#WHY DO COSMETIC COMPANIES PUT IT IN EVERYTHING???????? LITERALLY STOP.

[submarinerwrites]

the last few months my face has been so freaking dry and inflamed and now im pretty sure i figured out the problem lol. just about everything i use on my face besides my retinoid has hyaluronic acid which apparently is fucking SENSITIZING and DEHYDRATING my skin and has been DOING SO for the literal YEARS ive been using these products. and it's in everything. JFC!!!!

#i cant change face wash (cerave hydrating cleanser) bc ive never found one that works for my skin in the same way lmao. #but moisturizer... hopefully that does something. #DEATH DEATH MURDER DEATH #WHY DO COSMETIC COMPANIES PUT IT IN EVERYTHING???????? LITERALLY STOP. #im trying the la roche-posay cicaplast balm even though it's not strictly a moisturizer bc ive been feeling so dry and irritated lately #idk well see how it goes

[jaythelay]

I feel like TF2 had a really bad time in development hell for a while and the devs are just sick of it at this point. Stuff not working out, not making it to release, and simply put, not wanting to maintain any new ideas.

They had a medieval 2Fort and for the life of me, the only conclusion I can come to is they didn't want to maintain 2 separate experiences for the same game. MvM being a departure they...basically stopped work on eventually too. Hilariously, it being a horde-type game probably being what kept it going, much like with L4D from Counter-Strike.

Feels like alot of stuff at Valve just didn't work for a decade. and I think it's because nobody was forced to finish their work. And unfortunately that's just a simple aspect of creation that not everyone can handle, no restrictions. I imagine this also lead to people who did a lot of work, not getting full credit, or having their ideas superseded by essentially leaches who contributed nothing before, but have Their idea on how it should be.

That also would explain how the FUCK they canceled L4D3. What the fuck company doesn't get that shit finished one way or another? I can appreciate the freedom that Valve allows, but I think THAT should've been the moment an adult spoke up and said "This shit hasn't been working for literal decades."

I heard they stopped having as much freedom, and while on paper it was great, you HAVE to have restrictions in creation. Otherwise nothing gets done, nothing progresses, and nothing really even gets started past the initial planning process. The thing is, all we've seen is the broad end of both spectrums. One that doesn't work enough to get stuff out the door, and one that doesn't work either, but garbage at least gets out the door every week.

I'd like to see Valve just move a bit on that spectrum, not the opposite end in any way, just force people to Finish The Work they started. Like Left 4 Dead 3 for example. I can't imagine most people in the division that grew were happy that some idiots fucked all their work up entirely. I also, would have fired the idiots who wanted to move L4D3 to fuckin' Unreal or whatever. God damn morons don't know what company they're working at. Want to know the answer? You keep it on Source 2 because I wouldn't fucking buy it if it was on another fucking engine. No confidence in your own engine also paints a VERY poor image of literally EVERYTHING about the company, their engine, their work culture, god what an embarrassment.

Seriously though, I think people should probably chill on the "savetf2" stuff. I don't think that's gonna inspire anyone there to work on it anymore. Just kinda...annoy them that they can't say "Guys this was HELL to work on and almost nothing got out the door but cosmetics, failure after failure to get anything else out the door. We're tired, it's nearly been 2 decades. We aren't planning on shutting down servers or anything. Just keep playing if ya want to."

I'd much prefer a TF3 because I'm curious how they'll handle it. But I severely doubt we'll ever see another Valve big name title again. Which sucks shit, but what can ya do. The credit we can give, is outside of taking down TF2 clones they really don't need to take down, is that they at least allow people to do whatever the hell they want with their IPs. Do you think Valve was ever gonna make HL2VR? Honestly. Doubtful. The only reason Half-Life got an update is because of the SteamDeck, otherwise, that update would never have happened. They aren't interested in going back to Source anytime soon, they're jumping to Source 2.

Now there is a possibility they come back to other titles to give it the SteamDeck treatment, but I have high doubts of that either. HL was a blatantly obvious choice and Valve not having it work well for their own hardware is actually unconscionable. L4D is the embodiment of that meme with the skeleton under water, Portal doesn't really need much.

So I put forth a question I've pondered: Why is there even a Valve? It's not called ValveVR, nor ValveDeck, it wasn't a Valve Machine, or Valve controller, and Valve hasn't released a (good/playable) game since the 360 era. An update/total revision for Counter Strike is simply expected when it's their only real game success in years. So, otherwise, why is there even a Valve? Seems like they'd just morph into Steam by now. I also think it'd quell the fires of people wanting more games and updates.

I'd rather them NOT quit making games outright, but...like man, I've been playing L4D since I was at least 12yo, Half-Life since I was 3-4. I've been waiting. They've had the time to tell us what they're doing and thinking, them not telling us, feels like it's because they themselves don't even know or it's a total shit show. But when they do actually know what they're doing, they come out with confidence. Hardware and Steam has been their only confidence in decades. I'd rather have an answer to whether or not these IPs are genuinely dead, than have that carrot hanging in front of me anymore. Sure, I can ignore the carrot, but it's still there.

I think nearly 20 years is enough time for Valve to comment on...just...anything people have questions for anymore. I'm kinda sick of guessing what is even going on over there. This isn't a hate-post or anything, just a grouchy old man yelling at the sky sorta thing you've seen a million times before, just probably on the opposite spectrum of the main discussions. I don't want an update for TF2, I want an update on Valve. Not Steam, not their hardware, not specifically their IPs, Valve themselves, what the hell is going on over there.

#Valve #Steam #Half-Life #Portal #Left 4 Dead #IP #savetf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 #l4d2 #l4d #HL2VR #Half Life #Half Life 2 #Half-Life 2 #I have more to say but the main point is of all the things Valve has left us totally in the dark about #it's been Valve #we're pretty sure about everything else in comparison

[jesusbutbetterrr]

Hi Jesus !!! Use this ask as ur personal ticket to dump about whatever you want! I wanna listen!!!

ok so this is mainly just gonna be about makeup and shit bc it's one of my favorite things. So like half of this is issues I have and then the other half is my screaming about stuff. The yelling is first, issues at the bottom. All below cut

We need to start normalizing colors in every day makeup.

"You look like a clown!" Good, did I scare you?

It kinda breaks my heart to see someone decide against a blue eyeshadow look because it's "too much" or whatever. I hate the amount of times I've been complimented on my makeup for looking "so natural" I get it's said in nice intentions, but my goal was drag queen low-key.

Also I want people to feel free to try out different things with makeup, it's not something you need to look alive or shit. It's too put on for fun and to look cool and awesome and express yourself.

You like that color? Go paint half of your face with it!!! (Ok I feel like it just should be said tho, do not paint your whole face in black, just don't)

You love glitter? Put it everywhere!!

Fan of a certain shape? Like doodling? By the gods, try out graphic liner!!!!!

WEAR BLACK LIPSTICK.

just wear it, I feel like we need to do that more

APPLY SHIT WITH YOUR FINGERS

FUCK THE DIRECTIONS

ok maybe don't do certain shit tho, like please don't put stuff in places if it says not to. Don't ask me about pressed pigments, it's literally just eyeshadow that could possibly land cosmetic companies into lawsuits, that's why when they add pressed pigments into eyeshadow palettes they tell you not to put it near your eyes. I hate to tell you, but it's going near my eyes. Almost on a daily basis. Chose your own journey.

USE PRODUCTS FOR MORE THAN JUST THE INTENDED PURPOSE

CHOSE THE BOLD LIP COLORS, THE CRAZY EYE LOOKS, THE HARSH CONTOUR, THE CRAZY EYEBROWS, THE HEAVY BLUSH, THE EXTREME EYELINER

ENJOY YOURSELF DAMN IT

MAKEUP HAS NO GENDER ITS FUCKING POWDERS, LIQUIDS, AND CREAMS

um I feel like I got most my ideas out.

SUPPORT THE COOL ASS INDIE BRANDS AND SHIT.

YOU DONT NEED EXPENSIVE MAKEUP

I mean if its something really cool and specific to the brand and everything checks out for it to be good, go ahead, treat yourself.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD AND HAPPY WITH IT

For the issues n stuff:

I have an issue with a lot of tiktok makeup trends due to the fact that half of them are the same thing with maybe one or two changes to them, but suddenly everyone has to 'jump on' to the trend even tho they did the same thing three videos ago.

I'm also tired of a lot of the clean girl shit simply because a lot of the people who do it make it seem like that is the only way makeup should be done. Like the whole idea that makeup should be natural or made to look just like skin or whatever is bull shit to me simply because the people who say that tend to like push the idea instead of just kinda bring it up. Im not saying everyone does, but there are a lot who do.

Another issue I have is like a lot of fancy ass brands and shit. Like a lot of these brands will release new things like eyeshadow palettes and it's only like 6-24 or so of the same nude/neutral colors that can be found in so many other palettes. I just don't really see the point in it. Also like half the time I see people paying like more than half a lower class pay check for a cosmetic product that preforms just about as well as a makeup kit from Claire's. Like what's the fucking point.

I don't like the fact that we're in the year 2024 and people sit dont widen the shade ranges for darker skin tones and shit. Im glad we're learning about all the different undertones for people and all that, but like for the love of god, can y'all quit making a total of 4-6 shades for dark skin colors and also stop making them all warm toned. I will say though, there are brands starting to get better, but I'm so tired of seeing a foundation go viral only for a POC to not find their own shade in that product.

This also goes for things outside of foundation or concealer. Face powders, bronzers, contour, blushes, lipsticks even. Like this issue goes past the more basic things. This is why I literally hate hearing about Charlotte Tilbury's pillow talk lipstick. "But what about pillow talk medium?" It can burn in hell. Also like seeing POC only have about one or two blush choices half the time is more than disappointing. The darkest bronzer of a new product that could literally be used as face powders for them, actually depressing.

Anyways yea, I feel like I've gone on long enough, people need to widen the shade ranges, it's actually not that hard.

#i like makeup a lot :) #thank youuuuu #goofball tag #jesus responds

[emma-what-son]

(Echee post) Emma Watson criticises 'dangerously unhealthy' pressure on young women

Posted on March 30 2014

From theguardian.com March 2014 Emma Watson has criticised the "dangerously unhealthy" image projected by the fashion industry and said the pressure to look perfect has taken its toll on her. The actor has also described her doomed attempts to merge into the background as a student at an American university, where she found herself being trailed everywhere by British photographers. After the recent New York premiere of Noah, she tweeted a photograph of the array of cosmetics – and a guardian angel pin – that she said were essential aids to her flawless appearance, and another of herself in a backless dress captioned: "I did NOT wake up like this." The actress said she is better at taking criticism these days than she once was. "As a younger woman, that pressure got me down, but I've made my peace with it. With airbrushing and digital manipulation, fashion can project an unobtainable image that's dangerously unhealthy. I'm excited about the ageing process. I'm more interested in women who aren't perfect. They're more compelling." Watson became famous playing Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies and has been constantly in work since. She is about to start filming a thriller, Regression, by Alejandro Amenábar and is also trying to complete her degree at Brown University, Rhode Island. She enrolled in 2009 for what would have been a four year course, but has taken several breaks for film work, and spent a year studying at Oxford. "After Harry Potter, all that mattered was university," she said, in an interview with the Sunday Times. "It wasn't always easy to break down barriers, as having men from the British press following me with cameras didn't help my mission to integrate. The American press, by contrast, "afforded me so much privacy", but her fellow students recognised her at once. "On the first day, I walked into the canteen and everyone went completely silent and turned around to look at me. I had to say to myself 'it's OK, you can do this'. You just have to take a deep breath and gather your courage."

GUARDIAN COMMENTERS SAY: So something like this Burberry campaign she did a few years ago? Hypocrisy at its finest. She flaunts with the fashion industry and enjoys its perks all the time, but hops on the 'female beauty' bandwagon and enjoys a moan when it suits her. I'd find her socially conscientious pleas convincing if she hadn't profited in the hundreds of thousands (if not millions) from the big, bad, evil fashion/beauty industry. A few years ago, Emma Watson appeared in high-profile advertising companies for posh Paris fashion house L'ancome. I'm guessing she was handsomely remunerated for her 'work'. Certainly she was not forced into letting her photo shopped image be used to market expensive cosmetics and perfumes. Did she only discover how 'oppressive' the fashion industry is when L'ancome cancelled her lucrative contract? Ms Watson is essentially a third-rate actress, and her pronouncements on large and complex issues, such as the pressures on women, are so idiotically vapid that one is brought to conclude that she really can have very little aptitude for higher education. I mean, her comments are hardly indicative of an educated person, or even of a moderately literate or intelligent person. By the way, I understand that she spent a year at Oxford as a visiting and/or exchange student while enrolled at Brown. How come? She is a British national, and so by rights she should not have gone to Oxford on a visiting/exchange student programme, irrespective of whether she happens a student at an American university. If I am wrong about this, then I should like to have some explanation as to her status at Oxford, and how she came by it. Otherwise, I suppose that one might be forgiven for thinking that it is yet another case of a once respectable academic institutions bowing down before the false idols of celebrity and money. (This is quite apart from the fact that all that one has read about her since she began life as a student concerns her acting career, her modeling and her various boyfriends.) SOME COMMENTS FROM THE DM ARTICLE Notice how it's always people who are very aware of how attractive they are that babble on about how it's okay to have physical blemishes? I'd like to see an ugly person say the same thing. Only someone young, beautiful and with her whole life before her can say that, and mean it. Sometimes, her comments maKe her more stupid. Get lost and Wingardium Leviosa. What a daft thing to say. But, then again, this is coming from someone who can't seem to finish uni. I feel like I've aged about 10 years reading this article. Annoying girl. Not only annoying, but also pretentious and disingenuous. ^None of this is my words. It from commentators from two sites emma-what-son posted many more so check out her page

Here's what I think As for what she is saying about Brown it's a complete 180 from how she described it before 2013. In 2013 she started to elude to the fact it was not as great as she made it out to be. She gushed how wonderful her experiences had been to so many magazines. Now I think she's looking for pity and to have excuses why she never stayed at Brown. She preached how she was staying put. I am so fucking tired of having to post quote after quote proving my point with this when she lies time after time. She is not honest! What the truth is doesn't matter because she always lying. It's a constant thing with her. As for the pressures on women she is really a piece of work. The guardian commenters summed it up nicely. She had no problem attaching herself to Burberry and Lancôme. She's had no problem giving them praise and talking about fashion and make-up in just about every interview. That part where she talked about photo shopping and air brushing. Just wow! Did she see the Wonderland magazine she edited? Some photos it didn't even look like her. She'll continue allowing her image to be manipulated no matter what. She thinks she’s aging? She still looks 15 without all the make-up and photo shopping. Last year she was stopped at JFK because they thought she was a unaccompanied minor. Did you know one of the product she pushed when modeling for Lancôme was an anti-age cream? That's the dumbest comment in her entire interview. But really she's said this kind of stuff the last three years and most notably in 2011 where she had a various quotes about body image and being comfortable in your skin. I wont bore you with those quotes since I have before. She gets lauded for those comments and people place her in role model status but when you closely look at it they were just words that meant nothing at the time other than to make people think, “Emma is so anti-Hollywood!! She’s a role model for women and young girls” but meanwhile she never believed in any of it in the first place. At the time she said those things she was at a more healthier weight than she ever was. In 2011 you can tell she either stopped working out or ate more. I thought she looked her best then. Now she’s back to stick thin and even surpassed it a way IMO is unhealthy. She sending a bad message to women. From standard.co.uk July 2011, “She sees modeling as an extension of acting, in fact - just playing a role - but is conflicted about its demands. “I think the pressure the media and the fashion industry put on women to look a certain way is pretty intense. There’s a certain tyranny to trying to achieve that kind of beauty. I don’t know, I’m maybe not the best person to speak about this because I obviously completely adhere to it,” she laughs nervously. “ ^She really needs to start taking her own advice and quit being a judgmental hypocrite. Not just with this topic but everything she tends to speak out against that she does it herself. Recently she tweeted a photo of all this make-up and I posted this on my tumblr days ago

^Same phone in this photo is what they're using in the bottom photo that I also posted on tumblr She said something else recently (Sunday Times interview) that is just typical Emma. I covered this a few times. From emmawatsonbelgium.blogspot.be March 2014, "For someone who has starred in eight blockbuster movies and is worth an estimated £30m, she is endearingly modest about how green she felt leaving Harry Potter behind in 2011. Emerging from that magical machine was “really intimidating”, she says. “I’d done two tiny plays when I was, like, six and eight, but I wasn’t driven to act. I wasn’t doing Oscar acceptance speeches into a hairbrush." Yeah it might have no been a hairbrush but who knows she could be lying about that. She'd practice her speeches in mirrors. From telegraph.co.uk July 2007,  "Pauline is utterly obsessed with being an actress and I was just like that when I was younger. I dreamt of it. I practised speeches in front of mirrors. Whenever there was a part at school, I went for it. I was probably a bit of a show-off in the sense that any chance to get up and be seen, I did it. I was such a drama queen. I used to wail and moan and cry, and little things were blown up into being big things. I don't know how my parents stood it, really. I've grown up a bit. I've had to. I actually really want to be an actress, a proper actress who makes it her career. I'm always expecting to be found out and I thought, If I'm no good, now is the time to find out." She really wants people to think she all of a sudden wants to act. What I think is she is really trying to distance herself from her lack luster post Potter career by making it out like she now wants to act and that’s why she has no lead roles because her resume does not equal her hype. The last few years she’s separated herself from “always wanted to be an actress” to “I was not sure”. She’s being disingenuous as usual and people believe it. Plus she said she did modeling so directors and producers would look at her differently so that's why she used Burberry and Lancôme. And she did a course at RADA in 2008 so if she was not sure or didn't want to than why did she do these things? One more thing from the Sunday Times interview From emmawatsonbelgium.blogspot.be March 2014, "It’s about as close as she’ll get to revealing anything about her newest relationship, with Matt Janney, rugby hunk and Oxford’s most eligible bachelor. “I can’t comment on it, I’m sorry,” she says, suddenly jumping up and hastily bundling her things back into her bag, which has exploded across the sofa beside her. “I’m trying to keep my private life sacred, although I don’t want to lock myself up and never go out. So I guard it, because I don’t date people who are famous, and I don’t think it’s fair that, all of a sudden, intimate details of their personal life are public as a direct result of me. I find that so uncomfortable, and I wish there was a way I could protect those people, but it’s not in my control.” When I suggest her boyfriends are consenting adults, she looks worried. “But you don’t choose who to love, who you have feelings for, do you?” She throws her phone into her bag and retreats home to pack, as she’s flying to LA. Just a normal girl, then, off to present an Oscar."

