#admittedly my favorite route. after avoiding it for like 2 years…..

[nathanielhsewell]

the love triangle, the wayhaven chronicles.

#the love triangle my beloved <3 #admittedly my favorite route. after avoiding it for like 2 years….. #playing the lt with a detective as stoic and emotionally avoidant as A is so fun (read: messy) #cant wait for book4 when all the drama and tension finally unravels. #twc #the wayhaven chronicles #oc: alexandra hunt #adam du mortain #nate sewell #nate x alex #adam x alex #the love triangle twc #a du mortain #n sewell

[babyjamiebarnes]

Build-A-Bear

Part Three

Featuring: Bucky x Stark!reader, dad!Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Morgan, various characters in other chapters

Warnings: language, sexual innuendos and implications

Chapter Summary: Reader has dinner with her family and gets grilled even harder than her food. But she’s turned to a light simmer when Bucky takes her out for their first date.

Author’s Note: This chapter is fucking monstrous lol. I did not expect it to be this long so it might be a couple extra days before the next chapter so I can catch up! I’m also not sure if my Italian is accurate so I apologize in advance. I used to work for a man named Gennaro from Naples and he called me “bella” so hopefully I’m sort of right? If you like the story so far, feel free to buy me a coffee!

Part One • Part Two

Tags: @kennedywxlsh

Dinner that night was tense, to say the least. It was nice to have your dad, step-mom, sister, and uncles Happy and Rhodey over again, but your dad wasn’t quick to forget what he saw earlier.

“What was that with Barnes today?” Tony asked as you all sat around the dining room table in your midtown flat, poking away at the remnants of your meals.

“What do you mean?” you asked innocently.

Your dad just gave you an incredulous look. “You know what I mean.”

You sighed and avoided meeting his eyes. “I was just working on his arm, dad. I didn’t wanna make him lie down on a hard lab table while I poked around to do what you wanted and quiet his arm,” you explained.

“Wait, Barnes as in Bucky Barnes?” Uncle Rhodey clarified.

“Yeah,” your dad confirmed, not taking his eyes off of you. “I found her kneeling between his legs while he sat shirtless on the couch.”

“You’re sleeping with Bucky?!” Rhodey asked.

“I’m not sleeping with anyone!” you defended, dropping your fork onto your plate. “I’ve known him for a month.”

“That’s never stopped your father,” Pepper mumbled under her breath, making you huff out a laugh despite your current grilling.

“Listen, when I said ‘no fraternizing with coworkers,’ I meant it,” your dad said.

“Please stop saying ‘fraternizing.’ It’s weird.”

Tony sighed and crossed his arms. “No ‘slumber parties’ with coworkers,” he rephrased.

This made Morgan perk up in her seat, having spent the past couple minutes confusedly watching you and your dad bicker.

“Can we have a slumber party, [Y/N]?” she asked.

“Yes, honey, we can have a slumber party,” you responded.

“Tonight?” she continued.

At this, you pointedly looked at your dad and raised your eyebrows as a way of saying ‘are we done now?’ You could tell he didn’t want to end the conversation, but you were grateful for the sudden change of topic. Tony uncrossed his arms and leaned against the table as he replied to your sister.

“If your big sister says it’s okay, you can have a slumber party tonight.”

Morgan lit up like the Fourth of July, quickly listing off all the movies she wanted to watch even though you knew she’d fall asleep halfway through the first movie.

As your family packed up to leave, leaving Morgan since she had a drawer of clothes for the impromptu sleepovers you’ve had before, you calmed your racing heart before saying the words that would either make your father more suspicious or completely quash his suspicions.

“You’ll have to pick her up by four tomorrow. I have a date.”

All of the adults turned to face you. Pepper had a huge smile on her face, clearly excited for you, but your dad and Rhodey looked ready to fight. Happy looked curious, maybe even worried, but he played a big role in raising you so while Tony was the overprotective parent, Happy was the comforting parent (not that he’d ever let anyone know that).

“A date?” The tone of your dad’s voice made you roll your eyes at him.

“I’m a grown woman. I’m allowed to go on dates.”

Your dad let out a quiet harumph at that, but understood where you were coming from. “I know, sweetheart. Forgive me for being a bit overprotective of my little girl.”

“I get it. I appreciate your concern,” you said with a smile, “but this is good for me. You want grandkids eventually, right?”

“Oh god,” your dad groaned, pressing a hand to his chest. “I’m not old enough to be a grandpa but I’m old enough to have a heart attack at the mention of it.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

“So what’s this person’s name?” Pepper piped up. You visibly tensed and internally panicked. You couldn’t just admit it was Bucky after denying anything there. But his name was technically pretty common...

“His name is James.”

Rhodey snapped his fingers and pointed at you as he said, “I like him already.”

‘Yeah, sure you do,’ you thought. The sight of your dad narrowing his eyes at you and crossing his arms as he stood in the entryway of your apartment made you nervous. Maybe James wasn’t good enough to get him off your trail (probably because he was right).

“How did you meet this guy?” Tony asked.

If anyone else had asked, you would’ve said ‘work,’ but that’s the last place you could say to your dad — with whom you worked.

“Uhh, at the grocery store. We accidentally followed each other and got a lot of the same food so he jokingly accused me of stalking him and we just hit it off,” you rattled off. It’s a good thing he didn’t know how your friend Monique met her girlfriend or he’d know you were lying.

“That’s so cute,” Pepper cooed. She was definitely the more relaxed of your parents, possibly because she wasn’t your biological mom. She had been raising you since you were ten though, so she played a big part in your upbringing.

“Text me his last name so I can run a background check,” your dad said. You’d love to think he was joking, but you knew he was serious.

And as much as you knew you’d regret it, you had to make a joke…

“His last name is Barnes,” you said, keeping your face as serious as possible. “James Barnes. I actually know his middle name too: Buchanan.”

“[Y/N] [Y/M/N] [Y/L/N], you better be joking right now,” Tony said. He was already getting red in the face, clearly unenthused at the prospect of you dating the man who, admittedly, killed his parents — your grandparents. Yeah, understandable.

“I’m obviously kidding,” you said, forcing a laugh. “It’s just funny that they have the same first name and you’re so anti-Bucky.”

“You’re gonna send me to an early grave,” he muttered. “I’m going home before I actually have a heart attack.”

You said your goodbyes and ‘I love you’s before you and Morgan put on your pajamas and set up a pillow fort in the middle of your living room to watch her favorite sleepover movie: “Shrek.”

As the movie went on, you leaned back in the fort to take a photo of Morgan with the movie in the background. Well, the back of Morgan’s head as she was engrossed in the movie she’d seen a million times.

[Image attached] She’s got her teddy bear but where’s my Bucky Bear? 🥺

Across the city, Bucky’s phone buzzed from its spot on the kitchen counter as he made himself a late dinner. He didn’t recognize the number, but smiled when he saw the picture of who he assumed was your sister or niece.

I never got an invite. Looks like more fun than my night.

You smiled to yourself when you saw his reply, rolling your eyes at the lack of exclamation points and emojis. Typical man.

What does your night look like?

Eating a late dinner and talking to you.

Talking to me isn’t fun?! I’m hurt 😢

Not as fun as actually being with you.

Even though he wasn’t there and didn’t say it verbally, you could feel your cheeks get hot at his words.

There’s no way sweet talk like that didn’t get you in more than four beds.

You’re still on that? I swear doll, I have the same number as you.

Whatever you say! 🙄

There was a lull in conversation after that, giving you time to move your sister to lie on her back with pillows and blankets in the fort so she could sleep more comfortably.

Are we still going out tomorrow?

You let the next Shrek movie start automatically, but you didn’t pay any attention as you texted Bucky.

I’m still down if you are 👀

You sent him your address and let him know you’d wait on the front steps for him so he didn’t have to come all the way up. With the exchange of ‘good night’ messages, you drifted asleep to the sounds of Shrek 2.

•

The next morning, you somehow managed to wake up before your sister, then brought her back to the land of the living with the smell of French toast.

You spent your day watching another movie with Morgan before fixing lunch and taking her to a park down the road. Morgan’s childhood was definitely different from yours. Happy was the one who took you to parks and shopping, but Tony parented at home. Morgan would have the same early experiences, but the world knew Tony and Pepper had a daughter. They kept her identity hidden for now, waiting until she could decide if she wanted to reveal herself later in life. The world never knew about you.

And you had to be somewhat grateful for that. You still got all the perks of being a Stark — the money, the Tower, meeting the Avengers (and having James Rhodes as your godfather) — without the stress of fame. But part of you still wished you could talk about your father without keeping his occupation vague and referring to him as “Anthony” when telling stories instead of Tony.

Morgan also got to know her mom. You only spent the first seven years of your life with your mom before she was killed in a drive-by shooting. The police investigated it like crazy because everyone thought since it was Tony Stark’s wife, it had to be a targeted hit. But since she never took the same jogging route twice, all they came up with was an unplanned drive-by. You cherished the memories you had with her, but still openly welcomed Pepper when she came into the picture. She may not have played the same type of role in your life, but she helped shape your middle and high school years.

By the time you and Morgan got back to your place, she was exhausted, climbing back into the still-intact blanket fort to take a nap. When your dad and Pepper stopped by to pick her up, she was still knocked out.

“We’ll get out of your hair so you can get ready for your date,” your dad said with Morgan in his arms. “Send me this James guy’s last name. I still want to run a background check.”

“Dad,” you grumbled. “I already did my research. He’s clear.” Kind of. He technically has murdered hundreds of people, including your grandparents, but he’s reformed and fighting for the good guys now. Not that your dad would let it slide if you told him that.

“That’s my girl,” he grinned. “Let me know if you need to hide any bodies, okay?”

“You got it,” you said with a laugh as they headed out. You had two hours to get ready for Bucky, giving you plenty of time to look extra cute.

By the time six rolled around, you were all dolled up and ready to go. The autumn weather had you in a jacket and boots, but that just pulled your outfit together.

Your doorman Matt was standing inside the lobby when you ran downstairs, tossing him a small wave as you left.

“Have a good night, Miss [Y/L/N],” he said with a nod.

“See you later, Matt!”

You stood at the bottom of your building’s front steps, checking your phone and looking up and down the block for Bucky. It was six on the dot, so you figured he’d be there soon.

“Hey!” You looked up from your phone to see Bucky jogging toward you, a black leather jacket covering his arms and a black glove hiding his left hand. “Sorry I’m late. I couldn’t get away from Sam. Had to tell him I was gonna check out my old stomping grounds in Brooklyn.”

“You’re, like, 30 seconds late. I’m just glad you’re here,” you said with a smile. “So what are we doing tonight?”

Bucky’s smile faltered as he looked down at you. Your boots gave you a bit of a height bump, but Bucky still stood taller than you.

“I, uh, I kinda thought you had something planned,” he said softly.

“Oh, oops,” you laughed. “Well… what about those Brooklyn stomping grounds of yours? Care to show me around?”

Bucky lit up at the recommendation and started leading the way to the nearest subway stop. Before you started down the stairs, he paused and turned to you with a sour expression.

“I probably should’ve asked if you’d rather get a cab,” he said.

“Bucky, I take the subway to work every day. It’s fine.”

“Why do you take the train? You don’t live too far away.” You two made your way down the steps to the bustling station.

“It’s just easier. Less work for me,” you explained. “I didn’t take the train much as a kid so I like taking the opportunity now that I can.”

“Most people don’t willingly take the subway,” he laughed. “Steve and I always used to talk about how we’d be rich enough to have a car someday. But now that I could get any car I wanted, I don’t think I want one. I like the subway.”

“Even though it’s smelly and dirty?” you joked.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “It’s one of the things that still reminds me of home.”

The gentleness in his voice nearly brought you to tears. This man had been through so much and was still the sweetest soul you’d ever met. Forced into a war he didn’t want to join, experimented on, tortured and brainwashed, hunted by every government in the world, captured, frozen, and forced into another war and more battles he shouldn’t have to join. He just couldn’t catch a break.

“Well I’m excited to see what else reminds you of home,” you replied.

The trains to and through Brooklyn were relatively busy so you and Bucky couldn’t really talk much, but it was a Saturday night so you couldn’t blame people for getting out. It was tough to find seats, but Bucky was willing to stand to make sure you could have a seat. Ever the gentleman.

When you made it to Bucky’s Brooklyn stop of choice, he started telling you more stories from the ‘40s, like when Steve couldn’t get off the train in time and accidentally went down another stop so Bucky ran to the next stop and found Steve heading his way anyway. And how he and Steve followed his sister Rebecca on a date “to watch out for her,” he said, and her date thought they were stalking her and tried to beat them up. And all the fights he pulled Steve out of.

“Punk was a chihuahua who thought he was a Rottweiler.”

For a while, you two walked around the streets of Brooklyn just telling each other stories. You were careful about names you used, often just calling Happy “Uncle Harry” and Rhodey “Uncle James.”

