#all the i want to draw more new year resolutions are worrying me

[linipik]

Exercises for all the homies who want to have a long career drawing.

The true problem with being an artist and drawing all day (as I wanted my whole life) is that human backs are not designed to hold that position, so it is very common for artists and designers to have really stiff shoulder blades, creating a chain of muscle strain towards the arm AND the back... and a lot of pain.

These are some physical exercises for artists and honestly anyone who works at a desk.

(all credit to my physiotherapist)

#artist on tumblr #you would think exercise helps but tbh im pass that point. im half a jock and yet here i am #epicondilitis got me crying more than once #all the i want to draw more new year resolutions are worrying me

[thelioncourts]

Hello! Can we get a teaser for chapter 6 of Homily? I’m obsessed with that fic in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

I'm sorry I'm so horrible at updating. I promise I am trying and I've been much more productive on a daily basis this year, one of my few resolutions being more productive coming in really strong for house renovations and semi-strong for writing, but!! hopefully this little tiny bit is something <3 thank you for sticking with me ____

“Beloved, I urge you as foreigners and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul.” — 1 Peter 2:11, NIV

Question #11: Have you ever felt shame in the past when you tried to pursue a sexual relationship or encounter?

Answer: I’m Catholic.  Of course I’ve felt shame about anything sexual.  For a long time I didn’t know you could feel anything but shame.  It was always there under my skin, in the back of my mind.  And even now, when I’ve unlearned a lot of that, it’s still there.  I want --

-3.5 Weeks Ago-

Violette was more than a bookstore.  In the little time Louis had been working there, the floor to ceiling bookshelves, dim lighting, creaky staircase in the back, and the never-wavering gaze of his new orange-furred companion had become a welcome second home of sorts -- third, if you counted the fact that New Orleans still occupied a permanent spot inside of him.  

There wasn’t much to do, and yet Louis found that his hands were always busy with something anyway.  If not needed, it was at least therapeutic to peruse the stacks, making sure all the books were in order (genre sectioned, followed by alphabetical-by-author-last-name), cleaned of dust, and that eye-catching titles and covers were forward facing periodically as to draw attention and, hopefully, a purchase.  

Jean, the owner, hadn’t given Louis much training when Louis had finally wandered in on a Tuesday afternoon just over a week ago.  He had given Louis a once over, eyes scanning Louis’ form head to toe as if he could visually make out if Daniel had sent him an employee with competence, before nodding once and beginning his ten-minute tour that started with, “This is the front door.  There is a bell on it to indicate someone has walked inside.  Do with that what you will,” and ending with handing Louis a ring of keys and saying, “One of these is to the front door, one to the back, one to the register, and I am unsure what the last one is for.  If you find out, I will give you a bonus.”  He seemed to be in the shop enough and hands-on enough that all the big things like inventory and keeping track of the money wasn’t a thing Louis needed to worry about and, honestly, Louis was extremely grateful for that.  There was something rewarding, freeing, in being able to just lose himself among the books and not worry about keeping the store afloat like he’d had to keep the entire Pointe du Lac family afloat for so many years.  

That buoy was in place and stable.  

#sex club au #my writing #lahctth #<3333

[konveeart]

I thought last year I made the Art Summary post in January but I played myself. Anyways, Happy New Year!

I figured in early 2023 that I have a difficulty differentiating "want" with "have to". It's a real piece of tangle that became alarmingly obvious in the last months, between end-September to spectacularly turn into an aggressively-flashing-sign in December. I found more balance than I ever have to this date in the first half and by losing it in the second I can confirm what made it work, which is a big win. I am entering 2024 determined, carrying my worries and feeling nervous, but I don't feel desperate. At least, not in art..! For the future.. the pov might heavily rely on my dopamine levels and Vitamin D deficiency.

I drew a lot this year! The difference between sketching and drawing/painting grows in my folders but I've consistently for 2 years kept a "warmup" folder which also grows with a satisfactory level of diligence and fun. I taught myself to draw decent hands (still struggling when they are closed or.. doing more things than fingers being spread-out to show "I am a hand"). I also did a lot of new things!

::Quick Summary

January: launched an enamel pin ks campaign || February: drew a lot of アキ天, zine work & made my first home-made sticker-sheets🍓|| March & April: chibi-style exploration, SK8 sticker-sheets, sketchbook challenge and campaigned another special-merch collaborative project (」*´∇｀)」 || May: Convention time! ..and final zine work for the year (￣▽￣)ゞ || June & July: busy with the ks & packing orders || August: r e s t ♥ (with the best beans! I miss you all!!) || September: revisions, file-sorting, wrap-up commissions, picking up my projects again || October: online-shop run, comic-drafting, life gets busy || November: life is on fire, paperwork, learning to study (and succeeding) but getting tired, trying my best to keep on drawing!! || December: burnout caught up, Christmas cards give me life (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡, escaped to the mountains, pet a lot of cats

Thank you for an adventurous year 🌱 Wishing everyone all the best for the coming one ♥

Fun facts:

I've done a decent amount of work for myself and I plan on doing more! I keep having the difficulty of working out some boundaries for myself but it's improving.

This is not a resolution but if by the end of the year I have not sorted out my files, that's it I'm deleting them...! (bold statement)

Feb-Mar-April I discovered The Pudding Club and GOON and their music gave me so much energy! This is one of my favorite songs and makes me do a little dance every time I hear it~

What steadily led me to burn-out by December was denying myself wind-down time, daily, for four months (if not more). I remember feeling anxious in Jan - April for making so much work and still going. "Can it really be this good? Is this normal??". But the seedling sprouted and I took good care of it, despite my worries. I intend to keep taking care of it with more diligence. Sleep and food are necessities, and so is play.

#art summary 2023 #yearly art meme #art summary #I managed to do so many things..! #Some are in the works and not finished- but they are getting baked and that's awesome #I feel so tired eeee..!! #I spent an hour writing this and I am still not entirely happy EHEH.. Maybe just stop poking at it #Nearly made it CV like and i was laughing at myself #i NEED more energy this year.. figure out how I spend it to be precise #I am so excited and have so many plans.. can't contain everything.. aaaAA! #fake brain energy- I feel like sleeping but get so excited over everything I want to create!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BODY COOPERATE!! #please I need the day to be longer ..! #thank you for coming to my tag talk

[cookinguptales]

hi! could i have a relationship/compatibility reading? any deck ❤️🐉

Sure thing! I used what's probably my favorite deck, The Floriography Tarot. I backed the Kickstarter a thousand years ago (so I paid... considerably less than what they go for now) and it's become a method of tarot acquisition that I really love haha.

(Seven of Cups, Four of Wands, Two of Swords)

I'll have to admit, I laughed a little bit looking at this spread.

This spread is, to put it very bluntly, telling you to shit or get off the pot. There's almost something slightly frustrated about it. But I do think that the outlook here is ultimately good.

To start with, we have the Seven of Cups. This is one of those very dreamy cards, but not necessarily in a good way. There's an air here that you're romanticizing ideas without necessarily following through with anything. This is a person who has options or opportunities in front of them but who is so caught up in thinking about them that they're not taking them.

This card is about... I don't know, making New Year's Resolutions and never following through. It's about daydreaming about a trip you never take. Or, in this situation, it could be about romanticizing a relationship but never taking the plunge.

It's a card about dithering so much over the idea of a thing that they never allow themselves to embrace the reality of it. It's dreamy, but also a little bit... cowardly sounds too cruel, but... there's something avoidant about it sometimes. Like it's safer to dream about something than really try it out.

This card is cautioning against that. It's saying that the real version of what you're dreaming about may be hard, but that doesn't mean it's not worthwhile. It's saying that avoiding making a decision might feel comfortable, but it's an empty comfort in the end.

It is, in other words, telling you to pull your head out of the clouds, examine your actual options with a level head, and make a serious decision about what you really want... and then go for it.

The Two of Swords has a very similar vibe to it. There's less dreaming in this one, and more... worry, I'd say. You're still caught between two choices. Maybe both feel good. Maybe both feel bad. You're avoiding choosing between the two because choosing is hard and it's scary and sometimes it even hurts. But this card is telling you that nevertheless, you can't just sit here forever.

(Now might be the time to mention that I also accidentally drew The Hanged Man the first time I tried to do this spread (sorry, I'm clumsy lmao) and that card also has a very similar vibe of feeling stuck and needing to think things through!)

The Two of Swords acknowledges that your choice is difficult and that avoidance is easy, but it also wants you to know that this situation will not progress until you progress it. No one else is going to choose for you, and it's not healthy to keep avoiding a choice here.

So now you might be thinking... okay, I get it! I need to stop avoiding my decision here and just do it! But you still haven't told me about compatibility! What do I choose?

Now... I can't tell you what to choose. You really do need to look within and weigh your options and figure this out yourself. And then, I cannot stress this enough, you need to pull together all your courage and jump.

But I can tell you about the last card.

Truthfully, cards about decisions, like twos, often come with advice to draw more cards to help you make that decision. Thankfully, we already have one more card here.

The Four of Wands is a very happy card. It's a card about family and togetherness and overall a sense of home. It's always nice to see it this time of year, when so many cultures are celebrating holidays that bring loved ones together.

In a situation like this... I think there are really two ways to look at this card. The first option is to say, well, I have a support system. I have a family, I have friends, I have people who love me and want what's best for me. I should talk to them about what I'm feeling and maybe they can help me make a decision.

The other way to look at this, though... Look, when I talk about tarot, I always say that it's like using a coin flip to make a decision. The result of the flip doesn't matter -- what matters is which result you found yourself rooting for as the coin was in the air. Tarot is the same way. The cards themselves matter a lot less than what you feel about them as you hear your reading. It can help you make sense of your own feelings.

That's really my advice right now. This last card is a depiction of home. Of family. Of the people who love you and the good times you have with them.

You're asking me about compatibility, so I'll ask you this in return -- does this person you're thinking about make you feel like that? Can you imagine celebrating a special occasion with them? Can you imagine them being part of your intimate, joyful gatherings?

Do they feel like home?

When you see a card like this, does it make you feel wistful or uneasy? Do you think, "Yes, I want to have this person in my life like this. I want to feel at home with them. I feel like this card is a good omen for that." or do you think, "No, I don't think that would work. I can't envision them in a situation like this. I think this card is telling me to retreat to my loved ones right now."

When you think of "home" and this person, do you think about being home with them or going home to talk to your family about your mixed feelings? In your fantasies, are they already in your house or are you subconsciously keeping them out?

Home is a kind idea, and I think we're all pursuing our own versions of it. I know you're feeling really conflicted right now, but I think you just really need to think about what you want, what you need, and whether you feel like this person can give it to you.

And, maybe more importantly, if you're still too scared to give it in return.

Have courage, friend, and make the choice that your subconscious is telling you to make.

#tarot shenanigans

[slice-of-magenta]

Thank you @scribeoffate @rhyslahey and @slumop for tagging me as well! 🧡💕🥰

RULES:

post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing (or art) over the past year

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year

and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

----------

Top 5 works I'm proud of: one of my top 5 is currently a wip. The rest:

fire close to the heart (platonic sciles)  I just liked that I finally made a fic where Stiles is saving Scott. (It's messy and I love it.)

Inked (Scott + Lydia, gen)  I look back at it and see i should have done some stuff differently but! Tattoos are so interesting and I wanted platonic scydia feels and I got that. I love them.

A Werewolf Heat (sciles)   this was another experiment with smut. tho I didn't go that deep into it as much as I wanted to and I keep saying I might continue it 😂 and I DO think about that. A lot. Every time I write lol. But honestly I want to do another that is so much better than that one? From my reread, it needs editing. it got way more love in kudos and in comments (in my opinion) than I expected. and I was so proud. I also love when fics talk about heats. Its werewolves! Especially with Scott! Why not take advantage of that. And I tried! 🥰

A Visit (kira pov)  I don't know why but I'm so happy about this one. It was the first time I wrote for kira. Maybe it was the first fic I did research with too (altho I kept it to teen wolf's interpretation of skin walkers mostly). This was a gift for momentofmemory 🧡

2. 4 current WIPS (many may not get posted before new year tho)

A fanart for an existing fic. I may have to redraw kira since she's very close to the frame and I want to center more attention on her too.

A fluffy Getting Together Malira fic

Fic with Rafael. I have two that I'm thinking to combine. This focused a lot on Scott too, so I'm contemplating to save it for Scott appreciation.

Sekret fic. That I hope gets finished before the year ends.

3. Three biggest improvements in writing/art

I'm getting comfortable drawing hands and bodies! (Art) I refused to draw those before.

I think my grammar is getting slightly better. Or at least, I worry about it less. Which is MAJOR for me.

the wips listed above and outside it is showing me that I am capable of indulging more. It's fanfic after all.

4. Top 2 resolutions for blog/writing?

Write more fic that goes out of my comfort zone. (Sciles is awesome and I will still write them a lot, but I want to explore different characters and other ships that I like too. Like Scisaac, Scydia, Jennifer/Kali, Malira, some POLYSHIPS, Lydia centric stuff, etc. Those are examples, and I don't promise anything.)

An art resolution would be to practice lighting and shading some more!

Im gonna skip the last question because that's hard. My favorite is in one of my WIPS.

--------

Tagging, feel free to ignore me because I don't exactly recall who did it or not 😅 (most likely everyone here lol): @scintalla @thiamsxbitch @cmnzoq @kailaris-rites @redmoonfever @momentofmemory (because everyone must tag her. It's rules. Made up by me.)

#tag game #thank u #post looks so long oof #It's the rules I tell u 😂 #there's so many more favs but honestly I don't like rereading much of my work unless I'm editing 😅 #which maybe explains a lot #thank u again

[trackintomyfingertips]

They Always Say Good Day

Today I woke up to the sound of my two and a half year old nephew walking downstairs to the room next to our bedroom, to greet his grandmother, my mom.

His voice is so sweet, so small, a voice just finding itself - and it’s an incredibly soothing sound, a reassuring sound, a sound that makes me smile.

There’s a song he’s been singing to himself every day for the whole week he’s been at our house. His little hand taps his little thigh and he stares at pictures of animals and this is what we hear, and what us adults have now been attuned to, and what we sing to each other to be funny.

“When cows get up in the morning, they always say good day, good day.”

It was a nice way to wake up to a new decade.

I told myself I would go downstairs, after reaching for my sister before reaching for my phone (something we’re both working on) and make coffee and write a short blog post. Writing first thing on the first day of 2020 seemed like a good idea.

Oh yes, we live in a time when most people need to weigh in, need to be validated, included, appraised, applauded, and heard online - and it grates on me and I think it’s going to be our downfall - but yes, here I was, fucking blogging at 9:13 in the morning.

