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#You call my phobia cute you get blocked. Sorry- that's not okay to say to someone. My phobia isn't fucking cute. Do you know how much
cosmic-kaden · 2 months
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Looks like I got to reiterate this again =_=; Thinking I should slap this into my carrd somewhere because I'm tired of saying it every year-
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hentyehottie · 11 months
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chileee what is up with me & angst 😭 I was able to salvage this from my notes so I thought why not post it lol probably my first and last aot piece cause idk how to write them fr 😭 & sorry to the Reiner loves cause I wrote him so mean 😭
cw: fat shaming, fat phobia, best friend Eren, ex-boyfriend Reiner, mention of cheating, verbal abuse, mention of k!lling, friends to lovers, one sided pining, sorry if I missed anything!
Word count is undetermined but it’s not that long.
Eren hasn’t said a word to you since you arrived at his apartment, puffy eyed and soaking wet from the rain, just stepped out of the way and allowed you to walk in. 
You didn’t blame him, it’d been quite a while since the two of you had last spoken. Two or three weeks maybe, you couldn’t remember. It was difficult keeping track of time when your mind was slowly but surely shutting down. Either way it made you feel like shit. 
You wanted to to sit and talk to him but your first priority was getting out of those wet clothes. You went straight to his bedroom, closing yourself in the en-suite.
You let the shower run for a little bit, fogging up the room and hopefully drowning out your sorrow as you sit on the covered toilet, aimlessly scrolling. You checked the notifications on your phone, tapping around until you heard your ex-boyfriend’s voice projecting from the speakers. 
“Baby, just come back home. Please, let’s just talk about it.” “Hear me out, Y/N. I’m sorry okay, just come back.”
The way he was pleading you’d think he actually gave a damn about you.
“Come on Y/N,” There’s a short pause and a deep sigh. You know it’s coming. You hear the change in his tone, that false compassion and empathy has withered away. “Let’s face it, Y/N. Nobody’s gonna want you but me. Nobody’s into fat bitches. You’re lucky your face is cute. Nothing but a pretty face and a hole to fuck. Or should I say holes? I’m sure a slut like you takes it up the ass too-.”
Globs of hot tears ran down your face, budding at your chin and pooling on the screen of your phone. You deleted the nasty voice message Reiner left, only thirteen seconds into the minute and twelve second voice message, his harsh words breaking your heart all over again. 
The wound was still fresh and he did nothing but cut you deeper. Why was he like that???
Blocking his number so you wouldn’t receive anymore, you were ready to be done with this shit. Ready to heal from Reiner and all the bullshit he‘s put you through.
After your eyes are cried out and your skin is parched from the piping hot water, you finally exit. 
You didn’t leave with anything except your purse, phone and the clothes on your back, so you’re more than grateful to see a white tshirt and a towel on Eren’s bed waiting for you. The shirt was a little tight on your arms and the hem ended right at the cusp of your butt but it was better than nothing. 
The California King in his bedroom looked freshly made, plush and inviting, but you’d spent far too many nights alone in an empty bed while your so-called partner occupied another. You should’ve known that’s how it’d be when you decided to get yourself into a domesticated situationship with a narcissistic cheater.
You opted for the couch, where Eren was also sitting. He’s munching on a bowl of cereal watching some crime documentary. The atmosphere is dull, but it’s not as bad as you thought it’d be.
“Hey!”
He didn’t bother feigning the same excitement, sending nothing but a head nod you’re way but you’re still grateful to get something out of him.
Maybe he was annoyed, which he had every right to be. It was late as hell, around three in the morning, and you honestly felt a little bad. Showing up out of the blue and forcing him to share his space. 
“I really appreciate you letting me stay here, there were no rooms available anywhere.”
He ignored you, you figured he would. He hasn’t said much since you’ve been there. He’s treating you as if you’re a stranger, almost.
Unfortunately the documentary has lost all of his interest, he figured out the wife was the killer all along and there’s no reason to keep watching. 
Now he’s stretching out, manspreading if you will, with his legs cocked open. He’s sporting that same bored look, except now he’s on his phone watching TikTok’s with his volume obnoxiously loud.
Honestly, he didn’t even touch this app unless he was watching the shit ton of videos you sent him at some manic hour of the night. But right now he needed something to distract him. To distract him from everything only you made him feel.
