on the information available at the time he was researching and writing, but at the same time, I feel like I can’t condone a book that is so Asperger-positive, and a 4 star review feels like condoning it. And I really did want more of a comprehensive look of multiple presentations, not just the very much struggling autistic people who need high levels of support or the Darwins and Einsteins or Grandins in the world.

I guess what it comes down to… to me it feels like this was written for the neurotypical person, and maybe with a goal to shift their view of autism. Establishing a common ground of the stereotyped picture, but then challenging that view primarily by showing the amazing achievements of autistic people, too. Which, I mean, that’s fine to a degree, and it’s not like he talks about those who present more stereotypical in disrespectful ways exactly (he himself isn’t disrespectful, but he doesn’t shy away from detailing the awful history). I just wish the message was less “we need autistic people in society because of all the good the genius ones can do for us NTs” and more “regardless of their support needs or achievements, autistic people deserve to live in an accepting, accommodating, understanding world.”

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Y'all wanna hear some tea?

(Very long... under the cut)

There's this guy in my class who's a total Nice Guy (derogatory). Like, I'm talking "All women want are men who are shitty to them" Nice Guy. And I was a fool enough to be nice to him so he didn't idk murder me with an axe or whatever, so I admit that that was my fault there because I'm one of those "be nice to everyone until they give reason for you not to be" you know?

To sum up a long story, I genuinely do not feel comfortable around this guy. At all. Never have all of the red flags in my head flown up at the same time until I met this guy.

Like, he's super nosy, for one. I was feeling really uncomfortable so I made up a fake ex-girlfriend on the spot since from my experience that usually gets Nice Guys to stop but not only did he ask "Gay or bi?" but he also asked how often she and I "did it." Mind you, I just met this guy, like, why did he feel entitled to know that shit? Then, he sits next to me in both class and discussion, and he's super touchy. Like, I'm okay with my friends tapping me or nudging me, but I just met this guy and he's poking me constantly and making the same remarks to me that close friends make, it's really... really off putting. Not to mention, he's kind of... unhygenic. And he's an anti-masker, go figure, he was coughing up a lung next to me in the study room, but that's another thing (my university is still under mask mandate for reference).

And maybe this is me being mean but like, one he called himself goofy unironically, two he calls himself silly unironically, and three he used trolling in today's day and age of 2022, like, what? It's clear that this dude is always on discord too because he's in 30 servers (trust, he showed it to us) and, get this, his favorite thing to say is "I'm lonely, I don't have friends here right now" (yup)

Okay, wait, back track, I met him a year ago in an English class, actually, but we only spoke once because we proofread each other's essays and that is a black hole in and of itself because he would not stop DMing me the creepiest things like lowkey fetishizing my height (p*do much?) and kinda being a literal white savior as soon as I mentioned I was Asian. Like, did I ask? It's nice to hear "I'm sorry you have to go through that" but I don't want to hear the way you want us to deal with our problems, you know? He also made a very inappropriate condom joke to someone who btw only met him because she needed to proofread his essay (thank god this was during online school btw) and, not to mention, he even asked for my body count (in terms of sex). Like? What the fuck??

Needless to say, I obviously cannot forget how much of a creep he is so when I ran into him on the first day of classes in person I was kind of already off put, but I figured, maybe he had some character development or whatever.

He didn't. He's still creepy as hell but only this time he's also a Pick Me Boy. The whole day yesterday he was being really kinda creepy. He's part of our study group so we hang out a lot to study (for reference). But me and my friend (also in the study group, let's call her F) had to drop by the book store really quick to buy some supplies so the three of us left together. The whole time he was like 5-10 steps behind us, ngl, it kinda made him look like a stalker or something, so periodically me and F would ask him why he was so far or to catch up with us (he's significantly taller than us so it'd be easy for him to just take like two or three steps to catch up). He'd say yes then proceed to not do it so like what could I do, you know? We even started walking slower so he could catch up but he didn't so whatever. Anyway, flashforward to the book store, we're buying our materials and we get caught up in conversation with an incoming freshman so we were giving tips and all so she wouldn't feel too overwhelmed and all, and, suddenly, NG goes missing. Like me and F couldn't find him anywhere in the store so we figured he went back to the study room without telling us (rude much?) we couldn't see him outside either so we just did our thing and left.

Anyway, as we're walking out of the book store, we start making our way back to the study room and, get this, NG was literally hiding from us behind a pillar. Like... what the fuck? So F and I were like "hey so that's where you've been! We were looking for you! Let's get to the study room" and he was like "okay sure!" so we did that and we were talking so it sounded like he was okay again and F and I were just like "huh okay?" but, as we're about to enter the study room, I kid you not, this guy goes "sorry for being so mopey today" with the 🥺😒 face like WHAT. So I'm like "It's fine, we all have our days" like what elSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY I don't know this guy! And boom he's "mopey" again. And the whole time he was doing long sighs and longing glances, basically the thing people do when they want you to ask them what's wrong but... buddy... we're studying for P-Chem rn and we're all on the verge of failing, not to mention we don't know you, we're not going to ask because it's not one of our concerns rn (as horrible as that sounds-). And, get this, he's older than me.

So, me and F were talking at the end of the day and I was like "hey so what happened to him? did he tell you?" and she was like "yeah, he said he was feeling left out" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Wait, wait, so his solution was to further leave himself out? Like, I get it, but he's an adult. Every time we did something, he made the active choice not to come along/participate regardless of whether or not F and I encouraged him to come along, so how the fuck is it our problem?

TL;DR, this guy is mentally and emotionally immature, he doesn't know physical and personal boundaries and gets butthurt when you set them, and he thinks he's entitled.

Or maybe I'm being the bitch here, I don't know, all I know is that I don't feel comfortable around him and I would die before being in a room alone with him.

#crys talks #personal

[moonlight-at-dawn]

Urgh, last few days I've been getting more anxious about visiting my parents. Not because of them, but others. My mom called a bit back to let me know other family would be there at the same time. Specifically, to warn me that my anti-science, anti-masker uncle would be there. He wasn't supposed to be visiting at all, but my cousins' plans changed both in timing and overall plan, so now he'll be there too.

And he thinks insult comedy is the pinnacle of humor.

And we're Boston-Irish.