That’s part of who we are these days too - hypocrites, well-meaning and otherwise. I’m going to accept it as human flaw. I want flaws to be thing again. I want my kids to be offered the opportunity to make mistakes - with a high chance that their fuck-ups will be documented somehow - and be allowed to evolve, learn, and be forgiven, and to forgive themselves. It’s pressing, this yearning, because I feel like they're growing up in an age when being perfect, infallible humans is a requisite. Kindness is the currency of the day, but forgiveness is often overlooked. So I am going to be far more accepting in general. I’m going to be open to dialogue, and realness, and I’m going to say shit I want to say, truthfully but mindfully, because it’s all in the delivery.

Over the holidays, I strung two sets of twinkly lights in my office. I wrote NOTHING. I got sad that my novel has yet to find a home. I got angry with my sister and that wasn't fun at all, but again, we are full of flaws, and sometimes we are incorrigible. I did not make out with my husband, or touch him enough. I did not cook a single meal. I ate comfort food. I played games with my niece and nephews. I read a little each night. I worked on jigsaw puzzles, and spent time with friends, and every time CNN or any news was on, I gave it a glance, a quick listen, and turned that shit off. I cocooned myself a bit, I barely tweeted or posted, I checked out. I laughed, and went around the house singing “they always say good day, good day.” My sister and I drove to Clifton to buy Polish ham and bread. For an hour, I lay on the rug in my office with my ten-year-old niece drawing daffodils and sunflowers, wetting the tips of our colored pencils to create watercolor effects, and talking a little bit about life. I said a super mean thing to my husband without formally apologizing. The whole family ate a big Italian dinner up in the Bronx, a dinner that ended at ten-thirty pm, and left us all feeling satiated, and tired, and really really happy to be together. I counted the days left before school started with a heavy heart. I counted down to midnight with a small group of lovely people whom I call family. And then I cleaned up and worked on the jigsaw puzzle till 2 in the morning.

Some of this was wonderful, some banal, some disheartening. And I will forever look back on the last week with love, gratitude, and a smidge of regret.

There are no resolutions here. There are only small, clear-eyed desires. Like staying off social media as much as I can. Like eschewing trends. Like traveling someplace new. Selling my novel. Spending meaningful time with family, friends, my children. Moving my body every day. Learning a language, or how to bake something. Not worrying too much. Bullet journaling. Reading. Writing. Letting go of bullshit, but not putting up with it either.

I want smallness, intimacy. I want to take care of mine, by not taking what’s mine for granted.

And when I fuck up, I will learn from it, and forgive myself quicker. A wise friend reminded me, it’s the recovery that is more important than the struggle sometimes.

So here’s to the recovery, to forgiveness, and good days, good days ahead.

[astralepus]

Hello! It's been a while since I used this tumblr blog (or any of my art accounts for that matter). I took a long break from posting my art on social media due to the stress that it was causing me, but since then I've refocused myself on why I create art and why I want to share it with the world.

I'm still in the same fandoms as before, but I'm going to be more selective about what I post (i.e. not posting every single drawing I make, and instead only posting the drawings I'm truly pleased with and want to share). I'm hoping this balance between personal art and tumblr-ready��️ art will help me stay motivated!!

Artsy rant about motivation beneath the cut:

When I first started posting my art online, I used Instagram and for the first few years I was truly excited about posting my art and sharing it with the world. Instagram worked differently back then, and was more focused on tags and the explore page. It was easy for me and other artists in fandoms to find one another's accounts, and I generally had a really good time on there. But then, Instagram started changing some things, and I found myself getting less attention than I had been.

I had promised myself that I wouldn't get caught up in numbers, but it still affected me. I would try researching ways to improve my reach, because I truthfully wanted to do art as a job and didn't know how else to reach an audience. I set up a weekly upload schedule for myself, but as those numbers dropped lower and lower, and Instagram implemented videos, and posts began to be shown to my friends and family less and less....with that dying ability to reach those who wanted to see my art, I also lost a lot of my passion. I felt like I was only drawing in order to post now, and if no one was seeing my art, even those who I knew irl, and even reels weren't working....what was the point of me forcing myself to draw?

And so, I took a much needed break.

I hadn't realized how much posting on social media had affected me, but once I released that stress of making perfect content every week just to be sad about likes, I slowly remembered why I loved to draw in the first place. I love creating art, as a visual medium to express my thoughts, my stories, and my love for certain series and characters. I started drawing for myself again, like I used to, and everything felt *fun* again.

On new year's eve, I found myself reflecting on my art accounts again, mainly because my Tumblr account was started on that day in 2022. I really want to share my art again, as a way to track my progress, to collect a portfolio, and to spread the fanart I've created for my fandoms (as well as my original art). Tumblr is the only social media where I feel like I can do this without focusing too hard on numbers, because *everyone* has fluctuating numbers. Tumblr is like an archive to me almost, someplace where I can throw words and drawings and see what happens to gain traction. I like that carefree feeling better than other socials. This is someplace where my art can just exist. And that's nice.

All this to say, I plan on returning to Tumblr this year. My other art accounts may remain untouched, however, until I feel like I can tackle those socials in a more healthy way.

I still have worries about posting online, but I want to share my works, and I've made it my resolution for this year to at least try on Tumblr again :)

#artist problems #artists on tumblr #social media #digital art #artist struggles #astralepus art #I dont know if anyone else relates to this struggle with social media #or if anyone read my long rambly rant #but posting online is something ive struggled with a lot as an artist #and im hoping this year will be different!! #new year resolutions #is what this is technically #also im writing this at 2 am so if anything is worded oddly or doesnt make sense thats why #broken sleep schedule go brrrrr /j (Im trying to fix it but im a nightowl lol) #also i am reading over this and it sounds vaguely like a tumblr ad but this is just literally the only site that doesnt demotivate me ^_^;

[nicetrynicetry]

70

Thursday and V and I go to see The Effect at the national theatre. I wake at 8am after a dream where I lock my bike up around town and it manages to be stripped of its chain drive and sprockets by thieves every time. I go to the bike store and one of the repair specialists tries to fuck me in return for free replacements. I then go back to sleep, and a sequel to this dream unfolds where I have a small baby that I deliberately try to suffocate, then feign naivety when social service come knocking. When they leave, seemingly convinced by my faux passion for motherhood, they say, “be good. And if you can’t be good, be careful”. When I wake I realise this line comes from a comedy podcast I listened to a month ago where they discussed their favourite Peloton instructors. The line is the trademark sign off by a Peloton instructor, repurposed by my subconscious for a nightmare

Nice. When I’m up I see a black and white bird with a reddened beak land on my neighbour’s gutter. Google tells me this is the lesser-spotted woodpecker. I add “bird feeder” to my ever lengthening list of finishing touches for the house, which judging by my finances will serve more as an index of New Year’s resolutions. In the yard are more cars than I’ve seen in a long time, parked on strange diagonals. Pigeons, the yard dog, and an ancillary Rottweiler puppy, that we aren’t allowed to touch because he is being trained to attack, navigate the spaces in between vehicles. V is at a doctor’s appointment, one of hundreds from the last month that aim to carefully arrange the different pharmaceuticals and their side effects in her system to strike some kind of balance. A, the yard boss, and I bitch about my landlord finessing us for cash to lessen the impact of flooding in India the previous day. I try to talk to A as though he wasn’t the subject of my erotic dream, and think, while he talks, about how much I shot myself in the foot telling other members of the yard I was gay. Now I can never sleep with A, unless I want to make him think he turned me. Is this a turn on? He tells me about a friend who went to prison and that he worries he’ll be bullied in there for being so fat. He high fives me, says he has to get back to work

V and I meet at Fischers to eat smoked sausages while discussing And Just Like That. I explain the Hasan Minhaj scandal to her, a comedian famous for broadcasting his racial trauma, all of which turned out to be a lie. In a cab to the theatre we see two young schoolboys walking together with their arms around each other’s shoulders. The traffic is ungodly, but my time pessimism leaves room enough for a terrorist attack to happen and we would still be on time for the play. We are early enough for V to watch me smoke and discuss fertility. I put my AirPods in my ears with 3 Hours Of White Noise from my Spotify playlist playing as we take our seats. We watch the play. We discuss the play in the car home, trying to work out what the overriding message was. Simplistically read, it is that antidepressants will help you fall in love and then give you a life-altering seizure. We agree that it’s a little weird that a white woman wrote a play for black actors, then P later tells me she has rewritten the script for every run, that it began as something else. But what?

It rains as I walk the 8 minutes from V’s house to mine. I am moved to listen to Rihanna as I go. I water my plants. The one upside of autumn drawing in is that they begin to need a little less care, but this is no match for how much care I need through winter

[thegeneralsnotebook]

Adventures in Deckbuilding #226: Princess Twilight Sparkle, There's a Spell For That! (Purple/Orange/Blue Aggro Farm) [Core]

Princess Twilight Sparkle, There’s A Spell For That!

Fossil Record

Hello, everyone. As expected, I wasn’t able to spend any meaningful amount of time on this series while I had the Invitational to worry about. Unfortunately, that included an extended delay in getting through the last match which added nearly a month to the expected runtime of the tournament. All that time was more days that this series had to slip, which is especially grating because it is actually very close to being finished. Out of a total of 253 decks that I need to build, I’ve reached 226 so far, counting this one. That’s only 27 to go, well within what I should be able to accomplish this year. So that’s one of my big resolutions this year: getting this series wrapped up with a neat bow. (Notably, until Prize Wheel gave us the new Yona/Sandbar Mane, this series would have wrapped up on the 250th post, which sure would have been nice.)

Now, the interruption of this series for the Invitational each year, does at least come with an upside, that being that spending multiple weeks with so much work needing to be done necessarily forces me to streamline my schedule and clear time to get the work done. So I hope that this series should run smoother for the time being as it slots into the time no longer being used for editing videos. We’ll see how that goes.

As to this week’s deck, a few days ago Hithroc and I revisited our Fond Memories card ratings from a long time ago on the Meticulous Talks stream. Among several things, I was struck by past me’s adamant belief that there was going to be some Purple/Orange Dragon deck which was going to be a major factor in the Core meta. That obviously never happened, and aside from the evidence of my voice on that video I have no idea exactly what deck I was thinking of. So, having rolled Twilight for the second time this week (and yes, I know that last year the previous post said Yuna would be the next deck; well, I forgot) I thought that this would be a great time to try it out and see if there actually was anything to the concept.

Now, in terms of competitiveness, I don’t expect anything special here. This deck will surely get mauled by Stunning Wonder the same way that every other deck does. But I am ultimately on the optimistic side here. The foundation of the deck is indeed the two FM Orange/Purple dragons that I rated so highly the first time, Garble and Maar. While Garble can be a source of AT if there are good Friends on the other side of the board (remember that tokens have zero cost!) Maar is the clear standout, especially when paired with the Blue Ember from DE. Denying an opposing flip in every faceoff is a huge deal, and when active should mean that this deck has an easy time winning almost any faceoff that starts.

Knowing that I was going into three colours and I had a Mane that would likely be flipped easily, I knew that I wanted to take advantage of Bloodstone Scepter, and I tried very hard to keep all of the requirements which weren’t Purple at 2 or less. Sudden Closure is the only card which violates that, and I think it’s worthwhile for the unconditional removal that it provides. It is often hard to get an effect like that in these colours, after all.

The other element which draws the eye right away, naturally, are those Epic Troublemakers. When I get the chance to test this deck I may end up cutting some of those, because this deck isn’t really a Farming deck. Those Epics are there for point acceleration and nothing more, which is why I don’t want Villains. But in a deck that should have such an easy time winning faceoffs, having some non-Villian Epics seemed like a great way to get some extra points every now and then. Even the new Legion shouldn’t be that hard to farm, since we’ll almost always have a dragon involved (they may not be able to contribute power, but they’ll still be involved, which is all that Maar cares about). And, indeed, in the later stages of the game, if we have Orange Ember on the field and have liberally spread the +1 power counters around (and there are quite a few ways of doing that in here actually) then we probably could away with insta-farming a Grogar if we play one.

At the end of it all, I can’t tell if I’ve recaptured that optimism that animated my spirit two years ago as I reviewed these cards. Probably not, because there are a number of other Fond Memories cards that I gave high ratings to “because they’d go in the Dragon deck” which aren’t featured here. Yet even so, I’m eager to try this out. It seems like it should be fairly solid. Or perhaps I’m just so out of practice that I can’t tell anymore. Either way the solution is the same: play more games.

So that’s one down, 27 more to go! That’s still a fair number though, so don’t worry, there’s quite a few of these posts still coming, over the course of this year. Next week, Fluttershy, Reformer!

#mlp:ccg #adventures in deckbuilding #deckbuilding

[nx42]

Comms on Monday + Upcoming things in 2023

Hello everyone, Happy New Year~ Some updates from the crew: January's commission batch will open up on Monday, January 2nd. Same prices as last time. I've also got a cool YCH planned (some weird tf!) and will probably be selling off some OCs and old fursonas, so keep an eye out for all that! If you pledge to my Art Patreon, you get early access to the commission form (as in, they already got to submit their ideas!) which means you don't have to worry about getting your slot in before they close. I'm doing another charity stream on Tuesday, January 3rd! This one will be in support of The Thrive Youth Center, which hopes "to provide a safe and supportive center for homeless LGBTQ youth, so they can become productive, skilled, educated, and successful adults with the opportunity to achieve their dreams." This sort of group became extra important recently when, for example, Texas began to become even more anti-LGBTQ. So, tune in for that stream for a chance to support a good cause and get a toon commission (or telegram sticker!) I'm probably moving in February, which means commissions for that month may be irregular. No hard dates set so we'll see! More on that as the event gets closer. So, regarding 2023, I really hope to continue my trend of drawing less furries and more humans. On top of that, I'd love to draw more OC/fursona stuff. Exactly how to do this while still maintaining income isn't super certain, but I just want that desire known! I also probably want to draw less latex because I've grown pretty bored of it and a little soured on it? Especially like, rubber gear art, which admittedly wasn't ever as common for me as rubber critters. You can probably expect a bunch of ref sheets for our various selves this year, and after all that practice it's likely I'll start offering reference sheet commissions some time in the middle of the year. These will be pricy because I have a pretty high standard for these things. I think that's everything! Hoping for a good 2023. Not a lot of "resolutions" and more just a series of goals like a lot of boring website stuff to get done. I wish everyone the best of luck this coming year <3

Posted using PostyBirb

[spidernana]

Fransweek Day 7- Valentine's Day

I only had time for one this year, but nevertheless! Here it is ^_^ @fransweek

------

Valentine's Day.