So she can go to international magazines and complain she can't find a man or that men are intimidated by her? She had in the past before Will Adamowicz. It was in almost every one of her interviews for a few years. So she can use Matt Janney (this new guy) on a beach in a bikini PDA session as a publicity stunt to cover up her ex boyfriend being caught rolling coke bombs and also use him to product place an iPhone in Madrid but she wants to keep it private? And she doesn't date famous guys? What about Johnny Simmons (Young Neil) and George Craig (Front man for rock group One Night Only)?  If you can Google their name and you see them in movies or music videos, they're famous.

#echee #echee post

[femikpop]

Surprise Karaoke

Tittle: Surprise Karaoke Words: 1.9K Pairing: Sou/Shawn Mendes; 8th Member of BTS Summary: Sou is a surprise guest on Shawn’s Carpool Karaoke 

‘James, can you stop the car for a second?’, Shawn raised his voice unexpectedly, pointing at something out of the window. ‘I think it’s someone I know!’, he added.

‘Of course!’, James said, stopping on some parking lot. Girl waved at the car and jumped slightly with a big smile. ‘Is that-?’, he asked.

‘Sou, what are you doing here?’, Shawn asked, trying to act confused to the camera. ‘Didn’t you supposed to be on a plane right now?’

‘I think boys left me me here.’, she said, pointing behind herself. ‘I went back to the hotel, because I forgot my cosmetics and when I got here, everyone was gone. Can the two of you help me? I need to catch a plane to Seoul tonight!’, she added, looking back a forth from two men. 

‘Of course! Come in!’, James said, unloocking the back door for her. Sou smiled and got inside the car to the backseat. She put on the seat belt and looked around her to check all the cameras.

‘ Thanks guys. I really appreciate it. I think they didn’t even realise, that they left me alone.’, Sou said, making James and Shawn laugh. ‘I mean, I know I’m short, but my stuff takes the most place.’, she added.

‘Sou, you and me have a history, me and Shawn have history. And now you two have one to!’, James started another topic, looking at the road.

‘Correct!’, she exclaimed. Shawn looked back at her and raised hand, giving her high five. ‘Not long, but we have.’

‘How did this even came together?’, he asked another question, pointing from Sou to Shawn. 

‘I messaged her on Twitter.’, Shawn started, looking back and making Sou nodd, biting her lip. ‘But she never messaged me back.’

‘What?’, James exclaimed, looking back as he stood on the red light.

‘I don’t read DMs, I’m sorry.’, she answered, raising her arms innocently. ‘There’s was too many nasty people there.’

‘Girls sending nudes?’, he asked, raising his eyebrow, trying to hold on with laugh.

‘I wish there were only girls.’, Sou answered with weird face, trying to forget about those times, when she saw all those inappropriate photos. ‘But one day one of my groupmates, Jimin, ran into my room, while I was minding my own business. He started screaming, that Shawn Mendes texted us. You know, he reads too much messages from fans sometimes. I’m telling him all the time, that DMs are just hell, when you’re popular, but he goes there all the time. Anyway, when I figured out, that it was from a verified account, I decided to write back. But it was about two weeks after, so I was sure, that he wouldn’t even write back. But I texted him, saying that I’m down for a collaboration and he texted back in twenty minutes, asking where do we start.’

‘So, twenty minutes, Mended huh?’, James chuckled, raising his eyebrow.

‘When you want something, you respod really fast.’, he said.

‘But how the song even came together?’, James asked, looking at the two of them. ‘You’re living in two different countries and the time zones!’

‘We wrote it during our Skype conversation.’, Shawn explained as if it was something obvious. He looked back at Sou and she nodded, agreeing with him.

‘Yeah, I wrote my verses. Shawn corrected it though, since I’m not the best at English. Then he took out his guitar and we sand it. The next day, I went to the studio, recorded everything and sent it to Los Angeles.’, Sou said, smiling.

‘I’m not the best at English.’, James repeated her own words, making Shawn laugh and nod, understanding what he meant.

‘Right? And then you have full on conversation with her, with fully expanded vocabulary, that I don’t even use.’, he laughed, high fiving James, who agreed with him. ‘Beside, I think I changed like one line, because the rest was amazing.’

‘So maybe, we should listen to the song, that is still number one in most of the countries? Including America and South Korea?’, James asked, looking back at Sou. She nodded gladly and the song started to play.

‘But it’s a little different side of you Sou, right?’, James asked, looking back as the song ended. She just agreed with him silently. ‘You’re known for being hardcore rapper and now singing a cute ballad?’

‘I’m a rapper, not sure about the hardcore park.’, she laughed, looking outside the window.

‘Just by looking at you face during some performances is making me scared. I’m not joking here.’, James laughed, making the rest join him.

‘She’s very passionate.’, Shawn interrupted. James looked at him, trying to make him expand what he said. ‘Like on our first rehearsal, she wanted to turn that performance into full on choreography set. But I had to stop her and tell that, if there’s any dance involved into this, we’re gonna turn it into circus with my dancing skills.’, he ended laughing.

‘So we just ended with two stand microphones and guitar.’, Sou rolled her eyes. ‘But I think, that’s something I especially like about kpop. You’re able to show so many sides of you and express yourself in many ways. And I think ‘It’s Only Love’ let me show my a little bit of my soft side. And singing side, because I don’t sing too much.’

‘Right! I didn’t know you’re such a good singer! I thought, that at first we’re gonna do some slow rap song or something and then she sent me a demo of her singing and I was shook.’, Shawn said with eyes wide open. ‘When I heard , it, there wasn’t a part of me when it said: you shouldn’t put it on your album.’, he added, making Sou laugh. She covered face with her hands, trying not to show her red cheeks. 

‘What’s your favourite Shawn Mendes song, Sou?’, James asked, trying to include another song.

‘I mean thers’s few, but ‘Treat You Better’ is quiet iconic.’, she answered and James turned up the radio, starting the song.

‘Sou, I’ve heard thing about South Korea, that intrigued me a little and I wondered if you could explain it to me.’, James said, making Sou nod as she sipped on her drink. ‘So, there’s the thing with how you call other people, right? Names for different gender and age?’, he asked, looking back. Sou just sighed, looking outside the window and leaned back on the seat. Shawn and James just laughed at her reaction.

‘Yes.’, Sou let out deep breath. ‘In Korea age is important and you should respect people, that are older, that yourself. I don’t know how to explain it, but kind of show it to other people, we give those nicknames.’, she explained.

‘What kind of nicknames? I’m kind of interested too, now.’, Shawn said, turning his body to Sou, who just sent him death glare. James laughed and younger man just joined him.

‘So, if you’re a guy and you’re with girl, that’s older, you should call ner noona.’, she started slowly, making them nod. ‘If you’re younger girl with an older guy, the you call them oppa. When guy is younger, than the other guy, then it’s hyung and when out of two girls, one is younger, then it’s unni.’

‘So, you should call me oppa and Shawn should call you noona, am I right?’, James asked, through the laugh. Sou just rolled her eyes once again. ‘Why you hate it so much?’, he exclaimed.

‘It’s not like I hate it. I just think it’s weird, you know?’, she asked, looking from Shawn to James. ‘We meet a lot of young groups and thell call me noona. It’s not the thing, that I’m happy about, but it’s how they’ve been raised and I can’t really do anything about it. Then I’m usually tell them to call my by my name only and it’s fine. But like in the group, I have three boys, that are younger than me. And if either one tries to call me noona, it’s not gonna end well. Jungkook tried it eight times and everytime he ended up crying.’, she edned up with evil smile. 

‘Thing about kpop, that I probably love the most is fanchant.’, James started.

‘This is actually the best thing ever!’, Shawn exclaimed with a huge smile. ‘I saw it on the internet and it looks so cool! The lighsticks and everything together!’

‘Does every group have their lighstics?’, James asked.

‘Most of them - yes.’, Sou started. ‘Companies design them for fans. So like during the concert you can see the whole arena or stadium with the same lighsticks. It’s just beautiful on the aesthetic level. And when groups are performing on festivals or award shows, we can see which part of the crow are our fans and pay them more attention and give more love.’

‘But how do you create those fanchants, because that’s something else.’, Shawn asked.

‘It dependes. Sometimes groups post videos with a guide for the song’s fanchant and sometimes fans just are coming up with them on their own. It’s usually repeating last words or some specific lines and then chanting names, when there are no vocals.’, she explained. ‘But everytime it’s full of passion, that I literally have goosebumps all over my body.’

‘So, I have little something here.’, James started and picked the box from the backseat. He opened it and shown three BTS official lighstics. Then he gave one to each person in the car. ‘And I was thinking, that maybe you can show us with few kpop songs and then created to your and Shawn’s one.’

‘Of course! I’m down.’, she said with excitement, jumping a little in her seat. Sou turned it on and helped both guys with it too. First sounds of ‘DNA’ came out, then ‘Ko Ko Bop’ and ‘Thanks’, making Sou sing with her full heart, just like the fans are doing it in the audience. Both James and Shawn exentually joined her, after realizing how it worked.

‘I’m kind of scared now, how this is going to turn out.’, Shawn laughed as the first sounds of ‘It’s Only Love’ came out of the radio.

‘Thank you guys so much for the ride!’, Sou exclaimed.

‘I hope you won’t be late for your plane.’, James said and Shawn nodded. ‘We should also do it once again. It was fun!’

‘Of course. Call me whenever you’re in Korea.’, Sou said, winking to the camera. She hugged them both from the backseat and got out of the car. She waved back and wanted to go back to the hotel, but something stopped her.

‘Bye noona!’, Shawn screamed with a big smile, waving at her. Sou let out deep breath and ran towards the car. She hit Shawn on the back of his head, making James laugh really hard.

‘Don’t you ever call me like that again.’, she pointed at him with serious face, but then laughed and jumped away.

masterlist

#bts #bts imagine #bts au #bts scenario #bts reaction #8th member of bts #female!bts #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook scenario #shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine

[foreverholdmedown]

Short: “Welcome Home”

“Ma, can you fix this please? I want it higher up like you did it yesterday.”

Robyn quickly whipped her head around at the sound of Yari’s playfully squeaky voice. Before she could give her the response that immediately registered on her mind, a glimpse of her one year old son wobbling his way towards the entrance of the bedroom took precedence over her step-daughter’s millionth request of the morning. With her traveling make up case in hand, she quickly trekked over to his small frame and scooped him up towards her side with one arm. In his usual fashion, the sound of his giggles filled the room and the babbling that followed instantly warmed her heart and took her mind off of the hectic routine it is in getting the both of them ready no matter what time of the day it is. Her attempt to distract him with his all time favorite red and furry Sesame Street character and a snack was a failure and his big sister had no interest in occupying her time with him because her look for the day was of far more importance than her younger brother who she usually smothers with her love.

“Yari, if I put your ponytail up any higher, you won’t be able to wear the hat that your uncle Mike gave to you. So, which one is it? A high ponytail or the hat?” The faint ding of her iPhone alerted her but she didn’t have enough care or concern to head in it’s direction to figure out who was contacting her. She already knew who it was and her impatient husband would have to accept her pending lateness and wait it out. Instant regret filled her thoughts as she turned down her mother-in-law’s offer to ready the children herself and take them with her ahead of Robyn’s departure from her five bedroom, four bathroom Raleigh, North Carolina home. She assured her that she had everything under control and she thought she did, though she had just a couple of hours of sleep, but the current chaos was proof that her mouth moved quicker than her mind could ponder on it.

“I’ll wear the hat.” Her sigh of relief was mental. She had already slicked her ponytail back so well, that the thought of unraveling it, just to do it all over again made frown.

“Good. Can you mind your brother for just a couple of seconds while I grab a few things out of the bathroom? We’re heading out in about two minutes.” She’d already packed his diaper bag with the day’s necessities and even Yari’s MCM backpack with her iPad, two books, and enough snacks to keep her occupied on the hour ride down to Fayetteville. Herself? As she walked into the bathroom, she tossed the remaining products on the counter into her make up bag and zipped it shut. She’d have to improvise and do it when they’re both unable to do anything but sit still; in the car. With a lifestyle as a renowned supermodel, CEO, full time wife, and mother, she became a pro at doing things on the go, in the tightest situations, or when time isn’t on her side. Most would say, it’s when she’s in her superwoman element most.

“Okay, lets get out of here before we’re way too late.”

With Jaxton on her hip, both his bag and her bags hanging off of her arm, her step-child in tow, and her six inch heels hitting the flawlessly waxed wooden floors of Kay’s gifted home in yet another celebration of her retirement, she made her way downstairs and outside to the awaiting chauffeured SUV. The task of getting Jaxton’s car seat properly situation wasn’t as much of a hassle as it can be from time to time and Yari’s desire to stretch out in the seat furthest back gave her the appropriate room she needed for her cosmetic task.

“Can we get Diary Queen today? Maybe we can grab some for papi too.”

“It’s December. I know it’s not as chilly and cold down here as it is in New York right now, but you’re definitely going to get cold eating ice cream.”

“I can eat it in the car.”

“If we happen to see one, we’ll stop. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Nothing prepares you for motherhood more than experience. Advise is useful, articles and books are okay, but parenting is an individual learning process that outweighs all others massively. Walking a runway in the upper echelon of designer garments is effortless, sitting in a conference room and brain storming what’s next for the company falls under a natural finesse, and continuing to be hailed as one of the most alluring and interesting people in the world is attributed to a spunk that existed within her since her conception. Motherhood? The most unpredictable spontaneity of all time. No matter how many compliments she receives for holding the Cole residence together in such a smooth and tight knit manner, the chaos she experiences while trying to do so is felt tremendously. Mommy Robyn is the head of that household and the man she vowed her life to will tell you so. Balancing the blooming personality of Yari and the curious busy body that is Jaxton keeps her on her feet, toes, and every other limb. There’s the sleepless nights and early mornings, the constant rearranging of anything that’s within his reach, and having to figure out ways to have five additional eyes to follow his every move. Then comes the jazz tap dance recitals, soccer practice and games, PTA meetings, and the every other weekend slumber parties with friends that turns their home into a loud fun fest for three additional girls. Wife Robyn? Oh she’s just as busy. There’s the bi coastal living because Jermaine enjoys recording in Los Angeles, the traveling to and from festival performances all over the place, the six dates of The Warm Up version of the Dollar & A Dream Tour that she swore she’d only attend half of, and just him in general. Work? A five hundred mile per hour train that thankfully has rest stops. Their Paris wedding? Dear, God.

“Shh. Shh. Here.” As she held her Beauty Blender with one hand, she placed Jaxton’s frozen teething ring in his hand to soothe his antsy whines. That part of his growth hasn’t gone over quite well. There are good days and bad ones. The night she and Jermaine were due to fly to Tahiti for their one year wedding anniversary, they spent it sitting in a hospital as his teething and an ear inflection left him with a high fever and endless crying. Tahiti didn’t happen. She couldn’t leave him until he was restored to perfect health.

Parenting.

“Thank you so much. Really. You didn’t have to do that.” Robyn carefully brushed on the bronzer she needed to warm up her face and smiled at the elderly driver as he tilted his cap to acknowledge her appreciation. He’d gone in and gotten the ice cream for Yari so no one had to move out of their places.

