#a lot of trust

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

Somehow got through the worst of the crisis. Didn't tell S for the first time. Told her when we saw her and she asked why we didn't reach out and we said we know she's already overwhelmed and if we were to come out the other side we needed her to still be there, we needed to protect our relationship. She got it. It sucks the situation we are both in because of complete lack of support from everywhere else. She is being our care co, advocate, therapist, attachment figure, everything at once because *no one else is* but ofc it is too much. Hence ending therapy. Because the best way she can help is to fight the system for us and get us the right support, while also staying around so we don't have another broken attachment. I know it's her doing everything she can to help us the best she can. It's just hard to not view it through the lens of so many triggers and abandonment. When the reality is she is doing ALL this, soon for free, out of care. It is just not all focused on the care littles want (cuddles lol) and more of what we need. Which is what someone who truly cares for you does.

I value her seeing the situation and knowing our therapy and relationship will be damaged if we continued the same and therefore ending therapy before the damage was too big. Like others should have done. But it still sucks that it means we have to start again with someone else AND get used to seeing her less. It sucks because she doesn't even want to see her less but her life is just so that if we don't see her at work it will be less. I know how much she is doing for us behind the scenes to fight the system and yet child parts just want the time with her. Even if logically her doing that work is what will help most. I value her so much doing this for us. It's just the fear of seeing her less is so fucking huge. From outside it may seem ridiculous because we're so lucky to have an attachment figure who wants to see us anytime she can, and the least it'll be is maybe a couple weeks.. that's kind of a lot, it's more than anyone in her personal life gets besides those she lives with, even family! We'd be fine seeing anyone else every couple weeks!! Yet going from 2 or 3 times a week to knowing she'll struggle for even once a week feels like actual death. Like, we laugh when we see the facts. But for child parts it is like literal death it feels. And I just hope it actually feels okay. We'll get used to it. We'll speak inbetween. We will be adding more support and it won't feel long at all- the isolation does add to the attachment pain, its not ALL about her. Its also about what it triggers, and about being lonely in general. We have to trust that will change. And trust we will feel connected. (Mostly I secretly hope her work thing settles so she has more time lol). Remember there is the possibility for a lot more in the future when we are better, she wants us to be involved in an amazing work thing if we get well enough. WHEN we get well enough. She WANTS us in her life. We are wanted. That is beautiful. That is everything. The rest is just noise and life in the way.

It sucks how when we are connected we feel okay but then we loss it and drown in dread. When we are together we think we can handle ending therapy, these changes, the unknown, all of it. We can feel how much she cares, we know it, we see it. She gave us the most beautiful birthday gift and held us and we talked about the fears and we both are just having to face the unknown as both our lives change. And we just have to trust. Trust that even though her life is changing, even though we have to end therapy, even though xyz, she will find time to see us. She'll still be there even if its different. Trust that this is very different to previous ex therapists (who her supervisors now want us to report and are basically blacklisting already..), because yes we are close but we are doing it healthily and slowly and boundaried. She is not being our mum, she is not promising things she cant deliver like they did. She says the hard things when needed, she knows limits. Trust that that doesn't mean she cares less. Trust she'll still fight to get us the right support. And we have to trust that the right support will actually happen, despite the huge obstacles. And we have to trust we can hold on until it comes. We have to trust so many things we can't see yet.

And when we are with her, we do trust. But when we are apart, it's just overwhelming. We can't take another broken attachment. And I do trust her not to do what others did but I also know the whole situation is so stressful and she is one human trying to do her best. And so are we. I do kind of think it may be okay with her.. she won't go. I feel less sure about getting specialised therapy funded. And I know all our stuff and needs can't fall on our relationship or it will suffer. So we need the other support to work out. And I am scared what happens in the meantime. I've never experienced either thing- enough support or an attachment figure staying in a safe and healthy way. So even if factually it looks like she's staying and it'll be okay, we still need to experience it.