He's almost definitely gonna make fun of me for wearing a mask and I'm gonna lose my shit. I already told my mom "Well, that's okay, but if he says anything that disrespects my right to live, I'm going to say something." So hopefully she also gave HIM a warning and that he keeps his mouth shut because my grandmother, who's his mother, had the same autoimmune disease I do, so I have a litany of post-viral autoimmune info to dump on his ignorant ass that maybe he'll listen to when I point at his daughters and grandsons and explain. Frankly I'd bet one of my cousins that'll be there already has it.

And on top of this, the aunt my parents are living with has a habit of bluntly imposing her opinions on others even when SOBER, and she's become an alcoholic. I kinda expect her to casually use slurs to describe my haircut (similar to women's soccer's Rapinoe). Will this happen? Probably not. But am I anxious about the realistic possibility anyways? Yes. Yes I am. Ugh.

If things go sour, I'll have to try to run off with my kid/parents, cause goddamn do i not wanna deal. But they live in SC now, nowhere near friends and other family, so it'd be a whole thing to arrange an escape 😩

I just wish it'd been possible to be warned a few days earlier than I was. I think it was the day immediately after my most recent therapy session, if I'd known before then I could've run these anxieties by her. I'm trying to use the different coping methods but ugh, my mind keeps coming back to it even if I feel like I've addressed it as much as can be. I'm just so fucking tired of ppl making me explain why I and ppl in general deserve to live, and with dignity and respect.

[starszinhis3y3s]

my boss told me i keep getting sick cuz im "too clean" ☠️ and that u cant catch the same sickness twice ever, much less twice in a row.

i genuinely think he's an anti masker. he thinks u dont get "enough air" in a mask and like was talking about how "in the beginning of covid, faucci was telling us not to mask cuz we needed that immunity...you know those kids who ate dirt and their boogers? it was like a natural immunity and theyre all super healthy now"

NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE i was frequently homeless and was also just kinda a gross fucken kid. all it did was make my immune system go to shit!!!

he told me other people arent what makes you sick!!!!! y'all ☠️ thats exactly how it works. someone dont wash they hands, or dont wear a mask and now that sickness has spread. idk i feel like I learned that in 1st grade when they taught us hand washing and common courtesy 🤔

idk travis was sayin some really incorrect things about medicine and science and it took all my willpower to just keep my mouth shut and pretend to be stupid. as if i didnt go to college in high school and have a scholarship to get my doctorate in forensic pathology and dont still keep up with the science/medical journals 🤦🏽 these white people treat me like I'm stupid anyhow, why not play into it yk saves on arguments

i literally do the most to keep myself healthy too: vitamins, germ ex, lysol wipes, masking, social distancing etc. and this man is telling me to do more. WHAT MORE CAN I ACTUALLY DO HERE??? hes all "take probiotics and kombucha" like bitch that stuff dont work like u think it does

#also who thinks 8 sick days is 7 YEARS worth of sick days???? #yes this man is ex military #i work outdoors at over 6000ft in the wind and snow in like an average of -3°F #so like pneumonia is a huge deal here especially if ur already sick

[oenimo]

Election Day 2021

Please be nice to your local election workers this federal election! We’re stuck in those buildings for more than 12 hours, dealing with every single person who comes to vote. We’re mandated to stay politically neutral from the first day we work an election until we go home after election night, which if we work advanced polls, is more than a week. In the face of anyone, we have to stay neutral.

And especially this year, be gracious. Anywhere there’s a mask mandate right now, polling places get antimaskers ranging from nuisances to honestly scary. Multiple polling places near me (including the one I’m going to be working at) have had to hire security because of them. Every gracious person soothes my soul a bit while I wait anxiously for the next terrible one.

Want to vote with as few problems as possible?

Know where you’re voting! If you got a voter card, it will say where you should be voting! But make sure you’re reading it correctly, because there are two places on there! One was for advanced polls (Sept 10-13th), and the other one is for Election Day! Elections Canada’s website also has tools to figure out where you should be voting, but if you aren’t sure try the one closest to your house first. They are mostly geographically based, so it’s your best bet. And if you are unsure, show up, and we tell you to go somewhere else, please be nice about it. We’re trying our best. Believe me, we hate it. We are in control of very little, we’re following a million regulations. We literally can’t take your vote at the wrong polling station (except under extremely specific circumstances), but we’re trying as hard as we can to figure that out as fast as possible so you have time to go somewhere else.

Know your local rules! Where I live, there’s a mask mandate. We aren’t allowed to let people into the polling place with a mask on, unless they have a medical exemption. And to those of you with medical exemptions, don’t worry about it. We don’t have to check any proof, nothing like that, just mention it at the door and we’ll be fine with it. (It's kinda easy to tell who has a real exemption (they're nice) vs anti-maskers, but we can't actually refute anyone anyway)

HAVE YOUR ID READY TO VOTE. In order to vote, you have to prove 2 things: 1. You are who you say you are, and 2. You live in that riding. There are three ways to prove that! 1. Licence, or other Canadian government issued photo ID. This has to have your name, address, and a photo, and be issued by a Canadian government to count. A passport doesn’t count, because the address is handwritten, not printed. 2. Two pieces of ID. This is what you use if you don’t have option one, and it’s really easy to produce if you have a voter card. Basically, you need two pieces of acceptable ID (There’s a whole list of acceptable ID on the Elections Canada website), one of which has your current address, and both of which have your name. These don’t have to match exactly, election workers just need to be confident that you’re the right person. (I’m talking about a card saying John G. H. Smith and a letter that says Johnathan Smith, not something drastically different) Your voter card is a really easy one to use for this! It works to show your address (if elections Canada has the right address for you) and your name, meaning you just need a piece of ID with your name on it to have enough ID to vote. 3. This is the most complicated way to prove your identity, but if you don’t have documents with your name or address, this can work. You can have someone vouch for you, the two of you sign a paper saying you would be prepared to say in a court that this person is the right person and does live here. Things of note is that the voucher has to be able to prove their own identity with either option one or two, the voucher and vouchee have to both be supposed to vote at that polling place, and the voucher can only vouch for one person for the whole election.

Having your voter card makes everyone’s life easier. With the obvious exceptions of people who aren’t registered, or people who mysteriously didn’t get their card, bring your damn voter card. It saves you an extra desk, and saves us extra work (even if it’s just a little). Elections are trying to make everything go as smoothly as possible, so if we can boot you directly to the voting line we’d like to do that! Even if you don’t need it for ID purposes, bring it. The information officer at the front of the desk checks it to make sure you’re at the right building. If you don’t have it, we have to look you up in a big book at a different desk before you can get in the voting line. Seriously, it just makes everyone’s lives easier.