Bucky showed you the movie theater he and Steve used to go to, which was surprisingly still in business. You walked past what used to be a diner Bucky frequented but was converted into a bridal shop.

“This used to be a magic store Steve loved,” he said, looking up at the bank on the corner of the street. “Things have changed a lot.”

You heard the nostalgia in his voice, clearly missing the New York he grew up to love. He had a soft smile on his lips as he reminisced, though.

“What about where you lived?” you asked. “Do you remember where that is?”

“Oh yeah,” he chuckled. “I could never forget that.”

Everything was within a fifteen minute walk of where you got off the subway so even though your feet were getting tired, you followed alongside Bucky as he led the way up and down the streets. Before too long, you strode up to a large brick building that had clearly been remodeled recently, if the fresh windows and front doors were any indication.

“It’s… a lot nicer than when I lived here,” Bucky said with a sigh. “But it’s been nearly 100 years so I can’t blame them for updating things.”

“Brooklyn is kind of booming now, too,” you added. “More people to appeal to, ya know?”

You stared up at him again, seeing that same lost look as before, like he wished to turn back time and show you the Brooklyn he knew. So you decided since he couldn’t do that, you’d show him the Brooklyn you knew.

“Come here. My turn to show you around,” you said, holding your hand out to him. He gave you a small smile before grabbing your hand in his and letting you pull him back to the subway.

Ten minutes later, you hopped off the train with Bucky in tow and headed to the little Italian restaurant you found while exploring the city a couple years before. It wasn’t anything elaborate; it was honestly more of a little hole-in-the-wall, but you liked the quiet atmosphere.

“Bella!” the owner shouted as you walked in.

“Hey Genny,” you smiled at him.

“Who’s this?” he asked as he approached you, raising his eyebrows when he saw Bucky.

“This is James,” you said. You opted against using his more common nickname to avoid any recognition.

“James, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Gennaro, but you can call me Genny. Welcome to my restaurant.” The two men shook hands before Genny ushered you two to a table and handed you menus. “Would you like to start with focaccia?”

“Yes please!”

“Con formaggi?”

“Si! Grazie!”

Gennaro left you and Bucky while he started your appetizer.

“You speak Italian?” Bucky asked.

“Definitely not,” you laughed. “I’ve just been coming here for a while and have picked up on some things Genny says. Like ‘bella’ means ‘beautiful,’ this pizza,” you pointed to your favorite pizza on the menu, “‘cinque formaggi’ means ‘five cheese.’ But I could never hold a conversation.”

“Un peccato,” Bucky sighed before flashing a smile at you.

“You speak Italian?!” you nearly shrieked. “No way! Don’t talk shit with Gennaro behind my back.” You pouted at Bucky, but knew he wouldn’t say anything bad about you. Maybe an embarrassing moment or two — like your dad walking in on you between his knees — but nothing negative.

“I picked it up pretty quickly back in the day,” Bucky explained. “Before I was sent to Germany, I was stationed in a small town in Italy for a while. The locals didn’t mind having us there because we kept the Nazis out, so they taught us some Italian when we were in town.”

“Maybe I should take Gennaro up on his offer to learn Italian,” you mused.

“Or you could learn from me,” Bucky was quick to offer. “I’ll teach you some stuff when you’re working on my arm.”

Your server arrived with the focaccia and water for both of you, before giving you more time to actually look at the menus instead of talking. You decided to split a bottle of red wine and two pizzas, one of your choice and one of Bucky’s. As the night went on, you and Bucky both opened up to each other even more than before. You could easily blame the buzz from a couple glasses of wine, but Bucky’s super soldier serum made you confused. His cheeks were flushed and he had more than half the bottle, so you wondered if maybe...

“Can you still get drunk?”

“Unlike Steve, yes. It takes more than this,” he said, lifting the nearly empty bottle of wine, “but since Steve and I received different serums, they work a little differently. I can definitely get drunk. Marijuana admittedly hits harder.”

You paused as you stared back at him, his elbows perched on the table and his clasped hands propped under his chin.

“Are you drunk now?”

“No,” he laughed quietly. “A little tipsy, sure, but not drunk by a long shot.”

You narrowed your eyes at him playfully, reluctantly accepting that he was just as buzzed as you but not quite drunk.

Before long, your server brought over your tab and you realized how empty the restaurant had gotten. Then you noticed the broom and mop the server had brought out to the floor, then the dark ‘open’ sign, and finally the clock on the wall.

“You closed 20 minutes ago and didn’t kick us out?” you shouted at Gennaro. “Genny, you can always kick me out! I feel bad!”

Gennaro walked over to your table as you scrambled for your wallet and handed the server your card to run.

“I can’t kick you out, bella. You and your moroso are welcome any time.”

“I think this poor girl would beg to differ,” you said as the server handed your card and signature slip back. She just laughed at your comment, agreeing without saying it outright.

You left a hefty tip and hugged Genny before you and Bucky, both still a bit tipsy, shuffled outside.

“Thanks for buying dinner,” Bucky said. “This means I get to pay next time, though.”

He said it so casually and you already planned on another date, but it still kind of caught you off guard.

“Next time?” You smiled up at him and took a step closer until you were almost toe-to-toe. “There’s gonna be a ‘next time’?”

“I sure hope there is,” he said quietly, his smirk sending a rush up your spine.

“If you insist,” you sighed. He knew better than to believe you weren’t excited for your future plans. “I’m cold. Care to get an Uber with me?”

He gently grabbed your shoulders and spun you around, pulling the loose opening of his jacket over your arms and wrapping his arms around you to help keep you warm.

“Well, yeah. I need to make sure you get home safe so ‘next time’ can happen,” Bucky said as he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.

“You know, I don’t usually let men spoon me on the first date,” you joked as you tapped away to order an Uber.

“I can stop, if you want,” he teased.

You gripped his arm as he started to pull away. “I never said that.”

Bucky rode back to your place with you, keeping conversation casual as you both avoided the controversy you were about to face: to kiss on the first date or not. You never really had any issues with it before, but you already really liked Bucky. You didn’t want to risk messing it up by moving too fast. But what grown man would think a kiss on a first date was too fast? Well… maybe one born in the early 1900s…

Before your thoughts could throw you into a downward spiral, the driver pulled up outside your apartment complex. Bucky stepped out first and held the door open for you to scoot out after him. As you stood at the bottom of the stairs to your building, you felt those nerves creeping up on you again. God, you hadn’t felt this nervous about a date since high school.

“I had fun tonight,” Bucky said first, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Me too,” you smiled back. “I’m excited for what you plan for next time.”

Bucky laughed at this, the crinkle of his nose making your own smile grow. God, you wanted to invite him inside already. In your defense, you’ve known him for a full month and spent even longer getting heart-eyes over him in college.

But you reined in your hormones and just took a step closer to him to rest your hands on his chest. His right hand came up to rest on your waist, but he kept the metal hand in his pocket. With your hand placement, you could feel the thrum of his heartbeat and judging by the pace, you knew you were both on the same page. As you were trying to shove your nerves aside, Bucky asked the one question you were hoping for.

“Can I kiss you?”

Knowing he wanted this as much as you did relieved some of your nerves, but also made the moment that much more real. You smiled up at him and nodded your head.

“Yes, please do.”

You perched up on your toes to meet him halfway, letting his lips mold to yours. His hold on your waist tightened as he pulled you closer; you gripped the lapel of his jacket in your fists. Suddenly the cold of the night no longer existed. All you could feel was the warmth radiating off of him as he held you close. He pulled back for a second before diving right back in, this time nipping at your bottom lip. You giggled against him, but didn’t stop him from taking the innocent kiss a step further. Your hands slid from his chest to the nape of his neck before tangling into his long hair. The vibration from his moan as you tugged on his hair ran straight down your spine, making it even harder to leave the date alone.

Reluctantly, you both pulled apart just enough for your noses to brush against each other, the stubble of his beard still tickling your nose. You opened your eyes enough to see the smile on his lips as he pulled back a bit more to see your face.

“I’ll see you Monday?” you said quietly, as if speaking any louder would break you two out of your bubble.

“See you Monday, [Y/N],” Bucky replied just as quietly. His hand slipped from your waist as you backed away, biting your lip at him before you turned and scurried up the steps. Bucky stood on the sidewalk until he could see the light in your apartment flick on, just to make sure you were safe.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x Stark!reader #bucky barnes x stark!reader #Stark!reader #dad!tony #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fic

[addictedtojmanga]

Shoujo manga recommendations - otome game isekai

So, after 10+ years reading shoujo manga, I’ve read over 1k titles, admittedly, a reasonable amount is one-shot (or at least a collection of), but nonetheless, over time I had to expand my interests.

Lately, I’ve started reading the otome game isekai genre, and decided it’d be nice to share the ones I thought were best.

Most of them are pretty much the same, but the best ones usually have a twist, so...

! Warning: You’ll most likely want to beat up 1 or 2 characters from each one, but worry not, so do I and the other characters

1. Fiancée's Observation Log of the Self-proclaimed Villainess

Crown prince Cecil was so brilliant that everything in life was easy to the point of boring him, then one day, his fiancée Bertia suddenly said "Prince Cecil, I am a villainess!" Claiming that this world is the same as that of an "otome game" from her past life and that she is playing the role of the "villainess" in it, she aims to play her part well and have their engagement annulled. With that goal in mind, she sets about causing turmoil in Cecil's daily life.

This one definitely takes the gold for me. Super sweet and pretty funny.

2. My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

Most people would prefer being the protagonist of a world full of adventure, be it in a game or in another world. But, unfortunately, a certain girl is not so lucky. Regaining the memories of her past life, she realizes that she was reborn in the world of Fortune Lover—one of the games she used to play. Unfortunately, the character she was reincarnated into—Katarina Claes—is the game's main antagonist, who faces utter doom in every ending. Using her extensive knowledge of the game, she takes it upon herself to escape from the chains of this accursed destiny. However, this will not be an easy feat, especially since she needs to be cautious as to not set off death flags that may speed up the impending doom she is trying to avoid. Even so, to make a change that will affect the lives of everyone around her, she strives—not as the heroine—but as the villainess.

This one takes 2nd place! It has a different result than others, and the FL is great - everyone is, to be fair.

3. Of Course I’ll Claim Palimony

"I'll annul our engagement!" My fiancé suddenly declared?! Apparently he's in love with the recently transferred count's daughter and is planning on making me the villain in order to annul the engagement. Although I have no lingering attachments about the engagement, I do have to claim a hefty consolation fee don't I?

This is sooo good. The FL is spectacular and manages to stand out - even if just a bit - from the rest of the genre.

4. I’m a Villainous Daughter, so I’m going to keep the Last Boss

Avoid the BAD END! That's the goal of the villainess in this plot-twisting story!! She has been reborn into the world of an otome game as the villainess, Irene. Using her memories of her former life, she recognizes flags indicating she's en-route to the bad end, so she makes a plan to conquer the last boss (the evil king Claude), make him her lover, and see if she can open up a new route!

Pretty funny, and the FL is bold. Also, the ML is a bishounen.

It’s one of the few mangas from this genre that has been completely translated, and since it only has 13 chapters, it’s a good way to start out.

5. The Plain & Unnoticeable Me is No More

Elaine Lana Norris, who was born at the top of the aristocratic daughter, was declared abandoned by her second fiancé at the school's founding party. Lana, who has been made a villain daughter, is driven out of her home by a strict grandfather. But there is a secret in Lana that everyone doesn't know about?

I don’t want to give out any spoilers, however, it suffices to say that she accepts her role as the villainess.

Ok, I think these 5 are my favorite, but the ones below have been selected as well, so they’re still pretty good and worth reading.

6. The Villiainess Is Adored by the Crown Prince of the Neighboring Kingdom    

Tiararose was supposed to be disengaged and exiled from the country. “This was the Otome game I had played!” She realized on the day before the story’s ending??……. Shall I wait for the judgment? But, I did not do anything too cruel……. Thinking so, the ending continues. But, during the judgement??something that was not possible in the game happened. The neighboring crown prince courted the villainous daughter Tiararose.

ML: 10/10 FL: 8/10 (too insecure for my taste)

7. Endo and Kobayashi’s Live Commentary on the Villainess

She’s always putting on that grumpy face even though she’s not actually that upset! Oh, why can’t she just be honest with herself…!??? She is a tsundere, after all? When her embarrassment levels exceed a certain limit, she will explode into anger. However, the point that she’s suppressing under the surface is that she wouldn’t mind that sort of thing if it were in a less public place.? As Endo-kun passionately reacts to the antics of Lady Liselotte, the villainess of an otome game, Kobayashi-san provides a painstaking breakdown of her tsundere behaviour. Suddenly, one person could hear their voices; Liselotte’s fiancée, Prince Siegward. That is where this story begins.