Honestly I have no idea how we'll feel with this transition. I have a feeling either we'll feel like we are drowning, while S is abroad and when back will see her less even if she's doing more for us behind the scenes, and no therapy..... OR, we may feel better. Maybe we dont need our attachment wounds constantly poked at. Maybe space to breathe will help. We've done SO much work internally attachment wise. We've gone from wanting child parts dead to calling them (pet names) lovingly like B did and S now does. And we've had some experiences of them being loved and wanted outside too, even if chaotic and abusive at times. I don't even really know the next step even if I was being offered it. I don't think I ever want such a deep attachment in therapy again. Some kind of attachment sure but our main one? It just feels never endingly painful. I think we do better when it's outside of therapy. And inside of it to an extent too. Just not the main and only. So maybe getting used to S outside of therapy will somehow help us see what is needed moving forward. I so wish K was safe for us..... then we'd have two attachment figures outside of therapy, and the attachment in therapy would feel less brutal and poking with its stupid hour or so a week. But she just isn't. Maybe she never will be. There's no way to know. Right now she isn't. There's S. But she can't be *everything*. And I want more outside of therapy. It's just... we don't really ever attach that way outside. Child parts never do. So I guess we just try and build the attachments and connections outside of therapy. Settle in to what S can be. And maybe we'll see therapy differently going forward.

I honestly have no fucking idea. But I do know what we've been doing isn't sustainable. I do know I don't want my main attachment figure to be my therapist. And I don't know what that means. And it's not like you have a fucking choice in who you attach to anyway lollll who am I kidding. We don't even know what we will be offered yet. Or when. In a few weeks. Years. Its so hard to keep walking forward not knowing how anything looks. And just trusting. And trusting that S won't give up fighting for us or let go of our hand. Trust ourselves that we choose to trust her for good reason and not purely attachment. Trust ourselves to feel her hand is still there even when physically apart. Trust we can keep ourselves safe when we need to. Trust that having to do so doesn't mean we don't deserve others. Child parts deserve to be rescued and protected and kept safe. And we have to trust we can do that, and that others want to, even if they can't always. Trust ourselves that we can grieve the gap between what others can do and what we deserve/d.

#a lot of trust #sometime it feels like itll be okay #sometimes it feels like the doom cloud of the end of our life is chasing us #and theres no hope #i really dont know what is on the other side of this #i really hope its the start of some freedom AND better support #i really do #and really hope our body can heal more because being so disabled really makes it all so much harder to cope with #i could be at pride rn instead of laying in bed and that would help lol #and it really sucks that we have so many friends who would want to be there but it doesnt help as they only know a few parts #its child parts and tbose holding trauma who need the connection #otherwise jt feels empty snd mskes them feel worse not better #but we cant just magic up an ability for them to attach to people #its incredible they try trust anyone at all after everything #i wish it was easier to form close attachments #s

[bixels]

I watched Starship Troopers tonight.

#personal #dumb #my art #immediately after finishing i was pumped to watch some analysis vids on it #cuz i heard a lot of the drama about the original author being a pro military fascist and the director going “fuck that” and making a satir #scrolling through youtube search results was not promising. lots of male film buffs i would Not trust even on a first glance. #“The Critical Drinker” (pfp of a bearded man drinking alcohol) lol. #and then I saw cinemawins did a video on it and was like oh nice i haven't seen his stuff in a while but he's a pretty leftist creator #scrolled through the comments #second panel face #this sucks i'm outta here. #just leagues and leagues and leagues of anime pfps and right leaning people dogpiling on him for “not understanding what fascism is” #idk it's pretty alien and weird to me watching this movie and going “wow yeah that was pretty obvious huh” like literally the from opening #to the teacher preaching militance and only giving voting rights to “those who serve their nation first and earn it” #and then seeing droves of people online going #WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? It's not anti-fascist and even if it was it's #the director's fault for desecrating heinlein's incredible sci-fi epic vision. ermm media literacy is dead.