Bane to some, the bitter and the slighted, the jaded and those unbeholden to long tradition now mired in corporate merchandising, but beloved to many, especially so to lovers in the height of their union. The days before, and the day of, for many unprepared, found many such couples at candy and flower shops, grocery stores and various other locales from which they could procure gifts to give to one another, tied up in bows and wrappings of garish pinks and reds.

It was within one such shop within the city of New Ebott, on a gloomy, grey February day that portended heavy snow, that a couple both not unlike many others, and yet ostentatiously apart as well (being a coupling between a human and a monster, still a rarity to see even in more enlightened times) trundled among the crowd of other shop-goers, their arms piled with accouterments for the creation of a fine meal (and a bottle of wine, for afterwards), their sights set on the signs hanging above the aisles that announced the location of the Valentine's gift section. They appeared to be arguing lightheartedly between one another, a light blush dusted across the human woman's cheeks beneath the fall of her shoulder-length, chestnut brown hair and the cling of her knitted cap.

“This really isn't necessary, honey. You know I-” she claimed in hushed argument, lightly pulling against the hand she had inserted into the crook of her partner's arm, but her paramour, a skeleton monster wearing a navy blue, furred parka and a clever grin, was unmoved, merely sending her a knowing look from the corners of his sockets and continuing to lead the way through the bustling crowd of shopping, sometimes staring people about them.

“you don't like to make a fuss. i know, babe... but i do. you work so hard, you deserve the best,” he assured her, stepping deftly around a runaway cart filled nearly to the brim with Ramen noodle packages and pulling his lover along with him, before, with a crook of his already broad smile, he snaked his free arm around her waist, drawing her closer so he could press a nuzzling, toothy kiss to her flushed cheek.

“let me spoil my beautiful mate a little bit, hmm?” he murmured there, pulling back a little bit to meet her eye meaningfully, and though Frisk's blush deepened slightly, her fingers clenching in the material of his coat and her teeth worrying her lower lip bashfully, she let out an acquiescent huff of breath only a moment later, leaning into him to press a kiss of her own to the corner of his grin.

“Oh alright. Flatterer,” she remonstrated without any heat at all, straightening the ruff of his hood idly as she pulled away (she'd left behind a glossy pink mark, from her kiss; it stood out against the ivory of his bones in a way that nearly made her giggle), and Sans gazed back at her adoringly, the weight of the magical irises in his sockets speaking volumes that even a loquacious monster like himself never could. They spoke of a love without quarter, without ending and without reproach, his thumb stroking the small of her back through her jacket and his smile soft and sincere.

“heh... i haven't even gotten started, sweetness~” he promised quietly, leaning in to bump his forehead against hers with frank affection (and wishing dearly that they weren't in the middle of a grocery store right now so he could tell her exactly how much she meant to him, and kiss her just how he wanted to), before reluctantly pulling away, resolutely ignoring the disapproving stares he was getting from a group of elderly humans, and once again leading the way towards the Valentine's aisle.

“so where'd this 'valentine's day' come from anyway. can't just be all flowers and candy, right?” he queried as they walked, weaving in and out of the crowd with his fingers laced between his lover's inescapably. Monsters didn't have a holiday akin to it; every day was one dedicated to the love that mates shared, among their kind, and the strangeness of needing to have a single day devoted to expressing it was beyond many monsters' understanding.

Frisk, readjusting her grasp on the packages of meat and vegetables that they had gathered as she walked, wracked her brain for trivia related to the day, scrunching her nose and turning her gaze to the linoleum tiled floor as they rounded the corner into the Valentine's section. The place looked like a war zone, many of the shelves disordered from the comings and goings of many thoughtless shoppers (one poor employee was attempting to put it all back into order while, in her wake, a gaggle of children and their very tired looking mother were making a mess of it once again), and the pair came to a stop beside the chocolates, everything from boxes the size of a small child to packages containing maybe four pieces of very inexpensive candy arrayed across the shelves.

“No no. It was, uh... a long time ago, a man named Saint Valentine used to go behind the Roman Empire's back to marry people who weren't allowed to be wedded. I think. I'm pretty sure he was executed for it, and was preserved as a martyr because of it. Over time, the date of the feast in his honor has become a day to exchange gifts between-” she began to explain the best that she could, honestly just as perplexed by the day as most monsters were, before Sans, with a muted cry of surprise, shook his hand out of hers to seize a box of chocolate with a cartoon shark on the front, his sockets wide and practically sparkling with mirth.

“whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone. what the hell are these?” he exclaimed with excitement, showing her the box as though it were a priceless treasure, and Frisk, her brows beetling over her eyes, reached out to take the box from him, looking over the front and back quizzically. It was just a normal box of store-brand candy, usually meant to be exchanged between kids at school...

“Little boxes of choc...” she began to say, flipping the box back over to look at the front again, and only then took in what was written on the front, typed out in large letters across a heart that the shark had taken a bite out of.

'I chews you.'

“Oh no. Sans, don't-”

It was already too late. The maniacally grinning skeleton monster had set the bottle of wine and various dairy products he had been carrying down on an empty shelf so he could snatch up several more of the boxes, hurrying back to show her the ridiculous and saccharine puns that had been printed onto each and every one of them.

“look babe, look- you're berry sweet, heheheh,” he guffawed, chortling with glee over the anime-eyed strawberry and it's joke, before putting it aside and showing her his other treasures, stacking them in her hand like a ridiculous Jenga tower. “bee-utiful. the apple of my eye. the star of the show. stinkin' gorgeous. stars, there's a million of these, this is great!””

She hadn't seen him this happy since he'd gotten her with updog. She could only sigh and shake her head, watching with a soft smile as her pun-loving mate searched among the already pillaged shelves for more cheap jokes, attracting the gazes of everyone in the aisle and not giving a damn. He emerged victorious after another few moments, shuffling back to her with his arms full of boxes, baggies, and little plush toys, his sockets gleaming with utter joy.

“and here i thought april fool's was the best holiday... this is amazing. go get a basket honey, i gotta get some of this stuff,” he gushed, his cheekbones flushed a dusty blue with his happiness, and Frisk let out a soft chuckle, nodding indulgently and, standing on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his broad smile before doing as she had been bidden.

“You're so ridiculous... I love you so much.”

#fransweek #day 7 #valentines day #frans #short and sweet #puns too lol #i work at a grocery store #and i couldn't get this out of my head

[besanii]

shattered mirrors 73

[ set after #69 ]

He’s stumbling forward before he even realises he’s moving, knocking into the low desk with his foot and almost falling over if not for Lan Wangji’s steady hand around his elbow. His limbs feel like lead and his body moves as though wading upstream against a rushing river. His ears are ringing, his vision spotting at the edges, but through all of that he sees the person before him.

“A-Xian.” A sob bubbles up inside his throat at the sound of his name in her voice. “A-Xian.”

She too is stumbling towards him, arms outstretched and tears in her eyes. He wants desperately to fall into her arms, to bury himself in her embrace and let her warmth wrap around him and wash away the horrors of the last fourteen years. Pretend as though he is still Wei Ying, the ward of Yunmeng, her brother in all but name and blood, the little boy who had grown up as her second shadow.

Instead, he sinks to his knees at her feet and presses his forehead to the floor. Lan Wangji follows him to the floor, hovering protectively around him

“Your guilty subject pays respects to Gongzhu-dianxia,” he says. “I humbly beg Dianxia’s forgiveness for failing my duty to Yunmeng Jiang.”

There. He’s said it. The words that had been eating away at him all these years, the constant shadow of guilt lingering in the corner of his mind. His family had been tasked with the protection of Yunmeng and its royal family, it had been their job to gather intelligence and wield it in their defence.

He’d failed. And Yunmeng had fallen.

A strangled noise leaves Jiang Yanli’s throat.

“A-Xian, no,” she says. “No, A-Xian, there is nothing to forgive. Please, get up—”

She reaches for his hands, tugging at them to make him stand, but he remains resolutely prostrate.

“Gongzhu-dianxia, this guilty subject does not dare.”

Her hands tighten around his almost painfully for a moment before she sighs, her whole body sagging with the movement.

“You did everything you could,” she tells him. When he goes to deny it, she squeezes his hand again. “Look at me.” He reluctantly raises his head and sees her looking back at him with a tremble in the firm line of her mouth. “A-Xian, I would be dead—or perhaps worse—if not for you. You saved me.”

He presses his lips together in a hard line, his breath heavy through his nose as he struggles to keep the tears at bay.

“I could have done more,” he whispers. “I could have—”

“You did everything you could,” she repeats firmly. “A-Xian, there was nothing more you could have done. Not under those circumstances.”

A raw, wounded noise tears itself from his throat, through his tightly closed lips.

“I should have realised the reports were false,” he argues, hands twisting in the fabric of his robes. “I should have verified them personally, I—”

She takes his face between her hands, shocking him into silence.

There are new lines on her face, around her eyes and mouth, that hadn’t been there before; she’s older, he realises, and has had to fend for herself for many years. The Jiang Yanli before him now glows with health and vigour, dressed in the thick, coarse garments of the northern border tribes rather than the silks of the capital—a far cry from the sheltered princess from Yunmeng she had been in their youth. Her hands, still so small against his cheek, are rough and callused from hard labour.

“A-Xian, you did everything you could,” she repeats firmly. “It is in the past. Do not blame yourself any longer. Alright?”

He closes his eyes with a shuddering sigh.

And then he’s falling forward into Jiang Yanli’s waiting arms with an aborted cry, clutching at the back of her heavy cloak desperately. Her scent is different—the lotus blossoms replaced by something earthier and less floral—and the arms she wraps around him are stronger, the hug firmer than what he remembers. But the way her fingers run through his hair, the warmth of her body, the way she envelopes him in her embrace despite the difference in stature—there is no mistaking it. He would know it anywhere.

“Jiejie.” He’s repeating himself, over and over again, the way he has not done since they were children and it was still allowed. This is not a dream. “Jiejie, jiejie, jiejie—”

“A-Xian.” Jiang Yanli laughs, her voice thick with tears. “Oh, A-Xian, I’m so glad you’re alive. I’ve missed you so.”

He’s missed her too. There are no words to describe how much he’s missed her. So he just holds her tighter, buries his face in her shoulder as they sink to their knees in the middle of the study floor. He’s dimly aware of movement around them—the servants, perhaps, or Lan Wangji, stepping away to give them some privacy—but he doesn’t acknowledge them, overwhelmed by the fact that Jiang Yanli is here, in his arms, safe and sound after so many years.

“Fourteen years…” She pulls away, running her hands over his hair and face as she does, drinking in the sight of him. “A-Xian, you’ve lost weight.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “I’m alright. Don’t worry about me.” He leans into the hand resting on his cheek. “You look good, Jiejie. You haven’t changed at all.”

It’s her turn to shake her head, falling so easily into their familiar banter as she admonishes him for lying.

“Nonsense. Look at me.” She sits back on her heels and raises her arms to show off the travel-worn garb beneath her heavy cloak. “I’m just a humble farmer’s wife now.”

At the word ‘wife’, Wei Wuxian is suddenly reminded they are not alone. His attention is drawn to the doorway where Jin Zixuan stands with his arm around a boy of no more than ten. Gone are the fine, embroidered silks and gilded jewels signature to the Crown Prince of Lanling. Instead, both are dressed in the same thick, northern-style robes as Jiang Yanli, both with the same broad shoulders, sun-kissed skin and matching vermilion marks between their brows. Jin Zixuan offers him a nod when their eyes meet.

“Wei Wuxian, it’s been a while.” After a moment, he hastily corrects himself and bows. “My apologies, I did not mean any disrespect. Jin Zixuan greets Hanguang-wangye, Hanguang-wangfei.”

“Taizi—Jin-gongzi.” Wei Wuxian corrects himself quickly, returning his greeting with a short bow. “There is no need for such formality. It is good to see you all well.”

He is surprised to find he means it sincerely; there was no such goodwill the last time they had crossed paths, young and foolhardy as they were. But those days are long past. Gone is the spoilt young prince who had spurned the woman he regarded as a sister, buried beneath the cold ashes of a war that took everything from them in one fell swoop. This Jin Zixuan is a husband, a father, who had done the unthinkable—renouncing his claim to the throne of Lanling to search for Jiang Yanli without knowing whether or not she was even alive—and had been rewarded for his devotion.

Jiang Cheng, ah, Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian thinks. I think even you would hold a bit of respect for him now.

Jin Zixuan’s eyes shift to Lan Wangji, standing silently behind Wei Wuxian, and offers a deeper bow, which Lan Wangji returns with an incline of his head. Jiang Yanli follows suit from where she is still on her knees with Wei Wuxian, bowing low at the waist.

“Jiang Yanli greets Hanguang-wangye, Hanguang-wangfei,” she echoes. “Thank you for taking care of A-Xian. Yunmeng owes you a great debt.”

Before either of them can react to dispute her claim, she turns to beckon the boy—her son, Wei Wuxian’s heart leaps with realisation—closer with one hand, dabbing at her eyes with the sleeve of the other. She draws the boy closer, turns him to face both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji with a warm smile and a comforting hand on his back. The boy looks up at them with something akin to awe in his eyes.

“A-Ling, come and pay respects to Wangye and Wangfei,” she tells him. “They are our family’s benefactors. Without their help, we would not be here today, so we must repay this debt however we can.”

“Yes, A-Niang.” Jin Ling steps away from his mother, squaring his little shoulders in a way that reminds Wei Wuxian of his father when they had first met, trying to put on an air of importance despite his small stature; he clasps his fingers in front of his chest and performs a textbook-perfect bow from the waist. “Jin Ling pays respects to Hanguang-wangye, Hanguang-wangfei.”

Wei Wuxian looks back at Lan Wangji, helpless in the face of their collective insistence, and sees the corner of Lan Wangji’s lips twitch. He sighs in defeat.

“Jin-xiao-gongzi,” he says, struggling to keep his voice steady. “Your mother’s family took me in when my parents passed, kept the roof over my head and the clothes on my back. Without them, I would not be here today. Whatever debt there is between us, let us wipe the slate clean now and start anew.”

He sees Lan Wangji incline his head in agreement, eyes soft as he holds out a hand to help him to his feet. His arm is warm and steady around his waist, his hand firm in his, holding him upright as he works to calm the storm of emotions warring within his chest. Finally, he gives the hand in his a brief squeeze and turns back to their guests with a bright smile.

“Now, let’s dispense with all this formality,” he says. “You must be tired from your journey—you must stay with us, here in Hanguang Manor. In fact, I insist upon it.”

