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blueaetherr · 1 year

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can you do one about reader being insecure about her body with jude ? :)

pleasant soulmates

pairing: jude bellingham x fem!reader [she/her]

warning(s): hints of body dysmorphia, slight angst

summary: the one where jude realises what's up with the reader before she does herself

The young couple, Y/N and Jude, were close and connected, in all ways and beyond. It was the big prompt that pushed them together in the first place. They have shared experiences they have never actually shared before, that love and affection of theirs that could stretch for miles. In simple, they were pleasant soulmates, innocent and loving.

And in those shared experiences, in that love and affection, there was shared emotions. Jude felt everything that was hers, and Y/N felt everything that was his. When she was happy, he felt that happiness. When she was sad, he too felt that sadness. When she was overwhelmed, he felt his head beginning to ache. When those emotions were hostile and devastating, they were felt so harsh and clear. So when Y/N (now) felt insecure about herself, Jude (now) felt that insecurity for her.

In their bedroom, the two were sat comfortably on their bed. While Y/N was occupied on her laptop, Jude watched her from his place on the side of the bed, his face falling into a frown. Even though she felt the way she was feeling—and Jude knew of it all—none of it had yet to come into conversation. Y/N had yet to bring her concerns to the table while Jude too didn't know how to bring it up without it feeling so abrupt.

Scratching his arms, Jude let out a small sigh. But he knew he couldn't just sit on everything he suspected and say nothing; so he decided to say something. "Hey love, can we talk about something?"

"Yeah, sure," she said, nodding. She let her eyes quickly meet him before turning her head back to the laptop screen. "You want me to stop what I'm doing?" They shared all kinds of conversations. The deep and meaningful ones, where all phones and worldly distractions were put away so they could simply talk about those serious topics; or the cosy and minimal ones, where they gossiped and chatted while a movie was playing or while they were out on a walk.

"I think it would be for the best, yeah," Jude said, clasping his fingers together to ease his nerves slowly acting up. He wasn't exactly sure how to approach the subject, he wasn't even sure if he even should. What if she didn't want to talk about it? What if he simply misinterpreted her feelings and she was totally fine?

I guess I just have to find out.

"Okay, then." Placing her laptop to the side, Y/N gave her full attention to her partner, arms folded and head slightly tilted. She exhaled softly, smiling. "Now, what's up? What do you wanna tell me?"

There was a moment where Jude simply observed, more admired, Y/N. Her presence, her appearance, her personality. He had to hold himself back because, right then and there, he wanted to throw every single compliment that came to mind at his partner. Because from that single moment he took, he had already come to a conclusion. He saw her—all of her beauty, kindness and complexion. It hurt him knowing that there was a huge chance she didn't feel the same about herself.

Jude took in a deep breath, looking around the bedroom to find his words. "Um, um, uhh... how is everything?" And when he finally did find his words, he relaxed a bit, offering a shy smile to ease the two further into the conversation. "You've been doing okay?"

Y/N thought before nodding with a small laugh. "Yeah, I'm doing okay," she said, shrugging, "School has been a lot but we move, y'know? I'm fine."

Her small laugh caused a smile to flourish upon her facial features, though it was only short-lived. One moment she felt overflowing euphoria then the next it was running low. The way Jude could feel her emotions, Y/N could feel his. And from his own smile deteriorating to his head slowly shaking and his frown forming again, she felt like—she knew that Jude wasn't finding her words all too convincing.

"What?" Y/N's nose wrinkled up, quickly falling confused. "You don't believe me?"

"It's not like that. Just listen to me, please." Sitting forward, Jude offered his partner his hands. He noticed the reluctance and hesitation resting in her eyes. With time, however, she came through as she sat closer to him and placed her hands in his own. When their fingers were delicately interlinked, Jude's gaze fall upon his girlfriend once again. "I know you love me, okay? You never like me forget that. It's just that... I don't think you feel the same towards yourself right now."