[egophiliac]

IT WAS ERIC AFTER ALL!!!! I'm so glad we got to meet him (before Vil snaps him away with those Infinity Gauntlets) (can't wait to see what happens when we get the matching Infinity Tiara to go with them, there will be no survivors)

(sorry to be so slow/rough lately, just got a lot of stuff on the ol' brain at the moment! alas, if only I could spend all my time drawing incredibly stupid characters I mean I do but)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #tapis rouge #i know these are not my best but by god i needed to draw ~daddo venue~ #he is a treat! can't wait for him to yell at us for screwing up a shoot or whatever the last-minute disaster will be #i am SO HAPPY it turned out to be about movies after all! ...i mean sort of anyway #i'll take what i can get (and i do enjoy twst trying to be all cute about snow whAHEM i mean beautiful queen) (i see you there twst) #(also to be fair it actually wasn't poisoned in historial-revisionism-twstland so i think we can trust this apple. a+ acting eric) #anyway we are still. very solidly in the 'stand around and talk about the wallpaper for three hours' part of the event. #but HEY we got to meet eric! i was not really expecting it to be him so i am VERY pleased #also god help me i did think the shopping montage as portrayed by a rhythmic where they literally SKIP down the street was hilarious #there's a lot of Choices that were made in this event and that was a good one

[finemealprompt]

DP x DC Prompt #16

When Hal had asked him which town he protected, Danny was more than happy to tell him, "Amity Park!" When Hal asked Danny where it was, Danny hadn't thought the response, "At this moment? Or where it was last week?" would've caused such chaos in the meeting.

Danny knew not everyone's town traveled across the country, but he didn't think it was odd enough to warrant this kind of reaction.

#finemeal prompt #dp x dc #danny fenton #justice league #hal jordon #amity park #amity park moves around #ya know how a lot of people put amity park in different states? #this is my “in universe” reason for it #like amity park just moves from city to city #just living its best life #one day you go to bed in Minnesota #and wake up in California #just another day in the life of Amity Parkers #they're used to it #don't ask me how this works practically #it just works #trust me

[ruporas]

captain's warm hugs! (id in alt)

#opfanart #one piece #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #nami #usopp #sanji #my first nongun art in 8 kabillion years. i watched opla recently and it resurged smth deep within me... #idk who of my first followers are still here but one piece has been like T_T urgh. my beginnings... i love this series so much #LUFFY especially - zoro is my favorite but luffy is the heart of the show!!! inaki's performance was really fun and carried that same #vibrancy - it made me sooo happy to see... and in general the romance dawn crew has always been dear to my heart uuu... the la gave a lot o #good bits between the og trio but i def wish we couldv seen more with usopp & sanji too. but maybe.. if we ever get a season 2 :'D #anyway i love the straw hats steadily getting used to luffy's shenanigans and even liking it at some point. the warming up part of all thei #friendships is so dear to me and its just a natural blossom of comfort and trust. and some of these mfs are Touch starved fr.... #ruporas art

[markvi-flamecane]

I think tumblr maybe had a favorite moment from this one.

#game changer #brennan lee mulligan #Honestly I am also loving seeing just how far down the rabbit hole it gets this season #It's gonna take a lot to top bingo but I fully trust Sam and his crew to do just that #which is thrilling and terrifying

[mayasaura]

It really dawned on me watching episode 17, just how important this sequence of events is to Kabru and Laios' relationship, and how. Well. That's for a different post. I want to keep this one free of spoilers. (Certified Safe For Anime Only™)(There are spoilers for episode 17, tho. Obviously.)

Kabru's main concern has been, at least in part, revealed. He wants to figure out if Laios is capable of defeating the dungeon, and, if so, if Laios can be trusted with the power that might confer. The answer to his first question is simple. Yes. If anyone can defeat the dungeon, it's Laios.

The second question is where things get interesting. Can Laios be trusted with power?

In the aftermath of Laios' first fight with Toshiro, Kabru learns that while Laios has no particular respect for the law or conventional wisdom, he does have the humility to consider that his judgment might be flawed if he encounters conflict with someone he respects.

That is the face of a man taking notes, and I think he's making a cautious mark in Laios' favor. Laios doesn't really understand Toshiro's opinion, but he's listening.

Then, in the fight with the Falin-Dragon chimera, Kabru voices dissent—disgust, even—with Laios and Marcille's priorities.