Jiang Yanli exchanges a quick look with her husband.

“We do not wish to—” Wei Wuxian clears his throat pointedly, and Jiang Yanli falters mid-sentence, pauses and acquiesces with an amused sigh. “Then it would be impolite of us to decline such a generous offer.”

--

Translations

Gongzhu-dianxia (公主殿下) - Your Highness, the Princess

wangfei (王妃) - consort to the Duke, his legitimate wife/spouse

--

Notes

Approximately a billion years later!!!!

WWX called JYL jiejie as a child, before they got older and it was inappropriate to do so, after which he sometimes called her shijie in private, but mostly addressed her as Gongzhu-dianxia in public.

Any errors or inconsistencies will...be addressed at some point. It’s been a while and I need to revisit some things to remind myself what’s happened >_>

--

buy me a ko-fi!

more shattered mirrors fic | verse

#mdzs #wangxian #my writing #shattered mirrors fic #shattered mirrors au #lan wangji #wei wuxian #王爷机 X 花魁羡 #jiang yanli #jin zixuan #jin ling #🥢 #wei wuxian arc #this got long #and i gave up trying to make it coherent #my brain is not working after the second pfizer dose

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Gavin’s Long Journey Date

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 长旅之约, which has not been released in EN! 🍒

[ This date was released on 8 July 2021 ]

Deers rest peacefully beside me, and birds caw from the branches.

All of a sudden, a rustling sound of flapping wings disrupts the peace in the forest.

Smiling subconsciously while tilting my head upwards, a gigantic griffin descends from the sky.

MC: Welcome back, Griffy! Have you been eating and sleeping well?

I walk up to it, burying my face in the griffin’s fluffy chest fur, letting out a happy sigh.

??: You’re only welcoming it?

The voice I’m most familiar with drifts from the griffin’s back. After that, a figure leaps down smoothly.

MC: Gavin, welcome home!

With a turn of my face, I smile while giving him a wave.

Gavin is wearing simple and informal clothes. However, the extraordinary way he carries himself and the exquisite crown on his forehead could only belong to a prince.

He bows before me in a teasing manner, handing me a small bag. Even without opening it, I can smell the fragrance of pastries.

Gavin: Goddess of Nature, I bring you this round of offerings. But stop sharing them with these animals. They’ve put on weight again.

MC: They’re only cute when they’re round and plump.

I retort, unconvinced. Even so, I pinch the squirrel on my shoulder, placing it back onto the tree.

MC: I have also mentioned that you don’t have to bring me any offerings. The person who made the agreement with me was your mother, and I've already accepted sufficient offerings from her.

Despite what I said, I open the little bag that Gavin gave me, grinning while taking out the pastries.

As a deity, I’m basically adept in everything within my own forest. However, I lack the skills and abilities to bake such snacks.

As such, I’m exceptionally happy whenever he brings me such food.

While eating, I continue speaking with unclear articulation.

MC: When your mother came to the forest that year with a jewel which had been passed down from generation to generation, as well as her crown your deity father once gave her...

Gavin: With those items as offerings, she hoped that you’d become my guardian deity who would keep me safe and train me till I became a passable king.

When deities accept human offerings, they reciprocate by bestowing blessings onto humans. This way, a wonderful transactional relationship is formed.

Back then, a queen had brought her son of around fourteen or fifteen years of age to my forest.

That elegant and dignified lady was smiling, but there was faint worry in her eyes.

She told me that her days were numbered, and that she wouldn’t be able to watch her son grow up.

The child’s father was a high-ranking deity who was busy maintaining the earth's order and rarely showed himself.

As such, she gave me offerings, hoping that I'd become her son’s guardian deity, and to protect this small prince.

Gavin does a stretch, then removes the saddle on Griffy.

Gavin: You’ve said it many times, and I remember it all. 

Gavin: Instead of these things, why don’t you eat quickly? I specially bought the basket which just came out from the stove, then rushed Griffy over. The pastries won’t taste good if they get cold.

Gavin draws out his tone, but a smile remains on his lips.

I turn my head towards Gavin, who is helping me manage the medicinal plants with a practised hand. I can’t help but ponder softly in my heart.

This person doesn’t let me protect him much...

Although this half deity obtained the added protection from the Goddess of Nature, he has never asked for assistance aside from guidance.

He has always strived for the things he wanted, and would persist through failure until he reaches his goal.

Later on, this prince who excels in both learning and military skills, and can even control wind, is the one who helps me out.

He always brings me all sorts of human food and small trinkets, calling them offerings.

Gavin: Why are the medicinal plants here turning bare again... did I water them too much?

I can’t help but laugh secretly while walking over to his side. Holding up those medicinal plants, I restore them to life.

Till this day, he only lets me help him in this area.

I think about how despite not having been coronated king, Gavin has long since been able to run a country.

As a guardian deity, I haven’t neglected my duties, have I?

MC: Come to think of it... Gavin, why haven’t you held a coronation ceremony?

Gavin pauses in his movements.

Gavin: Do you want me to become king?

MC: Of course.

Gavin: But if I become king, it means that you’d no longer be my guardian deity.

MC: That... is correct.

Gavin averts his line of sight, and he doesn’t seem to be in a good mood.

This seems to be the case every time I broach this topic with him.

Clearing my throat, I attempt to change the topic to break the awkward atmosphere.

MC: Oh yes, how many days will you be staying this time?

Gavin doesn’t respond. As though he has finally made a certain decision, he sighs deeply and lifts his head, meeting my eyes directly.

Gavin: The reason why I came this time is because there’s something important I needed to tell you. I’ve decided to succeed to the throne.

The overly abrupt news leaves me dumbfounded on the spot.

Gavin doesn’t elaborate further, and continues.

Gavin: Before that, I intend to follow the ancient text and collect the rumoured offerings that deities cannot refuse. That will allow a strong deity to become my new guardian deity, to protect me, and to protect this country.

Hearing his resolute words, my heart feels slightly upset.

Although completing my agreement is a good thing, why does my heart feel empty?

He even said he was going to find a new guardian deity...

I blink a few times, unable to comprehend the feelings churning in my heart.

Gavin: But right now, you’re my guardian deity. Which is why I hope you can accompany me on this journey. Is that okay?

Gavin looks straight at me, his eyes as transparently clear as a cloudless amber sky.

Facing such a him, I can only nod.

-

Despite not yet rationalising my emotions, I reluctantly embark on this journey with him.

The first stop of this journey is the forest in which fairies live.

Looking at the first treasure recorded in the ancient text, I heave a long sigh.

MC: A crystal which can counteract all sorts of curses. It only grows at the tip of the World Tree...

Gavin: What’s wrong? Deities don’t like it?

MC: It’s the opposite. No deities have refused such an offering. To be honest, even I want it. But...

I lift my head. Looking at the giant tree which plunges into the sky, I have a bad feeling.

MC: You have to know that even though I’m a deity, I was born from nature, and the source of my strength comes from the forest and the land. Which also means...

I’m not good at flying.

Likely hearing the implication of my words, Gavin doesn’t hold back, chuckling softly.

MC: Gavin! Don’t laugh! At that height, even a griffin would have difficulties flying up there. Furthermore, people are good at different-

Gavin: Get on.

Gavin leaps onto the griffin, lowering his head to look at me.

The griffin releases an excited caw, its wings flapping up and down.

Faint morning light caresses the side of his face, the gorgeous rosy glow wilfully painting the azure sky.

His hair and indigo cloak roll up with the air currents, the crown on his head reflecting arc lights.

And on his face, there’s a heroic valiance even clearer and more radiant than any jewel.

For a moment, I’m left slightly dazed.

As compared to any other moment, I can clearly sense that he is no longer that little child who had his brows tightly furrowed back then.

The person before me has shed off his childishness, is sufficiently intelligent, and sufficiently mature - a person who is about to become a young king.

I always knew that he was someone worth having faith in.

But there seems to be something else in his eyes that causes my heartbeat to accelerate uncontrollably.

Likely seeing that I haven’t moved in a long time, Gavin leans over, pulling me in front of him steadily, his arms wrapped securely around my waist.

Gavin: Let’s go.

With this soft statement, the griffin, which had been anticipating this for a very long time, flaps its wings, soaring towards the azure sky.

At the same time, a powerful gale whizzes under Gavin’s beckoning.

Using the wind as wings, we fly very, very high.

Gavin: I wanted to take you flying like this since a very long time ago. But I wasn’t able to find a suitable chance.

His words land on my ears amidst the fluttering sound of wind - high-spirited, clear, and without restraint.

I can hear the throbbing of my own heart, reminiscent of the bits of feathers in the air, drifting along with the breeze.

With Gavin around, Griffy doesn’t have to exert much effort, landing at the crown of the World Tree.

There is a rich display of light and colours on the dense and green treetop. Amidst the various lights, a cluster of dazzling crystals emit a tender and dream-like colour.

Gavin: Looks like this is it.

He plucks a crystal deftly, storing it in the travelling bag he carried along.

Seizing this chance, I take several deep breaths to calm the inexplicable throbbing in my chest.

MC: Since we’ve successfully obtained the first item, are we heading to the next destination? Or are we resting here for the night?

Gavin: We’ll set off straightaway. But give me a moment.

Gavin reaches out to pluck a few smaller crystals. Using a few branches around us, he weaves a simple bracelet, then clasps it around my wrist gently.

Gavin: Since you like it, bring a few more back.

Just as he finishes speaking, a few fairies who were grinning among the leaves earlier rush out towards us.

Fairy A: Congratulations! May the fruits of the World Tree protect the two of you forever!

Fairy B: Congratulations on your marriage! I wish you two everlasting sweetness!

MC: Huh?

Watching as the fairies start to sprinkle flower petals over our heads, my face burns with a “whoosh”.

MC: [blushing] What nonsense are you saying?

The fairy grins while speaking once again.

Fairy B: Firstly, don’t the two of you play together often, and like each other more than others?

Very few humans enter my forest. Aside from the small animals, the only one who visits me frequently, chats with me, and has fun with me is Gavin.

As compared to those small animals which aren’t able to talk or bring me snacks, it’s true that I like Gavin a little more.

With this thought in mind, I nod.

At the side, Gavin nods too. But for some reason, the tips of his ears are slightly red.

Fairy A: Secondly, didn’t the two of you make a unique agreement with each other?

Not knowing where this is heading, I nod again. After all, I’m Gavin’s guardian deity.

At the side, Gavin does a similar action.

Fairy A: Lastly, he made a bracelet for you using the crystals of the World Tree, then put it on for you personally. Doesn’t that symbolise that you’re destined for each other?

The fairy says this matter-of-factly, and the surrounding fairies agree in succession.

MC: Wait wait wait wait, this is a misunderstanding! We’re...

The words are at my lips, but I pause.

It seems that I’ve never considered how to define my relationship with Gavin.

I’m his guardian deity, but I can vaguely sense that it goes further than that.

In the end, Gavin takes half a step forward, blocking me from the celebrating fairies.

Gavin: That’s just the tradition of fairies. Humans and deities don’t have such rules. She’s a guardian deity belonging only to me.

-

The heating stove is bright red, and the sound of forging is unceasing.

??: Drink quickly, drink quickly! There are many more barrels!

The dizzying fragrance of alcohol permeates the air. Even if it’s dispelled by the breeze, it lingers for a long time.

??: You’ll only enjoy yourself to the fullest by accompanying it with the best quality cheese! Want a chunk of smoked meat too?

The bustling marketplace is rife with people hawking their wares, cheese, smoked meat, fruits and perfume. The dazzling lineup leaves one overwhelmed.

??: I didn’t expect that humans could drink as well as us! Not bad!

??: After all, he’s a half deity!

A circular table is in the middle of the lively marketplace, surrounded by dwarves who are adept in iron casting.

Aromatic mead courses through the crevices of the crowd and the small path, being sent to the table in a continuous stream.

MC: Gavin, are you sure you can still drink?

This is the first time I’m seeing Gavin drink this much. He wobbles a little while standing beside the table. Fortunately, his eyes are still sober and clear.

Gavin: I’m fine. 

Gavin: [to the dwarves] We agreed that as long as I can outdrink all of you, you’d give the rarest treasure of the dwarves to me - a golden belt praised by all the deities.

Dwarf A: We never lie!

Dwarf B: Goddess, try some! 

Before I can refuse politely, Gavin has already pulled over the wine cup offered to me, drinking it in one mouthful.

Gavin: I’m the one competing against all of you.

Whether it’s due to the mead or the nearby heating stove, my face grows slightly warm.

Another barrel of mead is finished, and the alcohol-loving dwarves at the table have already collapsed.

Gavin presses the wooden wine cup onto the table heavily. Arching a brow, he raises his volume slightly.

Gavin: You’ve lost.

Dwarf A: Fine, you win! The belt belongs to you! But...!

The dwarf stands up wobbly and burps. In front of Gavin, he pats his own chest.

Dwarf A: There’s... there’s something even more... important that I must do! Axe! I want to make an axe - the best axe - and give it to my beloved lady!

While saying this, he runs and staggers towards the forging stove. The dwarves in the surroundings cheer him on and whistle.

MC: What’s happening this time...

The dwarf is inebriated, but his limbs remain deft. He holds up a hammer and picks a chunk of steel which has been scorched red. Then, he begins hammering it with clanking sounds.

Dwarf A: Half Deity! Come here!

Dwarf B: Come and make something too!

The dwarves are rowdy, and they bring Gavin over to a forging stove, teaching him how to forge weapons.

I head over curiously. Gavin seems to think of something. He glances at me, a smile surfacing on his lips.

Then, he holds up a chunk of mithril and gives it a detailed look, as though visualising the shape he wants to carve it into.

After a while, Gavin picks up the iron hammer, hammering in a decisive manner.

Sparks dance in the air, and the flames from the stove are exuberant. The clamour and sounds of hammering are incessant, bringing the celebration of the marketplace to a climax.

Dwarf A: Done!

Cheers erupt from amongst the crowd. That drunk dwarf raises the axe he had forged, then runs towards a small stall in the marketplace.

Dwarf A: This axe is for you, my beautiful woman! Please marry me!

Even from across the marketplace, the loud voice of the dwarf drifts over clearly.

Dwarf B: Hahahaha! Not bad!

The dwarf at the side chuckles so hard that he isn’t able to straighten up. He takes several deep breaths to calm himself down, then turns around to speak to Gavin.

Dwarf B: Half Deity Lad, you too. Your skills are pretty good for a beginner! If you have a beloved lady, don’t hesitate. Just propose directly!