8. I’m the Villainess, but the Capture Targets are too Abnormal  

The villainess, Mystia, remembered her past life on her 10th birthday and has unwittingly turned the characters in the otome game "Kyun Kyun Love School" into yanderes! In order to avoid becoming the love rival of the "heroine" who will lead her to her downfall, she starts making every effort to break off her engagement with her "prince-like classmate"! That’s was what supposed to happen...But, because of her kind personality, her favorability increased instead!

It’s still in its beginning stages, but seems pretty solid.    

9. Though I May Be a Villainess, I'll Show You I Can Obtain Happiness!  

A collection of one shots.

Great way to start out, it has quite a few options, so if you don’t like one, give another one a try!

10.  The Villainess, Cecilia Silvie, Doesn't Want to Die, So She Decided to Cross-dress!      

I was reincarnated into the body Cecilia Silvie, the villainess of an otome game. According to the plot, what awaits me in the normal route is either a slow, painful death or an instantaneous one... Essentially, every route leads to my demise. Then I'll change my fate! And that's why I decided to become a man. However, I made a mistake during a certain event, and the story began to head down an unexpected path...?

I haven’t seen any other like this, and if you like gender bender, this one’s for you!

11.  I’ll Become a Villainess That Will Go Down in History ― The More of a Villainess I Become, the More the Prince will Dote on Me

Alicia is the eldest daughter of the noble Williams family—a bloodline that excels in dark magic. Her jet-black hair and golden eyes command a powerful presence, but her most unique features are, without a doubt, her sharp tongue and malevolent nature. By all means, she is a villainess, but also a fictional character from an otome game!

12. I’m Not a Villainess!! Just Because I Can Control Darkness Doesn’t Mean I’m a Bad Person!

The novel The Saint Beloved by the Prince is set in the land of Lacia, where spirits control the elements, each of which is overseen by a "Spirit King." On rare occasions, these Spirit Kings may bless a single human, granting them immense magical control over their respective element. The heroine, Amelia Logan, and the villainess, Claudia Leitzya, are two sides of the same coin, blessed by the Light and Dark Spirit Kings respectively. However, while Amelia is beloved, Claudia is hated and rejected due to her dark skin, ebony locks, and aptitude for dark magic. After dying in modern-day Japan, Sakura is reborn as an infant Claudia. While difficult at first, Claudia tries to adjust to this new life, all the while accompanied by the Dark Spirit King Gerald. But even this task is far from easy; people fear her at first glance, no matter how she acts toward them. Still, Claudia is set on changing her fate from the novel, proving she is a good person and breaking free from the shackles of a "villainess."

13. Rebirth of the Villainess: The Life of Letizia after the Engagement Annulment      

For some reason, the duke's daughter, Letizia, was plotting to break her engagement with the prince. Her plan succeeded and the prince, none the wiser. But shortly after the engagement was terminated... The King collapsed! In that moment, she recalled her memories of her past life as a nurse and she fully utilised her knowledge & experience as a nurse, to save the King's life. Thinking she had achieved what she wanted, she thought she could finally relax, drinking her favourite beverage and leisurely spend her time, she instead somehow keeps getting involved in incident after incident. The slow and peaceful life is now nothing but a dream!? Lazy daughter, busy seeking freedom and laziness!

14. I Won't Become a Villainess. I'm Just a "Normal" Duke's Daughter!

A Japanese person reincarnated into an otome game chock full of death flags for the villainess, Rosalind. "I'm going to live an enjoyable life in this world!" Making full use of the game knowledge to avoid death flags, for some reason events keep happening one after another?! Contracting with spirits, helping her father (the prime minister) with his work using her modern day knowledge, taking a walk with the holy beast... and on top of all that, even starting up the heroine's event...? Will Rosalind be able to smash through every unknown death flag that comes her way...?! And will she be able to be fluffy lovey-dovey with the supporting beastkin character she liked from her previous life?!

Cute. Has beasts.

15. Milady Just Wants to Relax      

She worked herself to death in her past life, but then she was reborn in another world as the villainess Ronia! As expected, her engagement is broken and she's expelled from society, but now she takes that chance to live peacefully, and even opens a cafe with the help of her fairy comrades, which is becoming unexpectedly popular with beast-kin...?

Also cute. Also has beasts.

16. I Swear I Won’t Bother You Again!            

Violette, a proud and beautiful daughter of a duke, commits a crime out of jealousy towards her half-sister. Convicted, Violet faces her own heart with sincerity in a prison cell and regrets her sin. Then time rewinds to a turning point—to her first meeting with Maryjun one year ago. Violette makes a decision. She will not make mistakes this time. Without committing a crime and bothering anyone, she will live an ordinary, plain and inconspicuous life...! However, incidents contrary to Violette's expectations occur one after another...?!

17. I Became a Villain Daughter

On her 15th birthday, Hinase Kaede, a young girl who was working as a part-timer, perished in a traffic accident. Upon her death, a self-proclaimed “God” appeared, declaring that Kaede would be brought back to life. However, Kaede’s happiness was short-lived and her soul was thrown into Erika, the villainess of an otome game! In the original game, Erika became a saint candidate alongside the heroine, committed evil deeds over the course of the candidacy, and ultimately faced condemnation. Thus, Kaede decides that she will not get close to the main characters of the game so as to avoid the bad end, but yet——?

#manga #shoujo #shojo #shoujo manga #shojo manga #manga cap #romance #otome game #isekai #mangacap #shoujo recommendation #bakarina #bertia #endo and kobayashi’s live commentary on the villainess #fiancée's observation log of the self-proclaimed villainess #villainess

[retconjuration]

elaborate on autistic lanque pls 🤲

oh, don’t mind if i do. before i begin:

this contains some major spoilers for hiveswap: act 2, and some minor spoilers for lanque’s friendsim routes(but those have been out for like three years).

disclaimer: i don’t care if you disagree, i’m not claiming this as canon, i am autistic and projecting.

now that that’s out of the way.

point one: possibly the most important thing to note is that lanque is incredibly good at masking. given this quote from his wiki:

“Lanque's writer has stated that both of his Friendsim routes are heavily exaggerated for comedic purposes, with one being more true to his actual personality. As shown by his attitude in Hiveswap: Act 2, it's heavily implied his NSFW route is the truer one. However, this leaves his personality to be drawn from his Friendsim routes to be dubious for readers to interpret what the actual "balance" of his personality is.”

the actual tweet has been deleted, but one of the assumptions that can be made from this is that both the sfw and nsfw routes are, in some way, true to his personality. this would mean that he is actively and drastically changing the way he interacts with the people around him according to the setting, or through imitation. effectively this would make him a social chameleon, another thing often attributed to autistic masking.

and the idea of constant masking fits, given his whole Thing- he’s already being set apart from all the other jades by his transness, and from how he acts in act 2(this will be mentioned later), he doesn’t quite enjoy this difference being pointed out. it would make sense that, given the opportunity to hide something that would lead to more attention(maybe more accurately, attention he doesn’t like), he would take it. this being said, i don’t think lanque sees his transness or unchecked neurodivergence as a bad thing- rather, he sees how other people treat him for it as annoying and something to avoid.

point two: lanque seems to have a very strange range of emotions. while he usually presents as very calm, when he does express true emotion(like when he’s caught off guard by the reader shouting for bronya), its often overstated, and in some cases, a total non sequitur from what came before. the way he reacts in the valid ending scene specifically reminds me of times when i have been startled out of masking- especially since he goes from formal prose straight to “what the fuck, dude?”

the only time he expresses emotions neurotypically is when he’s doing it through another medium(his poetry in the sfw route).

point three: lanque repeatedly is shown to not be the best at conveying or reading tone.

at the start of his sfw route, lynera ends up rambling on about something or other. it’s immensely awkward.

lanque doesn’t register it as such, and while this could just be attributed to sfw lanque’s overexaggerated kindness, i raise you: i’m building a case here, let me twist my evidence.

in his nsfw route, we have some gems such as:

lanque is shown to use a tone entirely unfitting of the words that he’s saying, and its specified that this demeanor is nearly indistinguishable from how he was acting before. could this just be an example of professional bitching? yes. play on my court for a second, though

and perhaps my favorite example of lanque totally misreading tone/a situation in general(which is both the aforementioned act 2 scene AND an example of his abnormal reactions to things) is the scene where joey asks lanque about the hatched2dance magazine from lynera’s locker. immediately, he (incorrectly, and without much reason except prior experience) assumes that joey’s intention was to harangue him about being a male jadeblood.

after joey specifies what she meant, he refuses to respond until xefros tries to actually ask him about being a male jadeblood, and lanque tells them to fuck off. personally i think this is as close to embarrassment as lanque will willingly show in public

point four: lanque is Painfully straightforward. this is obvious in the everything about him, but best summed up with:

lanque sees no use in not just saying what he means, which often leads to him being(often rightfully) seen as a bitch. again, it’s hard to say things for certain with what little content there is, but i wouldn’t be surprised if some of the things he says- for instance certain parts of his calling out lynera(mostly the parts about her talking shit, not the parts where he’s outright insulting her) were just intended as honesty, rather than animosity. this is a common trait in autism, but i see a lot of neurotypicals look over it because it’s seen as rudeness. ultimately he still uses that honesty to be a bitch on purpose on several occasions, so don’t take this as me saying he’s free of flaws or whatever

another thing i like to point out, though admittedly it’s much more of a stretch, is this bit where lanque has to ask for specification when joey uses a less direct method of asking him what he thinks of the other jades:

take that as you will

point five: mildly connected to point four, lanque shows possibly one of the most out-there forms of rejection when it comes to social norms. he’s able to skate by in the wider lens of alternia because people of most castes participate in shitty parties, but doing it as a jadeblood gives it an entirely different context.

he also(and this is maybe half speculation, but let me be) seems to have issues sticking with quadrants as a rigid construct. when bronya says this to lanque:

many people took it as evidence that lanque was abusive to his partners. and if people want to hold that headcanon, i really don’t care, because it can be an accurate reading of how he is presented in the nsfw route specifically. my personal opinion, however, given that his personality is said to be exaggerated in these routes, is guided by this section from his sfw route’s poem:

i believe that lanque is just extremely prone to vacillation, because he doesn’t truly grasp why quadrants are divided in the way that they are, only that others “press” him to do the dividing. thats autistic attitudes towards social constructs baby

point six(and here’s where the trial spoilers come in): lanque has a very unusual way of solving problems, apparently. when confronted with the issue of his impending ordeals and the idea of having to spend his life as a celibate space nun, lanque’s solution is.... to attempt to join a boy band, using the chaos of the trial(that He caused by stealing the book) as his cover. when joey presents this theory to tyzias(a theory that lanque confirms is more or less correct before chucking joey off of the train), she responds with:

meaning that not only are his problem solving skills out of the box to joey, but to other trolls as well.

there’s also something to be said about how little he values personal space, but i’m wary of claiming that as an autistic trait of his, and if it is, he is very purposefully weaponizing it.

oh, and point seven: i’m autistic and i want him to be

thanks for reading

#long post #lanque bombyx #hiveswap friendsim #hiveswap #homestuck

[sagemoderocklee]

⭐the most recent chapter of taol with shadow!shikamaru⭐

ohhhhh thank you for asking about this chapter! this is definitely my favorite non-gaalee chapter! it was also the chapter that I was probably the most nervous about because of the direction I took Shikamaru in!

it’s been a while since i published that chapter, so i had to skim before i could really touch on the elements of it that I really wanted to talk about, so sorry this took so long to get to. again, not something i could really reply to in the midst of having my tits tattooed. and i was too tired last night after my appointment to reply to this cause i knew it was gonna be long.

anyways, director’s cut for chapter 11 of The Art of Love is below the cut:

so a quick breakdown of what happened in this chapter to refresh anyone’s memory:

This chapter was a Shikamaru PoV chapter, (and aside from Gaara and Lee, he’s actually one of my fave characters to write. It’s hard to rank who I love writing the most, tbh, but I really do love Shikamaru as a character and enjoying writing from his POV.)

With this chapter, things are really starting to progress in a very material way--we’ve got Shikamaru’s fake arrest, Chouji taking his place in Iron, Shikamaru’s team for a secret mission is formed, and his escape from Konoha takes place. He rendezvous with Team Eight and Sai, and they begin a long journey, posing as civilian travelers who’ve been impact by the outbreaks of violence throughout the last five years.

First they go to a town I made up for this fic, Kōten Outpost, where they uncover a small bit of information. Here, things take a drastic turn: Shikamaru makes a pact with Shadow Kami--a pact that hasn’t been made in hundreds of years, and the records of which are unclear and incomplete. This reveals something about the Nara clan otherwise unknown. They’re abilities to manipulate shadow comes not from chakra specifically, but from ancient pacts, magic that has since been forgotten by shinobi.

This pact poses a danger to Shikamaru, to his teammates, to the world, but he takes it on because he is more than determined to rescue Temari. He cannot possibly predict the consequences of the pact, but he knows it will give him unimaginable power. Power he definitely cannot control.

