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thewintersoldierdisaster · 1 year

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a/n: more svech! just straight up fluff happening here. i loved writing this one so much! i was going to save this for svech’s birthday on sunday but i’m an adhd bitch and couldn’t wait lol so now we’re celebrating the canes clinching a playoff spot. (also fully exposing my mister svechnikov kink by adding it into every fic sorry not sorry)

word count: 7.2k (i am INCAPABLE of not blathering on about svech apparently)

tw: like super mild childbirth and more google-translate russian

summary: you and andrei welcome your first baby

“I don’t know,” Andrei’s hand is splayed flat over your stomach while he lies in bed next to you, “maybe I should talk to Rod. See if I can stay home until the baby’s here.” The baby rolls and kicks at his hand and Andrei’s lips turn up into a soft smile. His eyes are still a little cloudy and conflicted though.

You stretch out your legs, trying to ease the pain in your hip from having to lay on your side. “You’re only going to Nashville. It’s not far and I’m due in a week and a half. Plenty of time for you to get there and back without having to let your boys down.”

Andrei starts to protest, but you shake your head. “I know you don’t want to miss any games so close to the playoffs, Drei. And I also know that you’re not going to miss baby being born. We can do it all.”

He rubs at your stomach again, looking deep in thought. “Nashville is two days. To get there, to play, and to come back - more like three. What if you go into labor during the game?”

“Then,” you yawn, “I’ll have someone pull you off the ice and you can come straight to the hospital. Labor takes hours. Honestly, Drei, you’re not going to miss it.”

You know he wants to be there for you and for the team, especially coming down the home stretch of the regular season when the Canes are holding onto first in the Metro. You love that he’s so dedicated to his team and honestly, the thought of him sitting around and staring at you, waiting for you to pop, isn’t that relaxing. He’s attentive, but sometimes you need a bit of space.

Andrei rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. He huffs a sigh before rolling back onto his side to look at you. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure,” you reassure him. “Plus all four of our parents are going to be here in a couple of days. There’s no shortage of people who can get me to a hospital and call you, if we need it.”

He looks a little more reassured now, remembering that his parents are flying in on Tuesday, just hours after he flies out to Nashville. Your parents are only a forty-five minute drive away, so the second labor starts, if Andrei isn’t around, you can call them. You kick the blankets off your legs, too hot and uncomfortable in the unseasonably warm early spring weather. All you want to do is lie on your stomach and stretch out, but thanks to the giant belly bump, that’s a no-go. You’ve always been aware that Andrei was big and tall, but you hadn’t really thought about it until your baby was all squished up in your stomach, your skin stretched uncomfortably. It really does feel like you’re snuggling a watermelon around, and especially now that the baby’s dropped in the last few days, you’re really feeling uncomfortable.

Andrei’s hand rubs soft circles over the peak of your stomach, tapping the spots that the baby kicks in a little game. He props his head up on his palm and traces his fingers over your skin. “I can’t believe he’ll be here in a week,” he says.

“Or she,” you counter cheekily. “But yeah, it’s feeling a little scary now.”

The nursery’s been done for about two weeks now - painted and decorated around Andrei’s travel schedule. You have your hospital bag packed and ready in the front hall closet. The freezer is stocked full of meals your mom had made and delivered last week. All that’s left now is to wait for baby to make their appearance.

You shift on the bed, your lower back sore and stiff. “Drei…” you pout, “will you rub my back?” You blink wide eyes up at him and he smiles, needing no extra begging or encouragement to help you into a sitting position.

He opens his legs and settles you in between them, warm, large hands coming to rest on your lower back. “Here, solnyshka?” He asks, thumbs already digging into the stiff muscles. You hum an affirmative response, leaning forward as much as your stomach will allow and enjoying the pleasant stretch of your back. His hands work out the knots smoothly and you melt, finally getting a little relief.

“I can’t wait to finally not have to carry around this watermelon,” you sigh, hands cradling your stomach.

Andrei’s hands work up your back to your shoulders, “I can’t wait to hold the baby all the time, to make up for the nine months you did all the work.” He kisses behind your ear and digs his thumb into a particularly painful knot by your shoulder blade.

“Oh,” you gasp, going limp as the muscle releases. You sag back against his chest, trapping Andrei’s hands in between your bodies. “That felt so good. Forget hockey, become my personal masseuse.”

“Isn’t that already my side job?” He teases, fingers fluttering against your back where they’re stuck. You shift a little and he pulls his arms out and immediately rests them on the underside of your stomach, lifting gently so some of the pressure is off your pelvis.

A strangled noise of contentment escapes your throat and you lean further back against him. “Full time, I need back massages and bump lifting full time, Drei.”

“Whatever you want, solnyshka,” he tucks your head under his chin and sits still so you can relax. He’s so warm and solid you find your eyes closing, finally in a comfortable enough position to sleep a little.

A sharp jab to your bladder - a little foot or elbow, most likely - startles you awake with a wince. You shift, Andrei’s arms still encircling your body. He’s snoring softly in your ear and you realize that he fell asleep too, holding you against his chest. His head is tilted back against the headboard and it can’t be comfortable, but he’s out like a light, even when you wiggle a little to try and get off the bed. The need to use the bathroom is urgent.

“Mmm, solnyshka?” He mumbles, waking up a bit when you gently push his arms off of you.

“Go back to sleep,” you whisper into the dark. “I just have to pee.”

Andrei hums another response, but swings his legs off the bed and steadies you with a hand on your lower back and the other on your hip. His eyes are shut the entire time and he’s snoring again by the time you’re halfway to the bathroom. His legs are still dangling off the bed and you shake your head a little. Once you finish in the bathroom, you take a minute to look in the mirror, turning to the side and smoothing your shirt over your stomach. In a week or less, this bump is going to be a baby in your arms. You can’t wait to meet it, to see which of your features or Andrei’s are stronger.

“Just wait until Daddy is home, okay, baby?” You whisper, rubbing your palm over a spot low on you stomach where the baby’s jabbed a limb. “That better be a yes, mom, whatever you say.”

Andrei’s still half hanging off the bed when you waddle - god, you’re sick of the waddling! - back into the bedroom. He’s exhausted, between the travel, the actual playing, and being there for you, no matter what you need. You wish there were a way to let him keep sleeping while putting him back on the bed properly, but there really isn’t, so you carefully crawl back onto your side of the bed and situate yourself with the giant body pillows wrapped around your body and then reach out to nudge Andrei’s shoulder.

“Hey,” you whisper, “Drei, baby, get back into bed.”

He startles, blinking into the dark, and rubs a hand over his face. “Huh?” He looks around and seems to realize that his feet are on the floor while his upper body is in bed. “Oh,” he mutters, pulling his legs back up on the bed and under the covers. He reaches for you, still clearly half-asleep, and you let him pull you closer. The body pillow is entirely in the way and Andrei grumbles. “I hate this pillow,” he mutters, doing his best to wrap his body around yours.

“Just a little bit longer,” you mumble, fully knowing that you may never sleep without the body pillow again. It’s just so damn comfortable.

You wish you could sleep in the next morning, but even though Andrei is doing his best to be quiet while he gets ready, the baby is apparently dealing with hiccups. It’s like a little alien in your stomach and it’s both weirdly endearing and also freaking you out a little. You’re awake by 7:30, but you just stay in bed, smoothing your hand over your stomach, watching the way it jumps around.

“So freaky,” you mutter. Eventually Andrei wanders back into your room, holding a protein shake and already a little sweaty.

“Morning, milaya,” he drops a kiss on your lips and you squint at him.

“Did you already fit in a workout?”

He ruffles the hair on the back of his head, a little sheepish, “yeah. I woke up early. Ah, I’m getting a little nervous.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and you reach out for his hand. You stroke your thumb over the ridges of his knuckles. He squeezes your fingers gently.

“I’m nervous too,” you admit. “But we’re the ultimate team, right? I don’t know what I’m doing and you don’t either. But we’ll learn together.”

Andrei lifts your hand to his mouth and kisses the underside of your wrist. He rests his cheek against the back of your hand and you wiggle your fingers against his stubble, smiling slightly.

“You’re going to be the best dad,” you say, one-hundred percent confident in your statement.

He chews on his lower lip, absorbing your words, and nods. “If I’m half as good of a dad as you will be a mom, then I think the baby will be okay,” he says, leaning in to kiss you again. You sigh into his mouth.

“Glad we’re all on the same page,” you joke. “Now please help me up because I really can’t do it on my own anymore.”

Andrei obliges, pulling you to your feet and watching attentively as you go slowly about your morning routine. You shoo him out of the room after fifteen minutes, starting to get agitated with his hovering. “Drei, please, I’m fine. Just go shower and get ready to go to your skate,” you sigh, twisting your hair into a pair of messy braids and pinning them up into a milkmaid style so it’s off your neck.

“Okay, sorry, milaya,” he kisses the nape of your neck and ducks into the shower, leaving you time to change into a different lounge set and head for the kitchen. Nothing sounds appealing to you, mild nausea making your stomach roll. You settle for popping a slice of bread into the toaster and grabbing an avocado. You lean your elbow on the counter and prop your chin in the palm of your hand, yawning while you wait for your toast. Sleep quality really had declined the last few weeks.

Andrei’s back in the kitchen as you’re eating the avocado straight from its peel. He looks at you, raising an eyebrow and lips twitching in an effort to hide his amusement. You wrinkle your nose at him. “I didn’t want the toast,” you explain, gesturing at the butter smeared bread with your spoon. “You can have it, if you want.”

He snags the toast with two fingers and kisses the side of your head. “Spasibo. I’ll text you when I’m leaving the rink, if you need anything, okay?” He asks around a mouthful of bread.

You nod, “be careful. Love you.”

After he leaves, you tidy the kitchen and the living room, even though neither are all that dirty. You just mostly want to keep moving a bit - once you sit down, you’re basically not getting up for God or country.

