#advice columnist

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

“A DATELESS GIRL,” Vancouver Sun. February 22, 1933. Page 16. ----- Cruel and Inhuman Punishment ---- By Dorothy Dix ---

Dear Miss Dix, 

I am one of those dateless girls and am so resigned the situation that I wouldn't bother about it if it wasn't for my family. They have insisted upon my becoming a society debutante at much I am an utter misfit. I hate the social whirl. I don't speak the language of the girls whom I am thrown with and I can't enter into their conversation. I haven t the money to buy their interest by giving splendid entertainments. I wasn't cut cut to be the life of the party, yet I am expected to keep up a gay, witty and entertaining conversation to amuse the man with whom I happen to be. Partners don't ask me to dance with them and when I rebel against all this my family say that I am silly and what a fine wholesome girl I am and, of course, people like me and admire me. What am I to do? 

E.T.

Answer: I don't think there Is any more pathetic figure than the girl whose family try to force her into being a butterfly when she has none of the attributes of the butterfly and never feels at home in the rarefied atmosphere in which they thrust her. 

Perhaps mother was a belle in her day and she looks forward to living ver her triumphs in poor little plain Mary Ann, who is shy and retiring with never a word to say for herself and who has no more sex appeal than plate of oatmeal. Or perhaps mother is socially ambitious and depends on Mary Ann opening doors that are closed to her.

So she buys Mary Ann all sorts of pretty fluffy clothes that never for an instant disguise her Mary-Ann-ness. And she makes Mary Ann go to every party to which she is invited, where she sits around on the sidelines suffering agonies of embarrassment and mortification because nobody ever dances with her except the unwilling youths whom a hostess drags up to her wearing ! the expressions of lambs being led to the slaughter. 

And Mary Ann is a social flop and another reproaches her with it and wonders why the boys never pay her any attention and why she doesn't get married. 

It is a cruel and inhuman punishment for any woman to force her daughter to go "out in society," as the phrase goes, unless she wants to. Moreover, it is of no use, because unless the Lord gave a girl dancing feet no man is going to cut in on her, and unless Nature supplied her with IT she can't manufacture it for herself. 

Far wiser and kinder to let the girl find her own niche in the world. Let her go with the people who are congenial to her. Let her do the things she wants to do. 

My advice to any girl who finds herself a misfit in society is to go to work. Get a job. Interest herself in that, and for her comfort and also for mother's consolation - let her remember that a lot of the biggest fish swim around in business offices and rise to the bait of an intelligent ,quiet girl after they have fought shy of a dazzling, painted, vivacious one.

#dorothy dix #advice column #advice columnist #misfits #dating life #woman in the toils #social life #history of femininities #social construction of gender #great depression in canada #it girl

[dostoyevsky-official]

what is going on at NY magazine

#their financial advice columnist???

[gunclebk]

that time i was an advice columnist. I’ve worn many hats and also had a lot of different jobs. I think more jobs than hats which fortunately fit better. Having good hair to fall back is fortunate.

#advice columnist #hack of all trades #queer storytelling #autobiography

[storybookprincess]

hello! i very much admire your writing and hope you don't mind me asking a question.

i've dabbled in fanfic writing for a few years and when i'm inspired, it brings me so much joy! i've finished a small handful of short fics that i'm really proud of.

when i'm not neck-deep in fandom feels, though, i don't really write much... it just feels silly to force myself to do something like write fanfic when i'm not really feeling it at that moment.

buuut, the other day, i saw this post about how *creating* fanworks, not just consuming them, is a good way to like.. extend the dopamine hit you get from engaging in fandom? (i've lost the post or i would link it, sorry!). but that post got me thinking that maybe i *should* be making myself write more often... but if i'm not really feeling it, is there really any dopamine in it in the first place?? (lol, sorry, i know i'm rambling now)

tl;dr... do you recommend writing fic even when you're not feeling inspired?

oh i think i know the post to which you're referring!! this one, right??

i think it's a very very good post!!!! i just want to clarify that on the miniscule chance this happens to get back to op--i read it & agreed with its underlying premise!!

however, i don't think its underlying premise actually has all that much to do with writing fanfic; i think it has to do more with the balance of two different types of happiness. outdoorsy types often refer to it as "type one fun" vs "type two fun," the psych world talks about "hedonia" vs "eudaimonia," but it all pretty much boils down to the difference between pleasure and meaning.