After this, they move northward, making their way out of Fire Country and into, first Steam Country (originally Hot Water Country), and then Crystal Country (originally Frost Country). Their goal is to make their way to Kumogakure in Lightning, but posing as civilians means traveling slowly. And Shikamaru is no longer in the best condition as he struggles against an unimaginable force that now lives within him.

The journey from town to town, and village to village takes months. They disguise themselves in numerous ways, and eventually they do make it into Lighting, a harrowing feat made possible by Shikamaru’s growing strength and understanding of the Shadow Kami.

The chapter ends here, after they’ve crossed the boarder into Lightning.

So, brief(ish) recap.

I think the main things I’d really love to talk about are Shikamaru’s pact with the Shadow Kami, the team he put together, Hinata’s role, some of the minor worldbuilding that went into this chapter, and his relationship to Temari. Which is obviously a lot to talk about lol but i really love this chapter.

So, to start with, I wanna talk about the less in depth stuff, which would be the team he put together and Hinata specifically.

I think it’s obvious that Team Eight and Sai were the best choices for this incredibly covert operation. Sai with his experience in ROOT and Team Eight as a team of trackers were the best candidates, even though Team Eight doesn’t necessarily specialize in undercover work. My thinking is that every shinobi has to have at least a basic grasp (cough except Lee) of undercover work and disguise. We obviously don’t get a lot of that in the series proper, but the series sort of takes the fact that these characters are ninja as more of a loose concept. ANBU and ROOT are really the closest to actual ninja, I’d say. Whereas Genin, Chuunin, and Jounin are more like your standard military personnel, I guess.

But that all being said, I don’t think you could really have someone be a successful Chuunin or Jounin without some experience and skill in these areas. I mean, as we saw in the first Chuunin exams, one of their tests was literally intelligence gathering without getting caught.

The team itself is large, but I didn’t want to skip out on using any of these characters, because each of them offered something vital to the team, and I don’t think Shikamaru would want to risk not using all the skills available to him that Team Eight and Sai offer. Sai’s obviously the best and most likely to fit into this role, and I think Shino is also well suited to this kind of work, but Kiba and Hinata are a little harder to place here. Kiba because he’s rather brash, and Hinata because she’s so... meek and bland. But Kiba is honestly easier to justify than Hinata from the off.

Hinata is always the character I struggle with the most because she doesn’t really offer us much in the canon. I’m sure someone will tell me I’m wrong or whatever, but Hinata exists specifically as a vehicle for male fantasy fulfillment. She’s fan service. Big tits, sweet, meek, totally devoted to the hero. Her arc revolves around Naruto, she exits to prop him up.

And that was a big reason why I wasn’t going to avoid writing her into TAoL. I couldn’t. I needed to address the issue of her relationship to Naruto, for starters, and I wanted to give her the chance to grow. I like her more when I separate her from Naruto--whether that’s presenting their obviously imbalanced relationship as detrimental to her and thus something she needs to finally let go of, or just not having her interact with him at all (like in Kado).

Shikamaru wondered if Naruto would even care that Hinata's acceptance of this mission was her way of breaking up with him.

I wanted to make it absolutely clear that this was the end of her relationship with Naruto and the start of her becoming her own person. We don’t get her PoV in this story because she’s not a central character in the grand scheme of things, but she has her own journey, and that revolves largely around her being a more competent shinobi and defining herself separate from Naruto. She’s faked an illness without telling him and he never went to see her--their relationship is over, and Hinata can finally move on.

And she starts to come into her own within this journey. She’s not in Konoha anymore. She doesn’t have her father to contend with or her sister or Neji’s death. And she doesn’t have constant reminders of Naruto (except when Kiba’s being an ass). Writing her as a more confident shinobi is... difficult to say the least. I personally don’t think she’s actually suited to shinobi work (politics, sure, but not actual combat), so even though I’m writing her as a more competent shinobi, it was very hard for me to suspend my belief for that. But that’s always been my problem with Hinata, and I kinda had to push myself past that hurdle of “is this recognizably Hinata?” because 1) she isn’t the central figure and 2) I need her to not be too much like Hinata because otherwise their cover is blown. So I can accept that she might come across as a lil OC. She’s undercover anyways, so she’s not gonna act like herself. And again, I want her to be more interesting and more dynamic than she is canonically.

But it definitely was a struggle.

Setting aside the issue of Hinata, I think the most fun I have when writing Naruto fics is really the worldbuilding aspects. For TAoL, I have like countless reference books and my kanji dictionary is always on hand. You can bet that any original towns and characters, I spent a lot of time scouring my kanji dictionary for a good name. Even if the name is fairly innocuous in meaning, I didn’t just pick it at random.

So for instance, Kōten Outpost uses kanji 995 in my kanji dictionary which mens ‘take a turn for the better’. Kōten is at a four way crossroad, and it’s specifically a place for travelers, merchants, etc.

Kōten Outpost was a quaint, sprawling town at a four-way cross-roads and the oldest settlement in Fire.

Long before Konoha or the rule of shinobi, before the daimyo, before the Warring States era, Kōten Outpost had sat like a picturesque painting. In the midst of wars and battles, in the midst of political upheaval and petty squabbles over boarders, Kōten Outpost had withstood the test of time for long centuries and would most likely continue on well after the age of shinobi.

Obviously, if you’re reading TAoL or just about any canon setting fic I write, you know I like worldbuilding. Kōten is a small piece of worldbuilding, whereas Gyokukakushin is a much larger piece, but Kōten still has it’s place within setting the stage and developing the world of Naruto. I really liked coming up with all the different towns in Fire that were affected by the skirmishes, and I really enjoyed imagining what the towns not run by shinobi would be like. What the people are like, what their culture is like, how they feel about shinobi. I think Kōten is a good example of a snapshot of worldbuilding--not a lot of depth per say, but enough that you get the sense of what it’s like.

With this chapter, however, the focus isn’t on the places and the culture of those places, so it really is just snapshots of places. Yugakure, Shimogakure, Kōten Outpost... This chapter is about the desperate hunt for information and doing whatever it takes.

That being said, the worldbuilding element comes into play again in a big way with Shikamaru and the Shadow Kami.

Admittedly, this was not in my original outline of this fic at all. It was something I came up with in the midst of writing this chapter, and it did make me kinda nervous to take this mystical route with Shikamaru given that nothing in the canon supports it. But then again, nothing in the canon supported aliens, and yet we have canonical aliens. \

Anyways, I felt that, despite my anxiety over the reception, Shikamaru was at least suited to this because I think it’s much easier to pull off mysticism with something like shadows. Plus, we don’t have a lot of canonical backstory for most of the clans, and I enjoyed bringing something new into the canon history, something wholly different.

Precautions had been noted in the scroll for this ritual, warnings from the first ones to perform it of the dangers it posed; his ancestors reaching from beyond the past to guide him through a long forgotten practice: Never look upon the Summoned, for they are more than mere shadow. Never show weakness to the Summoned, for they do not borrow hearts and souls, and will not show you any compassion. Never appear before the Summoned without an offering, for they are bottomless voids and will take you if you have nothing to give.

I really wanted to emphasize that the Shadow Kami do not follow human laws and are entities outside of human conception. There’s a lot more planned for Shikamaru and the consequences of what he does here are far reaching. I don’t want to spoil anything, but I can promise that what Shikamaru’s done doesn’t end at the end of this fic. This isn’t a one time deal, like “oh you can use our power for a little while and then we’ll slip away and you can be a normal shinobi again.”

Shikamaru has unleashed something that will live within him forever. And it will pass on to future generations (assuming he has children at any point.) He, of course, knew the risks, but Temari is everything to him, so what’s being a vessel for Shadow Kami if it means having the power to save the woman he loves?

I wasn’t entirely sure how successful I was in conveying these consequences and I really worried over how OP Shikamaru would be, but the questions I always ask myself are:

1. Is this errand? 2. Are there consequences?

And the answer to both of those questions are yes, in this case.

Shikamaru is a genius, and he’s in line to be the head of the Nara clan. He has access to the scrolls that contain these guarded secrets, and he absolutely doesn’t care about the consequences even though he knows there will be heavy ones.

While yes, at this point, Shikamaru has essentially achieved god-like powers, he cannot control them, and he is always going to run the risk of losing himself completely to the shadows. Shadows aren’t human. They don’t have human rules. They don’t have human wants. And the Shadow Kami, like I said, are bottomless voids. They take and take. Shikamaru has to rely on his own willpower to not be lost.

I imagine that the next Shikamaru chapter will explore more of the Shadow Kami history and the Nara clan history, but I think overall, the introduction to the Shadow Kami was good. It’s a hard balance though for sure because on the one hand, the Shadow Kami are a HUGE plot element that needs to be explored and talked about, but I also don’t want to take away from the immediacy of what’s happening in the overall story--the danger that Temari is in, which is always at the forefront of Shikamaru’s mind.

Which brings us to his relationship with Temari.

She’s his motivating factor in all of this. He does care deeply for Kankurou and Gaara as well, but Temari is the love of his life. That’s his everything. I personally am not a fan of maintaining Shikamaru as this like misogynistic person. He was twelve at the start of the series, and I think it’s safe to say he outgrows that, and also his desire not to get married. I think he genuinely values Temari--as a person and as a shinobi. She’s his equal and his partner.

And I think she’s sort of the great equalizer between him and the Shadow Kami:

Shikamaru's resolve hardened. He wasn't shadow, he wasn't just an empty void for them to fill. He might have given up his body and his humanity to them, but he would never give up his love. He sat back down, and forced the shadows to recede from his veins.

I personally feel like Shikamaru as this sort of embodiment of the lazy genius, this very blase and carefree “i wanna look at the clouds” character has a lot of potential to fail and become uninteresting. I think Temari makes him more interesting because she challenges him, and I think that the focus on their relationship really helps to highlight the pull of the shadows. Now he’s in this constant dance between giving himself over completely, and not forgetting Temari.

The antler that comes up repeatedly throughout this chapter is a symbolic link to Temari.

The antler ring tethered him; it was a blinding light to chase away the darkness; a necessary reminder of who he was and what mattered to him.

I think by the end of the chapter it’s fairly obvious what this is meant to be: an engagement ring.

I decided that it was a Nara tradition to make a ring out of antler, and Shikamaru carries this with him, making the ring when he has downtime on the mission. It’s not just a symbolic link to Temari to help him stay grounded, it’s also his assurance that he won’t let her die.

The repetition of the ring as an item on his person is inspired by a creative writing assignment I had back in college. There’s a story called The Things They Carried, and it kinda reminds me of being in theatre and having object work for a character you play. But the idea is that the things a character carries tells you a lot about them. It’s a window into someone’s soul, a way of communicating something about them without outright telling you about them.

So Shikamaru carries this piece of antler, that starts out as nothing more than a piece of antler and slowly turns into a ring, because he’s lost any and all reservations about marriage in the face of losing Temari. His love for her drives him onward, and his love for her is why he can’t fail. The ring is his refusal to fail.

I think that the ring is one of my favorite elements in this chapter. It’s obviously very subtle and small compared to like the Shadow Kami, but it’s such a desperate and beautiful element of romance. The image of Shikamaru awake late into the night, whittling down the antler until it becomes a ring, his promise to Temari whispered into the night. I think that’s powerful, and I think the ring really does highlight that in a way that not even the pact he made does.

And.... that’s I think the main stuff I wanted to talk about!

This particular chapter was actually supposed to cover their time in Kumo, but the chapter itself had gotten so long at that point that it didn’t make sense to keep going. Plus, the way this fic is planned out, it made sense to move everything that will happen in Kumo to a later Shikamaru chapter.

Thank you so much for this ask! It was fun to talk about this chapter! <3

#naruto #shippuden #nara shikamaru #hyuuga hinata #taol #fanfic asks #shikatema

[drlissahawthorne]

A New Vision

Who: Clarissa Hawthorne

When:  Summer 2008 - Summer 2012

Where: nowhere specific 

What: Clarissa’s journey from the end of the Beijing games through the end of her career as an Olympic archer four years later in London.

Warnings: Abuse

Word Count: 1855

Notes: This is part 2 of 3. Part 1.

After gold in Beijing, Clarissa was riding a high. A high that she never wanted to end, but a high that couldn’t possibly last. Unfortunately, her eyes were going to get worse. And they were going to get worse, fast. She did her best to focus on college, to take everything one day at a time. Except sometimes one day turned into three or four days where her eyes just didn’t work. Where she couldn’t read her textbooks, where almost everything had to be read to her. Where she was lucky if she could even open her eyes without feeling like her head was going to explode.

Her roommate was her saving grace.

