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naralanis · 3 years

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hi! i just barely found your account from the lena fountain pen ask, but i had a few questions i hope you wouldn’t mind helping me out with? so this might be silly to ask, but what exactly is the difference between a ballpoint pen and a fountain pen? and what exactly are the pros to fountain pens? i’ve never used a fountain pen before in my life, and even just using some ballpoint pens, it smears. so how would one write with a fountain pen without smearing everything? i just can’t imagine the process it takes to use a fountain pen on a daily basis?

If your questions are pen-related, not only I absolutely DO NOT MIND AT ALL, I am ECSTATIC to receive them and more than happy to answer them! There are no silly questions here. I can't shut up about pens -- they activate my hyperfixate button and welp, here we go!

Short answers:

1. What exactly is the difference between a ballpoint pen and a fountain pen?

The main difference between ballpoints and fountain pens is the way they distribute ink on paper.

2. What exactly are the pros to fountain pens?

Ergonomically, they are better, since they require little to no pressure for writing. I'll expand on this below the cut!

3. How would one write with a fountain pen without smearing everything? What is the 'process' to use a fountain pen on a daily basis?

Different nibs, different inks, and different papers! And there's no real process, really, just a few long-term maintenance tips. Also expanded below the cut.

There are really two main differences between ballpoints and fountain pens -- the first one, like I mentioned before, is the method through which they dispense ink onto paper. The other one, however, is the type of ink they use.

A ballpoint, which you are probably familiar with (think of your everyday Bic), uses a small revolving ball at the very tip to distribute ink.

They also use a very thick, oil-based ink. It's made by dissolving dyes in alcohol and fatty acids -- while the alcohol ensures a smooth flow of ink, and the oils are necessary to lubricate the tip. That's why these pens seldom dry out, even without caps!

Rollerballs and gel pens use exactly the same mechanism to dispense ink! However, they use completely different inks -- gel pens use a pigment suspended in a water-based gel. It's why they feel smoother and require less pressure to write. However, they will skip more often, because they are not as lubricated as ballpoints.

Rollerbals use an ink very similar to fountain pen ink -- basically water-soluble dyes. It flows super smooth when compared to ballpoints and gel pens, but it also dries out in the pen more easily and, because the ink is actually liquid (again, dye dissolved in just water), it has higher chances of bleeding through the page and/or smudging.

Now, fountain pens use a completely different ink delivery method. As opposed to a small metal ball distributing the ink, they rely on capillary action to lead the ink from the ink reservoir through the feed and nib.

You see the 'fins' under the nib? That's the feed. It has an ink channel that basically connects the nib, feed, and section to an ink reservoir (a cartridge, converter, or other). Here's another view from the Goulet Pens Blog (which I recommend you check out!):

Because of the way they distribute ink, fountain pens require the least pressure to write -- if any pressure at all. A well-tuned fountain pen should be able to put a line to paper under nothing but its own weight.

That's a huge deal, especially if you write by hand a lot. It relieves a ton of pressure from the wrist (I speak from experience here!) and it just makes for a very smooth-feeling writing experience. 10/10 recommend.

Another benefit is that you can refill your fountain pen (and some rollerballs) using bottled inks. That cuts down on the use of cartridges/individual refills and disposable pens.

Now, fountain pens can be a bit tricky if you're completely new to them. There's this great worry that they'll bleed through everywhere, that you'll smear everything you write, or that they're just not practical at all. That's not true. Fair, they may require a bit more mindfulness and care, but to me, it's completely worth it. For example:

How to write without smearing everything? Usually, try a finer nib! The more ink you put down, the longer it takes to dry, naturally. Maybe you need a drier ink -- that's a thing! Some inks are super lubricated, and will take much longer to dry. Others have special properties such a sheen or shimmer, and that will also significantly increase drying time.

Maybe the paper is super smooth, maybe even a little waxy. If the paper doesn't absorb ink (aka, the ink just sits atop the paper surface) that will take longer to dry as well.