“I get paid Friday, I can send you something once it’s deposited, my money lookin kinda funny right now so...” 
You’d spent close to your last getting an Uber to Eren’s. You weren’t sure why you even decided to come to Eren’s. Your parents lived in the same city and they probably would’ve been more welcoming than he was being right about now. 
“When have I ever asked you to pay me back for anything y/n?” 
His tone isn’t cold or mean, but indifferent. Like he doesn’t care. You’re sure he doesn’t. 
The tension is almost tangible, thick and suffocating.
“I know, but-“ You cut yourself off, stumbling over your words. Your throat is scratchy and your mouth dry. You didn’t know exactly what to say to mend things between you and your bestfriend. 
You hoped to pick up the pieces. Pickup where you left off like the two of y’all always did. But this here just showed how dumb and deluded you really were.
“I’m sorry…you were right.” You feel ashamed. Embarrassed even.
You can feel him staring at you, so you keep your eyes glued to your hands in your lap, twirling your thumbs in hopes to make amends. 
“What are you talking about, y/n?” You can feel his gaze boring into you.
“About Reiner…and every-everything else really. We not getting back together, forreal this time, I can’t.”
He was right about everything. Reiner was an immature asshole. You trusted his smooth talking, pretty smile and it backfired horrendously. 
Reiner was verbally abusive, insecure and mean, and he projected it without a care. Tore you down every chance he got, belittling you until you were almost an empty shell of your former self. 
On top of that, he was insensitive as hell, bullied you worse than any of those middle and high school nobodies you no longer remembered.
He’d probably use his last breath to lie, just because. If you were blind he’d tell you the sun was blue and the sky was yellow, for no reason whatsoever other than to be a dick. 
All of this Eren warned you about, but you just had to go and see for yourself. You fell for the first boy to show interest in you. The first to give you attention and affection. The first one who wasn’t looking to ‘try it out’ with a fat girl or looked at you like some pity case. 
So you thought. 
“You’ve said that before.”
“I know! But I mean it this time, and I’m so sorry for ghosting you and lying a-and putting him first before our friendship cause..I know you wouldn’t do that to me and I’m such an awful person-.”
Your sniffles turned into sobs, deep sobs that shook your entire body against his when he finally went against his stubborn ways and pulled you into a hug. 
You sound sincere, but Eren doesn’t know if he believes you. Hell it wouldn’t be the first time you lied to him about getting back with Reiner.
He wanted to tell you off. Scold you and yell at you for abandoning him. For giving him your ass to kiss cus you thought you were in love, only to come crawling back asking him to pick up the fucking pieces, again.
“I should’ve listened to you.”
Words muffled into his chest but he heard you. 
“You should’ve.” He doesn’t mean to sound condescending but it’s true. “I don’t like seeing you cry.” 
His voice startled you a little bit, velvety and deep, chest rumbling as he still had you pressed up against his frame. The aloof facade cracking with each sob. 
“I’ll handle it.”
He’d handle it. Handle him. 
His arms embraced you tighter. One holding you against him while the other ran down your back, over your thigh then back up again as he allowed you to bawl your eyes out.
“I hate when you talk like that Ren,” You leaned back to look at him. “You know I don’t like unnecessary viole-.” 
He grabs your face mid sentence, squishing your cheeks together, your lips round and pouty as you stared back at him. 
“How’s it unnecessary when my princess is sitting here with tears running down her pretty ass face?”
It slipped but he made no attempt to correct it.
His princess. He’d always called you a princess, especially when y’all were younger. He found it very intriguing how spoiled you were, especially by the men in your life. Dad, uncles, even Eren himself. 
He remembers saving up his little paychecks from working part time to spoil you as well, buying you little trinkets and gifts you probably didn’t even have anymore. 
Nothing was unnecessary when it came to his princess. He’d die for you. Kill for you, even. You were the light of his dim life. Why wouldn’t you just realize it?