The thing about these emotions... when there is too much of one, it becomes too overwhelming to bear, alone or with others, and that's how Jude knew he wasn't wrong to believe Y/N didn't have peace of mind. Her insecurity, that indifference, that feeling pushing her to feel small, in mind, soul and body—it was all overwhelming to the point where Jude couldn't bare it himself; he failed to understand how she had kept this in for so long with no complaint.

It hurt him knowing she'd been experiencing this, alone all while they were together almost every day. Y/N hated going out knowing there was a chance of phones and cameras being present; she wore baggy clothes to the point where there were days when Jude couldn't remember what her bare appearance looked like; she spent the least time in rooms with mirrors in them. Invisible and unwilling, sure, but it was all right in front of him yet Jude never chose to look into it.

But now—as the tears fell, her body slowly curled up, as those negative emotions came flowing out freely—it was now all visible and impatient, so much that he could no longer avoid it.

Jude carefully pulled away from the embrace and placed a few kisses on the side of her head, hoping to calm her cries. "Why didn't you tell me when you first started feeling like this?" He whispered, holding her face in his hands. It was a devastating sight to see; Y/N in tears, broken down and caved in. And because her emotions were so on display for him, or anyone to witness, he felt her sadness and pain all so clearly.

"It's not that easy to admit," Y/N shied her face into his hands, mumbling, "It's so embarrassing."

When the two first entered their relationship, everything was fine—Y/N was perfectly fine, maybe even beyond fine. She was feeling herself every day, perfectly content with all that was her. From her appearance down to her voice, she loved it all. Her self-love, that was one of the many aspects that had Jude moving towards her, one of the many things he loved about Y/N the most.

But with time, times changed. Sometimes for the better, other times for the worse.

Over time, Jude had gotten increasingly famous. Not only within the world of football but amongst the general public. And with him being known, as his partner, Y/N knew it was inevitable for others to find out about her. But when that want for everyone to investigate her life beyond Jude came with unjust judgement and hate and comparisons to others who would suit Jude better, it was then the attention became too much to handle to move on unphased.

"It's a lot, okay? It's a lot, and I don't know how to deal with it, Jude, I don't," she breathed through her nose, rubbing it. "And you're always busy and stressed out over football so I didn't think I could tell you."

"You know when I asked you to be my girlfriend and all, that wasn't just me asking you to be my partner. You know that, right?" He hummed, his thumbs running over her cheeks over and over again. "That was me letting you know I want you to take up my time, my energy, my space, my days. That you can give me your time, your successes, your problems, your best days, your moody days."

Jude let their faces get close, enough where their noses were almost touching, causing Y/N to let out a sheepish chuckle as she tried to pull away. And in that moment Jude was content with himself, huffing out a laugh of his own. Making her smile, letting her experience a moment of euphoria during such a dull conversation—that was the goal of his action. "I want it all, Y/N. You can give it all to me. I promise, it won't feel like I burden to me because it isn't. Okay?"

Feeling place a kiss on her forehead, she closed her eyes, relaxed and at ease, and nodded to his words. "Okay." She felt the need to get emotional over his words, mainly because they meant a lot to hear. It was reassurance and kindness, and those were things she desperately needed from someone knowing she couldn't find it in her to offer it to herself.

Everything Jude said, everything he had pronounced, it was only him emphasising that their emotions were shared. That everything felt by her was felt by him too. That her negative ones, she didn't have to endure them in the dark alone. Instead, they could move into a grey area together to breathe and find comfort in one another; that she could work on herself (with the help of Jude) and think things through before falling back into those positive emotions with a sound mind.

And as the two sat there, in their bedroom comfortable and reaching a pleasant calm, Y/N was grateful Jude wasn't taking the time to compliment her. To say that she was beautiful and perfect and gorgeous—it was a sense of false love when she couldn't pronounce such words about herself. That was how he felt about her; she didn't believe that about herself right now. But placing her fate in time, she hoped she could come to learn how to love herself the way Jude did so much with her.

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jkrockin · 9 months

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Wait what guy who hadn't read Atlas Shrugged?