There's no 'process' to use a fountain pen daily. My process is, I open it up and start writing. I have finer nibs that I use at work, where I don't have control over the paper quality, and I also use quick-drying inks for grading papers I need to return straight away. At home, I can be picky -- I get the broadest, wettest nib, with the sparkliest ink I own, and go to town on some excellent paper I pre-selected and tested for that specific purpose.

It's all what you make of it. The only thing about fountain pens is that they require some maintenance -- as anything you plan to own for years and years does. Clean it every couple of weeks (or every other month, or even less, if you never change inks). If you *know* you're not going to use it for a while, clean it out before you put it away -- the worst thing is dried up ink crud in a pen.

And... it doesn't have to be a hobby to you! I have like 100 pens, I tinker with them, I collect them (and inks, and paper). It can just be a writing tool -- an excellent one. Just because I go all gung-ho for them, doesn't mean you have to!

Hope that helps!

#anon #ask naralanis and maybe she will deign to respond #not me writing whole ass essays on pens #but really though #i love all pen-related asks and I am always happy to answer them #seriously they always make my day #now for the requisite instagram plug #go follow whatsinmypen #there i've done my self promoting for the day #fountain pen #pen asks #pen talk

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gluestickcherrybum · 4 years

Text

Ahoy there! I'm back with another study post °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

So if you aren't aware already, me as well as various other study bloggers are notorious for writing aesthetically pleasing handwritten notes. Notes aren’t absolutely necessary if you prefer to do without. A lot of my friends and acquaintances don’t bother with them and prefer to rely entirely on the lecture materials provided. I find that it helps me indefinitely in my studies and as a brief creative outlet which I rarely give myself the time for.

Why take Notes?

Instead of printing the lecture materials given digitally, I've taken it to re-write the lecture notes a few days prior to the lecture. Some lecturers insist their students read the material to get a grasp of the topic before the lecture and this is taking it a few steps further. They say writing something down is equivalent to reading it 7 times, meaning getting into memory this way is so much more efficient which is one of the biggest reasons I insisted myself handwrite my notes. Also writing your own notes is totally customisable to your needs, do you prefer mind maps or lists? Infographics or paragraphs? Minimalistic or colourful? It's all up to you.

Why I personally take notes

Different plants have different needs. Some need to be watered daily, some twice a day and some every other day. Some thrive in nutrient-rich soil and some prefer to sit in dry sand. Just like plants, each individual student has different needs and circumstances to thrive. For me, since I have a relatively low attention span and am a relatively slow learner, I needed the head start of reading topics beforehand to catch on with the rest. To me, with proper preparation for lectures, attending the lecture is like filling in the missing puzzle pieces. At least it should be. Also, I'm more of a visual learner, so if you're like me, then well structured, colourful and easy to read notes are not only more appealing but really help me in my studies and help me grasp topics a lot faster.

SUPPLIES

Probably the part where everyone is pumped for but I'll to simplify as well as be in-depth as possible.

Basically, you need paper and a pen. Need some colours? get some highlighters or coloured pens. Some people usually go one or the other but you can benefit from using both systematically.

What I look for in my preferred paper:

Thicker paper (120gsm) because I use markers and pens that bleed through anything less and I like my paper sturdy because I heavily reference my notes and I don't want them to get worn out as quickly (i want to actually try to use thinner paper and be gentler but not sure how much I can commit to it o(╥﹏╥)o).

Smoother paper is good if you use felt tips so they don't get damaged that quickly.

Line spacing. Its a waste of space and paper if you have small handwriting but largely spaced outlines. Not easy to find though.

Line colour. I prefer lighter lines such as light grey if possible, it just looks tidier that my writing contrasts more than with jet black lines.

Recycled or sustainably made paper. Because environment. Trees happy. Duh.