By the time Andrei gets home for his pre-game nap and meal, he finds you curled up on the couch, sobbing at an episode of Bones. He’s immediately kneeling on the floor in front of you, running his hands over you thighs, “hey, what’s going on? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

“We’re fine,” you wave him off with a sniffle. “It’s just…Bones and Booth danced around their relationship for so long! And I forgot how unsatisfying it was when they finally got together.”

Andrei looks at you like you’re crazy before schooling his features into a more neutral expression. He sucks his upper lip in between his teeth, clearly trying not to laugh. He rubs at your knee soothingly, “how about you come nap with me? Take a break from the TV.”

You nod, rubbing at your damp eyes like an overtired toddler. The hormones are fluctuating wildly today. Andrei gently helps you get to your feel and trails after you to the bedroom. “How was morning skate?” You ask, climbing into bed. Andrei wraps his body around yours, the big spoon to your little, and buries his face in your hair.

“Good, it was nice to get a little energy flowing before the game,” he mumbles into your hair. His arms are a secure cocoon of warmth around you and the baby kicks where his palm is splayed flat over the side of your stomach. “Hello to you too, little one,” he says a little louder.

You snuggle into his embrace and fall asleep easily, the hour long nap passing faster than you had thought. Andrei gets up and starts getting dressed, while you watch. He’s in game mode now, more serious than before, more in his head. You know he’s thinking about the plays that were surely drawn up during morning skate. He steps into his suit pants - a new plaid number that is a mild assault on the eyes, but he’s so damn handsome he makes it work - and does a little hop in place when he does up the button and fly. You’re blatantly ogling him when he pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it into the hamper.

“Creep,” he teases you, catching you looking.

“Don’t be so handsome then,” you shoot back, pointedly rubbing your stomach.

His smile turns a little feral and his eyes darken. “You look good like that, pregnant with my baby,” his voice is low and you press your thighs together.

You shake your finger at him, “no way, keep it in your pants, Mister Svechnikov, that’s how we ended up here in the first place.”

He laughs, eyes twinkling and dimple popping, finishing buttoning up his shirt. “I didn’t hear any complaints,” he says casually.

“Give it a week or so and I’m sure you’ll be hearing a few complaints,” you wince at a particularly strong kick lands somewhere in the vicinity of your ribs. “I know it’s cramped in there, but easy on the ribs,” you murmur to your stomach.

Andrei finishes getting ready, eats a quick meal, and is back on the road. He’ll be at the arena nearly three hours before the game, but you know it’s part of his routine. Besides, Brady likes to get there early too, so you know he won’t be alone. More likely, Brady will be alone while Andrei handles the puck by the boards before people start coming.

You send Andrei your usual pre-game text and make yourself a light dinner. The TV gets switched to the pre-game and you settle on the couch with your book and laptop. Your mom checks in with you, FaceTiming for a bit, and Elena is texting too, confusing you a little with the time difference, but she’s so excited to get into town tomorrow. The WAG group chat is buzzing too - asking how you are and sending pictures of the kids at the game. You doze off during the game, but wake up to a winning score for the Canes mid-way through the third. The score holds and Andrei comes home bouncy and full of energy.

“Four game point streak!” You grin, cheering for him as he comes into the house.

Andrei blushes and waves you off. “Team effort,” is all he says, even though he was a driving force on the ice. He drops to his knees next to the couch and rubs your stomach. “How’s baby?”

“Kicking away,” you card your fingers through Andrei’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. He leans into your touch like a cat. “I’m pretty sure she’s going to kick her way out, like in Alien.”

“Gross,” Andrei pulls a face and then ducks closer to your stomach, whispering to the bump. And in Russian too, so even though you can hear him, you can’t understand him.

You nudge his shoulder with a foot. “Secrets, secrets are no fun, unless you share them with everyone,” you tease.

He shakes his head, “it’s between a father and his child.”

“Rude,” you roll your eyes affectionately, pouting a bit. “Take me to bed, Mister Svechnikov, it’s past my bedtime and growing your child is making me sleepy.”

“Whatever you want, Mrs. Svechnikova,” he grins.

All of his post-game excitement is worn off by the next morning and he’s back to worrying about missing the baby’s birth. “Please, Drei, go to Nashville,” you sigh, rubbing at your lower back. “You’ll be back Thursday afternoon. Your mom and dad are coming in this afternoon. There’s nothing happening.”

“I just don’t want to miss anything,” he protests. His phone is on the counter and his fingers twitch, like he’s going to snatch it up and text Rod any second. You bat the phone away from him and scowl.

“Go to the game, Andrei,” you say firmly. “If anything happens, and it won’t, I’ll make sure someone gets the message to you and gets you on a plane back here, okay?”

“Okay,” he sighs, clearly wanting to argue with you more, but catches sight of the look on your face and wisely shuts his mouth. Eventually, he’s all packed up and is kissing you good-bye so he can head to the airport. “I love you, milaya,” he says against your temple.

“I love you, too,” you whisper, starting to feel a little emotional. Damn hormones. “I’m sorry I keep snapping at you.”

He chuckles a bit. “It’s okay, you’re allowed. I’ll see you in two days, okay?” His hands come up to cradle your belly. “Keep mama company, okay little one?”

You sniffle and laugh a little wetly. “I’ve got a foot wedged in my ribs, I’m never alone,” you joke.

With one more kiss, Andrei is off and you’re alone. It’s not like this is the first time he’s been gone during the last nine months, and there have been periods where he was gone even longer than two days, but maybe it’s because you’re so close to your due date that you’re feeling extra emotional.

To distract yourself, you make sharlotka - an apple cake from a recipe Elena sent you a few weeks ago when your main craving had been apples dipped in honey. She and Igor are already en route to Raleigh and you invited them over for dinner when they land, mostly to keep you company so you don’t go crazy.

Andrei’s in Nashville and has texted you about fifteen times by the time his parents Uber to your place. You click over onto FaceTime and grin at him, “you can relax, my love. The calvary is here.” You turn the camera and his parents wave at him.

“We will take good care of her, Andreyusha,” Elena blows him a kiss.

“But we will not save you any cake,” Igor teases, holding up his plate, having immediately beelined for the dessert.

Andrei looks a little put out about the cake, but relieved that you’re not alone. “I thought you were going to relax?”

“A girl has to eat,” you tease. “We’re good here, focus on the game and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Elena and Igor end up staying in the guest room, exhausted from the travel, and you reap the rewards when you wake up to a full breakfast spread. “I couldn’t sleep,” Elena shrugs, her smile just like Andrei’s. “Besides, I needed to make sure my doch and grandbaby are well-fed.”

She pats your cheek and sets a plate full of eggs, toast, fruit, and bacon in front of you. You blink at the amount of food, knowing you’re definitely not going to be able to eat it all, but thank her effusively.

“I didn’t even think we had bacon or all this fruit in the house,” you comment, nibbling at a corner of the toast.

“You didn’t,” Elena laughs. “I went to the grocery store.”

“Oh, gosh! Elena, you didn’t have to do that,” you say. “You’re supposed to be on vacation.”

She waves you off, bracelets clinking together on her wrist. “This is vacation. With family, waiting for the baby? My girl, this is exactly what I want to do.”

“Oh, okay,” you slump back in the chair, trying to stretch your back. “If you’re sure…”

“I am sure, now eat some eggs. The calcium is good for growing the baby.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you jokingly salute and dig into the eggs. They’re actually really good - soft and creamy and definitely hitting the spot. You’re finishing breakfast when Igor comes through the front door. You do a double-take - you thought he had been upstairs this whole time.

“Can’t have breakfast without pastries,” he winks at you, setting a bakery bag on the counter. His mischievous smile is just like Andrei’s. Elena pulls out a box stuffed full of croissants, muffins, turnovers, and doughnuts.

“Oh, wow,” you grin, reaching for a chocolate croissant. “A girl could definitely get used to this treatment.”

After breakfast, you try to help clean up but are forced back down into the chair. They ask if you and Andrei have picked a name and that’s a big fat no. Neither one of you can agree on a name you like. You have a little idea forming in the back of your head, but you don’t want to say anything to Andrei until the baby’s born.

It’s a beautiful April day in Raleigh, so Elena hustles you all outside for a walk in the fresh air. It’s slow going since you’re hauling around the giant baby bump, but the fresh air feels good and the walk is helping the stiffness in your lower back. You assume the stereotypical pregnant woman pose, with your hands bracing at your lower back while you walk.

A little cramp ripples over your stomach and you wince, pressing your fingers into the spot. You wait, but it doesn’t happen again, so you figure it was probably breakfast settling. But you’re on alert for the rest of the day, just in case. The only thing still bothering you at dinner time is your lower back, but that’s been sore and stiff for two weeks now, so you assume it’s just from the weight of carrying the baby.

At least, that’s what you assume until it’s thirty minutes to puck drop and you feel a slight popping sensation between your legs, accompanied by a trickle of liquid.

You stand stock still for a beat and then mutter, “oh, shit. Andrei’s going to kill me.”

Elena looks up from her book and frowns at you, “what’s going on?”

“I, ah, think my water broke,” you grip the countertop tightly. Liquid continues to drip down your thighs and there’s a little cramp like the one you felt earlier. “Oh, yeah, definitely my water breaking.”

Andrei’s parents jump up from their spots on the couch and from there it’s a flurry of action. You call your mom and she has your dad in the car before you can even get a word in beyond “hey, mom, I’m in labor.” They’ll be at your place within the hour.

A stronger cramp grips your stomach and now you realize that you’ve been feeling contractions for the last day or so. Andrei’s going to be so annoyed that you made him go to Nashville. Warm-ups have started and you know that Andrei’s unreachable by phone for the foreseeable future. You still text him anyway (“hi sorry i said nothing was gonna happen but i’m in labor 😅😬”) and when another contraction hits fifteen minutes after the last one, you figure it’s about time to head to the hospital.

While Igor drives, you text Heather Staal, wondering if she can get ahold of Jordan or Rod to let Andrei know before he gets on the ice. She promises to try and get the message across, reassuring you that you’ll be fine and Andrei won’t miss a thing. You really hope she’s right, because you’ll never hear the end of it otherwise.