Jill was the kind of girl who would do anything for a laugh, but especially to make Clarissa laugh. She often considered the archer to be too stiff, too unwilling to be a young adult. Sure, she figured this had to do with how Clarissa was raised, how she’d been treated on the world stage, but it was something that could change. And it was something that Jill was going to make sure happened. Jill, in a lot of ways, just wanted to see Clarissa succeed in life. No matter what that might mean she’d have to do. Whether it was dragging Clarissa out to clubs to party or helping her adjust to life, Jill did it. When it came to Clarissa’s notes, classwork, and the like, Jill painstakingly recorded everything she could and read aloud what she couldn’t for when Clarissa’s eyes weren’t working. It was something Clarissa was beyond thankful for, and often tried to pay the other back, but was generally turned down at every turn. They were friends, that's what they did.

They worked together well and agreed to move into an off campus apartment their sophomore year. It gave them the liberty to live out in the city itself and pay way less than they had been on campus. It also gave them a headstart on helping Clarissa figure out bus routes without entirely relying on her sight to do so. Not that her eyesight was to that point, but it was good practice and a good deal of fun. They often tried to see if they could start at opposite ends of town and figure out the quickest bus route to a central point the fastest. Typically speaking, the central point was somewhere important, their apartment, the grocery store, their favorite restaurant. To most people it probably seemed weird, the way the pair worked, but they were just being themselves.

During that time Clarissa played hockey, helped support the rugby team, and continued to practice archery. Though, it became increasingly more obvious that things like hockey and archery, at least the act of participating in them, were going to come to an end. Sooner, rather than later. The prospect wasn’t new to Clarissa, but it also wasn’t something she was looking forward to. Or even really saw herself being able to accept. Jill tried, a number of times, to get Clarissa to start the process early. To start transitioning to a life where sports weren’t going to be as big a part of them as they were, but didn’t succeed in the slightest. If anything, the few times Jill pushed her to do such, Clarissa withdrew into herself. The denial was strong and, admittedly, Jill really couldn’t blame her.

Clarissa had a number of relationships during that time. Very few of them were good for her. In fact, many of them were very negative. People not wanting to deal with the way her eyesight could be a problem. The way she sometimes needed a little extra help on dates. How movie dates, or any dates that involved a lot of eye power in general, were fun but draining in a way that left her not really wanting to do much else. Or how her eyesight could get in the way of her even being able to go on a date. How things had to be planned out while still being open to canceling or extreme changes to accommodate her. Many of the relationships ended on very poor terms, Clarissa getting angry and breaking things off, or her partner getting frustrated over not wanting to deal with everything. Her sight was failing her, and it seemed like no one really wanted to put up with that. Not that this was something that surprised Clarissa, of course. It was the kind of thing that made her already strange reputation even worse. That just added to the way people avoided interacting with her if they could help it.

In the fall of 2010, Clarissa met Elias Westwood. He was a charismatic and charming guy, who genuinely seemed to want to know Clarissa for who she was. He was interested in her archery, her love of hockey, the things that made Clarissa, herself. Elias was a couple years older than her and she’d met him at a function on campus. They bonded over a love of video games and good music. He was a grad student and the way he looked at her made her feel special. Made her forget about the way her eyes ached and the looming reality that her time as an Olympic archer was coming to an end. He picked at her insecurities and promised to never hurt her the way other people had.

And he didn’t. He did so much worse.

The first clue that he was going to be nothing but bad news was also the first thing Clarissa chose to ignore. Hard to see red flags for what they are while wearing rose colored glasses. Whether Clarissa wanted to admit it at the time or not, Elias drove a wedge between Clarissa and Jill. The other girl warned Clarissa that he really wasn’t as great a guy as he seemed. That he was playing her like a fiddle. Clarissa refused to listen. Refused to see reason. He made her feel special and she hated the idea of there possibly being something wrong with that. Even as Elias slowly started to show his true colors. He started getting clingy, at first. Little things. Wanting to know when she’d be out of a class, where she was headed to after. Who she was spending time with. It wasn’t all the time, just every once in a while. He said he was worried about her getting hurt. She believed him.

However, his actions slowly amped up more and more. Getting accusatory whenever she gave him an answer. Swearing she was lying to him. He never went so far as to say she was cheating on him but he got close. Close enough that it started to strain her other relationships. Friendships she’d worked hard to cultivate despite distance. Friendships she’d made at college and wanted to explore for what they were, purely platonic and supportive relationships. Everytime Clarissa managed to talk him down from whatever imagined ledge he was on, Elias was amazing for a couple weeks. Apologized for freaking out, made up excuse after excuse that were less and less believable. And then he stopped even doing that. He started arguing with her over everything. The little details. Things that really shouldn’t have made any real difference. Then, once he got his way, he never mentioned it again, leaving Clarissa to wonder just what was happening. Even still, she refused to see it as the emotional abuse that it was. Refused to admit to anyone that there were days when she expected him to stop yelling and start using his fists. No one needed to know that.

The summer after Clarissa graduated with her bachelor’s degree, she found herself diving headfirst into work. She had a job that she loved and that she would be able to work around both her own disability and getting her doctorate in occupational therapy, as well as training for the 2012 Olympic games. This also kept her from seeing Elias as often, which, on some days felt like a life saver, while on others felt a bit like a death sentence. Even still, she found herself in love with everything she was doing and once the fall rolled around again, she was barely seeing Elias at all. He was constantly texting and calling her, but with everything going on, she didn’t have as much time for him. Something he’d, at one point, said he understood as it’d been something very similar, at times, with him getting his master’s.

In December of 2011, Elias’ temper rose to new heights. He became extremely possessive of her. Even managed to stop her from going into work a few times, making her lie to her boss as to the why. Until he was making her choose between their relationship and her work. The work that would establish a future for her after the summer of 2012. The work that had become her passion. And in a rather explosive fight, Clarissa chose her job.

A few days later, Jill took Clarissa to adopt her first cat, Haruhi.

With her focus back on her future instead of poor relationship choices, Clarissa started to prepare herself to announce her departure from Olympic archery after the London games. It was still massively terrifying, knowing that the one thing she’d been extremely good at her entire life was coming to an end even before she hit her mid twenties. But she had a new future and a new plan. 

It was her final interview of the 2012 Olympic games. She’d won gold but barely, something she hated to admit. Despite her sight having not only stabilized but improved quite a bit, a strange occurrence that no one could explain but that Clarissa was thankful for, in the year prior to the games, she had still struggled. A struggle that paid off, sure, but one she wished hadn’t existed.

“Future plans?” The interviewer was kind, already knowing that there were rumours floating around the Olympic Village about the young archer’s future in the sport.

“Finishing college and starting a proper career as an occupational therapist. As for archery, unfortunately, my time is up. I’ve been struggling with loss of sight since I was fifteen. The truth is, I’m surprised my eyesight was good enough to both qualify and compete in the games this year. I’m forever thankful for it, for the chances I’ve had to compete, to meet people, to stand on the world’s stage and show what I’m capable of. But, all good things must come to an end and, as sad as it is, this is the end of the road.” Clarissa did her best to smile through it, to let the look of pity on everyone’s faces not touch her. To roll off her back. Even as they stabbed to her very core.

And like that, Clarissa’s life as an archer had come to a close. She was ending on a high note, even if a bitter sweet one. Olympic gold in a town she’d once called home, for the country that still held her heart.

#abuse tw #[yes this is the same length as the first one] #p: self #p: s005 #p: all #about: every tears a diamond on my cheek #[decided to post this to clear it from my drafts there's still another part of this and a bunch of others I'm going to write]

[otome-asylum]

Kings of Paradise - Taki Kozaki MS Review (Season 1)

I’m just gonna start off by saying that “imperious” is a good description. I was completely disappointed in this route, in many ways. If you’re someone who likes the arrogant, domineering types, then you won’t agree with this review at all, and that’s okay. But I’m giving my honest opinion here.

I’ll cut to the chase, my rating is 5/10. I don’t mind the cold types at all. They’re generally aloof, they’re mysterious, which, in my opinion, makes them interesting. However, I draw the line at cold and mean. Cold and pointlessly cruel. Taki isn’t like this in the whole route, but the first six chapters had me wanting to tear my hair out. A little personality background on me, I’m a prideful, independent, outspoken woman. I don’t like being bossed around, talked down to, or looked down upon, and I’ll make that known if any of the former points occur. Knowing this, I avoid character routes that I know contain characteristics that do not mesh well with me--but I didn’t realize that Taki would be this way at all. I really wanted to like Taki. Truly. I love the idea of rekindling a flame that almost went out because of extraneous circumstances, and I thought he’d be more like Soryu Oh than Eisuke Ichinomiya. (Full disclosure: Eisuke is one of my least favorite characters in existence.) Taki Kozaki has an admittedly a crappy past, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to be rude and awful to everyone else. The route starts off well enough. I was still open to Taki’s romance, and I was eager to see what kind of feelings he was hiding behind that aloof facade. But that was rather quickly squashed by his attitude, which was, as I said before, pointlessly bossy and rude.

When Shun said this and was accompanied by Yosuke’s quick agreement, I was so happy that someone else in the route thought the same as I did. This bossy, pushy attitude continued for a while, even after you help him with a number of things related to his business, mainly by pretending to be his fiancee. Come to find out, ten years ago, when MC and Taki were supposed to meet at a local festival to watch the fireworks together (and he stood you up), he saw MC “kissing” another guy when he arrived and just...didn’t bother asking her about it. He created an entire narrative in his head about what happened, convinced himself that she was unfaithful, and even though he was still hopelessly in love with her, cut ties and moved on. It wasn’t this misunderstanding that bothered me, it was the way he treated her when they met again. Cold and uncaring I can take, but mean and telling her that she was the reason her husband cheated because she was too stupid to see through his lies (essentially what he said) was crossing a line that I was not okay with in the slightest. Especially after playing Shun and being so thoroughly smitten. 

Not okay. He also says, and I’m quoting directly, “You have no right to talk back to me.” The hell I don’t. I really, really hated the first six chapters. After that, though, he did get better. After talking about a few things and MC helping him with a business party and getting connections, he starts acting warmer to her. He’s actually nice, and you can start to see him smile a little more. I thought, “That was a bumpy ride, and while I’m definitely not okay with how he treated her because of a misunderstanding, I have a little more hope for his route.” I do mean it when I say he was exponentially better throughout the rest of the story, and I started to enjoy it. He opens up about his past more, and tells MC about how his dad ran out on him the night of the festival, and that all he wanted was to see her to make him feel a little better, but then he thought that she betrayed him, and he went to a really dark place for the foreseeable future. I know there are going to be a million people justifying Taki’s earlier actions, but it’s my personal opinion that no amount of trauma gives anyone the right to treat another person like they’re less than human or like they’re garbage. It’s his blatant disrespect that really does it in for me, and I rated it 2/10 at chapter 6 preemptively. 

Eventually, MC’s gross husband shows up again, because he does business with the Kozaki Group. It’s shortly after this that Taki starts being nicer to her and basically says that she doesn’t have to deal with him until she’d ready--which was sweet. Tomohiro (husband) doesn’t buy for a second that she’s really engaged to Taki when he tricks her into meeting him alone, tries to convince her and Taki that she’s better off coming back to him, and Taki flat out vetoes that ish. He passionately kisses her to “prove” their engagement, then they go back to his condo and make love. Not bad. I was finally having a good time reading the story, but it was still tainted. Sorry. Then, more drama. Because Voltage, and drama is great. Not sarcasm, seriously. Later, it comes out that Taki and the other guys were involved in glorified “prostitution” and “human trafficking.” Not true, by the way, but MC doesn’t know that--even after Taki explains in detail what was actually going on. I got so frustrated with her because she didn’t just not understand--she refused to understand. She still thought that Yosuke’s bride brokering service was somehow immoral and wrong, even though 1.) all parties were consenting and were fully aware of the service they were training/applying for, 2.) absolutely nothing illegal ever happened, and 3.) that facts written in the gossip article that she read were either incorrect, twisted, or interpreted incorrectly on purpose to cause a scandal. Girlfriend. Get off your moral high horse and read between the lines. It’s not that serious, it’s not bad, and I genuinely couldn’t understand what she wasn’t getting. Yosuke and Co. were glorified matchmakers, period. They just charge exorbitant fees because their clientele is rich. 

The final nail in the coffin for this route was the long, drawn-out, and boring love confession. I was really trying to keep my frustrations from Taki’s earlier behavior and MC’s ignorance from influencing my later opinions, but I just didn’t feel like the confession and mutual understanding of feelings (finally) made up for any of that. It was lackluster and dull. The love scene afterwards wasn’t even that great for me. 