The fresh air and familiarity of her surroundings were partly a distraction from the light application of blush that followed. The highlight? A subtle golden glimmer that enhanced her naturally sun kissed skin and lastly a nude lip gloss.

“Though we’re going to support, you know your dad is working right?”

“Yes.” Robyn reached in-between the seats to lightly brush a sprinkle off of Yari’s cheek.

“So if he’s talking, don’t interrupt and if he’s doing interviews, make sure you wait until he’s completely finished to grab his attention. He claims that he won’t be too busy, but you know that’s always subject to change.”

“I know. Be mindful.”

“Yes. Be mindful.”

“I can’t believe he invited all of those people to grandma’s old house.”

“Me either, but that mind of his; it’s always filled with unique ideas.”

A private listening session inside of the humble three-bedroom home at 2014 Forest Hills Drive, his former childhood home, sounded like the coolest and yet most insane idea he’d come up with thus far, but as expected, he’s pulled off what she thought may have been the impossible. He announced the album’s December ninth release date with a touching seven minute introductory film highlighting him, Fayetteville, and it’s natives in mid-November and has since created a roll out of fan experiences that are a testament to his “Man of the People” label. Now has he has people locals and people from multiple states traveling long distances for a chance to spend maybe an hour or a little less in the comfort of the home that inspired what would be downloading onto their iTunes libraries in a couple of days. Despite her exhaustion from a two day trip to London for a Vogue photo shoot and Monica’s launch of her collaboration with Missguided and a return to New York for meeting at her imprint, she refused to miss it. That house is apart of her childhood just as much as it is apart of his.

“You finally made it.” The driver didn���t have a chance to get out and open the door. Ib had already done it for him and the sly smirk on his face sparked a playful rolling of the eyes from Robyn.

“Shut up. You have no kids. I have two and then there’s myself. It’s a process.”

“I’m sure it is. Your man’s been looking for you. I told him you were just on diva time but you’d be here eventually.”

“Well, I’m here.”

“I see that. He’s over there talking with a reporter from Noisey. The first batch of people literally just went inside so you really haven’t missed much. I don’t even think they have the headphones handed out yet. Are you listening today too?” She looked on as he unhooked the belts in the car seat and carefully grabbed his “nephew” out of it.

“No. Still waiting until the release date.” Though it was difficult, she vowed to listen when the rest of the world would. She, arguably his biggest fan, wanted to hear it when the rest of the fans did.

“You’re so lame for that. Come on Yari. And why didn’t you bring me any ice cream? As much as I buy you ice cream, you couldn’t buy me some?” T heir lighthearted bickering became faint as he walked away from the vehicle with both children and it was finally time for Robyn to have just a minute or two of a breather. From the window of the car, she watched as Jermaine’s eyes lit up at the sight of his offspring and he did what she warned Yari against. He excused himself mid-sentence and went on to shower the both of them with hugs and multiple kisses to their cheeks. The daddy’s girl in Yari showed itself all over her expression instantly and Jaxton’s teething ring hit the ground as his drool filled mouth smiled at the sight of his best buddy. It was in that house that she’d quietly ogle over him and sometimes imagine what he’d be like as a father and now to see it come to fruition is something that cannot be put into words. He’s a phenomenal father. She knew he would be back then despite her doubts that his children would come from her. Of course, God knew what her doubts wouldn’t allow her to see or believe.


Upon exiting the vehicle, she didn’t approach her family, in-laws, Jermaine’s busy team of people, or the surprised natives on the block who were simply hanging around to enjoy the experience. Instead, she began to slowly walk down the street taking it all in.

Often times, she attempts to figure how Ronald found out about this city and why he felt compelled to move here. She never asked. What called him here? They didn’t have a single relative within the state let alone the city. He didn’t have an incredible job waiting for him. There was no woman he happened to have met, though he had his flings here and there. It never made much sense initially but now, it does. Despite his choices, it was never about him. This was all an awakening and new beginning for her. She’d come here to meet what would challenge, test, nurture, enlighten, encourage, and most of all love her. Every single memory of this street and the many others that they’ve walked or drove along, hung out on, or simply passed through are all reflections of her falling deeply in love with Jermaine Lamarr Cole. Genuine love was always apart of her prayers as her family unraveled. It was at the forefront of all of her other desires whether they were necessities or not. The blessing came in a risk to leave all she knew behind and to start anew. It then came in a warm and welcoming city, that embraced the young and scarred girl from a small island. Lastly, it manifested in a high yellow and lanky boy who thought she was an African foreign exchange student. Life is a trip; a damn good one though.

“What’s a man have to do to get a hello and kiss from his wife?” Chills tickled the nape of Robyn’s neck as the all too familiar deep and raspy voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned back to glimpse at his crooked smile and turned in her heels so she’d be face to face with what had easily just aroused her. Just the sound of his voice. He still has it like that. He’s always had it like that.

“A man just has to come and get it. His wife is always willing.”

Their embrace was just as passionate as the kiss they shared. All thoughts of possible regard for onlookers went out of the window when he locked his addicting lips over hers and hungrily snaked his tongue beyond the barrier of her lips and into her warm mouth. His hands met their favorite place to rest and it was her laughter that interrupted what was turning into a heated exchange.

“You trying to start round two of what you interrupted my sleep for this morning?” She’d fallen into such a deep slumber that she was damn near drooling on her pillow and the sound of his alarm briefly interrupted that. Her thoughts of stretching out and returning to her amazing sleep were pointless. He never left the bed. Instead, her nightgown was being pulled over head as he kissed along her neck and her hands were adamantly working to rid him of the barriers covering his skin. He wasted no time filling her, becoming one with her mind, body, and soul. Sleep then no longer mattered.

“I’m hoping to once the house clears out.”

“Babe!” Her hand lightly smacked into his chest at the sound of his light laughter. He embraced her again, without a kiss, and it reminded her of the hugs they’d share multiple times of day no matter what was going on. He’d always been a hugger, far more than she ever was. He playfully forced them on her until she had no choice but to get used to it happening. It swiftly grew from being slightly annoying, to highly anticipated, to being apart of her daily needs to function properly. His hugs always spoke to her. They ceased her worries for just that moment and made her world alright. Even now in all that they have and the comfort they live in, being in his embrace is still her safe haven.

“Isn’t it crazy to be out here doing this? It’s so full circle.”

“Right? I was thinking about that as I sat on the hood of the Civic when I got here this morning. We came up huh, Baby Girl?”

“I’d say so.”

“You know, I fell madly in love with you in that house.” He nodded his head towards the partially bricked home with the smoky blue shutters that she grew to love so much.

“And I, with you.” He pulled his lip in-between his teeth as his reflections ran across his mind. The serene peace in his expression drew her in.

“It was also in that house that I knew one day, I’d ask you to marry me.” Robyn glanced at the lavish diamonds as they dazzled on the forth finger of her left hand.

“And you did. It was in that house that I dreamed of having children with you.”

“And you did.” He nodded in pride. “A lot of shit went down in that house, but somehow, for me, every memory comes back to you. That house is our beginning.”

“It is. That makes it and this city more beautiful than any other place we’ve ever been. It’s home. We’re home.” Barbados will always be home, but Fayetteville is the embodiment of home. Despite everything, it’s the city that raised her.

“We’re home.”

On their hand in hand walk back to the house, they pointed out the homemade ‘Welcome Home Jermaine’ signs that decorated the front yards of multiple houses, but it was the one directly in front of the 2014 driveway that stole their hearts. Not only was his name on it, but so was Robyn’s and their children. It had been Kay’s doing.

As Jermaine returned to his favorite seat on the hood of the Civic that took them on some of the wildest and funniest journeys, he held Jaxton in his arms and resumed the interview. Yari sat up on the shoulders of Ib as she joined him in being “co-manager” of day’s festivities. And Robyn? She stood along side her mother-in-law, on the side of the house near the mailbox.

“You know, if you’re going to marry my son, you have to learn how to cook for him.” Laughter immediately spilled from Robyn’s lips as she registered the all too familiar quote from Kay. She’ll never forget how flustered she was while standing in that kitchen after she said it. She’d called both of their bluffs long before the two of them would ever consider admitting it.

“I always knew it would be you sweetie.” With a bashful nod, she threw an arm around the neck of the woman who had been a maternal figure to her even when she resisted it. She then locked eyes with Jermaine who quickly winked with a smirk.

He knew too.

#j. cole fanfic #j. cole fanfiction #j cole fanfiction #j cole fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #rihanna fanfic #rihanna fanfiction

[aion-rsa]

RiffTrax: A Guide to Christmas and Holiday Episodes

https://ift.tt/3p3xspq

Since its inception, RiffTrax has regularly visited the crazy world of Christmas movies and shorts because when you get down to it, Christmas is a crazy time and Santa’s such a rich concept that it’s easy to go completely off the rails with him. Here’s a look at all the various Christmas-related movies they’ve watched. Luckily, all of them are available on-demand, so you can buy them and download the entire movie with the audio already synced up.

A handful of the shorts were featured in previous editions of RiffTrax Live, but are also available on their own. Then there’s the Christmas Shorts-stravaganza, which not only featured a bunch of Christmas-based short films, but also a film about serving pork and some kind of competitive swimming event. Weird Al was there too! At the show…not…not the swimming event.

Like when I discussed the 30 Most Insane RiffTrax Shorts, I’m going to give both the lucid explanation of what each short or movie is supposed to be in a sane, reasonable world and what we actually get.

You can check out RiffTrax’s collection of Christmas movies and shorts right her.

“Now, come on. Let me show you the rest.” “No, really, I have to go, I…”

NESTOR THE LONG-EARED CHRISTMAS DONKEY (1977)

The Idea: Remember how great the Rankin/Bass stop-motion version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was? It was such a classic that people watch every year as a holiday tradition. Expanding on that world, the same company released Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey, figuring they’d spin another classic out of a more religious context. In it, Nestor undergoes some hardships due to the massive size of his ears, but is chosen to help Joseph and the pregnant Mary make it to Bethlehem.

The Output: You remember how Rudolph went, right? He was teased for a bit for being different, but that led to him discovering lovable, memorable characters and getting into fantastic adventures before proving his worth and showing that his so-called deformity was really his greatest strength. Okay, now imagine that exact story, only remove the lovable, memorable characters.

Then take that part of the movie where he’s teased and stretch it so it makes up 95% of the story. Hell, just make the thing completely depressing. There. You have Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey.

Read more

Movies

MST3K: A Christmas Episodes Guide for Mystery Science Theater 3000

By Gavin Jasper

Movies

The 21 Best Christmas Horror Movies

By Rosie Fletcher and 5 others

This is an earlier RiffTrax release, so the only one on it is Mike. Hearing one riffer can be a little off-putting, but it’s worth it to see such a terrible rewrite of Rudolph without any of the magic. Oh, and spoilers for a 40-year-old holiday special, but Nestor ends up becoming best buddies with the man who killed his mother and it’s never explained because it’s at the very end of the movie. I guess Jesus being born really packed a punch.

“Introducing Chewbacca’s family!” “And many scream-yourself-awake nightmares!”

STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL (1978)

The Idea: In a time when Empire Strikes Back was far from release but the studios wanted to keep Star Wars in the public’s mind so they’ll keep buying their merchandise, it was decided to bring the cast in for a prime-time holiday special in the ’70s. Based on Han Solo trying to get Chewbacca home to his family in time for Wookie Life Day, the special features everyone from Luke to Vader with special guest stars Art Carney and Bea Arthur. It also has an animated short that gives us the very first appearance of Boba Fett!

The Output: Whenever I try to explain the Star Wars Holiday Special to someone who has never seen it or even heard of it, I point out that George Lucas, known for being a pretty greedy guy, refused to make money off of it in any way. He would never release the Holiday Special in any format because he was that disgusted by it. I don’t blame him because if not for Mike, Kevin, and Bill, I wouldn’t have been able to sit through it myself.

Read more

TV

Star Wars: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader Had a Rematch Before A New Hope

By John Saavedra

TV

100 Best Christmas TV Episodes of All Time

By Wesley Mead

Each segment appears to be more horrific than the last. We get huge stretches of time where Chewbacca’s family just kind of meanders around their household, growling at each other, with no subtitles. There are “comedy” and musical bits that are just a slog to sit through. One such bit appears to be Chewbacca’s father Itchy watching virtual reality porn. Not even kidding. Mark Hamill is covered in enough makeup to put the studio in the red from their cosmetics budget, Harrison Ford looks like he’d rather be doing anything else, Carrie Fisher is pretty high, and Bea Arthur sings lyrics over the “Cantina Song.” It’s a glorious Hell.

As the cherry on top, the version they watch has all the 1970s commercials completely intact. One of which features Schneider from One Day at a Time!

“He always has loads of fun.” “Why, here he is in Dallas in 1963!”

A VISIT TO SANTA (1963)

The Idea: A couple of kids send a letter to Santa Claus, asking to visit him at the North Pole before Christmas. Santa decides it’s a good idea and has them picked up and brought over in a magic helicopter. He shows Dick and Ann around his home and talks for a moment about how he spreads yuletide cheer through Thanksgiving parades. Then they ride around on a rocket and look at Santa’s prized train set.

The Output: It’s summed up perfectly when Kevin notes, “Interesting. I didn’t know that David Lynch made a Christmas film.” The whole production is very creepy, reminiscent of Manos: Hands of Fate’s cinematography. With all the many Santas that the RiffTrax guys have seen over the years, this one is probably the least jolly (that is, until A Song for Santa). He comes off as a deranged murder suspect trying to lay low with a disguise. In fact, everything about this short is suspect, like the elves, who are really just little kids in miniskirts.

Read more

Movies

Why Chronicles of Narnia’s Santa Claus Celebrates Christmas with Weapons of War

By Juliette Harrisson

Movies

Christmas Movies: A Complete Holiday Streaming Guide

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

Dick and Ann only have a few lines in the opening and thank God for that. We can understand maybe five percent of anything they have to say.

“Ah, good. Finally, on the silver screen, the be-top-hatted spider-dog of my nightmares. Unless…I’m just having another nightmare.”

CHRISTMAS TOYSHOP (1945)

The Idea: As two kids are put to bed on Christmas Eve, their father tries to set up the tree and all the gifts downstairs. He stumbles around and the ruckus makes them think – in their dreams – that Santa just fell down the chimney. Sharing the same dream, they go downstairs and greet Santa. The little girl asks about where the toys come from and Santa tells the story of a magical toy shop. From here, it becomes a cartoon about living toys having fun when the shop owner is gone.

The Output: The animated sequence is your usual old, black and white cartoon fare. A bunch of toys do stuff for several minutes, including a forgettable musical number, then a plot suddenly happens at the end. Here, it’s an evil spider showing up to try and kidnap a toy of Little Miss Muffet, causing the toy soldiers to come to her rescue.

Read more

Movies

20 Christmas Movies for Badasses

By Michael Reed

Movies

The Mystery Picture on the National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation DVD Cover

By Daniel Langrish-Beard

Somehow, the live-action segment is supposed to be a framing device and everything about the cartoon is being related by Santa. Why he’s telling them about a spider kidnapping a toy, I don’t know, but there you go.

This won’t be the last questionable piece of Santa Claus storytelling. We’ll get to that in a bit.

“Wow. I have literally never seen anything as small and of no account as this tree.”

CHRISTMAS RHAPSODY (1947)

The Idea: A lonely, tiny tree sits in the middle of the snowy forest, feeling itself worthless and meaningless. To its surprise, it’s taken in by a family and set up in their cabin. They decorate it for Christmas and give it the meaning it had been wanting for all this time.

The Output: You know, this one is almost decent, at least in concept. The basic Christmas moral buried in there is rather touching. Too bad the short has two things working against it. One, it’s really boring. Two, the tree is such a sad sack and won’t shut up about how much it sucks. It keeps explaining itself as being small and of no account, which will get your eyes rolling after the eighth time it repeats that.

There’s really nothing else to talk about here. Well, maybe the father’s creepy scalp.

“I need you tonight.” “WHOA!”

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER (1948)

The Idea: No, not the Rankin/Bass cartoon we all know and love. This animated short is a completely different adaptation of the Rudolph song, predating the stop-motion special by decades. Rudolph is still made fun of for his nose and Santa needs his help due to a foggy night, but don’t expect to see his elf dentist buddy or the abominable snowman.

The Output: Other than the missing characters (which isn’t a criticism, since this came first and those guys weren’t mentioned in the song), the biggest difference in this telling is Rudolph’s status. The Rankin/Bass version made sense in that Santa had a bunch of reindeer living at the North Pole, so of course Santa would come across Rudolph. Here, Rudolph lives in a reindeer civilization. According to this short, animals live like humans around the globe in different sectors (ie. a rabbit-only town) and the only known human being is Santa Claus.

Read more

TV

Doctor Who: revisiting Steven Moffat’s Christmas specials

By Mark Harrison

Movies

17 Movies Secretly About Christmas You Need to Watch

By Mike Cecchini and 4 others

Oh, man. Maybe this is a sequel to Peace on Earth. Pretend you know what I’m talking about.