When it comes to marking your ballot, there’s a lot of ways to do it “right” but there’s also a fair amount of ways to spoil your vote. The basic rule is "clear and non-distinctive". What I mean by that is it needs to be clear who you’re voting for (only one circle marked, for example) and the mark can’t be something that could conceivably identify you (a heart, a number, a drawing, anything weird). If you stick to an X, a check, or filling it in, you’ll be golden. We also encourage you to bring your own pen/pencil this year! We do have those little golf pencils to give you if you don’t, but we can’t use them again without sanitizing them. They’re basically single use pencils.

Don’t wait until you’re at the front of the voting line to bring things up. If you have accessibility needs, need a helper, a translator, a correction to the name or address on your voter card, etc, bring it up as soon as possible, because you’ll need to go see the registration officer about it.

Get out and vote!

Disclaimer: this is all based on my experience with the last federal election and the advanced polls for this election, in addition to the training I received from elections Canada for both. Things can change from region to region, and I'm just one election worker.

#elections Canada #Canada #federal election #canadian politics #canadian federal election 2021

[helliontherapscallion]

Fuck man

Ranting post ahead, so skip if you don’t want to read

Ok so like ik my mood was soaring after I posted that last chapter, but it all just came crashing down all at once cuz some dumbass I sit next to in one of my classes tested positive for covid and now I have to quarantine for two weeks. Now, there’s the obvious problems with that cuz covid’s bad, but I have asthma so I’m kinda scared about this. So cue panic attack that’s lasted for three hours now. Peep ya girl in quarantine for the next two weeks 🤩🤩

But I am pissed, particularly at the anti maskers. Like, it isn’t a fucking chore to wear a mask for like 10 minutes when you run into the store when I can deadass march on a football field with asthma with it on. C’mon man, it’s just so fucking stupid (I have a funny story about someone in my section that I thought was going to shank me cuz I kept bothering her to wear a mask and even got a lecture from her dad, but that’s a story for another day if one of yall is interested). 

I had my entire goddamn senior year ripped away from me and now prom (the only thing I had to look forward to at this point bc I’ve never been to a high school dance before) also ripped away from me so that’s fun. Several things I was looking forward to was also cancelled so I should really be used to having things taken away from me when I get excited about it.

If you’re an anti masker, get the fuck off from my blog.

I’ve put up with yall’s bullshit for far too long and this just sent me over the edge. Especially in Michigan, like fucking bringing guns to the capitol and making a plan to assassinate our governor??? Fuck man how badly do you need to go to your summer home and go for a 10 minute meijer run without a mask on

Remember, there is no hot girl summer without vaccinated girl spring. So get vaccinated against covid so we can finally put an end to this bullshit

#hellion's ramblings #hellion's rants

[md-admissions]

2020 (The dumpster fire) in review

I’m BACK after a long, long year. I’m working on figuring out the evolution of this page/blog. It’s brought me a lot of joy over the years and I want it grow as I grow. What that means, I’m trying to sort out. 

But for now...let’s talk about THE year.

1 - What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before?

Survive a pandemic, publish in JAMA, start teletherapy, enjoy dating, kiss someone while sober, I ALSO KINDA DATED SOMEONE, GUYS! Got broken up with, healing from the break up, started a twitter, took on leadership roles I’ve never taken on, took my ID Boards exam, gave job talks, interviewed for jobs remotely, bought a recording microphone, lost 50 pounds (intentionally!!). Started a master’s degree, QUIT the degree program.  2 - Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I kept 5 out of 7 of my New Years resolutions!! So I’m absolutely making more.

3 - Did anyone close to you give birth?

Guys...nine people. Count ‘em. Nine people. All my close friends. Gave birth. Like...end me. 

4 - Did anyone close to you die?

No but I knew many who died. Or bore witness.

5 - What countries did you visit?

I narrowly avoided country-passed quarantines in January as I flew back from Asia. Won’t say what countries for now.

6 - What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?

More progress in radical honesty, vulnerability, healing traumas that have held me back from creating healthy boundaries. More time with friends, more art, more music. More time unafraid to love and be loved. 7 - What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

11/4/2020. Took my ID boards that day.

8 - What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Publishing in JAMA with a colleague I have the privilege to call a phenomenal friend and the best collaborator I’ve ever had. 

9 - What was your biggest failure?

Waiting so long to finally hear my inner voice tell me that master’s degree wasn’t where or who I was anymore 10 - Did you suffer illness or injury?

Minor things.  11 - What was the best thing you bought?

The lap desk I’m currently using. Or my noise cancelling headphones. 12 - Whose behavior merited celebration?

My ID division. We fucking came together during this horrible shit. I’ve never been prouder or felt closer to a group of colleagues. 13 - Whose behavior made you appalled or depressed?

Anti-maskers, most of the US government, the list is so long.

14 - Where did most of your money go?

Food and clothes. Clothes because I lost so much weight I needed new clothing

15 - What did you get really, really, really excited passionate about?

Excited feels like a strong word. I was passionate about many things. Passionate about BLM, PPE shortages, writing out my advanced directives. Mentoring during a pandemic, being a mentee during a pandemic.  16 - What song(s) will always remind you of 2020?

Betty Who: You’re In Love 17 - Compared to this time last year, are you: I. Happier or sadder?

Sadder, but I know it’s the only way to feel after such an awful year. And that it will take me to a happier me as I continue to work through it.  II. Thinner or fatter?

Thinner

III. Richer or poorer?

Richer.

18 - What do you wish you’d done more of?

Therapy 19 - What do you wish you’d done less of?

Think that I was alone and only I could solve my problems 20 - How will you be spending/spent christmas?

Christmas at home with some Chinese take-out and watching It’s a Wonderful Life

21 - Did you fall in love in 2020?

No but I learned to really like someone without becoming infatuated 22 - How many one-night stands?

Zero. 23 - What was your favorite tv program?

Next in Fashion, Legendary, Bridgerton, Giri/Haji, Castlevania

24 - Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Uh hell yeah 25 - What was the best book you read?

This is How you Lose the Time War 26 - What was your greatest musical discovery?

This will sound odd but...re-discovering my own love for singing and music 27 - What did you want and get?

To publish meaningful research, to break internal emotional barriers, to stop using food to address feelings and actually ADDRESS them, to make true friends 28 - What was your favorite film of this year?