At the other side of the marketplace, the proposal succeeds. A brand new celebration and banquet has already begun.

I don’t bother about the joy which is about to drown us. I simply look at Gavin.

Perhaps he’s drunk a little too much. Right now, he’s staring fixedly at the short staff he forged, a look of contemplation on his face.

What the dwarf said earlier echos in my ears, akin to a mystical magic spell.

Looking at Gavin, I find myself wondering if he’d give that short staff to me.

Would he smile while looking straight into my eyes, or would he avert his gaze in embarrassment?

I’m left dumbfounded by these inexplicable thoughts.

Perhaps I’ve also drunk a little too much.

-

Early the second day, we bid farewell to the dwarves, preparing to continue the journey.

MC: I didn’t think we’d witness a wedding. It’s a pity that we couldn’t hear more about how they met and got to know each other.

Gavin: Mm. I’m also really curious.

MC: It’s rare to see you interested in such topics.

Gavin: After all, meetings are special things to me. Meetings and keeping each other company are very beautiful things.

Gavin’s tone is gentle, as though he’s recollecting his most treasured memories. Pale gold sunlight illuminates his eyes, which are even more dazzling than the most expensive jewels.

In this short trance, a fleeting yet unrealistic thought burrows into my mind without notice.

I shake my head forcefully, and decide to say something to distract myself.

My gaze quickly sweeps around the surroundings, then locks on a target.

MC: Gavin, do you still remember how we met Griffy?

As though he didn’t expect my sudden question, Gavin blinks a few times, then strokes the grown-up Griffy, chuckling as he speaks.

Gavin: Of course I remember.

Gavin: Back then, my mother had already passed on for a few years. And that deity father never appeared. 

Gavin: Perhaps because of those things, I had a pretty bad attitude towards you during that time. Sorry.

Till this day, I can still remember that period of time.

His amber eyes, which always sparkle and shine, were dyed with a heavy grey. Even his hair, which always sticks up, had drooped listlessly.

But it’s precisely because I was always by his side that I understood the heartbreak and struggles he faced during that period of time.

And I rejoiced that at the very least, I was there to keep him company.

I walk towards him, reaching out to tousle his hair. Gavin leans down and comes slightly closer to me, a peaceful smile on his face.

Gavin: In short, I came to the forest one day.

Gavin: It was raining that day. I walked to the vicinity of your small house, and discovered that you were taking care of a small, stray griffin which had wandered here from somewhere.

Gavin: You’re a goddess, but you didn’t care about yourself, and only cared about shielding the griffin from the rain.

Gavin: You treated its wounds and fed it, while getting drenched by the rain yourself.

Along with his depiction, memories surge into my heart, and they are dyed with a hazy colour of rain.

MC: I recall how you shielded me from the rain with a large leaf. Back then, I was thinking about how rare it was to see such gentle moments from you.

Gavin: Since then, I...

Gavin’s voice grows softer and softer. He turns his face away a little unnaturally.

MC: Since then?

Gavin ignores my question. He simply clears his throat and hands me something.

Gavin: MC, this is for you.

Accepting it subconsciously, the cold and smooth texture of metal causes me to hold my breath.

It’s the short staff he had personally forged yesterday.

His emblem is carved on the body of the staff, and a quality gem is mounted at the tip.

MC: This is...

Before I can say anything, Gavin hurriedly explains.

Gavin: I’m a human, so I don’t follow the traditions of dwarves. In the culture of humans, giving a handmade gift to someone is a form of etiquette to express gratitude. So... this is a thank you gift. Thank you for teaching me so much, and for taking such good care of me.

MC: I... I see!

Gavin speaks calmly and appears utterly composed.

Accepting the short staff, I turn around to pack my items. Recalling the image that surfaced in my mind earlier, my face burns again.

Clearing my throat, I ask Gavin a question tentatively.

MC: Gavin, according to your customs, what would you give to your bride?

Gavin: I’d craft a ring personally.

While saying this, he takes my travelling bag and fixes it onto Griffy’s back. Then, he picks up the ancient text to confirm our next destination.

MC: When that time comes, I’ll definitely pluck the most beautiful flowers in the forest and make a wedding bouquet for your bride.

Holding a wedding and having a partner - these are things worthy to be happy about.

But when I said this, I found that I couldn’t bring myself to smile.

It’s as though my heart is drowned in deep water. It feels acrid, and there’s also a tightening in my chest.

I’ve lived for a very long time on this land, witnessed the construction and destruction of many kingdoms, and experienced battles and peace since the ancient times till today.

Yet, I’m unable to understand the feelings I’m currently experiencing, and what they signify.

-

After that, we head to many other places together.

We cross the dessert, fly over the ocean, scale the highest mountain peak, and head to the deepest abyss.

We dance in a sea of flowers along with the odes of travelling bards, and bargain with a gigantic, greedy dragon.

The treasures in the travelling bag increase in number. Every treasure obtained makes it increasingly clearer that this dream-like journey is about to come to an end.

On an unknown empty island, Gavin and I sit side by side on the shore, watching as the waves at our feet lap against the rocks.

Looking at the pearl head ornament Gavin just gave me, my voice comes out hoarser than expected.

MC: What will you do once you become king?

Gavin: Quite a number of races are interested in humans. Perhaps I could try broadening trade. I also have to revolutionise the senate.

He talks about his responsibilities earnestly - from commerce to ruling the country, from art to food.

Gavin’s dead seriousness tickles me to laughter.

I console myself with the thought that even after he becomes king and I’m no longer his guardian deity, our relationship wouldn’t change that much. 

Gavin suddenly stops mid-speech, as though deliberating something.

I turn my head, only to see the reddened tips of his ears.

Gavin: Also... I want to marry the lady I like and make her my queen. This way, I can always be with her.

Gavin looks afar off, his gaze gentle, as though he can see his desired future.

For some reason, I want to rush towards that future with him.

And I suddenly realise what that acrid feeling twirling around in my heart is.

Without realising it, my feelings for Gavin have been intertwined and encased by a sense of possessiveness.

I don’t want him to have another guardian deity, nor do I want him to give these treasures we’ve collected together to another deity.

Most of all, I don’t want him to put a personally crafted ring on the finger of another lady.

The sea breeze rolls up tiny, light blue flowers on the beach. They dance in the air, floating towards the ocean.

At this moment, all the clamorous emotions and feelings quieten down, and are crowned a name and definition -

All of this is called “liking”.

-

The journey is about to end.

Griffy returns us to the ground.

Looking at my forest and at my little courtyard, I feel as though everything happened a lifetime ago.

Gavin: It’s nice to be home.

Gavin retrieves the travelling bag, then pats the fence at the door.

Gavin: Wait. Why do the medicinal plants look even healthier than before I left...

I tug onto Gavin before he can check on the medicinal plants.

MC: The journey has already ended, and you’ve collected sufficient treasures. Are you going to succeed to the throne after this? Looks like my agreement with your mother has been fulfilled.

Gavin: That’s right. But aren’t you going to let me rest at your place and have a drink of water?

MC: You have quite a number of things to handle after this. These treasures need to be offered to the deity. And you also have to... marry the lady you like. You should take action quickly and settle these things at one go!

I give him a stern expression, trying to conceal the childish impetuousness in my heart.

Gavin: Do you think the deity will really like these?

Gavin doesn’t leave. He stands in place, his words bringing with them a smile.

Looking at the full and bulging travelling bag, I feel tremendously envious.

MC: Of course. Who was the one who picked them with you? All right, go and offer them to your new deity. Who are you looking for? I could put in a good word for you so he or she would give you a little more blessings.

My voice grows softer and softer, and my gaze flits around.

Gavin: If she’ll like them, I can put my mind at ease. 

Gavin speaks softly, but doesn’t respond to my question. He takes the travelling bag, placing the treasures we’ve collected on the grass before me.

The crystal from the top of the World Tree, the golden belt crafted by the dwarves, the unwilting flower from the deepest part of the desert, the coral from the deepest oceanic trench...

Aside from the recorded treasures, there’s also cheese from the dwarves’ marketplace, a headscarf from sea nymphs, sun-dried jerky from the giants, and other miscellaneous items.

These items were brought along with Gavin because I liked them.

After setting down the last item, he takes half a step back.

Then, he gets down on one knee, tilting his head upwards to look at me.

Gavin: Goddess of Nature, I give you all of these offerings. Please bestow blessings upon me, protect my country, and crown me.

Gavin: And please make a long-lasting agreement with me, to become my queen, and to keep me company.

Gavin: Till death do us part.

Gavin looks at me, his sentiments and tenderness condensing into honey coloured amber.

Sunlight filters through the leaves, landing on his face like a kiss, making his eyes bright and glittering.

MC: [blushing] I...

Before I can respond, Griffy caws happily, giving me a nudge from behind, causing me to fall into Gavin’s arms.

MC: [blushing] Griffy! I didn’t raise you to be this big so you could do that!

I grumble, pretending to be stern. Then, I close my eyes defeatedly, burying my head in Gavin’s arms, not wanting him to have a clear view of my blushing face.

Gavin’s soft chuckle and his breaths land on my ears, akin to the first tender breeze in early summer.

Gavin: I used to worry that the reason for our interactions was due to that prior agreement. 

Gavin: Once the agreement ended, you would no longer have a connection to me. 

Gavin: I was troubled by this for a while, and also tried to delay that day from arriving. 

Gavin: But one day, I made a decision. 

Gavin: Instead of holding on to that past agreement, why don’t I make a new vow instead.

Gavin tilts his chin towards those treasures.

Gavin: But I don’t want you to simply be a goddess who responds to my prayers.

Gavin: This journey was meant for you to understand that my feelings for you aren’t simply the dependence humans have towards their guardian deities.

Gavin: I just don’t know how effective it was...

Gavins speaks, averting his gaze.

Recalling the hints and occasional bashfulness during the journey, I finally understand everything, and my face turns incomparably red.

MC: [blushing] Right from the beginning, you already...

Gavin coughs softly.

Gavin: So, are you willing?

Watching as his eyes draw increasingly nearer to me, it’s as though a pot of honey has been overturned in my heart, and all the flowers seem to be blooming at the same time.

I lift my hand.

MC: I’m the deity who controls the land, forests, and all the animals.

MC: I hereby make an agreement with you-

The forest seems to respond to my words. Birds outstretch their wings, trees rustle, and the land releases a faint humming sound.

Light flickers at my fingertips, akin to a sprouting bud as it flows and spreads over Gavin’s crown.

MC: I will always protect your kingdom. May your land be forever fertile, and may your kingdom forever be peaceful.

My power weaves my words into an unbreakable vow between us.

As a goddess, these are the strongest blessings I can give to him.

With a small smile, I continue speaking. Softly, I give him the blessings from me as MC, and also my response.

MC: I will also share my life with you, and my power.

MC: I will accompany you for a long time, until the destruction of the earth.

A light blooms, encasing us within it.

Gavin doesn’t speak, and simply looks at me.

I recall the day we saw the sea together, and recall the fluttering light blue petals, and the gaze he had when he stared afar off.

I’m guessing that his gaze has finally found a dwelling place.

The rays of light around us gradually recede, and the vow is established.

This isn’t a lengthy ceremony, nor does it involve complicated steps.

But we have cast a connection different from before - one which is unique in the world.

Having used my powers, I lean into Gavin’s arms, looking at the same sky together.

MC: Aren’t you going to say something?

Gavin: Erm... you really looked like a goddess earlier.

There doesn’t seem to be a change in or relationship. However, there’s a certain sweetness in our dialogue.

MC: I am a goddess! Wait, that’s not what I was referring to. May I invite Your Majesty, who has obtained the goddess’ blessings through his own strength, share his thoughts with us?

Gavin pretends to ponder over this seriously.

Gavin: I just remembered that there’s one thing I haven’t done. I plan to make another trip to the dwarves’ nation.

MC: Did you forget something?

Gavin pulls me up, and we stand together. He pats Griffy, getting it ready to set out.

Gavin: I mentioned before that I’d personally craft a ring for my queen.

Gavin: You also promised that you’d pluck the most beautiful flowers in the forest to make a wedding bouquet.

Gavin: I look forward to seeing it when I return.

🐦 MOMENTS 🐦

Gavin’s Post: If griffins really existed, they'd probably feel quite nice.

MC: Would a griffin’s fur feel like a bird’s or a lion’s?

Gavin: ...I have never thought about this question.

-

Gavin’s Post: If griffins really existed, they'd probably feel quite nice.

MC: If only we could rear one!

Gavin: We might need a larger courtyard to let it build a nest.

-

Gavin’s Post: If griffins really existed, they'd probably feel quite nice.

MC: I really want to bury my face in it...

Gavin: Even though we don’t have a griffin, we could ask Flyer if its willing.

🐦 Calls: First ll Second

🐦 Support the cafe by dropping by the tip jar!

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc gavin #feedback on whether keeping the text un-italicised is better on the eyes will be much appreciated!

[leilani-and-kass]

So I've been having some... thoughts lately, and they'll be posted under a "Read More" thing because I have a feeling this is going to get a little lengthy. For those of you I talk to on Discord, this is nothing new to you. I've discussed it at length. I'm posting this more for the benefit of those I don't talk to on Discord.

Don't worry, it's nothing bad or anything!! And tl;dr: the blog's not going anywhere. I've just had some stuff on my mind.

A lot of people who know me well enough know how I feel about my art and all that, but something that's been on my mind for the past two years or so is the question of whether or not my ask blog has been holding me back from improving as an artist. And I think after thinking on it, the answer is... kinda yes and kinda no. Like on one hand, I know I've improved from when I started this blog. That's obvious, like go at how badly I used to draw Kass and laugh at it.

But on the other hand, I think there's only so much you can do to improve when you're focusing on drawing the same thing all the time, and I feel like lately... especially lately... my art has been extremely stagnant. Not bad, just kinda same-y. And I know it's awful of me, but I look around on Discord servers and see so many other people improve practically at light speed, and I won't lie, I can't help feeling rather envious. One thing they all have in common? They're not only drawing for ask blogs.

Don't get me wrong. I love drawing for this blog, but I also love improving and the satisfaction that comes from it, and I think I'm getting to the point where I can't have my cake and eat it too in that regard sadly. SO maybe it's time to start taking a page from their book and start spending a little less time drawing for this blog and a little more time drawing... well, literally anything else. Practicing fundamentals, drawing other people's characters besides my own more, fusions, or hell even drawing non-Pokemon content. I feel like at this point, that's the only way my art's going to see any real, significant improvement.