Another high spot is Rudolph’s mother, who is for some reason shown completely dressed, walking on her hind legs, and having almost human proportions. The riffers all find themselves sexually confused by this.

“Watch this!” “I saw Bam Margera do this on Jackass!”

A CHRISTMAS DREAM (1946)

The Idea: A little girl is happy to receive a few new toys on Christmas. So happy that she discards her older, rattier doll. As she goes to sleep that night, Santa decides to teach her a lesson about the value of one’s belongings by giving her a dream where her old doll comes to life to plead for her attention.

The Output: This is live-action and the doll is depicted with stop-motion animation. To this short’s credit, the animation is incredibly well done, especially for such an old film. It’s also really horrifying and the riffers don’t stop harping on that. The little girl is so excited when any sane person would be in a fear coma.

Read more

Movies

The Strange History of the Die Hard Movies

By Ryan Lambie

TV

Doctor Who: revisiting Russell T. Davies’ Christmas specials

By Mark Harrison

Also, Santa can make you dream whatever he wants. I didn’t know that. That’s disturbing and a far bigger threat than getting coal in your stocking. All he needs are elves in the background, playing jump rope.

“One, two…you better not shout… Three, four…you better not cry… Five, six…you better not pout… Seven, eight…I’m telling you why…”

“Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!” “Well, Happy Christmas to the one household I visited! The rest of the planet can ram it for all I care!”

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (1946)

The Idea: We all know the famous poem A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Clarke Moore. This is another adaptation of it, though without the bickering cartoon mice. Rather, we see Santa as he visits a home, delivers gifts, and flies off into the night.

The Output: This is one of the most reasonable of all the entries here because there isn’t much you can do to screw up that classic. The only questionable stuff is how rather than have any kind of special effects budget, shots of Santa flying off on his sleigh are done through animation and go back to live-action in close-ups. Otherwise, it’s fairly forgettable amongst the other freaky shorts and movies they watch.

Still, it is a dick move of Santa to give one kid a tiny toy shovel for Christmas. Who the hell would want that?

“Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 150-plus movies, RiffTrax has nothing to say.” “Just this…enjoy.”

SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972)

The Idea: Santa is stranded in the sands of Florida. His sleigh is partially buried in the sand and his reindeer have abandoned him. He calls over a group of children to help him get the sleigh out of the ground, but to no avail. Santa insists that they don’t give up and relates their situation to the story of Thumbelina (or Jack and the Beanstalk). Luckily, the kids know one magical creature who just might be able to help Santa and make sure Christmas is saved.

The Output: God, where do I even start with this? It’s hard to sit through, but this is one of the most must-see riffs.

The Ice Cream Bunny is practically a mascot for RiffTrax (sorry, Disembaudio). It’s bad in every way. It’s an inconceivable mess. The Santa parts are embarrassing to watch and make you feel really uneasy in its disturbing, low-rent cheesiness. Then you’re rescued from it thanks to Santa telling the story of Thumbelina. By that I mean that they play a completely separate movie with a higher budget that has absolutely nothing to do with the Santa situation. This “flashback” is 50 minutes long and the entire movie is an hour and a half, so yeah. The Thumbelina stuff is also creepy to watch, if not boring at times, but it’s worth powering through.

Read more

Movies

A Complete History of RiffTrax Live

By Gavin Jasper

Movies

The Rod Serling Christmas Movie You Never Saw

By Chris Farnell

Once we return to Santa, we’re finally introduced to the Ice Cream Bunny. Words cannot do this justice. It’s a guy in a terrible rabbit suit driving a fire truck filled with kids when the guy most certainly can’t see what he’s doing and almost runs over a dog. There’s this really unsavory feeling watching what’s supposed to be a delightful movie for children and Bill kills it by adding a horrifying, demented laugh whenever the Ice Cream Bunny is on screen.

RiffTrax has two different versions of the movie. One is the classic VOD released in 2010, where the movie takes a lengthy break to show us the stuff with Thumbelina. In 2015, they did a RiffTrax Live edition with a different print of the movie. In it, the Thumbelina stuff was replaced with Jack and the Beanstalk. Comparing the two is a no-brainer as Jack and the Beanstalk is far more entertaining on its own and is 70s as hell. Plus the RiffTrax Live version includes several bonkers shorts beforehand.

“The sequel to The Ice Cream Bunny’s Amos and Andy!”

SANTA CLAUS’ PUNCH AND JUDY (1948)

The Idea: Santa visits a large group of children (orphans?) and delivers their presents, but one of them asks for a Punch and Judy puppet show. Santa uses his magic to summon such a performance to the delight of the children.

The Output: Have you ever watched a Punch and Judy show? Yeah, nobody goes out of their way to see one. There’s nothing all that wrong with the kids, Santa, or the setup in this short. The focus is just on what I imagine to be a skilled exhibition of puppeteering that hasn’t aged well. Just a puppet beating his girlfriend with a stick, as well as various animals, and we get a break where two minstrel show puppets have a boxing match. So yeah, fun for children.

“He’s like some horrible Soviet Bloc animated version of Santa.” “His nose looks like an infected thumb!”

THE SHANTY WHERE SANTY CLAUS LIVES (1933)

The Idea: A poor little boy live alone and in the cold, doomed to freeze on Christmas Eve. Luckily, he’s discovered by Santa, who takes him away to his own home, where the kid sees all sorts of wonders.

The Output: First thing’s first, the Santa Claus in this movie is rather horrific, one of the scariest of all the Santas in all of these movies, which is impressive for a cartoon. Despite being the title character, he only gets about a minute of screen time anyway. The rest is either the kid being depressed and cold or the kid watching yet another old-timey cartoon scenario where the toys just kind of do stuff and sing for several minutes until something resembling a plot happens at the end. In this case, the tree accidentally catches on fire and the boy has to help put it out.

The most striking thing about this short is the never-ending parade of racism. Lot of uncomfortable toys lounging in the shanty where Santy Claus lives.

“Ooooooh, I’m full grown, all right!” “Kids, if you ever hear someone say that in that voice, call the cops.”

MAGIC CHRISTMAS TREE (1964)

The Idea: A child befriends a witch around Halloween and is given a seed that will eventually sprout a magical Christmas tree. Not only does it talk, but it will also grant him three wishes! Unfortunately, the power goes to the boy’s head and his poor decisions put Christmas in some serious danger.

The Output: While it may not be the absolute best RiffTrax, it’s the best kind of bad movie for them to tackle. The movie is incredibly strange, but it gradually builds on it. In the beginning, it’s almost straightforward, but it gets more and more questionable as the minutes pass. For instance, there’s a scene where the main character’s family leaves to go Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. The boy makes a wish to have ultimate power for a limited time (why a limited time? I don’t know) and uses his power to make it day and then goes around messing with people who are doing their usual daily routines, not at all aware that it’s supposed to be the night before Christmas.

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Movies

The Best Alternative Christmas movies

By Mark Harrison

Movies

Disney+ Christmas Movies for Kids: The Best Family Films to Watch this Holiday Season

By Alana Joli Abbott

By the end, we have a greed-loving giant living in the mountains showing up out of nowhere. What Christmas movie isn’t complete without a greed-loving giant living in the mountains showing up out of nowhere?

“And in the second place, ice cream break was over more than an hour ago!” “Ah, kids love it when furries have labor disputes.”

SANTA’S ENCHANTED VILLAGE (1964)

The Idea: As a sequel/extension of the Mexican Santa Claus movie (more on that later), we see a village where Santa’s various helpers get toys ready for the holiday season. Unfortunately, Stinky the Skunk would rather take extremely long breaks, much to the chagrin of his supervisor, the Ferocious Wolf.

The Output: By “sequel” I mainly mean that the guy who made this had the rights to the Santa Claus movie and would occasionally toss in clips from it. The original footage in this short (and the two that follow) are incredibly low-rent, mainly in the form of the mascot costume characters and their terrible voices. Most notable is how the Ferocious Wolf is accompanied by loud, obnoxious accordion noises whenever he walks around. Which is a lot.

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Movies

The Best Christmas Movie Soundtracks of All Time

By Ivan Radford

TV

The Best Christmas Movies Available on Netflix

By Alec Bojalad

One of the true highlights is when the Ferocious Wolf visits Santa’s office and rants about how Stinky the Skunk is such a bad employee. Santa’s reaction is to just sit there the entire time, nodding and laughing his ass off like a lunatic. Which reminds me, the Ferocious Wolf complaining about his ulcer is – I kid you not – his catchphrase.

“Hey! Right here at this moment, this officially became the craziest thing ever made by man.” “Seriously, Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas.”

SANTA CLAUS AND HIS HELPERS (1964)

The Idea: The Ferocious Wolf, Stinky the Skunk, and Puss’n Boots get in a big argument and Santa is none too pleased. Watching from space along with his good friend Merlin, Santa decides to go give his angry employees a visit and set them straight.

The Output: This installment of the Santa’s Village of Madness Trilogy is easily the least coherent. Seeing the costumed characters is complete bedlam and even the riffers give up in awe of the chaos. Not only is half of the footage of this short taken directly from Santa Claus, but a couple minutes are taken from Santa’s Enchanted Village! But hey, no angry accordion music this time, so that’s something.

“Whoa! He’s got a face like a squid’s anus!”

SANTA’S MAGIC KINGDOM (1966)

The Idea: Puss’n Boots is the head of security in Santa’s Village and he confronts a visitor. It turns out to be a princess on the run from a giant ogre that’s out to destroy Santa Claus and end Christmas! Puss needs to gather an army together to face this beast and save Christmas.

The Output: So this giant ogre? They never actually show him. Well, except for a shot of a lame dinosaur statue that we see for a second. I don’t know if that’s actually supposed to be the ogre. Whatever. Otherwise, the narrative is just another fever dream filmed with the tiniest budget. Merlin ends up being the one to challenge the big monster and what a fight it is! I think. They never actually show any of it. We just hear them off-screen while everyone else reacts. The elves couldn’t even do that right.

“Ladies and gentlemen, a third-string ballerina on painkillers.”

SANTA CLAUS AND THE FAIRY SNOW QUEEN (1951)

The Idea: A six-inch tall woman called the Snow Queen visits Santa on Christmas Eve, but is annoyed to see him sleeping in her presence. As a joke, she gives life to a handful of nearby toys. The various toys dance and laugh, but are reluctant to be given off to children as lifeless gifts. Not only have they taken to being alive, but they’ve also grown attached to each other. Whatever will Santa and the Snow Queen do?

The Output: This whole thing is incomprehensible and it doesn’t help that the Snow Queen has a really thick European accent that you can barely cut through. The real star of this short is the Candy Lion. See, while you have understandable, recognizable toys hanging around like a toy soldier, a ballerina, a ragdoll, a Jack-in-the-box, and so on, you also have the Candy Lion. Described as a half-mummified Chewbacca, the dead-eyed toy stands around in the background for the most part and gets one memorable line when he excitedly brags to Santa, “I can eat candy!”

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TV

13 Craziest Interpretations of Santa Claus to Ever Slide Down a Chimney

By Daniel Kurland

Culture

The Beatles Christmas Messages Were Carols to Be Played at Maximum Volume

By Tony Sokol

The Jack-in-the-box is easily one of the more annoying characters in RiffTrax history, though. Goddamn that repeating freak. This is all hosted by Snoopy, a high-pitched “brownie” (which appears to be no different than an elf) who I’m not sure if I’m repulsed by or attracted to.

“My finger isn’t tired!” “Oh, God! What is he about to do?!”

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964)

The Idea: On Mars, children have become joyless and robotic due to the planet’s lack of fun and insistence on constant studying and good behavior. The only thing that brings them any happiness is watching Earth programs, such as news on this Santa Claus character. Afraid for the future of his planet, Kimar and his crew visit Earth to kidnap Santa (and eventually two children) and bring him to Mars so that he can spread joy to their world…whether he wants to or not!

The Output: While this movie may be on the IMDB bottom 100, I consider it a guilty pleasure. As I discussed when speaking with Kevin Murphy, I think at its core, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a great concept for a children’s movie. It has its own unique whimsy. Unfortunately, it’s hurt by bad, hammy acting and the kind of bad costuming and effects you’d expect from a movie like this.

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Movies

10 remarkable things: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians

By Ryan Lambie

TV

The Best Christmas Movies Available on Amazon Prime

By Alec Bojalad

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is the only RiffTrax movie to also be featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, Cinematic Titanic (the offshoot where the other MST3K cast members went off to), and RiffTrax, all with their own unique set of jokes. There’s a good reason for that. The movie is incredibly silly and ripe for mockery, yet at the same time completely and utterly watchable. The RiffTrax version features the movie in its entirety, rather than the abridged version from MST3K.

“Don’t you wish that your school bus looked like this?!” “Packed with bearded lunatics and flanked by grim clowns? No!”

FUN IN BALLOON LAND (1965)

The Idea: A little boy goes to sleep and dreams of a world of giant balloon people and other children to play with. After getting into a variety of adventures, he and a little girl watch a holiday parade filled with all sorts of balloon floats.

The Output: This 1960s nightmare is the perfect B-side to Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. The first third of it is complete and utter nonsense. This little boy would just wander around a warehouse, stumble upon some kind of big balloon statue, someone would voice said statue by shouting from across the room off-screen, and then it would move on to a completely unrelated scene. There is a group of ballerinas who show up to dance for absolutely no reason. At one point the boy is inexplicably walking around in only a gold lamé diaper and Kevin wonders, “Is this movie even legal?” The boy proceeds to hit on mermaids and plays hide-and-seek with a lobster thing.

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Culture

25 Unsung Christmas Icons

By Gavin Jasper

TV

The Best Christmas Movies Available on Hulu

By Alec Bojalad

Then it becomes old footage of a holiday parade that lasts about a half hour and has more clowns and majorettes than I have ever seen in one place at one time. It’s pretty dry, but the woman narrating it is completely insane and the RiffTrax crew show absolutely no mercy in painting her as some kind of drunk lunatic. She ends the movie with a “guessing game” where she keeps changing the rules every three seconds and you don’t even know what the hell is going on.

“Still going? If this was a game of Ski Free, the Abominable Snowman would have gobbled them up hours ago.”

ZLATEH THE GOAT (1973)

The Idea: A boy named Aaron reluctantly has to bring his family’s prized goat Zlateh to the butcher in order to sell her. During the journey, the weather takes a horrible turn and Aaron and Zlateh are forced to hide out under a pile of hay for several days. The two form a bond that allows them to survive the ordeal.

The Output: This Hanukkah story is absolutely miserable. Despite being just a short, it feels like it goes on forever and pads itself out with many shots of the kid having to drag the goat through the snow. And you know how I just said that they form a bond that allows Aaron to survive? Yeah, that’s from him drinking milk directly from Zlateh. It’s nasty.

“It’s fun to make things of sugar. And they are good to eat.” “WHAT?!” “Just grab a slice of instant diabetes, kids!”

AT YOUR FINGERTIPS: SUGAR AND SPICE (1970)

The Idea: The At Your Fingertips series is all about arts and crafts using stuff around the house. Here, we see how you can use sugar to create festive Christmas ornaments. Through creativity and hard work, you can make decorating a blast!

The Output: The At Your Fingertips series is all about spending way too much time on ugly and insane crap that really looks far from fun. This Christmas-related one is no different. Things come off as less festive and more gross and unpleasant. And that’s before the children start eating pure sugar. Ugh.

“If she’s already sleeping, we might be able to see her dreams.” “We’re in, children. Let’s get ready to begin our Christmas inception. I won’t lie to you: we might have to shoot our way out.”

SANTA CLAUS (1959)

The Idea: In a Mexican adaptation of the Santa Claus myth, we see the jolly one as he spends the night delivering presents. Some children get extra focus for the movie, including a little boy whose parents don’t seem to have time for him and a poor, little girl who only wants a doll to play with. As Santa tries to make right by them, he’s vexed by Pitch, a devil sent to ruin Christmas for everyone.

The Output: This is another MST3K double-dip, but for good reason. It’s delightfully insane. See, Santa is already a nutty concept, but we get into Drunk History territory here where the people behind the movie don’t quite get it and his mythology gets even stranger in translation.

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Movies

The Strangest and Most Disturbing Santa Claus Movie of Them All

By Jim Knipfel

TV

The 12 Best SNL Holiday Sketches

By Chris Longo and 1 other

Did you know Santa is good friends with Merlin the Magician? Did you know that he has a burly blacksmith working for him? Or that Santa lives in space with little children from all around the world doing his bidding? Or that he regularly fights the minions of Satan?

The MST3K version might be better, but it is nice getting to see the full cut of the movie for once.

“Who and what are you?” “I am—“ “Meryl Streep. I am good in everything.”

A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1952)

The Idea: The Alastair Sim version of A Christmas Carol, otherwise known as Scrooge, is considered an outright classic. Perhaps the greatest telling of the Charles Dickens story of a hateful rich man realizing his own humanity thanks to being visited by ghosts. Here, we get to see the movie in its abridged form and get through it in minutes.