Gosh...I don’t remember any this year. Was kinda...drowning in work

29 - What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 32 and I got donuts for the infection control and stewardship departments that I work in! I ordered fancy Thai take out. I slept in. 30 - What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

No pandemic. A girl can dream.

31 - How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?

LA pop/punk, but make it office 32 - What kept you sane?

The Ologies podcast. Intense talks with friends. 33 - Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

KEANU REEVES. ALWAYS. Especially this year. 

34 - What political/social issue stirred you the most?

Black Lives Matter.  35 - Who did you miss?

My best friend.  36 - Who was the best new person you met?

For all the pain I’m currently going through, a guy I met at work who I maybe-kinda-sorta-dated for 2 months. I made some wild breakthroughs and grew a lot from it, even though it didn’t end the way I wanted. I’m grateful for the me that’s growing and becoming through that experience.

37 - Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020:

The best, most authentic people are vulnerable because it’s scary as fuck and necessary

#year in review #2020 in review #a dumpster fire year

[ajani]

Could you please elaborate on the Sweet Tooth thing, if that's alright?

There's a LOT to unpack and I'm not Jewish so I want to be a bit careful on it but like. Stuffed to the brim with dogwhistles at the very least. My googling abilities for finding better discussions on these specific tropes is unfortunately not up to snuff so its not going to be as heavily sourced/linked as I'd like. This is long so I'm going to put under a cut. Also please if you have good sources dissecting the tropes/caricature things I am referring to, feel free to add them.

to give a tl;dr: Disease decimates earth with symptoms that echo antisemitic caricatures, weird anti-quarentine/anti-masker vibes throughout, and eventually the plot just goes fully into blood libel.

So "Sweet Tooth" broadly is about The Sick, a virus that has decimated earth's population. After The Sick started, all children born were ""hybrids"" with animal features.

So to start off on the deeply antisemitic shit, the symptoms of "The Sick". There are two tell-tale signs of it in the show, and well. They're both antisemitic tropes! Your nose starts turning red (I think it might even get swollen) and your hands start shaking. While these are both like. Sure things that could actually be disease symptoms, but like thats how you do dogwhistles is having "plausible deniability" (though I feel like thats generous to this). Among the most common things focused on in antisemitic caricatures is noses. While usually this is like having large or hooked noses, the red nose is a bit more subtle and broad of a way to do the same idea.

The shaking hand is a sign of greediness. This is a common visual language for greed, to show hands shaking in anticipation in a deal. Unfortunately, this is very often put hand in hand with antisemitic caricatures and thus kinda blends into being one itself.

I don't want to do episode synposes so im gonna try to do this a bit more truncated.

> Dad lies to titular Sweet Tooth, one of the first "hybrids", about the nature of the end of the world, saying it was a "fire" that nature did to get rid of greedy people who were hurting it, and people blamed the "hybrids" because of the timing of the births. This sequence is very classic ecofascist "Humanity is the virus uwu" shit.

> Dad dying of the virus gives a strong visual for how the virus symptoms are just antisemitic caricatures.

> This might be me reading too much into it, but, there is a few sequences early on that show the kid *hearing noises outside the normal range of human hearing* which in retrospect really feels like a "listen for dogwhistles" scene.

> After dad dies the kid is being hunted on their little safe spot. Kid is saved from two poachers by a black man who had initially planned on killing the kid/turning them in for a bounty, but hears that the kid can talk and realizes "Oh hey, they are human?"

> The above scene establishes that hybrids, which mind you are all children, are hunted, killed, and extremely valuable. This hunting is so thorough that the fact that they can speak is alarming to everyone.

> After this theres some shit that has very big anti-masker vibes, like how there was a very sudden quarantine announced when The Sick first starts and how this one woman ended up living in her own prison because of the evil quarantine and regulations. Theres a present-day bit where the kid and the guy who saved him run into other people, who all wear their masks for their guests, who they havent had in like a decade. The man says "You've been sheltered in place, we don't have it, we don't have to wear the damn masks" or something to this effect.

>There is what appears to be an armed faction that helps run clinics for dealing with the sick that is starkly shown to be all wearing masks when people in the clinic aren't, and very clearly shown by the camera as a power showing excessive force.

>The show has a bit where it follows a man whose been involved in treating it, and has him inherit the legacy of searching for a permanent cure. There has been a way to fight/treat the symptoms and stave the disease off for a while now, though its manufacturing is mysterious.

>Turns out this is why the kids are hunted and killed. To make medicine so that some select people can safely live. This is the point at which I just said "Oh so its fucking flat out blood libel okay" and walked away.

This is speculation, but, given whats been established, I wouldn't be surprised if the plot ends up going in a Plandemic route.

Again, I am certainly not an expert in this shit and am not Jewish, but based on what I've read about dogwhistles and specifically the history of Blood Libel, its pretty clear to me that this show is an antisemitic mess.

Theres other shit in there that sucks and is bad but I dont want to spend any more time on this than I already have.

[carriecutforth]