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momma cq and nightshade story my au
Chapter 1
None POV: Asy and Momma CQ rush Fresh to the  hospital because error push him down the stairs when they got to the hospital they had to rush him into the emergency room. When they were done with Fresh's head that was all banged up put him in a resting room so I can wake up but Error and Geno had to wait in the waiting room is because the doctor said not allowed visitors yet until he wakes up only Uncle Asy and Momma CQ. Geno said something very mean to error an error crashed and was a bad one. When Uncle Asy came back he sees are on the floor and Gino trying to help him up.All they see a little girl running from 5 doctors with needles and cuff. The little girl was so scared that she went in to Freshes room to hide in and the doctors did the same, but this girl was not human but she had wings blood coming out of her arm and legs and half her face was missing but she ran I freshes room and she block the door with her magic outside of the room. Momma CQ was still in that room with her but the girl up to fresh and holds on to his arms but then fresh was almost waking up but the doctors grabbed her away from fresh but in a hard way. Uncle Asy saw what was happening so he grabs the doctors with blue magic get them off of her but when see fully saw her she was crying from to cuff they put on her. They put on her arms very tight so Uncle Asy told one of the doctors to take it off her. One doctor named Gaster took them off her and he said that she doesn't have a family to go to because her last ones did something horrible to her. Error and Geno saw her and asked.
Geno:Uncle asy is she ok and hows fre*the girl run up to fresh and starts healing his wounds and he wakes up but he yells*
Fresh:whazt happened *she the girl and yells*NIGHTZHADE GEZT HELP NOW I KNOW THIS GIRL NOW ZHE MY FRIEND
Error:YoU kNoW hEr FrOm WhErE?
Geno:fresh who is this girl and why is she all beaten too?
Nightshade:f-re-shy i-t hu-rts i-t hu-rts mo-mm-y d-id th-is t-o m-e an-d da-dd-y r-ap-e m-e t-oo I-'m sc-ar-ed f-re-sh-y *she shaking very badly and her wings pop up from it too and she passed out*
All of them expect fresh:FRESHY?!
Error and geno:what's rape too?
Uncle Asy: you do not need to know but G can we help her and she's fresh friend so what can we do
Gaster:well she needs a home so I think she will be good with you but I will give you some papers about her but she has a lot of problems so I will say them now. *gets out the papers of her notes and say* she has Phobia,Nyctophobia,Haphephobia,Social anxiety disorder, Astraphobia, phonophobia,being alone, and asthma.
Momma CQ:I will take her and she has the same problems like error but hope was her parents last time may I ask.
Gaster:there names are Fell/Gaster and Swapfell Gaster they did this to her and now I need to fix her legs but I would like fresh or one of you to help her please.
Uncle asy:I will do it *picks her up bride style* she will be fine with me okay guys but I will be back with her ok but no cuff and needles please
Gaster: All right then let's go and you four get out of my site now for doing that to her.
Doctors:yes sir
Uncle asy POV: the girl just like me but worse, we are he to help her but first fixing her legs. When we got to the room he told me to put her on the bed and hold her legs when he is placing them back together but he put a special kind of cast it had a sans that I never seen it looks like Gaster but now and then the other leg hard and sans on it with tentacles. We fix her arm and he put a cast on it to with a cloth holding her arm up with a design with a demon on it. We were done with her and I walked back with her in my arms and put her nexts to fresh.
Gaster:she is done her and fresh can leave now but here is her pills too *give momma cq her pill and a scarf and it was pretty it had red,blue,yellow, and black fading with stars on it* it was from her birth mother and your free to go now.
chapter 2
Fresh POV:When I heard that nightshade had those problems I felt really bad for her but she doesn't want to let me go anywhere because she holding on my arms. I ask someone to get a wheelchair for me so I don't wake nightshade up, when we got out of the hospital nightshade started to wake up but we were at the car. She tried to run away but the srcaf kept calm down. Her eyes were so tired so I put my hand on her head rubbing it too and she falls asleep very slowly,I felt sleepy so I close my eye and fell asleep and everything was quiet.
*in Uncle Asy car*
Geno:Wow I never seen a girl with wings before but uncle asy where will she stay?
Uncle Asy:she will stay in freshes room but we need to for her ok
Error: wAiT cAn I hElP?
Uncle asy: Yes you can error but you have to be nexts to her okay because of her fear being alone and big crowds too ok.
Error and Geno: yes
Fresh:*starts waking up* hey there brokies what did I miss *sits up and holding nightshade in his arms* if you want you can pet her but she will wake up if you take da wrong spot
Geno:sure but how do you know her fresh and I never seen her before and I will touch her when we get home ok
Uncle asy:when we get home I will help you fresh with her ok and she will be fine in your room right?