The Output: Listen, A Christmas Carol has a pretty solidified structure. Scrooge is a dick, his dead friend warns him, he gets led around by three other ghosts, and he comes out of it a better person. Abridging it simply does not work. Basically, Marley introduces him to the Ghost of Christmas Present and that’s enough to make a change. Bridget puts it best: “They edited the Dickens out of the movie!”

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Movies

A Christmas Carol: The Best and Worst Adaptations

By Robert Keeling

TV

The Most Disturbing TV Christmas Specials

By Wesley Mead

This short is part of Have a Mary Jo Christmas and a Bridget New Year, which is done by Mary Jo Pehl and Bridget Nelson instead of the usual riffers. It features some non-riff stuff in-between this and the following short…

“Man, I wish I hadn’t gone commando today…”

THE LITTLE LAMB (1955)

The Idea: During storytime, a group of children ask to hear a story about an animal while one girl wants to hear a story about Jesus. Their mother figures to cover both by telling the story of Jesus’ birth from the point of view of three shepherds. While two of them brave strong winds to save a lost, little lamb, an angel appears to them to tell them about the birth of Christ. They and their curmudgeonly associate go off to find the new king.

The Output: Honestly, this one isn’t all that bad, really. It’s a pretty solid production and the only part that really gets a rise out of Mary Jo and Bridget is when they warm baby Jesus’ body by laying the lamb next to him. It’s not the most memorable little short, but it’s fine for what it is.

Plus I’m always distracted by how much the guy playing Joseph looks like CM Punk. It’s downright uncanny in some shots.

“A real child’s actual tears! I know I’m ready for Christmas!”

I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS (1984)

The idea: Simon is a bullied child whose parents have been kidnapped by African soldiers. Desperate to get them back, he and a friend sneak off from a school field trip and board a plane in hopes to find where Santa Claus lives. Alongside a Christmas Fairy (who looks an awful lot like Simon’s kindly teacher), Santa goes to Africa to rescue the captives. Meanwhile, the children are captured by an ogre.

The Output: Did any of that sound lucid? Because this French film is out there, man. It’s cute, but it also decides that being a kid’s movie means it doesn’t have to be logically coherent. You know, even though there’s an entire plot thread about African warlords kidnapping people. Kids like that stuff, right?

You know that, “I’m the captain now!” part of Captain Phillips? Imagine Tom Hanks replaced with Santa in that scene and you’re just hitting the tip of the iceberg of how bizarre this Christmas film is.

“Monkeys, you know, are very much like human beings in many ways. And sometimes they do the very same things that we do.” “Why, here’s a monkey Black Friday stampede!”

SANTA CLAUS’ STORY (1945)

The Idea: It begins with Twas the Night Before Christmas and ends with the, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,” speech. In-between, Santa tells two children about how monkeys also celebrate Christmas and have their very own Monkey Santa Claus.

The Output: Monkey Santa Claus. Really.

This short is barely being held together by a narrative. They basically have a bunch of footage of monkeys and chimps doing stuff and since this includes 20 seconds of a chimp wearing a horrifying Santa Claus mask and costume, they decide that there’s a Monkey Christmas and write everything around that.

Somehow, this was the sanest thing shown at the RiffTrax Live for Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

“Bricks on his face. Sure! He’s a dragon.” “All dragons have bricks on their face.”

THE TALE OF THE CUSTARD DRAGON (1965)

The Idea: Ogden Nash’s poem for children comes to life. A little girl has a pet dog, cat, mouse, and dragon. The dragon, named Custard, is a bit of a coward and only wants to be let alone. But then on one Christmas Eve, when his friends are attacked by an evil pirate, Custard has to stand up and save their presents.

The Output: The poem is acted out via a handful of kids in little Halloween costumes, including Custard being a dragon with a brick facemask. The short takes place in somebody’s den and aesthetically, the whole thing is a weird mess. Custard also straight-up murders the pirate, which makes sense on the page, but feels a bit off the reservation when we see a child viciously attacking an adult in a lame costume.

“AAAAAHHHH! Hannibal Lecter’s Christmas trees!” “Good God, he’s keeping them alive!”

THE CHRISTMAS TREE (1975)

The Idea: This short tells us the story of three pine trees who are cut down and go through the process of becoming Christmas trees. This means being sold, being decorated, enduring Christmas, and, sadly, being discarded. Shown in live-action, the trees are portrayed by mimes in tree costumes and facepaint.

The Output: It’s cute, but also bewildering. With zero dialogue, we watch these three guys mug at each other while Christmas stuff happens around them. As strange as it is by default, it loses its mind in the final minutes when we see the trees thrown in the garbage as they start to die. Not only do the trees-with-faces die, but we get to see their trees-with-faces ghosts fly up into the sky.

Tree ghosts. Yup.

“GAH! His face looks like a series of horrible wounds!” “That just started healing.” “What are the dots..?!”

SANTA’S CHRISTMAS CIRCUS (1966)

The Idea: Hey, kids! It’s time for Whizzo the Clown! This local TV clown has a special show in store for everyone as he and his audience of kids play around and pretend to be circus performers! Then they check out some motorized Christmas-based decorations before getting ready for the main event: riding a magic carpet and visiting Santa himself!

The Output: This one’s best summed up right after the opening credits end. As Whizzo walks out and mumbles loudly like he’s having an episode, Mike laughingly wonders if they’ve gone too far, knowing that the three of them are about to sit through some rough shit. While Whizzo certainly has energy and some kind of charisma, he’s also the poster boy for why people are frightened of clowns without having to go the easy serial killer route. No, he’s a friendly and jokey clown, but he’s also completely horrifying to look at.

This low-budget affair not only features Whizzo’s catchphrase of, “Now I have that to worry about,” but also the catchphrase of one girl in the audience loudly coughing throughout the hour. It’s incredibly uncomfortable to sit through.

“Yeah… Celebrate the nativity… That’s what daddy likes…”

GIFTS FROM THE AIR (1937)

The Idea: A poor boy wanders through the snow, enduring Christmas Eve without food, family, or toys. He comes across a toy store where a dancing toy soldier annoys the store owner enough to have him thrown out. The boy takes the soldier in to his humble home and his good deed is rewarded as the toy soldier happens to know how to summon Santa Claus himself!

The Output: Dancing toy cartoons with poor kids is nothing new for RiffTrax, but this one is certainly unique enough to be a must-watch. The moment Santa delivers the toys to the little boy, it becomes complete and utter madness. It’s a bunch of bizarre toys who talk like what appears to be 1930s celebrities. Like there’s a goat that sings like Bing Crosby, so even though I know who Bing Crosby is, that doesn’t make the toy goat make any more sense.

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Movies

MST3K Turkey Day: The Long History of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Thanksgiving

By Gavin Jasper

Culture

Best Holiday Gifts for Geeks in 2020

By Chris Cummins

The highlight is when a Santa Jack-in-the-box pops out and tells another toy something so indistinct that Mike notes, “‘How the hell are you, scramble puss? Smelly Christmas to you,’ is what I heard.”

“Well. This place looks cozy. I LIVE HERE NOW!”

SANTA CLAUS’ WORKSHOP (1930s)

The Idea: Once again, we get to see how Santa Claus performs his duties. From his home in the North Pole to the home of a nice middle-class family, we see Santa get letters from kids, fly on his sleigh, and deliver the presents themselves. We also get a look at the family in question, who celebrate the holidays via singing a lovely rendition of “O Come All Ye Faithful.”

The Output: It’s your usual fare on this one and not too much that sticks out. That’s not to say that it’s meant to be skipped, as Kevin singing “Pretty Woman” over “O Come All Ye Faithful” makes this worth the dollar.

The one part of the short that makes it seem off is the revelation towards the end that Santa doesn’t simply fly across the world to deliver presents in one go, but instead flies back and forth for every single household. I mean, Santa can only carry so many presents in that sack of his, right?

“And so, they started out together, not realizing they were being followed.” “Well, they were easy to track…thanks to a long trail of spunk.” “DAMN IT, KEVIN!” “(Sorry.)”

SPUNKY THE SNOWMAN (1958)

The Idea: When a group of children write a letter to Santa, it’s up to their newly-created snowman Spunky to deliver it to Santa himself. Spunky and the little dog Jeff go on a quest, only to be opposed by a fox, an owl, and a wolf. Each creature wants to steal that letter and bring it to Santa, figuring that they can then steal the gifts. Spunky and Jeff are soon aided by a bear, but can even he keep them safe?

The Output: The guy’s name is Spunky. You know exactly what kind of jokes you’re getting the second you see that title.

Otherwise, it’s an animated story that tries to be whimsical, but is really just nonsense. It takes a bunch of Christmas cliches like magic snowmen, letters to Santa, talking animals, and desire for Christmas trees and badly pastes it all together into a confusing package.

“When you’re not shaking that over our heads to make us work, you can hobble around on it and enjoy your sciatica!” “A zinger from TV’s Frank!”

BEYOND CHRISTMAS (1940)

The idea: Three old rich men feel lonely during Christmas night and one comes up with an idea of throwing wallets with $10 bills out onto the sidewalk and inviting anyone kind enough to return them to enjoy dinner with them. The gambit pays off and leads to a romance between a Texan with a golden voice and a schoolteacher. Unfortunately, tragedy strikes the old men and they have to help the couple out from beyond the grave.

The output: This movie (originally known as Beyond Tomorrow) is actually pretty damn good. It’s a little sluggish in the second half, but it’s original, has some likeable characters, and never really gets too stupid. Even Bridget and Mary Jo find themselves getting invested in what’s going on when they should be telling jokes. With them, it feels more like you’re watching a movie together rather than just watching them rip it apart.

Personally, I think it would make for a better Christmas movie if the first act took place during Thanksgiving and built towards an ending happening during Christmas. Might have made the supernatural and uplifting stuff pop more.

“Seriously, what the Hell is going on with the mitten tree?!”

CHRISTMAS CUSTOMS NEAR AND FAR (1955)

The idea: As some children prepare for a Christmas pageant, one asks their teacher about the origins of the Christmas tree. This leads to her explaining how children from different countries celebrate Christmas in varying ways.

The output: As we all know, different = funny. While some of the customs might be normal, it doesn’t help that most of them are depicted by children dressing up as foreigners while standing in front of a curtain. So it’s a Christmas pageant within a short about the attempt to rehearse a Christmas pageant. Crazy.

Through the short, we get to see a weird kid dancing around in an elf hat, a Christmas tree covered in mittens, and a thing about how kids in China do a big ceremony to celebrate the events of Christ’s birth.

“Whaddya know?! Armed and dangerous!” “None of my quips are funny but some…make very little sense!”

JACK FROST (1997)

The idea: Not to be confused with the Michael Keaton family film from the same time, Jack Frost deals with a serial killer who escapes captivity, only to be seemingly vaporized by a chemical spill. In actuality, he survives as living snow and uses his new form to attempt revenge on the police officer that arrested him in the first place. Even when the officer and his family know what they’re up against, they don’t even know if there’s a way to stop him.

The output: I remember renting this baby back in the late-90s and, hoo boy, it’s a lot worse than I remembered it being. As a horror villain, Jack Frost wants to be like Freddy Krueger or Chucky, where he kills his victims while belting out memorable one-liners. The problem is, everything he says falls flat or is complete nonsense. He constantly stumbles on his own attempts at charisma.

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Movies

MST3K: The Landmark Episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000

By Gavin Jasper

TV

Doctor Who: The Weird Anomaly of the 1965 ‘Christmas Special’

By Andrew Blair

Despite taking place in a town in winter that’s supposed to support the existence of snowmen and sledding and the like, it’s obviously taking place in a hot and sunny area with weak attempts to hide it.

It’s still better than the sequel, which was one of those cringeworthy “intentionally bad” gems.

“God… Oh no, have they been hypnotized?” “I…I…I think it might be a cult. They’re quietly chanting to that tree right now.” “…I think the tree might be marrying them.” “This is horrible!”

A CHRISTMAS FANTASY (1962)

The Idea: Two children admire their Christmas tree before falling asleep on the couch. As they dream of trees in the winter, Santa Claus appears to deliver gifts. It’s only just over five minutes, so there isn’t much happening here.

The Output: Despite its short runtime, this one really meanders. The way the kids stare at the tree like they’re about to be murdered by the Blair Witch. The endless shots of trees with no leaves on them.

The money shot of this short is when Santa shows up. Rather than just get a guy to wear a beard and call it a day, they instead have him wear a mask. It seriously looks like Leatherface is pretending to be Santa here and it’s HORRIFYING. As the guys put it, even Krampus is freaked out by this Santa.

“Santa, I wrote you a new song!” “Oh, good! A song! That’ll get me hammered.”

A SONG FOR SANTA

The idea: A trio of lost boys find themselves in a church and sit down to enjoy the warmth and chorus. One child nods off from the music and finds himself in Santa’s domain, where he offers to create a new and original Christmas song to delight Santa and his angels.

The output: The first half is normal enough, despite little of interest happening. Right when the Santa stuff happens, things get weird and creepy. Instead of elves, Santa has little girls dressed as angels and disturbingly leers at them like there’s no good that can come out of whatever’s happening. The boy’s attempt to write Santa a new song goes nowhere, as he just sings him an old song with the justification that, “I didn’t know this song until now, so it must be new to you too.”

This is another one of those oddball shorts or movies where there’s a framing device that’s forgotten about. The boy never wakes up from his dream or anything. It just ends with him hanging out with creepy Santa and his underage harem.

“Spirit…tell me if Tiny Tim will live.” “I see an empty chair in the chimney corner.” “Oh, so he not only lives, he walks?!” “No!” “It’s a Christmas miracle!” “No, no!”

A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1959)

The idea: I explained Christmas Carol earlier. Luckily, we finally have a version that’s the full story and not abridged like what Bridget and Mary Jo watched.

The output: This one’s by Coronet Films, meaning it’s old as hell and feels cheap. To its credit, despite running at just over 20 minutes, it tells the complete story without feeling rushed. It just feels a bit under budget, what with the limited quality in costumes and several sets being some props on a fog-filled sound stage.

Still, it’s A Christmas Carol and you have to go out of your way to do a bad job with that. This one’s still fairly watchable, even if the riffs are well-deserved.

“This isn’t so much A Miracle on 34th Street as it is A Horse Who Took a Dump on 34th Street.”

SANTA’S SUMMER HOUSE (2012)

The idea: A group of travelers get lost in a fog and end up at the doorstep of a kindly couple who allow them to stay in their mansion for a couple days. Little do these visitors realize that their hosts are none other than Santa Claus and his wife! The two try to use their wisdom and magic to improve the lives of these visitors and mend their relationships.

The output: This piece of shit is written and directed by the same guys who gave us A Talking Cat!?! It even takes place in the same house. At least with Talking Cat!?! there were two separate houses used. Here, it’s just the one.

It’s a hell of a lineup of actors. Mrs. Claus starred in RiffTrax target Honor and Glory. The egomaniac scientist guy in this movie is the JCVD knockoff from MST3K’s Future War. Santa himself is played by Robert Mitchum’s son. Even though he isn’t all that overweight and doesn’t have a beard, he’s still identified as looking a lot like Santa.

The movie is just bad dialogue said by bad actors, occasionally broken up by wipe edits featuring Christmas Clip-Art. It never reaches Talking Cat!?! levels of batshit, but it’s still stupid as a pile of rocks.

“They’re buying a brother?!”

CHARLIE’S CHRISTMAS SECRET (1984)

The idea: A young Seth Green plays Charlie, who feels that he’s outgrown Christmas. The commercialism does nothing for him and makes him feel hollow. At first, his instincts are vindicated when he comes across various others – a bitter, old woman, a poor single mother, and a scheming homeless man – but soon he realizes the meaning of Christmas by putting their needs first.

The output: Again, this one is halfway decent. All in all, it tells a really sweet story. It just happens to have a few awkward aspects to it. The whole thing has subtitles and they almost never match what’s actually being said, instead going for the simplest way of conveying whatever thoughts. Like instead of saying, “No thank you, I’m not hungry right now,” it would just say, “No.”

The most questionable part of this special, and something that I’m glad is called out by the riffers, is that Charlie apparently has to buy his own Christmas gifts. Part of the plot is that he has his eye on a stereo and instead of asking Santa for it or having his parents buy it for him, he has to save up the money from his paper route, get the stereo, and then have his mother wrap it and place it under the tree.

What the Hell?

“No. No way. There’s no such thing as Santa Claus. You’re just someone in a Santa suit.” “That’s why YOU never get anything for Christmas!” “Also, ’cause you made Feeders!”

FEEDERS 2: SLAY BELLS (1998)

The Idea: Previously, aliens invaded and feasted on a handful of confused and horrified Earthlings. Now a second UFO has arrived to conquer again, this time with its aliens creeping around and causing havoc through a suburban town. As one family gets ready for Christmas, they gradually come to realize how doomed they truly are.