You settle a bit once you get admitted and changed into the flimsy hospital gown. Your parents get to the hospital just a few minutes after you do and your mom immediately joins Elena in your room, making sure you have everything you need.

Right now, you just really need Andrei.

Your dad and Igor are in the waiting room watching, ironically, the Canes game. They pop back into the room every few minutes to offer an update.

“He’s still on the bench.”

“Took a shift, had an assist on a Brady goal.”

“Still on the ice.”

“First intermission and he’s going back to the room. No one looks like they’ve told him anything.”

You huff through increasing contractions while they update you, getting irritated.

“Start of the second, oh, he’s still on the bench.”

“What the fuck,” you mutter, grabbing your phone and texting Heather again. She’s sympathetic, but had texted Rod and wasn’t sure what was happening. You’re halfway ready to call Bridgestone’s main line and start screaming.

Your dad skids into the room while you’re gripping your mom’s hand through a contraction. “He’s off the ice! Looks like one of the assistant coaches told Rod something and then Andrei was yanked off the bench.”

You start crying, relieved that Andrei is finally going to be on his way.

Not even fifteen minutes later, he FaceTimes you.

“I’m on my way, solnyshka, I’ll be there soon,” the words burst out of his mouth. He’s half dressed, shirt buttoned all wrong and sweaty hair mussed over his forehead. “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, it hurts, obviously, but I’m okay. Just get here in one piece, okay? I’m so sorry I made you go to the game,” you wipe at the tears on your face, pressing your lips together to smother a shout as another contraction hits.

Andrei’s face is pale on your phone’s screen. “It’s not your fault. I’m on my way now, just hold on for a little bit.” He tells you he loves you and hangs up as he runs out of the locker room.

While you suffer through the contractions, Andrei texts you with updates. He’s booked on a flight out of Nashville that doesn’t leave until 10 and he’s clearly annoyed about it - there’s not a single emoji in his messages. You try not to freak out that he’s going to miss anything. At your last check, you were only 3 centimeters dilated, so there’s still hours of labor ahead of you. You pace the hallways, holding the IV pole keeping you hydrated, with your mom and Elena at your back for support. When you walk past a TV, it’s turned to the post-game and Rod is fielding a question about Andrei’s abrupt departure during the second.

Rod smiles on screen, “well, I’ll tell you it wasn’t for anything bad. His wife’s in labor back home, so as soon as we heard that, Svechy took off. Don’t think any of us could’ve stopped him even if we wanted to. We’re wishing the both of them the best of luck and can’t wait to hear about the newest member of the Caniac family. Next question?”

You start crying again, overly tired and overly emotional. You just want Andrei.

The epidural is administered around 11:30 and you doze off for a bit, waking up confused when a particularly bad contraction hits. “I thought I wasn’t supposed to feel anything?” You whine, gripping the rails of the bed.

The nurse hums at you sympathetically, “they’re not totally 100% effective, hon.”

You glare at her, but she’s clearly used to worse, because it doesn’t phase her at all. She just continues taking your vitals and making her notes.

Once the contraction passes, you ask, “have you seen my parents and in-laws?”

“I think the dads left, saying something about the airport, and the moms are in the coffee shop downstairs,” she pats your hand. “Sounds like you might be getting your husband here soon.”

And you do.

Thankfully, Andrei’s flight was right on time and smooth, so he landed in Raleigh at midnight and with your dad breaking speed limits, is at the hospital and by your side before 1:30. He skids into the room, looking frazzled. “I’m sorry, mne zhal, I’m so sorry, my love,” he babbles, stopping at your side and stroking your hair off your forehead before leaning down to kiss you. “I’m here. I didn’t know, they didn’t tell me until the second…”

The tears flow easily and you grip Andrei’s hand like never before. “I don’t care, I’m just glad you’re here now,” you break off into a shout and curl up when the contraction hits. Stupid fucking epidural.

He keeps hold of your hand and strokes your hair, murmuring in Russian. With his other hand, he rakes his hair off his face. Once you let go, he takes off his suit jacket, tossing it on the spare chair, and rolls up the sleeves of his button down. “How long, do the doctors say?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “Last check, I was like 6 or 7 centimeters.”

All four of your parents are hovering at the doorway and you wave them in with a sigh. Elena hands Andrei a coffee and a sandwich, kissing his cheek when he leans down. “Eat up, you are going to have a long night,” she says, smiling and barely hiding her excitement.

“Spasibo, mama,” he sighs, taking a long drink of coffee. Half the cup is gone and you watch him enviously. Your mom sets another cup down on the little railing tray table.

“That’ll be cold before you get to it,” she says, “but I’m sure you’ll need it.”

Andrei thanks her too and thanks the dads for getting him to the hospital so quickly. They both shrug him off, also barely concealing their excitement. Andrei laughs, “now, I think we’d like a little privacy?” He looks over at you and you nod tiredly. The four parents are kind of a lot to deal with all at once. He grabs the tangle of keys from his pocket and passes them to his dad. “Can you bring me a change of clothes and my car?”

Of course, Igor agrees and all four parents follow him from the room, debating on who will go and which cars they’re going to switch around. You honestly don’t care what they do, just that they leave.

Once they’re all gone, Andrei sucks in a deep breath and sits on the edge of the bed. “Okay, just us now,” he says, sounding a little dazed.

“Just us and the kid,” you reply, exhausted.

“Just us and the kid,” he repeats, smiling slightly. “The timing on this kid,” he shakes his head.

“I know,” you laugh. “I really didn’t think anything was going to happen.”

“It’s all happening now though,” Andrei holds your hand, barely flinching when you squeeze.

Your labor stalls briefly and then it’s nearly 3 a.m. and you’re pushing. Andrei’s at your side, holding one of your legs up by the thigh. He has the other arm wrapped around your shoulders and you’re nearly bent in half. The doctor counts down from ten and then you’re allowed to slump back against the pillows for a few seconds of a break.

“It hurts,” you sob, grasping for Andrei’s hands. He wipes at your tears.

“I know, I know, but you’re doing so good,” he croons. “You’re doing so good and we’ll have a baby soon.”

You’re instructed to push again and Andrei cheers you on, murmuring encouragement in your ear. You shriek, your entire body too hot and too tight and then there’s a release and a different cry.

“Oh,” you drop back against the pillows, suddenly empty.

Andrei looks down at you in shock and then at the baby that’s held in the doctor’s hands, bloody and screaming. He laughs and kisses you deeply, “it’s a girl! A little girl, moya koroleva. You did it.” He bounces on the balls of his feet, vibrating with excitement.

“A girl?” You cry, laughing with joy when the baby’s held up and placed on your chest. “Oh my god, it’s a girl.” Your hands wrap around the baby instinctively, cradling her little head, sobbing as you look at her features.

Andrei’s crying too, his eyes red. He wipes the back of his wrist under his nose and presses her forehead against your temple. “She’s beautiful. Just like her mama.” His voice is hoarse and tears are dripping onto your bare shoulder.

“Drei,” you whisper, full of emotion, and he gets it, kissing you deeply.

“I am so proud of you, my love. My two girls. My best girls,” he laughs, disbelieving. He settles one hand on the baby’s back and she looks impossibly small under his touch.

Time seems to blur from there and you’re allowed to keep the baby on your chest while the nurses run their tests. You hear snippets - she’s 6 pounds, thirteen ounces, twenty-one inches long - but otherwise you have tunnel vision on the gorgeous little baby that’s all yours and Andrei’s. Andrei gets her for skin-to-skin time while they clean you up and you sob again, watching him cradle her on one forearm. He looks up at you, hair flopping over his forehead, exhausted dark circles under his eyes, and beams at you, full dimple and missing tooth showing.

“I love you,” he mouths and then he looks back down at the baby, his expression soft and awed.

Before you know it, you’ve managed to feed the baby and get in a little nap in your private room. Andrei’s stretched out on the little couch, feet dangling over the edge. He hasn’t changed, even though his dad brought back clothes hours ago, so he’s still in his suit pants and dress shoes, button down shirt half-buttoned. He’s dozing too, getting in a nap since he’s been awake for over 24 hours at this point. At some point you know the four parents are going to be bursting down the door to meet her, but for now, they’re respectfully staying at your house until you call to give the okay to come by. It’s nice that they’re letting you and Andrei have time to bond with her, although from the amount of crying when Andrei had called to tell them it was a girl, you don’t think they’ll be able to hold off too much longer.

The nurse brings in the baby in her little plastic bassinet, cheerfully transferring her to your arms so you can feed her again. “Does she have a name?” the nurse asks, getting you all situated. It’s the second time you’ve been asked about her name, but you haven’t had a chance to run your idea by Andrei.

Before you can answer, Andrei’s voice cuts in. “Yeah,” he yawns, “does she have a name?”

You laugh, “no, not yet. But I did have an idea.”

Andrei looks at you expectantly, but you wait until the nurse leaves to speak. Without looking at him, you trace your finger over the slope of the baby’s nose - your nose - and it twitches, like a little rabbit. Andrei smiles at the sight.

“A little zaychik,” he says, watching her nose twitch again while she sucks at your nipple. “What name did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking,” you start, looking up at him, “she needs a name that means something to us. I’d like to name her after someone that means a lot to us too. A name that can inspire her and well, what do you think of Evgenia? Evie for short.”

Andrei’s face freezes and his hand is still against the bottom of the baby’s foot where he’s been stroking with his index finger. He coughs, swallows. “For Geno?”

“Yeah,” you confirm, “since he’s your best friend. I thought it might be nice to honor him.”

Andrei’s eyes well up and he runs the back of his wrist under his nose again while nodding. “I…yeah, solnyshka, yeah. I like that. I think he’ll like it too.” He sniffles and kisses your forehead. Looking down at the baby, he strokes her little hand where it rests on the swell of your breast. “What do you think, Evgenia? Are you an Evie?”

Evie’s little nose twitches again and you press your lips together to muffle a little cry. Seems like that’s settled.

“Evie,” you murmur, heart bursting with love. “She’s going to be the best adventure, huh?”