Fresh:yes she w*hears a little yawn and she wakes up but scared to death*oh that's not good
Nightshade: wh-ere a-m I wh-o a-re th-ey p-le-ase d-on-'t hu-rt m-e!*holding on to fresh but her tails hit error face*
Fresh:hey hey it's ok*petting her head and she calms down* that's a memory lost you had didn't you brokie your with my family ok
Error:AAAAHHHHHHH GeT tHiS tHiNg OfF oF mE *it starts moving and starts laying on your lap* WhAt WhAt ArE thoSe but CaN I tOucH th@m
Nightshade:yy-yy-ee-s-s s-ss-ii-irr-r
*error touches her tails and she starts calming down and moves her head to errors chest and sniff his power*
Nightshade: sniff sniff I'm tired.
Nones Pov: her ear goes up and puts her head on his lap and fell asleep again and he started to glitch it they were home so uncle asy picked her up from errors lap and error crashed in the car. Geno wait for his brother to wake up and he did and fresh was asleep again so their mother pick him up and put him in his room to sleep.they put nightshade on the couch with the TV on with a music box playing to calm her down because Gaster said it will help heal her wounds and the song is called secret Garden. It reminds her of her birth mother and father
Chapter 3
Nightshade POV: I woke up in some place I tried to get up but I fell off of something and started crying because it hurt so bad. I felt someone pick me up so I open my eye to see who it was.
Nightshade: who are you?*very scared* are you my new parents are you going to do stuff on my body.
Uncle asy:hey it's ok and yes we are your new family but their is no testing ok just rest.
Geno:uncle asy is she ok does she need her medicine and hi I'm Geno your new brother!?
Nightshade:brother wait where are mine are where are they getting hurt, where's hate and shadow I need them.*starts crying*
Geno:oh no uncle asy what can we do?!
Uncle asy:I will get your mother and she will help us find her brothers ok but tell your mother to get her pills as well.
Geno:ok but can I sleep with her for a little while to calm her down.
Nightshade:that will be fine but no touching me please because my parents were touching all them time and in a bad way but you can touch my wings and tail if you want, um can you put me down I can fly my way to anywhere.
Uncle asy: sure here *puts her on a bean bag* that should help your back ok and I will be getting your pills ok
Nightshade:thank you dad wait I'm sorry *blushing reddish, purplish, and blueish color*
Uncle asy:hey it's ok kiddo just don't fall ok
Geno:can I touch your wings and tail now
Nightshade:yes you can but be careful ok *put her wings on his back*you can touch now.
Geno:yay*pets softly and she said*you ok did I hit wrong spot?!
Nightshade:Ahhh~ oh my sorry I'm sorry but here you can pet my head *puts her head on his lap* I will not bite ok
Geno:so cute your like a puppy *petting her head and she slowly calms down and purring too*oh you like that *sees error, ink, fresh,and denny coming in this room* oh hey guys please don't yell please she calming down if you want you can pet her wings if you want.
Error: Wow she is so calm now then I the hospital but is she a dog or a freak
Fresh: that's not nice dude and please do-* error exe is not reporting* oh boy
Nightshade: GGGGAAAAHHHHHH NIGHTMARE NIGHTY DEMON NIGHTY HELP ME IT HURTS!!!!
Demon nighty:yes master*bows down*
Nightmare nighty:what do you need sweety your plushies.
Demon nighty:master do you want me to get g sans and top gaster to help.
Nightshade:yes please and nightmare nighty can you bring me error please *post at the glitchy skeleton*
Nightmare nighty:yes sweety *picks him up and puts her in her bat wing* there
Uncle asy: WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE!?
Nightshade:dad they are a part of my soul * licking errors head and he wakes up*hey stay down your crash was very bad.
Error: It was sorry for calling you a freak too but who are they?
Nightshade:this is nightmare nighty she helps me with my flying, this is demon nighty she is very protective of my health, I have 8 more but I really need talk to top gaster right now and he is my best friend as well so I need to talk to him ok. Demon nighty can you get him please.