You can practically see the Dragon Age style approval rating drop. Kabru disapproves. Minus fifteen hearts. If it had ended like this, I think Kabru would have lost all interest in Laios. Someone who would sacrifice a dozen lives out of sentiment can't be trusted.

Laios' response, and the way it builds on Kabru's earlier observation, is crucial.

He listened. And even better, he didn't listen blindly. He applied critical thought to Kabru's argument. What Kabru hears from him isn't just "I'm sorry, you were right," but also, "I understand and respect your position and priorities, and here's a very good argument for why killing what I still consider to be my sister is not in our best interest."

He processed Kabru's criticism and came to his own conclusions, and he did it fast. Not only that, but he's right. Kabru hadn't considered the potential consequences of killing the chimera.

Laios proved in this one exchange that he 1) isn't blinded by either his pride or his prejudice, 2) has the strength of character to not just fall back and surrender to someone else's judgment when he's uncertain, and 3) is smart enough to tactically outhink Kabru.

This is why Kabru is so invested in Laios liking him that he forces himself to eat the harpy omlette. This is why Kabru takes Laios' hand and makes sure he knows he wants to see him again. He doesn't understand Laios, and he still has strong reservations about him. Laios' interest in monsters scares him. But Laios has proved to Kabru that he might be capable of being the person Kabru needs him to be.

Top Ten Pictures Of The Moment He Won You Over (Taken Just Before Disaster).

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi spoilers #kabru of utaya #laios touden #we get a LOT of information to process in episode 17 #but Kabru's motivations as I present them here are supported by both his statements in the sea serpent episode and his thoughts in this one #I don't want the post to get any longer so I'm just gonna trust you all to either trust me on that or go back yourselves to verify #delicious in dungeon #labru #sort of

[scruff-mutt]

Have you ever wanted to be 100% accurate when creating Splatfest-related art? Consider downloading the Splatfest Script today!

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatfest #typeface #font #graphic design #nintendo #this was my fun ADHD hyperfixation project for the week #well. i can't guarantee 100% accuracy #but trust i put a lot of time into making sure my translations were right

[crowsongart]

Ive been honored to redesign some cowboys here, eventually leading me to make it as an AU which i called Shut Eye. And honestly Ive got no idea what im gonna do. The name just sounded badass (plus it was based on Shut eye by Stealing Sheep song)

This is the og art by my very good friend diamondrosy7~! She requested me to give them fashion show since she wasn't so happy in clothes she put them in (Even though it looks stunning already) but, I had lots of fun! and eventually gonna make more of those two <3

#cowboy #ShutEyeAU #sundrop #moondrop #fnaf security breach #fnaf daycare attendant #redesign those two got them simps #im not kidding a lot of people were simping for moon #im great at redesigning sourse trust me

[candyje11yfish]

hanging after getting unbrainwashed🎉

#mari's art #splatoon #i have never drawn a proper background in my life #howd i do. #also dont ask why this looks so different from the Wip ok i went through a lot #splatoon 2 #splatoon callie #splatoon art #splatoon fanart #splatoon marie #marie cuttlefish #callie cuttlefish #callie splatoon #marie splatoon #squid sisters splatoon #squid sisters #splatoon squid sisters #Agent 4 is also there trust🙏 they are uhhm getting their drink👍

[nibbelraz]

A writer and His number one fan hater

#svsss #shen qingqiu #shang qinghua #platonic cumplane??? #Shen Yuan #scum villian self saving system #scum villains self saving system #scum villain's self saving system #scum villain #I actually have a lot of thoughts about them that i wasnt able to articulate right with words or drawings #i just think #That Shen Yuan really did like the story #like he was upset on behalf of a good character #he was upset about its potential #he absolutely wanted more for him and was upset that it was thrown away to please the masses #he had no idea what Shang Qinghua was going through #absolutely just ranked on him and YEAH IT WASNT THE BEST WORK BUT clearly it still was good enough to make Shen Yuan care #like ah #I would love to read more dynamics about them about a struggling writer and his most trusted hater to yell at him to write his heart out #also Shen Qingqiu going through svsss and seeing how much thought Shang Qinghua actually put into the story #and how much effort he actually had in it before he had to settle and scrap #like AAAAHH Im not the analysis type and my thoughts about them really are all other the place but really I think nothing is stronger then #an author and a reader #cause my man read to the very end the ABSOLUTE END #hE CARED HE CARED HE REALLY CARED NO MATTER HOWWWW MUCH HE CRIED ABOUT IT #alright dont look at me they make me go crazy #my art #nibbelraz