I was pretty sure I'd told this story here, but a cursory search suggests that I have not. Okay let's gooooo

Many moons ago, I worked in an emergency services call centre. I worked nights- I could get regular shifts, it paid well, and I am a huge freak, just like everyone else who works nights in a call centre. It is a lifestyle that attracts freaks. Some of my coworkers weren't full-time creatures of the night, but students or whoever who picked up occasional nights for the extra money, and one of them was Libertarian Shithead, who we'll call LS for short.

LS was a twentysomething white dude who wore a lot of name brand surfwear and designer sunglasses. I assume his parents were rich. LS loved nothing better than recreational arguing. Unfortunately, he wasn't very good at it; he had some of the most dogshit opinions I've ever encountered in the wild, and was terrible at defending them. He'd say some crap about how Gattaca-type eugenics is Fine, Actually, because if you let people make designer babies, the ~*Free Market will decide what traits are desirable! Racism and colourism and ableism and sexism and intersexism won't affect those choices at all! And I'd get mad, because I have principles to speak of, and we'd get into it, and WITHOUT FAIL, we'd get maybe halfway into an actual discussion about whatever horseshit garbage he was on tonight, and the second he thought he was losing, he'd say "oh, well. I'm an ~*Objectivist, so you can't really understand my perspective unless you've read Ayn Rand." Then he'd sigh, and change the subject.

At the time I had not read any Ayn Rand. Being fundamentally powered by spite, I withstood maybe three weeks of this shit before I pirated an epub of Atlas Shrugged, put it on my e-reader, and proceeded to slam through it at supersonic speed so I could finally get to finish an argument with this terrible boy.

Anon, I fucking hated Atlas Shrugged. The book is bad. It's way too long, every single character is an unbelievable douche, the prose sucks. Ayn Rand wants to fuck a train so so so badly, but the prose is so turgid I couldn't even get invested in how much she wants to fuck a train. And the core of the matter, the politics I was there to understand, are, y'know. Objectivist. Eye-bleedingly selfish and capitalistic, expressed in amazingly childish and blinkered terms. Even the bits where it seems like the shithead capitalist dudes want to fuck each other are too mired in the scunge of Rand's terrible views to be enjoyable.

But I read the fucking thing! I powered through it with only quite minimal complaining! I finished the book on the train to work, and when I saw that LS was on that night, I plonked myself in a seat by him, and metaphorically cracked my knuckles, ready to fuckin' party. In a perfect world, I would have been cool enough to have waited for the perfect mid-argument moment to drop, but I didn't. I think I lasted exactly until we were both off a call at the same time, and then leaned in as close as the desk dividers would let me, and said "So I finished Atlas Shrugged. I have some thoughts."

I cannot overstate how quickly it became obvious that LS had not read the book. For a hot second I thought maybe it had just been a while and the fine details had escaped him, but no; he didn't know who half the characters were, or key points of the plot, or even know any of the stuff in the John Galt speech, i.e. the big juggernaut of Here's How Objectivism Works near the end of the book about Objectivism that this fucking guy hypothetically based his Objectivist views on. It took me maybe five minutes, in between calls, to realise this, and another five for him to admit he hadn't actually read any Ayn Rand. He'd read her Wikipedia page.

ANYWAY I didn't speak to him for like a month after that, and I don't think either of us lost out there!

#at the time I was very angry #but in hindsight I think it was very funny #storytime #ask me ask me ask me #anonymice

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boatnote · 1 year

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I really like casual, past Ide/Aizawa mentions in fics. It's very specific I know, but them being involved with each other at some point in life is so important to me.

Like, I'm not a huge fan of current Ide/Aizawa, but I like to think that they were together once, probably at the police academy when they were young, before Aizawa met Eriko and they just slowly but surely fell for each other.

(This was supposed to be like my hc's and general thoughts but it is Quite Late and ig its kind of a ficlety thing now?? Anyway I hope the readmore works)

They probably wouldn't put a name to it, but also you don't kiss someone who's Just A Friend so tenderly on a Friday afternoon with junk food on the table in front of you while you watch a movie to celebrate passing all your exams.

