#accept people for who they are

[emilnikos]

I need non autistic people to realise meltdowns are a real debilitating thing that has a serious effect on your mental and physical health NOWWWWW!!! The way its been trivialized and lessened pisses me the fuck off. It's not a tantrum and it doesn't come from "being too weak-willed" it's painful and it's embarrassing AND MOST OF ALL IT'S INVOLUNTARY!! Don't claim to be an ally to autistic or disabled people and then make fun of people who have meltdowns. Literally get the hell out of my sight

#i can't believe i have to day it but autism /is/ a disablity. its disabling. meltdowns are part of that. #'oh this is a lukewarm take' you dumbshit fucks have been throwing the word neurodivergent and meltdown around so #casually they have both been said at me with the same disdain as a swear word. you guys will accept making fun of autistic people #if someone jn your circle who is 'cool' does it first. at your big ages. shut the hell up

[vizthedatum]

Maybe the way to forgive people is the way I forgive myself: radically accept who they were and are.

And then be honest with yourself, while allowing yourself to feel any feelings.

#accept people for who they are #healing #neurodivergence #trauma #love #queer #self love #prose

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[cemeterything]

the older and weirder i get the more i'm beginning to realize that i was actually a very cool kid who had no shame or fear until i was taught that i'd be punished for it and everything since then has been a slow uphill battle to get that part of myself back

#🐉 #like man i was so unbullyable until i let myself be bullyable #not blaming myself because i was a kid but fuck i shouldve listened to the girl who told me i needed to stop caring #about what other people thought about me and being so desperate for their attention #she meant it in a horrible way because her point was that i was inherently unlikable and should accept that #but she was technically right she just had the wrong intentions

[tezzbot]

I really like the headcanon that a very select amount of people are allowed to actually call Tails 'Miles' and Shadow is on that list, it's very cute to me ^_^

#sth #shadow the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic the hedgehog #mydoodles #accidentally left this sitting in the drafts lol whoops #that sonic in the top right is my favourite sonic I've drawn so far tbh #I meant to put a table behind them in that second “panel” but whatever lol implied table #Blaze is another who Tails is fine with using Miles for him because she preferred to not use the nickname until she felt close enough to hi #that she like felt it was acceptable hehe #princess etiquette brain #anyway shout out to people who draw shadows bike I'm certainly never doing it again LOL #to be fair I did not use reference.. I simply did my best

[existennialmemes]

Reminders for Autistic "Awareness" Month

Beware the Autistics. We live among you. We look like you. We could be your friends, your family, your neighbors, your coworkers. We could even be you.

The Average Autistic is 18 feet tall, has purple skin, and has 2 watt lasers for eyes, however many of us may mask our appearance with Occult Rituals

The Big Light is Bad!! Turn off The Big Light!!! Except for when it's Good. Turn on the Big Light!!

We are not Moths. I don't know who told you that but they're lying.

#actually autistic #autism memes #autism acceptance #autism acceptence month #being aware of me is not enough #i need you to actually respect me #also just to be clear #autism is red because that's the color we chose for ourselves #awareness is in blue because that's the color that was projected onto us #by people who don't want us to exist

[lucky-clover-gazette]

i love how rtd probably noticed that over the past two-ish decades the doctor has had several "loves," like from showrunner to showrunner and from companion to companion (rose, river song, the master/missy) and just said fuck it. you know what he needs more than romantic love? a best friend, a hug from himself, and a place where he can stay. and it genuinely feels right. he has spent so many years getting his hearts broken over and over again, and now he finally can heal, surrounded by his family, while fifteen starts his own adventure.

ten/fourteen doesn't want to go, and for the first time ever... he doesn't have to.