At the moment I'm a fan of loose-leaf paper because I'm not a fan of wasting notebook paper at the back (plus its even harder to get the paper features I want in notebooks unless I'm lucky) but if I were to succumb to using notebooks, I would definitely prefer thread-bound or hand-sewn over spring bound just because I think metal springs are annoying and if they're plastic, they aren't recyclable. You know me.

In conclusion, it's hard to find test pad with all of these features, you can consider printing your own notepaper if you're as picky as I am but you do you. If you can only afford flimsy see-through paper, that's alright. But make sure your supplies are appropriate for them as most of the supplies I use will bleed even on regular paper

Pens

Don't bother going all out and using fine liners or drawing pens to write notes. Get practical. Pick your poison. Smooth gel pens or dry ballpoint? Ergonomic or Budget-friendly? Disposable or refillable? My only guideline is to make sure they have waterproof ink because in any case, you need to send in an assignment last minute and have to rush through the rain without a folder you definitely want your writing to be at least legible if anything. (yes I learned this the hard way, yes illegible work will cost you a lot of marks. don't make my mistake ｡：ﾟ(｡ﾉω＼｡)ﾟ･｡

Also. Black or Blue? Studies show that writing in blue improves memory collection but black is the more neutral aesthetic. What do I do? I use black as my main colour and write keywords and important facts in blue to take advantage of its memory-enhancing properties.

My current preference: Zebra Sarasa Clip (because its made of 75% recycled plastic and is a good quality pen) with Pentel Energel refill (gel ink that dries quickly. that's all I need)

Budget-Friendly: There are good quality pen sets at the ECO shop (Malaysian dollar store) or buy disposable pens in bulk at any book store. Trust me, it saves a lot more than buying a brand new 80 cent pen every now and again. (Also including the cost of transportation to the store because when you live independently, every cent matters) It's not exactly environmentally friendly but hey, anything to cut the cost right?

Zero Waste option: Fountain Pen with a converter (not the cartridges) and glass bottles of ink refill. Yes, it sounds daunting but its zero waste if that's your cup of tea. You don't have to go all out and buy an expensive luxury fountain pen made of stainless steel, or go fancy and get a flexible nib. If you ask me, I have my eyes set on the pilot kakuno fountain pen, its simple, aesthetic and highly recommended for beginners (although not plastic-free its made out of 85% recycled plastic which is cool since I'm hoping to make a one time purchase, I won't mind it being made from plastic but that just my taste)

Coloured Pens

So I haven't been a fan of using coloured pens for a while but ill tell you I'm currently using a cheap set of coloured gel pens from Kaison just because they have cute patterns but the ink flow isn't that smooth so I should've bought something more practical. The ultimate budget-friendly option which is not only cheap but long-lasting and good quality, and ones that I’d recommend for anyone is the Papermate Kilometrico ballpoint coloured pens. So far I only know they come in five colours but they've been my favourite for years. Most people I know that disagree with me usually don't like the colour range or arent a fan of dry ink but if you aren't that picky and looking for a reliable option they're a good option, plus if you're using cheap paper, they won't bleed or anything so that's cool.

Highlighters

I love pastel highlighters. Its soft, cute, aesthetically pleasing to the eyes and some colours are better at actually highlighting words rather than their neon counterparts like green and purple. Although not the cheapest option, I doubt ill ever go back to neon highlighters ever and ill only be recommending pastel highlighters thanks.

My current preference: I'm currently using Monami Pastel Highlighters just because they were on sale with comparable prices to unbranded cheap pastel highlighters. I will never recommend commonly branded highlighters like Stabilo Boss or Zebra Mildliners because the extra pennies just aren't worth it since the unbranded kind has lived up to my standards. (also I haven't tried those branded highlighters mind you but I doubt I'm missing out on anything)

Budget-Friendly option: While Zebra Mildliners are being sold at RM5 for one and RM25 for a set, Mr DIY sells knockoff brand "BEIFA" for RM7 for a set of six which is a pretty good deal if you ask me (also there are double-sided ones with a bullet and chisel tips if you thought mildliners were the only option with those features). I've also found some rare gems, unbranded pastel highlighters hidden in common bookstores for an even cheaper price, but they're really hard to find unless the pastel highlighter trend decides to catch on. I digress.