And then Aizawa meets Eriko. Ide just watches as his best friend falls for this girl, and while he's happy for him he also can't help the ache in his heart.

But he knew that was going to happen eventually.

After all, Aizawa was always the first to pull away from a kiss, first to put his clothes back on, first to pull his hand away when they saw their group of friends when they were walking around after a date.

He can't bring himself to feel anything about the situation. He can't hate Eriko, she's genuinely so sweet, and she really loves Aizawa. And he can't blame Aizawa for the ache in his heart - he knew it was coming. Their relationship never had a future, and Eriko can give Aizawa the future he always dreamed of.

It takes some time to build their relationship back - but it's fixed with minimal effort. They fit in each other's lives perfectly, like puzzle pieces, but as friends this time, rather than lovers.

Ide's home is a safe space whenever Aiwaza needs some time to collect himself, and Ide can always go to Aizawa's when he needs a warm soup to warm him up. Eriko is always happy to have him over, and Ide's genuinely happy to see her too.

Ide's there at every big family event, so much so the kids just call him 'Uncle Ide'.

When they have to work late, Eriko always brings food for the both of them to the office.

They don't really talk about that side of their college days.

They did, once. With a few drinks in their systems, Aizawa was the one to bring it up.

"We were young and kinda stupid, we messed around and made some mistakes."

"Mistakes?" Ide asked. He wasn't angry, or at least he didn't seem to be. He seemed cold, analitycal even. Observant as always.

Aizawa knew he shouldn't've drank that much when he wanted to talk about that - Ide always held his drink better than he did, and now he was catching things Aizawa didn't mean to imply.

"That's not what I mean and you know-"

"And yet it is what you said."

Ide was fine. It had been a long time since he buried his romantic feelings about his best friend into his heart and moved on. He was happy, he was dating again, he was fine.

It didn't hurt to not be Aizawa's lover anymore.

But it did hurt when he dug up all his past feelings and called them a stupid mistake.

"I- I didn't mean it like that." Aizawa stumbled over his words, grabbing Ide by the arm as if he was afraid that the other man would fade away from his grasp if he didn't.

But Ide wouldn't. He couldn't leave even if he wanted to.

...

"I don't regret it, y'know." Aizawa said at the back of the taxi.

Ide wanted to play dumb, ask "What?" As if the conversation that they had hadn't been occupying his head since the first word left Aizawa's mouth. His silence seemingly prompted Aizawa to spill more.

"Any of it. - Maybe the time when I ate spicy food after drinking and you had to babysit me as I puked. But other than that... I'm glad that it happened."

Ide couldn't help but chuckle at the memory. That was not a fun time, he remembered.

"Yeah." He said finally. "Me too."

So yeah, they don't talk about that side of their college days.

But they're at peace with the past. Whatever happened, happened and it was good while it lasted, but the best thing out of it was their friendship which outlasted the romantic relationship.

#aizawa #death note #ide #hideki ide #shuichi aizawa #friends to lovers to friends again is SO important to me #like the love is there even if it's in a different form #They were meant to be in each other's lives #one way or another #They are each others' best friends ride or dies and also the voice of reasons #I can't really do words in the way that fic writers do but like here are my thoughts please have them #and if you have any past Ide/Aizawa in your works 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 let a boat know #boat does words #ig thats gonna be the tag lmao

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hamliet · 1 year

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How To Write Badly 101: The Season

Or, I review The Dragon Prince season 4, at the urging of a friend who is much more invested than I am. If you do not want to read immense salt and criticism, this is your warning.

My expectations for were extremely low and somehow the show managed to dig a tunnel beneath and go lower than I thought possible. Disclaimer: I've never been hugely invested, so I'm mostly amused about this game of how low can you go?

Claudia continues to be the only actual character of substance, while Once Characters Rayla and Soren slowly lose their potential. Never a Character Callum continues to be a lamp passed around the plot who gets things just for being a lamp.

