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purple-mothman-majesty · 1 year

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I think everyone would benefit from understanding the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire for a number of reasons, one reason being that every time there's a post about cupiosexuals, the comment section consists of two types of people;

1. allosexuals who (understandably cuz they're probably not familiar w aspec lingo) are confused because "asexual means you don't like sex... so cupiosexual means you don't like sex, but you do like sex??" and then start bashing and making fun of them.

2. asexuals who decide that squeezing yourself into what is considered "normal" to allo people is more important than listening to your fellow acespecs and I don't know, maybe googling it before also bashing them and making fun of them??? (It's also crazy how many asexuals don't know that the definition of asexual is 'little to no attraction' and not 'asexual means you don't like sex' like do they not know that sex favorable aces exist?)

like I'm not at all surprised at the "people are just making up labels to feel special!😠" type of comments coming from allo cishet people because they say that about every sexuality & gender identity but... asexuals?? you'd think they'd have a little more empathy because they face the same invalidation all the time. or at least be willing to do a bit of research before saying, "as an asexual, we definitely don't claim them!🙄" and proceeding to ridicule and invalidate them along with the allo cishet people (who are probably just queerphobic in general anyway).

and honestly there have been labels that upon first hearing a simplified definition, I questioned whether it was real, valid, ect. but everytime after looking into it and listening to people share their experiences, I realized I was wrong. and even if there was one that I just couldn't understand no matter what, I'd still respect you and believe it exists.

tbh I don't think I've ever seen anyone make up a label to be different or feel special. it's actually kind of weird the fact that people really believe that a grown adult would lie about their identity for the sake of feeling special and don't even question it. like they get annoyed instead of being concerned or disturbed by it. Idk. I'm just rambling at this point.

#asexual #ace #acespec #cupiosexual #lgbtqia+#lgbtq #lgbt #queer #labels #sexualities #gender identities #my shenanigans

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hella1975 · 2 years

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Me with my internalized transphobia upon hearing what the new chapter is gonna be about: oh god. This is gonna destroy me isn’t it?

Me after reading it: I’m fine I’m so normal and okay and totally. Having normal emotions. None even I’m fine. They’ve only read about love in a thousand different stories and it’s never looked like them. That’s cool and fine actually. Unrelatable and fine. Didn’t take those words to heart at all.

Seriously though I know it’s was a gay thing and not a trans thing but it’s so intertwined. Being bi was easy for me but being trans was something I buried for 10 years and still do and it’s just like. I’ve read, I’ve watched, I’ve listened, and no one looks like me in these stories. And if they do they die or they are villains or they’re boring or background characters with no characterizations. That fucks with you. I didn’t realize exactly how much shame I carry about it until Zuko and Kanut were talking about theirs and ugh. I know in my head that it’s okay but I also know it’s something to be swept under the rug and hushed and privated. I know that I’m only safe in certain places. This has turned sad, my bad, but anyway. I saw myself in this chapter and I wanna thank you for writing it, it was very well done and you can tell you thought about it genuinely. Bato talking to Kanut about how much he loves despite it being unromantic/sexual killed me too. Also! I agree that current terms and labels are jarring to read in fantasy settings, I’m writing a book and I chose to have those labels at the front and just talk about them in the stories but not have the labels said cause it’s. Idk something about it is so weird to read. I love that you agree with that I haven’t seen anyone else with that opinion

ill answer the end bit first before we get into some serious things lol but yes! idk i just read things sometimes in various fandoms where modern lingo is used interchangeably with their universe and it just feels so out of place? like it feels like reading a sci-fi story and suddenly some guy uses the full latin name for a plant like in what world would that just be common knowledge lmao

as for your other comments, im so glad that you could see yourself in this chapter even if it might have opened up some wounds that were easier closed. i was very careful with the dialogue of ch40 and it saw me writing and backspacing and writing again like a million times for each sentence, because it was massively important to me that this wasn't just the 'zuko is gay and kanut is aroace' chapter, but instead the queer chapter. there's a really worrying trend amongst the tiktok generation atm that really sees queer identities pitted against each other. there's no nuance or intersectionality and it becomes 'bisexuals cannot relate to lesbians' and 'aspec cannot relate to other sexualities because i have a fucked up view that queerness is inherently sexual and dont realise how much that shows my age' and 'trans is a gender thing while gay is a sexuality thing so they dont overlap' etc etc. whereas in reality, and i tried to show this in ch40, the thing with being queer that underlies so much of our experiences is always that sense of otherness. zuko can painfully relate to the shit kanut says despite their experiences being incredibly different, one being gay and one being aroace, and it's literally just because they are both queer identities. and you know what? as much as i wanted the dialogue to be perfect so i tweaked it a lot, it was actually an incredibly easy thing to do. i found it very easy to write a mlm character and an aroace character despite me myself being an allo wlw. and im not saying my rep is perfect because it would be my honest to god worst nightmare to be put on a pedestal like that bc i KNOW i'll make mistakes and already have done, but it doesn't change the fact that the basic theme of queerness was very easy to tap into.