Zero Waste option: I heard about highlighter pencils, just wooden pencils with neon colour pigments, but why get trendy when you can use any old wooden colouring pencils lying around? I don't think ill give up plastic highlighters for wooden pencils despite being a strong environmentalism advocate but there are a few options for highlighters made from recycled plastic but they either don't come in pastel colours or too pricey for my taste (yes I'm a cheapskate for crud sake)

Extras

These other things aren't exactly necessary but they add little flourishes and/or aid you in your note-taking. Not exactly an extra investment but its completely up to you

Sticky notes (or coloured memo pads) for extra notes, diagrams or equations which I like for them to stand out a bit. (Pastel over neon of course)

Washi tape to divide subchapters (but a highlighter streak does the job)

Correction tape because never will I ever use correction fluid mind you

Brush pens for headers (completely unnecessary but I don't have any other outlet to practice brush lettering so.) Recommendations: Artline Stix (chunky but super cheap, marker type not for thin paper), Pentel Fude Touch (great for beginners, small and practical, 83% recycled plastic, but will bleed on regular paper)

Alternatively, a regular black felt tip marker just to make the title stand out is good enough.

NOTE TAKING TECHNIQUES

An underrated note-taking method is the Cornell method which is frankly a systematic way to write notes in which you divide the paper into 4 sections, a place for title and date and stuff, the main body for notes, extended side margin for extra info/lecture comments/questions/subtitles and bottom quarter reserved for a summary of the notes. Some people modify this technique by omitting the summary section, depending on your needs.

Bullet points and indents. This is pretty self-explanatory, but it's pretty much notes that aren't chunky paragraphs. Easier to read, easier to register information, easier to skim through. You get the gist of it.

Highlighting system. Some people go all out with their highlighting system and designate colours to certain things such as green for vocab, orange for equations, blue for subtopics. etc. You can try this out if you want, but for me, the plethora of colour is quite distracting and not that aesthetically pleasing, but you do you.

BREAKING DOWN MY METHOD OF NOTE TAKING

My priorities to note-taking are: Easy to read, simple, decluttered and visually pleasing. For colours, I mainly use up to 4. Black pen for the main information, blue pen for keywords (or any coloured pen that matches the highlighter), one or two highlighters as a colour theme and matching sticky notes for extra info, diagrams or equations.

I assign a whole chapter to a specific colour theme, first assigning a certain highlighter colour to the first six chapters, if there are more than six chapters, I use 2 accent colours just to shake it up a bit. This makes it easier to differentiate the chapters when flipping through your notes.

So its, hand-lettered title (i do my lettering quite quickly, mind you) or all caps title in black marker. Mini banner doodle for subtitles (a simple box with a drop shadow works just fine), contrasting coloured keywords (or underlined) and highlighters just for accents like dividing subtitles or drawing boxes for extra info (that or sticky notes). I don't simplify my lecture notes, rather rewriting them in a more orderly manner and leaving a good amount of extra space here and there (or an extended margin if I use Cornell) for extra lecture notes. Also, I highlight whatever notes that my lecturer would point out as important or worth remembering. And that's pretty much it. After the lecture, I then know which parts of the notes were more vital and can then simplify those key points into flashcards which ill discuss in a different post.

Thanks for reading, I know my posts are pretty long but that's the way I like them, long but in depth. As usual, if you would like me to cover any specific topics, feel free to message me or give feedback. I hope to be able to write 2 or 3 articles a month if I can but until then, have a nice day. Study smart peeps.