Do I recommend? Not really. These reviews are, of course, all personal opinions, and if any of you have differing ones, that’s great! Everyone has their own tastes, and that’s what makes these games wonderful. That being said, I was utterly disappointed. I went in with really high hopes, especially after loving Shun, and I just...was not impressed at all. It was really great right after chapter 6 and before the tabloid article, but everything before and after was frustrating, boring, and just not worth the spike in my blood pressure. And I wasn’t just not going to play his route, because I spent $3.99 USD on it. It would be a huge waste of money. Generally, types like Taki I avoid for this very reason. I know I’m not going to like them, and I know they’ll make me angry because of the blatant disrespect, but I didn’t realize that he would be so bossy, arrogant, rude, and “imperious.” (Somehow, I managed not to see that moniker.) Again, this was my personal take on Taki’s route, and it’s okay if you disagree with me. He’s all yours, ladies and germs. I will not be continuing with his plot line (even though his CGs are so gooood~!)

#kings of paradise #taki kozaki #voltage inc #voltage games #voltage #otome #english otome #review #dating sims #romance #visual romance #kop #love 365 #ios #android #otome apps #dating sim apps

[lissahawthorne]

a new vision

Who: Clarissa Hawthorne

When: Summer 2008 - Summer 2012

Where: nowhere specific

What: Clarissa’s journey from the end of the Beijing games through the end of her career as an Olympic archer four years later in London.

Warnings: Abuse

Word Count: 1855

Notes: This is part 2 of 3. Part 1. Part 3.

After gold in Beijing, Clarissa was riding a high. A high that she never wanted to end, but a high that couldn’t possibly last. Unfortunately, her eyes were going to get worse. And they were going to get worse, fast. She did her best to focus on college, to take everything one day at a time. Except sometimes one day turned into three or four days where her eyes just didn’t work. Where she couldn’t read her textbooks, where almost everything had to be read to her. Where she was lucky if she could even open her eyes without feeling like her head was going to explode.

Her roommate was her saving grace.

Jill was the kind of girl who would do anything for a laugh, but especially to make Clarissa laugh. She often considered the archer to be too stiff, too unwilling to be a young adult. Sure, she figured this had to do with how Clarissa was raised, how she’d been treated on the world stage, but it was something that could change. And it was something that Jill was going to make sure happened. Jill, in a lot of ways, just wanted to see Clarissa succeed in life. No matter what that might mean she’d have to do. Whether it was dragging Clarissa out to clubs to party or helping her adjust to life, Jill did it. When it came to Clarissa’s notes, classwork, and the like, Jill painstakingly recorded everything she could and read aloud what she couldn’t for when Clarissa’s eyes weren’t working. It was something Clarissa was beyond thankful for, and often tried to pay the other back, but was generally turned down at every turn. They were friends, that’s what they did.

They worked together well and agreed to move into an off campus apartment their sophomore year. It gave them the liberty to live out in the city itself and pay way less than they had been on campus. It also gave them a headstart on helping Clarissa figure out bus routes without entirely relying on her sight to do so. Not that her eyesight was to that point, but it was good practice and a good deal of fun. They often tried to see if they could start at opposite ends of town and figure out the quickest bus route to a central point the fastest. Typically speaking, the central point was somewhere important, their apartment, the grocery store, their favorite restaurant. To most people it probably seemed weird, the way the pair worked, but they were just being themselves.

During that time Clarissa played hockey, helped support the rugby team, and continued to practice archery. Though, it became increasingly more obvious that things like hockey and archery, at least the act of participating in them, were going to come to an end. Sooner, rather than later. The prospect wasn’t new to Clarissa, but it also wasn’t something she was looking forward to. Or even really saw herself being able to accept. Jill tried, a number of times, to get Clarissa to start the process early. To start transitioning to a life where sports weren’t going to be as big a part of them as they were, but didn’t succeed in the slightest. If anything, the few times Jill pushed her to do such, Clarissa withdrew into herself. The denial was strong and, admittedly, Jill really couldn’t blame her.

Clarissa had a number of relationships during that time. Very few of them were good for her. In fact, many of them were very negative. People not wanting to deal with the way her eyesight could be a problem. The way she sometimes needed a little extra help on dates. How movie dates, or any dates that involved a lot of eye power in general, were fun but draining in a way that left her not really wanting to do much else. Or how her eyesight could get in the way of her even being able to go on a date. How things had to be planned out while still being open to canceling or extreme changes to accommodate her. Many of the relationships ended on very poor terms, Clarissa getting angry and breaking things off, or her partner getting frustrated over not wanting to deal with everything. Her sight was failing her, and it seemed like no one really wanted to put up with that. Not that this was something that surprised Clarissa, of course. It was the kind of thing that made her already strange reputation even worse. That just added to the way people avoided interacting with her if they could help it.

In the fall of 2010, Clarissa met Elias Westwood. He was a charismatic and charming guy, who genuinely seemed to want to know Clarissa for who she was. He was interested in her archery, her love of hockey, the things that made Clarissa, herself. Elias was a couple years older than her and she’d met him at a function on campus. They bonded over a love of video games and good music. He was a grad student and the way he looked at her made her feel special. Made her forget about the way her eyes ached and the looming reality that her time as an Olympic archer was coming to an end. He picked at her insecurities and promised to never hurt her the way other people had.

And he didn’t. He did so much worse.

The first clue that he was going to be nothing but bad news was also the first thing Clarissa chose to ignore. Hard to see red flags for what they are while wearing rose colored glasses. Whether Clarissa wanted to admit it at the time or not, Elias drove a wedge between Clarissa and Jill. The other girl warned Clarissa that he really wasn’t as great a guy as he seemed. That he was playing her like a fiddle. Clarissa refused to listen. Refused to see reason. He made her feel special and she hated the idea of there possibly being something wrong with that. Even as Elias slowly started to show his true colors. He started getting clingy, at first. Little things. Wanting to know when she’d be out of a class, where she was headed to after. Who she was spending time with. It wasn’t all the time, just every once in a while. He said he was worried about her getting hurt. She believed him.

However, his actions slowly amped up more and more. Getting accusatory whenever she gave him an answer. Swearing she was lying to him. He never went so far as to say she was cheating on him but he got close. Close enough that it started to strain her other relationships. Friendships she’d worked hard to cultivate despite distance. Friendships she’d made at college and wanted to explore for what they were, purely platonic and supportive relationships. Everytime Clarissa managed to talk him down from whatever imagined ledge he was on, Elias was amazing for a couple weeks. Apologized for freaking out, made up excuse after excuse that were less and less believable. And then he stopped even doing that. He started arguing with her over everything. The little details. Things that really shouldn’t have made any real difference. Then, once he got his way, he never mentioned it again, leaving Clarissa to wonder just what was happening. Even still, she refused to see it as the emotional abuse that it was. Refused to admit to anyone that there were days when she expected him to stop yelling and start using his fists. No one needed to know that.

The summer after Clarissa graduated with her bachelor’s degree, she found herself diving headfirst into work. She had a job that she loved and that she would be able to work around both her own disability and getting her doctorate in occupational therapy, as well as training for the 2012 Olympic games. This also kept her from seeing Elias as often, which, on some days felt like a life saver, while on others felt a bit like a death sentence. Even still, she found herself in love with everything she was doing and once the fall rolled around again, she was barely seeing Elias at all. He was constantly texting and calling her, but with everything going on, she didn’t have as much time for him. Something he’d, at one point, said he understood as it’d been something very similar, at times, with him getting his master’s.

In December of 2011, Elias’ temper rose to new heights. He became extremely possessive of her. Even managed to stop her from going into work a few times, making her lie to her boss as to the why. Until he was making her choose between their relationship and her work. The work that would establish a future for her after the summer of 2012. The work that had become her passion. And in a rather explosive fight, Clarissa chose her job.

A few days later, Jill took Clarissa to adopt her first cat, Haruhi.

With her focus back on her future instead of poor relationship choices, Clarissa started to prepare herself to announce her departure from Olympic archery after the London games. It was still massively terrifying, knowing that the one thing she’d been extremely good at her entire life was coming to an end even before she hit her mid twenties. But she had a new future and a new plan.

It was her final interview of the 2012 Olympic games. She’d won gold but barely, something she hated to admit. Despite her sight having not only stabilized but improved quite a bit, a strange occurrence that no one could explain but that Clarissa was thankful for, in the year prior to the games, she had still struggled. A struggle that paid off, sure, but one she wished hadn’t existed.

“Future plans?” The interviewer was kind, already knowing that there were rumours floating around the Olympic Village about the young archer’s future in the sport.

“Finishing college and starting a proper career as an occupational therapist. As for archery, unfortunately, my time is up. I’ve been struggling with loss of sight since I was fifteen. The truth is, I’m surprised my eyesight was good enough to both qualify and compete in the games this year. I’m forever thankful for it, for the chances I’ve had to compete, to meet people, to stand on the world’s stage and show what I’m capable of. But, all good things must come to an end and, as sad as it is, this is the end of the road.” Clarissa did her best to smile through it, to let the look of pity on everyone’s faces not touch her. To roll off her back. Even as they stabbed to her very core.

And like that, Clarissa’s life as an archer had come to a close. She was ending on a high note, even if a bitter sweet one. Olympic gold in a town she’d once called home, for the country that still held her heart.

#abuse tw #p: self #p: s005 #p: all #about: every tears a diamond on my cheek

[larryships09]

30 HTML Best Practices for Beginners

The most difficult aspect of running Nettuts+ is accounting for so many different skill levels. If we post too many advanced tutorials, our beginner audience won't benefit. The same holds true for the opposite. We do our best, but always feel free to pipe in if you feel you're being neglected. This site is for you, so speak up! With that said, today's tutorial is specifically for those who are just diving into web development. If you've one year of experience or less, hopefully some of the tips listed here will help you to become better, quicker!

You may also want to check out some of the HTML builders on Envato Market, such as the popular VSBuilder, which lets you generate the HTML and CSS for building your websites automatically by choosing options from a simple interface.

Or you can have your website built from scratch by a professional developer on Envato Studio who knows and follows all the HTML best practices.

Without further ado, let's review 30 best practices to observe when creating your markup.

1: Always Close Your Tags Back in the day, it wasn't uncommon to see things like this:

1 <li>Some text here. 2 <li>Some new text here. 3 <li>You get the idea. Notice how the wrapping UL/OL tag was omitted. Additionally, many chose to leave off the closing LI tags as well. By today's standards, this is simply bad practice and should be 100% avoided. Always, always close your tags. Otherwise, you'll encounter validation and glitch issues at every turn.

Better 1 <ul> 2 <li>Some text here. </li> 3 <li>Some new text here. </li> 4 <li>You get the idea. </li> 5 </ul> 2: Declare the Correct DocType

When I was younger, I participated quite a bit in CSS forums. Whenever a user had an issue, before we would look at their situation, they HAD to perform two things first:

Validate the CSS file. Fix any necessary errors. Add a doctype. "The DOCTYPE goes before the opening html tag at the top of the page and tells the browser whether the page contains HTML, XHTML, or a mix of both, so that it can correctly interpret the markup."

Most of us choose between four different doctypes when creating new websites.

http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/strict.dtd">

http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/loose.dtd">

http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">

http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">

There's a big debate currently going on about the correct choice here. At one point, it was considered to be best practice to use the XHTML Strict version. However, after some research, it was realized that most browsers revert back to regular HTML when interpretting it. For that reason, many have chosen to use HTML 4.01 Strict instead. The bottom line is that any of these will keep you in check. Do some research and make up your own mind.

3: Never Use Inline Styles When you're hard at work on your markup, sometimes it can be tempting to take the easy route and sneak in a bit of styling.

1 <p style="color: red;">I'm going to make this text red so that it really stands out and makes people take notice! </p> Sure -- it looks harmless enough. However, this points to an error in your coding practices.

When creating your markup, don't even think about the styling yet. You only begin adding styles once the page has been completely coded. It's like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters. It's just not a good idea. -Chris Coyier (in reference to something completely unrelated.)

Instead, finish your markup, and then reference that P tag from your external stylesheet.

Better 1 #someElement > p { 2 color: red; 3 } 4: Place all External CSS Files Within the Head Tag Technically, you can place stylesheets anywhere you like. However, the HTML specification recommends that they be placed within the document HEAD tag. The primary benefit is that your pages will seemingly load faster.

While researching performance at Yahoo!, we discovered that moving stylesheets to the document HEAD makes pages appear to be loading faster. This is because putting stylesheets in the HEAD allows the page to render progressively. - ySlow Team

1 <head> 2 <title>My Favorites Kinds of Corn</title> 3 <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="screen" href="path/to/file.css" /> 4 <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="screen" href="path/to

/anotherFile.css" />

5 </head> 5: Consider Placing Javascript Files at the Bottom Place JS at bottom Remember -- the primary goal is to make the page load as quickly as possible for the user. When loading a script, the browser can't continue on until the entire file has been loaded. Thus, the user will have to wait longer before noticing any progress.

If you have JS files whose only purpose is to add functionality -- for example, after a button is clicked -- go ahead and place those files at the bottom, just before the closing body tag. This is absolutely a best practice.