pleasure would be something like listening to music you love, buying a bouquet of flowers, or devouring fanfic & fanart. this type of happiness focuses on immediate positive emotions & is very helpful for managing day to day stress, but doesn't really sustain you long term. meaning might involve learning the guitar, gardening, or writing fic. not every second of it is necessarily enjoyable (hell, all us writers will agree that sometimes it's downright maddening), but it gives you a sense of accomplishment and purpose in the long term

in other words, i wouldn't stress too much about writing fic if you aren't inspired to, as long as you have other sources of meaning to sustain you.

i think as writers, we can be prone to an excess of self-scrutiny & "should" seems to be one of our favorite words, but that isn't really conducive to our creativity. instead, write when you want to write, maintain a balance between pleasure and meaning, and enjoy your time in fandom however you spend it!!

#asked and answered #Anonymous #an accidental fandom advice columnist

[youngestdaughtersyndrome]

born too early to brain myself on tiktok born too late to be an advice columnist for a respected fashion magazine born just in time to have a tumblr account

#i do think advice columnist is my perfect calling but like. its soo over #hollyws

[alrightbuckaroo]

Sliding into nice ask week at the last moment! Which LS episode is YOUR episode, the one you feel like you understand or relate to better than anyone?

Hello, Andie!!

Oh, it's got to be 2x09: Saving Grace! I didn't even need to look up the season or the episode because that it my episode.

One of my favorite songs is Bless the Telephone by Labi Siffre and it's just the perfect example as to why I think the phone can be so romantic, the same way time loops or airports can be romantic.

I love that we're given backstory for Judd's tattoo and the fact that it's born out of romance, but also guidance. I love the scene where Judd calls just to hang up when Grace isn't the one answering. I love that the first time Judd sees Grace, his first words are, "You are so beautiful" like I'm going to throw UP 😭

I love that we get to see them fall in love in a way that makes sense for just how in love they are with each other this current day. Even in the s4 finale where Grace is looking for Judd so they can dance together, it makes me swoon. They're still so in love with each other!

Charlie and Tommy (god)parent trapping them at the hospital because they knew that both of them would show up and they should be together, is just chef's kiss.

I also like the discussion around classism because I feel like that's such important social commentary.

I've actually showed this episode to a couple friends of mine because they needed to see the love story that is Judd finding something to live for after thinking life had nothing worthy.

#i wanted to write a fic where grace is an advice columnist and judd always writes in #but that feels so similar to their og love story so idk #thanks so much for the ask i love these two SO SO SO much #asked and answered

[thepoisonroom]

really vibing with the intro to jp brammer's valentine's newsletter

#he's my favorite advice columnist by far lately #partially bc ask polly makes me too insane #personal nonsense

[akallabeth-joie]

Les Mis 1.1.3

In the last chapter, a critic asserted that bishop’s visits around his diocese serves no purpose. Here we see that Myriel uses them to troubleshoot for social ills. It’s like a one-sided networking thing where the bishop introduces each town to the solutions its’ neighbors have already come up with.

#not sure if this make the bishop more of an advice columnist #or an internet search engine #but it's very late just now and I didn't sleep yesterday #Les Miserables #les mis letters #1.1.3 #what would bishop myriel do?

[memenewsdotcom]

Trump guilty of sex abuse in E. Jean Carroll case

View On WordPress

#1996 #2024 #abuse #advice #columnist #Donald Trump #E. Jean Carroll #meme #memes #news #politics #trump #united states #writer

[tswwwit]

Well, shit.

OKAY, I figured out where I was going wrong with this document, and now I think I finally, finally can make progress. I wanted to do a thing that was kind of ambitious, but it turns out it's actually two separate fics.

One the plus side, I now have two oneshot sprouts that have a lot of healthy material on them! And some really fun ideas that I'm excited about!

I've already planted them in their respective documents, and I think I feel Writing Energy growing .Two steps back, and eventually three steps forward.

#No way I'm letting all the smutty bits I wrote go to waste #There's good eating on one of those #On a side note what kind of terrible romance advice do you think Demonic Teen Mags and Romance Columnists would give #No reason I'm asking #Don't look behind this curtain #Also I'm very very close to finishing that Bill in Other Universe oneshot but I'm hung up on where to end it #That's a matter to think on #Writing is hard but I am trying #There's also that other oneshot I wanna do that's very self-indulgent but I'll get to that later #That one might have good excuse to get those two cutely take a bath together in the beginning 🤔 #Dipper only half-drowns when they get into a water fight

[tennessoui]

As someone who loves crack premises with real emotions and happy endings, I think your last 2 AUs are perfection and I love them.