ヾ(@°▽°@)ノ

#study #studyblr #studygram #studyspo #studyinspo #study inspiration #study motivation #zero waste #zerowaste #zero waste lifestyle #zero waste student #environmentalism #notes #stationery

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maiji · 5 years

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@logicheartsoul Thank you so much for the kind words ^^ And certainly - thank you for your interest and for asking! I love working with ink so I’m happy to talk about it :D

How I got into it

It's only been in the last maybe five or so years that I've actually started to pay more attention to art supplies. In the case of ink, it really started with fountain pens. Long story short, one of my professors was really into them and let me try one of his vintage pens, and I was vaguely interested. Then my best friend really got into them, and I tagged along to a fountain pen show (shoutout to Scriptus Toronto!!). From there it was a slow burn over a period of months from “this is neat” to “WOWWW OKAY I GUESS I’M REALLY INTO THIS NOW”. It was a (relatively, for me) quick entry once I discovered the online fountain pen community. These people are incredibly passionate, highly articulate, and best of all, document EVERYTHING. I found the ink reviews especially spectacular and that’s probably what hooked me the most.

A few other things that helped in the appeal factor:

I have a tendency to grip writing implements excessively hard and exert a lot of unnecessary pressure when writing or drawing with more conventional pens (ballpoints etc.) A number of people mentioned that fountain pens helped them to alleviate this because generally you don’t need/want to apply pressure when using them. I’ve found it has helped.

I've always been interested in forms that combine words and images, and this merges literary and artistic worlds in a very clear way.

I’ve been on a long personal journey of wanting to incorporate much more Chinese/Taiwanese/East Asian heritage and cultural traditions into my work. Thus, I've been gravitating towards things emphasizing brush, ink, water, elements of calligraphy and... not sure if spontaneity is the word I want, but things that help me overthink less when I draw, and get better at letting go.

How I work with ink

My (main) tools

Fude de mannen: This is basically a fountain pen that mimics a brush for Asian calligraphy. It has a bent nib that enables you to change stroke thickness by varying your hand angle. I love this pen so much I got a second one so I could have a different colour; the washi tape helps me tell which one it is. You can see more of it in the video interview I did with PindotPress.

Brush pen: A pen that is a brush. lol. A number of companies make them; I use the Pentel Pocket Brush because it's the first one I tried and I liked it a lot. It's smooth, has great line variation, and the tip has yet to fail me. (Although the cap started falling apart, hence all the tape on my first one lol.) I currently have three: one for permanent black, one for permanent red, and one because I couldn’t resist buying a coloured version of the pen (I have Diamine Earl Grey in it right now).

Glass dip pen: These dip pens are pretty but what is super awesome is that they are super easy and fast to clean. I can quickly switch between multiple colours of bottled inks. The grooves in the nib hold ink, so you need to slightly turn the pen as you go to access all the ink. You can also get a wider stroke by slanting the pen and using the side of the glass nib. It's not that easy to control your lines, but I actually like this because it creates a lot of happy accidents. And “oops well damn" accidents, but like I said I’m trying to cultivate the whole “learn to let go" mindset.

Waterbrush: Basically a brush that carries its own water reservoir. I’ve used a few different brands but I find I like the Pentel Aquash small the best. Some people fill them with ink like a brush pen, but I’ve not really done that. (I did it once with a different brand that was harder to open/refill and I got mad.) I use it to paint with the inks.

Pencil I got for free: Unless I really am just doodling, I usually draw base pencils of some sort, even if it’s just a very rough, light sketch or a quick thumbnail on another sheet of paper. Every so often I get an inquiry asking what special kind of pencil I use, but I’m afraid they’re just normal pencils rolled with recycled newsprint. I got free samples like a million years ago and I have been using them forever. (I think I’m finally down to my last three.)

Eraser: I’ve been trying a few different ones but it takes me forever to work through an eraser. You want it to be able to pick up the lines without requiring you to scrub and take the ink too or destroying the fibres of your paper. This one actually works pretty well. If you’re really curious you can see the non-destroyed packaging here! lol

Toilet or tissue paper: Something to pick up the water. This is my "undo button” in real life when I’m painting/using the waterbrush. Also I drown everything with water so it’s very important.