The Output: RiffTrax was kind of slick on this one. On Halloween of 2019, they put out a riff for an utterly terrible low-budget piece of garbage called Feeders, which is about a bunch of laughable alien puppets invading Earth and killing some of the ugliest people to ever show up on film. Then, just a couple months later, they released a riff on its Christmas-themed sequel.

While I do suggest watching the first one, you won’t be too lost if you don’t. A survivor from the first movie goes about summarizing the first movie’s events in a series of loose framing devices that aren’t directly connected to the rest of the movie. It is pretty funny on its own, though, because a character who died in the first movie and is featured prominently in the flashbacks is played by the very same guy who is the protagonist of this movie.

Read more

Movies

The 16 Best Winter Horror Movies

By Daniel Kurland and 3 others

TV

The Twilight Zone Marathon: A History of a Holiday Tradition

By Arlen Schumer

Not only does the climax take place on Christmas Eve, but Santa gets involved! Santa, who for some reason sounds like Homsar from Homestar Runner, is attacked by aliens (who look even worse than in the first movie) and proceeds to be the secret weapon in saving the world. He’s up there with the over-the-top boss character and the silliest-looking dead cat special effect in reasons why you should watch this one.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

“And now I will read you this editorial.” “‘The Rent is Too Damn High!’ by Virginia O’Hanlon”

YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS (1974)

The Idea: A young girl, teased by her classmates, wonders about the existence of Santa Claus. Various adults try to assure her of his existence despite admitting that they’ve never actually met him. She ends up writing to the newspaper and asks them. Egged on by an ambitious paperboy, the newspaper’s editor decides to publish his response for everyone to read.

The Output: Imagine watching a Peanuts special that features absolutely none of the Peanuts cast and is at about 75% the quality. That’s what this cartoon is. It’s also very dull, what with them trying to add a narrative to the whole newspaper editorial.

There is some real heart in it, but it doesn’t work as a whole. Probably my favorite part is when the “Yes, Virginia” editorial is read out loud. Despite the simplistic animation, the people’s reactions are emotional. Some kids seem humbled. Some adult couples embrace. Then all of the sudden, the local Irish cop character does a happy jig that probably cost them half the animation budget.

“All of this was in Dickens’ first draft, by the way. Even the goofy music.”

BANKS: THE MONEY MOVERS (1977)

The Idea: Due to his familiarity as a popular literary character, Ebenezer Scrooge (er, Arthur Scrooge?) is used as a window to help people learn about how banks work and why they are a worthwhile place to put your money. As a stand-in for the viewer, Scrooge learns about deposits, withdrawals, interest, loans, and other aspects of the business.

The Output: This is all explained via a version of Christmas Carol where Scrooge is taught a lesson by ghosts for being stingy with his money. Namely that he keeps it in his mattress. As Mike points out, it’s incredibly messed up that Marley is suffering eternal damnation because he never got a Wells Fargo account. I get trying to map your lesson onto a preexisting story, but think it through a little!

Also wild in this is how despite his old-timey appearance, Scrooge exists in modern times and is even seen using a check to buy a motor scooter. It’s completely inane, but at least the guy playing Scrooge seems like he’s having a fun time.

“The birth of Jesus Christ, ladies and gentlemen. That’s what it’s all about.”

ALIAS ST. NICK (1935)

The Idea: As a family of adorable mice get ready for Christmas, a scheming cat decides to get through their defenses by dressing up as Santa Claus, delivering their gifts, and then devouring them. His plan appears to be working extremely well, but there’s one mouse child who doesn’t believe in Santa and is quick to see through his disguise.

The Output: Although the guys don’t bring it up, it’s kind of odd that the kid who spends the whole cartoon being loudly and annoyingly skeptic about the existence of Santa Claus is absolutely 100% vindicated. There isn’t some kind of last-second evidence of Santa or something. It just ends.

Otherwise, this is just your average off-brand Looney Tunes cartoon. Probably the most bizarre moment is when the cat puts together his Santa costume and strips a doll naked to make his beard.

“And now the ancient tradition of giving a present to Tommy Lasorda.”

DECEMBER HOLIDAYS (1982)

The Idea: A narrator explains three of the bigger December holidays: Posadas, Chanukah, and Christmas. Through what appears to be fly on the wall footage, various families celebrate these holidays with their festive traditions. The narrator tries to educate the viewer on the families’ behavior and how it relates to the origins of the holidays.

The Output: I mean, that’s…pretty much it. There’s nothing wacky about this short. It’s pretty dull, but it’s a decent enough target for Mike, Bill, and Kevin. Sometimes you don’t need an Ice Cream Bunny to have a good time.

“When are you planning on going back to Florida?” “I think we’re going to wait until you have your baby. Just want to make sure you’re okay.” “And that you don’t give birth to a CGI vampire baby.”

BABY OF THE BRIDE (1991)

The Idea: A made-for-TV movie starring Rue McClanahan is actually the second in a trilogy about a dysfunctional, all-grown-up family filled with all kinds of interpersonal problems. In the previous movie, Margaret Becker married a much younger man and it took her children some time to adjust. Now things are getting crazy as not only is one of her daughters pregnant, but Margaret is pregnant too! She, her new husband, and her four kids all have to deal with a ton of drama, which all culminates at midnight mass!

The Output: This is another Bridget and Mary Jo installment and the two have a habit of tackling movies that aren’t so much the worst thing ever, but are too corny to ignore. That’s Baby of the Bride, pretty much. It’s very much a watchable movie, but it’s also a movie about Blanche from Golden Girls being pregnant, which is buried among all kinds of different subplots about how dysfunctional her family is. This family collectively gets divorced more than they get their cars’ oil checked.

The whole narrative is about eight months long because of the whole double pregnancy thing, but the climax is during Christmas Eve, so I guess it ultimately counts as a holiday movie. It just takes a long time to get there.

“I think this guy was a boss in Cuphead.”

THE SNOWMAN (1932)

The Idea: Somewhere in the arctic, an Inuit child and his animal friends enjoy their slightly-less-chilly summer by building a snowman. After happily putting it together and throwing snowballs at it, the snowman comes alive and goes on a rampage. Can the child destroy what he created before the malevolent snow beast goes too far?

The Output: This cartoon is all over the place and is one of the absolute best holiday shorts RiffTrax has commented on. So much crazy shit is compressed into this package. Snowman buttcracks? Check. Jimmy Durante impressions? Check. Penguin church? Check. I won’t even spoil how the snowman is defeated other than saying that it’s completely ridiculous and makes zero sense.

Still, it’s better than that Snowman movie with Harry Hole getting all the clues.

The post RiffTrax: A Guide to Christmas and Holiday Episodes appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

[allenmendezsr]

Make Money Buying And Selling Gold

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Make Money Buying And Selling Gold

 Buy Now    

By: Skip McGrath, Updated November 2017 Most of you know me for my books about selling on eBay and Amazon, but I have done a lot of other things in my life too. One of them is buying and selling scrap gold.

Gold is recovering nicely – Could it go to $3000 an ounce?

When I first got into this business gold was selling for around $300 an ounce. Gold went as high as $1900 an ounce and today gold is selling for over $1,200 an ounce and experts forecast it to go higher – much higher!  I have seen forecasts by reliable writers that Gold could reach as high as $5000 an ounce in coming years.

The United States is the largest jewelry market in the world and millions of Americans have old, broken or just out-of-fashion pieces of jewelry sitting in their jewelry boxes. Just last week my wife came across a single 18K gold erring. She lost the other earring in the set about ten years ago and the remaining earring has just been sitting in her jewelry box since then. I put the earring on my gold scale and it weighed 8 grams. At today’s prices that one earring was worth over $300 –which is more than she paid for the pair ten years ago.

There is literally a fortune in gold –billions of dollars worth, sitting around collecting dust. But the high price of gold today is bringing it out of the woodwork. And all you have to do to get your piece of the pie is to ask.

You might be wondering how long this business can last. I recently spoke with the owner of a large gold refining company and I asked him how long this business could continue. He said:

“Every year all the refining companies in the US combined refine less than one percent of all the scrap gold jewelry in the country. And new jewelry sales grow over five percent a year. So there is pretty much an endless supply. We have been in this business for 33 years and we expect to be doing this for at least another 33 years.”

How much can I make buying gold?

Unscrupulous gold dealers like the ones that advertise on radio and TV ask you to mail your gold in to them. They typically pay between 10% and 20% of the value of gold. Most pawnshops pay about 30% to 35%.

Legitimate dealers pay between 40% and 65%. 40% to 65% may seem low to you, but remember, the gold you buy has to be smelted, refined, assayed and poured into ingots before it can be resold. Refiners who do this will pay you between 85% and 92% of the spot price of gold.

Lets look at a typical sale. The average person tends to bring in three or four items that altogether weigh about 2 ounces. Most items people bring me are 14K gold which is 58% pure gold and the rest is alloys to lend gold its color and hardness.

Two ounces at 58% works out to 1.16 ounces of pure gold. Lets say for example you pay that person 50%, which is typical of most legitimate gold dealers. At $1400 an ounce, that comes out to $812. Now you send the gold to a refiner who will pay you 95% of the spot price. I will let you do the math, but this works out to a very nice profit from just one transaction. Many experts predict that gold will go as high as $5000 an ounce. I don’t know if that will happen, but imagine how profitable this business will be if it does.

Do that 3 or 4 times a week and you are looking at some real money! And it’s 100% legal.

Skip McGrath’s book on gold buying is amazing. He also has extremely good one on one support. He cares about his customers. Thanks Skip! ~ Michael

Where do you find people with Gold to sell?

I live in a small town of about 12,000 people. I was driving to the supermarket on a recent Saturday and saw several signs that said: “Cash for Gold and Silver Today at the Majestic Hotel.” After I left the market, I drove over to the Majestic Hotel to see what was going on.

There was a gentleman in one of the meeting rooms off of the lobby with a table, a scale and calculator and a cash box. He was meeting with a lady while two more people waited their turn. I didn’t want to bother him, but the lady who works at the reception desk is a friend of mine, so I asked her how he was doing. She told me he has had a steady stream of customers all day. Imagine if each person brought in just one ounce of gold and he saw 20 or 30 people that day. That is a huge amount of money

There are two factors driving the gold business today:

A recovering, but still tough economy with millions of people out of work

Relatively high prices for gold and silver

The gold business has always been a good business, but nothing like it has been since 2008 when gold prices started rising as the economy began the downturn. These two facts have combined to bring millions of people out of the woodwork with gold to sell. Either they need cash, or they just want to take advantage of today’s high prices.

It is very easy to find these people. You can set up in a hotel room like the person in the example above. You can advertise in local papers or even on radio. You can also advertise for free on sites such as Craigslist. Another popular method is using door hangars. You can get them made for about 2-cents each and hire school kids to hang them for you. But none of these methods work as well as one simple, low cost advertising method I am going to show you in one of your free bonuses.

Do you like to travel? A couple of years ago I met an older gentleman and his wife who roam the country in an RV, buying gold at every town they stop in. They even have a sign on the side of their RV that they buy gold and people come up to them in the RV parks.

Gold Parties are a booming business

One of the things I show you how to do with my system is throw gold parties. You have all heard of home parties for Tupperware, cosmetics or cooking gadgets. Well at those parties people spend money. When people attend a gold party they make money! If you can get 10 people to a gold party you can buy several ounces of gold, -potential profit of up to 45% on each ounce And the hostess, who put on the party, will get 10% of what you make. Now that’s what I call a “win-win.”

My system includes complete instructions on hosting a gold party of your own and how to market gold parties to others. Besides the instructions I have also included flyers, brochures, ads and invitations. All of these are in simple Word docs, so all you have to do is add your contact information and print them out.

What kind of gold do you buy?

Here is a list of some of the gold pieces I see every day:

Outdated jewelry

Broken or bent items

Gold chains

Class rings

Bracelets

Pins

Broaches

Wedding or engagement ring from an ex-spouse

Retirement pins

Watches

Tangled bracelets and chains

Wedding bands

Items with missing stones

Single earrings

Those giant earrings from the 80’s

That promise ring from the ex-boyfriend you would like to forget about.

If you are a woman reading this, I bet you have one or more of these in your closet or jewelry box. If you are a man, just show this to your wife or girlfriend and they will tell you how common this is.

Purchase How to Make Money Buying and Selling Gold for only $37

Is this only about buying jewelry?

There is no question that jewelry is the easiest, most plentiful market to do this in. But I am also going to show you how to make money from discarded electronics including cell phones, stereos, computers, microwave ovens and more.

Last week I was donating some things to our local thrift shop. When I arrived the helper was in the process of throwing several older electronic items in the dumpster. I asked why he was doing that and he said “Well they don’t work so we can’t sell them. “ I asked if I could have them. One of the devices was a ten-year-old tower computer and the other was a cassette tape deck and amplifier.

With about 30 minutes and a screwdriver I recovered almost $200 worth of gold from just those two items. Most of you won’t want to bother with this aspect of the business because buying jewelry is so easy, but there are plenty of people who make over $1000 a week collecting and taking old electronics pieces apart and sending the parts to refiner who will pay them 80% of the spot gold price.

You can even get these items for free. Just advertise that you recycle old electronic items and people with bring them to you rather than taking them to the dump.

How much money do I need to get started in this business?

You will need a gold scale, a gold testing kit and a couple of simple tools. All of this will cost less than $30.

You will have to spend about $25 to $50 on local advertising to find your first few customers.

Lastly you will need some cash to purchase your gold. I would say you would need about $500 to buy your first few pieces. But don’t worry. If you don’t have that, I will show you two ways to get started with no cash at all and bootstrap your way to your first few sales.

Skip: What does your system include?

Here is what you get:

50 page eBook, How to Make Money Buying and Selling Gold. – My book contains everything you need to get started. Please Note: My eBooks are set to allow printing. You can print it out on your computer printer, or you can send the file to a local copy shop and they will print and bind a copy for you.

Bonus Resource – A bonus package that contains all of the ads, flyers and invitations you need to market your business. It would cost you hundreds of dollars to create these from scratch.

Bonus Resource – My personal list of refiners who will pay between 92% – 96% for your gold

 Bonus Report  – Tools of the Trade

Bonus Report – Sandwich Board Advertising

My No Questions Asked, 100%, 60-day Money-back guarantee!

OK– How Much does it cost?

My complete Gold Buying Training System only costs $37!

One more bonus: I am going to give you a very short, but free report that shows you a fail-safe local advertising method that will cost you $38 for every 1000 people who receive it and can generate generous returns for each dollar you spend.

[mysticalmalady]

Homemade Shampoo(Yes, It’ll Work for You!)

Way back when I decided to go no-poo (y’know, like last month?) I about gave myself a heart attack. Let’s get one thing straight: I’m a busy girl. I go places, meet people, and work a lot. I can’t afford to have gross hair. So I stuck faithfully by my Suave Professionals Rosemary & Mint for months. It worked well for me, or so I thought. I’ve had a bit of a tug of war with oily hair, it seems that my hormones are just all about that ‘well greased pan’ look. Except in the winter, when my scalp becomes a snowshaker of flakiness. Not the good flakiness either. So I decided to do something about it. I’ve known people in my life that do no-poo with great results. And I’ve seen the not so glamorous consequences of imbalanced shampoo. So I was a skeptic. Terms like “clarify”, “rinse”, “castile soap” and “ACV conditioner” were all scary to me. As I type this, two months later, I guarantee the fear fades the second you see the results. Why did I choose this method? Dr Axe, a man of great and fearsome knowledge, ran an article about the chemicals in our beauty products. And I was done that day. I actually went to my bathroom and pitched everything I could find. It was that scary. You wouldn’t put hydraulic fluid on your head, right on your brain, right? Wrong. That’s only one of the chemical ingredients in modern cosmetics. Jet plane de-icer, parabens, carcinogenics. The thing is, science associations have proven this stuff, but those companies selling to you don’t want to listen. If you figured a way to eliminate them, they wouldn’t be earning your money. Initially, I had just bought a bottle of Dr Bronner’s All-In-One from Whole Foods, and went with that. I didn’t have an issue with it, per se, but it wasn’t quite right for my hair. (ProTip: If you want to start this way, dilute your soap!! One tbsp soap to five tbsp water or any other 1:5 ratio; don’t make a ton as it won’t keep long. Also, if you do this, soak your hair in ACV diluted with water after. I mean, rinse the soap out and pour the diluted rinse over your hair and continue washing the rest of your body. Then rinse, if you even want to. I find the ACV to be a great leave in conditioner, and the smell goes away, I promise). So I set off to find what would work for me. I found it immediately, in none other than the forum at Dr Bronner’s! My shampoo makes enough for about a pint, if a little less. This lasts me (I have long thick and very fine hair) about a month. Just make it as needed. There’s no set in stone answer to how much you use. I’ll put a clean cut recipe down below, but the gist of it is: 

 1 c green tea, steeped thirty minutes 

1 tsp honey

1 tsp olive oil

1/2 cup castile soap

That’s it. Four ingredients, all of which you are guaranteed are normal. Safe. Notice these are all also natural ingredients. You boil the water, pop in a tea bag, wait a half hour, and stir in the honey and oil. Then pour in your soap and you have your finished product! I normally just make this in a jar and store it in my shower, just shake before using. It suds up so nicely. That’s one thing people are accustomed to in shampoo, the rich lather. Well the lather doesn’t do much for cleaning, but it is divine. Now this shampoo is used every three days. Stay with me, you will be washing more than twice a week. I washed my hair every night before swapping to natural shampoo, so believe me when I say if I can adjust, you certainly can as well. Now then, there’s a baking soda/ACV rinse that comes into play during that three day shampoo free period. The schedule runs so that you’re only doing something to your hair every other day. So the baking soda is 

3 tbsp baking soda

2 c water

Shake it up and douse your head. It smells weird, and may tingle, so don’t get it in your mouth or eyes. This you leave on for about two minutes, I just generally stand there and enjoy the hot water. Then you rinse with cool to lukewarm water. Don’t use hot because it will dry out your scalp. Then it’s rinse time!