My conundrum has always been that I also don't like feeling left out, feeling like I have nothing to show or talk about because I'm stuck in the corner drawing practice stuff you'd learn in an art class while everybody else gets to have fun talking about their characters and plots and stuff. I mean, who wants to see me draw that weird boxy mannequin thing like 5000 times to learn how to draw humans when I could be drawing my seal, right? That is why this blog is not going on hiatus. But content probably will be a bit slow for the foreseeable future, at least until I can consistently achieve that speed and technique that many of the other people I look up to have down to a science. Or at least to some extent.

For the time being, I also want any time I do work on this blog to be focused on plot, because if I can't be excited for my art right now, I can at least be excited for plot, right?. Namely I want to bring back the comic and just doing more with Kass in general because I know the poor guy's been neglected compared to Leilani. As such, with the exception of Mundays, the ask box is going to remain closed for now. I may work on asks and responses and stuff every now and then, but I think until I progress a bit more with plot, they need to be on the back burner for now. That... has to do with another, rather toxic mindset I need to work on breaking, to be honest.

And one last thing? I did make a general art blog awhile back that I've tried and failed to do something with in the past and I'm so sorry. orz But hey, third time's the charm, right?

And uhhhh that's all I really have to say. I do apologize in advance for the slower content, but it's only because I want to give all of you the best content I can, and I made it a New Years resolution to not be so negative about my art (whoops??), and maybe I gotta just... try something different to not be as negative.

#fance speaks #vent kinda?? #something that's been on my mind for the past couple years #i'm sorry to all those who have listened to me be negative about my art #orz #i want to be better about it i swear #thank you for putting up with it you know who you are

[petitfanboy]

Comprehensive and in-depth analysis of Asuka and Shinji relationship in 3.0+1.0, implications for the ending and why many youtube Eva analysis videos titles I believe are wrong. (Spoilers ahead)

Preface

It seems it was yesterday when I wrote an extended essay regarding the essential and critical relationship of Asuka and Shinji in Evangelion for the last time. However, seven years have passed. 

My idea here is to write, in general lines, about the relationship of Asuka and Shinji in the last movie and the ending and its implications in a more detailed way. I will use different analyses I have read so far besides mine, and you will find the links to all of them in the text. 

I have tried to maintain an analysis that followed the narrative plot and what I believe is closer to what the director wants to express. However, as Anno himself has said multiple times, his work may inspire different feelings in different people, so I understand where the differences might come from and, in no way, this is intended as a confrontation to other opinions and theories. 

Please, let me start with an introduction.

Introduction

While a lot has changed for me in these years, my view of A/S relationship in the whole Eva universe, including their dynamics, meaning, and canonical aspects have not changed. 

Long story short, A/S represent core aspects of the message Evangelion wants to transmit: The Hedgehog's dilemma, the fear of connecting and rejection while having a strong desire to be loved and understood, and finally, the pursuit of happiness. Asuka and Shinji are opposites on their outside and equals on their inside. A perfect match for exploring those issues.

RoE makes clear their similarities

Asuka and Shinji similarities

Evangelion arrives at a fulfilling conclusion at the end, showing us how it is possible to overcome the abovementioned problems. To depict that, it always involves resolving the different issues Asuka and Shinji have between them, becoming closer, opening to one another and, probably and eventually, staying together.

Evangelion portrays that resolution using scenes showing the exact moment of the change in A/S dynamics, the moment when both pursued real connection starts. What happens after that change is unknown, but the intention is clear: once they begin to make an effort, they have the chance to be happy together.

Before the release of 3.0+1.0, different spoilers and youtube video’s titles ruined my life, as I suppose that happened to some of you. It had such a significant impact on me that it is hard to define with words. Not because I was an angry asushin fanboy as some might classify me, but because, had it been confirmed, it would have meant that the message that Evangelion has been constructing since its first airing was shattered to pieces. I could not accept it.

At that specific moment, the Eva Extra Ex manga came and saved me.

Eva Extra Ex Manga Translated

I cannot highlight enough how important this manga was and still, it is. For me, it represented a call from Anno himself, saying: Do not worry, Evangelion is going to keep being Evangelion. I still recall the endless discussions on the internet when 3.0 came out about the effect of the time-skip, in what lousy state the relationship between Shinji and Asuka was (or if it was even inexistent!) and how Evangelion was going to transmit another message in the end. For me, there were always precise moments in 3.0 that pointed against those conclusions. But with Eva Extra, everything changed. It tied aspects of 2.0 and 3.0 very nicely and allowed us to discover more regarding Asuka's feelings and motivations.

With the first interaction in the manga between Asuka and Mari, we see that Asuka still has (deep) feelings for Shinji.  As the story progresses, we see how Asuka reacts to Mari's teasing and how unconvinced Mari is of all the bravado that she displays. A/S relationship, alongside their communication and hedgehog's dilemma related problems, still existed in the present timeline of the events of 3.0 and 3.0+1.0.

God's in his heaven all right with the world.

Chapter 1: The houses of healing

Instead of speaking of every Shinji/Asuka interaction scene, I will try to make this analysis lighter by talking about how it progresses across the film and focusing only on key scenes.

The film's first part explains how Shinji achieves healing after understanding how people around him are friendly, which is a big difference from EoE. In EoE, it was impossible. Shinji was left hurt and without any option to heal. He ultimately achieved healing through his experiences in instrumentality, leading to the ending and the hope/love message we all know in One More Final: I need you.

This process, this healing, happens in a precise location. That is the reason for the chapter's title. I took the liberty of naming this first chapter as the eighth chapter of Tolkien's book The Return of the King. But, what place is it?

Initially, Shinji is taken to Toji's house. While that place suits Rei, who will understand the basic meaning of life and being human, Shinji makes no progress there. Interestingly, Kensuke sees how Shinji is not making any progress and suggests he should go with him to his house. Why? It is driven by his new parental role, reminiscent of Kaji. He thinks why Shinji is in such a state and understand his needs at that moment. Besides, with or without knowing it, he reunites Shinji and Asuka under the same roof and the same parental figure.

I cannot say that he willingly wanted to reunite Shinji with Asuka, although I am sure he thought it was a direct consequence of carrying Shinji with him, so he was happy with that idea. As we know from 2.0 and the original series, their friends are the ones who notice Asuka and Shinji bond, so it would not be strange that Kensuke wanted to reunite both of them.

With or without Kensuke's will, bringing Shinji to Kensuke's house mirrors Misato's apartment, but with a male figure as the leader (i.e. A Kaji instead of Misato). It is a comeback to better times. Kensuke takes the parental figure for both Shinji and Asuka, as Misato did when Asuka moved in 2.0 for both children. This time, Asuka is the one who is already living there (previously it was Shinji), and Shinji is the one who arrives later.  In 3.0+1.0 Misato cannot fulfil her maternal role anymore, as explained later in the film (and redeemed at the end).

Let me linger on this parallel. In 2.0, when Asuka arrives at Misato's house and introduces Asuka to Shinji, we have the romantic comedy scene of the shower a few minutes later. The scene makes us understand that they feel some attraction to each other, albeit in a very early stage (and introduces PenPen to Asuka). Time forward, this first interaction is repeated in Kensuke's house. When Shinji arrives, he finds Asuka naked after having a shower. This time, no reaction is seen from either part explicitly. Neither Shinji nor Asuka blushed or overreacted, but Asuka clearly states her disappointment, which shows us her desire that Shinji reacted, that Shinji expressed attraction towards her. A significant line that adds up to all the previous evidence about Asuka's persistent feelings for Shinji. What about Shinji? There is a minor detail. When he sees Asuka naked, he stares at her with a glare that is just a mix of emotions. Although it is difficult to tell what he is thinking, Asuka is directly opposite him, and he can see both the DSS choker and her body. However, he only notices the choker when she wraps herself with a towel. Draw your conclusions.

From that point onwards, we get a few scenes representing the problem Asuka and Shinji have communicating and how alike they are. When Shinji throws up for the first time, Asuka explains to Kensuke why Shinji behaves like that and shuts himself off. However, she is doing the same, playing with her console. Asuka's video game is Shinji's SDAT.  Asuka hates the behaviour of Shinji because she sees her flaws in him.

Despite all the façade, she tries to communicate and help Shinji repeatedly in the coming scenes, checking on him on several occasions. Whenever she does that, the movie clearly shows us that she has abandoned her Shinji-like behaviour, showing us the console turned off.

Asuka and her videogame

The climax of their conflict is the force-feeding scene. But before analysing that scene, let me tell you a few more details.

I believe that the mirroring of Misato's apartment is portrayed through other details. For example, the name KenKen might have been chosen in honour of the missing companion from Misato's apartment: PenPen.

Furthermore, while some people might find odd the tendency of Asuka to be naked, this is driven by her disgust with her own body, which is shown in the Eva Extra manga. Finally, to enforce the idea that the relationship between Kensuke and Asuka is different from the one that she and Shinji have, it is essential to notice how Kensuke calls them. He calls them by their surnames, Shikiname and Ikari, placing distance between them.

Let's return to the force-feeding scene. In that scene, Asuka wants to help him, which is why she feeds him, and at the same time, she explains her frustration regarding the lack of reaction and understanding on his part. The conflict between them is portrayed similarly to the Eva 03 incident in 2.0

Visual comparison 1

Visual comparison 2

She is trying to understand him, and she tells him rather precisely why she thinks he is in such a state. She only wants him to reciprocate that understanding, and she wants him to think and explain why she punched him after seeing each other after 14 years. I must highlight the punch's importance. It summarises their communication problems, their conflict. Eva clarifies it in 3.0 using the same parallelisms as other communication problems, like Gendo and Shinji.

However, we know how she feels. The Eva extra manga gives us that insight. She has feelings for Shinji but hates his inaction due to his internal struggles. The hedgehog's spikes have been replaced by a punch. If they can talk about the punch, they will start communicating.

From an external view, Shinji reacts to being force-fed in a way that probably is not what Asuka wanted. Shinji leaves the house, followed secretly by Asuka, in another display of how Asuka feels internally.  It is another parallelism with Misato's apartment, again with a reversal of roles between Shinji and Asuka.

Parallelism

However, we will learn in future events that Shinji started to think about what Asuka told him at that moment, so he listened to her.From this point onwards, Shinji will deal with his thoughts and come to an understanding with himself. It is not achieved alone, but with the help of Rei and, although not directly, Asuka. She is the one who directs Rei to the place where Shinji is and continues checking on him to see that everything is going fine. She is there.

Asuka cares

When Shinji grows up and maturates, we have the first bidirectional communication attempt between Asuka and Shinji. While she asks Shinji if he feels better, he responds with only sounds. Yet, this is the first time they have tried to talk about their respective problems and emotions calmly. We will see this pattern repeat itself several times in the movie: Shinji grows a bit, and then Asuka opens herself another bit. It is very interesting to see Asuka's glare. Asuka is drawn with that glare whenever she is looking at Shinji in a positive/concerning him way. We will return to that later. Besides, she speaks to him without looking at her console.

All this healing process ends in a sentence that is easily overlooked. The night Kensuke is discussing with Asuka the plans to return to the Wunder, Shinji comes home and says, "I am home". It is the reflection of Shinji's complete healing. Thanks to his growth, he has found a new place where he belongs once more. It let us understand why he will consider that this place is important for Asuka too. Both have suffered the same parental love deprivation, lacking a place where they truly belong. Finding a place that they can call home is part of their way to happiness and usually happens before both connect.

The film also let us see how Shinji heals, comparing it with the healing of one of the village's dogs

Now, Shinji is ready to go with Asuka to the Wunder and start a transformative journey for himself and those around him. But first, let me post a few more details, some of which I had not noticed until doing some research on the internet:

Visual comparisons that highlight the similar role of Kensuke as Kaji (Parental role)

2. Asuka's scarf to hide her DSS choker.

3. The possible futon share between Asuka and Shinji, showing how she cares about him.

Chapter 2: A trip in the Wunder

The most relevant scene for their relationship in the Wunder is Asuka's confession. However, there are a couple of interesting interactions before that. The first one is the display of Asuka's jealousy of Sakura when she sees her interaction with Shinji, saying, "Are you his wife?"

The second one happens when Asuka meets Mari. While loaded with fanservice, this interaction is not trivial. Mari's teasing is an essential element in the Rebuild series, even more knowing how important the character of Mari will become at the end. She seems to be aware of Asuka's real feelings, and we know from the Eva extra manga that she tries to push Shinji and Asuka together, which I will come back to later. Asuka replies to Mari's teasing that Shinji "does not need a lover, he needs a mother". This sentence is a double edge sword. First, it shows Asuka's interest in Shinji as a romantic partner, given her deception, and actually, Asuka is saying this sentence while she is playing the videogame, so probably she is hiding her feelings, shutting herself oof the world as Shinji used to do. Second, it shows the problems they face: Communication and maturity. Maturity, because Asuka feels that Shinji has not changed as she has had, and communication, because as we will soon know, Asuka also wants that figure in her life. However, it is not true that Shinji has not grown up. It is just that they have not tried to communicate again, and thus, she does not know about Shinji's recent developments

Everything will change when Asuka faces the reality of possible death. Before the "final battle", she decides to reach out for Shinji. After Mari introduces herself to Shinji in an awkward way that will be important in the ending, Asuka repeats her question. In reality, she asks if he has thought about her, how she feels and everything she has gone through. To Asuka's surprise, Shinji answers the question, blaming his inaction. Taking this as a partial sign of maturity and growth, Asuka starts opening herself, although not wholly, a sign that Shinji's answer might not have been entirely correct. Besides, her body language is similar to the previous lift scenes in Evangelion, where we know she hid her real emotions.

She will equal what to tell Shinji to Shinji's growth. Therefore, she explains to him how she liked him 14 years ago, but not how she feels now. Furthermore, she leaves before Shinji can reply to her statement, leaving Shinji staring back at her through the glass. So, it is Mari again who makes us understand that this has been a sign of communication that goes in the right direction. She congratulates Shinji and stimulates him to continue like this. Again, Mari is trying to solve Asuka and Shinji's problems. Mari says goodbye in Chinese to Shinji (perhaps, a way to tell us that the spell of goodbye works, as they meet again later) and goes to do the same with Asuka, asking her if she feels better. Mari is trying to make Asuka see that opening herself to Shinji will bring happiness to her too.

Nevertheless, we must not forget that the short confession happened because Asuka thought this might have been the end. In a sense, it almost was.

Chapter 3: I need you

This chapter starts after Shinji and Gendo have resolved their issues. As I explained before, the need of resolving their parental matters will be critical to both Shinji and Asuka. The same happened in EoE. Asuka gets to know her mother in her battle against the mass-produced Eva, and Shinji learns about his father's plans and mother during instrumentality. After those experiences and their other interactions through instrumentality, they arrive at the I need you scene where they open to each other.