Demon nighty:yes master*teleports away and nightmare nighty cuddles with error and nightshade*
Nightshade:hey you tired nightmare nighty go to sleep ok and error you too please.
Error: ummmm ok but no touching please and can you stop lickin- * falls asleep and nightshade too*
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vivilove-jonsa · 5 years
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"Are you scared?"
Thank you @amymel86 for the prompt!  My little trip to the local amusement park inspired this meet cute along with a picture I saw on here once of a girl pointing to the sign ‘Single Riders Will Be Paired’ with an adorable grin.
FYI-I still hope to get to as many of these dialogue prompts as I can and am still accepting new ones since I never know what will spark writing joy :)
**
Single Riders Will Be Paired
Sansa groans as she notices the sign.  The Ice Dragon 325 is the hottest new coaster at Wolfswood Amusement Park and the queue is long.  So, of course the boys want to ride it again…for the fifth time today as the sun is going down.
“One more time!” they’d begged with the most undeniable puppy dog eyes.  
But Big Bro Robb had been forced to make a break for the closest trash bin after the park’s dubious fish tacos and ride number four so Big Sis Sansa is now obligated to ride with them.
Granted, Bran and Rickon take exception to this, saying at fifteen and eleven they are perfectly mature enough to ride the coaster without a ‘legal guardian’ present.  
“Tell that to the people on Zombie Blasters Apocalypse.”
“We were just really into it!”
“Shouting ‘It’s real! They’re coming for us all!’ and inciting a panic isn’t just being ‘into it,’ Bran.  And neither is hiding behind the host stall in the hopes of sneaking back on after you’ve been banned for the season, Rickon.  Just hope Robb and I don’t tell Mom and Dad.”
The pair of them had given her the stink eye and the silent treatment all through the queue after that.
But now, they’re nearly to the front and Sansa’s staring at the steel monstrosity and feeling decidedly queasy.  If only Arya had come today instead.  She’s not fond of roller coasters, especially not ones like this.  Two minutes and twenty-six seconds of sheer terror await. A 200 foot drop at the start with unnatural G forces in the inversions and speeds up to 80 mph, it doesn’t sound like anything the human frame was meant to endure in her opinion.  
“Gods above,” she murmurs before turning to the boys.  “So, this is my first time.  Who wants to ride with me?”
They both continue to give her the stink eye.  Boys.
And here’s the other thing that doesn’t make her a coaster enthusiast.  She hates the over the shoulder harness system with these kind.  There’s just something so oppressive about feeling pinned to her seat.  Not that she’d want to go flying off mid-ride but being trapped, held down is something akin to a phobia for her.
When the gates open for them to board, her heart starts fluttering madly and every instinct is telling her to run. The boys are perfectly big enough to ride alone and it’d be hard for them to get up to much mischief on a ride like this.  
However, like they’re on autopilot, her feet follow the path to her seat with the boys right in front of her.  
It’s two minutes, Sansa. You can do this.  
Two minutes and twenty-six seconds…Sweet Maiden.
She’s trying to buckle her restraint despite her shaking hands when the attendant calls out:  “Single Rider, here!  We got room for a Singer Rider!”
Great.  She doesn’t want some stranger squeezed in beside her as she battles a hopefully mild and outwardly concealed panic attack.  But she hears a voice call out and suddenly there’s a body climbing in next to her. 
She catches a faint whiff on cologne or aftershave (a pleasing scent and nice contrast to the multitude of  people here who seem to have forgotten to apply deodorant this morning…including Rickon) and then she sees a mop of dark curls, a head turned away from her as her fellow passenger reaches to secure his end of the belt.  
When he turns so they can join the two halves, she’s met with dark grey eyes and ridiculously kissable lips.
“Hey,” he says in a quick breathy way.  Gods, he’s gorgeous.  
She opens her mouth to reply but the overhead harness is coming down, blocking conversation for their few remaining seconds before blast off.
They’re off before her seatmate looks her way again and Sansa’s heart is pounding once more from her upcoming terror.  
Or maybe not.  
The view’s quite lovely really as they climb the lift hill.  She doesn’t care for the rattling sound of the chain pull but she can block that out and look around.  She can see for miles.  There’s mountains in the distance and she can picture herself as a bird, free to fly and not held back by anything at all.  