#the line about home took me out #idk i'm a big tenrose enjoyer but something about this person who's been so many people #and loved so many people #just finding comfort and acceptance with a whole family and no expectation of romance #it's very nice. #dw spoilers #doctor who spoilers #doctor who #dw #tenth doctor #fourteenth doctor

[otaku553]

Haha

#yanqing #honkai star rail #hsr yanqing #my immediate fixation on ice wielding child genius characters in every media I consume strikes again #idk I just think he’s neat!! and so is his gender #he’s definitely overdesigned but I do enjoy the general shape of his clothes #like wow… baggy outer layer AND baggy inner layer #how come you get to have two baggy layers #still don’t know that much about him even after reading his character stories on the wiki #so I’m hoping that his quest writes him well #I suppose there’s some degree of like interesting contrast in the fact that he’s very young on a ship full of people who live very long live #but I feel like regardless they really don’t give him much of a personality besides his hyperfixation on swords and the general naivety and #inexperience from youth yknow what I mean #I just think it would be cool to see like why he’s so ambitious! was he railroaded into being a knight because of his talents? did he try #to be accepted as a knight? what kinds of expectations is he facing and what expectations does he place on himself as a result #I really hope he isn’t just there to be a simpler minded child character for jingyuan to take care of

[plistommy]

The people saying it was BARE MINIMUM that Steve was okay with Robin being a lesbian are literally making me so mad. It was the 80s, not 2022, so him accepting her while her coming out could’ve gotten her hurt badly or worse isn’t a bare minimum fucking thing.

Steve has gone through so much development and it angers me you guys are calling it bare minimum especially in a situation like this that was probably so fucking scary to Robin.

#It’s honestly life threatening still #But it has also changed a lot from what it was back in the 80s #Steve accepting Robin isn’t a small thing #It could’ve gone so wrong if she told it to a wrong person #Like UGHHHHH #This is @ those tiktokers #Who make those means edits of Steve and say shit like this #People don’t think sometimes because they just wanna hate even if they’re wrong #rant #personal #steve harrington #stranger things

[hilacopter]

My fellow Jews, if you say things like "but I'm not even Israeli" when addressed with antisemitism, you are implying that if you were Israeli the antisemitism and hate towards you would be justified. You are contributing to the dehumanisation of Israelis. Good for you that you have a get out of jail free card, but I and many others don't have that privilege.

#ffs stop contributing to the mindset of “acceptable” targets #all you're doing is getting rid of antisemitism directed towards you by pushing it onto other people #who can't fight back using the same excuse you have #antisemitism #i/p #israel #jumblr

[chaiaurchaandni]

also remember that no form of resistance is ever acceptable to the colonizer. and that includes non-violent resistance (the great march of return) + non-violence is only successful against a force that has a conscience. but if your opponent had a conscience, he would not be oppressing you in the first place.

#its a bit weird how people who have been oppressed for decades are held to this moral standard that not even their oppressor is held to tbh #also yeah agreed w the person here like if i was a part of such a group being oppressed i would not just sit and take it #there's only so much pain and loss you can take #israelis want to cause so much destruction that it debilitates the palestinians but it ends up fuelling their desire to fight back even mor #i was just reading up on how initially the people who made up hamas focused on social services #and only became interested in developing a militant wing after israel's brutal occupation of south lebanon #and the plo's retreat #even before oct 7 #hamas fighting back was never acceptable to Israel #even if they were only using rockets made of scrap metal. no form of resistance can ever be acceptable to the occupier. #free palestine #palestine #gaza #israel #israeli war crimes #death to israel #long live palestine #glory to the martyrs #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #long live the resistance

[whitehairedanimeboyfriend]

"If this sort of genocide happened in somewhere like America people wouldn't be ignoring it."

*stares at the camera in Native American*

this isn't to downsize the the slaughter of Palestinians but to point out that America is more than comfortable with slaughter not only overseas but on its own soil so long as it secures their efforts in colonization. If you call me a Zionist for this post I'm taking your bones.

#it just makes me wonder #who exactly do you think counts as a person #what is an acceptable tragedy to you #and i feel like its easy to blame Israel because of antisemitism and how deeply it runs #its more difficult to accept that your own people not only caused but continue to benefit from the genocide of my people

[theminecraftbee]

also, okay, scar thought: so it's kind of funny that scar like, keeps on going "maybe THIS is the session i finally make friends again, maybe?" and then he gets hit with a task that makes him push everyone away EVEN HARDER. "i am trying so hard to stay hinged" says man who kind of doesn't actually want to be an unhinged loose canon but just. can't. help. it.