A lamp character is a character who could be replaced by a lamp and there'd be minimal to no change on the actual story. It's pretty bad when your main protagonist is a lamp. What makes him even worse than, say, Alina in Grishaverse, is that Callum is treated like he's a special lamp when there's canonically zilch special about him. At least Alina is like, literally light and no one is like her. Callum is just an IKEA piece. He's a mage but cool, what does that cost him?

The time gap supposedly had major events happen off screen--especially romantically. Except... none of it is really explained, and thus it falls flat. Rayla and Callum broke up because there's never been tension between them and they offer each other nothing at all in a ship, which becomes apparent especially when they're together. Breaking them up is a way to at least manufacture tension. If you can call that tension, because their breakup added nothing at all to their character arcs.

Not that Callum's ever had an arc. But honestly, like, you need to show conflict. You need to have Callum saying that it triggers his fear of losing people, show him distressed more than just moping. Show him distressed by his actions, or present passivity as a flaw, but Callum has never had an actual flaw introduced so there's no place for this plotpoint to build besides "let's create tension for shippers."

Rayla... I like her. I want to like her even more, but her leaving is never explained. She seeks Claudia for... reasons? Presumably her parents? But y'know, you need to actually show consequences for leaving, and explain why she decided to come back more than just "the dragon queen was coming!" Was she lonely? What provoked her to come back? What are you trying to tell us? (Nothing. They don't have a story.)

Rayla's choice towards the end of the season was utterly ridiculous. The coins needed to be mentioned, like, way earlier in the season to remind us rather than just coming out of nowhere. Her grief needed to be explored, and her running away was like... an opportunity there, but it wasn't explored, so her choice to trade Terry for the coins had no resonance at the end. There were no consequences, no results, no impact of that choice. It was just empty. Like the show.

Terry... hoo boy. I want to like Terry. I kind of do despite how much of an obvious "morality pet" he is in the plot. His relationship with Claudia is very sweet, but again, it comes from nowhere. We have no exploration of what this means to them, no idea of what drew Terry and Claudia together, no idea of the basis of their emotional bond. You can't build a compelling ship without that.

Lastly, Terry's rebuke of Claudia towards the end was... bizarre, and nonsensical writing-wise. Like. The end of the last season showed a body. Claudia clearly killed people to bring her father back. So why is Terry horrified by Claudia taunting Rayla with fake coins about her parents, especially when it's to save his life? Terry also has previously killed someone who was about to kill Claudia. Make it make sense.

Soren... baby. You absolutely cannot cut the reunion between him and Viren. And yet! They did! I'm sorry but???? You absolutely can't skip that? For either Soren or Viren's arcs? Unless you're dropping both arcs, which it sure looks like you're doing.

Also, the plot. Nothing. Happened. The entire season. We need to free Aaravos in 30 days! At the end of the season, he still ain't free, and I'm begging him to appear because dear dragons someone needs to shake up this world.

Oh, okay, sometimes threats needed to happen. I wouldn't really call it plot, but there were occasional moments of pretend peril. The dragon went nuts in the end and almost killed them for... reasons I guess? I'm sorry but I don't understand why and the why doesn't matter in the end; it was the peril that was important because stakes! Except there aren't any.

Rule 1 of writing: anytime you have "and then" instead of "because" or "but" linking events/plot points, you're f*cked. It's boring.

Also, the sun elf subplot... was awful. Janai had no arc, and the story didn't parallel or link with the A plot. Her romance with Amaya is cute but again, the bond between them is not explored this season--it's told. Show us moments where they only have each other, moments where duty and love both tug at the heart!

The actual story itself was like an attempt to copy Black Panther, with the brother challenging the heir, but make it pointless because boring is clearly the vision they're aiming for. Because the Sun Elf Queen just wins because she's good, and people are good. Which is not itself a bad theme, but the point is that this whole plotline went nowhere and changed nothing for the story as a whole. It's dumb. Listen I am all for optimism in stories, especially those catered towards kids, but make it matter! Otherwise it's just boring!

And sure, maybe these things will matter towards the endgame? Maybe? But it should matter this season as well, and considering how poorly the show has done making everything matter so far, well, I am not holding my breath.