Gendo gets off the train, and the control of instrumentality is handed over to Kaworu. While Gendo was willing to sacrifice everything for his sake, the growth of Shinji reaches its maximum at this point. Shinji decides to take the reversal role of his father. Even if he is heartbroken or it is a hard and not a pleasant experience, he wants to help Asuka and those who were nice to him. This is the transformative journey that Shinji accomplishes in RoE that marks a completely different path from NGE+EoE.

I worded the sentence highlighting Asuka because those are the literal words of Shinji, naming Asuka as an individual and using the Japanese word "minna" for the rest, which could be the rest of his friends or even the rest of humanity. Shinji has learnt that he must give without seeking anything in return. He must stop thinking about himself only. He is going to help their friends without any positive repercussions on himself. As he later will explain, he plans to rewrite the world with the new spear given by Misato to get rid of the Evas and what they represent, stopping the cycle of suffering that comes with them, and let their friends live a happy life.

Symbolism of the spear

Interestingly, he does not explain this to Asuka and only mentions it to Rei, with some hesitation, which is what prompts him to tell her that Mari would come for him eventually. That behaviour is because for getting rid of the Eva and rewriting the world, he needs to impale himself with the spear inside Eva 01. While we do not know for sure the effects on Shinji, the way it is portrayed resembles a willing sacrifice, a person opening himself to that terrible outcome for a better benefit for their friends. Besides, we must not forget that the sync rate of Shinji with his Eva was infinite at that time, so probably the expected outcome would be the death of the pilot and he knew about that.

This situation is what gives us an essential context for understanding Shinji's actions. As Asuka earlier, he also thought that he might not return. But let’s see what happens with Asuka and Shinji.

The first to be saved is Asuka. As some sort of guardian for Asuka (and Shinji, and even Asuka/Shinji relationship), Mari reminds Shinji before he leaves her entry plug in the anti-universe that he has to find her. And he does.

There are many iconic and meaningful landscapes in Evangelion. Still, none of them has the symbolism, meaning, emotional associations and beauty as the beach where Shinji and Asuka laid at the EoE has. Although it is not the same beach and there are different details, the scene's meaning is clear. It was the scenario of One More Final: I need you. Thus, the location evokes that meaning, where Shinji and Asuka connected and expressed their emotions and feelings in EoE. To increase and highlight that intention, the first shot we have of the landscape is a full white moon, a remnant from the N3I. The moon has always been a poetic figure for love, and it brightens the sand creating the white beach. It is the perfect scenario to share an intimate moment.

Then, a saved, Eva curse-free Asuka awakes. The first sentence references the fact that the curse of Eva is lifted, and she can sleep. As some people detail, the plugsuit is a combination of different ones. This phenomenon will repeatedly happen in the anti-universe. Long story short, as I do not want to enter the terrain of the time loops and different universes, I believe that the idea behind that symbolism is that Evangelion is a multiverse. The anti-universe might somehow connect them, and we can see them. However, the characters remain the same from the universe where they come from. Only those annotated in the book of life remember those other universes or RoE time-loops (which seem to affect only the RoE universe and seem not to be confirmed in the other universes), and probably, as Shinji is in charge of the flow of events, the bleeding in his memories is what drives those changes.

The fact that Asuka wears a plugsuit that is a combination of previous ones, does not mean that she is Soryu or several Asukas at the same time. She is Shikinami, and it is the first time that she is on that beach. Her background and memories are from the RoE timeline, as she does not express, as Shinji will do later, any perception of that phenomenon. The same goes for their location. While they are on a similar beach, it is not the same where Soryu and Shinji found themselves in EoE. It is probably the bleeding of details between universes that wraps the metanarrative message that gives importance to the scenery (that beach is where they connected and accepted each other both in EoE and in this movie, and the place will always symbolise that)

Even those aware of other timelines (Kaworu and Shinji at that point) can only remember that they met before or have a déjà vu feeling. They do not have a complete insight into what happened. I think that this bleeding of details gives an important message: All the universes of Evangelion exist. Soryu and Shinji's story from NGE and EOE has happened, albeit in another universe, part of a larger multiverse. In a sense, it is saying that NGE+EoE is as canon as RoE, something essential to maintain coherency. The difference is that they happen in different physical planes of space and time.

Let's return to the fact that a grown Asuka is on the beach. The camera plays, repeating the same shots as in EoE, linking both scenes thematically again. Moreover, the visual links expands to other couples in Eva.

Here, Shinji sits next to Asuka, with his arms around his legs and a completely different gaze, making clear Shinji is happy to see her. The events follow this path:

Asuka sees Shinji next to her and calls him "Baka Shinji" in a not mean way. A way that shows us that despite calling him "Baka Shinji" time and time again, that did not mean that she truly hated him.

Shinji verbalises his happiness to see her again and says thanks to her for letting him know her feelings previously.

Shinji reciprocates the same feelings, using the past tense. Why? Well, at least this time is more straightforward than explaining why he choked her.  Shinji has several reasons for this: First, it directly answers what Asuka told him earlier. And second, he wants to save and return her to the Eva free world, and thus, knowing that he might not return, hides his current feelings.

Asuka is surprised that her feelings are reciprocated. She blushes and turns to her left, hiding her real feelings at that moment to Shinji. In the next shot, we see a happy, blushed Asuka smiling.

The reaction of Asuka and all the previous evidence from the movie and the manga make it evident that she still has feelings for him. With his body language, Shinji is also transmitting to us that he is hiding his true feelings. Besides, a past tense confession for Shinji makes no sense at all. Shinji has been sleeping those 14 years. For him, those moments where "he liked" Asuka are only a few weeks or months ago from this moment on the beach.  We will get the last evidence that Shinji still has feelings for Asuka, thanks to Kaworu. He, who is aware of all the timelines and universes, asks Shinji if he will feel lonely letting Asuka go. Shinji, with the same body language and a sad face, says no. We must link Shinji's behaviour to the fact I explained earlier. Shinji wanted to sacrifice himself for the happiness of Asuka and everybody.

This links with another idea. The scene is fast-paced. Once Shinji confesses his feelings, he says goodbye to Asuka and the Kensuke sentence. While this might be a reminiscence of Asuka's behaviour in the Wunder, allowing him to avoid any reply, that would have made things more difficult. However, his words are carefully chosen. We know from Rei's experiences in the village that "goodbye, is a spell of magic to see each other again. Despite his plans, Shinji's wish is to see her again

The meaning of goodbye

Then we have the Kensuke sentence. I wanted to talk about this in a simple way. Asuka needed the same parental role as Shinji, and through her experiences in instrumentality, she finds that she has that part of herself fulfilled by Kensuke. However, things get complicated if we start to notice some details. The fact that Kensuke calls Asuka "Asuka" instead of Shikinami and that the doll with Kensuke inside of it appears in the Rei scene has raised concerns that the Kensuke who appears in Asuka's instrumentality scenes is in fact Shinji, helping Asuka to find her place in a future world without him. In more detail:

All Asuka's scenes in instrumentality revolve around Shinji, nothing from Kensuke. It seems that Shinji wants to revert that and makes her conscious that she can find a place to belong and the parental role she needs, especially taking into consideration that he was about to die.

Instrumentality scenes comparison

She verbalises that she has no place to belong yet (despite living with Kensuke for some time), so Shinji wants to clarify that point for her.

It answers why Kensuke calls her Asuka and not Shikinami and why the doll appears again in Rei's scenes on the stage. Furthermore, it connects Asuka's memories with the beach scene, as it is after Kensuke says, "Asuka is Asuka" that she wakes up next to Shinji.

The original source of the theory for me was this video

In the end, from Asuka's instrumentality to the end of the beach scene, Shinji wants her to understand that she has a place to belong alongside the parental figure that she needs and that she is also loved by him, although he is going to let her go for her benefit. A true act of selflessness given his feelings. That is heart-warming and an actual act of love on his part.

Then, something happens amid the fast-paced scenes. The camera shows Asuka with an open mouth, sleeping(?) and Mari next to her. Wait. When did Mari come in? Why? I am not sure of the answers to these questions. It shows that Mari is more than we thought and has more knowledge about the anti-universe and what is happening. We do not know if this scene happens just after Shinji’s words or something has happened in the middle, as Asuka's expression seems not to match the last we see from her. Is there a deleted scene in the middle? Mari says her goodbye to Asuka. Mari has been a bridge between Shinji and Asuka and a close friend to her. In some sense, and continuing the parallelisms between Shinji and Asuka, she has been her Kaworu

Interestingly, Mari only appears to say bye to Asuka and not Rei or Kaworu. At the same time, Shinji only says sayonara to Asuka, the only character that does not have a handshake and a shutter closed. While there is no definitive answer to this fact, I believe it is crucial regarding the ending, as it will establish a continuity between the goodbyes and future gatherings, all directed by Mari, and that is why she appears probably (and she might be the one ejecting Asuka’s entry plug)

After Mari's take care, Asuka wakes up in the entry plug and is ejected by Unit 13. It is important to note that Asuka leaves without any kind of voluntary movement. She awakes in different locations and is the Eva 13 who ejects her. We do not know Asuka’s opinion about this at any time, or how she feels about being saved leaving Shinji behind.

Chapter 4: The sacrifice is stopped

After Kaworu and Rei's scenes, which I am not going to talk about, Shinji decides to carry out the Neon Genesis. We get to the moment where he is ready to sacrifice himself, in some sort of redemption of humanity's sins for creating the Evas and all the suffering that accompanied them. But then, Yui appears.

She stops the spear, protecting Shinji, and takes him out of the Eva 01. Yui’s wish is that he can live in that Neon Genesis world where the Evangelions do not exist, where people, and Shinji, can be happy. This moment changes everything. The plot twist will allow Shinji and Evangelion to have a happy and hopeful ending, thanks to Yui's (+/- Mari) plan.

The sacrifice of Shinji's parents for the sake of their child redeems them from the emotional deprivation Shinji has endured all his life. Shinji, mimicking the last instrumentality scene in EoE, returns to the anti-universe, now alone.

Chapter 5: Mari to the rescue

Shinji waits patiently on a blue water beach. Slowly, he starts to fade away in the anti-universe, as there are no others to relate with. This concept was explored both in EoE and at the end of the TV series. Then, Mari comes with her Evangelion to rescue him and take him back to the real world, now the Eva-free world, as promised to Misato. This is very important, as it highlights that Shinji is not going to a parallel universe. He is returning to the same world where his friends are (Asuka for sure, Kaworu will meet him again too, and Rei, honestly, it is not so obvious where she decides to go in her scenes, but probably too)

Mari's last Evangelion is important too. Contrary to Kaworu and Rei, I believe it is how Mari and Shinji returned to the ordinary world (probably with its entry plug, like Asuka). We might never know that. Then, the next scene is the opposite scene from Asuka in the entry plug, but with Shinji. Now we see an adult Shinji in a train station.

There are different questions to answer to understand what is happening in the ending. However, I think that the film's conclusion is the same regardless of the answer to those questions.The questions are:

Is the train scene set in the AU or in the real world?

Are Mari and Shinji the people we see coming out from the station?

Did Asuka arrive at Kensuke’s house or is she present there if that is the real world?

I tried to sum up the different theories in simple pictures.

 My personal opinion just after watching the movie was that the first scenario was the most likely. However, after seeing different analyses, I am not 100% convinced and I cannot give my support to other theoriesyet. 

The sources for the other theories are these

And the fact that the pilots might be illusions come from here 

As you can see, regardless of the answer to the questions from above, they always end up meeting again. While this is not explicitly shown in the movie, I strongly believe it is the reason why Mari appears at the end scene. Mari is the beacon light that will guide him in this new world, and there is a lot of visual comparisons that prove this fact, comparing Mari to Misato, and knowing the role of Mari in Gendo and Yui’s life. Furthermore, a lot of people consider that the fact that Asuka is alone in the platform is a sign that she is there to be reunited with Shinji, as she has no partner and seems to be playing with something like her old videogame. All of this is enough evidence to stop thinking about this ending as “Shinji choosing Mari to live a happier life” or “to let go the past”.

Comparison

The role of Mari in Yui/Gendo life. A hint in her possible role with Asuka/Shinji

Mari and Shinji, Mari and Gendo, the same fate.

I am sure that Mari will reunite Asuka and Shinji. She has been a bridge between them since 3.0, and the Eva Extra manga gives more insight into that respect. Besides, she did the same with Yui and Gendo, and there are a lot of comparisons between Yui/Gendo and Asuka/Shinji in a visual way throughout the series.You will find Asuka glancing at Shinji with the same face and eyes expression as Yui did. 

We have talked about this before. 

While it would be interesting to know exactly how Shinji arrives there, the narrative conclusion that they will meet again, independently of what has happened to the world, will not change. This resonates with the title of the movie "thrice upon a time", as evidenced here. 

There have been multiple Evangelion universes, both with and without Evas (EoE ends with a world without Evas, as the manga does) and in all of them, all of them, Asuka and Shinji meet again. And this is really important, as now they can communicate and have the chance of growing together and be happy.

Conclusion

Asuka and Shinji are two sides of the same coin, with different defence strategies in the context of the hedgehog's dilemma. Despite their mutual attraction, they are incapable of communicating and reaching each other. In EoE, it took almost the end of the world and humanity to understand that it is thanks to not living with the fear of pain and rejection that we can understand and accept others, ultimately overcoming the hedgehog's dilemma. This is expressed by the caress of Asuka to Shinji in EoE. This loving gesture shows us that the characters start understanding each other and have the chance to be happy together. EoE ending is a message of love and hope.

A/S relationship will represent this conflict wherever they are portrayed, in a cycle of desire/attraction, which leads to conflict and a resolution with understanding and love once they learn to accept each other and start communicating. In EoE is quite visual and displays both of them together at the very end. The manga is less explicit and more hinted at, but the scene at the train depicts how they connect in that new world where they will understand each other.

Thrice upon a time is not an exception to this rule. The last scene of EoE and the manga that involves Asuka and Shinji is the moment they connect, communicate, and change the way they treat each other. In 3.0+1.0 their final scene together is the beach scene, where they confess their mutual feelings in what is a never seen before sincerity and openness between them. Then, a world without Eva is created (in EoE this is exemplified by the crucified Eva and in the manga is more similar to the movie) and we know that Mari will guide Shinji to a safe return to that Eva free world and a gathering with Asuka and his friends. Despite not appearing on screen, all the narrative of the movie, and the whole of Evangelion, makes us understand that they will understand each other more and more and will be more honest towards their feelings, giving them the chance of being happy. As a consequence of that, the leitmotif of Evangelion is repeated once more.