“We’ll definitely have a good story to tell her about her birth,” he laughs a little wetly, taking her from your arms when she’s done eating. He burps her the way the nurse showed him earlier, looking like a natural. Evie sighs and settles, falling asleep in his arms, her little lips pursed in a pout.

While she’s sleeping, Andrei pulls his phone from his pocket and FaceTimes Geno, clicking the volume lower so his brother’s shouted greeting of excitement doesn’t wake the baby. It’s well after breakfast in San Jose and Geno is outside, sun shining brightly behind him.

“Well? My baby brother has a baby?” Geno grins. “Mama called, but wouldn’t tell me if it’s a boy or a girl or the name. Said you two wanted to share that news. Although you didn’t have a name picked when she called.”

Andrei settles on the mattress next to you and you wave at Geno, a tired smile on your face. “That’s because we just picked it like ten minutes ago,” you laugh.

“You look good, mladshaya sestra,” Geno says warmly. “Now don’t keep me waiting. Uncle Geno’s dying to hear.”

Andrei angles his phone down so Evie’s face fills the screen and you can hear Geno’s exclamation of excitement. “Meet your niece, Evgenia Svechnikova. Evie for short.”

Geno’s speechless for a moment and then he starts rambling in Russian, his voice hoarse and clearly emotional. Andrei’s crying again and then you’re crying and the only one not crying is the actual hours-old baby.

“Evie,” Geno repeats. “She’s beautiful.” He pauses and then jokes, “clearly takes after her namesake.”

Andrei shifts the phone back up so it’s just the adults on screen and you can see Geno wiping at his eyes. You lean your head against Andrei’s shoulder.

“I love you guys,” Geno says.

“We love you too, Uncle Geno,” you reply.

“I’m hanging up before you make me cry again,” he laughs, waving and ending the call. Andrei chuckles and sets his phone down on the mattress near his leg.

“That went well,” he deadpans, a smile playing at his lips.

“I can’t wait to tell your parents her name,” you smirk. “I don’t think there’s enough tissues in the greater-Raleigh area for the flood that’s gonna come out of your mom.”

Andrei looks down at Evie, “are you ready to meet your babushki and dedushki, zaychik?”

Evie continues to sleep soundly, her little face twitching as she dreams.

“I think the question is if we’re ready for the babushki and dedushki,” you tease, holding onto Andrei’s bicep with one hand and tracing the shell of Evie’s ear with the other. She’s just so perfect, you could stare at her forever.

The grandparents are invited to come by after dinner, after you’ve sent Andrei home to shower and eat a real meal. The nurses take Evie to the nursery and you get a solid chunk of sleep. Andrei’s back before you know it, holding a takeout bag in one hand and a little shopping bag in the other.

“What’s that?” You sit up, curious, and set aside your phone. It’s been blowing up with congratulations from your family members and the team.

He sets the takeout bag in front of you, “sushi, as requested.”

You moan happily, “oh thank God, I’ve been craving a spicy tuna roll.” You dig into the food while Andrei sets the other bag on the mattress. He looks a little embarrassed, ears pink, so you wait for him to share.

“I passed by that boutique you like,” he says, pulling out a tissue paper wrapped bundle. “And saw this.” He unwraps it and a little beige onesie spills out, softly ribbed fabric extending up into a hood with a pair of floppy bunny ears attached.

“Oh!” You gasp, all thoughts of sushi forgotten as you take the little outfit. “Drei!” You start crying again. “It’s so cute!”

“Evie needs to be dressed in her finest to meet the grandparents,” he laughs.

“Dressed as a little baby bunny,” you cry, wiping at your face. “Dammit, these hormones are killing me. Ugh, Drei, I love this. I love it and I love you and I love her and I…” You break off into a choking little sob-laugh. “I can’t believe she’s ours.”

He wraps you up in a hug and you cry into his shoulder - he smells like laundry detergent and home. “I can’t either,” he agrees, exhaling in disbelief. Yesterday you were a duo and now you’re a trio.

Andrei pulls back from the hug and looks down at you, eyes twinkling. “Should I go get the little zaychik? Get her all presentable for the grandparents?”

When he brings her back, Evie’s dressed in the little bunny onesie, waving her hands in the air and you promptly start sobbing again. Andrei patiently rubs your back while you blubber about how adorable she is.

He settles her in your arms, already a natural at holding her. You knew he was going to be an amazing dad, but you could never have imagined this.

“Your dada is the best man in the world, Evie,” you whisper to her, kissing a little baby fist when she waves it around. Andrei just looks at you like you’ve hung the moon, a sweet, tired smile on his face.

Considering the fact that your entire lives have just changed, you’ve never felt happier.

#andrei svechnikov x you #andrei svechnikov #andrei svechnikov x reader #andrei svechnikov imagine #carolina hurricanes

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anon911andbuddie · 1 month

Note

hii! idk if this would be a good fic but i just thought it would be cute, what if one day Eddie comes home to find Buck with like a sizable cut on his hand from cooking or something. and of course Eddie is all like "protective medic boyfriend mode." he insists on sitting buck down (even though buck claims it's fine) and properly bandaging it up.

Sorry its been a while. I've had a lot going on and still do, but I was able to pop this out rather quickly, so I hope you guys enjoy.

-Red💋

Accidents

Buck just wanted to do something nice. Eddie and he have been working opposite shifts since Buck agreed to cover Ravi's A shifts so he could go see his parents on their anniversary week. This was the first night he and Eddie were going to have alone - Christopher staying the night with his best friend and in that moody young teen phase.

So Buck was making a nice dinner and, hopefully, it was seductive enough for Eddie to take him to bed after. God he missed the sex.

Pain seared through him as his trailing of thoughts kept him from watching his cutting board. He cursed, abandoning the knife and veggies to go to the sink and wash his hand off. Blood trickled from the cut and Buck made a face. This was not how he wanted his night to start out.

The running of the water kept him from hearing the door open. Eddie made his way through the house, following the sound of running water to the kitchen. "Buck? What are we-" he cut himself off as he took in the scene. "Babe?!"

"Eds, I'm fine."

Eddie reached into the stream of water to pull Buck's hand out. He took a look at the cut and hissed. Grabbing some paper towels, he placed them on the cut. "Hold pressure." He guided Buck over to a chair. "Sit and don't move."

"Eddie-"

"Babe, I'll be right back. Just, please, stay right here."

Buck sighed and nodded. Eddie traversed into the bathroom, grabbing their first aid kit and coming back. He knelt in front of Buck and took his hand into his grip. "Can you still move your fingers?"

Buck wiggled them, wincing as it pulled on the injured skin. "PMS is fine. It's not that deep of a cut. I just had a moment of ADHD and suddenly the knife wasn't cutting vegetables anymore."

Eddie examined the hand further with drawn brows and a downturned mouth. He nodded at Buck's explanation, putting on disposable gloves. He removed the soaked paper towels from Buck's hand, poking and prodding at the site to check it out. "It doesn't look too deep. I think you'll be fine without stitches. It's just going to be a bitch when you forget not to use this hand for heavy lifting." He pours peroxide over a square of gauze and begins wiping the cut down.

Buck hisses and Eddie kisses one of his fingers in apology. "Told you it was fine." He chuckled lightly.

"I don't like it when you bleed, Evan." Eddie replied easily. He finishes cleaning the sight and grabs more gauze, placing a think layer of antibacterial cream on it before placing it over the cut. He layers some gauze after it before wrapping it tightly with coban. "We'll check it every twelve hours as needed."

"Yes Sir, Doc." Buck goofily salutes.

Eddie rolls his eyes fondly, leaning up to kiss Buck's lips lightly. "You're an idiot." He laughs.

Buck laughs with him. "But I'm your idiot."

Eddie smiles lovingly at him. "You are...how about we order in tonight? Watch a movie?"

"Sounds like a plan."

#eddie diaz #prompt fill #911 fic #evan buck buckley #tw: blood #tw: injury #by red #buddie #anonymous #eddie diaz x evan buckley

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002yb · 4 months

Note

Hi Toney, I am so happy that you're feeling better, I got a bit worried when I didn't see any new posts from you.

What do you feel about Jason's reaction to Jaybin getting displaced in the timeline and popping multiple years in the future, and suddenly there is Jaybin and all of his barely hidden hero worship and utter love for Dick. And Dick is so good to him, and so smitten and Jaybin is so precious and blushy and two steps away from fainting every time dick hugs him or ruffles his hair, and Jason is so jealous cause dick is being better to Jaybin than he ever was to Jason in the past. But they're both Jason!!

#i am really happy to see you again on my feed #hopefully I'm not coming off as rude #curse you ADHD

Hey there, thank you for your concerns! Though I’m sure it’s apparent, the posting is still lacking – sorry about that. I appreciate that you like seeing my posts come across your dash though. Thank you so much. ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

Jason being put off by Jaybin because 1) he’s treated better than Jason, 2) he’s envious of the positive attention freely given to him and 3) Jaybin is stupidly naive and Jason knows there’s only disappointment waiting for him; he’s just waiting to get taken advantage of and hurt.

What’s more, he’s insecure. Because Jason has always had this belief that everyone preferred who he was to who he is. This experience only confirms that for him.

Needless to say, Jason is terse when Jaybin is around. He’s not kind at all; par for course though – it’s him, at the end of the day

And it’s not like Jaybin complains about Jason’s aggression, confused as he is (because wtf happened? why is he such a bitch??), but Dick notices and is none too pleased.

Which leads to dickjay fights as Dick comes to Jaybin’s defense

And Jason just loses it because insecurity gets the best of him. Because he’s convinced that he’s no good as he is. That’s why they’re all always fighting, why Jason is always toeing lines and watching his back. Because he came back wrong – twisted.

Maybe it would have been better if Jason stayed dead. Because they could have kept Jaybin and not been burdened with the scraps that came back.

Maybe Jaybin hears it: ‘We die?’

And Jason snarls, all bared teeth, a wounded animal pushed into a corner: ‘Yeah, because you were looking for something you’ll never fucking have,’ and despite himself Jason’s voice breaks because, ‘Family. Love. Grow the fuck up.’

What’s to love? What’s to want?