#hamliet reviews #the dragon prince season 4

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louisapennyfeather2021 · 2 years

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AFTG Headcannons of Neil and Disney movies because I feel like projecting and this man would love Disney movies. This is also based on the current U.S. Disney+ library.

So we all know Neil didn't watch movies or TV shows growing up. It's a welcomed idea that the Foxes all introduce him to all the movies/TV shows the internet had to offer.

When they start the Disney movie phase, Neil immediately has favorites(even if he won't ever admit it).

They watch all the Disney Princess movies first because of Nicky. He argued that Snow White was the first Disney movie and that they had to watch all the other Princess movies.

Neil's favorite Princesses are Mulan, Merida, and Rapunzel. He never tells the Foxes, but they figure it out because they'll occasionally see him watching the movies or asking about those characters.

His favorite Princes are Naveen, Shang, Flynn Ryder, and Philip. He only really likes Philip because he really liked the fight scene with the dragon/Maleficent. He briefly hints to Andrew that these are his favorites.

Andrew admits after years that he also somewhat likes Flynn Ryder.

Neil is a huge sucker for side characters. Specifically, the animal side characters.

He absolutely loves Iago(Parrot from Aladdin) and Mushu(Mulan). Something about red colored, smart ass side kicks who don't stop running their mouths even when they should.

Neil's favorite Disney animated movie is probably Lilo and Stitch. Even if he won't admit it out loud to anyone except Andrew and maybe Matt, he likes it because it reminds him of the Foxes. A Dysfunctional family made up of very different people.

Dan gets him an "Ohana means Family. And Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten" tshirt for Christmas one year.

Neil wears it almost all the time.

He has compared Andrew to Stitch multiple times.

Andrew has threatened to throw Neil off the roof of Fox Tower just as many times.

One time Neil was super tired and convinced Andrew to watch the movie with him.

They were sitting near each other on Andrew's bunk with Andrew's laptop between them. Andrew wasn't in the mood for touching, but he was okay with sitting near Neil.

Neil's eyes were half closed throughout the entire movie and he had almost fallen asleep multiple times.

"Y'know, 'Drew? You're a lot like Stitch?"

"Neil, it would take very minimal effort to drag you up to the roof and make it look like an accident."

"No, I'm serious. Everyone said you were a monster and that it wasn't smart to be around you. Really you were just trying to protect what you knew as family and make sure your world kept spinning."

"168%, Junkie."

Neil fell asleep after that and didn't remember what he said.

Andrew was secretly very touched by it. He knew people called him a monster and a bad influence, but hearing Neil explain that they were wrong made his chest warm.

He'd never admit to that though.

Anyway, Neil would also love Treasure Planet purely because the line between good guy and bad guy was so blurred. He liked the morally gray characters and how there wasn't an unrealistic redemption at the end.

The day Allison convinced them all to watch Up was definitely interesting.

Nicky begged her not to watch it because it always made him cry.

Allison told Nicky to suck it up because the movie was a cultural experience Neil needed to even be seen with her in public(Allison's words).

Neil thought the movie was okay, he didn't get super emotional with it.

However, things didn't bode well for Kevin.

Allison making them all watch Up started a joke that Neil carried from college into his pro career and even after.

Specifically because of the bird in the movie being named Kevin.

On the court, Neil would taunt Kevin just to mess with him;

"Here Snipe! Come on out, Snipe!"

"Kevin, do you want some chocolate?"

"What happened to your bird babies?"

"NEIL, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T SHUT IT WITH THE DAMN BIRD JOKES!"

"..."

"Oh he's an angry Snipe."

"JOSTEN!"

Andrew does nothing to stop Neil because he finds it amusing to see Kevin get so angry at being compared to an animated bird.

Matt convinces Neil to watch Avatar and Neil loves it.

Matt has to explain that it wasn't always a Disney movie, but Neil doesn't care. He thinks the fighting and CGI is cool.

Nicky tried to get them all to watch Bambi or Brothet Bear once.

Andrew threw a knife at him and immediately shut down the idea.