Better

<p>And now you know my favorite kinds of corn. </p>

<script type="text/javascript" src="path/to/file.js"></script>

<script type="text/javascript" src="path/to/anotherFile.js"></script>

</body>

</html>

6: Never Use Inline Javascript. It's not 1996! Another common practice years ago was to place JS commands directly within tags. This was very common with simple image galleries. Essentially, a "onclick" attribute was appended to the tag. The value would then be equal to some JS procedure. Needless to say, you should never, ever do this. Instead, transfer this code to an external JS file and use "addEventListener/attachEvent" to "listen" for your desired event. Or, if using a framework like jQuery, just use the "click" method.

$('a#moreCornInfoLink').click(function() {  alert('Want to learn more about corn?'); }); 7: Validate Continuously validate continuously I recently blogged about how the idea of validation has been completely misconstrued by those who don't completely understand its purpose. As I mention in the article, "validation should work for you, not against."

However, especially when first getting started, I highly recommend that you download the Web Developer Toolbar and use the "Validate HTML" and "Validate CSS" options continuously. While CSS is a somewhat easy to language to learn, it can also make you tear your hair out. As you'll find, many times, it's your shabby markup that's causing that strange whitespace issue on the page. Validate, validate, validate.

8: Download Firebug download firebug I can't recommend this one enough. Firebug is, without doubt, the best plugin you'll ever use when creating websites. Not only does it provide incredible Javascript debugging, but you'll also learn how to pinpoint which elements are inheriting that extra padding that you were unaware of. Download it!

9: Use Firebug! use firebug From my experiences, many users only take advantage of about 20% of Firebug's capabilities. You're truly doing yourself a disservice. Take a couple hours and scour the web for every worthy tutorial you can find on the subject.

Resources Overview of Firebug Debug Javascript With Firebug - video tutorial 10: Keep Your Tag Names Lowercase Technically, you can get away with capitalizing your tag names.

<DIV>

<P>Here's an interesting fact about corn. </P>

</DIV>

Having said that, please don't. It serves no purpose and hurts my eyes -- not to mention the fact that it reminds me of Microsoft Word's html function!

Better

<div>

<p>Here's an interesting fact about corn. </p>

</div>

11: Use H1 - H6 Tags Admittedly, this is something I tend to slack on. It's best practice to use all six of these tags. If I'm honest, I usually only implement the top four; but I'm working on it! :) For semantic and SEO reasons, force yourself to replace that P tag with an H6 when appropriate.

1 2 <h1>This is a really important corn fact! </h1> <h6>Small, but still significant corn fact goes here. </h6> 12: If Building a Blog, Save the H1 for the Article Title h1 saved for title of article Just this morning, on Twitter, I asked our followers whether they felt it was smartest to place the H1 tag as the logo, or to instead use it as the article's title. Around 80% of the returned tweets were in favor of the latter method.

As with anything, determine what's best for your own website. However, if building a blog, I'd recommend that you save your H1 tags for your article title. For SEO purposes, this is a better practice - in my opinion.

13: Download ySlow

download yslow Especially in the last few years, the Yahoo team has been doing some really great work in our field. Not too long ago, they released an extension for Firebug called ySlow. When activated, it will analyze the given website and return a "report card" of sorts which details the areas where your site needs improvement. It can be a bit harsh, but it's all for the greater good. I highly recommend it.

14: Wrap Navigation with an Unordered List Wrap navigation with unordered lists Each and every website has a navigation section of some sort. While you can definitely get away with formatting it like so:

<div id="nav"> <a href="#">Home </a>  <a href="#">About </a>  <a href="#">Contact </a> </div> I'd encourage you not to use this method, for semantic reasons. Your job is to write the best possible code that you're capable of.

Why would we style a list of navigation links with anything other than an unordered LIST?

The UL tag is meant to contain a list of items.

Better <ul id="nav">  <li><a href="#">Home</a></li>  <li><a href="#">About</a></li>  <li><a href="#">Contact</a></li> </ul> 15: Learn How to Target IE You'll undoubtedly find yourself screaming at IE during some point or another. It's actually become a bonding experience for the community. When I read on Twitter how one of my buddies is battling the forces of IE, I just smile and think, "I know how you feel, pal."

The first step, once you've completed your primary CSS file, is to create a unique "ie.css" file. You can then reference it only for IE by using the following code.

<!--[if lt IE 7]>   <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="screen" href="path/to/ie.css" /> <![endif]--> This code says, "If the user's browser is Internet Explorer 6 or lower, import this stylesheet. Otherwise, do nothing." If you need to compensate for IE7 as well, simply replace "lt" with "lte" (less than or equal to).

16: Choose a Great Code Editor choose a great code editor Whether you're on Windows or a Mac, there are plenty of fantastic code editors that will work wonderfully for you. Personally, I have a Mac and PC side-by-side that I use throughout my day. As a result, I've developed a pretty good knowledge of what's available. Here are my top choices/recommendations in order:

Mac Lovers Coda Espresso TextMate Aptana DreamWeaver CS4 PC Lovers InType E-Text Editor Notepad++ Aptana Dreamweaver CS4 17: Once the Website is Complete, Compress! Compress By zipping your CSS and Javascript files, you can reduce the size of each file by a substantial 25% or so. Please don't bother doing this while still in development. However, once the site is, more-or-less, complete, utilize a few online compression programs to save yourself some bandwidth.

Javascript Compression Services Javascript Compressor JS Compressor CSS Compression Services CSS Optimiser CSS Compressor Clean CSS 18: Cut, Cut, Cut cut cut cut Looking back on my first website, I must have had a SEVERE case of divitis. Your natural instinct is to safely wrap each paragraph with a div, and then wrap it with one more div for good measure. As you'll quickly learn, this is highly inefficient.

Once you've completed your markup, go over it two more times and find ways to reduce the number of elements on the page. Does that UL really need its own wrapping div? I think not.

Just as the key to writing is to "cut, cut, cut," the same holds true for your markup.

19: All Images Require "Alt" Attributes It's easy to ignore the necessity for alt attributes within image tags. Nevertheless, it's very important, for accessibility and validation reasons, that you take an extra moment to fill these sections in.

Bad 1 <IMG SRC="cornImage.jpg" /> Better 1 <img src="cornImage.jpg" alt="A corn field I visited." /> 20: Stay up Late I highly doubt that I'm the only one who, at one point while learning, looked up and realized that I was in a pitch-dark room well into the early, early morning. If you've found yourself in a similar situation, rest assured that you've chosen the right field.

The amazing "AHHA" moments, at least for me, always occur late at night. This was the case when I first began to understand exactly what Javascript closures were. It's a great feeling that you need to experience, if you haven't already.

21: View Source view source What better way to learn HTML than to copy your heroes? Initially, we're all copiers! Then slowly, you begin to develop your own styles/methods. So visit the websites of those you respect. How did they code this and that section? Learn and copy from them. We all did it, and you should too. (Don't steal the design; just learn from the coding style.)

Notice any cool Javascript effects that you'd like to learn? It's likely that he's using a plugin to accomplish the effect. View the source and search the HEAD tag for the name of the script. Then Google it and implement it into your own site! Yay.

22: Style ALL Elements This best practice is especially true when designing for clients. Just because you haven't use a blockquote doesn't mean that the client won't. Never use ordered lists? That doesn't mean he won't! Do yourself a service and create a special page specifically to show off the styling of every element: ul, ol, p, h1-h6, blockquotes, etc.

23: Use Twitter Use Twitter Lately, I can't turn on the TV without hearing a reference to Twitter; it's really become rather obnoxious. I don't have a desire to listen to Larry King advertise his Twitter account - which we all know he doesn't manually update. Yay for assistants! Also, how many moms signed up for accounts after Oprah's approval? We can only long for the day when it was just a few of us who were aware of the service and its "water cooler" potential.

Initially, the idea behind Twitter was to post "what you were doing." Though this still holds true to a small extent, it's become much more of a networking tool in our industry. If a web dev writer that I admire posts a link to an article he found interesting, you better believe that I'm going to check it out as well - and you should too! This is the reason why sites like Digg are quickly becoming more and more nervous.

Twitter Snippet If you just signed up, don't forget to follow us: NETTUTS.

24: Learn Photoshop Learn Photoshop A recent commenter on Nettuts+ attacked us for posting a few recommendations from Psdtuts+. He argued that Photoshop tutorials have no business on a web development blog. I'm not sure about him, but Photoshop is open pretty much 24/7 on my computer.

In fact, Photoshop may very well become the more important tool you have. Once you've learned HTML and CSS, I would personally recommend that you then learn as many Photoshop techniques as possible.

Visit the Videos section at Psdtuts+ Fork over $25 to sign up for a one-month membership to Lynda.com. Watch every video you can find. Enjoy the "You Suck at Photoshop" series. Take a few hours to memorize as many PS keyboard shortcuts as you can. 25: Learn Each HTML Tag There are literally dozens of HTML tags that you won't come across every day. Nevertheless, that doesn't mean you shouldn't learn them! Are you familiar with the "abbr" tag? What about "cite"? These two alone deserve a spot in your tool-chest. Learn all of them!

By the way, in case you're unfamiliar with the two listed above:

abbr does pretty much what you'd expect. It refers to an abbreviation. "Blvd" could be wrapped in a <abbr> tag because it's an abbreviation for "boulevard". cite is used to reference the title of some work. For example, if you reference this article on your own blog, you could put "30 HTML Best Practices for Beginners" within a <cite> tag. Note that it shouldn't be used to reference the author of a quote. This is a common misconception. 26: Participate in the Community Just as sites like ours contributes greatly to further a web developer's knowledge, you should too! Finally figured out how to float your elements correctly? Make a blog posting to teach others how. There will always be those with less experience than you. Not only will you be contributing to the community, but you'll also teach yourself. Ever notice how you don't truly understand something until you're forced to teach it?

27: Use a CSS Reset This is another area that's been debated to death. CSS resets: to use or not to use; that is the question. If I were to offer my own personal advice, I'd 100% recommend that you create your own reset file. Begin by downloading a popular one, like Eric Meyer's, and then slowly, as you learn more, begin to modify it into your own. If you don't do this, you won't truly understand why your list items are receiving that extra bit of padding when you didn't specify it anywhere in your CSS file. Save yourself the anger and reset everything! This one should get you started.

html, body, div, span, h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6, p, blockquote, pre, a, abbr, acronym, address, big, cite, code, img, ins, kbd, q, s, samp, small, strike, strong, dl, dt, dd, ol, ul, li, fieldset, form, label, legend, table, caption, tbody, tfoot, thead, tr, th, td {    margin: 0;    padding: 0;    border: 0;    outline: 0;    font-size: 100%;    vertical-align: baseline;    background: transparent; } body {    line-height: 1; } ol, ul {    list-style: none; } blockquote, q {    quotes: none; } blockquote:before, blockquote:after, q:before, q:after {    content: '';    content: none; }

table {    border-collapse: collapse;    border-spacing: 0; } 28: Line 'em Up!

Line em up Generally speaking, you should strive to line up your elements as best as possible. Take a look at you favorite designs. Did you notice how each heading, icon, paragraph, and logo lines up with something else on the page? Not doing this is one of the biggest signs of a beginner. Think of it this way: If I ask why you placed an element in that spot, you should be able to give me an exact reason.

Advertisement 29: Slice a PSD Slice a PSD Okay, so you've gained a solid grasp of HTML, CSS, and Photoshop. The next step is to convert your first PSD into a working website. Don't worry; it's not as tough as you might think. I can't think of a better way to put your skills to the test. If you need assistance, review these in depth video tutorials that show you exactly how to get the job done.

Slice and Dice that PSD From PSD to HTML/CSS 30: Don't Use a Framework...Yet Frameworks, whether they be for Javascript or CSS are fantastic; but please don't use them when first getting started. Though it could be argued that jQuery and Javascript can be learned simultaneously, the same can't be made for CSS. I've personally promoted the 960 CSS Framework, and use it often. Having said that, if you're still in the process of learning CSS -- meaning the first year -- you'll only make yourself more confused if you use one.

CSS frameworks are for experienced developers who want to save themselves a bit of time. They're not for beginners.

Original article source here : https://code.tutsplus.com/tutorials/30-html-best-practices-for-beginners--net-4957

#Web Development #HTML

[nathalia417-blog]

Essay #2:

       This past Friday, April 5th, one of my close friends from work invited me to ArteHop in Old San Juan. “No experience required.” That sentence sat dead center at the top of the advertisement my friend sent me as if to convince me, almost as if they too knew I would need one last bit of encouragement. So, I’m sure you’re wondering what it’s like to attend a painting and wine class with no artistic ability and very little tolerance for alcohol? Well, it was really an experience in itself. I definitely wasn’t diving head-first into one of the most adventurous experience of my life, but I went in hesitant and sort of unwillingly thinking that a painting and wine class would be a below average experience. Surprisingly, I was pleased to leave the establishment after having really fun evening.