Just Jason being so cruel to his younger self because he hates how dumb he was. But also? He hates how easy it is for Jaybin to trust and love and be loved. Because Jason doesn’t have that. Not anymore.

And Dick is ready to intervene. He doesn’t know if he wants to snap at Jason for being so cruel to a child (himself!) or if he wants to comfort him because Jason is wrong about his perceived lack of value/worth, but also? He wants to throw down because this dumbass – projecting his own feelings over Dick’s. But then again, reevaluating everything because maybe Dick (and everyone) haven’t been as forthcoming or forgiving as they should have been.

So Dick ends up being paralyzed because Jason is volatile and Dick can take him in a fight, but that’s the thing – he can’t fight him in light of Jason’s despair. He doesn’t know how to comfort him though. Doesn’t know how to– fuck. Doesn’t know how to love him.

A devastating realization that takes the fight right out of him.

But it’s fine, because Jaybin is there to throw down. With that ornery brand of kindness that is uniquely Jason. Just Jaybin being able to read Jason because they’re the same. Because Jason hasn’t changed as much as he thinks from back when he was fifteen and hurting.

Something something Jason’s vulnerabilities being exposed by himself. A weird therapy of sorts with confronting past and present.

Which eventually leads to dickjay. In the form of one of the Jasons blurting out about their crush on Dick and that’s when everything stops because uh oh. Both Jasons turning with matching blushes and flustered expressions at where Dick stands off to the side, wide-eyed and overwhelmed because there’s just a lot going on, y’know?

And yeah, eventually Jason reconciles with his past self. Maybe Jaybin would get a kiss from Dick before Jason ever gets a chance and Jason is left blustering because why the hell is he such a cheeky little bitch, omg. ///A/////

Which leaves Dick and Jason with the fallout of everything. And Jason doesn’t want to do any of it; forget it. Only Dick won’t leave it alone. No attention would be given to the crush, but Dick would make sure Jason knows that he’s loved. And he’d make better efforts in showing it. And being more understanding to Jason’s perspective; being in his corner.

During which time Jason falls in love a lot more because he’s so weak to kindness. And Dick’s heart breaks because it’s not anything at all (only it is and he knows that now).

Something something slow burn healing of relationship which leads into a tentative friendship which leads into a strong partnership and eventually that undying crush gets addressed lol.

#dickjay #jaydick

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yazthebansheek · 21 days

Text

day 6.draw one of the Crp clowns/jesters! + Headcanons! (Candy Pop)

He is 7’2

Loves eating candy.

Will have psychotic sugar rushes sometimes and then pass tf out.

Yk he has that man spread ass sit bro💀💀

Honestly really childish

Long ass tongue…

Ayo what can that tongue do 🤨😏

Def likes Jason in that way.

Bisexual…AND BIPOLAR!!!!

ADHD.

Likes to annoy, scare, and piss people off for fun.

Careless, reckless, ruthless and sadistic.

Masochist?

Prankster + jokester

Kind of narcissistic / over confident.

Kinda hard to offend/anger.

Doesn’t like people seeing him in his night terror form.

100% horny 80% of the time.

He doesn’t really care about gender. If he can fuck he will fuck.

Whore. absolute fucking slut. Cock slut. Loves pussy. Loves cock. Sluttiest thot in this motherfucking bitch. Cunty thotty slutty whore.💀💀💀💀💀 (I can’t take myself seriously bro)

Doesn’t wear make-up. That’s legit js his face.

Sharp ahh teeth like boy-

Waaaaayyyyy too over protective of his sister, Candy Cane.

One of the best bff’s you could ever have, Nathan is Lucky.

Ofc his bestie is Nathan, it’s literally Canon!!!!<3

Kinda gets jealous easily? Mostly when he doesn’t get attention or gets attention absolutely stolen from him.

Loves to be the center of attention

He uses black magic, dark magic, demonic magic, voodoo, witchcraft, whatever cursed/dark magic you can think of, he does it or has done it.

List of things he loves: #3. Jason. #2. His sister. #1. His hair!!!!

He loves his hair more than anything, a bitch even think about touching his hair he will backhand them so motherfucking hard they forget how to speak.

He doesn’t really like judge angels. Why? Because most things related to a fucking angel, he hates. He has never really met her though so….He just always judges a book by its cover honestly.

Him and LJ fight a lot, but they can get along together sometimes.

His father figure? Oh hell yeah, y’all know it’s Papa Grande. Fuck slenderman, ain’t nobody like that old bitch.

Upside down crosses everywhere. <3

He likes bright colors.

Jason will have this man in a corset sometimes like holy shit???!

He’s a mini fashionista and also Jason’s model/inspiration sometimes.

Coming in contact (touch) with some holy objects or angels will cause him 3rd degree burns😘🩷 and he just doesn’t really like holy water, but it won’t burn him.

Bibles and some holy shit makes him weaker, but in a more painful way. Which usually makes this man screech in pain<3333 I’m such a sadist 🥰😇

He doesn’t like angels or people in most religions

He likes to play dress up/other games with sally, sometimes LJ and Jason will join too!

Whenever playing Alice in wonderland with Sally, he’s the Cheshire Cat.

He’s a top obvi!!!

he can enter and exit through mirrors as he pleases.

He can teleport

He/They/it

Likes to hang around the pasta kids because they lure in unsuspecting worried adults (aka free prey for Candy ;))

Candy, Pop, Poppy, Night, Poppyseed, C.pop, whore, Hatsune Miku, Raspberry fairy demon, Hatsune Miku demon jester, fairy princess jester demon, Slut, bestie, clown, raspberry, creepy blue clown bitch, night terror, night terrors, cluster demon, the collector, emperor of the dark, dark emperor, the dark omen, demon from the abyss, abyss demon.

He can steal other people’s powers, supernatural strength and speed, he can jump high, adapt to his environment quickly, really good sharp senses, enhanced visuality, and can phase through walls (ghosting)

Manipulation, teleportation, dark architect, power gifting, mind control, mastermind, nightmare manipulation, shapeshifting, magic (mentioned b4), levitation, invisibility, soul absorption

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elevator-to-mars · 2 months

Text

how i view the choir/my rtc headcanons (it's pretty clear who's my favourite tbh)

ocean

I mainly see her as tiffany tatreau's portrayal

she/her, cis, aroace

doesn't really get the concept of being trans, was only introduced to it when ricky joined the choir

ocd, asthma

2nd shortest in choir, 5'4

has never had a haircut

the only time she got into trouble at school was when she and noel were arguing. she cried until she threw up after that. it was the first day of senior year.

says she's a polyglot but she's nowhere near fluent in the languages she claims to speak

hates theatre :(

texts with proper grammer

listens solely to up with people

noel

i mainly see him as james ragen's portrayal (trinity theatre actor)

he/they/she, nonbinary, gay

jean valjean from les mis was his gay awakening

speaks french

autism, bipolar disorder

unironically says slay, pop off, queen, etc.

instead of saying "who in gods name" he says "who in jean genet's name"

can't cook or spell for the life of him

has ocean saved in his phone as "the lion, the witch, the audacity of this bitch"

types only in lowercase with no punctuation

does ricky’s french homework

5'8

listens to french music and mitski (once ocean walked in on him belting a taylor swift song. that was never spoken about again)

has a crush on mischa. cried when mischa and ricky got together.

he has a boyfriend...! he just... goes to a different school... in a different timezone... in a different country...!

permanent teen angst phase

mischa

i see him as a mix of adam stanley and chaz duffy's portrayals

he/him (doesn't mind they though), trans, bi, poly

dating ricky and talia

has invited noel to the polycule before but they prefer to live in tradgedy

adhd, ptsd

once he forgot how to breathe

learnt spanish for ricky and his family

hates duolingo

polyglot

fluent in multiple types of sign too

when ricky came out as trans (while they were in a relationship with eachother) he posted a video to his youtube talking about trans rights and changed every video with ricky's deadname in it <333

once his "friends" (the people that mischa hangs around with to keep his persona strong but in reality despises them) made fun of ricky, safe to say ricky isn't a very safe candidate to mock for them now

usually types all in uppercase but does relax it sometimes

the human embodiment of a golden retriever around people he likes

listens to maklemore and eminem but is willing to listen to music that talia & ricky like

him, talia and ricky all have promise rings

loves sharks

when talia comes to canada, she agreed to go to a planetarium with ricky and teach him some ukrainian

once he forgot a word in ukrainian and look horrified

6'9

ricky

i see him as yannick-robin eike mirko's portrayal... like only their portrayal... godamn you, autism (although i do have multiple versions of him in my mind)

he/they/it/xe/nameself prns, trans, boyflux, pansexual, poly

dating mischa and talia

autism, adhd, degenerative disease, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, asthma, maladaptive daydreaming

always looses his inhaler

speaks spanish, german and korean as well as three types of sign (and english ofc)

puerto rican

moved to canada at 14

he’s 16 (technically canon)

his parents are really religious

when he learnt what sex was, zolar became his horny place as well as his escape

emoticon user

once ate a bauble because xey were bored

does noel’s spanish homework

used to unironically watch the emoji movie and liked it...

does write music, prefers to keep it a secret because ocean WILL use his music for choir songs

listens to glam rock in general with a few musicals mixed in there

randomly has allergic reactions

paints his nails

knows everyones secrets :)

writes fanfiction

HATES THE TAMBOURINE.

tries to hum along to the music at rehersal

has his text size at the biggest possible one

has glasses, whenever he adjusts them ocean thinks he's trying to correct her

won't eat the school lunches

constantly sleep deprived

does not know how to kiss

5’1

okay i don't want this to entirely be ricky... so lets move on

jane | penny

i see her mainly as em flosi's portrayal

they/it/she, agender, aroace

autism, drdp

carried her doll everywhere

speaks latin

joined choir because her social worker made it

doesn’t really listen to music, but when she does they listens to old music

has their parents old jewlery

spends most of their time in the library

6’2

constance

i mainly see her as princess victomé and tiffany polite's portrayal

she/they, demigirl, pansexual, asexual

depression, social anxiety

had a crush on ricky for a while

haitian

loves to bake

brings brownies, cookies, cakes etc to choir rehersals

brings extra food for kids that don’t have any

usually runs the café on weekends

her brother is called xavier

okay that’s it. this took me >2 hours to write so erm…

#ride the cyclone #headcanon #rtc #save ricky potts #ocean o'connell rosenberg #noel gruber #mischa bachinski #ricky potts #jane doe rtc #penny lamb #constance blackwood #they’re gay your honour

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lillianasrose · 9 months

Text

For that one Anon... Hope you enjoy 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Lemme know if y'all want a steamier Part 2. ;)

Billy H x Female ADHD!reader.