1 1/2 c water

several sprigs of rosemary, 1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary, or a few drops of rosemary essential oil (This is optional but rosemary is great for your hair)

1/4 c Apple Cider Vinegar

It’s the same as the shampoo: boil the water, add rosemary, steep for about ten minutes, strain, and mix in the ACV. Wait for it to cool obviously so you don’t scald your head. Please don’t do that. Now this goes on after you rinse out the baking soda, and I leave this in. If you don’t want to leave it in, wait five minutes then rinse gently. I didn’t want to like leaving it in, but literally after two times you ignore the vinegar smell. Plus, who cares if your hair smells like vinegar anyway? I’d rather it smelt like that than synthetic perfume that can literally give me cancer and depression. Yeesh. So the schedule works out about like this

Day one: Shampoo with homemade soap

Day two: No wash, you can rinse your hair in the shower just to feel cleaner

Day three: Baking Soda rinse with ACV

Day four: no wash, same as day two

Day five: repeat!

Some folks like schedules better, so here’s mine:

(it doesn’t loop because there are seven days in a week and this is a three part system so doing it this way means two no wash days in a row or two wash days consecutively. I’ve never tried this but I don’t imagine it would hurt that much)

Sunday: No wash

Monday: Shampoo

Tuesday: No wash

Wednesday: Baking Soda/ACV

Thursday: no wash

Friday: Shampoo

Saturday: no wash

Sunday: Baking Soda/ACV

And as promised, the cleaner recipes:

Homemade Shampoo:

1 c green tea, steeped for 30 min

1 tsp honey

1 tsp olive oil 

1/2 cup liquid castile soap

Directions:

Add tea to boiling water and remove from heat. Let steep thirty minutes. (Or microwave a cup of water for several minutes and cover so heat is trapped)

Stir in honey and olive oil, making sure there are no globs of honey

Add castile soap and stir. Store in airtight container, shake before each use. Use as much is needed for your hair to lather and feel clean. 

Homemade Hair Rinse for Baking Soda Treatment:

1 1/2 c water

several sprigs fresh rosemary, one tsp dried, or four drops of essential oil

1/4 c ACV with the Mother (the mother are the enzymes that are benefical, it looks like a brown scum on the bottom of the bottle. just buy one that says “with the mother” ps. I use Bragg’s it’s the best I’ve found) (shake this bottle use because you don’t want clumps of vinegar enzymes in your hair, probably)

Directions:

Boil water, add rosemary if using dried or fresh, and cover. Steep ten to fifteen minutes. 

Let cool a bit and add ACV and Rosemary EO, if that’s what your using. It won’t blend in, that’s okay

Use liberally, focusing on the length of your hair following the Baking Soda treatment (the baking soda is more focused on your scalp to exfoliate excess oil and buildup)

Extra tips n Tricks:

- use dr bronner’s. I know it’s expensive, but it’s a huge bottle. you can use it as body wash, cleaner, hand soap, toothpaste (I’m told it tastes like soap but still it’s better than chemicals), and dish soap. If you can’t decide on a scent, here’s some help: in my opinion, the lavender smells like vomit. do not recommend. the peppermint tingles. It’s great for summer but be aware and don’t use on sensitive areas of your body. I use the citrus and although it is strong, you adjust. 

- if you can use filtered water, do so. tap water won’t kill you, but it’s so treated with chemicals that it does nullify some of the benefits

- DO NOT GET ACV IN YOUR EYES

- WARM WATER NOT COLD YOU WILL DIE FROM HYPOTHERMIA

- leave the ACV rinse in. it’s good for your hair. like lotion. 

- your hair isn’t going to be gorgeous overnight. it’s like eating a salad after months of chicken nuggets and expecting to be slim and healthy in one day. it takes time.

-your hair may be dry or greasy after the first couple washes. that’s good. it shows your hair is trying to revert and condition naturally with its own oil. sounds gross but honestly who knows your hair better than your own scalp? let the expert condition for you.

- if you must curl or straighten your hair, go ahead. but the heat isn’t so great for the hair itself. yes, hair is dead, but the follicles and roots are not. 

- if you go no-poo be ready to give up hairspray and other hair products as well. why treat your hair nicely then throw more trash on it?

this has been a collection of advice, brought to you by a poor child who loves her hair. stick it to the man and stop relying on pesticides to wash your hair. just stop it. if you can’t pronounce it, it’s probably not good for you. THERE SHOULD NOT BE A PARAGRAPH OF INGREDIENTS ON YOUR BEAUTY PRODUCTS. IT’S NOT NECESSARY IT’S JUST WASTEFUL AND DAMAGING.

#no poo #homemade #beauty #stick it to the man

[ruffoverthinksthings]

I just read your Descendants Modern Day Villains AU and I love it! Do you have any headcannons about the AU? Can you also add the Sea Three too please?

Maleficent specializes in white collar crime, having politicians, important business persons, and high-ranking members of organized crime in her backpocket by virtue of having all manner of useful connections, resources, and manpower to do whatever needs to be done. She is infamous as the woman who never sleeps, always one step ahead of all of her foes both in the planning and contingency sense, and when she shows up personally, right in their way once they attempt to make an exit, or to stop them just before they are about to deal a serious blow to her operations, or her clients.

Mal oftentimes suspects that her mother is not entirely human, or thanks to the (sometimes literal) cocktail of drugs she takes, she’s become something completely different, as evidenced by Mal’s being unable to even begin keep up with all the numerous handwritten ledger payments, covert communications to move blackmarket goods all over the world, and god forbid, fundraisers and public events for corrupt politicians, especially ones where she has to interact with children, or worse, teenagers.

“I was happy to leave behind my teenage years and high school for a reason.”

Evil Queen (an insulting nickname she made into her brand, out of spite) made her name through a mix of designer drugs on the black market, and legal cosmetics catering to the ultra-rich, the short on common-sense, and with WAY too much free time on their hands. She didn’t do any of the actual work herself, just funded and demanded the best, using “some seduction, blackmail through overheard conversations, hacked files, and chance encounters, with the occassional asssination here and there,” and quickly established herself as a powerful figure both in the legitimate business world (cosmetics is her speciality), and the illegitimate crime world (where everyone who’s everyone only ever takes anything that has the authentic EQ stamped on it).

Evie did get into the business of actually manufacturing and developing their staple of party drugs and luxury cosmetics, though most of her work and “training” is still befriending people, seducing them, and worming her way into their trust enough to find them in compromising situations, reveal some dirt to her, or offer her up juicy opportunities she couldn’t have acquired through plain old networking.

“You’d be surprised at the kind of things that will spew out of someone’s mouth when they think they can trust you, more vivid and easily than if you put them to any sort of serum,” as EQ would say.

Jay and Carlos are the execptions to this theme of “taking over the family business.”

Jay is in the sense that Jafar does not trust nor believe that he could ever get up to the level of ass-kissing, manipulation and charm, and shrewd business dealing that keeps his legal and illegal shipping and smuggling as the best in the world for getting “Anything And Everything Your Heart Desires.” His activities tend to be being a getaway driver; making important deliveries of sensitive information, stolen technology, and handwritten ledgers, or legal goods through dangerous and illegal areas; and boost luxury vehicles from people that own “like, 50 of them” and will pay more than their combined worth just to get the one back.

Off-the-job, he tends to drive his friends around either sober or drunk, frequently in stolen luxury vehicles, and as a consequence of the illegal drugs, firearms, dirty money, stolen technology, and absence of a non-revoked driver’s license that they often have, careens through the streets with much the same devil may care attitude as he does on-the-job.

Carlos has no taste for the fashion world, and honestly, Cruella is fine with her fashion empire dying with her, disgusted with even the thought of someone else selling and advertising her furs. She is still abusive to him, and has never treated him as anything more than a personal slave and servant, as a form of “penance” for almost ruining her career when her illegitimate pregnancy from a one-night stand made the bad sort of waves in the community.

He quickly found his place in her company helping her off-the-books IT guys hack and transmit information that they really shouldn’t be talking about, such as details on human trafficking, the tracking down off and the acquisition of rare animal furs and other luxury, not-strictly legal goods, and some good old fashioned hacking into e-mails and private servers for blackmail, insider trading, and unfair business practices, like scheduling their grand, must attend event on the same day as a new start-up competitor was supposed to have their launch.

“You’d be surprised at what people will keep on their harddrives and share on the internet, just waiting for someone to use them as blackmail~”

He’ll never have the spotlight like his mother, but frankly, she can keep it, if it means avoiding the constant stress of social interaction and having to keep appearances, always having to be perfect, yet risking it all with just one screw-up.

“I’ll happily be a gremlin hunched over my computer in a dark room somewhere--the Dark Net is all I really need.”

Ursula is a rival of Maleficent’s, following the with the same business with the opposite tactic in scale, tailoring, manipulating, and abusing “poor, unfortunate souls” like royalty of exotic countries, up and coming celebrities, and the children and associates of the rich and powerful she can and others can use as means to enact their nefarious schemes for money, fame, power, or any combination of the three.

Uma despises her mother, largely because she turned the unexpected pregnancy into an asset by using her as a prop and a means to infiltrate the surprisingly lucrative world of bored, alienated, isolated, and/or friendless parents of rich and powerful figures, which is why she eventually stopped going to events with her mother and trying to ingratiate herself with teenaged children to get at their parents, and made her own “crew” of smugglers, hackers, and mercenaries.

Harry is still a pirate, though this time, he’s part of the Hook “family business” of for-hire “marauders, hellraisers, and rabblerousers” by being muscle for the various organizations that need a precious cargo ship protected from sabotage by competitors and criminal organizations, or conversely, being the ones to board it in the first place. He joined up with Uma because between the constant competition between his, Harriet’s, and CJ’s subsidiaries of the company was getting tiring, as they frequently vied for the same jobs, and never really expanded in any meaningful, significant way.

“When’s the last time we got the whole world, above or below deck, talking about a job for months, something that they make fucking movies and documentaries out of? I can’t even remember, and that’s a problem.”

Harriet and CJ are currently beating him in numbers, having more jobs, rising reputations, and estimated values for their hauls and contracts, but he knows that Uma’s various illicit connections throughout the years will turn up something useful, and has, recently.

Gil is about the only outlier here, explicitly being one of the teenagers/children that Uma befriended and wormed her way into the trust of to try and get favours and connections for her mother. Outshined as both the son of an infamous and constantly in the public eye model/actor/politician/hunter/activist, and with two older brothers who consider him barely a nuisance in their careers, he’s all too eager to try and make a name for himself, or be in “the first part of the cast credits.”

“Baby steps.”

[sevensity]

Hiya! Can I request RFA/Saeran+MC going grocery shopping together? Could you also include which aisle they would spend the longest time in? I hope that's not too much >.

Here ya go! Grocery shopping is nice because there’s a lot of food and I’m quite fond of that stuff.

YOOᔕᑌᑎG:

Ok but this boy knows what’s up

He’s been to the grocery store so many times, he canprobably finish all his shopping with his eyes closed (or at least one of themclosed if you know what I mean hahahhaha sorry)

He’s like those moms who are into super couponing probablybecause his own mom was too

He has a whole binder full of coupons waiting to beused, and he’s categorized them all according to types and %off.

Even if you’ve been grocery shopping before, goingwith Yoosung is a whole other deal

Jeez is it intense

Though who knew browsing the vegetable aisle with this boy byyour side would prove to be such an enlightening experience?

Unless you tell him you already know most of the stuff he’s saying, Yoosung will not hesitate to stop in front of every single thing and tell you about its various uses in cooking, or just life in general

And by every single thing I mean every single damn thing, even if it’s considered elementary knowledge

“This is a banana—“

“I know Yoosung,I know.”

He’ll also teach you really simple recipes while youload up your cart with food

“If you have trouble sleeping, heat up some milk andsprinkle some powdered nutmeg into it!” actually very comforting imo

“For really brown bananas, if you don’t want to eatthem or can’t use them at the moment, put them in the freezer and you can makeyummy banana bread with them later!”

“If you ever slice apples and want to prevent themfrom turning brown, just dip them in a bit of lemon juice!”

Thank you Yoosung Sensei

Every time you go grocery shopping together, you knowyou’ll return home feeling like you just took an intensive nutrition class

Spends longest time in:

Literally everywhere????

The only aisle he doesn’t really visit is the liquor aisle, but other than that he’ll spend the same amount of time in each place. Occasionally he will steer clear of the milk section after remembering some, ah, unpleasant memories

ᘔEᑎ:

Okay so he’s not quite a dolt when it comes to grocery shopping that’s for sure, like he knows about the basics, and of course he’s a beer expert

Though he is nowhere close to being on Yoosung’s Godly Grocery level

and Zen will never admit that he doesn’t know jack shit about what he buys most of the time

He’ll try to seem knowledgeable just for you, and he does want you to eat healthy (”Fruits and vegetable ares good for the skin! Though my skin is already amazing enough.” thank you zen that makes me feel so much better about myself)

But he’s not sure what to do with 90% of the stuff he puts in your cart

When you guys go home, he’ll sneak a phone call to Yoosung, list all the items that he bought, and Yoosung in turn will teach him a few possible recipes

Tbh usually such a phone call would sound like some shady drug dealing cuz it starts all like:

“Hey, Yoosung,” Zen casts a wary eye around before whispering, “I’ve got new goods.  Can you hook me up with some plans?”

But it’s okay, you’ll relax once you hear them talking about the properties of lettuce

“Zen, let me get this straight. You bought a whole octopus…without actually knowing how to cook it?!”

“Uh, yeah.”

“WHY?!”

“Well, I can’t be her knight in shining armor if I don’t know how to deal with a mere octopus!”

When Seven hears about this, he’s all like “move aside fabled evil dragon, the princess in the tower is now guarded by a wriggling, squishy octopus. How will Zen slay the mighty beast?”

Spends longest time in:

Cosmetics aisle! And I mean spends a loooooooooooooOOOng time. He wants you to try stuff on. Then he wants you to give him a makeover. Then he wants to take pictures. Then he finds new products to try. The infernal cycle begins again. 

ᒍᗩEᕼEE:

She never really had any  time to go grocery shopping before, and soshe would just buy her meals from the convenience store

So the first time you went shopping together, oh boy was this girl lost

Although she knows all the fruits and vegetables and different types of meat, so the basics,  she just doesn’t know what to buy because there are so many choices??

She just wants to buy everything and try it all 

And so she does

You’re zooming around all the aisles, and soon each of you have your own cart chock full of food

In the end, two end up buying too much and invite Yoosung over to help y’all cook 

“Okay, I get that you wanted to buy a lot to get variety, but that does not explain why you had to buy 10 packs of meat and a total of 5 types of squash,” says Yoosung, mildly exasperated. 

Spends the longest time in:

The bakery section! She likes to look at their desserts to get inspiration, and will sometimes by those that catch her fancy. Although she also does spend a lot of time in the coffee section, however, there usually isn’t a lot of variety so she tends to be a bit disappointed. 

ᒍᑌᗰIᑎ:

h a H

Jumin Han grocery shopping?

“Why go to the grocery store when the grocery store could come to you?”

babe PLS

“If you really want to make food yourself, why don’t you just order the ingredients online?”

Because grocery shopping is fun? sometimes

If you’re so insistent about going to the store, he’s 100% down to open one someplace in the building just for you.

Once you turn down all his extravagant ideas and manage to drag his fine ass to the store, Jumin is frowning.

Just like Yoosung, he’ll stop in front of every product there is. But this time, he’ll talk about them from a business perspective.

“If a watermelon costs this much for one pound, then for it to be of a profitable price, the amount of edible watermelon must be equal to—”

“Jumin we’ve been standing here for ten minutes.”

He’ll still occasionally stop to calculate the price per consumable unit though

Mutters to himself the whole time

But he proves to be immensely useful 

You’re comparing two types of dumplings, different companies, slightly different prices

“Jumin, which one comes out to be the best buy?”