       Admittedly, I was probably more nervous than most people would be when faced with a chill night of paint and drink. My experiences with art classes haven’t always been the best. In fact, the last time I picked up a brush was in 8th grade painting class. My professor gave me a generous B- and these parting words: “This just isn’t for everyone.” So when I stepped into the ArteHop studio, I brought along emotional baggage and zero ability. But I also brought three other things that ultimately helped the class live up to its motto of “laugh, drink, paint”: two of my best friends and a $5 bottle of wine, complete with twist-off cap for convenience.

       During the class I learned various things. Lesson one: bring friends, family, and wine. Having a support system (and alcohol) calms the nerves and makes the whole thing more fun. When we arrived, Camila, the evening’s instructor, greeted us right away. After learning I had no experience whatsoever, she told me not to worry about my lack of experience since these classes are basically acrylic painting for beginners and handed me my brushes. Thankfully, they came with easy-to-remember names like “big brush” and “baby brush.” She then gave me a basic palette and directed me to the paints, which had pump-top dispensers and clear instructions for exactly how much I would need. We’d all be working on the same painting—“Rainy Day”—which depicted silhouetted figures against an abstract, rain-swept background

       Lesson two: more adventurous students can pick their own colors or even paint something entirely different, but most people play it safe and follow the instructions. I poured a glass of wine and took a stool next to my friends Gina and Maria, the three of us at the end of a long table that held our easels and blank canvases. Camila stepped onto the small stage at the front of the class and began to paint. We all followed along, starting with a simple gray background. I mixed black and white paint directly on the table—the studio had covered the table surfaces in white paper, making things extra easy. Even better, the staff would take care of cleaning everything afterward … except for my jeans.  Which leads me to lesson three: Wear old clothes, or an outfit you think would look better with a few random streaks of paint.

       I used “big brush” to make wide strokes, occasionally dipping its bristles into water. Camila, meanwhile, walked the room and gave advice, which for me was, “Don’t be afraid to use more paint.” The next hour or so passed in a blur of activity as our instructor taught us how to paint with acrylics: she showed us how to transform rectangles and teardrops into people, dots and half-circles into umbrellas, and streaks of red, yellow, and blue into a rainy scene. She even painted larger examples on a separate paper, breaking down the painting’s more detailed parts into easy-to-follow steps. The only thing she didn’t teach me to paint was my signature, and I probably made it too big.

         The fourth thing I learned is: Don’t be afraid to ask for help, even in the smallest details. The instructor can also tell you how to recover from mistakes. Camila’s encouragement kept me from turning into a bundle of nerves, as did having my friends nearby. We laughed and assured one another that our paintings were fine. I wasn’t convinced, but I was thankful that they were the only ones who could see my work—until I heard the words “we’re done,” and it was time to pose for photos. This was when the drinks helped, though I was too focused during the class to down more than a glass and a half. The “BYOB” in this painting class seemed more about creating a fun atmosphere, and having a glass of budget wine in hand made me realize no one was really there to judge my work.

       The fifth and last lesson I got from this experience is that almost everyone thinks their painting is the worst. At the end of the class, you see that yours and everyone else’s is good, even if they don’t look exactly like the example. At the end, I posed unabashedly with my finished painting. I even plan to hang it in my apartment. Though probably at the end of the hallway, because as my ArteHop instructor taught me, even great art looks better from a few feet away. This got me thinking about one of my favorite readings, “Below Deck” which is the story about a Philippine named Reggie who set of on a journey of a lifetime as an overseas cruise employee.

       In the article Reggie expressed that his main reason for making that decision was to provide a better life for his family.  Reggie also stated “I wanted to see the ship. I wanted to see America.” He, just like my painting instructor did with my painting saw America from far away and saw something great. Of course, though my painting experience and Reggie’s many years in that terrible working environment are really different I can still relate both events. I for one, didn’t even want to go to the painting class and from my judgmental far away lens had already categorized it as a boring waste of time that would bring back unwanted memories of my failed attempts as creating art, and surprisingly enough, I had a really good time. Reggie on the other hand was extremely excited about the opportunity to work at cruise ship and thought it would turn out to be a dream come true, yet, at the end it was a living nightmare.

       Overall, what I’m trying to get to is that we can’t keep judging a book by it’s cover. Things can seem really bad and ugly and when you take a closer look inside it it’s not that way at all and vice versa like in Reggie’s case. I think that if we’d practice this all the time we wouldn’t miss out on great adventures we took for granted and could possibly avoid situations that cause us more harm then good. Each experience is precious and necessary but that doesn’t mean we can’t be smart about the routes we take to each one.  

[behindthescenesthoughts]

The Backstory...

Welcome to something nobody will read; and that’s okay.

Anybody that does read this, I’m okay, just confused/lost.

Here goes nothin...

About 4 years ago I started working at this coffee shop. I was so excited and felt like the coolest motherfucker in my school because it was the “hip” coffee place to be at the time. (I was a sophomore in high school). After receiving my booklet to study and filling out some paperwork, I decided to go check out the stand I was starting at! So I drove there, ecstatic. Never in a hundred years would I have thought what happened next would have happened.

So, there was this girl I stumbled across on Instagram a few months prior. I had never met her but we had mutual friends. She was a couple grades above me, and holy shit was she beautiful. Every now and then I would see posts from her updating her followers of what she was doing and all that Jazz. I was too shy to come out of nowhere and message her, so I never did.

Well, as I pulled up to the window I saw a familiar face. It was her. She greeted me with the warmest smile and brightest blue eyes, and no I don’t mean the customer service face, it was the most genuine shit I had ever seen. We did the normal customer service talk, however, until I broke the news that I had been hired!

That’s when everything changed.

Fast forward a few months, her and I had officially met and worked together a few times. I had admitted to her that I followed her for awhile and she quickly followed me back - cool right? Yeah.

Keep on fast forwarding, we grew close, exchanged snapchats and eventually phone numbers (nothing serious, just the start of a dope friendship).

About a year went by. We started regularly going to these food carts off of Lombard in Portland, always for their Mac and cheese, she loved it, admittedly I was a big fan of it as well.

That’s when it started.

I’m a sucker for the little things, quirky things if you will, that people do. I think that’s where the most unique traits show themselves. The small way her nose twinkles when she laughs, the excitement in her eyes and voice when a food she loves is presented to her, the way she talks about her adventures, the way she enjoys her adventures, the way she puts her hands together and pushes her arms straight down when she’s trying to be even cuter than she already is (usually to get a favor)... things like that, that most people probably wouldn’t take a second of thought on.

It started with her external beauty. The quick glances I could get without staring awkwardly, when in reality I just wanted to sit and stare and talk with her. Next was all those little things I mentioned above, the biggest being the excitement she showed all over her body when her favorite Mac and cheese was placed on the counter for us to grab.

Fast forward a few more months, we jokingly flirted here and there (kind of just how our personalities are). I grew more and more attracted to her, again for both, her physical and emotional beauty.

After about a year and a half, it was almost overwhelming how much I cared for her, and wanted to pursue something more with her.

So I said fuck it, and told her how I felt. (Unfortunately I was still too shy to do this in person so I texted her a novel of a bunch of my feelings that had been pent up over the last year or so).

In cane the friend zone hammer.

She appreciated some of the things I said, and others threw her off. She said she thought we had a mutual understanding that we were just friends. Apparently not.

I felt belittled, my already small ego took a major hit. I hadn’t opened up to anybody like I did to her - ever. And it partially ruined my emotional state for awhile.

I backed off.

The hardest part was that we worked together. Saw each other everyday. Instantly, I acted like I had never met her. She caught on after a few days and started trying to have casual conversation with me at work, but I kept it short and simple and generally would end it quickly and try to go focus on something else (stocking, dishes, anything to avoid her). This was all immature of me, and I realize that. I was hurt, extremely. It wasn’t her fault, but i told myself it was, so I held up a front for almost a month.

She finally reached out to me over text. She said that she didn’t know what the problem was but that she’d appreciate me to at least say hi when we saw each other at work. I sent her another big message of which I don’t remember the context. I do remember her reaction though. She wasn’t irrational, she didn’t call me names, but she admitted that SHE was hurt. She couldn’t understand why i was distancing myself and why I made it more awkward than it was or needed to be. We fought about it for a little bit. I said things I wish I never did, never anything belittling to her but still things I would never want to say to somebody I’m trying to fix something with.

Over the next month we rekindled our friendship. It took years to gain the trust, emotional support, and comfortability back between us, but somehow we did it.

I devoted a lot of my time trying to keep her smiling and treat her as good as possible without overstepping.

She threw some stones at me (figuratively) a few times over the next couple years telling me things she knew I wouldn’t want to hear, mainly pertaining to her ex boyfriend who was still gaining his way back to her bed whenever he was back for leave. I never will understand that action from her to me, maybe it was payback, maybe she was asking for help, maybe she was obvlivious. Who knows.

Anyways, a lot of time passed and we kept hanging out and talking and just doing things that friends would.

Next chapter started after we both quit our jobs there a year ago.

We went our separate ways work wise, but stayed in contact, occasionally grabbing a quick bite or going on drives together.

There was one little adventure we did in winter of 2016 that, for lack of a better more explaining phrase, fucked me up (in a good way).

I picked her up around like 9:30am, we went and got coffee, and then set our route to head towards the waterfall highway (old historic highway in Oregon). We talked for a couple hours of driving, listened to some good music (going back and forth between who chose the song). It was one of the best days I’ve had in a VERY long time. Refreshing for sure. We got out at every spot we could to take pictures and walk around (even though there was still snow everywhere). I kept catching glimpses of her. The way she admired the waterfalls, the views, the sights, I’m pretty sure I damn near fell in love (or did for sure 100%, but what’s the difference). Our last stop before I took her home was a rest area with a river running through it. We parked the car and walked all the way across this field and through some trees to a rock bed along the water, where we sat in silence for a little while. It was a little piece of quiet heaven to me, and everywhere I looked, was beautiful, especially the girl to my right.

We had a lot of great laughs that day. A lot of bonding over music. A lot of comfortable silence (which her and I both agreed that was a beautiful thing in itself that we didn’t feel obligated to have bullshit conversation, we were happy just cruising together listening to Kygo, and enjoying the literal presence of another being). All in all, we spent almost 10 hours straight together. Barely on our phones (mainly to add to our Snapchat stories or change the song). It was absolute serenity.

I fell, hard. Harder than I ever had.

A little over a year has passed since that day.

We have continued to hang out and talk often. Recently I won tickets for 2 at a blazer game, suite level. She was the first person I thought of. So I asked, and shortly after she accepted.

Again, I picked her up, and we drove to the moda center. Parking was a fucking nightmare, but nothing was better than the feeling of having her next to me, looking all fuckin cute. She was tired and said she would be good once we got out of the car, she also gets a little car sick normally, so I told her to kick back and relax until we parked, she did. She wrapped her arms around one of mine and layed her head on my shoulder for awhile. It felt real at this point, what I felt then was a future. I envisioned things in my head that I was excited to bring to life, with her.

We parked, walked inside (through some gnarly rain I might add). Got up to our suite, grabbed a quick bite and each a beer. Cheers and game on. We kept laughing and talking, enjoying the game. She told me she had never been to one of the suites and she thanked me for being the first person to bring her to one. At one point, I had my arm comfortably on the back of her seat, she sat forward in her seat, so I subconsciously gently scratched her back (ya know the way I mean, the one that puts people to sleep). She didn’t hesitate nor did I. So I presumed for a few. Most of the rest of the game went that way. Just us enjoying the game and each other and friends (not so much the warm beer though).

After the game, my buddy, his girlfriend, mystery girl and I all went out to get dessert. More good conversation and some more laughs, Yada yada. I took her home, it was late. I had no intention of busting my way into her place to get in bed, because that’s not the kind of person I am. So I politely walked her to her car (she had plans to go out with some friends), gave her a good good hug, and we both went on with our nights. We drove next to each other for a few minutes until we reached the road we went different directions on. We both jokingly held hearts up with our hands when we turned away from each other (ya know, just friend shit though).

It’s been a week exactly since that night. Everything is normal and great, but I have gotten extremely caught up on her, but the friendzone from years ago still haunts me. One of our really good mutual friends and I had brought up something to do with how I felt about her. Our friend told me not to stay stuck on her because she is just doing her and isn’t ready to settle down (but I feel like it’s the total opposite). I think she knows exactly what she wants, and I think she’s just scared to go for it. As am I at this point.

I played it off somewhat cool with our friend, saying “ya you’re probably right”. And she may be, but then there’s the block in my head that says “I don’t know” because I want to shut the whole situation out of my system and go all out with this girl at the same time.

It’s been years of experiences, conversations, small quirky things, laughter and smiles, hugs, food, venting to each other... and so much more.

How do I tell her I love her, without losing her?

-bm/al