[chattematsu]

[4.0 archon quest spoilers]

#genshin impact #genshin impact fanart #fontaine #childe #lumine #lyney #Lynette #Okay before you'll say BUT THEY HID IMPORTANT INFORMATION IT MAKES THEM BETRAYALS listen yo listen thanks a lot!!!! #And before CHILDE IS OUR CLOSE FRIEND WE KNOW HIM FOR ETERNITY SO IT'S OBVIOUS WE TRUST HIM AND GET DISAPPOINTED IN SIBLINGS #I made it JUST FOR IRONY not any negative in any ot these characters #These events were pretty close in quest and it looked pretty strange (for me) #Even after trial traveller was pretty rude with characters who didn't have any odd intentions and it made me think in that way #Maybe writers wanted to make traveller more emotional than earlier but it looked very strange (for me again) #Bro it were the longest tags i ever made here but it's just for clearing the air #Btw don't take it serious #Ofc you can disagree with me and that's okay!!! It's just little note for making clear some things

[ohposhers]

how has it taken me this long to draw the best Troll in the series

#i unironically am down bad for delta dawn #country trolls horse halves are the same color as their top halves btw theres a lot of proof of this in the movie i will die on this hill #what if i went insane and shipped her with viva #trust guys trust #trolls #trolls world tour #delta trolls #delta dawn trolls #my art #blushing at her actually

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

willingly unloved

#ethan winters #leon kennedy #lethan #resident evil #rebhfun #resident evil fanart #roomate au #hello everpony welcom back to crumb cuptoast speculating how re8 and re7 would have changed ethan as a person #hashtag trust issues hashtag paranoia #ok but everyone ethan has ever loved and put his trust into has hurt him #chris hurt him and mia hurt him twice i feel like if he survived re8 he would be way more closed off #i feel like he would also be more aggresive in arguments #in re8 when mia miranda raises her voice at ethan he apologizes and changes the subject but i feel like after constantly being kicked down #he would be a lot angier at the world #hes still sweet but if someone argues with him he will defiently be very defensive

[crimson-rain-smoked-flower]

I’m not trying to attack you, but do you know that proshipper means someone who supports and romanticizes pedophilia, incest, and abuse? Your reblog on that post seems to read that you think antis just hate on people for having ships they don’t like. But it’s completely different than that. Just looking on the proshipper side of Tumblr and the internet and you can see people happily shipping children and adults and making nsfw content of such things.

i appreciate that you're not being outright hostile, but i have to say, that on its own put you above basically every anti i've interacted with.

i understand where antis are coming from, i really do. there are a lot of things on the internet that make me deeply uncomfortable, including the minor/adult ships that you mention. i don't want to anything to do with those kinds of ships and i would be happiest if i never saw them again. which is why i'm proship.

nine times out of ten, if i see that kind of ship brought up on my dash, it's because i was following an anti without realizing it, and they brought it up unprompted and untagged, to talk about how bad it is that they exist. they are the ones putting that kind of content in front of my face and making it harder to avoid.

the thing about people who ship those ships is that they're generally very aware that not everyone wants to see that kind of content, and so they tag it. they make sideblogs to talk about it. they don't go out of their way to shove it in people's faces. that means i, and everyone else who doesn't like it, can avoid it.

what antis want is for it to not exist at all. they want the tags to be purged and blocked, and for anyone who uses those tags to have their accounts deleted. and sure, that might get rid of some of it, but do you know what would happen to the rest? it would stop being tagged. people who don't want to see it wouldn't have the tools to avoid it. this isn't just a hypothetical, that's what's happened any time a fan space has tried to do that.