The Shit

Tumblr is telling me to go ahead, put anything...so here it goes

I haven't been public about this for reasons that will be apparent but gonna start this with all the trigger warnings. I'm writing it here cause I can't talk to the majority of people about it cause most people can't even grasp, and then questions start, putting me in the situation of feeling like my GIANT SWEATER of trauma is being unraveled answering questions that lead to more questions and gah PLEASE DO NOT RETUMBL-- I just need to scream in the void This is the shit: On the day my sister-in-law's mother died she had to call form-1 my baby brother because his psychosis (undiagnosed mental illness which I will get to) was terrorizing their family (three small kids). My mother WHO IS SCHIZOPHRENIC had him released into her and my ANTI-VAXXER ANTI-MASKER narcissist father's care, but NOT before they found out, incidentally due to the FORM 1, he is ALSO really sick with leukemia. I only found out because I decided to dip into the special folder for emails called MOM that I try to avoid reading as long as they can FOR REASONS. But I felt for some reason an urge to, and then I had to try to parse out what had happened from her ramblings that are A LOT. Then I had to confirm with my poor sil who is at her wits end and was in no position to tell me herself. My dad stopped talking to me back in November when I called him for his anti-vax rhetoric as being EUGENICS when he told me it is just the flu and only killing old people and the disabled. I reminded him I've been immuno-compromised my whole life (he KNOWS this) and got chronic fatigue after a flu in late 2016 (he knows this), and did he not care if I DIED? (apparently not) But I was like lol, fine, don't talk to me anymore. Die mad about it for all I care. A lot of people are like: 'oh, that's tough, losing a relationship with your father' and I'm like YOLO (it really isn't if you knew him). SO THEN I have to reach out to my dad: "Why isn't my brother in the hospital being treated by medical professionals for YOU KNOW, HIS LEUKEMIA." My dad responded that the doctors were JUST GOING TO PUMP HIM FULL OF DRUGS! And that HE is treating my brother's leukemia with I dunno baking soda (he told me before it is a cure for cancer). THEN HE GOES RADIO SILENT. I have no idea where my brother is cause they got him an apartment somewhere in Toronto. *though I do have a Machiavellian plan to try to find out. The reason my brother has untreated psychosis is that even though I've begged my parents since he was a TEEN to get him diagnosed, they refused. It's like they have the opposite of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy in that their ABLEISM is soooo bad they refuse to see he has been very sick, and even if he was really sick, 'doctors are stupid' <--quoting my dad. This is the backstory. My dad was always on the road for his job. My mom had my baby brother AGAINST all wishes of her doctor to ever get pregnant again. I'm not talking aborting, she got PREGNANT on purpose again to SERVE GOD'S GREATER PURPOSE even though it might kill her and said future fetus. So he was born with a lot of issues because of the very bad pregnancy's complications on TOP of the very hereditary bipolar/schizophrenia, AND everything else we got going on besides. After he was born, my mom went into a very deep depression for years and then would vacillate between that and mania. Which meant me: THE ELEVEN year old was forced to raise a baby that wasn't hers and had no ultimate authority over. I was called by everyone his *BROTHER'S NAME* SECOND MOM. *More on this later Our relationship is very strained because of this, particularly when at 17 I had enough momming a child while being constantly undermined by my parents absolute shenanigans. So there was resentment when I quit being his 'second mom' and that he equally resented for things like, trying to put him into bed, when my mom would come in and say let him stay up all night or getting him to eat something other than candy for breakfast (you can guess the dynamic with my parents here). Even if my disabled ass could sue my parents for his

care, he doesn't WANT me to be in charge of his care.

And yet still, I tried to advocate for him for years fighting my parents TOOTH and NAIL to get him on disability and out from underneath their thumb so he could have a measure of independence and autonomy. They had every excuse in the book not to get him diagnosed including expense. It was so goddamned awful fighting with them on this cause in their mind: he was going to live with either them or me forever (they decided this for me and my ex-husband and kids with no consultation), so WHY bother set up his future for him??? So when he was 20?, I hatched a Machiavellian PLAN: I got him, against my parent's wishes, into college for the sole reason of getting the resources for him to get diagnosed so that he could get on disability. AND IT WORKED! (kinda) Except my parents twisted him so much into only talking about his autism spectrum symptoms and NONE of the psychosis because their ableism is sooooo entrenched. (but I did manage to get him on ODSP). And subsequent times I forced my dad to take him to a psychiatrist, he's like: 'oh, I forgot to talk about the psychosis we just talked about the aspergers. Besides people with psychosis are untreatable, you can't convince them otherwise' (see again, my mom). Over the years, I have begged my dad to take my brother to get properly diagnosed and treated (I'm not meaning forced, my brother is also agoraphobic, and won't leave his place UNLESS he is driven by my dad and was living in a city far away from me). I said, I was very concerned for his kids but my dad always gaslights me (and tells everyone I'm crazy -- the IRONY). So now my mom is writing me emails about how this is all my sil's fault because 'she is on drugs' (she is not), 'she is sleeping around' (she is not), 'her kids are scared of her not my brother' (it's the exact opposite). WHICH IS A HUGE TRIGGER FOR ME because She did the exact same thing to ME with my other brother (a diagnosed PSYCHOPATH) who used to beat me and the rest of us mercilessly when my parents weren't around (and they never believed me, and told everyone not to believe me because I was crazy), who pulled a KNIFE on me and threw a drawer at me when I was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, and how absolutely awful I was AS HIS SISTER to kick him out of my house with no place to live or go (cause he was living with me and my ex-husband at the time because THEY KICKED HIM OUT OF THEIR PLACE and didn't want him back.) Are you beginning to get a sense of the dynamic of my family? Soooooooo the last few weeks my brain has just been in total trauma mode going processing, processing, processing, processing as the final total realization of how absolutely awful my family is finally laid bare (I mean I knew but at least I can stop feeling guilty about cutting them out of my life). So back to the 'second mom' shit, as relevant to my trauma brain processing the last few weeks. This whole shit above is just the tip of the iceberg. I was raised as a Joho in which a lot of my trauma comes from a pedophile left loose on three generations of girls in my family over a thirty year period, and if anyone came forward they were threatened with disfellowshipment and there is SO MUCH there it would take me several Tolkien novels to get how absolutely awful, extensive it was, and how the coverup went straight to the top. ANYHOO. So who was calling me my brother's 'second mom???' Well since, I wasn't allowed to have any association with non-witnesses, it was my congregation. No one questioned that I was being parentified and it was a deeply abusive situation. NO WHAT HAPPENED instead was, this sister in the congregation told everyone (when I was fifteen and 80 pounds soaking wet at the height of 5'10 1/2) that my brother WAS REALLY MY CHILD cause it was so obvious the way that I was the one who took care of him. And the elders of our congregation MARKED me as bad association for loose morals for having a supposed child out of wedlock when I was ELEVEN YEARS OLD. AND NO ONE in my congregation would talk to me, and I had NO IDEA why, cause they never told me that I HAD BEEN

MARKED. But the caveat was I was not allowed to talk to people outside of the faith. And we only found out about this a year an a half later when she said the same shit back in my hometown where he was born to a sister who was at the hospital where my brother was born. AND NO ONE thought, hey: maybe if we think she had a baby when she was eleven we should um CALL CHILD SERVICES or some shit? So i was like 16 1/2, not allowed to have any friends OUTSIDE OF MY PARENTS, find out THIS SHIT, and then people wonder why I had my first manic episode at 17??? Yeah, so this is where my brain has been stuck the last month, complicated that I knew I would be at risk for hypomania with things opening back up, and I'm supposed to be shooting a pilot for a potential series I'm the creator/co-shorunner of, so now I've had to go BACK on seroquel and it's the worst while i try to acclimatize myself to the drugs and stave off hypomania at the same time. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

[milkovichy]

random thought: i love that the characters still wear masks on screen, because many shows did like one episode with masks and then dropped them.

it's also so nice to compare mickey in that job interview at amazon, with his mask forgotten and then just over his mouth

and mickey now, as a responsible husband with a job and his mask put on properly

Yea, I'm not keeping up with other shows that are currently adopting the c*vid storyline (I know Grey's is but I abandoned it after s16 because of alex) and, as many many people, I got kinda worried about them incorporating that into the plot.