Hoooooooh he’ll go all out 

He compares approximate size of dumplings, nutritional values, price per unit, reputability of manufacturer, you name it

So when you go grocery shopping, always bring yourself a Jumin Han to buy the best products in the store

Also because this rich boy is really cute when he wanders around, a little crease between his eyebrows, whispering equations to himself under his breath as he trails behind you like a little kid

Spends longest time in:

Pet food aisle, duhh. Would never dare feed Elly ‘commoner cat food’, though he’ll consider it if you make some brand suggestions. On a side note I feel like Jumin has tried Elly’s food before, especially if it’s something she seems to really like. “Maybe I can replicate this taste but make it something safe for humans to eat?”

ᔕᗩEYOᑌᑎG:

asifdj;aslkdfjaslk;gja;lkdgj

cOme ON iT’S SAYOUNG WE ALREADY KNOW IT’LL BE A MESS

First of all, you guys are never both walking.  Either you’re in the cart and he pushes, or the other way around.

Here’s the thing though, he’s not so much in the cart as under it

I saw a picture of this but I can’t find it… you know how there’s usually a rack beneath the cart? Yeah, he just lies down on that.

If you leave him under the cart and wander too far away, he will yell “MArcO!” until you answer “polo” in an equally loud manner

This has gotten you kicked out more than a couple of times

“What do you mean soda and chips aren’t enough to sustain the human body?”

“What’s a vegetable?”

It’s like, he knows of the stuff, but he’s never seen any in person

“Wow…that’s…is that really an orange? In flesh????”

“This is edible?” he says, holding a pack of shrimp in his hands

While in the frozen food section: “I wonder what would happen if we blended a pizza, and then used that pizza to make pizza sauce for another pizza? Like…pizzaception.”

you guys actually tried doing that but regretted it because that shit was disgusting

Food puns

He will try to be more serious if you tell him, but why would you? 

Saeyoung makes grocery shopping seem like an adventure

Spends longest time in:

I mean when he’s under the cart he doesn’t really have a choice so he’ll chill there and contemplate whether or not he should lick the floor while you get the food.  However, if he’s the one pushing you, you bet he’ll head straight to the snack section. That’s his turf. Will glower at those who dare approach his precious chips. “So um Saeyoung are we just gonna wait around here and chase people away all day or…?” 

ᔕᗩEᖇᗩᑎ:

He’s the type of kid that has absolutely no idea about anything

He’ll point at a cabbage and call it a cucumber

He says carrots grow on trees

You get a lot of stares because he calls everything by the wrong name with so much confidence

The baby is super proud of himself and you don’t have the heart to tell him he’s wrong

That changes when Yoosung goes shopping with him once though.  Yoosung almost cried when Saeran asked him what this weird, round white thing was called (answer: an oinion. HAH SAERAN IS LIKE AN ONION, HE HAS LAYERS HAHAHAHAHHA I’M SO FUNNY)

Yoosung lowkey kidnaps Saeran and they have a study session together where Saeran learns about the marvelous world of fresh produce

But once you go back to the store together after he studied hard, it’s so precious

Saeran correctly identifies most of the stuff, but after every time he names something, he’ll glance at you, as if waiting for your approval

once you give him a tiny nod, a smile playing around your lips, his eyes will just light the fuck up and ;sdfja;lskdfjaslkdfja the baby bean is gonna blush a lil’ because w oW he did it???

Saeran reverts back to a toddler when y’all go to the store, you better hold his hand or he’ll wander off and get lost in another dimension

Spends longest time in:

ya, the ice cream section. you can get ice cream on a stick?? w h at???? a pre made ice cream cone???? w HA t??? I CAN BUY TWO LITERS BUCKETS OF ICE CREAM??? W  H AT?!??!??!?! It’s a Saeran heaven and half the bill goes to his own, full cart of ice cream. 

#my post #mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger hc #mm hc #mysme hc #mystic messenger headcanon #mystic messenger scenario #mystic messenger imagine #mm headcanon #mysme headcanon #mm 707 #mysme 707 #mystic messenger 707 #mm seven #mysme seven #mystic messenger seven #mm luciel #luciel choi #mysme luciel #mystic messenger luciel #saeyoung choi #mm saeyoung #mysme saeyoung #mystic messenger saeyoung #saeyoung #707 #mm yoosung #yoosung kim #kim yoosung

[lyricalt]

[ovw] on your mark (2/??)

Rating: T Pairing: mcgenji (sort of) Note: AU where everything’s the same except McCree is a Deadlock mechanic and Genji is a literal motorcycle. So maybe a lot of things are not the same.  

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

As it turned out, Genji was tolerable company in the ensuing days of his repairs.  He spent most of his time as a motorcycle, chattily wheeling around McCree’s shop or staying parked inside the garage to escape the midday sun.  His wary mood seemed to improve the more McCree worked on him, though he was very particular about how McCree went about it.  At Genji’s insistence, the majority of the fixes were cosmetic, and McCree got the feeling it was because Genji was more embarrassed about the state of his fenders than the functionality of his engines.  For some reason he wasn’t surprised at all by it.  This was exactly the kind of uppity attitude he would have expected from a trendy sportsbike.  

But for all that, Genji was friendly and amiable once spruced up and mobile and when he wasn’t resting—and McCree did sense a bit of weariness from Genji’s occasional moody silences.  He wasn’t sure how long Genji had been on his own, but the motorcycle clearly had a troubled past, which was just on par with most folks living around the highway stop, and Genji was a long way from the big city McCree suspected he came from.  

And McCree suspected a lot about Genji, most of it not very good.

“That customer is cute,” Genji said in a low voice, bumping his front wheel against McCree’s knees.

McCree glanced at their most recent visitor, a man who looked to be approaching a healthy sixty years old, full biker beard, and no shy amount of tattoos over his gigantic arms. Cute wasn’t a word McCree would have used.

Genji nudged him again. “No.  Her.  Under him.”

McCree shifted his gaze, just a little lower, and eyed the biker’s motorcycle, newly fixed and cleaned.

“Don’t make this weird,” he said, finishing up the payment.  “Her parts are showing.”  

He waved the biker off before Genji could say anything else.  It was a hell of a time trying to keep Genji quiet and unmoving as a motorcycle, but at least Genji waited until they were alone to transform into his humanoid form while McCree tried not to stare.  It still took some getting used to, and the harder McCree tried to puzzle it out, the more his head hurt.

“Finally,” Genji said, pushing past McCree to reach for the broom.  “I’ll sweep up! Then we can go over the list of parts I need fixed.”

McCree opened his mouth, about to say that they ought to put away the tools first, but he supposed it was just as well Genji left him to clean up after his own tools.  It certainly wasn’t the easier of the two jobs, but McCree couldn’t fault Genji’s determination to work off his debt, even if he seemed to be extremely bored with most of the chores. McCree suspected Genji had never worked a day in his life.  The cyborg didn’t ask for exact wages and was opened to doing any task, so long at it wasn’t tedious and didn’t take too much time, and had a baffling habit of just leaving the shop to explore the town, without asking McCree for an allotted break time.

Genji had an air of someone who had been spoiled but was at least pleasant enough to play nice about it.  If anything, having an actual job seemed to charm and amuse him.

McCree rubbed his forehead, no doubt leaving a streak of oil across his face.  It wasn’t that Genji wasn’t unhelpful around the shop, but the cyborg didn’t actually offer much that McCree couldn’t do himself.  And despite his initial offer, McCree had not ridden Genji and absolutely did not feel the need to.  He was more comfortable on his own cruiser and even Genji seemed reluctant to have McCree do the more complicated maintenance on him.  If it had been a simple fix then maybe McCree would have been willing to let Genji go, but Genji’s specifications became increasingly harder to cater to.  He had gotten as far as changing the awful rubber tires to proper hovercraft tech before he had to stop.

More than once he had gotten caught on the jagged edges of Genji’s pride and vanity, and this upcoming conversation was bound to provoke some of it.  McCree had seen the faint scratch marks outlining the Shimada emblem over Genji’s shoulder.  The actual emblem looked to be pried off, though Genji didn’t look like a typical Shimada bike.  McCree figured Genji’s motorcycle form to be heavily customized—and that was more than half the problem.

“Listen, Genji.  You helping out is great and all, but that still don’t put money on the table,” McCree said, going over Genji’s detailed list.  “Your parts are pricey.  The parts you actually want are even more pricey.  I don’t have any of this on hand.”

It was a pain in the ass but he supposed a sentient motorcycle couldn't be too fussy about their own mechanics. But still.

Genji whirrled, twisting the broom in his hands.  “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t carry anything you are listing for me to install.  Means I have to special order it and that costs a pretty penny.  It’s all customizations, right?”

“I run better that way,” Genji replied defensively.

“Sure.  But I don’t understand why you can’t just use regular generic stuff or, hell, the Shimada brand if you wanted to get fancy,” McCree said.  He shrugged.  “Aren’t you based off one of the Shimada models anyway?”

“I’d rather not be,” Genji said, broom handle creaking in his hands.

McCree sighed, but he was in no mood to pry. He was already acquainted with Genji’s habit of being temperamental, prone to picking fights with what few customers came to McCree’s shop, especially those with anti-omnic views. Thankfully most were highway travelers, likely never to step foot in McCree’s garage ever again.

“I suppose if aesthetics is really all you care about...” he muttered.  This wasn’t a battle he’s willing to pick.  He shook his head. “I just don’t have the money to front.”

Genji’s grip over the broom relaxed.  He idly swept the floor, moving the small dirt pile back and forth.  “I will think of something.”

McCree turned away, rubbing his temples again.  That didn’t sound like it boded well at all.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

#mcgenji #overwatch #jesse mccree #genji shimada #motorcycle au #YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH THIS NONSENSE BUT NO

[livehealthynewsusa]

Breast cancer patients face insurance denials that complicate recovery

Credit: CC0 Public Domain

It had been a long four years since that July night when Marianne Sarcich first felt the lump in her right breast as she dried herself off from showering.

Breast cancer.

The cancer was discovered early enough that it hadn’t spread to other parts of her body, but doctors said she would need a mastectomy to remove the breast and the cancer inside.

The implant she received after the operation built up scar tissue, became painful, and eventually had to be removed.

This time, in 2020, Sarcich opted for a newer type of surgery that involved grafting tissue from her left thigh to her breast to form a breast.

She was finally starting to feel and look like herself again.

“After the mastectomy, I couldn’t look at my chest for months, trying to avoid mirrors. It took me so long to understand that it was me,” said Sarcich, 55, of Wilmington, Del.

Her relief was short-lived. The reconstruction surgery had been covered by her health insurance, but she soon found that a follow-up exam to match her right thigh with her left was not the case.

Having legs of the same size was considered cosmetically, not medically necessary.

Federal and state laws require that health insurance companies undertake breast reconstruction after a mastectomy, as well as all follow-up procedures to restore symmetry between the breasts. However, patients often struggle to obtain insurance coverage for operations to restore the appearance of other parts of their body when tissue has been removed for reconstruction.

The insurance denial process can be daunting, especially for people who are physically and emotionally exhausted after cancer treatment and recovery. Those who are unable to cope with the rejection process may ultimately forego follow-up care.

“At a time when a woman is literally fighting for her life because of receiving breast cancer treatments and very disfiguring surgery, she shouldn’t have to fight her insurance company,” said Pat Halpin-Murphy, president of the PA Breast Cancer Coalition. “She takes all of her energy to heal.”

Many women who have a mastectomy to treat breast cancer choose some form of reconstruction surgery. The choice of procedure is personal.

Implants filled with silicone gel or saline solution are among the most common options. “Flap” surgeries – in which the patient’s own tissues are transplanted to form a breast – are popular with women who are concerned about the lifespan of synthetic implants, which often need to be replaced or enlarged within 10 years, or who have health problems that put them at risk in the event of major implant complications.

Flap surgery can remove tissue from the abdomen, back, or sides. Following her implant problems, Sarcich had profunda perforator (or PAP) flap surgery that removed tissue from her upper rear thigh. Although less common than other flap surgeries, the PAP flap is an option for patients who do not have enough tissue in their abdomen, back, or other common donation sites.

In an operation that lasted more than four hours, doctors cut from her left buttock to the inside of her thigh to remove a crescent-shaped section of skin, tissue, and part of the deep artery, the main blood supply to the thigh. The surgeon transplanted the tissue into the breast and carefully bandaged the blood vessels so that the tissue would not be rejected.

Patients stay in the hospital for about three days and take up to six weeks to recover.

Since the 1990s, federal law has stipulated that health insurance companies cover reconstruction after breast cancer treatment. Pennsylvania passed law in the late 1990s that required insurers to also pay for surgeries to restore symmetry between the breasts after reconstruction.

However, the law does not oblige insurers to pay for subsequent operations to restore the appearance of the donor site in flap patients.

“Insurance companies essentially used this phrase to not offer coverage for the kind of things Marianne needed,” said Liza Wu, Sarcich’s plastic surgeon at Penn Medicine. “It’s not necessarily a complication of the mastectomy. It’s not a hole in the chest wall or a non-healing wound. It’s a result of reconstruction and not functional, it’s an aesthetic result, and that’s where the loophole comes in.”

Sarcich was stunned that her insurer Independence Blue Cross would refuse to cover her post-op surgery, a thigh lift on her leg that was not used in the reconstruction. And then she got angry. It hadn’t occurred to her that any portion of her recovery might not be covered by insurance.

According to Fair Health Consumer, a searchable price transparency website, the cash price for a thigh lift in the Philadelphia area ranges from $ 1,400 to $ 2,000 (excluding hospital fees).

“I was extremely frustrated that the insurance company interfered with my medical care in a way that I didn’t think was appropriate,” she said.

Independence Blue Cross evaluates inquiries such as Sarcich’s “based on the member’s contractual benefits and clinical facts and circumstances,” said Donna Farrell, Independence’s senior vice president of corporate communications, in a statement.

“The appeal process is designed to allow experts in the field to evaluate the case. Whether it is the same decision as the original decision or whether it is to set aside the original decision, Independence recognizes that decision,” Farrell said.

Even if a procedure is approved, breast cancer patients often have problems with co-payments and co-insurance, or find that part of their reconstruction has not been properly billed.

“Reconstruction is not a single code or process – even if it’s not a complex case, there are always related services that could easily be turned down,” said Beth Virnig, professor of health policy and management at the University of Minnesota.

When insurers reject a procedure, trying to prove the need for care becomes a burden on the patient – and for many too much.

“Women say enough and just stop – not because there aren’t any people who couldn’t do it better, but because they are tired of fighting insurance,” says Virnig.

Sarcich put her heart into an appeal letter and explained why the process was so important. It was refused again.

After a second rejection by the insurance company, patients can lodge a further objection – this time to an independent expert. Insurers and patients are bound by every decision made by the independent expert.

Sarcich, the former PR specialist, took advantage of an old trick she used on clients: she tried to think like the insurance company. She took apart the denial letters to find out the exact reasons they cited – that the procedure was medically unnecessary – and built a case that addressed those specific issues.

First, Sarcich went to her physical therapist to see if two different sized thighs could affect her physically, perhaps alter her balance or prolong recovery – unlikely, she was told.

So she went to see her oncologist and social worker to see if the emotional distress she was feeling because of her unbalanced appearance could worsen her anxiety about the cancer. They agreed it was possible and wrote letters to support them.

She also collected letters from her plastic surgeon and the Pennsylvania Breast Cancer Coalition. “The emotional toll has been enormous. My fear was that I would not win, but I will try everything I can,” said Sarcich. “I felt like I was right. I didn’t think what I was asking about was wrong.”

Halpin-Murphy, who campaigned for Pennsylvania law requiring insurers to cover breast symmetry, says it doesn’t have to be complicated: insurers should handle all breast reconstruction-related surgeries to keep patients feeling the best they can.

“It’s difficult enough to have a mastectomy and then you have a reconstruction and they take a different part of your body … and then you have a distortion in a different area,” said Halpin-Murphy, who wrote a letter, to support Sarcich’s case.

It is a troubling experience and worrying feeling that part of your body is missing, and people shouldn’t have to “make an argument” as to why they want surgery to help them feel like themselves again, she said.

“I don’t think you should have any mental health claims,” ​​said Halpin-Murphy. “I think it’s mentally healthy to want to do that.”

In February, the independent reviewer agreed the procedure was necessary and Sarcich would have follow-up care in April as soon as her surgeon could fit it.

She is slowly recovering, one day building her physical strength and self-confidence again, mirror image for mirror image.

Breast reconstruction after cancer with abdominal tissue

© 2021 The Philadelphia Inquirer, LLC. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC

Quote: Breast cancer patients are faced with denials of insurance that make recovery more difficult (2021, June 14), accessed on June 14, 2021 from https://medicalxpress.com/news/2021-06-breast-cancer-patients-denials-complicate .html

This document is subject to copyright. Except for fair trade for private study or research purposes, no part may be reproduced without written permission. The content is provided for informational purposes only.

source https://livehealthynews.com/breast-cancer-patients-face-insurance-denials-that-complicate-recovery/