Until…
“Why have we stopped?” She tries looking behind her but her view’s restricted by the coaster cars and her harness.  “Bran? Why have we stopped?!”
“I don’t know.  It’s a new ride.  Maybe it’s just a safety check.”
How can he be so calm? How can anyone be calm?  Why is she the only one who’s on the verge of having a total freak out here on the coaster after coming to a stop for all of fifteen seconds?!
“Are you scared?”  
No, I’m peachy, she’d like to say.  She whimpers instead.  
“Sorry.  Stupid question.  I’m Jon.  Are you okay?”
She hates to admit she’s not but she is not!  “I’m…I’m Sansa and I’m not okay.”
“Okay, Sansa.  Is that your brother ahead of us?”
“Yes, both of them.”
“Did they talk you into riding this?”
“Sort of.”
“We did not!” Rickon shouts. “She just doesn’t trust us to behave!”
She hears what sounds like a chuckle from Jon before he’s talking just to her again.  “Would you rather me talk to you or shut up?”
“Talk to me.  Please, talk to me.”
So, he does.  He talks about innocuous things, gently testing out topics that help her relax.  It helps more than she’d expect.  They’re both students at Winterfell as it turns out.  
A scratchy voice comes through an intercom and reports the delay is temporary and should be resolved in less than thirty minutes.
“Thirty minutes?!” she screeches, all of Jon’s calming progress completely forgotten.  She’s suffocating.  The restraints are cutting her in two.  She can’t breathe.  She’s trapped and there’s no escape.  She’s going to die here.
“Hey, we’re okay, I promise. We’re going to be okay.  We’re stopped and there’s steps here along the track if they can’t safely get the ride moving for us to use.  May I hold your hand, Sansa?”
She nods as best as she can, not trusting her voice right now.  His hand is warm and a little sweaty just like hers.  She doesn’t care.  She holds it like its her lifeline.  
“I hope it’s not thirty minutes,” Jon tells her next.  “I was in such a rush to ride one more time.  I should’ve hit the head first.”
“No shit,” she snickers, suddenly feeling marginally better with his admittance.
“Well, I just need to pee but yeah.”
She laughs harder but that reminds her of the restraints again.  “I don’t like feeling held down,” she whispers, not sure if he’ll hear her.
“It can be a very unpleasant feeling,” he says softly, his thumb lightly caressing the back of her hand in a regular pattern.  “Let’s take a few deep breaths together and think of something else.”  They take several breaths.  It helps.  “I feel like humming.  Would you want to hum with me?”
It’s ridiculous but it works to relax her even further.  
“I want off this thing!” Rickon shouts suddenly, his own voice edged with more than a little panic.
She’s the big sister and she’s here with them.  “We’re okay, Rickon,” she says, looking to Jon and finding confidence in his smile. “They’ll either get us moving or get us off as soon as they can.”
“Robb’s going to be worried,” Bran says next.
“He knew we were riding and I’m sure they’re keeping guest informed of what’s happening.  All he has to do is look up, right?”
She’s feeling better than she’d expect between holding Jon’s hand and having the boys to take care of.
“Robb?” Jon murmurs beside her.
She glances his way and the question is pretty clear.  “My older brother.  Too many rides combined with fish tacos.”  She makes a gagging face and Jon starts laughing.
“Oh, gods…that’d be nasty. Good thing I got you and not him next to me.”
She tightens her grip on his hand and they’re grinning just as the chain pull rattles back to life and they continue their journey.  
When it’s over, she’s sure her hair’s a mess and she knows Robb’s waiting to take them home.  But she hates to say goodbye to Jon and think she’ll never see him again.  Maybe they’ll run into each other on campus.  She wonders what he’d say if she offered him her number.  She doesn’t have to wonder very long.
He’s got his hands stuffed in his jeans pocket and biting at those kissable lips of his.  “So, Sansa…if you’d care to get stuck on a roller coaster again sometime…or maybe go grab something to eat instead…”  He’s blushing and it’s really adorable.  
“I guess I’d need your number in case I’m heading on any more coasters…or maybe if I decided to grab a bite to eat later since I was wise enough to avoid the theme-park fish tacos.”
He gives her his number and then starts walking away backwards through the large crowd exiting the ride as long as he can just to watch her.  She can’t stop smiling as he does.  