However it kind of worked out great I think? It's not the main phocus but it affected their lives (Lip losing his job for instance) in a realistic way, I think. Those are poor people, and of course a pandemic is gonna hit them hard. I think the writers are doing a great job tying that up with each character's own arc this season.

I also notice a lot of people getting super mad when Mickey (or any of the Gallaghers) wears the mask wrong, but it also sort of makes sense? Like, I would not expect Mickey to be one of the people who wears it all the time - not that he would be an anti masker, I just think he'd be fucking sick of it at some point (as he is).

Ian, on the other hand, seems way more careful and I don't remember seeing him using the masks wrong or complaining about it. And it's on character for him to be that way, he was a health professional, he knows the risks. Maybe he nags Mickey more now that they work together so he's always wearing the mask - maybe that's why we see Mickey wearing it correctly and more often now.

I rambled a lot, but I hope this makes sense because it is something I've been thinking during this season!

#answered

[thatgirlinskullz]

okay so i’m gonna ramble a bit about the whole gina carano situation because.. i have to get it out of my system.. and none of it is gonna make much sense, but i gotta :D 

so first of all, i loved her as cara dune, i personally think she did a great job, i think she has the potential to be a really good actress, and i do think she is gorgeous... BUT i never followed her on any social media because i never found anything so *special* about her that i just HAD TO follow her.. 

now.. did she post some VERY questionable/problematic shit? yes, she did. and in no way am i defending her horrible behavior, but then again, i would honestly like to know the context of it all.. why, and in what state of mind did she like/retweet/repost/share those things? context matters, no matter what it’s about.. context isn’t an excuse for anything, but it still matters... i am the kind of person to give people the benefit of the doubt; i want to know both sides of every story before judging, even if there is no excuse, i do like to see both sides..to at least try and understand them..

so... from what i’ve seen, first she kinda made fun of pronouns being in people’s bios, which is... i guess.. somewhat fine? like, okay, so you don’t think the pronoun thing is that necessary/important, that’s your opinion.. and it’s valid.. not everyone agrees with this new “trend”.. she even kinda sorta apologized? for it and removed her “joke pronouns”.. as a cishet person myself i personally don’t think this should be THAT big of a deal, but also fully understand that pronouns are VERY important and necessary for some people - whether you’re trans, nonbinary, or just doing it in solidarity, it’s all completely okay, and valid, and NOBODY should ever question that. you are valid, your identity is valid, and you all matter!  ... but with this one i was like “yeah, okay, it’s not the best opinion to have, and it’s definitely mean to make jokes, but it’s nothing to get fired over”..

then there was some anti-masker shit, which i didn’t personally see..  also supposedly some racist shit? which again, i didn’t see.. from what i’m seeing most of the “problematic stuff” is coming from people checking her liked tweets.. (still don’t understand why you would go through someone’s likes/retweets/replies and OLD ASS tweets but okay) and she did like some weird/ horribly wrong takes..  but again, that’s not necessarily something to get fired over.... she didn’t DO anything THAT horrible by liking some bad shit... right? idk..

now, there’s the most recent shitstorm, where she shared, without context or any comment, a post comparing the prosecution of Jews in WWII to “today’s attacking of people with different political views”... and as a result, people started a hashtag against her (again) and she ultimately got fired from the Mandalorian... kinda proving her point..? BUT in this case i do think that actively sharing such views is an offense that SHOULD put you out of the high position you’re in.. or at least have some kind of consequence.. that is not even a question.. comparing the holocaust, and how Jewish people were hunted, attacked and killed to the “attacks” on people with differing views today is a VERY BIG REACH.. it’s in no way even remotely the same..  yes, people are more divided today than in recent times, and yes it’s easier to be “attacked” aka get called out/get in an argument over your views but it’s still not even remotely close to what Jewish people have gone through..

i personally don’t really like “cancel culture” (if you can call this that..?), nor do i think a person should lose everything because of a stupid post, especially if we don’t know the full context.. but they should DEFINITELY have some kind of consequence whatever the context.. is firing her the best solution? idk.. maybe? but maybe there could be something better.. educating her in some way? .. not sure.. but from what i’ve seen, and what i think is that she had her chance of correcting her behavior. when the pronoun thing happened she should have realized that it’s not okay to say whatever you want online, ESPECIALLY if you’re in a position of power - millions look up to you because of the character you play, many of which are children.. so yeah, think twice about what you post..

i don’t know if “silencing” and “canceling” or in this case firing a person is the best solution/ best way of holding people accountable.. it’s always really complicated when these things happen.. i don’t think there’s one clear solution.. because it’s fine to have differing opinions, and people shouldn’t be “attacked” based on their views - political or otherwise - but keeping them in their high positions, where they can influence others is also not the best thing.. 

i am all for freedom of speech, and expressing yourself, but then again, in today’s day and age, you NEED TO be mindful, and think about what you SHOULD and SHOULD NOT share online, especially if you’re in a higher position than the everyday person...

(like me doing right now.. posting this on my anonymous account where noone actually knows me.. i know some of my takes here are questionable, and some people will try and fight me, and that’s fine.. but i’m not gonna post something like this on my main accounts for everyone to see.. i’m especially not gonna post this shit on twitter xD )

again, just to reiterate: i am in no way defending her behavior, because it’s not okay.  i just don’t know if this is the best course of action, since she “only” liked and shared things without any form of context or comment of her own. if she did add her own thoughts to these posts, maybe the whole firing thing and the “cancel mob” would make more sense to me .. maybe.. idk. 

all in all, i have no actual issue with her getting fired, she can be replaced or written out of the show... and she needs to be held accountable, she needs to learn, she needs to improve. i just don’t think things are as simple as a hashtag trend.. 

#idk #gina carano #cara dune #so disney fired gina #it's weird #and i'm kinda fine with it #i mean she did post some bad shit #my shitty takes #the mandalorian #idk anymore #might delete later #just had to get this out of me

[usednapkin]

It’s Been Too Long... And I Know Long... Long... Long~ Long~ MAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN~~~~

Long...

Long!

Long~

(moaning and heavy breathing)

If you don’t get that reference, don’t worry. Nobody is perfect. The Japanese really know how to make a great commercial series.