Ink swatches: Every time I get a new ink I make a sample and add it here. It’s great for colour palettes and when I’m looking at other inks and trying to decide whether to get it or not (e.g., is it different from everything I already have? My definition of “different” is very generous...). I don’t actually have all these inks; some were samples from friends. I’ve found I tend to gravitate towards very complex, nuanced neutrals. (This sounds so sophisticated but when you see them all it once it's like. Oh. Apparently I like shades of grey, brown, and other hard to classify "muddy" or in-between colours lmao. But more on that in a bit.) Lately I've been getting glittery inks because they're fun and they add a magical dimension to the physical piece.

Here is my current selection of inks - on the shelf to the immediate left of my laptop and my head as I am typing this right now. The box at the bottom left is all the samples.

My approach

In my mind, I broadly classify my approach into two categories: “dry” and “wet”.

"Dry" - ink only, no water. I have pretty unsteady hands and hate "inking" - if we think of inking as an exercise in achieving a "clean", controlled line drawing with consistent line width/stroke thickness, neatness, etc. So I love pens that support me in what I think of as controlled loss of control - wide variations in brush width and stroke character. Brush pens and fude de mannen pens are perfect for this. They have lines that offer a wide range of dynamic, organic, and textural opportunity. My Inktober illustrations fall into this category. A few examples below, followed by links to the full set.

Inktober 2017 - fude de mannen

Inktober 2018 - brush pen

"Wet" - Basically I blob water around. Depending on when I do it (before, with/during, after the application of the ink), you can get different results. The water causes the ink to bleed, semi-watercolour-like, and can be used for shading, environmental effects etc. For obvious reasons, this works best with non-waterproof inks (which the vast majority of fountain pen inks are), but you can do this even with waterproof inks. Just let the ink hit water before it has a chance to soak into the paper and you can get cool effects :D. And you can also do it with other pens too, not just fountain pen inks. Examples:

Tiles of Toronto urban sketch series

Raizen and Hokushin doodles

Arikoto from Ooku

As you might imagine, this is really great for on-the-go drawings, because you just need a pen (or a couple of pens) and a waterbrush.

The “wet” approach is also where the very complex inks that look "boring" (greys, taupes etc.) are just complete magic. When the dye elements separate, other colours emerge, and you get really wonderful textural effects and rings of colour where the ink pools and dries. Diamine Earl Grey is a colour I've mentioned several times that I LOOOVE because it separates into blues, browns, purples, even pinkish tones. It's a gorgeous ink. You can see some examples and closeups here.

Another colour that does this really powerfully is Sailor Rikyucha. It’s a dark tea brown-green that separates very easily into pale blue-greens and more and has amazing tonal and textural qualities. The Tendril Wreath illustration here really shows this.

For the most part I look at things I like and then experiment to figure out what happens. After working with the same tools for a while, you get a sense of how the different elements might react and respond naturally. The Genjimonogatari series employs both dry and wet extensively and is an example of the experimenting and playing I’m doing - I keep finding new aspects to the inks I thought I knew, and making “interesting” mistakes. And trying to fix them as I go with varying levels of success, haha. But I’m always learning!

One more thing about this hobby

I feel compelled to finish with some talk about the pure aesthetic appeal, or the MULTIPLE LEVELS OF FUN I get out of these inks. Not just the colour, not just how the ink behaves, but... the name of the ink as well! Some inks do this more effectively than others. Similar to how the presentation of a dish is part of the experience, the name of an ink adds so much to my enjoyment of it. My least favourite ink names are [standard adjective]+[standard colour name]. My favourite ones are really convoluted with literary and poetic references, I just love them hahaha. Asian fountain pen inks I find tend to do this especially well - partly because of how much you can pack into how few syllables, I suppose. It makes me sad that a lot of sites don’t include the original names, often referencing them with just a number, though I understand it is difficult to translate. But I learn a lot with these names as a starting point! For example, Zhenjing, which I mentioned recently in the Kurama “Light” illustration, took a bit of back and forth with my parents to look up the source and then to interpret the complex line of poetry. It was a fun and fascinating exercise.