#secret life smp #secret life spoilers #goodtimeswithscar #feels like a strange encapsulation of his character. he's lonely. he wants friends. he's too much of a loose canon to keep them. #and only the people who are willing to accept he will sometimes just Do A Little Murder are any good at staying by his side. #like do you see what i'm getting at.

[nelkcats]

Application Rejected

When Danny adopted Cujo he saw him as a puppy, which was a little sad considering the implications. He always thought Cujo was the only one who had stayed, the only one whose soul had persisted. He thought Cujo was alone.

He was wrong. Not all adult dogs and puppies stayed, of course. But many had. Cujo was simply the only one who decided to return to the world of the living, probably because of his obsession with his toy.

One day Cujo showed him where they were all hiding; Danny knew that those dogs had not stayed for the same reason as Cujo, they probably had a myriad of different reasons, and that was fine.

The problem was that excluding some of the adult dogs (that obviously were fine on their own and didn't care), there were many puppies similar to Cujo running around in need of affection and he couldn't adopt them all (besides, Cujo would definitely get jealous). And while many ghosts agreed to take a couple, it wasn't all of them, so Danny did something extreme.

He held an adoption fair in Amity, which was a smashing success. He just forgot that a lot of people in Amity...were usually traveling, and the ghost puppies would follow.

Then, a few days later when a scowling guy showed up (he obviously wasn't part of the general Amity Park population) and demanded a "bright green" puppy, Danny said no and refused his application. He couldn't trust someone with no knowledge with a ghost dog. Although he did offer him a course to learn about their care.

Damian Wayne was offended with his overall assessment. He was obviously the right person to care for one of those pups. So he set out to prove that to the boy in front of him, without hesitation.

#dpxdc #Damian wants to adopt a ghost dog #he doesn't know the dog is a ghost tho #he just heard about an adoption fair with weird puppies and traveled there #Bruce was confused about his sudden departure #dp x dc #dc x dp #Danny rejected Damian adoption application of course #He only accepts people who have the skills and knowledge to take care of a ghost dog #The guy in front of him obviously doesn't know anything about ectoplasm or ghosts #But he felt bad for him and decided to offer a course #Cujo wasn't alone #he was just the only one that wanted to return to the land of the living #Danny could leave the dogs there since they were surviving on their own but #It doesn't felt right #There are ghost dogs around Amity now #some of the adult dogs were adopted too #Amity is in peace with the Infinite Realms #If it wasn't about animals Damian would probably have told Bruce about ghost dogs and ghosts in general #But he got distracted with his new objectives #Maybe #dead serious

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Redraw of my first post on this blog. Oh how far we've come B'*)

#better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Credit where it's due: the first one is from November 2022. So its been a bit longer than the post date implies. #It was always part of the plan to re-draw my first wangxian art at the end of each season #but wow I really didn't give enough credit to the power of drawing every day for the last half a year #I've really loved doing this B*) I have found so much confidence in accepting the fact I'm not a 'non-artist' drawing mdzs comics #I'm a REAL artist drawing mdzs #and this is just the start!!!! I will keep drawing and improving and learning! and I will have a big smile like this every time -> B*) #I'm stunned that so many people found this blog so early on. Despite the roughness of my art...yall saw what I struggled to see #which was someone who was worth it #That and how art really is what you decide it is. I thought It had to be perfect. It doesn't need to be perfect. I see that now #I love you all so much! I am so much happier than I have been in years! #Sorry for being sappy twice in a row I promise tomorrow I'll be your little jester again

[walrus150915]

I feel like people underestimate Ballister's actions in the movie and dumb him down to be just a guy with sad big eyes when he's literally a metaphor for transphobic gay men who participated in the system based on violence and hate. He's so much more than what fandom makes him out to be and he's quite flawed

Like :/// yes he's cute but let's not infantalize him???

#im sorry did we watch the same movie #<- me when i see people talking how non-complex movie Ballister is #like yes hes less morally grey than in the comic but did we. did we forget the scenes where he says some questionable stuff to Nimona #“most people arent as accepting as me” DOES IT LOOK LIKE AN INNOCENT GUY WHO DID NO WRONG #he does wrong things and thats why hes great #Ballister is literally my fav character dont do me like that man :/ #nimona #ballister boldheart #nimona 2023