You’re gonna look it up now, aren’t you?

I feel like I used this reference before in my past blogs... can you blame me for not remembering? It’s been ages since I did this again. I’ve grown from a boy to a bigger boy. My gut is bigger. My double chin is doubler. I shave every week now. I drink tea sometimes. Adulthood is a busy lifestyle.

But it’s not only adulthood that’s been making things busy - of course I’m talking about the new trend of putting a fake penis next to your loved one and see if they cuddle with it in their sleep. Apparently, it will instantly get you a hundred thousand followers on TikTok. Try it out! I won’t lie to you!

I joke, that’s a fake trend. But now you’re thinking about whether it would actually be plausible. I dunno man, anything is possible in this world. And right now, we are living in a historical time. Covid19? Black Lives Matter? I wear contacts now? What’s going on?

Seriously though... it feels kinda weird to be doing this blog. I never realized how much it helped me, doing this on a regular basis. Just me and my third computer, typing out my thoughts - it can be very therapeutic, but it also helps me with my creative process. I also learn to type a little bit faster. 

OFFICE JOBS, HERE I COME. #adulthood

Where do I even begin? What do I blog about when there are so many things to talk about? I could talk about how Covid19 affected my life, I can talk about how the BLM movement changed my perspective on how I view the world - but I’m not here to talk about issues in the world, I’m here to entertain, and break down my thoughts in a way that confuses eighty percent of the internet population.

And rant about how stupid customers can be.

I still work the same job - been at it for six years now, like hol--you know what? Let’s talk about how Covid19 affected my workplace. So I work in a grocery store - “Living the dream,” as one of the managers calls it - and during the first couple of weeks that the news declared a global pandemic, oh man... it was fun.

...Is that a weird thing to say?

You have to imagine, my job isn’t the most stressful, eventful, entertaining or fun place to work at, but when the pandemic rolled through. we were busy as fuck, Customers were rolling in, ready to prepare for the worst. And this was before we started to regulate the flow of customers. If the music was super loud, it would’ve been a bangin’ grocery store club. 

But they would have to dance to Haven’t Met You Yet by Michael Bublé.

Imagine your parents grinding to that.

BASS DROPS.

You all probably think that the toilet paper was the first to go--AND YOU’RE RIGHT. It went along with the hand sanitizer and Lysol wipes, but did you know that all the frozen foods, pasta, canned food, and fresh meat were  almost emptied? At one point, a customer asked if we were selling barren shelves. I threw pickles at him.

Aside from all the sales, customers were being rowdy. People were on edge about getting in and out of the store, people tried to slip ahead of the line by explaining injuries that we couldn’t prove was real, I saw these two ladies fight over the last bag of shrimp, this drunk man ate a frozen chicken pie that was on sale for a dollar, this white lady overtly yelled out how she felt threatened by a pregnant black lady standing in line with her husband--

--okay, I may have used situations that weren’t due to covid19, but you get it.

Damn it, Grocery Gabby.

The store was probably seventy percent more chaotic than it would be. I don’t work in the front, so I didn’t see much of the action, but there was a lot more yelling. The owners got into a lot of fights with the customers. A couple of them even got physical. This was the first time that my ordinary job felt like it was a threat to my well-being.

It was kinda thrilling.

But of course, at the same time, it was something that I did not want to last. Later, when the world started to learn more about the virus, and we got our toilet paper supply back, everything basically went back to normal. I miss the days where I was able to bike to work on the empty streets... And I miss my temporary, very short-lived hazard pay.

Yeah, we don’t get that anymore. Our customers aren’t in bad condition like they are in the hospitals. I knew it wouldn’t last, which is why I asked for extra hours during that period. Smart of me, huh? I also had nothing much to do at home, so there was that. Lockdown and everything, y’know?

I look forward to the day where we won’t have to wear our masks in the store again. I mean, I was wearing one before the pandemic happened because Asian style, but now I kinda miss seeing the faces of my coworkers. I also met a few new ones for the past year and I don’t think I’ve ever seen their real faces. I mean, do they have a round chin or pointy one? Do they have moles like me? How’s the condition of their teeth? How can she have boobs so big, yet grow more chin hairs than I can?

These are the important questions in life.

But that’s work in a nutshell. Occasionally, we have issues with anti-maskers, but those customers make up like, two percent of the total that enter our store. Some are even conscious about distance, meaning that they KNOW they choose not to wear a mask, so therefore they try and keep their distance even more from you. It happened to me a couple of times.

But seriously, if you can, wear a mask.

Why do adults hate the idea of being told what to do? Is it their pride? Is it because they feel threatened of the idea that someone is smarter than them? Are they tall, ugly-shaped babies or something? I kinda get it, you’re an adult, and you shouldn’t be told how to live your life and be told what to do by someone else, but when lives are being at risk, think about your loved ones. Is it really worth your pride and ego?

I digress. TL;DR: My first year of covid19 was an eventful one.

“Was it though?”

Yes Bob, it was. 

Now I just have to have faith in humanity to be able to combat this virus until it’s demise. Hopefully we can try and stop it before the variants become too strong. I miss people. Until then, I’ll still be stocking shelves with a bunch of employees who look like ninjas.

Retail Jutsu.

Our ninja stars are crackers.

[bisluthq]

another thing to consider about taylor's silence is that it's not easy to be optimistic about this country. even with biden's victory, i've personally still felt so much dread and despair about the things that have happened in the past four years and continue to happen. it would be great if the chemicals in my brain always channeled those feelings into positive action, but more often than not it triggers my anxiety and depression.

Yeah I get that I mean the world being shitty and my anxiety about it is kinda what led me to... you know... run a Gaylor Swift blog through the pandemic. Like for the first few months of it I was on Facebook arguing with antisemites and anti-maskers and just dummies all around as my social media activity and then I went “no more” and now I do this. And she kinda did the same with her fictional world.

It’s like the biggest reason I believe both albums do have heavy ass fictional themes because I think this current moment in history lends itself to that especially for those of us who are prone to anxiety and depression.

So I’m not even saying I’d necessarily do much better than her because who knows? But I also very much don’t have a platform of 143 million on Instagram alone so it feels significantly less important.