I save all my crack premises for this blog and all my angst for my longterm WIPs on ao3 (optimal for cliffhangers)

#asks #thank you!! #I love them too honestly as well as the hopeless on coruscant au where obiwan moonlights as an advice columnist

[anonniemousefics]

Dear Nonnie!

Being in my thirties, I am constantly tired, depressed, overworked and running on coffee and a strong desire to live another day because in the end of it I can finally go to sleep (to be woken a few too many times by a wee baby). Which is probably how all adults live. All that being said, my head is full of ideas, characters, scenes from the books and stupid shit like that. I am bot a writer, I actually love to paint. How do I find time and enough will to do something about that instead of just lie there on the bed at my free moments? How fanfic writers find the time to write all that awesome staff?

Please share advice and wisdom,

Your anonymous admirer, still alive.

PS. That scene in the prison cell in Fjorda between separated Inej and Kaz was hot as hell. Loved it. As all your others fics, obviously.

Dear Still Alive,

I love you! I AM you! Well, except for one key difference, which is that my baby is not so wee anymore. He’s in school now, which is a game-changer, trust me. Getting enough sleep at night just isn’t a thing I have to stress about anymore – and someday, that will be you again, too. It’s true! I know people like to tease parents and say, like, “Haha you’ll never sleep again,” but I promise they’re full of shit! You will have long, luxurious sleeps again, and when you do, I think you’ll find you have the capacity to do so much more than you are able to now.

So, first thing’s first: cut yourself some slack and give yourself some love. You should rest when you need to rest. The fact that you want to lie in bed today is not failure or poor time management. It’s very possible that you’re lying there on the bed because you NEED to lie there on the bed. You’re doing so much already!! The urge to lie down is a very real physical response to the super chaotic world we have to navigate, made all the more exhausting when you have small children, and it’s just as deserving of attention as hunger or thirst or any other physical need.

In fact, you’re not just allowed to rest, you’re encouraged to rest – that’s actually a vital part of the creative process! I have exactly zero ideas when I’m pushing myself and anxious and stressing myself out. Literally all of my ideas waltz in when I’m having a long shower, or I’m driving somewhere and I’ve got nothing better to do with my mind, or I’m trying to grab another fifteen minutes of shut-eye before the alarm goes off. None of the magic happens when I’m spread thin and I’m forcing myself to cram in 30 minutes of writing because I told myself I had to or I’ll never make it as a writer (which, believe me, I’ve tried this route and it’s nothing but pain and suffering all the way down. 0/10 stars, would not recommend).

So, here’s the switch I made for myself to help me to start to create again, and maybe you’ll find it useful, too. But be warned: it’s not a quick fix, and it’s actually taken a couple years of therapy to get here. Anyway, it’s this: I made a conscious decision to stop guilting myself and instead to trust myself. When I want to use my free time to rest, I rest. When I want to use my free time to read a bunch of fic or just scroll through Instagram reels, that’s what I do. I trust that my body’s giving me that urge for a reason, just like it does with hunger or thirst, and I try to pay attention to when it stops feeling like rest or fun. Because none of those things are inherently bad, you know? Do them. Enjoy them. We need them. Don’t guilt yourself over them – just try to notice when your brain makes the switch to “that’s enough.”

And then, after I did this for a while, something started to happen. As my nervous system got used to having its needs met – and I’m talking not just the basic ones like food and shelter, but like rest and connection and freedom from shame etc. – then I started to have more energy. I started to need less time to lie down. I started to have ideas again, and I started to want to do something with them, and not just in like a wistful “I hope to do this someday” kind of way, but in like a “This is what I’m going to do now and here’s when I will do it” kind of way. And it started little! It started so little, I cannot stress this enough! If the inspiration hits you to sketch a little scene on a napkin, that is still art!!! You are still an artist, and you practiced art in that moment, and you practiced it joyfully and authentically and you should celebrate that!!! Even, and maybe especially, if it doesn’t look exactly the way you pictured it in your mind (because chances are it never will). And then do it again!!! It’s like a muscle, and it will grow a little stronger every time you do.