A great name can’t save an ink I don’t like, but a good name elevates an ink I do like even more, and it can be really inspiring for making stuff. For example, take Pen BBS Mirrorflower Watermoon. I adore the colour of this ink - it's a very subtle grey-pale green with silver flakes. I used it heavily in the Hokushin fanart “Northern Deity” (you can see it here with photos of the sparkly).

The name is actually highly recognizable if you're familiar with classic East Asian literature/poetry. I read it out loud to my parents with no context other than "this is the name of one of my favourite ink colours" while they were eating dinner and they both said at the same time, "I know this! DREAM OF THE RED CHAMBER!" lmao. It's a very Buddhist idiom or phrase referring to the illusory nature of things, likening it to the reflection of a flower in a mirror or the reflection of the moon in water.

I hope this was interesting and helpful! ^^

#art supplies #logicheartsoul #replies #reply #fountain pen ink #ink #waterbrush #brush pen #fude de mannen #art by Maiji/Mary Huang #how I work #process

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md3artjournal · 4 years

Link

7:19 PM 9/3/2020 It's come to my attention that although my reblog text under the cut is hidden from a post's Notes/Replies on Tumblr-desktop, it is all very visible on Tumblr-mobile/phone version. Ugh. So I could no longer simply reblog the referenced post, and hide all my comments under a cut. So here are all my angsting thoughts again, after doodling this drawing, but as a separate post, for my art journal blog.

10:42 PM 9/2/2020

I don’t even know what I'm doing anymore. Today, I sat down to draw and I must have wasted 15+minutes, indecisive about what to draw with. I wanted to just use one of my fountain pens, but

1) Yesterday's line bleeds proved that the Pilot Petit is just not good for my tiny doodles;

2) My only other fountain pen is my Platinum Preppy, but I should be saving that ink for writing in my habit tracker; that's what I bought it for; and it's not so easy to just buy more ink cartridges during this pandemic;

3) My fountain pens' inks are not waterproof? What if halfway through my drawing I decide I want to use half watercolors? Again?

So then my safest option was my Copic Gasenfude. Impervious to water, alcohol marker ink, everything. But my pen is so dry... I tested it beforehand, to convince myself it was still fine. But the test felt very different from the drawing. During drawing, I missed the smooth flow of my fountain pens sooooooooooo much. I should've just opened one of my new Gasenfude pens for this drawing. But I'm too chicken about using up supplies, in general. x_____x;;;;;;;;;

What's with my Copic Multiliners? Do they just bleed more on my cheap sketchbook paper? Because I remember my lines being fuzzy on the close-up scans too. Or am I just so out of practice drawing with them now, that all my lines end up stiffer than usual? Or maybe they're getting dry too? They are pretty old pens by now. ~.~;

*sigh* I miss my fountan pens, but I need waterproof ink for my linework. x_x;

I heard that Indian ink is waterproof after it dries, but all my bottles of Indian Ink dried up decades ago. Plus, all my dip pens are rusty and don't even work with my acrylic inks that I already have. I don't want to buy more supplies, then they turn out to not really work for me. I've done that too much already. ...Though I do have my eye on that Deleter trial dip pens set...and Indian ink sounds too good to be true... But I have so many supplies lying around, I really should just find a way to use them. Even if they turned out to not really work for how I naturally think/work, I already spent the money on them. I should *find* a way to make them work. I'm so simultaneously wasteful AND cheap with my art supplies! X~x!