Neil hadn't been paying attention, but Andrew had done it because in both movies, a main character loses their mom. Even though Neil had started to accept that his mom wasn't as great as he had initially thought, Andrew knew the movies would probably make Neil uncomfortable.

Renee convinced everyone to watch the Narnia movies.

Neil enjoyed them mostly because he thought the music was cool.

He also thought it was interesting how Renee explained the religious symbolism.

And then, of course, thought it was hilarious when Nicky talked about how he'd let Prince Caspian step on him any day.

Kevin was the one who got Neil to watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Kevin was "gracious" enough to warn Neil of Claude Frolo before the movie start. Meaning Andrew threatened to break his other wrist because Andrew knew Neil might be uncomfortable with Frolo being an older abusive, obsessive, controlling man.

As for TV shows, it was Dan who got Neil stuck on the Kim Possible TV series.

Nicky would make comments on how Neil only liked it because Kim and Ron reminded Neil of himself and Andrew.

Yet another time Nicky narrowly missed getting hit with a knife.

Aaron was the one who introduced Neil to Ducktales(2017). Although, it was an accident.

Aaron had it playing as background noise while he was working on notes for one of his science classes.

Neil had been hanging out with Matt in their dorm, but Matt had to step out to talk to Dan real quick.

Neil ended up watching Ducktales on Matt's TV, Aaron unaware because he was so deep into his science notes.

Surprisingly, it was Andrew who got Neil to watch first Gravity Falls and then The Owl House.

Andrew never said why he liked the shows. In fact, he never said he liked the shows. Neil only knew because Andrew wouldn't watch them in his free time if he didn't like them.

Neil watched them because he wanted to understand what Andrew liked.

In the end, he also greatly enjoyed the shows.

While Neil wouldn't say he loved Disneg movies/TV shows, he'd definitely say he enjoyed some of them.

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jackednephi · 5 years

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@starseedjenny you have observed my tags and for this you get an infodump

So Dylan (my husband) took levels in carpentry. He's no master carpenter but he can make furniture. His absolute favorite thing to do is to get gnarly tree roots or branches and carve them into odd length walking sticks and then sell them at the local wood shop. It's easier to use a stick instead of a cane (my back hurts a LOT from using my cane but never with a stick) and different people are different heights. Plus, something people don't think about is there are incredibly short people or even children. So why not have something beautiful and sturdy?

What he does is he carefully exposes what it is about the piece of wood that is unique. Are the different bark layers different colors? He'll strip the bark carefully to have a gradient flowing up the stick until the heart of the wood, its true color as it were, is exposed. Did it have a lot of branches? Find a way to show off the cool knots. Basically, he works with what he has to let the thing speak for itself. Less actual carving like swirls or whatever and more revealing what it is that makes that stick special. Takes less technical carving skill but a good eye for natural beauty. My uncle carved my grandmother her cane before he passed and while it's a beautiful piece, it is definitely carved if that makes sense

Anyway, as you know I love arting and crafting and making pretty things with my hands. Because of church, I know how to embroider, quilt, scrapbook, make pretty much anything you could ever want from cloth from actual clothes to scripture holders, and all the usual home stuff afab people get taught in YWs. I know how to knit (with a loom), make paper art, draw traditionally, paint traditionally (and know how to stretch my own canvas), create beautiful digital art, create rough architecture blueprints that are less rough with minecraft now, stain wood, cook, make rugs, and basically if there is a craft out there I don't know, I learn very quickly as I'm great with my hands and my hand-eye coordination is fantastic. Thank you 15 years of piano lessons

Dylan, knowing this, encouraged me to take up wood burning. Painting is difficult as I don't have an easel and unless I find a comfy recliner or wheelchair stat, I can't feasibly paint anytime soon. Due to disability (and lack of materials) there are a great number of hobbies I can no longer engage in as there I'd nothing but pain and frustration. I was a little intimidated, I'll admit, because I had no idea what a wood burning tool looked like and how would I work it anyway? From my time around big saws and other wood working machinery, I wondered if it would be something unwieldy and dangerous

Plus, let's be honest. I have a very hard time justifying spending money on myself if it's more than $5 at a time