Warnings: Cursing and some hot and heavy content that hints at sexual themes... Minors do not interact.

Hotrod Cinderella

Max owed him, big time.

"This is stupid." He told her, the redhead rolled her eyes.

"Like you had anything better to do? Go mingle or something, Robin's here." Billy liked Robin, referred to her as 'The geeky band chic' but he actually liked her.

So he shrugged and went off to find his favorite person in Max's friend group. She was off in a corner talking to another girl.

"I'm telling you it was like twenty feet hi-" WAP. In all honesty he had been hit harder and most likely the blood wasn't even her fault, he had already gotten into a fight that day and his lip was already kind of swollen. She turned quickly her EC eyes widening, Billy's heart skipped, she was pretty. Robin was giggling into her cup and this girl was staring up at him in shock. Her eyes shifted around the room as people started looking their way.

She grabbed him by his belt and yanked him into the closest room, screw pretty this girl was fucking hot. Billy sat on the sink of the bathroom she had yanked him in.

"I am so so sorry. I-I talk too much and I definitely didn't mean to hit you." She flattened against the door. Suddenly she rushed toward him and he spread his legs apart as she dropped to her knees in front of him. Add sexy to the list, this girl was fucking sexy. She pulled the cabinet open digging around. A first aid kit was thrust into his hand and she used his thigh to stand up. "I ramble a lot and I talk with my hands," she popped up the first aid kit, "I've almost hit Steve in the dick before... Everyone knows not to stand too close.

"Really don't sweat it, it doesn't even hurt." He winced at the end as she lightly dabbed at the cut with disinfectant.

"It doesn't?" She teased smirking.

"Might sting a little." He admonished, sneaking a hand on to her hip. "Will you kiss it better?"

"No." Billy pouted at her.

"I think kissing it better is the least you could do." He told her.

"Is it?" She asked, "The least I could do." She scoffed.

"Especially since you caused it." Billy reiterated. She hopped up slightly on her toes pressing her soft plush lips against the corner of his and then she was gone.

xXx

Billy got back into his car. Coming to Family Video was definitely a mistake.

Robin was sworn to secrecy and Steve was just a dick.

"If I were looking for her, I would check in with the boys and Max at the arcade on Thursdays." Robin whispered to him.

This Thursday they didn't go to the Arcade. Except Dustin.

The kid yelped as Billy snatched him. He pinned him against the side wall

"Whose your hot friend?"

"Steve..?" The kid said immediately. Billy rolled his eyes.

"The chic."

"Robin?"

"No, I know who Robin is. The other one." The kid looked suspicious.

"Ma-" He hit the back of his head.

"Are you stupid or something Amigo. Not. Maxine. The girl with the (color) eyes."

"OH! YN! Yeah she's great isn't she. I heard she bitch slapped you like a d-"

"Kid shut the fuck up. Where can I find her?"

xXx

"YN!" Your Aunt Vera rushed into the back office, "Customer. Young customer, go work your magic." You headed out into the lot in the summer heat. The heels on your boots clacked against the hot pavement carrying you toward the blonde man with broad shoulders leaning into the front of a Corvette.

"It's the new '86 Stingray model," You crossed your hands behind your back, sticking out your chest. "I have to admit not the sex-" he stood, turning to face you fully. It was that boy from the party, the right side of his lip still slightly puffy and red, "Sexiest body on a newer model car but some love the look."

"What would you recommend?" He smirked popping his gum.

'We have a lovely, bright cherry red, 1986 Ferrari Testarossa Straman. One of only twelve that were made convertible." You smirked back at him, "And I'm not just pushing it because I get to be the one to go with you to take it for a test drive." He leaned against the shitty Corvette.

"Sounds like fun."

"I'll get the keys, you head on in there and sign some paper work with the greasy man at the counter, and I'll meet you back out front with the car." You promised him, "Oh! If he asks, tell him you're taking the Pinto, the Ferrari isn't exactly supposed to be taken for test drives."

Billy sighed, stepping out of the building to the most beautiful thing. You. You were leaned up against the car, twirling the keys around your finger while you spied someone else walking through the rows of sports cars with a soft smile on your face. You turned to look at him, pushing your sunglasses on top of your head.

"Heavenly?" You asked indicating to the car under your firm ass. Billy cocked his head.

"Dress you in a skimpy bikini and you'd put the girls in Sports Illustrated to shame." You laughed loudly tossing him the keys. "Too strong?"

"There is nothing you could say that is creepier than some of the things these old men tell me." You promised him. Billy jumped in, driving slowly just until he could no longer be seen by the car dealership before revving the car twice loudly and taking off down the long country road. You laughed happily holding tightly to his thigh.

"Am I scaring you?" He asked loudly over the wind. You turned your head to him smirking as you pressed on his leg, pushing it harder into the gas pedal. You leaned into him

"Faster." You sighed into his ear.

"I'm Billy. Billy Hargrove." He groaned back at you.

"YN." You purred.

Maybe Max didn't owe him that much. Maybe he owed her just a little bit.

You closed your eyes turning your face into the sun.

A lot. He owed Max a lot for dragging him along to that stupid party. She pushed on his chin.

"Watch the road, not me." She scolded lightly.

"How much is this anyways?"

"This car? It isn't for sale, it's mine." She was smiling lazily at him, "Your lip healed up ok."

"So this is how you got away from me so fast, Cinderella."

"Didn't you see the clouds of dirt I left behind so you could come find me?" She asked. Billy smiled.

Let it be known, Billy Hargrove's perfect Cinderella drove a fast cherry red hotrod, punches like a man on complete accident, and has the attention span of a gerbil.

#billy hargove imagine #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x you

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traitor-boyfriend · 1 year

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boys’ primary social media & internet forums of choice:

cartman -- 4chan. self-explanatory. his favorite boards are /cm/, /pol/, but is also partial to /toy/ and /gif/. /Lgbt/ lurker firmly of the position that traps aren't gay.

kenny -- youtube. watches a lot of fail compilations, conspiracy theories, and doomsday preppers. occasionally he plays three hour long sigma male motivation and philosophy videos on the nature of evil in the background while huffing computer duster.

stan -- snapchat. the guy that makes a bunch of annoying black background 2 am “anyone up” snaps all the time and then is upset when no one is. Mostly watches others' stories and does not post incredibly often but is easily tricked into sending shirtless pics to girls from school despite better judgement then minorly freaks out when notified a screenshot was taken (for the purpose of light mockery at the girls' slumber parties) to Kyle who chides him for his low self-esteem.

kyle -- reddit. super annoying about it too. is a mod for 2-3 midsize subs where everyone hates him because he takes it far too seriously and is constantly making pinned posts reminding everyone of sub rules. always making snarky comments like “not sure why i’m being downvoted...” that are then in turn downvoted. Bitches to Stan about mod drama who gives it the good ol college try pretending he cares about the power struggle between him and mod u/PoohDonkey420

butters -- split between Pinterest and TikTok. likes a lot of paper craft and seasonal decorating ideas on Pinterest and then makes videos of his attempts to recreate them on TikTok; becomes a minor celebrity subject to many conspiratorial YouTube documentaries about his living situation given how often Stephen interrupts a video to yell at him that butters is not tech savvy enough to cut out in their entirety.

craig -- also 4chan. almost exclusively sticks to /co/ and /mu/ but likes to pop-in to /lgbt/ to remind everyone on board (see: Cartman) that traps are indeed gay.

clyde -- twitter. Gets no engagement whatsoever but is posting all day every day. Is always direct messaging chicks with onlyfans links in bio to see if he can sweet talk them into nudes for free. Never does. cries to Craig about it who then calls him pathetic.

tolkien -- instagram. gym thirst traps and pictures of expensive family vacations. Super into grindset posting about no days off and aspirational graphics, power of positive thinking type shit. falls victim to the charms of hot women hawking tummy tea.

jimmy -- also reddit. master of fake-post-as-creative-writing-exercise posting. Frequents r/TIFU and r/jokes, then cross-posts his r/jokes post into r/standupcomedy to ask “is this anything?” and receives maybe two comments, three if it’s a good day. is the “you sir win the internet have my upvote” guy.

tweek -- tiktok, but it's a love-hate relationship. the never-ending stream of short videos is the perfect time-wasting relaxation pit due to his severe ADHD but induces extreme paranoia about what exactly the algorithm *does*. never posts, just favorites funny and/or cute videos to show craig later; Craig laughs at maybe every fifth one.

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ladykailitha · 1 year

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Little Runaway Part 7

Oh my god you guys, seriously you all are amazing. I am really loving the reactions to this story. There is just one more part to go and it’s a sweet little epilogue. This is the showdown. The moment you’ve all been waiting for.

Also if you asked to be tagged after the limit of twenty, I’m sorry. I have the limit for a reason. I’m not doing it because I’m being elitist or whatever, my poor little ADHD brain starts getting frustrated and wanting to cry just doing the 20 I’ve got, but I do it because it makes me happy people want to be informed the next time a part goes up. I don’t know how people with dozens do it.

Plus tagging adds more time putting up the parts. Something that would take five minutes on AO3 (because they keep track of all the chapters for you) could take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour depending on how many parts there are, and how many have been put up (I go and crosslink on EVERY part to make sure if a part in the middle gets found in the wild all by its lonesome the person can read the previous and subsequent parts). Add tagging to that and you can see the time starts to really add up.