And then here’s the other amazing thing that will happen, if you start practice art this way – just like how after you’ve stuck with a workout plan for awhile, you start to feel more energized after a good workout, the same thing start to happen when you’re able to create art authentically, joyfully, and without guilt. It becomes a form of self-care. And I can’t speak for all fanfic writers, but this is entirely why I do it. I work in moments to do it (a thing which is a hell of a lot easier to do now that my kid is in school), because when I do, I actually have more energy now, having gone through this growth process. A lot of the time (not all of the time, but a lot of the time) I actually feel more like myself than I would have if I’d spent time doing something else. It becomes its own reward – but before that can happen, it has to be treated like a reward, you feel me? And that means no guilt when you don’t have time or energy for it and lots of grace for yourself when you make mistakes and it doesn’t look the way you wanted it to.

So, I wish I could offer you like the perfect time management spreadsheet or like access to the secret nanny-swap service we all use (I wish), but, for better or for worse, it’s been my experience that the time and the will to do creative stuff comes with rest and a lot of self love and acceptance. And a kid that sleeps through the night. Sorry about that part. That part just comes with time.

Wishing you lots of coffee and peaceful nights.

Much love,

Nonnie

P.S. - I may or may not be working on a sequel to that one. (I am. It’s just taking awhile.)

#dear nonnie #living out my fantasy of being an underqualified advice columnist #anon asks #ask box #fanfiction stuff #art stuff #work life balance and other impossible things

[helloamhere]

*

#I just looked at my followers list for the first time in a long time #WHO ARE YOU ALL #you should at least get something out of this #ask me for advice I've always wanted to be an advice columnist

[storybookprincess]

Hi.....Do you mind if I ask you some random thing? I used to love shounen and shoujo manga equally....But ever since I found BL manga 3 years ago, my interest in shoujosei (especially het romance) decrese a lot, and what I search for is just the dynamic between mc (male) and male lead...I don't want to read mc (female) and male lead or mc (male) and female lead...And what I want to read mostly are just mlm or wlw stories....

What do you think is happening to me? Is it really weird?

in part because i’m not feeling very well but also in part because i don’t think it would actually be helpful, i’m not going to go into the many reasons people might prefer reading about queer pairings rather than straight pairings. there are plenty (seeing your own queer identity represented in media, a boredom & frustration with the extreme gender roles in a lot of het romance, relating to broader themes of feeling different, etc), sure, but i don’t want to buy into this whole dogma about how you need to justify your tastes in fiction with reasons that are deemed legitimate and acceptable

instead, i’d invite you to ask if any of it really matters. does it matter if you prefer queer content? does it matter if it’s an unusual preference? does your enjoyment of these stories affect the way you treat other human beings? is anyone hurt if you like these stories more than others?

it’s all fine. you’re fine. don’t stress. i promise that this absolutely does not matter

#asked and answered #Anonymous #an accidental fandom advice columnist

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

s2g i am this close to starting a twitter account for slate edits that should have happened by didn't. an article about the impact of dobbs (important topic) mentions that states could monitor period tracking or fertility apps (important scary prospect) since those aren't covered by hipaa (important bad news to be aware of). but it also in this paragraph said "missouri has already done this." NO! missouri's health department kept a spreadsheet of the last menstrual date of women who visited planned parenthood (horrifying on multiple levels), but "the spreadsheet was based on medical records accessed by the department's investigator," NOT (as far as has come to light) on period tracking apps, according to... the news article i reached by CLICKING ON THE LINK IN THE SLATE ARTICLE!!!! this is not as bad as "eating disorders are 100% based on diet culture and not at all connected to family history or genetic [link to article that says literally the exact opposite of that]" but like come on guys we are in a crisis of public health & civil rights the least you can do is get your fucking story right

#the eating disorders thing haunts me so bad #like i really thought everyone knew.....? #but you can get to be a slate advice columnist without knowing i guess!

[proustianrevelry]

Your name is HECTOR QUADRINE. You write an ADVICE COLUMN for Fleets Ahead, a publication aimed at the teens and tweens of THE NINE HOUSES preparing to serve in the IMPERIAL COHORT. You dream of using your platform to make THE FOURTH HOUSE synonymous with RATIONAL THINKING and GOOD RELATIONSHIP ADVICE.

#the locked tomb #reverse fantroll #karkat vantas #actual 4th house advice columnist #homestuck #hector quadrine #unoriginal character please steal