That's also why I want to be able to switch over to cheap $1-store/Daiso watercolors, instead of using up Copic ink on full drawings. But if I never know when I'm going to need that mid-way medium switch, then I need waterproof/Copic-proof ink.

Well, no matter the case, it probably wouldn't help my terrible terrible drawing too much. I mean, today's doodle gave me problems making lines because the ink just would not flow out of my drying Gasenfude pen. But also, I had to realize that I've become out of practice with true brushpens. I've been using Copic Sketch and nylon nib "brushpens" all this time, thinking I've stayed in practice. But bristle brushpens are too different, and I forgot that. I've become horrible with brushpens, and the Gasenfude used to be my go-to. x_______x;;;;;

Anyway, nothing about drawing today has been good for my self-esteem. I made a horrible drawing, that wasn't even pretty, I started too high on the page and too close to yesteray's doodle, so Akira and Ryuji's heads ended up squashed on top, to fit into the page space. I was reminded how easily I lose skill even with mediums/tools that I used to be competent at. I proved yet again that I just can't make beautiful drawings---and maybe that's more of an issue of me not actually wanting to be good at drawing. I didn't want to admit it, but maybe that's something I have to do. Maybe I don't actually want to become good at drawing. I hate studying, I can't stand brushing up on human antomy, perspective, gesture motions, all those fundamentals, and every time I force myself to, I get so frustrated, I'm horrible to myself and everyone else around me in real life. That can't be worth scribbling a bunch of skeletons that end up ugly an reinforcing my low self-esteem anyway.

My sister commented once that even though being an artist was hard, at least I enjoyed drawing. At the time, I told her that I don't actually like drawing. I told her that I liked "having had drawn". Since then I did find that those statements weren't true. I have found drawing cathartic, even while I was drawing. I even felt horrible on days where I didn't get to draw. I liked drawing.

...I'm just REALLY REALLY REALLY bad at it, and I have no inclination to put in the hard word to make my drawing better. But I will spend all day, comparing myself to better fan-artists online, and lamenting how I can never make anything beautiful. x___x;;;;;;

So I go around telling people that "I'm actually more of a sculptor than an illustrator", as if distracting to a medium that most people are less familiar with, and that is easier for people like me to make beautiful things, would do anything to help my horrible lack of drawing skills.

I remember, all the times I've tried to learn a new videogame, and I'm inclined to believe tha tmaybe I jsut don't like learning new things. Even for games that eventually became my favorites, my comforts, my completely intuitive flow states, I was still compeltely frustrated and horrible to be around, while learning. I shouldn't be surprised then that I don't play videogames as much anymore, even though I'm desperately reluctant to let go of my gamer identity. But I recall the last party I was invited to, and I was wrangled into learning a new tabletop game. I was completely against it, all throughout, during, and at every moment. I was just waiting for it all to end. I don't think I like games, because learning to play, leaning sets of rules, and functioning within MORE systems, must be the last thing my brain wants to do during leisure time. I can even remember a few moments when I was obstinately inattentive or simply refusing to abide by office expectations and protocols---and I don't know why! Why was I just _so_ exasperate and unwilling to put effort into following simple rules? I'm beginning to I think that maybe as I get older, the less energy I have to learn things. Which is only a theory, because even when I was younger, I didn't like playing games because I didn't want to learn rules. Plus, I've always been "someone who loves to learn"...Just academic knowledge and inforational stuff, not games. Games and human interaction in general, have always been too much work for me to enjoy. So if there's any reason why I can't get myself to study illustration fundamentals, no matter how much I lament not being able to draw something beautiful (at least to warrant my making a living in artist alley!) then I have to wonder if my inexplicable disdain for learning new rules is the reason.

I don't even know what I'm writing about. I think I was originally just hoping that drawing with a new Gasenfude that wasn't drying, would help me draw lines more easily. x_x; Please ignore my venting.

#venting #please ignore my idiocy #quitting art #is this even chibi? I messed this up so bad x_x;

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