Once he’s out of sight, she puts her arms around her brothers who apologize for her horrible first experience on the Ice Dragon.
“Oh, it could’ve been worse,” she says before clicking a picture of that notice sign and sending Jon a text: Single riders will be paired and this single rider feels like pizza tonight if you’re interested.  
His reply that he would love that comes through within seconds.  
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katesmemes · 5 years
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feel free to change any pronouns, etc. || may contain some nsfw!
“It’s amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shit storm.”
“Why am I alive when everyone around me has turned into meat?”
“Rule number one for surviving Zombieland: Cardio.”
“Don’t let them catch you with your pants down.”
“Fasten your seat belts -- it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!”
“I may seem like an unlikely survivor with all of my phobias and irritable-bowel syndrome, but I had the advantage of never having any friends or close family.”
“I survive because I play it safe and follow the rules.”
“I avoided other people like they were zombies even before they were zombies.”
“Now that they are all zombies, I kinda miss people.”
“No names; keeps us from getting too familiar.”
“So, [Name], you wanna stick together? ‘Least for a little while?”
“I’m not easy to get along with, and I’m sensing you’re a bit of a bitch, so, uh...so, I give this relationship to about Texarkana.”
“You’re a peppy little spit-fuck, aren’t you?”
“You might wanna buckle up, y’know, for, uh, safety.”
“I can tell already you are gonna get on my nerves.”
“What’re we doing here?”
“Well, take a look -- it’s a goddamn Hostess truck.”
“I could use a Twinkie.”
“Are you fucking with me?”
“Where’s the fuckin’ Twinkies?!”
“I hate coconut -- not the taste, the consistency.”
“Hey, this may be a bad time, but I gotta take the Browns to the Super Bowl.”
“I have a case of chronic anxiety.”
“My whole life, all I’d ever wanted was to find a girl, and fall in love, bring her back to meet the folks...”
“I’m here for you, okay?”
“Do you mind if I just close my eyes for a minute?”
“Oh my god, I am so fucking sorry!”
“The first time I let a girl into my life and she tries to eat me.”
“You’re like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of year.”
“You wanna feel how hard I can punch?”
“I’m worried about you.”
“You’re gonna risk our lives for a Twinkie?”
“Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date.”
“Someday very soon, life’s little Twinkie gage is gonna go empty.”
“Time to nut up or shut up.”
“You got a pretty mouth.”
“Someone’s ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it.”
“Rule number twenty-two: When in doubt, know your way out.”
“Try not to freak her out.”
“So you did all this for a Twinkie?”
“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”
“You need some help?”
“Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else’s story?”
“I never had headaches like this until your ass came on board.”
“Is it better to be smart or lucky?”
“Thank god for rednecks!”
“Gotta enjoy the little things.”
“You’re not gonna shoot them, are you?”
“Just drive slow and keep your eyes peeled.”
“How about we play the quiet game?”
“I hope you find whoever it is you’re looking for.”
“You don’t know who Willie Nelson is?”
“She’s only famous when she’s Hannah Montana -- when she’s wearing the wig.”
“You’re about to learn who you gonna call... it’s ghostbusters.”
“Is that how you say ‘hello’ where you come from?”
“I haven’t cried like that since Titanic.”
“Don’t make me drink alone.”
“I don’t even know your name, but this is actually really nice.”
“You know, between me and you and ‘What About Bob’ -- you’re actually pretty cute.”
“I mean, you got the guts of a guppy, but I could hit that.”
“Hey, a little help moving the couch?”
“Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”
“You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab.”
“I can’t believe I almost kissed him.”
“Trust no one, just you and me.”
“This is the problem with getting attached to someone: when they leave you, you just feel lost.”
“Hey, you weren’t exactly gonna score, anyway.”
“Look, you ever read that book, ‘She’s Just Not That Into You’?”
“You can’t make yourself too available.”
“I’m not great at farewells, so... ‘That’ll do, Pig’.”
“That’s the worst goodbye I’ve ever heard, and you stole it from a movie.”
“Not as fun as I remember...”
“My mama always told me someday I’d be good at something. Who’d of guessed that something would be zombie killing?”
“We better start working on our apology.”
“Some rules are made to be broken.”
“Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck.”
“Without other people, well, you might as well be a zombie.”
211 notes · View notes