The message of 3.0+1.0 is not about letting go of the past because you have grown up or let it go to move forward. The message is that it is thanks to going through those good and bad experiences that life gifts us, accepting the chance of suffering pain, that we can mature and learn. This learning will make us understand ourselves and those who surround us more, making us love ourselves and others, having, ultimately, the chance of being happy, loved and finding a place to belong to.

And it is in the middle of this struggle, that the love story of Asuka and Shinji shines, reminding us that humans can connect and be happy. 

If they can overcome their problems, so will us.

Everybody finds love in the end.

One More Conclusion: Where is Anno's wife?

What a ride! I think I have written about almost all of Shinji and Asuka's interactions, perhaps leaving just a few ones at the beginning of the movie, and without the mention of Anno as Shinji or his wife as Mari in all the essay! While extremely popular, the theory that Mari represents his wife has many flaws and I still do not understand where it is based. From the character being designed without the supervision of Hideaki Anno to the direct denial from his wife, including that the theory does not match the narrative plot. While self-insertions and story developments related to personal experiences are not rare in storytelling, we cannot explain everything in Evangelion by metanalysis. While Anno's struggles with depression have shaped NGE+EoE, the development and growth of the characters in their own arcs are what matter when analysing them. Shinji might be inspired by his awful experience at that time, but as we said earlier, Asuke is shaped like Shinji, albeit with different behaviour. Therefore, we should accept that both of them are depictions of Anno and not only the masculine figure.

In the end, it is Shinji who rejects instrumentality, returns to the real world and is caressed by Asuka in EoE. The characters do that, not Anno. The same happens in this last scene. While the location of the train station and city is totally related to the director, what is going to happen to the characters in the context of the plot is an important thing to consider when analysing them.

From NGE+EoE to this last movie Shinji grows and understands the path to be happy always.  This is not exclusive of the RoE saga because Anno has overcome his problems. Therefore, conclusions such as "now Anno is happier, so he wants Shinji to be happy" are not supported. What changed in RoE is that the growth of Shinji happens prior to the last impact and instrumentality, instead of growing after those experiences. This allows the portrayal of a lighter version of Shinji in those dramatic moments, resembling more a traditional hero who saves his friends, instead of letting them down and then coming to an understanding all together (because everyone shares a slice of the guilt cake) in instrumentality.

I believe that it would be more fruitful if we took into consideration his wife's work in the way that this tweet states, rather than engage ourselves in discussions about meta self-insertions.

I hope my words have helped those who felt like me after the release of the movie.

Thank you very much for all your time reading this.

#Evangelion #Rebuild of Evangelion #Shin Evangelion #asuka shikinami langley #Shinji Ikari #asushin #asuka x shinji #shinji x asuka #las #everybody finds love in the end #thrice upon a time #evangelion 3.0+1.0 #Asuka and shinji will meet in all evangelion universes

[youbloodymadgenius]

What Could Have Been (Ivar x reader)

A/N: This piece wasn’t requested;  the idea just popped into my mind and I had to write it. I don’t write smut often - I find it very hard in a foreign language - and I know I’m not very good at it. I hope you’ll enjoy it nonetheless.

@geekandbooknerd​ - thank you so much for beta reading this for me ♥️

@pomegranates-and-blood​ - I hope you don't mind that I borrowed the last sentence from you. It fit perfectly 😉

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: When Ivar calls for a healer, he does not expect you, his occasional lover, to enter his tent.

Warning: smut.

Words: 2385

"Go and fetch the healer!" Ivar commands, exploding as the guard outside the tent doesn't react quick enough. "YOU GO NOW OR I SWEAR I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A STICK BEFORE NIGHTFALL!" His roar loud enough to be heard all over the camp, the frightened guard runs away while babbling apologies, his cheeks burning red.

 Sweating and in pain, Ivar enters the tent, heading slowly toward a straw mattress. Grunting, he flops down on the makeshift bed and closes his eyes briefly, trying to keep the agony in his legs at bay. The battle had been harsh on his twisted limbs, leaving him with stiff, aching muscles. 

 "You asked for a healer, Prince Ivar?" Your fresh and youthful voice startles him and he raises his head, furrowing his brow as he looks at you. "I was expecting Una." His dry, annoyed tone doesn't unsettle, nor surprise you. Prince Ivar is not exactly the most easygoing person. And you know he's very secretive when it comes to his pain. He trusts Una, the main healer, who has been taking care of his legs on a daily basis for many years.  

 "I'm sure you were." You just nod, undeterred. "We may have won the battle, Prince Ivar, but the wounded are countless. Una is taking care of Hrafn, whose arm had to be cut off. She's the one who sent me to you. So, sorry if it bothers you, my Prince, but I'm afraid you'll have to do with me. As for myself, rest assured that I know precisely what I must do. " 

The truth is, tending to Ivar's legs is nothing hard, nor complicated. A meadowsweet and nettle infusion to ease the pain, a salve made with a concoction of boiled blackcurrant and ash leaves collected on Midsummer Night to undo the knots in his thighs and calves, that's all you need, and both are in the small leather pouch you wear at your waist at all times. 

In addition, a hot bath of course wouldn't do any harm, but there's no such luxury while fighting a war.  

 Seemingly unconvinced, Ivar scowls and snorts, and you can almost hear the gears turning in his head as he weighs pros and cons, longing for relief but at the same time reluctant because you're not his regular healer. And perhaps also because you're… you.

 Your suspicions are confirmed an instant later, as Ivar wearily rubs his face with a bloody hand. "No other healers were available? Surely there are not just the two of you, right?"

 You shrug, hardly suppressing a grin. He's right, of course. There are many of you here in Wessex, alongside the Great Heathen Army. However, you and Una are the only ones who are not terrified of Ragnar's unpredictable youngest son. Therefore, since Una was busy, you were the only one willing to go and take care of his legs. But telling him that wouldn't be very wise, right? So, you choose another way.

 "My Prince, if I may say so, don't make things harder. I'm already here, and I can tell you're in pain. So, please, let me do what I'm here for." Inhaling deeply, you give him a small smile. "If it's easier for you, let's say that what happened in the past stays in the past. I'm here as a healer, nothing more, I intend to do my job in the most efficient way and I know I can help you."

 Back in Kattegat, when Ivar was still a boy and not yet this bloodthirsty man obsessed with revenge, before Aslaug's and Ragnar's deaths, before all Hel breaks loose, you and he used to fuck from time to time. At first, you agreed to do it because you wanted to help him. Not because you were a healer, but because Hvitserk, your best friend, was worried about his baby brother after his tremendous failure with Margrethe. You taught Ivar how to please a woman and showed him that he was much more whole than he thought. You then kept sleeping with him because sex was great, Ivar a skilled and fast learner. Yet, there was no real bond, no love between the two of you; just some kind of mutual respect, tinged with an undeniable physical attraction. 

 "My Prince?" You ask softly, your hands ghosting over his thighs as you kneel down in front of him. "May I?" Remembering Una's words – this leg is so broken, so twisted, I do not know how the prince can manage walking, but I do know its iron equipment is like a torture device which causes him an unbearable amount of pain – you gesture first toward the metal armor encaging his right leg.

 Ivar barely nods, a long sigh escaping his lips as he closes his eyes shut. You never did it. Back then, you weren't allowed to. But today is different. Ivar is tired, in pain, and you're not his occasional lover, but a healer. There's no hesitation in your movements; your skillful hands undoing the loops of the brace, you're working fast. Soon, you're able to carefully remove the heavy contraption, and then give your full attention to his left leg. 

 When both his legs are free, you stand up, "Can you take off your pants, my Prince?" and step away, rummaging around the room for a water bucket and a cloth. Actually, you want to give him some privacy. You never really saw his legs and are aware it's a huge matter of concern for him. Once again, you remember what Una told you – I usually work under the furs – and add without turning around, "And please, cover your legs with as many furs as you can, we need to keep them warm." 

 ***

 After making sure his legs are well covered, you grab the cloth Ivar used to clean his hands and face, placing it on a nearby table, next to the water bucket. You then put your supplies in your pouch before turning towards the prince. Eyes closed, his head on a fluffy pillow – the perks of being a prince, you can't help but think, slightly jealous – Ivar seems completely relaxed. You're sure he's not sleeping, though, so you clear your throat while turning toward him. "If you don't need me anymore, my Prince, I'll go back to Una." 

 Ivar exhales slowly as his eyelids flutter open. He just looks at you without uttering a word for a long time, looking a little confused, as if he doesn't exactly remember your presence. He then gives you a small smile – his way of thanking you? – but shakes his head no. Something sparkles in his gaze and Ivar licks his bottom lip. You know him well enough to know that's the exact moment when his mood swings. He props himself up on one elbow, reaching out in an attempt to grab your hand, but to no avail. He lets out a frustrated groan, but his voice is soft, and so are his eyes. "Come closer." Yet, you know you don't have a choice. Denying a prince is anything but a wise option; denying Prince Ivar could be life-threatening. 

 Taking two steps forward, you join the bed and place a hand on Ivar's shoulder. "What else can I do for you, my Prince?" 

 Wrapping his arm around your waist, Ivar pulls you toward him, leaving you no choice but to sit next to him. "Kiss me." He breathes, his blue orbs never leaving your eyes. 

 "Your wish is my command." You whisper while leaning forward to close the gap between the two of you. Your lips find his and Ivar immediately takes charge, a hand behind your neck. His tongue invades your mouth while his free hand slips under your dress, his thick fingers finding the bare skin of your thighs. You let out a gasp, surprised, and delighted. 

 This is new. 

 Back in Kattegat, whenever it was just the two of you, Ivar was always this insecure, tentative boy, eager to learn but clearly grateful that you were willing to take the lead. 

 He's no longer the same. War changed him. The boy has grown into a resolute man, who knows what he wants and who doesn't wait to take it. You won't lie: if you found the boy alluring, this – the warlord look, the confidence, the straight-to-the-point thing – is a whole new level of attractiveness. And a major turn-on.

 When Ivar deepens the kiss, fierce and hungry at once, he pulls you closer, your breasts pressed against his chiseled chest, you cannot help but arch your back as a wave of heat spreads in your belly.

 "Ivar…" You moan and he captures the sound in his mouth, delving deeper again while slipping a rough knuckle against your clit. You nearly choke, almost missing his next words. "Scoot closer." He mumbles, his lips against yours and you don't have to think twice about his demand as you are all too happy to surrender. Straddling him, you push him down onto his back and drive your tongue into his ear. The feeling of his solid, muscular torso between your thighs consumes your senses, a blinding heat coursing from between your legs to fill your entire body. You can't wait any longer. You need him. The craving of being filled up is almost unbearable but when you move your hand downward, your fingers grazing his erected cock, he stops you, a wolfish grin on his face. "I want to taste you first." 

 When he runs his hands up the insides of your thighs after you had moved up to sit on his face, you practically die and clamp your legs around his face, shoving your wet pussy into his mouth. Rewarded with a slap on your ass, you gasp in excitement as he slides a knuckle along your lips. It drives you so wild that you can barely breathe, and Ivar keeps going, his mouth just inches from your clit, drawing shapes around your sensitive skin, teasing you, blowing air into you. Heat is slowly building in your core, burning you inside. You curl your toes and contract your lower belly, panting and moaning, and suddenly, Ivar touches your swollen clit with the tip of his tongue. You almost lose it. Your whole body is about to break into a thousand pieces and you struggle, sucking in several short breaths. 

 "Gods…" Eyes closed, you shiver as Ivar picks up a rhythm. He knows exactly what he's doing. Barely moving his skilled tongue, he applies a warm pressure, each tiny move bringing you to the edge. It doesn't take long for your stomach to be drenched in sweat, and as much as you want to make this last forever, your entire body is taken over by a wave of spasms and pleasure and you explode in orgasm, biting your lip to keep from screaming. 

 Ivar doesn't give you time to settle down or to come to your senses, lifting his head, a cocky grin playing on his glistening lips. 

 "Ride me." He commands, his voice hoarse and loud as he pulls the cover off his groin. A wild laugh escapes your lips when you scoot downward, still on top of him, kissing his nipples, then his toned stomach; you find his cock hard under your fingers, your other hand massaging his balls. Without a warning, you plunge him into yourself, gasping as you feel his cock slide deep inside you. Leaning forward until your head is just above his, you kiss him hard before grounding your hips against his. You then pull up, all the way to his tip, constricting the muscles in your lower belly, and then push back down as far as you can. It sends a rippling wave along your inside walls and Ivar moans, his hands grabbing your ass. 

 As you pump your hips up and down, Ivar squirms beneath you, meeting each one of your thrusts, pushing his hips up as you speed up the pace. Back and forth, back and forth… You move your hips faster and faster, a drop of sweat trickling down your back. The rhythm is frantic now and you almost black out as you suddenly climax once again, Ivar groaning loudly while spreading his hot seed inside you. 

 You fall heavily onto him, sated and exhausted. "Gods, that was amazing!" You finally say, and Ivar chuckles, a smirk on his face. "It was, indeed." Wrapping his hand around your waist, he then does something surprisingly sweet, kissing your forehead tenderly. With your head resting on his tattooed chest, you just hum, and since your eyelids are getting heavy, you close them, sated and exhausted.

 You're dozing off as Hvitserk's voice outside the tent, startles you awake. "Y/N, you're still in there?"

 Sitting up in bed, you give Ivar a confused look while stretching out your upper body. "Yes." You want to ask why but Hvitserk doesn't give you the time. "Hurry up then! Una is looking for you."

 Sighing, you give Ivar a quick peck on the cheek and stand up hastily. "You heard your brother; I have to go." You give him one last look and are about to get out of the tent when his voice stops you. "Wait, Y/N."

 You turn around, and to your surprise, there's no longer a bloodthirsty warlord in front of you, but a boy, shy and insecure, who bites his bottom lip and lowers his gaze. The new Ivar turns you on, there's no denying it, but this one, the timid one, is absolutely adorable, and your heart flutters. You flash him a reassuring smile. Ivar inhales deeply, blinking a few times. "Will you…" He starts but stops immediately. 

 You raise a brow questioningly, but the moment is gone, his face now expressionless. Ivar just nods at you, his gaze steady as he gestures to his legs. "Thank you."

 You're sure that's not what he was going to tell you; that's not what you could read in his eyes.��Will you come back later?

 Stifling a sigh, you straighten your dress as best you can. Sadly, there's nothing you can do. "You're welcome, my Prince." You say softly; and with that, you walk away, your mind filled with regret.

 You would have said yes.

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