Again thank you for all the love and support this little story has gotten. The last part will be up tonight after I eat dinner and then (cold permitting) I’ll put up the first part of Ser Stephan of Harring’s Town before I go to bed.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Eddie walked into the police station and right up to Hopper’s desk. He leaned on it with both hands and stared directly into Hopper’s eyes.

“I need you to arrest me,” he bit out. “Now.”

“What the hell?” Hopper asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Mr Harrington knows I know where Steve is,” he breathed. “I can’t let him get to me to get to Steve. If you need a reason, I have two baggies of weed in my jacket pocket. Please. I don’t want to see him get hurt.”

Hopper gulped. “Well there is a rumor you kidnapped him, so...”

Eddie nodded and held out his hands together at the wrist. “Save him, please.”

Steve was sitting on the sofa reading when Wayne came home from work.

“Where’s Eddie?” he asked on his way to the fridge.

Steve shrugged. “He just said he had errands to run.”

Wayne came back with two beers and handed one to Steve. Steve swung his feet off the sofa to let Wayne sit down. Steve set the book down and popped the lid off his bottle and then did the same for Wayne’s when the older man raised an eyebrow.

“Neat trick,” Wayne said, taking a swig.

Steve shrugged. “Turns out years of baseball, basketball, and swimming make you a strong person. I don’t do those things anymore, but I keep working out to keep that strength up.”

“That how you were able to break Clint’s nose?” Wayne asked.

“Yeah,” Steve murmured. “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know how much to hold back when punching, because when I hit most of the time there is no holding back.”

“What have you got to be hitting that needs to be hit that hard, boy?” he asked.

Steve’s shoulders slumped. “I can’t tell you. I can get into a lot of trouble if I tell people. The only ones that know are the ones that have seen it for themselves. But I have seen things that have made grown men shit their pants. I have been hunted by things that would haunt the nightmares of the hardest of souls. I have been actually tortured and drugged. And yet face to face with my own father and I chickened out like a bitch.”

Wayne stared at the boy that should have had the dream life. Rich parents, everything he could have asked for. But instead nothing but heartache and loss for this kid. Because despite Steve almost being twenty, he was still a kid.

He put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and was about to say something when the phone rang. He frowned and got up to answer it.

As he said hello, a curly haired teenager in a trucker hat came barreling through his front door.

“Steve!” Dustin yelled. “Someone at Hellfire snitched and your dad is on his way here.”

Steve worked to calm Dustin while Wayne listened to the other person on the other end of the line, making the appropriate noises. Then he hung up.

“You must be Dustin,” Wayne said coming back over to the sofa.

Dustin looked over at Wayne as if he was seeing him for the first time. “Oh. Yeah. Um...sorry. For barging in like that, but I really needed to see Steve.”

Wayne chuckled. “Don’t worry, your friend here is going to be just fine.” He cocked his head to the side. “How did you get here so fast? I just barely got the call myself what was going down.”

“My mom drove me,” Dustin said, staring at the floor.

“Claudia is here?” Wayne asked. Dustin nodded. “Good. The more the merrier.” He turned to Steve. “Under the sink, behind the Draino is your bag. It’ll be up to you to decide what you want to do with it.”

Steve nodded.

Wayne walked outside.

There standing in a semi-circle was Claudia Henderson, Joyce Byers, and Sheriff Jim Hopper. Standing off to the side, was Eddie who was hugging his ribs. Wayne joined the semi-circle just as Clint Harrington pulled up to the trailer park and got out of his car.

“Sheriff!” Clint yelled. “I want that man arrested for kidnapping my son!” He pointed angrily at Eddie, who looked down.

“I don’t know about that,” Wayne said. “Hey, Steve! You being held against your will?”

Dustin and Steve came out of the trailer slowly, the backpack slung over one shoulder.

“No, sir,” Steve said, looking his father in the eye. “I am not.”

“Liar!” Clint bellowed. “Don’t you be believing a word out of his mouth. He’s been brainwashed.”

“No I haven’t,” Steve said, feeling a little bit more bold knowing he had people who would protect him.

“You leave that boy alone,” Joyce said. “He’s gone through enough.”

Claudia crossed her arms. “Agreed.”

“You better get out of my way,” Clint growled.

Hopped pulled out a piece of paper and held it up. “This here is a warrant for your arrest for the assault of Steven Harrington.”

Clint laughed. “You can’t prove a god damn thing.”

“Actually we can,” Hopper continued. “Steve was smart enough to take pictures after your little tussle and the bruises will match up with your ring.”

Clint went to work it off his finger, but Wayne stepped up to stop him. “I think I’ll be taking that for the Sheriff if you don’t mind.”

Clint growled, but handed it over. He walked back over to Hopper who was holding a baggy for Wayne to drop it into. Hopper sealed the bag and stuck it in his pocket.

“What do you say, Steve?” Hopper called over his shoulder. “Should we lock up this bastard and throw away the key?”

Steve held out his hand to Eddie. Eddie looked at it, unsure and then came over to take it. Steve pressed his forehead to Eddie’s. “What do you think I should do?”

Eddie cupped Steve’s face with his free hand. “You know what to do. You’re a good person, Steve. Do what feels right.”

“You fag, get away from my son!” Clint shouted. He tried to push past the four adults, but they closed ranks and wouldn’t let him through.

Steve breathed in.

“You’ve got this, baby,” Eddie assured him.

Steve nodded. He stepped away from Eddie and tossed the backpack at his dad. “Everything you want is in there. Just take it and leave. Know this. If I or any of my friends see you in Hawkins ever again, the Sheriff will arrest you.”

Hopper grinned. “I like that plan.”

“I’ll cut you off!” Clint snarled. “You’ll be penniless and homeless without me, you ingrate!”

Steve laughed. “I could stay at any number of these fine people’s houses and be welcome for as long as I needed. And as for penniless? I’ve already got a job lined up that I think will make me very happy. And maybe if I’m lucky, a boy who loves me.” He turned to Eddie, who was blushing deep.

Wayne chuckled. “You heard the man, Clint. Get the hell out of Dodge and stay the fuck away from my boys.”

Clint growled and stalked off to his car, the tires peeling out on the gravel as he tore out of the trailer pack as if the hounds of hell were on his tail.

Steve shook his head. “Doesn’t he know that’s bad for his tires?”

Everyone turned to look at Steve in shock and amazement before bursting into laughter.

Claudia took Dustin home and Hopper took Joyce, leaving Steve with the Munsons.

“Is it over?” Eddie asked.

“I’d give Clint a couple days to clear out,” Wayne said. “But yeah. I think it’s over.”

“Does this mean I can stay?” Steve asked, looking up through his lashes.

Wayne rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I was thinking of upgrading to a double wide with two bedrooms. I think we could just about afford it if you help pay rent.”

Steve lit up and turned to Eddie. “You hear that? You’re stuck with me now.”

Eddie smiled and leaned in. “I think it’s the other way round. You’re stuck here with me.”

Steve smiled softly. “And I couldn’t be happier.”

Epilogue

Tag List: @tauntedperfume @marivictal @eddiemunsonswife @namelessssho @dbquills @goodolefashionedloverboi @steve-the-hairrington @sadcanadianwinter @yearningagain @books-are-my-life-since-1996 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @homohomohoe @knightofthieves @flusteredcas @moonage-daydreaming @goblin-eddie @marvelousforlife @silversnaffles @satan-is-obsessed @yikes-a-bee

#My writing #stranger things #steddie #gay steve harrington #abuse tw #ladykailtiha writes

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a-dotrivenitupontop · 11 months

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omg this is probably really offensive since he just… like… died BUT! i actually think yaspers music is better xaviers it’s actually original and not just redundant pop song #2381 👉👈

23k notes

🏳️‍🌈 penis Follow

btw im pretty sure yasper has adhd so it’s kinda ableist to stan xavier now ok byeeee

781 notes

🛍️ destielshippr Follow

🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

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🎆 purple-guy Follow

so APPARENTLY you’re all the 1% of girls who would yell do a backflip if xavier was getting pushed off a balcony 🙄

4k notes

🌏 shercock-holmes Follow

i don’t know how to say this but thinking murder is wrong doesn’t make you a class traitor or a basic bitch

34 notes

🏵️ jesus-christ-of-nazareth Follow

we should normalise what yasper did. sometimes you just gotta stab justin beiber for being rude to you. fuck you ariana grande you were a bitch to me in high school

937 notes

🔣 slamps Follow

listening to the lyrics in imma live forever… #ironic #sad

23 notes

🧮 whatthefuckwasthat Follow

are we not gonna mention that xavier is literally a misogynist???

#the afterparty #xavier duckworth #im so obsessed with the afterparty universe that exists only in my head #no but imagine it!! the discourse!!#i think destiel became canon when xavier died in their universe #fake post #anyways it’s 1am and i have a test in like 8 hours i-i

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cyberphuck · 1 year

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Assassin’s Apprentice Abridged: Part Three

Part One Part Two (My friend Razz wants to understand my shitposts about the Farseer Trilogy, but doesn’t want to have to read the books, so I’m summarizing the trilogy for them starting with Assassin’s Apprentice!) When we last left Fitzy-Fitz, he was being stared at by a mysterious woman in the kitchens... - There's a woman staring at Fitz so hard that he can feel his clothes smoking. "This lady is creepy," he thinks as he puts a bucket on her head to keep her from seeing him steal 39 wheels of cheese. "Hello," says FItz.

"O_O" says the woman.

"...alright then," says Fitz, and leaves.

A few weeks later, while staggering drunkenly through a garden that features "seven varieties of thyme," which is five more varieties than I knew existed (regular thyme and hammer thyme), Fitz sees the woman again.

"Are you drunk?" she demands.

"Ayyyyyy lmao," Fitz replies, giving her double finger guns before stumbling back to the stables and falling asleep in a pile of horse manure.

Soon after that, Burrich comes back from the Probably Gay Stablemasters Convention (Ponycon 2023) and sees a very old horse in his stables. "Hey, I know that horse," he says. "Oh. Oh shit. Lady Patience is here."

The Fool's head pops out of a nearby hay bale. "The Lady Patience is Prince Chivalry's widow," he reminds us helpfully, then ducks back down.