that's not even getting into the rabbit hole of what should be banned and what shouldn't. obviously any content that depicts real children or real life abuse shouldn't exist and shouldn't be allowed to be posted, but basically any platform that people use already enforces those policies, and there's not much of a slippery slope to go down there. if it involves real living breathing people being abused, it's bad. end of discussion.

but the same can't be said for fiction. ask ten antis for a specific list of all the content that should be banned, and you'll get ten different answers. what about kink? what about roleplay? what about horror and murder and anything that involves fictional characters being graphically tortured? what about people using art to process terrible things that have happened to them? what about art that uses dark themes as a horror element? if you just want to ban anything questionable to anyone, that's the line of thinking that gets any mention of lgbt existence banned. and again, this isn't just a hypothetical, this has happened before, and that's generally where it leads.

i know, from personal experience, that antis do, in fact, send harassment to people just for shipping things they don't like. i've gotten accused of absolutely vile shit for shipping two fictional characters who were both consenting adults. i've seen ship wars turn into moral battlegrounds, over ships that an average person wouldn't bat an eye at.

the thing about "romanticization" is a whole other can of worms. the anti logic goes like this: if someone sees something (even if it's very obviously fictional) in a positive light enough times, they will start thinking it's okay in real life, and go on to hurt real people. the problem with that is that it's just. blatantly untrue.

if it were true every horror movie fan would be a serial killer, every person that studies dark media would be an unhinged psychopath, and everyone who is into ddlg would be a pedophile. but they're not. they just aren't. people have directed movies just as fucked up as the darkest shit on ao3, and are still capable of being normal human beings who know right from wrong in real life.

even if someone is that impressionable, scrubbing away the existence of every piece of questionable content isn't going to solve their problem, because they're still going to be vulnerable to con men, scams, and cultists. the only thing that would actually materially help someone like that is developing their own morals and critical thinking.

children are also more impressionable, and there's a lot of content that's not suitable for them, but that doesn't mean that content shouldn't exist. it just means that they should stick to spaces designed for them (which most social media sites, tumblr included, are not) or, if they're old enough to be responsible for their experience online, they, or a trusted adult in their lives, should block and filter out things that they aren't comfortable with.

which is what everyone on the internet should be doing. it's what i do, and it's made the internet a much more pleasant place to be. and it's why i sometimes worry for antis mental health, especially teenagers, because they're being told it's right and moral to seek out content that makes them uncomfortable and to engage with the people making it. and that's just. really bad. it's not good for the creators that they're harassing obviously, but it's also really bad for them! it's not healthy to seek out things that make you feel bad, and it's a terrible internet safety lesson to teach minors that it's okay for them to seek out and engage with people making adult content.

individual harassment and crusading is never going to succeed at removing dark content from the internet. it just isn't. at best you might get a small percentage of people who create that content to stop sharing it, at worst you're just going to make people stop tagging it, and either way, you're exposing yourself to things that make you feel bad, when you don't have to.

if you want to materially change the type of content you see, you can. the block button is your friend, use it liberally. same with content filtering and tag blocking.

#oops this got really long #cd.ask #proship #disk horse #tw pedophila mention #uhhh what to tag #tw shipping discourse #this doesn't even get into the antis that i've seen proudly professing that they care more about fictional characters than real people #because i don't know how to explain to someone that real humans matter more than cartoon characters #or how to avoid content on platforms other than tumblr bc frankly thats a lot of the reason i don't use them #i don't trust an algorithm #also im turning anon off after posting this so if you want to send me hate you cant be a coward about it #also be prepared to get blocked and ignored #the only reason i answered this person is bc they weren't being hostile

[lazylittledragon]

absolutely vile that today should be about recognising legitimately important women’s issues and achievements and you go onto any social media and it’s just terf city

#ramble #international women's day #you can’t fucking trust anybody it’s miserable #you can talk about issues that affect cis women without tearing down trans women #and trans women are included in a lot of cis women’s issues #idk i want to scream sometimes #anyway trans women are women and if you don’t think so then i hope you have the day you deserve