He'd been goading me into it since November. He'd basically finished up my stick except for staining and he knew I'd want to burn it. But I hemmed and hawed. Finally, we had a pretty decent paycheck with loads of money leftover and he talked me into it. Even got that nice flat piece to get me started before taking the tips to my stick

It has been a genuine blast and a complete delight. It's like a very hot, very fat pencil and he saw right away I was going to need gloves or I'd burn myself and have loads of scars all over my fingers and hands. I'm glad he did because it hasn't been a day and already my gloves have marks on them. He got real expensive deerskin so they'd be able to move with my fingers and give me more mobility than anything else. They were expensive too and wouldn't hear any complaints I had about money. He wasn't going to have me melting my flesh or unable to do delicate work like I like

What I've been doing is outlining the thin layers of bark he left. He noticed that while the outermost layers were ugly, the innermost were interesting. You can see the grain in a way you can't with the lighter wood and you have a cool looking shade that's a nice contrast to that lighter heart. I've been going over them with the round tip (really good for drawing and writing as it's super smooth) and doing those hair thin lines with the point tip. It feels very similar to drawing a fantasy map all over my stick

I'm about 1/3 of the way up my stick though definitely not 1/3 of the way finished. I lose hours at a time bent over and carefully burning. I found out I can take the tips off hot and put them in a ceramic dish to minimize cool off and maximize time spent working. Which is critical for me as I can't spend more than about three hours tops bent over burning

It's so fun because it's like line art but it's on a piece of wood so it feels like I'm doing something new. It's very methodical and cathartic and I lose so much time focusing on doing this. It keeps me calm and downright happy! Which is EXCELLENT because it means I'm combatting seasonal depression in a very big way. I've already agreed to do this with all of his pieces to enhance what he's already carved. Eventually I'll probably Do Things like Actual Wood Art but for now I'm happy with this

We already have some projects planned too by the way!!! He loves making furniture and he can build better stuff for cheaper than buying it from a furniture store. So he's going to build a lift top coffee table and a dresser for sure that I'll burn. The first piece I want us to do, I'll burn the wood BEFORE he cuts it and see how that turns out. It'll be a little box (probably to hold bunny stuff) but I want to see if that does something unique or if it just is bad. If it's not something we like, hey I didn't waste weeks or months on something huge that ended up looking bad

We're probably going to make all the tables and dressers that go in our home. Maybe an entertainment center. I know we'll make my sister stuff just on the condition she pays for materials and getting it into her place. We'll probably make stuff for people who want it and I KNOW he's willing to take commissions. Closest family (parents, my sister, etc) will only have to pay for materials/shipping. Friends and other family will probably pay that and a little extra because friends and family discount. Everyone else is gonna have to pay retail value on top of materials and shipping because they'd get a unique piece you can't find anywhere else and it'd be worth it y'know?

But that's like way off sometime eventually probably

For now, I LOVE this new hobby. I can't wait to see what my stick is going to look like finished! I'm going to burn "support" on the bottom in kanji before the no slip grip goes on. Not really for any particular reason so much as like. Sentimental? I guess? Kind of like I'm burning a prayer for it to be sturdy and useful and good into it. I tried carving my wife's kanji on it (the first kanji of his middle name means dragon) but it didn't work out well so I'm gonna burn it onto the top and that'll be its name. Again, sentiment. There is also power in naming things and like. Just in case?

It has been such a very long time since I've been able to make something with my hands that I had the materials for and I'm just absolutely pink over it. I really super want people to see this stick and want some useful beauty for themselves that I can give. I love giving and making and seeing people smile over stuff I've made. It's been such a long time since something I've done has made someone smile and I just really want to bring that back y'know?

Anyway thank you for letting me gush. I just super love this and like yeah it's the butchest hobby like ever (according to Phoebe who has the most femme hobby ever of macrame) but it really fits me. It sparks joy in a way I haven't felt in a very very long time and I can't wait to see all the things I can do

#long post #text heavy #wood burning #tw burns mention #just in case :)#ask to tag

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