i guess what im saying is that being trans is a different thing to what we tackled this chapter, but like you said, it's also not. there's a massive community here for you with open arms, and that's not going to be a miracle cure, but you deserve to know from people who get it that it’s not something to be swept under the rug or hushed or privated. unfortunately, you're right about only being safe in certain places, but this is one of them and you will find others. queerness is beautiful and it makes you you, and that's never something to be ashamed of x

#sending love anonstie i hope you're doing okay x #ask #taob asks

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aceoxide · 11 months

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long rambling discourse post on tumblr? it's more likely than you think

Also on the state of discourse, I've been through countless threads on the web to the point that I've grown jaded of a lot of lingo that is ultimately used not to actually discuss things but to act like some form of thought-terminating cliche.

Unfair perhaps but well, I've seen a lot. Too much probably.

That being said, allonormativity and amatonormativity are concepts that apply to my own upbringing. And I would definitely say that those two have affected me a lot more than heteronormativity ever has. I would go further to say my issue with the privilege discourse in the 2010s was really rife with allo and... amato(?) assumptions about people in general. Like those male privilege list that often had "not being shamed for having sex" as a "privilege" of being male which pretty much assumed side male would be interested in sex to begin with which... lead to a lot of problems for myself.

Actually, I'm going to go on a tangent and say that I'm glad that privilege lists seemed to have died out because boy howdy were they unironically problematic and probably did far more damage than anybody cares to admit. The concept of normativity is a lot better at explaining this sort of stuff since unlike the privilege discourse, does not assume that just because something is normative doesn't mean it's an actual benefit to the group that it's supposedly normative to.

And maybe perhaps that's the bigger issue I had with a lot of discourse in the past, a lot of it is framed as overly judgmental. I wonder if it's better to call toxic masculinity as masculinormative or something.

What I mean by this is like with amatonormativity, wanting to be in a romantic relationship isn't bad but putting your entire worth whether or not you have a SO can be. There are aspects of masculinity and femininity that aren't bad on their own but can be when they go out of control.

This can get really out of control when you realize we don't live in a vacuum so there's like a bazillion factors when taking into account this stuff so... argh.

And another thing that I've always suspected, but has made been more painfully obvious in Current Year is that a disturbing number of people use these terms not as discussion point but as an excuse just to shit on others. Yes, I'm including jokes about hetero people. It's like, I dunno, it feels so... I dunno. Empty I guess? Or maybe once you see the same joke again and again it just gets kind of... boring. Sure there's no such thing as originality but people aren't even putting their own spin on things. It feels like they're just being... bots.

Speaking of bots, it's very Current Year that both actual bots and human beings kinda spit out discourse for the sake of the Algorithm Deity.

So what the hell am I even trying to say here? I think that me being away from the Discourse has allowed me to see some things in a new light and I think some terms and lingo do have a purpose and is more than just trying to game the algorithm as I previous thought. With that being said though, with how the Algorithm Diety has more or less become an eldritch abomination that creators have to depend on unless they luck out in some shape or form it does make me think twice about using such terminology.

Although I think people who do use such terms aren't using it out of malice. Maybe they just don't know any better. I dunno. What the hell is this post anyway.

...Actually I know exactly what started this post, and it's pretty much because a very personal thing. It's because of I was thinking about parasocial stuff, right? Yeah. Like, people piss on parasocial as if it's a bad thing, but when in reality it's not. it can grow out of control yeah, but it can also be a benefit as long as both streamers and audience a like put a certain barrier they know they can't cross.

Yes it's about a certain kirin and what she said in a certain stream. But it's weird seeing some take it as a slam dunk on parasocials when more than anything she was looking out for her audience. I guess that's the frustrating part about being a fan of vtubers or streamers or... anything else really.

I guess you can't really deal with people who are looking for any reason to fight. Sometimes you really do have to ignore them in the end to "win." Even if pretty much any choice you do will lead with them thinking they have won, one decision can leave you with some peace of mind.

#ace notes #hello discourse my old friend #stream of consciousness post wee

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