"Oh good," Fitz mutters. "I have made a GREAT impression on her so far."

"It's fine, she's fucking weird anyway," Burrich says. "Go take a shower. You smell like teenaged boy."

But before Fitz can douse himself in Axe body spray, Patience accosts him in the hallway. "Do you know how to sing, play an instrument, speak French, write poetry, dance, or subjugate minorities?" she asks.

"No," Fitz says, "that's for royalty."

"Surely you've been instructed to watch Game of Thrones," Patience presses.

"No."

"Merlin?"

"Nah."

"The Princess Bride?" Patience asks desperately.

"Again," Fitz sighs, "I'm a bastard."

"I will be," Patience snarls, "RIGHT BACK."

Fitz takes a shower.

When he gets out, Chade is there. "Boy, m'boy!" he cries. "They're going to teach you the Skill!"

"I already know how to kill," Fitz protests.

"No, boy, SKILL. The innate Farseer royal magic that enables you to..." Chade checks his notes. "Well, by the end of the series it's easier to list the things the Skill CAN'T do-- but in this first trilogy it's mostly a Professor X type psychic ability that lets you telepathically talk to people in italics."

"Oh. Neat."

"Patience heard that you weren't getting a Prince's education and threw a bitch fit," Chade beams. "You'll start your Skill lessons next month. In the meantime you have to go and spend time with Patience so she can teach you Prince things."

"Like what it's like when doves cry?" Fitz asks.

"Stop dating yourself with old as fuck references," Chade snaps, and shoos him off.

Early the next morning Fitz reports to Patience's room, which is full of all her most recent ADHD hyperfixations, Lacy the servingwoman, and a dog with some puppies. "Hello!" Patience says. "I've decided to name you Tom. Here's a puppy."

Fitz loves the puppy and, with the Fool's random help, names him Smithy. He loves Smithy so much that he makes some macaroni art of him and brings it proudly back to Patience.

Patience hugs him, screams, then runs into her room and slams the door.

"She gets like that," Lacy explains, not looking up from her knitting.

Fitz has a great couple of weeks spending time with Smithy, Patience, and Molly, who he still has a giant crush on. Burrich notices that he hasn't yelled at Fitz for being witted in a while and calls him up to his apartment."Listen, Lil Accident," Burrich says, "Galen, the Skillmaster, loved your father and absolutely hates you."

"So, a Severus Snape situation," Fitz says.

"Yes. But he is not going to secretly keep you safe. If he finds out you talk to animals he's going to kill you. And I'll let him do it, because I don't want you to talk to animals either."

"Okay," says Fitz, who is right at this moment talking to his dog Smithy.

"Chade and I are not allowed to talk to you while you're being trained in Skilling. So no matter what awful thing Galen does to you, you just have to take it. Be careful, Lil Accident."

"Whatever," Fitz scoffs. "How bad can it be?"

"There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class," Galen says imperiously as he strides onto the tower top where he's holding Skill lessons. "I am going to teach you THE SKILL, which is super badass and sick and so amazing. Only the most favorite-- er, most talented students will be able to learn it. You! What's your name?"

"Fitz," Fitz replies.

"One thousand points from Gryffindor! Now everyone strip naked and start doing push-ups until I tell you you can stop!"

Fitz is still doing pushups a few weeks later when Galen walks up and kicks him in the ribs. "You've been stealing food when I explicitly ordered you to do a juice cleanse!"

"That food was for my dog--"

"Silence! Get out of my sight and don't let me catch you cheating on your diet again!"

That night, the Fool comes to Fitz's room with a bowl of dog food. "I'll feed and walk your dog for you," he says, "but I'm not putting a bag on my hand and picking up his business. That's YOUR business. Also, you should stop going to Skill lessons. You might die."

"I'm not gonna die, it's fine," Fitz says, drinking his juice.

Despite all odds, Fitz does sort of start to learn the Skill. In fact he gets pretty good at the basics, much to Galen's disgust. Then Galen tells the class that he's going to touch each of them with a little bit of true Skill, to show them how awesome it is."But don't lean into it," Galen warns, "or your mind will get sucked out of your body Byford Dolphin style."

He touches Fitz with the Skill.

"Stop leaning into it!" Galen snaps, repeatedly punching Fitz in the face.

"Ow! I'm not, I swear!"

"You totally are, you're the absolute worst and you don't deserve to know how to Skill!"

"I'm the absolute worst and I don't deserve to know how to Skill," Fitz says, without any prompting from anyone.

"You're bad at the Skill, you'll always be bad at the Skill, and you should kill yourself!"

"I'm bad at the Skill, I'll always be bad at the Skill, and I should kill myself," Fitz decides, all on his own.

"Class dismissed," Galen says, dusting off his hands. "Everyone spit on Fitz on the way out."

Having independently decided to unalive himself, Fitz slowly crawls to the edge of the very high tower and prepares to launch himself off of it into the sweet embrace of death, which he totally deserves because he's a bastard and no one likes him. But then Smithy reaches for him through their Wit-bond and says "Nooooo don't kill yourself you're so hott haha."

With the power of love from, honestly, the greatest dog of all time, Fitz decides not to commit breathn't.

When he next wakes up, he's in bed, and Burrich is sitting next to him. "I wrapped you in bandages," Burrich says soothingly. "Go back to sleep."

Fitz spends the next few weeks slowly recovering from being curbstomped by Galen. He sweeps out the stables, feeds horses, endures angry glares from Burrich because he had a secret wit-bond puppy, and thinks all about how he's bad at the Skill and will always be bad at the Skill.

"Alright, Lil Accident," Burrich says after a while, "it's time to go back to your Skill lessons."

"But I've missed too many classes," Fitz protests.

"There haven't been any classes. Go back to your lessons."

"Why not?"

"Haven't you heard?" The Fool says, popping out of a hay bale again. "Burrich beat the absolute shit out of Galen at the Witness Stones. He said, 'Gods, if I win this very one-sided fight, then Galen sucks,' and then just jumped up and down on that skinny motherfucker until he stopped moving." "Oh," Fitz says dumbly. The Fool retreats into the hay once more.

Later, on a beach date, Molly says, "Have you heard Prince Verity is going to get married?"

"Since when?" Fitz boggles.

"Oh, I know all the hot goss," Molly laughs. "Yeah, he agreed to get political-married to some foreign lady, but he's got no time to go looking for one, so Prince Regal is going to find one for him."

"Huh," Fitz says, then, "Miss Molly, I sure think you're just the swellest girl I ever did meet."

"How swell?" Molly asks.

But before Fitz can say "really really swell, the bee's knees," Smithy comes charging up to them to tell Fitz it's time to go back to the castle and start his Skill lessons again.

Fitz goes to the tower-top classroom along with the other students, all of whom pretty much hate him for being bad at the Skill and because his adopted dad beat up their teacher. Galen limps in. "I have an announcement," he says. "First of all, Jaydee mixed up the order of events just now: Fitz's first lesson back took place before he found out that Verity was going to be married. Second, Molly is hanging out with a handsome sailor named Jade. And thirdly, your training is almost complete. I will send you all on one final test-- even you, bastard that I hate and that I hope dies-- and then present you as a Skill Coterie to the King on Fantasy Easter."

"Murmur, murmur," all the students murmur.

"I'm going to send each of you to a faraway place," Galen goes on. "And then I will Skill a message of how to come home."

"That sounds fun, I bet nothing bad'll happen to me," Fitz says.

Galen smiles. "Do you think I don't know that you and Burrich are fucking? Because I do. And you won't be able to use him for Skill strength on this test."

"I don't understand any of the words that just came out of your mouth," Fitz smiles back.

(There's an aside here about Fitz undergoing his Man Ceremony, a strange and ancient Bar mitzvah where dudes in masks come to his room in the dead of night and bestow upon him a new Man Name. The Man Ceremony is literally never mentioned ever again in the entire series, but Fitz's Man Name is-- Changer.)

Fitz is blindfolded, put in his Test Carriage, and taken to the faraway place where he'll wait for his Skill message. The Test Carriage pulls to the side of the road, throws Fitz out, then screeches off. Fitz stands up and takes off his blindfold. Hey, this place looks kind of famil-- oh, it's Forge, where all the zombies live.

Neat.

Fitz sits down to prepare himself to receive his Skill message.Then he falls asleep.

Burrich is being attacked! Someone pushes him down the stairs! Smithy comes to the rescue, biting the attacker's leg!! But then--

["I MUST GO, MY PLANET NEEDS ME," SMITHY SAID AS HE SHOT INTO THE SKY. "I AM A GOOD DOG AND I HAVE EARNED MY TIME CHASING SPACE SQUIRRELS ON MY HOMEWORLD. FAREWELL!]

Fitz bolts upright. He's got to get home to help Burrich! Smithy's fine, he flew away before anyone could hurt him. But Burrich! He starts on the road home. Fuck the Skill message, he probably couldn't hear it anyway because he's bad at the Skill and always will be. But he's NOT bad at helping Burrich and writing a letter to Smithy who, again, went back to his home planet and is safe and sound.

He fights his way back through groups of zombies at Forge (and sees Vikings still hanging out in the ruins of the town) and hurries back toward Buckkeep.

Burrich is still alive, convalescing in the hospital with a wicked bump on the head. "I'm not dead," Fitz tells him. "I came back to help you."

"Smithy went back to his home planet," Burrich says.

"I know. He contacted me via our awesome wit-bond to say he was fine and nothing bad had happened to him."

"I can't believe you were talking to your dog instead of listening for your Skill message!"

"I wasn't going to hear a Skill message," Fitz explains. "I'm bad at the Skill. But I'm good at talking to animals."

"That's gross," Burrich says. "Never talk to me, ever again."

"This is the worst day of my life," Fitz moans.

"It's the worst day of your life SO FAR," The Fool clarifies from his hay bale.

#rote #robin hobb #farseer trilogy #fitzchivalry farseer #assassin's apprentice #aa abridged #if you don't already know what Byford Dolphin refers to you probably shouldn't look it up #please enjoy all the references in this one that out me as an old person #farseer trilogy abridged

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