[flirting-with-psychology]

Are there any hobbies you have that you don’t perform in front of others? Graphing random things that don’t necessarily belong in graphs

What’s one bad or inconvenient habit you used to have but no longer do? I used to be really forgetful, especially with homework and stuff. I still am a little bit but I improved a lot after I got left out of a school organization because I missed the application deadline

Do you find it difficult to kick a habit or a routine that’s detrimental? Yes

When was the last time you had a particularly hectic day? Yesterday, I had an interview and was supposed to have another but they didn’t call

Where’s one place you’ve spent a lot of time lately? My house

Is there anywhere you wish you could spend more time? Anywhere besides my house

What do you do when you simply don’t know what to do? Browse facebook and tumblr

When was the last time you felt you were in an impossible situation where, despite what you did, you couldn’t win? Making the decision whether to move out of my house with roommates who didn’t take covid seriously, but had to move in with my dad who drives me nuts

How did you find out about your current favorite band? I think my friend recommended her?

Where are you most likely to go when you need clothing? Kohl’s, Macy’s, or thrift stores

Is anything significant weighing on your mood right now? Covid and jobs and living with my dad

When was the last time you tried to do something yet failed? Applied for plenty of jobs I got rejected from

Do you think your life is comprised more of success or failure? I think mostly inaction, which can’t result in either

What’s one personality trait that’s not strong in you? Risk taking

Are you a difficult individual to get to know? Maybe

When was the last time you opened up to someone and about what? I opened up to my boyfriend about mental health symptoms

To whom do you feel the most important? My parents 

When was the last time you changed your mind? Probably about whether to move home

Is there something you want but might not ever have? Going back to college

What’s something you’re working to obtain? A job

How do you console yourself when you’re distraught? Idk, maybe write about it or talk about it

Do you tend to enjoy your dreams? Yeah, sometimes they’re interesting

What would you do if you did not require sleep? Probably spend more time online

Are there any projects or goals you’ve recently abandoned? Dice making

What in life serves to keep you going? The hope that it will get more exciting

How frequently, if ever, do you want to give up? Sometimes

What was the last good news you received? That i am moving ahead in the interview process

What’re some of the important things around you? My phone, my laptop

How long has your favorite song been your favorite? Like a year? Idk it changes often

In what ways does music influence your life? It relates to what I’m feeling and gives it a voice

Are you more inclined to appreciate sweet or savory foods? Sweet

Do you prefer more hot or cold types of food? It depends on the food

How about hot or cold types of beverages? Cold

Who last told you to do something and did you do it? My dad told me to sweep under the stairs but I did not because I was afraid of spiders

Have you ever felt as though you were unrecognizable to yourself? Yeah, sometimes I look in the mirror and go, huh, I’m really in there

Are you bothered by any of your physical features? Yes, I’m too fat and my nose and forehead are too big and my hair is too flat. I am also secondarily bothered by my eyes because glasses can get annoying and my legs being too short because it makes it hard to find pants

Are romantic relationships important to you at this point in your life? Yes

Who was the last person to apologize to you for something they did? My boyfriend for resigning a chess match when it seemed like I was winning

Bruises and cuts everywhere? Bruises, I’m clumsy

Have you ever kissed someone with a tattoo? Yes, my boyfriend has an ankle tattoo

What did you do today? Had an interview, sweeped the garage, moved my bed, watched Harry Potter

What did you do last night? Watched New Girl

Last night, you felt? Tired

Will you regret your next kiss? No

Ever had a guy best friend? Jessie was one of my best friends for awhile, and John is probably one of my best friends although not best best

Is there a movie you’ve seen countless times? Harry Potter

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? No

How is your last ex doing? I think ok?

Are you wearing a necklace, who got it for you? No Is there someone who can always make you smile? No

Are you excited for anything? Potentially getting a job but I don’t want to jinx it because it’s still up in the air

Anything you’d like to say to your ex? Not really

Do you give up easily? Depends on the thing and how invested I got

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I should hope so

Did you deny or accept your last friend request? i think accept

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight? I did earlier

Are any of your friends taller than you?

Yes

How much money did you spend today? I think none

Are you shy? Yeah

Are you completely over the last person you kissed? No, we are dating

Ever given your ALL to someone? I’m not sure

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? Yes

Last thing you had to drink? Water

Do you ever just lay on the carpet in your house? Sometimes to stretch

Do you prefer ice or no ice in your drinks typically? Depends on the drink

Are you a lazy ass sometimes? Yes

What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done lately? I got kind of rambly in my interview

Do you ‘think out loud’? Yeah

Do you take gummy vitamins? Yeah

How do you know the majority of the people you know? School

Are you one of those lucky people to own a walk-in closet? No, I wish

Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? Lots of things

Do you use Google? Yeah

Would you like to go swimming right now? Not at the moment, although a hot tub might be nice

Can you play electric guitar? No

Do you have an HDTV? Yeah

When was the last time you drank something through a straw? Earlier tonight I had hot chocolate

Have you ever tried to teach yourself a different language? Kinda, but it works better in class

How long was your last phone call? I facetimed with my boyfriend for a couple hours

Do you need to repaint your nails? That might be fun

Has there ever been a horoscope that came true for you? Probably, they’re so generic

Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? No

Do you have a wall calendar? I have one for marking when my period is due

Have you ever taken the pictures from a calendar and used them as posters? I don’t think so

Can you handle the cold? Unless it’s really cold

Have you ever been to Canada? Only the airport

When was the last time you took a taxi somewhere? I can’t remember. If you count uber, probably home from the grocery store

Would you ever join the army, air force or navy? Hell no

How old is the person you last kissed? 24

Is there a friend that you can always rely on to get you out of a jam? Not really

Have you ever tried to balance the light switch between off and on? Yeah but it sounds like it’s fucking with the wires

Do you believe in ghosts/supernatural occurrences? Not really 

What was the most expensive thing you’ve broken? I coughed up water on a laptop keyboard

Has anyone texted you yet today? Yes, my mom, my boyfriend, my dad, and a former employer

Did you stay calm during the whole swine flu scare? Yeah I don’t think I thought it was serious, I thought it was just like a regular flu

Is there a light on in the room you’re currently in? Yes

Are your feet touching the floor? One is

Have you ever been in a car accident? My parents hit a deer once

Can you focus well in high-stress situations? Not really

Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? They’re probably average

Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? Fast sassy music

Are you one of those people who keep their feelings bottled up? No

Is one of your friends extremely odd but you love them regardless?

We all are

Is there anyone you dread going into public with? I dread being in public with anti maskers

Are you a victim of writing run-on sentences? Not really

Graffiti: an art or an act of vandalism? I generally think of it more as vandalism but there are some cool ones

Do you buy things online? Too much

#survey